In the episode of 5 Min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I share 4 secrets to improving yourself as taught by Jim Rohn. Every book you read, every podcast you listen to, every seminar you attend, starts changing your philosophy. Now if you’re excited, and you’re ready to change your lifestyle and improve yourself, here are the steps to improve yourself. Improving yourself will one day show up in your bank account and in your lifestyle.
You don’t have to change what’s outside, all you got to change is what’s inside. To have more you simply have to become more. Don’t wish it was easier wish, you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Start working on improving yourself by making these personal changes and it’ll all change for you.
Jim Rohn, says here’s the secret, learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. Once I got that it turned my life around. He said if you work hard on your job, you’ll make a living. If you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune. He said If you would have known me at age 25 you would have said, Jim Rohn’s, a hard worker you didn’t know me you would have said that. I’m the guy that don’t mind coming in a little bit early, and staying a little bit late. But If you’ll start working harder on yourself than you do on your job, work hard on yourself and develop the skills, work hard on yourself and develop the graces all of the stuff necessary to become more valuable to the marketplace. Your whole life can explode into change.
When you improve yourself Life is no problem
Promotions – no problem
Becoming more valuable to the company – no problem
Money – no problem
Economics – no problem
Future – no problem.
You just go to work on the right thing. Don’t try to change the seed, don’t change the soil, don’t change the sunshine, don’t change the rain, don’t change the mix of seasons.
Let the miracle of everything that’s available work for you and start working on the inside.
Work on your philosophy.
Work on your attitude.
Work on your personality,
Work on your language,
Work on the gift of communication,
Work on all of your abilities.
If you’ll start making those personal changes, I’m telling you, everything will change for you.
Success is not something you pursue
Success, is something you attract by the person you become. Success, is not something you pursue. So, the whole key to unlock all the treasures, whether it’s economic treasures or spiritual treasures, financial, social personal every way you can possibly think of is by your own, personal development.
Then he added one more which is so important, and it’s probably worth its weight in gold. Here it is. What you become is much more valuable than who you are today. You become by the books you read, you become by the thoughts you have. If you want the things on the higher shelf, you got to stand on the books you read. Every book you read; you get to stand a little higher, so you can get the things on the higher shelf.
Every book you read, every podcast you listen to, every seminar you attend, starts changing your philosophy. Now if you’re excited, and you’re ready to change your lifestyle and, improve yourself.
Here’s the steps to improve yourself:
Find out how things work. The first key to doing better and improving yourself is find out how things work.
Then you need, ideas. The books you read can give you, ideas. Become a good reader. All of the successful people I know, they’re all good readers. Curiosity drives them to read. You need, ideas, on a new business, you need ideas to start something new. You may think you need, money; no the problem is lack of, ideas on creating wealth. It isn’t lack of, money. It’s a, lack of ideas. So, if you get the idea so you can change anything. When you find out something that works, put the information in your journal. Don’t use your head for a filing cabinet. Put it in your journal so that you can do the next best thing, Repetition, repetition, go over it. And if you repeat it, go over it. Sure enough, someday, some mysterious day. The idea takes root and shows up in your bank account and your lifestyle.
Study success, it leaves clues. If you wish to be successful, study success. If you wish to be happy study happiness. If you wish to be wealthy study wealth, don’t leave it to chance. Make it a study. Some people just go through the day with their fingers crossed. You’ve got to study the things that can change your economic, social, spiritual personal life.
Finally, learn, study, grow, change. It’s what, how to improve yourself, is all about. Human development, takes time, incredible amounts of time. It does take time for personal development, it does take time for, spiritual development, physical development and, mental development. So, it is important to keep feeding the mind, nourishing the mind.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hoped you were encouraged to keep improving yourself daily by reading and looking for new ideas because whenever you seek, you will find.
Samantha S. Woo, author of How to Stop Yelling & Start Connecting with Your Highly Emotional Teen, shares The EMBRACE parenting method for parents dealing with teenagers who are tempted to yell or anything else. The EMBRACE method is a seven-step model developed by Internal family systems and the concept is that we’re all made up of parts inside of us. We have access to this healing inside in the deepest part of our souls through the Spirit. Once we know which part of us is reacting to the part of your teens, then we can start connecting as parents.
Samantha has a BA in Neuroscience and Behavior from Wesleyan University, an MSW from California State University, and a Clinical Fellowship from Bryn Mawr College Graduate School of Social Work.
She is married and has three young adult children herself, with plenty of “schooling” in the parenting realm, both past, present, and in years to come. She is a believer in process and sharing, even when things are not perfect.
Myrna: In your book you teach a method of, parenting, that’s called the, EMBRACE method. Can you tell us what that acronym stands for?
Samantha: Yeah, so I’m so glad that you noticed that it was both an acronym and the word embrace. That was part of the intention in me coming up with this is a seven-step layman’s approach, based on internal family systems model by Dr. Richard Schwartz. He came up with the internal family systems, parenting, model and I took it and expanded on it knowing that how hard it is to get trained on this system.
So, I digested it, broaden whatever I could and then came up with this for the everyday person, everyday parent that’s dealing with, teenagers, who are tempted to yell or anything else. So, it’s a seven-step model and the two main aspects of this is very similar to the internal family systems which is that we’re all made up of parts inside of us and we have access to this healing inside in the deepest part of our souls through the Spirit. Basically, it says we should check our own parts before we check somebody else’s parts.
This whole idea of parts is also confusing for the everyday person. So let me explain. The internal family systems believes that we’re all born with parts like for instance, the way where we have hands and feet and all these physical parts. But our personalities also have parts, we have personality parts that make us individuals. You have seen the, parents, yelling at the sidelines of a soccer field. So, it’s just kind of recognizing we all have these parts, and then as we live and have, traumas, as parts become very burdened with messages that they take in, and then they become very extreme in their behavior. And then their behavior takes over.
Other parts, become disconnected with other parts and you and the Holy Spirit inside and they just kind of take over. So, this view is what we’re kind of bringing in to the, parent teen relationship. When a teen for example, is saying I hate you get away from me and then slams the door, we can see that it might be an unhealed part of them, not all of them. Because, it’s so tempting for us, parents, to say, oh my gosh, my, teen, hates me. Well, I hate them too. It’s being able to take a step back and say, you know, it’s a part of them that is unhealed and kind of helps us to get curious, and also to recognize that we’re reacting to I hate you.
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Is your parenting style to yell at your teens?
Myrna: My, parenting style, would be to yell “Get back in here right now”
Samantha: Yeah. That’s what usually happens, right? We can get curious about that. Well, part of me is reacting to that and as we kind of become more aware of our parts and their parts. We have more space to kind of let the Spirit work and help us to connect all these parts that are pretty much isolated and extreme because they don’t know that they have access to this healing center.
Myrna: Now I understand. You explained how you came about the seven steps, EMBRACE method. I actually never heard before that we have parts like personalities because, it’s very interesting, because one of the things that I do is I do yell at my, teenagers, almost all the time. You’re saying that’s because of my unhealed parts or maybe my parents yelled at me and that’s what I’m yelling. But I wanted to understand what EMBRACE stands for.
Samantha: Yes, it does. This is the, EMBRACE method
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The Embrace method of parenting
E – stands for, exhale. It means to take a step back. You know how we breathe when we’re really stressed?
M – is to move and its meaning to like move according to what the Spirit is telling you is. Get in tune with the discomfort and move.
B- is to, befriend, the parts in ourselves that are uncomfortable.
R- is to relate, recognizing we have things that we can, relate, to them like our own internal, teenagers.
A – is for, access, accessing what is underneath all this behavior. Access, to the vulnerable stuff underneath all of this external stuff both in our, teenagers, and in ourselves? Why are we yelling? What is that protecting? What is the need? So, something to be curious about.
C – is create, create, something different.
E – is to, engage, not move away from but, engage, with your teen. And it’s a level of commitment.
Myrna: I absolutely love it. So, let’s test my memory here. So, exhaling, is good because they also tell you that you should take a breath, anytime somebody, pisses you off, or you’re angry or something, then you take a breath. So that’s really good, whether it’s your, teen, or your spouse, or your boss. You, exhale, and you take breath.
It’s also good to get up and move about. You know, wherever you’re sitting or whatever you’re doing, movement creates a little bit of energy, and that also helps to calm the situation and calm you. Befriending, your disrespectful, teenager, is very difficult.
Samantha: It’s very difficult and impossible, unless we understand the parts of us that really are annoyed by them. You know what I mean?
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Myrna: Yes, when, teenager, says I hate you, you’re ruining my life. It is very difficult to be thinking, befriend, at that moment. So, in order for you to, befriend, I would think you need therapy. As parents we can, relate, to when you were a, teenager, you can, relate, to how important friends are to them and you can, relate, that your, teenagers, want to be liked at school. And maybe that’s why they’re not doing their homework because they want to be liked. So, relating is this easier for most, parents, to do so.
Samantha: You’re so right. It’s so much easier. I guess. The challenge of, befriending, that word would be becoming curious about what they’re wanting. We want to kind of modify the behavior, we want the results. So, we, befriend, to access what is underneath. We, befriend, to gain access to that vulnerability of what is driving that behavior. And just being able to do that takes that relating. Because you’d be surprised, teenagers, want to know even though they act like they don’t. So, they’re kind of wanting a little bit of that attachment and knowing that there’s a home base, but then what they want to be separate at the same time.
Teenagers, want to know that they are conditionally accepted in love.
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How to Use the create parenting method with teenagers
We use, create, to create new memories, because this dance becomes old. The dance of, I hate you, you’re grounded, leave me alone. It’s a repetitious cycle. So, we, create, something new and it starts with what we can, create, inside of ourselves as, parents. What defense mechanism are our, teens, using and how can we create something new. For example, of saying “you’re grounded” maybe creating something new would be a different response. Maybe offering them a choice. Oh, I hear that you hate me. Here’s some choices. What would you like to do? Would you like to talk about it? Or do you would you like to just be left alone?
Myrna; I like that. We are staying engaged for the longer term, it’s kind of like that commitment. It’s like staying in that fight. A lot of, parents, have given up, on their, teens, and they live their own lives. Teenagers, are just left to themselves, but that’s not what they need. They still want to know that you care.
Samantha: The first, parenting advice, would be to, exhale, first and foremost, because we can’t just mindlessly engage your, teenager. So that is really important to, exhale. And as you, exhale, I would ask what part of me is triggered right now? And what part of my, teen, was just talking? And just even understanding. Using parts language and saying, it’s not all of him? It’s not all of me.
