How to Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviors

March 4, 2023April 12, 2023

How to Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviors

Self sabotaging behaviors, move us in the opposite direction from our goals. When we understand the patterns that underlie, self sabotage, we begin to free ourselves.

We then begin to allow ourselves to interact with ourselves and the world with greater success, joy, and fulfillment. The process of breaking through denial, facing your fear, anger, and other difficult emotions, and making peace with your pain, leads to an ending of the internal war with yourself.

You can step fully into the greatest expression of yourself. Finding the wisdom inside the wounds you’ve endured is one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have with yourself about, self sabotage, because on the other side of it is the emotional freedom and depth of joy that you were born to have.

Introduction to, Self Sabotaging Behaviors

In this interview Sabrina Johnson, inspirational Speaker and Author, talks on how she overcame different aspects of, self sabotaging behaviors, because of her lack of self confidence and negative self talk. Overcoming, Self Sabotage, and taking Inventory of your failures is one way to stop, self defeating behavior.

Whatever form it takes – whether, self sabotaging behaviors, or limiting thought patterns; self sabotage, always diminishes the passion and energy we need to fulfill our dreams. At the heart of the matter, it is possible to create as much love, fulfillment, success and joy as we feel worthy of having. By identifying how your inner saboteur is, self sabotaging, your life, you can make radical progress toward that which you want.

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Overcoming, Self Defeating, behavior by changing your Mindset

Mindsets are beliefs – beliefs about yourself and your most basic qualities.

Think about your intelligence, your talents, your personality. Are these qualities simply fixed traits, carved in stone or can you cultivate and grow these traits?

Your intelligence is not a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. With practice, training, and above all method, we can increase our attention, our memory, our judgment and become more intelligent than we were before.

In a, Fixed Mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits thus the, self defeating, behavior

In a Growth Mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.

The, Fixed Mindset, is a, Defeated Mindset

The, fixed mindset, creates an internal dialogue that is focused on judging. e.g

“I am a loser”
“I am the giver in this relationship and I get nothing in return”
“I am a no good husband”
“My partner is selfish only thinks about himself”

People with a, growth mindset, are sensitive to positive and negative information; but they’re attuned to its implications for learning and growing. They ask themselves “What can I learn from this” How can I improve “How can I help my partner do better.

How to Overcome, Self Sabotage, at Work

I have always been someone who spent years trying to move my life forward I always say that I am a dreamer; but the problem was I made decisions and choices in my life that counteracted that data. I told myself I wanted to move forward; but everything that I did was, self sabotage, my behavior caused me to move backwards.

If I stopped and did an honest self-assessment and really seek God for direction on what am I needed to do. I would figure out why I was seemingly repeating the same, self sabotaging, cycles in my life. It was at that point that I began to really recognize certain, defeated mindsets, or negative truth about myself that I held about myself subconsciously that was preventing me from moving forward and continuing these, self defeating behaviors.

For instance I’ll give you an example. I am very career-driven, so I desire to move up the career ladder. I have a master’s degree in marketing; but whenever I went to apply for a director level or VP level positions, I get intimidated and, self sabotage, by talking myself out of applying for that position. I would apply and start working at a lower position and then the next couple of months I’m miserable.

Inevitably my employer would see in me what I couldn’t see in myself and they would give me more responsibility. Then I would complain about being overworked and underpaid. My, defeated mindset, would make me, self sabotage, and take a lower position than I was qualified for. Then I would leave these jobs because it wasn’t what I wanted and then the cycle would begin all over again at another company.

I had to say OK God I need your help. Give me the courage to jump in even though I felt fear.

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What is a, Defeated Mindset

Myrna: Let me not skip over this huge opportunity to ask you Sabrina. Since you’ve done whole bunch of self-assessments, why did you have a, defeated mindset, and, self sabotage, yourself all those years? Why did you not have confidence in your abilities?

Sabrina: That is a great question Myrna, and that was something I had to really pinpoint. I was listening to a speaker and he said when you lack self-confidence, somewhere along the line in your life someone fed into your mind that you were not good enough. That you were not worthy enough. I started looking back on past unhealthy relationships and past hurts and start to really connect the guys who rejected me. Hurts from past relationships.

I had to rely on my faith and ask God for guidance. Outside of that I read a lot of self-help books and articles on how to overcome a, defeated mindset, how to build your confidence and how to speak with confidence; but a lot of it, the core of it really has to go back to the words that I was speaking to myself. So when I started to get intimidated by the Job description, I would remind myself that I have done this job in the past. You’re not going to take a different role in the company then do this job and not get paid for it. I started being my own cheerleader.

