You Must Give To Receive

You must give to receive

In order to receive you must first, give. This principle is taught in the Bible story of Elijah the prophet and the widow woman.  When you, give, you will always have enough and when you, give, God will also bring your dead things back to life.

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It Happened: Elijah and the widow woman

The Lord told, Elijah, the prophet to tell King Ahab, who did what was evil in the Lord’s sight more than any of the kings before him.  “There will be no dew or rain during the next few years until I give the word.”

Then the Lord said to, Elijah, “Go hide by a brook and eat what the ravens bring you, for I have commanded them to bring you food”

So, Elijah, did as the Lord told him, but after some time the brook dried up because there was no rainfall. The Lord then told, Elijah “Go and live in the village of Zarephath, I have instructed a, widow, there to feed you.

Again, Elijah, did as he was told and when he arrived at the city he saw a, widow, woman gathering sticks and he asked her. Would you please bring me a little water in a cup. Then he added and a bite of bread too.

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Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

I only have a little flour just enough to make my last meal

The, widow, responded “I swear by the Lord I don’t have a single piece of bread in the house. I only have a handful of flour left in a jar and a little cooking oil in the bottom of the jug. I am about to cook my last meal and die.”

Elijah, responded go ahead and make the meal, but make a little bread for me first, for this is what the Lord said. There will always be flour and olive oil left in your containers until the time comes when the Lord sends rain and the crops grow again.

Sometime later the, widow, woman son dies and, Elijah, brought the boy back to life.

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Podbay FM

Give and God will multiply your seed

The secondary message I received from this story is God is great at multiplication, but you must have something for him to work with. The, widow, woman had a handful of flour and a little bit of oil left at the bottom of a jar and God used that to multiply so that she always had flour and oil. That means she always had something to eat.

Jesus used the 5 loafs and 2 fish to feed thousands. Again, God is great at multiplication.

The Feeding of the 5,000 is also known as the “miracle of the five loaves and two fish”; the Gospel of John reports that Jesus used five loaves and two fish supplied by a boy to feed a multitude.

What this tells me is that you must always have, seed. I recorded a message a couple of years back titled “Don’t eat your seed” if you eat your, seed, spend your, seed, God has nothing to work with.

If you want a harvest you must start with, seed.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Principles of giving and tithing

There has been a lot of talk recently about the, tithe,

Creflow Dollar said that the, tithe, was Old Testament and under the old law and Jesus is new law and the, tithe, is wrong. Every pastor in the entire Kingdom responded to this statement. The Bible said that the, tithe, belongs to the lord and we must, tithe, first.

Elijah, told the, widow woman, to make something to eat with the little flour and oil she had and, give, him something to eat first. How many of you would do that for a stranger? Maybe you would do that if your child is starving. A lot of mothers stay hungry so that their child would eat. But in order for the, widow woman, to get the blessing she had to, give, first.

You have to, give to receive. It works for anything you want. If you want financial abundance or even just to have enough you have to, give, to your church, to hospitals, to the poor, to any company offering human services like Goodwill and the Salvation Army.

If you want love you have to, give love, if you want respect you have to, give respect, and so on and so on.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

The tithe belongs to the Lord

The, tithe, is just God’s way of giving structure to your, giving. If you don’t want to, give, 10% nobody can make you. You have free will, but don’t expect God to bless you when you are like the, widow woman, just waiting to die. If you live stingy all your life never, giving, never blessing others, expect that you will dry up like a prune and always live in struggle and have empty jars. Empty jars don’t just mean money. Life is more than money. You need love, you need health, you need connection. So, start, giving, from your heart and watch the windows of heaven open and abundance flow in.

In closing always remember the principle You have to, give to receive.  Someone told me a long time ago, if your hands are closed not only you can’t give, but you also can’t receive.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach to receive inspiration throughout the week. I will meet you back her next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources 

Look At The Heart Not Outward Appearance

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Is There Life After Death? A Mother’s Story

Karen Johnson on life after death

When Karen Johnson’s 27 year old son died of a, heroin overdose, she started believing in, life after death, when her son showed up in his human form waving at her at the airport. In her book “Living Grieving” Karen shares how communicating with her son in the, afterlife,  helped her live with her, grief, and start her work as a, shaman, helping survivors and spirits deal with,  life after death.

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Bio

Karen V Johnson’s fast paced professional career as a Federal Judge came to an abrupt halt when she lost her 27-year-old son, Ben to a, heroin overdose. Rather than grieve in a way that made people around her comfortable, she did the unexpected. She quit her lifetime appointment career, sold her house with all her belongings, and went on a 2 ½ year journey around the world finding a spiritual and healing practice along the way.

Karen didn’t think she could ever find her way out of despair, but she found a process that works and shares her journey of transformation with others so they can heal too. Her work is structured around, shamanic, practices, mindfulness, and the journey of the Four winds Medicine Wheel.  Karen blends her personal story with meaningful experiences, offering exercises related to each of the four practices of becoming unstuck, becoming lighter, awakening, and creating a new life.

Ben’s Life After Death

Myrna: Can you share with the listeners your, grief, journey and the death of your son from a, heroin overdose. It’s a powerful story.

Karen: Ben, my son was 27 years old and he was struggling as many young men are trying to find himself trying to decide if he’s going to try to start a business go back to school, many things. And so, I was going on a vacation to South Korea for a week and I thought to myself, when I get back, we’re going to have the big conversation. I don’t care how uncomfortable it is.  And so I went to South Korea, and one day in the afternoon, I just wasn’t feeling well. and into the evening and then all of a sudden, I get this call, and they hang up.

I just had this feeling of dread. And so, I called the number and the detective answers and I say, you just called me I am Karen Johnson. He said, yes. where are you? And I said, I’m in South Korea. And he said, I have some bad news for you. I’m sorry, your son is dead from a, heroin overdose.  Ben had gone to a party with them some other young guys, and they got drunk and they decided, hey, we’re going to try, heroin, in all their 27-year-old wisdom.  My son was 6′ 8, 260 pounds and they gave him too much.

And he died almost instantly. He and I were very close and it just rocked my world. They say that the death of a child and an unexpected death are two worst ones to survive. So, when you have an unexpected death of a child, you’re in a bad place. But that’s the bad part of it. The other side of it is you know, it’s always the blessing and the curse. The Yin and the Yang. So, the other side of it was so the next morning, I couldn’t even get out of South Korea.

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Life after death: Seeing Ben in his human form

Believing in, life after death, started for me at the airport trying to return to the States. It was nighttime when I got the call, so sitting in the airport in South Korea, the next morning I see my son Ben in front of me, just like he is in life. And he’s smiling, his big old grin and then he fades away. So, I desperately frantically call my ex-husband, his father and say, you gotta check. I think he’s alive. I think he’s in that refrigerator and he’s trying to get out. I think he’s alive. You gotta go check. And so, they go check and call me back and very kindly say, no, I’m sorry he’s gone. And so that for me was a doorway.

Death. is always a doorway, it was the doorway into believing in, life after death. And it’s something that I did not believe in before. I didn’t have much of a spiritual practice. I would have said something like alive is alive, dead is dead. And so, my son Benjamin, woke me up to life on the other side, or, life after death, and he continues to do so to this day.

Myrna: That is one of the reasons I wanted to speak to you. I am wearing a sweater right now, but I’m getting chills. You said that was the first time that Ben appeared to you in his human form. The other times you said he was flapping around so I assume he appeared as a bird. I follow Sadhguru and he talks a lot about, life after death. And he said, whenever you die suddenly, from like, suicide, or a bullet or maybe like a, heroin overdose, or something, then your, spirit, can’t seem to find peace. So, do you think that is why Ben stuck around after his, death?

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Grief is a painful experience

Karen: Yeah, after Ben passed, I was in a state. My, grief, was so profound, I was so distraught that my bedroom was upstairs, I couldn’t get up the steps. So, I would be on the steps and I would be crying and screaming for Ben until I threw up. I was throwing up blood. I was truly a mess and I could feel him around me. I knew that he was around me just frantic. I couldn’t hear what he was saying although I could sense him. I couldn’t hear him so I did what my logical mind would never have done before I googled, mediums. To be exact, mediums, in Fairfax County, Virginia and this whole page popped up.

