Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?
So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!
Secret to a long Marriage not, sex
But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.
“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”
So, what’s their secret?
“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.
“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.
Let me introduce my guest this week:
James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.
Show notes Secret to Love
1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?
I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.
As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald’s and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.
Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?
4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?
If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.
5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.
6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!
For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife’s, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.
Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins
If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.
You can, have it all. Is it possible to have a passionate marriage, a thriving career, a healthy beautiful body, more money that you ever dreamed of, and enough downtime to enjoy it without running yourself ragged.
Christy Whitman. is a Transformational Leader, Celebrity Coach and the New York Times Bestselling Author of “The Art of, Having It All” she has appeared on The Today Show and the Morning Show and her work has been featured in, People’s Magazine, Seventeen, Women’s Day, Hollywood Life, and Teen Vogue, among others Christy is also the CEO and founder of the, Quantum Success Learning Academy and Quantum Success Coaching Academy, a 12-month Law of Attraction program.
Christy has helped thousands of people worldwide to achieve their goals through her empowerment seminars, speeches and coaching sessions and products. Christy’s life changing message reaches over 200,000 people per month and her work has been promoted by and featured with esteemed authors and luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marci Shimoff, Brian Tracy, Neale Donald Walsch, Abraham-Hicks, and Louise Hay. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband, Frederic, and their two boys, Alexander and Maxim. You can meet her on the web at www.QuantumSuccessBook.com,
I read your bio and I’m thinking wow this woman is where I want to be. So we’re going to start out by just asking you a kind of a background question you’ve accomplished quite a lot. Can you tell us your journey to this point in your career in life.
Searching for purpose
Well, I basically did everything that my parents told me, you know, Go get a degree, get a good job, put money in the Bank, have a nice fit body, find a guy! I had all that, and still I was just really really empty. I wasn’t really happy. I was missing an essential part of myself. So I started going on a search for meaning.
I had this you know like when you’re really thirsty for water that’s how I felt spiritually. I felt like I just didn’t know that there’s wasn’t any real purpose or meaning in what I was doing. It seemed like the more money I made, it didn’t make me any happier. I went on this quest and really learned about meditation and learned about how our thoughts create our reality and learned about energy and how we are either attracting things to us or repelling things from us.
All these different philosophies started changing me, and I started changing my thoughts one by one and started shifting my energy and things literally just started shifting before my eyes. When I was searching at one point I was thirty pounds overweight, $60,000 in debt, I had just broken up with the latest bad guy, and I moved to California and I didn’t know anybody.
I Had quit my job also so I I had nothing going on in my life, when I found this information and it was amazing because within just a very few short weeks I got a great job, I was transferred to a different part of California, I found a really wonderful man, and I was in an eight-year relationship with, my body naturally went back to normal size.
Using the Law of attraction to have it all
Things were just flowing and easy, and what I was learning about was the universal laws that I now teach. I’ve shared my experiences of how I’ve created a great career, maintained my weight, and attracted an ideal partner. I’ve been coaching on, Law of Attraction, and, Universal Laws. Besides the, Law of Attraction, I just share my experiences and I share what I do, and what I learned and what I know not to do, and I just created an amazing business.
I’m serving people, and seeing people transform, and I feel passionate about it. Each and every day, back when I when I was in that space, I was making money, I was a pharmaceutical rep, but I didn’t feel like I was on purpose. I didn’t feel like what I was doing really had much meaning and so I started to really connect with the feeling of what would it feel like that if I did something and I was on purpose?
I didn’t know what purpose looked like, but I started just allowing myself to feel that the essence of the purpose, of what it would just feel like. Even if I didn’t know the how or the form or anything and then what happened with amazing. I had a book downloaded through me and that became my first book “Perfect Pictures.” I got it published and my family and friends all bought the book and it wasn’t like they were the ones to read self-help books.
I started speaking at Spiritual Book Stores and Churches and while I was doing that, doing workshops on my book, I would take people through meditations and they started asking me to coach them. I had no idea back then, and we were talking you know 16 years ago, 17 years ago. I had no idea what Life Coaching was and most people didn’t. I decided to just have people call me on the phone and started really appreciating their transformation. I’m grateful that my stuff it’s universal and it helps every single person, no matter what circumstance or situation there going through. We can change all of it by knowing and applying these laws.
