How to Replace Bad Habits With Success Habits

Break bad habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby  transforming your life.

Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.

Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit,  regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to  happiness.

Success habits, generally increase your happiness.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Bio and Introduction Bad Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame;  it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.

To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits,  with, success habits.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

5 core areas to build Success Habits

  • Mindset,
  • Career & Finances;
  • Relationships,
  • Physical Health,
  • Emotional Health
  • Giving Back.

Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!

Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.

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Understanding Where Happiness Lies

Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.

Myrna: I read that book.  I found it very difficult to understand but it is a  classic.

Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still  it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life,  if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.

You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.

It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.

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How to Win Friends

I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves.  It was like my own human science experiment.  I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.

I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular.  People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”

That just started my, success habits,  journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.”  All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.

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My #1 Success Habits was reading Self Help Books

I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it  ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas.  People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.

Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.

How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits

Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it  consciously.

I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas.  I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits.   The book that brought my, bad habits, home was  “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.

It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Your Bad Habits are automatic

Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.

Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.

Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land.  These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.

  • Habit 1: Be Proactive
  • Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
  • Habit 3: Put First Things First
  • Habit 4: Think Win-Win
  • Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
  • Habit 6: Synergize
  • Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

The Book the Secret  had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t  have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.

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Download on Spotify

Action is the way to build your Success Habits

Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?

Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I  still do sitting right here.  You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.

You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.

It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become.  Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.

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The Mindset of Success Habits

Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.

Will:  Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like

  • You are not good enough
  • I will never be anybody
  • People don’t like me
  • They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
  • Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it

We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.

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The Habit of Transforming your Mind

Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.

Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.

 I’d say the top, habit, for that goes back to Mr. Dale Carnegie – “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, is just make other people feel special.

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The Habit of Making People Feel Special

Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:

  • Remember names,
  • Remember details about people,
  • Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.

It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.

For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:

  • There’s your sleep,
  • Watch your nutrition
  • Movement, there’s your exercising.
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Success Habits for Emotional Health

The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is

  •  Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
  • Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
  • The, habit, of enjoying life and  expressing your passion is important.

I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years.   Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.

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Erase Bad Habits with a regular routine

Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or  “Oh, I have conflicting schedules”  A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.

The last, success habit,  is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it.  I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of  “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.

Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Moore Momentum Training

Will: moremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter)  My Instagram page is  @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.

I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited.  I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.

In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.

You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.

It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”

Conclusion

Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.

If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.

Additional Resources

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

 

How to Have Faith That Sets You Free

Faith No Fear

When you replace, fear, with, faith, it prevents your, subconscious mind, from going into reflex mode and bringing what you, fear, into your experience.

The Bible teaches that, faith, without works is dead. That means as we say in my birth country of Guyana

Put your money where your mouth is.

Eg. If you, have faith, that God is going bring you the desires of your heart and you desire to have a child; then you don’t do like Sarah and have your husband sleep with Hagar (your maid)  so you can have a child. No you have, courage, to stay the course and in God’s time you will have a child.

  • You pick out baby names,
  • Shop for your nursery,
  • You buy pregnancy clothes,
  • And you live in expectancy, hoping every month that your period does not show up!

Listen to the full episode here: 

Faith means getting up after you fall down

If you experience some setbacks like several miscarriages, you have, courage,  and believe in Gods promise, that everything works out for your good. You believe that Gods intentional!

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

You Banish, fear!

The only thing you have to, fear, is, fear, itself. Fear, is false evidence appearing real.

When you replace, fear, with faith it prevents your, subconscious mind, from going into reflex mode and bringing what you, fear, into your experience.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Program your subconscious mind with faith

The, subconscious mind, can’t tell fact from fiction, it brings you whatever you think about consistently.

Jesus says by their fruits we shall know them.

If you live with, courage, we shall know you by your fruits because, faith, is the language to God and he always delivers.

Man was created in Gods image with the power to rule the world. Have faith, that you have the power to manifest your heart’s desire and believe that whatever you hold on your head, you will hold in your hand.

The universe is obedient to Gods will.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

How to increase your faith

Every living thing has confidence in something or somebody.  You, have faith, that if you deposit your money in the bank, it will be there when you go to withdraw it. You, have faith, that if you plant a mango tree, it will bear mangoes and not oranges.

Similarly, we must, have faith, that whatever we ask God in prayer he will answer.

It is your habitual tendency of thought that reappears in your body and recreates the conditions in your life.

You become what you think about most of the time.

https://youtu.be/pcQz3Y-Zl5A

Speak faith Not fear

The words you use are the channels in which the creative energy takes shape.

This energy takes the shape from the instrument from which it passes. Water flowing from a crooked cup, flows crooked. Water must take the shape of the pipe from which it flows.

You can’t think one thing and produce another, this is as impossible as an electric fan being used for lighting purposes.

As a man thinketh so is he.

There is an intelligence in all nature. Faith, without works is dead but with it, sets you free.

Say Goodbye to, Fear, cultivating, courage, have faith, and if you are afraid, Do it afraid.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Fear looks down Faith looks up

When you, fear, you have a pessimistic view of life.  Worrying about the future is futile, we have no control about the future so if you are going to imagine the worst, why not shift it and use your imagination to create the life you want.

We are able to create whatever we think about most of the time. We become what we think about.

Think about this story. A young lady was worrying about losing her job. She feared losing her home, becoming homeless and worked herself into a frenzy by looking down into the abyss of, fear. But if she used her imagination to dream about getting a promotion instead of losing her job. Dreaming about buying a new home allows her to look up.

Additional Resources

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

A Dolphin Trainer Finds Purpose After Cancer

Joy the story of cancer survivor

It was the first time since I started coughing, I put my hand on my throat and I felt a lump. Shortly after that, I was diagnosed with, throat cancer. It was stage two, Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I remember asking the doctor what happens if I don’t get, chemotherapy, and she said you’ll be dead within the year. I really didn’t have any choice, it was an aggressive form of, cancer, and I needed to just stick it out and battle it with the, chemotherapy.

I came up with the idea of making a documentary of my, cancer, journey  because that way I could still learn about filmmaking and I wanted to show a story of, survival, because when I turn to the movies, I don’t see any, cancer survivor, stories only stories of, cancer, patients who  passed away. I knew that there were millions of, cancer survivors, out there and I wanted to show a story of, survival.

My guest today is Joy Claussen Soto. Joy is a, cancer survivor, filmmaker and author. Today, we are going to be talking on the topic “How to find your, purpose, after cancer or after a major illness?

Myrna: Can you share your journey as a, dolphin trainer, and how that specifically helps you overcome, cancer, because I know that you’re tying them together somehow.

Listen to the full interview here:

My Journey as a Dolphin Trainer

Joy: Well my journey as a, dolphin trainer, started a long time ago when I was in college. For me, the really important part was when I applied to get a job at SeaWorld.  I tried a number of times to get a job at Sea World, but it never worked out because they just weren’t hiring people. Fortunately, I happened to call at the right time and they asked me to take a, swim test. I was in Chicago at the time, so I had to fly out to San Diego and I had one day to take this test.  I went down to a pool to practice the, swim test, which was holding your breath for 120 seconds underwater, touching the bottom which is 26 feet deep and some other things.

Those were the biggest challenges that I was having trouble with. So I went down to the pool to started practicing. I would hold my breath and then come up maybe a quarter of the way. I couldn’t even get half the way through the pool without needing to come up for oxygen and when I dived down in a pool that’s six feet deep my ears start to hurt. But, for some reason I still got on that plane and went to San Diego to do this, swim test, at Sea World. I knew that I hadn’t practiced physically, but I remembered reading about athletes and how they used their minds to visualize the ball going through the hoop, and gymnasts who visualize themselves doing all their moves. Those were my thoughts as I was on the plane. I started visualizing everything. I visualized myself swimming through the water, wanting to give up and not giving up, and making it to the other side and also same thing with diving down.

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Visualizing Dolphin trainer swim test

I practiced holding my breath the whole time on the airplane. I probably looked like a crazy person. I had my watch out and started practicing that, visualization, also helped me, beat cancer.  I went there to Sea World took the, swim test, and miraculously, I got in the water and I passed the test. I was so happy that I had done it, I didn’t even care if I got the job because I was just so proud of myself that I put myself out there and I did something that I  physically couldn’t do just 24 hours before.

When it comes to, cancer, I’d seen how powerful, visualization, was. I would use that when I was sick, because I think one of the things when you are going through something like that is that you feel a loss of control. We all know that a loss of control can lead to, depression. When I was going through, cancer, I couldn’t have control over what the, Chemotherapy, was doing to my body. I didn’t have control over what the doctors were doing, but I did have control over my mind.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Visualization to Beat Cancer

I visualized, Chemotherapy, killing the, cancer, eating the, cancer, and make these little things in my mind to help it along. So, that helped me. Even though, it may not have been real control, but perceived control,  I was using that as one of the ways I was able to gain back control. That was one thing that helped me from my job as a, dolphin trainer.

Myrna: Visualization, is powerful. I always reference back to Christopher Reeves, when anybody’s talking about, visualization, as a part of healing. Christopher Reeves book called “Nothing is Impossible” talks about how he used, visualization, to heal his body when he was paralyzed from the neck down and all he could do is blow into a straw to speak. That was powerful stuff and I never forgot it.  Visualization, helped him start walking and speaking. He did it by sitting on his porch every single day and, visualizing, his body healing and that’s my base. A lot of people have done that since then but visualization is big. Can you bridge the gap in a bit for us about your cancer story?

Joy: Even though my passion was working with dolphins, I also wanted to become a filmmaker. So, I quit my job at SeaWorld and enrolled in Film School. I was in film school for three months and that was when I found the lump in my throat. I had been coughing, the cough was getting worse instead of better and I felt really tired.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Being diagnosed with Throat Cancer

It was the first time since I started coughing, I put my hand on my throat and I felt a lump. Shortly after that, I was diagnosed with, throat cancer. It was stage two, Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I remember asking the doctor what happens if I don’t get, chemotherapy, and she said you’ll be dead within the year. I really didn’t have any choice, it was an aggressive form of, cancer, and I needed to just stick it out and battle it with the, chemotherapy.

