Your, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious, mind, is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don't, reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious programs, like a a tape recorder. We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs. Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction, Unconscious mind
Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind. Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there. That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.
Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs, that has to do with your beliefs.
These, subconscious programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind, play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.
Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind, will keep playing the same, subconscious programs. Think about your vinyl record. Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!
When I was growing up my activity of choice was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man's help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting, were actually the flip side of love!
These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match. Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way. Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program, It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,
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I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset and love this man.
Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,
What is your, Unconscious Mind, that needs to be rewritten?
I was a foster mom for years. I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday. They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and lack and survival.
Here are 5, subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today
Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.
3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.
4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.
If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self
5. Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)
A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.
This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment. I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations. I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind, Visualizing what you want. Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.
For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids. That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind, The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.
Daily Affirmations, like:
I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35
Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth! Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.
About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s, book called “Grow Younger, Live Longer” In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day. It went like this.
Daily Affirmations for aging younger
Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.
I don’t remember all of it. I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday. So over 20 years ago. I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.
This year on my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented. She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old. You just said F**K it! I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!
How to Rewrite Your Subconscious Mind
In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail. I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that. This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.
Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success. I heal myself faster from injuries. For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days. I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.
Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes. Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree. I programmed my, unconscious mind, to prepare for the test.
Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.
Our, subconscious programs, doesn't stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.
Take risks to get past, subconscious programs, Your, unconscious mind, always wants to play it safe.
Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.
4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?
5. How can I make this a reality?
6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host? What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!
Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind
This strategy is called, auto inquisition. Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention. You can do the same.
Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
Speak your success as present fact not a future plan. Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist. What do I need to make that happen right now.
Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.
Additional Resources Unconscious mind
“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.
When we talk about the, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but renewing your sense of, self-consciousness. Renewing your mind, impacts your conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
Renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”
Pastor William L Glover speaks on the biblical principles of what God meant when He said “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
Pastor Glover just completed a powerful series on, renewing the mind, it was a four part series, you can watch the full series on the Mount Hermon Ministries YouTube Channel. But today we're going to pick some of the important pieces of that, renewing your mind, series to share with you.
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Dr. William L. Glover is the Senior Pastor of Mount Hermon Ministries. He also oversees the Dew of Hermon Early Learning Center and is Campus Director of Life Christian University at Mount Hermon Ministries. He has a strong mandate for Education, Missions, Leadership Development, Justice Ministry and reaching the lost for Christ.
Having ministered in nine different countries on 29 international trips, Dr. Glover is an anointed teacher, preacher, and international speaker. He has assembled ministry and medical teams that have seen thousands of souls saved and thousands more received desperately needed medical care. His passion is to reach the globe, but God has fashioned his heart in the shape of Africa.
Through Mount Hermon Ministries, he is very involved in reaching his community through educational empowerment. He is a founding board member of L.I.F.E (Lee Interfaith for Empowerment), a Network of Congregations committed to finding solutions to systemic justice issues in Lee County; is an Executive Board Member of Healthy Lee, a group of faith, business and health professions committed to inspiring healthy life styles, and chairs the Religious Affairs Committee of the local branch of the NAACP. Dr. Glover is also Co-Founder (with Pastor Cheryl Glover) of Redeeming Influence Community Outreach, a non-profit that serves blighted communities.
Dr. Glover has earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible and Theology from Southeastern University (formally Bible College), a Master of Arts degree in Religion from Florida State University, a Master of Education degree in counseling from Florida A & M University, and his Doctor of Ministry degree in Theology from Life Christian University.
Dr. Glover is also the author of the three books: Justice: God, Nations, and Systems, which examines the role of faith in addressing systemic justice issues which plague the systems of men; 30 Days of Excellence, a daily devotional that focuses on cultivating a culture of excellence in Faith, in Speech and in Life; and Ready for the Harvest, a study on how to release the principle of seedtime and harvest into your life.
Book: Ready for the Harvest Transform Your Mind Podcast
Dr. Glover is married to Pastor Cheryl Glover. Four wonderful adult children enhance their lives: Brittney, Jade, Jana and William II. Dr. Glover credits God for His demonstration of goodness and continues to trust in His faithfulness throughout his Pastoral Ministry.
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Myrna – My first question to you Pastor Glover is why did why do you think God wanted you to preach on, renewing your mind?
Pastor Glover – that's an excellent question Myrna. I ended the 2020 year with a series of messages entitled, living in your redemption. The idea being that God had already paid the price for redemption and that he's redeemed our lives from destruction.
