We have to change the, negative thinking. I work on not just on your, stinkin thinking, but also your behaviors, because they both work in sync together. So for example, if your, stinkin thinking, is all men are liars and cheaters, you’re coming in to a relationship waiting to be cheated on and lied to and that is what you manifest.
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Jaime B. Haas is founder of the Jaime B. Haas Method, a guided process that draws from spirituality, positive psychology, mindfulness and life experiences. The Method helps individuals heal from intergenerational, societal and emotional trauma, freeing them to reconnect with their personal power, gain clarity on what they really want to achieve in life, and dismantle any deep-seated beliefs holding them back from moving forward. Her work is motivated by a painful past, at 40 she came to a place of complete surrender. Her approach is rooted in the belief that when you focus on finding the root of the pain and the related stories you’ve told yourself you will be able to change the way you see yourself and the world. Known to her clients as the Soul Surgeon, they say her Method has helped heal wounds that no other modality, including therapy, was able to help them achieve and find lasting love—starting with themselves
Myrna: Can you share your back story. You mentioned that at 40 years old you came to a place of complete surrender. How was your childhood?
Jaime: Finding the, core programming, right? I’ll try and give you the basics, but I was adopted having a younger sister. My parents have isms. So, isms would be like, food addiction, spending addictions. My father left when I was 10 years old, for another woman that he was cheating with on my mother, and I went and moved in with her and her children. And so, that was the beginning of the end, because I worshiped my father. When my father walked out on my mother, she became completely emotionally unavailable. Her addiction started taking off and then I had very abusive step family that were very intent on hurting me and trying to divide my father and I.
Myrna: So sad. It sounds like it’s still painful for you to talk about. But I wanted to get the connection between your childhood and your adult story.
Jamie: Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I feel sad for little me. You know what I mean? I think I’ve done so much work around it. I don’t really talk about myself as much anymore, I talk to my clients. My mother wound up hating men and had a lot of negative stories about men that she used to pour into me, and also a lot of stuff around money and work. My father was like, you’re just gonna get married to this rich Jewish man and be taken care of. Don’t worry about you wanting to dance or you want to act. No, none of that’s gonna happen. Those are just a few of the multitude of stories and programming that I got that created me at 40 in the bottom.
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Our Negative Thinking is downloaded from our parents
Myrna: Okay, let’s talk about the positive things now. So, when you hit rock bottom, you spent two years figuring out why. What I’m understanding is that you started erasing all those, negative thoughts and, negative thinking, stinkin thinking, that was downloaded into you by your mom. Let’s say somebody is in the same scenario or situation and they can’t seem to make it happen. How can we start changing the, negating thinking? Yeah, what is the first thing you do?
Jaime: I just want to be clear; this is for men or women because I work with a lot of men, that maybe been divorced. We have to go back to the, root belief system. Most of my women clients are very angry at men and have very specific thoughts and, beliefs, about men and relationships. And my men clients are very angry at women and has very specific experiences, thoughts and beliefs around women. First, we have to get to what is the top, negative belief, or limiting fear-based thoughts that’s going on in your head. So, I usually start with that and most people the first, negative thoughts, we must release are “men are liars and cheaters” and “women are all controlling”.
Myrna: Wow, you hit the nail on the head. If we’re going to characterize men, that’s actually pretty good.
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Limiting negative beliefs drives our relationships
Jaime: Because that’s a, negative thought, right? Or a, limiting belief, or a, fear-based thought, but it’s the prevailing thought that’s driving the ship. Because then you make all of your decisions based on how you’re going to protect yourself, how you’re going to react to something new.
Myrna: So, let’s say that you were you think that all men are liars and cheaters, and that’s because maybe your father cheated on your mom. Then you experienced it yourself. And maybe you have a sample of two or three, but then you say all men are liars and cheaters. How do you change this, stinkin thinking?
Jaime: So let me see if I can break it down in a different way for you because if you’ve had an experience and you are thinking that all men are cheaters. We have to change that, negative thinking. I work on not just on your, stinkin thinking, but also your behaviors, because they both work in sync together. So it’s like if your, stinkin thinking, is all men are liars and cheaters, you’re coming in to a relationship waiting to be cheated on and lied to.
So this is where the pattern where it comes in. So you come in and whatever the, coping mechanisms, you have set up for your, negative thinking, and specific behaviors you’re doing, bring you back to the original pain. So you have all these behaviors to protect yourself, but in the end, you end up been lied to and cheated on. And you’re like, I knew it. How did I end up here again?
Myrna: Yep, whatever you think about, you bring about.
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Negative thinking affects our behaviors
Jaime: That’s correct. Well, and this is I’m trying to explain to you in a bigger way and I can then unpack it in a smaller way, but I need it because my, belief system, is based on that you are in a state of woundedness. You will continue to bring in people and situations to take you back to the wound to reaffirm the pain. So okay, that’s manifesting 101.
But it’s in direct relation to not just our, negative thinking, but how we’re behaving. So how are we going to change that? So on the top line, there’s like, we can go on the top line or the deep stuff. So on the top layer, is that you’re gonna have to tell yourself a different story about men. Like there are good men in the world. There’s good, honest, loyal men in the world. And I am bringing them in. All my turnarounds are, affirmations.
Because all the negative stuff you’ve been telling yourself is actually a, negative affirmation. You’ve now created a way of being by affirming this belief. So now we have to unprogram and reprogram in a new way by telling yourself a new, affirmation, to imprint a new belief. The new, affirmation, is “there are good men in the world.” “There are good, honest, loyal men in the world and I am bringing them to me.” Are you with me so far?
