How to Find Success in Online Dating During COVID 19

Anwar White online dating coach

Online dating, during COVID 19 is happening the same way as online purchases and e-commerce. During the last year we have been buying most of everything online. Dating and relationship coach, Anwar White says for his clients, dating apps, are the primary way that they are meeting future partners or just, dating, in general. That’s going to be the case after, COVID 19, when things open back and we can date in person again.  I thing like e-commerce, 20% of people will remain on, dating apps.

I would like to welcome my newest audience which on the Preach the Word Worldwide Television Network.

Today we have an exciting topic for all you single ladies and single men out there.  We are going to be talking on the topic of How to Find Success Dating during COVID 19.

Listen to the full interview Here:

 

My guest today is dating and, relationship coach, Anwar White.  Anwar is going to share tips on, online dating, during these unprecedented times of, COVID 19, where everything is remote. Single women, can’t meet their date in person.

We want to include some information on, Christian dating.  The bible says in second Corinthians:

Do not be unequally yoked which means that Christians should look for partners in, marriage, where both of them share the same beliefs and practices such as praying, reading the bible and going to church.

Dating Tips on How to Get Your Guy

Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming, dating coach, and podcast Host of the “How to Get Your Guy”. I guess the, dating, conversation is towards women.

Anwar – My name is Anwar White, and I have been helping the boys talk to the girls and the girls talked to the boys ever since elementary school.  I started doing this work as a, dating coach, when catching up with my female classmates and found out everything was going well in their life except for love.

It was so crazy to me because these women were the most amazing women. Well educated, beautiful and successful and yet they could not find a man.  So, I told them I’m taking over your love life! I slowly started working with a variety of my former classmates and we had lot of really great success. They were having boyfriends very quickly and they were getting married within two years.

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Helping Women of Color Date Effectively

I got certified as a, relationship coach, and started working with thousands of women and men all around the world.  I don’t want your listeners to think I focus just on women.

I am very focused on how men are thinking about, dating, and, relationships, as well.  So  I’ve been doing my own thing as an entrepreneur and coaching women all around the world, specifically, women of color.  Smart, successful, women of color, on how to heal their heart, how to date effectively and then, How to Get Their Guy, on my podcast.

Myrna -It sounds like you were born with the aptitude for this work because when people start doing things earlier on in life, it is usually their purpose. We are experiencing huge growth on, dating apps, and the, online dating, world During, COVID 19, pandemic. Do you think the, dating, world will be forever changed after, COVID 19?

Is online Dating Here to Stay

Anwar – I think about, online dating, the same way I think about online purchases and e-commerce. During the last year we have been buying most of everything online. I know for the clients that I work with, dating apps, is the primary way that they are meeting future partners or just, dating, in general. That that’s going to be the case after, COVID 19. When things open back and we can date in person again, I thing like e-commerce, 20% of people will remain on, dating apps.

It’s crazy because it’s similar in terms of, online dating.  Roughly 20% of, relationships, came from, online dating, right now that looks like a little bit more like 40 to 50%.

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How can one find success dating during COVID 19

Anwar- It depends on what their definition of success means. For some marriage is not their end goal, they just want to connect with someone. My clients have different wants and desires.  The other thing that I wanted to about success in, online dating, is specifically during this time is that we have the time to self-reflect and to have more self-awareness.

You have to bring your whole entire self to this, love game, or you’re not going to be successful. If you’re you not addressing the things that you have been avoiding or ignoring or ashamed of and you’re hiding those parts of yourself, then people are not really getting to know you or able to love you fully.  So, take this time to address and heal some of those things so that when they are meeting their person, they can be ready to be the best partner that they can be.

Myrna – Do you think that people can do self-reflection themselves or they’re hiring a, dating coach, like you for instance.

Hiring a Dating Coach Helps you become your best self

Anwar –  Some are hiring a, dating coach, I think the coaching industry has exploded. People have had the time and space to sit back, exhale and be like oh I’m not happy about these things.  Instead of working and doing that rat race.

Coaches can help you with those blind spots to accelerate that work and potentially that healing to get you to your goal faster.