Another, parenting tip, would be again to, befriend. And if that is hard to do, I would try to, relate. Try to remember the, teen, inside of you and most likely yelling part might be stopped. Then finally, the last, parenting tip, for your, teenage, son would be, create. Let’s disrupt the old dance. That takes some creativity, and that comes from that spirit inside that I was talking about. And I think we need to remember that access to that healing, core spirit is there. I think that is the hope that’s in this model. Therapy is helpful and you know, coaching is great. And when that is not available right away. Do you have something available here?
Myrna: Awareness is the important thing in anything. So, what we’re doing here is we’re building awareness that there is a method or there is a way to connect to our, teenagers, in the, EMBRACE method.
So how do you teach, parents, to form lifetime friendships with their, teenagers?
Samantha: Thank you, it starts with your relationship with you. Which I’m sure you as a coach you know that a lot of times when we see the, teenager, child that we specifically don’t get along with, usually because parts of them that really resonate with parts of us. And so, being able to access your awareness, you can be able to be aware of that and standing the game and staying there as that. That steady hand and steady heart as they’re going back and forth and you know, acting out and all that and letting them know you’re here for the long haul, and not like demonizing.
Myrna: Awesome. What do you want, parents, and other readers to walk away with after reading your book? You said, it’s not only for Christians, it’s not only for, parents of teenage children.
Samantha: Yes, thanks for asking that question because it’s so important and I feel like the answer is important. At the end of the book, when I wrote my acknowledgments, I realized that it came from an intersectionality of many communities. So, I think I would want listeners and readers to walk away with hope for, parenting teens, and being in a relationship with, teenagers. Sometimes those are the things that drive us to despair. I want, parents, to not give up, I want them to know this method works. This stuff actually really works. I’ve seen it in my practice. I’ve seen it in my personal life.
Conclusion
In conclusion I want to say It’s hard when the, teens, are yelling at you and telling you what to do. But don’t give up on them. Don’t walk away or shut the door. Have hope that they will grow up.
Today I want to give some, relationship advice, and teach on the topic Ten ways women jump into the wrong, relationships.
I have heard it said that, women are responders, and it is true. Men know this and that is why they court us. And sometimes we find ourselves in relationships just because we were courted. eHarmony says that both men and women can fake us out for 2 years before we see who they truly are.
So today I want to share about some of the ways we as women jump into the wrong relationships.
Relationship advice: Don’t ignore the warning signs
We as women ignore the, warning signs; we ignore the internal alarms and move ahead into a love fantasy. Thinking we are the one that can make him change. Case in point, a man hollers at you and he is living with a woman or he is married. He tells you that he is only there for some reason and that he no longer loves his wife. He promises to leave in a certain amount of time. 99% of the time men never leave, but let’s say he will and string you along sometimes for years. Don’t ignore the, warning signs. Let me give you some, relationship advice, If he hasn’t left before he met you, he ain’t going leave.
Some women feel that it is a dog eat dog would out there and that good men are hard to find. Because we fear being alone, we accept the first person who comes along, only to be left beaten, ripped off and sometimes even impregnated. Here is some, relationship advice, never go into, relationships, as a needy person. Men can smell your need, It’s like giving beef to a blood hound. Its not going to end well for you.
Another reason women jump into the wrong, relationships, is we confuse friendship for romantic love. Love is about chemistry; friendship is a bonus in a love relationship, but friendship without love is a roommate arrangement.
As women we have a hard time saying No, so sometimes when you just want to be friends we get caught up in intimate, relationships, and have no chemistry with our partner. Some, relationships, should stay as friends but we have a hard time saying no, I just want to be friends. Next thing you know he is asking to move in and you say yes or even marry him and you know that you are not in love.
You get caught up in packaging and promises. We all like the playboys. They look good, they know how to make you feel like a woman, but you are just a plaything for them. You fall in love and they just like you. They have no intention of taking the, relationship, to the next level while you are shopping for wedding dresses.
You demand a commitment or issue an ultimatum and the man goes along with it because it suits his purpose at the time. But how many of you know you can’t force love it is either there or it is not so he goes along with it until he finds something better. You become his in the meantime woman.
As I mentioned earlier, women are responders, so men dole out gifts and charm and we respond to the treatment without exploring if this, relationship, is right for us. But how many of you know that people can only play roles for a short time. Sooner or later usually after the man gets what he wants they move on to the next victim.
You allow blind faith, which leads to blind love, to take you into a relationship that is unhealthy. A lot of Christian women would stay in unhealthy relationships praying to God to fix the other person, but if God didn’t send the man, he is not going to fix him.
Sexual compatibility, is mistaken for love. It took me a while to understand that sex and love are two different things. Women are emotional creatures and usually fall in love with their, sexual partners, men on the other hand are very good at compartmentalization. They are able to separated good sex from love.
Breaking up is hard to do. Women stay in, relationships, even though they are miserable trying to work things out even though most times the men have already moved on emotionally. I have learned personally men leave emotionally long before they leave physically.
I wanted to be useful and connected and, loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires a higher vibration. Lots of mystics talk about love, being a state of consciousness. What that means is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.
Danielle LaPorte needs little introduction. Oprah Winfrey has said she “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters,” while Marianne Williamson has called her “a bright light in the modern priestess hood.’ As the founder of DanielleLaPorte.com, ranked by Forbes as one of the Top 100 Websites for Women and visited by millions of people each month, Danielle is one of the most critically acclaimed spiritual thought leaders of our time.
With her highly anticipated new book, How to Be Loving as Your Heart is Breaking Open and The World is Waking Up, releasing October 11 2022, Danielle has written the modern day manifesto on how to uncondition your mind from all kinds of social programming, tap into the intelligence of the heart, and elevate your life through the quality of your own thoughts.
Myrna: What is your journey from making love a priority in your life? How did that come about?
Danielle: For a long time, I was led by the question, how do I want to feel? And now the question is what do I want to embody? And the journey there was me realizing that even if I was having a bad day and wasn’t in a state of happiness, wasn’t feeling like the way I wanted to feel. I still felt connected to something higher and more meaningful. But really, the light bulb was when I realized that, I could still be useful to my friends, even if I was in the dark night of my soul. And then it occurred to me maybe this whole happiness thing, the end game, it’s important.
And I wanted to be useful and connected and loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires like a higher vibration. And you know, lots of mystics talk about love, of course, being a state of consciousness, but what that brings us to is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.
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Power of Love: Intelligence of the heart
Myrna: Well, it’s very hard. They always say that that happiness is not an external thing. You know, it comes from inside and even if you have an, external locus of control, which is basically where your happiness depends on other people, circumstances or things. It’s only going to be temporary, because those things can’t continue for too long. Which is why they say that your happiness has to come from inside. And that means that whatever is going on outside, it’s not going to bother you. But it’s extremely, hard to do. You almost have to be like an enlightened being. That’s the, power of love and the intelligence of the heart.
Danielle: Everybody’s a little enlightened, the Zen Buddhist philosophy is everybody’s enlightened, we just have forgotten.
Myrna: Yes, we don’t operate in it because we forgotten. So, that was your journey into becoming, loving. You wanted to feel good all the time. You wanted to embody you. You learned, how to live from the heart, gratitude and, vibration. You talk about, vibration. Wayne Dyer talks about, vibration. Abraham Hicks talks about, vibration. What kind of work did you do to make sure your, vibration, is good?
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Loving yourself through the heartbreak
Danielle: It’s not so much that I want to feel good all the time. Who wants to suffer, I don’t want to suffer. Right? But it’s a place of even if you are suffering and you’re not feeling good, you’re in a state of acceptance with it. It’s like, okay, this is what’s happening. I’m gonna love myself through this. I created this. I’m not going to push it away. I’m going to bring it into my, heart. I’m going to have space for it. I’m going to be more gentle with it. I’m going to speak to myself more lovingly. But more specifically to your question about how to get there.
Well, I think it’s a lifelong journey, but certainly, big challenges questioning if, am I in the right career? Is this the faith that I should be holding? Suffering that leads us to meaningfulness and purpose. There are those challenging circumstances and then there’s just dedication. Like I want to know truth. I want to be love. No matter what, I’m committed.
My commitment, doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but I do the things that I know makes me more compassionate and more forgiving. And those things are ancient tools that have been around a long, long time. Contemplation, it’s a prayer practice. It’s, sifting through all the different practices and types of, meditation, until I found the kind of, meditation practice, that I actually wanted to do, that made me feel like energized and lit up.
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How to tap into heart intelligence
Myrna: I know that acceptance is very important. And it’s very important to accept your loved ones. Because a lot of times we get into relationships, and we want to change people and we don’t accept them. But yeah, talking about accepting suffering. That is deep.
How do we tap into, heart intelligence? One of the most powerful books that I’ve read is “The Alchemist.” The entire book is about listening to your, heart, and, how to live from the heart. I thought that we were supposed to listen to your gut. Your gut is what tells you when something is wrong, but listening to your, heart. This is a great because we are tapping to the, intelligence of the heart. It’s amazing.
Danielle: It’s important to make that distinction between the gut and, heart because gut is more instinct. The gut is gonna say run from danger. This is basic survival stuff. But we don’t want to be in that survival mode every day. We want to be in a state. So just like move it up. The, chakra system, moving on up your body move into the, heart. Everybody knows on a cellular, psychological level, what love is and what it feels like to be connected to soul, to be connected to others, to be giving and receiving loving kindness.
We just have to be still and we have to connect to the, heart, space, heart chakra, and higher consciousness. There’s no fear just presence. Don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t worry about the rent not right this moment. And you move into that gentleness that calms down your nervous system, both your, parasympathetic, and your, central nervous system. When your nervous system is calm you think more clearly. You’re not all panicked, or jacked up with anxiety and then you make more, loving choices. Loving choices, which all comes from quality of thought. You reference Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr Dyer had a lot to say about the thoughts we think.
Ergo, Bria (also known as Bria McCollum) is a singer/songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, session musician, and producer from Atlanta, Georgia. She is now currently based in Nashville, Tennessee where she recently graduated from Belmont University with a Degree in Songwriting.
Bria strives to break the typical barriers of an artist because of her unique voice and style choices. With her passion for genre-bending, she uses her background as a classical pianist, violist, and violinist to create a completely different arena of music. Much of her work contains deep, yet very literal lyrics about, mental health, heartbreak, love, and society. Bria has started gaining traction since her release in 2020, with “Comfort Zone”.
Myrna: Right, that’s amazing. Now, I want to circle back to something you said that everybody knows what it’s like to give and receive love. Do you think that everybody knows that? Because there’s a lot of people that don’t love themselves and I believe that if you don’t love yourself you actually can’t give and receive love.
