Many people think of the, subconscious mind, as a passive force, but that’s not true. The subconscious mind is actually one of the most powerful parts of your brain, and it can help you achieve anything you set your mind to. In this podcast episode, Kimberly Friedmutter shares with you some of the techniques that you can use to access and use this power to transform your life. If you’re interested in living your dreams, and transforming your life for the better, then be sure to watch this download this podcast! By implementing the techniques I share, you can achieve anything you desire!
When Hollywood has a problem, Kimberly Friedmutter solves it. Kimberly Friedmutter CHT and hypnotherapist to the stars count Hollywood A-listers, politicos, CEOs, and titans of industry as her clients. She connects them to their subconscious to get what they truly want out of life, leading them to health, wealth, and, yes! even finding lost items and the best parking spaces!
But Kimberly says living up to your dreams isn’t reserved for the exceptionally talented or lucky. Everyone has the birthright to “Expect the Exceptional,” and the amazing force to make it a reality—hidden deep “below” the conscious mind.
Myrna: How do you teach your clients to tap into the power of the, subconscious mind, and live the life of their dreams?
Kimberly: What I love about the, subconscious mind, is that many large corporations across the world use your subconscious for their benefit with subliminal messages in Ads. There is nothing wrong with using subliminal advertising, however even the fun ones like Snickers bar that says it satisfies. To the subconscious mind this message is called an embedded command. It’s telling your subconscious when you walk past at the grocery store that Snickers is oh so satisfying.
Myrna: Dr Joe Dispenza called out the shingles commercials for the same subliminal programming. The shingles Ads tell you that if you had the smallpox, you’ve got the shingles virus so you should run out right away and get the vaccine because you don’t want to get these horrible and painful blisters and it works. I ran out and got the shingles vaccine and so did millions of people. So, the question was so how do you teach your clients to program their own subconscious mind and not necessarily from the external sources like the commercials and things like. How do you teach them to tap into their, subconscious power?
What is subconscious power
Kimberly: Well first I have them read the book “Subconscious Power” which explains that and secondly, I am really making them aware that we’re all double-minded. We have the, conscious mind, and the, subconscious mind, and so some people just think of intuition and gut, they don’t really think that the, subconscious mind, is the primary working system in the brain as far as habits, continuity, memories emotions all the things that that are the touchy-feely things that make us basically who we are. It’s the you inside of you that makes you different from me. It is that subconscious part of the mind how we express ourselves all those things.
So when I explain it that the subconscious is highly enacted when you’re driving down a road and your Autopilot brain takes over and you end up at your destination and can’t remember driving there. We all get lost in the trance of the subconscious mind. It all is a very important part of the human experience in the sense that we go into trance many times a day and the biggest trance we go into of course is known as sleep, which I call incubation.
Myrna: Can we access the subconscious mind with hypnosis?
Kimberly: So to be clear hypnosis and hypnotherapy has to do with the how in touch you are with your own intuition and gut as opposed to like I think in 2024 I’m gonna win the lottery. I don’t work on the sidekick Clairvoyantclairaudient Clairsentient although I’m fascinated and have plenty of clients that do but mine is really about your, subconscious mind, how it benefits you.
Conscious mind vs subconscious mind
Myrna: How do we send information to our, subconscious minds, from the, conscious mind?
Kimberly: So, the, conscious mind, gets in the way, it’s your daytime practical planner. I need to be at the soccer field at three, I need to pick up Johnny at four that kind of thing; so, the, subconscious mind, is handling everything else. The, conscious mind, is your assistant and then the, subconscious mind, is the real doer. The, subconscious mind, doesn’t need to be trained, it’s a matter of listening to it and paying attention to it.
Myrna: So, let’s answer the question do you help your clients to download the information to their subconscious minds from the conscious mind? I was talking about contrast, this is something you see in the world that you want, so you tell your, subconscious mind, to bring it to you.
Kimberly: What you’re doing is you’re actually clearing space for that thing to happen. In the book I teach you how to hypnotize yourself. I give you example after example of self-hypnosis and all the hacks of how to do that so it was very important that people had this information to go on and be magnificent. I also teach some super effective subconscious raising exercises to help reduce our stress, improve sleep, overcome addiction, get fit, and achieve career goals.
In the book I give more of those type of exercises so can use your inner mind to create the life you’ve always wanted. It’s just the, conscious mind, creating the life that you’ve always wanted. You can listen to it on Audible it’s available in bookstores Nationwide on Amazon.
Myrna: Kimberly this was this is an excellent conversation. I love the, subconscious mind, so I will definitely go and get your book on Audible because that my preferred way to consume books. Tell our listeners know how they can connect with you, you’ve got some courses, talk to us about your website your social media handles etc.
Kimberly: So “Subconscious Power: use your inner mind to create the life you’ve wanted always wanted” is available at all bookstores, retailers it’s available online, it’s available of course on Amazon and Audible and in paperback and hardcover, any way you want to receive the information. My website is www.Kimberly freedmutter.com. Everything’s on the website including ordering the book through any of those retailers and also my Instagram. If you want to say hello because I love to see you and follow you back @ Kimfriedmutter also for Twitter.
Jason Redman, retired Navy SEAL shares life changing advice to beating life’s ambush. Jason was ambushed in battle and shot 8 times including on round to the face. Jason believes he survived this ambush by tapping into his, overcome mindset. In this episode Jason teaches the difference between:
Retired Navy SEAL Lieutenant Jason Redman electrifies audiences around the world with his high-energy presentations on leadership, failure, redemption, catastrophic injury, and his breathtaking journey to “overcome all” in the aftermath of wartime enemy ambush and in the face of what he calls life ambushes during the years that followed.
During his 21-year Navy career, Jason spent 11 years as an enlisted SEAL and 10 years as a SEAL officer leading teams in combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. Today he puts his vast experience and expertise to work as a speaker, coach, author, and trainer, helping individuals, teams and organizations of all types and sizes to define and implement lasting change, even in the wake or face of failure, crisis and adversity.
He’s lived through it all at the highest level in his Navy SEAL career: From failures as a young leader that resulted in him almost being kicked out of the SEAL teams, to redemption and leading teams in intense combat operations in Iraq, to being shot eight times, including a round to the face, and nearly dying during an enemy ambush, Jason has lived the OVERCOME Mindset he now teaches others. He has done an incredible job of taking these lessons learned and making them relatable to teams, businesses, and organizations around the world.
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Myrna: Can you share your story of walking into an ambush as a Navy Seal and the, overcome mindset, you had to survive being shot several times.
Jason: I’m super blessed individual. I just could not survive that ambush that night without some kind of a miracle. We’ll talk about the, overcome mindset, and how that translates to other aspects of life later in the interview. It was an intense night, it was a night at the very end of our deployment as, Navy SEALs. One of our jobs is something we call direct action. We go after the mid-level and high level leaders across the battlefield.
That was one of our jobs, when I was in Iraq and we were tracking both outside in and through leadership across with my troops were focused on the weapon western province of Iraq. So, a lot of people are familiar with Iraq, a very dangerous place. We were actually based out of Volusia and tracking leaders. On September 13, 2007, we went after the number one leader for the outside organization in the Anbar Province, the western province of Iraq. A pretty dangerous guy.