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Here are 4 steps to Overcome, Self Sabotage

Become aware of your emotions. Your emotions are the language of your body.
Change your emotions by thinking of want you want. Eg. You have applied for a promotion 2 times now and you keep being passed over. A, defeated mindset, says I am never going to get this job I had better get used to this and begin to, self sabotage, Instead imagine yourself in this new position. Feel in your body how it would feel to sit at that desk with your name on the door.
Your emotions will change and so will your body. It believes it is living in the future now.
That’s the way to get over, self sabotaging behavior. Change your brain to change your life.

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Additional Resources on Overcoming, Self Sabotage,

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201512/understanding-self-destructive-dysregulated-behaviors

https://lonerwolf.com/self-destructive-person/

A Guide to Changing Self-Destructive Behaviors

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-does-emotional-intelligence-affect-your-success/

http://blog.myhelps.us/5-mindset-transformations-permanent-relationships/

June 17, 2022

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through

We are all, golden buddhas, underneath, we cover up our, inner greatness, with the, mud, of, self-doubt, feelings of, not being good enough, insecurity and other, negative emotions.

In this episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna, I want to teach on the subject 3 ways to let your, inner greatness, shine through. I want to use the story of the, Golden Buddha, as my foundational story.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10810623-3-ways-to-let-your-inner-greatness-shine-through.mp3?download=true

The Golden Buddha

Story of the Golden Buddha that was covered up in mud by the monks so that the gold couldn’t shine through.

In Bangkok there is a golden statue of the Buddha that stands 9’8” tall, weighs 5.5 tons and is worth approximately 250 million in gold.

The statue was thought to be built in 1,403 and was revered by Buddhist for many hundreds of years. In 1,757 the Burmese Army was invading Thailand. Facing complete annihilation, the Buddhist monks at the monastery hastily began covering their, Golden Buddha, with plaster, which was painted and inlaid with bits of colored glass, to make it look of little or no value to the invading army. During the invasion all the Buddhist monks were tragically murdered, but the, Golden Buddha, was left undiscovered.

In 1957 an entire Monastery in Thailand was being relocated by a group of monks. One day they were moving a giant clay Buddha when one of the monks noticed a large crack in the clay. On closer investigation he saw there was a golden light emanating from the crack. The monk used a hammer and a chisel to chip away at the clay exterior until he revealed that the statue was in fact made of solid gold.

Don’t cover up your inner greatness with mud

This story illustrates the point that we can cover up our value by layering it with, mud, as well. So let me ask you. What is your, mud?

What life experiences added layers of, mud, and covered up your value to the world?

We are all, golden buddhas, underneath, but we cover up our, inner greatness, with the, mud of self-doubt, feelings of not being good enough, insecurity and other, negative emotions.

Here are 3 ways to chip away at your mud let your inner greatness shine through:

Identify your mud. Is it self-doubt? Lack of self-worth? Body image, not being good enough? You can’t change what you don’t identify and until you dig through the layers of mud you can’t shine and become what you were created to do.

The, false self, is an artificial persona that people create very early in life to protect themselves from re-experiencing developmental trauma, shock, and stress in close relationships.

Meaning, our delusionary self-creation process starts early in our childhood.

Often, we had to be unnaturally attuned to the demands of our parents, sensing we had to comply in order to be loved and tolerated; we had to be false before we had the chance to feel properly alive.

And this continues in our educational systems and careers.

Most of the time, we are putting on a mask, complying with our teachers, our bosses, our colleagues, our partners, our friends…

2. Speak to the mud

if your, mud, is feelings of not being good enough for example then speak to those feelings and tell them that you are good enough, you were created for this purpose. If your, mud, is body image tell it that you are wonderfully made and beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and you are perfect just the way you are.

“Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow.” Believing that problems are opportunities to grow, rather than insurmountable obstacles, is called a, growth mindset, and it’s essential if you want to learn how to stop being insecure. Instead of feeling like a failure just because we have, insecurities, we gain the freedom to view those, insecurities, as a source of information for our personal and professional growth.

Instead of avoiding our, insecurities, we learn to speak to them. Most, insecurities, are not based on facts, so you can speak to them and challenge them. As you commit yourself to putting aside your fears and utilizing your insecurity as a source of valuable information, you eliminate the “what ifs” associated with avoidance and open the door to opportunity.

3. Take action to remove the mud:

Our daily behaviors reflect our deepest beliefs.
Clean up your language and speak life into your situation.
Take massive action to change your beliefs.
Train your mind with new beliefs and affirmations.

Realize that you were conditioned to believe that you can’t do something. Think of the elephant that is controlled by a sodden stick in the ground.

Figure out, When did you decide to accept this limitation.