Danielle: Okay, there’s two things in there. I think in our depths, we do know love. And I think to get to the depths of love, we have to plumb those depths. You got to be still, you’ve got to get yourself in nature. You’ve got to ask those questions. It’s in there. The truth is in there. Is it buried? Absolutely. Do we doubt it? Yes, we have lots of so called evidence from how we’re raised in society that is not a loving place to be? Totally, but it’s the truth is eternal? It’s in there, you’re gonna find it.
You just got to look for what was that? Oh, loving other people and loving yourself? Yeah, I’ve thought about this very specifically for a while. Because you know, in this in our self-help space, there’s that theory of like, don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves because they’re not gonna love you properly. I think it’s half-truth because we’re all one. We all come from the same source, and we’re all connected.
Then does it really matter if I’m loving myself first, but if I’m loving you first, and I’ve witnessed people who clearly had on a surface level, self-esteem issues, broken, not loving themselves, and I have seen them be, loving. Learn to love someone in their community. Learn to love the person who abandoned them. And it changed their whole way of living, obviously, with a lot of work, digging in and plumbing it out.
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Do you have heart intelligence?
Myrna: So how do we tap into the, intelligence of the heart? Is it through meditation or how do we do it?
Danielle: Yeah, It’s the practices. First you gotta want it. Want to sleep through the night? Do you want to be peaceful? Do you want to have more intimate conversations? Want to know your real power? Awesome, great. There are some things you can do. Find a, meditation, practice that works for you. Not one where you sit down on the, meditation cushion, and you hate being there and it’s grueling and you don’t feel lit up or expanded. That’s just like New Age punishment. Find a, prayer practice, that works for you.
Guided meditation heart center, is heart centering, prayer, and time for stillness. Our society is obsessed with being productive and it pulls us away from our wisdom. You need to be still to hear your, higher guidance. If you are always moving, you are going to get confusing information. So, stillness could be as simple as 15 minutes in the morning before anybody else in your house wakes up. Or it’s for those of us who have done, yoga, the last pose. It doesn’t matter how sweaty and bendy your, yoga, class was, the last pose is always, corpse pose. You just lie there in stillness. And people think, oh, this is my break. But actually that, corpse pose, the great, yoga, teachers tell you everything is moving towards that stillness.
So that you get to integrate all the work you did with your body and your mind. So, the end of the day, you ask yourself, what do you learn today? Who do you love? How did you get a little more time? What are you grateful for? That’s integrating lessons of the day. And then you don’t need to repeat the same lessons. Ideally, tomorrow you start fresh. Yeah. So, practices.
Myrna: Well, my, meditation practice, is sitting and concentrating on the breath. Sometimes I do a, walking meditation, because I walk in the park and there’s a wooded area that I walk through. And when I’m in there, I’m talking to God and I am visualizing some of the things I want to manifest. What do you think about a, walking meditation?
Danielle: I have a very similar practice. It’s more of a working meditation. There’s lots of, prayer, in my life. There’s definitely, breathwork, for sure. I pray and meditate and it’s all mostly focused on being of service and healing. And I know that as I’m doing that, doing the work, getting closer to God and being more aware, I’m getting healed as well.
I use the light of the sun in, meditation, as well. The sun is very powerful. My belief this is, through some research into mysticism, because the soul is really the source. The sun is really the symbol, if not the embodiment, of the collective soul. And then in all the, meditations, that I’ve designed, I work with an energy healer that I’ve been with for many years, we co create all of these, meditation experiences, which is part of my offering. Almost every, meditation, begins with seeing this golden light, the sun. That is the symbol, the visual of your soul’s vastness. Your only job really, is to just bask in that light, you don’t have to reach for that light. You don’t even have to amplify that light.
The God source is always trying to find you, wants to get into every thought and every crevice, just bow down at your intention. I’m going to be aligned today. I’m going for this walk. And you step into it and you just receive the guidance.
Myrna; Beautiful, I’m in the self-improvement space and I know that, meditation, works for me, because one of the one of the byproducts of, meditation, is that you don’t get upset very often and you’re always in a calm space.
Danielle: Heart centered manifesting, you come up with a visual. You think it through every day. You see it, feel it, taste it, you really bring it to life. And you just keep watering it, anybody can manifest anything, there is a basic science of, manifesting. You don’t have to be enlightened. You don’t have to be a good person. You don’t have to have great intentions. If you want the car and you think about it enough. You will manifest the car.
I’m interested in is what I would call, heart centered manifesting, because I think ego centered manifesting has really gotten a lot of us into a lot of trouble. And it’s not very fulfilling ultimately. So, it’s like heart centered vision. comes from a place of knowing that your happiness matters to me that we all come from the same source. So, if I get the car, how is that going to be a benefit or harmful to others? So, what’s your vision got to do with everybody else? That’s a really basic great question to ask. How does your fulfillment lead to the fulfillment of others or does it take from others? My belief is that we have a, heart centered vision, and you can still want all the same things.
You can still want the car and the relationship and the money, whatever it is. When it’s on behalf of being of service, I think the soul is going to help lead you to more fulfillment. So, when you get the car, let’s just keep using that example. Maybe you’re doing some meals on wheels or maybe it’s just that you’re happier, more relaxed, and you’re better in your community. Maybe that car actually helps you be a more chill, loving mother, whatever it is, somehow your happiness is kind of spilling over.
Whereas if that was an ego goal to just get the car, going to get the car and you’re gonna want to the next thing, no lasting fulfillment. Soon you’re gonna want a better car. You’re gonna need the car and you’re gonna need the handbag. Then you need the likes on Instagram on and on. Heart centered manifesting, relax and it comes.
Myrna: Well, that’s actually pretty good. Tell us about your book “How to be Loving as your heart is breaking open and the World is Waking Up” Why did you write it? What do you want readers to walk away with after reading? And how can you know listeners pick up a copy of it?
Danielle: This is what I want to have happen. I want to get gazillion emails for years of people telling me things like, I read you book how to be loving and forgive my mother or I speak more gently to myself, or I got over this heartbreak or I finally started asking my neighbor what they need. I just want to I want to hear those stories of how my book helped others become, loving.
I wrote it because it’s my first book in five years. I know lots of people are saying, Wow, this is so timely, did you know, the world was gonna fall apart? I did not know the world was gonna be in the state that it was in. It is on time, right?
Myrna: Yes. So, yeah. Now, part of the title is when your heart is breaking open, so and you said something a minute ago about, your heart is breaking but you’re still loving yourself. Is that part of it? Is it for people with a broken heart to love themselves?
Danielle: I think that’s in reference to we think we’re falling apart when we’re heartbroken, whether it’s the state of our community or an ending relationship or we get canned from a job; you’re not actually breaking, you’re expanding. All that heartbreak is showing you what you’re made of. It’s showing you where all the love, the real love is in your life, how capable you are. It’s a spiritual emergence.
My website is www.Daniellelaporte.com. I’m Danielle Laporte on Instagram. I’m there all the time. I have a membership, beautiful membership program called heart centered membership.
It’s like a spiritual support system. And we also have a program called the heart centered leadership program where we’ve got this really gorgeous curriculum of workshops, conversation starters, for coaches and HR directors and Unitarian, so it’s being used at really high levels of business. It’s being used in yoga studios.
While you are, waiting for love, you need to get prepared for love. One way to do this is to know which floor of, love’s house, you live on. If you live in the basement you have to do the work to get to the Attic. In the Attic everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You are ready, you expect, love, to show up and it does.
Iyanla Vangant’s book “In The Meantime” the author gives us instructions on what to do while you are, waiting for love, to find you.
Iyanla says there are 4 floors that determines where we are in our ability to be a great partner.
· The basement
· The first floor
· The second floor
· The 3rd floor
· The Attic
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I break down what each floor looks like and what as women what we need to do to move up to the top floor as we are, waiting for love.
But before I get to what these floor means. Let’s look at, love. Life is about, love. Love, is the only true meaning of life. Being alive means that we are occupants in, love’s house, and are accountable to, loves rules, and we all should experience it.
As women we are not always aware of how our needs lead us into dark corners, looking for love. We look for love in all the wrong places and find, no love. So we always seem to end up alone in the basement of life looking out the window.
Because our, biological clock, is always ticking or sometimes we just don’t want to be alone or sometimes we desperately want to be loved we inevitably accept the wrong partner. Our, love story, is always one of hurt and suffering. Men know that women are responders, so they court us, buy us dinner, give us gifts and we respond and then when they get what they want, they move on to the next conquest.
So, while you are, in the meantime, waiting for your next relationship you have to know where you live, you have to know, what is love, and become aware of what you need to work on so you can move up to the attic of, love’s house.
The basement of love’s house
In the basement of, love’s house, Your house needs cleaning. The basement is where you throw all the stuff you don’t want. There is dirt and clutter everywhere. It is time to pick up, sweep out, get rid of the old, useless, worn-out, stuff that you have been hanging on to. You have to get rid of your baggage.
It’s. Dirty job but someone has to do it and that someone is you.
You can’t play in a dirty basement. Most, basement dwellers, become angry and resentful blaming others for their misery. How many of you know that victims have no power. You and only you are responsible for the choices you made in life. Stop blaming others. Unfortunately, victims of, love, can never seem to find anyone to, love, them the way they want to be loved. They are always being cheated on, treated badly, used up, and dumped.
In relationships, basement dwellers, are obsessed with issues related to survival. They hang on to people in order to survive. A battered spouse lives in the basement.
What to do if you live in the basement:
Take back your self-respect and set up boundaries on how you will be treated.
Throw out the baggage you have been holding on to. I know you collected and stored up all the hurt from your childhood.
Now is the time to talk to a therapist or coach and let your baggage go. Throw out your baggage and dirty laundry, because if you don’t you will take them into, another love, and that, love, will also end.
First Floor of Love’s house
You must know the rules if you want to play the game. You are the, love, you seek. While you are, waiting for love, you are the companionship you desire.
When you live on the first floor of, love’s house, you are still preoccupied with physical love and satisfaction. You are still asking yourself why aren’t you pretty enough, desirable enough and why nobody loves you. You feel incomplete and worthless. You are probably blaming your parents for not loving you enough. You don’t make self-care a priority, so you tell yourself you have, no love, because you are overweight.
Whatever you project is what men see. It is part of your aura and it is not attractive. When you lack self-confidence you become a magnet for unavailable men.
On the, first floor of love’s house, you start to build boundaries and decide what you will and will not put up with in relationships. In the basement you let people walk all over you because you needed them, now if a man tells you he going to call you and you don’t hear from him in a week, you get to stepping.
Iyanla Vanzant shares a, love story, depicting floor love in her book “In the Meantime.”