Myrna – 95% of us are not living conscious lives which means that they can’t sit down and self-evaluate or see their blind spots.

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What are the top, dating, mindset shifts that are critical to successful, Online dating?

Anwar – I think there are a couple of things when I think about kind of mindset shifts when it comes to, dating. First is a lot of people try to date their clone, someone who’s just like them.  If I am from the Caribbean and I am a Christian and I work in IT, that is who they want to partner with.

I have a really great success rate in terms of getting my clients partnering with someone who is not their clone. I think it’s important for us to realize that we have to be more open-minded when it comes to, dating, and realize that it’s not about what their resume or what their paper looks like; it’s really about how they’re making me feel.

I work with smart and successful women.  My clients are Harvard educated and most of them has a list of the things they want in a man. We have to shift our mindset around, you had an amazing time with this person.

On the men’s side it’s about really how she looks and how seductive she is and her

curvature and all of that, so we have to think beyond that and really focus in on the things that are going to fulfill us from a long-term perspective, because chemistry is short lived.

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Is Compatibility more important than Chemistry in Dating?

Another mindset shift that I want us to be thinking about is, compatibility vs chemistry.  How we how we vibe, how we connect, how we mesh.  I always think of, compatibility, is. Can we make a thousand decisions in one day together?  Because that’s really what being a really in a, relationship, is all about.  You must be able to be on the same page on a lot of different subjects.

The mindset shift is about prioritizing, compatibility, over, chemistry. I think a lot of people are focused on the, chemistry, when they’re, dating, and not the, compatibility.  The, chemistry, is those butterflies in my stomach.  Chemistry, chemically fades within 18 months from our body and then all you are left with is, compatibility.

When you look at, divorce rates, those first two years are so crucial, because often times what happens is that, chemistry, starts to fade during that time.

Dating Advice on Finding the Right Guy

If you’re a woman out there and you want a guy that is making six figures that’s great; but that’s only nine percent of the population.

  • If you want a guy who is six feet tall, that’s good; but that’s roughly eight percent of the population
  • If you want a man with a graduate degree that’s six percent of people out there
  • If you want someone who owns their own home that’s 20% of the population.
  • Multiply all of that together you actually have a one percent chance of finding your guy and that’s not even taking into account if that person likes you back.

You must know how this, love game, works. Nine out of the ten people that you meet are not going to be the one. Knowing the numbers ahead of time saves your heart and saves any of the mental chatter, you know of the stories that you tell yourself.  The ones that don’t serve you, I am not good enough, I will never meet the right guy.

Additional Resources

Are you waiting on Love? How Single Women over 40 Find Love

 

How does Infidelity Affect Intimacy In Marriages

infidelity in marriages

 

What happens when there is, infidelity, in your marriage? Statistics show that as much of 70% of men and women cheat on their spouses and committed partners.

Today on WDJY 99.1 FM straight talk radio our topic is “How does, Infidelity, affect Intimacy and Desire for our Partner ” We all Desire to be in loving fulfilling, relationships, with our partners, our children, our friends and co-workers. We desire to have successful careers, some of us desire to procreate and have children, we desire to be emotionally and physically healthy, we desire to be wealthy, and today we are going to touch on our desire for our partners to be faithful to their commitment to us.

Introduction to Infidelity in Marriages

My co -host for this episode is my girl pal the fabulous Ms Margo Blake. Margo is a One Taste Intimacy Coach and, I am a Mindset Coach. Together we want to share our knowledge on this Topic “How does, Infidelity, affect Intimacy and Desire for our partner”

What is Desire – Desire can be called the feminine face of God! Desire is what God places in your spirit to lead you to your purpose. It is the key that unlocks what God placed you on this earth to do.

The dictionary calls Alchemy a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination.

I will tell you from personal experience that there is nothing that transforms an intimate relationship into something magical, like the surety that your partner will not break his vows or commitment to you, that he or she loves you unconditionally and would not look at another. But how do we, survive infidelity, when it happens?

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How to Survive Infidelity

Not too many of us can walk in that space, being able to swear that our partners would not cheat on us.

