Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.
Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.
It’s also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth. We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.
So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life. I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.
I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.
Dr O.C Pringle: You’re doing it all sister Young, you’re doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life’s experience, and, child abuse. let’s talk about that.
Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse
Myrna: I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend. He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.
We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention, and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.
I didn’t realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.
DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what? Wait how old were you?
Myrna: This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.
Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?
Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.
Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.
Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn’t want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!
Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.
Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you’re helping people all over the world. You’re on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement
So, let’s talk some more about the book.
Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:
Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don’t give up until you win.
Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.
Oleg Lougheed has a very interesting story of how he turned the, adversity, of his birth in Russia, living in an, orphanage, from 9 years old and then being adopted by an American family at 12 years old.
I love stories, right now I’m like almost addicted to Oprah’s master class, because all she does is ask these influencers and stars to share their story and it always starts with their childhood. Oprah spends an enormous amount of time on their childhood story, because your childhood is what shapes into the person you are today.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction to Oleg’s story of Adversity
The memories made in the first 12 years of my life were painted with shades of, poverty, loss, and a dim hope for a better life.
A hope that acted as my only survival method.
A hope that got me where I am today – 5,500 miles across the world – 5,500 miles between myself and the life I was destined to live.
I said goodbye to my birth Mother at the age of 12, not realizing that I would never see her again. I never met my Father.
I learned early on what alcoholism was, what starvation felt like, and what sacrifice meant.
For me, it took leaving the place I called home to find a better life in America.
It meant saying goodbye to my Mother, Sister, relatives, friends, and saying hello a new family and new friends.
At 12 years old, I was adopted from an, orphanage, in Chebarkul’, Russia to a family in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
Adoption, changed my life.
Adoption, opened a door into a new world and forced me to close the door to everything I had ever known.
I am here today to tell my story.
The story of how I overcame my own odds.
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Turning Adversity into Opportunity
One of the reasons I love your story Oleg is because you’ve used your, adversity, to propel the, opportunity, you were given by being, adopted, by an American family.
Oleg says, adoption, changed his life which you know sometimes, adoption, is good and sometimes it does not take. I am also an adoptive mom so I can identify a little bit with your story.
I was born poor myself in, Guyana. I did not encounter starvation. or alcoholism and I was not, adopted; but my maternal aunt sponsored my mom and her three kids to move to Canada to live a better life.
My first question is, we’re your adoptive parents able to heal the pain you experienced the first 12 years of your life?
Oleg – Before I share about my, adoption, let me give you some context into my own background. I’d like to acknowledge the fact that stories do play a critical role, overcoming adversity. Everything revolves around the story we tell ourselves. Our internal dialog.
My world shifted from, adversity, to, opportunity, when I stopped being the victim. As you had mentioned being born in Russia and living there for the first 12 years of my life and having experienced quite a bit of difficulty and, adversity, and tragedy.
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I began to realize I did not have the mindset that I have today. Back then I did not have the resources; I did not have the knowledge that is found in the book “Think and Grow Rich” and other great books.
So, for me it was about figuring out from day to day how to survive. It is funny that you mentioned Oprah because Oprah had a similar impact on my life. I once watched a video of Oprah sharing her story and there was a segment in that story where she spoke about her childhood and the trauma that she faced when she was a young girl.
One of the ways that she was able to, overcome adversity, was by believing in a better future or a brighter day. That is exactly how I survived as a child, by believing in a brighter future. Thinking of a brighter future, when I was nine years old, I was faced with the decision to either continue living with my mom and my sister or go and live in an, orphanage.
I chose to go live in an, orphanage, not realizing that meant not seeing my mom and sister again. I was adopted at 12 years old. I was able to come to the United States and hit the restart button. I think, adoption, has really helped me recognize that my life of, adversity, leading up to it was a dress rehearsal for the, opportunity, that lies ahead.
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After I was, adopted, I remember I was looking back upon my past and I lived in, victimhood. I lived in, victimhood, because I looked at all of those previous circumstances and asked, “why me.” I began to realize after a couple years that I could turnaround, adversity, into, opportunity.