I came up with the idea of making a documentary of my, cancer, journey  because that way I could still learn about filmmaking and I wanted to show a story of, survival, because when I turn to the movies, I don’t see any, cancer survivor, stories only stories of, cancer, patients who  passed away. I knew that there were millions of, cancer survivors, out there and I wanted to show is a story of, survival.

Myrna: What it sounds like is that, at no point in time you thought you’re going to die, because you wanted to show a story of, survival,  that’s faith. Where did you get that faith?

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Transform your Mind Podbean
Transform your Mind Podbean

Faith and survival

Joy: I’ve always had a belief in God, and my dad taught me about, faith. I remember we had a lot of my relatives pass away in a short period of time when I was little. I remember sitting on the chair with my dad in our house, he explained to me what death was.

He said some people are here for a certain reason – to help other people learn lessons and to learn lessons themselves. That can mean just being here for a couple of minutes or it can mean an entire lifetime. So, I just kind of took that as my understanding of, purpose, and I’ve used that throughout my life. Well, I’m here to learn lessons, but I don’t know what those lessons are. Hopefully, I’m learning them right now and I’m here to help teach other people lessons. So, that has helped me get through, cancer treatments.

Myrna: Regardless of how you believe and how much, faith, you have when you heard that, cancer, diagnosis, fear had to creep in.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Fear and Zig Zigler

Joy: Absolutely. I was in a battle with myself and, fear. I have footage in my documentary of me talking to the camera at my lowest point when I let, fear, in. What really helped me, was I had listened to a Zig Ziglar motivational tape. There was one story of him being stuck in an Airport, his flight was canceled, but instead of him being angry or upset like most people would have, he just said fantastic. He came up with all the reasons why it was good that his flight wasn’t taking off:

  • Maybe there’s something wrong with that plane
  • something wrong with the people flying that plane
  • the weather was bad and could crash the plane.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

If that’s the case, he said “I don’t want to be up there, I want to be right down here, fantastic.”  That was powerful for me, because it showed me that we have control over how we either respond or react to things. I had a moment when I remembered that life is indeed fantastic!  I started thinking of all things I was grateful for:

  • I was grateful for my friends and family and all the love I was receiving
  • Grateful that they found my, throat cancer, at stage two
  • Incredibly grateful that they found my, cancer, period and they can treat it.
  • I started flipping it instead of going, I was diagnosed with cancer and it’s horrible, I started flipping it to get to fantastic.   It helped me to get through it better and become a, cancer survivor.

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Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

An Attitude of Gratitude to beat cancer

Myrna: That’s awesome. This is good stuff, they say. Another quote is I like is:

It’s not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happened to you.

An,  attitude of gratitude, is a powerful treatment for, cancer. Now, how did you learn to control the, uncontrollable? You said you were able to control the elements in an, uncontrollable, situation. You just said a minute ago that your, visualization, of the, chemotherapy, that you had to do, is an, uncontrollable, situation. What are some of the other things or some of the other elements that you use in this, uncontrollable, situation to control?

Joy:  The whole time that I was sick, I had this visual of me surviving and making a, story of survival. I think that was very powerful and that helped me in taking back control of my life. The, attitude of gratitude, my notebook and the documentary, those were ways I was able to grab back some control when I was going through an, uncontrollable, situation.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Making a Cancer Survival Story documentary

In my, cancer survival, documentary, I filmed all the details of my very bad moments with, cancer, when things weren’t going well. At one point, I was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. I was on a bench for a short period of time. I was very weak. I could hardly talk because I have mucositis. It goes all the way down. It’s like a strep throat, but it’s from the chemical from my, cancer treatment. Everything was bad and that moment. I needed my first blood transfusion. I asked my friends to keep filming and take footage of me when I’m getting the blood transfusion. I think it is really important to see, that you can go through the fire and come out at the other end.

Myrna; I love it. Where can readers watch this documentary?

Joy: I recently uploaded to YouTube. It’s called “Just one Year – A Story of Triumph over Cancer”. My book is more complete and is called “Joy – The story of a Dolphin Trainer, Filmmaker and Cancer Survivor”.

Myrna: How did becoming a, cancer survivor, help you find your, purpose? Didn’t you think that being a, dolphin trainer, was your, purpose before, cancer?

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

 

Cancer Helped me Find My Meaning Of Life

Joy: I’ve always loved animals and the ocean. It’s always been a big part of my life. That was just something that I enjoyed.

Myrna: That’s what you use, positive reinforcement, to work with, Dolphins.

Joy: It just kind of all came together, but I don’t know if working with, dolphins, was my, purpose in life. I believe that becoming a, cancer survivor, is my, meaning of life.

Myrna: It gave you a little direction, right?

Joy: Yes, you’re not going to just jump out of the crib and have a,  purpose, or know the, meaning of life. I felt like I survived, cancer, to help other, cancer, patients survive. I’ve been the happiest helping others. I was able to start a program, helping kids with cancer,  where they can come to the park and get in the water to meet a, dolphin. One of the most important parts of that program was that I would tell them my, cancer survival story.

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Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV – A Dolphin Trainer Finds Purpose After Cancer

Sharing my cancer survival story to help kids with cancer

I would say, “Hey, I know a lot of you here are being treated at children’s hospital. I was treated there too, but now look; I get to work here as a , dolphin trainer, in my dream job and I get to share it with you.”

Myrna: That’s a powerful thing and that gives people hope.

Joy: The first moment when I realized that whenever someone survives something, there’s something magical about, survival.

Myrna: What made you write the book and what is the message that you’re trying to share?

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Joy: I wrote the book to give people hope. Whenever one of my friends knows of someone who has been diagnosed with, cancer, they would always refer that person to me and I would tell my, survival story, to a lot of different people just to give them hope from my, survival. I know it’s giving people hope.

I had a friend of mine who just went through, cancer. She’s still growing back her hair. I haven’t talked to her since high school, that’s a long time ago. She read my book and she said it was like reading her own, survival story. It showed her that life can be even better after, cancer. I also wanted to share that the problems do not go away after you, survive cancer. People would think okay now that you, beat cancer, that you should be so blissful. That you’re floating in heaven.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Your Cancer Journey does not end after you Beat Cancer

That’s not the case. For me, I was bald. All my muscles had atrophied from being in a hospital bed for the last six months. I had, PTSD, but I didn’t know it. I was still in my head sick and going through, cancer, every night. I would sleep and dream that I was still sick in the hospital. It took me a year. I think something that’s really important is when you go through something like this to know when it’s time to reach out for help. It took me a year to realize I needed to get help. So, I finally started talking to someone about a year out and that’s when I feel like I started to really heal from, cancer.

Myrna: Wow, this is a bonus.  I would never have imagined that after you, survive cancer, and you are going to live that you are not blissfully happy!

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Conclusion

Book Joy the story of a dolphin trainer and cancer survivor
Book Joy the story of a dolphin trainer and cancer survivor

Your story is talking about, survival skills, for, cancer,  but there are so many things that people have to survive other illnesses or . What I mean is, this book can help a lot of people in their, survival story, whether it’s divorce, whether it’s losing a child, whether it’s being homeless or whether it’s losing your job. Whatever it is, these principles can be transferred into any, survival story.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Additional Resources 

 

Learn How to Get Back to Basics With These 7 Core Values

How to Go from Success to Significance in 100 Days

How to Have Success in 100 Days

Inspirational coach, Marcus Bell, created a project called the “100 Dayz Challenge” a ‘Wealth and Impact’ boot camp to guide people to the way to success. This Challenge helps people achieve their goals in life.

Marcus Bellringer teaches us how to go from, Success to Significance, in, 100 days. His bootcamp 100, Dayz, Impact Challenge is growing in popularity.  We’re going to straddle the fence today. We talk about music and, life coaching, and  challenge you to make changes to your life in, 100 days.

How to Have Success in 100 Days
How to Have Success in 100 Days

Bio Marcus Bell

MARCUS BELL IS ONE OF THE TOP MUSIC PRODUCERS/COMPOSERS IN THE INDUSTRY. He has worked with some of the biggest artists such as Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, Snoop Dogg and many more. He also produced and composed for some of the most famous films and TV shows. Apart from that, Bell is a successful entrepreneur who wants to help people achieve their goals in life. That’s why he created a project called the “100 Dayz Challenge” a ‘Wealth and Impact’ boot camp to guide people to the way to success.

This Challenge helps people achieve their goals in life.  Bell has also produced soundtracks for several television shows and films. Some of the new and upcoming releases that feature his work are the TV series P-Valley (Starz Network) with the singles ‘Boy Listen’ and ‘Own It’, and the Netflix series Ginny & Georgia with the song ‘Give Us Love’. Marcus Bell also published a #1 best-selling book on Amazon titled ‘Bellringer Branding Bible: The 5 Musician Branding Principles for Singers, Rappers

Listen to the Full Interview

 

Before we get into the details of our conversation today, tell us your journey from being a music producer to a, Life coach, wanting to help people achieve success in their life.

Marcus: The first thing I would say is to start with is I stand for dignity and compassion for myself and all humanity. That’s why everything that I’ve done and everything that I do is organized around uplifting humanity. When it comes to the music industry now, the thing that I love about the music industry which I’ve been a part of since I was two years old, is I was born into the entertainment industry.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

I started playing piano when I was two years old,  I was a child prodigy. I started my first company when I was 12 years old, a record label. So, I’ve been an entrepreneur my entire life, a musician, songwriter and recording artist. What I discovered in my journey was that the things that I was doing when I was younger, like recording myself and playing all the instruments and coming up with the lyrics of the songs and all of those pieces of a puzzle (that’s the actual role of someone that is able to do all of those things and mix the song and bring it to completion and deliver the emotions of the song), those are the roles of a music producer – so I discovered that I was a, music producer, before I was a teenager.

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Book Vignettes of the possibly dying
Book Vignettes of the possibly dying

Become the producer of your life in 100 Days

I learned everything from my mother, she was just amazing at bringing forth treasures in my life. When I was younger, I lived in an area in Virginia (I was born in Norfolk, Virginia). In that area there was a music producer who had produced Marvin Gaye. He was my first contact with someone that was hugely successful in the music industry, his name is Gordon. I was taken to the studio in his house and he was playing my music. Suddenly, he stopped the music and he looked at me, he said “kid don’t you listen to the radio?”

