Tag Archives: physical abuse

Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, Love and Religion, women

How to Overcome the Pain of Domestic Violence

My guest today shares her story of years of, domestic violence, she was verbally and physically abused by her parents and then continued the cycle into, abusive relationships, one of them almost killing her. After her last, abusive relationship, ended, she discovered that he was sexually molesting her 7 year old daughter. Shermomicia tells a powerful story of how she is stopping the cycle of, domestic violence, and healing her family.

Domestic Abuse and Childhood Trauma

Shermonicia tell me your back story. I know you're studying for your masters right now but can you take us through your journey to this point in your life.

I have three sisters and one brother. The four of us growing up with my mother and father they were both on drugs. My whole entire life was abusive. I am also a victim of, sexual molestation. I was sexually attacked when I was like seven or eight. It was hard growing up with both parents on drugs. I have three kids with 3 different men who were all abusive.
I'm going to talk about the abuse today is where the abuse that almost cost me my life.

I would say that my abuse started way before I even got with any man. My mother was very verbally and physically abusive. Every day she would tell me how she wished she never had us.

She called us all kind of names so, I didn't have no self-esteem, none whatsoever. My father was abusive as well, he would abuse my mom. It led me to abusive men. I got married to my son's dad and he was verbally abusive. He left me and my son with no money and we got evicted. I lost my job because of him and we'd had nowhere to go, so my mother decided I guess you can come stay with me.

So I lived with her for a little while and I was able to get back on my own feet to get my own place. I met my oldest daughter father 2 years after my divorce. We got together and I had his child seven months after we met. Four months after she was born, the abuse and , domestic violence, started. It lasted for four years. I was physically beaten not daily, maybe every other day. He was a monster.

He really was. I have been kicked in my head, I have been punched and choked and slapped; brought up against walls dragged, through the house by my hair. He locked me in a closet, he used belts. I didn't want to sleep with him, two times he knocked me unconscious and he got so scared because he thought he killed me.
Wow, domestic violence, is no joke. It is hard for me to write this.

Multiple domestic violence relationships

Shermonicia let's talk about what happened in the third, domestic violence, relationship.

I met him in 2013 and right away we started a sexual relationship. He was always saying I don't want a girlfriend, I just want to have have fun. I got pregnant seven months after meeting him. So here I am, a third child by a third man. He used God to get in the door. He said God told me you're going to be my wife and he just he moved in.

For the first 3-4 months the relationship was wonderful. He's was a, narcissist,  who used sex to control, He was very sexual he used sex with everything that he does, so after 4 months the verbal and, mental abuse, started. The pattern of, domestic violence, started again. He'd push me against the wall, he’d put his hands on me, but it wasn't like the first, domestic violence, relationship I was in.

He propose and we were planning our wedding and fifty days before the wedding he called it off. He jumped on me in front of my children and walked out. About a month after he left he left, my seven-year-old daughter came to me and said he put grease between my legs. That kind of caught me off guard and when I went to him and asked him about it and he said she was hurting down there so I put grease.

My daughter would not talk about it until I took her to a church group, the lady was sharing about how her father molested her and she broke down and told me all what her was doing to her. It was almost like a second heartbreak to me because I was dealing with a breakup. We had a four year old child together, I was going to marry this man. It was devastating and so I immediately contacted the authorities and you know got everything going. The trial starts in a couple of weeks.

Tune in to listen to this incredible story of survival and how Shermomicia is making sure that the cycle does not continue to her daughters.

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Continue reading How to Overcome the Pain of Domestic Violence →

blog, child abuse, healthy relationships, Life Coaching, lifecoaching, Podcast, relationship coaching

10 Ways Childhood Trauma Impacts our Ability to Love

10 ways that, childhood trauma, can sabotage your love life and relationships. Relationship Coach Riana Milne joins The Transform your Mind podcast to discuss, childhood trauma, and how it impacts our adult life. Riana is the best selling author of “Love Beyond your Dreams” and “From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success.”