That is when my life started to shift once again. I started my desire and passion for personal growth and personal development. Started seeing, opportunity. I did not just read books anymore I became a part of those books.
Myrna – My circle back question is “Do you feel that your, adoption, was Successful? Were you able to adapt to your new family and be not being able to see your birth mother?
Oleg – Before I fully answer that question, it’s important to identify what successful, adoption, means to me. One of the biggest reasons why I choose to look at my, adoption, experience as successful as my parents were and still are tremendous human beings. They never raised their hand on me, they’ve always kept an open mind and open heart regardless of what the situation and circumstances I presented as a teenager.
Teenage boys not all; but some do not always make the best decisions, especially those who had a painful past from, adversity; but that is one of the beauties of my parents, even though we went through the ups and downs. We went through the multiple years of therapy both individually and collectively as a family. What really made this journey was beautiful that they continue to be there for me every step of the way.
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Myrna – It was an, opportunity, which is why we’re talking about turning, adversity, into, opportunity.
Why you think, adoption, changed your life?
Oleg – For me, adoption, one of the changes in my life was because it gave me a second chance in life. It gave me another, opportunity, to live the life that I once upon a time dreamed of. After going through, adversity, from a very young age and then after the, adoption, I chose a different story.
I started to ask the question “what am I here to learn”? What is this, adversity, here to teach me? I started to pair each one of those, adversities, with a lesson or a takeaway. My perspective became completely different. I was no longer letting the circumstances define me; but rather I was looking at those circumstances as something that I can learn from to move forward.
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Reframing your adversity into opportunity
Oleg – I started to tap into purpose. I was able to approach that initial question of” why me”? through the lines of if not you then who. I started to experience this sense of energy that was flowing through me from the, adversity, of my birth. I asked myself, what do I channel this energy into? I wanted to create a space for people of similar experiences such as those who are, adopted, or have gone through the foster care system. Create just an open space for them to share their experiences to be able to embrace and accept all aspects of that journey.
I wanted to highlight all the, adoption, and foster care stories because, how can a prospective, adoptive parent, know of the other side if they’re only being presented with the side of the social worker.
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When I started this, I received quite a bit of criticism, but I just started to create a space for people to write in comments or share their story. Eg my, adoption, was terrible because of x y z. I would just say “why tell me more.”
Oleg – There’s a section in the book where he talks about judgment. Goggins says why judge anyone if you can still remember the feeling of being judged yourself. I started to realize that one of the reasons why I chose to not only respect myself; but respect those surrounding me is because in a way I’ve experienced what it was like to not be respected or
not be taken seriously.
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I wanted to shine a light on humans because I truly do believe that every single person has value to offer to this world, not only those who have made it or are successful but those who turned, adversity, into, opportunity. Our society is only interested in the stars’ stories and podcasters are only interested in interviewing these stars because it builds their podcast.
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How can our listeners and those watching on YouTube connect with you?
Listeners can connect with me on Linkedin. That’s where I spend the majority of my time. Part of the work that we do is we host events that focus on different themes and elements of the personal narrative. Our event this January is called “Survive to Thrive Attitude of Gratitude”
It’s really about tapping into, gratitude, but not solely through the lens of who or what you are grateful for; but digs deeper.
You can also connect with me through our website “Overcoming Odds” and you’ll be able to find us through Facebook and other social media channels @oleglougheed
I want to remind you to subscribe on the Transform Your Mind YouTube channel. To listen to the full interview of my conversation with Oleg head over to iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts and remember to leave a review and subscribe.
I would like to also invite you to join my Facebook group called life coach. We have a lot of Life coaches in the group who share inspirational messages every day including myself.
Until Next time Namaste
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My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase. He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. We must heal our, brokenness if we are going to hold love, self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence.
Certified Life coach, Myrna Young and registered social worker, Arifah Yusaf discuss, How to Heal your Brokenness,
The LORD is near to the, broken hearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase. He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. That means that if you are, broken hearted,
you cannot hold love,
you cannot hold appreciation,
you cannot hold compliments,
you are incapable of receiving and holding anything.