And so, one person’s picture looked a little bit larger than the others. And I thought, well, I’ll take that one. It turns out this is a way, spirit, has been guiding me now to buy a house and to do many things. Something looks different. And that’s how, spirit, communicates because we don’t always hear the words. We can’t always translate what, spirits, are saying. And so, I went to a, medium, about three weeks after he passed and I said, look he came in right behind me. He’s standing over there in the corner.

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Seeking out  a Medium to communicate with spirit

Can you tell me what he’s saying? I can’t hear him. And so, we had a wonderful session. And she told me things that really resonated because it sounded like him. Something like Mom, it was a boneheaded move, and things like that. That just sounded like him. And so, after it was all finished, he said, you know, you might have some abilities yourself because most of my clients have no idea that their loved one is right there in the room with them and there is, life after death.   So that was sort of the intro for me to begin studying, life after death, and, spirituality.

Myrna: Yeah, I think you said that you were Clair-sentience. I like what the, medium, said, spirits, are around us all the time, but a lot of us can’t feel them. I heard that one of the reasons that we can’t communicate with, spirits, is because when you die, your energy is at a higher frequency, and, spirits, has to lower their frequency in order for us to sense them or communicate with them and most of them don’t know how to do that. Is that true?

Karen: That’s my experience. It’s sort of like when you go to a Buddhist temple or you go into the Catholic Church or any church, they’re singing, there’s smoke, there’s prayer. It’s all a way of changing the vibration and the energy.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

Life after death: spirits need to transition

I think Ben’s energy couldn’t dissipate until he was able to reassure me, because my being frantic, that he was okay.  I think you stay stuck and in trauma, it prevents, spirits, from fully moving on and doing what they need to do on the other side. Yeah, because they are watching us, they’re seeing how you are dealing with, grief, and people say well if they go to heaven or nirvana or wherever you think that place is, how can they come back. But it’s not prison. So, they’re allowed to come back and forth easily and sometimes they’re a little stuck in between worlds, and they need help.

Myrna: Does Ben still come back and forth?

Karen: Oh, yeah. So, you know, I became a, shaman. I do, shamanic healing, part of, shamanic healing, is helping people to die and helping, spirits, to crossover in the other world. I help, spirits, transition to, life after death.  And so, I helped Ben to cross over and he comes back and forth. I’ll call him if I have a young person who’s committed, suicide, or sudden death or something.  Sometimes, suicides, get a little stuck because there’s so much bad talk about, suicide, that they’re going to hell and all this kind of stuff. And so, they’re afraid to cross over and the, after life.

They don’t know what to be, so I can call Ben and he’ll say, hey, man, come with me. I’ll show you the ropes. I’ll show you it’s beautiful on the other side, you have nothing to fear and then they’re able to cross over to the, after life, peacefully. So, we would kind of work together.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

We had a lot of grief during the pandemic

Myrna: People have lost a lot of people over the, pandemic, and I’ve had some interviews on the show with wife’s losing spouses.  I’ve actually never had one with a mother losing a son. But the, grief, is profound. So, what kind of solace can we have? Should we be scared when we feel our loved one’s presence? What kind of advice you can give on that?

Karen: Yeah, so I think sometimes people say, I’d love to see my loved one but it I find it scary at the same time. I really don’t want them appearing. So, if you have that kind of dynamic going on, I think they don’t want to appear.  A lot of times we’re scared of our loved ones after they die. I don’t think before I saw Ben, that I would have said I wanted him to show up, but he just kind of showed up.  So, I think a lot of that goes on and it just depends how they show themselves to you.

Myrna: You went to the, medium, three weeks after Ben died. Did you find that your, grief, started to settle down after you could communicate with him? I know you’re still grieving seven years after his death, but did the intensity subside?

Karen: The intensity of my, grief, somewhat subsided.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Shamanism Helps survivors deal with grief

Myrna: You said that, shamanism, allowed you to move through your, grief, on your healing journey. So, tell us what, shamanism, is.

Karen: About nine months after Ben passed, I had been in the spiritual world and learning things and growing and I had gone to an evolutionary astrologer who said, hey, I had another woman who had a reading like yours that became a, shaman. I went to Mr. Google and searched for, shaman, and Mr. Google said, try the Four Winds. I contacted their office and three weeks later I’m on a plane to Joshua Tree California.

I got there and I just loved it. That was the beginning of the, south direction, of the, medicine wheel.  The, south direction, of the, medicine wheel, is where you learn to shed your past, the way that a serpent sheds its skin. So, we’re looking at all our old wounds and things that are bothering us in trouble. These are ways of thinking and being all those things and we’re learning how to work with that how to let it go. A process called elimination. So that’s the first feeling medicine that we learned in the south direction.

Myrna: Okay, so they teach you how to shed your skin and how does, shamanism, do that? Do you do it by meditation? Do you do it by coaching?

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Shamanism works with luminous energy to help with grief

Karen: The, shaman, work is working with the, luminous energy field, and we have a, luminous energy field, because when someone’s alive it’s vibrant, and when someone’s gone, it’s just not there. We have this field of energy around us. And so, what we do as, shamans, is learn to work with this, luminous energy field. And by the way, shamanism, is not a religious practice. We have, shamans, that are priests and rabbis, all sorts of people trained in using, energy medicine, to help people and so we do it by process called elimination.

Then we have what we call, medicine stones, and we use our, medicine stones, to help people heal the heart, we blow into our own wounds. And we work with them in different ways to energize these, medicine stones, and then other people can blow their wounds into the stones and then we use a process where we allow them to breathe in, breathe out. You know, the breath is a metaphor for, shamanic, work.  So, we’re breathing in newness and freshness and breathing out staleness and old ways.

So, we’re allowing them to breathe and release with a, medicine stone, on one of their, chakras. And then at the end of this process, we open to coaching. If you look at the pictures of the Christ and saints and the Buddha, all have this halo around them. So, we reach up into our Halo and open it up. And then we bring this divine light down into the person’s, chakra.

So, they’ve released heaviness, and we’re replacing it with divine light. And it’s profoundly healing so that’s how, shamans, work with energy.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Shamanic directions for healing grief

Myrna: Can you take us through the other three, shamanic, directions?

Karen: So, the,  south direction, and then we moved to the, west direction.  The West has to do with death and dying and, fear of death. Most of us are really afraid of, death, and dying, ours and people that we love. And so, we work with that and sometimes people have energies and entities that we learn to extract and take out in the west.

And then in the, north direction, we move to, hummingbird medicine. The West medicine is, Jaguar medicine, Jaguar who fearlessly calls whatever is dead and dying in the jungle and so we want to be like the Jaguar impeccable and calling whatever’s dead and dying within us. Then we move to, hummingbird medicine, and hummingbird teach us stillness in motion. It’s little wings are flapping and it’s still.

Myrna: And it’s always singing right?

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Podbean

Shamanic practice and directions

Karen: Looking for food and looking for The Sweetest Nectar. Hummingbirds feast on nectar. They don’t go to the dung heap. They don’t go there. They go to the nectar of life. Right? So that’s that metaphor for drinking only from the sweetest nectar of life. So, hummingbird medicine, and then we end up with, Eagle medicine Eagle.

Eagles fly high. So you know Eagles have been the standard for the United States somebody that that flies high. It’s the only bird that flies over all the storms of life always looking for clearing and it has to do with destiny. So these direction in, Eagle medicine, has to do with finding your highest destiny, flying high being able to fly high over obstacles.

Myrna: That’s beautiful. I love it. What are some, mindfulness, tips that can help us with, grief and loss?

Karen: When I talked about my book is the journey of the bereaved and the journey of, grief,  is through transition, resurrection and rebirth and that’s the same process our loved ones go through. So their transition is from their physical form to the spiritual one. They resurrect on the other side. After a while they’re either reborn or maybe recycled into a new life or reborn into their after life.

