What Is Love: How to Love Your Way To a Better Life

Humble The Poet What is Love

What is love? Love doesn’t require us to build a deep connection. We fall in love with babies all the time. We don’t need a deep connection with them. They don’t even have to reciprocate.  I think we have to let go of the old idea that I have to be somebody or do something in order to realize this love that’s already here.

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Bio Humble the Poet on Love

The truth is, we all want love. Everything we do is in pursuit of it. But as we count likes on social media and measure our worth by the numbers in our bank accounts, we are programmed to see love as something to earn or win. That programming obscures the simple truth behind what we are: beautiful, infinite, eternal sources of love.

For Humble the Poet, the concept of love has been a decade-long curiosity. What began as reciting spoken-word poetry in coffee shops to impress girls, evolved into a creative adventure that has spanned the last 10 years, crossing genres, mediums, and oceans. In How To Be Love(d), the former elementary school teacher turned rapper, spoken-word artist, poet, and international bestselling author teaches his fans that instead of seeking to be loved by the world, we must be love.

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What is love? what are we doing wrong

Myrna: Wat are most of us doing wrong when it comes to love?

Humble: I think we believe that we have to, find love. And then we have to qualify for, love. And none of that’s the case. I think we need to stop telling people you’re worthy of love, and you’re enough for love. Love is constant, it’s always there. And what we actually need to do is just clear away the clutter to realize we don’t have to do anything magical or specific to, earn love, and have, love, find us. It’s the breeze, we just have to open up our sails to catch up.

Myrna: I love that. So, we’ve got different kinds of love. So, we’ve got God’s love, which is always everlasting. Then we’ve got, parental love, which is always everlasting.  But, romantic love, where you know a man meets girl or Girl Meets Boy kind of thing. We feel that we have to earn, romantic love, love is it’s an energy, right? It’s a spirit. So, is that why you’re saying we don’t need to earn, love?

Humble: Yeah, I wouldn’t even differentiate. I think instead of saying there’s, there’s, God’s love, there’s parental love, there’s, romantic love. I would say there’s, pathways of love. So, the permanence of the pathway between us and the Almighty. And permanence is the, pathway of love, between us and our parents. Now when we create new relationships, we’re building a pathway and that’s why those pathways are less shaky. So, if I meet someone for the first time, we’re beginning to create a path for love the, energy of love, to flow between us, right? It’s not the love that is temporary. It’s the path that’s temporary.

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Love’s pathways needs maintenance

So, what is love, it depends on your, pathway to love. The, pathway of love, between us and our parents or us in the Almighty. These pathways have been established, we have to do work to maintain them and clear the clutter from them, obviously, but we don’t have to do as much work than for example that we have a romantic partner. We have somebody we work with, we have an activity, these we have to do a lot more work to established a clear pathway. And there’s a lot more day to day maintenance that’s required for that.

We look at the previous pathways that we have, and we’re like, those are so easy. So, making these new pathways with this person who I want to be my husband or wife should be just as easy. The day to day maintenance is not sexy. It’s like brushing your teeth. But unromantic work is required to keep, Love, maintained.

Brushing your teeth isn’t a trip to Paris and it’s the same thing with creating, pathways of love, between us and other people. It can’t be big gestures; it’s got to be the small things. It’s got to be the uneventful things. It’s got to be the uncomfortable conversations. It’s got to be all of that. So, I don’t differentiate between, love. I differentiate the pathways and how we build them. That’s the, love story.

Myrna: Please explain what you’re talking about a pathway because I’m like here and I’m thinking like a highway.

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Love’s pathways is like a 4 lane highway

Humble: How to love, is like a highway or a river because the highway moves quickly. Things can move quickly on the highway so, let’s say that you know the highway of the, pathway to love, would be the cars and you know if you have a beautiful well paved highway with a lot of wide lanes and it’s built super strong, a lot of, love, can flow through it. Now if you have one that’s not been maintained and has a lot of potholes and it’s crumbling, and then random pieces of garbage in the middle of the road, then everything’s gonna move slow or be obstructed.

