The voices in your head are also called your inner dialogue or self-talk. These voices are always talking; they are always commenting on everything you see. It is a running commentary. The more we try to shut them off, the louder they become. Today I want to bring awareness to these voices because whatever you say to your self is what you are creating.
Psychiatrists say we have 5 voices in our head and only one of them is the voice of God. We have to learn to distinguish between the ego voice and the voice of the holy spirit because listening to the wrong voice can steer you very wrong.
For example. I used to have a voice in my head that encouraged me to write notes to my boyfriends and husbands telling them what I think of them. I thought I was being real and factual, but those notes damaged my relationships. Now whenever the voice in my head tells me to write a note, I write it, but don’t send it!
I remember having foster children who stole and I would tell them whenever the voice in their head tell you to take something that does not belong to you then you talk back to this voice NO.
There are 5 voices that we can talk about and here are some thoughts about what they are and how to manage them. I call them the 5 C’s.
The first three voices are the broadly helpful voices – your Core voice from your higher self, your Confident voice and your Cautious voice.
The other two voices are the ones that can cause real issues. They are your Critical voice and your Conceited voice.
What the voices in your head tell you
This is the first way to silence the voices in your head by talking back to them. If the voice in your head is saying things like:
You can’t do it,
Your success is not going to last and you will be homeless again
You are never going to find someone to love you because you are not educated and can’t hold a conversation.
You have to talk back to this voice and tell it
“I am going to do it just watch me.”
My success may not last, but I am never going back to where I came from.
I will find someone to love me because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Another voice is the one that lists the issues on your mind or perhaps makes internal lists of things you need to accomplish. You may also talk to yourself when you’re preparing a speech or a presentation, where you “play” what you’re going to say in your mind ahead of time.
The negative self talk voice
The self talk voice is the voice that plays in my head the most. I am always having conversations with other people in my head. I remember once this girl said something to me that I couldn’t get out of my head for months. It was a negative comment and the voice in my head would replay it and replay it over and over again. It took up residence in my head. The more I tried to stop the replay the more it came back. I would even shake my head to get rid of this ANT which is automatic negative thoughts.
The volume of this particular ANT diminished over time but your ANT can be self-criticism and this is one way to silence this voice.
Write down your ANT in a notebook and them write responses to them. For example:
It could go something like this:
ANT: “I messed up at work. I’m probably going to get fired.”
Answer: “Mistakes happen. I do a good job one mistake is not going to get me fired.
ANT: “My son really acted up today. I’m not a good mom.”
Answer: “We all have bad days. I am doing the best that I can”
This is one way to rewind the negative tape playing in your head and record over it.
Strategies to silence the voice in your head
Some of the other ways to silence the voices in your head are:
You have to put word on word – decree and declare
My body is blessed
My mind is blessed
My marriage is blessed
Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
My children are blessed
My grandchildren are blessed
You have to silence the voice in your head by speaking back to them. Because you shall have whatever you say.
It you say that you will live all your life without love, then you will.
If you say to yourself that you will always be poor, that will be your experience.
You have to decree and declare like the apostle Paul said “When I get to the end of my life I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
Talk back to your negative voices
You need courage to continue when there is a threat. Don’t let the negative self-talk stop you from finishing the race.
What do you remember when things get tough?
Do you remember when God brought you out?
Do you remember when God made a way out of no way
Talk back to the voice in your head and say God chose me to go through this. If God thought I couldn’t handle it, he won’t let you go through it.
We can’t see the enemy but he is everywhere. We have to know the difference of being crushed by the Lord and being crushed by the world.
You cannot have change without disruption. Don’t be sidetracked by the disruption. Don’t let a disruption distract you from your purpose.
Tell yourself that in every disruption there is opportunity. Don’t fail to prepare for what’s next because you are focusing on what’s gone or the disruption.
Leaders are determined by how much you move things from one place to another moving the disruption to victory.
There is purpose in every disruption
When you have a purpose, no disruption can move you off your destiny.
T D Jakes says Once the grapes have been crushed you can’t get the juice back into the grapes.
If you want to be wine you have to be willing to give up being a grape.
You cannot have change without disruption.
The voices in your head area distraction, talk back to them or let ignore them. If you do this they will eventually go away!
Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative. Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example. So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”
My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers. Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.
Does being a martial artist help with self communication?
Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness? You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.
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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices. I started practicing martial art around 17 years old. I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.
I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.
How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns
Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.
I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.
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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?
Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication. The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.
How to Listen to your Self-talk
You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.
What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves. We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.
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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:
you’re not good enough.
you’ll never be nothing.
you will never amount to anything.
You will never be a success in life.
Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?
Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?
Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.
Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?
Cheyne – That’s a great question. I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.
There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi
This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives. The mind leads the Chi!
When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.
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Negative self-talk – I am not good enough
Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.
Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves. I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.
We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.
I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:
you’re so pretty.
you’re so beautiful.
you are going to kick ass in this job.
I am good enough for this promotion.
No, the, self-communication, is always negative.
Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.
Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk
Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program. Tell us about it.
Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”
People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.
Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.
Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today. What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.
How do we process those experiences? We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.
Self-liberation is a freeing experience
This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.
Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.
I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s. I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it. Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.
What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?
Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.
When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation. We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.
These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way. We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.
Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change
All we have to do the work. I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!
We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk
If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame. You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.
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We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.
We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.
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