What he was saying was “kid what’s your style.”  I was playing around in a lot of different genres and did not have a sound.  Today I teach my clients to find their unique talent in, 100 days.  As a kid, I had a song that was hip-hop, I had a song that was jazz, I had a song that was gospel, I had a song that was reggae and a funk song. I was all over the place in terms of the type of music I was producing. But I discovered, I was a, producer.

I discovered in that session that this is what a, music producer, does. A, music producer, looks at the artist and can see what is needed in order to pull the greatness out of that artist. The, producer, then focuses that greatness in a direction that will make the artist successful.  In the, 100 days, challenge, I do the same thing for my clients.  I pull the greatness out of them and I try to do it in, 100 days.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

 

The Wealth and Impact Boot Camp: How to Build Wealth

My job as a, music producer, is to see greatness in my artists and help them discover that greatness for themselves, and capture it on a recording, so that the world can see that greatness.

As a, Life Coach, the Wealth and Impact Boot Camp, is a program that is designed around helping people access their greatness, articulate that value in the marketplace so that they can monetize it and help a massive amount of people.

Myrna: That’s great. So, why did the, music producer, back then ask you if you listen to the radio? How does the radio help you as an artist?

Marcus: That’s a fantastic question. There are processes to discovering your voice, and as far as I can tell, there are three stages:

  • There’s imitation stage,
  • The emulation stage and
  • And the innovation stage.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Goal Setting in the innovation stage

The, imitation, stage is like learning to play the saxophone. I would take out the saxophone put on Charlie Parker and John Coltrane, imitate what they did,  I would try to figure out the notes get the sheet music (this is what they were playing here) and try to sound like them. Basically, I was attempting to be Charlie Parker on the saxophone. This is the, imitation, stage.

For the, emulation, I’ll use a different example. When I was in Boston doing something like 10 songs a day, people would come into the recording studio and say “Marcus can you do something that sounds like Timberland” Can you do something that sounds like Baby Face? Can you do something that sounds like Dr. Dre? But in, goal setting, we have to stop, imitation, and, emulation, and start the, innovation, process to create our unique sound or bring our our unique greatness.

I’m not playing exactly what Dr. Dre did, but I would do something that Dr. Dre would have done. It’s a sound, it’s a feel, it’s an energy, it’s a vibe.  I’m listening from a lot of different lenses. I am listening for  like the sounds that are selected, the type of setting that is placed, the way the notes are arranged (is it more minor, is it more major) like all these different factors and many different ways to examine something to get to an, emulation, place.  As the, producer, of your life, you can do the same thing with your mentor.

Find somebody who has been where you are trying to go and emulate them until you understand the rules of the game.

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OUR MISSION IS TO INSPIRE MORE WOMEN TO FEEL CONFIDENT BY EMPOWERING THEM TO FULLY TAKE CARE OF THEIR MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT. THIS ALLOWS WOMEN TO HAVE HIGH ENERGY, VITALITY, AND HAVE HIGH EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING TO ACHIEVE THEIR DAILY GOALS WHILE REAPING THE REWARDS OF JOY AND SELF-LOVE.

https://happybeingwell.com/

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Trying to find your sound or unique talent in 100 Days

I didn’t know at the time that I was developing a valuable skill from, emulation, and, imitation. That skill allowed me to be featured in different television shows and movies. People still reach out to me and say “Hey Marcus we couldn’t clear the Beyoncé song, oh we couldn’t clear xyz song (like Lady Gaga’s song), do you have anything that sounds like it? They are using my skill of, imitation, and, emulation.

Innovation, is getting you to your authentic self. In the, 100 dayz challenge, and there’s a bunch of different lenses that we can talk about. One lens is think about those conversations that you may have about, time and money.  For example. There’s a narrative that gets emulated inside of society, particularly Western society that “time is money”. How many times have you heard that?

Myrna: Are you trying to challenge that concept?

Marcus: Absolutely, because time is much greater than money.

Marcus: I would assert and not only is time much greater than money, but what kind of time are we talking about?

  • Are we talking about space time,
  • What about talking about time as numbers,
  • And talking about time as activity?

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Learning How to build wealth in 100 Days

I’ve studied a lot about, time and money, time can be used in the context of money to multiply your money (like compound interest) and things like that, but I think when I use that is when someone is wasting my time.

Myrna: Are you talking about the 24-hour day where you are a, producer, a coach or somebody that’s working with you that, time is money, because when you waste time you’re wasting money?

Marcus: Yes, but you can transform that thinking and have, passive income, from,  compound interest, and all the other things where your time is not connected to, money. I mean, money, is not connected to your time. In the, 100 days, challenge, I spend a lot of time on how to make, money, work for you.   If I were to talk about how I produce revenue, you would agree that, time is not connected to, money.

In the, 100 Dayz challenge, I teach you, how to build wealth, with, passive income, in, 100 days. I have a friend of mine who I’m doing a course with, I’m collaborating with him on a LinkedIn, Wealth and Impact Boot Camp course. He gets paid up to $75,000 for 45 minutes.

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Building Wealth by becoming an Innovator

Marcus: Barack Obama is an, innovator, that is why he charges $200, 000 an hour to speak for an hour at events. A, Life Coach, can bring $200,000 worth of value into the lives of their clients and be paid $500. Part of being an, innovator, and, music producer, is looking at what are the elements that make someone unique. What’s different about this artist, what is he doing that’s different? What’s different could be  how you value yourself in a marketplace and so forth. Time is money, is one of those things.

Myrna: I remembered probably the biggest example of that, is Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey has a song “All I want for Christmas is You.” That the song took her 30 minutes to write and it’s made 60 million over the years. That is how you, build wealth, and we can say that is this case, time is not money.

Marcus: That’s a great example. Musicians aren’t the only ones that have, passive income, from, innovation.  I would assert that every individual once they have connected to the intrinsic value that they have to offer the world, and they’re able to hone in on what that value is and offer it to the world, can have, passive income, and not trade time for money.

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What the 100 Dayz Challenge is About

Myrna: Tell us about your, 100 Dayz Challenge, and how does it connect to finding the authentic self?

Marcus:  The 100, Dayz, Challenge is really designed around taking people from, success to significance. In a community event in 2020 around election time, I was talking about elections and I challenged my clients to elect themselves for office. When someone comes into office like when Biden they have an aggressive agenda in the the first, 100 days, in office. This originated from President Roosevelt. When the country was moving out of the great depression, Roosevelt brought forth the first, 100 days, (this is where we get that from in popular culture and then particularly in politics). When he got into office, his first, 100 days, is where he set the tone for his entire 4 year term by doing as much as possible in, 100 days.

The whole four years, but people ask what did you do in, 100 days? That’s why people elected to office, try and get bills passed or reverse things from the past president, all of that activity in that first, 100 days, in office. Traditionally, the first, 100 days, has been the most impactful for the entire eight year term.

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100 Dayz boot camp

In my 100, dayz, challenge, I challenged them to create wealth in a the boot camp to take on, 100 days, for their most important aims. I created a structure around the first, 100 days, because most times when people take on challenges like New Year’s resolutions, by day 15:

  • people stop going to the gym,
  • they’re eating cakes again,
  • they stop meditating,
  • Most stop praying or whatever.
  • Arguing with their husband or wife or girlfriend a boyfriend is back
  • Most people can’t sustain it.

So, I created a structure for, sustainability. What makes the, 100 Dayz Challenge, unique is that, it is designed with, neuroscience, social psychology, and with psychology in mind; so that you can create sustainable change or elevation or adding something new.  If there is something that you wanted to do that you didn’t necessarily have the courage to do, or you didn’t have the time to do, you didn’t have the resources to do it, whatever. All you have to do is take that thing and put it inside the, 100 Dayz Challenge, structure Program and achieve, success to significance.

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Success to Significance in 100 Days

As a result of the success of the, 100 Dayz Challenge, and because we launched at the same time that Biden came into office. We started this, 100 days, challenge and we opened it up to the public. People can join at any time. We created several, 100 days, programs to suit different goals. As soon as you join it, your, 100 days, starts.

What’s happened from the public launch of the program is we realized that this is not just a program:

  • it’s not just a course inside (even though there ‘s a course in the 100, dayz, challenge)
  • it’s not just a community (even though we are a community)
  • and it’s not just a structure (even though there’s a structure there),
  • this is actually a Movement.

It’s all about self and others, because when you do something for yourself it impacts those around you.

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The Neuroscience of sustainability

Myrna: That’s true, but I want to ask you a question, because I know that what you’re saying is very true as far as, sustainability, which is one of the reasons that the gyms are so packed after new year’s or before summer, because people have a goal at these times but they can’t sustain it. You talk about the, neuroscience, of the, 100 dayz challenge, so how does your program help with the neuroscience of quitting?

Marcus: There are things that we know for example, is response to, neuroscience.  There’s always an exception to every rule. There’s always the exception. For example, there’s always the gym that has people packed and all the time, but  what we know in, neuroscience, (I’m not a neuroscientist, but I do a lot of study on, neuroscience.)  It’s known that willpower doesn’t really work, so you can’t “WILL” yourself throughout the day to perform at a high level.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
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Willpower and Goal Setting

Willpower,  over time diminishes, so you have less of it as the day progresses, which is why it’s important if you’re doing something that requires a lot of prefrontal cortex, to do it first thing in the morning. If there’s a lot of cognitive load, you do that thing earlier in the day.  If you’re going to do finances or accounting or read through contracts or whatever you might want to do that earlier in the day, than at the end of the day. When you’re tired from the activities of the day and your, willpower, has diminished, your cognitive abilities also have diminished.

The way the, 100 Dayz challenge, is designed we take an account that people have different goals and different aims. Someone maybe , goal setting, with a  money aim, some will be, goal setting, and have a relationship aim, some may be, goal setting, and have a spiritual aim. The program allows each person to work with the strategies.

Myrna: Tell us about the, 100 Dayz challenge,  program. Is it customized? The example that you gave of a person who wanted to raise money, would it be that a totally different skill than would be set for someone wanted to lose weight or someone wanted to get wealth or maybe someone wanted to find out what is their unique talent. Tell us about your program, 100 Dayz.