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Grief is a journey of transformation

And so the, grief, this is our special journey because we go through transformation from having this person to not having this person. And then after a while, if if we can move some of this energy we can have this opportunity to resurrect to look around and say, Okay, so now what next? And then finally to get to the rebirth part where we actually use the energy of, grief, to create a new life out of the ashes of the old one which seems like a really unbelievable thing.

But when you think about other big events in life, like parenthood, and marriage, we know they have transformative energy. We know that life is never the same, life is gonna end with, grief. In our culture we want to avoid, death, because we associate it with sadness and despair. And so people that are grieving are often told, it’s time to move on. It’s time to get over it. Let’s not talk about that.

So oftentimes, people become even more stuck in their, grief, because they become isolated and alone and they know that will make people uncomfortable. What I’d like people to know is that, grief, is a journey. It’s not a one time thing and it has no time frame and your journey is going to be different than anybody else’s.

Never say to a grieving person, it’s time to move on. It’s time to just just let them be. Let them be, and allow them to go on this journey. So that they can use these practices.

Alchemizing the energy of grief

The, south direction, helps people shed their, grief. Each each direction has four practices associated what mindfulness things that people have heard in other contexts. So we talk about non judgement. So one of the practice non judgement who are you judging and who’s judging you? And when I ask people to approach these practices in a very ceremonial way, because we want to get out of our every day, reptilian brains.

Indigenous, alchemy, means native or inherent desire for, transformation. And I think we as humans are really hardwired for, transformation, and change. And when we keep ourselves stuck in, grief, that energy stays stuck in our body and it can make us sick. Years later, we can come up with big illnesses because we have so much unresolved, grief.

So what I like to suggest for people is to really work with these practices, each one they’re 16. And so if you really deeply do the work and take it to spirit there can be profound change that will enable you then to go to a party, have fun, maybe go on a date or whatever you choose, but we have to do a little spiritual work first.

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Living Grieving using energy medicine, alchemize grief and loss.”  Why did you write it? I know you wanted to share the story of your son.

Karen: So I wrote the book after I went on my spiritual journey and beginning shamanism. I ended up selling my home and all my possessions and I went on two and a half year trip around the world, trying to understand, grief and loss. It just seems so incomprehensible to me. It’s like this big elephant and how do you deal with this?

Book Living Grieving
Book: Living Grieving

Living Grieving

And and so I really thought at the beginning, I would just be writing a blog. You can find the book “Living Grieving” on Amazon. I do, shamanic, work I help people with, death, and dying people that are in the process of dying or people that have passed on. I also help widows and other people who are the survivors, I call us the survivors. And the book is really written for the survivors.

Additional Resources 

Master Lama Rasaji: Harmonizing Mind Body Spirit

The Devil Discourages Before He Destroys

The Devil is like a roaring lion

In 1 Peter 5:8, Peter gave a firm warning about the, devil: “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the, devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” Peter says that, Satan, wants to devour and destroy you, just like a roaring and hungry lion.

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The Devil uses our negative emotions

If the, devil, can discourage you, then he can destroy you.  So, you have to guard your heart.  Don’t let, disappointment, enter in.  Disappointment, is also called, hopelessness, and what does the bible say about people without hope. They perish.

The other thing is, disappointment, usually leads to, depression, and then, anger, follows.

We can feel the, negative emotions, or we can try to block them by doing something.

We can avoid painful, emotions, by reading a book, shopping, cooking, eating, watching a movie, drinking, smoking, drugs etc.

But it is best to feel these, emotions, try to feel it in your body. Feel which part of your body is feeling the pain. Is it in your stomach, is it in your chest?

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Feel negative emotions in your body

Stop and feel, negative emotions, for at least one minute before you try to self-medicate.

Then ask the question what am I feeling?

Is it jealousy?

Is it rejection?

Most times, negative feelings, manifest as, depression. Depression, is a surface emotion that is linked to childhood, adolescent and sibling experience. A person depressed is like a boat on a sea that is being tossed about by every wave or wind that comes along.

Anger, normally accompanies, depression. Anger, is more than an emotion. It is the registration of more than one thousand energy fields. It happens when the world does not perform as we expect it to.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

How to deal with negative emotions

Whenever you feel, anger, jealousy, or, depression, try to feel the emotion for a few seconds before you react to it. The more often you apply consciousness to your, negative emotions, the less they will show up.

I want to point out that lack of self-worth is most often the root of all emotional pain. It does not matter how much you have achieved or accomplished; it has no correlation to the outside world. It is the experience of insecurity.

Your emotions are like street lights, they turn on in the dark. That is your dark thoughts.

This is the plot of the, devil; he wants you to believe all is hopeless that is why he, seeks and destroys. People who are depressed feel all is hopeless that is why depressed people commit suicide.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Discouragement takes out the heart

Discouragement, takes out the heart. So beat off, discouragement, and, depression, with everything you got. Try to replace those, negative feelings, with feelings of love and peace. For example, Think of the birth of your children, your happy moments, a beautiful scene you experienced etc. One of my favorite sayings is “good memories can save your life” from the movie the Punisher. I will share some of my happy places with you.

My husband and I were on a cruise and one night we sat and stared at the full moon for some time. We were in the middle of a dark ocean and the full moon was reflecting on the water. It was a beautiful and serene experience and I recall it often, because it made me feel connected to God.

My other scene I recall often was on my honeymoon. We went to a beach in the Bahamas. We were the only one on the beach, the water was rough and the winds were strong and I had the most amazing feelings of peace and tranquility. I could go on about my memories of the birth of my children but you get the picture.

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Download on Spotify

Conclusion

So, you see we all have memories to replace those, negative emotions. If you can’t remember your memories, take out your old albums. We are hard wired to only focus and remember the bad things someone said to us, the bad things someone did to us or what someone didn’t do that we expected them to do. That is why you are depressed and discouraged and let the, devil, in, so you must turn it around.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope you were inspired to replace depressive thoughts and, negative emotions, with good memories.

Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Have a Positive Mindset: Get Rid of Automatic Negative Thoughts

The Truth About Mental Health And Psychiatric Medications

psychiatric medications for mental health

Dr Fred Moss, psychiatrist, shares why he thinks that, psychiatric medications, is like cutting off your arm if you have a mosquito bite. In this podcast we discuss using your, true voice, to reclaim your, mental health, and why actively doing one of the creative 8 activities like creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, and photography can remove the need for, psychiatric medications.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11057630-the-truth-about-mental-health-and-psychiatric-medications.mp3?download=true

Bio

Dr. Fred Moss, MD is the foremost expert on delivering your True Voice into the world so that it can heal because your voice matters. Your voice can heal. Dr. Fred has been actively practicing in the, mental health, field internationally for over 40 years, and as a, psychiatrist, has been an unwavering stand for the transformation of, mindset. He is a firm believer that conversation, communication, creativity, and human connection are ultimately at the source of all healing of all conditions in all fields.

Along with being a highly successful restorative/transformational coach, his signature technology, True Voice Podcasting is for people who are ready to take their lives back by speaking their authentic message into the world. TVP is designed to guide people from all walks of life, who are ready to rediscover the confidence and courage necessary to bring their full and real humanity back into all areas of their life.

 

Communication is a mental health tool

Fr Fred: I was born to be a communicator. I was trying to bring healing and joy to the world.  My family was in a fair amount of disarray. I had two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me, I still have two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me and, I learned a lot from them about, communication. One day as a young adult my said well, you have to get a job now, and told me that so she got me an application.

I applied and got the job. I started working with adolescent boys at a state hospital, a state, mental health, facility. I was finally getting paid to communicate. And that’s all I was doing. I was communicating with these wonderful human beings who were now living in a in a state hospital and we were healing each other’s, communication.

It was really fun and really a great job.  We got to take field trips and play softball and all the cool stuff that I did with these kids. The thing I didn’t like, was the way, psychiatry, was treating these kids. We would call the, psychiatrist, and say Jimmy is up too late or Timmy and Tommy got in a fight.

And he would come down and after three seconds of talking to the kid and maybe six seconds talking to us, he takes out his weapon, his pen.  And he would write something in the chart. And then we’d have to go get Timmy and Tommy and hold them down while we injected them full of very high-powered sedatives to put them out of their misery and for the next 12 or 24 hours and if Timmy or Tommy didn’t say another word for 24 hours, we would call that a success.

