The Alchemy of Desire: The Power of Attention

Attention, is the magical process of that facilitates the transformation of your desire, to reality. This Alchemy of, desire, allows this transformation to happen faster if we empower it with, attention.

In this episode we are going to teach you how to use the, Power of Attention, to manifest all your dreams and desires.

What is, desire, – desire, can be called the feminine face of God! I love this sentence! desire, is what God places in your spirit to lead you to your purpose. It is the key that unlocks what God placed you on this earth to do.

The Alchemy of Desire

We, desire, our partners physically and spiritually,

  • we, desire, our careers,
  • we, desire, to procreate and have children,
  • we, desire, to be emotionally and physically healthy,
  • we, desire, to be wealthy
  • but most of all we, desire, to fulfill our purpose on this earth and leave it a better place then we found it.

We talked about how to manifest the, desires,  of your Heart. The first step is knowing what you want. The second step is adding, attention, to it.

We talked on how to use the, Energy of Desire, to create something magical. If you missed those 2 episodes, please listen to then my iTunes podcast

Power of Attention

Today I want to talk about the “Power of Attention”
• Now that we know what we want.
• We know how to use the energy of, attention, to engage the laws of attraction.
• Now we want to light our, desire, afire with, Attention.”

You remember as a kid you would hold a magnet over a piece of paper and have the, attention, of the sun light the paper afire?  That is what the, Power of Attention, can do to your, desires.

So, lets dive right in.

Using the power of attention to attract your soulmate

Tune in to Sticher to listen to my guest tell her personal story of using, The Power of Attention, after her divorce to attract her soulmate.

The word, desire, does not only belong with, sexual desires. As a, Mindset Coach, today I want to show you how the energy of, Power of Attention, to transform your, desires, into something magical.

Activating The power of Attention

Attention,  is your power source. Rarely does a quality life just show up by chance. What you give your, attention, to expands.
If you want your dream to come through, you have to do more than dream. You must focus your, attention, and activate, the power of Attention.

The power source for having an Intention that comes through is, Attention. What you pay, Attention, to will grow.

If your intention comes from the level of your true self, it can attract anything. Attention, activates the, energy of Attraction.

Every wish or, desire, is like a tiny seed that contains the blueprint for the tree that manifests from the seed. The seed of, desire, which is also the seed of any Intention needs nourishment to grow.

How to Manifest your Desire

If you want your, desire, to manifest here are some important ways to put the right, attention, on it:

1. Have a clear intention or goal; don’t muddy it with doubt and fear regarding why it won’t come true.

2. Have positive emotions around your, desire. Feel how good it will be to fulfill it and hold it in your hands.

3. Believe that what you want is beneficial to you without any negative consequences to those around you.

4. Be prepared for any response the Universe brings and be flexible to where you go from there.

5. Feel confident that hidden sources will come to your aide once your, desires, are released to the universe.

6. Find time to meditate on your, desires. At the level of the soul, the energy of attraction, is most powerful.

 

Using the Power of Attention for Love

Margo, how can someone use the, Power of Attention, to change someone’s feelings about them?

I have known lot of men who are able to woo women by paying them, attention. I have been on the receiving end of, attention, that changed my feelings for a partner a few times in my life. My Pastor once said that women are responders, I agree.

In our last blog post we talked about 4 of the ways renowned sexologist Jaiya believes that we are wired. We discussed the:

  • Energetic,
  • the Sensual,
  • the Sexual and
  • the Kinky sexual types.

 

  • Jaiya is the author of Red Hot Touch? Today I though we could look at the Shape Shifter who can be all those energies.

Here are the 5 Sexual or Erotic Blueprints.

6. Energetic: Turned on by space, tease and anticipation.
7. Sensual: Turned on by comfort, relaxation and all the senses ignited.
8. Sexual: Turned on by nudity and flat out sexual intercourse.
9. Kinky: Turned on by the taboo and power play.
10. Shapeshifter: Turned on by all of the above.

Margo, since today we are looking at ,The Power of Attention, how can a woman who is the, Shape Shifter, to create something magical in the bedroom?

This episode of the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast is being brought to you by Hypnosis Everywhere and M-I-X- A-M-O-R-E.

Today we talked about, The Power of Attention, and to use this energy to create transformation in your lives.

I want to leave you with this thought. When all three legs of the tripod are in place –

  • Focused Attention,
  • Flexible consciousness
  • and pure awareness; the path is open.

 

You become the conscious master, the Energy of Attraction, is activated.

There are certain things that hinder the manifestation of, desire. Severe obstacles such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, substance abuse and toxic relationships block the manifestation of your desires. It gets tangled up in personal problems.
So be sure to meditate on your, desires, and rid yourself of toxicity either from substance abuse or toxic relationships.

If you found this episode inspirational or you learned anything, Please subscribe to my Itunes podcast and rate and review this Episode, so we can be encouraged to bring you more episodes every week.

Additional Resources

The Alchemy of Desire

 

https://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

How to Dream Big in the Quantum Matrix

How to Dream Big

The concept of, dream big, is to not let yourself become small. Not just react to what life’s dishing out. We need to, dream bigger, because the universe gives you exactly what we ask for.  If you ask for 50 cents instead of $1 you will get 50 cents.

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-Transform-your-Mind-29542107/

Introduction to, Dream Big

Ilona Selke, shares The concept of, dream big, is to not let yourself become small. Not just react to what life’s dishing out. Today on the Transform Your Mind with Coach Myrna podcast.  I am so excited to be talking to international best-selling author Ilona Selke. Ilona who is currently  travelling the USA directly from Bali where she spends seven months of a year.

So envious, Ilona is promoting her new book, “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening”.  We’re going to be talking about shifting your reality in the, quantum, matrix.  I meditate every morning and then I go walking and meditate some more while I listen to podcasts. This morning I was listening to the Hay House World Summit podcast and the guest was Dr. Bruce Lipton, he was teaching  us that, Quantum mechanics, or the, quantum, matrix is the foundation for all Sciences.

Chemistry and Biology sit on top of, Quantum mechanics. When I came back from my meditation, I put a note in my journal that I needed to read some more, quantum, matrix books. Then as I going over our show notes, I noticed that your book is about the, quantum mechanics,  and that we’re going to be talking about, quantum mechanics.  I look forward  to fast tracking my learning!

