The game of life, you have all heard of the expression “When life gives you lemons, make, lemonade.” It is a proverbial phrase that is used to encourage people to stay, optimistic, and to keep fighting in the face of, adversity, or misfortune. Lemon suggests sourness and difficulty in life; making, lemonade, with lemons that is being handed out to you turns the whole sour episode into something sweet, positive, and desirable. In, the game of life, you have to play with the cards you are dealt.
When the British colonized India they built a golf course in Calcutta, and they had a problem with the, monkeys. The, monkeys, would pick up the balls the golfers hit and put it somewhere else.
They tried to solve the problem by building a fence around the course, but of course, monkeys, climb; so that didn’t work.
Then they tried to lure the, monkeys, away with bananas; but only some were lured away, and others weren’t.
Plus, all the, monkeys, for miles around would show up to feed on their favorite food, so that didn’t work either.
Finally, they accepted defeat and changed the rules of the game. The new rules had the golfers play the ball from wherever the, monkeys, dropped it.
This is a great story to illustrate, the game of life. We always have to play the ball where life drops it. We would all love to be able to place the ball where we think it should be, but we can’t.
This is a strange story to depict the mantra “if life gives you lemons make lemonade.” We don’t always get sugar and spice and everything that is nice, most of the time things don’t work out the way we planned and that is, the game of life.
When Life gives you lemons
make the best out of a difficult situation
turn a negative experience into something positive
make something sweet out of something bitter
embrace life in whatever form it comes
look on the bright side of life, every cloud has a silver lining!
My favorite show is Private Practice and Addison made a statement on the show that with this saying:
“We make plans but God make other plans, he has the last word”
Your desire to have a baby could be so strong that you pray every day, you dream of your baby every day; you think of your life with your baby every day; but it’s been 5 years and you are not pregnant. The doctors say you are infertile. Time to play the ball where the monkey dropped it and either adopt a child, foster a child, look for a surrogate mother or start fertility treatments.
Playing the game of life with detachment
Another example is to practice, the law of detachment. This law states that you should only be attached to your end goal not the journey. If your goal is to retire and travel the world that is your destination. The journey could take you around that golf course several times back and forth, sometimes you would be stuck in the sand box, sometimes you will hit the ball in the lake, but if you keep playing you will eventually get to the 18th hole.
Forrest Gump said it best, life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get so, if life gives you lemons make lemonade.
Making lemonade from your lemons
Although I was devastated when I was fired from my job, I used the time to go back to college and get my degree. I now have a better job! This is an example of, the game of life, making, lemonade, out of lemons.
My grandfather lost his job due to the coronavirus, but he decided to keep busy and start his own business. He says, “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
Another anecdote for, the game of life, when one door shuts, another one opens; so become optimistic.
Making, lemonade, out of the lemons in life, my hope is that you look at this moment in time as a learning lesson in, the game of life, and try to find the sweetness of the moment.
Steps for Simple Easy Homemade Lemonade
Juice and strain the lemons. There a couple of tricks for getting the most juice out of your lemons (rolling them, slicing them lengthwise, roasting them), but my new favorite “juicing hack” is to actually crush the whole lemons using my stand mixer. Seriously! Here’s how you do it: Quarter the lemons and put them in the bowl of your stand mixer with the paddle attachment. Use low speed to squeeze the lemons, then strain the juice directly into a measuring cup.
Use the lemon juice to dissolve the sugar. Many modern, lemonade, recipes call for making a simple syrup — sugar and water boiled together — for sweetening summer, lemonade, but if you stir the sugar directly into the lemon juice you can skip the simple syrup and get to, lemonade, faster — no heat required.
Add cold water to taste. Since the lemon juice dissolves the sugar, we can go straight from lemon juice to cold water and ice and serve the, lemonade, straight away.
Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative. Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example. So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”
My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers. Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.
Does being a martial artist help with self communication?
Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness? You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.
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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices. I started practicing martial art around 17 years old. I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.
I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.
How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns
Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.
I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.
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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?
Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication. The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.
How to Listen to your Self-talk
You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.
What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves. We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.
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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:
you’re not good enough.
you’ll never be nothing.
you will never amount to anything.
You will never be a success in life.
Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?
Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?
Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.
Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?
Cheyne – That’s a great question. I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.
There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi
This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives. The mind leads the Chi!
When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.
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Negative self-talk – I am not good enough
Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.
Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves. I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.
We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.
I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:
you’re so pretty.
you’re so beautiful.
you are going to kick ass in this job.
I am good enough for this promotion.
No, the, self-communication, is always negative.
Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.
Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk
Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program. Tell us about it.
Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”
People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.
Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.
Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today. What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.
How do we process those experiences? We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.
Self-liberation is a freeing experience
This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.
Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.
I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s. I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it. Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.
What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?
Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.
When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation. We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.
These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way. We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.
Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change
All we have to do the work. I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!
We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk
If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame. You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.
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We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.
We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.
I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.