Whatever destruction has occurred in our lives, be it:
personal,
financial,
relational
emotional
mental
God has already invested in the price to redeem and restore us from that destruction. That message was received so well that I began to contemplate well how do I get people to embrace that, mindset, and the, renewing your mind, messages were born. If a person can hear something, but if it's not internalized and if it's not received, then it's not going to have an impact on their lives.
So that series of, renewing your mind, messages was born out of that realization of moving people from the point of where they are, to living in the redemption and, renewing their minds.
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Myrna – you talked about the three different parts of the, mind, that God wants renewed.
Can you share with us the three different parts of the, mind?
Pastor Glover – Sure there are different aspects to each individual sermon, but the broad overview is the reason the, mind, is important is found in the wisdom literature. Scripture reveals that the, mind, is connected to and influences:
our psyche
our conscious
and our heart
When we talk about, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but it impacts your sense of, self-consciousness. It impacts your, conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
So, renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the, renewing of your mind”
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One is internal and one is external. It impacts our, psyche, our consciousness, and our heart. So it is the, transformation, of the total person, the total being.
What is the Flexible mind, the Fluid Mind and the Fixed Mind?
We need to have a conversation about what kind of, mindset, you are working with.
Is your, mindset, flexible?
Is your, mindset, fluid?
Or do you have a, fixed mindset? Which could be good or bad depending on what it's fixed on.
When we talk about the, psyche, the, psyche, being your sense of, self-consciousness. Why do we need, renewing of your mind, in your sense of, self-consciousness? Because it's our sense of awareness, our sense of, self-worth. It also is our mental and emotional health, so if your, mind, is not flexible, you need work in your sense of awareness.
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Some people who are not self-aware or there's some people who suffer from, low self-esteem, or there's some people who are damaged mentally and emotionally. If you don’t have a, flexible mindset, which means pliable then you will resist God doing the eternal work in your, psyche, to, transform your mind. So, in order for, transformation, to occur you have to have a, flexible mindset.
There can be no, transformation, if you're unwilling to change.
The Fluid Mindset
Conversely a, fluid mindset, means that you are evolving, you are open to change. If you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you internalize and have what some call “stinking thinking.” You have a toxic, mindset, about yourself or about people. For instance oftentimes when people experience hurt in a relationship, they'll say I’ll never trust another man again or I’ll never trust another woman again.
So, if you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you're not willing to let that hurt go and embrace truth.
The Fixed Mindset
The third, mindset, you mentioned was a, fixed mindset. Just like when we lay concrete, we have to do the work before the concrete sets, because once it sets it's fixed. So, we have to be careful what we let set in our minds. We have to do the work while the concrete is fluid and pliable.
A, fixed mindset, is like set concrete.
Renewing the mind, is like renovation of a house. You’ve got to rip out things, knock down walls or beliefs before you can put in the new things or new learnings.
When we're inviting God to, transform your mind, then we have to understand our, psyche, our, self-consciousness, and our heart. That's why the, mind, is so important because it is connected to all of these aspects of the human person and they're all interrelated yet distinct.
Myrna – Someone with a, fixed mindset, like concrete why did you say that God can use this person?
In the, Life coaching, world, when we talk about a, fixed mindset, we're saying that there’s no growth in this person. But if your, mind, is set like concrete, is it possible for it to be changed?
Pastor Glover – Well yes but again you must have awareness of your, fixed mindset. You can get at that concrete two different ways. Through, transformation, which speaks to internal work that has to be done. The word, transformation, comes from the Greek word metamorphosis and so that speaks of going through a, transformation, but it starts from the inside out.
The other word that's used is, renewing, which literally has to do with renovating. When concrete sets, the only way to change it is to get a jackhammer and that's very painful work. People oftentimes will not choose to do that work, because it is painful, noisy, and messy. But if you're going to lay a new foundation in your life, you must do the, mental, emotional and spiritual work to jackhammer a, fixed mindset.
Myrna – How can God jackhammer to change that, fixed mindset?
Fixed mindset in marital relationships
Pastor Glover – I think an example in the context of, relationships, particularly in the context of, marital relationships, a lot of work that has to be jackhammered in counseling sessions really has to do those, fixed mindsets, about marriage that have been set, but are toxic and are not healthy.
