The late, Kevin Samuels, controversially said that, Black women, over 35 cannot get a man because any, high value man, could get a younger woman.
The gist of his message was that women over 35 who are single with children are like used cars. Top quality men don’t want them since they they are, low value, and the, high value man, have options and they exercise these options for younger women with no children and baby daddy drama.
So here in lies the dilemma. Even though women were calling, Kevin Samuels, a scum bag, he had a huge following of men because they knew he was talking truth. These so called, high value men, were willing to rip into a man of God Dr. Jamal Bryant, senior pastor at New Birth in Atlanta, in defense of, Kevin Samuels.
It is true that, black women, over 35 are looking for the, high value man, and men over 35 are looking for younger women? How do we know this is true? The reason I know this is true is because everyone is looking and nobody is finding love, because love is not about hair, booty, breasts or skin color. Love is about chemistry, it is an energy.
So, ladies my, dating advice, to you is you must age like fine wine, you have much more to offer a man and you need to let him see this. You have experience.
Dating Advice for Black Women
Remember that relationship you walked out of in your 20ths, now you realize that it was the best relationship you ever had. There is a lesson in every failure.
So now that you are 35+ and single; what have you learned about men? What I have learned is that the, high value man, would sleep with the 35+, black woman, with the good hair and the booty, but they look for more in the woman they marry.
So, while you are sitting on the shelf, make yourself ready for your husband. You have to become, wife material.
6 ways to become wife material
Learn to speak on a variety of topics, men are no longer attracted to the dumb pretty woman anymore.
Learn the rules of basketball and football. Most men like sports so, you must learn to like them as well, so he doesn’t have to go out with the boys to watch the game. He could watch it with his woman.
Learn to cook dinner for two. A man wants to marry a woman who can cook.
Get a gym membership, men like to hold muscles not fat.
Learn to control your tongue, sometimes silence is the best answer.
Learn to build up a man and not tear him down. Life and death are in the tongue, speak life into your man. Encourage him, listen to him, support him.
Kevin Samuels YouTube Videos
I listened to, Kevin Samuels, most famous video. This video had 3M views and over 3K comments when I watched it months ago! Kevin Samuels, was speaking to a woman who was 35 had a 13-year-old son and was making 6 figures. She said she wanted a, high value man, who made 6 figures because when she dates men below her pay grade, she gets idiots.
Kevin Samuels, asked her from a scale of 1 to 10 where would she fall and she said 6. He then told her that, high value men, who make 6 figures are in the top 10% of all men and have options. They are not looking for an average, black woman, 35+ with a 13-year-old son.
He is correct, they are not looking for you, but if you age like fine wine and prepare yourself while you’re fermenting, they will take a sip of you and become intoxicated.
Black women prepare yourself to become a high value woman
The other thing I have learned is it may have been a long time since you have been held by a man and you can’t wait to jump into bed; don’t do it. A man must respect the woman he marries. Don’t sleep with him until he calls you his girlfriend and you are sure he is not married!
There is a dilemma for, black women, over 35 who are single with children, but finding love is not impossible. I got married at 46 with a 16-year-old daughter. The chemistry was right and I was prepared. So don’t let anyone tell you, you have no value and that you are like a used car. Antiques cars are more valuable than new cars. You have wisdom, skills, and know how to treat and keep a man.
Hope this helps someone.
You have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach, for inspiration throughout the week. Until next time Namaste
For over 14 years Amy Schoen, a professional certified life and relationship coach, has helped marriage-minded men and women get off the dating merry-go-round and finally find their life partner. She also helps her clients build a loving, committed relationship that lead to, marriage, if that is their goal.
• Amy lives in the Washington, DC Metro area with husband (#2) of 16 years, and her 10 year old son. Find out more about Amy, her services, programs and her monthly Motivated to Marry podcasts at www.MotivatedtoMarry.com also available on iTunes.
Dating with purpose: meeting the man
I have top-down approach with my clients, we first look at what you want for your Life. It’s being clear about your life. I go deep into the values and there’s a way for me to really kind of flush them out and pull them out because people think they know their values but when they go through my process they really kind of see.