So it is very important for us to find our cracks and mend them. As, minority women, most of us have experienced some, brokenness, in our lives.
Here are the top 3 reasons for, Brokenness:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned by our parents
Feelings of not being good enough because we have lack.
How do we Heal, brokenness?
I know in our practice of social work and in psychology, a lot of clinical professionals, look at the research study around ACES which is our first childhood experiences.
That study basically states that childhood experiences before the age of 18, whether that be witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, living in poverty or just going through traumatic events; Those experiences impact their, brokenness, as they grow up into adulthood. It may impact how they maneuver through success or how they view themselves as failures.
These experience are also linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential and even early death.
Myrna Young, Life Coach, I agree that risky behaviors from, brokenness, usually means an absence of self-love and that can definitely lead to early death.
I am going to niche down in our conversation today to address women of color and, minority women, because that’s who we are.
As women we can be, broken, both in our childhood and by narcissistic men in our adult lives, who have rejected us or devalued us.
Our, brokenness, becomes compared with the, broken hearted. Also when we experience, brokenness, as children those experiences can leads us to get into unhealthy relationships. Healing our, brokenness, prevents us from repeating this pattern of unhealthy relationships that would leave us, broken hearted.
It takes work to heal our cracks. The first step in coaching is to identify how you became, broken, and then replace your subconscious programming with a new program similar to writing over a CD disk.
How to heal the, Broken Hearted
Acknowledge that you are, broken
Follow the pain – pay attention to where it hurts
Trust outside eyes. Have close trusted friends to tell you what they see. This can also be a, life coach, who can uncover your blind spots.
Allow love to mold you like the potter molds clay.
Pray and meditate on the fruits of the spirit, peace, joy, love
Here is a story on, How we become broken, and the process of healing.
Arifah – In my years of practice, I obviously had a lot of opportunities to engage young people who have expressed feeling, broken, based on their lived experiences or their adverse childhood experiences. As we talked about earlier in the segment, those experiences impact how they view themselves, how they show up in relationships, in their place within society or their environments.
I recall speaking with this young woman who shared witnessing domestic abuse at home. She actually found her mother’s body when she came home from school one day. She was then placed into the foster care system. At 18 years old having nowhere to go, she was placed into a shelter. I remember her telling me that she really struggled with her identity and her self-esteem. She harbored resentment towards her family because nobody had come to claim her in Foster care which magnified her, brokenness.
In her late teens she became pregnant and wanted to connect with her family; because she was starting to feel isolated and she wanted her child to know more about her family history. But she faced rejection once more. She decided that it was all up to her, to make a difference in her child’s life.
She then stared setting small goals for herself and accomplishing them. That started building her self-esteem until she recovered from her, brokenness. She became more engaged in her community and connected with other single mothers. She stopped blaming others or comparing herself to others and continued her healing process.
She decided to develop a plan with a network of positive healthy people. Eventually she stopped defining herself as, broken, because she realized that she really could make a difference in the life of her child. It was all up to her, no one else. Like the analogy of the broken vase, she couldn’t hold self-esteem, or self-worth, as a broken vessel, everything leaked out. When she became whole everything stayed in. That is, how to heal your brokenness,
My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the power of intention as the energy in my life. This book is my testimony on how I overcame my, brokenness.
All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.
As women we sometimes fail because we are always working; but not On their lives. We instead work in our lives. To succeed your commitment to your own personal growth must parallel your commitment to building remarkable lives for yourself and your children.
After you read my book and become inspired by my story of success after starting out with nothing and healing my, brokenness, I would like to Help you get off the starting block with the most unbelievable coaching offer ever made!
If you are interested in doing something remarkable with your life and escape the Snares of failure from, broken relationships, broken marriages, by moving your dreams from your head into your hands, then download your FREE book and purchase my coaching package.
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In this week’s segment of the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast with Coach Myrna, I teach on the topic how to Raise your Self Esteem by Erasing Self Doubt.
