Transform Your Mind Podcast

May 29, 2023May 31, 2023

The Secrets of Kundalini Energy Revealed For Spiritual Awakening

Are you looking to activate your spiritual awakening? In this podcast episode, Bec Mylonas spiritual guide and priestess, reveal the secrets of Kundalini energy, and how to access it through meditation. If you’re interested in finding out more about Kundalini energy, this podcast is for you! We’ll cover the basics of Kundalini energy, its benefits, and how to activate it through meditation. We’ll also discuss the dangers of Kundalini energy, and how to protect yourself from them.

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Why antidepressants block spiritual awakening

Myrna: What was your journey from being on antidepressants to becoming a, spiritual guide?

Bec: When I was very young, they tried to put me on antidepressants because there is a long history of mental illness in my family. At one time, I was dealing with some pretty crippling, debilitating depression where I wanted to check out and I didn’t want to be here. So finally I was put on SSRIs these are serotonin inhibitors. And so the assumption with those meds is that your brain is not producing the serotonin. So what it does is when it releases it, it kind of holds it in the chamber. So it’s building on itself, basically. So that’s what it was doing. And essentially, all that really did for me was create a flatline so instead of really wanting to check out and no, I was just kind of like zombified.

So my, dark night of the soul, which I’m sure many of you kind of know what that is this process of unfolding or questioning. I started the process of my own healing. I started taking care of my body, exercising more, reading more and mental health and development and all sorts of things like that including self help spirituality. Everything gradually got weirder and weirder over the years. I started seeing shamans and healers and psychics.

And through the process of my healing journey, I started to ask, you know, what am I here for, what’s my purpose? And that kind of got me into the trajectory of being a coach. So I started out as a coach in news 2018. When I said yes to coaching, my whole mission or my purpose really opened up to me. I kept meeting all these healers and then started having these experiences in these realms, crazy stuff happening, speaking to spirits, etc.

I was in Bali, trying to make my business work, I’d also gone off the meds. I was purging so much trauma, like it was like lifetimes of trauma, like extreme amounts of sadness and trauma. I was crying every day didn’t know why. And towards the end of the year, after a year of trying to make my business work I kept getting this message that I’m this Healer.

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Bec’s Kundalini Awakening

So I said to God if I’m this healer that everyone keeps telling me and then show me and literally like the next day I started having these completely crazy experiences where I was remembering my past lives. I had a spontaneous, kundalini awakening, where I was having these physical things happening to me and speaking other languages and wild emotions. From that moment, it was like three or four months from going to bed a normal person, no concept or idea of any of the spiritual stuff to suddenly remembering past lives, moving energy, doing healing work, helping other people to remember their past lives and activating healers.

Myrna: I learned so much by being on this on this show and interviewing people. I’ve interviewed I mean a one or two Shamans, so I know what it is. One gentleman went to one of these retreats and that’s how he opened himself up to the, kundalini energy. Did you go to any retreats? Or did you just lay in bed and it started coming in?

Bec: To me, so this is like some stuff around the word shaman and I used to say I was a shamanic healer and people would always call me a shaman. The word shaman actually has cultural roots in specific places of the world. So I try not to use that word anymore because there’s like a lot of charge around it and I just don’t want to negate anyone’s experience. Let’s call a spade a spade I am a shaman, basically, because to me, a shaman is someone who traverses the realms between spirit and this physical realm.

What is a Shaman?

Shamans talk to Spirit, they talk to plants, they talk to animals, they talk to all sorts of various things, non physical beings. So essentially, I that’s what I do, and that’s what I am. And I had seen a few healers, so I’d seen I was seeing a shaman in Melbourne a couple times I saw him and he didn’t use plant medicine. He was like me, he was just a healer. So I maybe had two sessions with him. And basically it was a self initiation process for me so I didn’t have the assistance of someone else. It was like because my soul was so ready to come and embody my purpose in this lifetime.

The moment I was like, show me that it was like Okay, now it’s time for you to remember. It’s like it all just came online. And that was like, Oh my God. I have all this wisdom, but I don’t know where it came from. I can move energy. I remember this stuff. I remember how to do exorcisms and wild stuff.

Myrna: I know a few people who can remember past lives. I follow is Sadhguru and he’s able to talk about all his past lives and you know, he became a mystic. It just happened for him, you know, one day he sat down for 14 days or something like that and when he got up, he was a mystic, he was able to see and do and all these amazing things. Why is it that we don’t remember our past lives and how is it that you could?

Bec: Yeah, absolutely. So we come here as souls to learn lessons because there is no other place in the universe that is dense. When I say dense, I mean, it’s heavy, physically, like it’s heavy. When we move past the third dimension, which is the fourth dimension onwards, we lose the physicality so fourth dimension above it’s a lighter frequency, right. So emotions for instance, like anger is dense. It’s a lower frequency and then joy is very high. Just like that physical reality has different density to a frequency vibration has different density. So this realm of reality is very dense and it’s also the lifespans and very short, so souls choose and agree before they kind of reincarnate to come here because it’s, it’s very good for learning lessons.

Remembering past lives ancestral trauma

It’s very good for learning through pain through contrast through whatever it is. It’s like a matrix, right? It’s okay to gain come here and learn lessons. And so we choose to come here to learn these lessons, but a lot of the time we need to forget everything that we know, so then we can have this experience because if I came into this lifetime remembering I was this priestess, I was a highly dimensional being of love. I wouldn’t have gone through all the things that I went through that enables me to get to that point to then become the leader that I am.

For instance, if you had an illness or a chronic disease of some sort. If you knew that it was all a game and you could very quickly heal yourself because you have that capacity. Would you learn through that illness? Then it would negate the purpose right? So it’s almost like if we know the end, the story the journey is pointless.

Myrna: I listen to you know, Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer and even, Abraham Hicks. So all those people that I listened to and they said we chose our parents, we chose the womb. We chose everything just like you’re saying because we want to experience certain things in order to, you know, to learn, as you say, so it’s nothing like that, you know? But so how do we learn to surrender and work with the divine?

How to bring in the Divine

Bec: Yeah, so part of that is, as much as we chose this human or this vessel or this identity, that version of you who’s Myrna or me, sure we chose these personalities. And ironically we spend most of our life building up these personalities of I am separate. This is who I think I am and I have this identity as a priestess or woman or a daughter or whatever it is stories of who we are, in order to surrender and allow the divine to work through us. We almost need to let go of identification with ourselves as unlimited small being and start seeing ourselves as a source or creator.

So like, for instance, if you take a bucket of water out of the ocean, is it still the ocean? And of course it is still the ocean. And just like that, we have fractals of the one, the one source of energy, some people call that God, the universe, different frameworks and understanding the same thing, but we are literally a fraction of source. So in order to allow that part of ourselves to take more responsibility in our life or work through us, it’s almost like we need to relinquish our identities. We need to relinquish our attachments, we need to relinquish our stories of what we think we know.

Myrna: Dr Joe Dispenza in his book Becoming Supernatural is teaching us to connect with universal unified energy field. So is that how you’re doing it? Are you letting go of your physical body and your mind and connecting through energy?

Bec: Yeah, so one of my gifts in this life is to be this transmitter for frequency and it’s very unique, like shamans do a lot of different things and speak to spirits and all of this stuff. That’s literally one of my gifts in this life is to be essentially a very big radio transmitter, which is why I do activations through spoken word and all sorts of things. Because it’s like source frequency comes through me and that’s amplified.

Using Kundalini Energy to connect to the unified field

I channel energy through my body from different places or from other galaxies and planets and from the earth. So the Earth has her own grid of energy right so like we have our chakra system and there’s different chakra points of different places in the earth. And what people like myself or people who learn to use this energy can do is they can face themselves and specific points and call that energy through their body to like magnify like magnify what they’re doing.

So yeah, essentially that is what I’m doing. I’m using this energy from the unified energy field. I’m using energy from other beings, from angels and spirits, whatever, God to channel through me. I love Dr Joe Dispenza. I’ve been to his events. I think he’s amazing. But his breathing technique that he teaches in his books of the squeezing and pulling the mind out of the body, that’s literally Kundalini, he is awakening Kundalini within you. So your Kundalini is this energy that’s connected to your life force.

The Kundalini is connected to Shakti which is feminine, and Shiva, which is the masculine and when you can get Shakti which is the feminine to go up to the masculine which is in your crown Shiva consciousness. Then it’s divine union, which is union with everything within itself within the world within the universe. So he’s teaching basically how to activate your Kundalini. Kundalini is healing energy. It’s life force energy.

Myrna: Let’s talk about your Kundalini experience. You calling it the dark night of the soul.

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Kundalini Awakening: Orgasmic energy

Bec: l We all have different kinds of experiences with it. Mine was particularly intense and I think it’s because I’m here to help people with this. So you can have different volumes of it or strengths of, Kundalini energy, moving through your body, and it can manifest as a tickle like a slight energy pulse or sensation of tingling in your body or heat. Or for me, it’s like full body orgasms. I felt like I was getting penetrated by spirit, like literally having sex with someone and there’s no one there. And it’s incredible, but that’s not the purpose of it.

Because sexual energy is just healing energy. It is life force energy, it’s pure creation energy. So of course it’s going to feel orgasmic because the orgasm is how we are burning things right as how we’re creating. So you can channel that energy into creativity. You can channel into healing, you can channel into mystic purposes. So like opening your third eye, channeling healing, all sorts of things. It can be used for pretty much anything, but people will like, Oh, I feel this is sexual energy. So therefore, I’m aroused and it’s, sexual energy.

With the, Kundalini awakening, you can spontaneously start moving your body into all sorts of weird positions, kind of like yoga poses almost contorting. I found myself on the floor with like my legs in my chest. Like, you know, you see the exorcisms and they’re like doing the crazy stuff. Many times speaking in tongues. My Kundalini is always so active and awakened because of who I am, I have mystical experiences of profound oneness and love and bliss and ecstasy and literally speaking to God on a random Tuesday.

I’ve come here to experience spiritual mastery, because I’ve experienced that in so many lifetimes. I’ve come here to embody humanity with the spiritual mastery.

Myrna: How can people connect with you?

Bec: I have my own podcast called “Cracked Open” where I talk about all of this stuff. My website is www.becmylonascom You can find me on Instagram @becmylonis. I kind of facilitate or hold spaces for people to activate their gifts, activate the past life stuff and really activate that purpose. So check out on my website. I’ve always got offerings. I’m starting my next three month kind of process. I guess you want to call it with people called rebirth soon and that’s a complete journey to like decondition and remove and purge and clear all the past life pain and trauma and activating that mission.