For anyone who have had trouble maintaining healthy relationships, listen to find out if your have any of the, childhood trauma, that can affect your love relationships.

 

How Childhood Trauma affects Adults
How Childhood Trauma affects Adults

IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN:

How does, childhood trauma, impact adults in life and love?
Riana goes over ten, childhood traumas, and relate them back to how they show up in our lives as an adult.
To get the most out of this topic, Riana advise the listeners to Get a sheet of paper and make three columns.

The first column you put “ME”, the second column you put “Your partner” and the third column you put “Your parents” because research shows, childhood trauma, go through the generations.

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https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-Transform-your-Mind-29542107/

So here are the ten, childhood traumas:

As I speak them remember that when you were child you're very young and innocent all you knew is what mom and dad modeled to you so there’s
nothing to feel guilt or shame about.
I don't want people to say no it didn't happen because they're embarrassed or they feel shame around it.
If it is a fact, if it happened write it down.
It is like putting a puzzle together. Once you know what your, childhood trauma, is and then how it's showing up as a for you as an adult.
As a coach, I can start putting the pieces together and everything starts making a whole lot of sense.

My favorite line is you can't change what you don't understand.

Childhood trauma, #1 addictions

1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there's also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder, spending or gambling, workaholic etc. There's 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2 Verbal Abuse

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and yelling at each other? This, Childhood trauma, is typical is yelling screaming but this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like “you'll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3 emotional abuse or neglect

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let's say they came home from school at 3 o'clock and mom if they're in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours.

There's anxiety around that. So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we're out trying to support our kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4 Psychical abuse

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – This, childhood trauma,  could have happened in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools we're supposed to teach our child another way.

If you're beating them or hitting them you're teaching them to be violent back. We don't want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5 Abandonment

5. Abandonment – There's two types, childhood trauma, from abandonment. Fault and No Fault abandonment.
Here are three examples, childhood trauma, from no-fault abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault” abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6 Adoption

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to live with relatives because mom or dad couldn't take care of you, that even includes Grandma's, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn't want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn't want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7 personal trauma

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky. Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

Childhood trauma, #8 Sibling trauma

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time. Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I'm worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9 Community trauma

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years. Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that's all
family trauma and community trauma. Today we can also have, childhood trauma, if we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass shootings in our community.

http://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10 Mental Health

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities. We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma. Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or the repercussions.

I am unlike every other love coach, because I specialize in how the past has harmed you and what you're attracting. We call it same person different face. The repetitive toxic relationships and this happens to my clients who are very successful
in business but they struggle in love. They can't figure out why like I can get the career right,

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1. The Coaching Game features 65 associative cards that explore significant everyday life themes.
2. Punctum fosters associative connections between photos, themes and questions. These flexible combinations make it a fascinating tool, highly effective in dynamic therapy, coaching and counseling.
3. Faces is a powerful way to get to know ourselves through the observation of others.

For more information or to purchase one or more games. Would make a prefect Christmas gift for someone you love. Head over to https://poy4all.com/transform/?ref=17

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Get it here:
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Additional Resources:

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4 Ways a Traumatic Childhood Affects Adult Relationships

What happens to us as children can affect the attachment style we carry into our adult relationships. Childhood Trauma, hugely influences attachment. Often people who grew up in happy, healthy, and stable homes where caregivers were emotionally available and responsive to their needs have a secure attachment style. These people don't push partners away or cling too tightly. While they may have troubles in their relationships, an unhealthy attachment style isn't the cause.

The Long Shadow of Childhood Trauma

A new study suggests that stress experienced early in life damages the ability to assess risk, creating young adults with poor decision-making skills.

child abuse, Life Coaching, Personal Development, Spiritual Life Coaching, women

Do You Have A Child Sexual Abuse Story? Break the Silence

What does, child sexual abuse, look like? It is the face of innocence interrupted.
Millions of children are victims of, sexual abuse, every year from people they trust. Fathers, brothers, uncles, family friends, their mothers boyfriends…the list goes on.