Conclusion

Marcus:  The way that works is you as the individual customize it using the tools that we provided.

Myrna: Now, tell our audience how they can connect with this, 100 Dayz Challenge, or where they can connect with you.

Marcus: If someone is interested in joining the, 100 Dayz, Impact Challenge, they will go to 100dayzchallenge.com and join. I will recommend that they join the inner circle because on those inner circle calls, every Monday I get on the phone with the people that are in the challenge and we have conversations.

Myrna: My intention is almost similar to what you’re doing here. My intention is to let people know that all they have to do is transform their mind and they can, transform their life, so that’s exactly what you’re doing here. With the challenge, you are helping people to transform their mind, because the mind is what is can either build you up or bring you down. Once you change that mindset, you will, transform your life.

Thank you so much for helping us to do that today by transforming our mindset that yes, we can do anything we want to do or achieve any goal by just working at it.

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Additional Resources

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

 

How to Reprogram your Unconscious Mind

unconscious mind

Your, unconscious mind,  is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious,  mind,  is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don’t,  reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious  programs, like a a tape recorder.  We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs.  Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Introduction, Unconscious mind

Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind.  Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there.  That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.

Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs,  that has to do with your beliefs.

These, subconscious  programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind,  play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.

Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind,  will keep playing the same, subconscious programs.  Think about your vinyl record.  Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!

When I was growing up my activity of choice  was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man’s help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting,  were actually the flip side of love!

These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match.  Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way.  Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program,  It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,

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I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset  and love this man.

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Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,

 

What is your, Unconscious Mind,  that needs to be rewritten?

I was a foster mom for years.  I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday.  They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and  lack and survival.

Here are 5,  subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today

  1. Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
  2. Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.

3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.

4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.

If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self

    5.  Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)

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How to control your, Unconscious Mind

  1. A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.

This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment.  I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations.   I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind,  Visualizing what you want.  Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.

For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids.  That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind,  The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.

Daily Affirmations, like:

  • I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
  • The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
  • I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35

Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth!   Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher
  1. Use, Autosuggestion, to improve any degradation.

About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s,  book called Grow Younger, Live Longer In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day.  It went like this.

Daily Affirmations for aging younger

  • Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
  • my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
  • I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
  • Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
  • I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.

I don’t remember all of it.  I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday.  So over 20 years ago.  I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.

This year on  my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented.  She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old.  You just said F**K it!  I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!

How to Rewrite  Your Subconscious Mind

In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail.  I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that.  This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.

Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success.  I heal myself faster from injuries.  For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days.  I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.

Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes.  Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree.  I programmed my, unconscious mind, to  prepare for the test.

Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.

Our, subconscious programs, doesn’t stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Getting Past our, Subconscious Programs

  1. Take risks to get past, subconscious programs,  Your, unconscious mind,  always wants to play it safe.
  2. Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
  3. Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.

4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?

5. How can I make this a reality?

6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host?  What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!

Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind

This strategy is called, auto inquisition.  Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention.  You can do the same.

    1. Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
    2. Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
    3. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
    4. Speak your success as present fact not a future plan.  Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist.  What do I need to make that happen right now.
    5. Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
    6. Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.

Additional Resources Unconscious mind

“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.

How to Live in Infinite Possibility

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-intuition-to-transform-your-life/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-program-your-subconscious-for-permanent-change/

https://inlpcenter.org/five-step-process-for-releasing-limiting-beliefs/

 

 

 

 

What is the Connection Between Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease?

Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

I made the connection in my mind between unresolved, childhood trauma, and these, autoimmune, problems.  What I mean by unresolved is that the, trauma, is continuing to loop.  The people are continuing to experience it as when the, trauma, was active, that creates, inflammation, in the body. The, inflammation, then compromises your, immune system, and your, neurotransmitters. If your, immune system, is compromised like it was with my daughter, the, inflammation, stays active. Inflammation, is basically a temporary pause in the system to protect the system against a threat.

Listen to the Full Interview Here 

Introduction to Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Bio

  • Dr. Don Wood, PhD developed the TIPP method after spending years researching how atmospheric conditions™ affect our minds and impact our lives.  He went back to school later in life to get his PhD in clinical counseling and psychology, to learn how to heal his daughter’s Crohn’s disease and his wife’s autoimmune disease. Dr Wood says Both my wife and daughter experienced childhood trauma and I saw how it affected their life, including their health. They both had developed autoimmune disorders.” The TIPP program developed by Dr. Wood has benefited individuals all over the world. “ Dr. Wood is the author two books “You Must be out of your Mind” and “Emotional Concussions”, are focused on how we can all make the desired changes by allowing our mind to reset and reboot.
Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease
Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Myrna: I just finished reading the book “What Happened to You” by Dr Perry and Oprah Winfrey.   It is a profound book on, childhood trauma, which is where we’re going to be spending some time on today. That book focused on the results of, childhood trauma, on, mental health, and relationships.  I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that so clearly links what happened to us as children to how we live life as adults. I’ve had a lot of guests on the Transform Your Mind talk show, talk about, trauma, and it’s link to substance abuse and drug use etc., but this is the first time I am hearing a connection of, childhood trauma, to, autoimmune disorders and, Crohn’s disease.

So, I want to start off by putting a pin on something you said in your bio. You said that you went back to school later in life to get your PhD in Clinical Counseling and Psychology, to learn how to heal your daughter’s, Crohn’s disease, and your wife’s, autoimmune disease. You also said that, childhood trauma, were the causes for both, inflammation. Can you share what you found is the connection between, childhood trauma, and, autoimmune disease?

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Childhood Trauma lead to Crohn’s disease

Dr Wood: Absolutely! It was really because of my daughter. My wife, when I met her, I realized she was living in a very different household than I grew up in. She had a very traumatic childhood with a very disruptive father, and so she developed Hashimoto’s (which is a thyroid disorder). She was in a constant state of, fight or flight, and it wasn’t until my daughter was diagnosed with, Crohn’s disease, at age 14 that we then started to look for answers for her.

She was just basically told to get rid of gluten and dairy and change her diet, they really had no answer. When she was 16, she disclosed to us some, childhood trauma, that she’d experienced between the ages of six and eight that we were unaware of. I usually sometimes don’t talk about this, but she actually had a second, autoimmune disorder, called Idiopathic Pulmonary Hemosiderosis; which is just a long form. It’s a long name. Basically, it’s another, autoimmune disease, that affects the lungs and the iron in the lungs. It causes the lungs to bleed out and basically that could be a death sentence.  One out of 1.2 million people get it and a fair percentage of them die from it within five years.

That is really what started me looking for answers. I made the connection in my mind between unresolved, childhood trauma and these, autoimmune, problems.  What I mean by unresolved is that the, childhood trauma, is continuing to loop.  The people are continuing to experience it as when the, trauma, was active, that creates, inflammation, in the body. The, inflammation, then compromises your, immune system, and your, neurotransmitters. If your, immune system, is compromised like it was with my daughters, the, inflammation, stays active. Inflammation, is basically a temporary pause in the system to protect the system against a threat.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

If Childhood Trauma is not addressed it becomes inflammation

The problem for my daughter was that the threat continued because the memory of her, childhood trauma, was looping and continued to stay active. What I believe is the connection between these, autoimmune, issues is if you don’t resolve that, trauma, it just continues.  The, inflammation,  for my daughter showed up in her intestinal area. There are a lot of people who have ended up with,  Crohn’s disease, colitis,  and, IBD, because of, inflammation, from, trauma.  The cells go into a cell danger response, so they basically become hardened, enlarged and inflamed to protect the system temporarily until the danger passes.  Then the, immune system, comes in, cleans up and takes over.

For my daughter, it didn’t fix because she constantly was feeling the experiences from the result of her, childhood trauma. It stayed in this active cell danger response, but after we got the, trauma, resolved for my daughter, she hasn’t had a, Crohn’s,  flare-up. There’s no other explanation in my mind that why her, Crohn’s, would stop and her idiopathic pulmonary issues also stopped. There was where I made the connection between the two.

Myrna: The connection between the, Crohn’s disease, I understand, because a lot of times when we’re in, fight or flight, or when we’re nervous or anything, we feel it in our gut, so that’s definitely understandable.

Dr Wood: Crohn’s disease, can be sometimes called Creatural Bowel Syndrome, you feel it in your gut.  I understand that part because you’re always tense, and you’re always nervous.

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Autoimmune Disease and the Fight or Flight Response

Myrna: That’s definitely a, fight or flight, response. Now, did you understand why your wife’s, autoimmune disorder, showed up in her lungs which a a weird place to get it? What does the breath, the lungs and the iron in the lungs has to do with your, autoimmune? Tell us what’s going on there again.

Dr Wood: I just believe it’s coming down to, inflammation, so it shows up genetically different in different people. For my daughter, it ended up in her lower intestinal area. She also ended up with, inflammation, in her lungs as well. My wife ended up with a, thyroid disorder. I think it just shows up depending on where your weakest link is in your system. That’s why it shows up in different places for different people.

Myrna: Now, you mentioned specifically that your daughter’s, childhood trauma, happened between the ages of six and eight. Did you adopt her or something?

Dr Wood: No, she is our biological child. There was another young girl in the neighborhood that was a little older that had been abusing her.  We were unaware. We thought she was just like a big sister and so she had been abusing her and we didn’t know about it, and then we moved. The abuse stopped obviously because we moved, and then when she was 16, my daughter disclosed it to us and then by now she’s got,  Crohn’s disease. Again, we hadn’t quite made that connection yet, because we were told by the doctors that, she’s just have to learn to live with, Crohn’s disease. She’d eventually have to have four surgeries done where they had to literally go in and cut out pieces.

She really suffered and they said eventually she’ll just end up with a colostomy bag. That’s why my wife did all kinds of research and everything that she was learning was teaching people to live, manage and cope with, Crohn’s, but not fix it, because they say there’s no cure for, Crohn’s.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

What does Regulate Mean?

Myrna: If you’re having, autoimmune disorders, then you might want to look at the fact that you might have unresolved, childhood trauma.  There is a host of people that has unresolved, childhood trauma.