Additional Resources:

How to Use Vibrational Energy to Get What You Want

May 21, 2023

Unraveling the Mystery of the Vagus Nerve and Your Soul

In this podcast episode, we’re going to explore the mysterious world of the, vagus nerve, and its role in our soul. We’ll explore the science behind the vagus nerve and what it means for our spiritual journey. If you’re curious about the vagus nerve and its connection to your spiritual journey, then this episode is for you!

We’ll explore the science behind the vagus nerve and its role in our soul. We’ll discuss the spiritual significance of the vagus nerve and how it can help us connect with our innermost self. This is a unique episode that will serve as a introduction to the spiritual world for those who are curious about it!

The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the human body. The soul is believed to be this silver cord which is attached at the breastbone that feeds the soul oxygen. This magnetic operation depends entirely on the pure effort of the soul using the spirit of, etheric body, through the Highway of the, vagus nerve.

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Bio

Rev. Karen E. Herrick, PhD, finished an interdisciplinary doctoral major at Union Institute and University, Cincinnati, Ohio, in 2008 in Philosophy.

After having a profound spiritual experience during a Hylotropic Breathwork training, Karen Herrick became extremely interested in the connection between the body and the spirit, and how we can use this information to help people heal.

Did extensive research into spiritual psychology, spiritual phenomena, and titled her heavily researched thesis “Naming Spiritual Experiences”. She has shared her clinical expertise for thirty years in private practice and by lecturing on dysfunctional, addictive homes, dissociation, and grief and loss from a Jungian perspective. She is now researching the potential benefits of mediumship knowing that grief is primarily resolved when the bereaved can recognize their continuing spiritual bonds with the deceased.

Myrna: How does the 2 bodies, the physical body and the, spiritual body, work together?

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The soul is part of our spiritual body

Humans have two bodies. We have a physical body and then we have a, spiritual body. The, spiritual body, comes from an atom that is placed in utero when we are conceived. And the physical body grows around that atom. So, as we grow physically, the spiritual body grows. So, you have this miniature body that is growing inside of you. And it is housed in your solar plexus.

And there’s a cord that attaches to your breastbone, which is called the silver cord. When you die and go to the other side, your soul has to go because a soul is not born, it was created. And so, it has to go back up to the etheric world. So, gravity doesn’t stop it because it just goes, but what I figured out this cord is connected to the, vagus nerve, which is the longest nerve in your body.

It goes from the top comes down goes around your neck, the amygdala, which controls the fight flight or frozen impulses, and then goes down your spine into your heart and into your stomach. Darwin said in the 1700s, that this was your pneumo gastric nerve.

So, I started studying the, vagus nerve. Dr. Porges was teaching you this, vagus breath, where you breathe in, for instance to the count of four, and then you breathe out as long as you can go because that relaxes the, vagus nerve.

Myrna: I do the, vagus breath, I do breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and out for 6.

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Vagus nerve and spirituality

Karen: That’s fine once it’s a longer outlet. However, you do it calms down the, vagus nerve, so that people with post-traumatic stress or panic, anxiety can calm themselves down. So, I started teaching that we all have this, vagus nerve, and we are responsible for keeping it calm.

Myrna: Okay, a couple of circle backs there. Wow. I keep saying this every week. I love my work. So, let’s talk about the soul because I’ve heard before that the soul goes in and out. Right, it’s in front of you. Sometimes it goes in and it’s around the, solar plexus. I’ve actually never heard before that the soul is connected to a cord and your body grows around it.

Karen: It forms a mass of some kind. So that could be atoms, protons, chemicals, I’m not sure what it looks like coming up the, vagus nerve, but some people have explained that they actually saw it outside of their body. That the soul is egg shaped and it’s connected by the silver cord is connected by a cord because it always needs the oxygen from your physical body in order to survive. Now, so, people that have had this experience where they can leave from the physical body and go into the, spiritual body, that is called, astral travel.

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The soul travels in and out of the physical body

So, when you talk about the soul it can be right out in front of you. When you sleep at night, supposedly, this, etheric body, can come out the top of your head and can be laying straight over you. And some different men that have written books about leaving their body a lot. They didn’t necessarily have spiritual experiences. They just left their body.

Now, I know that they talk about trauma or an auto accident, where your soul body can just come straight out but that’s in trauma. Right? They say when that happens your, etheric body, your soul is very confused, because it just got jarred out you can imagine. Right? But the typical way what I’ve read is that if you die in your bed at night or in the ambulance, if people are clairvoyant, they can see your soul leaving your body through the top of your head and then turns into this beautiful light.

Sometimes they see an angel coming that will take you, sometimes they see your deceased relatives come over to take you. And they’re giving you a hand so that you can be lifted.

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The soul sticks around for a review after death

Myrna: I heard that was from Dr. Wayne Dwyer. He was not clairvoyant, but he talked about an experience where he was on a beach in Hawaii, and this woman drowned and he was able to see her soul hover above her body. I also heard several places that the soul sticks around for three days. or something like that.

At the core though this is new information to me. I also know about, astral travel, where the mystics can actually leave their body and come back. I do a spiritual warfare prayer that says that you are blocking, astral travel, because people can use that for evil.

So, you’re saying that the people that have seen the soul. Everybody that talks about the other side, whether it’s a, near death experience, or your rebirth experience, talks about beauty and love on the other side.

Karen: Well, I think it’s easier when we try to understand that we have three metaphysical systems that swirl around us at all times. And the first one is the sensory reality, where you and I are speaking now. Sensory reality that’s normal reality we have this second reality is the, Clairvoyant reality. Oh, that is what your soul with anybody that can see your soul body, outside of you is clairvoyant.

Near death experiences: The soul leaving the body

So, when people have a, near death experience, and they go up there and maybe about 20% of them have the spiritual part where they see the flowers and the beautiful music and smell the perfume and everything’s wonderful. They usually meet a deceased person, a loved one who tells them it’s not your time and you have to come back.

And then they have a lot of pain and depression about that. Carl Jung had a vision in the 1940s. And he called it a vision because there wasn’t the term, near death experience, yet. He was in the hospital. He had a heart attack and he left his body and he went out into the universe, and he saw Earth. So, when he describes his pictures of Earth, the descriptions that what the guys who would face when they took pictures of Earth exactly the same thing. He had that kind of everybody has maybe a little different version. I mean, some people have the classic, near-death experience.

Okay, and I what I’ve learned with the research is, I believe, number one, that the Holy Spirit is in charge of, spiritual experiences, and that your soul determines what kind of, spiritual experience, you’re going to have. When you go into this clairvoyant space. Everything is calm and beautiful and loving. You’re touching some part of that fourth dimension

Book: The Psychology of the Soul in the Paranormal

My book is called Psychology of the Soul in the Paranormal. Some people have a, near death experience, and the, vagus nerve, becomes bigger because it vibrates. Okay, so when things vibrate, it causes structure to shift. So, then something happens around their ears, they say, and their whole-body shifts. It turns counterclockwise. Then what happens is that this, etheric body, just gets pushed up the, vagus nerve, and at the top of the head.

So this is how the soul leaves the physical body around the ears, whirring noises is heard. This sends out an impulse to change rotation of the body, and the vibration is now getting stronger in that nerve. And this activates the sacrum through the, vagus nerve, in the middle of our sympathetic and parasympathetic sections of the nervous system.

As chemicals are being released. The energy pierces the top, the center of your skull, where the medulla oblongata and the pineal gland open the top sharp, which is where your soft spot used to be. And people usually hear a click in the head area, which results in one’s leaving one’s body, expanding their consciousness with an out of body or near death. And this bodily energy would be like the energy that powers the orgasmic response.

So, your physical body become shaken down to a molecular level and atomic level activating the, spiritual body, to leave the physical body going up the, vagus nerve, silver cord which is attached at the breastbone because you need that to attach when you leave so that you get oxygen while you’re up there flying around. Okay. This magnetic operation depends entirely on the pure effort of the soul using the spirit of, etheric body, through the Highway of the, vagus nerve.

https://youtu.be/o99SFcKo4qU

Your life review after death

Myrna: I love the word highway. That’s a good word for it.

Karen: Those are according to your research. The soul starts immediately flying around. It takes three days to so leaves because the soul actually goes through a life review where they get a movie of their life from the time they were born until they just died. And that is given to them. From the perspective of the other people. How you treated all these people all in your life.

Myrna: You guys listening, there is accountability. Christianity is supposed to be the day of reckoning.

Karen: According to the Reverend Dr. Karen Wynn as you die you get this life review and then they say a lot of people have been at their funeral, which is usually more than three days, that while they come back, the, etheric body, comes back because they’re still like pretty low. They’re a little bit above us. They say they can understand everybody’s thought at that funeral, which is gonna be pretty eye opening.

Myrna: We talked about the, vagus nerve, and we talked about spirituality and how the soul leaves the body through the highway. But you also talk about the, vagus nerve, and the, spinal cord. What that connection?

Karen: Yeah, that’s all I know about it that and then right around here chakras are in the same place that are invisible. And so the shoppers would be giving the vibration to the, vagus nerve, because they are circles of energy you know, so if you go to a healer, usually when they do that or Reiki they put their hands over you they are unblocking those chakras, because if you have trauma or grief or anger, it blocks those energy centers. And so then that’s why you feel better when you leave after one of those here with.

Grandma What is a Soul

Myrna: Tell us about your books. One of them is called “Grandma What is the soul? And then the other one is “Psychology of The Soul and the Paranormal.” So, talk to us about your books. What made you write the books and what do you want people to walk away with after reading.

Karen: okay, well the first one “You’re Not Finished Yet” about people that grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. Because a lot of people that live with trauma and alcoholism. They don’t believe there is a God just like I did. Because you think it’s just too messy down here and you know, we’re not the right people, right. So that was my beginning and then the second one was “Grandma, what is the soul” and that was because my last grandchild. When he was five. We were in the car and he said Grandma, I don’t want you to die. He sounded afraid. So, so I have a PhD in spiritual psychology. So, I thought, well, I’m gonna be able to handle this one.

So, I said, I said, well, you know, you have to be really old to die. And I’m not really old yet. But you know, when I get to be really old and I die, my soul will come back and watch over you so he said, Grandma, what is the soul?

Myrna: How can listeners pick up copies of your book and connect with you?

Karen: My website is www.KarenEHerrick.com. Social media handle is @karenherrick.

Additional Resources

How to Apply The Law of Divine Oneness To Your Life

May 19, 2023

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

Transform relationships power of the now

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it’s easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you’ll be able to align yourself with what’s really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now. And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in. If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

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Relationships bloom when we access the power of now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain.

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past. The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.

The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as:

possessiveness,
jealousy,
control,
withdrawal,
resentment,
the need to be right,
insensitivity and self-absorption,
emotional demand’s,
manipulation,
the urge to criticize,
judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad. This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special. The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?

Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along. It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.

Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

Additional Resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

May 15, 2023

Life-Changing Advice from a Navy Seal: Uncover His Secret to Beating Life’s Ambush!

Jason Redman, retired Navy SEAL shares life changing advice to beating life’s ambush. Jason was ambushed in battle and shot 8 times including on round to the face. Jason believes he survived this ambush by tapping into his, overcome mindset. In this episode Jason teaches the difference between:

a micro life ambush
a mini life ambush
a major life ambush
How to spot the warning signs of a life ambush
How to move forward after a major life ambush
What is situational awareness
How to become your own point man

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Bio

Retired Navy SEAL Lieutenant Jason Redman electrifies audiences around the world with his high-energy presentations on leadership, failure, redemption, catastrophic injury, and his breathtaking journey to “overcome all” in the aftermath of wartime enemy ambush and in the face of what he calls life ambushes during the years that followed.

During his 21-year Navy career, Jason spent 11 years as an enlisted SEAL and 10 years as a SEAL officer leading teams in combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. Today he puts his vast experience and expertise to work as a speaker, coach, author, and trainer, helping individuals, teams and organizations of all types and sizes to define and implement lasting change, even in the wake or face of failure, crisis and adversity.

He’s lived through it all at the highest level in his Navy SEAL career: From failures as a young leader that resulted in him almost being kicked out of the SEAL teams, to redemption and leading teams in intense combat operations in Iraq, to being shot eight times, including a round to the face, and nearly dying during an enemy ambush, Jason has lived the OVERCOME Mindset he now teaches others. He has done an incredible job of taking these lessons learned and making them relatable to teams, businesses, and organizations around the world.

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Walking into an ambush on the battle field

Myrna: Can you share your story of walking into an ambush as a Navy Seal and the, overcome mindset, you had to survive being shot several times.

Jason: I’m super blessed individual. I just could not survive that ambush that night without some kind of a miracle. We’ll talk about the, overcome mindset, and how that translates to other aspects of life later in the interview. It was an intense night, it was a night at the very end of our deployment as, Navy SEALs. One of our jobs is something we call direct action. We go after the mid-level and high level leaders across the battlefield.

That was one of our jobs, when I was in Iraq and we were tracking both outside in and through leadership across with my troops were focused on the weapon western province of Iraq. So, a lot of people are familiar with Iraq, a very dangerous place. We were actually based out of Volusia and tracking leaders. On September 13, 2007, we went after the number one leader for the outside organization in the Anbar Province, the western province of Iraq. A pretty dangerous guy.

We’ve been tracking all deployment. He had been responsible for and ran multiple sniper cells, IV shells, attack cells. He had shot down a Marine Corps helicopter in the fall of 2006. Killing the whole crew on board and they lost five individual and run out of the building across the street.

So, on this night we got orders that he was at this place. We got there and even though there was no one there we noticed some suspicious activity in the building a few yards away. My team leader said hey, I want you to take your team, you know, walk these individuals down let’s find out who they are in question. And make a long story short, our enemy leader had been in the first house that we were in right now.

He had moved to the house that was about 150 yards away that we were now moving on and his security detail and shut off a very, very well staged enemy ambush we estimate about 15 shooters with two large machine guns and my team and I walked right into this ambush.

My overcome mindset helped me survive

My medic, a fellow Navy seal, took a round of bullets right below the knee which almost took his leg off. One of our other guys ran forward to grab him and tried to move him back behind us. There was kind of a bar, there was one tree and a large like John Deere tractor tire and they pull and drag our medic and himself back.

He himself was shot three times while doing this. I was out front and I was trying to shoot and lay down fire. It was at this point I had both machine guns turned on me and I was hit eight times between my body armor and my body I took two rounds in the left elbow which in the moment I thought it shot my arm off.

I took rounds off my weapon and my right-side plates. I turned around to see what was happening with my team and that’s when I caught around in the face. That hit me right in front of the ear. Travel through my face took off my nose, blew out my right cheekbones, vaporized my oval floor, broke all the bones in my face and knocked me out. I was pinned down in front of my guys. They continue to fight the enemy. There’s this very intense gunfight occurring with me pinned down on the ground and had literally bullets traveling around me.

I came to probably we don’t know the timeline. We know the entire gunfight lasted about 40 minutes. So, when I woke up after about 10 mins, I realized that was in a really bad situation. I called out to my team leader and he realized Holy smokes, you know, Red still alive, and they started to extract me. I owe my life to my teammates. I owe my life to an Air Force aircraft called an AC 130 gunship that brought in the closest fire mission. Meaning they brought rounds in from the aircraft to the ground at military speeds. My team leader did an amazing job coordinating this in between fire and ran forward and got me and hold me back to where they were about a tourniquet on my mangled arms really saved my life.

But the whole time this was happening. There were several things and we’ll come full circle now to a little bit of the, overcome mindset. I knew I had lost a lot of blood. I’d lost a lot of blood between my arm and my face and my injuries. And we go through a lot of, trauma medicine, and special operations training. We’re probably trained up to the level of a patient, emergency medical technician that would ride around an ambulance. I knew all the signs. I knew that I was going to what we call, hypovolemic shock, from blood loss. I was struggling to breathe.

In our last moments we think only of our loved ones

And in final moments, I was still pinned down and I started to think that I may die here, I was dying. I was I was literally bleeding out and dying. And there were several things that went through my mind when I was lying there dying but not once did I think about stuff. You know in this life we’re all focused on stuff and trust me I like stuff. You know, I love my house. I love you know some of the nice things we have. But I also recognize every day that all that stuff can be gone in an instant. The people you love are all you’re going to care about in the final moments in your life, because that’s all I thought about.

I thought about my wife and kids and how I would do anything to have another moment just to say I love you. And it was at that point that I also I called out to God. I really need help. I need strength. And that enabled me to have some strength which I can’t explain. But I will tell you this, this thought popped into my head in that moment and the thought was this. Stay awake to stay alive.

And if you’ve ever been severely injured, or something bad has happened you reach a point where physiologically your body wants to shut down and you will become extremely fatigued. And that’s what happened. I wanted to go to sleep. I wanted to just let go and go to sleep, but I know I had to stay awake to stay alive and I knew that if I made it to the military hospital, I would live.

The military emergency room. I knew the statistics, from operating overseas that if our if we got our soldiers or wounded warriors to the hospital and they still had a pulse, they had a 90% chance of making it home alive. So that was my focus. You know, stay awake, stay alive, stay awake, stay alive and this stuff there’s so many nuances and stories but the bottom line is that’s exactly what happened. My teammates managed to get me on the medivac helicopter metabolic and I survived. My team leader helped me off and I walked 75 yards and got on the helicopter under my own power.

That is the, overcome mindset, and it is this mindset that says I’m not going to give in, I’m going to push until I succeed. I survived this vicious enemy ambush, but everybody gets ambushed in the life. It may not be the bullets and bombs in battle, but it is the bullets and bombs of life. And when you’re on the X and the X is what we talked about, point of attack, point in crisis, the point of the incident. We all feel as overwhelmed as if you are on a battle field with bullets flying all around you. You think you’re going to die because your marriage ended or your child died. And it is in those moments where we have the ability to drive forward and push ourselves a little further and get off that X, point of attack.

Major life Ambushes

Myrna: Wow, what a story. I had to fight back tears when you talked about lying on the ground thinking you were dying and wanting one more moment with your wife and kids. Thank you for your service to the United States of America, Jason. I heard you talk about, life ambushes, and the fact that we all have about 5 and I immediately started counting mine! So, I want to talk about why you think first of all that we get five ambushes in life.

Jason: So the five ambushes came about from interviewing people and just kind of an informal poll. In order to understand what is a, life ambush, we have to break them down.

There are 3 types of, life ambushes.

There are,

micro ambushes,
mini ambushes,
major life ambushes.

I talked about the average of five those are the, major life ambushes, and the majors are devastated. They will forever leave scars forever. I’ll come back and we’ll come back full circle for the, major life ambushes.

The interesting thing, about the X, the point of attack, the point of an incident, the point of the crisis, it’s the point of any adversity, everybody in life, finds himself on the X at some point in life. Everyone walks on this X at some point. In battle, we were taught you have to get off the X, point of attack as quickly as possible because the longer you sit on the X, the harder it is to move forward.

And this is true in any aspect of your life. If it’s a, mental ambush, and you’re stuck on the action in your mind, and we all get stuck there and these are these, micro ambushes, they come every day. It’s that little voice in your head that says you’re not good enough. You’re not strong enough. You’re the wrong race, creed, color, gender, demographic, etc.

So those are my core ambushes and they come all the time. The formula is the same for all of these, you have to get off the X as quickly as possible. So, my motto I overcome and drive forward and get off that X.

The second level of Ambush is what I call a, mini ambush. And these are I find this fascinating because I meet people all the time who will they’ll use the phrase, oh, I had a bad day. And I’m fascinated with this because I’ll always say what’s the tell me about your bad day and 90% of the time when people use it. They did not really have a bad day. So, I’ve tried to erase this phrase from my vocabulary. I actually have an entire line of clothing called “No Bad days”

Myrna: What are the, major life ambushes?

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What are major life ambushes

Jason: Sometimes many ambushes, we did it for ourselves. And now we have to navigate through the journey of figuring out how to drive forward.

It could be life threatening ailments or injury to you or someone you loved.
Sexual trauma to you or someone you love.
Maybe the loss of a loved one including the highest one, the loss of a child.

Most people we polled have about five of these, major life ambushes, in their lifetime. I’ve seen people with more. I know people that have had 10. I myself, I’m getting ready to turn 48, I’ve had four, major life ambushes. I’d love to get through life with no more.

Myrna: When I heard you speaking, I started counting my, major life ambushes.

Jason: But the here is the fact, the, major life ambushes, are devastating. And I tell people they will they will be permanent scars. They will leave permanent physical, mental, or emotional or the financial scars. And when we look back on those, major life ambushes, they will always hurt. The, minor life ambushes, and the, micro life ambushes, they’re in your head, they are schedule disruptions, a couple years later, you’ll barely remember them.

But here’s the amazing thing about, major life ambushes. I talked about this in the TED Talk. The, major life ambushes, frequently are the end of something that occurred in your life. It may be the end of a relationship, it may be the end of the job, or maybe the end of your health, your innocence. Whatever it is, oftentimes what the amazing thing is and once you develop the, overcome mindset, you’re going to figure out how to drive forward and when we figured out how to drive forward no matter how painful it is, the ones that I’ve been through, so often it becomes a new beginning.