This male couple was very much in, love, and a perfect match for each other, the problem was that one of them was living as an openly gay man and the other was living in the closet. He was also engaged to be married and living with a woman. The openly gay partner kept pressuring the other to tell his fiancé he is gay and move in with him. He finally agreed to do it one day. His partner prepared a feast with champagne and waited and waited for him to show up. He never did. He couldn’t hurt his mother who hated gay men. He ended up terminating his relationship with his gay lover and continued to live a lie with his fiancé.
But the author asked the question why did an openly gay man fall in love with a man in the closet living with a woman? This same scenario plays out when Singe women falls in love with married men. This only happens when you are living on the first floor of love’s house and unconsciously sabotaging your life.
Second floor of love’s house
The second floor is where you learn to have a relationship with yourself. The second floor is where you know that you are, in the meantime, relationship because you know what you want.
You are aware of your patterns of falling for unavailable men or if you are male hooking up with women who trade sexual services for money for their hair, nails, clothing or rent.
You do not enter, meantime relationships, in need, you enter them by choice; eyes wide open. You know this is not the forever one, but he is the one for now. Maybe you like being held, you like having company to go out, you like having someone to talk to. You know who you are and you never lose yourself. Nobody is using you, you are here by choice
The third floor of love’s house
Living On the third floor is a cakewalk because you have all the information you need to move through any situation. You understand that love is an energy that heals everything. You learn to apply it to every situation. You are, waiting for love, and you are ready.
Here is an example of a 3rd. floor love.
Tim was a surgeon and Lara was a nurse. They worked together for about a year before they started dating. When Tim suggested they get married Lara agreed. Shortly after the honeymoon Lara realized that Tim was always critiquing her in a way that was a back handed compliment he would say things like “why are you only a nurse, they are only glorified slop queens; you are smart enough to be a doctor or your hair is pretty, but it would look nicer if it was shorter or streaked”
Then Tim decided it was time for Lara to get pregnant and took away her birth control pills. Lara did not want kids yet because she was not even sure she liked her husband. One day he said to her after 4 months of trying. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get pregnant that’s when Lara blurted out because I don’t like you. You are just like my father.
Lara took 3 weeks alone to decide if she wanted to stay in the marriage. Then she came back home and demanded what she needed from Tim. He agreed.
When you live on the Third floor of, Love’s house, you realize that life is but a dream and you are the dreamer. As the dreamer, you know that you can change your scenario any time you wish. You demand what you want.
The Attic: the top floor of Love’s house
You’ve made it to the Attic of, Love’s house. Take a look around. Everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You have made it to the top of the “Love is Sweet suite.” You are, waiting for love, but because you are ready you expect, love, to show up and it does.
So, what does life in the Attic look like?
Life in the Attic is what the film the Notebook is all about. Unconditional love. Love, that does not see color, love that does not see status. You love even the though the person you love does not even remember who you are anymore. It is where Jesus lives, it is where Buddha lives, it is where the archangels and healers live. It is the realm of the spirit and the highest level of the mind, it is where you want to live.
Many of us will never get to the attic of, love’s house, because it takes work to get there and stay there. My wish for you is not to live in the basement or even the first floor. Awareness is always the first step to change. You can’t change anything you are not aware of. I hope I gave you something to thing about.
Waiting for Love Avicii
Avicii, the singer songwriter also wrote a song called, Waiting For Love. Avicii, song was about discovering his wife missing in the morning, as he frantically searches the house and finds no trace of her. Distraught and despondent, he looks at a picture of his wife from the past before he leaves home on his mobility scooter the next day to search for her.
He roams through the countryside on his scooter, witnessing many sights and wonders in his journey; including a bridge, a city, a beach, a marsh, snowy mountains, and numerous grasslands and forests. As the man’s journey continues, he experiences flashbacks of him and his wife in happier times, all the while growing as a person and making unlikely friends as well as performing many good deeds along the way while he was, waiting for love, to return.
He ultimately returns to his home city in the midst of a celebration and is welcomed as a celebrity, as well as discovering his wife and love waiting for him as they reunite and embrace in joy.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of Transformation Fridays with coach Myrna until next time Namaste
A lot of, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision, because they’re working in the business, not on the business. If you’re a, small business owner, that’s become the employee, and you’re doing all the legwork, that means you don’t have any time to become the CEO. You’re just an employee. You’re not looking at, vision, and you’re not looking at the next steps. You’re doing the legwork.
Entrepreneurs should work on their business Not In their business
Myrna: I know that, entrepreneurs, wear a lot of hats. I’m an, entrepreneur, and I do it all. You know what I mean? And I’ve always done it all. And I don’t mind it. But I know that, entrepreneurs, tend to work hard in the business not working on the business. Robert Kiyosaki that if you work in your business, you are just like an employee, right, so how do you teach, entrepreneurs, to work on their business?
Curtis: A lot of, entrepreneurs, they put their heart and soul and their passion into it and work themselves into their jobs. So they went from a 40 hour a week job to an 80 hour week job because they’re doing all these things. Being direct with the customers all the time. Being the one person that’s collecting money, being the one person providing the service, or even if they have a team, the team doesn’t do what you want them to do, so they say it’s faster or easier for me to just do it myself. And you start training people to get paid for doing nothing because you’re still always doing it.
Working on the business is taking a step back and looking at it. You have a business plan. Let’s come up with an overall strategy, where we’re trying to go, let’s build the team. Let’s put a budget together. Let’s put, cashflow measures, in place that’s going to teach us how our business is performing from a health perspective. Let’s get all the measurements that we need: financial measurements, sales measurements, customer measurements and employee measurements and let start to look at the business holistically and start running it that way.
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Entrepreneurs should put systems in place
That way you start to focus more on how you get the right talent. How you move money in? Whether you need additional capital to grow your business or not and you have a better way of seeing an entire business. But business owners that come to me are always talking about how they’re trying to get to the next level and or legacy. How do I take this business and give it to my kids? Well, you’re not teaching them how to run a business. We’re teaching them to do all the crazy things that you do. And they don’t want no part of it.
So, it’s how you run a business with being with other like-minded business leaders and not working at the business every day. A good example is you walk into a McDonald’s, you don’t see the CEO or even the owner that McDonald’s at that business you see, systems, being run by teenagers.
Myrna: Yes, we can always McDonalds model for, systems.
Curtis: If you’re the, business owner, that’s become the employee, and you’re doing all the legwork, that means you don’t have any time to become the CEO. You’re just an employee. You’re not looking at, vision, and you’re not looking at the next steps. You’re doing the legwork.
Myrna: So that’s right, but, you know, a lot of times the reason that, entrepreneurs, do everything is because they don’t have any money to pay people. So how do you teach them to hire people with no money to pay them?
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What’s your fastest path to cash
Curtis: Yeah, and this one comes up a lot. I ask them what’s your, fastest path to cash? I recently became a business advisor for an organization where they only had just the two business partners. But they have a great product, a really great product. And so, they’ve spent a couple of years working with other organizations and they say, show me what’s current. What’s your current businesses, they had three contracts on the team.
They had two contracts that were very promising. And they had one contract that was going and lingering and I say, cut the contract that you’re not going to see any cash and then focus on this cash or these two contracts. And when you do, you’re going to have enough money to get your next employees, and that’s exactly what they did. So, then they got the next employee and then got more contracts and then the next employee after that, and so even prior to them, getting employees we planned on who’s going to be the next most effective employee to get this going to help us grow this business. And so now they have four employees.
They’re growing the business, and you know, it took some time. So yeah, you got to be a, solopreneur, doing it all, but you got to find your, fastest path to cash. And think about as you get to that next level. What’s the next most important person that you need to hire into your organization that’s going to exponentially grow your business each time you add somebody else?
Small business owners should add strategic employees
Myrna: So, when you’re looking to add someone, you’re not necessarily looking for a lay man help. You’re looking for a strategic person that can help you make more money. That’s a good plan.
Curtis: In this case, they needed somebody that was very, very technical, to help them build their model on an application that they can present to potential customers. So, it took their model and actually made it better for them to present and then made them more attractive. So, then the next person was a now doing all this running around. We need a project manager to help us and so again, just building off of that, and then let’s get some salespeople. So, it really depends on the direction that you’re going.
Myrna: Yeah, that makes sense. Instead of saying let me get a receptionist just answering the phone
Why do you think that most, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision? They may have a goal of $100 million a year in sales and don’t even get close.
Curtis: You’re so right. A lot of times that, vision, is monetary and I’m okay with the, vision, being monetary. But I try to dive a little bit deeper into your why. Because your why is what’s going to motivate you to even go after that number. Because one of the things I say in the book is the first million is the hardest. And the reason I’m saying that is because you don’t have a, system. Once you’ve reached it reached a million dollars and have a system, you start working your system and improving on the, system.
So, then you get better at it. But, you know, I talk to people about, business plans. This is where I would say, my sweet spot is here, right? And that is because I’m a, project manager. I’m a planner. So, you need someone to help keep you accountable. Small business owners, one of the things I talk about is having a board of advisors, right? So, develop a strategy, develop a set of goals and targets to that $100 million. And tell me what does that look like?
What does it look like in terms of your customer mix?
Your demographics, where’s your office located?
How many employees do you have?
Give me that vision that’s going to be so crystal clear and that 100 million starts to look like real and then we’re going to develop plans. We’re going to develop plans that take us from daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly activities that service today.
Now, when I work with clients, the one thing I say is do it for a year. I don’t care what happens because in our minds, when we create that, vision, we want a linear path. Everything we said we were going to do is just going to happen. That is not life. Life is going to throw you a bunch of curveballs, but you got to stick to it. I mean we do it every year right what happens in January. The gyms are full of people. They are full of people because these people have, visions, of the best bodies they can have in the summertime. And by March, the people that normally go to the gym, they’re relieved because they get rid of all those people.
Myrna: I just heard a statistic that is actually worse than that. And I don’t even know if I believe it. But the statistics says it most of those people that make New Year’s resolution, they abandon them by Martin Luther King’s birthday, and that’s mid-January!
Solopreneurs are always busy doing the wrong things
Curtis: You have to pivot. If your head is down all the time working on your business. I mean in your business. You can’t work on your business by innovating and finding ways partnering with other people. So that’s why it’s important that if you want to grow, you have to get yourself out of your day-to-day operations.
And I know that’s hard for a lot of, solopreneurs, because they always feel that they can do better than anybody and they want to do themselves. But yeah, because as a person, you’ve got a finite number of time.
Myrna: So, if we were to wrap what you are saying up in a bow, the reason that a lot of, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision, is because they’re working in the business, not on the business. They’re basically they’re busy doing the hamster wheel thing.
