Dating Advice: Why Masculine Men Commit To One Woman

Why masculine men commit

Andre Paradis, relationship coach shares dating advice on what makes masculine men commit to one woman. Sometimes these masculine men are scary, but these are the guys who want a woman and a family to take care of. They want a kingdom, which is you and the kids and a family.  These, masculine men, want to provide for and cherish you.

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Bio

Andre Paradis, Relationship Coach, NLP Coach, Educator of Effective Communications, Published Writer, Public Speaker, and Ordained Minister. Grew up in Canada, then became a professional dancer, dancing with legends including Michael Jackson, Prince, Paula Abdul, Julio Eglesias to name a few. Later he attended a workshop called “Understanding Women.” And studied and learned from some of the biggest relationship masters (Dr. Pat Allen, Dr. Esther Perel, Dr. John Gray, Shantie Feldhan, and Alison Armstrong). He started sharing his knowledge with friends and family.

He saw that this knowledge actually helped people lead happier lives with the people they love. He found a new purpose in life… The Big Calling deep inside him. He then sold his successful auto shop and launched Project 
Equinox Coaching to help men and women learn to build stronger, long-lasting, and healthy love relationships. For some clients, he even officiates their wedding.” 
 

Myrna: I think love is in trouble. Why do you think relationships are so difficult now?

Andre: It’s a no brainer, I have seen it coming for about a decade now. It is the difference between men and women. You know Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  Men say, why did you talk so much? And women saying stuff like, he doesn’t talk.  But 10 years ago, it started shifting in the past five years incredibly quick. Is the concept of equality in the world, equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunities, fantastic for the feminist movement, I get it.

The core being that men should be like women, and women should be like men to be a good woman. So, we raise women up to be strong, independent, powerful. This is fantastic. But it’s sort of over calibrated into women living like men. And then we teach young men, to be sweet, sensitive, vulnerable, talkative, showing vulnerability makes them boys.

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Why equality is the killer of romance

Myrna: Are we saying that men should be not vulnerable?

Andre: There’s a lot of data on this and we’ll talk about that a little bit. The opposite of what people think, people think less offers more protection towards women and children. Everything I teach is different. While the possibilities for money can bring opportunity or, equality, in the realm of relationships you depolarize everything with, equality.

Men and women need, polarity, to be attracted to each other. So, it’s masculine and feminine. It’s a positive magnet vs a negative magnet, it’s black and white. In all the shades in between.  The more polarity in a relationship, the more effective it is. So, we are neutralizing relationships when we insist on, equality. It’s the kiss of death in relationships. Don’t do it.

Myrna: You said a couple of things there. Yep. us the first thing you said was that problem is that men don’t talk, men don’t listen.  These are masculine traits, and the feminine traits are woman wanting to talk is no longer the problem. So, the problem with relationships today is that men are feminine and women are more masculine.

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Traits of masculine men

Andre: Correct, we have 3 types of men. The boys are the ones who lie, cheat and scam women. They don’t want to work. They want women to work. They are the feminists. They say “You go girl, get that double promotion” and they lay on the couch and spoon the dog while the women work.

Then we have the guys who are somewhere in the middle.  They’re masculine enough to have jobs and cars and have their own place. They don’t live in a basement of their mother’s house any longer.  But when it comes to women, they don’t take you out, or they’ll say stuff like “what do you want to do? They are overly polite and bland, women hate that. So, these guys get to be easily reversed, rehabilitated into masculine stuff.

Now the real man, masculine men,  is a whole different beast, they know who they are because they actually were raised in a system, they had male role models and they understand the value of a man is to go conquer something in the world, build their character and push through their fears. Build a business, leave a legacy etc.  So, the problem with this, we’re going to call it a problem, it’s really not a problem, but the disconnect for you is that those guys are big. They’re big, they’re loud, they’ll run you over sometimes to get where they are going.  The more masculine a man is, the more he does what he does when he feels like it. Not only that, he’s not asking your permission, you’re not telling him what to do. He’s handling it.

