How to Develop Emotional Resilience At Work

October 26, 2021October 26, 2021

How to Develop Emotional Resilience At Work

Emotional intelligence, can be measured but, emotional resilience, is how you emotionally utilize all those components to say – okay life is throwing me a bit of a curve ball at the moment. How do I work with it? I don’t like the situation that I find myself in, but what do I do? If you don’t do anything you’re going to fall over and that’s not being, resilient.

My guest today is Robin Hills, author of The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in Business: Strategies to Manage Stress and Weather Storms in the Workplace.

Robin has over 35 years business and commercial experience, helping executives and leaders develop, emotional resilience, through increased self-awareness and understanding of others.

Book: The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in the Workplace

Listen to the full episode Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9437949-how-to-develop-emotional-resilience-at-work.mp3?download=true

Robin’s focus is on supporting personality and behavior in business, based on the everyday application of, emotional intelligence. He is the director of Emotional Intelligence (E.I.) for Change. A company specializes in training, coaching and personal development focused around, emotional intelligence, positive psychology and neuroscience.

His educational program on, emotional resilience, and, emotional intelligence, are used in educational establishments in South Africa, India, as well as over 5000 students in 125 countries.

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Introduction to Emotional Resilience

Myrna: Emotional Intelligence, and, emotional resilience, in the workplace is a big topic, because we know that a lot of our stressors come from working with people in the workplace. It’s not necessarily your spouse or your children or immediate family, but in the workplaces where we have the most stress and learning how to maneuver that with, emotional intelligence, or, emotional resilience, is actually a great skill.

Myrna: What does, emotional resilience, really mean and what was your journey into becoming an expert at it?

Emotional Resilience Starts Building at Home

Robin: I just want to say that, emotional intelligence, or, emotional resilience, in the workplace is going to be affected by what’s going on with your partner, what’s going on with your children, what’s going on at home, because these are going to drive your, emotions. So that when you’re at work, you don’t leave those, emotions, in the trunk of your car, you don’t leave them in the parking lot, you take them into work with you and they’re going to influence the way in which you engage with people.

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What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence, is the way in which you utilize your thinking with your feelings in order to make good quality decisions and build up authentic relationships. If you are awash with unpleasant, emotions, because of circumstances that are happening outside of work, you’re not really going to be in a good place, to have a jolly happy relationship with the people that you work with; particularly if you undergo levels of conflict with them and that’s going to mean that you’re not necessarily going to make the best decisions.

Those with a higher degree of, emotional resilience, can handle the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly. They are also able to manage crises more easily. Fortunately, emotional resilience, is a trait that can be developed. In fact, it’s a trait that is worth developing for many reasons, not the least of which is that it can transform your life and your experience of, stress in the workplace.

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How to Build Your Emotional Resilience

How did become an expert on, emotional intelligence? I was doing a sales job (a very high pressured sales job) within the pharmaceutical industry in and around the teaching hospitals of Central London and I recognized that my, emotions, drove the way in which I engaged with people. Interestingly enough their, emotions, drove the way in which they engaged with meat the time, that was at the end of the last century where nobody had heard of, emotional intelligence.

It wasn’t until the mid 90’s when the first books were published on, emotional resilience, that I suddenly realized, this was what I‘ve been searching for all my life. I asked my self what can I do in terms of working with this idea and concept?

At the time I hadn’t got much more experience than a lot of sales experience and a bit of management experience. So, it was really a case of building that experience, just getting more experience working with people, influencing, persuading people and understanding how they engage.

Myrna: A lot of times, emotional intelligence, has to do with learning to navigate that situation because a lot of times, nothing is wrong with you, but you have a boss or someone that you have to learn to intelligently deal with them.

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Emotional Intelligence Test

Myrna: Is there an, emotional intelligence test?

Robin: The word “test” is not quite right, but people call it a test. Let’s go along with this, I prefer to call it an assessment or an inventory. because a test, it implies that there are right answers and there are wrong answers.

However, I will say that the word test is widely used when we’re talking about, personality tests, and a lot of psychologists will refer to their instruments as tests. So, the answer to your question is – yes, there are quite a few, assessments, or, emotional intelligence test. Some look at measuring abilities, some look at measuring competencies and some mix the two together.

My preference is to look at one that mixes the two together and I’m a great fan of what’s known as the, EQI 2.0, the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0. There are other good, emotional intelligence tests, available, but I like that one because it’s got a 360 view.

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Personality Assessment Test

The, EQI 2.0, generates a leadership report and there are a wide variety of norms which means that we can select out western managers who are middle aged, between 30 and 40 and identify how people perform against that group.

We can look at a South African norm and see how people perform against that group. The, EQI 2.0, is the most widely used, assessment test, across the world.

Myrna: What exactly are you looking for when you’re doing this, emotional intelligence test?

Robin: Ideally, we’re looking for a sweet spot which is about seven or eight points which suggests that there’s room for improvement, but people have got that level of competency – that ability when it’s appropriate and when the circumstances are right for them to express themselves in that way.

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The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience

Myrna: In your book “The Authority Guide Emotional Resilience in Business”, you’re combining, emotional intelligence, and, emotional resilience. How are they related?

Robin: Really interesting question because surprisingly, emotional resilience, itself is not a part of an, emotional intelligence, framework. Resilience, is about sticking to something to a certain extent that is measured in the, emotional intelligence assessment.