So, the work that we have to do is not only to build the pathway, but to clear the pathway regularly. So, what would what would those potholes be? What would the damage be? That’s going to be our insecurities, that’s going to be our need to be liked, or people pleasing. That’s going to be our egocentric behavior. That’s going to be our self-esteem or self-respect. That’s going to be us being unwilling to be vulnerable. Think about it. When you’re not vulnerable. You’re putting up a wall. Now imagine putting that wall on a highway hoping to be able to get rid of a wall. You have to clear the wall. Right? And it’s not an overnight thing it’s going to take time to do but we have to measure progress.

You don’t have to do anything to receive love

You don’t have to be perfect and worthy of love to get qualified for love and if you have love for someone, they have to reciprocate it and it’s like no we are a source of love. The work that we’re doing to create and keep the highways clean, so we can love can flow to you.  Some of us are creating and maintaining those highways, it’s easier for some people in our lives and others. No, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It just means it’s easier for others, you know, and it doesn’t require the things that we think it doesn’t require history. It doesn’t require being perfect.

Myrna: I love it. I think that is the beautiful analogy. So, we’ve got this highway, right and we want to get somewhere. We want to get married. We want to be loved, so I’ve got this highway, but I want to get to this new love partner. But you’re right, I’ve got all these potholes and I’ve got all these walls and I got all this garbage. You mentioned what some of these things are insecurities like self-esteem. You know, maybe baggage from somebody that’s hurt us. So, I’m on this highway that’s got all this stuff, but I’m not going anywhere because of all this clutter. So, in your book, do you tell people how to clear the, clutter.

Humble: Absolutely, the first thing I do is say you have to be aware of it. I’m gonna go as far as saying needing to get married is, clutter.  So, what I’m saying is understanding what the, clutter,  is super important and the, clutter, is not stopping you on a journey. The, clutter, is stopping love, from flowing in between you and the other person. So, our needs to have these external things outside of us is always going to be the first issue and then recognize as I said first thing is recognizing, clutter.

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Be aware of the clutter blocking love

The second thing is okay, that it exists. Okay, there’s nothing wrong with any of us for having, clutter. There’s nothing wrong with any of us. We’re having imperfections that nothing wrong with any of us are having insecurities, that nothing wrong with any of us from wanting to be liked and accepted by others. All of these things are, clutter, but there’s nothing wrong with us. Love is to accept that you have, clutter. So, we need to accept ourselves as we are. And now we need to focus on progress over perfection. If somebody was perfect, but not be able to be vulnerable and if they can be vulnerable, then you cannot connect with them.

Let’s abandon this idea that everything needs to be perfect. Let’s make baby steps every single day in the right direction and celebrate those baby steps. And from that standpoint, where is the love, isn’t finding a partner or, true love, it’s about being honest and saying I’ll be good either way. I’ll be good if I have a partner or if I am single. With a partner, I can build a, pathway of love, with them. And then both of us have two independent people pillars, not my better half, not you complete me, but instead, I am a pillar. They are a pillar. And now that we are two pillars, we can hold up more together something bigger than ourselves, whether that’s a family or an empire or generational increase.

Now we work together for a purpose bigger than ourselves, but also saying I am a, source of love, and I don’t require anything other than that. I’m not encouraging isolation. We are social creatures. Our human design is to be around people. But at the end of the day, what we’re creating is, pathways of love, to be created between us and anybody. The thing is the isolation is our ego thing that we’re separate from others. When we really tap deep into that, what we start to realize and I don’t and for me personally based on you know where my family comes from in the world.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

God is love

We don’t differentiate God from love, this is the same energy.  Because when you genuinely love somebody that’s when you begin to melt into them. That is, how to love, the type of relationship that is possible with everyone and everything. I think that the ultimate beauty is when you can actually honestly say I would be okay single.

I don’t require something outside of me to make me feel better or complete. They said we have a 56% divorce rate. We need to focus on nutrition instead of what’s delicious. And I think a lot of the reasons we chase these types of relationships because they’re delicious or not nutritious. How to love yourself, we need to establish healthier relationships with ourselves. That will also allow for healthy relationships with other people.

Myrna: Oh, yeah, self-love. We must have, self-love. We must be vulnerable. I know being a female, I’m not understanding how the male energy works, but female we have to be able to receive, we have to be able to make yourself vulnerable and be able to receive.  You said that being aware of our imperfections and the potholes is the first step. You’re saying that we don’t need to get married to be complete, or to have a better but we don’t want to be in isolation and the Bible says Two are better than one. So, if we are, looking for love, how do we find it? This love that we want to attract? Where is the love?