Curtis: Yes, we’ve glorify being busy. We always say how busy we are.
Myrna: That it’s a badge of honor.
Curtis: Tim Ferriss had a great mix. One of the books that has inspired me, actually, about the Four-hour Workweek because it makes you start to think about how best to delegate and only focus on your value-added activities. It’s something that for me from a productivity perspective, one of the four things that I do, to implement that into my day-to-day life.
Myrna: A lot of, solopreneurs, the one man operations, they’re dreaming of being on their laptops on the beach doing their work, because they don’t have a brick and mortar. Tim Ferriss made that very popular. So, alright, so that’s amazing, right. So now, you have developed a program called the “Realization Framework Experience.” What is that? Tell us about that?
Curtis: Okay, so the, realization framework experience, is five steps and the five steps are:
Evaluate
Calculate,
Clarify and
Realize
I trademark the art and science of, vision to reality. And that was actually going to be the original title of my book. I was trying to figure out how, how can I help, small business owners, learn and behave like the large business owners with an easy to follow strategies. And so we’ve spent a little bit of time on the first one, visualize, and that’s developing a compelling, vision, that inspires others to want to become a part.
One of the biggest things when I’m coaching is I’ll ask a, business leader, what their goals are? I say does your team know what your goals are? They say no, it doesn’t make sense. Because the next part is, evaluate, your business ecosystem or, evaluate, your people. Well, with the goals that you have. You look at your team, can your team help you get there? Do they have a role? Because that’s what employees want. And so, you got to make sure that your employees understand where you’re going, your customers understand where you’re going, your suppliers understand where you’re going, and anybody else in your, business ecosystem.
So, putting together the right team, evaluating the difference between your, vision, and where you are, and then figuring out whether you need to upskill people, let some people go and get some new people or add new talent. You need a plan for getting more people to help you reach that, vision. Then we go into, calculate, and this is all about, cash flow. When I ask people about their business, and I asked them about their books and their numbers, people aren’t managing their, cash flow, very well. They’re living payroll and payroll, and they’re comfortable in that term. So, statistically, 82% of businesses fail, small businesses in particular, because they don’t understand, cash flow. If, entrepreneurs, don’t understand, cash flow, they don’t have enough when there’s a pandemic.
Small business owners need to calculate measurements
Then there is, clarify. I encourage, small business owners, to hire a financial professional to help them. When I work with large companies, there’s always a quarterly meeting or even monthly meetings, weekly meetings on how are we doing with Financials. But we don’t do that as, small business owners. We need to be looking at our numbers, we need to be planning forward. I do an exercise where I’m planning, cash flow. I ask Do you know what happened last week? What’s gonna happen the next two weeks? I like to work with small business owners to get to an 80% predictability, especially with income.
Expenses are easy to predict, income is harder when it’s erratic. So, you want to put in systems that make an erratic, you want to put in measures to help you collect your money faster. So, it’s a whole thing around, evaluate, their cash flow, but you also want to create a budget that matches not only the people that you need to bring in, but the goals you have the, vision. Now you have the people, and then you have the budget. How are you going to manage? Do you have $1 set aside or at least plan?
You clarify this with a plan, you put together a plan that has these objectives, that has every factor in your business. Evaluate, on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly basis that leads up to that, vision, so that when you’re looking at how well you’re doing, everybody’s telling you their progress on their parts, right? But you mentioned the pandemic, so I do also, risk analysis. So, people do, SWOT analysis, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. I like, SWOT analysis.
So, STEP stands for societal, technological, economical, environmental and political. So you saw our pandemic, now that you’ve seen one, you know that there’s recessions that come inflation is here. So how are you going to behave? Let’s go through some scenario planning. Let’s put aside some reserves and get ourselves ready for the next disaster and that’s the best insurance you can have. Right? And so, that’s, that’s the four steps. The first step we realize is to Component Measures, we talk about. financial measures, customer measures, employee measures, and what we’re trying to get to 100 million we need to break that down.
I’ll give you an example of a $5 million company that I’m working with, and you have to get sales of $96,000 a week. So, when we’re having a weekly conversation, it’s how are we going to get that $96,000 Some weeks are really bad. Some weeks are really good. It’s not always linear, but you’re driving your actions to meet that minimum.
So, the first one is measures. The second part is, accountability. We talked about this earlier. Where, small business owners, don’t have, accountability measures.
You know, I advise the, small business owners, to get an advisory board not like a corporate board of directors because that it has a lot more structure and a lot more legal ramifications tied to it. But a group of people that have done this business before and or have a specialty.
You can’t grow what you can’t measure
Myrna: Tony Robbins, one of his sayings is that you can’t grow what you don’t measure that, you know, you got to you’ve got to be able to measure your progress. Right. And a lot of people don’t like measuring their progress. They just, fly by the seat of their pants. Putting measures in places is very good. I remember when I was in sales, my boss was always measuring my progress. I hated it!
Tell us where they can get a copy of it your book “Vision To Reality, Stop Working, Start Living” and your website.
Curtis: So, this is my second book. My first book I wrote was called “The Only Job Search Book You’ll Ever Need.” And I had met with a marketing organization who’s part of my marketing team now. And they started interviewing me and I thought we were talking about the next book, The career the next career. And I talked about, business coaching and they said, that’s the book you should write. So, I said, Okay, so let me let me get all of this on paper. So, I started looking back at my computer files, all the people that I coached. Entrepreneurs, who won’t try anything different. The ones that quit if it didn’t work right away, the ones that said, I’m not going to do that.
The ones that don’t trust nobody. Nobody can do this like me. So, I delved into the mindset, and basically say, hey, you gotta get out your own way. This is hard, you don’t want to give your baby to somebody or so you don’t get to develop these trust mechanisms. And so that’s the first thing I do is try to develop rapport and trust with, business leaders, because I know your people have been naysaying you and telling you what you can’t do and part of you believes it.
The second part is how can I make it easy? bridge that gap. What can I do to put a formula in place to help you and that’s the remedies, right? That’s the, realization framework experience, the things that are the key that business owners can do with me, to develop the muscles, right? And then they can start to believe in themselves believe in the business and just keep going and believe in other people. And then the third part is okay, now that you’re here, don’t backslide. Right, don’t go back. Let’s put some things in place. And that’s when I talk about the, accountability measures, and constantly training yourself to go after the, vision.
The book is available on Amazon, Barnes and noble or wherever books are sold. My website is www.cljassoc.com
Single means not married. If you have a boyfriend, you are single. If you are engaged, you are single. If you live with a guy, you are single.
So, what is the right way to be single?
Should you go to clubs and pick up guys for one-night stands? Should you play the algorithms from dating sites? Should you get a rule book and play the rules?
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share what you should do while prepare yourself for love.
I just finished watching the movie, How to be Single. The movie showcases three, single ladies. One woman using algorithms to select her perfect mate from 10 dating sites. Her goal was to find a mate and get married 18 months after meeting her man.
The second woman chose to sleep with strange men and have no meaningful connection with any of these men. To her sex was just a bodily function like peeing.
The 3rd woman didn’t want to be, single, so she slept with men hoping it would lead to something, but the timing was always wrong. She kept meeting men who were emotionally unavailable or wanted to play the one-night stand game. In the end she decided that it was great being alone and doing her own thing. She even either purchased or made her own contraption to pull down her zipper!
Single ladies are looking but not finding single men
I am sure most of the women listening to this podcast are not married, because it seems to be the culture. Everybody is looking but nobody is finding.
Also, it may seem condescending but let me share the definition of, single. Single, means not married. If you have a boyfriend, you are, single. If you are engaged, you are, single. If you live with a guy, you are, single.
So, what is the right way to be single?
Should you go to clubs and pick up guys for one-night stands? Absolutely not. I don’t know who started that trend. Probably the same person who made up the name whore. Sex should be a very personal and intimate experience. Everybody you have sex with leaves a part of themselves behind. Hollywood needs to stop promoting promiscuity. It is definitely not the way to be, single.
Should, single ladies, have rules like Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule? In the movie “Think Like a Man” one, single, woman decided that her cookie did not come out of the cookie jar until after 90 days. So, she told her date this number and he was game to wait it out because now her cookie was something he wanted. Something interesting happened along the way. He started to like her and called her his girlfriend.
That was exactly why, Steve Harvey, gave this advice. The longer you wait to have sex, the man has time to get to know you as a girlfriend. I interviewed a relationship coach on the show the episode was called “What do men want” he says that as soon as you sleep with a man his emotional connection stops growing. So, the longer you keep sex off the table, the more his feelings for you grows.
Some, single ladies, subscribe to the theory that sex before marriage ruins a marriage. We can always find the extremes. The trick to being, single, is to find out what works for you. If you want the, girlfriend experience, I suggest you get to know the man before you introduce sex in the relationship.
Enjoy your own company by learning how to be alone without being lonely.
Getting to know yourself, your real likes and dislikes, what makes you happy. When there is no one around to please, you please yourself, you do more self-care. You go to the gym, not to meet men, but to improve yourself.
Prepare yourself so you will be ready when your soul mate shows up.
You are in the meantime space.
Tune in next week as we talk about what to do while you are waiting for love.
Conclusion
This is life coach Myrna Young, and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Thanks for listening. Until next time Namaste
Neuroscientists think of the, mind, as an epiphenomenon of the, brain. In other words, it’s a function of the, brain. Just like urine is a function of the kidneys, or bile is a function of the gallbladder. I think that the, mind, is a function of the whole body because all of these cells work together. We have never been able to locate the mind or consciousness in the brain.
Dr. Thomas R. Verny is a clinical psychiatrist and the author of eight books, including The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, which was published in 27 countries and 47 scientific papers. He has previously taught at Harvard University, the University of Toronto, York University (Toronto), and St. Mary’s University
His book “The Embodied Mind” is a profoundly important synthesis revealing how cells utilize consciousness to not only manifest their life functions but more importantly, to create a distributed nervous system that coordinates and supports life-sustaining behavior in multicellular communities, such as those comprising the human body.
Myrna: How did your work with the, embodied mind, start?
Dr Verny: I wrote a paper on everything that I knew about, prenatal life. And there was a huge conference in Rome, Italy, the Fifth World Congress and psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynecology, and I submitted a paper and lo and behold, I mean luck sometimes is really important in life. My paper was accepted. I was like a totally unknown young psychiatrist from Toronto. It was put on the same morning as some of the biggest lights in psychosomatic obstetrics in the world we’re presenting their papers.
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The Secret life of the unborn child
I was right up there with all the luminaries, and I got 20 minutes to speak. I noticed within 10 minutes into my talk, that there was tremendous interest in the audience about what my topic “The Secret Life of the Unborn Child.” You could just feel electricity in the air. And so, I said at the end of my lecture, I said, well, if anybody here would like to continue the conversation, please come to my room at five o’clock.