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Using psychiatric medications to sedate patients

Now, that’s still happening in all the state hospitals around this country and mostly around the world too. We’ve not grown past that; it’s still going on. I made it my business to become a, psychiatrist, at that point. I was going to become a,  psychiatrist, and bring, communication, back because that I knew that, communication, healed.  So took in a big inhale and 13 years later, I graduated from the University of Northwestern University as a as a, psychiatrist, and did my residency in Cincinnati and started being a, psychiatrist.

But in the meantime, Prozac, had been introduced to the world. Prozac, was a medication that changed the whole paradigm of, psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, chemical imbalance.

Myrna: what’s the difference between a, psychiatrist, and a psychologist?

Dr Fred: A, psychiatrist, prescribes medicine, but that’s actually the last thing I wanted to do as a, psychiatrist. But now it was my typecast and it was what I was doing. Yeah, for the next 30 something years, I wrote over 100,000 medication prescriptions. I saw over 40,000 patients who call me their doctor. And it was very difficult because every time I wrote a prescription, my heart would wrench just a little or my soul would sacrifice it sometimes, not just a little sometimes later, in 2006, I finally decided that I could no longer do that.

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I started taking my patients of psychiatric medications

It was 15 years after I started. I started taking people off their diagnosis and taking them off their, psychiatric medications, and seeing how they did. Now I know that sounds kind of radical. It’s kind of interesting that we’re more concerned about taking people off of medicine than giving it to them.

Myrna: It’s the society, right? It’s life. Why did you become radical?

Dr Fred: I was radical. I took away stuff that was making them worse until they got better. Then I started becoming a healer. I call it my, true voice, moment. When I really started becoming a healer, I was no longer just a doctor, but a healer. And I began communicating with all my patients a little bit more and a little bit more. Until I really knew that I was back to being little Freddie who was pretty sure that, communication, and connection was the point here on Earth.

And over the last 15 years since 2006, I’ve really been just edging myself forward to being a stand for, communication, and connection and my practice has evolved over time, I’ve done work all over the world. A lot of, telepsychiatry, and a lot of utilization review, and I’ve been in every single corner of American, psychiatry, usually as a leader and really attempting sometimes without much success to inject, communication, as the core source of all healing.

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iHeart Radio

Communication with podcasting

Telepsychiatry, a subset of telemedicine, can involve providing a range of services including, psychiatric, evaluations, therapy (individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy), patient education and medication management. Telepsychiatry, can involve direct interaction between a psychiatrist and the patient.

Eventually I set up Welcome to humanity.

Welcome to humanity is my brand name. That’s where you’ll find me is the www.welcometohumanity.net that’s what my main website is and it’s self-explanatory. It just says all of the experiences that we’re having as humans are to be embraced, including the ones that are miserable and painful. Now I’m actually a restorative transformational coach, and I’m a podcast teacher and I’m an expert speaker and a podcast guest. I have my own podcast and I am so finely aligned with who I really came here to be again after 50 years of trying out some other stuff.

Myrna: Well, that’s amazing. Number one that you felt that you knew that you wanted to communicate, in kindergarten, I guess because you had older brothers.  So why did your mom get you a job in the, mental health, field? Did you do some work with, mental health, in college?

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Podbean

Starting in the mental health field was coincidence

Dr Fred: You know, it was easy enough to get a job in the, mental health, field. My mom was already a social worker. She didn’t quite give me the job. She got me an application at Fairlawn Center, which was a state, mental health, facility, a civil service job.

Myrna: Well, that’s amazing because that’s usually how if you’re able to be on purpose, that’s how God directs you. Okay, the second question that I have here is, so when you decided to take your patients off of, psychiatric  medications, and you said it taught them to communicate.  Are you saying that let’s say that someone is on, Prozac, because, Prozac, settles them down. Are you saying that if people really heard them and listened to them, they won’t need these, psychiatric medications? Where are you coming from with that?

Dr Fred: That’s an important question. So, the first thing I want to say to all the listeners is if you have found something that works and it has to do with, psychiatric medications, and your diagnosis, by all means, please don’t switch. Okay. I mean, we’ve got something that’s really working, I’m not telling you to switch. So, let’s make that really clear. This is for people who really know that they’re not living their ultimate optimal life.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Prozac controls your emotions by stopping feelings

When I took my patients off their, Prozac, or the medications like that, what would happen is they would find themselves again coming in touch with their own feelings, coming in touch with their own emotions in ways that have been muted over the years. When they got in touch with themselves, we could learn that they didn’t even have a diagnosis in the first place and in many cases the, psychiatric medications, and the treatment were really perpetuating the actual symptoms they were marketed to treat.

So, you know, that when you start really looking at that, and we pull people off of their diagnosis, because now I can’t just pull people off their, psychiatric medications, the medicine is not the problem. It’s the idea that we all think there’s something wrong with us. And then we get confirmation that there’s something wrong with us and then we need so called, psychiatric medications. The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re making it through the world like any of us and you’re just as confused. At times are fearful and other times anxious or depressed.

You make mistakes, you hurt people or something, that’s called being human. You know, people are like, oh, no, I have a diagnosis. It’s interesting a, psychiatrist, can’t get paid unless he gives you a diagnosis. Right? If he writes no diagnosis, he won’t get paid. So, there’s a major incentive to diagnose every single person who comes into their office number one.

Number two, it’s also the only field in all medicine where if you come into the office thinking there, there might be something wrong with you and the doctor says that there’s nothing wrong with you. Then you get upset. If you had gone to the heart doctor, and he says you’re okay, would you get mad at him?

Myrna: Of course not.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Psychiatrists write prescriptions to control diagnoses

Dr Fred: When we get a diagnosis, it helps us relinquish responsibility for the parts of our life that we don’t like. But if we can blame that on, ADHD, or, social phobia, or, post-traumatic stress disorder, or, major depression, or, bipolar disorder, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, narcissistic personalities, etc. The experiences you’re having in life isn’t like get over it. No, I’m not saying that. What I am saying is embrace it as part of being you and this human condition. And don’t think of it as a deficiency or a sickness.

Myrna: I understand people like to feel good. And these conditions don’t make you feel good. I don’t know about, ADHD, but all the other ones you don’t feel good. So, you want some kind of beta blocker or something to block the symptoms if you’re not feeling good. It’s not what you say these, medications, do. But I wanted to get to the point where you’re saying that they can talk it out.

Dr Fred: Well, inside of, communication, what we really are talking about therapy.  Therapy also presumes that there’s something wrong with a patient. Okay? Well, what this is really about is connection. So, it isn’t really about just talking it out. It’s about connecting with another person at whatever level that takes resonating with another person or with your experience.

Myrna: Can they connect that way to their psychiatrists, or we’re just telling them to talk to anybody to connect with anybody?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Psychiatry has a power gradient

Dr Fred: The deal with, psychiatry, is that there’s a power gradient, there’s this idea that the, psychiatrist, is okay and you’re not, right. That’s actually not true. We’re both not okay. When we look across the table at each other and see our actual humanity, that’s where healing starts. When there is a gradient, psychiatry, if you’re a patient down there, this perpetuates an ongoing experience of there being something wrong with the patient.

Myrna: Okay, so that’s actually good, because if you walk into the room thinking that there’s something wrong with you and you need help that’s is what you expect. Tell us about healing through creativity and self-expression and the, creative mindset.

Dr Fred: One of the things is that none of us really seek out being uncomfortable. We’re looking to be comfortable. However, we are so addicted to this idea of comfort being normal we think being uncomfortable is abnormal. The truth is, being uncomfortable is totally normal. This is a really crazy world out there. And not only that humanity is an uncomfortable experience. What I noticed in when writing the book, The Creative 8 Mindset, was that when we’re creating our, mindset, shifts.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Healing using the creative 8 mindset

When we are creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, these are all things that when we’re creating, they really work to decrease that negative symptomology. While we’re doing any of those creative things, the negative experiences dissolve and disappear. So, with the, creativity, this is different than if you’re listening to music, I want you to be making music. It’s different than if you’re at an art museum, or looking at a beautiful piece of art. I want you to actually be making art. It’s just like if you’re watching Dancing with the Stars, or if you’re actually dancing.