Ilona – Yep, the Universe is indeed listening, Bruce Lipton’s book title is “The Biology of Belief,” he talks about what he calls Epigenetics. I love the fact that he talked about the, Quantum Matrix. Someone was saying that we when we watched the movie The Matrix, that it looked like science fiction; but we could be in something similar to that in real life.

The subtitle of my book it’s called, Dream Big, the Universe is listening, I know we have all these religions across the world and no matter who they believe the right version of God is, there is only one source. Let’s just be honest, if there were multiple sources we’d have a war on our hands. Source multiplies itself and then humans interpret it differently.

Formulate your prayer if you want to pray or if you meditate your visualization in such a way that the universe can decode your message. The Universe has its own language and we don’t need to learn a computer language. Luckily we are endowed with a language, but most of us do it incorrectly. I want to help everybody do it in a way that the Universe will start listening.

Sponsorship Deals

https://myhelps.us/podcast-sponsorship-transform-your-mind/

Today’s episode is being sponsored by T.Y Waterproofing, serving the Atlanta area. T.Y Waterproofing has over 30 years’ experience in waterproofing and basement repairs. Let T.Y Waterproofing, waterproof your crawl spaces, slabs, remove and kill mold, install pumps and French drains. Call Timothy at (404)449-5467 for a free estimate.

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Ilona is an International Best-selling Author, seminar leader, lecturer, musician CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision. Ilona has inspired thousands of people worldwide to discover the power of their consciousness and to create successful lives. Ilona has written four books, produced music and meditation CDs, co-authored two books one with Brian Tracy, and one with Jack Canfield, she also has been a regular guest on A&E, Bravo TV with Jack Canfield, and a producer and TV show host for Quantum Living show on women’s broad broadcast TV.

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Why we should, Dream big

One of the things I set out to figure out was how to talk to the Universe.  I observed regularly is that whenever I said I don’t want something,  that’s what I got. Can you imagine, I was so delighted to figure out that I recognized one definite Law of the Universe, which was “I got what I didn’t want.” I’m gonna ask you to not think of a pink elephant.

Can you do that? I don’t think so. I want to know what is in your head right now? A pink elephant! I figured out the Universe. If I say I don’t want a bicycle for my Christmas gift, guess what the Universe is going to give me for Christmas? When I said I don’t want a bike, I visualized the bike and made me manifest it. I learned to, dream big.

I figured out the Universe has a law which is it gives me what I don’t want. Maybe God or the Universe has a different plan. I could say I want to be in that big castle, I can see myself in it. I should say something I really want. I want millions of listeners to my podcast. Let’s say millions of listeners, that’s what I want. All these people who are sitting on this planet listening. They are ignited they are excited.

There are others who are also listening right now, millions of them, they are listening and we are one. We are all vibrating together. It’s not just one here in the neighborhood, and one there, we are collectively globally. A large group of people and we are all building the new world. We are shifting the paradigm together and we are millions and we are listening and we are taking the lessons and making them real in our daily life to prove to ourselves and our family that this Universe is listening.

Dream Big
Dream Big

That this paradigm is really living. This is what I did when I was 10 years old. I just had to learn about changing that no factor, and then when I’m 14, I said okay I’m going to go teach the world to be creative, and so I always say when you do, make sure you always add that little sentence that says “for the highest good”

Here are three easy steps to,  dream Bigger:

  1. Describe it
  2. Imagine it,
  3. Feel it

Allow yourself five minutes, the luxury of being in your fulfillment. Five minutes, millions of people just see it. Five million listeners around the world. How would you feel right now if you had five million listeners?

Myrna – I would feel good. I would feel that I was given a mandate from God and I would protect that mandate by caring for my 5 million listener. I would make sure they are fed, inspiring messages every week and that my platform will contain good content. I have the intention that I want to reach the world before every recording.

I want to give you a little synopsis, Dream Big, the Universe is listening, and then we’re going to dive in little deeper in her book. Ilona takes you into a journey into the greater mystery of the universe, she takes you step by step, as she mentioned earlier through fascinating stories and how to manifest your goals and, dream big.

At the same time you, dream big, you create a better life for yourself.  In the planet we’re a living in a consciousness interactive universe. For you to become the master of your destiny, you need to dive into your subconscious mind and reach into your super consciousness. Ilona travels across the globe teaching other levels of consciousness.

She describes in easy-to-follow steps just how magical life really is when you learn to, dream bigger. After reading her book, you will come away inspired and equipped to make your dreams come true and create a better life for yourself on this planet. Check her out at  www.ilonaselke.com.

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What is the biggest lesson you think that readers can take from the concept of, dream big?

Ilona – The concept of, dream big, just itself, I’ve had people who just take the book and go oh my God I’ve let myself become small.  I’ve let myself just react to what life’s dishing out. All the demands and I’ve forgotten to, dream big,. I’ve forgotten to listen to my own self.  So sometimes just holding the book in their hands without opening a page they’ve gone to the place of, dreaming bigger.

I want to remember to take time for myself and to, dream big, again because maybe we had dreams of who and what we wanted to do, and then some of them got either fulfilled or not. We have kids and get stuck at home, or as a woman, do the providing job thing, and feel like we’re trapped in a rut. That’s when we need to take time and to, dream big, to think about what we want.

To listen to our soul, to our heart, and to step back out of the house. Buzz out of our life and to step back and to do what’s really meaningful to us. I said I’m going to give away a free app, that will guide people about God. Listeners can do this for 5 minutes every day, even if you just do that you start setting up a habit, where your soul and heart, your spirit will start saying thank you for listening to me.

It’ll start giving you nudges, it’ll start coordinating things for you. People will call you at the right time. I’ve had people who walk into a bookstore and my book literally fell into their lap. You put out the vibrational frequency, and anything that matches it, will come in.

I hate to admit it is that unfortunately the mass number of people are more interested in soap operas and dramas and disasters, rather than making their lives better by, dreaming big.

You don’t have to follow any religion. You can just simply tune into the universe, which I call the source, and start your own conversation. Start talking to god by sitting down and saying what you need. Set up a conversation with this higher power, God and then if you have a desire and wish and needs, a dream or something you want to contribute to the world, just ask for it.