In a previous blog, we talked about how to manifest the desires of your heart. The first step is knowing what you want. The second step is adding emotions to it.

In our second blog on the topic of, infidelity,  we talked on how to use the energy of desire to create something magical.

In our 3 blog we Used the Power of Attention to light our desires afire after, infidelity.

If you missed those 3 episodes, please download on then on iTunes, Sticher or TuneIn podcast.

Today we want to turn up the heat another notch as we talk about the controversial subject of, infidelity, and how it changes Intimacy.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

Relationship Coaching

Margo is an, Intimacy coach, with One Taste. So let’s start off our discussion today by having her weigh in on the conversation.

Illustrations of an intense desire for intimacy

UK Artist Ben Newman brings a different kind of taste to satirical art. This is sultry and saucy at the same time.
His boldness in combining sexy female characters with robots present in the fantasy world is amazing with an intense desire for intimacy.

The solution to infidelity is not always divorce 

Myrna – Margo as an, intimacy coach, how has your clients dealt with, infidelity?

Believe it or not, most people decide to stay in their marriages after, infidelity. The important thing is to address the issues that might have lead to the, infidelity, and get the necessary help to recover.

Infidelity in marriages, Divorce isn’t always the solution, particularly when the unfaithful spouse is remorseful and devoted to changing. Here are some things you need to know if you are dealing with the fallout of, infidelity, in your marriage.

  • Betrayal is in the eye of the beholder.
  • Infidelity is not a marital deal breaker
  • Most affairs end – a man rarely leaves his wife for the other woman
  • You are not alone
  • It helps to get help

How have you dealt with, infidelity?

I have dealt with, infidelity, several times in my life. I have dealt with, infidelity in marriage, and, infidelity, in, love relationships.

When I was younger and more emotional I would leave immediately. As I matured I seek to understand first and love unconditionally.

Some therapists believe that, infidelity, destroys the fabric of a, relationship, which cannot be repaired. These therapists declare, marriages, dead on arrival but, I believe it is up the the individuals.

What happens when Desire goes looking somewhere else?

History will show that men don’t need a reason to cheat on their partner. But for this discussion we will look at the Lack of Desire as the reason for the, infidelity.

What can we do when desire dries up and we no longer feel the spark for our partners?

Men like uncertainty, they like variety. Most men who cheat don’t want to leave home. They love their spouse and like the security of home but they seek adventure.

I was just reading the unauthorized biography of Angelina Jolie    and how his, infidelity, had consequences he did not anticipate. John Voight was tempted by great sex and cheated on her mother who promptly left him when Angelina was 6 months old. John Voight had no interest in leaving his wife and 2 kids; but the lure of exciting sex was something he could not pass up. That dalliance had far reaching consequences for his children and himself. He would be seeking a family for decades to come.

But men don’t have to go outside the home for exciting sex. As women we could bring the excitement and adventure to our bedroom. We could bring the feeling of having an affair to our bedroom.

Whatever you are doing now, we could do something different. If you always make love with all your clothes on, in the bed with the lights out; then start making love on the couch, fully clothed, with all the lights on!

Become the mistress. Meet in a hotel, set up dates, role play and dress up, send sexually explicit text messages.

I remember a friend of mine who divorced her husband because she found a video his mistress sent to him. That is how the women are stealing our men, they excite them.

What happens when women go looking for love

Okay, enough of the men having unmet needs and looking for excitement in the bedroom. What about our unmet needs?
Women have unmet need as well and are catching up to men as they too are looking outside the home for fulfillment of their desires.

Myrna – Margo, how can women communicate their unmet desires to their partners?

Margo – Before women go looking for love in all the wrong places, they should learn to become the mistress and turn up the marital sex. They can do this by role playing and other sex games.

How do we as women deal with infidelity of spouse or partners?

There are several schools of thought about this topic.
If you want things to change, you have to change.
Maybe you are a nag, maybe you don’t like sex, maybe you take no pride in your appearance, maybe you have trust issues, maybe you are boring.
You have to know yourself to grow yourself.