Dr Wood: My wife didn’t have a safe place and there was no safe landing place. So, she constantly stayed in this state of fear so she couldn’t, regulate.

Myrna: Regulate,  that’s Dr. Perry’s favorite word. Regulate, is new word for me.

Dr Wood: Yes, we all need to, regulate.  We need to find a way to cope either by listening to music or something else.

Myrna: Yes. I mean, I didn’t understand what that meant, but now it’s one of my new words in my vocabulary. I understand what, regulate, means, but maybe you might want to explain it to our listeners and readers.

Dr Wood: Sure. I know you had mentioned the, Vagus nerve. The, Vagus nerve, is either going to activate your, sympathetic nervous system, or, parasympathetic nervous system. Your, sympathetic nervous system, is your, fight or flight, and your, parasympathetic nervous system, is your rest and digest. The idea behind it is, if there’s a constant threat going on your mind (like feeling unsafe), your, sympathetic nervous system, is going to be constantly activated.  Eighty percent of the messaging from the, Vagus nerve, comes from the stomach, where all that, inflammation, starts coming in.  They say your, gut, is your second brain and is sending information to the brain that there’s something wrong and we’re in stress all day long. Then the, inflammation, comes in and the rest and digest goes out the door. The, parasympathetic nervous system, is now turned off and is responding from the, sympathetic nervous system.

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The Parasympathetic Nervous System and Childhood Trauma

The idea behind it is when you’re in, regulation, that, sympathetic, responds to a threat that is current and, parasympathetic,  is what you’re supposed to be in most of the time. The problem coming is that, childhood trauma, continues to activate that, Vagus nerve, sympathetic nervous system, because the mind glitches. Actually, I call it an error message. Your mind thinks the memory is still real, because it sees it in real time and so it’s activating that system to try to protect you even though there’s nothing happening. It’s just information about something that happened in your past.

Myrna: That’s why we develop, autoimmune disorder, because we are constantly in, fight or flight, mode.

Dr Wood: One of the things that was difficult for my wife, I couldn’t understand why. Even though, she was living in my world now, we were doing well, we had a beautiful home with three beautiful children; yet she wasn’t enjoying it. She couldn’t relax and enjoy it, she was constantly preparing for the trouble to come.  As a child her father would always cause her pain.

She learned that good times end and they end really quickly. She never wanted to get into that position of getting her hopes up that things were going to be okay, because her experiences which I call her ‘atmospheric conditions’ had been very dark and stormy. So, she’s expecting the storm and don’t want to start feeling safe. It was the loops our program can fix. We don’t need to live and manage with it, we can actually fix it.

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Childhood Trauma is like Rust

Myrna: You said that people that experience symptoms from unresolved, childhood  trauma, such as, addiction, PTSD, anxiety, achieving peak performance of the sport, business center, relationships.  You say to think of those unresolved, childhood trauma, as rust and you said that most programs and therapies solution is to paint a cover over the rust whereas your program; the, TIPP program, removes the rust altogether. Now, this is your opportunity to tell us. What does, Tipp, stand for and what does it do?

Dr Wood: Tipp, stands for The, Inspired Performance Program. The reason we called it performance and not ‘trauma therapy’ was because I start off with the premise that there’s nothing wrong with anybody. There’s nothing wrong with anybody’s mind. Your mind is filtering through your unique set of experiences to respond to your current present situation and so when you talked about the rust, what I say is, if you just paint over the rust, the rust will bubble up through the paint.

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Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

What is the TIPP Program to cure Childhood Trauma

Eventually, the key is to sit it down, prime it and then paint it and then the rust is gone. That’s what we do. What we do with, TIPP.  I take you through a process. It’s a four hour process that we basically reboot and refresh that old traumatic memory. The best way to explain it to you and people who are listening to this is that you can do this along with this, is I’ll say can you remember what you ate for dinner last night? So, I ask you Myrna, can you remember what you ate for dinner last night?

Myrna: Yes. I had rice and beans with something that we call tripe.

Dr Wood: Okay. When you’re looking at this, you’ll notice that you looked up and when you looked up you saw pictures of what you ate, right? That’s how you stored the information about dinner last night. No other animal does that, only humans store that kind of explicit detail about events and experiences. Now your survival brain is operating about 95 of everything for you. Your survival brain is fully present and in the moment now, when we have a traumatic event all your senses are heightened, sight, smell and hearing.

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PTSD and Childhood Trauma

How’s it going to record that very bright and very intense with a tremendous amount of data brought in? Can you see where this glitch is going to come in now? If for some reason your mind accesses that memory that was traumatic and it sees all that intensity and high definition to it, what does it think it’s happening? Right now. If you’re in a threatening situation, doesn’t it make sense that all of a sudden your, sympathetic nervous system, would engage your heart, your heart would start racing and you would go into that kind of a response. Even though there’s no threat, it’s just information about a threat that’s, post traumatic stress. The person is constantly reliving through that memory and experiencing, PTSD.

What we do in our program is we’re going to take that high definition traumatic memory and get your mind to reprocess that into the same format as to what you ate for dinner last night and takes a lot of that intensity out of it. Now, when you recall it, your mind doesn’t call for the action, because when you have an emotion, the purpose of an emotion is a call for an action. The purpose of fear is to escape a threat and the purpose of anger is to attack a threat.

Myrna: Your, Tipp program, also helps people by rebooting, panic attacks, and anxiety.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

The Vegas Nerve and Panic Attacks

Dr Wood: It works the same way. If I can think, it will be the panic attack and anxiety, is the, fight-or-flight, response to this memory, right? So, panic attacks, are actually a combination of the emotional and physical. The mind is feeling threatened for some reason, but it can’t find the danger and then what happens is it starts to activate your nervous system.

Now, your brain starts getting messages from the, Vagus nerve, from the system saying we’re running low on oxygen, the brain is like there’s going to be a lion around here, but I can’t see the lion. Then the body starts sending messages like our Co2 has changed, our oxygen level has changed and so all of those signals come into the brain when the brain is already feeling a stress response; it then goes into a, panic attack.

So, I wrote a patent for a band that you can wear on your wrist to detect a, panic attack, coming up to an hour before the, panic attack, start. The mind is doing this constant search looking for a problem that it can’t find, starts to activate the nervous system which then starts sending messages to the brain and it’s happening up to an hour before the, panic attack, happens.

But, people think the, panic attack, can come on suddenly, but it is starting an hour before. The idea behind this band is that, the band will detect when the mind is starting to do that thing and then what I teach you in our, TIPP program, is how to shut it down.

Myrna: I love our conversation. I now see why you’re a podcast favorite, because this is good Stuff.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

What are Emotional Concussions?

Dr Wood: The second book I wrote was called “Emotional Concussions”. Exactly those kinds of things that are not the big “T” traumas.

  • They’re like that coach that told you you’re never going to be good enough.
  • The teacher that told you you’re not smart enough,
  • the parent that said you’ll never make it give that whole plan up, you’re not going to make it.
  • Those are, emotional concussions, that can keep looping for 40 years.

Myrna: Your new book is called “You must be out of your mind, we all need a Reboot”, so tell us about your book. Why you wrote the book and what’s basically the message that you’re sending out?

Dr Wood: The first book was written really about the, Tipp program, and how it was developed. I talked about how my daughter and my wife were living this life. The only solution had been medical, give them prescriptions and medications and that led me on the search to try to find what I discovered – that this, childhood trauma, is what was continually activating their nervous system which was then creating their issues. So, that’s why I said we all need to reboot, we got to get you out of that mind, we’ve got to reboot that mind and reset it to its original manufacture settings.

Everybody can benefit from this reboot, because like I said, the highest performing people when we have this unresolved, trauma, not only does it affect the mind, it affects the body and it actually affects our energy.

Myrna: Tell our listeners how they can connect with you and pick up copies your books.

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Conclusion to Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Dr Wood: They can either do it two different ways: go to get the,  Tipp program, at gettipp.com . You’ll get the information on the program. You can either do it digitally online or in person. I take you through the whole four hour program online or you can come and personally see me for a one-on-one experience.

Head over to https://www.gettipp.com/transform for a discount.

Myrna: Everybody has been talking about mindfulness and meditation and I’m not sure how that relates to, trauma.

I know that’s how I find my peace, but whatever, trauma, I had, if I had any it’s been long removed, but I do practice my self-care meditation. I, regulate, myself, I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing, but I, regulate, myself by walking 5k every day. You know what I mean, that’s all part of, regulation, so absolutely yes a lot of those things that you can do to sort of help as well.

Thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Real Life Radio podcast and television show. If you have not done so and you’re listening to this on iTunes, please subscribe and leave a review. I bring you great quality guests like Dr. Wood every week as we try to transform your mind so that you can transform your life.

Until next time, blessings.

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Additional Resources

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Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

 

How to Recover Financially After Coronavirus Pandemic

How to recover financially after Coronavirus pandemic

We have been in a, pandemic, situation for over 15 months now. Many of you who are reading this blog, have experienced some, personal finance, problems. We know that Amazon, Walmart, Google and all those big brands actually made millions of dollars and were very profitable during this, pandemic.

But, it is a fact that ordinary people like you and me had some struggles. Financial planner, Michelle Arpin Begina is going to share with us how to change our, money mindset, by paying attention to your, money story.  Your, money story, shows up in good times and bad times. So, keep reading to understand how your, money mindset, affected whether you thrived in this, pandemic, or just survived.

Listen to the full interview:

 

Your Money Story

This is the time to really get curious and ask yourself, What is my, money story? Go back and trace the roots of your, money story, and experiences?

Similarly, ask yourself as an adult, What did I hear growing up about, money? What did I take away from the big financial moments of my life? What were some of the behaviors that I observed from other people or my parents, that influence my, personal finance, now?

  • Did you become a consumer or did you become a miser?
  • Did your parents tell you all the time ” Money does not grow on trees”
  • or ‘Money is the root of all evil”

Those messages are a part of my, money story.

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Your Parents Money Story

Michelle: I remember growing up watching my parents and saying to myself two things:

  • If only they could get their, personal finance, act together, because they had all the ingredients to have everything they wanted. We all have it within us.
  • The second thing I said was: this is not going to be me. But, as it turned out. When I first got started out, I started following their footsteps.