What we need to do is just to understand what, resilience, is. It’s a component of, stress management. Stress management, is part of, emotional intelligence, particularly if you’re looking at the, EQI 2.0, inventory. It will measure how you, manage stress. it will look at your, stress tolerance, to a certain extent that could be called your, resilience.

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How to Build Your Resilience

If we look at what, resilience, is, resilience, is not what most people think. It’s not about bouncing back, that’s not what, resilience is. Resilience, is having a realistic understanding of the situation that you find yourself in and accepting that things cannot always be brilliant all the time.

Having a kind of realistic optimism that life is good, life is meaningful – that’s an important component of, resilience. Then it’s having the adaptability, the flexibility and the creativity to make the most of the situation and put things to different uses in order to help you to grow and develop through the situation that you find yourself in.

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How Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Resilience Differs

Now a lot of those can’t be measured in the same way that, emotional intelligence, can be measured but, emotional resilience, is how you emotionally utilize all those components to say – okay life is throwing me a bit of a curve ball at the moment. How do I work with it? I don’t like the situation that I find myself in, but what do I do? If you don’t do anything you’re going to fall over and that’s not being, resilient.

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Mental Health is a component of emotional resilience

I think it’s also important to say here that people have got to look at their, mental health. If people are undergoing severe, mental health, issues there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. They’ve just got to seek the support that they need whether it’s clinical or medical support. It could be support from family or friends or a therapist.

It’s getting the support that they need to see them through that awkward patch. There is nothing wrong with having a, mental health, issue.

Myrna: Let’s transition into, stress, your book also deals with, stress. It’s part of the title. What are some of the, strategies to reduce stress, in the workplace using, emotional resilience?

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Using emotional resilience for stress management

Robin: I think one of the easiest and quickest ways to reduce, stress, is to understand your, emotions, and to recognize what, emotions, you are feeling and the impact that they are having upon you. Now, emotions, are emotions. There’s a lot of nonsense said about positive and, negative emotions. We can’t label, emotions, as positive or negative.

We’re experiencing, emotions, for a reason and the important thing is to understand the information that these, emotions, are trying to convey to us. If we’re feeling angry why are we feeling angry? What is it that we need to do in order to work with that anger?

A negative way of utilizing that anger is to bottle it up, and let it get worse or to go and take it out on the wrong person (your partner, your children, the cat or your subordinates in the workplace). That is not effective, stress management.

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How Leaders Use Emotional Intelligence

Myrna: If I’m a leader with, emotional intelligence, I would understand that change is a process and I wouldn’t get upset if there’s a lot of push back from people who are objecting to change. I would understand that it’s a process and sooner or later they will accept change. In the meantime, how do I guide them?

Robin: I think the most, emotionally intelligent, way of dealing with change is finding out what everybody needs and what everybody wants, because some people will need a lot more guidance than others. What I need will be different from what you need.

A good leader will actually adapt what they do and how they communicate with staff. A lot of leaders don’t have that time and are not prepared to put that level of investment into their employees.

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Emotional Intelligence and Stress Management

Myrna: Can you use, emotional intelligence, to, reduce stress? Is there a way you can think your, stress, away?

Robin: Yes, but to a certain extent. It’s also all about, self-awareness; it’s a fundamental component of, emotional intelligence. So, it’s having this knowledge about yourself:

What are you good at,
Are you utilizing your strengths,
Do you know your liabilities,
What are the obstacles that usually prevent you from succeeding?

I‘m not a great advocate for working with liabilities and weaknesses and trying to change them. I look at what you are good at? What makes you really special? I try and get more of that good stuff because if you can do it well, strangely enough all those weaknesses and liabilities disappear.

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Using Emotional Resilience to Manage stress at work

Myrna: When you’re at work, the things that you can control is yourself. You can’t control someone else, you can’t control the situations. If your company decides to move their headquarters and go to a different state there’s nothing you can do about that. All you can do is use your, emotional intelligence, to decide whether you’re going to go or you’re going to stay.

Myrna: Tell our listeners about your book.

Robin: My book is called the “Authority Guided to Emotional Resilience in Business Strategies to Manage Stress, and Weather Storms in the workplace” and of course it can be found on Amazon. I was very pleased for it to be published under the authority guide series, because it actually shows the level of authority behind the messages that are within the book.

But, if people are not interested perhaps in reading a book, I‘ve actually converted the book into an online course.

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Emotional Intelligence for change Course

You can actually go along and watch short little videos around each of the topics. You can look at those in terms of self-paced learning, so that’s another alternative. If people go to courses.ei4change.com, you’ll be able to find the course there. People can download, and get a free, Emotional Intelligence Book.

Additional Resources

Ten Characteristics of a Great Leader

September 27, 2021September 27, 2021

How to Replace Bad Habits With Success Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby transforming your life.

Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.

Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit, regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to happiness.

Success habits, generally increase your happiness.

Listen to the full interview here:

Bio and Introduction Bad Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame; it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.

To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits, with, success habits.

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Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.

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Understanding Where Happiness Lies

Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.

Myrna: I read that book. I found it very difficult to understand but it is a classic.

Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life, if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.

You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.

It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.

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How to Win Friends

I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves. It was like my own human science experiment. I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.

I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular. People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”

That just started my, success habits, journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.” All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.

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My #1 Success Habits was reading Self Help Books

I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas. People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.

Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.

How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?

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Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits

Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it consciously.

I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas. I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits. The book that brought my, bad habits, home was “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.

It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.

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Your Bad Habits are automatic

Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.

Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.

Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.

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Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land. These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.

Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

The Book the Secret had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.

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Action is the way to build your Success Habits

Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?

Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I still do sitting right here. You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.