So, the, creative 8 mindset, reminds us that we are here to be creators. So, I invite people to really do that creative eight, exercise which is finding three of those things, art, music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, and gardening and doing them each day even for just one minute. And really noticing how positive experiences can evolve simply by becoming creative.

Now ultimately, there was a couple more I added on photography and cleaning. And then there’s the trump card if you will, and the trump card is to help anybody do anything. When we’re helping other people do things, it’s also an amazing experience of having our own concern about ourselves disappear as we become service oriented. And that’s just another way to use the, creative 8 mindset, to our benefit.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Finding your true voice for mental health

Myrna: How does finding our, true voice, connect to the, creative 8, mindset?

Dr Fred: If you’re already on medicine, it’s actually really hard to do that. Because medicine can really stifle and smother creativity. The, psychopharmacological medications, do not expand the, creativity, in any way shape. The, psychiatric medications, often perpetuates a condition to remind you treat and it isn’t a matter of you do get to come off medicine, it’s a matter of that’s a good way to manage your life. If you want to come off medicine, the best way to go for that it’s going to be to start connecting with people.

Right now, you know, still help others still be creative, still be loving and still be accepting and compassionate and friendly and kind and all those things. Can you do that even in the face of a world that’s looking like it’s spiraling out of control?

Myrna: So how does using your voice help, mental illness?

Dr Fred: I don’t know anything else that’s gonna help with, mental illness, except using our voice actually. And the truth is, we think that taking medicine is going to help and really in the end, once you’re diagnosed with whatever condition you have, and you’re started on, psychiatric medications, the medication is frequently designed or at least, achieves the goal of perpetuating a symptom of market intention.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Getting off psychiatric medications

So, you’re on that, psychiatric medication, for good. Very few people come off, psychiatric medications, when you first start medicine, you think if it’s not going to work, well just stop it, but it’s not really true. It’s not going to work,  we’re going to change it or we’re going to increase it or we’re going to add another medicine. Doctors are not even trained not to take you off, psychiatric medications. And when I started taking people off medicine people were like, you’re doing what?

Myrna: I’m sure your patients were happy with that.

Dr Fred: Well, some of them were scared, because they knew that people get sick again. They’re like, I don’t want to come off. Here’s the other thing, these, psychiatric medications, are built so that when you do come off of them, at least for a short period of time, you get an actual spike of the symptoms that were there in the beginning. And it has you thinking that you have returned, but in fact, it’s not you that returned. It’s a function of coming off of these medicines. They’re built that way.

Myrna: So how does your, true voice, help you with, mental illness? One of the things that, Prozac, does is, is keep you calm, right? Can using your, true voice, keep you calm?

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Using psychiatric medications is like cutting off your arm because of a mosquito bite

Dr Fred: That’s not what I’m saying. Let’s say you are a mosquito bite doctor and I had a really bad mosquito bite on my on my elbow. For three weeks I’ve been trying to get rid of it. It gets bigger, it’s painful. It wakes me up at night itching, itching, and I finally decide I’m gonna go to a mosquito bite specialist. So, I find you in the yellow pages, and I go into your office and you’re like, Yeah, I’ve seen something like this before, and we can cure it. Oh, good. That’s why it came to you. You know, it’s only going to hurt for a minute you tell me. Okay, let’s do it. We’re going to cut off your arm at the shoulder.

Myrna: Oh, wow. That’s drastic.

Dr Fred: If we say okay, and then you’ve cut off my arm. Then the next time I come to see you, when we look for that mosquito bite on that elbow, it won’t be there.

Myrna; No, because you don’t have an arm.

Dr Fred: If all I’m looking at is do is cure the mosquito bite then cutting off your arm at the shoulder was a cure for that mosquito bite.

That what, psychiatric medications, do. It totally wipes you out. It blunts you out. And it’s not just, Prozac. These, psychiatric medications, do a lot more than just fix the mosquito bite,  by taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, it feels like it’s curing you, but it’s not really curing you. It’s taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, including that one.

Myrna: Wow, what a powerful visual you presented.  I get it.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Psychiatric medications blunt all feelings

Dr: Fred: And that’s what we’re really talking about here. Now, again, to our listeners. If you have been going far and wide and it found a combination of, psychiatric medications, that works for you and your, mental health, improves considerably, stick with it. By the way, I don’t use the phrase, mental illness, anymore. I don’t think there is such a thing as, mental illness.

There’s definitely such thing as mental discomfort, mental misery, mental pain, for sure. But illness suggests that you’re sick and I don’t think that you’re sick, you’re only experiencing an unpleasant part of life. Now when we started looking at that, then in, true voice, actually voicing your real self, it’s amazing how healing can happen immediately.

I chose, podcasting, to be the avenue for that because you can say your, true voice, right here on a podcast. It’s one of the last remaining spaces on the planet where you can actually say your, true voice. You can’t do it on social media, obviously, you can’t do it. You know, in most cases, you can’t go to like a concert and do it. You can’t have an auditorium full of people to speak your, true voice, anymore. So, your, true voice, is being taken away from you.

True voice, is a way when you resonate with another person and truly, honestly authentically connect with another person. It’s amazing what that does instantly for your, mental health. Even if you haven’t connected with anyone in a long time when you do connect. It’s amazing what healing takes place way better than any, psychiatric medications, I’ve ever written. And like I said, I’ve written prescriptions for over 100,000, psychiatric medications.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

True Voice podcasting contributes to your mental health

Myrna: Well, explain it a little bit. What happens when they come on your podcast and talk about their, true voice?

Dr Fred: The, true voice, podcasting is not a podcast, it’s actually a course that I teach so that people who want to express their, true voice, will learn that they can do that best through, podcasting. We spend the first half of the course of a 13-week course really honing on people to get in touch and rediscovering their, true voice, authenticity. And in that authenticity, really exploring what they love.

In your case, you’ve got, mindset, somewhere along the line, mindset, became part of your, true voice. When you start doing it, you can wake up every single day like who am I going to talk to you today about, mindset. And there’s something that drives you forward inside of your commitment to learning more and to teach you more about, mindset.

So other people they’re gonna come up with whatever they come up with. Maybe some of them will come up with really big ones like, climate change or racism or sex trafficking, and maybe others will come up with seemingly smaller ones like petunias in Arkansas or something.

Book The Creative 8
Book The Creative 8

Conclusion

It’s fine, whatever. Your Podcast theme is. We then walk you through your authenticity into a world of a maximum podcast creation and production. I have a couple of teammates who co-lead with me and we take people from zero to podcaster in three months, and then dive in really learn how this method works if you go to www.findyourtruevoicebook.com And you go in there and then I will send you a copy of the book for free.  If you go to www.welcometohumanity.net you will find information about my true voice podcasting course. Check out my book:  The Creative 8  on Amazon

Additional Resources 

Entrepreneurship: Tips for Women Battling Mental Illness

 

 

 

Listen To Your Heart It Reveals Your Purpose

Your Purpose Makes You Weep

One way to find your, purpose, is to notice what makes you, weep, or angry.  Because that is your, heart, responding to what’s on the outside that is linked to something on your inside.  For example, do you, weep, when you hear a child has been abused or a dog left outside in the heat without any water? Then maybe God wanted you to do something about this and that is why he pre-wired you to care.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11044600-listen-to-your-heart-it-reveals-your-purpose.mp3?download=true

Nehemiah wept for days

We see an example of this in the, bible story, of, Nehemiah. Nehemiah, asked his brother a simple question. “How are the, Jews, finding being back home after being in captivity”

Nehemiah, brother replied “Not good. They are in trouble and disgrace because the, walls of Jerusalem, have been torn down and the gates destroyed by fire.”