Ask yourself what have I invested into this relationship? Are you a taker or do you contribute to the peace and happiness of your man?

I remember Jennifer Gardner saying after she experienced the, infidelity, from Ben Afflec . She determined that it was not Ben Afflec’s role to make her happy. He cheated on her with the nanny. She was taking stock in what she brought to the table and understood it was not someone’s else role to make her happy. Happiness comes from our true self.
You can’t give away what you don’t have.

If you found this podcast inspiring, please subscribe and leave a review by clicking the link below.
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Additional Resources

How to Flow with Desire

 

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

How to Find Hardcore Happiness

Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?

So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!

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iHeart Radio

Secret to a long Marriage not, sex 

 

But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.

“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”

So, what’s their secret?

“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.

“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.

Let me introduce my guest this week:

James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.

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Show notes Secret to Love 

1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?

I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.

As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald’s and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.

Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?

4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?

If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.

5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.

6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!

For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife’s, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.

Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins


If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.

You can also follow me on my Facebook page

If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

 

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

In this solo coaching episode I coach on what women can do to, improve their relationships.

We have all heard that men want respect and women are emotional creatures, needing love and affection. That is true; but their is the character flaw common to all men and women? As my pastor would say All means inclusive of everyone exclusive of none. So how do women, improve their relationships,?

The answer is this.

By not pointing out wrong doing or blaming their partners. Because No one ever does anything they feel is wrong.

The verb in the sentence is the important word. Feel.
Put another way, whatever we Perceive is our reality.
99.9 percent of men and women can justify to themselves or anyone who would listen, any action or none action, they have taken.

Let me paint a picture with this story.

On May 7 1931 New York City witnessed the most sensational manhunt the city had ever known to this point. After weeks on the loose “Two-Gun” Crowley, the killer, was trapped in an apartment on West End avenue.

One hundred and fifty police officers and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. For hours the residential sections reverberated with the rat-tat-tat of gun fire from the police and Two-Gun Crowley.

Two Gun Crowley

While Crowley lay bleeding from his gunshot wounds, he penned a note that read “To whom it may concern. Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one, one that would do nobody no harm”
If you had never heard that story before, you may be thinking that the police had the wrong man; but no. Crowley was the same man who was necking with his girl on a country road on Long Island when a police walked up to the parked car and asked him to show his license.

Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the police down with a shower of lead. As the officer lay dying on the ground he jumped out of the car grabber the officer’s gun and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. That was the killer who wrote “under my coat is a weary but kind heart. One that would do nobody any harm.

This is an extreme story but I have experienced many like in in my own experience, from kids who steal, to spouses who cheat, to murders who kill, nobody feels they have done anything wrong. So don’t bother pointing it out and this goes a long way to, improve their relationships,

Someone made them do it, they find some way to justify their actions. This phenomenon is glaringly evident on death row. Most of the prisoners on death row feel they have been victimized regardless of how heinous the crime.

The #1 thing women can do to, improve their relationships, is Don’t criticize!

It does no good. It does nothing.
Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, wounds his pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment, so don’t bother.
Instead make yourself perfect.
Jesus taught us this when he said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

That is not to say that your brother has no speck or has done no wrong; but we are only responsible for what we do. We have no power to control others. And pointing it out does nothing to, improve their relationships,

This is another trending story in Google news to illustrate my point
More than 20 women accused a prominent Pasadena obstetrician of mistreating them. He denied claims and was able to continue practicing.

I have adopted this frame of mind in my own marriage. I no longer criticize or concentrate on what I am not getting, instead I concentrate on making myself perfect and working on my goals as a couple and for myself.

And that friends is the secret to happiness.

“Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.”

