Life Lessons From An Abandoned Girl

July 25, 2022

Life Lessons From An Abandoned Girl

Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned from her long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11015207-life-lessons-from-an-abandoned-girl.mp3?download=true

Life lessons from abandonment

The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author’s life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way

Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story, and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .

Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it’s a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn’t know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where’s my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.

While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person’s house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I’m talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn’t play with them.

I felt like nobody’s kid abandoned by my mother

I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you. I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground. Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.

After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me. I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.

Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I’m understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn’t have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don’t want to treat the other person’s child well. It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.

That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don’t understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn’t want you to eat at this house. Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?

Life Lessons from growing up without a mom

Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don’t go close to him and he’s still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.

Myrna: I hope he’s suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child? That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I’m very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?

Jannette: Yeah, she didn’t want me. So, it’s not like I didn’t have a mother. She didn’t want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me. I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.

After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast — Podbean

I witnessed my step mom being murdered

Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?

Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn’t open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something’s wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.

Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?

Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.

Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?

Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life. But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can’t believe that person.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio — iHeart Radio

My mother told me I would never amount to anything

I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn’t care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I’m no longer in this house with my mother. Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.

Myrna: Was life better for you in America?

Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I’m not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I’d had a daughter. I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me

Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.

Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio — TuneIn Radio

Abandoned girls become abused women

Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work. And he did a 360 switch. I can’t work and I don’t have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn’t stay in the country without proper papers.

So, he said, okay, let’s do this. I really don’t want to lose you. So, let’s just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.

Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can’t wait to hear the end of this story. You’re still in America. So, what happened?

Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don’t have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He’s promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn’t allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he’s not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast — Download on Spotify

Deciding to stay married with abuse

Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You’re still married?

Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn’t physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t cry, a night that I didn’t cry. My husband was just ruthless.

But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn’t have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn’t drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.

Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book? You’ve gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that’s basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.

Writing the book Tears behind my smile

Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse. He chose you.

Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don’t take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you’re stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.

Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?

Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.

Additional Resources

How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

August 18, 2020August 18, 2020

How to Use Mantras to Build Self-Confidence (The Skill of Self Confidence)

To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence. I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph

I am speaking to the infamous Dr Ivan Joseph. Dr Joseph is a best-selling author of the book “You Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence.

Listen to the full interview

Short Bio:

Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada’s most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”

Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition

Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don’t have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.

Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?

Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that’s American or my audience that’s Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.

Sponsored AD

She’s beautiful, smart, successful… but still single.

Attorney Vanessa A. Price seems to have it all. A big house, a nice car, a great career, but something is still missing. Just off of another failed relationship, Vanessa meets Max, a handsome, mysterious, French speaking black man who comes to work for her as a fill-in landscaper.

Self-confidence helps you get a man — Everything but a man watch party

everythingbutaman.com

There’s something that’s grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It’s not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.

You could end up internalizing that message where you’re never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you’re pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that’s from your own internal belief or from society.

All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You’re then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.

How do we, Build Self-confidence?

Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you’re good at something or somebody tells you you’re pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.

Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You’ll get your opportunity, you’ll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.

How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?

Myrna – So let’s transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.

Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – If you don’t believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we’re not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn’t matter how talented we are.

Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you’re gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you’re down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I’ve seen that happen.

But what I don’t understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don’t have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don’t project anything, they don’t protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she’s got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.

Sponsored Ad

Have you ever been stuck? In a bad marriage, toxic relationship or unfulfilling Job? Then Stuck – A short-story on Moving Towards Success by author Dr. Alphonso A. Buie is the book for you.

Marc was a successful and admired corporate executive and Real Estate mogul in New York city when trouble arrived in his life. He loses everything.

With the guidance of a great mentor and coach, he learns how to become unstuck and get his life back.

This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.

Pick up a copy of Stuck today from Amazon or wherever books are sold and get moving towards your success.

Stuck A short story about success — Stuck

Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?

Dr Ivan – Well I’ll never comment on a woman’s appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it’s a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It’s the measuring stick that they’re using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I’m measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I’m good enough. It’s human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it’s the Joneses next door, whether it’s what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.

So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn’t think they have as much as the next person; you can’t tell them they are attractive or smart, they won’t believe it.

This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We’ll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.

Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You’re, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.

The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So many people out there won’t ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.

Sponsored AD

As a boxer for over 20 years, I have been Helping athletes and fighters reach their ultimate conditioning with 6 pack Abs and a low body fat index. As a fitness coach and the winner of several championships, I know the role nutrition plays getting that ultimate body.

Fight Club Nutrition a black owned company has put together a catalog of nutritional supplements to bring out the best fitness body. Try our Iron Body Fat burner or the Alpha Wolf to increase testosterone.

Ladies you should definitely buy this for your man.

Head over to www.fightclubnutrition.com for the best nutritional supplements for athletes.

How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit

Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It’s this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:

Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I’m never going to get this Job
Or I’m not as smart as these folks
I can’t do this, I’m no good

We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.

3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.

In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.

Mantras to, Build self-confidence:

1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”

2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”

3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”

We know that people who use three or more affirmations a day can increase their productivity and solve complex problems way faster and here’s the one for all you business people out here.

If you’re an entrepreneur, affirmations lead to a 36 to 37 percent increase in revenue.

Sponsored AD

Would you like to earn 6 digits monthly? Emmanuel Eduru, has a master degree in marketing and would like to mentor you. As An Entrepreneur and a network marketing professional, he has helped thousands of people to earn 6 digits monthly. Emmanuel started his current business with little capital and today he has built a large organization with over 50,000 people spread across the globe. He would like to mentor you so you too can go from zero to the top. Say yes to a lifestyle of health and financial freedom. Visit Emmanuel on the web at www.emmaeduru.com for more information.

Myrna – I’m a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.

Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.

Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner’s mindset?

How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset

Dr Ivan – I think a, winner’s mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I’ll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner’s mindset.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re great at. There’s going to be times when you feel like you can’t do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.

Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can’t do it.

When you feel like you can’t do it, that, winner’s mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner’s mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.

Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?

Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.

Sponsored Ad

“Are You Overweight And Tried Every Diet On Earth?” Then check out this new book by Joseph A. Laydon Jr., “169+ Lose It Or Else Weight-Loss Facts, Tricks And More!”. The author was working in South America when he started losing weight without trying. He was surprised because he was eating 3 fat-laden restaurant meals per day and did absolutely no daily exercises! He lost so much weight he had to buy SKINNIER CLOTHES! That why he wrote the book to share weight loss facts and tricks. So head over to www.survivalexpertblog.com and start your weight loss journey.

Mastering the, Skill of Self-confidence

Tell us about your book “You’ve got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?

Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it.

One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I’d been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.

“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn’t you tell me that he didn’t play high level Soccer? That you’ve been coached by some of the best?”

I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn’t believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.

It wasn’t that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There’s always going to be people who don’t believe in you, it’s your job to change that person’s mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.

So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.

I’m not smart enough
I’m not rich enough
I’m not skinny enough
I don’t look good here
My teeth aren’t this
You get the new job and you’re great but then you get the promotion
I don’t know if I can do it
I don’t think I can do it

What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.

I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna

To order click the link below

https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/

If you go on the website and order the book, I’ll give you the course materials. I think it’s a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.

Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram

Sponsored AD

How would you like to grow your sales in the next 90 days? Dotlogics is an eCommerce web design and growth agency that has vested interested in seeing your business grow. As more and more consumers are shopping online, now is the time to take your online business to the next level with a growth-driven website. Dotlogics can help boost your sales in 90 days. It’s been a challenging year so far and Dotlogics will help you adapt your strategy to thrive in 2020. Get a custom-crafted website that’s not only functional but speaks to your customers or audience in a way that moves them to action. They are seasoned online marketers. They will help design and implement digital marketing campaigns that generate more leads.

To learn more or schedule a time to talk, visit: www.dotlogics.com

Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com

This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and one lucky winner will win this $25 gift card.

Dr Ivan how can our listeners Transform their Mind to Transform their life?

Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!

Additional Resources

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

Setting Goals Leads to Higher Performance