Category Archives: 5 mins with coach Myrna

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, setting goals, vision

The Stone the Builder Rejected, Now Cornerstone

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The stone the builder rejected now cornerstone. This metaphor mirrors the human experience. Throughout history, visionaries, innovators, and creators have often encountered resistance when introducing novel ideas, unorthodox methods, or unconventional paths.
Jesus told the disciples a story of a man planting a vineyard, building a wall around it with a lookout tower and then leased it to tenants. During harvest he sent one of his servants to collect his share of thd crop but they beat him and send him back empty handed. He kept sending more servants and they beat them up too. He decided to send his only son and they beat him and killed him as well. Then Jesus said “the stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.
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Rejected children beome the cornerstone

I grew up hearing my grandmother quote this scripture and I seen it play out in families. Parents favoring one child and rejecting another and that child they rejected became the cornerstone who looked after them when they get sick or old and feeble but today I want to focus on this scripture as a, personal development tool.
This simple yet powerful saying is a reminder that what may be initially overlooked or dismissed can later prove to be essential, transformative, and foundational.
This metaphor mirrors the human experience. Throughout history, visionaries, innovators, and creators are often rejected when introducing novel ideas, unorthodox methods, or unconventional paths, then these rejected ideas become the main cornerstone.

Some rejected stones who later became the cornerstone

Consider the pioneering minds who introduced revolutionary technologies, art forms, or philosophies. Many faced skepticism and dismissal, only to have their, rejected “stones,” later become the bedrock of progress. From the Wright brothers‘ ridiculed dream of flight to the skepticism surrounding the early internet, countless examples remind us that the seeds of innovation can initially be met with doubt.
In personal journeys, too, the metaphor holds weight. People who defy societal norms or follow their passions in defiance of conventional wisdom often face rejection or misunderstanding. Yet, history has shown that those who stay true to their convictions, despite the initial rejection they encounter, can eventually shape new paradigms and redefine success.

Overlooked stones into cornerstones

The phrase's universality extends to relationships and personal growth. People who have felt rejected or marginalized can harness the, power of resilience, transforming their perceived weaknesses into sources of strength. Through determination and self-belief, individuals can evolve from, overlooked “stones” into cornerstones, of their own narratives, becoming inspirations to others who walk a similar path.
As we navigate a world of rapid change and evolving norms, the wisdom behind, “The stone the builder rejected, now become the cornerstone,” remains as relevant as ever. It encourages us to embrace the unconventional, to view rejection as an opportunity for growth, and to recognize that what society may initially dismiss can ultimately redefine and reshape the very foundation of our lives.

Conclusion

In essence, the Stone the Builder Rejected, Now the Cornerstone,  challenges us to value the overlooked, honor the unconventional, and find strength in our resilience. Just as the cornerstone provides stability and support, so too can our, rejected stones, lead us toward the solid ground on which we build our futures.
Additional resources 
5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

The Dangers of Holding Grudges: Lessons from Herodias and John

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In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, grudges can often emerge as toxic threads that poison the bonds we share with others. Holding grudges can distort our perceptions, obstruct our ability to make sound decisions, and tether us to feelings of helplessness.

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Introduction

The Bible tells us in Mark chapter 6 that Herodias, Herod’s wife, bore a grudge against John and wanted to kill him; but without Herod’s approval she was powerless. So she waited like a serpent for her time and it came when her daughter pleased the king with her dance and he promised her anything she wanted. Her mother told her to ask for John’s head.

This plays out every day in the modern world. You say something quite innocently and someone takes offense and secretly plots to harm you.

Nobody is cutting off anyone’s head today, but a well placed word in the right ears and you don’t get the promotion or your best friend spreads something you told her in confidence to shame you.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

The Story of Herodias grudge against John:

Mark chapter 6 introduces us to the complex dynamic between Herod Antipas, the ruler of Galilee, and, John the Baptist, a fearless preacher and prophet. Herod had married Herodias, his brother's wife, which was against Jewish law and morality. John fearlessly denounced this union, prompting Herodias to harbor a deep-seated grudge against him.

Herodias' Grudge and Its Consequences:

Herodias' grudge against John festered in her heart, eventually leading to a chilling decision. The accumulation of her anger and resentment compelled her to hatch a sinister plot to kill John. However, her nefarious intentions were thwarted by a crucial factor—Herod's reluctance to give his approval for John's execution.

The Helplessness of Resentment:

Herodias' desire to harm John reveals a stark reality about grudges: they have the potential to blind individuals to reason and lead them down treacherous paths. And sometimes not always the weapon they formed against you boomerangs right back at them.

Holding grudges can distort our perceptions, obstruct our ability to make sound decisions, and tether us to feelings of helplessness. It is a useless emotion. You have heard the saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Herodias was given a gift when Herod asked her daughter what she wanted if not she would have sat with her grudge and suffered because she was powerless to anything about it.

I said that to say the person you hold a grudge against is going on with their lives and probably having a better one than yours. Just as Herodias' resentment rendered her powerless without Herod's consent, our own animosities can leave you trapped in a, cycle of negativity,  and inaction.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Forgiveness as a Path to Healing grudges:

Forgiveness is the way out. Nobody ever does anything they believe is wrong. Chances are whatever they did was not personal. By choosing to let go of grudges, we free ourselves from the shackles of bitterness and open the door to personal growth and reconciliation. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous step towards breaking the, cycle of resentment.

Conclusion:

The tale of Herodias and John serves as a potent reminder of the dangers inherent in holding onto grudges. It urges us to reflect on the impact of resentment on our lives and relationships, and encourages us to choose forgiveness as a powerful means of transcending negativity. Just as Herodias' grudge proved to be her downfall, our own capacity for forgiveness can lead us towards greater understanding, empathy, and a more harmonious existence.

Additional Resources 

How to Communicate with your Guardian Angel

 

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

The Power of Positive Thinking: Letting your Mind Heal your body

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I want to make sure everyone knows of the power of, positive thinking, that the mind can heal the body. In a world where holistic health practices and alternative healing methods are gaining popularity, the idea of healing through thought alone has captured the imagination of many.

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Introduction: The Mind body connection

I want to use as my foundation, the biblical story of the woman with the issue of blood who believed that touching the hem of Jesus' garment would lead to her healing.

I want to share this message today because I've been kind of soaked in the, mind body connection, recently after reading Dr Joe's Dispenza's book “Becoming Supernatural” I know that I myself has healed my body by focusing on where the pain is and sending energy to it and we can all do that. People can heal themselves of cancer; they can heal themselves of a lot of illnesses, including muscular dystrophy,  Parkinson's disease and any and all illnesses.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

Christopher Reeves healed his spine using the mind

I read Christopher Reeves autobiography years ago, he shared that he would sit outside every single day and tell his body to heal and it did. Just recently, I was listening to this new movie called Unsinkable and even though I have followed Dr Joe Dispenza for years now, I never heard his origin story. He shared in the movie that a truck ran into him while he was riding a bicycle and broke all the vertebrate's in his back and he laid in his hospital bed and told his body to heal.

This is why I wrote this article, I want to make sure everyone knows of the power of positive thinking, that the mind can heal the body. The bible teaches us this in Matthew 21. Jesus teaches, I tell you if you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain go lower yourself into the sea and it will be done.

You know that's some Supernatural stuff because you can't even push a mountain, much as tell it to pick itself up and go into the sea, but what Jesus was trying to say is that you can create the impossible with your mind.  Which is why the mindset is so important to me. Why, transforming your mind, is so important.

The woman with the issue of blood, also believed that all she had to do to be healed was to touch the hem of Jesus garment and her belief made her whole.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Science confirms that we can indeed heal our bodies with our minds

Science now affirms that we can indeed heal cancer, autoimmune disease, diabetes, and many other conditions with our minds.

Our subconscious minds create these diseases and our conscious mind can heal them.

In the book Becoming supernatural, in the first chapter Dr Joe Dispenza shared a story of a woman healing herself through meditation of cancer, paralysis, ulcerated colitis, sores in her mouth, vagina, and anus. She was a mess. Her body created these conditions because her husband committed suicide and left her broke. All she had to do to heal herself is to leave that old personality behind and create a new one.

So, what is the body mind connection?

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

The Mind-Body Connection:

The concept of the, mind-body connection, has been studied extensively in both scientific and philosophical circles. Research indicates that mental states, emotions, and beliefs can indeed have an impact on physical health. Stress, for example, has been linked to various health conditions, including heart disease and immune system dysfunction. This suggests that maintaining a positive outlook and managing stress could potentially contribute to better overall well-being.

Complementary Approaches:

Positive thinking, can certainly complement medical treatments and aid in the recovery process. Many individuals find comfort and strength in their beliefs, which can contribute to a more positive outlook during times of illness. Practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and visualization may also help reduce stress and promote relaxation, which can support the body's natural healing mechanisms.

Conclusion:

The idea of healing through thought alone is a fascinating concept that highlights the intricate connection between mind and body. While, positive thinking, and belief can positively influence health outcomes, they should not replace evidence-based medical interventions. The story of the woman with the issue of blood serves as a reminder of the power of faith and hope, today we have many many stories of, thought-based healing. Ultimately, a holistic approach that combines, positive thinking, with appropriate medical care offers the best path to overall well-being.

My suggestion is not to wait until you get the diagnosis to start practicing meditation and, positive thinking, start now. You do not want to learn to swim when you are drowning!

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Is the Mind in the Brain?

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

Goal Digger vs. Gold Digger: The Power of SMART Goals

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In a world where aspirations and motivations can vary significantly, it's crucial to understand the distinction between being a “goal digger” and a “gold digger.” Both terms revolve around the pursuit of something valuable, but their intentions and paths diverge drastically.

In this blog, coach Myrna shares the difference between setting SMART goals with ambition, determination, and a desire to achieve your dreams with hard work and perseverance. Coach Myrna also explore the pitfalls of falling into the “gold digger” mindset – an approach driven by the pursuit of material wealth at the expense of genuine service and personal growth.

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How to be a goal digger

Do you chase money instead of goals? Being a, goal digger, means you are focusing on achieving your goals and pursuing your passions rather than solely chasing money. For example, do you want that job because you have a goal of being of service or you want that job because of the pay grade?

Take Life coaching for example, a lot of Life coaches can’t make a living doing this work but they love helping people so they willingly do the job.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify
Here are six tips to help you become a goal digger:
  1. Define your goals: Take time to identify your long-term and short-term goals. What do you truly want to achieve in life? Having a clear vision will help you stay focused and motivated. It is also good to go deeper and have SMART goals.
These are SMART goals.

Specific: Spell out exactly what you want to accomplish

Begin by thinking about your goal as an observable action, not a broad concept. If your goal is vague, moving beyond this part of goal-setting is challenging. because it could be too generalized to measure or too wide-reaching to be attainable.

Measurable: Define the end result in quantitative or qualitative terms

How will you know when you have achieved your goal? Or how close you are to attaining it? Think about the outcomes and what can be measured. Knowing what success looks like will help you maintain the outcome of the goal, or set a baseline for future improvement.

Achievable: Confirm that your goal is possible and reasonable to accomplish

Do you have access to the skills and resources required to achieve your goal? What support or learning do you need to achieve it? Make sure you are set up to succeed when you establish your goal. This is a critical part of goal-setting.

Relevant: Make sure your goal is relevant for the future. AI is making a lot of jobs obsolete as computers did in the past. For example, writers are being phased out because AI can write a really good copy.

Time-bound: Identify an achievement date for your goal. Is it a long term or short-term goal? 6 months or 6 years? When does your goal need to be completed? A time-bound goal creates a sense of urgency. Even if the date identified isn’t the final deadline of the program or work, a time-bound goal helps to chart a course to completion.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Becoming a Goal Digger by setting goals

  • Pursue your passions: Identify your interests and find ways to incorporate them into your goals. When you genuinely enjoy what you're working towards, it becomes easier to stay committed and motivated.
  • Create a plan: Break down your goals into actionable steps. Develop a plan that outlines the specific tasks you need to complete to achieve each goal. This will help you stay organized and make progress.
  • Embrace learning and growth: Continuously seek opportunities to learn and develop new skills related to your goals. Invest in self-improvement, whether through books, courses, or mentorship. Constantly expanding your knowledge will enhance your ability to succeed.
  • Surround yourself with like-minded individuals: Connect with people who share similar goals or passions. Engaging with a supportive community can provide motivation, inspiration, and valuable insights.
  • Stay persistent and resilient: Achieving meaningful goals often requires perseverance. Be prepared for setbacks and challenges along the way. Learn from failures, adapt, and keep moving forward. Maintain a positive mindset and believe in your abilities.

 

Conclusion

Remember, while money can be a byproduct of achieving your goals, it should never be the sole focus. Stay true to your passions, work hard, and enjoy the journey of pursuing your dreams and being a, goal digger.

Additional Resources 

Jim Rohn on How to Improve Yourself

5 mins with coach Myrna, happiness, How to be happy, Life Coaching, setting goals

Beyond Love: When Love Alone Isn’t Enough

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Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn't enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.

However, there are instances, when love alone isn't enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn't enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.

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When love alone isn't enough

Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn't enough.

Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.

Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8

Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.

For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.

Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Here are 5 reasons when love isn't enough

  1. Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
  2. Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It's important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
  3. Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
  4. Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
  5. Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Motherhood a path to self fulfillment

I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir.  In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.

Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It's important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.

Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

 

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Self-confidence

Carlee Russell: Attention Seeking Behavior

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Was, Carlee Russell, attention seeking behavior, going too far for attention? Seeking attention, is a natural human desire, but it is essential to strike a balance and consider healthy ways to, seek attention, without compromising personal values or the well-being of others. Going too far to, seek attention, can lead to negative consequences, such as alienating others, damaging relationships, or even risking one's own life.

In this blog post coach Myrna looks at, attention seeking behavior, in adults and offer some alternative behaviors.

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Carlee Russell Attention seeking behavior

The story this week getting national attention is the story of, Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old Black nursing student who decided suddenly or maybe she has been fascinated about this for years, to fake her abduction. Police says that, Carlee Russell, googled the movie Taken and other abduction tips before calling 911 and saying she saw a 4-year-old walking on the highway and she was going to go investigate.

Social media was in an uproar.  Black activists, took to Instagram and Facebook to call for the same attention to finding, Carlee Russell, as they took to finding the rich White men who were lost in the submarine.

Then, Carlee Russell, showed up at her home 2 days later and tried to spin a story of how she was forced into an 18-wheeler truck and taken to a home where a man and a woman told her to get undressed and then took photos of her.

Carlee Russell Lied

After police started asking for details, she decided to come clean and confess that the story was a hoax and she lied about being kidnapped.

So today I want to look at, why adults seek attention.  We know that kids love attention and if they don’t get, positive attention, they resort to getting, negative attention.

For adults, attention-seeking behavior, is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the, center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.

In the, Carlee Russell update, In a news briefing on Monday, Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said the department received a letter from Russell's attorney saying that she was never taken and that her report of a missing child on an interstate highway was false. No understanding of what was the purpose of this, attention seeking behavior.

What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like

Attention-seeking behavior, can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Examples of, attention seeking behavior include:

  • Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
  • Being controversial to provoke a reaction
  • Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
  • Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or do it for you.

We know that saying something controversial gets you attention in the media and a lot of people seek attention this way, but for business reasons.

In the movie Barbie, there is a humorous section about women pretending not to know how to do things so as to get the attention from men who loves to show off that they could help.  That is a tactic to make men feel strong and protective.  I get that also.

Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention

But why would Carlee want to pretend she was abducted? To me that sounds almost like a mass shooter filming himself killing people so he could get his picture in the news. If that was Carlee’s intent she succeeded.  Her pictures are plastered all over the news.

Getting attention for something that is a lie never works out.  We still live in a society with values and lying is something that is still not acceptable. This stupid act has ruined her life and shamed her family.

So, the next time you want to seek attention, try to get it by contributing to humanity or doing acts of kindness instead of engaging in, attention seeking behavior. That works out better for everyone.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Self Confidence: The Courage To Be You

 

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

Unlocking the Hidden Dangers of Relying on Your Feelings

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In this blog post, I'm going to talk about the dangers of relying on your feelings. I think a lot of people rely on their feelings to guide them through life, but this isn't always the best way to go.

This is illustrated in the bible story of Jacob and Essau. In the bible story of Isaac Jacob and Essau. Isaac told Essau to go out and find something wild and cook it the way I like it, then I am going to bless you. But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see.

She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin. His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother. This story shows the dangers of relying on your feelings.

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God expects you to do something before he blesses you

As a follow up thought, I want you to know that before God blesses you, you have to do something. He is not going to bless you if you sit on the couch and pray. He is going to tell you to go look for work, go fill out applications. If you are praying for a spouse he is going to tell you to go to the watering hole to find this man. Don’t expect to sit on the couch and this man will knock on your door. God also wants to bless you when you take risks and be wild. Isaac told Essau to go hunting for something wild, cook it the way I like and then I will bless you.

But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see. She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin.  His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Your feelings can lie to you

Which is the lesson for today. Sometimes your feelings lie, so don’t always trust your feelings. Do a deep dive into the situation. Gather all the facts.

Your feelings will convince you they are coming back even though they have clearly moved on.

  • Ignore your feelings and trust your spirit
  • Your spirit is stronger than your flesh
  • Be honest with yourself
  • Why are you still with that man? It is because of how he makes you feel.
  • You can’t be with somebody just because of how they make you feel
  • Jacob felt like his brother, but he didn’t sound like your brother.

When he spoke his father noticed the difference. He said you feel like Jacob but you don’t sound like him.

Don’t get caught up in how that man makes you feel, listen to what he says and how he says it. Because out of the mouth the heart speaks.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Listen to what people are saying: Don't just trust your feelings

Is he talking about the future or is he talking about himself. You have to watch for the disconnect between the feelings and the voice.

Isaacs realized that the feelings did not match the voice.

Then he became suspicious and asked. How did you get it so quickly? That is how did you go hunting for something wild and cooked it so quickly.

Jacob lied and said I got it this quickly because of God.  God did it. If you do something wild, then that could be your true answer. God did it for me. They told me it was going to take 10 years before I could be a supervisor, but God did it in 3 years.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

God did it for me

They ask me, how did your podcast become #1 in the personal development space? How did you get it so quickly with no celebrity guests on your show?  How did you get it so quickly as an independent podcaster without a team.

My answer I got so quickly because of God and my mother.

My mother wasn’t the perfect mother, but she taught me how to trust God. She showed me how to work hard and to never give up.

I got it so quickly because I was born to do this. I was anointed by God for this job and the devil knows not to mess with me.

In your daily life, your feelings, thoughts, and attitudes are you order form. The currency you pay for your order to the universe is your belief. You have to establish the feelings the condition you want is already present.

Feelings can be deceiving

Jacob got his blessing by pretending to feel like his brother, but he had to run for his life after that because his brother wanted to kill him.

Isaac could not give Essau his blessing as the first born son because he had already given it to Jacob and he could not take it back. Similarly, when you give yourself to someone because of how they made you feel and then you find out that they tricked you, you can’t take back what you give them already. That is why, never trust your feelings alone, because your feeling can lie to you.

Additional Resources 

How To Use Feelings To Manifest Your Dreams

 

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

The Complex Impact of Father Absence

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As we approach Father’s Day, I wanted to talk about, father absence. I was inspired to talk about this from an article I read from relationship coach Andre Paradis. He shared some disturbing, father absence statistics, and the, causal effects of, father absence, and, black father absence.

Back in the 60’s, 5% of white women, 15% of Latinas, and 20% of black women were single mothers. Fast forward 40 years later Now, 20% of white women, 55% of Latinas and 70% of black women are single mothers. Those are scary numbers. The causal effects of, father absence, is that 70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households? 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

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Black father absence

As a black woman I empathize with my black sisters who are raising their children without fathers.

As a relationship coach Andre feels the reason for, father absence, is because women are not able to create healthy bonds with men so they leave. Also, the role of a father is to provide and protect his family and now the women have become the providers and protectors. No wonder women have lost their, feminine traits, and men run around calling us, masculine women.

Problem is Andre says, is women can’t raise men. I know they say that we only raise cattle not kids, but that is the only word we know.

Single family homes or to be specific, single mom homes, are creating kids who are not contributing members to society.

70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households. 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

Without a father present, boys don’t learn to develop some very basic male traits like integrity, accountability, sacrifice, character-building choices, appropriate use of force, how to provide or protect, etc. Only men can teach young men how to become good men.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

 Father absence creates soft men

He says women don’t have these traits built in. Women pass on connection, tenderness, being kind, sweet and loving, being passive, sharing instead of competing, etc. The problem is that raising boys to be sweet girls doesn’t make them sweet boys; it makes them emotional, and weak. Not able to provide or protect a family.

Masculine men, who had a father as a role model, control their tempers and do what needs to be done regardless of how they “feel” about it. They protect women, children, animals, and the weak, because they’ve built up their character and know that they are valuable and capable. Weak, sweet, soft men DON’T! Boys need Men to show them the right way and the honorable way.

Women can’t do this for boys. They have a whole different set of innate values and characteristics.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Father absence makes girls look for love in all the wrong places

But boys are not the only ones who need a father, girls needs a daddy for two very important reasons.

  • First, she needs her dad to be the first man to love and protect her. This builds her trust in men. Girls who grow up without a father’s love go looking for love in all the wrong places.
  • Secondly, young girls who are raised without fathers have NO idea what a “daddy” (father role-model) looks like and does in life. Without daddy energy in the house or around her, a young woman sees her mom become the provider and protector and she in turn becomes a, masculine woman, which takes away her femininity, vulnerability and ability to trust anyone… especially men.

So, ladies your children need their fathers. Do whatever you can to encourage a relationship with their fathers even if he does not support them financially. A father’s love is priceless.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Your kids need you.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Self Love

Self Love: Why Loving Yourself is NOT Crucial for Loving Others

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Most of us believe that self love is crucial for loving others. But is this really true? In this podcast, coach Myrna challenges that belief and ask instead, what is the relationship between self love and love for others? I believe the answer is much more complicated than we think.

If you're questioning whether or not self love is important for love for others, then this video is for you! I'll explore the concept of self love from different perspectives and discuss why it may not be as vital as we think it is. I believe that self love is important for our own happiness, but it's not the be-all and end-all of our relationship to others. Download and listen see what you think!

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12996277-self-love-why-loving-yourself-is-not-crucial-for-loving-others.mp3?download=true

What is self love

In this segment of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna I want to answer the question of, self love, what is it? Specifically, can you love another if you don’t first love yourself.

I have been saying for years that you can’t love another if you can’t first, love yourself, because you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you can’t even, love yourself, then you don’t know what love is, so you can love someone else. That is until I heard Eckhart Tolle say that when we talk about, self love, we are saying that there are two beings self and someone else. That if we are separating self from being then we got it wrong.

Let me back up and give you the definition of Self-love. Self love, is  defined as “love of self” or “regard for one's own happiness or advantage”, it has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism.

I grew up thinking when someone called me selfish it was the worst thing, until I understood the concept of, self love, and putting yourself first.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

How to practice self love

  • You put yourself first.
  • You are authentically yourself.
  • You are honest with yourself.
  • You express yourself freely.
  • You say positive things to yourself.
  • Forgiving yourself when you mess up.
  • Meeting your own needs.
  • Being assertive.
  • Not letting others take advantage of or abuse you.
  • Prioritizing your health and wellbeing.

But Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you talk about loving yourself it means you are splitting you and self, and that means that you have missed the concept of being. If you be yourself then you don’t have to love yourself.

You are not separate from self, so no need to love yourself, no need to be proud of yourself, no need to pat yourself on the back.

When you understand that the ripple or waves is part of the ocean and you are the ripple that is part of the ocean of the universe, you do not separate self from the whole.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

You don't have to love yourself first: to love another

So, the answer to the question Can you love another if you don’t, love yourself, is NO; it is not necessary to, love yourself, before you can love another.

If you are not comfortable with being with yourself when you are alone, you will seek another to complete you, but what will happen is that the need that made you seek another human to complete you, will show up in another form in the relationship, because another person cannot fill the void inside of you, only you can fill that void by accepting the present moment in whatever form it presents itself and just be yourself.

When you are in a relationship and you still feel alone, you blame your partner for not giving you what you need. You become needy, but even if your partner tells you he or she loves you every hour of the day, you still feel unloved, because you don’t love yourself and don’t know how to be yourself.

Ever heard a man say I can’t please this woman?

Will Smith is a classic example of this phenomenon. He said in his autobiography, he spent weeks planning a surprise 40th birthday party for Jada. He was very proud of his work and he expected her to be so grateful and see his love; yet all she saw was that he wanted to make himself look good by receiving praise for planning such an extravagant  party and missed the love that was behind the effort.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

If you don't love yourself you cannot receive love

He was hurt by her lack of appreciation and walked out of the marriage saying I can’t ever please this woman. He also told her if it is possible for you to be happy, show me.  This was because Jada had a hole in her heart that Will Smith could not fill. She had to fill it herself. She had to find her wholeness by connecting to source, God.

So, no need to love yourself, feel sorry for yourself, judge yourself, hate yourself, all you need is to be yourself.

When you are able to be yourself, you can watch your emotions, you can watch your thoughts, so you are no longer controlled by them.

You watch them until they pass through you or float away like colored balloons. That is how you practice, self love, and that is by loving the whole you by being yourself.

Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

5 mins with coach Myrna, healthy relationships, Life Coaching, marriage makeover, relationship coaching

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now.  And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in.  If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12868799-uncovering-the-secret-connection-between-the-power-of-now-and-lasting-relationships.mp3?download=true

Relationships bloom when we access the power of  now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.  

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.  

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. 

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past.  The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.  

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as: 

  • possessiveness,
  • jealousy,
  • control,
  • withdrawal,
  • resentment,
  • the need to be right,
  • insensitivity and self-absorption,
  • emotional demand’s,
  • manipulation,
  • the urge to criticize,
  • judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad.  This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special.  The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.  

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?  

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along.  It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.  

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.  

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.  

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.  

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.  

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.  

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

Additional Resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love