If you are listening on Spotify or any of the other podcast players, please subscribe and turn on your notification so you can be notified of new episodes.
I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.
The bible promises in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That means that every challenge, trauma, disappointment, in life, works together, for your good.
The greatest gift we can give others is hope. Somewhere out there someone is going through a storm of great magnitude; the pain is so great that they are considering suicide.
The purpose of this book “Out of the Snares,” is to give such a person, Hope. Hope that God promises “all things, in life, work together, for your good.”
Hope, that like the caterpillar that goes through the darkness before turning into a butterfly, your storm is designed to make you stronger, to cook you into a diamond so that God can use you to encourage others.
The darkness in life is meant to show you the way
As you come out of darkness and into God’s light, you become self-sufficient and proactive instead of reactive. Think about it. Just as the caterpillar does not know, when he is a caterpillar he will ultimately become a butterfly; when you are in your darkness, you don’t believe this you will ever see the light. “Out of the Snares” is written to remind you that the darkest part of the night is just before dawn. Joy does indeed come in the morning.
You have to walk by, faith. Faith, is defined as “the ability to trust the outcome of a thing even though you can’t see it.” I am the evidence. God has brought me from a mighty long way. I have achieved every goal that I set for myself and I am working on the next goal right now. Every event in my life, worked together, for my good.
In this book “Out of the Snares” I share with you, my readers, the principles of the Bible and the Universal Laws or Truths that I stood on to win. Order your copy today.https://myhelps.us/book-order/
Events in life work for your good Joseph’s story
The principle of God working all things together for good is well illustrated in the Old Testament account of Joseph’s life. Early in Joseph’s life, Joseph’s jealous brothers sold him into slavery. In Egypt, Joseph rises to a position of responsibility. Then, he is unjustly imprisoned and forgotten about by his friends. God gifts him the ability to interpret dreams, and through that ability Joseph is once again raised to a place of honor and power. When drought forces Joseph’s brothers to seek food elsewhere, they travel to Egypt and encounter Joseph, who eventually saves them from starvation and grants them a livelihood in his new land.
Throughout his life, Joseph trusted God no matter his good or bad circumstances. Joseph experienced plenty of bad things: kidnapping, slavery, false accusations, wrongful imprisonment, rejection, and famine. But in the end God brought things to a wonderful, life-affirming conclusion. God blessed Joseph’s entire family through those painful circumstances and through Joseph’s faith. (You can read about Joseph’s life beginning in Genesis 37.)
Romans 8:28 is a promise for believers. Real believers. Those who are living for Christ. Not those who claim to believe in God but are living like the devil.
This verse says to those who love God and are doing their best to obey his commands, “Even though bad/sad/evil/wicked things will happen to you, in life, God will use them to, work together, for your good, both, in your life, and in the world.”
We should, play to win. I wrote the book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” with the intention of drawing, life lessons, from various aspects of my Life and how I, played to win. For example the first life event that I introduced in my book is as a victim of childhood, sexual abuse, and being born into, poverty.
The, life lesson, I share here is that of the, victim mentality.
You don’t have to be a, victim, in life; instead become a player.
Just like in the game of blackjack, if the dealer is showing a picture card and you only have small cards, you don’t chuck your hand in and say there’s no way that I can win.
You must, play to win. All you need is the intention to win and guess what, your hand is going to get better.
Quitters Never Win and Winners Never Quit
Here is a short excerpt from my book:
Intro How to Play to Win – My story
I was born into a family with nothing, my mother and grandmother were both domestic servants. My dad was in Teachers College and did not know his real father. He lived with his mom and stepfather who was an alcoholic. In 1959 Guyana was a British colony of England.
Just like England colonized India and took all the wealth out of India, in a similar way England took all of Guyana’s resources out of the country.
Most of the Blacks and Indians were living in, poverty. My mom and grandmother worked for white English folk.
As a child I was always fed and had clothes and shoes to wear. My mom and grandmother both made our clothes.
So, it was understandable that I would be drawn to my godfather, who was a wealthy man with several houses, several cars and a corner shop filled with snacks and chocolate bars. Mr. Clark as I will call him took a liking to me beyond that of a Godfather and treated me like his grandchild.
I spent a lot of time at his house. He took me out with his family every weekend and really showered me with things.
He gave me food, gold chains and gold bracelets, he was also a goldsmith. I ended up sleeping over at his house several times per week and playing with his grandchildren. He used to like to bounce me on his knee with his legs massaging my private parts.
One day my memory recalls, I was about five years old, he braced me up against the wall and caressed my body. As I got older the, sexual abuse, became more intimate.
He would rub my legs whenever I was close. His favorite was the feeling me up in the front seat of his car while driving me to school.
His hand would be under my skirt fingering my private parts. I was sure that people in other cars could see this, sexual abuse, but he said they could not.
This, childhood sexual abuse, continued for several years until one day he took me behind his shop and took my virginity with his fingers.
I didn’t tell anyone I’m not sure why. I do remember thinking that I loved him so much and wanted to die before he did.