And at five o’clock, huge numbers of people were lined up. They thought that I was promoting some new ways of looking at, prenatal life. That’s when I made up my mind to write the book, which then became two years later, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child. We were taught in school that’s impossible to remember when you were in the womb, your nervous system is not mature enough to be working in the womb. I wrote the book, and it is based on very solid research that shows that from six months after, conception, the nervous system is mature enough to be able to lay down some, pretty simple, primitive memories, and there’s lots of research to back that up.
I could prove this; the evidence was solid was scientific. That children from the age of six months after, conception, would be able to remember things that happened to them in the womb. I had this patient who was able to go back further in time, back to three months after, conception, and some people even carry information from their parents’ experiences. Big traumas, like drowning or being in a war or things like that. So, I asked myself, how is this possible? How can I show this to be scientifically true? Because I was not interested in a lot of stories, I was interested in science.
The book The Secret Life of the unborn child was published in 1982, that’s a long time ago. So, seven years ago, I came across information on the, embodied mind. It’s ridiculous to think of the, brain, as kind of separate from the body and not being connected to the rest of the body. And so, what I’ve come to see is that the cells in the body, the tissues, the organs, like the heart, especially, but also the guts. They all act as kind of a backup system to the, brain. And so, when something goes wrong with the, brain. We still have our backup system just like the iCloud.
Myrna: I think I’m getting where you’re going with this now. Go ahead.
Dr Verny: So, when something goes wrong with the, brain, the backup system comes online, right. What neurologists say we’re sort of your orthodox conservative. Biologist neuroscientists will say that other systems in the, brain, take up the slack. But there is no research to prove that at all. There’s no evidence to show that. In my book, The Embodied Mind, I bring up a lot of research evidence to show that the cells in the cells in the body are really not much different from neurons in the, brain. And so, they have, all the elements that the neurons in the, brain, have, except that they’re connected a little bit differently.
We have stressed the importance of the, brain, over the importance of the rest of the body. It also goes with our culture, which is very patriarchal, and hierarchical. And as a result of that, the emphasis is always underneath the head honcho supervisor.
Myrna: How did you get them to access that memory? Did you use, hypnosis?
Dr Verny: I have used, hypnosis, once in a while. Never really terribly successful. People did that all on their own without any help from me? In a sense, some kind of a memory would come up, something would trigger that memory. It would it was not instituted by me. Sometimes people you know, after the, Secret Life of the Unborn Child, was published, sometimes people would come to me and asked me to take them there. And I would do that, again, in a very sort of non-directive fashion. I would say things like, what is the first memory that you have in your life?
What your earliest memory can you go back to the womb?
Myrna: My earliest memory was at five years old. I don’t go back any further than that. I don’t think.
Dr Verny: You probably could. Some of your listeners can try asking 2.5- to 4-year-old kids if they remember being in the womb. Don’t ask any leading questions. Just what do you remember? What was it like?
Myrna: And that’s amazing. My grandson is almost 2 years old. I can’t wait to ask him. What I think what I’m hearing you say it is that it’s a backup for your main brain. So how does that work?
Dr Verny: The, gut, has been referred to as the second brain and there’s good things good reason for that. The, gut, has got a tremendous number of neurons in it. And it creates some very important substances such as, serotonin, for example, which is very important in terms of in terms of how you feel. People with, depression, for example, are supposed to have less, serotonin. And one of the reasons that they are depressed is because they lack, serotonin. Most people don’t realize that most of the, serotonin, in the body is actually produced in the dark.
The vagus nerve has 2-way communication to the brain
So, we have the, vagus nerve, which is that ends cranial nerves. Then we have 12 nerves coming out of our, brain. And number 10 the, vagus nerve, is the most important one because it goes to the heart and from the heart, it also goes to the, gut.
Myrna: I try to simulate the, vegas nerve, every day when I do my meditation.
Dr Verny: Think of the, vagus nerve, as sort of from the, embodied brain, to the heart from the heart to the, gut, but you hardly ever also the steps the other way, you know, traffic along the route from the duct to the heart to the to the, brain. So, but then again, you know, we have the bad circulation, and the blood is in contact with all the cells in our bodies. So, when we talk about the second brain, it’s really inaccurate, because it’s just another organ in the body that stimulates the, brain, and the rest of the body.
I like to I will give you a metaphor that perhaps best describes how I sort of picture the body working. I think it’s a very large orchestra, like let’s say, you know, the New York symphony. Let’s say more than 120 musicians, one conductor. So, each musician plays an instrument and most of the instruments are different. But the person sitting in the audience does not hear 120 instruments. A person in the audience hears one sound one sound emanating from the symphony. That’s how our memories are. That’s how our, brain, works. But instead of having 120 instruments, we have 120 billion.
Myrna: Deepak Chopra and a few other scientists, says that the, mind, is not in the, brain. Let’s talk about that for a minute, where is the mind?
Dr Verny: Where’s the mind? Yeah. Yes, again, conservative academic, neuroscientists think of the, mind, as an epiphenomenon of the, brain. In other words, it’s a function of the, brain. Just like urine is a function of the kidneys, or bile is a function of the gallbladder, right? Any normal person if they think about this analogy, they can see that it’s a mistaken analogy, because the, mind, is not like urine. You know, you can’t see it. You can’t measure it, quantify it, you can’t research on it. It’s like beauty, or love. You cannot quantify it. It’s a whole different phenomenon.
So, to say that the, mind, is a function of the brain doesn’t make sense. I think that the, mind, is a function of the whole body because all of these cells work together. We have never been able to locate the mind or consciousness in the brain. There are some very interesting studies of Near-Death Experiences. Perhaps you have heard of those.
Myrna: Yeah, I read a few plus interviewed several on the show.
Dr Verny: So, very often you will have people who will have died, even for all intensive purposes. I actually experienced that with a patient when I was working in a hospital and, his heart stopped beating. I put a vial of adrenaline directly into the heart. About two minutes later, he came back, so to speak, and then he described in great detail what had happened in the room.
Myrna: Apparently, you’re supposed to have left your body and you’re watching it all. Someplace up here, right.
Dr Verny: Exactly, there is no explanation except to say that the, mind, is definitely not dependent on the body, but independent of it. The mind may very well be one of those elements of the universe like gravity or electrical charges, which have always been here and kind of borrowed from it in some way. You know, we have a tiny bit of that, embodied mind, that exists out there. And it’s so certainly, you know, is connected to the body, but it also in some ways is independent of the body.
Book: The Embodied Mind
The embodied mind
And so, that’s the reason I called my book “The embodied Mind”, because it’s not just the skull mind. Okay? It’s not just in the, brain, not just in the head, it’s in the old total body, and who knows what happens after we die. It may persist and who knows?
Myrna: I’m reading your work and I see that you also kind of like equated the mind to the matrix. You’re in this alternate universe where, things are happening in the matrix. So, let’s say that, someone is listening to this conversation. So, we’ve got the brain and we’ve got the body. We’ve got a backup system. So how can they use this information to transform their lives?
Dr Verny: I think that’s a very good question. There are many answers to that question. One of them is that the, mind, is incredibly powerful. And we just don’t appreciate how important the, mind, is. Let me let me just give you a very simple example. There was a study done, it’s mentioned in my book by a Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer. And it’s a very simple study, and it’s just so beautiful. She studied hotel maids in New York, and she divided them into two groups of 41. One group, she said that the work that they do, actually follows and lives up to the Surgeon General’s recommendations for daily exercise. There work was like exercise, like some people go to the gym, but you work, it’s the same thing.
The other group was told something quite different. At the end of at the end of 30 days, they measured all kinds of measurements on these maids. They found that the group that believed that they were exercising lost weight, they decreased waist to hip ratio, and they had a 10% drop in blood pressure. And they did nothing different from the other group. They only believed that they exercising. Now the same thing you know, happens in placebos. You can tell someone that this pill is going to take your headaches away. And it does, you know, nine times out of 10.
What you believe in your mind you create in your body
Myrna: Yeah, and as a psychiatrist, you also know the fact that belief is so important. Now someone coming in sitting on your couch and believes something, regardless of if it’s true or not, that’s how their body and their, mind, and their world is going to respond.
Dr Verny: Right, in terms of practical advice, it’s very important for people to change their attitude towards their own bodies and towards themselves. You know, there are, unfortunately, a lot of people around with low self-esteem. There are a lot of people around who have been criticized as children. I just saw a patient yesterday. You know, and he was always very enthusiastic.
And sometimes he would if the teacher would ask a question, he would speak out without putting up his hand and we would be punished for that. Instead of a good teacher would say, Yeah, okay, that’s very good. But perhaps next time you could put up your hands. Instead of that, you know, he was put down so now you know, even when he goes shopping, he’s afraid that somebody might ask him a question. He might not be able to come up with the right answer. I mean, he’s just full of anxieties.
Myrna: Wow, such a simple thing like that has a far-reaching consequences.
Dr Verny: My advice is, be honest. Look in the mirror and look at yourself. And if you find that there are certain things you don’t like about yourself, well face that and make it better, improve it. Don’t go around trying to cover up That’s not the way to do it. Get it out of your system. Find out why you think that you are not beautiful or that you are not clever or whatever your negative beliefs are. Get rid of them. Talk to your friends, ask them why they like you. And, and you will be you will be astonished what they say.
Myrna: Yeah, because you never see your strengths yourself.
Dr Verny: So when you get that kind of a feedback, then perhaps you can start believing in it. And if you believe in it, well then you will become it.
Dr Verny: Will they can pick up my book on Amazon. My website is www.TRVernyMD.com. It’s a very rich book because I read above 5000 books and journals in preparation for that book. And it has actually 500 references in the back of the book scientific references. So, it has a tremendous amount of information in there and at the end of each chapter, you have, practical sort of takeaways.
But I think the most important feature is just to develop a respect for your, mind, and how powerful it is and how it can influence every particle, every cell in your body, how you think about yourself, is very important. And also, you know, interacting with other people. touching other people is very important. You know, the hug a day keeps the doctor away, as far as I’m concerned.
So, I think those things are really important and, and to realize how important also the, gut bacteria, are because every day we are learning more and more about the importance of the, gut bacteria, for example, just one more thing. People take antidepressants when they’re depressed. 1/3 of patients do not benefit from antidepressants. The reason they don’t benefit is there’s nothing wrong with the drugs. They’re pretty good drugs, actually, but some people have bacteria in their gut which destroy those particular antidepressants, and so they don’t work.