You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.

It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become. Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.

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The Mindset of Success Habits

Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.

Will: Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like

You are not good enough
I will never be anybody
People don’t like me
They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it

We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.

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The Habit of Transforming your Mind

Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.

Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.

I’d say the top, habit, for that goes back to Mr. Dale Carnegie – “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, is just make other people feel special.

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The Habit of Making People Feel Special

Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:

Remember names,
Remember details about people,
Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.

It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.

For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:

There’s your sleep,
Watch your nutrition
Movement, there’s your exercising.

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Success Habits for Emotional Health

The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is

Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
The, habit, of enjoying life and expressing your passion is important.

I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years. Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.

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Erase Bad Habits with a regular routine

Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or “Oh, I have conflicting schedules” A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.

The last, success habit, is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it. I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.

Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.

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Moore Momentum Training

Will: moremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter) My Instagram page is @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.

I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited. I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.

In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.

You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.

It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”

Conclusion

Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.

If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.

Additional Resources

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

September 6, 2021September 6, 2021

How to Go from Success to Significance in 100 Days

Inspirational coach, Marcus Bell, created a project called the “100 Dayz Challenge” a ‘Wealth and Impact’ boot camp to guide people to the way to success. This Challenge helps people achieve their goals in life.

Marcus Bellringer teaches us how to go from, Success to Significance, in, 100 days. His bootcamp 100, Dayz, Impact Challenge is growing in popularity. We’re going to straddle the fence today. We talk about music and, life coaching, and challenge you to make changes to your life in, 100 days.

Bio Marcus Bell

MARCUS BELL IS ONE OF THE TOP MUSIC PRODUCERS/COMPOSERS IN THE INDUSTRY. He has worked with some of the biggest artists such as Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, Snoop Dogg and many more. He also produced and composed for some of the most famous films and TV shows. Apart from that, Bell is a successful entrepreneur who wants to help people achieve their goals in life. That’s why he created a project called the “100 Dayz Challenge” a ‘Wealth and Impact’ boot camp to guide people to the way to success.

This Challenge helps people achieve their goals in life. Bell has also produced soundtracks for several television shows and films. Some of the new and upcoming releases that feature his work are the TV series P-Valley (Starz Network) with the singles ‘Boy Listen’ and ‘Own It’, and the Netflix series Ginny & Georgia with the song ‘Give Us Love’. Marcus Bell also published a #1 best-selling book on Amazon titled ‘Bellringer Branding Bible: The 5 Musician Branding Principles for Singers, Rappers

Listen to the Full Interview

Before we get into the details of our conversation today, tell us your journey from being a music producer to a, Life coach, wanting to help people achieve success in their life.

Marcus: The first thing I would say is to start with is I stand for dignity and compassion for myself and all humanity. That’s why everything that I’ve done and everything that I do is organized around uplifting humanity. When it comes to the music industry now, the thing that I love about the music industry which I’ve been a part of since I was two years old, is I was born into the entertainment industry.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

I started playing piano when I was two years old, I was a child prodigy. I started my first company when I was 12 years old, a record label. So, I’ve been an entrepreneur my entire life, a musician, songwriter and recording artist. What I discovered in my journey was that the things that I was doing when I was younger, like recording myself and playing all the instruments and coming up with the lyrics of the songs and all of those pieces of a puzzle (that’s the actual role of someone that is able to do all of those things and mix the song and bring it to completion and deliver the emotions of the song), those are the roles of a music producer – so I discovered that I was a, music producer, before I was a teenager.

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Become the producer of your life in 100 Days

I learned everything from my mother, she was just amazing at bringing forth treasures in my life. When I was younger, I lived in an area in Virginia (I was born in Norfolk, Virginia). In that area there was a music producer who had produced Marvin Gaye. He was my first contact with someone that was hugely successful in the music industry, his name is Gordon. I was taken to the studio in his house and he was playing my music. Suddenly, he stopped the music and he looked at me, he said “kid don’t you listen to the radio?”

What he was saying was “kid what’s your style.” I was playing around in a lot of different genres and did not have a sound. Today I teach my clients to find their unique talent in, 100 days. As a kid, I had a song that was hip-hop, I had a song that was jazz, I had a song that was gospel, I had a song that was reggae and a funk song. I was all over the place in terms of the type of music I was producing. But I discovered, I was a, producer.

I discovered in that session that this is what a, music producer, does. A, music producer, looks at the artist and can see what is needed in order to pull the greatness out of that artist. The, producer, then focuses that greatness in a direction that will make the artist successful. In the, 100 days, challenge, I do the same thing for my clients. I pull the greatness out of them and I try to do it in, 100 days.

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The Wealth and Impact Boot Camp: How to Build Wealth

My job as a, music producer, is to see greatness in my artists and help them discover that greatness for themselves, and capture it on a recording, so that the world can see that greatness.

As a, Life Coach, the Wealth and Impact Boot Camp, is a program that is designed around helping people access their greatness, articulate that value in the marketplace so that they can monetize it and help a massive amount of people.

Myrna: That’s great. So, why did the, music producer, back then ask you if you listen to the radio? How does the radio help you as an artist?

Marcus: That’s a fantastic question. There are processes to discovering your voice, and as far as I can tell, there are three stages:

There’s imitation stage,
The emulation stage and
And the innovation stage.

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Goal Setting in the innovation stage

The, imitation, stage is like learning to play the saxophone. I would take out the saxophone put on Charlie Parker and John Coltrane, imitate what they did, I would try to figure out the notes get the sheet music (this is what they were playing here) and try to sound like them. Basically, I was attempting to be Charlie Parker on the saxophone. This is the, imitation, stage.

