In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna I want to teach on the, rules of the mind. As humans we are body, mind, and spirit and each one of these entities comes with principles that govern them. The, mind, is the software that controls the body. It is the faculty that is used in imagination, and thought. The phrase you are what you think about most of the time shows how powerful the mind is.
The first, rule of the mind, is language. You can talk to the, mind, using, positive affirmations, and direct the, subconscious mind, to believe what you are saying.
For example, if you are becoming forgetful you can talk to the, mind, with this, affirmation, “I will remember everything I read, I will be like Google, whenever my brain asks me for information my, mind, will go immediately and retrieve that information from the server and answer the question. I will have total recall”
You say this, affirmation, daily until your brain has total recall.
Here are some positive affirmations: I am affirmations
I am love. I am purpose. I am the Universe
I am worthy of what I desire
I can. I will. End of story
I am adventurous. I overcome fears by following my dreams
I feed my spirit. I train my body. I focus my mind.
I am in charge of my life, I am the captain of my ship.
The, subconscious mind, responds to all thoughts real or imagined. If you fear flying or going into an MRI machine, instead of telling yourself that flying is a death trap or that the MRI machine feels like a coffin, tell your, subconscious mind, that you love the time to yourself in the MRI machine.
Then when you are in the MRI machine, imagine you are on a beach and the clouds are dark because it is about to storm and you so love the storm. Thoughts like these allow you to not think the MRI machine is your coffin, but it is like spending time to yourself on a vacation.
Positive thinking, doesn’t mean that you ignore life’s less pleasant situations. Positive thinking, just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.
Positive thinking, often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information or expectations due to preconceived ideas of what may happen.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is more likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you’re likely an optimist — someone who practices, positive thinking.
3. The Subconscious mind responds to feelings
The, subconscious mind, responds to feelings not logic. Kids in an orphanage would cry at the end of meals when their plates were taken away because in the past whenever they had a meal, they were not sure when they would get the next meal, and even though they now get 3 meals a day, they still cry when the plate is taken away.
Their minds are still programmed to the feelings of hunger. Research shows that it takes about 2 years to reprogram the brain with new feelings of having all the food they need and that they will get 3 means per day every day. As a Foster mom I never understood this, I would have kids’ horde food, even though they were never hungry.
I was thinking logically. But the brain or mind is not logical. If you come across this scenario, one way to hack this illogical behavior is to put some nuts or snacks in their bag and tell them whenever they are hungry, they will always have something to eat.
4. Your mind is self-fulfilling prophesy.
For example, if you tell your mind that you are a horrible speaker and that you will get up on stage and draw a blank and not remember anything from your presentation, this will surely become a, self-fulfilling prophesy. You will get up on stage and draw a blank and not remember anything.
Instead tell your mind that you are an awesome speaker, you are the best and you know this work inside out and you will get up on stage and your higher self will take over and the words will just flow out. This is the, self-fulfilling prophesy, that you want the, subconscious mind, to produce.
There are two types of, self-fulfilling prophecies: Self-imposed prophecies occur when your own expectations influence your actions. Other-imposed prophecies occur when others’ expectations influence your behavior. All opinions you value can cause this prophecy.
5. If you prepare for the worst, you will manifest it.
Preparing for the worst, makes things worst. For example, a lot of women say they are not going to tell anyone they are pregnant, because they don’t want to feel embarrassed if they miscarry and then they, prepare for the worst, by checking every hour to see if they are spotting.
Never, prepare for the worst, because when you prepare for the worst, it has a way of showing up. Instead prepare to meet your child. Tell your child in the womb that he or she has a purpose and he or she will be born and fulfill that purpose. Tell him or her today your spine is forming, tomorrow your hands and feet will be formed and in 30 weeks you will be born completely healthy and perfect and I can’t wait to meet you.
When your brain is locked in disaster mode, it’s difficult to think with any kind of nuance. You become like one of those doomsday preppers living in fear.
Anxiety narrows your focus and does not allow you to enjoy your pregnancy. You lose the ability to let new facts inform your thinking, or to engage your curiosity about the many ways that things could get better.
6. The mind can’t distinguish between reality and fiction.
The way the brain processes information is fundamentally different when we perceive information from our senses compared to what is self-generated within the mind. What the brain receives from our senses is known as ‘afferent information’ and simply means, information travelling towards the brain.
The brain can self-generate or imagine what is currently happening and this is called an efference copy. When there is a conflict in information between afferent and efferent information, we experience a “surprise”.
So, start visualizing what you want. $50,000 in your bank account, a palatial mansion, a husband and 2 kids, whatever you desire. Tell your, subconscious mind, what you want and it will maneuver the universe and get it to you.
Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative. Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example. So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”
My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers. Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.
Does being a martial artist help with self communication?
Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness? You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.
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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices. I started practicing martial art around 17 years old. I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.
I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.
How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns
Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.
I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.
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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?
Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication. The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.
How to Listen to your Self-talk
You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.
What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves. We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.
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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:
you’re not good enough.
you’ll never be nothing.
you will never amount to anything.
You will never be a success in life.
Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?
Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?
Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.
Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?
Cheyne – That’s a great question. I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.
There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi
This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives. The mind leads the Chi!
When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.
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Negative self-talk – I am not good enough
Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.
Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves. I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.
We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.
I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:
you’re so pretty.
you’re so beautiful.
you are going to kick ass in this job.
I am good enough for this promotion.
No, the, self-communication, is always negative.
Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.
Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk
Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program. Tell us about it.
Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”
People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.
Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.
Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today. What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.
How do we process those experiences? We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.
Self-liberation is a freeing experience
This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.
Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.
I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s. I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it. Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.
What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?
Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.
When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation. We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.
These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way. We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.
Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change
All we have to do the work. I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!
We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk
If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame. You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.
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We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.
We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.
I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.
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I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.