Every major life ambush builds an overcome mindset

And when you get to the other side of that journey when you climb through the pain and the misery and storms and the darkness, I can tell you probably 95% of the people, get to the other side saying you know it really was hard. I do not ever want to go to the gym, but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me because I grew and got better and, major life ambushes, build us up. Every, major life ambush, no matter how painful they are, they help build an, overcome mindset. You cannot just flip a switch and suddenly have an, overcome mindset.

So when these bad things happen. I don’t want to tell you to celebrate that they happen. I know that that’s probably a stretch, but instead just lean into it and say okay, I know I have to get to the other side. I have to overcome. I have to get off the edge. Somewhere out there, the sun still shines and I will find that sunlight once again and when I do it’s going to be a new path.

I try to explain to people with, major life ambushes, a lot of times people waste a lot of time focused on I want back what I lost. I want to repair this relationship. I want my job back; I want my business back. I lost all this money and I want it back. I want the lifestyle I had before I was severely injured like me, I want my health back. And the reality is it’s gone and never coming back. We have to focus on is how do I get to my new 100% I may not be able to fix what’s broken, I embrace the open door. But you know, so many people are focused on the past. We have to focus on the future now. And how do we shape our future? And when we do that, that becomes our new path that becomes our new 100%.

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Major life ambushes always leaves clues

Myrna: that is that is so true. We are always focused on the closed door and not the open door in front of us. So, you said that, major life ambushes, leave clues. I can understand that a divorce leaves clues. You mentioned that when you walked in to the ambush on the battlefield, you noticed certain signs but you ignored them. So how does that missing the clues in an ambush in the battlefield and missing the clues of a, major life ambush, in real life? Give us the correlation.

Jason: I have an online course that I teach called The Point Man For Life course. And point men are navigators and leaders in the military. They’re very talented individuals, they get us where we need to go. You have to be, the point man, and it’s for your own life. You have to be the one that sets your course that understands where you’re going. So, these indicators are the things that many of us through normal human activity. Either choose to ignore, or, procrastinate, we do all kinds of things. I mean, I break these things down.

You know, sometimes it’s a blatant sign and I use a stop sign in my course. Like we just ignore it no different than somebody who is not paying attention. And they drive through an intersection and miss that stop sign. And they get hit by a car. Well, you know, afterwards, they’re like, yeah, you missed this stop sign. That’s, that’s a really bleak one. But it happens all the time. It happens in businesses, it happens in relationships. If your spouse is constantly saying, hey, we’ve lost our intimacy or we’re not talking as much anymore if we continue to ignore or just flat out, not pay attention to that, you are going to end up divorced. And then you say, I did not see it coming.

Myrna: Yeah, that’s one of the ones I figured out because there’s signs that the relationship is ending.

Signs of an ambush

Jason: Sometimes they’re more subtle. Sometimes they can be helped. I know a lot of people who have health issues and like, oh, this is really been bothering me, but I’m just going to ignore it. And I’m amazed by how many people will do this because they’re afraid of what could happen. And I tell people, you cannot procrastinate, deny or ignore. Those are dangerous things to do, because you’re setting yourself up for a, life ambush. I give the example of a friend who was overweight who was successful business guy, but he was overweight. He wasn’t taking care of himself physically.

The doctor was like, hey, you really need to start taking care of yourself and start working out. You need to watch your nutrition, you’re a ticking time bomb for a heart attack. And, you know, he talked to me about working out and I said, yeah, you can do this. You do that and he never really did it. And then like a year later he had a heart attack and he’s like, why did this happen? The signs were there, but no, you ignored them. And so many people do this in life.

How does situational awareness help in an ambush

Myrna: You also teach about, situational awareness. Tell us what that is.

Jason: So, I teach, situational awareness, in this society, that has to do with awareness and reaction time. We live in this world where we’re all stuck scrolling our cell phones and I can’t tell you how many people I have watched walking around, and they’re totally absorbed in that cell phone, which means they’re not paying attention to the world around them. I’m highly trained. I try to train other people up to a basic level. One of the things that we do in our, overcoming survive workshop is awareness and get out of that situation before it ever occurs.

So, you see things before they happen, you see the signs of the ambush. You are noticing the indicators before it ever develops into an ambush and you don’t allow yourself to get on the X, the point of attack. You don’t walk into that situation. So sometimes you can’t help it. And that’s where awareness and a little bit of training come in. I really encourage everybody out there to have some level of training for self-defense. I know that your target audience is women. I know there are a lot of women who are afraid of firearms. But I really encourage you learn to use a firearm.

We live in a country that whether you agree with it or not. A firearm can be the great equalizer if someone is coming after you and trying to break into your house or trying to rape or take your kids. There is a level of training that needs to exist with that and I firmly believe we should get that.

The Point Man Planner

Tell us about your book The Point Man Planner. What you hope people to walk away with after getting this planner?

Jason: The Point Man Planner, came from the things that I’ve put in my life. They’re also things that I saw in the military and some of these things are interchangeable. I just use a military Special Operations term. So, the idea around this, is that there’s four-point man principles that everybody should follow.

Relentless belief in mission: This is what makes a successful point man and what makes successful Navy Seals, but also what makes anybody successful. Mission is synonymous with purpose. I know a lot of people who don’t really know who they are. The beginning of the point man planner starts with what are your values?
I mean a lot of people who don’t truly know their values, they will they will throw out the cliché values that everybody likes to throw out. Fitness, family, spirituality but they are the individual that’s never in the gym. Now they aren’t doing much with their family, they’re sure not in church. So those aren’t really their values. Your values are what drive your decision.
Have a clearly defined destination and course. Your destination is your long-term goals where do you want to go 10 years from now, where do you want to be?

What a Point Man does

Myrna: Can I interject here? That was the most one of the most beautiful things when you said that when you were in a mission, your point man pinpoints the exact location, not somewhere around a city but the exact number on the map.

Jason: Yeah, so we have to be very specific because most people are not just oh, I want to be rich. Okay, well, what does that mean? You know, I want you know, I want a big house. Okay, well, where and what is your look like? So, you must be very specific to establish because if it’s not very specific, that we can establish all the steps to get there, and that becomes our course. The course becomes all the steps required to get to where we’re going. And this is constantly changing our lives, change our hopes, tunes, our desires.

Develop the, overcome mindset: We’ve established our course, we know our mission, we have our purpose. Well, how do we avoid the ambushes or at least try and reduce them and I’m constantly checking, where are we at? Are we on course and, overcome mindset, to get off the gas because guess what? Life ambushes, are coming. I tell people you’re either in a, life ambush, you’re coming out, or there’s one on the horizon.

Conclusion

You can pick up the Point Man Planner on Amazon or you can find everything on my website www.Jasonredman.com . Follow me on social media. Every Monday I put out a video called Monday monster and it’s just positive content on preparing for, life ambushes.

Get 50% off 50% off the Pointman for Life Online Course: https://getoffx.com/pointman-for-life-course/?_ga=2.226718749.1473437284.1684181340-1169416450.1585072211

Additional Resources

Life Mastery: 7 Habits to Create Success

May 12, 2023

Fixing the Root VS Fruit – What You Didn’t Know!

We must, fix the root and not the fruit. You can’t change the fruit without changing the root. We must change or, limiting beliefs, to have fruit.

Fixing the root and not the fruit. You can’t change the fruit without changing the root. Fixing the root, means we must change our, limiting beliefs, to have the desired fruits. The fruits of life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

You may have heard the phrase, external locus of control. That is when your happiness is derived from events outside yourself.

Today I want to talk about an, internal locus of control. That means fixing the root vs fixing the fruits. Putting our focus on beliefs, our roots not our behaviors, the fruit.

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Fixing the root: your limiting beliefs

In other words, If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.” If you want to change the fruit, you must plant a different seed.

We will look at both of these phrases today because we want to, fixing the root and not the fruit.

Internal locus of control, means that control comes from within. You have personal control over your own behavior. When you have an, internal locus of control, you believe you have personal agency over your own life and actions. Because of this, these people tend to have more, self-efficacy.

If you have an, internal locus of control, you will not let people push your buttons. Firstly, let’s look at people finding our soft underbelly and deliberately pushing it to get a reaction from us. We’ve all had our buttons pushed to the point where we feel we can’t take it anymore. The button pusher may or may not be aware that they are exposing your unresolved hurt or trauma, but the truth of the matter is that the buttons belong to us, and we are the ones who must deal with what comes up. The more we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, the less tender these buttons will be.

That is why, fixing the root, and not the fruit is important

Fix the root of the problem

When you, fix your root, and be at peace with yourself you will find the peace that defies all understanding that Jesus preached about.

The button pushers will stop trying to get a reaction from you, the bully’s will stop trying to make you feel bad about yourself etc.

For the longest time my button was my age. I understand why that guy called Lebron James old. He is a button pusher. He was pushing Lebron’s buttons not sure if Lebron James was ruffled by that or he was secure in his roots. I have fixed my roots on my age issue. Change the way you think of a thing and the thing you think of will change.

So, fixing the root, will have you worrying less about your fruit. By fruit I mean your behavior when someone is nasty to you, call you names, or pushes your buttons, you can just respond by saying that is me. I accept it or that is not me and I reject that. I am not letting that stick to me.

Internal Control Personality Characteristics

Here are some characteristics we get after, fixing the root.

Hard working– always putting in effort to achieve goals
Confident – recognizing the skills and knowledge required to overcome challenges
Physical healthy – considering it their active obligation to eat healthily, partake in regular exercise, and remaining diligent in keeping up with medical appointments
Responsible – holding themselves accountable for successes and their mistakes or failures
Positive – feeling happiness, peaceful, and relaxed about the future because increased control over life leads to minimal stress
Independent – not relying on others for success
Studious – valuing knowledge and the skills it contributes to overcome obstacles
High self-esteem – respectful of oneself and confident in abilities

External Control Personality Characteristics

When we don’t, fix the root, here are the fruits we will reap.

Those with an external control also display a particular set of personality characteristics.

Insecure – not confident in their own abilities and continually doubting they can accomplish difficult goals. Low self-esteem.
Dependent – reliance on other people for tasks they are capable of doing without assistance
Hopeless – feeling emotions like “what’s the point” or as if any response to a life event is futile
Passive – resigning effort to surmount challenges because their actions won’t make a difference in the outcome
Indecisive – events are not analyzed to the fullest causing difficulty to make concrete decisions

Additional Resources

Jim Rohn on How to Improve Yourself

May 7, 2023

How To Find Body Peace After 40

Body peace, is especially difficult for women over 40 because our bodies are changing, and there are two times in a woman’s life that are most susceptible to disordered eating. One is coming into fertility, the other is leaving fertility. Perimenopause, menopause, post menopause, that’s a time where our bodies are again changing, hormones are shifting. And again, what comes up is women become very vulnerable to disordered eating because we’re like, oh, my gosh, my body’s changing.