Couples have very different ideas about the foundation of a, marriage, and what it should be about. It is really about how men and women are socialized in our society. Young girls are socialized towards inter interdependent relationships. That's means they play together, they share much more readily than men do. They are invested in group success as they are reared and everybody kind of having a good time.
Boys are socialized totally different. They are taught to stand on your own two feet, be independent. Be a man, don't share your emotions. So, men are much less equipped than women in, marital relationships, to handle a, fixed mindset, that's why women are 10 times more verbal than men.
One of the fun exercises I like to do when I’m dealing with, communication, is I’ll ask the man and the woman to get a sheet of paper and have each one writes me all the feeling words they are aware of. The woman's list is four times longer than the man,
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I’m curious though you also say in your message that God can use a, fixed mindset.
Pastor Glover – When you lay concrete, it's properly set, it is suitable for what you want to build on it. So, let's pull in this conversation, purpose and destiny. If you have great purpose or great destiny, you have to take the time to lay the foundation. If your foundation is fixed, God can build on it.
People do not take the time to factor in the type of foundation they need to lay to accommodate their dreams and visions of what they want. That can be applied to anything, in my book “30 Days of Excellence” I teach that excellence is in the foundation that you lay for, purpose and destiny.
Be ye not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Why did God say that do not be transformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind?
The World is Battling for your Mind
Pastor William L Glover – Because it is all a battle for the, mind. This simple principle is found in Proverbs.
“As a man thinketh so is he”
Your, mindset, determines the reflection of who you are and it determines who you will be.
We would never be greater than our thoughts about things.
We would never rise above our thoughts about things.
We will never allow ourselves to be pulled beneath our thoughts about things.
Our thoughts reflect where we are going.
It's a battle for your, mind. The world we live in today, people don't want to do the work, to think for themselves. There is professional, think tanks, and these, think tanks, think for people and feed them what to believe, what to say.
They all are vying for our, minds, we don't tune in to learn anymore from the news, we tune in to determine what we need to think. So, hence “do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the, renewing of your mind.
That, transformation,
happens through the word of God,
that transformation happens through your relationship with God
that transformation happens through a community of faith like-minded believers who are committed to growth.
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Your, heart, which is the center of your being, the seat of your soul and this is important because wisdom literature teaches us that we should guard your heart for from it flow the issues of life.
Everything that matters, that's important to us impacts our, heart. If the, heart, is injured, broken or unhealthy because the, heart, plumps the pumps the blood. The, heart, pumps the influence of that thing to your spirit and to your soul and to your body.
So, when we talk about the, transformation, then it's holistic and God is always at work in our lives trying to move us to a place of wholeness in all three of these areas as it pertains to renewal and, transformation.
As we wrap up how can listeners connect with Mt Hermon Ministries Fort Myers? Tell us about your books and how we can connect on social media.
You can connect with our ministry, we are currently streaming on YouTube and Facebook at MT Hermon Ministries. You can join us Sundays at 11 a.m. you can go to our website.
The justice book which is about your community of faith finding relative relevance as a
change agent in your community
30 Days of Excellence which is a 30-day devotion that cultivates habits of excellence in your life and
Ready for the Harvest which teaches us how to apply the principle of seed time and harvest in our lives and all these can be found on Amazon.
You can contact me personally at dr.wmglover0613@gmail.com
My Spiritual Father Helped in the Renewing of My Mind
I enjoyed the conversation, so thank you like we've known each other for 14 years let me also state how proud I am of you forging the way. I remember when you began this journey and witnessing your evolution and growth. Witnessing how God is enlarging your territory, makes me very proud. I want to encourage you to continue that journey.
Myrna – Thank you Pastor and I’ll share something publicly with you that when I wrote my book and you said that you're proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes because it was the first
Time someone told me that. My father had never said he was proud of me.
As my spiritual father thank you so much for saying that I appreciate it. God sent me to you specifically I didn't share our story of how I came to be under your guidance, but our connection has a purpose.
Thank you for tuning in to the Transform your Mind to Transform your Life radio podcast and television show. If you are um listening on iTunes I would love for you to subscribe, rate and review. I also want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach.
Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative. Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example. So we need to tell ourselves “I don't like the way you talk to me”
My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers. Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.
Does being a martial artist help with self communication?
Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness? You mentioned that you're helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.
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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices. I started practicing martial art around 17 years old. I'm currently 55 years old and that's been a constant throughout my life.
I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.
How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns
Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.
I didn't realize that I was doing it. I hadn't got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.
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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?
Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication. The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.