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Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

You have to be vulnerable to let love in

  • Humble: I’m not here to say it’s better to be married versus single or what have you. The numbers are 56% divorce rate, so you can rush to get married and get in the wrong relationship and then you can end up being alone anyways. If a plane had a 56% chance of crashing, people aren’t going to get on to it. So, I think learning, how to love yourself, will set the tone for all the other relationships that you have. Okay?
  • That means you have to be, vulnerable, with yourself.
  • That means you have to accept your imperfections.
  • That means you have to go easy on yourself.
  • That means you have to date yourself.
  • That means you have to journal and get to know your deeper, darker side.
  • That means you have to pray.

Prayer is Important, prayer helps with self-awareness. Journaling helps with self-awareness. Dancing by yourself in your room, gets you more aware of how your body moves and feels and flows. That’s a level of intimacy with yourself. That’s important. There’s something called self-havening. When you hug yourself that is important.

We can hug ourselves, this level of intimacy with what we do for other people with intimacy with them and vulnerability. We can do that with ourselves. And what that allows us to do is set the tone of what we enjoy, what we don’t enjoy, what our boundaries are. And this is really important especially if you have a female audience, but we have to realize that the woman’s greatest power in a relationship is her, boundaries.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Women lose their value when the reduce their boundaries

Women cannot compete with other women. For a woman to compete with another woman for a man requires her to reduce her, boundaries, thus reducing the power, thus reducing her value. Men can compete with men. Because here’s the thing if I’m competing with another man, all I’m trying to do is look better, and make more money. And if I lose, I still look better and make more money. If a woman has to reduce her, boundaries, to get the man, she also lost her value. And the reason we are hesitant to maintain, boundaries, is we think they make us unlikable. That’s why we all say yes when we really mean No.

Myrna: Truth, when a woman competes with another woman for a man, she’s willing to do more than the other woman to keep the man.

Humble: A lot of us learnt to people please as children.   Maybe you tried to win over a parent’s love one day and you weren’t received well. And then you internalized thinking it’s your fault. So, then you work harder. What you may not realize is your mom or dad just had a really bad day at work. You know, our mom and dad were also raised in a world where they may not know how to be emotionally available. And there’s a million reasons why but when you’re a child, you can’t understand that.

Myrna; So what advice do you have for people looking to find a partner? We’ve covered a little bit of it. You said that we don’t need a partner to complete us so we should be okay to be by ourselves. But let’s say I still want a partner.  I want the, love pathways, to take me somewhere? What is love?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Looking for love? Don’t sacrifice yourself

Humble: So, I’m not saying you don’t need a partner. What I’m saying is don’t sacrifice your, self-respect, for a partner. If you want just straight up, dating advice, one of the best pieces of advice that I got was relive, write out your entire love life. From your, first love, in kindergarten all the way up to today. Write the entire love life out. Talk about your best memories, talk about your worst memories Then go back with a highlighter and revisit the story, anything that makes you feel good highlight it. These are the qualities you want in a partner.

So for me, I had an ex-girlfriend when I was first starting this, you know, dating somebody and this is you know, 10 years ago and she said listen, the world needs to hear your voice. Stop doing everything else the world needs to hear in your voice. The world needs to hear your ideas. So, whenever I felt insecure hearing, her say that lit uplifted me. Later on, if I was dating somebody else and they’re like, look, you know work isn’t everything. Your mission isn’t everything. Money isn’t everything. I would be like; you’re not understanding what my purpose on this planet is. We’re not compatible.

So, I wrote that down somebody that understand the purpose of, Humble the Poet.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

How to Be loved

Myrna: Tell us about your book. Now normally this is the part where I asked why did you write it? And what do you want people to walk away with? But if you told me, you wrote it because you wanted to challenge the norms and challenge the way that people live their lives superficially. But what do you want to add to that?

Book: How to be love(d)
Book: How to be love(d)

How to Be Love(d): Simple Truths for Going Easier on Yourself, Embracing Imperfection & Loving Your Way to a Better Life

 

Humble: I want people to understand that even after you read the book, even after you hear this interview, I’m not a love guru. I’m not a love expert. What I am is I am somebody who had a failed relationship. And I was desperate to figure out why it failed. I was with a beautiful person who was beautiful inside and out. But there was a lot of anxiety and a lot of toxic energy within me that wouldn’t allow me to go deeper and connect with them.