Your, struggle, started before you were born. Your mama acted that way because of her story, your father won’t have walked away if he didn’t also have a story. Your shift started the day you were born but it is not the day your, story, started.
I just finished watching the Netflix film called Blondie the, Marilyn Monroe story. Marilyn’s, story, is the perfect, back story, for my message today. Her, story, started way before she was born. Her parents met and had a baby. Both of them were messed up. Her father walked away, and her mother blamed, Norma Jean, for her father walking away. The fact that the father walked away contributed to her mental health and what did she do, she abused, Norma Jean, because that is what adults do when they are hurting, they hurt the defenseless.
What was her father’s, story? Why did he walk away and abandon his child at conception and never looked back. In the, story, there was a fire and the mother attempted to drive through the fire to get to the father’s house in Hollywood which tells me he was not without means. Yet he walked away from his daughter and never looked back. What was his, story? It probable started with his parents.
The movie showed Norma Jean, Marilyn Monroe, looking for her father her entire life until her death. Parents do so much damage to kids. Norma Jean’s struggled in life even though she was the most successful movie star in history. They are still writing about her and talking about her 3 decades after her death.
She never knew her father and her mother was mentally ill and abused her, even tried to drown her. She struggled her entire life because of the shift she took over from messed up parents. She was the most beautiful woman, men all over the world wanted even Presidents, yet she had no value for herself.
Lack of love in our childhood contribute to struggle
The fact that her father did not love her, she let men abuse her. I am not a psychiatrist, but I would guess because she felt unlovable. She had no self-worth. So, she made an impact on this world, but never found personal happiness in it. She lived her life to make men happy, make movie producers happy and everyone else. When she started falling apart, they gave her drugs so she could continue making movies.
So, are you in a story of, struggle? Do you see yourself anywhere in Marilyn’s, story? I want to let you know that you were set in your situation by circumstances that happened before your birth, you are not to blame for your story.
Your birthday isn’t your start day it’s just the day when your shift started.
You have to fight someone else’s battle, that’s why generational curses are real. In my church whenever the pastor baptizes a baby, he cancels all generational curses.
Let’s say that your grandparents dabbled in witchcraft or even belonged to a Lodge, you inherited their sins and curses. It is up to you to repent for the sins of your forefathers and walk a straight and narrow path. If you don’t repent for their sins the sins of the father and mother is passed on to the 3 and 4 generation.
You need to declare and decree that victory is going to happen on your shift. The buck stops here.
In the bible story of, Samuel, the prophet, God took, Samuel, from the barrenness of his mother’s womb to the barrenness of a temple to prepare him to become a prophet. Sometimes your, struggle, is preparing you for your purpose and destiny. Sometimes you have to wander in the wilderness until you get to the promised land.
So, how do you, rewrite your story, of, struggle, to one of abundance and flow? You have to shake things up, get out of your routine. When you are comfortable just existing, you don’t get revelation. Nothing happens when you are in your comfort zone, if you want to move the needle from, struggle, to flow, you have to get out of your, comfort zone.
That is the only way you will hear the voice of God when he calls you. In the darkness of the night God speaks. God shows up in your barren places and calls you by name.
When God called, Samuel, in the middle of the night, Samuel, didn’t recognize it was God because he had never spoken to him before. Learn to hear God’s voice by being in constant communication with him.
Conclusion to struggle
In conclusion, if you are in, struggle, at the moment understanding that you are just continuing the, story, that started before you were born is the way out. You need to change the, story, because then your children and your children’s children will continue the, struggle.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Praying for flow and abundance for you. Until next time Namaste
Almost everybody should be eating a, Paleo diet, It’s very safe and you could do it long term. It’s how I eat and really it goes down to the Paleolithic times. With the, Paleo diet, you can have unlimited vegetables. And so, you’re eating the philosophy of when we were created.
The, keto diet, stands for, ketogenic, and it’s basically getting the body in the state of, ketosis. When we are in the state of, ketosis, it basically changes our fuel source from carbohydrates to fat.
Risa Groux, CN is a Functional Nutritionist and Certified Autoimmune Coach and author of FOODFRAME: Diet is a Four-Letter Word . She has always been passionate about nutrition and good health. Risa was so concerned about purity that she made her children’s baby food from scratch. Today she is passionate about cooking and creating healthy, nutritious food. She works with a wide array of clients from professional athletes, adults, and kids to the Biggest Loser from season four.
Risa works with issues like diabetes, autoimmune disease, cancer, digestion, thyroid, and hormone imbalances, to name a few. Risa firmly believes that the body can heal itself with whole foods we obtain from the earth and sees living proof of that in her office each day. She looks at root causes using functional nutrition guidelines, blood and stool tests, and knows that, weight loss, is a side effect of wellness.
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Diet and weight loss
We have to understand the root causes of, weight loss. Why is it that we have headaches, right? It’s not because we have a deficiency in Tylenol, right? Why do we have high cholesterol? Why do we have constipation? Why do we have depression, whatever it is anxiety, there’s a root cause to that it’s not because we have this deficiency and mitigation. We’re born with that.
Myrna: Are you saying that, weight loss, can always be linked back to our, diet, and what we are eating?
Risa: Not necessarily always what you’re eating, but what you’re eating is definitely hindering or helping, okay? So, if there could be a pathogen in your gut, there could be blood sugar dysregulation, there could be, low thyroid, all of these things. Where food absolutely is contributing to the growth of it or to the reverse of it. I’m always looking at those root causes. That’s why I do extensive blood tests and stool tests, because I want to know what’s going on. I’m not really good at guessing. I don’t play darts with the lights off.
That’s what we they do in conventional medicine, not, functional nutrition. So, we’re looking at, in addition to root causes, we’re looking for prevention, because in allopathic medicine, we look at our reference ranges, they get wider and wider and wider. I say to people all the time, you’ve got this raging fire in the basement, your doctor might give you a little squirt gun or you might be trying it with a squirt gun yourself, but I’ve had to bring in the hose and get that fire out because if we have a fire in the basement, we’re gonna hold on to all of our resources.
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What we eat is either helping or hindering weight loss
The body is not going to give it up because it may need it in the future. Right? It’s like I always say to people, you’ve got a raging fire in the basement, but somebody is on the second floor saying can you help me change the light bulb? Why I got this fire and you’re happy to change the light bulb once again. That’s another consideration is how much of a fire do you have? Right? What is making you not lose the, weight. So those are what we look at and, in my office.
I look at two foundational issues. One is, systemic inflammation. As I mentioned, that is the driver of disease we know that for sure with COVID people going into third stage, inflammation. The second is, gut health, and, gut health, is extraordinarily important.
In addition to some, inflammation, one is blood sugar dysregulation which we you know, I test for, insulin resistance, and most allopathic doctors do not test for that. So, I’m looking at a C peptide and a fasting insulin in addition to the C and glucose. So that’s number one is if you have insulin resistance, it’s very difficult for, weight loss. Number two thyroid dysregulation that is our metabolism. Our temperature gauge, it’s how we burn up fat and tells me why you are not able to lose weight.
The third marker for, weight loss, is cortisol, that is the stress hormone, right. So, stress really does drive up, cortisol, we will not lose weight when we have high, cortisol, or really low, cortisol, for that matter, either. And then for you’ve just named it, sex hormone, imbalance. That’s a huge reason why we can’t, lose weight.
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The fifth we can’t, lose weight, is an overload of, toxins. So that’s why I’m big on, detoxing. I do a detox all the time. I just had a detox shake just now. I’m always, detoxing, and it’s really important because we are inundated with chemicals. The FDA in America. This is a brand-new number. I hate to report it. We have been approved for 86,000 chemicals.
Myrna: Well, let’s spend a little time there. So how do you, detox, or how do you suggest that people, detox?
Risa: So, let me just give you some more stats there that 86,000, toxins. Over 3000 of which are foods that we can eat right? And let me just tell you that Europe just came out with a list of 1600 chemicals that they banned just for their cosmetics. At the same time, the US banded 11, so we have, toxins, everywhere. They’re in our makeup, they’re in our clothes, they’re in our paint. They’re in our furniture, they’re in our food. They’re in our cosmetics, they’re in our sunscreen in our shampoos or conditioners, our Perfume is, toxins.
But, detoxing, the right way is really important when, toxins, come into the system, the liver kind of deciphers. If it is an enzyme, typically even if it’s a, toxin, that goes to an enzyme, it goes out that’s great, but if it isn’t, it gets stored in fat tissues and fat cells. This is why we, lose weight, when we, detox. But, toxins, do a tremendous amount of damage. It stays in the intestinal lining, where they get reabsorbed all day over and over and over again. And one of the markers that we look for on blood tests is called the homocysteine and that tells us if you’re able to, detoxify, your own heavy metals and your own, toxins, so really important to look at that marker as well.
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But I, detox, probably three times a year. I have a lot of people in my office who do it four times a year even if you just did it twice here, you’d be way better off than not doing it at all. But I have my own, detox products, which your listeners have 10% off the detox for three months after it drops. Use coupon code Transform10 at Functional Certified Nutritionist | Risa Groux NutritionYou’re drinking collagen shakes filled with amino acids and antioxidants that help open up pathways one and two. And then you’re eating real foods, you’re eating animal protein, you’re eating unlimited vegetables, sweet potatoes, yams, and some good fats, eggs, nuts, seeds, olives, avocados.
Myrna: Okay, so that’s awesome. But yeah, you probably hit the nail on the head regarding my, weight loss, issues. I haven’t detoxed in a long time.
Risa: So yeah, let me tell you the philosophy that drove me to write this book. I’ve been doing what I do for many years. And I started to do their blood labs. And I realized that everybody is different. If you have low blood sugar, you’re going to eat very differently than somebody who has high blood sugar. If you have thyroid, you’re going to eat very different than somebody who doesn’t have your autoimmune same thing. So, what I started to gather is that we should all be eating according to our health status.
Lot of books come out and tells us this is what to eat, some say go on the, low lectin diet, it works for a lot of people, but it doesn’t work for everybody. And same thing with, keto diet. Keto, is great for a lot of people, but not everybody. I personally couldn’t get into the state of, ketosis. I kept trying and trying and I just couldn’t get into, ketosis, without exogenous health. So, I didn’t want to do that. People who don’t have gallbladders should not be doing, keto. People who have a lot of adrenals cortisol production stress do not do well on, keto.
Women typically don’t do well on, keto. So, I’ll start with, keto. I broke this down and created my, Foodframe method. And that is why I wrote the book, because I think it’s so important that not one size fits all. Keto, is not this new diet type that is going to be the miracle. It might be for some but not for everybody.
