How to Maintain a Long-Term Relationship

Maintaining long- term Relationships

 

When it comes to a, long-term relationship, with a partner or spouse, we can maintain the thrill of being in love, and deepen our feelings of passion and intimacy past the first year.  Statistics show that most, long-term relationships start out to fizzle after the first year.  So to maintain the, long-term relationship, dance you have to embrace, intimacy.

However, to do this means avoiding certain behaviors, habits, and traps that, long-term relationships,  commonly fall into the longer they stay together. Staying in, love, means taking the hard road and differentiating from negative past influences. It means challenging our own defenses and facing our, often subconscious, fears about intimacy.

Fighting for a, long-term relationship, means being stubborn about not getting in our own way of staying close to someone else.

Today on Mindset Transformation Radio and podcast, we are continuing with our series on the The Alchemy of Desire – The, Long-Term Relationship, Dance.

My co -host for this series is my girl pal the fabulous Ms Margo Blake. Margo is a One Taste Intimacy Coach and, I am a Mindset Coach. Together we want to share our knowledge on this Topic “The Alchemy of Desire and Intimacy”

What is Desire – Desire can be called the feminine face of God! Desire is what God places in your spirit to lead you to your purpose. It is the key that unlocks what God placed you on this earth to do.

We all Desire to be in loving fulfilling, long-term relationships, with our partners, our children, our friends and co-workers. We desire to have successful careers, some of us desire to procreate and have children, we desire to be emotionally and physically healthy, we desire to be wealthy, and today we are going to touch on the desire for flow in our, long-term relationship, and not ebb.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

 

The Dance of Intimacy

Anyone in a, long-term relationship, knows the, relationship, dance well. It took me a while to understand this dance of, intimacy. I walked out of my first marriage at age 21 declaring boldly “I am no longer in love with my husband and I refuse to live in a loveless marriage at age 21.” After 4 marriages I now know that relationships EBB and FLOW and that we must work at, intimacy Erotic love, turns into, Agape love. Passion and desire EBB and FLOW.

In all my, long-term relationships, fighting and then having, make up sex, was usually the shock than rejuvenated the, relationship.

In the beginning of anything there is more energy just as electrify is more powerful at the source, feelings are more powerful when they are new.

As feelings change and familiarity sets in the, intimacy, dance begins. Just as you have to practice the waltz on the dance floor, in a similar way you must practice your, long-term relationship, dance in the bedroom.

It is important to understand why you and your partner connected in the first place and why you disconnected.

Since all relationships begin within, the scenery out there is the scenery in here.

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You have to love yourself first in a long-term relationship

You can’t give away what you don’t have. You have to be, love, before you can give away, love. So the first step when you become aware of the, EBB and Flow, in your relationship is to take an inventory of  your, self love.

In our first episode I introduced the book The Alchemy of Desire. In this book the lovers were passionate and couldn’t keep their hands off each other, then life happened and, intimacy, veined.

Every, long-term relationship, faces this junction of lack of, desire.  Once, long-term relationships, become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again. To the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy  if a, long-term relationship, is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity attention and nurture of earlier times is essential.

Relationship Advice How to Water your Long-term relationship

Here is some, relationship advice, In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and sunlight if they are to thrive.

We water our, long-term relationships, by showing interest in our partners. We shine light on our, relationships, by smiling and being genuinely happy to see our partners.

I was at a stand-up comedy show with Mike Epps a few years back and he made a joke about how his wife would meet him at the door with a beer and loving embrace when they were first married, and now she shrugs and says oh it’s you!

I am genuinely happy to see my husband walk through the door and when he calls me during the day. I let him know that I appreciate him thinking about me.

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The marriage relationship is an important piece of the, long term relationship, dance

Myrna – Margo what is your take on the, long-term relationship, dance? Personally you have mentioned several times that your, long-term relationships, end after 10 years. What does the dance look like to you?

Margo – I don’t know why but my, long term relationships, always seem to last only 10 years.  The men leave me.

Myrna – Looking back can you see the point when the, long-term relationship, ebb resulted in a break? How can anyone listening understand  that ebb into a flow?

Myrna – What are some tips to keep Desire flowing instead of ebbing?

  • spend quality time together
  • be open to new experiences – if your partner likes to do something be open to new
  • show your love, don’t hold back
  • keep your identity as an individual
  • don’t be defensive in communication, be open in communication
  • be generous, give as you would want to receive

Understand that there is Eff and Flow in all Long-term relationships

If you find yourself in, Ebb and flow, should you panic or understand that is the flow of life that what goes up must come down.

It is fact that whenever you lean in to a relationship the other person leans out.  That is the make up of, long-term relationships, there is, ebb and flow.