For us to spend our lives together and I was desperate to figure out why I was failing at love. So, I took a super deep dive to explore love and figure out what I was doing wrong. And this book is what I learned. So, I’m not a, love guru. What I am is I’m a student at the front of the class, taking the most precise, simple notes and I’m sharing them with everybody else. And I’m still figuring myself out. I’m still learning, what is love.

Connect with Humble the Poet on social media 

https://www.youtube.com/humblethepoet

https://www.instagram.com/humblethepoet/

https://www.facebook.com/HumbleThePoet/

 

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

Love Yourself and Heal the Body

I was sitting around telling myself I’m sick all the time. I’m concentrating on the pain so I started practicing, self love.  I started loving the parts of my body that didn’t hurt , like my hands.  I start really paying attention to my thoughts, how I’m speaking to myself, and within three weeks the pain was gone. It is important to, love yourself.

Jenny Mannion has spent the last fifteen-years helping hundreds of clients re-awaken their energy & passion, rediscover their self-worth, and transform to the person they were meant to be.  After suffering with several debilitating chronic diseases for over seven years, Jenny healed herself in three weeks using techniques she developed, which are the same techniques she uses today to help others heal.

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Jenny helps her clients overcome fear, stress, lack of self-worth, anxiety, and traumatic memories or events with simple to use mindfulness & meditation practices, positive affirmations, revolutionary wellness practices, and community support of likeminded individuals.

Love yourself for healing

Jenny: I was sitting around telling myself I’m sick all the time. I’m concentrating on the pain so I started practicing, self love.  I started loving the parts of my body that didn’t hurt , like my hands.  I start really paying attention to my thoughts, how I’m speaking to myself, and within three weeks the pain was gone. It is important to, love yourself.

Myrna: What was your chronic illness was?

Jenny: My first diagnosis was chronic mono. Mononucleosis sometimes leads to a serious condition called chronic EBV infection. In chronic EBV infection, you have long-lasting symptoms and a viral infection that lasts longer than usual after your original mononucleosis diagnosis.

Then they found the Epstein Barr Virus in my blood, then it was fibromyalgia. Then it was a genetic blood disorder, which made me more prone to blood clots.  I manifested a blood clot within three weeks of them telling of this diagnosis and ended up in the hospital for a week. And the last was Ehlers Danlos, which was the most serious because that was what that made them say I’d wind up in a wheelchair.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

 

Myrna: So you had four things going on with you. Wow.

Jenny: Four things and you keep going I got to keep getting diagnoses.

Myrna: And I know that, Fibromyalgia, which is the only one I recognize from that is very painful, isn’t it?

Healing Fibromyalgia with self love

Jenny: Fibromyalgia, was very painful and it was focused on my leg.  It feels  like you have the flu, you are just really out of it. You don’t know what you’ll be able to do that day; If you can get out of bed.  There were times when I was crawling downstairs wondering if it was safe for me to drive my kids.  You have got to, love yourself,  to push past the discomfort and start healing my body.

It was disempowering. I joined support groups, but those were a little disempowering, too because it wasn’t about how will we cope with this illness? It became like almost a one upping, everyone sharing their sad stories,  my husband left me because I’m sick. Well, you know, it wasn’t inspiring at all.

So, in really focusing on my mind, and my limiting thoughts about, self love, I fostered my Mind, Body, and  Spirit connection.  Deepak Chopra is so great at teaching about that. Wayne Dyer with intention, really focusing on my mind, because we’re on automatic pilots so much of the time. When I started to focus on, self love, I was appalled at the things I was saying to myself.

Myrna: So what exactly did you do?

Attention Shifting for deep healing

Jenny: I started with some forgiveness work. Then I went to the, attention shifting, really paying attention to my fingers that didn’t hurt, because my legs were in pain and a lot of my other body parts were in pain so I started focusing my energy on the body parts that were healthy. Then gratitude work and, self love.  Grateful for my comfy bed. I would be in gratitude that I could read to my kids even if I couldn’t run.