Let’s say you need a certain amount of money every month, you may think hell, I need to be able to travel the world, I need to travel to other countries, I need to see other cultures to expand my horizon, that’s what I really want. The universe says, ok. If we catch ourselves saying well I really want to travel the world; but then in your heart you feel these I have responsibilities, I don’t want to leave, I’m afraid, maybe I get sick or whatever all your butts, they are the reasons why we stay where we are, stuck.

Because you’re giving conflicting information. You’re saying, yes I want it, but then you’re saying well no, I don’t want it because of that. Those little voices are usually not that loud, we feel them we try to ignore them, we try to say no, no I’m not really thinking that.

Dreaming Bigger in the Quantum Field

In my book, Dream Big, the Universe is Listening, I give techniques of how to deal with those little butts and snarling voices, or those tight feelings in the tummy, because they are at first blockages.  Later on that block becomes your stepping stone. I tell you I am teaching this technique to doctors, therapists, hypnotherapists, all over the world. A lot of them have taken it to substitute the other techniques they used to use, because this one really works.

Myrna – It definitely does. I like what you said about there’s just so many people that are interested in reality TV shows and sports and the news and things like that and don’t spend any time, dreaming big. I wrote my first book “Becoming Conscious, my Awakening, about four years ago and that’s basically when I started to understand synchro destiny and, Quantum matrix, and envision and all the things that you talk about. I’d be on that path and that’s one of the reasons my vision was to have this radio program and then podcast. I talked about transforming your mind because that’s where it starts.

Ilona – There are four different interpretation. One of them actually allows for the idea that we live in the universe that has parallel dimensions and parallel realities all at coexisting simultaneously. I train teachers and coaches, we have the course in Chinese we have students in China and Czechoslovakia in Germany in England and Spanish English Spanish, French, German, Czech, Chinese, and my books are out also in Hindi, and in Czechoslovakia and Russian, so we try to go worldwide.

All humans alike they don’t really well I mean they like to have an idea of how the universe works but the trick to creating a shift in the matrix of time-space is to slowly but surely build up your miracles, so that you really feel the universe is listening to you. Talk to it and you can transform your negative doubts and beliefs and pave the way for the beautiful expression of who you really are.

Scientists don’t even believe in God, but the quantum physicists say well there is something weird going on which implies that there is a greater intelligence at work. All of them right now are trying to develop a new worldview and quantum physics has lent itself the closest to different understanding. It’s a modern way of saying there is a God and there is the observer affect. The observer who is looking at the experiment is changing the outcome!

I actually published in the book with Jack Canfield, he’s the co-author of Chicken soup of the Soul, and the chapter about it is really about a Mind Bender, I described how I close my eyes and talk this mind-bending story through to God and I see the techniques are the same. You become clear on what you want you imagine what it would look like.

If it had already happened and you feel as if it had already happened, so in my body and bones I was sitting there not only visualizing being arriving on time and being in the end result. I’m not only applying myself, but I’m also feeling in my bones. It takes a lot of practice. I tell people is start small. I started creating parking lots and then build your way up build your confidence up.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Is the Quantum Matrix real?

https://www.disclose.tv/you-are-living-inside-a-quantum-computer-program-the-matrix-is-real-308185

I definitely need some help. I’ve been working and working on this thing for a while and I’m a very I’m a deterring person. It’s hard for me to visualize. I can get the emotion and I can talk myself through it, but I want to see it in my mind.

I’ve got a trick for you. Here let’s do this, because a lot of people are in your shoes, they go I can’t visualize for anything. Some people are more kinesthetic types, maybe are one of them. I’m going to do a test for you and you’re probably going to come out with flying colors like everybody who’s listening.

How to Visualize and Dream Big

I would like you to visualize a tree as best as you can. Just a tree, an ordinary tree and move to one side of the tree, you’re going to put a red dog and on the other side of the tree is a blue dog. Now I want you to take your index finger that you like the best and point it to the red dog just point. Which side did you point? Right side, okay well honestly some people have the red dog on the right some people have it on the left. Now tell me when you say you can’t visualize, how come you knew that the red dog was on the right side of the tree?

I’m not seeing the dog. I can see the tree because I walk and see trees every day so I think I can visualize a tree, but I’m not seeing the red dog. I’m just imagining.

That works just as well because the most important aspect is the feeling. Imagine you’re sitting down and having lemonade, as a matter of fact somebody serves you the lemonade and a good lemon cut open to a quarter and really fresh. You decide to bite into that lemon. You take that wedge of lemon and you’re going to imagine you take it and you bite into it.

I’m tasting that sour, I’m not actually seeing it but I am like you can imagine thinking exactly. I imagine it in my mind. I’m a reader and I cry at movies and I cry when I see stuff. I cry when I read books, so I get myself in the picture. I want to see with my third eye and it’s not happening.
Let me ask you one question. Did you start salivating more when I asked you to bite into that lemon?

Yes I did.

Ilona – I’ve lived with a lot of imaginary stuff. I visualized and, dreamed big, every day. I work on it, in fact I did this course called the “wealth magnet” and every morning I sit down I imagine different success things like what my what my Rolls-Royce is going to feel like when I drive it and what my big house, over looking the mountains is going to feel like!

There are two things when we say visualizing, one means representing to yourself something that is not currently physically in front of you; but you can put yourself into. Two, if you can create and feel the feeling of already doing it. Now when you say I’m visualizing myself driving in a Rolls Royce you giggled I can tell you that is the part of you that says I don’t have it. I shouldn’t be thinking that or it’s funny.

You heard me talk about I want to have millions of listeners in order to do, I have to, dream big,.

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Conclusion

Myrna – I would love for you all to review the podcast on iTunes. This encourages my guests and encourages other people to be able to listen to this life changing program. Ilona, so go ahead and tell them what the FREE GIFT is today for posting a review on iTunes.

Visit my website www.ilonaselke.com download the FREE app if you want to start your day with positive focus and be supported, I’ll do that for you for free. I’ll do that every morning with you. With my more meditative voice and with much more singsong in my voice. Also if you want to end your day on a good note come with me on this journey called “living from vision.” it’s called the “Living from Vision” light App. It’s available both on Google and Android. If you purchase my book, “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening” it will also give you the directions of how to get the App.

Dream Big, the Universe is Listening. This has been a very inspirational high-energy interview, we came out of the gate running like some racehorses. I loved it, we’re out of time right now but Ilona is going to be back next week and we are going to talk about “How to find it your Soulmate” so be sure to tune in for that because you don’t want to miss it.