Sometimes they are scary but these are the guys who want women and a family to take care of. They want a kingdom, which is you and the kids and a family.  These, masculine men, want to provide for and cherish you. The part you don’t like is they control everything and are difficult to deal with. I teach women how to deal with masculine men. Do you know how masculine men connect with women?

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How do  masculine men connect with women

Myrna: No, I don’t know, tell me.

Andre:  Masculine men, connect to, feminine women, by being in their presence. He wants to have you in his space. Most women don’t understand this, they’ll say to you, Lets go to Home Depot and the woman would respond “I don’t want to go there.” You just mess it up. He is inviting you in his space, no talking necessary. By the way. This is when you screw it up. If you’re going to invade his space and then don’t fill it up with talking. You may not get invited back into his space.

Myrna: Why do you say, equality, is the kiss of death in relationships?

Andre: If you equalize our energies together, you neutralize the demand for, polarity, and its diversity so equal relationships are not sustainable. Whether, equality, is in the form of 50/50 on everything, or, equality, in the chores, equality, will essentially kill the sexual dynamics. You become roommates after a while.

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Why do masculine men commit to a woman

Myrna: What makes a masculine man committed to one woman?

Andre: Masculine men have a hard time finding women nowadays because they’re all masculine. Ladies if you want to be the one a masculine man commits to, you have to be a unicorn in the crowd, which means not a masculine woman but a woman with feminine essence.

Masculine Men commit to one woman for these reasons:
  1. Polarity- masculine men want feminine women.
  2. Masculine men are looking for a co- pilot, they don’t want you to fly the plane alone. They need a feminine woman to be by his side. He needs you to be a support system for the life that he has created for his family. Why masculine men commit to one woman? He wants a partner, a co-pilot.
  3. Be his confidant when he needs one. Masculine men will control, manage and lead everything, but often they’ll go babe. “I don’t know what to do with this. What should we do?” This is a partnership, a team that’s working together, flying the plane together. Two pilots, the pilot and the copilot, the president and vice president. In every corporation somebody has to lead and somebody else has to manage.

Myrna: When a man chooses a woman, she is the one he loves and he is definitely looking for his co-pilot, but a lot of men are playing the field and not choosing a woman.  He will go out with a whole bunch of women and not commit and then one would come into his life and he’ll commit immediately. So, what are the dynamics here? What you’re saying is that masculine men want to settle down and start a family; only the boys want to play.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Boys want to play the field

Andre: There you go. You are now getting it right, only the boys want to play the field.  Masculine men want a kingdom. They want to build a kingdom with you. That’s what makes them get out of bed in the morning. They live for that stuff. Women think that sex is what makes a man settle down. That’s actually the opposite it makes them go. You’re not worthy, you have zero or too low value. Who else has been in here? Not doing it. I’m not doing anything with you.

Myrna: Tell us about your coaching programs and how readers can connect with you.

Andre: My mission  is to change the culture of relationships, because what is happening out there is destroying families; destroying the possibility of healthy children.  When a family is not healthy or broken, it keeps children from building their own healthy families and having healthy children. So, when you destroy families, you destroy our culture. Now it’s my mission to recalibrate the culture. So, thank you for helping me spread this word.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Free Relationship coaching from Andre

I have two coaching gifts actually for your listeners. the first one is for the brave and the other one is for the less brave. Coaches are the key to success whether it’s a business coach or life coach, relationship coach or a nutrition coach. Whatever success you are looking for in life a coach can help. This is why the coaching industry is the growing by leaps and bounds. So, if your listeners, resonated with anything I’m saying and they want to talk to me personally then sign up for a free coaching session at  www.Andregroupcoaching.com that takes you to my calendar.

Schedule a FREE one-hour session whether it is for men or women. There is a questionnaire to help me sort of understand where you are before you’re on the call and we have a zoom call like this, one on one. On that call we will figure out what’s not working for you and what the dream is. I’m really good. In 15 minutes, we’ll figure out exactly what things came up. It’s typically  In childhood trauma or the baggage that we carry.