Myrna: Well, let me ask your question right there because, I wasn’t aware that, nutritionists, take blood. So, you’re testing your clients, and then you’re deciding on a nutritional plan for them. Is that only with, functional nutritionists, or, nutritionists?
Risa: I don’t know other conventional nutritionists or dietitians who take blood, but I do I order blood labs and stool tests because I don’t like guessing.
So, then I know right? I know if you have H Pylori, or if you have Giardia or you have Candida or you have parasites, how do we know that we’ve got a fire in the basement ongoing? So, keto, stands for, ketogenic, and it’s basically getting the body in the state of, ketosis. When we are in the state of, ketosis, it basically changes our fuel source. Everybody is born to have a fuel source from carbohydrates, sugar, carbs are turned into sugar and the pancreas to pumps that insulin. It creates that insulin and that insulin converts that sugar or carbohydrate and puts it into converts into glycogen puts it in the cell and it’s used for energy.
ATP is what we make from the, mitochondria, within the cell. This is difficult for people who have insulin resistance. I mean, it’s good for people who have blood sugar issues, because it helps, but when you go into the state of, ketosis, you’re changing that fuel source from a carbohydrate to fat. So, you have very, little carbohydrates and I mean less than 20 net carbs in a day, which is low, and maybe 5% of your diet is in carbohydrates. All foods have carbohydrates except for animal protein and fats like oils. Olives are really low. And so, what happens is your fuel source, you’re starting to create, ketones, we would see, ketones, in your urine. That means you’re burning fat for fuel, and it’s great for that person. Most men do really well with, keto, not all women do well with, keto.
Myrna: My husband does, ketosis, with intermittent fasting. He has lost over 30 lbs on this, keto diet.
Risa: Yeah, so that’s a perfect person for the, keto diet. Women don’t do as well. But again, this is not something I would recommend if you don’t have a gallbladder and don’t any fat malabsorption issues. If you have a lot of stress, it may not work for you either, but I would recommend getting a, urine stick, so you can check it every morning to see if you’re in the, state of ketosis.
Myrna: And let’s stop there for a minute. So, you can get a, urine stick, and check for, ketosis?
Risa: Yep, at Walgreens or CVS? That’s what I did is, I would pee on the, urine stick, every morning to see if I’m in the, state of ketosis.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s beautiful. That’s a great tip. Thank you.
Risa: So almost everybody should be doing, Paleo, rather and you can be doing it. It’s very safe. You could do it long term. It’s how I eat and really it goes down to the Paleolithic times. And so, you’re eating the philosophy of when we were created. We ate animal protein as clean quality as possible because there’s another source of, toxins. We have a lot of, growth hormones, and antibiotics in our meats. And then our chickens are just eating just grains and things that they’re not supposed to be eating and they weren’t born to eat, and our fish is farmed and filled with chemicals also.
So, it’s really important to eat good quality. With the, Paleo diet, you can have unlimited vegetables. Any way you want them except for deep fried. We make a couple exceptions like no corns, peas or string beans really very often. We take out legumes, we take out grains, we take out dairy, we take out sugar and processed foods. So, you’re having sweet potato, yams, good fats very similar to my, detox. My detox is very, Paleo. It’s really the easiest one to do. You can stay on it long term, and you’re really removing the high carb foods and the inflammatory foods, bread, sugar, dairy, alcohol, you can have a little bit of alcohol on, Paleo diet, like tequila, gin, vodka, things like that. No beer.
Myrna: One of my sponsors Greenchef set me up with, Paleo recipes. And I’ve been I’ve been cooking, Paleo, but I don’t know much about the, Paleo diet.
Risa: Benefits of, Paleo diet, is to decrease that, systemic inflammation, and increase good, gut health. So, it has a lot of fiber, which is really good for the microbiome. For general good diversity and, gut health. We’re removing the sugar are the dairy, the grains and the legumes. I’ll get into that a little later. We talked about, lectins, but they’re hard to digest.
If you don’t have enough digestive enzymes in the system, you’re gonna have a hard time breaking down, and they’re also filled with tons of carbohydrates. I am a former, vegan, myself and I lived on beans, specifically a little bit of grains but not much and my blood sugars I just watched it go through the roof. I was almost pre diabetic. And it was just because I was eating so many beans at every meal. Lentils and garbanzo beans and hummus and black beans.
Myrna: I gained 3 lbs in the last 2 weeks because I was eating beans and oats!
In my book, I go in great detail with this such different types of, vegetarians and the, vegan, diet. Vegetarians, are eating Bread and Oreos, French fries, Cokes. You know, these are all vegetarian foods, but they are not good for us. They’re processed foods, so you can fall into that trap of processed diet. And occasionally I do meet a real, vegetarian, who actually eats vegetables, but they have to have some protein soy. So again, there’s the beans and the grains, nuts and the seeds. So, vegan, is not something I recommend for everyone. I really don’t recommend eating vegetarian or, vegan, for most people. But I do recommend eating a lot of plants food no matter what, because we were born to eat plants.
Autoimmune Protocol Diet is Paleo without nightshade
The, autoimmune protocol diet, is fairly restrictive. It’s an elimination diet. So, it’s 30 to 90 days and I wouldn’t recommend if you have one or two or more autoimmune, you go for 90 days as best you can. It’s very restrictive. It’s the, paleo diet, however we’re removing, nightshade vegetables. So that’s tomatoes, potatoes, opportunities except for sweet potato and yams, eggplant and peppers of any kind.
So, anything but black pepper, soy, paprika, red peppers, and you know jalapenos and then and goji berries and then we’re moving on nuts, seeds, eggs, so it is very restrictive. They bring it a little bit of fruit, but very little berries a little bit of apple things like that. But it’s pretty restrictive. And the whole point is to quell the, inflammation, that’s driving these antibodies that are causing that cytokine storm.
Myrna: I’ll circle back, so you’re saying that the foods that you remove are foods that contribute to, inflammation?
Risa: if you have, autoimmune disease, nightshade vegetables, are foods that are high in, lectins, which we’ll get to next. But, lectins, can cause inflammation. Yes.
Myrna; Dr. Steven Gundry has been talking about, lectins, and how these things go through your intestinal lining of your stomach, and you shouldn’t eat them? And I listen and I’m thinking why are tomatoes bad? But you’re just saying exactly the same thing, I don’t eat eggplant. I’m allergic to it. What are some of the, nightshade vegetables, again, I know there’s tomatoes what else?
Risa: Tomatoes, all kinds of potatoes except sweet potato and yams, different family eggplant, and peppers, any kind of pepper except for black pepper. So, Gundry he endorsed my book. He’s on the cover of my book. I’m doing his podcast actually in a couple of weeks. But he is actually right and all the research he did about, lectins. Lectins, basically, you know we all as human living organisms, we all have a defense mechanism, right?
If we’re being attacked, humans, we can kick bite, scream, flee, call 911 right plants don’t have that ability. So, what they have is what I call a hard candy around them and it’s around the germ or the seed. So, they say, I want to just survive and procreate, just like humans, right? Those are two main goals for the organisms. And so, they have this protective coating.
Now if you have a very acidic stomach, you have enough digestive enzymes in your gut, you’re going to be able to break, lectins, down. But even if you break those down, those, lectins, can cause a lot of, inflammation, especially somebody with a, leaky gut. So, Dr Gundry talks about a lot about, leaky gut, and I’m trying to I always try to explain it to people because we only have one layer of epithelial cells in the intestinal lining, just one and we have some villi there protecting it. But once you damage that layer, we have poke holes called tight junctions. And Gluten is a great helper to open up those tight junctions causing, leaky gut, and then next thing we’ve got food intolerances and, inflammation.
Myrna: Can you explain what’s bad about a, leaky gut.
Risa: So, you don’t want a, leaky gut, because things are going through stress, toxins, food particles, organ malfunctions, bread, sugar, dairy and alcohol are all going through and causing your body to go in the state of, inflammation, and cause food sensitivities not food allergies, but food sensitivities. And if you do that long enough, you’ll create an, autoimmune disease, right? The antibodies are created so it’s got a place to it’s got to park itself, organ gland or tissue. So, for fibromyalgia, it’s your muscles. If it’s rheumatoid arthritis, it’s your joints.
So, you don’t want antibodies passing through your gut, you don’t want, autoimmune diseases. So that’s why you don’t want a, leaky gut. Also, it just impairs everything, brain fog, I mean, it goes on and on digestive issues, things like that.
Your FODMAP is an acronym and it stands for fermentable, oligo, saccharides, disaccharide, disaccharides, monosaccharides and polyols. And in plain English, that means different types of carbohydrates that cause a lot of gas production. This is what happens if you have, IBS irritable bowel syndrome, which is basically a non-diagnosis for some, inflammation. I find out on the stool tests how much you have, but if you have inflammation in the intestinal lining, you either have IBS or IBD irritable bowel disease, or SIBO, which I test people for which is small intestinal bacterial overgrowth and that is constant chronic bloating, and it’s paired with either chronic diarrhea or chronic constipation.
The FODMAP diet
So we’ll have either of those three, that is something that I recommend doing low, FODMAP, so these are carbohydrates that absorb water, and they tend to make you bloat and they create a in house, cellulite. It helps muscle it helps on hair, skin and nails. It helps joint pain. I have probably two servings of collagen every single day. It’s really good. It’s a great protein source and very low in carb, protein, fat and fiber. I started with coconut milk; I had coconut cream. I used it today, I had my chocolate collagen plus, which has the amino acids and antioxidants to help open up those detox pathways. And then I put some fiber in so I put in today I put in hemp seeds and spinach. So usually, I do a seed and a green and it is very, very filling, takes through the distance, your body doesn’t need anything else.
Myrna: Where can we pick up a copy of Foodframe: Diet is a Four-Letter Word? Your website, your Instagram handle and how people can get a hold of you for this amazing information that you’re given.
Book: FoodFrame Diet is a Four-Letter Word
Conclusion
Risa: Thank you. I recommend everybody find out what their foodframe is and you can take the quizzes, only 12 questions on my website risagrousnutrition.com. There you will find my book, there you will find my course, how to achieve optimal thyroid health, there you will find tons of articles and my product line, my detox, my collagen, and collagen plus that’s more the detox collagen. After you’re done with the, detox, you can stay on that for more liver detoxification. And then a plethora of other supplements. I have I have these amazing collagen bars that are delicious chocolate bars that are only eight net carbs and they’re great. I have one almost every day.
My Instagram is @risagrouxnutrition. My tick tock and Facebook are the same. I work with people all over the world. We do advise on zoom. So, anybody’s welcome to make an appointment. And we’ll order labs. We’ll send you a stool test at your home and then we’ll have you go to your local lab for blood work and then we’ll just watch you heal and, lose weight.