Ilona – I’m going to share with you “How to have sex out-of-body” Wow, yes the men are going to come knocking now, women too! Well Ilona it has been an absolute pleasure. I definitely will go and not only get the free app but I’m also going to download your book, Dream Big, the universe is listening.

Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. For more information on Myrna Young, Life Coach visit me on the web at www.myrnayounghelps.com. I thank you listeners for tuning into www.wdjyfm.com, the Transform Your Mind with coach Myrna podcast, available on iTunes, Google Play, stitcher, and now on I Heart Radio, you can listen to it yet anywhere.
Until next time Namaste.

Additional resources:

 

The Secret to Having it All

How to Become the Author of Your Life

Be the Author of Your Life

We are the, author, of our lives. When we were born we had an beginning page and an end page.  It is up to us to, author, and fill in the pages in-between. We are the, author, of the script, the director and the producer of our lives. Life by design, is what I teach as a, life coach. And I think that one of the first things that we can do is if we understand the power of self-amplifying feedback loops, the way our spaces influence our thinking and our thinking in turn influences our spaces.  We could then control what happens to us by exercising creative control over the circumstances that we throw ourselves into.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Introduction to Life by Design

There’s always going to be the wild card. There’s always going to be the circumstances you can’t plan for; but, life by design, is the concept that we can use our thoughts and the, law of attraction, to bring to us all that we desire.  There’s always the unexpected relevance and the, serendipity. But just like that book The Power of Pull talks about, we can funnel the, serendipity, or we can channel the, serendipity, funnel. We can help engender and engineer serendipity by the choices that we make every moment, and live a, life by design.

  • We all have experienced the, serendipity, of relevant information arriving just when we were least expecting it.

  • It was only through pure, serendipity, that I met my best friend!

  • Your chances of finding such a feature are down to either extremely assiduous trawling or mere, serendipity.

So by cultivating rich social networks, by cultivating weak ties, not just closed ties but the weak ties, by becoming connectors and by connecting others so that they connect us, we create a world in which these self-amplifying feedback loops feed on top of each other. So good circumstances lead to other good circumstances which lead to other good circumstances and each one of them encourages us to then live more openly and participate in that sort of creative flow space. Live a, life by design.

Be the, author, of your own self-help book, I just really believe that our creative choices ultimately shape who we become and so we should all be discerning and be radically open whenever possible and I think that we really can make a masterpiece out of our own lives if we so choose. But that requires, it requires a boldness of character as well, because seeing the radical freedom to live a, life by design. We have to compose our lives, what Leary called internal freedom.

The vertigo of freedom, this dizzying – what do I do? I can do anything? Well, the paradox of too much choice. But I think we can embrace that with courage and with boldness, and once we do, there’s nothing we can’t do but, author, the life we want.

Author of our Own Lives

As the, author, of our own lives we can begin by taking control of our own lives. This  requires recognizing that while family or social circumstances influence our character, they do not determine it absolutely. The same is true of the most basic instincts that come from our heredity and bodily constitution. These instinctive ways of acting can be molded and guided by the exercise of a will that heeds the dictates of a well-formed reason.

Our personality is forged to the extent that we make free decisions, since our actions not only alter our environment but also shape our way of being. Although at times we aren’t fully aware of it, the repetition of acts leads us to acquire particular customs or attitudes in facing reality. Therefore when we explain the reason for our spontaneous reactions, rather than saying “that’s the way I am,” we should often admit: “that’s the way I have made myself.”

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Our lives are conditioned by factors that are often difficult to control: for example, the quality of family relationships, the social environment in which we grow up, an illness that limits us in one way or another, etc. Although often we are unable to ignore or undo these limitations, we can certainly change our attitude in confronting them, especially if we are aware that nothing escapes God’s provident care. “It is important to keep reminding ourselves that Jesus did not address himself to a privileged set of people; he came to reveal the universal love of God to us. God loves all mankind, and he wants all to love him.  God is also the, author, and finisher of our lives. In any situation, even one that entails great limitations, we can offer God and our neighbors deeds of love, no matter how small these may seem. Who knows how great the value is of a smile in the midst of tribulation, of suffering offered to our Lord in union with the Cross, of patiently accepting small annoyances and setbacks! Nothing can quench a limitless love, a love stronger than suffering, loneliness, abandonment, betrayal, slander, physical and moral suffering, and even death itself.

Additional resources

How to be Happy with Less

How to Fly like an Eagle above the Storms of Life

 

5 Powerful Strategies to Achieve Any Goal

How to Set Strong Goals

Without a plan your, goals, are just a dreamThe most important ingredient for success is a plan!
A plan is usually the distinguishing feature in the success or failure of any, goal.

A study of 100 students in business school found that 66% of students that wrote a business plan succeeded in business even though the business plan was not an accurate accounting of where the business ended up. It seemed that just formulating a plan makes you succeed because it creates a visionary.

Here are 5 strategies to help you achieve your, goals:

1. Faith,  You must believe in yourself.

  • A dream or can inspire you and motivate you to action only if you Believe that you can make it happen.

Some don’ts:

  • Don’t have a, plan B.
    When you have a, plan B, you are telling your subconscious that you don’t believe that the plan “A” is going to work.
  • Don’t tell yourself that your, goal, is not realistic. Just remember to reap where you plant.

“If you can think it you can achieve it” ~~Ophra Winfrey

  • Watch your self-talk and internal dialogue.
    Eg. Your, goal, is to be Regional Vice President Sales but; you tell yourself it will never happen because your boss does not like you. Whether that is a fact or not, you will never be promoted to Regional Vice President Sales until you replace that thought with a winning one.

 

  • 2. Clarity – Your , goals, must be clear.

    What do you want? What is your destination end? What is the vision?
    Would you like “Peace of mind?”
    Would you like “Financial freedom, and security?”
    Would you like “A higher quality of life for you and your family?”

It is not more money. It is not to own your own home your, goals, are what you are going to get from achieving these things.

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Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast

3. Jump in – Stop waiting for the right time.

  • Chris Gardner calls this “stop digging your potatoes”
    There is never a better time than the present.
    Don’t wait until you have the time to upgrade your education.
    Don’t wait until you are fired from the job you hate to look for a better one.
    Stop making excuses and jump in.