I can’t get anybody in a healthy relationship until we understand your baggage. So, in that call, we actually unpack the baggage.  So that alone is life changing. For some people to understand there’s nothing wrong with them. They just right. And from there, we’re talking about the future. What is it that you want? And then I’ll tell you different options if you want to work with me. You know ABCDE depending on your willingness or your finances, so that’s one way to do it.

The next way is somebody’s who’s not as brave you can email me directly at Andrecoaching1@Gmail.com. Write to me, tell me what’s going on.  I will answer personally.

My links are listed below.

 

Website:

www.projectequinox.net

FB Page:

Project Equinox with Andre Paradis  

https://www.facebook.com/Project-Equinox-272490668761/

FB Private Group for Ladies – Free

https://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=dating%20and%20relationship%20insights

YouTube:

Project Equinox with Andre Paradis

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc-n26dzlCN0dcAXgubSjGQ

Instagram:

@projectequinox

 Additional Resources 

What Men Want In A Woman

How To Ditch the Good Girl Label

Ditching the good girl label

The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for anyone.  This isn’t an anti-morality conversation; it’s correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

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Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, is Kasia Urbaniak. Kasia is the author ofUnbound: A woman’s Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talking about “How to ditch the, good girl label”.

Bio

Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.

They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.

Introduction

Myrna: Kasia, let’s start off by asking you what was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching women the foundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.

Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set of training I explored various spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world. The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical and magical was, Taoism.

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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education

Now, while I was pursuing my training and pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York City to be able to afford such things without getting a job that would pay me a lot of money in short bursts. So, I was working as a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off to meet with teachers to convince them to teach me all the way up to mountain tops in China.

This lasted for the greater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing the other.  What started happening was these extremes ended up merging when I started diagnosing people’s bodies as a, Taoist, trainee.  I started going into deeper states of meditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I started seeing similarities in my work as a, dominatrix.

I was paying attention to human beings and started to understand power dynamics the way you study martial arts.  I began to teach this power to women,   I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as a nun.

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After this wildlife of extremes, of desiring absolute purity and devotion while going into these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting places with other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and all the people in my life (the women especially), living in a world of assumptions and superstitions.

Women are communicating with their bodies all the time

I started noticing that women didn’t realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive, but it’s not submissive at all

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The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for anyone.  This isn’t an anti-morality conversation; it’s correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets and you’re very right. When your publicist approached me and she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio.  I understood what you were trying to say. You’re giving women the power of choice.  Women can still be submissive and powerful, right?

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Are you a People-Pleaser or a good girl

Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a, good girl, doesn’t get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We’ve got a saying in my country  if you lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”. So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the, good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specifically the label of a, bad girl, is beneficial because I’m interested in hearing your spin.

Kasia:  Good girl, conditioning has a very long history and it comes from the agreement that we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economic agreement of marriage. We have a deal and there’s nothing wrong with even holding that deal today, but the deal is “I will let you lead, but you provide for meSo, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desires couldn’t express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way she could fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl, are the behaviors we’re calling, good girl, conditioning.

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What is good girl conditioning

Such behaviors are basically the behaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep a good man, how to qualify to marry the most economically promising man – given that you can’t have a job, you can’t get educated, you can’t read, and you’re not allowed to leave the house (in some countries).

So, women learn I don’t want to be a burden.

  • How to be resourceful because if you’re the economic provider, then I have to be able to make big things out of little things (be resourceful),
  • Be moderate in temperament,
  • Not be too attractive so as to not get competition, but not to be noticeably unattractive, not to stand out in this way or that way,
  • Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact not to have too much desire at all.

Actually, it’s not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not having a voice essentially, they’re from women who are like I‘m not a, good girl, I don’t need anyone,  I‘m fine.

The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like a sister of the, good girl, but she’s still the same woman because even though she believes that she can have her desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she never burdens anybody, she does it all. She is the feminine and the masculine. She is the alpha female

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Most of the women who come to my school are like this because, they’re very successful. They have families, they have careers and they have everything they want and they are exhausted and are furious; they have to do it all.

Myrna: it’s like the superwoman syndrome.

Good Girls learn to say No

Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don’t have the same experience as men because, men don’t do it all the same way.  When they are in positions of leadership or have a career, they have support that the women in their same place do not have.

