How to Stop Negative Self Talk

Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative.  Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example.  So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”

My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers.  Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.

Does being a martial artist help with self communication?

Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness?  You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.

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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices.  I started practicing martial art around 17 years old.  I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.

I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.

How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns

Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.

I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.

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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?

Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication.  The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.

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How to Listen to your Self-talk

You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.

What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves.  We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.

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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:

  • you’re not good enough.
  • you’ll never be nothing.
  • you will never amount to anything.
  • You will never be a success in life.

Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?

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Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?

Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.

Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?

Cheyne – That’s a great question.  I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.

There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi

This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives.  The mind leads the Chi!

When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.

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Negative self-talk – I am not good enough

Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.

Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves.  I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.

We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.

I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:

  • you’re so pretty.
  • you’re so beautiful.
  • you are going to kick ass in this job.
  • I am good enough for this promotion.

No, the, self-communication, is always negative.

Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.

Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk

Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program.  Tell us about it.

Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”

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People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.

Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.

Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today.  What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.

How do we process those experiences?  We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.

Self-liberation is a freeing experience

This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.

Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.

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I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s.  I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it.  Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.

What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?

Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.

When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation.  We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.

These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way.  We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.

Myrna – One of my most favorite quotes from Dr Wayne Dwyer

Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change

 

All we have to do the work.  I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!

We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk

If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions.  The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame.  You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.

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Tell our readers how they can get more information on your work.

Cheyne – thank you very much Myrna, my website is www.learntdsl.com.

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TDSL means the dialogue of, self-liberation.

We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.

We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.

 

Conclusion

I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio  Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.

If you are listening on Spotify or any of the other podcast players, please subscribe and turn on your notification so you can be notified of new episodes.

I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.

Additional Resources

https://www.findcourses.com/search/emotional-intelligence-training

Life Leadership & Success

 

How to Use Meditations to Activate the Law of Attraction Money

Using Meditation Law of Attraction Money

As I did all these different, meditations, what happened to me was I was able to release out of my body and mind, all this inner turmoil and activate the, law of attraction money. I found my creativity, love and the wisdom that we all have within us. It was hugely successful to say the least that I found those, meditations.~Pragito Dove

Listen to the full interview here: 

Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming an author, hypnotherapist and coach?

  • Pragito Dove is an internationally recognized Author, Hypnotherapist, Coach and Speaker with over 20 years’ experience.  Pragito helps entrepreneurs, leaders, and CEO’s align their mindset to allow more peace, time and financial freedom. She shows you how to change your money blueprint, recondition your mind for automatic abundance, and use Spiritual Laws of Attraction to create real world success.

Pragito – It didn’t start off so great. I could tell you I had a very challenging childhood. I had a cruel mother and my father didn’t protect me. I just adored my father; but he was not in his power. He didn’t stand up for himself and didn’t stand up for me, so basically I got trodden all over by my mother. I was actually terrified of her; so what I did to cope was to shut down my heart and live in my head.

I had a lot of fear, I had a lot of anger and pain in my heart. I realized even as a young child that I was just going to have to sort of stick it out so to speak until I got old enough to do something about it.

In my early 20s, I heard about this Zen master called Osho in India. He had a wide range of, meditation techniques, including expressive, meditation. I started doing these, meditations, because I really needed to release all those turbulent emotions that I’d stuffed down; because they were clearly not helping me attract the life I wanted.

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There are several, Meditation Techniques

I travelled to India with my son was 14 months old and studied with Osho. Let me tell you, they worked.

  • There was a laughter, meditation to activate the, law of attraction money
  • A fearless, meditation, for crying and releasing
  • There was a dancing, meditation, for joy
  • A gibberish, meditation, to just get out all the junk
  • Also a dynamic, meditation, great for dumping out anger and
  • A humming, meditation.

As I did all these different, meditations, what happened to me was I was able to release out of my body mind, all this inner turmoil and found inner peace. I found my creativity, love and the wisdom that we all have within us. It was hugely successful to say the least that I found those, meditations.

Myrna – How many years did that take you to release all the hurt?

Pragito – Well, it was a process.

It was just an unbelievable transformation that happened to me. I saw how it was possible for me, so I trained to teach all these, meditations, to others as well.  I realized I could create a business and help others use the, law of attraction money, and that’s become my mission.

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Hypnotherapy vs Meditation

Myrna – What exactly is, hypnotherapy, and how is it different from, meditation?