Myrna: You love Deepak Chopra, one of the things I learned from him was this affirmation:

“Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better. My Biostat is set at a healthy 45 years of age.  I look and feel 45 years old.”  And then you go through about 10 things that you’re getting better and better at you know:  So I understand you saying every day that you are getting better and better!

Jenny: Yeah, I’m saying yeah, every day I’m working on my healing every day. I’m getting a little better every day. Yeah, I mean, giving myself that credit to for the work that I am doing, you know I am watching videos, I am listening, I am focusing my attention. Just really be mindful and conscious of the way I was talking to myself and where I was putting my energy.

I mean, we know this all boils down to, energy, our thoughts and emotions, creates our, energy. So, that was one of the big lesson I took away from the secret, that one line!  Every 11 months were 99.9% new so where are we putting our intention?

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The body regenerates every 11 months

Myrna: True every 11 months, you’re a new person. But yeah, so that’s actually pretty good, because if you’re seeing your healing, what you’re seeing is your body is regenerating itself.   So, you concentrate on, mindfulness, you concentrate on, gratitude and you practice, self love. You concentrate on your mantras and forgiving yourself.   And you said in three weeks, you were you were out of pain, right? So what do you attribute that to? Do you attribute that to to the fact that you are no longer concentrating on the pain?

Jenny: I changed my, energy. The, energy, flowing through me was creating healthier cells. When I was focusing on my legs and how my legs were in pain, wondering if I could walk today; I really wasn’t giving my body an opportunity to create those healthy cells. I was expecting pain and that is what I got.

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Using the chakras energy to heal

Myrna: Yeah, one of the things that I learned from that is that when your, chakras, are blocked that’s when disease come through. So when you talk about changing the, energy, and changing the flow I understand.

Jenny: Absolutely, once I started reading about, chakras, (Caroline Myss) was a huge influence)  they resonated so deeply.

Myrna: Let’s talk about how to , love yourself.  You talked about, self-love, in your Bio.  What are some of the, self-love affirmations, and, self-worth, practices that you teach your clients to declare and own their value?

Jenny: Well, it’s so important first of all, to have, self-love, and  self-worth. Because if we are thinking we’re not worthy and we don’t love ourselves, we attract the relationships that reflect that, we attract negative situations.   We’re vibrating at that energy to attract those unhealthy relationships over and over. It can be like Groundhog Day, different person, same relationship, you know, so it is really important to, love yourself,  and have, self worth.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Forgiveness is a form of self love

Jenny: And I do think, forgiveness, is a great one.  At the, soul, level we know we should love ourselves unconditionally. Unfortunately, there’s a long distance between the, soul, and the, mind. When we’re just in our groove, that negative self talk is limited.

The limited way we see ourselves maybe from a relationship we had or from our parents or from a job.  There’s so many different ways that we can get those messages and we tend to hang on to the negative messages we’ve received, a lot tighter than the positive ones. So it really is about reclaiming that, self love.

I love the morning and night, because that is when our, subconscious mind, is tuned in. I love the shower in the morning to practice, mindfulness.  We are never mindful in the shower. We’re never really there. And it’s such a powerful time, we’re receiving the water element, and we are usually were left alone in the shower.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Practicing mindfulness in the shower

Myrna: So, what exercises can you do in the shower that you can bring in gratitude and, mindfulness?

Jenny: There are so many different things that we can do that make that our, self love meditation, time worth it.  Most people do shower in the morning. I also love the idea of holding our hands over our hearts and taking some deep breaths and bringing in one of our favorite moments.  We have we’re so programmed to replay the worst moments so this is a time to consciously bring in the good times.

Bring in the memory i.e of a loved one cuddling with a pet, maybe the memory of a beautiful vacation that you went on, bring in all the senses, affirm to the world that everything’s okay. Because a lot of times we are affirming that things aren’t okay.

So, really choosing to be mindful, choosing to listen to the stories you’re telling yourself. Do you do something and then say, Oh, I’m so stupid. Well, you know, correct that, catch yourself and say that you’re not stupid.

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Meditation and self love is the best form of healing

Myrna: I like that. I like that. I like the shower idea too. I do, energy, work. So I meditate, I also walk in the park every morning and, when I’m going to bed I’m also you know doing, energy work. So I’m in the space, but I never  actually heard anybody talk about practicing, mindfulness, in the shower. I know that a lot of people are not, conscious, in the shower, and I’m one of them. It’s just one of those things where you’re never actually there. So practicing to be mindful in the shower is profound.