4. Understand your past to gain, clarity, for your, goals

  • Your past has valuable information about who you are and why you are. It is a storehouse of information.

“Those who cannot remember the past is bound to repeat it.”

It has evidence of where you get stuck, evidence of what you do when the going gets tough, which road do you choose, evidence of your beliefs.

Examine the movie of your life and understand the lessons this helps with self-mastery.
All experiences from your personal library are valuable to create self-awareness.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

5. Understand your Why. Why do you want to achieve this, goal.

  • Why do you want to leave a Legacy?
    Why would you like financial freedom?

It is the general belief that the organizing power of the Universe will help those whose, goals, are to serve humanity. Your Why should benefit others and not just yourself.

How to set Goals vs Objectives

Whether you’re working on a team project or defining, goals, for an entire company, it’s critical your employees are on the same page when it comes to terminology.

Goal setting, is different from objectives, often seem like two interchangeable phrases. “We have ambitious, goals, for the new year,” you might tell your marketing team, following up with, “Our objectives are aggressive, but entirely possible.”

When used in a marketing context, it’s easy to misconstrue. To ensure efficiency and unity, then, it’s vital your employees are up-to-date on the two terms you likely use when outlining your quarterly and yearly strategy.

Motivation for Goals is Purpose

Goals, are also different from purpose,  are almost similar and one could hardly come across any difference between the two at one glance. Purpose and, clarity, are interlinked, because purpose is the, motivation.  .

One of the main differences that can be seen between the two is in the time factor. People try to reach their achievements by setting deadlines. On the other hand, deadlines are not applicable in a purpose.

It can be called as the point one wishes to achieve. On the other hand, purpose can be called as the reason one aims at to achieve a goal. Unlike purposes, goals always go forward in a specific direction.

Purpose, which is all about direction, is that something that influences drive. Unlike dreams purpose is broader and deeper.

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Purpose is directly influenced by the values and beliefs one holds. Purpose is deeply rooted in a person. Unlike goals, purpose can b said to be central to human life.

Goals, and  purpose, can be measured whereas purpose cannot be measured. The end result can be seen whereas in purpose, it is not that visible. Achievement,  aims that a person seeks. It is that which one wants to accomplish. It involves the establishing of specific, realistic and attainable objectives.

Goals, have a specific target. On the other hand, Purpose does not have a specific aim. Goals, can be short term, long term or personal. However, a purpose cannot be short or long term but only pertains to something personal.

Purpose can be termed as a fundamental need of a human being, which gives a meaning to his actions.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-aim-and-purpose

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Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-become-a-diamond-by-finding-your-purpose/

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

 

 

15 Benefits of Hiring an Executive Coach

Life Coach Myrna Young

“The goal of the, executive coach, is the goal of good management and that is  to make the most of an organization’s valuable human resources.” –  Harvard Business Review Organizations that embrace the culture that their employees and leaders are their most valuable resources, invest in the development of these resources.

Life Coach Myrna Young
Life Coach Myrna Young

Introduction to, Executive Coaching

There are four commonly used tools for improving human performance: 

  • Coaching,
  • Consulting,
  • Training, and
  • Therapy

There are important differences between them. Just as it is important to know when to hire a consultant, it is equally important to know the when and why for using an, executive  coach.

Why hire a, Executive coach?

  1. You would like to improve Personal transformation
  2. To develop the future leaders in your organization
  3. Lead change to create high performing, results driven organizations
  4. Help managers learn how to be, coaches, to their employees
  5. Create an organizational culture that value learning, and  continuous improvement.

When should you  Hire an, Executive Coach

  1. You want to fine-tuning your vision for your business;
  2. You want to empower and motivate your staff;
  3. You want to improve the communication and listening skills of your managers and help them become more confident. It is one of the secrets to success. 
  4. You want your leaders and managers to gain competence in the soft skills domain.

 

Benefits of, Executive Coaching

Executives identified fifteen significant benefits of, executive coaching, as a leadership development tool. They are:

  1. Continuous one-on-one attention that facilitates growth
  2. Expanded thinking through dialogue and powerful questioning from a, Life coach.
  3. Self-awareness – including bringing light to blind spots.
  4. Personal accountability for development – An, executive coach, can hold you accountable for work you promised to do between sessions.
  5. Just-in-time learning.
  6. Sustained interpersonal skills development.
  7. Consistent, long-term development that gets embedded and becomes part of your routine.
  8. Identify executive strengths and development needs
  9. Leverage existing strengths and improve performance
  10. An, executive coach, can create an Executive Strategy with an Action Plan and  accountability to help executives stay on track
  11. Adopt and/or reinforce executive leadership competencies crucial to the organization’s culture.
  12. Positive and sustainable behavior changes
  13. Develop leadership skills and practices; learn coaching skills they can implement.
  14. Enhanced career planning and development with an action-oriented plan
  15. An, executive coach, can coach to  greater work/life balance.
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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Executives claimed expanded thinking through dialogue and powerful questioning from an, executive coach. Dialogue, fueled through powerful questions, is at the heart of the, executive coaching, process. In coaching conversations, executives think out loud, become more reflective and gain access to their own tacit knowledge and unexplored ideas. The, executive coach,  role is to act as a sounding board, confidant, partner, challenger and catalyst for change.

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Benefits of, Executive Coaching, – Case Study

Jack has excellent technical skills and has fast-tracked to a senior executive position. He was certain he was a good leader — that is, until his, executive coach, asked him questions about his team’s excitement and engagement levels. It became clear to the, executive coach, that Jack’s team was frustrated. Jack was furious and “insulted” and he vowed never to work with his, executive coach, again. Subsequently, Jack pondered his strong reaction. He realized his, executive coach, had hit a nerve. “That’s why I reacted like that, because it was true,” he says. Jack is still working with his, executive coach, and continues to learn and develop. He appreciates his, executive coach,  role in helping him gain self-awareness, which means understanding his strengths as well as his blind spots. “I don’t have these kinds of discussions with anybody else,” he says. “I am on such a straight path that I can’t see what’s going on. That’s where, executive coaching,  really helps me.” Jack now expects his, executive coach,  to hit a nerve from time to time. He sums it up this way: “The value to me is not for an, executive coach, to be really nice to me. I don’t need another friend. The value to me is having somebody to help me see what I can’t see.”