Have you been dealt some bad cards in life? Understand Ebb and flow of life 

Then I invite you to an afternoon of learning and inspiration on “How to deal with the cards you have been dealt in Life”
This event will be at the Main Broward Library at 100 South Andrews Ave , 6 th floor, Fort Lauderdale, FL
on Saturday May 12 from 2.00 to 4.30 pm
Come out and be a part of our studio audience.
The first 5 guests will get a FREE autographed copy of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”
This is a book signing and a live talk radio show airing locally on WDJY 99.1 FM Metro Atlanta
If you need more information, email me at info@myhelps.us

Additional Resources

5 Mindset Shifts For Couples to Have Fantastic Relationships

Why Chemistry is the Most Important Ingredient in Relationships

Maintaining long- term Relationships

Chemistry, is energy.  It cannot be created or destroyed. Some call it physical attraction; but, Chemistry, is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA.

As we head into the New Year I know that many of you are engaging the, Law of Attraction, to bring you a spouse or a mate in 2021.

We are not meant to be alone. The Bible says that Two are better than one, because If either of them falls down, one can help the other,  so we are hard wired with the need to share our lives with a significant other.

Listen to the audio here:

What are the 3 most important qualities in Relationships

I want to share three of the foundational qualities of love, relationships.

  • Compatibility,
  • Chemistry, and
  • Communication
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Let’s start with, compatibility. There is a significant amount of dating sites connecting couples based on, compatibility.

Is Compatibility the most Important quality in Relationships’

Compatibility, is important; but not the most important. Compatibility, is based on likes and dislikes, Like Religious preferences, standard of living, education etc.

But there is an old saying that says opposites attract.

There is also a new word floating around the internet and that is, polarity. Polarity is like the north and South Pole. Opposite ends of the spectrum and we need this polarity in relationships to keep the fires burning.

So when you marry someone who is just like you and you are so, compatible, love coaches say that sooner or later married couples stop having sex because there is no, polarity.

Book: reclaim your visibility, Black Fathers
Book: reclaim your visibility, Black Fathers

What is Chemistry?

Now let’s look at, Chemistry. Chemistry, is energy.  It cannot be created or destroyed. Some call it physical attraction; but, Chemistry, is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA. It is random; but absolutely essential for a long lasting, love connection. It is what makes your heart ache when you are apart.

Chemistry, is also reflected in the bedroom. A lack of, chemistry, will mean boring, emotionless sex. A high degree of, chemistry, will mean intense, life-altering, heart-pounding sex that causes your mind to cosmically splatter itself on the walls of your consciousness. Good times.

Some call , chemistry, connection but whatever you call it, you know when it is there and when it is not.

Some call, chemistry, meeting your, soul mate. I do believe that our souls know when we connect to our perfect match. When you meet your,  soul mate, the connection is immediate, you feel the, chemistry.

Steve Harvey said that his wife walked into one of his comedy shows in a crowd of hundreds and he stopped what he was doing and told her she was going to be his wife. There are thousands of stories like this to highlight what, chemistry, looks like.

When my husband first saw me, he said he felt this warm feeling in his body that is DNA, that is, chemistry!  The first time I spoke to my husband  my heart did summersaults for a week! Definitely, chemistry.

But here is the question of the day. Can you have a successful marriage with, compatibility, and no, chemistry? I am sure you can with commitment; but it would be equivalent to being married to your roommate.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Is Effective Communication the foundation for a Happy Marriage?

Finally, let’s look at, communication

Communication, usually gets the blame when a marriage or relationship fail, because if there is no, communication, you can’t have a successful marriage or relationship.

We all have different, communication, styles so, effective communication, is the most important and the least understood dynamic. It is the deal breaker.

Conclusion: Chemistry Compatibility Communication

As we wrap up, I want to leave you with some of the main differences between men and women.

  • Women are all about their feelings, Men don’t trust feelings.
  • Women connect emotionally with “talking,” Men talk to pass on data, period.
  • Women have to feel good to do good, Men have to do good to feel good.
  • Women want to hear all about it, Men don’t want to talk about it.
  • Women need to feel connected to have sex, Men connect with sex.
  • Women’s happiness resides in the state of their relationships;  all their relationships. Men’s happiness resides in their accomplishments and their ability to provide and protect their love ones.
  • Women get depressed when they feel like all they do is give but that they don’t get back, while Men get depressed when they feel no one appreciates them.

Understanding these differences is the first step towards creating successful long  lasting relationships. Check out John Gray book “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”

Additional Resources

Are you waiting on Love? How Single Women over 40 Find Love

 

How to, Find your Soulmate