Myrna: Oh! You became a, consumer, too?

Michelle: I did! I bought the new car when I was 19, while I was paying my own tuition and rent. So, I lived with that feeling of financial insecurity. I kept it going with, personal finance, problems well into my 30s and then I turned it around.

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How to Thrive after the Coronavirus Pandemic

Myrna: What is the, personal finance, lesson that you want to share with us, that can help the people who are barely surviving?

Michelle: I can say that it’s not just about the, consumers,  and the savers, but there’s probably more depth to thriving than that. We have to go into some biology.

Myrna: So, let’s take a deep dive into biology of the, money mindset.

Michelle: Alright! We’ve got to cut slack for the, consumers, and the savers. Putting away money for a rainy day, could turn someone into a tight wad, where they are not enjoying their, money. There are so many different translations that can happen from what we take in as a child and that forms our, money story.

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Become friends with your future self. 

Let’s talk about flourishing for a second. We are hardwired to live in the moment, because we are psychologically distant from Michelle 10.0.

We are not friends with our future self. Michelle 10.0 or Myrna 10.0, is not our relative. We don’t feel this connection with her today, so we can’t help it. This is who we are as people, this is our biology. It’s very difficult to handle, money, outside of what our needs or wishes or even impulses are in the moment.

What we need to do is recognize this. When the 401K rep comes in, when you don’t have two dimes to rub together and say if you put away the maximum amount in this account, you’ll be a billionaire by the time you’re 65. When you were 22, it’s going to go in one ear and out the other. You tell the 401K rep, I can’t even afford lunch! A 22 year old has no relationship with her 65 year old self.

Myrna: You hit the nail right in the head. I was just saying that people can’t save because they have no extras to save.

Most of us have more month than, money!

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Transform Your Money Story to protect your future

Michelle: What we can do to help ourselves and transform our, money story, is to literally create a relationship with your future self. The closer we feel to that person, as if they were really alive today and is our friend, the more that we’re going to act in their best interests.

There are so many new little things that we have to accomplish in the day-to-day details to get us to that overarching goal. So, when we’re in the moment of the impulses or just choosing between two different things, and we want to maintain, self-control. What actually helps is to create distance in the moment. When we talk to ourselves in the third person, it actually helps us to control our behavior in the moment.

Myrna: I get it like saying

Myrna would never do that, Myrna is going to do is make the choice that is going to really help her in the future.”

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TuneIn Radio

What the Pandemic taught us about our money story

Myrna: Let’s get back to the, pandemic. What has the, global pandemic, taught us about, money?

Maybe you’re going to be a little different because, money, is your work, and you study it. Did you learn anything new about yourself and your, money beliefs, during the, pandemic, what do you think the global lesson was for us?

Michelle: I‘m a little afraid to answer this question.

Myrna: Let’s talk. It’s just your opinion.

Michelle: What I‘ve learned during this, pandemic, is a little embarrassing to say out loud is I learned a whole lot more about our systems and just how differently everybody is impacted, was the biggest thing that I witnessed.

Heartbreaking really in many ways and I‘ve discovered is that our systems were not designed to take care of people. Our systems were designed for the efficient management of accounts to obey the laws, rules and regulations. Many people had no, money, in the Bank because they didn’t see the need to save or to put something away for the rainy day. This, pandemic, exposed that flaw. 

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The Pandemic changed our money story

Myrna: Do you think that our values have changed, now that the, pandemic, highlighted our, money mindset?

Michelle: That’s basically what I was trying to get to as far as, money mindset, and the fallout from our, money story. Maybe their, money mindset, was thatyou get it”, you spend it that kind of thinking. I like to think – I mean it’s hard to know on a such a broad level whether it has or hasn’t, but I think for someone who was probably scared to their core, there will be a change to their, money mindset.

  • If they lost jobs or clients,
  • Were not able to continue to work or couldn’t pay their rent or mortgage. Their, money mindset, will shift to saving for a rainy day.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

We’ve heard so many different things happened. The income that I was relying on to make my month is evaporated or it’s down etc., but to me, it really is that, fight or flight, or life or death kind of an experience. On the other hand, we may want to totally push that out of our mind because it was such  an awful experience.  

I think for a lot of people who maybe saw, for the first time, at their own hand, how perilous their situation could become. I think those people have probably changed their, money mindset.

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What’s your success formula to change money mindset

Myrna: Great!!! You’re a financial planner. Do you want to share your, success formula, or how you help your clients to develop a relationship with their future self and change their, money mindset?

Michelle: What a, financial planner, does is to help you with, personal finance such as:

  • Plan for the rainy day,
  • Put away for retirement,
  • Save to buy a house,
  • You plan for vacations.

Myrna: That’s what you guys do, right? I understand you have a, success formula, can you share that? Like thinking about what resources did you bring to the table not just with, personal finance, but who did you know, what did you know etc..

Michelle: The, success formula, can be called your superpowers. We use the word superpower so much, but what part of you is special and unique? What do you bring to the table in every single one of your successes? We use that information to develop hope, optimism and resiliency.

What superpowers did you use to pull those things in when times when facing difficulty or you faced a challenge. How did you react when there was an upside surprise?

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All of those traits that I just described, in whatever way someone uses them, it’s so cool. I mean we’ve all got a special factor that’s so different from one another. If you just look at your own and you start picking it apart, you can see how I can pull on this thread when it comes to my money.

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Your money superpowers is your success formula

It’s about figuring out what’s effective so that’s like the part of the expanded version of, personal finance. Financial Literacy, is what I would call it which is really kind of recognizing that we have a psychology and biology around in our brains and body around our, money. It’s not just understanding markets or investing or good sound, financial planning, or, risk management, or all of those things which are important, but it’s about your strengths.

Looking at the big picture and understanding someone’s background, who they are and are not with their, money, what their wishes are, what their values are, of course what the, money, is and then really digging into some of their, money mindset, about what makes them.

Myrna: So, that’s the, success formula.

Michelle: Yes, we use what makes you successful in other areas of your life and use the common thread to help you to be successful with your, money.

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The success formula challenge

Myrna: I understand that you have a website or a challenge to help the readers and those watching on TV. That would help them develop their, success formula. You want to talk about that?

Michelle: The best place for people to find me is my website, which is www.michelleab.com. Right on the home page is my, success formula, guide which anyone can download. Other channels that people can as well reach me or connect with me are on LinkedIn,

You can watch the full interview on the Transform Your Mind Podcast YouTube channel.

Also you can tune in at six o’clock Est every Sunday for our Preach the Word Network Television broadcast and of course you can listen in the radio WDJY 99.1 FM Wednesdays at 5p.m.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Myrna: Thanks again Michelle. Thanks everyone for tuning in and until next time, blessings.

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Additional Resources

Understanding the Rules of Economics and Money

Is True Wealth Financial Freedom?

 

How To Get Out Of The Snares of Child Abuse

Out of the Snares of Poverty and Child Abuse

Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.

 

This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com

Listen to the interview:

 

Introduction to Out Of the Snares

Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.

It’s also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth.  We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.

So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life.  I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.

I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.

Dr O.C Pringle:  You’re doing it all sister Young, you’re doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life’s experience, and, child abuse. let’s talk about that.

Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse

Myrna:  I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend.  He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.

We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention,  and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.

I didn’t realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.

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DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what?  Wait how old were you?

 

Myrna:  This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.

 

Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?

 

Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.

Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.

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iHeart Radio

Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn’t want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!

 

Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.

 

Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you’re helping people all over the world.  You’re on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.

Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares
Out of the Snares of poverty, and sexual abuse

So, let’s talk some more about the book.

 

Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:

 

  1. Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
  2. The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don’t give up until you win.
  3. Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
  4. Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
  5. Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
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  1. Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
  2. If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
  3. Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
  4. Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
  5. Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.

Additional Resources

Do You Have A Child Sexual Abuse Story? Break the Silence

Self love is the secret Out of the Snares of Child Abuse

How to Cast A Stone to Defeat Your Enemy

Transform Your Mind To Cast A Stone

Have you guys ever wondered why David when he was going to fight, Goliath, carefully selected five, stones, even when he knew that he only needed one, stone, to kill, Goliath? The reason was he was confident. He was confident because he knew that God was with him. It didn’t matter that he was a little person and, Goliath, was a giant. He knew that God would help him to slay that giant, like God helped him slay lions. So he knew he needed one, stone, but he carefully selected, five stones, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

Bishop Anthony Banks is going to talk to us how we can, select, stones, for battle and, cast these stones. We, cast stones,  so that we can too can slay the giants in our life.  Like David we can, slay the enemy, that is coming towards us.  Just be sure, don’t cast stones if you live in a glass house! So make sure you read or listen to end, because I never heard a message on this topic before and I have been a Christian for over 20 years. This is unique informative and content.

Listen to the Full interview Here

Bio Bishop Anthony W. Banks.

Bishop Anthony W. Banks is the associate pastor at Love and Faith Ministries of Snellville, Georgia and Director of the Christian Education. Bishop Banks is also the CEO and founder of Access for Change Community Development Corporation of Atlanta, the CEO trainer at the Change Institute of Atlanta where he provides an array of training and instruction in the area of ministry of helps to local ministries in need.

Bishop Banks is a visionary, who is committed to excellence in ministry. Banks also has a passion for reaching the lost and to make disciples for Christ who are changed for life as is going to be our topic today. Bishop is the author of the soon-to-be-released book, to Cast A Stone. So, we’re going to be talking about, casting stones. Bishop is going to explain why God gave him that message and why he wanted to share it with the world.

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What are the principles of Casting Stones

Myrna – The first question I want to ask you is what prompted you to write the book to, Cast A Stone?

Bishop Banks – Well, it was prompted out of a desire to have better understanding of reading the Bible. People usually send you to find what you need spiritually, but what I found is in my early days of reading the Bible. I didn’t really understand what the Bible was saying and so as I’ve matured and now provide training to ministers, I realized that I could make things simpler for people. So, it really was prompted out of that and as well the manuscript has been sitting on a computer for about nine-ten years.

So, I started thinking on some things and realized I need to go ahead and get this out and get it into the hands of people. The realization came about that people are missing a lot of times on what they need. We hold on so tightly to what God puts inside of us and we won’t release it out.