When, Nehemiah, heard this, he wept for days until he felt compelled to do something about it. At the time he was not a rich man, a man of influence, or had any other qualifications to rebuild a wall; he was the Kings cup bearer.  But that did not stop him from asking God to make the King favorable to his request to rebuild the, walls of Jerusalem.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Nehemiah found his purpose

Nehemiah, had this immense calling to do something, it made him sad because he really didn’t think he could actually do anything about it.  Remember he was not rich; he did not have any influence or so he thought. While serving the king wine one day, the King noticed he was sad and asked him why.

Nehemiah, replied “I am sad because the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins.” The king asked “How can I help you?” What a strange response from a King. This is because, Nehemiah, had already petitioned God to go before him and soften the, heart, of the king.

So, Nehemiah, responded “Send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried.”

The King responded “How long will you be gone?”

Again no pushback, the King did not even ask, Nehemiah, how he plans on accomplishing this task. He just said just let me know how long you will be gone!

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Stacey Abrams: A present day Nehemiah

How many of you felt angry or sad at things happening around you, but felt you could do nothing about it because you are a nobody without money or influence?  I have heard lots of present-day, Nehemiah, stories of men and women tackling huge issues and building a movement. The first one that comes to mind is, Stacey Abrams, in, Georgia.

Stacey did not win her groundbreaking 2018 campaign for governor, but she did not quit. She got right back to work because she understood that she didn’t need the title of governor to make a difference in the lives of Georgians.

But let’s unpack our Nehemiah story. The truly amazing thing about this story is that he completed the wall in 52 days. He, organized, what the enemy called poor feeble, Jews, to work together. Everybody did a little bit. I think today we call this, grassroots organizing, or, boots on the ground, and he did it without technology. No telephones, no internet!

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

How to Find Your Purpose

Why was he so successful, because it was his, purpose.  It was his, soul’s purpose, and that is why the, organizing, forces in the universe came together to make it happen. How did, Nehemiah, find his, purpose? He wept for days when he heard that his people were living in shame and his, heart, told him he should do something about it.

In a similar way, your, purpose, has a way of finding you.  It could jump off the page of a book you are reading, you could hear a term and like, Lifecoach, and know that is what you are supposed to do. Are you trying to find your, purpose in life? Reflect on what elicits emotion from you. Listen to your, heart.  It will direct you to your, purpose.

Nehemiah, built a wall, what can you build? Can you build a community center for the youths in your community, so they can get off the streets? Can you build a school in your village, so the kids can get an education? Can you build wells in third world countries, so that poor people can drink clean water?

Conclusion

Whatever is causing you pain, you can do something about it. You are, limitless, you only need the, desire; the, organizing, power of the universe will do the rest.

This is 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I hope that you are on, purpose, and if not,  you must learn to listen to your, heart, to find your, soul’s purpose. Join my Facebook group Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.

Additional Resources 

Your Pain Reveals Your Purpose

How to Replace Bad Habits With Success Habits

Break bad habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby  transforming your life.

Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.

Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit,  regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to  happiness.

Success habits, generally increase your happiness.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Bio and Introduction Bad Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame;  it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.

To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits,  with, success habits.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

5 core areas to build Success Habits

  • Mindset,
  • Career & Finances;
  • Relationships,
  • Physical Health,
  • Emotional Health
  • Giving Back.

Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!

Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Understanding Where Happiness Lies

Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.

Myrna: I read that book.  I found it very difficult to understand but it is a  classic.

Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still  it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life,  if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.

You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.

It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.

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How to Win Friends

I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves.  It was like my own human science experiment.  I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.

I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular.  People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”

That just started my, success habits,  journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.”  All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

My #1 Success Habits was reading Self Help Books

I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it  ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas.  People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.

Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.

How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits

Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it  consciously.

I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas.  I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits.   The book that brought my, bad habits, home was  “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.

It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Your Bad Habits are automatic

Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.

Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.

Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land.  These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.

  • Habit 1: Be Proactive
  • Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
  • Habit 3: Put First Things First
  • Habit 4: Think Win-Win
  • Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
  • Habit 6: Synergize
  • Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

The Book the Secret  had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t  have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Action is the way to build your Success Habits

Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?

Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I  still do sitting right here.  You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.

You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.

It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become.  Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.

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The Mindset of Success Habits

Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.

Will:  Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like

  • You are not good enough
  • I will never be anybody
  • People don’t like me
  • They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
  • Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it

We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.

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Download on iTunes

The Habit of Transforming your Mind

Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.

Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.

 I’d say the top, habit, for that goes back to Mr. Dale Carnegie – “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, is just make other people feel special.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

The Habit of Making People Feel Special

Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:

  • Remember names,
  • Remember details about people,
  • Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.

It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.

For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:

  • There’s your sleep,
  • Watch your nutrition
  • Movement, there’s your exercising.
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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
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Success Habits for Emotional Health

The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is

  •  Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
  • Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
  • The, habit, of enjoying life and  expressing your passion is important.

I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years.   Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Erase Bad Habits with a regular routine

Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or  “Oh, I have conflicting schedules”  A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.

The last, success habit,  is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it.  I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of  “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.

Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Moore Momentum Training

Will:   https://mooremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter)  My Instagram page is  @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.

I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited.  I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.

In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.

You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.

It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”

Conclusion

Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.

If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.

Additional Resources

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

 

Life Lessons From An Abandoned Girl

life lessons from an abandoned girl

Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned  from her long-life journey of an, abandoned,  girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11015207-life-lessons-from-an-abandoned-girl.mp3?download=true

Life lessons from abandonment

The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author’s life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way

Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story,  and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .

Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it’s a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn’t know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where’s my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.

While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person’s house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I’m talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn’t play with them.

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I felt like nobody’s kid abandoned by my mother

I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you.  I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground.  Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.

After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me.  I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.

Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I’m understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn’t have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don’t want to treat the other person’s child well.  It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don’t understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn’t want you to eat at this house.  Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?

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Life Lessons from growing up without a mom

Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don’t go close to him and he’s still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.

Myrna: I hope he’s suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child?  That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I’m very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?

Jannette: Yeah, she didn’t want me. So, it’s not like I didn’t have a mother. She didn’t want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me.  I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.

After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.

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I witnessed my step mom being murdered

Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?

Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn’t open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something’s wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.

Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?

Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.

Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?

Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life.  But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can’t believe that person.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

My mother told me I would never amount to anything

I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn’t care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I’m no longer in this house with my mother.  Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.

Myrna: Was life better for you in America?

Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I’m not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I’d had a daughter.  I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me

Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.

Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Abandoned girls become abused women

Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work.  And he did a 360 switch. I can’t work and I don’t have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn’t stay in the country without proper papers.

So, he said, okay, let’s do this. I really don’t want to lose you. So, let’s just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.

Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can’t wait to hear the end of this story. You’re still in America. So, what happened?

Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don’t have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He’s promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn’t allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he’s not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.

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Deciding to stay married with abuse

Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You’re still married?

Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn’t physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t cry, a night that I didn’t cry. My husband was just ruthless.

But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn’t have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn’t drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.

Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book?  You’ve gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that’s basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.

Book Tears Behind My Smile
Book: Tears Behind My Smile

Writing the book Tears behind my smile

Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse.  He chose you.

Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don’t take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you’re stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.

Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?

Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.

Additional Resources

How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

 

Look At The Heart Not Outward Appearance

look at the heart

The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge David by his appearance or height. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I teach on why we should not judge our partners by their outward appearances, but by what’s in their heart.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11015176-look-at-the-heart-not-outward-appearance.mp3?download=true

Background story of why we should look into the heart

A blind girl hated everything and everyone except her boyfriend because he was the only one who was always there for her. When he asked her to marry him, she refused saying she could only marry a man if she could see his, eyes.

Sometime later someone gave her a pair of, eyes, and when she could see, she saw that her boyfriend was blind and his, eyes, were closed. She told him she couldn’t marry him because she couldn’t look at his closed, eyes, for the rest of her life. Her boyfriend went away with tears in his eyes.

Sometime later she received a letter from her boyfriend asking her to be careful with her, eyes, because they were once his!

So today I want to teach on how to look at the, heart, and not the covering.

True love comes from the heart

Let’s first define, true love. Is, true love, goose bumps, sexual attraction, chemistry, or is, true love, the willingness to give your partner what they need to be complete eg. your, eyes, if they can’t see?