Over 80% of my successfully matched, motivated to marry, couples met their
partners through, online dating, after they applied my process and, dating advice.
They become so empowered and they don’t take crap from anybody. I train them to watch out for those wishy-washy men who like well, maybe I’ll get married someday, maybe I’ll have a family one day.
Dating Advice: What to talk about on a First Date
I say on a first date there are three things that you really just
need to pay attention to: Here are, dating advice for first dates.
1. Does the conversation flow?
2. Do you not see any real apparent deal-breakers? The things
that you know are not going to work for you.
3. Are you somewhat attracted to this person? I mean not like you
can’t even imagine kissing him!
I mean usually within three or four dates you know whether somebody is
Going to work and if they are, motivated to marry,
What does, Motivated to Marry, mean?
We throw around the term, motivated to marry, so much since that is the topic of your book and that’s the topic of your expertise.
Motived to Marry, it is a, mindset, it’s, dating with purpose,
It came to me as I was dating and I was in my late thirties and I’m standing at a
party and I’m talking to this guy and he’s really cute and he plays with a
band and he’s going off to Europe for six months, and I’m kind of like
a strategic Maximizer, so I’m listening, I’m like oh my God, he’s not, motivated to marry,
Characteristics of the, motivated to marry, man or woman?
Dating with purpose, means being able to spot the, motivated to marry. The, motivated to marry, is basically somebody who if a woman looking for a man. I would say that he’s secure and is stable financially. Stable career, like everything else in his life is set, except he’s missing the missing the relationship piece.
These, motivated to marry, men tend to hate singles events and being single. They desire to have a steady companionship rather than the stress of continuing going out. I would say more introverted people tend to be, motivated to marry, and that’s why, online dating, has been phenomenal. Introverts love the internet because it’s a one-to-one medium.
How many dates should you go on before becoming exclusive?
Here is some, dating advice. By the fourth or fifth dates, you know whether you want go further. I have a whole thing about when to be exclusive and what you need before you would be willing to be a exclusive. To stop dating other people and just focus on this person. In the, motivated to marry, model I suggest that you kind of have to have the conversation about how long you’re going to be in a relationship before expecting to go the next step. I told my husband when we were dating, I’m not dating to date, I’m, dating with purpose, of marriage and having a family.
I’m, dating with purpose, I absolutely love that phrase because you can weed out so much without being intrusive.
Dating advice from Amy
I have a self-learning program I call a Home Study the, motivated to marry, dating on purpose, secrets program which is eight modules and it takes you through the, motivated to marry, process in terms of getting to know yourself better, your goals and your values, which values to focus on as well as your must-haves or deal breakers and non-negotiables; so you really build way to really sift through people quickly. I also give you a lot of ideas about how to meet people.
I have 12 areas that I’ve identified of areas that we need to pay attention to in
A relationship and the conversations we need to have with our partner and then I also give you some tools some, relationship tools. I have written article on the test of time as long-term couples have lasted and I have the relationship dating hurdles. The steps that you need to get from, dating to engagement.
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When we talk about the, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but renewing your sense of, self-consciousness. Renewing your mind, impacts your conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
Renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”
Pastor William L Glover speaks on the biblical principles of what God meant when He said “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
Pastor Glover just completed a powerful series on, renewing the mind, it was a four part series, you can watch the full series on the Mount Hermon Ministries YouTube Channel. But today we’re going to pick some of the important pieces of that, renewing your mind, series to share with you.
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Dr. William L. Glover is the Senior Pastor of Mount Hermon Ministries. He also oversees the Dew of Hermon Early Learning Center and is Campus Director of Life Christian University at Mount Hermon Ministries. He has a strong mandate for Education, Missions, Leadership Development, Justice Ministry and reaching the lost for Christ.
Having ministered in nine different countries on 29 international trips, Dr. Glover is an anointed teacher, preacher, and international speaker. He has assembled ministry and medical teams that have seen thousands of souls saved and thousands more received desperately needed medical care. His passion is to reach the globe, but God has fashioned his heart in the shape of Africa.