Additional Resources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/My_Knowledge_Vault/comments/34nilu/self_deception_and_the_story_of_two_gun_crowley/

https://thereset.com/the-fix/5-things-women-can-do-to-improve-their-relationship/

https://blog.myhelps.us/motivated-to-marry/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-use-law-of-attraction-thrive/ In your RelationshipsHow to Use the Law of Attraction to Thrive in Your relationships

How to, Find your Soulmate

How to, Find Your Soul Mate

How to, find your Soulmate,, we’ll have tips today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, and have out of body physical love! Today I am continuing my talk with International renowned author Ilona Selkie. Our topic is, “How to, find your Soulmate,”

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Ilona an International best-selling author, Seminar leader, Lecturer, Musician, CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision.
For over thirty years, Ilona has inspired thousands of people
worldwide to discover the power of their consciousness and to create successful
lives. Ilona has written four books one of them we’re going to touch on today because in
that book she specifically she talks about how to, find your soulmate. That book is called
“Dolphins Love and Destiny” Ilona’s newest book is called “Dream Big, the Universe is
Listening”

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In my first interview with Ilona, On the Transform your mind with coach Myrna radio and podcast, we talked about the Quantum Field, and energy. Today we are using that energy and we’re going to direct it specifically to, How to, find Your Soulmate,” In addition to authoring the four books, Ilona has produced music and meditation CDs, co-authored two books with Brian Tracy, and one with Jack
Canfield. She has also been a regular guest on A& E and Bravo TV with Jack
Canfield, and was a producer and TV host for the Quantum Living show on Women’s broadcast TV.

I love talking about soulmates specifically, “How to ,find your Soulmate,” and we’ll have tips and tidbits today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, once we found them and have union into old age!

Every single person needs to know this. I’m going to tell you how I met my husband
And, “How I found my soulmate”, I think that he’s my, soulmate and I want you to confirm that or deny it based on data I will share later in the program; but yes we’ll get into all the details on, “How to, Find your Soulmate,” it it’s going to be a very
interesting conversation, and one of the things I love about this show
is that I learn as much as my audience from interviewing my guests. I pick topics that are stimulating and tantalizing, and that I and everyone listening could find some commonality with it. So yes this is one of the topics that everyone will be interested in listening to your expertise on.

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Transform Your Mind with Coach Myrna Show notes:

Ilona, tell us your journey from your childhood to
becoming the CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision. Please share that
with us and why don’t we tie it right into our topic today, “How to, find your Soulmate,”

From some magical moment when I was maybe 10 years old, I had a
flash of a person in front of my mind who I knew was going to be my husband.
Now he had a beard, he played guitar, he spoke English. Honestly those were my
goals and my desires. That was on my bucket list as to what my husband had to
be. I was German mind you. I’m in Germany, I’m going to school, but my husband needs to be able to speak English from England!
He would be speak English, have a beard, and play guitar so those were my
Requirements. Then I saw a flash again. I was walking through
downtown my little village, and it flashed into my mind, this future husband image again.

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I’m going to tell you how to create Union that lasts despite aging and how you feel satisfied
whether you’re still young or old, and how to merge your soul with your, soulmate, because that’s what I have found with my, soulmate.

How I found my Soulmate,

Myrna – I met my husband and, soulmate, as I walked into a train. He was the officer on the train collecting tickets. He was by the front door as I walked on the
Train. I noticed him. I said to myself, of a new officer. He was Black. I had not seen a black officer on the train before, so I noticed him. He told me later, that when he saw me walk onto the train, he had a warm feeling in his body. He’s never felt that before. I took the train every day to and from work. The next time he saw me sitting on the train, he built up the courage to come and talk to me. We talked for about half an hour until I got off of my stop and when I got off of my stop my heart and my whole body went into somersault. It was an amazing! I had this feeling of euphoria. I knew that he was going to be my next husband! I well
I’m not sure if I know he was going to be my next husband, but I knew he
was in my next relationship and that I had definitely, found my soulmate, I was still married at the time, but the relationship had run its course and we were on the way out. So, I knew he was going to be my next relationship. My heart didn’t stop some somersaulting for the
entire week! Every time I was on the train, I couldn’t even read. I could not do
anything, but keep an ear out for him coming to talk to me. I was just expecting him to show up and my heart just kept somersaulting! Yes, we had a connection right away.

how-to-find-your-soulmate/

An Overview to, Finding Your Soulmate,.
The first truth in how to, find your soulmate is to understand the nature of a soulmate. It’s strange, but most people don’t sit down to figure out what a, soulmate is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the, soulmate mold. If you want to know how to, find your soulmate, then you need to actually “know,” rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.