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Bio

Nina Manolson is a Body-Peace® coach. She helps people end the war with food and body and finally feel truly at home in their body—as it is. She is known for her deeply feminist, anti-diet, body-peace approach. She brings her 30 years’ experience as a therapist, Nationally Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach, Body-Trust® Guide and Psychology of Eating Teacher to helping women create a respectful and trusting relationship with their food and body.

Nina’s Body-Peace work is all in service of helping people get off the diet roller-coaster, and into a compassionate and powerful way of eating & living which creates a positive long-lasting change in and with their bodies. Her courses, coaching and poetry positively change the conversation that women are having with their body. She also writes Body-Poems as a way to encourage a shift in the way we talk to, and about our body.

Myrna: How did you become a, body peace, coach?

Nina: My first diet was when I was nine years old. And then ensued decades of diets on and off, that diet roller coaster of like, oh yes, this is the new latest, greatest thing. This is it. This is how I’m gonna get that perfect body that you know all the magazines and all the blogs are talking about. And then of course that doesn’t happen, because 95% of people who go on diets gain their weight back, in two to five years. So that diet roller coaster was the story of my life to the point where I was like, this has got to change. This is frankly boring.

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Nina’s journey to becoming a body peace coach

And I have more important things to do in this life than to be obsessed about what I just ate or what the number on the scale is. And so, I started digging deep in my own life, which was a personal journey, but also became a professional journey. I became a therapist. I started as a body worker doing massages and helping women really feel comfortable in their own body. I started hearing women’s body stories and the trauma that we carry and all the shame that we carry about our bodies. Oh, my belly is too big. Oh, my underarms are still flapping when I wave. Oh, my butt is too you know, depending on the era too big too small to whatever, all that stuff that I was hearing.

And so then I got into also health coaching I was like, I’m gonna figure out how to eat right. Well, that’s not it either. Right? That’s not the whole answer. Of course, it matters, how we nourish ourselves, but that doesn’t actually impact how we feel about our body. So, I started to weave all of those together.

How are we in relationship to our body?
How are we in the relationship with our food? And that brought me to the work that I’ve been doing and really cultivating this work of, body peace, out of my own experience out of a lot of training.

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A poem about body peace: Please don’t weigh me

Here is a, body piece, poem that I wrote. I write poems about our relationship with our body. I want to open the conversation about the scale with a poem, because this conversation about the scale is so important, because so many women are like, yes, that number, but that number.

Please don’t weigh me.

She asked me to hop on the scale.

I said, No, thank you. She said we’d like to get a baseline for your health since you’re a new patient.

I said, I don’t subscribe to the belief that weight determines health. There are more powerful metrics that paint a picture of my vitality.

Another day, she asked me to hop on the scale. I said no, thank you.

She said we’re a surgical practice and we may need your weight to determine anesthesia dosages.

I said of course, if I need to have the surgery, I will get on the scale. But right now, we’re just having a conversation about the possibility of surgery, not actually prepping for another day.

She asked my daughter to hop on the scale. I said, No, thank you.

We don’t weigh ourselves.

I know that your mission is to support healing, but your scale and you’re telling my daughter is not healing. It’s harmful.

The bathroom scale does not determine our self worth

The, bathroom scale, buys into the diet cultures message that thin is better, that there’s a specific number that we’re aiming for your scale interrupts my daughter’s ability to trust her body. Your measurements have her measuring her self-worth against a number.

I am fighting for my ability to listen to my own body cues.

I am desperately trying to defend my daughter from the impact of a culture that values a particular size over substance.

I am advocating for women to have a relationship with their body that is based on internal cues, not external numbers.

Given my history of dieting and, scale addiction, if you weigh me now, you will be doing harm to my mental health instead of supporting my overall health. So please do not weigh me.

Myrna: That is an awesome poem. I am going to put away my scale! Tell us about your, body peace, message.

How do we find body peace with body imperfections

Nina: Okay, let’s say that you are a woman that has a scar, a C section scar, and maybe you’re single and you’re going into new relationship. You are ashamed to take off your clothes in front of a new man because you’re ashamed of that body. It could even be your own husband of 30 years and you are still ashamed for him to see you naked. You have, body shame. I teach my clients how to make the switch from, body shame, to, body peace.

We all know that feeling of being self-conscious in our body and getting naked. So, how do you make the switch? It’s not like a light switch. It’s not a light bulb that just goes on and off. We have had 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years of hating our body of feeling shame. So, we’re just can’t flip a switch and we’re gonna love your body. And no, that’s not how it works. That’s actually not sustainable. That’s what our $72 billion diet industry teaches us here. Here’s a new diet and you will change forever. And we all know that doesn’t happen.

What happens is we need to develop a practice. Body peace, isn’t a destination. It’s why my work isn’t called, body love. As much as I love the idea of, body love. Body love, is too aspirational for many women. It’s like what? I’m supposed to look in the mirror and love everything I see? And as an aging woman, my body changes all the time. I’m like, oh, there’s a new wrinkle I love it. Oh, there’s some new body fat, I love it. That’s just not realistic. It’s not real life.

Let’s get into a sustainable way of being with our body and finding, body peace.

Switching from body shame to body peace

Myrna: Excellent, what is the language? How do we talk to ourselves to find, body peace?

Nina: Okay, so, couple of things. One of the things that we’re cultivating is compassion for our body. So, we’re developing a conversation of compassion with ourselves, because we’ve learned the language of criticism, we’ve learned the conversation of hate with ourselves. And what does hate and, body shame, and criticism do? It makes us very stressed. What does stress do? It lifts our cortisol; it lifts up our stress hormones. What does that do? It reduces our metabolism, reduces our calorie burning. It reduces even our immunity.

So what do we want to do? We want to give our body compassion. We want to be kind. We want to have caring kind statements. For example, a woman has a new relationship and she is supposed to get naked and she doesn’t feel good about her body, she has, body shame. And the first thing I teach her is to have compassion and acknowledge, this is hard.

That’s the compassionate language. Not you should get over it, no this is vulnerable. This is hard. How do I create more safety for myself?

Another way might be to let her partner in on that and say, you know, this is vulnerable for me. I’m concerned that you might judge me. Because I have such a judging voice. I am concerned that you have that same judging voice. Now, frankly, if you are going to bed and having sex with somebody who’s judging, I would skip that one altogether.

Myrna: The thing is the man is not judging us. They don’t care about your scar.

Nina: They don’t absolutely don’t.

A good partner sees who we are. They see intimacy as a way to create more connection. They are not in it for the perfect body. And frankly, they don’t have a perfect body either. And we are not judging them. So, softening the conversation with ourselves is so important. And it’s also important in this process, to unpack a little. Where did that judgment come from? Because you didn’t pack that bag of judgment by yourself. We got it from your gym teacher. We got it from a parent. We got it from maybe a father who would criticize the people who had imperfect bodies on the street. We got it from the mean girls in high school, we got it from whoever we got it for from.

Lizzo body shame or body peace

So, we want to look at our, body shame, story. We get most of it from the images that we see in magazines and on the big screen. But even the women in the magazines don’t look like that. The images are photoshopped.

Poem about Lizzo and her body peace

This poem is called, I wish I felt like Lizzo.

We watched Lizzo belting it out shaking her stuff, being an icon of power and my soulful, beautiful beings have a friend looked at me and said, It’s okay for Lizzo but not for me.

I looked at her with one eyebrow raised and say I’m not understanding because I’ve heard it so many times.

The celebration of body liberation is for all women. Except for you. You’re all for fat positivity for owning being all sizes for owning our curves, our belly.

You admire that woman who lives in a large body when she walks into the room with competence and you say oh, yes, I love how she loves her body. I want every woman to love their body like that. But that’s not for me.

Somehow you believe the rules are different for you. You’re not allowed to feel good in your skin until you lose 15 pounds, until you have a flatter belly, until your arms don’t wave in the wind, until you fit into your skinny jeans, until you’re sure no one will judge your size, until, until, until.

It’s pretty new, you’re allowed to feel your power, your beauty, yourself. Lizzo’s body is not shrouded in shame. Her fatness is not covered in apologies. She’s not promising to be smaller, and you with the wondrous body that you live in right now. You deserve that too.

The scale addiction

Nina: The, scale addiction, is having to weigh yourself. Needing to know what the scale has to say about your life. My clients are like, but I have to weigh myself otherwise I won’t know. And then I must be in control and the scale starts to be this like push pull, push pull. I’m low on the scale. Yay. Thumbs up. I’m high on the scale, boo I’m abandoned and the number starts to be a moral judgment on our actual being as a human. So, here is the experiment. You take your scale and you put it in a plastic bag.

If you can’t toss it, which I know many people can’t. So, you take the scale you put it in a plastic bag and you tie a double knot around it and you take that bag, you put it in another bag with the scale facing down. You tie another knot. So now you have got this scale, two bags to double knots. Then you take that whole bag and you either put it in your garage or your attic or your basement somewhere you don’t often get naked, because I know the people who are hooked on the scale are taking up every little tidbit of clothing before, they step on the scale.

So, it goes out of the bathroom or the basement or garage or wherever somewhere you don’t get naked.

Myrna: You hit the nail on the head. I have scale addition myself. I wonder if I’ve lost weight. I feel a little lighter or I feel a little heavier. Maybe I should check.

Nina: You can start to think what am I asking the scale to tell me?

That I’m a valuable person,
that I am good,
that I can trust my actual internal experience of myself,
that if I feel vital, that I actually am because the numbers down or if I’m feeling a little sluggish that maybe I haven’t been eating in the way that I really would like to support myself?
Do I need a little piece of metal to tell me how I actually feel on the inside?

Larger body does not mean unhealthy

And I’m gonna say just straight up you don’t need the scale. It’s trusting your own knowing of your body. We do not need a piece of equipment to tell us how we are doing. We’re women we know what makes us feel good. I know what would make me feel mobile, agile, vibrant, alive. Sexy, sensual, all the good things and love it.

You can be in a larger body and be somebody who walks and who eats well, and who’s healthy. Health is not defined by the number on the scale, but rather some more important metrics. How’s your heart doing? How’s your cholesterol doing? How’s your blood sugar doing? Right? Those are important metrics.

To clarify that, I’m not promoting that you eat what the heck you want, whenever you want right with people because part of this work is giving yourself permission to eat and not being so tight and restricted.

Finding body peace after 40

Myrna: How do we have, body peace, after the age of 40.

Nina: Body peace, is especially difficult for women over 40 because our bodies are changing, and there are two times in a woman’s life that are most susceptible to disordered eating. One is coming into fertility. That is why you see eating disorders in teenagers, because their bodies are changing. This is normal, right? Getting a period and developing breasts. There’s normal waking, but our culture says oh, no, you should still look like you’re 12 and then the diets start.