We’ve been tracking all deployment. He had been responsible for and ran multiple sniper cells, IV shells, attack cells. He had shot down a Marine Corps helicopter in the fall of 2006. Killing the whole crew on board and they lost five individual and run out of the building across the street.
So, on this night we got orders that he was at this place. We got there and even though there was no one there we noticed some suspicious activity in the building a few yards away. My team leader said hey, I want you to take your team, you know, walk these individuals down let’s find out who they are in question. And make a long story short, our enemy leader had been in the first house that we were in right now.
He had moved to the house that was about 150 yards away that we were now moving on and his security detail and shut off a very, very well staged enemy ambush we estimate about 15 shooters with two large machine guns and my team and I walked right into this ambush.
My medic, a fellow Navy seal, took a round of bullets right below the knee which almost took his leg off. One of our other guys ran forward to grab him and tried to move him back behind us. There was kind of a bar, there was one tree and a large like John Deere tractor tire and they pull and drag our medic and himself back.
He himself was shot three times while doing this. I was out front and I was trying to shoot and lay down fire. It was at this point I had both machine guns turned on me and I was hit eight times between my body armor and my body I took two rounds in the left elbow which in the moment I thought it shot my arm off.
I took rounds off my weapon and my right-side plates. I turned around to see what was happening with my team and that’s when I caught around in the face. That hit me right in front of the ear. Travel through my face took off my nose, blew out my right cheekbones, vaporized my oval floor, broke all the bones in my face and knocked me out. I was pinned down in front of my guys. They continue to fight the enemy. There’s this very intense gunfight occurring with me pinned down on the ground and had literally bullets traveling around me.
I came to probably we don’t know the timeline. We know the entire gunfight lasted about 40 minutes. So, when I woke up after about 10 mins, I realized that was in a really bad situation. I called out to my team leader and he realized Holy smokes, you know, Red still alive, and they started to extract me. I owe my life to my teammates. I owe my life to an Air Force aircraft called an AC 130 gunship that brought in the closest fire mission. Meaning they brought rounds in from the aircraft to the ground at military speeds. My team leader did an amazing job coordinating this in between fire and ran forward and got me and hold me back to where they were about a tourniquet on my mangled arms really saved my life.
But the whole time this was happening. There were several things and we’ll come full circle now to a little bit of the, overcome mindset. I knew I had lost a lot of blood. I’d lost a lot of blood between my arm and my face and my injuries. And we go through a lot of, trauma medicine, and special operations training. We’re probably trained up to the level of a patient, emergency medical technician that would ride around an ambulance. I knew all the signs. I knew that I was going to what we call, hypovolemic shock, from blood loss. I was struggling to breathe.
In our last moments we think only of our loved ones
And in final moments, I was still pinned down and I started to think that I may die here, I was dying. I was I was literally bleeding out and dying. And there were several things that went through my mind when I was lying there dying but not once did I think about stuff. You know in this life we’re all focused on stuff and trust me I like stuff. You know, I love my house. I love you know some of the nice things we have. But I also recognize every day that all that stuff can be gone in an instant. The people you love are all you’re going to care about in the final moments in your life, because that’s all I thought about.
I thought about my wife and kids and how I would do anything to have another moment just to say I love you. And it was at that point that I also I called out to God. I really need help. I need strength. And that enabled me to have some strength which I can’t explain. But I will tell you this, this thought popped into my head in that moment and the thought was this. Stay awake to stay alive.
And if you’ve ever been severely injured, or something bad has happened you reach a point where physiologically your body wants to shut down and you will become extremely fatigued. And that’s what happened. I wanted to go to sleep. I wanted to just let go and go to sleep, but I know I had to stay awake to stay alive and I knew that if I made it to the military hospital, I would live.
The military emergency room. I knew the statistics, from operating overseas that if our if we got our soldiers or wounded warriors to the hospital and they still had a pulse, they had a 90% chance of making it home alive. So that was my focus. You know, stay awake, stay alive, stay awake, stay alive and this stuff there’s so many nuances and stories but the bottom line is that’s exactly what happened. My teammates managed to get me on the medivac helicopter metabolic and I survived. My team leader helped me off and I walked 75 yards and got on the helicopter under my own power.
That is the, overcome mindset, and it is this mindset that says I’m not going to give in, I’m going to push until I succeed. I survived this vicious enemy ambush, but everybody gets ambushed in the life. It may not be the bullets and bombs in battle, but it is the bullets and bombs of life. And when you’re on the X and the X is what we talked about, point of attack, point in crisis, the point of the incident. We all feel as overwhelmed as if you are on a battle field with bullets flying all around you. You think you’re going to die because your marriage ended or your child died. And it is in those moments where we have the ability to drive forward and push ourselves a little further and get off that X, point of attack.
Myrna: Wow, what a story. I had to fight back tears when you talked about lying on the ground thinking you were dying and wanting one more moment with your wife and kids. Thank you for your service to the United States of America, Jason. I heard you talk about, life ambushes, and the fact that we all have about 5 and I immediately started counting mine! So, I want to talk about why you think first of all that we get five ambushes in life.
Jason: So the five ambushes came about from interviewing people and just kind of an informal poll. In order to understand what is a, life ambush, we have to break them down.
There are 3 types of, life ambushes.
There are,
micro ambushes,
mini ambushes,
major life ambushes.
I talked about the average of five those are the, major life ambushes, and the majors are devastated. They will forever leave scars forever. I’ll come back and we’ll come back full circle for the, major life ambushes.
The interesting thing, about the X, the point of attack, the point of an incident, the point of the crisis, it’s the point of any adversity, everybody in life, finds himself on the X at some point in life. Everyone walks on this X at some point. In battle, we were taught you have to get off the X, point of attack as quickly as possible because the longer you sit on the X, the harder it is to move forward.
And this is true in any aspect of your life. If it’s a, mental ambush, and you’re stuck on the action in your mind, and we all get stuck there and these are these, micro ambushes, they come every day. It’s that little voice in your head that says you’re not good enough. You’re not strong enough. You’re the wrong race, creed, color, gender, demographic, etc.
So those are my core ambushes and they come all the time. The formula is the same for all of these, you have to get off the X as quickly as possible. So, my motto I overcome and drive forward and get off that X.
The second level of Ambush is what I call a, mini ambush. And these are I find this fascinating because I meet people all the time who will they’ll use the phrase, oh, I had a bad day. And I’m fascinated with this because I’ll always say what’s the tell me about your bad day and 90% of the time when people use it. They did not really have a bad day. So, I’ve tried to erase this phrase from my vocabulary. I actually have an entire line of clothing called “No Bad days”
Maybe the loss of a loved one including the highest one, the loss of a child.
Most people we polled have about five of these, major life ambushes, in their lifetime. I’ve seen people with more. I know people that have had 10. I myself, I’m getting ready to turn 48, I’ve had four, major life ambushes. I’d love to get through life with no more.
Myrna: When I heard you speaking, I started counting my, major life ambushes.