Through Mount Hermon Ministries, he is very involved in reaching his community through educational empowerment. He is a founding board member of L.I.F.E (Lee Interfaith for Empowerment), a Network of Congregations committed to finding solutions to systemic justice issues in Lee County; is an Executive Board Member of Healthy Lee, a group of faith, business and health professions committed to inspiring healthy life styles, and chairs the Religious Affairs Committee of the local branch of the NAACP. Dr. Glover is also Co-Founder (with Pastor Cheryl Glover) of Redeeming Influence Community Outreach, a non-profit that serves blighted communities.
Dr. Glover has earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible and Theology from Southeastern University (formally Bible College), a Master of Arts degree in Religion from Florida State University, a Master of Education degree in counseling from Florida A & M University, and his Doctor of Ministry degree in Theology from Life Christian University.
Dr. Glover is also the author of the three books: Justice: God, Nations, and Systems, which examines the role of faith in addressing systemic justice issues which plague the systems of men; 30 Days of Excellence, a daily devotional that focuses on cultivating a culture of excellence in Faith, in Speech and in Life; and Ready for the Harvest, a study on how to release the principle of seedtime and harvest into your life.
Dr. Glover is married to Pastor Cheryl Glover. Four wonderful adult children enhance their lives: Brittney, Jade, Jana and William II. Dr. Glover credits God for His demonstration of goodness and continues to trust in His faithfulness throughout his Pastoral Ministry.
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Myrna – My first question to you Pastor Glover is why did why do you think God wanted you to preach on, renewing your mind?
Pastor Glover – that’s an excellent question Myrna. I ended the 2020 year with a series of messages entitled, living in your redemption. The idea being that God had already paid the price for redemption and that he’s redeemed our lives from destruction.
Whatever destruction has occurred in our lives, be it:
God has already invested in the price to redeem and restore us from that destruction. That message was received so well that I began to contemplate well how do I get people to embrace that, mindset, and the, renewing your mind, messages were born. If a person can hear something, but if it’s not internalized and if it’s not received, then it’s not going to have an impact on their lives.
So that series of, renewing your mind, messages was born out of that realization of moving people from the point of where they are, to living in the redemption and, renewing their minds.
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Myrna – you talked about the three different parts of the, mind, that God wants renewed.
Can you share with us the three different parts of the, mind?
Pastor Glover – Sure there are different aspects to each individual sermon, but the broad overview is the reason the, mind, is important is found in the wisdom literature. Scripture reveals that the, mind, is connected to and influences:
and our heart
When we talk about, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but it impacts your sense of, self-consciousness. It impacts your, conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
So, renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the, renewing of your mind”
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One is internal and one is external. It impacts our, psyche, our consciousness, and our heart. So it is the, transformation, of the total person, the total being.
What is the Flexible mind, the Fluid Mind and the Fixed Mind?
We need to have a conversation about what kind of, mindset, you are working with.
Is your, mindset, flexible?
Is your, mindset, fluid?
Or do you have a, fixed mindset? Which could be good or bad depending on what it’s fixed on.
When we talk about the, psyche, the, psyche, being your sense of, self-consciousness. Why do we need, renewing of your mind, in your sense of, self-consciousness? Because it’s our sense of awareness, our sense of, self-worth. It also is our mental and emotional health, so if your, mind, is not flexible, you need work in your sense of awareness.
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The Flexible Mindset
Some people who are not self-aware or there’s some people who suffer from, low self-esteem, or there’s some people who are damaged mentally and emotionally. If you don’t have a, flexible mindset, which means pliable then you will resist God doing the eternal work in your, psyche, to, transform your mind. So, in order for, transformation, to occur you have to have a, flexible mindset.
There can be no, transformation, if you’re unwilling to change.