The other time is when we are leaving fertility, pre perimenopause, menopause, post menopause, that’s a time where our bodies are again changing, hormones are shifting. And again, what comes up is women become very vulnerable to disordered eating because we’re like, oh, my gosh, my body’s changing. That can’t happen. Oh my gosh, I’m gonna pass that number on the scale, right? My belly is getting bigger, I’m gonna do something and we get into what I call body management. And that can move easily into eating disorders, obsession, and not actually enjoying our life.

Myrna: tell us about your, body peace, coaching programs and how our listeners can connect with you, your social media handles, your website, etc.

Nina: My website is www.NinaManolson.com. You can also just search bodypeacewithnina.com. And there’s a couple of things on that website that you’ll find that super helpful to start your journey into your own, body peace, journey and they’re all free. One is a, body peace, masterclass, that really goes into the different kinds of relationships that women have with their bodies. And the other is a journal that’s practicing, body peace. It’s a free journal, you can download it, and in there are some of my, body peace, poems.

But even more importantly, there’s 20 questions that if you were sitting with me, I would ask you about how is your relationship with your body? How did it come to be that way? How do you feel right to start you really asking yourself these important questions so that you can start to create a relationship with your body and we feel that feels good and solid? And the one last thing that I want to share that is brand new is I have an app, on body piece.

You can find more information about that, at body peace app. I’m super excited about the, body peace, app because it has tons of resources. It has the, body peace, seekers program. It has a, body peace, starter kit program. It has free meditations, body peace poems, the masterclasses there, it’s got a lot of resources to support you in your journey to finding, body peace. connect with Nina https://www.instagram.com/ninamanolson/

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

May 5, 2023

Let’s Talk About Casual Sex

My grandmother taught me if you give away the cow, then there is no reason to purchase the milk. What that means if you practice casual sex, there is no reason for a man to marry you.

I got inspiration for this episode from the Fresh and Fit podcast. My son introduced me to this podcast. They have the men market covered. So since this is #1 self-improvement podcast in the world for women, I thought I should get into the conversation and share my wisdom. The first episode I watched on the Fresh and Fit podcast was about what a high value man looks for in a woman. Good information, I realized immediately that they were picking up where, Kevin Samuels, left off.

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High Value man and casual sex

I will have a future episode on what is a, high value man, and what they look for in a woman, because ladies you at least need to know what men are thinking. Thus, the book and movie Think Like a man. But today I want to address the phenomena of casual sex. That is women sleeping with men who don’t even call you their girlfriend or woman, much less wife. On the Fresh and Fit podcast they interview women and ask them about their body count aka how many men they have slept with because ladies it matter to a man who wants to make you his woman or wife.

So how did we get here? How did we get from women being virgins on our wedding day to discussing our body count?

I believe that someone put out the false narrative that sex is the way to a man’s heart.

My grandmother always told me that food was the way to a man’s heart that is why women over 40 know how to cook a good meal not an air fryer meal. The new generation do not even know how to cook and today everybody should be able to cook. When I first got married, I used to call my mom and ask her how to cook stuff. My daughter has never called me and asked me how to cook stuff because all she has to do is go on Google or YouTube for a recipe.

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What a High value man looks for in a woman

I talked to my brother, a high value man, and asked him if he cares how many men his woman slept with and he told me he wouldn’t want to know. My follow up question was let’s say she slept with 30 men he almost had a conniption. He said that is almost a roulette wheel. A roulette wheel has 32 numbers. Some women get to 30 men body count in a few years.

So back to the Fresh and Fit podcast. I was trying to find that episode on the high value man and I came across the episode that was a tribute to, Kevin Samuels

It was a call-in show and one guy told a story of how he met a girl in a restaurant and totally ignored her. When he left the restaurant, she walked up to him and asked him “You want my number” and he said no.

So, she Dm’d him on Instagram and they started talking. A few weeks later she asked him if he wanted to come over. He said Yes

So, he went to her apartment and a short time later she was giving him oral sex and then according to him he was smashing it.

Then he left and never called her again and she was blowing up his phone and he never called her back.

His conclusion, the more badly you treat a woman the more she wants you.

Casual sex and your value as a woman

Men actually believe this because women always seem to love the bad boys. You seen the Whitney Houston documentary?

So, let’s dissect all the things this girl did wrong

Firstly, ladies’ men are hunters, let them hunt. Do not throw yourself at a man. If has the same effect as him finding a dead dog at his door. That’s why women in the olden days played hard to get. This allowed the men to go fishing and enjoy reeling in their catch.

# 2 Why would you invite a man to your house for sex and he hasn’t even invited you out on a date? I am trying to get into her head. Did she think she had skills and that was the way to his heart?

Ladies, according to Andre Paradis, relationship coach, the moment you have sex with a man his emotional connection with you halts. I do not know about all that, I do know that if marriage is your end game no man marries a ho.

One of the topics on the Fresh and Fit podcast is about body count. No man wants to be where everyone else been, that is why they asked the question.

If you haven’t watched the movie, Think Like a Man you need to go watch it. Steve Harvey laid out some rules like the fundamentals, Have the man call you his girlfriend before you take the cooked out of the cookie jar. Let him wait 90 days before you engage in casual sex, in the meantime let him wine and dine you. Let him work for your cookie.

Conclusion: let the man court you before engaging in sex

Casual sex, or giving away your milk before they buy the cow, will make you end up old and alone. I hope this helps someone.

Thanks for tuning into the transform Your mind to transform your life the podcast. I would love to hear your comments in chat.

Additional Resources

How to Get and How to Keep a Man

April 30, 2023

How to Burn Fat With Food

Dr William Li, author of Eat To beat Your Diet, shares the fat burning foods we should add to our diet, to be able to burn away harmful, body fat. The fat that is wrapping around your blood vessels serves as fuel tanks for the energy that we eat in our food. You do not have to go on a restrictive elimination deprivation diet, all you have to do is to add certain foods to your diet, to be able to burn away harmful, body fat.

Brown fat, burns down, white fat, it fights bad fat. Eating food can help your good fat, fight bad fat. That’s kind of a mind-blowing concept. You can eat foods to, burn fat.

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Bio

Dr. William Li is an internationally renowned physician, scientist, and author of the New York Times bestseller, Eat to Beat Disease: The New Science of How Your Body Can Heal Itself. His groundbreaking research has led to the development of more than 30 new medical treatments that impact care for more than 70 diseases, including diabetes, blindness, heart disease, and obesity.

His TED Talk, “Can We Eat to Starve Cancer?” has garnered more than 11 million views. Dr. Li has appeared on Good Morning America, CNN, CNBC, Rachel Ray, and Live with Kelly & Ryan, and he has been featured in USA Today, Time Magazine, The Atlantic, and O Magazine. He is the President and Medical Director of the Angiogenesis Foundation, which leads global initiatives on food as medicine. His newest book, Eat to Beat Your Diet: Burn Fat, Heal Your Metabolism, and Live Longer, was released on March 21, 2023.

Myrna: Dr Li, I heard that our digestive system is unique, like our fingerprints so is that why each person responds differently to food?

book: Eat to beat your diet — Book: Eat to Beat Your Diet

We all come out of the box with the same amount of fat cells

Dr Li: What a great question Myrna, so basically, here’s what we know from the latest research. Our bodies are hardwired to work in a certain way, our heart beats in a certain way, our digestive systems work in a certain way, our brains, our eyes, our fingers and toes were all engineered to work in a specific way, it’s largely the same for everyone. Our fat cells all function a certain way. And I’ll give you an example of what I mean by largely the same.

If you and I went to our own respective computer stores to buy a laptop, the same laptop. All right, and we pulled it out of the box in our own homes, and we plugged it in booted it up. Okay the operating system of that laptop, if you’ve got the same model, should work exactly the same way as mine. But over time, I’m slaving away at my computer or you’re slaving away at yours. The way that our laptop functions, how efficiently and the speed is going to change.

I download a lot of stuff. I have a lot of documents, so I’m sure my computer is going to be slower than yours. But my point is that we all come out of the box the same way. But then individually we develop our own thing. So, our, digestive system, is hardwired to digest the food we put into our mouth. Our brain senses the food, our pancreas, one of our endocrine organs releases insulin. Insulin helps us draw energy out of our food. The energy is packed into our cells, including our, fat cells, and then the food trickles down through our small intestines.

We absorb all the nutrients; it keeps on tumbling further down. And guess what, it feeds our healthy gut bacteria, in our gut. Healthy gut bacteria are very important for overall health. And then finally, you know, we eliminate everything else, we put the poop everything else out. And that’s really how we’re generally hardwired. So, any deviation from that general pathway winds up being largely the result of who we are, how we live, things we are exposed to. And that’s the individualization. So, I’m telling you that we all actually are designed to work the same way, but we are all also individuals.

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Are tomatoes good for us

Myrna: In your book summary, you list probably about a dozen, fat burning foods, that we’re supposed to eat to burn fat, Eat to beat our diet. And right at the top there you’ve got, tomatoes, but Dr. Stephen Gundry says that tomatoes is not a vegetable. It’s a fruit and it is bad for us because it’s a lectin. So, tell us why did you put tomatoes at the top of your list?

Dr Li: Listen, I love tomatoes. First of all, my work is really focused on what are the foods that we should Add to our lifestyle to enhance our health. There’s a lot of people out there who are very well intentioned and very smart, but they focus on things to cut out of your life. Tomatoes are not one of them. That is why I wrote the book “Eat to Beat Your Diet.”

There was a study called the Harvard health professional study that looked at 35,000 men over 25 years. And what they found when they measured tomatoes that people were eating, they found that men who he ate cooked tomatoes, two to three times a week, lowered the risk of, prostate cancer, by about 30%. So, tomatoes are one of the, foods that prevent cancer.

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Tomatoes are foods that starve cancer

The reason is because tomatoes contain a natural chemical found in nature called, lycopene. Lycopene, naturally, is very beneficial because when we eat it, it goes into our body. And one of the things that lycopene does in our body is it prevents cancer cells from being able to get its own blood supply. So, it literally cuts off the blood flow that might be feeding a cancer. So, you’d starve the cancer by eating tomatoes.

Okay. Lots of plants have hundreds of, lectins. And it’s true, some that are extremely poisonous, but none of those poisonous ones are in, tomatoes.

Myrna: Wow, that is why tomatoes are at the top of your list. It is one of the, foods that prevent cancer. I have sautéed tomatoes with onions and chickpeas in my fridge right now!

Dr Li: By the way, chickpeas, which are also incredibly nutritious, a good source of protein, good source of dietary fibers, that’s a good polyphenol in it are another metabolism activating food that is really healthy. So, when you talk about you know putting tomatoes with chickpeas and onions, that is really healthy. Onions have a natural substance in it called quercetin. Quercetin activates your metabolism it helps burn harmful body fat as well.