Humans are always influenced by what they see. It is the first level of, attraction. What we see is linked to our, heart. I was watching the Tarzan movie the other day and when Tarzan met Jane, he started to sniff her private parts. Humans can’t go around doing that so we depend on our, eyes, to influence our, heart. That is why we spend hours every day tweaking our, appearance, so that we look our best.

But what about our insides?  How much time do you spend tweaking our insides so that we are the best version of ourselves?

Don’t judge the outward appearance: look at the heart

The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge, David, by his, appearance, or height. People judge by, outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the, heart.”

Personally, I have always liked my men tall, dark and slim built and when I met my husband, I almost rejected him because he is built like a linebacker and definitely not tall and slim, but I noticed his, heart, immediately and that is why I married him.

Ladies it is nice to have a picture in your mind of what you are looking for in a man, but don’t reject someone outside of your parameters without first looking into his, heart. His, open heart, is what will love you and be emotionally available to you. It will love your kids, provide and protect your family.

I remember Joel Osteen preaching on the subject years ago. He said that his sister had this image of the man she wanted to marry and it didn’t include a red-haired man, so when a red hair man came courting, she sent him away until she realized that this was the man God chose for her. She had to let go of her idea of what a  perfect man should look like and look at the, heart, of the man in front of her.

How a man treats others reveals his heart

They have now been married for over 20 years.  Ladies sometimes you get what you ordered, but most times you have to take what shows up. Look at how the man treats you, how he treats his mother, how he treats the waiter and his relationship with God and you will get a peek into his, soul.

And if you find one with a great, heart, but not the, outward appearance, that you prefer, please don’t throw him back in the pond, because some other woman will gladly fish him out!

How to Listen to your Heart

By choosing to follow or, listen your heart, you are gaining the strength that comes from all the love you’ve ever had. Once you feel it, that love can overcome your problems.

Understand that if you approach someone with an, open heart, he or she will feel it and will most likely return a similar energy to you. That’s how relationships are born, reaching out and touching another. It’s what we all want, and it is available to you by just being willing to, listen to your heart.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.

Additional Resources 

A Giant Looks In The Mirror And Sees Nothing

Building Relationships With Relational Mindfulness

Shari Foos Relational Mindfulness

Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10971762-building-relationships-with-relational-mindfulness.mp3?download=true

Bio

Shari Foos is a Marriage and Family Therapist, adjunct professor and the creator of The Narrative Method, a California 501c3 non-profit organization. Part of the Human Connection movement, TNM creates programs, products and experiences that address the growing isolation and need for real connection through sharing stories. Foos also co-founded the Bridge in 1999, a free humanities program for low-income adults at Antioch University Los Angeles. She received a MS in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University and a MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles.

As a sought-after expert on the subject of, relationships, remote group dynamics and meaningful connection, her writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications and podcasts, including Real SimpleHuffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, Thrive Global, Shondaland, The LA Weekly, Sparks & Honey Culture Briefings, Sondership, Let Pleasure be The Measure, and Bustle. Ms. Foos serves on the board of the City Kids Foundation and is the recipient of the New Directions for Veterans Community Hero Award (2015) and The Antioch University Los Angeles Lifetime Achievement Award (2016).

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Childhood trauma affects our adult relationships

Shari: I do think every one of us has had, trauma, different degrees, but we certainly all know the feeling of loss or shame or humiliation, or unfair treatment etc. I think of emotions like a piano with all of the keys, we have all of them to different extents at different times. But even if we don’t always use those really high notes or the low, low, low, notes, they’re there and that serves as our empathy. And because of that, we can sit with someone who’s going through something terrible that maybe in our day-to-day life, we’ve never experienced, but we can feel it in our soul because it’s a human experience.

When we put ourselves aside to be truly present and available with our lovingness acceptance or non-judgment or empathy, to hear someone’s story, from their perspective, not our judgment or assumptions. That person feels better. No matter what the problem is, they feel better, because without being heard, we go crazy, that is all part of, relational mindfulness.

When someone comes to you who you love, and they’re really excited about something and you’re so excited with them, that’s when you are aligned, right? You are, head-to-head, heart to heart. That’s easy. But when somebody comes to you, with a complexity that you have a lot of feelings about whether it’s addiction or someone’s choice of spouse or whatever that may be. It’s more difficult. And that’s why we practice awareness, wonder, empathy that is called, AWE, or, relational mindfulness.

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Building relational mindfulness with AWE

Myrna: Exactly. And here’s where I think it’s going to lead into something else, I know you’re interested in, which is, relational mindfulness.

You had a bad childhood bridge, the gap for us. How did you go from having a bad childhood to being a therapist, and a, marriage therapist? Did it have something to do with your parents’ marriage?

Shari: Well, yeah, that wasn’t very good, my father was a rageaholic and it was at a time where even more so than now, there was a lack of understanding about, mental health. And so, he wouldn’t seek treatment and it just wasn’t in the mentality of people then. So as a result of my having a childhood in which I was wounded, and on top of that, I was never heard or seen, you know, and it’s not uncommon. Lots of people grow up like that, but don’t know that it could be better. So, I was fortunate in that I had friends and I would go to their houses and see like, Wait a minute. This is different from my house.

I watched Leave It to Beaver, where the father would, talk, about it in the library. Our family definitely didn’t have talks.  As a result, and probably because of who I came in as into the world, I’ve just always been incredibly passionate about what makes people feel behave. So, I would study my father,  the sweat on his upper lip, depending on what was happening there. I knew he was about to blow, and that’s when I got interested in, body language. 

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Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language

Myrna: That is excellent on so many levels. One, let’s, talk, about the, talk, issue. I mean, I love that, when I’m talking to someone on the show, I can always bring in personal experience.  I read a lot of books, I listen to podcasts and watch television shows.  Just yesterday, I was watching of all things Reba, where the it was meant to be comedy, but Van was talking to Reba about her relationship with her daughter and he says, you guys do something called, talk!

And that was so funny. And that’s basically what you’re just saying. You went to other places and saw people actually talking and there was no talking going on in your house. So, you’re right, about your, childhood trauma. Everything starts from there. In fact, I was even reading this book yesterday and it says that every child goes through some kind of emotional damage, even the ones that think they had a great, childhood.

So, talk to us now about, relational mindfulness, and how this, awareness, builds, relationships.  You know, a lot of times men has moods, and women have moods, and being aware of when they’re going into a mood or something could be, relational mindfulness.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
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Talking is the start of communication

Shari: Right, that’s a great concept. And it’s a great question. Here’s again, I know it’s a new word. It’s gonna take a while to sink in. But that talking thing, talk, talk, whatever. When you live with someone, you don’t have to consciously think whoa, his shoulders are slumped or, her bottom lip is really pouty  but there is a tremendous value in our being able to break down the, communication, the nuanced, communication, that is silent, because it’s one thing that we rely on we rely on it not just for survival.

That’s what lovemaking is. And that’s what disconnecting is. So, here’s, here’s a good thing that you may do consciously or unconsciously, but you could see that the other persons in a bad mood, and then maybe it triggers you to think, Oh, great. Now I got to take care of you. You know, I have some needs too, but had you been able to, talk, to the person you both might have found out what was going on with each other? Here’s the number one thing to do. It’s so easy. If you need to have a serious, talk, because when we, talk, about, relational mindfulness, it’s a very deliberate action.

It would be really hard to live in that 24/7 You know, but it’s a state of hyper awareness. Of the impact of your words, settled communications, as well as the other person’s. And the idea is you never begin a conversation like that, unless both people in this moment feel willing to be selfless and take turns listening.

And it’s okay. It’s gotta be okay if the persons not there. Because we know that sometimes they’ll say, okay, I’ll talk about something. And if your heart isn’t into it, and a person is asking you to really look at it from my perspective, if there’s resistance, it’s not a good time to talk about it. It’s okay, let’s wait.  That’s, relational mindfulness.

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Relational mindfulness builds deeper connections

Honestly, you could cancel out so many problems with, relational mindfulness. It’s just good to hear for 20 minutes five minutes, whatever. Would you be willing to have a session of all where we’re both agreeing to mutual respect, awareness, wonder and empathy, taking turns sharing our feelings and then reflecting them back to the other person.