Ilona – that so awesome because I think the body doesn’t lie. If we’re attentive to our body signals and feel our heart and are open to it without numbing it with alcohol or
numbing it with anger or numbing ourselves with other kind of
prescription drugs. If we stay clean, if we listen to our body, if we’re open to
the knocks of the universe and the universe talking to us, I think we really
feel a lot through our body. I definitely love my body and you know
some people will tell you they get sweaty palms and they get weak knees.

Myrna – I know that but my heart just jumped up and down like a trampoline! I
tell you it was like sometimes, it wasn’t a heart attack somersault, it was like so
like a kid jumping up and down on the bed. I wanted to
ask you, “How do you usually, find your soul mate,”

I’ve read about people, finding their soulmate, before they meet them in person.

Meagan Good

https://www.essence.com/celebrity/black-celeb-couples/meagan-good-devon-franklin-honor-each-others-love-his-birthday/

Here are some examples of, Finding your soulmate, before your meet them in person:

• I just finished reading this book called “After the Dance” by Jan Gaye, she was Marvin Gaye’s wife. Marvin Gaye was one of the top R&B;
singers of our generation. She was his wife. She wrote in her book that when she saw him at
8 years old, she had a crush on him. She fantasized about marrying him and she
fantasized about being his woman. When she finally met him at 17 years old, He took one look at her and fell in love with her, even though she was 17 years his junior and still in high school. She became his second wife when she was 20 years old and the mother of his two kids.
• Then I heard about Megan Good. This is, how she, found her soulmate,
Megan Good is a very popular black actress. She said that there is this guy, Devon Franklin that she knew that she was going to marry. She knew that he was going to be your husband and she started telling everybody he was going to be her husband. This was before they met or he knew who she was. When he met her, I don’t know what happened; but you he felt an immediate attraction to Megan and told himself he’s a preacher and
she’s a movie star. It was not going to work. But whatever energy that was guiding them, worked it out. The attraction was too powerful and they ended up getting married. That is how they both, found their soulmate,
• Angelina Jolie, I know you know her. He didn’t turn out to her, soulmate. She decided that she was going to marry Billy Bob Thornton even before she met Him! She tattooed his name on her inner thigh.

So my question is. Is that , How we, find our soulmate,? Does the Universe picks our, soulmate, for us?

Ilona – I get the vision thing. Honestly that’s
what I do write about in my book “Dolphins Love and Destiny” you can get my
books all on Amazon. If you just google my name alone Ilona Selke you will find my books. But let me tell you what happened after I found my, soul mate, and this ties into a bigger question Karma and destiny. Is it their free will? Is there a predestined life? Do we have a guide? Your subconscious mind is helping you because that’s what they say that
anything you dream about, your subconscious mind is going out there and
working for you as you’re dreaming about it.

I saw this as the big question. Do you make up life or does it make you up? To
what degree do you we have input in, How to, find our soulmate,?
So, let’s fast forward about another 6 years, not a couple years but six years.
I have a dream and in my dream
God speaks and says there’s another man you’re supposed to
Marry. Wow I say God, I am so happy we’re living like two love birds. Living, loving
working everything together. Everything we do is the same, we love everything, we
we’re just a match made in heaven. I think I got that dream wrong!

Myrna –

Whatever you hold in your head, you can hold in your hand!

It could be money, it can be people, it could be anything that you
Want. Once you think about it, there are some things
that you can do in order to make that happen.

So, Ilona what can normal mortals do to manifest their vision and, find their soulmate?
I know you are operating at a higher frequency, but 90 % of my
listeners are not going to be at your level. So what can we do every day?
Let’s give a picture here. Let’s say that you’re in your 40ths and you know you’re not married and you want to be married. You’re looking for your, soulmate, you know men have come and gone, but nobody is your, soulmate. How do you lay the ground rule or answer that question, how do I, find your soulmate,?

I’m going to tell the story. I had a coaching client who came to me for help in her career but she was going through a bad relationship so inevitably we would talk about her relationship. She had three failed relationships in which she felt used because she had money stolen from her. But she couldn’t handle being alone so she became a pleaser in her relationships.
She was miserable in her current relationship and this guy was once again using her and
taking advantage of her. I said to her, you have to
stop being afraid and picture the perfect guy that you want. You’ve got to picture what you guys are going to be doing together, picture the house you’re going to living in, etc.
We started working on that and a couple months later, one of her
ex-boyfriends from her high school contacted her on Facebook and
within a couple of months this girl had moved half the way across the country from Florida
to California and was in this absolutely wonderful relationship, the same one she imagined when we did our mind work together.
A year later they got married to her, soulmate, and she is now incredibly happy. She found her, soulmate.

Ilona – Here is a trick, if you want to fall in love with someone or have them fall in love with you, gaze into their eyes for five minutes straight.
What happens when you look into another person’s eyes? They say the eyes are the door to the soul. Now imagine you’re looking but you’re not just looking at the pretty color of their eyes or whatever else you might see. Look at the feeling that you get. Almost like you could look through their pupils into another universe. Imagine you could dive into that big universe and find the star that shines through their eyes. That is how you connect with someone. That is how you get them to fall in love with you!
In my book The Wisdom of the Dolphins Love and Destiny, I described it offen in my book Dream Big the Universe is listening. This is how we can connect soul to soul and when we take time.
When I wake up I go into my inner world and I\ say hello beloved, and I see my beloved Don as a star within the heavens. I imagine it as the source, God you know that we meet as a pinnacle does of two points, two lines meeting in the singular apex and at that point where you can merge two into one. When you can manage to surrender to your own identity into
that feeling of actually touching in to the other one and merging and becoming
one flame. Imagine two candles making one flame. When you get into that state, you
can practice and get there. I teach people, how to, find your soulmate, this way. They can all do it. That moment is love. You asked me to define love and here’s my definition.

Love is where two or more unite in one.

I mean we can do it as a group, we can do it as a family, we can have an apex you know like a pyramid, you know mother, father, children. You can have the apex of the unity of the family as an energy center.
I do it with Don my husband, and I go into that apex into that singular
flame and I ask that flame, I say guide our relationship to the highest possible
good for all concerned and to be of service. Because there is an intelligence
within that union that starts happening because no two physical things can be in
the same place right? We bump into each other, but our souls can merge into
singularity. I found my, soulmate

Myrna – That’s awesome, that is that is very true. In our last segment, we talked
About, how to, find your soulmate, and manifesting your, soulmate, we talked about merging two souls. You know looking into you know your partner’s eyes and seeing not
the physical body but seeing their energy. I was just actually learning that from a book that I’m listening to right now from Dr Dwayne Dyer. Basically that’s what he suggests that you know don’t see the physical, just see the soul of the person, you can look
at them through the eyes of love. That’s exactly what Ilona was talking
about. So now we want to pull on her so that we can take the conversation to the next
level. I know that the word tantric sex is something to do energy, so Miss India you know about the Kama Sutra. Give us some little tidbits in how to merge our souls into fabulous sex!

How to Merge your souls into fabulous Sex

Ilona – right yes physical as well as soul union. Let’s take a deep breath here. I want to start
out with a quote from Erich Fromm from his book “The Art of Loving” and he says
build walls between people now it might be a small lie, it may be an omission of
something you feel embarrassed about. Well I tell you the greatest sex starts
with the feeling, well not everybody will agree with me, but I tell you the
greatest love fulfilled sex starts with being willing to be seen. You know with
warts and all. I mean if you’re willing to be seen for who you are and that
includes all your emotional baggage, maybe your incongruencies, maybe the fact that
you had a bad thought or whatever it is you don’t want to download this whole
thing the first date. No you wait until both of you bit-by-bit reveal to each
other your deepest internal selves. You don’t have to start out with the darkest
secrets first no make it gentle and slow, but come clean to your lover to your
beloved, let them see you for who you are. Because that’s the only time you will
feel loved is when you are no longer acting to be somebody that you think
they might love. So let you learn, let yourself be seen for who you are
and start loving yourself.