The Fluid Mindset
Conversely a, fluid mindset, means that you are evolving, you are open to change. If you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you internalize and have what some call “stinking thinking.” You have a toxic, mindset, about yourself or about people. For instance oftentimes when people experience hurt in a relationship, they’ll say I’ll never trust another man again or I’ll never trust another woman again.
So, if you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you’re not willing to let that hurt go and embrace truth.
The Fixed Mindset
The third, mindset, you mentioned was a, fixed mindset. Just like when we lay concrete, we have to do the work before the concrete sets, because once it sets it’s fixed. So, we have to be careful what we let set in our minds. We have to do the work while the concrete is fluid and pliable.
A, fixed mindset, is like set concrete.
Renewing the mind, is like renovation of a house. You’ve got to rip out things, knock down walls or beliefs before you can put in the new things or new learnings.
When we’re inviting God to, transform your mind, then we have to understand our, psyche, our, self-consciousness, and our heart. That’s why the, mind, is so important because it is connected to all of these aspects of the human person and they’re all interrelated yet distinct.
Myrna – Someone with a, fixed mindset, like concrete why did you say that God can use this person?
In the, Life coaching, world, when we talk about a, fixed mindset, we’re saying that there’s no growth in this person. But if your, mind, is set like concrete, is it possible for it to be changed?
Pastor Glover – Well yes but again you must have awareness of your, fixed mindset. You can get at that concrete two different ways. Through, transformation, which speaks to internal work that has to be done. The word, transformation, comes from the Greek word metamorphosis and so that speaks of going through a, transformation, but it starts from the inside out.
The other word that’s used is, renewing, which literally has to do with renovating. When concrete sets, the only way to change it is to get a jackhammer and that’s very painful work. People oftentimes will not choose to do that work, because it is painful, noisy, and messy. But if you’re going to lay a new foundation in your life, you must do the, mental, emotional and spiritual work to jackhammer a, fixed mindset.
Myrna – How can God jackhammer to change that, fixed mindset?
Fixed mindset in marital relationships
Pastor Glover – I think an example in the context of, relationships, particularly in the context of, marital relationships, a lot of work that has to be jackhammered in counseling sessions really has to do those, fixed mindsets, about marriage that have been set, but are toxic and are not healthy.
Couples have very different ideas about the foundation of a, marriage, and what it should be about. It is really about how men and women are socialized in our society. Young girls are socialized towards inter interdependent relationships. That’s means they play together, they share much more readily than men do. They are invested in group success as they are reared and everybody kind of having a good time.
Boys are socialized totally different. They are taught to stand on your own two feet, be independent. Be a man, don’t share your emotions. So, men are much less equipped than women in, marital relationships, to handle a, fixed mindset, that’s why women are 10 times more verbal than men.
One of the fun exercises I like to do when I’m dealing with, communication, is I’ll ask the man and the woman to get a sheet of paper and have each one writes me all the feeling words they are aware of. The woman’s list is four times longer than the man,
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How can God Use a Fixed Mindset?
I’m curious though you also say in your message that God can use a, fixed mindset.
Pastor Glover – When you lay concrete, it’s properly set, it is suitable for what you want to build on it. So, let’s pull in this conversation, purpose and destiny. If you have great purpose or great destiny, you have to take the time to lay the foundation. If your foundation is fixed, God can build on it.
People do not take the time to factor in the type of foundation they need to lay to accommodate their dreams and visions of what they want. That can be applied to anything, in my book “30 Days of Excellence” I teach that excellence is in the foundation that you lay for, purpose and destiny.
Be ye not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Why did God say that do not be transformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind?
The World is Battling for your Mind
Pastor William L Glover – Because it is all a battle for the, mind. This simple principle is found in Proverbs.
“As a man thinketh so is he”
Your, mindset, determines the reflection of who you are and it determines who you will be.
We would never be greater than our thoughts about things.
We would never rise above our thoughts about things.
We will never allow ourselves to be pulled beneath our thoughts about things.
Our thoughts reflect where we are going.
It’s a battle for your, mind. The world we live in today, people don’t want to do the work, to think for themselves. There is professional, think tanks, and these, think tanks, think for people and feed them what to believe, what to say.