Executive Coaching,  acts as a mirror for Jack, providing him with honest feedback and revealing gaps so he can see himself more clearly, as well as help him to identify goals and promoting sustained action.

 

Executive Coaching and Personal Accountability for development

Some executives use sports metaphors to describe,  coaching.  Anne, a high Achiever, thinks of, coaching,  as a springboard for reaching her personal best at work. “Olympic medalists have, life coaches,” she says. “I want to be an Olympic medalist in business.” Anne regards her, coach, as her “personal trainer.” The common denominator in, executive coaching, and personal training is, accountability. You can learn proper techniques in a few training sessions at the gym, but it is easy to lose your way, by cutting corners, using improper techniques or missing workouts. Ongoing personal training creates momentum and accountability for development. The same is true for, executive coaching. As Anne says,

“Executive Coaching, provides an objective outside person to help you do assessments, set developmental plans and hold you accountable.”

Anne has invested heavily in her career, through education and hard work. She views, coaching, as another form of investment. She and her, coach, established developmental targets on day one. Now they have weekly meetings, either in person or on the telephone, to discuss her progress toward her targets and identify obstacles that are impeding her progress.  Through coaching, Anne holds herself accountable for her continued success. Her bottom line:

“Coaching gets me from where I am today to where I want to be”

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Just-in-time learning

Executive coaching, facilitates what is called “just-in-time learning,” which is all about learning on the spot. Clients can practice and role play.  Jack told his, coach, that he wanted to “take a stand” in his next meeting, and that he wanted to come across as confident, self-assured and assertive. Coaching, provided Jack with a dress rehearsal. He used the session to develop a strategy for the meeting. He knew that thinking on his feet in front of a group of people was not one of his strengths, so he and his coach brainstormed potential questions. Jack prepared his answers and did some role playing. The next day Jack was outstanding. He called it “a powerful experience.” The, executive coaching session, had facilitated just-in-time learning.

 

How, Executive Coaching,  Helps the Organization:

  • Reduce turnover and retain top performing staff
  • Enhanced individual and organizational performance
  • Improved organizational strength
  • Perception of management as being committed to employees and their growth and success
  • Improved employee morale, more committed employees, thus greater productivity
  • Retention of high potential talent and talent magnet
  • Better client relationships
  • Positive work environment, thus greater productivity
  • Executives learn coaching techniques which they can implement with their teams for improved relationships and productivity, as well as enhanced employee development.
  • Enhanced organizational performance
  • Positively affect organizational culture
  • Succession planning and development of key executives
  • Reputation of investing in executives through development
  • Enhanced reputation within industry
  • Ability to recruit key talent
  • Positioned for continued growth and success
  • “Executive Coaching, is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance.”
  • “It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them. Clients say coaching brings out their best by helping them focus, break down tasks and clarify their values.” – Fortune Magazine
  • Improve the existing culture of the organization

Additional Resources

Ten Characteristics of a Great Leader

How to Run Your Sales Meetings like a Coach

How to Run Your Sales Meetings like a Coach

The Importance of Leadership to Organizational Success

 

7 Strategies to Personal Growth

Do you have the, mindset, to scale the personal mountains in your life and get to, personal growth? In this episode of 5 mins with, Coach Myrna, I share 7 tips to acquiring the mindset of an, mount Everest, climber.

The mindset of a, Mount Everest, mountain climber? How to tackle your personal mountains.

Climbing Mount Everest

Not sure why but I picked up the book, “Into Thin Air, my expedition to the top of the world,” maybe it was because one of my goals was to hike the Himalayas, not climb, Mount Everest.  Let’s be clear! but after reading this book I was amazed by what, mindsets, could accomplish.

The, positive mindset, can elevate your life and make you stretch yourself, while its opposite a negative mindset can anchor you wherever you are.

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The Mindset of a Mount Everest Climber

As an, Everest, mountain climber,  you are aware that your odds of dying is high. Even if you don’t die, your chances of frost bite or other dangers increase with every feet closer to the summit! The thin air can make you lose brain cells, lack of oxygen to your brain can give you brain damage. YET! The writer says that The line of, mount Everest, climbers attempting to get to the top, looks like the line at Walt Disney world. I wonder how these, mount Everest, climbers deal with their, personal mountains, or, personal growth.

What, mindset, do you have to develop to pay the $65,000 fee, risk your life, and push yourself beyond your limits to summit,  Mount Everest?

I discovered these 7 characteristics of people who climb their, personal mountains, personal growth,  and become, Mount Everest, mountain climbers:

7 Characteristics  of Personal Growth

1. Strong Mindset – Think of the, mindset, you have to have, to WANT to climb, Mount Everest, the top of the world 29, 035 feet in the sky! Let’s put that into perspective that the height that airplanes fly at! Hopefully your, personal mountains, don’t seem of this magnitude!

2. They want to test their limits– After reading “Into Thin Air” I listened to a Ted talk by Lori Schneider. She was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, and decided to make a goal of scaling the highest peaks on each continent before her MS progressed and she lost the use of her legs. She accomplished this feat and became the first woman with multiple sclerosis to summit,  Mount Everest. That was her, personal mountain, or, personal growth  and she climbed it and won.

Stitcher

 

3. They faced their fears – When you face your fears, especially the ones that tell you, you are not good enough, doing something super human sure proves that you are indeed good enough and wipes out fear forever more! Fear is false evidence appearing real. It is a bully and when you stand up to it, it always runs away. You have to remove fear to climb any of your, personal mountains,

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4. They are both mentally and physically strong – Climbing your, personal mountains, is both a mental and physical challenge. Climbing your, personal mountains, has nothing to do with physical strength. In the book “Into Thin Air” one of the climbers that reached the peak was a 95 lb woman. Mental strength is more powerful than physical strength.

5. Perseverance – Climbing high altitude mountains is a marathon not a sprint. You have to acclimatize yourself to the high altitudes by climbing to incremental altitudes and climbing back down several times. In the same way you can’t scale your, personal mountains, in one jump, you have to approach it like a mountaineer or a marathon runner, take small bites at a time. Start with the small, personal mountains, and work to way the top of the world Mount Everest 29, 035 feet above the earth!

6. A Growth mindset – The climbers who summited Mt Everest saw Challenges as an opportunity to grow and develop. There is an old saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” Look at your, personal mountains, as a way to grow.