Tips for having it all
That’s an awesome story I Absolutely love it. Dr Wayne Dyer says that that’s how he’s written all this books. He wakes up at 3.15 am in the morning and it’s just downloaded. I just completed a series with the author of the Millennial’s Playbook to Adulting, Millennials do just that.
Whether it’s their parents or a guidance counselor or somebody they find a job, they find the guy, and then they get married or something but it doesn’t light them up it doesn’t light them up because they’re going about it based on the jobs that’s available or income or something along those lines. It’s a great thing to teach because whenever you are on purpose and whenever something lights you up and whenever you follow the, Laws of the Universe, which most people don’t know what they are, you find happiness.
Most people don’t understand the, Laws of Attraction, and how thoughts work. That’s the only way that you can design your life. I’m glad that we’re going to be diving into that subject in our next episode; but today we want to talk about your book “The Art of, Having it All,” I’m jumping ahead of myself. Before we get in to that. I want to bring attention to the word you used to introduce your coaching program “Quantum Success.”
I love the word that you use to introduce your coaching program. I follow Deepak Chopra. He was my first mentor and when I wrote my first book which was called “Becoming Conscious, my Awakening” I talked about the Quantum and synchro destiny; but you’re calling it, Quantum Success; so my follow-up question is “what do you feel is the blueprint to your coaching program and what is your definition of quantum success and, having it all, ?”
Using Quantum energy to have it all
I want to say I’m not a superwoman, I’m just an ordinary woman that has learned about universal laws and, having it all. Every single person listening have the power to create your life the way you want it. Quantum success, for me it was really about, I lived the first part of my life not, having it all, so far pushing, striving, setting goals, it was really when I found the knowledge, and the information on energy and that I understood, the energy that you hold while you’re moving towards something is even more important than the inert action of the goal.
We’re both physical and non-physical beings. If you’re not doing that from a place of alignment then any momentum that you take is a waste of energy, it’s a waste of time. You know a lot of times people are moving they’re doing stuff and they’re taking tons of action and it’s eventually going to give them the success that they want; but they’re going to hit a wall because if their thought process is different or their emotions on how they feel about themselves or even the way they think about themselves, the way they reflect on themselves, the way they judge and solve problems.
All of that stuff holds us back from really being able to allow the alignment and the flow of the, Quantum field, or what some call God, what some call Goddess. That consciousness that create whatever you want. When you start to bring in deliberately, having it all, the kind of energy that you want to experience, whether its success, or love, or abundance, or prosperity, or security.
Success is having it all
As long as you’re doing it consistently, because everything is vibration. So when you do the action and take the action towards what you want to manifest and align your thoughts your emotions your perspective with succeeding, in that space of success. You imagine what would success look like? What does, having it all, look like? What would successful feel like?
If you had the career that you really wanted, that was firing on all cylinders what would that look like for you? I wrote in my last book “The Art of, Having It All,” It’s really about what does having it all look like to you. Is, Having it All, someone else’s definition? It’s what lights you up that moves you forward. It’s a life force that’s pulsating through you, that wants to become something more. It’s up to us as, that non-physical part of that energy.
Cooperate with it instead of trying to cut it off and that’s what most people do. Complaining and judging other people or they play like a victim. All those things are literally slicing up and siphoning off your life force energy, and it won’t move you towards the desires that you want. We need to ask ourselves. How do I want to feel?
Then start to as much as you can, as often as you can, get in that feeling place. I mean the good thing is about the, Quantum field, is that this is a holographic universe and so any emotion that has ever been felt can be easily felt by you. Circumstances and situations don’t have to happen. We have the capacity as human beings to visualize and to feel our way into things, and to change a thought and you know these are all things that we can do because the thoughts that we have are not real, so we have to direct our thoughts towards what we want and why we want it, to, having it all, and how we want to feel.