Resources in the mind are unlimited, use the fuel of your thoughts to find the resources to do something great and uncover your, Golden Buddha, your, inner greatness, and let your value shin through.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Have a Positive Mindset: Get Rid of Automatic Negative Thoughts

January 28, 2022January 28, 2022

A New Mindset: Get Rid Of Your Cup Mentality

Do you have a, cup mentality, mindset? Are you asking God to fill up your cup instead of asking him to fill up as many containers you can find? In the, Bible story, Elisha the prophet told the widow woman to borrow containers and keep pouring oil until they were all filled. Find out how to get rid of your, cup mentality, and your, abundance blocks, and live an abundant life.

Welcome to this week’s episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna. In this coaching session, I want to teach on, mindset, getting rid of your, cup mentality.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9970925-a-new-mindset-get-rid-of-your-cup-mentality.mp3?download=true

What is a cup mentality?

Here is a bible story to illustrate.

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. ²Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. ³When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. ⁴Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” ⁵So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

⁶Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” ⁷Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. ⁸He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.

Cup mentality vs abundance mindset

This story illustrates a, cup mentality, because too many of us are content with our lot in life and never aspire or dream of a better life. This crippled man was stuck in his old routine of getting someone to take him to the gate of the temple every day to beg for coins. He never dreamed of more, he never prayed to be healed even though he went to the temple every day. He accepted that he was crippled and for the rest of his life he would beg for coins to survive. This is the definition of a, cup mentality. Your dreams can only fill up a cup.

The crippled man could not understand when Peter told him to get up and walk. He had never thought of walking. Peter was putting new information in this man’s, old wineskin. Peter had to hold his hand and help him up.

A, cup mentality, is when we accept our circumstances and never dream of having more. You get stuck in a rut in your negative routines not expecting anything to change, but as long as you have a, cup mentality, you will never receive the abundance of God.

Like mother like daughter

For example please use the phrase, like mother like daughter, or like, father like son. They are expecting you to be like your mother and because they spoke it over your life, you become like your mother.

I heard a story of a mother who left her baby with her parents, because she was a hitwoman and she believed that if she got arrested she would be sent away for life. When the child was 3 years old, the mother was sent away for life. The grandparents raised the child and always told her don’t be like your mother. She grew up with that, cup mentality, that she could never expect anything great, because she would probably end up in prison. At 16 years she stabbed someone and ended up in prison.

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Were you born the wrong color?

Some other examples of a, cup mentality.

Do you think you were born in the wrong country?
The wrong side of the tracks,
or the wrong color?
Are you content just surviving?

The Bible teaches that You can’t put, new wine, in, old wineskin, because the, new wine, will burst the, old wineskin. This means you can’t do new things like be the first one in your family to graduate college with the same old, mindset.

I was born poor in a third world country. I was listening to podcast a few weeks back regarding, abundance blocks. The author was saying that we manifest the same, abundance blocks, as our parents, so I decided to interview my mom to see if she passed on her, abundance blocks, to me. What I found is my mom has a, cup mentality.

She told me that we were poor when I was born, she didn’t have a job, but she was quite comfortable. My dad would give her money, people would bring her food from the market, and she had her mother to help her. She never asked for more, she never dreamed big. Luckily, I did not get her, cup mentality. I have always dreamed of success even as a child as young as 10 years old!

If doesn’t matter where your start out only where you end up

God took David from a low-income family and made him a King. It does not matter where you start out only where you end up.

A, limited mindset, will keep you from getting more from God.

God promises to pour out blessings you won’t have room enough to receive; he is not looking just to fill up your cup.

Don’t water down your dreams to match your environment.

Take the limits off of God and the limits off your life.

You are the lid!

The prophet Elisha told the Widow woman to borrow a few containers and to pour the little oil she had into these containers. She obeyed even though it was not logical. She started pouring and the oil continued to pour until she had filled up all the containers she borrowed and then it stopped. If she had more containers, the oil would have continued to pour, so she did not have a supply problem, but a capacity problem.

God wants to fill up your containers, he can’t fill up what you never bring to him. How do you bring your containers to God? You bring them to him by asking for what you want in prayer, by dreaming big and visualizing your dreams.

The cup mentality is your capacity

In a previous episode called Finding joy in your nothingness. I talked about the oil, that it represented the joy in your life. Today I am talking about your capacity to experience that joy. Are you looking for a cup full of joy like my mom or as many containers you can fill?

God said open your mouth wide and I will fill it.

Get rid of your, cup mentality, and give God as many containers as possible so he can fill them up.

This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna. I would like to invite you all to join my Life coach group on Facebook for daily inspiration from dozens of life coaches.

Thanks for listening, until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

How to Live in Infinite Possibility