For the, emulation, I’ll use a different example. When I was in Boston doing something like 10 songs a day, people would come into the recording studio and say “Marcus can you do something that sounds like Timberland” Can you do something that sounds like Baby Face? Can you do something that sounds like Dr. Dre? But in, goal setting, we have to stop, imitation, and, emulation, and start the, innovation, process to create our unique sound or bring our our unique greatness.

I’m not playing exactly what Dr. Dre did, but I would do something that Dr. Dre would have done. It’s a sound, it’s a feel, it’s an energy, it’s a vibe. I’m listening from a lot of different lenses. I am listening for like the sounds that are selected, the type of setting that is placed, the way the notes are arranged (is it more minor, is it more major) like all these different factors and many different ways to examine something to get to an, emulation, place. As the, producer, of your life, you can do the same thing with your mentor.

Find somebody who has been where you are trying to go and emulate them until you understand the rules of the game.

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Trying to find your sound or unique talent in 100 Days

I didn’t know at the time that I was developing a valuable skill from, emulation, and, imitation. That skill allowed me to be featured in different television shows and movies. People still reach out to me and say “Hey Marcus we couldn’t clear the Beyoncé song, oh we couldn’t clear xyz song (like Lady Gaga’s song), do you have anything that sounds like it? They are using my skill of, imitation, and, emulation.

Innovation, is getting you to your authentic self. In the, 100 dayz challenge, and there’s a bunch of different lenses that we can talk about. One lens is think about those conversations that you may have about, time and money. For example. There’s a narrative that gets emulated inside of society, particularly Western society that “time is money”. How many times have you heard that?

Myrna: Are you trying to challenge that concept?

Marcus: Absolutely, because time is much greater than money.

Marcus: I would assert and not only is time much greater than money, but what kind of time are we talking about?

Are we talking about space time,
What about talking about time as numbers,
And talking about time as activity?

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Learning How to build wealth in 100 Days

I’ve studied a lot about, time and money, time can be used in the context of money to multiply your money (like compound interest) and things like that, but I think when I use that is when someone is wasting my time.

Myrna: Are you talking about the 24-hour day where you are a, producer, a coach or somebody that’s working with you that, time is money, because when you waste time you’re wasting money?

Marcus: Yes, but you can transform that thinking and have, passive income, from, compound interest, and all the other things where your time is not connected to, money. I mean, money, is not connected to your time. In the, 100 days, challenge, I spend a lot of time on how to make, money, work for you. If I were to talk about how I produce revenue, you would agree that, time is not connected to, money.

In the, 100 Dayz challenge, I teach you, how to build wealth, with, passive income, in, 100 days. I have a friend of mine who I’m doing a course with, I’m collaborating with him on a LinkedIn, Wealth and Impact Boot Camp course. He gets paid up to $75,000 for 45 minutes.

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Building Wealth by becoming an Innovator

Marcus: Barack Obama is an, innovator, that is why he charges $200, 000 an hour to speak for an hour at events. A, Life Coach, can bring $200,000 worth of value into the lives of their clients and be paid $500. Part of being an, innovator, and, music producer, is looking at what are the elements that make someone unique. What’s different about this artist, what is he doing that’s different? What’s different could be how you value yourself in a marketplace and so forth. Time is money, is one of those things.

Myrna: I remembered probably the biggest example of that, is Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey has a song “All I want for Christmas is You.” That the song took her 30 minutes to write and it’s made 60 million over the years. That is how you, build wealth, and we can say that is this case, time is not money.

Marcus: That’s a great example. Musicians aren’t the only ones that have, passive income, from, innovation. I would assert that every individual once they have connected to the intrinsic value that they have to offer the world, and they’re able to hone in on what that value is and offer it to the world, can have, passive income, and not trade time for money.

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What the 100 Dayz Challenge is About

Myrna: Tell us about your, 100 Dayz Challenge, and how does it connect to finding the authentic self?

Marcus: The 100, Dayz, Challenge is really designed around taking people from, success to significance. In a community event in 2020 around election time, I was talking about elections and I challenged my clients to elect themselves for office. When someone comes into office like when Biden they have an aggressive agenda in the the first, 100 days, in office. This originated from President Roosevelt. When the country was moving out of the great depression, Roosevelt brought forth the first, 100 days, (this is where we get that from in popular culture and then particularly in politics). When he got into office, his first, 100 days, is where he set the tone for his entire 4 year term by doing as much as possible in, 100 days.

The whole four years, but people ask what did you do in, 100 days? That’s why people elected to office, try and get bills passed or reverse things from the past president, all of that activity in that first, 100 days, in office. Traditionally, the first, 100 days, has been the most impactful for the entire eight year term.

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100 Dayz boot camp

In my 100, dayz, challenge, I challenged them to create wealth in a the boot camp to take on, 100 days, for their most important aims. I created a structure around the first, 100 days, because most times when people take on challenges like New Year’s resolutions, by day 15:

people stop going to the gym,
they’re eating cakes again,
they stop meditating,
Most stop praying or whatever.
Arguing with their husband or wife or girlfriend a boyfriend is back
Most people can’t sustain it.

So, I created a structure for, sustainability. What makes the, 100 Dayz Challenge, unique is that, it is designed with, neuroscience, social psychology, and with psychology in mind; so that you can create sustainable change or elevation or adding something new. If there is something that you wanted to do that you didn’t necessarily have the courage to do, or you didn’t have the time to do, you didn’t have the resources to do it, whatever. All you have to do is take that thing and put it inside the, 100 Dayz Challenge, structure Program and achieve, success to significance.