The issue with, good girl, conditioning is you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself.  I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone who doesn’t have, good girl conditioning, but the truth is the conditioning comes out so quickly that we barely catch it.  

We’re programmed and it’s in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partner Reuben.  

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Bad girls learn to ask for what they want

Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label  is good? How do you transform them from being a, good girl, to a, bad girl? What does, bad girl, really mean?

Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl, is the first. The first of the three and the other two are really important elements of the, bad girl. So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context of this exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want. 

I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up being more difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write  all the things you feel make you a, bad girl,  onto paper.  What we want to do is start opening Pandora’s Box in the safest way possible.

We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, bad girl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”

We use, bad girl, specifically because it brings you back to that younger age where you start learning what you’re supposed to like,  not like,  what you’re supposed to think etc. 

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My podcast is for adults (targeting professional women who are 35+) who have a desire to date with more self-awareness and intentionality.

I’m going through the very processes around dating that I’m talking about on my show. I’m not out of touch or unfamiliar with the challenges of dating in modern times. I GET how hard it is to effectively date (especially as a woman who has her own stuff) and is not the negative stereotype that’s off portrayed in media about women in my age bracket.

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iHeart Radio

Clear out the bad girl closet

The purpose of writing all these terrible things is that, the things we didn’t even know we put in the, bad girl, closet start coming out. When I explain part two and three, it’s going to become even more apparent how this works so you start opening the, bad girl, closet.

Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of it is around sex and what, bad girls, do and what, good girls, do not do.

Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves.  Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry.  Good girls,  is part of the submissive conditioning or why, good girls, don’t get angry.

The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become aware that your man is disrespecting you when he calls you names. Maybe he just treats you like a maid and then one day you wake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.

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 What is bulldozing in a relationship?

When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That’s why they’re called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.

How good girls get respect

Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want you to respect me! That’s communicating there’s something wrong with you

The moment you are voicing a complaint, you are creating an atmosphere of defense. We don’t want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode. 

Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state our desires in offensive mode?

Kasia: The moment you ask them to do something specific, the power dynamic has changed. The issue with women is that their energy is too inward: 

  • I‘m hurting,
  • I’m complaining,
  • I don’t like this,
  • This is a problem,
  • Look what you’re doing to me,
  • I am the victim,
  • I have no power,
  • You have to fix it,
  • It’s all your fault,
  • You don’t respect me etc.

The moment you start directing their actions, making those requests that would resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position.  The moment you start making them in control of your happiness and telling them they’re doing a bad job, you are in defense mode. 

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Is there such a thing as a High Maintenance Woman

Myrna: I heard this a lot that men say, “Oh, she’s too, high maintenance, but you’re also saying there’s no such thing  as a, low maintenance, woman just  women who are not bold enough to ask for what they want.

Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, low maintenance, but when men complain about women being, high maintenance, what they’re actually saying is not you are too much work.  What they’re saying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.

Men  just got used to ignoring and tolerating the complaints of women, because they never really understood what makes them happy. Women weren’t asking for the things that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make them feel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.

You find a man who’s getting specific instructions for the first time; he’s like a little boy in a candy store like yes, what can I do next? He feels competent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

A woman’s guide to power

Unbound: A Woman's guide to power
Unbound: A Woman’s guide to power

Myrna: Tell us about your book, it’s called Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power.

Kasia: The book is a step-by-step training manual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spot when you’re being bullied and bulldozed. There’s a lot of how-to stuff there also. I teach women how to create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journey through how to get all of the support that you need from the people in your life to make your actual dreams and desires come true.

Not the ones that you think are attainable and not the ones that you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, good girl conditioning.

Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of your book and get your get information about your Academy?

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV

Kasia: The easiest way to find out more is to go to the website www.weteachpower.com.

We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resources and videos and things that the interested listeners, viewers and readers can engage with. The book is available everywhere books are sold. Penguin Random house published it and there’s my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000 people live as well.

Myrna: Thank you for being so in-depth about understanding the mindset of women and the mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?

Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.

Conclusion

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Thanks for tuning in and until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine