Life Leadership & Success

Life Leadership Success

Scott Miller, author and EVP at Franklin Covey, shares tips on, leadership,  relationships, efficiency, vs, effectiveness, and how to straight talk to your employees as well as family and friends.

Scott serves as the executive vice president of thought leadership at Franklin Covey, is the host of multiple podcasts including Franklin Covey’s on leadership and, Great Life Great Career Podcast.  He’s also Wall Street Journal’s bestselling author of “Everyone Deserves a Great Manager, the Six Critical Practices for Leading a Team”

What has the book ” 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” taught you about, Leadership?

I have had the privilege of being in the Franklin Covey company which of course was co-founded by Dr. Stephen R. Covey who wrote the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” that, leadership, book has sold 40 million copies.

I wrote “Management Mess to, Leadership, success” because quite frankly my life’s been a mess. Not because you are an executive or an author or parent means you are a success automatically.   I wrote the book because I wanted to share with readers that owning your mess is really the first step to becoming a success.

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Recognizing the difference between having an, effectiveness, mindset and an, efficient, mindset.  One of the biggest messes that I’ve had to conquer was recognizing when am I in an, effectiveness, mindset and when I should be in an efficient, mindset; because they’re not the same factors.

I’m a very, efficient, person, I get up at 4:00 am in the morning, I write my column, I write a couple chapters on the books that I’m writing. On a Saturday morning I would get up at five o’clock, go to Home Depot and buy flowers and have them planted by six o’clock.  Be at the car wash by 7 am, be at tennis by nine.  I mean I live a very productive and, efficient, life. That’s helped me in a lot of areas of my life; but it hasn’t helped me in my relationships, because as Dr. Covey said

With people, slow is fast, and fast is slow.

We cannot be, efficient, in our relationships.

So one of the biggest areas of growth for me was with people. I had to learn to slow down. When someone comes into my office, I  take off my glasses, close my laptop and turn off my phone. I have to really understand when and where can I be, efficient, and when and where should I practice, effectiveness.  If you want to develop more trustworthy, long-lasting, mutually beneficial, relationships, be more cognizant of when you’re being, efficient, and fast and when you’re being, effective, and slow.

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I think it’s good advice to, leaders, to be a little more, self-aware, and introspective.  Is your need to be, efficient, in some areas of your life negatively impacting other areas in your life?

Use Communication to become, Self-Aware.

It is all about, communication, because when you are being, efficient, you’re probably not being, effective, because it all depends on your audience.

Self-awareness, I use this term a lot.  Everybody could benefit from being more, self-aware.

  • Ask yourself – what’s it like to be your friend?
  • What’s it like to be your husband?
  • What’s it like to be your neighbor

I’d encourage all of your readers, if you really want to improve your relationships, if you want to improve your influence expand your credibility and become more trustworthy or likable, go ask the people in your life what’s it like to be in a meeting with you.

  • What is it like to be on a carpool with you
  • What’s it like to go on vacation with you
  • What’s it like to be at dinner with you
  • What’s it like to be married to you.

When someone gives you that feedback, don’t refute it don’t brush it away.

Don’t blame anybody else, just listen.

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What, communication skills, are important to, leadership, success

Let’s talk about, leadership, and then this broaden it to a straight talk between peers.  Talking straight is really a sign of respect to everyone in your life.  We’ve all met people who say they call it as they see it, that is actually quite selfish.  Talking straight is when you are able to base what you’re saying in fact.  When you talk straight with someone, you don’t postulate, you don’t pontificate,  you don’t technically tell the truth, but you kind of leave the wrong impression.  No you just you say straight up what is true.

As a life coach, I would use something called the, sandwich technique,  which means that you package that talk with something positive like a sandwich.

sandwich feedback method
sandwich feedback method

I would not advocate the, sandwich feedback method. I think it’s generally disingenuous. I think the better technique is to first declare your intent, because the moment there is suspicion about your intent, everything you do becomes tainted.  So be very clear on what your intent is. Say what is uncomfortable straight, no chaser without any bogus compliments and no hidden agenda.

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How to become a, Leader,  people will follow

The first step to becoming a great, leader is to check their own paradigms, our own belief systems.  We all have deeply entrenched, deeply enculturated paradigms that were built into us by our grandparents, our parents, our aunties, our first grade teachers, our neighbors, our relatives and it is how we see the world. How we see ourselves and everyone should be emotionally nimble, or emotionally flexible enough to challenge your belief systems.

Women in Leadership
Women in Leadership

Here’s a great example:

I am 51 years old, I’m Caucasian.  I live in Salt Lake City, but I lived in the 70s in Central Florida, Orlando Florida. I am  from an upper middle-class white family,  one of two children.  My mother was a full-time stay-at-home mom, my father had a fairly traditional corporate job.  It was a stable family in the seventies and I was raised to believe that, doctors, police officers, and Catholic priests were always right and always told the truth!

Can you imagine for a moment that had I been eight year-old young boy and an altar server and that a Catholic priest who was perhaps a pedophile told me to do some inappropriate  things?

I think the first step in becoming a, leader, of your own self, your own life is to challenge your own paradigms.  You don’t see every situation, every argument, every interaction, every meeting, every conflict, every win, every lost accurately;  you always have a little bit of a judgment on it.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.

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How does “carrying your own weather” help  with, Leadership, Success.

Proactive, leaders, carry their own weather, reactive people give over there weather. They metaphorically give their power to other people.  Proactive people choose their response to any situation, any crisis, any reaction based on values,  not based on other people.

Here’s a great example of, carrying your own weather.

My son and I were in Miami and we came upon this intersection in a downtown shopping district where there had just been an accident.  There was no injuries, very small accident.  There was this young woman, I’m gonna say in her 20s who was having this outrageous, hysterical, verbal meltdown. I mean she was out of control.  This person was not, carrying her own weather, she was giving up control of her emotions to that situation. Being out of control was serving her no benefit.  The point of that story was people who are proactive, they’re calm, they’re rational, they don’t let other things influence their own responses.

Leaders who “carry their own weather” move from mess to success.  They put space between stimulus and response. When someone says something to them that pisses them off,  they don’t immediately lash out to them.

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What sets your book apart from other, leadership,  and management books

I wrote this book was with very clear intention,  I’ve been privileged to have my entire career dedicated in the, leadership, development industry. I worked  for years with the Disney Company and now almost 25 years with the Franklin Covey company and learned a few things; but I have always struggled with a lot of these management and, leadership, practices.  Like you I host a podcast and interview guests every week, I read close to 70 books a year and I wanted to write a different kind of, leadership, book because most, leadership, books are written by fortune 500 CEOs or academic professors and they’re kind of hard to relate to.  I wanted to write a really real raw and relatable book where regardless of what role I was in, anybody in their career and their personal life could relate to a lot of my own struggles.

So the book is kind of uproariously funny, it’s very raw and blush.  I shared a lot of my own messes in the book not because I was trying to be funny gratuitously, I just wanted to validate everybody that, leadership, is hard whether you are a formal or informal leader.  It didn’t come naturally to me and so the challenge is based on Franklin Covey’s research, that if you can get your arms around these 30 principles, you will transform your influence in your relationships and your career.  It’s kind of aligned with a month, 30 practices in 30 days.  You can take one every day get your groove on.

I was privileged to co-author a second book called “Everyone Deserves a Great Manager, the Six Critical practices for leading a team,” that’s also on Amazon.

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Connect with Scott Miller at Franklin Covey on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.

I want invite you guys to join my private Facebook group called, life coach, there you can get daily tips and strategies to live in your best life now not only from me but from all the members of the group. Also please subscribe to the podcast and leave an iTunes review.

Additional Resources

https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/how-to-control-your-emotions-so-your-emotions-dont-control-you.html

 

Understanding Personalities: Which Archetype Drives You

 

 

 

What are the Symptoms of Adult ADHD?


 

We most often associate, ADHD, with children; but statistics show that 60% of childhood, ADHD, transforms to, adult ADHD.

We as have seen or been parents to the child who never stops or sits down.

In addition to never sitting down they are also:

Symptoms of Childhood, ADHD

  • Are impulsive
  • Have trouble focusing
  • Have trouble managing their emotions
  • Have difficulty remembering information
  • Don’t start tasks (or don’t finish them)

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So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?  Here is one woman’s story

I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD.  One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.

I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.

The two inattentive men,  naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.

Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.

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I’m curious about, Adult ADHD. Does kids with, ADHD,  become adults with, adult ADHD?

For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD.  Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD,  is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in  childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit.  Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.

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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?

Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.

What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?

When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use.  It gives you  clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed.  There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.

  1. Inattention
  2. Impulse Control
  3. Hyperactivity

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We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium.  Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.

ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.

Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

 

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.

  • Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
  • Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
  • Basal Ganglia. …
  • Reticular Activating System.

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The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.

The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement.  The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system.  It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.

ADHD in women
ADHD in women

Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?

No, not at all.  I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass.  I would love to see his research.

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Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?

Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals.  I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.

if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.

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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?

I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD.  He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.

https://wellnessforce.com/dr-john-gray-adhd-brain-health-sex-addiction/

Download to listen to the full episode

 

Shocking Facts About ADHD

  • One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
  • One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
  • Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness

Additional Resources Adult ADHD

https://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-mental-illness-my-bipolar-life/

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://www.verywellmind.com/add-and-attention-deficit-disorders-2161810#:~:text=Attention%20deficit%20disorder%20(ADD)%20is,completing%20tasks%20and%20social%20interaction.

 

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

In this solo coaching episode I coach on what women can do to, improve their relationships.

We have all heard that men want respect and women are emotional creatures, needing love and affection. That is true; but their is the character flaw common to all men and women? As my pastor would say All means inclusive of everyone exclusive of none. So how do women, improve their relationships,?

The answer is this.

By not pointing out wrong doing or blaming their partners. Because No one ever does anything they feel is wrong.

The verb in the sentence is the important word. Feel.
Put another way, whatever we Perceive is our reality.
99.9 percent of men and women can justify to themselves or anyone who would listen, any action or none action, they have taken.

Let me paint a picture with this story.

On May 7 1931 New York City witnessed the most sensational manhunt the city had ever known to this point. After weeks on the loose “Two-Gun” Crowley, the killer, was trapped in an apartment on West End avenue.

One hundred and fifty police officers and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. For hours the residential sections reverberated with the rat-tat-tat of gun fire from the police and Two-Gun Crowley.

Two Gun Crowley

While Crowley lay bleeding from his gunshot wounds, he penned a note that read “To whom it may concern. Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one, one that would do nobody no harm”
If you had never heard that story before, you may be thinking that the police had the wrong man; but no. Crowley was the same man who was necking with his girl on a country road on Long Island when a police walked up to the parked car and asked him to show his license.

Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the police down with a shower of lead. As the officer lay dying on the ground he jumped out of the car grabber the officer’s gun and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. That was the killer who wrote “under my coat is a weary but kind heart. One that would do nobody any harm.

This is an extreme story but I have experienced many like in in my own experience, from kids who steal, to spouses who cheat, to murders who kill, nobody feels they have done anything wrong. So don’t bother pointing it out and this goes a long way to, improve their relationships,

Someone made them do it, they find some way to justify their actions. This phenomenon is glaringly evident on death row. Most of the prisoners on death row feel they have been victimized regardless of how heinous the crime.

The #1 thing women can do to, improve their relationships, is Don’t criticize!

It does no good. It does nothing.
Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, wounds his pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment, so don’t bother.
Instead make yourself perfect.
Jesus taught us this when he said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

That is not to say that your brother has no speck or has done no wrong; but we are only responsible for what we do. We have no power to control others. And pointing it out does nothing to, improve their relationships,

This is another trending story in Google news to illustrate my point
More than 20 women accused a prominent Pasadena obstetrician of mistreating them. He denied claims and was able to continue practicing.

I have adopted this frame of mind in my own marriage. I no longer criticize or concentrate on what I am not getting, instead I concentrate on making myself perfect and working on my goals as a couple and for myself.

And that friends is the secret to happiness.

“Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.”

Additional Resources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/My_Knowledge_Vault/comments/34nilu/self_deception_and_the_story_of_two_gun_crowley/

https://thereset.com/the-fix/5-things-women-can-do-to-improve-their-relationship/

https://blog.myhelps.us/motivated-to-marry/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-use-law-of-attraction-thrive/ In your RelationshipsHow to Use the Law of Attraction to Thrive in Your relationships

How to Create the Freedom Lifestyle through Real Estate Investments.

How to Create the Freedom Lifestyle through real estate investments.

Would you like to learn the secrets of creating a Freedom Lifestyle with Real Estate investments? Then listen to this weeks podcast as I interview Mike Wolf, Real Estate Investor.

• Mike Wolf has been a real estate investor for over 28 years. Over the years he’s gone from being a workaholic who would put in 15 hour days 7 days a week to being someone who works smarter not harder. He regularly travels the globe doing humanitarian projects and also seeking sun and sand while living off the passive income that he has created through real estate.

But before I share Mike’s advise with you, let me give you my tip of the week. Because I know you really want to know how to get rich!!

