Most of us believe that self love is crucial for loving others. But is this really true? In this podcast, coach Myrna challenges that belief and ask instead, what is the relationship between self love and love for others? I believe the answer is much more complicated than we think.
If you’re questioning whether or not self love is important for love for others, then this video is for you! I’ll explore the concept of self love from different perspectives and discuss why it may not be as vital as we think it is. I believe that self love is important for our own happiness, but it’s not the be-all and end-all of our relationship to others. Download and listen see what you think!
In this segment of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna I want to answer the question of, self love, what is it? Specifically, can you love another if you don’t first love yourself.
I have been saying for years that you can’t love another if you can’t first, love yourself, because you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you can’t even, love yourself, then you don’t know what love is, so you can love someone else. That is until I heard Eckhart Tolle say that when we talk about, self love, we are saying that there are two beings self and someone else. That if we are separating self from being then we got it wrong.
Let me back up and give you the definition of Self-love. Self love, is defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”, it has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism.
I grew up thinking when someone called me selfish it was the worst thing, until I understood the concept of, self love, and putting yourself first.
How to practice self love
You put yourself first.
You are authentically yourself.
You are honest with yourself.
You express yourself freely.
You say positive things to yourself.
Forgiving yourself when you mess up.
Meeting your own needs.
Not letting others take advantage of or abuse you.
Prioritizing your health and wellbeing.
But Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you talk about loving yourself it means you are splitting you and self, and that means that you have missed the concept of being. If you be yourself then you don’t have to love yourself.
You are not separate from self, so no need to love yourself, no need to be proud of yourself, no need to pat yourself on the back.
When you understand that the ripple or waves is part of the ocean and you are the ripple that is part of the ocean of the universe, you do not separate self from the whole.
You don’t have to love yourself first: to love another
So, the answer to the question Can you love another if you don’t, love yourself, is NO; it is not necessary to, love yourself, before you can love another.
If you are not comfortable with being with yourself when you are alone, you will seek another to complete you, but what will happen is that the need that made you seek another human to complete you, will show up in another form in the relationship, because another person cannot fill the void inside of you, only you can fill that void by accepting the present moment in whatever form it presents itself and just be yourself.
When you are in a relationship and you still feel alone, you blame your partner for not giving you what you need. You become needy, but even if your partner tells you he or she loves you every hour of the day, you still feel unloved, because you don’t love yourself and don’t know how to be yourself.
Ever heard a man say I can’t please this woman?
Will Smith is a classic example of this phenomenon. He said in his autobiography, he spent weeks planning a surprise 40th birthday party for Jada. He was very proud of his work and he expected her to be so grateful and see his love; yet all she saw was that he wanted to make himself look good by receiving praise for planning such an extravagant party and missed the love that was behind the effort.
If you don’t love yourself you cannot receive love
He was hurt by her lack of appreciation and walked out of the marriage saying I can’t ever please this woman. He also told her if it is possible for you to be happy, show me. This was because Jada had a hole in her heart that Will Smith could not fill. She had to fill it herself. She had to find her wholeness by connecting to source, God.
So, no need to love yourself, feel sorry for yourself, judge yourself, hate yourself, all you need is to be yourself.
When you are able to be yourself, you can watch your emotions, you can watch your thoughts, so you are no longer controlled by them.
You watch them until they pass through you or float away like colored balloons. That is how you practice, self love, and that is by loving the whole you by being yourself.
Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
I was sitting around telling myself I’m sick all the time. I’m concentrating on the pain so I started practicing, self love. I started loving the parts of my body that didn’t hurt , like my hands. I start really paying attention to my thoughts, how I’m speaking to myself, and within three weeks the pain was gone. It is important to, love yourself.
Jenny Mannion has spent the last fifteen-years helping hundreds of clients re-awaken their energy & passion, rediscover their self-worth, and transform to the person they were meant to be. After suffering with several debilitating chronic diseases for over seven years, Jenny healed herself in three weeks using techniques she developed, which are the same techniques she uses today to help others heal.