The, BTS documentary,  is shining a light on this issue with their documentary, “Breaking the Silence.”

This documentary, “Breaking the Silence,” aired on the TLC network. This one-hour special featured interviews with people and children impacted by, sexual abuse, including two members of RAINN’s Speakers Bureau, survivors Ter-rae Lee and David Moody, as well as survivor-advocate Erin Merryn, the force behind Erin's Law.

Child Sexual Abuse Cheryl Burke

One of the speakers on the program was Cheryl Burke of Dancing with the Stars fame. Cheryl shared her, child sexual abuse, story. She was a victim of, sexual abuse,  by her kinder-garden school teacher at the tender age of 6 years. She shares how that experience has shaped her life and defined her subsequent choice in lovers.

Burke, 31, said the, sexual abuse, started when she was in kindergarten. She didn't name anyone specifically, but said, “He would make me watch pornographic videos. He was kind of like that fatherly figure – I think he knew my weakness, that I was very insecure.

Burke, 31, said her parents had divorced and her father had moved away, so this man was tasked with watching her and took advantage.

“I couldn't speak up for myself. It was hard for me to say no. In a weird way, it was like I didn't want to hurt him,” the native Californian added.

The dancing star eventually had to testify against the man when she was 6, she said.

Facing your Abuser

“My mom was there holding my hand, I was shaking and there was my molester right in front of me. It was so terrifying to see him face to face. I remember taking a lot of breaks because I would just break down,” she said, adding it was dance that brought her back.

Some other famous, child sexual abuse,  survivors were Oprah Winfrey and Dr Maya Angelou. All three of these women overcame their childhood obstacles and went on to live remarkable lives, but some are not so fortunate. In my book “Out of the Snares, A story of hope and encouragement” I share my, child sexual abuse,  story and give my readers 10 life principles on how to not only overcome your childhood story; but how to succeed in spite of it.

Oprah's Child Sexual Abuse story

The media mogul Oprah Winfrey recounted her own experiences with, sexual abuse, which included being raped at the age of nine.

“Anybody who has been verbally abused or, physically abused,  will spend a great deal of their life rebuilding their self esteem,” Winfrey said in front of 3,000 students.

She recounted being physically beaten as a child, saying it was a cultural experience many African- American children went through. She also said was raped and molested.

Winfrey talked about some of the positive aspects of her life: How she learned to read before she was three, how she wished to be Diana Ross, and how she skipped school because she wrote a note to her teacher.

Description of her happy times didn’t last, though.

“I grew up in an environment where children were seen and not heard,” she said.

“I was beaten regularly.”

One such beating, she said, stuck out in vividly in her mind.

“I went to a well to get some water and carry it in a bucket. And I was playing in the water with my fingers, and my grandmother had seen me out the window and she didn’t like it.

“She whipped me so badly that I had welts on my back and the welts would bleed. And then when I put on my Sunday dress, I was bleeding from the welts. And then she was very upset with me because I got blood on the dress.

“So then I got another whipping for getting blood on the dress.”

 

 

Here are the 10 Biblical and Universal Laws that can help readers rewrite their story of Child Sexual Abuse

1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
2. The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good. Your, child sexual abuse, was your teachable moment. God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
3. Let the Universal Laws of Attraction, the Laws of Intention work for you – Ask and it will be given unto you.
4. Have a Positive Mind-set – Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) from your, sexual abuse.
5. Use what you have in your hand- You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
6. Be intentional about your Growth- Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
7. If you build it, they will come. Be a servant first.
8. Find your Passion – it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose. You can achieve your purpose in spite of your, child sexual abuse.
9. Love – it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
10. Business Consciousness – how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.

Additional Resources

Surviving R. Kelly: The Mindset Of A Sexual Predator

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?