You can read the full article here:

7 Steps to become Rich

How To Get Rich: A 7-Step Blueprint For Success

Step #1 — Add Massive Amounts Of Value

Go out there into the world with the desire to add massive amounts of value?.

Step #2 — Be Grateful

It’s really easy to look at certain strategies and techniques in business or in life that will help you make monumental leaps forward, financially speaking. But that doesn’t take into account one of the most important ingredients for success. If you’re serious about succeeding at the highest level, be grateful. Not tomorrow. Right now. In this very moment. Why? Because it could all disappear in an instant. Appreciate what you have while striving for more.

Step #3 — Get Specific About Your Goals

Getting wealthy or attaining a certain level of income is just like achieving any other goal. To get there, you need to ensure that you set those goals the right way. Set SMART goals and be very specific about them. Don’t set them arbitrarily in your mind. Write them down and come up with powerful reasons why you absolutely must achieve them. That’s one of the biggest and most potent internal transformations that you could make in your mind.

Step #4 — Create And Follow A Plan

When an airplane leaves from one city to the next, it has a plan. Its plan is called a flight plan. It’s a massive action plan that involves speed, altitude, direction of travel and many other facets. But what happens when there’s turbulence or air-traffic congestion or it needs to change course for some other reason? The plane changes its plan. But it doesn’t change its goal of where it’s going. Create and follow a plan, and don’t be afraid to change it if you see something isn’t working.

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Step #5 — Pay Yourself First

We’ve all heard the saying. Pay yourself first. But how many people follow it? The truth is that most of the world lives with a scarcity mentality. They go paycheck to paycheck, petrified of what might occur if they get sick or lose their job or something else traumatic happens. The truth is that if you don’t pay yourself first, you’ll never be able to get rich. It’s part of having an abundant mindset and should be prioritized at all costs.

Step #6 — Mind Your Own Business

While it is possible to make a lot of money while working for someone else, the truth is that you should mind your own business. Start and grow your own business, no matter what it might be. Identify what you’re really good at, and develop the skills into a business that you can expand over time. Don’t look for instant payouts or overnight riches. The reality is that it’s going to take time, so you might as well start now.

I wrote an Ebook called “How to Mind your own Business, While working your Day Job”

Download your FREE eBook here:
http://myhelps.us/

Small Business: How to Mind your Own Business while working your day job

Step #7 — Contribute To Others

The last step resides in the concept of contribution. Even if you have no money, find a way to contribute to others. Look for opportunities where you can help those around you. Whether they’re in need or not, this mindset will drive home the point that you have more than you need, even if you physically don’t. Search for ways, every single day, where you can contribute either your time or your money to those who might be less fortunate, because that’s the true essence of success in every form.

Also click the link below to hear from Tony Robbins on how to create Wealth and Lifestyle

Learn the secrets to true wealth, abundance and financial freedom at TonyRobbins.com.

Show Notes:
1. Question 1: Can you tell our audience your journey from being a 15 hour per day 7 days a week workaholic to living off passive income and travelling the world.
2. Question 2: As an investor for 28 years, what are some things you have learned that work and some that don’t work.
3. Question 3: How does someone get started as a real estate investor?
4. Question 4: What would you say are some of the biggest myths in real estate investing?

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ONE is luxurious from top to bottom. Each of the 28 two- and three-bedroom residences within the 18-story boutique tower provide sweeping views of the river below. The homes range in size from 1,500 to over 5,000 square feet and have expansive private balconies, smart technologies, private entrance elevators, chef-inspired kitchens and tranquil bathrooms. Whether you work from a home office, love to entertain dinner guests or enjoy relaxing with your family, our luxury waterfront condos offer spacious layouts and quality amenities to provide maximum comfort and enjoyment.

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Question 5: How do you show potential clients that trading their time for dollars is not worth it?
What does your company do for investors around the world?

My company buys real estate in bulk 20 to 40 at a time for a great package price. We sell the properties that are not worth rehabbing to the Hedge Funds and then team fixes up the rest of the properties and have them ready for a turn key operation for our investors.

Question 6: What is the strategy for living Freedom Lifestyle through real estate investments?
Our strategy is to have the renters become potential home owners and give them a 3 year lease with the option to purchase. They then take care of the property as if is is their own so we have less vacancies and move outs.

1. Can you tell our audience about your webinar on how to create turn key properties?
How can our audience sign up for it?

Here is the link to sign up for Mike’s webinar

mikewolfproperties.com/webinars/turnkey-properties-in-atlanta-live/replay/

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