They all are vying for our, minds, we don’t tune in to learn anymore from the news, we tune in to determine what we need to think. So, hence “do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the, renewing of your mind.
happens through the word of God,
that transformation happens through your relationship with God
that transformation happens through a community of faith like-minded believers who are committed to growth.
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Your, heart, which is the center of your being, the seat of your soul and this is important because wisdom literature teaches us that we should guard your heart for from it flow the issues of life.
Everything that matters, that’s important to us impacts our, heart. If the, heart, is injured, broken or unhealthy because the, heart, plumps the pumps the blood. The, heart, pumps the influence of that thing to your spirit and to your soul and to your body.
So, when we talk about the, transformation, then it’s holistic and God is always at work in our lives trying to move us to a place of wholeness in all three of these areas as it pertains to renewal and, transformation.
As we wrap up how can listeners connect with Mt Hermon Ministries Fort Myers? Tell us about your books and how we can connect on social media.
You can connect with our ministry, we are currently streaming on YouTube and Facebook at MT Hermon Ministries. You can join us Sundays at 11 a.m. you can go to our website.
Ready for the Harvest which teaches us how to apply the principle of seed time and harvest in our lives and all these can be found on Amazon.
You can contact me personally at email@example.com
My Spiritual Father Helped in the Renewing of My Mind
I enjoyed the conversation, so thank you like we’ve known each other for 14 years let me also state how proud I am of you forging the way. I remember when you began this journey and witnessing your evolution and growth. Witnessing how God is enlarging your territory, makes me very proud. I want to encourage you to continue that journey.
Myrna – Thank you Pastor and I’ll share something publicly with you that when I wrote my book and you said that you’re proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes because it was the first
Time someone told me that. My father had never said he was proud of me.
As my spiritual father thank you so much for saying that I appreciate it. God sent me to you specifically I didn’t share our story of how I came to be under your guidance, but our connection has a purpose.
Thank you for tuning in to the Transform your Mind to Transform your Life radio podcast and television show. If you are um listening on iTunes I would love for you to subscribe, rate and review. I also want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach.
Online dating, during COVID 19 is happening the same way as online purchases and e-commerce. During the last year we have been buying most of everything online. Dating and relationship coach, Anwar White says for his clients, dating apps, are the primary way that they are meeting future partners or just, dating, in general. That’s going to be the case after, COVID 19, when things open back and we can date in person again. I thing like e-commerce, 20% of people will remain on, dating apps.
Today we have an exciting topic for all you single ladies and single men out there. We are going to be talking on the topic of How to Find Success Dating during COVID 19.
Listen to the full interview Here:
My guest today is dating and, relationship coach, Anwar White. Anwar is going to share tips on, online dating, during these unprecedented times of, COVID 19, where everything is remote. Single women, can’t meet their date in person.
We want to include some information on, Christian dating. The bible says in second Corinthians:
Do not be unequally yoked which means that Christians should look for partners in, marriage, where both of them share the same beliefs and practices such as praying, reading the bible and going to church.
Dating Tips on How to Get Your Guy
Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming, dating coach, and podcast Host of the “How to Get Your Guy”. I guess the, dating, conversation is towards women.
Anwar – My name is Anwar White, and I have been helping the boys talk to the girls and the girls talked to the boys ever since elementary school. I started doing this work as a, dating coach, when catching up with my female classmates and found out everything was going well in their life except for love.
It was so crazy to me because these women were the most amazing women. Well educated, beautiful and successful and yet they could not find a man. So, I told them I’m taking over your love life! I slowly started working with a variety of my former classmates and we had lot of really great success. They were having boyfriends very quickly and they were getting married within two years.
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Helping Women of Color Date Effectively
I got certified as a, relationship coach, and started working with thousands of women and men all around the world. I don’t want your listeners to think I focus just on women.
I am very focused on how men are thinking about, dating, and, relationships, as well. So I’ve been doing my own thing as an entrepreneur and coaching women all around the world, specifically, women of color. Smart, successful, women of color, on how to heal their heart, how to date effectively and then, How to Get Their Guy, on my podcast.