Mr. Clark started getting a reputation for liking little girls and my dad asked me one day if Mr. Clark ever, sexual abused, me, I lied and said he had not.
I’m going to skip a couple of paragraphs, I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty details here.
I’m going to read to you now my conclusion of this chapter.
Play to Win by collapsing your consciousness
How did I, play to win? Looking back, if I were to collapse my consciousness and become the observer in this experience, I would say that at some subconscious level I knew what we were doing was wrong. I knew that I was being, sexually abused.
I’m not sure why I chose to keep it a secret.
Research shows that children of, childhood sexual abuse, never tell, they become ashamed and feel that they are to blame. I know I have always felt shamed. It took me a very, very, long time to share my story. Writing this book was my way of coming into the light and putting the devil on notice that I will no longer let guilt and shame be a part of my life.
That was my introduction to my book.
Pick up a copy to read the full story.
Playing to Win Using CANI
I have, played to win, the, sexual abuse, card and, poverty, by concentrating on, CANI.Constant and Never Ending Improvement.
They say that the secret to happiness is always moving towards a goal and that is how I, play to win.
It is wonderful that we’re meeting today in a library because I have always been a reader.
Reading books is how you, play to win!
Tony Robbins is now a billionaire because he made himself read 700 books per year and those books taught him everything he knows.
Pat Riley of the Miami Heat said
“If you’re not growing, you are dying”
Play to win using vibrational frequency
The second way I have, played to win, with the cards I have been dealt was to become conscious of my vibrational frequency.
I learned that later in life before I wrote my first book “Becoming Conscious, my awakening”
I started understanding my vibrations. You see whenever somebody does something to us, we feel bad and what happens when we feel bad?
We attract more of the same. We always say bad things comes in three’s, that is because you are attracting them to you.
So when you’re in a funk you have to find some way to make yourself feel better, and one of the ways I do that is to always live in gratitude.
Because regardless of what’s going on in your life, there’s always something that you can be grateful for. Breath, sight, food in your fridge, etc.
So, find some gratitude and feel that energy release a positive force that reverses all the bad in your life!
In 2009 at the age of 33 Genese became CEO and founder of Passion Rescue Mission and reopened the Genecoit Vertus School of Excellence in Francois, Haiti providing tuition free education and serving over 225 students.
Genese How Have you played with the cards you were dealt in Life?
Winning has to less with the cards you have in your hand and more to do with how you play the game.
You have to, play to win.
How did I, play to win? I was born in one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere, which is Haiti.
The goal is to win no matter what seven piece of dominoes or cards you have in your hand.
Kenny Rogers sings a song that says
“You have to know when to Hold and when to Fold”
Three simple things helped me play with my cards.
1. My faith in God
2. Pursuit of an education
3. A strong support system
I was fortunate enough to come to this great country to get an education and in 2009 I returned back to Haiti and reopened a school that my father built. We started with 189
students at that time currently we have 225 students getting a tuition-free education in one of the poorest, mountainous, villages in Haiti, which is Francois Haiti. We provide meals, we provide school supplies we provide uniforms and we have 12 teachers that are employed.
I have a waiting list of over 300 students wanting to get into that school right now; so it’s not enough To, play to win, we must give back. Once you get to where you need to be, you need to
reach back and help your people.
If you need information on making a donation
Please visit www.passionrescuemission.org </a
Jenny Wang Playing to Win
Jenny is passionate about helping people improve Performance through holistic learning. She is a Professional Certified Coach and a Senior Learning and Program Manager at Nutranext, which is the healthiest employer in the US. Jenny is also a Certified Health Coach and co-author of Bringing Mindfulness to Your Workplace. Jenny and I worked together at Office Depot. She was my mentor at Toastmasters, then she became my Coachee as she worked on finding her purpose. I’m Sure she has found her purpose.
Jenny – I have had some good cards. But there are some cards we cannot choose. We cannot chose our Father we cannot choose our Mother or our relatives.
I was born and raised in China in a very traditional family. I don’t have trauma in my life, my parents are very lovely and educated; but there’s one thing that we never agreed on. When I got married I never thought I wanted children.
I don’t know how many of you are natural parents; but I was not one of them. When I was at 34 years old my father called me from China had a big argument with me. He wanted to have a grandchild. So, How did I, play to win? I chose to honor my father’s request because family is important to me.
Now eight years later, people ask me what was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life? And I say “To have a child” My son has brought me so much joy, so much wonderful
things to my life that I have never ever thought that I would have.
The second card everyone has, but they also cannot chose is Passion and purpose.
The 3rd card we are dealt is Health. The most important thing for everybody is good health. I decided to take the journey of being a, Yoga Instructor, and a Health Coach.
I learned we can become happy by changing how we move our bodies. Yoga, encourages us to think about our health.
No matter how busy you are, no matter how much outside achievement you have, by the end of the day you have to take time for yourself.
I hope you enjoyed this presentation both audio and written. Now I need something from you.
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