Reflecting them back in the storyteller, making sure that they’ve got it right. And lovingly, of course, correcting each other, then we’ve got it right. Now we can move on to another point that the same person estimate or the other person can share their perspective, but constantly check in because it’s a lot to put yourself aside, especially when somebody is saying things that like, you know, 10 minutes ago.

Wait a minute. I don’t agree with that. So, one thing I often will do for myself is I’ll keep a little pen and paper just so that I can get something off my mind. I don’t even have to look at it to scribble it.

Or ask the person to stop, but everybody realizes that this is a very focused state that is difficult to maintain. There are times we maintain it for a long time, especially for meeting somebody new who may not be pushing our buttons the way our spouse does, but who out there has or has had a spouse has never felt like I’ve told you that a million times before.

I mean, if they had said what they thought they had said, you would have heard it. The problem is either in the delivery or the receiving, let’s find out. Let’s find out with the, communication.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Awareness wonder and empathy

Myrna: That’s a good point. So, you’re saying when they say that I’ve told you a million times, they’ve said it in their heads but not to you?

Shari: Or the way that they’re articulating it? isn’t getting through to you.  A lot of times, they’re saying the words but their body action is not is not conveying the message, and the receiver doesn’t actually believe it.

Myrna: So that’s great. But I want to circle back to something you said there where you’re right sometimes is not the right time to ask somebody to talk or ask somebody to get into. I like that, you know, awareness, wonder, and, empathy. I normally work with energy, because I can feel, energy. And I know when it’s not the right time because of, energy. How do you respond with that?

Shari: Well, I think there are two factors for me in terms of reading someone else. One is certain things are obvious. For instance, if someone’s crying, you don’t necessarily know right off the bat, why the person is crying, or if they’re crying for joy or sadness. You soon see the difference. But we can misinterpret someone because of the way they think about something.

So even though I pay attention to my instincts, I always check in so you know if I see someone’s upset and I feel like they want to be alone, I still want to say I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it, but I want you to know I’m here for you or I want you to know I’m so sorry I have to leave or whatever is true for you.

Myrna: I like that, because sometimes you see something and there’s one and why are you bothering me? If you’re saying you’re just checking in, I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it or not. That’s good, but I’m just checking in let me know when you want to, talk, or something like that.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

What is relational mindfulness

We’re touching a lot of stuff on, relational mindfulness. How would you describe, relational mindfulness?

Shari: Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective. And that’s really what it is. So, the idea is, we take turns, especially if we’re having a problem with each other, we’ve already tried both talking at the same time.

And I know, we both know, we’re right, but I’m right. Okay, we’ve done that. And at some point, we may get to a place where we decide I’d rather communicate than be right sometimes I’d rather apologize can be right, because if you perceive that my action, or behavior, or style or subtle communication was offensive, it doesn’t really matter. If that was my intention. I am sorry. I’m especially sorry, that wasn’t my intention.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How does awareness wonder and empathy deepen relationships

Myrna: How do you think that, awareness, wonder, and, empathy, deepens, relationships?  What does the science say?

Shari: Well, first of all, one thing that connects our brains is, eye contact, which we can accomplish online which is amazing. Our, eye contact, connects us, syncs our brains. And if we were in MRI machines, you will see our brains are lit up in the same place. But if our backs are to each other, first of all, we don’t know what expression is on someone’s face.

Maybe their faces are mean. If you’re at some level of aggravation, it’s a good time to not have an, AWE, session. Take care of yourself first, run around the block, take a shower, ask for a hug if you’re able, you know, but we need to do what we can do to kind of get our homeostasis back. I suggest to people this self-soothing tool that you can do any place at any time. You take your dominant hand, put it on your heart, and when you really start feeling your heartbeat, you let your hand take comfort from that and vice versa. So, it’s a loop of calm. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to deal with this moment.

Conclusion

Myrna: Tell us about your company The Narrative Method.

Shari: This is the organization I founded in 2014. And it is devoted to bringing together people from completely different backgrounds to connect through sharing the stories of their lives and creative experiences. So, as I mentioned earlier, we do writing groups that are for free on online and they last one hour. You write for a total of 20 minutes, you see pictures, you get prompts. You go into breakouts; you share your stories. At the end, we do this mosaic where everybody pitches in one sentence. One hour, in and out.

Nobody has writer’s block. Nobody’s judged, nobody’s wrong. There’s no mistakes possible. People have a blast with themselves, because we’re really working on how to turn on your creative faucet without that voice inside that says how many.  And then the conversation groups which we do on Thursday nights are a matter of seeing compelling videos about anything.

Then getting a prompt and going into breakouts and sharing a story that just came up as a result of those things. And so, people get to know each other because there’s no small talk. And it’s fascinating to hear, not just another person’s story, but whoa, that made you think of this? It’s fascinating. It’s so cool. We offer those free. We have classes, we do trainings. The website is www.thenarrativemethod.org

https://youtu.be/56vHerZMDlk
Additional Resources

Nothing is Impossible: How to Turn Life’s Challenges Into Opportunity

Traits of a Virtuous Woman

traits of a virtuous woman

There are several stories in the bible about the, virtuous woman.  Proverbs say A, virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is worth more than rubies. Proverbs 12:4 says A, virtuous woman, is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I look at traits of the, virtuous woman, and use as my foundational story the, bible story, of, Ruth and Naomi, and why, Boaz, called, Ruth, a, virtuous woman.

Download podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10963289-traits-of-a-virtuous-woman.mp3?download=true

Boaz and Ruth Bible Story

One of my favorite, Bible stories, is the story of, Ruth and Naomi.

The story is told that, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law had huge losses. Her husband died as well as her two sons leaving her with no money. She said that the Lord made her life very bitter and caused her to suffer.

So, Naomi, decided to return home to Bethlehem in Judah because the Lord had blessed Judah with grain.

Naomi blessed her daughter in laws and sent them back home to their families but Ruth clung to her refusing to leave her

Naomi and Ruth, moved to Judah where Naomi told Ruth to go work in the fields of, Boaz, a very wealthy man. Boaz, noticed this strange woman working hard in the fields and enquired who she was. He was told that she was the young woman who came back with, Naomi.

Ruth the virtuous woman

Boaz, was impressed about what he heard about this, virtuous woman, and told his workers to treat her kindly and drop bundles of grain on purpose so she can pick up.

Ruth, worked throughout both the barley harvest and the wheat harvest then, Naomi, decided it was time for her to get a husband.

She gave, Ruth, instructions on what to do and, Ruth, did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. She bathed, put on her best dress applied perfume and lay at the feet of, Boaz. That was the submissive gesture. Boaz, woke up and accepted the offer blessing her for not going after a younger man.

The story ends with, Boaz, marrying, Ruth, and her son Obed was the grandfather of David.

Boaz, called Ruth a, virtuous woman

In this story Ruth was called a, virtuous woman, because:

  • She was loyal to her mother-in-law,
  • She was willing to work,
  • She was willing to leave her home and be a foreigner in another land and
  • She did everything her mother-in-law told her to do

What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?

  • A, virtuous woman, cares for her family.
  • She is a hard worker.
  • While she toils faithfully in meeting the needs of her own family, she also doesn’t forget to help the other needy people God brings across her path.
  • She also takes the time to look after her own health and be a good steward of her body.
What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?

Aristotle, says that the, keys to happiness, is the practice of, virtue, because, virtue, is in accord with human reason. Aristotle, stated that we can reach minor states of happiness through money, power, or fame, but ultimate happiness can only be reached though the practice of, virtue.

A, virtuous woman, has character traits such as honesty, chastity, courage, and generosity. Virtue, theorists believe that if we concentrate on being righteous people, the right actions will follow; in other words, the people with the right character tend to make the right decisions.

What is the meaning of Virtuous:
  1. Morally good; acting in conformity to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice; as a, virtuous man.
  2. Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life.
    The mere performance of, virtuous, actions does not denominate an agent virtuous.
  3. Chaste; applied to women.
  4. Efficacious by inherent qualities;

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays until then Namaste

Additional Resources:

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through