Jenny helps her clients overcome fear, stress, lack of self-worth, anxiety, and traumatic memories or events with simple to use mindfulness & meditation practices, positive affirmations, revolutionary wellness practices, and community support of likeminded individuals.
Love yourself for healing
Jenny: I was sitting around telling myself I’m sick all the time. I’m concentrating on the pain so I started practicing, self love. I started loving the parts of my body that didn’t hurt , like my hands. I start really paying attention to my thoughts, how I’m speaking to myself, and within three weeks the pain was gone. It is important to, love yourself.
Myrna: What was your chronic illness was?
Jenny: My first diagnosis was chronic mono. Mononucleosis sometimes leads to a serious condition called chronic EBV infection. In chronic EBV infection, you have long-lasting symptoms and a viral infection that lasts longer than usual after your original mononucleosis diagnosis.
Then they found the Epstein Barr Virus in my blood, then it was fibromyalgia. Then it was a genetic blood disorder, which made me more prone to blood clots. I manifested a blood clot within three weeks of them telling of this diagnosis and ended up in the hospital for a week. And the last was Ehlers Danlos, which was the most serious because that was what that made them say I’d wind up in a wheelchair.
It may surprise you to know that over 90% of businesses fail within the first 5 years. That is why Artsy Animate want to help you to scale your business for success. According to business owners, two reasons for failure, are money running out and ineffective marketing. In order to grow your business and shine, you need people to help you grow.
Here at Artsy Animate, we dabble in all of it. Our team of experts all have over 5 years of experience, we develop top quality websites and offer you our best SEO strategies to help you rank and stay ahead of the competition at an affordable price. We will help/guide you reach your ultimate goal – success- bringing in more clients for your business. For more information, visit www.artsyanimate.com OR contact us at email@example.com
Myrna: So you had four things going on with you. Wow.
Jenny: Four things and you keep going I got to keep getting diagnoses.
Myrna: And I know that, Fibromyalgia, which is the only one I recognize from that is very painful, isn’t it?
Healing Fibromyalgia with self love
Jenny: Fibromyalgia, was very painful and it was focused on my leg. It feels like you have the flu, you are just really out of it. You don’t know what you’ll be able to do that day; If you can get out of bed. There were times when I was crawling downstairs wondering if it was safe for me to drive my kids. You have got to, love yourself, to push past the discomfort and start healing my body.
It was disempowering. I joined support groups, but those were a little disempowering, too because it wasn’t about how will we cope with this illness? It became like almost a one upping, everyone sharing their sad stories, my husband left me because I’m sick. Well, you know, it wasn’t inspiring at all.
So, in really focusing on my mind, and my limiting thoughts about, self love, I fostered my Mind, Body, and Spirit connection. Deepak Chopra is so great at teaching about that. Wayne Dyer with intention, really focusing on my mind, because we’re on automatic pilots so much of the time. When I started to focus on, self love, I was appalled at the things I was saying to myself.
Myrna: So what exactly did you do?
Attention Shifting for deep healing
Jenny: I started with some forgiveness work. Then I went to the, attention shifting, really paying attention to my fingers that didn’t hurt, because my legs were in pain and a lot of my other body parts were in pain so I started focusing my energy on the body parts that were healthy. Then gratitude work and, self love. Grateful for my comfy bed. I would be in gratitude that I could read to my kids even if I couldn’t run.
Myrna: You love Deepak Chopra, one of the things I learned from him was this affirmation:
“Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better. My Biostat is set at a healthy 45 years of age. I look and feel 45 years old.” And then you go through about 10 things that you’re getting better and better at you know: So I understand you saying every day that you are getting better and better!
Jenny: Yeah, I’m saying yeah, every day I’m working on my healing every day. I’m getting a little better every day. Yeah, I mean, giving myself that credit to for the work that I am doing, you know I am watching videos, I am listening, I am focusing my attention. Just really be mindful and conscious of the way I was talking to myself and where I was putting my energy.