Myrna -It sounds like you were born with the aptitude for this work because when people start doing things earlier on in life, it is usually their purpose. We are experiencing huge growth on, dating apps, and the, online dating, world During, COVID 19, pandemic. Do you think the, dating, world will be forever changed after, COVID 19?
Is online Dating Here to Stay
Anwar – I think about, online dating, the same way I think about online purchases and e-commerce. During the last year we have been buying most of everything online. I know for the clients that I work with, dating apps, is the primary way that they are meeting future partners or just, dating, in general. That that’s going to be the case after, COVID 19. When things open back and we can date in person again, I thing like e-commerce, 20% of people will remain on, dating apps.
It’s crazy because it’s similar in terms of, online dating. Roughly 20% of, relationships, came from, online dating, right now that looks like a little bit more like 40 to 50%.
How can one find success dating during COVID 19
Anwar- It depends on what their definition of success means. For some marriage is not their end goal, they just want to connect with someone. My clients have different wants and desires. The other thing that I wanted to about success in, online dating, is specifically during this time is that we have the time to self-reflect and to have more self-awareness.
You have to bring your whole entire self to this, love game, or you’re not going to be successful. If you’re you not addressing the things that you have been avoiding or ignoring or ashamed of and you’re hiding those parts of yourself, then people are not really getting to know you or able to love you fully. So, take this time to address and heal some of those things so that when they are meeting their person, they can be ready to be the best partner that they can be.
Myrna – Do you think that people can do self-reflection themselves or they’re hiring a, dating coach, like you for instance.
Hiring a Dating Coach Helps you become your best self
Anwar – Some are hiring a, dating coach, I think the coaching industry has exploded. People have had the time and space to sit back, exhale and be like oh I’m not happy about these things. Instead of working and doing that rat race.
Coaches can help you with those blind spots to accelerate that work and potentially that healing to get you to your goal faster.
Myrna – 95% of us are not living conscious lives which means that they can’t sit down and self-evaluate or see their blind spots.
What are the top, dating, mindset shifts that are critical to successful, Online dating?
Anwar – I think there are a couple of things when I think about kind of mindset shifts when it comes to, dating. First is a lot of people try to date their clone, someone who’s just like them. If I am from the Caribbean and I am a Christian and I work in IT, that is who they want to partner with.
I have a really great success rate in terms of getting my clients partnering with someone who is not their clone. I think it’s important for us to realize that we have to be more open-minded when it comes to, dating, and realize that it’s not about what their resume or what their paper looks like; it’s really about how they’re making me feel.
I work with smart and successful women. My clients are Harvard educated and most of them has a list of the things they want in a man. We have to shift our mindset around, you had an amazing time with this person.
On the men’s side it’s about really how she looks and how seductive she is and her
curvature and all of that, so we have to think beyond that and really focus in on the things that are going to fulfill us from a long-term perspective, because chemistry is short lived.
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Is Compatibility more important than Chemistry in Dating?
Another mindset shift that I want us to be thinking about is, compatibility vs chemistry. How we how we vibe, how we connect, how we mesh. I always think of, compatibility, is. Can we make a thousand decisions in one day together? Because that’s really what being a really in a, relationship, is all about. You must be able to be on the same page on a lot of different subjects.
The mindset shift is about prioritizing, compatibility, over, chemistry. I think a lot of people are focused on the, chemistry, when they’re, dating, and not the, compatibility. The, chemistry, is those butterflies in my stomach. Chemistry, chemically fades within 18 months from our body and then all you are left with is, compatibility.
When you look at, divorce rates, those first two years are so crucial, because often times what happens is that, chemistry, starts to fade during that time.
Dating Advice on Finding the Right Guy
If you’re a woman out there and you want a guy that is making six figures that’s great; but that’s only nine percent of the population.
If you want a guy who is six feet tall, that’s good; but that’s roughly eight percent of the population
If you want a man with a graduate degree that’s six percent of people out there
If you want someone who owns their own home that’s 20% of the population.