Now, one of the things you talk about is how we can access our body’s inner diagnostic system for, deep healing. How we can tap into our body inner diagnostic system, so that we can heal ourselves?

Chakras and healing energy

Jenny:  I consider the, chakras, our inner diagnostic system.  Connecting to those different, chakras, really can heal us.  I also think it’s so important to pay gratitude for our body. We have this complex system, going on all the time, we just expect them to work and usually we don’t pay attention to them until they start giving us some trouble.

Myrna: Can you explain what, chakras, are?

Jenny: The, chakras, are energetic wheels of, energy, that are in our body? We have seven major ones. We have hundreds in our body, but we have seven major ones. And they’re the colors of the rainbow, they run from the bottom of our lower back to our top of our head and each, chakra,  holds a different, energy.

Give you an example the, Root Chakra, at the base of our spine. That’s really about the messages we got from our parents from when we came into this world and it makes sense that that includes like our safety. Do we feel safe on this planet walking on this planet, it affects our legs and affects our feet. So as we go as we inform ourselves about each, chakra, we really can it kind of makes sense.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Using the heart chakra for self love

Jenny:  The, heart chakra, is at the heart and it is about our relationships or, self love.  Are we open to receiving love for ourselves? And it makes sense that our chest and our lungs and our heart can be affected by the balance.

So really, when we know the part of us that’s not feeling well, we can go to that, chakra, and find out, what is out of balance.  If you’re having like, something is hard to digest, your, solar plexus chakra role, will start acting up, which is  your third, chakra.  Each of the, chakras, has its own emotional and physical component and it’s so powerful to learn about them. You can download a free chart online to find out which, chakra, controls what.

Myrna: It’s really, powerful to learn because our body is always speaking to us. And those little pains aren’t to punish us. They are to tell us that something’s out of balance. And if we catch it early, we can prevent things from getting really bad. I love that you’ve talked to your body, you know we can tell our body what we would like it to do for us.

Jenny: Our, energy, goes through the pain and focusing on the pain or taking away the pain on a superficial level like popping a pill doesn’t allow, deep healing.  You’re not looking at why do I have this headache?  Did something stress me out today? When you really, love yourself, you investigate.

Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Using the Chakras to investigate pain

Pain represents blocked energy. A lot of women that I’ve coached have issues with their, throat chakra.  So, if you have issues with your throat or your voice, ask yourself, am I speaking my truth?  Does it feel safe for you to speak your truth? Are you living authentically?

Myrna: That’s pretty good. Yeah, I know about the, chakras, and I do a lot of Chakra meditation to clear my, chakras but,  I never thought of them as my, inner diagnostic, system.

I just concentrated on the fact that if you have disease in your body, that means your, chakras, are blocked. Right, and you clear it, but going backwards to say, Well, yeah, you know, if you’re having problems with your legs or something or you’re having, you know, stomach issues. It could be because of something that came in the, energy, that got stuck there.

That’s best, inner diagnosis. And then obviously, once you’ve diagnosed it, then you could not only heal yourself, but you can also heal your mind.

Jenny: Right, yeah, absolutely. I mean, our mind is so with energetic healing, we know that things can disappear in an instant. But if our mind doesn’t change, we also manifest those things all over again. So it is really important to have that mind and a consciousness around it as well.

Conclusion

Myrna: Learn more about the, chakras, and Jenny’s APP Love 365 by visiting her on the web at www.jennymannion.com.  There you get links to everything in her community and her courses.  Sign up for the free healing sessions that I offer and yeah, and the first and if you do sign up for Love 365 you learn about the, chakras, every single day for a week, one a day and then you get a love through the, chakra healing meditation, at the end. Jenny’s handle on social media is @jennymannion

Thanks for tuning into the Transform Your Mind podcast and blog.  If you have done so already, please subscribe rate and review us on iTunes.

Additional Resources

Understanding How to Use Reiki Energy for Mind and Body

How to be Confident after a Divorce

Building true,  confidence, after the betrayal of a partner is a gradual process. How to be confident, after a, divorce, is a gradual process. No one is going to turn into a positive, self-confident, person overnight. But if you’re in need of a place to start, here are 6 tips on, how to be confident, after losing your man.