I mean, we know this all boils down to, energy, our thoughts and emotions, creates our, energy. So, that was one of the big lesson I took away from the secret, that one line! Every 11 months were 99.9% new so where are we putting our intention?
Oh Snap Catering and Events specializes in catering delicious, mouthwatering meals as well as organizing and planning beautiful, memorable events! From soul food cuisine to healthy vegetarian eats, Oh Snap Catering caters to all dietary needs.
Call us at (404) 725-4853
The body regenerates every 11 months
Myrna: True every 11 months, you’re a new person. But yeah, so that’s actually pretty good, because if you’re seeing your healing, what you’re seeing is your body is regenerating itself. So, you concentrate on, mindfulness, you concentrate on, gratitude and you practice, self love. You concentrate on your mantras and forgiving yourself. And you said in three weeks, you were you were out of pain, right? So what do you attribute that to? Do you attribute that to to the fact that you are no longer concentrating on the pain?
Jenny: I changed my, energy. The, energy, flowing through me was creating healthier cells. When I was focusing on my legs and how my legs were in pain, wondering if I could walk today; I really wasn’t giving my body an opportunity to create those healthy cells. I was expecting pain and that is what I got.
Myrna: Yeah, one of the things that I learned from that is that when your, chakras, are blocked that’s when disease come through. So when you talk about changing the, energy, and changing the flow I understand.
Jenny: Absolutely, once I started reading about, chakras, (Caroline Myss) was a huge influence) they resonated so deeply.
Myrna: Let’s talk about how to , love yourself. You talked about, self-love, in your Bio. What are some of the, self-love affirmations, and, self-worth, practices that you teach your clients to declare and own their value?
Jenny: Well, it’s so important first of all, to have, self-love, and self-worth. Because if we are thinking we’re not worthy and we don’t love ourselves, we attract the relationships that reflect that, we attract negative situations. We’re vibrating at that energy to attract those unhealthy relationships over and over. It can be like Groundhog Day, different person, same relationship, you know, so it is really important to, love yourself, and have, self worth.
Now on all streaming platforms such as Spotify, apple music, amazon and Pandora.
is a beautiful original song called FAME by James Zada.
The opening track comes from the same titled album FAME and is about the singer George Michael.
If you love 80s 90s music but with a fresh modern twist then you’ll love the music of James Zada.
You can find out more at his website at www.jameszada.com
Jenny: And I do think, forgiveness, is a great one. At the, soul, level we know we should love ourselves unconditionally. Unfortunately, there’s a long distance between the, soul, and the, mind. When we’re just in our groove, that negative self talk is limited.
The limited way we see ourselves maybe from a relationship we had or from our parents or from a job. There’s so many different ways that we can get those messages and we tend to hang on to the negative messages we’ve received, a lot tighter than the positive ones. So it really is about reclaiming that, self love.
I love the morning and night, because that is when our, subconscious mind, is tuned in. I love the shower in the morning to practice, mindfulness. We are never mindful in the shower. We’re never really there. And it’s such a powerful time, we’re receiving the water element, and we are usually were left alone in the shower.
Practicing mindfulness in the shower
Myrna: So, what exercises can you do in the shower that you can bring in gratitude and, mindfulness?
Jenny: There are so many different things that we can do that make that our, self love meditation, time worth it. Most people do shower in the morning. I also love the idea of holding our hands over our hearts and taking some deep breaths and bringing in one of our favorite moments. We have we’re so programmed to replay the worst moments so this is a time to consciously bring in the good times.
Bring in the memory i.e of a loved one cuddling with a pet, maybe the memory of a beautiful vacation that you went on, bring in all the senses, affirm to the world that everything’s okay. Because a lot of times we are affirming that things aren’t okay.
So, really choosing to be mindful, choosing to listen to the stories you’re telling yourself. Do you do something and then say, Oh, I’m so stupid. Well, you know, correct that, catch yourself and say that you’re not stupid.