7. Willingness to be uncomfortable – There is no growth or victory until you get out if your comfort zone. The hardship a climber experiences on a climb is chilling. No pun intended. Climbing your, personal mountains, will definitely get you out of your comfort zone or it is not a mountain!

What can we learn from them? We learn that where there is a will, there is a way. All obstacles can be called, personal mountains, you have to climb them all one step at a time, carrying a heavy load, with frozen limbs, totally exhausted by the effort of just putting one foot in front of the other and when you finally reach the top, you have to still get back down!

If ordinary people can do it, you can climb your, personal mountains, as well. Live your dreams and dream big, really big.

Imagine being diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis and deciding to climb to the top of Mt Everest with no previous experience!

Believe in the unbelievable!
Climb beyond your limits, it is all a matter of Mind over Matter

If you have a friend that needs encouragement, feel free to share this episode and remember to subscribe and post a review.

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Additional Resources
Howe Committed Are You? – 4 Steps For Climbing Your Personal Mountains
https://www.finerminds.com/mind-power/personal-mountains/
How to Face a Challenge With Confidence
https://chopra.com/articles/how-to-face-a-challenge-with-confidence
https://blog.myhelps.us/the-quest-for-purpose-six-holistic-ways-finding-purpose/
https://blog.myhelps.us/the-alchemy-of-desire/https://blog.myhelps.us/the-alchemy-of-desire/

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

How to Change Core Beliefs

 

Do you know that your, core beliefs, affect everything you do in life? Well it’s true.  What you believe is how you show up in every circumstance in your life.

Listen to full interview here: 

For example: Do you consistently find yourself in situations where men are trying to bully you or treat you less than you are worth? It may because of a, core belief, that started with how your father treated your mother or even you.

Introduction Core Beliefs 

Your, core belief, could be that you are a victim and that belief keeps you trapped in that story.

The thing about a, core belief, is that it cannot be easily changed.

Here is a quote from Tony Robbins that explains the power of, core beliefs,:

“All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in, core beliefs. So how do we change? The most effective way is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief. You must feel deep in your gut that not only has this, core belief cost you pain in the past, but it’s costing you in the present and, ultimately, can only bring you pain in the future. Then you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of adopting a new, empowering belief.”

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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

We all have existing, core beliefs, in four areas:

  • How we feel love,
  • our self-worth,
  • how we feel security, and
  • fulfillment.
  • Life after death. 

Your, core beliefs, can’t be changed simply by throwing out an old one and adopting a new one, like changing your wardrobe. The change must come at the level of self-awareness to help you achieve any goal. 

Examples of, Positive Core Beliefs 

A, positive core belief, is pure and direct. It gives you a clear sense of who you are. It isn’t confused, conflicted, or compromised. Let’s take steps to make this the kind of, core belief, you are activating. Step one is to bring your, core beliefs, into awareness. The four key beliefs you want to activate are:

  • I am loving and lovable.
  • I am worthy.
  • I am safe and trusting.
  • I am fulfilled and whole.

The bible teaches that for God to answer prayer you must first believe and have faith that God is first able and willing to give you the desires of your heart; but there are ways to improve the chances that God will answer your prayer. A prayer is a special kind of intention or, core belief.  Therefore, the rules that apply to the,  Power of intentions, which are rules about consciousness, apply.

Your prayer will be answered, or not, depending on events happening out of sight – but not out of mind. The mind furnishes the mechanics of making any intention come true. An intention or prayer request, sent to God needs faith to rocket it to the heavens. An intention to graduate at the top of your class or to marry the man of your dreams takes focus, diligence and action. The bible also teaches “Faith  Without Works Is Dead”.

Are you rejecting love because of your, core belief? 

If you have not found love even after several tries, then you have to look deeply at what you are doing to push love away.  Do you have a, core belief, that you are unlovable? How much pain is that belief causing you? It will take a lot of work; but you have to believe that God’s light shines in you and that you deserving of love and happiness.

Do you feel empty inside all the time even though you have all the outward symbols of success like a nice home, a loving husband, a good job, 2 kids and a dog? Then your, core belief, could be that you need to make a contribution to the world like Mother Theresa or like Nelson Mandela to feel fulfilled. You have to change that, core belief, that maybe your purpose is to support your children and help them to fulfill their purpose in the world.  Sometimes our role in God’s kingdom is not to change the world but to change one person!

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Here is A Self-Awareness Exercise to help you understand Your, Core Beliefs,

Look upon what’s happening now in your life as a reflection of your, core beliefs.

Are there any patterns you see? For example:

  • Do all your relationships fail?
  • Are you in constant debt?
  • Do you find it hard to keep friends?

Listen to yourself. Once you figure it out, then turn it around. Ask yourself:

  • What do I want?
  • What would I have to believe in order to have this?

Next, you’re going to re-program yourself.

You may need the help of a coach like, Myrna Young, or mentor but; self-awareness is the key to changing your, core beliefs,

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

As Tony Robbins says, you must associate tremendous pleasure to your new, core belief,  For example. See yourself in a loving and fulfilling relationship, going on dream vacations and having a wonderful life together and believe that you are a woman any man can love!

Additional resources:

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/challenging-automatic-thoughts-positive-thoughts-worksheets/

Our Cognitive Bias: Construction Of The Self-Concept

Self-concept refers to how one perceives themselves, their past experiences, their abilities, their prospects for the future, and any other aspect of the self. Aaron Beck’s cognitive triad, discussed below, deals with self-concept and the construction of the self. The basic idea of how our self-concepts and cognitive biases affect our lives has to do with automatic thoughts.

For example, someone with a negative “self-referential schema” is more likely to take things personally, leading to automatic thoughts like “People are not talking to me because I am an unlikable person”, rather than exploring other possibilities (Disner et al., 2017). A negative self-referential schema can also lead to increased severity of depression symptoms. Most importantly, a negative self-concept can lead to an unending cycle of negative thoughts.

This is because people with negative self-referential schemas exhibit an attentional bias. For example, when asked to decide whether an adjective is self-referential or not, people with depression are more likely to endorse negative adjectives than healthy controls, and they show an attentional bias by being quicker to endorse negative adjectives and quicker to reject positive adjectives than healthy controls (Disner et al., 2017). In turn, being likelier to endorse negative adjectives is correlated with longer “retrospectively reported” depressive episodes, demonstrating the cycle of negativity.