Multiply all of that together you actually have a one percent chance of finding your guy and that’s not even taking into account if that person likes you back.
You must know how this, love game, works. Nine out of the ten people that you meet are not going to be the one. Knowing the numbers ahead of time saves your heart and saves any of the mental chatter, you know of the stories that you tell yourself. The ones that don’t serve you, I am not good enough, I will never meet the right guy.
What happens when there is, infidelity, in your marriage? Statistics show that as much of 70% of men and women cheat on their spouses and committed partners.
Today on WDJY 99.1 FM straight talk radio our topic is “How does, Infidelity, affect Intimacy and Desire for our Partner ” We all Desire to be in loving fulfilling, relationships, with our partners, our children, our friends and co-workers. We desire to have successful careers, some of us desire to procreate and have children, we desire to be emotionally and physically healthy, we desire to be wealthy, and today we are going to touch on our desire for our partners to be faithful to their commitment to us.
Introduction to Infidelity in Marriages
My co -host for this episode is my girl pal the fabulous Ms Margo Blake. Margo is a One Taste Intimacy Coach and, I am a Mindset Coach. Together we want to share our knowledge on this Topic “How does, Infidelity, affect Intimacy and Desire for our partner”
What is Desire – Desire can be called the feminine face of God! Desire is what God places in your spirit to lead you to your purpose. It is the key that unlocks what God placed you on this earth to do.
The dictionary calls Alchemy a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination.
I will tell you from personal experience that there is nothing that transforms an intimate relationship into something magical, like the surety that your partner will not break his vows or commitment to you, that he or she loves you unconditionally and would not look at another. But how do we, survive infidelity, when it happens?
How to Survive Infidelity
Not too many of us can walk in that space, being able to swear that our partners would not cheat on us.
UK Artist Ben Newman brings a different kind of taste to satirical art. This is sultry and saucy at the same time.
His boldness in combining sexy female characters with robots present in the fantasy world is amazing with an intense desire for intimacy.
The solution to infidelity is not always divorce
Myrna – Margo as an, intimacy coach, how has your clients dealt with, infidelity?
Believe it or not, most people decide to stay in their marriages after, infidelity. The important thing is to address the issues that might have lead to the, infidelity, and get the necessary help to recover.
Infidelity in marriages, Divorce isn’t always the solution, particularly when the unfaithful spouse is remorseful and devoted to changing. Here are some things you need to know if you are dealing with the fallout of, infidelity, in your marriage.
Betrayal is in the eye of the beholder.
Infidelity is not a marital deal breaker
Most affairs end – a man rarely leaves his wife for the other woman
You are not alone
It helps to get help
How have you dealt with, infidelity?
I have dealt with, infidelity, several times in my life. I have dealt with, infidelity in marriage, and, infidelity, in, love relationships.
When I was younger and more emotional I would leave immediately. As I matured I seek to understand first and love unconditionally.
Some therapists believe that, infidelity, destroys the fabric of a, relationship, which cannot be repaired. These therapists declare, marriages, dead on arrival but, I believe it is up the the individuals.
What happens when Desire goes looking somewhere else?
History will show that men don’t need a reason to cheat on their partner. But for this discussion we will look at the Lack of Desire as the reason for the, infidelity.
What can we do when desire dries up and we no longer feel the spark for our partners?
Men like uncertainty, they like variety. Most men who cheat don’t want to leave home. They love their spouse and like the security of home but they seek adventure.
I was just reading the unauthorized biography of Angelina Jolie and how his, infidelity, had consequences he did not anticipate. John Voight was tempted by great sex and cheated on her mother who promptly left him when Angelina was 6 months old. John Voight had no interest in leaving his wife and 2 kids; but the lure of exciting sex was something he could not pass up. That dalliance had far reaching consequences for his children and himself. He would be seeking a family for decades to come.
But men don’t have to go outside the home for exciting sex. As women we could bring the excitement and adventure to our bedroom. We could bring the feeling of having an affair to our bedroom.