Pragito – Well, what I do with the, hypnotherapy, is I take people on a guided journey deep into their subconscious mind (because that is where the solutions to the problem lay).

Now, if we take, money, let’s say someone is always broke or use his/her credit cards and pay off the credit card; but then goes back in the same cycle. That was me actually. I would pay off the credit card and then it’d be back on the credit cards again. Always getting to the same place like an inner ceiling and not being able to get past that.

What we can do in the, hypnotherapy, session  is go to the root of the problem and find out what is going on with their, law of attraction money, what they  learned about, money as a child.

Myrna – My last interview, we discussed, money blocks. I don’t want to do too much into that because I had a whole episode on, money blocks; but would that be considered another, money block, or is there a different word for this particular blueprint like, law of attraction money?

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Using Hypnotherapy to remove Money Blocks

Pragito – The, money block, is what’s blocking you. The blueprint is your beliefs and what’s guiding you. Like a blueprint for a construction project,   you’re told this is the way life is and you believe it because that’s what you’re told.

I have to tell you something very interesting. I’ve been doing, hypnotherapy, for over 23 years. It’s not about, making money, at all. It’s about love. It’s about deserving,  a lot of us believe I am not deserving, I am not worthy. Another way, ‘I’m not enough, I don’t deserve wealth.

Myrna – I agree, Michelle Obama in her book – “Becoming”,  talked about not being enough  a lot. Even when she was first lady and even when she was a lawyer and successful; because she started off in the poor parts of Chicago,  she felt she wasn’t enough and she felt that she didn’t deserve it.

As a hypnotherapist, what kind of work do you do to remove that, money block, blueprint and activate the, law of attraction money?

How to Accelerate Your Soul Journey: Clear these Money Blocks

Pragito – Your, money, blueprint is sometimes formed in the womb! The child can learn that the mother doesn’t want it or maybe the father doesn’t want it, because it’s all energy. We’re all transmitting energy all the time and then the child arrives.  So I take my clients into a more relaxed state; but not going out.  They’re still present and I ask the wisdom of their body, the wisdom of their heart and their higher self to bring forward for us the, money block.

Pragito – The good thing about, hypnotherapy, is because you’re working at the root, when we’ve healed everything, it never ever comes back.

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How does the, Law of Attraction Money, work

Myrna – Why is it important for an entrepreneur to understand how the,  Law of Attraction money, works and to invest in themselves? Do they have to start by being in a, hypnotherapy, session for them to understand their, money,  blueprint?

Pragito – Well it’s just that the, hypnotherapy, can help to make it all go quicker. That’s what the, hypnotherapy, can help with; but the place to start is with the awareness. It’s a three-step process.

  1. The first step is “Ask for what you want”. However, you have to be clear, you need clarity on what you want.
  2. Then you have to focus on what you want and activate the, law of attraction money. You have to focus on it and let people know you want it. Get pictures of what you want. One tip I give is, Do not ask for, money, because the universe doesn’t really understand what you mean by, money. Do you want a bag of, money, to fall on your head one day? Is that what you want? It’s much more powerful to ask what you want the, money, to buy. For instance,  I want a Lexus car or I want to go on a cruise.
  3. Step 3 is “allowing” This is the most difficult step and it’s a step where most people fall down. You have to allow what you want to come to you. This is where the, meditation, is helpful. One of the, meditation techniques I teach with, meditation, is learning to witness the mind. You learn to misidentify from the mind, because the thoughts of the mind actually are not real. They are like shadows, like when you walk down the street on a sunny day and you can see your shadow, that’s what thoughts are. They’re like shadows, they are not real and they’re often not true. The mind says things like “you can never have a Lexus, you’re broke.”
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What you learn to do with the, meditation, work is to observe, witness or watch the mind.  Learning to misidentify from it so that you don’t get caught up in believing what the mind is saying and you can just relax and say “thank you mind,” and  just let the thoughts pass-by.

Those are the five magic words for the mind. Let the mind pass-by, just let it pass-by.

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Myrna – That reminded me I used to work with automatic negative thoughts and when I would hear the mind telling me something, I would talk back to it, because it keeps repeating all the time and then you talk back to it – I would say you better stop.

Pragito – Yes that’s good, that’s right. You better cut that out.