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Miles Monroe encouraged me to write to Cast A Stone

To Cast A Stone, was born out of that and mainly I think Miles Monroe and encouraged me to get the book out. He told me that there are people who need to hear specifically from me.  There are things that you’re holding as well that other people need to get and receive to make them better.

Myrna – Why this particular topic, To Cast a Stone?

Bishop Banks – Well To, Cast A Stone, has to do with the fact that in the scripture Elijah was told to go to a certain brook and he was told that at that particular brook he’ll be sustained there.

What I’ve done is in this my book, I have provided information in, to cast a stone,  that will sustain people if they’ll read it.   So when you go into that place, your brook, you’ll find that there are things there that will help you when you encounter life situations. It will help you to move forward at this place and become sustained by GOD.  To, Cast A Stone, offers a lot of encouragement. There are some specific things in the book that speak to leaders, young people, men and women. It’s very diverse.

Okay to,  cast a stone, is to go in and find it and prepare yourself to cast it.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

David Casts a Stone to Kill Goliath

Myrna – Alright, so I thought that we were talking about when David picked up,  five stones, to cast and kill, Goliath, did I misunderstood that?

Bishop Banks – No, you didn’t. There’s also a part of it, David, casting a stone, is a part of the book. David, cast a stone, using his faith in God. David is an example of the faith that’s necessary to, defeat the enemy. When David picked up, five stones, he had to do that by faith because it’s just a rock and he was up against a giant. You have a certain amount of faith, and David did the work, because he had to reach and get the stone, prepare to launch it and then, cast a stone. So, no, you didn’t misunderstand.

The other part of to, Cast A Stone, speaks on Elijah at the brook, because the book is where you can go and be sustained as well. The actions that David took are the works and scripture tells us that faith without works is dead. If David had not got reached and gotten the, stones, then surely he’d have been dead. Goliath, would have killed him and fed his body to the dogs like he was threatening to do.  But David did the work, he carefully chose his weapons, stones.  He had the faith that God would show up and help him to kill, Goliath, with these, stones.

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Knowledge we gain from books is only power if we use it

The hardest thing for us to do sometimes is to crack the pages of a book, but it’s work that has to be done. If you don’t do that work, you’ll have it sitting right there on your table. Whether it’s the Bible or a book that someone’s written, it’ll be on your table. Everything you need is right there to slay whatever’s in front of you. It’ll sit there idle if you don’t do the work of opening and cracking it. We all have to do work, we cannot change in life without doing the physical work.

Myrna – Haven’t you heard people say knowledge is not power until you use it? But the reason I was so interested in this particular topic is why do you think when David was looking for those smooth, stones?

Bishop Banks – Of course, what was he thinking of when he selected those, stones.  Let’s use the analogy for somebody right now that’s preparing to slay a giant and they are selecting their tools or their weapons in order to slay the giant. We’re not physically going into a brook or getting stoned.

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How can we use to Cast a Stone in Real Life

Myrna – So how can somebody use that information in real life?

Bishop Banks – Well, I think I would if I had to use it as an analogy. David would say that especially, spiritually speaking if you’re reaching into the word of God to find specifically what you need. David will have us to understand he had a sense of weight when it came to the, stones, he chose.  Also it said he chose smooth, stones, which means there could have been some rough ones there, but he knew the trajectory that he needed right from his experience of launching them. It wasn’t going to work and so he may have used rough ones at a certain time for certain things, but he chose  smooth, stones,  for this giant.

I would say that even in scripture when you go into scripture, this is why the book is important because sometimes you can go in scripture and be so general on the surface. A lot of my own personal experiences also are in the book along with scripture that helped me to get through. I think that if people read the book they get in there, they’ll find that there are things that they can launch out from their experiences. If you don’t have experiences, I think when we read the Bible, we forget we check it as just a spiritual book, but those are people’s literal experiences. We have to sometimes look at exactly what they were going through and not just one verse, but exactly what led up to that.

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Use your Life experiences when choosing your Stones

You see, even with David, His experience was that of a shepherd. What I mean, he was coming to bring lunch to his brothers, he wasn’t expecting to, fight a giant, but when he got there he realized there’s something here that is against what God’s doing. So, he went and found what he needed and I say to people find what you need. People can suggest the scripture to you, but it may not fit what you need right. You have to find what you need specifically and then, cast that stone. We know that the launching part of it or the casting part of it, David had a slingshot. We have our mouth.

Life and death is in the power of the tongue, but you got to have the right words or, stones, to speak.

I would say clearly, going into the word and finding specifically the, stones, that you need to launch for the giant that you’re facing is important. I mean because you know life and death is in the tongue and we can use words as our weapons and that is what I’ve heard preached many times and which is what I also use in my life. Your words are the descriptors that you stand on, the things that you say out of your mouth is what is you’re going to launch to the enemy.

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What is the method we can use to cast a stone?

Myrna – That’s good, I get it. One of the questions I have here for you Bishop, is what is the method that we can use to, cast a stone? We talked about finding the scripture that pertains to your particular situation. What pertains to the giant that you’re fighting right now, one is scripture. So what are some of the other methods that we can use to find our, stones?

Bishop Banks – Well, I think mustering up your, faith. There’s a situation in scripture where the disciples had issues and they thought Jesus was going to do something, move something around for them. He (Jesus) said I pray that your, faith, don’t fail you, but it didn’t change the situation. The same thing that you’re going to launch out, I think with David  his faith would have failed him. He never would have launched it because thought would have come into his mind that, casting a stone, was not going to kill a giant.

You’ve only got one, stone, you have had a certain amount of, faith, with that and I think faith is the key to any launching or, casting a stone.  It’d be like throwing a baseball. If you’re a pitcher, you pitch the ball now you can just throw the ball anywhere and not even go near where the batter is or you can throw that thing specifically at the target at the catcher’s glove.

You see and you know if you throw it there and I think, faith, is like that. You have to launch it in the direction you want it to go and then on top of that what I said a minute ago you’ve got to be specific about where you’re throwing it. You just can’t throw it into the air and hope that something happens because, faith, doesn’t work that way. I think that’s what I would say is, faith is the key.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How Leaders can use To Cast a Stone

Myrna – Okay, so that’s awesome. You have a book and you talk about the brook that sustained Elijah.

  • You talked about the, stones, that you cast, it has to be going directly to the target you’ve got.
  • To have faith to know that when you, cast a stone, it’s going to slay your giant or enemy

 

Myrna – What are some of the other things that you want the readers to walk away with in your book? I know that your ministry involves leaders, you also train ministers. You talk about them being disciples and also I’m pretty sure you talked about some of your personal stories that are in there. Now, tell us about the book. What you want people to walk away after reading the book?

Bishop Banks – Sure, I think you know the thing that I believe should happen once you read the book or come out of the book, is that you should be changed. Okay you absolutely should be changed. There’s no way you would read, to Cast A Stone,  and not come out with something of substance.  I know it’s substance because of my experiences that I’ve had in life that I share in the book.

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Conclusion

Myrna – Let’s talk about your ministry. I know that you mention that you teach, you teach discipleships to people, but you also have a speaking ministry. So tell us how someone can get in touch with you for speaking engagements, to help them sustain wherever they’re at, to help them, cast a stone, I mean all of that.

Bishop Banks – I do speak at leadership conferences and not just at ministries, I also can provide information to people in the business sector. When I say that I train leaders, it’s not just church leaders. I can go into any setting and speak to leaders about leading. Not only that, I can also go in there and work with teams to pull teams together. I’m really good at that and so people can reach me at my email address anthonybanks1938@gmail.com or my phone number – 770-572-0547.

I’m glad to come and help any way. I can and I’ve really been trying to help ministries to grow. I’m currently at Loving Faith Ministries. I’m glad to come and speak in any situations whether it’s young people, or older people, whatever business, it doesn’t matter. I’m open to coming to speak at those engagements or marriage. I tell you, if you can work with teams in a teen situation sure where everybody wants to go their own way, then you can definitely work with organizational leadership as far as David goes you know you need to choose the, stones, that you are going to throw at the giant.

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Myrna – Once again thanks for downloading this podcast, please remember to subscribe, rate and review  if you found this content inspirational. Until next time blessings.

Additional Resources

The Events in Life Work Together for Your Good

Help Me Makeover My Marriage: Communication

Help me makeover my marriage

Help me, makeover my marriage, improve intimacy, find personal time and communicate better with my, husband. Communication,  is very important in a, marriage, because you have to communicate to fix problems. It is a man thing, they all shut down and go into their, man cave. In fact, marriage counselors,  say that the worst thing you can say to a man is “we need to talk”

Welcome to the premiere episode of, Help Me Makeover My Marriage. Today we are going to talk about, communication, in a  marriage. 

I’m your host Life coach Myrna Young, my guest today is Michele Brunson and together we want to share our experiences in our, marriages, to help you, makeover my marriage. 

Listen to the full Episode Here:

I can be called the Marrying Woman

I have been married four times so you can call me a, marrying woman, for a total of 30 years.  Michele has been married for 25 years. Her husband died last year, we give her our condolences. 

We want to  help you to with your, marriage makeover. A lot of times when things are not going right in our, marriage, or our, relationships, we always feel that the grass is greener on the other side, so we think I’m going to be able to find someone better, but I’ll tell you,

 “The grass is never greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it.” 

 

Wherever you put your attention on, wherever you put your focus on is definitely what’s going to grow. So Michelle and I will give you, marriage advice,  and strategies to help you to, makeover my marriage. 

Treat your husband according to knowledge

The reason we’re saying that, you need to be the change you seek, is because I’ve always remembered what my Pastor Tony said to me years ago, maybe about 20 years ago. A lot of times we don’t use knowledge and knowledge is never useful until used. Pastor Tony said to me. “Whenever I go to God, I never ask him to change my, wife, I ask him to change me.”  

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The reason that’s important is because like me and most of you, we’re always blaming our, husbands, or our partners for whatever is wrong in our, relationships. I am in my fourth, marriage,  now as I said before and I came into this, marriage, with all kinds of expectations. 

I was in my 40’s when I got, married, this last time, so I had a lot of stuff that came with me. 