Jason: But the here is the fact, the, major life ambushes, are devastating. And I tell people they will they will be permanent scars. They will leave permanent physical, mental, or emotional or the financial scars. And when we look back on those, major life ambushes, they will always hurt. The, minor life ambushes, and the, micro life ambushes, they’re in your head, they are schedule disruptions, a couple years later, you’ll barely remember them.
But here’s the amazing thing about, major life ambushes. I talked about this in the TED Talk. The, major life ambushes, frequently are the end of something that occurred in your life. It may be the end of a relationship, it may be the end of the job, or maybe the end of your health, your innocence. Whatever it is, oftentimes what the amazing thing is and once you develop the, overcome mindset, you’re going to figure out how to drive forward and when we figured out how to drive forward no matter how painful it is, the ones that I’ve been through, so often it becomes a new beginning.
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Every major life ambush builds an overcome mindset
And when you get to the other side of that journey when you climb through the pain and the misery and storms and the darkness, I can tell you probably 95% of the people, get to the other side saying you know it really was hard. I do not ever want to go to the gym, but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me because I grew and got better and, major life ambushes, build us up. Every, major life ambush, no matter how painful they are, they help build an, overcome mindset. You cannot just flip a switch and suddenly have an, overcome mindset.
So when these bad things happen. I don’t want to tell you to celebrate that they happen. I know that that’s probably a stretch, but instead just lean into it and say okay, I know I have to get to the other side. I have to overcome. I have to get off the edge. Somewhere out there, the sun still shines and I will find that sunlight once again and when I do it’s going to be a new path.
I try to explain to people with, major life ambushes, a lot of times people waste a lot of time focused on I want back what I lost. I want to repair this relationship. I want my job back; I want my business back. I lost all this money and I want it back. I want the lifestyle I had before I was severely injured like me, I want my health back. And the reality is it’s gone and never coming back. We have to focus on is how do I get to my new 100% I may not be able to fix what’s broken, I embrace the open door. But you know, so many people are focused on the past. We have to focus on the future now. And how do we shape our future? And when we do that, that becomes our new path that becomes our new 100%.
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Major life ambushes always leaves clues
Myrna: that is that is so true. We are always focused on the closed door and not the open door in front of us. So, you said that, major life ambushes, leave clues. I can understand that a divorce leaves clues. You mentioned that when you walked in to the ambush on the battlefield, you noticed certain signs but you ignored them. So how does that missing the clues in an ambush in the battlefield and missing the clues of a, major life ambush, in real life? Give us the correlation.
Jason: I have an online course that I teach called The Point Man For Life course. And point men are navigators and leaders in the military. They’re very talented individuals, they get us where we need to go. You have to be, the point man, and it’s for your own life. You have to be the one that sets your course that understands where you’re going. So, these indicators are the things that many of us through normal human activity. Either choose to ignore, or, procrastinate, we do all kinds of things. I mean, I break these things down.
You know, sometimes it’s a blatant sign and I use a stop sign in my course. Like we just ignore it no different than somebody who is not paying attention. And they drive through an intersection and miss that stop sign. And they get hit by a car. Well, you know, afterwards, they’re like, yeah, you missed this stop sign. That’s, that’s a really bleak one. But it happens all the time. It happens in businesses, it happens in relationships. If your spouse is constantly saying, hey, we’ve lost our intimacy or we’re not talking as much anymore if we continue to ignore or just flat out, not pay attention to that, you are going to end up divorced. And then you say, I did not see it coming.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s one of the ones I figured out because there’s signs that the relationship is ending.
Signs of an ambush
Jason: Sometimes they’re more subtle. Sometimes they can be helped. I know a lot of people who have health issues and like, oh, this is really been bothering me, but I’m just going to ignore it. And I’m amazed by how many people will do this because they’re afraid of what could happen. And I tell people, you cannot procrastinate, deny or ignore. Those are dangerous things to do, because you’re setting yourself up for a, life ambush. I give the example of a friend who was overweight who was successful business guy, but he was overweight. He wasn’t taking care of himself physically.
The doctor was like, hey, you really need to start taking care of yourself and start working out. You need to watch your nutrition, you’re a ticking time bomb for a heart attack. And, you know, he talked to me about working out and I said, yeah, you can do this. You do that and he never really did it. And then like a year later he had a heart attack and he’s like, why did this happen? The signs were there, but no, you ignored them. And so many people do this in life.
Myrna: You also teach about, situational awareness. Tell us what that is.
Jason: So, I teach, situational awareness, in this society, that has to do with awareness and reaction time. We live in this world where we’re all stuck scrolling our cell phones and I can’t tell you how many people I have watched walking around, and they’re totally absorbed in that cell phone, which means they’re not paying attention to the world around them. I’m highly trained. I try to train other people up to a basic level. One of the things that we do in our, overcoming survive workshop is awareness and get out of that situation before it ever occurs.
So, you see things before they happen, you see the signs of the ambush. You are noticing the indicators before it ever develops into an ambush and you don’t allow yourself to get on the X, the point of attack. You don’t walk into that situation. So sometimes you can’t help it. And that’s where awareness and a little bit of training come in. I really encourage everybody out there to have some level of training for self-defense. I know that your target audience is women. I know there are a lot of women who are afraid of firearms. But I really encourage you learn to use a firearm.
We live in a country that whether you agree with it or not. A firearm can be the great equalizer if someone is coming after you and trying to break into your house or trying to rape or take your kids. There is a level of training that needs to exist with that and I firmly believe we should get that.
Tell us about your book The Point Man Planner. What you hope people to walk away with after getting this planner?
Jason: The Point Man Planner, came from the things that I’ve put in my life. They’re also things that I saw in the military and some of these things are interchangeable. I just use a military Special Operations term. So, the idea around this, is that there’s four-point man principles that everybody should follow.
Relentless belief in mission: This is what makes a successful point man and what makes successful Navy Seals, but also what makes anybody successful. Mission is synonymous with purpose. I know a lot of people who don’t really know who they are. The beginning of the point man planner starts with what are your values?
I mean a lot of people who don’t truly know their values, they will they will throw out the cliché values that everybody likes to throw out. Fitness, family, spirituality but they are the individual that’s never in the gym. Now they aren’t doing much with their family, they’re sure not in church. So those aren’t really their values. Your values are what drive your decision.
Have a clearly defined destination and course. Your destination is your long-term goals where do you want to go 10 years from now, where do you want to be?
What a Point Man does
Myrna: Can I interject here? That was the most one of the most beautiful things when you said that when you were in a mission, your point man pinpoints the exact location, not somewhere around a city but the exact number on the map.
Jason: Yeah, so we have to be very specific because most people are not just oh, I want to be rich. Okay, well, what does that mean? You know, I want you know, I want a big house. Okay, well, where and what is your look like? So, you must be very specific to establish because if it’s not very specific, that we can establish all the steps to get there, and that becomes our course. The course becomes all the steps required to get to where we’re going. And this is constantly changing our lives, change our hopes, tunes, our desires.
Develop the, overcome mindset: We’ve established our course, we know our mission, we have our purpose. Well, how do we avoid the ambushes or at least try and reduce them and I’m constantly checking, where are we at? Are we on course and, overcome mindset, to get off the gas because guess what? Life ambushes, are coming. I tell people you’re either in a, life ambush, you’re coming out, or there’s one on the horizon.