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Success to Significance in 100 Days

As a result of the success of the, 100 Dayz Challenge, and because we launched at the same time that Biden came into office. We started this, 100 days, challenge and we opened it up to the public. People can join at any time. We created several, 100 days, programs to suit different goals. As soon as you join it, your, 100 days, starts.

What’s happened from the public launch of the program is we realized that this is not just a program:

it’s not just a course inside (even though there ‘s a course in the 100, dayz, challenge)
it’s not just a community (even though we are a community)
and it’s not just a structure (even though there’s a structure there),
this is actually a Movement.

It’s all about self and others, because when you do something for yourself it impacts those around you.

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The Neuroscience of sustainability

Myrna: That’s true, but I want to ask you a question, because I know that what you’re saying is very true as far as, sustainability, which is one of the reasons that the gyms are so packed after new year’s or before summer, because people have a goal at these times but they can’t sustain it. You talk about the, neuroscience, of the, 100 dayz challenge, so how does your program help with the neuroscience of quitting?

Marcus: There are things that we know for example, is response to, neuroscience. There’s always an exception to every rule. There’s always the exception. For example, there’s always the gym that has people packed and all the time, but what we know in, neuroscience, (I’m not a neuroscientist, but I do a lot of study on, neuroscience.) It’s known that willpower doesn’t really work, so you can’t “WILL” yourself throughout the day to perform at a high level.

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Willpower and Goal Setting

Willpower, over time diminishes, so you have less of it as the day progresses, which is why it’s important if you’re doing something that requires a lot of prefrontal cortex, to do it first thing in the morning. If there’s a lot of cognitive load, you do that thing earlier in the day. If you’re going to do finances or accounting or read through contracts or whatever you might want to do that earlier in the day, than at the end of the day. When you’re tired from the activities of the day and your, willpower, has diminished, your cognitive abilities also have diminished.

The way the, 100 Dayz challenge, is designed we take an account that people have different goals and different aims. Someone maybe , goal setting, with a money aim, some will be, goal setting, and have a relationship aim, some may be, goal setting, and have a spiritual aim. The program allows each person to work with the strategies.

Myrna: Tell us about the, 100 Dayz challenge, program. Is it customized? The example that you gave of a person who wanted to raise money, would it be that a totally different skill than would be set for someone wanted to lose weight or someone wanted to get wealth or maybe someone wanted to find out what is their unique talent. Tell us about your program, 100 Dayz.

Conclusion

Marcus: The way that works is you as the individual customize it using the tools that we provided.

Myrna: Now, tell our audience how they can connect with this, 100 Dayz Challenge, or where they can connect with you.

Marcus: If someone is interested in joining the, 100 Dayz, Impact Challenge, they will go to 100dayzchallenge.com and join. I will recommend that they join the inner circle because on those inner circle calls, every Monday I get on the phone with the people that are in the challenge and we have conversations.

Myrna: My intention is almost similar to what you’re doing here. My intention is to let people know that all they have to do is transform their mind and they can, transform their life, so that’s exactly what you’re doing here. With the challenge, you are helping people to transform their mind, because the mind is what is can either build you up or bring you down. Once you change that mindset, you will, transform your life.

Thank you so much for helping us to do that today by transforming our mindset that yes, we can do anything we want to do or achieve any goal by just working at it.

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Additional Resources

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

January 30, 2021January 5, 2021

How Thoughts become Things: The Secret

This is the how the, law of attraction, works. This is, The secret, your, thoughts become things, so you want to think good thoughts because you want the, Law of attraction, to bring you good things!

Good or bad, you manifest what you think about most of the time.

Listen to full interview here:

Thoughts become things, you are literally what you think about and your character is the complete sum of all your, thoughts. What you are thinking now, and what you think tomorrow and next month, is eventually what you will become.

This principle of the, law of attraction, has been around since the bible; but James Allen made this principle famous in his book “As a Man Thinketh“

If you want success, love, happiness, contentment, wealth, then you must think, good thoughts, because, thoughts become things.

Here are some, Good Thoughts, to engage the, Law of Attraction: The Secret

As a man thinks, so is he. As he continues to think, so he remains.
He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a loftily ideal in his heart, will one day realize it.
To desire is to obtain, to aspire is to achieve.
Your greatest achievement started out as a, thought seed, or a dream.
The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg.
Thoughts are the seedlings of things: your, thoughts become things
The, good thoughts, you hold in your head one day be the, good things, you hold in your hand, that’s, the secret.

Here is How Missy Elliot, Thoughts became things.

I just read an interview with Missy Elliott. Here is how she used this principle to achieve her success. This is her story.

As a grade school student in Virginia, her classmates would have never believed that Melissa Arnette Elliot would one day win six Grammys, two AMAs, and become the first female rap artist to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame, but she did. In fact, Missy said that she saw herself as a legend long before anyone else could. Missy explained that in elementary school, every week, the teacher would ask the students what they wanted to be when they grew up, and Missy’s answer was always the same:

“‘I’m going to be a superstar,’ and the whole class would bust out laughing.”

“It’s funny, she later said. I was telling somebody that everything I spoke, I’ve done. That’s how powerful the tongue is…I used to sit in the house and act like I was having conversations with Janet and Michael and Madonna and whoever. I then would go and say my thank you’s for award shows that I hadn’t made it to yet. I had speeches, and I would be in the mirror thanking my mama.” I engaged the, law of attraction, with my imagination to turn my dreams or, thoughts into things.