You need to develop the skill of listening to what you're actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.
What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There's a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves. We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.
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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let's say somebody can't stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:
you're not good enough.
you'll never be nothing.
you will never amount to anything.
You will never be a success in life.
Myrna – Now they're mindful of it because they're listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?
Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?
Cheyne – I don't like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it's a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.
Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you're using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?
Cheyne – That's a great question. I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.
There's a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi
This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives. The mind leads the Chi!
When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.
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Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.
Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves. I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.
We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we've become conditioned to believe that it's somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.
I’m going to title this “I don't like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:
you're so pretty.
you're so beautiful.
you are going to kick ass in this job.
I am good enough for this promotion.
No, the, self-communication, is always negative.
Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.
Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk
Myrna – That's amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program. Tell us about it.
Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”
People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who've been raped, who've had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.
Yet when it's explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they're telling themselves about themselves.
Just because we've had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don't need to define who we are today. What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we've been through.
How do we process those experiences? We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.
Self-liberation is a freeing experience
This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.
Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you're saying, because someone who's reading this wouldn't understand the depth of what you're saying. What you're saying is someone who has been, broken, they're a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they're telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you're not worth anything.
I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn't get out of it until I was in my 40s. I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it. Now I don't have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can't give consent to anything.
What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?
Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.
When we uncover what we've actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we're teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation. We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.
These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way. We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.
Myrna – One of my most favorite quotes from Dr Wayne Dwyer
Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change
All we have to do the work. I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!
We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk
If you don't do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame. You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.
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We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.
We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We've been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we've had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.
Conclusion
I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.
If you are listening on Spotify or any of the other podcast players, please subscribe and turn on your notification so you can be notified of new episodes.
I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.
Addiction and recovery side effects can include, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. In this episode Dr Tra Ahia, Psychologist offers treatment options for dealing with, anxiety disorder.
I was listening to a podcast last week and the guest was talking about her, anxiety disorder, and her story triggered a memory of a personal acquaintance who was a heroin addict and developed, anxiety disorder.
My first introduction to Anxiety Disorder
In the late 80's I was working in sales and my boss's daughter was an, Heroin addict. We were close enough that she would tell me what it was like being addicted to Heroin. She told me how she would cook the heroin until it became a liquid and then she would shoot it into her neck because she got a more immediate high. She showed me the holes in her neck which she covered up with scarves. Her father who was wealthy gave her a car and she sold that car for peanuts to get money to buy Heroin.
She attempted to go to rehab several times; but always walked out because she said they just left you in a room to scream in pain. She said the pain of withdrawal was unbearable. She then started a methadone treatment which is a synthetic version of Heroin. They reduced the dose of the methadone gradually to wean your body off Heroin. But what I want to get to was her, anxiety disorder. She got such bad, panic attacks, her gut was always in knots, that she couldn't leave the house without her safe person, her boyfriend. I don't remember if he used drugs; but when the relationship ended she was unable to leave to leave the house for weeks, not even to buy groceries. Then she was too anxious to start dating. She stressed about some man asking “Can I touch your boobs” I don't know what became of her; but I think of her often.
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If you have an, anxiety disorder – Your brain raises ahead to predict the future. The guest on the podcast had, anxiety disorder, and she described it as “life fright” or , agoraphobia, She said to think about Stage fright. You feel nervous, you think you are going to freeze up or faint, you start to sweat, you think people are going to laugh at you etc. well people with, anxiety disorder, or, agoraphobia, feel like that all the time.
They have, agoraphobia, talking to strangers, checking out at the grocery store, at the bank, going for an interview, at a cocktail party, almost any conversation with a stranger, that's why the guest called it “life fright.”
Dr Tra as the author of the book “Call me an Addict, war on women” How does my story regarding anxiety being called “Life Fright” relates to your experience?
I think for that young lady or whoever coined that term, for her that helped her manage her, anxiety disorder. That term helped her understand for herself this thing that she was feeling, so for her that was a good term to use, this, Life Fright. My thoughts when I think about, life fright, is that I'm afraid of living period. The entire gamut of life, so for me I would not use that term as a replicator to, anxiety disorder; but I can see why she did.
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I understand there are 3 types of, Anxiety Disorders,
Situational anxiety
social anxiety and
high functioning anxiety
Can you explain the difference of these forms of, anxiety, and which is most common with substance abuse?