Meditation and self love is the best form of healing
Myrna: I like that. I like that. I like the shower idea too. I do, energy, work. So I meditate, I also walk in the park every morning and, when I’m going to bed I’m also you know doing, energy work. So I’m in the space, but I never actually heard anybody talk about practicing, mindfulness, in the shower. I know that a lot of people are not, conscious, in the shower, and I’m one of them. It’s just one of those things where you’re never actually there. So practicing to be mindful in the shower is profound.
Now, one of the things you talk about is how we can access our body’s inner diagnostic system for, deep healing. How we can tap into our body inner diagnostic system, so that we can heal ourselves?
Chakras and healing energy
Jenny: I consider the, chakras, our inner diagnostic system. Connecting to those different, chakras, really can heal us. I also think it’s so important to pay gratitude for our body. We have this complex system, going on all the time, we just expect them to work and usually we don’t pay attention to them until they start giving us some trouble.
Myrna: Can you explain what, chakras, are?
Jenny: The, chakras, are energetic wheels of, energy, that are in our body? We have seven major ones. We have hundreds in our body, but we have seven major ones. And they’re the colors of the rainbow, they run from the bottom of our lower back to our top of our head and each, chakra, holds a different, energy.
Give you an example the, Root Chakra, at the base of our spine. That’s really about the messages we got from our parents from when we came into this world and it makes sense that that includes like our safety. Do we feel safe on this planet walking on this planet, it affects our legs and affects our feet. So as we go as we inform ourselves about each, chakra, we really can it kind of makes sense.
Using the heart chakra for self love
Jenny: The, heart chakra, is at the heart and it is about our relationships or, self love. Are we open to receiving love for ourselves? And it makes sense that our chest and our lungs and our heart can be affected by the balance.
So really, when we know the part of us that’s not feeling well, we can go to that, chakra, and find out, what is out of balance. If you’re having like, something is hard to digest, your, solar plexus chakra role, will start acting up, which is your third, chakra. Each of the, chakras, has its own emotional and physical component and it’s so powerful to learn about them. You can download a free chart online to find out which, chakra, controls what.
Myrna: It’s really, powerful to learn because our body is always speaking to us. And those little pains aren’t to punish us. They are to tell us that something’s out of balance. And if we catch it early, we can prevent things from getting really bad. I love that you’ve talked to your body, you know we can tell our body what we would like it to do for us.
Jenny: Our, energy, goes through the pain and focusing on the pain or taking away the pain on a superficial level like popping a pill doesn’t allow, deep healing. You’re not looking at why do I have this headache? Did something stress me out today? When you really, love yourself, you investigate.
Using the Chakras to investigate pain
Pain represents blocked energy. A lot of women that I’ve coached have issues with their, throat chakra. So, if you have issues with your throat or your voice, ask yourself, am I speaking my truth? Does it feel safe for you to speak your truth? Are you living authentically?
Myrna: That’s pretty good. Yeah, I know about the, chakras, and I do a lot of Chakra meditation to clear my, chakras but, I never thought of them as my, inner diagnostic, system.
I just concentrated on the fact that if you have disease in your body, that means your, chakras, are blocked. Right, and you clear it, but going backwards to say, Well, yeah, you know, if you’re having problems with your legs or something or you’re having, you know, stomach issues. It could be because of something that came in the, energy, that got stuck there.
That’s best, inner diagnosis. And then obviously, once you’ve diagnosed it, then you could not only heal yourself, but you can also heal your mind.
Jenny: Right, yeah, absolutely. I mean, our mind is so with energetic healing, we know that things can disappear in an instant. But if our mind doesn’t change, we also manifest those things all over again. So it is really important to have that mind and a consciousness around it as well.
Myrna: Learn more about the, chakras, and Jenny’s APP Love 365 by visiting her on the web at www.jennymannion.com. There you get links to everything in her community and her courses. Sign up for the free healing sessions that I offer and yeah, and the first and if you do sign up for Love 365 you learn about the, chakras, every single day for a week, one a day and then you get a love through the, chakra healing meditation, at the end. Jenny’s handle on social media is @jennymannion
Thanks for tuning into the Transform Your Mind podcast and blog. If you have done so already, please subscribe rate and review us on iTunes.