“Trust me, this was all visioning and, good thoughts, because I was broke. My family would be like, ‘You better find something to do.’ They told me to go in the Army. I’m like, ‘I’m too fat to go in the Army. Where I am running to?’ Everything just seemed so impossible at the time because we didn’t have the technology to be able to reach out and put your stuff online and for people to get a chance to see it. So you have to be at the right place at the right time.”

Missy said that she carried on this spirit of speaking her dreams into existence into adulthood.

“I told my mother, ‘I’m going to buy you a house, and I’m going to buy you an elevator in case your legs start hurting.’ And my mom would laugh and be like, ‘All right, okay.’ But when I got my first check, I didn’t even buy myself a house first. I bought my mother a house. Put a Bible in the soil and built it from the ground up.” My, thoughts became actions

After battling Graves Disease, domestic abuse, and a brutal, male-dominated entertainment industry, there’s nothing Missy can’t overcome; and do you know why? Because she knows how to transform good, thoughts into things!

It is hard work holding on to the vision in between the trials, failures and struggles which are a part of life.

In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results. The strength of the effort is the measure of the result or the quality of your thoughts.

The transformation of your good, thoughts into things, are the fruits of effort. They are thoughts completed, objectives accomplished, visions realized.

The vision that you hold in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart – this you will build your life by, this you will become!

Arifah what has been your experience as a mental health counselor on transforming good, thoughts into things?

Most humans are operating in one of 4 psychological levels:

Level 1 – victim stage

Level 2 – you create and design your world

Level 3: Servant to a higher calling. Doing something for the world. You are pushing humidity forward. The universe speaks through you. You are doing it through inspiration.

Level 4: Oneness with humanity, monk like state. You can heal with a touch.

Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Let’s look at the first two levels since the majority of us will never get to level 3 or 4.

Victim stage – 70% of the world operates at this level.

You believe that life is happening to you.
You blame everyone for where you are at.
You don’t think you have any control over what happens to you. You believe what Forest Gump said “Life is a box of chocolates we never know what we are going to get. So you take whatever life dishes out and you tell yourself that such is life.
When you play the victim you are engaging the, law of attraction, to bring you more of the same. If you become the player in this game of life then you visualize with good thoughts and watch those good, thoughts become things.

Level 2: You believe that your, Thoughts become things, your reality: the secret

You become a co-creator of your world.
You use your imagination and the, law of attraction, to create in your mind the life you want.
You keep your mind positive,
You feed your subconscious mind and transform your, thoughts into things.
Abraham Hicks calls this the vortex. Your vortex is full of un-manifested potential just waiting to become your reality.
You utilize the, law of attraction, to bring the things you want to you. The secret is to feel good and use positive energy to transform your, thoughts into things,

How my good, thoughts became things.

As a little girl I dreamed of becoming a movie star. I heard that the first step in becoming a movie star was to become a model. (Not true), but that was my information back then in 1977. So the first thing I did when I immigrated to Toronto, Canada from Guyana was to be trained as a model.

I went to International Top models and graduated. My modeling agency started giving me work in the movies. I got roles as an extra in 3 movies one was the movie Cocktails with Tom Cruise. I got a radio gig reading the news, I got a regular part on a sitcom again as an extra. I had a manager and was thinking of moving to Los Angeles when I got pregnant with my son.

I was 20 years old at the time and something happened to me during pregnancy. I no longer wanted to get by on my looks. I wanted to be a business woman. So I packed up my modeling career and went to college. I later became an entrepreneur. I was happy with my choices.

That dream laid dormant until earlier this year. 40 years later. My daughter was working in LA for a month and I decided that when I went to visit her I should audition for some movie role just to get the life experience. I signed up with this casting company called NY casting. I was only in LA for 3 days so I couldn’t make it happen; but I was able to get tickets to see Dr Phil. They sat me close to the front of the studio and I just visualized me as a the host of a TV talk show. You couldn’t bring cameras into the studio, so I mentally recorded every detail of the studio. I imagined myself walking on to the stage and waving to the audience.

When I returned home, I figured my next move was to get some footage of me as a host to send around to casting directors. I sent an email to the producers of this radio show and asked them if I can do a live radio show in the studio in Atlanta. They responded that they had a TV show taping in Miami and they would like me to host it. I couldn’t believe it.

Dreams, good thoughts do become Reality

I Hosted the show called “Make me over Miami” and uploaded a clip to NY casting site. As soon as I finished uploading my video reel, I noticed a casting call for a talk show host in Miami. I sent the director an application. About a month later he responded that he would like me to audition for the role as the consumer reporter on the show the Culture Club. The show is taped in LA, they pay $1500 per show as a start. My, thoughts become things. Not a bad start! I don’t know if I will get this hosting job; but I am encouraged. This dream started as a, good thought,

Now I hope you followed along with this story how my dream was reignited. I made the first move and signed up with a casting agency, followed inspiration and got tickets to Dr Phil. Visualized myself being the female version of Dr Phil. Got the video real of coach Myrna in action, got an audition!

Arifah can you share a personal story of when your, thoughts became Things

I remember one day asking myself, if I felt I was making a difference. I started to question my purpose and if I was using my skill sets wisely. I started to think about what kind of difference I wanted to make, what skills I had and how best to use them. It all seemed overwhelming at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I believed it was possible and those, good thoughts, turned into good actions.