Good Vibes activate the, Law of Attraction Money

If we look at the, Law of Attraction money, on a scale of one to ten, one being our most negative vibes and ten being our most positive vibe,  All the, law of attraction money, does is it matches. It’s a one trick pony, that’s all. It doesn’t care who you are or what you want. If you’re some famous Hollywood actor or a rickshaw driver in Calcutta, it doesn’t care.

All it does is match your energy. We really need to pay attention to our emotional state which is in the subconscious. With 95% of our thoughts being in the subconscious, if we transmit anger, guess what we get back, anger. If we’re transmitting fear, that’s what we get back. So we have to pay attention to our vibes. Our only job is to keep our vibes positive.

There are many ways to do that and one of my favorite ways is the laughter, meditation. Well I do that a lot. That’s good and fantastic, because laughter really helps to keep your high vibes and then you’re in your positive energy which is the, law of attraction money, state. At this point, your possibility of attracting, money,  is very high.

Whereas when you’re in a negative state, of course it becomes very low. The most important thing is to be aware of your emotional state. We want to be aware of the thoughts of the mind; but that’s only about five percent of it. It’s the emotional state that is the most powerful and so here’s another tip if you really want something and you need, money, to buy.

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How to Ask for the, Money, you want

Let’s say you’ve got this really dinged up old car to take your kids to school and you need a decent car. So you say to the universe “look I really need a good car and you say it with a lot of emotion and with a lot of energy.  “I really need a really good car”. Your chances of getting what you want go up astronomically when you put emotion behind it.

But if you just say “well I’d like to have a Lexus,  it’s on  my list but I don’t care. There’s no real emotion behind it, then you’re not going to get a Lexus. You might still attract it, but you won’t get it as quickly as someone who’s very passionate about what they want and puts a lot of feeling into asking for it.

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Total Money Magnetism

Meditation, for Peace, Prosperity and Passion

Myrna – Let’s talk about your book now. Your book is called “Lunchtime Enlightenment: Expressive Meditations for Manifesting Peace, Prosperity and Passion.” Now, tell us about your book. Is it working under the same foundations that we’re talking about? We started with, meditation, and, hypnotherapy, then talked about the, law of attraction money, and prosperity.

Pragito – The, meditations, are for manifesting peace, prosperity and passion. Meditation, is being in the present moment and, meditation techniques, are important. The, meditation techniques, are there to help us and remind us to be in the present moment. Why do we want to be in the present moment? Because first of all we’re aware of our feeling state, the feelings are always in the present moment and when we have that present moment awareness, we have the power of choice.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

We can choose.  If we find our vibes are down, then we could say, I need to watch a funny video or comedy’.  ‘I need to get my vibes up right now, etc. That awareness gives you that choice. Let’s say for example we feel really angry towards somebody, so it’s not a good idea to talk to somebody when you’re angry or when you feel angry with them.

In the book, I give suggestions for what you can do when you feel angry. There are two techniques in particular where you can dump your anger out in the sacred context of a, meditation technique, in the first stage.  Then in the second stage, you sit in silence and you find it much easier to sit in silence when you’ve let the lid off the pressure cooker. So, to speak and get rid of a lot of emotional turmoil, it’s very easy to drop down. You will find inner peace in calm, your inner wisdom, love, creativity and all these good things.

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Meditation Techniques,  to Calm Anger

From that place you can decide what to do about this irritating person that’s annoyed you. Do you need to talk to them? If you do need to talk to them, then you talk to them from that place of peace and calm, because that will help them become calm and peaceful; because normally they would be reacting to your energy. Then, the whole thing is just a big mess; but when you take responsibility that you feel angry and that it’s not going to help to either dump your anger on somebody else or stuff it down. You do the, meditation technique, you’re nice, calm and very likely to come up with a creative way to handle the situation.

That is perfect for marriages because a lot of people in intimate relationships blow up and it doesn’t ever go anywhere.

Myrna – Tell our listening audience how they can get a copy of your book. Also, tell them how they can reach you to do any of your, hypnotherapy, sessions coaching and things like that because I’m pretty sure you get results.

Pragito – The book is on Amazon. Actually this book was just released in August and it’s already a number one bestseller.

Myrna – Good for you, congratulations.

Pragito – Thank you. To find me, you go to my website www.discovermeditation.com/contact you can sign up for my laughing Buddhist Network newsletter and you get two free Gifts.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

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