Stinkin Thinking: Men are liars and cheaters
My, belief system, all men are liars and cheaters was downloaded to me from my mom. She hated men after my father walked out on her. Not only did she tell me that all men lie and cheat, but she added all they want to do is get in your pants. Once they do, they’re gonna leave you. And so I really had a thing for men, I wanted to stick it to them. I have other clients that were afraid of men, but I wanted to go out and punish men. I wanted to punish them so they couldn’t do it to me. I didn’t get cheated on. I like hurt everybody.
So I had to do a lot of cleaning up my, stinkin thinking. But the most amazing part of my, stinkin thinking, was that I built a, belief system, on my mother’s pain, not mine. He did that to her not to me.
Our, belief systems, follow us everywhere. We take our, beliefs, into work, into business, into friendships, into our relationships, everywhere. As deep seated core program, beliefs and stories, and it affects every area of our life. It’s so powerful, we don’t even know.
I’m gonna interject, I got to stick up for my men. All the men that I work with had really controlling, dominating, emotionally abusive mothers. And so they actually don’t do any of the stuff we’re talking about. They’re actually afraid of women. They are people pleasers. Which means they’re totally dishonest because they’re terrified of being punished.
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Myrna: There’s always an exception to the rule. I do know a lot of very nice men that are very family oriented and love their families and love their wives. And wouldn’t wouldn’t even think to cheat. I think that happens when they fall in love and they have a family. I didn’t know what happens when they’re sowing your wild oats.
So let’s talk about psychology for a minute. Before we get onto your, Jaime B. Hass method. You’re saying that we are hardwired for, negative thinking, and there’s four ways that we’re hardwired to have, stinkin thinking. We become programmed by our childhood experiences and maybe early adult experiences that have left us wounded. So where does the, negative thinking, come from?
Jaime: As a child what our parents say is very powerful. And the more they say it, the more it is programmed into us, the more we start telling the story, the more than the, negativity, comes in.
Myrna: I don’t have any psychological understanding of why we are more prone to latch onto and stay focused on the, negativity. And it’s really fascinating, right? Because there could be all this good, but it’s like the minute there’s something bad happens, that’s all we think about.
Jaime: We actually are hardwired for, negative thinking. That is why I created the, Jaime B Hass method, that has helped women heal their wounds and achieve lasting love.
So not just women, though. I want to be clear, men and women. So, what I’ve come to find is that, negative thinking, is the root of the problem. It’s a lack of self love and a disconnection from self and trying to get our well being from the outside. So the first part of the journey is learning how to love yourself. Right because once we love ourselves, truly love ourselves, we can allow in more negative feelings like loneliness.
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Self love is the way out of stinkin thinking
Until we practice, self love, we’re fractured and so all the relationships we bring in are going to be fractured. I call it, emotionally unavailable. We’re, emotionally unavailable, because we’re not even there for ourselves, we don’t love ourselves. So, you know, that is actually the beginning. of the journey. I don’t tell you that right away because people be like, I don’t want to get into coaching where I have to love myself like what is that about? I just want to fix the problem and move on.
Myrna: I love that yeah, if you can’t love yourself. You can’t be in a love relationship because you can’t give away what you don’t have. It’s very profound.
Jaime: Yes, that’s correct. And so what I’ve also found is that there’s not one thing that fixes the problem. It’s actually a concoction of a multitude of things when done all together, to create the secret sauce. And so, you know, in the getting to the self love and starting to create a connection with the universe and yourself and then reprogramming and changing your thinking and your behaviors.
The more that magnet within you shifts and changes the more what you start to bring in shifts and changes and all of your relationships become more loving. The people and situations become more aligned with who you are inside. And then you’re bringing in that person that perfectly aligns with you who you are now. But we have to evolve and change first so that we can change in shape shift and change inside to match up and align with that which we are actually calling in and desiring.
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The Jaime B Haas method
That’s the first layer. I have found that there are 10 actions to help us get to, self love, and connection. What I do in the, Jaime method, is that we do the patterns with your parents. I go back to mom and dad, specifically three patterns for parent each parent, we do a letter of healing. It’s really the letter of acceptance and healing. So that when we do that, remember in the beginning I said you if you’re in a state of woundedness you will bring in light so we heal the wound. We are no longer attracted to or attracting that.
So we do that last person we do is yourself and then we begin to manifest and it’s just but we have to heal clear reprogram and change everything and love ourselves and get a connection with the universe so that we can really be this vessel, this huge magnet of magic, so to speak of love and healing. And then we start aligning with and bringing him you’re not chasing going after figuring it out.
People in situations start coming to you a lot of attraction you know like thoughts, you know, when you are in a negative space, then you’re attracting, negativity, to you because that is basically what’s what’s the alignment you know, like attracts like.
So when when we’re in that place, we actually surround ourselves with people who are also in negative thinking, who are also talking that way who are reaffirming that even if we’re not talking about it, they’re talking about it right. So we carry it from our childhood into the present day. So it’s like and then we’re watching like the news and finding the negative things are we’re watching certain things, or reading a lot of things or being around people and going into situations that where it’s all this pervasive negative talk.
Myrna: What inspired the topic and how our listeners can get in contact with you.
Jaime: Okay, great. Thank you. So I’m working on a book right now. It’s actually on, self love. Actually, because my method will come later. The reason being is that anyone can do this. And if you do it for 30 days, it changes your life immediately. So that I wanted to get the fastest way of healing out to everybody and anybody that you get it now. my website is www.jaimebhaas.com My Instagram is Jaime B Haas and my Facebook is Jaime B Haas and also my YouTube is Jaime B Haas.
You can find the, self love, actions on my web site.