Conclusion
You can pick up the Point Man Planner on Amazon or you can find everything on my website www.Jasonredman.com . Follow me on social media. Every Monday I put out a video called Monday monster and it’s just positive content on preparing for, life ambushes.
What “The Matrix” the movie was trying to show is that we’re inside of a game, we’re, consciousness, inside of the, game of life. And so, our reality is a merging of the, game of life, outside the body. When Noe realized he could control the game he says, why don’t I change it? Why don’t I change the rules? Why don’t I change the way I interact with it? Why don’t I populate it? And that is where he’s able to start to control his reality, and create his own matrix. We can all do the same thing.
Alana Aviel is a guide to Mastering the Creation of your Reality. Alana Aviel of AKIATA is an Oracle, Channel, Teacher, and Spiritual Guide/Activator working primarily in the Quantum Realm. Following a powerful near-death experience, Alana has humbly stepped fully into her service as a guide and teacher in the Akasha and assists in total obliteration of old paradigm patterns and limitations to being. Her work focuses on identifying the cues of one’s reality and activating our natural powers as the creator of our Reality to live an aware and empowered life.
Alana: I was in a motorcycle accident where I was in a coma and have a severe brain injury. It was actually the conclusion of one, soul’s journey, and the initiation of my soul’s journey. So that was the start of my adventure. And it’s what’s called a, walk-in soul, experience. So where one soul kind of says, okay, I’m ready to conclude my journey here on Earth, and it creates an opportunity for another soul to kind of hop in and continue the journey.
Myrna: Take us on a chronological journey.
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Near Death experience and a walk in soul
Alana: Yeah, so most people are born you know, they’re a baby they live a life they grow up they have school, they have childhood memories, maybe some trauma, all those experiences. And you know, when we understand the, near-death experience, somebody kind of hops out of the game for a minute and comes back right? What I’m saying is I’m actually a different soul continuing the journey of the person who created this body. So, I don’t have childhood memories. I don’t have a point of reference. That was a story of a soul that preceded me and I kind of came in midstream.
Myrna: Wow. In the, near-death experience, a new soul walks in. I have never heard this before.
Alana: This is what some people call a, walk-in soul. But for me, the most powerful kind of contrast is, I don’t come with the context of a life experience that most people have, most people have childhood memories. They have, you know, trauma that you can inquire or, you know, an impact about beliefs or an impression of, you know, things that they learned in school, because I kind of came in midstream, I have the benefit of some of the memories that Alana kind of left me.
Myrna: What was the experience that the original soul left that a new soul came in? You mentioned something about a motorcycle accident.
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The soul agreement and game of life
Alana: In 2007 the original Alana experienced severe head injury, in a motorcycle accident and was in a coma for a good amount of time. And I would say that was the time that we kind of changed places you could say during that coma, whatever her soul had chosen was saying okay, this is going to be the conclusion of my adventure here on this earth game. I’m sure that she and I created a, soul agreement, that I would pick up where she left off. And so I woke from the coma, started to understand, oh, this is the new life experience. These are some of the rules. These are some of the ways that she lives. These are some of the things that she did, these are some of the people that she knew, and I kind of just picked up the roll from there and carried on.
Myrna: How does a, walk-in soul, take us to the, matrix?
Alana: Yeah, so, you know, we use this term, matrix, or we use this term like the, game of life. Basically, it’s an experience inside of, consciousness. And the interesting thing is people identify the, matrix, or the ego as the limitations, the obstacles, the challenges, the lack or the struggle of trauma, those types of things, right. And sometimes people identify the matrix as this force outside of us, like the government or you know, all of these other limitations; but in reality, what you need to see is the limitations are how our subconscious designs our, game of life.
The matrix or, game of life, is to be played based on what our soul identifies as wanting to experience inside of, consciousness. And so, when I talk about limiting suffering, it can be as simple as changing the way one identifies inside of consciousness. Because the way that we identify inside of, consciousness, will define the experience that we have.
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Myrna: Well, you know, that 99.9% of people don’t even know, what is consciousness. We just show up play the, game of life. We’re in the matrix and you know, it’s tumbling us around and we’re reacting to outside stimulus. But consciousness is a big word. And even though I’m in the space of, awareness and, consciousness, and, trying to create my own reality. I know that I’m not at the top of the game. So, when you are saying that we’re limited in our, consciousness. Explain for the layman what that means.
Alana: So there’s four ways to experience reality. And as you said, 99% of people have that perspective that life happens to them that they’re kind of a victim to circumstances. So, they are at the entry level of the, game of life. When people have an awakening, they start to experience a level of consciousness where they start to realize, I’m actually the observer in the game. I’m able to transcend these limitations and look at them with a different context, a more divine perspective. All of a sudden they are able to take themselves outside of that victim-hood and say, wait, there’s something else going on here.
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The matrix illustrates how to play the game of life
And that’s what the movie “The Matrix Movie” kind of illustrates. He takes the red pill or the blue pill and all of a sudden, he realizes the game isn’t what he thought it was. Similar thing happens when people have an awakening. So, the stage that comes after the observer, is we’re starting to notice okay, I can see the way this works a little bit differently. It’s not necessarily happening to me, but I’m participating in it in a way that I can’t quite explain. Then we get to manifesting what we want in this, matrix.
I know a lot of people who are really getting on to the idea of manifesting using affirmations, using depth of beliefs to create inside their experience. So now you’re not only just observing life, but you’re playing as a creator. In my experience, I can create my prosperity through my belief, I can create my relationships in a different way through my belief, now I understand myself, and we really have kind of left the victim hood and started to be more of a creator. When you play the, game of life, as a creator, it’s like putting their heart, their skin, their dreams, and their imagination into action.
And then once you really get to a place where you are merging with, divine consciousness, which can be known to some people as enlightenment, you know, we’ve had a lot of ascended masters that have set this example Buddha, Jesus all the other ones, right. This is where reality can be perceived as being created in real time, exclusively from our mindset. And so, this is where everything in our experience is a manifestation of the mind.
Myrna: Sure, so from what I remember of the, matrix, you know, there was a body, sitting in a chair, and he took the pill and he was going to the Oracle and the Oracle said that he was the One. But that reality of the matrix didn’t actually affect the body. Right? Because there’s one time he got shot in the matrix and he was sitting a chair still alive. So, help us play the game where we’re in a matrix, which is the, quantum field, and then we’re in our body. How does that work?
Alana: Well, I mean, there’s a lot of layers to it. The first thing that I find is most valuable for everybody is we’re all the guy. We are all the One. So everybody is in their own unique matrix. What “The Matrix” the movie was trying to show is that we’re inside of a game, we’re, consciousness, inside of a game. And so, our reality is a merging of the, game of life, outside the body. When he realized he could control the game he says, why don’t I change it? Why don’t I change the rules? Why don’t I change the way I interact with it? Why don’t I populate it? And that is where he’s able to start to control his reality, which is what we’re talking about.