Your vortex holds your un-manifested desires
That is awesome, we are so in sync on the things. My next question we’re going to be talking a little bit about Abraham Hicks; she talks about the, vortex, when I do my meditation that’s what I say. Everything in my vortex will be eventually be available to me, if not immediately but eventually. It’s all about vibration. I was listening to podcast last week and the guest was saying we have Three superpowers, and one of the superpowers was imagination. He reminded me that anything we can imagine, we can create. Whether you’re imagining what you want or what you’re imagining what you don’t want it’s real and it’s going to manifest.
A lot of people think our, vortex, is outside of ourselves; but the, vortex, is within us. The, vortex, is inside us, so it’s not something we have to wait for. It’s like we just have to get into alignment with it because it’s already there. It’s the Creator that pulses pulsates through us. I’m going to get into a discussion of energy for a second. Most people think I’m going to manifest something or, Law of Attraction; but thoughts always create some kind of emotional reaction.
It’s really the emotions, so we’re viewing something we see something like a tree we look at the tree and we just kind of have the stimulus, we perceive it without eyes and we enjoy it. So energy is flowing in and it’s flowing out, it’s just kind of like a stimulus we see the ocean it comes in and it comes out. Well when someone says something rude to us or says something hurtful, or maybe you get in car accident, or you lose a loved one, or your bill comes and you can’t pay it or whatever it is.
Those moments in life cause us to constrict our energy and we create blocks around it. Those blocks also create a vortex of energy because energy has to continue to move, it goes out, or it goes up, because that is constantly moving, it’s never ending. So if energy come through and instead of feeling an emotion, like how that person hurt us or that person was rude or that person made us angry, we constrict the energy.
That creates a block and then that creates a vortex, that vortex is active, it’s alive. That’s the, vortex, that creates a thought and then the thoughts create a belief. It then creates some kind of physical manifestation of it and then we go, see it’s true. You say No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead. Men are always cheating on me. We have to be careful and aware of where we’re getting energetically charged and start to release those blocks, so that we can get back in that free flow again of feeling the love and the alignment.
The Art of having it all
I do the work, I want to be, having it all, I don’t only coach; but I do a lot of mind work because I’m aware at that everything starts in the mind, which is why I call this podcast “The Transform your Mind” because everything starts there. But I loved about the, quantum field, as it relates to success. I actually never thought about it that way until you mentioned it; but you said if you want to move towards something because that’s the, quantum field, that’s energy that’s moving and you have to be an alignment to that goal.
If you I want to red Mercedes but then immediately you say well I can never afford it, that’s what you’re talking about, as far as you’re not moving in alignment. I Actually absolutely love putting it all together. If you want success you’ve got to hold what you want in front of you so that you can be strategically moving towards it and also be aware of the energy that you’re talking about. If you’ve got stuck energy, you’ve got blocked energy or you you’re feeling bad then you’re actually blocking your flow.
So, the next question I Want to ask you is about the luminaries and thought leaders that you mentioned in your bio. I love them all I didn’t know much about Marianne Wilkinson, but I love Dr Wayne Dyer, I’m listening to two of his audio books right now. One is on Balance which is almost the same thing we’re talking about today.
I have a Neale Donald Walsch book in my library “Conversations with God” It was one of the best books I have read. I studied that book. And Abraham Hicks, love her. There’s was a point in time that I meditated with her every morning. I Picked those three because those are the ones that I know. So what are some of the lessons that you’ve learned from these luminaries as it you know as it relates to our topic today? Having it all, and, Quantum Success?
I heard of Wayne Dyer probably about 20 years ago. My therapist at the time she was a spiritual psychotherapists, she brought in the spiritual approach, she would hand me CDs, actually back then it was cassette tapes of Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson, and so they were my first two early teachers.
There are only 2 emotions love and fear
I really liked the perspective that Marianne talks about because she would talk about the Course In Miracles and how there’s really only two emotions, either love or fear; so that really helped me start to connect with the energy and paying attention between, high vibration, or, low vibration, and then of course Wayne Dyer was huge for me in the whole getting in the perspective of my thoughts.
During that time that’s when I was learning that your thoughts create your reality and so I was learning that not all thoughts are real and that we have places where as normal human beings we typically automatically think in these ways and for me it was like wow okay, so I’m normal right and yet I have to change these if I want to continue to change my life.
