Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?
So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!
But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.
“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”
So, what’s their secret?
“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.
“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.
Let me introduce my guest this week:
James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.
1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?
I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.
As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald's and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.
Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?
4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?
If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.
5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.
6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!
For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife's, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.
Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins
If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.
Andre Paradis, relationship coach shares dating advice on what makes masculine men commit to one woman. Sometimes these masculine men are scary, but these are the guys who want a woman and a family to take care of. They want a kingdom, which is you and the kids and a family. These, masculine men, want to provide for and cherish you.
Andre Paradis, Relationship Coach, NLP Coach, Educator of Effective Communications,Published Writer, Public Speaker, and Ordained Minister. Grew up in Canada, then became a professional dancer, dancing withlegends including Michael Jackson, Prince, Paula Abdul, Julio Eglesias to name a few. Later he attended a workshop called “Understanding Women.” And studied and learned from some of the biggest relationship masters (Dr. Pat Allen, Dr.Esther Perel, Dr. John Gray, Shantie Feldhan, and Alison Armstrong). He started sharing hisknowledge with friends and family.
He saw that this knowledge actually helped peoplelead happier lives with the people they love. He found a new purpose in life… The BigCalling deep inside him. He then sold his successful auto shop and launched Project Equinox Coaching to help men and women learn to build stronger, long-lasting, andhealthy love relationships. For some clients, he even officiates their wedding.”
Myrna: I think love is in trouble. Why do you think relationships are so difficult now?
Andre: It's a no brainer, I have seen it coming for about a decade now. It is the difference between men and women. You know Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Men say, why did you talk so much? And women saying stuff like, he doesn't talk. But 10 years ago, it started shifting in the past five years incredibly quick. Is the concept of equality in the world, equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunities, fantastic for the feminist movement, I get it.
The core being that men should be like women, and women should be like men to be a good woman. So, we raise women up to be strong, independent, powerful. This is fantastic. But it's sort of over calibrated into women living like men. And then we teach young men, to be sweet, sensitive, vulnerable, talkative, showing vulnerability makes them boys.
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Why equality is the killer of romance
Myrna: Are we saying that men should be not vulnerable?
Andre: There's a lot of data on this and we'll talk about that a little bit. The opposite of what people think, people think less offers more protection towards women and children. Everything I teach is different. While the possibilities for money can bring opportunity or, equality, in the realm of relationships you depolarize everything with, equality.
Men and women need, polarity, to be attracted to each other. So, it's masculine and feminine. It's a positive magnet vs a negative magnet, it's black and white. In all the shades in between. The more polarity in a relationship, the more effective it is. So, we are neutralizing relationships when we insist on, equality. It’s the kiss of death in relationships. Don't do it.
Myrna: You said a couple of things there. Yep. us the first thing you said was that problem is that men don't talk, men don't listen. These are masculine traits, and the feminine traits are woman wanting to talk is no longer the problem. So, the problem with relationships today is that men are feminine and women are more masculine.
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Traits of masculine men
Andre: Correct, we have 3 types of men. The boys are the ones who lie, cheat and scam women. They don't want to work. They want women to work. They are the feminists. They say “You go girl, get that double promotion” and they lay on the couch and spoon the dog while the women work.
Then we have the guys who are somewhere in the middle. They're masculine enough to have jobs and cars and have their own place. They don’t live in a basement of their mother's house any longer. But when it comes to women, they don't take you out, or they'll say stuff like “what do you want to do? They are overly polite and bland, women hate that. So, these guys get to be easily reversed, rehabilitated into masculine stuff.
Now the real man, masculine men, is a whole different beast, they know who they are because they actually were raised in a system, they had male role models and they understand the value of a man is to go conquer something in the world, build their character and push through their fears. Build a business, leave a legacy etc. So, the problem with this, we're going to call it a problem, it's really not a problem, but the disconnect for you is that those guys are big. They're big, they're loud, they'll run you over sometimes to get where they are going. The more masculine a man is, the more he does what he does when he feels like it. Not only that, he's not asking your permission, you're not telling him what to do. He's handling it.