  1. Baggage and expectations and I brought it all into my, marriage, and we started having all the same problems again because you are the common denominator if you have multiple, marriages, and everything  follows you. 

When I decided to change ME my, marriage, started getting better.  This was 20 years after I heard that advice, a lot of times we have knowledge and we don’t actually use it. My current teacher,  Pastor Glover would say

“treat your, husband, like he’s your king and love him the way you want to be loved.” 

So that’s what I did and a remarkable thing happened!  I found out that I enjoyed serving my, husband,  I enjoyed treating my, husband, like my king and our relationship started to mend, because I was no longer pointing fingers.  I was no longer you not talking to him because of something he wasn’t doing. 

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So, in this episode and subsequent episodes we’re going to give you information on how to change YOU,  because it all starts with you. 

In this first segment of “Help Me Makeover My Marriage,” we’re going to do a question and answer, later segments we’ll have guests come on the show. Today we are gonna start with questions that was sent into us from my  Facebook group called Lifecoach 

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Help me Makeover my Marriage and get Intimacy Back

Our first question comes from Debbie in Miami, Florida.  Debbie writes:

I’ve been married for 12 years my, husband,  and I have two children ages 7 and 10. I immersed myself in the role of mother and, wife, as a, stay-at-home mom, while my, husband, worked full-time and saw his role as the provider. 

As a, stay-at-home mom, I rarely took time for myself and began to resent my, husband, for not helping with the kids and not paying me any attention. Our, intimacy, suffered and my resentment built up.  I even started looking outside the, marriage, for fulfillment. 

Debbie’s asks, Help me, makeover my marriage, and recapture, intimacy

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Myrna – Debbie I had a similar experience with my second, husband, and my, marriage, ended

because I built up resentment and never communicated  this to my, husband. The situation was reversed. I was the breadwinner making most of the money and he sat around doing nothing because he told me that housework and looking after the kids was women’s work. 

So, here I was paying all the bills and I was being treated like the maid. I built up resentment and that, marriage, eventually ended, but now I know better.  Again knowledge is only powerful when you use it. Now I know that what Debbie should do is to ask for help. She should say to her, husband. 

“Babe I know that you work all day and you’re the provider for this family and we made this contract that I’m going to be a, stay-at-home mom, but I need a break. Can you help out?”

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I need you to help around the house. I need you to help with the kids, because being a mom is a full-time job. He goes to work from nine to five and then he’s off, but a mom is always on the job, it’s a full-time job. Maybe also get a babysitter for kids every two weeks or something and have date night so, that you guys can be together without the kids and recapture, intimacy. 

So my advice to you would be to Help, makeover my marriage, is: 

  • First of all ask for what you want 
  • And second, make the time to do your part. 

If you have the, intention, that you are gonna love your, husband, and you’re gonna appreciate him for being the breadwinner, because that’s what he is, and you show him appreciation, he will give you back love.  

Michelle what would you say to Debbie from your experience? Mitchell is actually an Intercessor, so maybe you can bring in a biblical touch or scripture from the bible that can help Debbie, makeover my marriage. 

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Michele – Myrna I want to thank you for having me on your show.  My advice to Debbie to help her, makeover my marriage, would first off be pray for your, husband, first because most, wives, don’t start there. Pray for your, husband, because God is his creator and he will change any situation concerning your, husband, and if your, husband, is providing for the family no, husband, wants to come home after fighting all day at work and have to fight with his, wife. 

So, the first thing that she needs to do is have peace in her home, if her, husband, is  providing and it’s for a season, because like you said y’all in this contract together and you chose to be a, stay-at-home mom. 

Another, marriage advice, would be to have a schedule because some women don’t know how to have a schedule. Monday you might do one thing, Tuesday something else. Don’t try to do everything all at once, that’s how you get overwhelmed and burnt out. 

If you feel mis-valued in your, marriage, you should have, communication, with your, husband, about it. You should value one another, you value him as your king.  Once you start with valuing your, husband, and appreciating him for who he is. He’s going out there making it happen every day and providing for you and the kids, you should make him feel comfortable in his own home. 

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Marriage Makeover Wives become a Woman of Noble Character

As, wives, we create the atmosphere in the home. I would have her reflect on Proverbs 31:

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

12. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

15. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

18. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

29. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”  

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Help me Makeover My Marriage Self-care

Myrna – That’s what we fail to do sometimes as women, we forget to take care of ourselves.  Self-care, is very important and that’s what she’s lacking, because she’s so consumed with looking after the kids she’s not doing, self-care.  Self-care, also leads to, intimacy, because if you look good you’re going to feel good and your, husband, is going to feel that, sexual energy. 

What advice do you give Debbie for re-establishing, intimacy,  with her husband? 

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I have always scheduled personal time with my husband, even when we go on vacations. 

One time we take the kids and one time we go alone. Women do not understand that they need personal time alone with their spouse without the kids to keep, intimacy, alive. 

Help me Makeover My Marriage Personal Time

Michele – I would get up before everybody else in the house got up for my, personal time, of  prayer because that really set up my entire day. Once you pray and set the environment, your day will be less stressful. 

Myrna – That’s good, marriage advice, a lot of women take time for, self-care, at the end of the night when the kids are in bed. 

Before we go to the next question let’s circle back to reiterate that, wives, got to appreciate their, husbands, for what he does for the family.  In this case Debbie need to show appreciation for her, husband, as the breadwinner. 

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Makeover My Marriage – Intimacy

Our next question for Help me, makeover my marriage, comes from Hollis in Atlanta, Georgia.  Hollis writes I have been married for 10 years,  my, husband,  and I have a good, marriage, not great because he does not like to talk.  The slightest disagreement sends him into his, man cave, and I can’t reach him or get him to talk, Help me, makeover my marriage, and improve my, communication, with my, husband. 

Help me Makeover My Marriage: Communication

Like I said earlier the, marriage advice, that I’m giving is, marriage tips, that I can pull from my personal, marriage, experience. Right now I’m married to a man who does not like to talk and i like to talk. So normally I would lead the conversation and he would sit there and listen, then I would say you know conversation is a dialogue and he would say I’m listening to you. 

But recently I changed that model. I just finished reading the book “What Happened to You” By Oprah Winfrey and Dr Perry.  Dr Perry was explaining why kids who experienced trauma don’t talk. 

Dr Perry discovered that not even trained therapists can get these kids to talk until they are ready.  You just have to give them time and space. Sometimes it means sitting or doing projects in total silence.  When they are ready to talk, they will talk. 

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So I used that information and now when I sit with my husband,  I just let there be space and whenever he’s ready to talk then he will talk. It’s very uncomfortable for me because I like to talk.  But I did and so far this approach is working. We have had some good conversations from this approach.  

Communication,  is very important in a, marriage, because you have to communicate to fix problems. It is a man thing, they all shut down and go into their, man cave. In fact, marriage counselors,  say that the worst thing you can say to a man is “we need to talk”

Help me Makeover My Marriage and get my Husband out of his Man Cave

Michelle what was your experience with your, husband,  with, communication. Did he go in to a , man cave? 

Michelle –  First of all, we all have different temperaments and personalities,  my, husband, was more of a, phlegmatic. Phlegmatics have an unemotional and stolidly calm disposition.

So he was a laid-back, easygoing type of guy. 

It’s been said that a woman speaks a thousand more words than the man so, I would just find something that interests him to talk about.  Most men don’t analyze things the way we do and they’re not as emotional as we are. We like to talk about everything and they don’t always understand why we need to always be talking.

Myrna – So let’s say that you wanted to talk to your, husband, about quality time, for example, or something that’s going on in your, relationship,  did you start the conversation talking to him about something he likes to talk about and then kind of steer the conversation to quality time? 

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Michelle –  Our quality time was watching TV together or shopping for groceries. 

Myrna – Okay I was just using quality time as a placeholder for any conversation you want to have with your husband that was important. 

For example, once in a while I would  want to talk to my, husband, about where our, marriage, is going or where we see ourselves in 10 to 15 years from now, or something like that. 

I am a Life coach right and I want to steer the conversation in that direction my, husband, would push back and say you’re not my coach!

So getting back to Hollis’s question. What advice would you give to move her, husband, out of his, man cave, and get him to open up? 

Husbands need to process things longer than Wives

Michelle – I would tell her that men have to process things, so I would give him time. 

If they had a conflict or something, men and women process differently.  Wives, want an answer right then while, husbands, might take a day or two to process before they want to discuss the situation. 

Myrna – I like that answer, give them time to process.  I would add give them space to process.  Don’t go into their, man cave, and harass them.  Let them be until they are ready to come out. 

In the meantime don’t withhold love or affection. 

Even though we’re not talking about a physical, man cave, even though some men have a physical space they hide out in, we are talking about going into the mental, man cave.  

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Conclusion Help me Makeover My Marriage 

In this premier episode of, Help me, makeover my marriage, we had a couple of questions and even though they might look different, they’re both dealing with, communication, in your, marriage. 

Debbie didn’t really communicate with her, husband, that she needed help around the house or that she needed him to pay her some attention,  she just built up animosity that he wasn’t doing these things. 

Hollis wanted some information on, communication, with her husband once he’s in his, man cave. What to do either to get him out of the, man cave, or prevent him from going into the, man cave. So, communication, is very important, marriage counselors, say that it is the top reason couples get divorced. 

I started off the segment talking about what we can as, wives, to change instead of asking God to change our, husbands. We need to learn to deal with our, husbands, according to knowledge.  If we know they don’t like to talk, then we should not push the issue.  Like I learned from Dr Perry, let them talk when they are ready. Even if they don’t want to talk they have ears to listen. 

Remember to ask for what you want.  If you need help around the house, ask for help.  If you need affection, ask for it. 

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When you don’t ask for want you want or communicate your desires, then resentment builds up and the energy in the house changes. You can feel tension. If you have the intention to have peace in your home and to love and appreciate your, husband, he will feel that energy and your home will be peaceful and full of love. 

Thanks for reading this blog, listening or watching to the premier episode of “Help me make over my marriage”  I will post and air an episode once per month, please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind To Transform your Life podcast to get all new episodes in your inbox. 

Until next time Live Life to the Fullest. 

Additional Resources

The Best Marriage Advice for Wives to Fix a Broken Marriage