I thought about the name of my organization, the logo, what I wanted to do, who I wanted involved and all the ways to make it a reality. Everything I thought about, it came to fruition because I believed I could manifest it. The best part about it all, was that I engaged youth I had worked with over the years to get their input on everything I was doing, from voting on my logo ideas, input about projects and their involvement in the organization.

I always dreamed about creating something that would make an impact and that would engage young people not just as participants, but leaders and creatives. I thought of the partnerships I wanted and what I hoped would happen in the next 5 years. I always tell people, I really dreamed about what I wanted, thought about it everyday in detail and put those, good thoughts, on paper, and now those good, thoughts became things. I am living in and growing my dream everyday.

How to become lifted by your purpose

Lifted by Purpose, is not just a name, it’s a way of life, I tell young people if you believe you can, your half way there to making it a reality. Thoughts, hopes and optimism, is powerful in guiding us towards what we envision and success. It may take time, you may have ups and downs, but you will also have wins once you work towards your goals.

The first 2 small grants, I applied for I got denied, I even cried I was so upset. But I believed in my vision and I kept writing grants, I turned those,, good thoughts, into a $75,000 grant! I continued to submit grants for larger sums of money and was successful. The first grant I wrote on same day as my uncles funeral, the second big grant I I wrote when I lost hearing in one of my ears for 5 weeks.

Despite the hardships, I never gave up on myself, my team and the vision to provide programs and services to youth. I always think about the potential outcome and who it benefits, over all the work to make it happen. My good, thoughts became things, and have lead me to where I am today, lifted by my purpose.

Anabrese Newman, a spiritual-well-being author and mentor wrote:

Everything is FIRST an idea or thought before it comes into creation.

Consciousness is the source of it all, meaning that your mind and thinking are the fuel for creating matter ie the physical appearance and experiences that show up in your life.

This is the basic of, Law of Attraction, teachings. They teach you to understand that you have the power to shape your life with your thoughts and emotions.

By sharing our passions/vision for the highest good of all, we can be the change we wish to see in the world and be of service to our fellow beings.

So, if you want to change your life, start by changing your thoughts because your, thoughts become things! –

Additional Resources:

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-the-energy-of-desire-to-create-something-magical/

https://blog.myhelps.us/detoxing-both-the-body-and-soul/

https://blog.myhelps.us/7-strategies-to-climbing-your-personal-mountains/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/melodywilding/2016/08/15/forget-positive-thinking-this-is-how-you-actually-change-negative-thoughts/

https://chopra.com/articles/retrain-your-brain-how-to-reverse-negative-thinking-patterns

October 1, 2019April 17, 2020

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Childhood Abuse has continually been linked to substance abuse for women. In this Episode we look at, Drug and Alcohol treatment for women with trauma, who were abused by men and parents during childhood.

I interview Dr Tra Ahia who is the author of “Call me an Addict, War on Women”

She has been recognized as a champion of woman’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction. As the Therapist for women in Rehab for over 30 years, Dr Ahia was responsible for the, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, who turned to substance abuse to as a means to cope with trauma. Her work in, addiction and recovery, began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transitioned to a healthy place in their lives. Dr Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down the path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically and emotionally with, drug and alcohol treatments.

In the book “Call me an Addict” Dr Ahia tells the brutal stories of 3 women. We will look at one of these women on the blog and podcast on the, Transform Your Mind radio and Podcast with Life Coach Myrna Young.

This is a summary Kelly’s story in the Book “Call me an Addict”

Kelly’s first memory at 2 years old was her father punching her in the face for not eating her food. Then she remembered at 5 years old taking her father’s fingers as she sat on his lap with his friends and sticking them in her vagina!

That was the start of her life that included sex with her father, an alcoholic and abusive mother, promiscuity with men at age 14.

At age 15 her parents gave her away to her boyfriend and moved to another city. She had her first child soon after and was homeless because the boyfriend also moved away to another city and left her to look after a child with no home and no income.

Another man gave her a place to live in return for sex. He ended up marrying her and they had 3 more kids.

Her abuse resulted in her abuse of alcohol and rehab. Her drug and alcohol treatment for women with trauma, was not successful. She continued to relapse.

Kelly started drinking heavily at 14 years old and used it for escape. It was drinking, sex, and prostitution.

Her story ended with her kids being placed in the custody of child protective services and she being placed in rehab for the 3rd time.

What was so sobering to me hearing this story was how 3 generations were ruined from addictions. Kelly’s father and mother were both addicts. She hated them both. She became an addict and then her eldest daughter followed her lifestyle. One of the most profound statements in the story to me was when Kelly said she and her daughter would fight all the time about who was the bigger whore!

As a Life Coach and survivor of child sexual abuse, I can say that the reason my life didn’t spin out of control like Kelly’s was because even before I knew anything about mindset and the power of intention, I wanted respect. I did not want to be known as a Bad Girl or whore. A girl who is free with sex and all the boys talk about her.

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Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness — Out of the Snares

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”, I share a similar story about my molester fingering me in his car as he drove me to school. I had the mindset to become a player in this game of life and not become a victim. You see victims have no power. Like Kelly she was powerless to stop her father from molesting her. In fact, another sobering part of her story was when she told her father “No” and he returned with the handle of a mop and stuck it up her ass. He told her with that move that she was nothing more than his bitch and he could do with her anything he wanted.

But we as women always have power!