Sometimes they are scary but these are the guys who want women and a family to take care of. They want a kingdom, which is you and the kids and a family. These, masculine men, want to provide for and cherish you. The part you don’t like is they control everything and are difficult to deal with. I teach women how to deal with masculine men. Do you know how masculine men connect with women?
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Andre: Masculine men, connect to, feminine women, by being in their presence. He wants to have you in his space. Most women don’t understand this, they'll say to you, Lets go to Home Depot and the woman would respond “I don't want to go there.” You just mess it up. He is inviting you in his space, no talking necessary. By the way. This is when you screw it up. If you're going to invade his space and then don't fill it up with talking. You may not get invited back into his space.
Myrna: Why do you say, equality, is the kiss of death in relationships?
Andre: If you equalize our energies together, you neutralize the demand for, polarity, and its diversity so equal relationships are not sustainable. Whether, equality, is in the form of 50/50 on everything, or, equality, in the chores, equality, will essentially kill the sexual dynamics. You become roommates after a while.
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Why do masculine men commit to a woman
Myrna: What makes a masculine man committed to one woman?
Andre: Masculine men have a hard time finding women nowadays because they’re all masculine. Ladies if you want to be the one a masculine man commits to, you have to be a unicorn in the crowd, which means not a masculine woman but a woman with feminine essence.
Masculine Men commit to one woman for these reasons:
Polarity- masculine men want feminine women.
Masculine men are looking for a co- pilot, they don’t want you to fly the plane alone. They need a feminine woman to be by his side. He needs you to be a support system for the life that he has created for his family. Why masculine men commit to one woman? He wants a partner, a co-pilot.
Be his confidant when he needs one. Masculine men will control, manage and lead everything, but often they'll go babe. “I don't know what to do with this. What should we do?” This is a partnership, a team that's working together, flying the plane together. Two pilots, the pilot and the copilot, the president and vice president. In every corporation somebody has to lead and somebody else has to manage.
Myrna: When a man chooses a woman, she is the one he loves and he is definitely looking for his co-pilot, but a lot of men are playing the field and not choosing a woman. He will go out with a whole bunch of women and not commit and then one would come into his life and he'll commit immediately. So, what are the dynamics here? What you're saying is that masculine men want to settle down and start a family; only the boys want to play.
Andre: There you go. You are now getting it right, only the boys want to play the field. Masculine men want a kingdom. They want to build a kingdom with you. That's what makes them get out of bed in the morning. They live for that stuff. Women think that sex is what makes a man settle down. That’s actually the opposite it makes them go. You're not worthy, you have zero or too low value. Who else has been in here? Not doing it. I'm not doing anything with you.
Myrna: Tell us about your coaching programs and how readers can connect with you.
Andre: My mission is to change the culture of relationships, because what is happening out there is destroying families; destroying the possibility of healthy children. When a family is not healthy or broken, it keeps children from building their own healthy families and having healthy children. So, when you destroy families, you destroy our culture. Now it's my mission to recalibrate the culture. So, thank you for helping me spread this word.
I have two coaching gifts actually for your listeners. the first one is for the brave and the other one is for the less brave. Coaches are the key to success whether it's a business coach or life coach, relationship coach or a nutrition coach. Whatever success you are looking for in life a coach can help. This is why the coaching industry is the growing by leaps and bounds. So, if your listeners, resonated with anything I'm saying and they want to talk to me personally then sign up for a free coaching session at www.Andregroupcoaching.com that takes you to my calendar.
Schedule a FREE one-hour session whether it is for men or women. There is a questionnaire to help me sort of understand where you are before you're on the call and we have a zoom call like this, one on one. On that call we will figure out what's not working for you and what the dream is. I'm really good. In 15 minutes, we'll figure out exactly what things came up. It's typically In childhood trauma or the baggage that we carry.
I can't get anybody in a healthy relationship until we understand your baggage. So, in that call, we actually unpack the baggage. So that alone is life changing. For some people to understand there's nothing wrong with them. They just right. And from there, we're talking about the future. What is it that you want? And then I'll tell you different options if you want to work with me. You know ABCDE depending on your willingness or your finances, so that's one way to do it.
The next way is somebody's who’s not as brave you can email me directly at Andrecoaching1@Gmail.com. Write to me, tell me what's going on. I will answer personally.