And he’s able to watch himself participating in real time, which is like what manifesting is, you know, you set your intention or what Dr Joe Dispenza talks about and “Becoming Supernatural” you can heal yourself, but only because you made yourself aware of your capacity to do so. So, my cheat code that the matrix illustrates so beautifully is that our mindset is everything. How we identify is everything. We identify ourselves as always running after our next paycheck. The paychecks are going to keep running away from us. If we identify ourselves as somebody where money is running to us, money will run to us.
The game of life, this movie The Matrix, that’s a clue, the book The Secret, that’s a clue. And there’s so many clues that are kind of naturally built into the game. And one of my favorite ways to understand the clues is to look at the life of children. Because children know how to play the, game of life. They haven’t picked up the muck that kind of makes us forget. And so, what do they do? Kids play dress up, they use their imagination. They pick up a block, it becomes a car, right? Kids know how to play the, game of life, and then we pick up beliefs and the baggage from society. And just increase our degrees of forgetting until we find it again.
Myrna: How we can get in touch with you if you’re on social media. Tell us your handles.
Alana: Yeah, beautiful. My handle on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/akiataetheric/ and Tiktok is @akiatsetheric. If they follow me I share a lot of juicy mind bending ideas and concepts. But most importantly I have this experience called the mirror dimension. And if you go to mirror-dimension.com You’ll find my membership there we meet weekly to learn how to read your reality. It’s really easy, accessible, low-cost program for people to come in and start to learn about themselves to learn about the conscious experience playing a, game of life, learning all the cues.
I find it very important for us to include unpacking people’s personal experiences as demonstrations of what does this clue mean? What did that challenge what was that challenge trying to say? So, we workshop in real time in the mirror dimension to learn how to be better creators in our reality. It’s a really incredible workshop style experience for people to come and learn and grow.
If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder, it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time. In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.
Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.
I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn’t know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn’t know anything was wrong.
Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.
I just thought it was normal to want to die.
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What is, Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.
The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married. You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic; being in the middle is where you want to be.
I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don’t have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.
They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn’t know, if my family didn’t know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That’s why I became a, mental health advocate.
I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn’t be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.
Hypnosis-Everywhere with Ines Simpson explores, dissects, discusses and opens up the world of Hypnosis. You will discover that Hypnosis is a very big world indeed. In Hypnosis-Everywhere, Ines offers you tools and answers to deal with that tricky mind of yours, and proven ways to enrich your life.
Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other
Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.
All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.
For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.
In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.
I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.
I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
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Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.
Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that’s when you meet the girl, that’s when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.
Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly
Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.
In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.
If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it’s simple.
It’s much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?
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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?
Biological traits
Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.
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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar
Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years. He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.
That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.
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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.
The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,
It’s almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don’t just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.
Guided Meditations, has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the actual structure of your brain. Using Muse, guided meditations, helps you focus.
Today I am speaking to Ariel Garten, Psychotherapist and founder of Muse Headband for, guided meditations.
Muse Headband comes with, free guided meditations, and help to reduce stress and improve sleep.
This topic that’s near and dear to my heart because I am a meditator. So I am going to be learning as much from you as our audience on, guided meditations, and using, Muse Headband for meditation.
Ariel, How did your work in psychotherapy and neuroscience lead you to becoming the founder of Muse?
How Muse guided meditations started
My story is a really varied one. I was always interested in everything and how the world worked and how we work; so I went to school for neuroscience, so that I could learn more about the brain. Our brain creates our experiences of life. The movements of chemicals across our sinapps create the experience of being happy of feeling connected to one another.
I became trained as a psychotherapist and so in psychotherapy so that I could work one-on-one with people to help them understand the narratives that play in their minds, these are the stories that are in their head and shapes their existence. I help them shift those narratives and stories so that they could be more comfortable with the life that they’re living. I became really fascinated by brain waves. Brain waves are the electrical energy that comes off your head. It’s real information from your brain.
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I began working with a professor at the University of Toronto and and we began to use an EEG system eg or sensors to detect brain waves to listen to people’s brain activity and create feedback loops. We could literally make sounds from the energy coming off of people heads. We were actually creating musical experiences as you shifted your brain state from focused to relaxed.
I stood back and started to recognize that we could actually create company around this technology and uses this for human good. I got together with my co-founders Chris and Trevor, two friends of mine one who’s an amazing electrical engineer the other amazing business person and the three of us set off to bring, Muse Headband for Meditation, to the world.
In psychotherapy I would be teaching people to meditate as one of the tools to help them, transform their mind, but we all know that meditation is incredibly hard to do because most of us can’t quiet our minds. I sucked at meditation. I teach it to my patients and they would go home and try to do it but their brains would bounce all over the place and they would be frustrated.
Muse Headband for meditation, gives you real-time feedback on your brain during, guided meditation.
Muse gives you audio feedback. You’re actually hearing your brain state and it’s helping you guide yourself back into that state of focus when your mind wanders off.
When I meditate, there’s certain times that I can sit there and just concentrate on my breathing, and then the next time I’ve got all these thoughts that are bouncing around. When you recognize that you’re no longer concentrating on your breathing you bring it back but that could be 30 mins later.
What is, Guided meditation?
Meditation is simply a practice or a training that leads to healthy and positive mind. It’s an exercise that you do regularly that leads to improvements in your mind and your brain. The most common form of meditation that most people do first is a focused attention meditation. You might hear different forms of meditation and they all have a lot of similarities with their basics and focused attention.
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You focus your attention on your breath or part of your body. Eventually your mind wanders away from the thing you’re paying attention to or the voice on the, guided meditation, onto a thought or a distraction and it’s your job to notice that your mind has wandered and come back to your breath. It is incredibly simple. You’re putting your attention on your breath, your mind wanders you realize your mind is wandered and instead of following your wandering mind you choose to come back to your breath. Your guide from the, guided meditations, would remind you to follow your breathe.
How to Meditate?
Sit or lie comfortably. You may even want to invest in a meditation chair or cushion.
Close your eyes. …
Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.
Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation.
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Focusing on your breath and returning to your breath is big deal. When you do this really simple exercise, some pretty profound things happen to your mind and brain. Most of us just kind of go through the world on autopilot. We just go through the world with a bunch of thoughts in our head and we assume we’re supposed to be thinking them. We’re thinking about our brother who’s not feeling well or the groceries that we’re supposed to get or with the thing in front of us that we don’t really care about.
What happens is as soon as you engage in , guided meditations, and you put your attention breathwork, your mind wanders into one of those thoughts and you choose to say. I don’t want to follow this wandering thought, I want to control my mind and put it elsewhere, on my breathe. All of a sudden you have changed the relationship to your thoughts and that is HUGE. You’re no longer just subject to the thoughts that are in your head, you can actually have control over them. You can have dominion over your own mind. Every time you do this you get better and better at saying hey I don’t want to follow that thought, I want to come back to this, guided meditation, and my breathe.
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A lot of the thoughts that we have are negative, frustrating and repetitive so instead of just following these negative, frustrating, repetitive thoughts and assuming that’s what happens, we can now observe them and say heck NO, I don’t like that thought. I don’t want to go there and choose to come back to focused attention and, guided meditations.