Whatever you are doing now, we could do something different. If you always make love with all your clothes on, in the bed with the lights out; then start making love on the couch, fully clothed, with all the lights on!
Become the mistress. Meet in a hotel, set up dates, role play and dress up, send sexually explicit text messages.
I remember a friend of mine who divorced her husband because she found a video his mistress sent to him. That is how the women are stealing our men, they excite them.
What happens when women go looking for love
Okay, enough of the men having unmet needs and looking for excitement in the bedroom. What about our unmet needs?
Women have unmet need as well and are catching up to men as they too are looking outside the home for fulfillment of their desires.
Myrna – Margo, how can women communicate their unmet desires to their partners?
Margo – Before women go looking for love in all the wrong places, they should learn to become the mistress and turn up the marital sex. They can do this by role playing and other sex games.
How do we as women deal with infidelity of spouse or partners?
There are several schools of thought about this topic.
If you want things to change, you have to change.
Maybe you are a nag, maybe you don’t like sex, maybe you take no pride in your appearance, maybe you have trust issues, maybe you are boring.
You have to know yourself to grow yourself.
Ask yourself what have I invested into this relationship? Are you a taker or do you contribute to the peace and happiness of your man?
I remember Jennifer Gardner saying after she experienced the, infidelity, from Ben Afflec . She determined that it was not Ben Afflec’s role to make her happy. He cheated on her with the nanny. She was taking stock in what she brought to the table and understood it was not someone’s else role to make her happy. Happiness comes from our true self.
You can’t give away what you don’t have.
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Chemistry, is energy. It cannot be created or destroyed. Some call it physical attraction; but, Chemistry, is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA.
As we head into the New Year I know that many of you are engaging the, Law of Attraction, to bring you a spouse or a mate in 2021.
We are not meant to be alone. The Bible says that Two are better than one, because If either of them falls down, one can help the other, so we are hard wired with the need to share our lives with a significant other.
Listen to the audio here:
What are the 3 most important qualities in Relationships
I want to share three of the foundational qualities of love, relationships.
Let’s start with, compatibility. There is a significant amount of dating sites connecting couples based on, compatibility.
Is Compatibility the most Important quality in Relationships’
Compatibility, is important; but not the most important. Compatibility, is based on likes and dislikes, Like Religious preferences, standard of living, education etc.
But there is an old saying that says opposites attract.
There is also a new word floating around the internet and that is, polarity. Polarity is like the north and South Pole. Opposite ends of the spectrum and we need this polarity in relationships to keep the fires burning.
So when you marry someone who is just like you and you are so, compatible, love coaches say that sooner or later married couples stop having sex because there is no, polarity.
What is Chemistry?
Now let’s look at, Chemistry. Chemistry, is energy. It cannot be created or destroyed. Some call it physical attraction; but, Chemistry, is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA. It is random; but absolutely essential for a long lasting, love connection. It is what makes your heart ache when you are apart.
Chemistry, is also reflected in the bedroom. A lack of, chemistry, will mean boring, emotionless sex. A high degree of, chemistry, will mean intense, life-altering, heart-pounding sex that causes your mind to cosmically splatter itself on the walls of your consciousness. Good times.
Some call , chemistry, connection but whatever you call it, you know when it is there and when it is not.
Some call, chemistry, meeting your, soul mate. I do believe that our souls know when we connect to our perfect match. When you meet your, soul mate, the connection is immediate, you feel the, chemistry.
Steve Harvey said that his wife walked into one of his comedy shows in a crowd of hundreds and he stopped what he was doing and told her she was going to be his wife. There are thousands of stories like this to highlight what, chemistry, looks like.
When my husband first saw me, he said he felt this warm feeling in his body that is DNA, that is, chemistry! The first time I spoke to my husband my heart did summersaults for a week! Definitely, chemistry.
But here is the question of the day. Can you have a successful marriage with, compatibility, and no, chemistry? I am sure you can with commitment; but it would be equivalent to being married to your roommate.
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