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Women are placed in Rehab facilities either by the Police, their families or sometimes they walk in on their own accord

Rehab facilities are an intensive in house process

As the in house Therapist my job was to administer, drug and alcohol treatments to these women with trauma, by helping them to learn from their addictions.

These Therapy sessions were conducted one on one and their, drug and alcohol treatments, were first understanding how they got to that point in their lives.

They first had to accept that they were addicts

These, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were 30 days to 6 months and sometimes even years

Most people including families do not understand that, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were not miracle drugs, these women were trying to get over abuse from their childhood. They can’t be cured in 6 months when they had these traumas for 10, 20 even 30 years.

After the intensive in house, addiction and recovery, treatments these women continue their, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, in an half way house for about one year. In this house they are expected to remain clean, get jobs, practice self love and self care and become contributing members to their community.

For more information on Dr Tra Ahia’s work and to pick up a copy of her book visit her on the web at www.forlifeservices-cc-com

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Here are some of the Symptoms from Childhood Sexual Trauma Resulting in Addiction.

PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can emerge months or even years after the sexual trauma. Some common symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, intense distress when exposed to sights, sounds, or smells that trigger memories of the trauma, and bodily reactions when reminded of the trauma.

Dissociation

Dissociation, often associated with PTSD, is feeling disconnected or dissociated from one’s body. It can affect a person’s ability to focus, concentrate and function for periods of time. In an effort to detach from the sexual trauma, people learn to numb themselves from the pain. Dissociation is often referred to as avoidance coping, because survivors use it as a mechanism to escape and pull away from their past.

The Road to Recovery

The recovery from sexual trauma is a healing journey that takes time. Children who have been traumatized by sexual abuse often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt. They often blame themselves for the abuse. Although drugs and alcohol can give survivors a moment of reprieve, there are dangerous risks and high costs to that emotional escape.

Sexual abuse not only leaves emotional and psychological scars, but it can lead to dangerous risk-taking behaviors, like using drugs. Substances are only a temporary fix and they can’t erase the past. Fortunately, dark moments don’t have to last, and drugs don’t have to cover unhealed wounds. Survivors can learn healthy coping skills and become a beacon of encouragement and hope to other youth who travel a similar path toward healing.

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Additional Resources for Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://launchcenters.com/treatment/

https://www.turningpointtreatment.org/blog/the-role-childhood-abuse-plays-in-addiction/

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/blog/the-link-between-child-abuse-and-substance-abuse

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/drug-addiction/related-topics/connection-child-abuse/#gref

https://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

Protecting your Child from, Sexual Abuse, in your Own Home

https://blog.myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/

December 10, 2018December 10, 2018

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

In this solo coaching episode I coach on what women can do to, improve their relationships.

We have all heard that men want respect and women are emotional creatures, needing love and affection. That is true; but their is the character flaw common to all men and women? As my pastor would say All means inclusive of everyone exclusive of none. So how do women, improve their relationships,?

The answer is this.

By not pointing out wrong doing or blaming their partners. Because No one ever does anything they feel is wrong.

The verb in the sentence is the important word. Feel.
Put another way, whatever we Perceive is our reality.
99.9 percent of men and women can justify to themselves or anyone who would listen, any action or none action, they have taken.

Let me paint a picture with this story.

On May 7 1931 New York City witnessed the most sensational manhunt the city had ever known to this point. After weeks on the loose “Two-Gun” Crowley, the killer, was trapped in an apartment on West End avenue.

One hundred and fifty police officers and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. For hours the residential sections reverberated with the rat-tat-tat of gun fire from the police and Two-Gun Crowley.

While Crowley lay bleeding from his gunshot wounds, he penned a note that read “To whom it may concern. Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one, one that would do nobody no harm”
If you had never heard that story before, you may be thinking that the police had the wrong man; but no. Crowley was the same man who was necking with his girl on a country road on Long Island when a police walked up to the parked car and asked him to show his license.

Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the police down with a shower of lead. As the officer lay dying on the ground he jumped out of the car grabber the officer’s gun and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. That was the killer who wrote “under my coat is a weary but kind heart. One that would do nobody any harm.

This is an extreme story but I have experienced many like in in my own experience, from kids who steal, to spouses who cheat, to murders who kill, nobody feels they have done anything wrong. So don’t bother pointing it out and this goes a long way to, improve their relationships,

Someone made them do it, they find some way to justify their actions. This phenomenon is glaringly evident on death row. Most of the prisoners on death row feel they have been victimized regardless of how heinous the crime.

The #1 thing women can do to, improve their relationships, is Don’t criticize!

It does no good. It does nothing.
Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, wounds his pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment, so don’t bother.
Instead make yourself perfect.
Jesus taught us this when he said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

That is not to say that your brother has no speck or has done no wrong; but we are only responsible for what we do. We have no power to control others. And pointing it out does nothing to, improve their relationships,

This is another trending story in Google news to illustrate my point
More than 20 women accused a prominent Pasadena obstetrician of mistreating them. He denied claims and was able to continue practicing.

I have adopted this frame of mind in my own marriage. I no longer criticize or concentrate on what I am not getting, instead I concentrate on making myself perfect and working on my goals as a couple and for myself.

And that friends is the secret to happiness.

“Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.”

Additional Resources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/My_Knowledge_Vault/comments/34nilu/self_deception_and_the_story_of_two_gun_crowley/

https://thereset.com/the-fix/5-things-women-can-do-to-improve-their-relationship/

https://blog.myhelps.us/motivated-to-marry/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-use-law-of-attraction-thrive/ In your RelationshipsHow to Use the Law of Attraction to Thrive in Your relationships