The benefits of guided meditations
There’s literally over a thousand published studies demonstrating the benefits of, guided meditation, and its impact on your mind your body:
Deepak Chopra introduced me to, guided meditation, maybe 10 – 15 years ago. I have been a meditator for a while and there is a significant difference in everything about me because of meditation. One benefit is that I am able to relieve pain by breathing into the area.
There’s a ton of studies that demonstrate, guided meditations, potential to improve pain.
One study shows a novice meditator or a short-term learning meditation can reduce their pain by 50%, expert meditators have been shown to be able to reduce their pain levels by 90%.
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Muse Headband for meditation, has agency G and heart rate sensors inside of it that track your brain during your meditation. The same way that a heart rate monitor will track your heart while you’re at the gym and let you know when you’re in the fat-burning zone.
Muse Headband for meditation, tracks your brain during, guided meditation, to let you know when you’re in focused attention. When your mind is wandering, it actually lets you hear the sound of your mind. It lets you know when you’re focused and it warns you when your mind has wandered off and then guides you back into that state of focused attention. Muse Headband for meditation, use really beautiful audio cues that you hear through your phone, in the same way a Fitbit connects with your phone.
What happens to our brain during, Guided Meditation?
Meditation has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the actual structure of your brain. It’s quite amazing. There’s an amazing study from Dr. Sarah Lazar she’s a researcher at Harvard and she’s shown that meditation that can increase the thickness of your prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the area of your brain right under your forehead and it’s the part of your brain that’s responsible for planning, organization and higher-order thinking.
It’s the thing that like separate us from other animals. As Humans we have really developed prefrontal cortex. As we age our prefrontal cortex actually becomes thinner; but Dr Lazar was able to show that people with a long term, guided meditation, practices were able to maintain the thickness of their prefrontal cortex even as they aged. So quite amazing, guided meditation, actually was able to reverse the aging process by maintaining our prefrontal cortex.
Through the, guided meditation, process it actually strengthens the ability of your prefrontal cortex to now regulate your amygdala. It’s like your prefrontal cortex is the parent and the amygdala is the little three-year-old having a temper tantrum.
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Can our Set point for Happiness be changed by, guided meditations to reduce stress?
Our set point is our capacity for happiness, and apparently it is set very early in life from our parents or our caretakers. Deepak Chopra says that, guided meditation, can move that set point so your capacity for happiness increases. I thought this statement was interesting enough for us to include it in our conversation today, so can you touch on the neuroscience behind this statement.
During, guided meditations, you begin to recognize that you can have control over your thoughts. Typically the next thing that happens is you recognize that you are not your thoughts, and if you are not your thoughts you are also not all of the stories about yourself that your thoughts have been telling you about you. At some point with meditators there’s this unbelievable shift where you realize that like you know the things that you learned about yourself in the grade 3 school yard when you were being picked on are not true. So you let go of that perspective in the same way you let go those negative thoughts and that is unbelievably liberating. So your capacity for happiness or set point shifts.
Have you found your, passion? Passion, is that burning desire that God placed in your belly at birth. It is also called your burning bush.
In this episode I reference the Final chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”
I call this chapter “God’s consuming fire your , passion.
In this chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.
Out of the Snares
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
— Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch
What is Passion
Passion it is that thing that you were created to do. The thing that makes you feel good when you are doing it, like you transcended your body and entered the heavens. The thing that you would do all day for free.
Kobe Bryant was born with a purpose, he got the genes and the physical attributes to be a basketball player but; he had to engage his, passion.
Purpose is what you were placed on the earth to do, it is your contribution to mankind. The first way to uncover your, passion, is to find out what holds your interest and what you love doing. God gave you your gift of purpose, and you’re not always passionate about your purpose; but if you can marry it to your, passion, it’s like pouring gasoline on the fire. You have to feed your, passion. That’s what Kobe Bryant did and that is why he is a Legend. No one out worked him, he wanted to be the best and win championships.
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One of the self-evaluation questions I ask my new coaching clients is “If you were the Power-ball winner of $500,000,000. What would you do with your time?” You see, when you take away the need to earn money, then your head becomes clear as to what your passion really is.
In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.
For Walt Disney it was drawing and Art. Walt started drawing as an ambulance driver in the army. Then he became a commercial artist. After being let go from his company, he decided to start his own graphics company. His company failed from bad management. Walt had a string of failures that included bankruptcy before he found success. He married Art with imagination and created the happiest place on earth. His passion for drawing birth an empire that has gross revenues today in the billions of dollars.
Walt Disney World is now visited by over 5 million families every year, Annual cash flow from Disney’s consortium of products and films are in excess of 21 billion dollars. It includes 535 Disney stores, a cable television station, amusement parks in Orlando, California, Paris and more. All because he would not let the fire in his belly die.
So what would you do for free?
How did Sylvester Stallone Find his, Passion?
Sylvester Stallone was born disabled. He suffered injury at birth that left one side of his mouth deformed and caused him to speak funny. Sylvester’s passion was born from being hungry. Like Les Brown would say “You got to be Hungry” Sylvester was broke and hungry. He was walking the street one day, cold and hungry and he decided to go into a library to stay warm. Laying on the table was a book about a fighter who overcame odds to win.
That inspired Sylvester Stallone to go write the Rocky story. He wrote that story in one sitting. He did not stop for 20 hours. That inspiration was the gasoline that lit the fire that God put inside him. Again he married passion with imagination and wrote a story that resonated with each and every one of us. The story of Rocky. It made him a millionaire many times over.
“When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.”
— John Wesley
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Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewelry and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to a stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold his dog for $25. He says he walked away crying.
Two weeks later, he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie, ROCKY. He wrote the script in 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR, Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.
They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. A few weeks later, the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie, but NOT him. He said NO. He was not selling out, if they did not cast him, they couldn’t buy his script. It worked. They wanted the script so badly, that they cast his as Rocky and history was made.
What is exactly the, Meaning of, Passion
Passion, is that which deeply stirs us or a developmental perspective, so it’s like the essence of our commitment. Passion is the thing that drives us. You might hear older individuals say they “lost their will to live,” that means they lost their passion, their fuel. Just like a child requires love to grow, we require passion to continue to grow inside.
When we selectively share our, passion, we engage the universe to manifest our, passion.
It’s like putting gasoline on your fire when you engaged your, passion.
J.K Rowling was a single parent, a divorcee and out of work. On a train ride from Manchester to London she got the inspiration to create the Harry Potter story. But she was already a published author. Writing her first book at 6 years old and another at 11 years old. She became an English teacher because her passion was writing. Ms Rowling says
Failure stirs the fire in your belly to do something about your passion.
In 2015 J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement speech was published under the title ‘Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination’
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My, passion, is learning, building and imparting. As a Life coach, author and motivational speaker, I am constantly learning, building and imparting into the lives of others. I could do it all day and I do it for free.
Find your, passion!
“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.” Richard Branson
What I encourage people to do is to focus on the positive at all times. If they remove the negative, those emotional vampires, they will let the light in. Once you move away or walk away or even run away from negativity, you can begin to find your, passion in life. Be passionate about whatever you desire, it doesn’t matter what it is, be passionate about it by surrounding yourself with those people who are similar in Life or those people who have already done it.