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Should we fear fat?

Myrna; I absolutely love it. I heard you talk about Fat. Should we fear fat?

Dr Li: So, all of us have stepped out of the shower in the morning, looked out of the corner of our eye in the mirror and you see a lump of fat or a bump that you don’t want to be there, right. So, what do you do immediately? You’re like, Oh, I gotta work out. I gotta eat better. I got to do it. The next thing you do you step on a scale. Right? And if that number isn’t the exact number you’re hoping for, it makes you mad. Now, it’s not just in the shower, but in the grocery store at the meat counter. If you see a big thick rind of fat around a steak or something you go I am not going to eat that.

Myrna: So even if you buy it, you cut it out.

Dr Li: But here’s the bottom line. This is our adult reaction effect, but you know there’s another adult reaction effect. What happens when we see a baby we smile, we love seeing fat babies.

Myrna: That is exactly where I am right now. My daughter just had a preemie baby. And I would love for her to be fat!

Dr Li: Well, wait a minute, obviously fat cannot be all bad, maybe the adult reaction is just the wrong instinct. It turns out, our, body fat, was created when we were still in our mom’s womb. One of the first tissues that form is our blood vessels, and that’s what I studied blood vessels. Why? Because every organ and every cell in the body requires blood flow, needs nutrients. Okay, that makes a lot of sense the next tissue that forms is our nerves, and the reason is that every organ ultimately would need instructions and nerves. The next tissue is our, Fat cells, called, adipose tissue, or adipose cells.

Fat cells serves as the fuel tank

Fat cells, that form in the womb resemble a piece of bubble wrap. Every little bubble in bubble wrap is a, fat cell, and this fat is around blood vessels. The fat is wrapping around because it serves as fuel tanks for the energy that we eat in our food. So, let’s park the fuel tanks of fat right next to where the fuel is coming from and our blood.

Here’s exactly how our body works. This is a simple way for everyone to understand, metabolism. Our metabolism is how our body that gets fuel from into our, fat cells. And the fuel that we have comes from food. We eat the food there’s fuel our metabolism picks up fuel puts it into the fuel tank and when our fuel tank starts running on empty, we pull over to the dinner table.

We pull over to the refrigerator or to the restaurant or the pantry. Okay, and what we’re doing like choosing the food that we eat, we’re actually giving ourselves energy and filling up our tanks. Now two things. Know that you can actually fill your car your engine with better quality gas versus really poor-quality gas.

When you use high quality gas, you know that your car is going to run longer and better more efficiently over a long haul. That is basically the same analogy as food when we choose a good quality fuel food. It’s good quality fuel for our body, our engine is going to run better, if you deliberately choose poor quality foods our body will not run as good. So again, the quality of the of the fuel of the food that we eat makes a big difference.

Your metabolism is derived from the quality of your food

You’ve also got to make sure you don’t overeat. You’re filling up your fuel tank and there is no clicker like at the gas station. When you overeat, inflammation sets in and now you’ve got inflamed fat that’s on the fire and that inflammation leaks out and it’s all over your body. Now your whole body’s inflamed and that’s what sets us up for chronic disease.

So, the good news, I kind of just giving you some bad news, fat burning foods, will help us burn down the extra fuel stored in our fuel tank. And that is really why I call my latest book “Eat to Beat your diet.” You do not have to go on a restrictive elimination deprivation diet to add to your diet to be able to, burn fat, away harmful, Right? It’s more joyful to know what are the foods that, burn fat, that you should add to your diet?

Myrna: How does, intermittent fasting, play into this fat burning system? I had two or three guests on the show, talk about, intermittent fasting. I am doing it myself right now. And I’m working with a 15-hour, intermittent fast. My question is that I heard you say a 12 hour fast is almost as beneficial as a 15,16, 24 hours fast. Can you explain why that is?

Intermittent fasting is not a new thing

Dr Li: Well, look I mean the there’s a new scientific metabolism that helps explain why, intermittent fasting, is beneficial. Intermittent fasting, isn’t just sort of this newfangled fad or trend that somebody came up with that lots of people are following now. It’s the most natural thing and who we are as a people. If we fast for 16 hours and eat for 8 hours, we will lose weight, our body will reset, our metabolic markers will improve. All of that, but since 16 hours without food is so hard for everyone to do, I say a 12 hour fast is more manageable and give you the same benefits.

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Eat to Beat your You Diet: Burn Fat, Heal Your Metabolism, and Live Longer. We talked about everything except living longer. But we know that when we put good fuel in our body, then we live longer. So why did you write the book? Tell us what you want readers to walk away with after reading, your website, your social media handles, etc.

Di Li: Thank you very much for that for allowing me talk about my book. So, we already talked a lot about the things that are in my book, but I’ll explain. When you get my book, It’s in three parts. The first part tells you these amazing jaw dropping things, that caused my jaw to drop, and my eyes to open about our metabolism. So, here’s just a couple of teasers for you. We are not born with different metabolisms; we’re not born with a faster or slower metabolism. Turns out our metabolism doesn’t automatically slow when we hit our 40s and 50s and 60s. Amazingly, our metabolism from the age of 20 to 60 is rock able.

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Our metabolism does not slow down with age

That’s how we’re designed, our operating system is designed in our adult life to be completely stable. And so, what happens is that not that a slow metabolism causes us to gain weight. It’s gaining weight and growing extra, body fat, slows down our metabolism. You’re not cursed with this. You have a tendency to make a decision to use food, use fasting, use your lifestyle to, burn fat. When you burn away the extra fat, you lighten up your body. What happens is your natural operating system your metabolism naturally rises to the surface.

You are in charge of your metabolism because it’s hardwired. It’s like putting an anti-virus program into your computer so that your operating system can work again. That’s powerful. That’s very, empowering. And that’s a section in my book and then talking about some really interesting parts of that.

Did you know that fat comes in different colors? Fat is brown or fat is white. Those are the two colors. White fat, is lumpy, bumpy, wiggly, jiggly. It’s the stuff on your arms, under your chin. White fat is the muffin top. Okay, it’s on your thighs. It’s on your butt. That’s the stuff that most people see. Because it’s under the skin, subcutaneous tissue.

But the stuff you can’t see, that’s also, white fat, and some stuff that’s packed into your body. This fat is called, visceral fat, visceral meaning gut, gut fat. And that’s why when you actually gain weight, your waist size increases. That’s a lot of, gut fat, but you can burn it off it with foods I talk about in my book.

Brown fat vs White fat

The other kind of fat, the good kind of fat is not lumpy, bumpy wiggly, generally. It’s called, brown fat. And in this case, Brown fat, is the kind that you want because it is paper thin. And you’re like, What? What are you talking about? Fat is thin? Yes, It is like a piece of paper and it’s not close to the skin. It is close to the bone. All right, and where is it located? It is plastered on the side of your neck. It’s underneath your breastbone. It’s around under your arms like a girdle and a little bit behind your back, and a little bit in your belly. And what, brown fat, does is ignites; it lights up fat like a space heater.

But so will foods like, chili peppers, tomatoes, pomegranate juice, avocados, beans, chickpeas, all these foods I talk about in my book. Brown fat, burns down, white fat, it fights bad fat. Eating food can help your good fat fight bad fat. That is that’s kind of a mind-blowing concept. You can eat foods to fight fat. So, this is why I called my book “Eat to Beat Your Diet.

Now the middle of the book is actually me taking you grocery shopping. And the way that I wrote is, I imagined you the reader sitting in my grocery cart, the way you used to sit in your mom’s grocery cart as a kid. In this case, I’m pushing you in my grocery cart and I’m whispering in your ear as we go around the grocery store. What’s good for your metabolism, what, foods burn fat. We go through to the produce section. We pick up the avocados, and bell peppers we pick up the Bok choy, we pick up the onions etc. I write about 150 foods you can find in the grocery store at any budget.

The last section of my book, the third part is really me coaching you how to adapt this to your everyday life. I give you kind of guidelines and some tips on how to do it and the most important thing is to personalize it for yourself make it work for you.

You can pick up a copy of my book in any book store or on my web site www.drwilliamli.com all my social media handles is @drwilliamli. If you head to my website, you can sign up for my free newsletter where I give you tips about food and recipes and any research that I’m doing.

Additional Resources

Intermittent Fasting: Does It Work For Women?

April 28, 2023

What is The Purpose of Unhappiness?

Does your unhappiness have a purpose? Does your negativity change anything? The answer is no, so why do we choose it?

I just finished reading the book The Power of The Now by Eckhart Tolle and he made the statement that we chose unhappiness even though it serves no purpose. He asked the does your unhappiness change anything?

Download the podcast here:

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12721296-why-do-we-create-unhappiness.mp3?download=true

Childhood unhappiness: Did it serve you

The book the Course in Miracles states that we believe that when we are unhappy our unhappiness buys us what we want. Not true in fact it pushes what you want further away.

Take a child who has conscious parents. Let’s say the child decides to throw a temper tantrum because they want to watch TV or they want a toy or candy. Any good parent will not give it to them, in fact if my kids threw a tantrum or cried for anything, they never got that thing. Just recently my foster daughter cried because she wanted to watch TV and she thought crying and carrying on would get her TV instead the TV was removed from her room. So, if crying and unhappiness did not get us what we wanted as children, why do you still use it as adults?

All negativity is resistance. Negativity ranges from irritation to fierce anger.

The ego believes that through negativity, it can change reality and get what it wants. It believes that through unhappiness it can attract a desirable condition or dissolve an undesirable one.

If your mind did not believe that unhappiness works, then why would it create it?

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Negativity keeps undesirable conditions in place

The fact is that negativity does not work; instead of attracting a desirable condition, it stops it from arising. Instead of resolving an undesirable one it keeps if in place.

Its only useful function of negativity, is that it strengthens the ego and that is why the ego loves it.

What is the ego? The ego is that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception.

No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans. Just as no other life form poisons the earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen 2 ducks fight? They fight and then go their separate ways and then flap their wings to release the negativity and they are done. Humans carry around that negativity for decades. He did that to me! This negativity becomes, depression.

There is a line in the Matrix that says that Humans destroy their environment or land and then moves on the next place. What are you destroying with your unhappiness?

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What is the purpose of unhappiness

Think about it. Has nagging your spouse ever resulted in him becoming the spouse that you want them to be or did it have the opposite effect? That is why the Bible teaches that a man would rather live on the roof top than live in a house with a nagging wife.

So today, I want to shine a light on unhappiness. Why do we create it if it does not get us what we want?

There are life situations that create unhappiness

How to be happy: we have 3 choices:

We can remove ourselves from the situation
We can change how we think about the situation
Or we can accept the situation completely.