I remember the day when I laid in bed and said ok God I’ve tried to get over jealousy. I guess I’m failing. This is it me warts and all. I am still a jealous woman and I am not sure how to help myself so could you accept me like this? and I was just swept up into the heavens and God said OK. You are who you are and by just offering myself up and being willing to be seen in my eyes to God.

I made this up in my head, but I still imagined that I just surrendered who I was and I said this is me and I’m trying my best! Well I was blessed, honest to God. Later on I had angels help me walk through situations where they came in and they uplifted my energy field, and I didn’t feel jealousy I felt loved!

I felt spaciousness and that’s another thing, when you are entering into let’s
say a sexual relationship with a person if you can call in support of energies
whether you imagine them to be angels, or your inner fear guides or just plain out God or even your ancestors or your subconscious it doesn’t matter what you frame. Just say please help me discover this ability to be to merge into union and bring the right person who is capable of doing that with me, because it’s no use being the quiet Queen when your counterpart isn’t
capable. So ask for help, how to, find your soulmate,.

Slow down, breathe breathe as much as you can don’t be a rabbit, I mean that’s the number one
thing we need to slow down to perceive the heart, the feeling and the way you do
it is you say let’s stop for a moment and just breathe and feel each other. Let
me tell you, he will have more pleasure in the end I guarantee it to you. If you
delay, I learned this from a French lover when I was young
delay, delay attend trick is all about delay.

So here comes the next part you can do breathing exercises, you can look into each other’s
eyes, but what really matters is learning to sense maybe in little baby steps at
first where do you feel that the other person really is present with you and
now I’m going to give you an image. Imagine that pyramid right
so you can meet at the base of the pyramid or you can go Midway King’s
Chamber or you can go to the apex, and you can go even beyond into the stars
and if you can, and are breathing through this with your partner, I mean it takes
two people to tango, but you can then start merging or feeling or pretend
that you’re merging with the other person’s soul.

Doing this during orgasm allows you to pretend in your own way, not to just give away to the feeling of pleasure like
rise up in your breath and pull it up and out through the top of your head
into this imaginary apex in the universe with the other meets that beings soul.
Whether you know whether he or she is there or not just pretend you can do it,
touch them go for them and offer this ecstasy to the divine.
If you can believe in the divine you are really well off if not just turned over to the core big bang,
the source give it to that source. In the moment of doing that. Now it takes a lot of discipline to do that you pull up
your breath you say here God I give you my orgasm ah, you’re imagining that
you’re meeting the other being soul you’re going inside kaboom. It’s
fireworks, you feel them at the other place at other time space, your body
will know what to do, believe me your body will go through whatever it goes\
through even for women or particularly you know who might take a little bit
longer or some who don’t orgasm, at a just the feeling of union will satisfy that sense
when they go while the guy while let’s say typical women are a little bit behind the curve not all but
and I don’t know about ethnicity but a lot of women I know they’re a little bit
slower on the draw and you know it takes them longer and if the guy isn’t that
feels like falling yeah it’s just biology you know it’s like anyway it
takes the guy we go and journey with that other person’s soul now if you’re
the guy listening right now do it with your woman. If you’re same-sex, do it with
whoever you’re with and merge up into an imaginary apex of a particular spiritual.
Make it special, yeah that’s real and here is my promise.

Here’s my promise if you do this while you’re orgasmic, your orgasm will last longer.
Longer and be more satisfying you come out of the whole experience like ahhh oh
my God what have I been missing?

They’re saying that one of the reasons that men go to have
affairs and then end up falling in love kind of thing, because they
think that they can just you know have sex and run, but then they’re connected.
If you knew that to become even more connected, you transcend the body and you get into the spiritual.

Myrna – I had a guest on my show you know very earlier on and she talked about the Tantric Sex, she gave me a little exercise that I do. She said that you when you if you breathe with
your partner similar to what you’re saying but if you if let’s say you’re
lying in bed and you hug them and you decide to breathe and sync with
their breath it’s almost like that spiritual hug kind of thing.

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