I remember people talking about Diana Ross, one of my favorite people. They were so upset with her for continually surrounding herself around for White people, and she told them she surrounds herself with anyone regardless of color who is going in the same direction as she or where she wants to go.
The common complaint among a lot of people is that they need to, ‘find their passion.’
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
Being, abandoned, by a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment. It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.
Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.
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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned, by our parents
Feelings of, not good enough, because we have lack.
When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same. There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.
Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.
Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry. With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.
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Are you tired of going to bed each night hoping that tomorrow will be a better day, only for it to be more of the same?
Are you sick of empty affirmations that make you feel good but don’t actually lead to change?
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Abandoned, by Love
Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again. This pattern is repeated often.
Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.
It takes work to heal your cracks. The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.
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Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:
Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind. You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.
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How the, Abandonment, wound plays out in relationships:
Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
Overreacting to conflict
Becoming a pleaser
Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.
An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now, and this is find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose. The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan to go after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
Never go with your, gut feelings, because what is true is that your gut, intuition, is often going to be lying to you. Just like people who are depressed and anxious feel that there’s something to be said about, gut feelings, when there’s not, and feel there’s a threat when there is not. Instead use counter intuitive strategies to make decisions.
What was your path in becoming a Cognitive Neuroscientist?
I was 18 in 1999 when the Prince song party like it’s 1999 was Hot. A lot of leaders were partying because their companies were going boom they were making a lot of a lot of money. Billions of dollars were invested into the dot.com industry, and just a couple of years later when I was 21 in 2002, they all went bust. The leaders of the dot.com era made terrible decisions. They trusted their, Gut feelings, and went bust! That and the fact I saw my father trust his, gut feelings, and made terrible decisions, made me study to become a Cognitive Neuroscientist.
Leaders who went with their, gut feelings, made bad decisions
A lot of Leaders who went with, gut feelings, went to jail. Their, gut instincts, were way off. Never trust just your, gut feelings. I was curious about what was going on, so I decided to study the neuroscience of the brain and how people think. I became a Trainer, Consultant, and Coach for business leaders.
Cognitive neuroscience, is a subfield of neuroscience that studies the biological processes that underlie human cognition, especially in regards to the relation between brain structures, activity and cognitive functions. The purpose of it is to determine how the brain functions and achieves performance.is the study of how our brain works, how we make decisions and what our patterns of decision-making are. I also studied the specific judgment errors that we make when we make decisions purely from, gut feelings.
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One of the first things I wanted to know because as a, Lifecoach myself, when I sit down in a coaching session, I’m looking for certain things in order for me to understand where my clients are coming from. As a cognitive neuroscientist and behavioral economist, what are you looking for when you were consulting with these business leaders?
Coaching to, Gut Instinct
The first thing I’m looking for is to make sure the person is coachable. A lot of people would like to go to a coach, but they’re not coachable. Meaning that they’re not willing to listen to external feedback and accept that sometimes, someone looking from the outside is going to be wiser than the person looking from the inside and making those, gut feeling, decisions.
I also try to find an issue of disagreement and in the first session, to see how the person reacts to this disagreement. Because if this person’s is not able to deal with this disagreement, then we’re not going to be able to have an effective coaching relationship. Because as a coach I’m going to tell you what I think, and if you can’t accept feedback, we can’t work together and I’d like to discover that as quickly as possible.
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The other thing that I look for at the start of the session is how emotionally aware this person is. That’s the quality of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence refers to two broad skill sets:
emotional awareness – where is this person emotions
and emotional management – how are they able to manage their emotions.
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It is really an important element for me to understand. Do I need to teach this person these skills of emotional intelligence, personal skills, emotional awareness and emotional management? Because in order to make good decisions, instead of going with, gut feelings, we need to realize that our emotions are the overwhelming factor driving our, gut intuition and, gut instinct. Our emotions shape about 80 to 90 percent of our, gut feelings, and decision-making. Going with your, gut feelings, means going with your, gut instinct intuition, and they’re often wrong, so this is a problem.
When my clients notice that there are goals they want to achieve from coaching are at odds with their natural inclinations and natural intuition, they change their natural state. One of the very important aspects of coaching, is to change your natural state of activities otherwise there is no point in coaching.
One key aspect of coaching, is to change from where you are today to where you want to be
I’m looking for that as well how aware is the person of their emotions and how able are they to manage their emotions and, gut feelings.
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Leaders shouldn’t just use gut feelings to make decisions
As a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Behavioral Economist, you had enough data to write a book on disaster avoidance and that’s also name of your company. Does your research indicate that most people who follow their, gut feelings, or, gut instinct, make the wrong decisions?
Yes, overwhelmingly people who just go with their, gut feelings, and make decisions by, gut reaction, as opposed to people who check with their heads before going with their, gut feelings, make the wrong decisions.
Let’s look at small businesses. A lot of small business owners who don’t have training go with their, gut feeling, and open up a business. They feel that they can do this job, I can do this work. I can run this restaurant or this hair salon or I can be a plumber. But when you look at the actual statistics, what happens to small businesses is about half of them fail within the first five years, about two-thirds of them fail within the first ten years; because people make decisions based on, gut feelings. They just go with their, gut instincts, they don’t check with their head before going with their, gut feeling. Never just go with your, gut feelings.
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5 Questions to Ask Before Going with Your Gut Feelings
That business leader this who wants to open up a hair salon needs to learn about these, cognitive biases, the 30 most dangerous ones that she might be suffering from
The Confirmation Bias – where she might be looking for information from, gut feelings, that confirms her beliefs and ignoring information that do not confirm her beliefs.
Objective Adviser – Understanding the failure rate for hair salons. The failure rate for hair salons are a little bit higher than the failure rate for typical small businesses, so the first question to answer is why she would not fail. What makes her so special ? Never go with just, gut feelings.
Get uncomfortable – Look for information that is uncomfortable and that to prove to herself whether this is the right decision or not.
Check for the optimism bias. Business leaders who open up new restaurants, new salon or new small businesses tech startups tend to be very optimistic. They are too optimistic compared to the reality of the situation.
Exit strategy if Business fails – what are all the reasons why it would fail. Was it the wrong location? Management etc?
Additional Resources Never go with Your, Gut Feelings
This Black History month, I would like to feature Toni Morrison, for her literary excellence. Toni Morrison is a Nobel Prize Winner, a Pulitzer Prize winner, and awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Morrison is an American writer noted for her examination of Black experience (particularly Black female experience) within the Black community. Let’s take a moment to honor this literary genius this, black history month.
Toni Morrison, original name Chloe Anthony Wofford, (born February 18, 1931, Lorain, Ohio, U.S.—died August 5, 2019, Bronx, New York), American writer noted for her examination of Black experience (particularly Black female experience) within the Black community. She received the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1993.
Morrison grew up in the American Midwest in a family that possessed an intense love of and appreciation for, Black culture. Storytelling, songs, and folktales were a deeply formative part of her childhood. She attended Howard University (B.A., 1953) and Cornell University (M.A., 1955). In 1965 Morrison became a fiction editor at Random House, where she worked for a number of years.
Morrison’s first book, The Bluest Eye (1970), is a novel of initiation concerning a victimized adolescent Black girl who is obsessed by white standards of beauty and longs to have blue eyes. This book was my introduction to Toni Morrison. I loved this book. I loved the character, how Morrison showed a poor black girl struggling not only with her looks but with becoming a young lady, and wanting to be beautiful like her white blue eye dolls. At the time when I read this book a lot of black women were putting in blue contact lenses including my daughter. This book really brought it home and allowed black women to start loving our skin, eyes, hair and black features.
In 1973 a second novel, Sula, was published; it examines (among other issues) the dynamics of friendship and the expectations for conformity within the Black community.
Song of Solomon (1977) is told by a male narrator in search of his identity; its publication brought Morrison to national attention. Tar Baby (1981), set on a Caribbean island, explores conflicts of race, class, and sex.
Toni Morrison became mainstream with her critically acclaimed book called Beloved (1987), which won a Pulitzer Prize for fiction, is based on the true story of a runaway slave who, at the point of recapture, kills her infant daughter in order to spare her a life of slavery. A film adaptation of the novel was released in 1998 and starred Oprah Winfrey. The again was powerful for me. The character of Beloved was played to perfection by Thandiwe Newton and showcases how Sethe’s guilt, played by Oprah Winfrey can reincarnate and haunt us in this life.
In 1992 Morrison released Jazz, a story of violence and passion set in New York City’s Harlem during the 1920s. Subsequent novels were Paradise (1998), a richly detailed portrait of a Black utopian community in Oklahoma, and Love (2003), an intricate family story that reveals the myriad facets of love and its ostensible opposite. A Mercy (2008) deals with slavery in 17th-century America. In the redemptive Home (2012), a traumatized Korean War veteran encounters racism after returning home and later overcomes apathy to rescue his sister. In God Help the Child(2015), Morrison chronicled the ramifications of child abuse and neglect through the tale of Bride, a Black girl with dark skin who is born to light-skinned parents.
It is great to showcase Toni Morrison’s work for, Black History month, because The central theme of Morrison’s novels is the, Black American experience; in an unjust society, her characters struggle to find themselves and their cultural identity. Her use of fantasy, her sinuous poetic style, and her rich interweaving of the mythic gave her stories great strength and texture. In 2010 Morrison was made an officer of the French Legion of Honour. Two years later she was awarded the U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (2019) is a documentary about her life and career.
Are you Happy? Today Dr Ahia, Psychologist and I discuss, How to be Happy. Their is a mathematical formula for, happiness. H=S +C + V i.e. means Your happiness is based on your set point. What are the conditions that make you happy. Are you choosing to make the voluntary choices to make to be happy.
The, happiness formula, is a mathematical equation on, how to be happy.
What does it take to be happy?
To answer that question you have to understand your blueprint for, happiness.
Your blueprint is the story you have in your head about how life is supposed to be.
The most popular archetype is the blueprint that says you have to be successful to find, happiness.
Here is a Test to see your Capacity for, Happiness:
What is an area in your life that you feel happy about?
Then ask yourself, why are you happy with that area?
You could find, happiness, in your body, your marriage, your career, your friends, your finances, your kids, your relationship with God etc.
If your Life Conditions or LC match your blueprint for, happiness, you will find, happiness, in this area.
Let’s pick an easy one to see, how to be happy, I am sure you know people who are happy with being overweight.
They find, happiness, with their body because their blueprint says, Big is Beautiful. They love being Big. You may also know someone who is a twig and they feel fat. You become unhappy with your body when you step on the scale and it is different than your blueprint for, happiness, with your weight or body.
While you are in this space you can also get clarity on why you are Unhappy with some areas of your life.
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The Happiness Formula, How to be Happy
Happiness, is defined as a feeling of contentment, that life is as it should be. Perfect, happiness, comes when you have all your needs met according to your blueprint of what life should be.
Here is the formula for, Happiness
H=S +C + V
Happiness is “H”
S – Set point or genetic capacity for happiness
C- Conditions or circumstances of living
V – Voluntary choices
Your Set point or core belief is both genetic and environmental. Do you see life as an opportunity or do you see life as a problem?
Your set point for, happiness, is determined in the first 3 years of life by parents or caretakers. Your neurons mirror your parents. If your parents were always criticizing each other or playing the victim; that’s what you grow up to be. A critical person always seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. You feel victimized by life. You blame the system for your lack of, happiness, in life. You feel you were born on the other side of the tracks.
On the other hand If your parents were happy, then you grew up thinking that life is a place for service and to look for the silver lining under every cloud. Never being the victim because victims have no power. Your set point on, how to be happy, if pretty high.
Your set point represents 50% of your, happiness, so if you have a negative set point, you are always fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, your set point for, happiness, can be changed through therapy?
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The second factor in the, Happiness Formula is your capacity for happiness or your Life Conditions “C”
C = Conditions of living – conditions of living represents 10 -12% of your, happiness. For example If you are extremely poor you can’t be happy because your basic needs are not being met and your poverty becomes a source of stress.
There is a movie I saw years ago called the, Happiness, movie. It showcased people in India living in very poor conditions, earning something like $100 per year and they found, happiness.
How to be happy, they had love, they had family and since poverty is what they knew from birth, their blueprint for, happiness, was different than someone born into wealth.
Do you know poor people who are happy? I am sure you do.
When your Life conditions don’t match your blueprint that is when you suffer. Stress, depression, substance abuse this is the doorway they enter from. Not always but most times.
The next leg on, How to be Happy, is “V”
V = Voluntary Choices. These are the choices you make every day =these choices represent 40% of your, happiness.
If your choices are all about personal pleasure then your, happiness, will be transient.
In the US the #1 choice for personal pleasure is shopping
#2 is alcohol and food
# 3 sex
When you make choices for personal pleasure your, happiness, lasts a few days or a few months at best. If you are trying to find, happiness, by acquiring things like cars, clothes, houses, jewelry. The, happiness, lasts a few weeks or at best 6 months then it is no longer a source of joy.
This is the same for alcohol, food, drugs, sex.
Lasting, Happiness, does not come from external sources.
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If you are suffering in your marriage, your relationships, or anything other than your health, you can change your blueprint and find, happiness. If you feel you have no control to change your Life conditions, that is when there is pain.
You can change your set point through meditation and expanding your consciousness.
If you don’t like your conditions of living or your body, change it. It is in your control. If you don’t want to change your conditions then you must change your blueprint.
When I first got married my husband and I fought constantly. We had different blueprints of what marriage was supposed to be. We are still together today because we both changed our blueprints. Most couples end up in divorce court because they refuse to change their blueprint of what it take to find, happiness, in a marriage or after a divorce.
Instead of making the choice of personal pleasure, spend your money or time on experiences like vacations, adventure, entertainment, being social with friends etc. Creating Good memories make you happy.
The fastest way to, happiness, is to give others attention, appreciation, acknowledgment, affection, or acceptance.
Before you make choices, ask yourself would this choice make me happy? Will it make others happy? You cannot find, happiness, making others unhappy.
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