This week on Transform your Mind podcast with Coach Myrna, I interview Confidence mentor Di Ridell. Di is going to talk to us today on the subject “7 Ways to get your, confidence, back after a, divorce, of death of a spouse.”

 

10 Tips on How to Build Confidence:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others. I know from experience that this is a, self-confidence,  killer, especially if you are comparing yourself to someone younger. Remember that you’re only seeing the surface of their lives and looks, not the underlying reality. Focus instead on what’s important–your own strengths and goals.

2. Keep your limiting beliefs at bay.
Even the most successful people with healthy relationships have limiting beliefs about themselves, but the biggest difference is that they choose to focus on their strengths and possibilities instead of their limits.

3. Live in a positive reality.
Don’t say anything about yourself that you don’t want to become a reality. Positive thoughts and words alone won’t make you a more, confident, person, but, confident, people do think a lot of positive things about themselves. Remind yourself of what you’re capable of and what you’ve already accomplished.

4. Don’t mask it.
Self-confidence, isn’t the impression you give others; but how you feel about yourself. It’s all about who you are, where you are, and where you want to be in your own life and relationships.

5. Change what you can.
Confident, people know they cannot change the past, but they can change the future. They make daily choices that lead them toward the future they want to live out.

6. Be fully committed.
Be fully committed to doing whatever you can to build your success every single day, accepting full responsibility for your life. If it gets uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track! Don’t procrastinate, do what it takes without agonizing or drama.

7. Practice Self Love

8. Take action to get back on the horse. Don’t isolate yourself 

9. Have a Level 5 Friend to share your darkest thoughts

10. Complete yourself and not wait for someone to complete you

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

The nature of confidence

You should not allow your, confidence, to be dictated by someone else’s feelings in any facet of your daily life. Your feelings are just as valid as theirs, and you should never allow someone else to sink yours like an anchor, just because you have been through the, divorce, experience.

Your behavior should not be driven by the emotions of anyone, especially your ex-spouse.  They may attempt to reenter the picture for whatever reason, and while that reason may be valid and may need to be dealt with, there is no reason you should allow their thoughts and their feelings to bring you down or shatter any progress you have made in rebuilding your confidence.

You cannot and should not allow yourself to be manipulated in this way. If you sense that the conversation is headed in a direction that you are not comfortable with, it is imperative that you exercise some, self-love, and remove yourself from any narrative that would damage your post-divorce recovery process.

You need to be able to believe in your ability to rebuild your life and move forward. After a, divorce, you may begin to question your ability to make life decisions, but do not let one setback color your perspective and prevent you from making these types of calls.

Whether it is through your job, your friends, your family, or a new relationship, you can make different aspects of your new life matter and move past the negativity of a dysfunctional and unhappy marriage. Your productivity in starting over and taking each step to a new future is something you should be proud of and should give you the, confidence, boost you need to take additional steps.

If you like this content, please subscribe to my iTunes podcast and leave a review. Thank you
Transform your Mind iTunes podcast

Additional Resources

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt

 

How to Maintain a Long-Term Relationship

Maintaining long- term Relationships

 

When it comes to a, long-term relationship, with a partner or spouse, we can maintain the thrill of being in love, and deepen our feelings of passion and intimacy past the first year.  Statistics show that most, long-term relationships start out to fizzle after the first year.  So to maintain the, long-term relationship, dance you have to embrace, intimacy.

However, to do this means avoiding certain behaviors, habits, and traps that, long-term relationships,  commonly fall into the longer they stay together. Staying in, love, means taking the hard road and differentiating from negative past influences. It means challenging our own defenses and facing our, often subconscious, fears about intimacy.

Fighting for a, long-term relationship, means being stubborn about not getting in our own way of staying close to someone else.

Today on Mindset Transformation Radio and podcast, we are continuing with our series on the The Alchemy of Desire – The, Long-Term Relationship, Dance.

My co -host for this series is my girl pal the fabulous Ms Margo Blake. Margo is a One Taste Intimacy Coach and, I am a Mindset Coach. Together we want to share our knowledge on this Topic “The Alchemy of Desire and Intimacy”

What is Desire – Desire can be called the feminine face of God! Desire is what God places in your spirit to lead you to your purpose. It is the key that unlocks what God placed you on this earth to do.