These are the options in, how to be happy. What good does it we do none of the these things, but just live with unhappiness? If you can successfully find which negative behavioral and cognitive patterns are making you unhappy, and address them, you’ll be able to start feeling happier in less time than you may think.

I will tell you what it does. It creates disease in the body and sends you to an early grave, but it never gets you what you want. Unhappiness serves no purpose other than to make you sick.

Even if you throw a temper tantrum and you get the toy in the store or your spouse gives in. Ultimately your unhappiness returns. It is only temporarily satiated.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Please subscribe to our YouTube channel and leave a review on iTunes

Find Your Purpose: What’s in Your Hand

April 24, 2023

Healing Childhood Traumas with LOVE

When we have, childhood traumas, our natural responses are shut down. We are not able to fight or flee. This activates our, stress hormones. It changes our body and puts us into a sympathetic state, to ready us to fight, flight or freeze; but when we can’t, when we’re impaired, we have to stay frozen in that situation.

Our body’s, stress response, does not shut off. Our hormones continue to be elevated. And so, what happens over time, if we are constantly experiencing that stress over and over, it changes our biology.

In this episode Mandy Harvey shares her, LOVE Methodology, to help us return to the parasympathetic state.

Download the podcast here:

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Mandy’s childhood trauma

Myrna: How did you get into coaching?

Mandy: I got into this work because of my own trauma and my own healing process. I grew up in trauma. I was just kind of born into it. I grew up in a home with a single mother who had her own traumas, and as a result that affected my experience with the world. She sometimes was there and sometimes she wasn’t. There wasn’t always love.

She often had men in the house that were very abusive and that abuse was often directed towards me. She remarried a couple of times in my childhood, but at the age of 14, she and the man that she was married to, took their lives, and it was a result of me coming forward sharing with a counselor at school what had been going on in my home as it related to sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.

Myrna: Wow. Similar to my story,

Mandy: So, my whole world instantly changed. I was placed in a home with family members, and, still kind of grew up with family, but I was very deeply affected as you can imagine by that experience. That was the start of therapy for me. And I spent a couple of years in therapy doing, EMDR therapy, work. Really processing the grief, and the guilt, because I felt very guilty.

Myrna; It was just about to ask you that but was gonna wait for you to finish. But yeah, I mean, gosh, that’s huge guilt.

Feeling guilty for telling

Mandy: I really took on the belief through that guilt, through that process, that I couldn’t trust my intuition, that my ability to make a choice for myself would turn out into disaster. And I held that belief for a very long time, throughout my adult years. But as a child I was trying to navigate this guilt and hit a wall. At a certain point, I just couldn’t talk about it anymore. My body started to ache. Every day I woke up in pain, physical pain, emotional pain, and I just started to get numb, and number and number and it was just like, I had no relation to the world anymore.

All I could see was this grief. It felt like I was being sucked down into this black hole. All I could see and feel was just guilt, this pain of suffering, this thought of I just want to be back with my mom, even though it was traumatic, even though it was abusive and neglectful. That’s all I knew. And for me that felt like love. As crazy as that sounds.

Myrna: How did you come up with the, LOVE methodology, as therapy.

Mandy: Well, it’s something actually it wasn’t, it wasn’t named love. I named this after a year ago doing this work myself.

There was a moment when my daughter, my youngest daughter, she is someone who exudes emotion from one side of the scale to the other side of the scale from like pure bliss and joy to pure anger and rage. I mean, she has a wide spectrum. And anytime she was over in this rage part of her spectrum, I would get so uncomfortable.

One day she was in a moment of pure temper tantrum screaming she was really mad about something insignificant. And I had my back to her and I was washing the dishes and I could feel like a wave of heat moving through my body. And as I was getting higher and higher, I could feel the rage. Like I could feel my jaw gets super tight, like, oh my god, I could just scream at her right now. Like she needs to shut up.

And I’m washing the dishes trying to ignore her. And she’s just letting loose and finally I turned around, I had a glass in my hand and I threw it at her feet and I said :SHUT UP” she was shocked. That was the first time I’d ever screamed at her. And the look on her face was just fear.

What is Somatic Experiencing

I started crying. She was crying. She’s like, I’m so sorry. I’m a bad person. I didn’t mean to upset you, you know like, so we’re trying to pick up the glass and I’m crying and thinking like, what is happening? What is going on in me that I immediately revert it like this feeling what is this feeling in my body so I sought out, Somatic Experiencing, therapy work.

Myrna: Did you stop your original therapy at this point?

Mandy: Throughout my adult years, I had been in therapy off and on. So, at this point in time, I had not been to therapy in a while, but over the last 20 years I’ve been through multiple forms of, talk therapy, processing my abuse, processing the anger towards my mom, processing my childhood over and over again. But this was a whole different level.

And this is why I knew I needed something different because I’ve been talking about my story for 20 years and I can intellectualize it really simply and be like I know this is why I’m upset and you know that I’m like doing the job for the therapist. Right? But this was like a whole different level of awareness that somehow, I was holding more in my body than I was able to reach through just talking; because our body has a different story than our minds do about what happened to us.

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Releasing childhood traumas with meditation

Myrna: So true, I do this meditation from Dr Joe Dispenza about getting the mind out the body. Actually moving the energy up through the nervous system to the head. It is the Kundalini rising.

Mandy: It makes a lot of sense. We all have traumas that we hold in our bodies, we may not even really be aware of that influence, how we show up our behavior, our thoughts, our actions. But for me, it was once I started that Somatic therapy for about two and a half years. I healed more than I did in the previous 20 years of just talking about it. And it really gave me the tools to understand how to connect to my body, because up to that point. I was like a head, walking around in the world. I had disconnected from my body.

Myrna: So, how do you how do you heal women or help them heal from a stress and trauma using your, LOVE methodology?

What is the Love Methodology

Mandy: The methodology called LOVE is an acronym. It’s four steps, it stands for:

Listen- Listen to the thoughts, the beliefs that you that run through your mind on a consistent basis.
Observe – observe where you hold them in. Example your body. Where’s the predominant location where you hold that thought of, I’m not worthy, or I’m not good enough or whatever that thought is?
V is for validated. So oftentimes, we are not taught to validate our emotions or experiences, which sometimes this is a hard step for people, but this is all about, if I feel that unworthiness in my heart space, you know, it’s about teaching people how to have compassion for that part that’s feeling very unworthy and very unseen. It’s giving them a language to tap into that part of them. So, they can make a connection and start to repair and build trust and heal that part and integrate it back into their core self. Use experience. So, experience, meaning or sorry.
E is embrace with love. So, what does that part need? Tune into that part, that’s feeling unworthy, that’s feeling very heavy in my chest. And I get a validation and say, You’re right, I can understand why you feel that way. What is it you need from me right now? That kind of sounds a little weird to talk to ourselves like that. But our bodies full of wisdom and insight into what we need in the moment.

So, if it’s like, I need a hug. Let’s go find someone who can really give you a hug or give yourself something else. Like I need to just sit outside or maybe take a walk, going to walk Great. But it’s in the process of meeting our needs. In the moment learning how to ask for what we need and meeting those needs starts to build up trust again.

How to talk to ourselves with LOVE

Someone who’s been traumatized and holds a lot of stress and anxiety in their body, and most likely be in a sympathetic nervous system state. In order for us to heal and go deeper into some of the traumas. We must slowly help our nervous systems to release that trauma.

Myrna: So, what is the language that we’re using?

Mandy: Well, the language is a little bit different for everyone. And what I mean by that is, my nervous system talks to me in a very specific way. And that might be different than how your nervous system talks to you. So, this is all about first getting people comfortable with recognizing they have a body that’s feeling.

So, for me, anytime I’m stressed my guts, my stomach gets so bloated and in intense discomfort. And the instant I feel that sensation. It’s like a switch. I’m like, oh no, I’m feeling stressed right now. Okay, I need to take a minute to acknowledge that you know, reflect what’s really making you stressed right now. Or when I would feel like it wasn’t safe for me to speak up. I would feel it in my throat. I would feel like I can’t swallow.

Childhood traumas and autoimmune disease

Myrna: What is the connection between, Childhood Traumas, and chronic health disease?

Mandy: Yeah. So, when we’re a child, and you know, our natural responses are to fight flight or freeze. And when we’re tired if we’re in an environment that’s abusive, or traumatic, and I’ll just use mine as an example, if you are sexually abused, I was not able to fight or flee. This activates our stress hormones. It changes our body and puts us into a sympathetic state, to ready us to do those things and fight flight or freeze but when we can’t when we’re impaired and we have to stay frozen in that situation.

Our body’s natural processes don’t shut off. They continue to be elevated. In that stress response. And so, what happens over time, if we are constantly experiencing that stress over and over, it changes our biology, in that we become more sensitive to stress we get stressed faster and faster and faster every time that happens.

And it starts to create this low-grade stress response in our bodies and in our brains and sort of affects not just our physical body, but it changes the neuro chemistry in our brain, because of that constant assault. The, stress hormones, are running through our bodies through childhood and then into adulthood, where we have maybe more responsibilities or even more things that we have to be worried about. And starts to really degrade our system because the, stress hormones, are meant to be short bursts to help us get out of that environment, they’re not meant to be long term.

So just like you were saying that inflammation over time, deteriorates our gut health, deteriorates our immune system, deteriorates our ability to digest foods.

The stress response to traumas

Myrna: a little bit more about your work, the LOVE methodology, the soothing way to heal many traumas, tell our listeners where they can connect with you and the kind of trauma that they need help with. Talk about your website, talk about your social media handles, and this is the time where we talk about your work.

Mandy: Awesome. Thank you. Yeah, I do I share that, LOVE methodology, in a few different ways. So, I do corporate speaking, I love to reach out to companies who are interested in helping develop their employees through health and wellness. Helping them manage their stress, learning how to regulate their nervous systems. And in those talks, and in those workshops, I often share this, LOVE methodology, because it’s something very simple. You can do even at work. You can do it for five minutes. You can do it longer, but it’s an empowering tool that can help you start to take control over experiences that you feel like you don’t have control.

And it can help you try to limit and shift how you are triggered in the workplace. So that’s one place in which I share that. And then I also work one on one with people and do healing sessions. And so, in those healing sessions, we will leverage this methodology sometimes in one session. And other times maybe it’s introduced over a series of sessions to emphasize that. And then here locally where I’m at I do guided hiking sessions where we hike and heal. I’m in Colorado.

What I would like to share with your audience is on my website, free downloads, video and a workbook that goes over this, LOVE methodology. So that’s on the front page of my website. My website is www.Mandylharvey.com. My Instagram is @MandylHarvey

Additional Resources

What is the Connection Between Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease?