While you are, waiting for love, you need to get prepared for love. One way to do this is to know which floor of, love’s house, you live on. If you live in the basement you have to do the work to get to the Attic. In the Attic everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You are ready, you expect, love, to show up and it does.
Iyanla Vangant’s book “In The Meantime” the author gives us instructions on what to do while you are, waiting for love, to find you.
Iyanla says there are 4 floors that determines where we are in our ability to be a great partner.
· The basement
· The first floor
· The second floor
· The 3rd floor
· The Attic
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I break down what each floor looks like and what as women what we need to do to move up to the top floor as we are, waiting for love.
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Waiting for love what floor are you on?
But before I get to what these floor means. Let’s look at, love. Life is about, love. Love, is the only true meaning of life. Being alive means that we are occupants in, love’s house, and are accountable to, loves rules, and we all should experience it.
As women we are not always aware of how our needs lead us into dark corners, looking for love. We look for love in all the wrong places and find, no love. So we always seem to end up alone in the basement of life looking out the window.
Because our, biological clock, is always ticking or sometimes we just don’t want to be alone or sometimes we desperately want to be loved we inevitably accept the wrong partner. Our, love story, is always one of hurt and suffering. Men know that women are responders, so they court us, buy us dinner, give us gifts and we respond and then when they get what they want, they move on to the next conquest.
So, while you are, in the meantime, waiting for your next relationship you have to know where you live, you have to know, what is love, and become aware of what you need to work on so you can move up to the attic of, love’s house.
The basement of love’s house
In the basement of, love’s house, Your house needs cleaning. The basement is where you throw all the stuff you don’t want. There is dirt and clutter everywhere. It is time to pick up, sweep out, get rid of the old, useless, worn-out, stuff that you have been hanging on to. You have to get rid of your baggage.
It’s. Dirty job but someone has to do it and that someone is you.
You can’t play in a dirty basement. Most, basement dwellers, become angry and resentful blaming others for their misery. How many of you know that victims have no power. You and only you are responsible for the choices you made in life. Stop blaming others. Unfortunately, victims of, love, can never seem to find anyone to, love, them the way they want to be loved. They are always being cheated on, treated badly, used up, and dumped.
In relationships, basement dwellers, are obsessed with issues related to survival. They hang on to people in order to survive. A battered spouse lives in the basement.
What to do if you live in the basement:
- Take back your self-respect and set up boundaries on how you will be treated.
- Throw out the baggage you have been holding on to. I know you collected and stored up all the hurt from your childhood.
- Now is the time to talk to a therapist or coach and let your baggage go. Throw out your baggage and dirty laundry, because if you don’t you will take them into, another love, and that, love, will also end.
First Floor of Love’s house
You must know the rules if you want to play the game. You are the, love, you seek. While you are, waiting for love, you are the companionship you desire.
When you live on the first floor of, love’s house, you are still preoccupied with physical love and satisfaction. You are still asking yourself why aren’t you pretty enough, desirable enough and why nobody loves you. You feel incomplete and worthless. You are probably blaming your parents for not loving you enough. You don’t make self-care a priority, so you tell yourself you have, no love, because you are overweight.
Whatever you project is what men see. It is part of your aura and it is not attractive. When you lack self-confidence you become a magnet for unavailable men.
On the, first floor of love’s house, you start to build boundaries and decide what you will and will not put up with in relationships. In the basement you let people walk all over you because you needed them, now if a man tells you he going to call you and you don’t hear from him in a week, you get to stepping.
A First Floor Love Story
Iyanla Vanzant shares a, love story, depicting floor love in her book “In the Meantime.”
This male couple was very much in, love, and a perfect match for each other, the problem was that one of them was living as an openly gay man and the other was living in the closet. He was also engaged to be married and living with a woman. The openly gay partner kept pressuring the other to tell his fiancé he is gay and move in with him. He finally agreed to do it one day. His partner prepared a feast with champagne and waited and waited for him to show up. He never did. He couldn’t hurt his mother who hated gay men. He ended up terminating his relationship with his gay lover and continued to live a lie with his fiancé.
But the author asked the question why did an openly gay man fall in love with a man in the closet living with a woman? This same scenario plays out when Singe women falls in love with married men. This only happens when you are living on the first floor of love’s house and unconsciously sabotaging your life.
Second floor of love’s house
The second floor is where you learn to have a relationship with yourself. The second floor is where you know that you are, in the meantime, relationship because you know what you want.
You are aware of your patterns of falling for unavailable men or if you are male hooking up with women who trade sexual services for money for their hair, nails, clothing or rent.
You do not enter, meantime relationships, in need, you enter them by choice; eyes wide open. You know this is not the forever one, but he is the one for now. Maybe you like being held, you like having company to go out, you like having someone to talk to. You know who you are and you never lose yourself. Nobody is using you, you are here by choice
The third floor of love’s house
Living On the third floor is a cakewalk because you have all the information you need to move through any situation. You understand that love is an energy that heals everything. You learn to apply it to every situation. You are, waiting for love, and you are ready.
Here is an example of a 3rd. floor love.
Tim was a surgeon and Lara was a nurse. They worked together for about a year before they started dating. When Tim suggested they get married Lara agreed. Shortly after the honeymoon Lara realized that Tim was always critiquing her in a way that was a back handed compliment he would say things like “why are you only a nurse, they are only glorified slop queens; you are smart enough to be a doctor or your hair is pretty, but it would look nicer if it was shorter or streaked”
Then Tim decided it was time for Lara to get pregnant and took away her birth control pills. Lara did not want kids yet because she was not even sure she liked her husband. One day he said to her after 4 months of trying. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get pregnant that’s when Lara blurted out because I don’t like you. You are just like my father.
Lara took 3 weeks alone to decide if she wanted to stay in the marriage. Then she came back home and demanded what she needed from Tim. He agreed.
When you live on the Third floor of, Love’s house, you realize that life is but a dream and you are the dreamer. As the dreamer, you know that you can change your scenario any time you wish. You demand what you want.
The Attic: the top floor of Love’s house
You’ve made it to the Attic of, Love’s house. Take a look around. Everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You have made it to the top of the “Love is Sweet suite.” You are, waiting for love, but because you are ready you expect, love, to show up and it does.
So, what does life in the Attic look like?
Life in the Attic is what the film the Notebook is all about. Unconditional love. Love, that does not see color, love that does not see status. You love even the though the person you love does not even remember who you are anymore. It is where Jesus lives, it is where Buddha lives, it is where the archangels and healers live. It is the realm of the spirit and the highest level of the mind, it is where you want to live.
Many of us will never get to the attic of, love’s house, because it takes work to get there and stay there. My wish for you is not to live in the basement or even the first floor. Awareness is always the first step to change. You can’t change anything you are not aware of. I hope I gave you something to thing about.
Waiting for Love Avicii
Avicii, the singer songwriter also wrote a song called, Waiting For Love. Avicii, song was about discovering his wife missing in the morning, as he frantically searches the house and finds no trace of her. Distraught and despondent, he looks at a picture of his wife from the past before he leaves home on his mobility scooter the next day to search for her.
He roams through the countryside on his scooter, witnessing many sights and wonders in his journey; including a bridge, a city, a beach, a marsh, snowy mountains, and numerous grasslands and forests. As the man’s journey continues, he experiences flashbacks of him and his wife in happier times, all the while growing as a person and making unlikely friends as well as performing many good deeds along the way while he was, waiting for love, to return.
He ultimately returns to his home city in the midst of a celebration and is welcomed as a celebrity, as well as discovering his wife and love waiting for him as they reunite and embrace in joy.
Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of Transformation Fridays with coach Myrna until next time Namaste