Self confidence and self esteem is the belief that you can accomplish any task or any goal.
Self doubt is the negative narrative that plays in your head. It is like PAC man. It is there to eat up your confidence
I was listening to a Ted talk YouTube video last week and the speaker was telling his story.
He said for 10 years he smoked crack when he woke up and before he went to bed. Hoping to numb the pain of living. He was a disappointment to his mother, his wife and his children. He felt worthless!
On his second trip to prison, he spent a total of 8 years in prison, his adopted mother had a heart attack and he was told she was not going to make it. He felt pretty low that this woman who he adopted him and loved his as her own and tried to give him a better life was now in the hospital, in a cold dark room and he was not there to offer her comfort. This was the first spark of change in him. Maybe he should do something with his life other than being a mess up.
When he got out of prison this time he decided to go to college. He was now a middle aged black man and he was in college with 20 year old white students. Never the less he did good and now looked forward for the accolades his teachers gave him because he was performing better than expected. He said that praise was now his new drug. He lived for his teachers praises. One day one of his teachers put an application for a job on his desk. He couldn’t believe it. His teacher had confidence in him, his teacher had confidence in his ability to do the job. The self confidence seedling inside him got water and grew a little. As his self confidence grew, his life changed. No longer was he a non contributing member to society, he was making a contribution. He now had a new family and 7 years after he was released from prison, he received his PHD in Physiology!
Self confidence doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes you have to practice and practice until you build it. Sometimes it comes from your teachers or your parents.
So today I will share some tools to help you build up your self confidence and self esteem while starving the negative self talk. The negative talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.
But before we can get to the solution of anything or before we can get to anywhere on the map, we have to know how we got to where we are right now and pinpoint where we are.
For example. If you are at the mall and you are wanting to go to Macy’s department store you look at the map and it shows “You are here” if you want to get to Macy’s than you know you have to walk right or left.
It is the same way in life.
Statics show that we can shed a lot of light on how we got here on the map by looking at our childhood. You see parenting does not come
with a manual and some parents get it right; but most get it wrong.
Understanding your inner child is very important to unlocking the door of where you are on the map today.
You see when you came into the world you were totally dependent on someone else to care for you. Not just to feed you, bathe you, and to keep you warm but to love you, protect you and nurture you.
If whenever you cried your mother or caregiver came and picked you up and smiled at you and comforted you then you transformed that into the feeling of you are important.
If however when you cried you were ignored, then you formed the feeling that you are unwanted.
Even though you have no memory of being a baby, your heart and your internal computers have a record of everything. A hypnotist can go back and pull it out. That is the root of low self esteem and self doubt that is now an oak tree!
If today you are listening to me and you are experiencing low self esteem and self doubt or you don’t understand why you are not getting the results you want. Why you are here on the map and you can never get over there. I challenge you to do the work find out why.
I was watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday a few months ago and she had a guest who talked about going back to your childhood home in your mind and looking out the window. What do you see?
I did this exercise.
I grew up with a single mother and my grandmother in Guyana. Guyana is in South America. Our neighbors are Venezuela and Brazil.
We were very poor. Both my mother and grand mother were domestic servants.
I was the eldest of 4 children and we all lived in a room in a big house.
When I looked through the window of that room. I saw that even though I was poor, I had hope. I had love, I had friends, I was happy.
I saw that I had self confidence because I believed I was attractive. My dad told me so and I believed him.
I had self confidence because I believed I was intelligent. I did well in school. I was a B+ student.
I had self confidence because I knew I would get a good job when I left school. And I did. When I graduated from school, I got a job at the Ministry of Health. I was a payroll clerk paying all the doctors at Georgetown hospital.
I never lost my self confidence. If someone wanted to hurt me by calling me ugly, did nothing to me because I knew I was attractive.
If someone called me stupid, it did nothing to me because I knew I was intelligent.