His work has always just been really touched my soul and in the time that I’ve been able to meet him and you know it just he really is one of those people that really was because he’s passed on, but he really walks his talk. He truly was a lightworker and I could feel that it around him and it was there was an authenticity that and of what he taught and how he lived so that’s what I learned about and appreciate him.
He was a very humble man and he never felt better than other people and he really had taught me a lot about ego and in keeping the ego in check and in that sort of thing. The Power of Intention, I mean that’s an incredible book. I’ve been following Abraham Hicks Probably around the equal amount of time around 20 years and I was given a cassette from a little group that I was in in Redding California and I listened to them and you know listening test or channel Abraham and it was like whoa this is really strange and weird and yet I felt good listening to it, not only the words this used but the vibration that I felt.
As a pharmaceutical rep I had a big area in California, I would drive around with a cassette recorder on my passenger seat with all these different cassettes. I was really a tuning into a different perspective, I always write whether you know you buy someone’s book and you read the book while you’re just going to bed at night or you’re driving around the car and you listen to a podcast that bless you or you know some kind of media where you’re getting a different perspective than what most people think and how most people think because that’s going to help you change your perspective. If you’re inundated with the news and you know things like that and around a lot of people that are negative it’s very hard to get out of that space unless you do something deliberately.
Saying yes to having it all
We’re going to get in it to our topic today which is, “Having it All”, or “The, Art of, Having It All” so let me give you a little bit about you know the more a little tidbit that I picked up from you know reading the synopsis of the book. Christy in your book you ask “ ?” You ask the question like a lawyer asks the question a rhetorical question that we know the answer and your answer was a resounding “YES”
Absolutely exactly right. In the, Art of Having it all, you shared precise steps you took to create radical turn arounds in the midst of potentially devastating real-life situations. Freeing yourself of nearly $90,000 of unwanted debt, 30 extra pounds, navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, and this last two are really hard for most people, the grief of your sister’s suicide, and the life-threatening illness of your newborn son.
As I read that I get goose bumps on it because you know that’s a lot of stuff to have to deal with and I know we’ve touched on the energy and most of this beforehand as we talked in your bio, and some of the questions to answered already; but can you tag on to anything that you haven’t talked about. What advice you’d give out listeners who are going through, as we call it the wilderness of the storm, in their lives right now.
Absolutely all of those things that you mentioned all of them, I got through and grew from them and had them turn out even better than I could have even imagined, because of the fact that I knew about the Universal Laws and that I knew about lack and energy and Lack in abundance and, I knew about emotions and all that. I knew that I needed to focus on my perspective on, having it all, my sons, my marriage, so just even in the case of my son Maxim, when he was 2 months of age he was rushed to the hospital and he had to have open-heart surgery as a tiny little baby.
Crazy, the miracles that were around that are just like the story is incredible. Typically babies that have a transposition of the arteries are usually found in the mother’s womb, they see it in the ultrasound and then they do a heart surgery on them, probably one to two days of life, two days of the latest. If they don’t catch it, it’s usually within you know the first week and if it’s not caught within the first week babies usually die in the crib if it’s not detected. Wow!
Yeah, he was two months of age and the only thing that kept him alive is he had a little hole between both of his arteries and the valve that closes when a baby typically has their first few breaths, his didn’t close so he was barely breathing which we didn’t realize; but he if they did ever did this type of surgery on the baby this old so it was just the fact that he was just there and he was wanting to be there.
It’s like, I knew that he was going to be fine and so I went I Told my husband I’m like okay listen we can’t have anybody else’s negative energy we can’t have fear we can’t have any of this around the situation. The only visual I’m going to hold taking Maxim home with his brother Alex, And the three of you wrestling and growing up and taking vacations and taking them to Disneyland and taking him camping and you know just like all these visions absolutely.
All these different watching and play baseball and so that was the only vision. Our family was freaking out and scared, of course we had to process our own emotions because it was an emotional roller coaster; whenever we were around him we didn’t let in any fear energy. We would clear ourselves before we would walk in the hospital to see him and very selective of who we let around him and stuff and we did that because it’s like we just wanted to keep in the positive space we wanted to keep in that energy flow of all good things and any possibility of negativity or fear or any lower-level emotions we wanted to keep it out of the creation; because it was it was imperative.