We all Desire to be in loving fulfilling, long-term relationships, with our partners, our children, our friends and co-workers. We desire to have successful careers, some of us desire to procreate and have children, we desire to be emotionally and physically healthy, we desire to be wealthy, and today we are going to touch on the desire for flow in our, long-term relationship, and not ebb.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

 

The Dance of Intimacy

Anyone in a, long-term relationship, knows the, relationship, dance well. It took me a while to understand this dance of, intimacy. I walked out of my first marriage at age 21 declaring boldly “I am no longer in love with my husband and I refuse to live in a loveless marriage at age 21.” After 4 marriages I now know that relationships EBB and FLOW and that we must work at, intimacy Erotic love, turns into, Agape love. Passion and desire EBB and FLOW.

In all my, long-term relationships, fighting and then having, make up sex, was usually the shock than rejuvenated the, relationship.

In the beginning of anything there is more energy just as electrify is more powerful at the source, feelings are more powerful when they are new.

As feelings change and familiarity sets in the, intimacy, dance begins. Just as you have to practice the waltz on the dance floor, in a similar way you must practice your, long-term relationship, dance in the bedroom.

It is important to understand why you and your partner connected in the first place and why you disconnected.

Since all relationships begin within, the scenery out there is the scenery in here.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

You have to love yourself first in a long-term relationship

You can’t give away what you don’t have. You have to be, love, before you can give away, love. So the first step when you become aware of the, EBB and Flow, in your relationship is to take an inventory of  your, self love.

In our first episode I introduced the book The Alchemy of Desire. In this book the lovers were passionate and couldn’t keep their hands off each other, then life happened and, intimacy, veined.

Every, long-term relationship, faces this junction of lack of, desire.  Once, long-term relationships, become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again. To the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy  if a, long-term relationship, is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity attention and nurture of earlier times is essential.

Relationship Advice How to Water your Long-term relationship

Here is some, relationship advice, In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and sunlight if they are to thrive.

We water our, long-term relationships, by showing interest in our partners. We shine light on our, relationships, by smiling and being genuinely happy to see our partners.

I was at a stand-up comedy show with Mike Epps a few years back and he made a joke about how his wife would meet him at the door with a beer and loving embrace when they were first married, and now she shrugs and says oh it’s you!

I am genuinely happy to see my husband walk through the door and when he calls me during the day. I let him know that I appreciate him thinking about me.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
https://tunein.com/podcasts/Motivational/Transform-your-Mind-p1102799/TuneIn Radio

The marriage relationship is an important piece of the, long term relationship, dance

Myrna – Margo what is your take on the, long-term relationship, dance? Personally you have mentioned several times that your, long-term relationships, end after 10 years. What does the dance look like to you?

Margo – I don’t know why but my, long term relationships, always seem to last only 10 years.  The men leave me.

Myrna – Looking back can you see the point when the, long-term relationship, ebb resulted in a break? How can anyone listening understand  that ebb into a flow?

Myrna – What are some tips to keep Desire flowing instead of ebbing?

  • spend quality time together
  • be open to new experiences – if your partner likes to do something be open to new
  • show your love, don’t hold back
  • keep your identity as an individual
  • don’t be defensive in communication, be open in communication
  • be generous, give as you would want to receive

Understand that there is Eff and Flow in all Long-term relationships

If you find yourself in, Ebb and flow, should you panic or understand that is the flow of life that what goes up must come down.

It is fact that whenever you lean in to a relationship the other person leans out.  That is the make up of, long-term relationships, there is, ebb and flow.

Have you been dealt some bad cards in life? Understand Ebb and flow of life 

Then I invite you to an afternoon of learning and inspiration on “How to deal with the cards you have been dealt in Life”
This event will be at the Main Broward Library at 100 South Andrews Ave , 6 th floor, Fort Lauderdale, FL
on Saturday May 12 from 2.00 to 4.30 pm
Come out and be a part of our studio audience.
The first 5 guests will get a FREE autographed copy of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”
This is a book signing and a live talk radio show airing locally on WDJY 99.1 FM Metro Atlanta
If you need more information, email me at info@myhelps.us

Additional Resources

5 Mindset Shifts For Couples to Have Fantastic Relationships