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

How to Find Hardcore Happiness

Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?

So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Secret to a long Marriage not, sex 

 

But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.

“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”

So, what’s their secret?

“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.

“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.

Let me introduce my guest this week:

James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.

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Show notes Secret to Love 

1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?

I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.

As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald’s and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.

Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?

4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?

If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.

5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.

6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!

For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife’s, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.

Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins


If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.

You can also follow me on my Facebook page

If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

 

Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

Author Interview, Transform your mind podcast

Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her, abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question “Is child, abandonment, rejection by the natural mother?”  If so how does this rejection affect the child’s self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.

In her book  “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s Abandonment And Abuse.” Traci Thomas shares her story and how she got to the other side.

Here is Traci’s story:

On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it’s such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be.   It nonetheless served such a  great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following.  It’s one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively.  It’s one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand.  When you suffer from, abandonment, you’re in your own community and it’s isolating; but yet you’re so powerful at the same time.

With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment,  and it is a challenge, it’s a lot to muddle through.  However, once you get through it, and you’re on the other side, there’s nothing you can’t do.  So in my situation, it’s like a head of bipartisan.  I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time.  I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old.  That’s when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968.  I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States.  Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement.  That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.

I do remember one particular time my, mother,  did quote, unquote kidnap me.  She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she’s so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me.  She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that’s okay and that’s what I explained in the book.  It’s perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is.  It’s a supernatural definition.  I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what’s going on.  What’s happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you.  It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.

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What does, Abandonment Issues, Mean?

Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.

  • Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
  • Abandonment issues, may stem from  physical (the parent is not present in the child’s life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
  • Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance.  Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.

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I want to comment on something you said that’s a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water.  Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don’t think they’re good enough.

When you feel, abandoned, it’s not your imagination.  When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It’s this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you’re a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can’t wait to get you off the phone.  When you’re in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.

Podcast interview Questions: Reflection, 4, Rejection

What was your Objective in writing “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s , Abandonment, And Abuse.?

On, reflection, once you’ve been in a situation where you’ve made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips,  anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive.  It’s toxic, and it’s unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards.  You literally feel as if you’ve been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.

You’re in tears and you’re shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you’ve got to kiss every behind in the universe.  You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me. That’s why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That’s why I engineered and composed the book.

My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn’t want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.

Power is something you take, nobody gives you power.  You snatch power.

So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing,  is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned,  in hindsight. Let’s  really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second.  If you really do this it’s not hard at all, you won’t have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins.   Kissing this one’s tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother,  love you, trying to buy this person,  begging for love, please love me, please like me.  You don’t have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It’s not necessary. I’m trying to save somebody 50 years.

Reflection 4 Rejection
Reflection 4 Rejection

Abandonment, from Relationships

Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected,  period?  I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned,  are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents.  Men can reject you, your friends can reject you,  jobs can fire you.  Is this information transferable?

I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a  child and a natural, mother.  This ironically is not, rejection,  and if you read the book you’ll totally comprehend what I’m speaking about.  The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you.  The natural, mother, doesn’t even know you.  How can somebody reject you when they don’t even know you?  That makes absolutely no sense.

I’ve seen that the trauma that it is caused in young  lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it’s kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.  If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side.  That’s good, I like that spin.

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?

I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.

What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?

It would be in their best interest even if they don’t get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book.  It’s their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not.  I mean that’s their choice; but with that being said.

Don’t ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth.  Don’t do that. Don’t ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.

I know you talked about your natural mother not  really rejecting you because she didn’t know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating.  He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling.  So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.

I’m not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass.  I can’t really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers,  who have gone through the same episode and they didn’t react that way.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher    

Are You Angry at your mom for her Abuse and, Abandonment?

  • One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach.  At those times were you ever angry?

What’s so interesting is that I got angry at the end.  Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what’s so flabbergasting to me is  that I didn’t get angry and livid until the very end.  I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at me for participating.  I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration,  the hurt, the pain, the disappointment,  the monotony, and the redundancy.

Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you’re at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you’re free.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How did you handle Rejection and Reflection?

When you read the book  you’ll completely understand what’s going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Your, mother, didn’t reject you, she can’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.

Yes, I understand what you’re saying.  After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side,  you feel empowered like you can walk on water.  Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.

Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children  in many ways.

Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5

5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

https://blog.myhelps.us/confidence/

Childhood trauma, #8

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.

https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.

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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

 

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Additional Resources 

Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-uninvolved-parenting-2794958

Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/abuse-and-neglect-to-children-in-a-divorce-261.shtml

What are the Symptoms of Adult ADHD?


 

We most often associate, ADHD, with children; but statistics show that 60% of childhood, ADHD, transforms to, adult ADHD.

We as have seen or been parents to the child who never stops or sits down.

In addition to never sitting down they are also:

Symptoms of Childhood, ADHD

  • Are impulsive
  • Have trouble focusing
  • Have trouble managing their emotions
  • Have difficulty remembering information
  • Don’t start tasks (or don’t finish them)

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So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?  Here is one woman’s story

I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD.  One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.

I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.

The two inattentive men,  naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.

Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.

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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

I’m curious about, Adult ADHD. Does kids with, ADHD,  become adults with, adult ADHD?

For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD.  Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD,  is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in  childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit.  Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?

Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.

What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?

When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use.  It gives you  clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed.  There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.

  1. Inattention
  2. Impulse Control
  3. Hyperactivity

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We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium.  Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.

ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.

Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

 

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.

  • Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
  • Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
  • Basal Ganglia. …
  • Reticular Activating System.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.

The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement.  The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system.  It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.

ADHD in women
ADHD in women

Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?

No, not at all.  I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass.  I would love to see his research.

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Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?

Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals.  I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.

if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?

I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD.  He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.

https://wellnessforce.com/dr-john-gray-adhd-brain-health-sex-addiction/

Download to listen to the full episode

 

Shocking Facts About ADHD

  • One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
  • One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
  • Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness

Additional Resources Adult ADHD

https://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-mental-illness-my-bipolar-life/

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://www.verywellmind.com/add-and-attention-deficit-disorders-2161810#:~:text=Attention%20deficit%20disorder%20(ADD)%20is,completing%20tasks%20and%20social%20interaction.