That is why we have to have an internal lotus of control. You can’t let people steal your self confidence by telling you, “you are not good enough.” You are wonderfully made. As Joel Osteen says “We are all made like a fully loaded top of the line sports car” everything we need to be successful in life is preloaded at the factory. All we have to do is to read the manual!
I challenge you to go back to your childhood home in your mind and look through the window.
We lose self esteem because of a variety of reasons
• We were inadequately nurtured as children.
• We could have absorbed negative messages about ourselves and it still resides in the core of our beings.
• Self esteem is what you think and feel about yourself and not what others think and feel about you.
• How we feel about ourselves, is how we view the world.
To grow in self esteem is to expand our capacity for happiness.
The higher our self esteem the more equipped we are to handle life’s adversities.
The higher our self esteem the more ambitious we are not necessary in a career; but in forming healthy relationships and not repeating destructive patterns.
The higher our self esteem the more likely we are to form nourishing bonds with others.
Our external life is an indication of what is going on inside.
The art of raising our self esteem is a process your level of commitment determines how long raising your self esteem will take.
How to raise your self esteem by erasing self doubt
Some of us never got love from our parents; but we are now mothers. It is important to hug your kids often and tell them you love them. It is important to make your kids feel valuable.
But, even if you get no love from your parents, friends, lovers, you must love yourself. You can never give away what you don’t have. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love your children, you can’t love your husband.
How do you know if you love yourself?
Ask yourself these questions?
• Do I take care of myself?
• Do I make being healthy a priority?
• Am I stretching and challenging myself to be better than I am today?
• Am I living life with passion or am I just passing through?
If you answered No to any of these questions then you need to make some changes in your life before you get to 80 years old and realize that you never lived.
How do you erase self doubt?
By Thinking it, speaking it and doing it!
The weeds that take over the garden of your mind can only flourish if you are a bad gardener!
You have to protect your dreams by plucking up the weeds before they grow. They will come. Self doubt always comes; but you have to pluck them out by speaking of your goals and doing something to get you moving towards the place on the map you want to go.
That is why you have to know where you are so you won’t move in the opposite direction.
First Think it. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare.
Rhonda brine of the secret says “What you think about you bring about”
Your thoughts affect your attitude, your self confidence, your mood, and there is a direct relationship to your thoughts and your experiences in life.
Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell not to hang around Johnny or Jane? They did not know why; but they knew that if you kept company with Jonny or Jane, no good would come of you.
In the same way if you keep replaying negative emotions in your head such as fear, discontent, anger, jealousy, insecurities, blame etc then you will keep attracting more negative energy to your experience.
But if you are wanting that promotion and you see yourself in this new role and you are confident that you will get this promotion then you will. You might not get it at your first try but if you never give up it will be yours eventually; conversely, If you want this promotion; but you place road blocks in your path such as any and all negative thoughts then chances are you will never attract this reality into your experience.
When we think, our thoughts become like magnets and attract, and then attach to like thoughts. That is why it manifests in our life.
Nothing shows up in our life unless we attract it.
We have all seen the power of attraction in motion when if we have something bad happen to us at the beginning of the day, bad things keep on happening for the rest of the day.
So, it is very important to watch what you think.
Now let’s take a look at Speak it.
The spoken word is a powerful tool and by leveraging your voice you expand your dreams from internal thoughts to external possibilities, laying the ground work for divine purpose to manifest. Deepak Chopra
When you take your thoughts, which are formless and speak them into the atmosphere you give them form. This empowers them.
“Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all will be well with you. God shall hear your words and make them true.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox
So, remember to speak it. Tell a friend or your coach of your intentions.
And lastly “just do it.” Nike made this phrase popular but it applies to more than athletics. Just do it. There will never be a better time than the present.
“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything.”
― Samuel Johnson
So “just do it.” Think about something you have been thinking of doing for some time. Tell someone about it and then take the first step. It does not have to be a giant step. It could be as simple as doing research or taking that nice red Mercedes out for a test drive; but it will be a step in the right direction.
I hope my presentation was thought provoking. These are the principles I live by and I attract all that I want into my experience; so give it a try.
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