I’m happy to say that he’s now seven-year-old boy, he’s been cleared for years. He’s got a perfect heart. I mean the surgery that they did was two months is like growing with him it’s amazing yeah just the coolest kid and you know and just very grateful I mean just amazing and you know so it’s that alone you know we would sit there and deliberately write down like okay what are the positive aspects about the situation nothing will go my God your child almost died is in the hospital ICU.
How could you even look for a positive in that situation? Well for me, we had to because we had to keep our vibration high, so I would write out, how I’m grateful how I was at the best Children’s Hospital in all of North America, I was grateful that we were close to home and that we had family to take care of our son Alex during the day so we could be with Maxim. Grateful that all the nurses loved him and just all the positive aspects nothing but.
It’s a universal law if you’re in lack and limitation you cannot create abundance from that place and so you have to get into it’s the law of sufficiency and abundance, you have to get into the place of being at peace, feeling that it’s sufficient, it’s good enough. You don’t have to be over the moon excited about it, but at least coming from that place of appreciation and gratitude looking for what’s right and good and stuff what’s wrong and bad and when you do that your life will continue to change contrast will show up it shows up for every single person but it’s how what you do with the contrast when it happens whether it’s really extreme or it’s minor you know some people get really reactive and how big emotional reactions over very small things and then when things come they’re just like oh my God you know so we have to know how to manage our energy.
I’m Going to redress something, I experienced suicide in my family myself. My daughter was engaged to be married, she was planning her wedding and her fiancé, shot himself and committed suicide and like you I’m a very positive person, I wouldn’t say that I know how to work energy like you are because you’re an expert on that, but in my life I’ve had a lot of challenges and you know you say that you can look at your book of wars and in my book of wars told me that almost every challenge that I faced, had a positive outcome just like you can you can see now but your son when that incident happened; but for the life of me I couldn’t find the positive in that, suicide.
Now I think I’d go back in and I and I think that the positive maybe, like my pastor talked yesterday that sometimes God breaks you so that he can fit you in for your purpose. I think that my daughter came out of that situation a stronger person but at the time I couldn’t find the positive, so how did you find the positive energy in your sister’s suicide? There’s a lot of suicides going on right now so maybe someone is listening that can benefit from some advice on how to deal with someone close to you committing, suicide?
Dealing with suicide
This is a great question. For me I remember just feeling that I have to make a decision for myself because she chose what she chose and we can’t control what other people choose, it was her life it was her decision even Abraham Hicks says that every death is really a suicide. Anyways when someone takes their own life we make it mean so much and it is shocking and it is traumatic, it’s not like someone gets a disease and they get degenerative because of that and then they pass, this is something that’s horrible, taking that away either but when someone abruptly ends their life in such a dramatic way it is very traumatic on everybody around them.
I would look at my sister it’s like okay she chose what she chose what do I get to choose from my life? Then I started asking myself those questions. What do I want for my life? Why do I want these things? How am I going to want to feel? Really start to feel that way; but during the process I will tell you I allowed myself to feel my feelings, when I felt angry at the situation at her and anything I’ve processed my anger. I didn’t go and beat anybody up.
I mean there’s a proprietary process, anger right it’s not raging it’s not hurting another person but I would feel my anger. I would yell into a pillow, there’s things you can do that are constructive for you that and as long as you’re feeling the energy of those emotions and you’re not bottling move it and I what you’re saying yes yeah If I needed to cry, I would cry. I gave myself permission to cry whenever I Felt like. I needed to cry, I would excuse myself and I will go cry.
Christy I Want to thank you so much for being an awesome guest. Our conversation today on, having it all, was very inspirational and like I said I learned a lot from you. Looking forward to our next talk, we are going to dive a little deeper into “How to use the 7 essential Laws of Attraction to create a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money.” I Want to thank everyone for tuning in today to on the radio at www.wdjyfm.com in Metro Atlanta. This podcast is distributed to iTunes, TuneIn radio, Stitcher, Google play and now also on iHeart radio. I would love everyone who’s listening to subscribe so that the podcast can rank higher on iTunes and more people like you can listen to awesome messages like the one we have today. so Christy Until next time Namaste