There are more than just three types of, anxiety disorder, way more. I think it's important also for the audience to understand that when we talk about, anxiety disorder, we're talking about an irrational fear or, agoraphobia, of something that someone is experiencing. It's irrational, it's not logical that you are excessively fearful over this specific situation or you're apprehensive about something or you have difficulty managing daily tasks. So when we think about, agoraphobia, or, anxiety disorder, I want them to know that it's irrational to know your heart is racing, and you feel like you’re going to die.
There are six main categories of, anxiety disorders, like I said there are more than three!
Phobias
Panic attacks, with or without, agoraphobia, you have
Generalized, anxiety disorder,
Obsessive compulsive disorder or, OCD,
Acute stress disorder and
Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD
The American Psychological Association lists research on how, anxiety disorder, is diagnosed.
This disorder called, anxiety disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
It’s normal to become anxious and at one time or another. A car almost hit you, you are going for an interview, you sense danger etc. Anxiety is normal under certain conditions, what we are talking about here is the irrational fear or, agoraphobia, that is a disorder.
Something who's unable to leave their home. This is, agoraphobia, they have a fear of leaving surroundings that they're familiar with.
This a serious affliction.
There are three systems of functioning that need to change in, Anxiety Disorder
Cognitive
Physical and
Behavioral
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How would, high-functioning anxiety, work?
An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they're they don't have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia, as a result of some interaction they've had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.
An addict with, high-functioning anxiety, usually is on a treatment plan in conjunction with medication to control their, anxiety disorder.
An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they're they don't have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia, as a result of some interaction they've had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.
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My research shows that these disorders present themselves as early as 14 years old and can be treated successfully by mental health professionals if treatment is started early; but because people feel that mental illness equals crazy, they don't talk about it or seek help.
Research show that 90% of suicides results from mental illness like, anxiety disorder, and depression. How does talk therapy from a Life Coach, social worker or Psychologist such as yourself help patients?
Talk therapy allows the client to feel listened to and understood. It allows them to download and get advise. It can save many from suicide.
How would you help someone suffering from, anxiety disorder?
Mental illness is something that keeps a lot of people up at night but nobody wants to talk about during the day
It is the visitor who enters without knocking
1 in 20 become disabled by mental illness i.e. Can't function in society
So let's start talking.
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There is more to becoming a deliberate creator, than just letting the, universal laws, of attraction bring to you the desires of your heart. We all know it does not work like that. Some of you have been asking the, Universe, and praying to God for years, and you are still waiting to manifest your desires into your experience.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7
This is a big topic. There is a lot written on, the Laws of Attraction. In my book “Out of the Snares” I embrace these, universal laws, fully. I also expected and allowed what I was attracting to show up. I lived consciously believing that ..
“there are no coincidences in life, that everything moment is as it should be.” ~~Deepak Chopra
I tell the story in my book “Out of the Snares” of me coming to the USA under the USA Free trade agreement, which allows Canadians and Mexicans to open up branch offices of current businesses in the USA; but when I got to the United States, I decided I wanted the benefits of being an American. I told myself “It would be nice if I found a husband.” As soon as I concentrated on that possibility the, Universal laws, started offering up to me suitors for me to choose from!
Become a deliberate creator using the universal laws
There is more to becoming a deliberate creator, than just asking and receiving for everything you want. We all know it does not work like that. Some of you have been asking the, Universe, and praying to God for years, and you are still waiting to manifest your desires into your experience.
Here are 5 ways to help with being a deliberate creator and invoking the Universal laws.
1. Offer no resistance: You have to offer no resistance to the, universal laws, you are letting go and letting God. In the above example. If and when the thought, came to me to find a husband and I had a bad experience with a prior husband and I told myself that most men are no good, then essentially what I am doing is saying on one hand I would like a husband and on the other hand, I don't want a man because they are nothing but trouble. That sends mixed messages to the, universal laws, of attraction.
2. You have to allow it to come in.
Look at your list of things you want to attract in your life as people outside the walls of one of the ancient cities. This is, the secret. They can't come in unless someone opens the gates of the city. In a similar way, you have to quiet your mind and stop confusing the, Universe, with all the stuff in your head. Find time every day to meditate and allow the, Universe, and its, universal laws, to work for you.
3. You have to believe in the 7 universal laws
Faith, is the evidence of things unseen. The bible teaches that if you have the, faith, of a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain get up and go into the sea. Faith is one way to let the, universal laws, work in your life. Logically and in the physical world that is not possible but Jesus was teaching us that “If you believe you can do anything.” That is truth. I have seen amputees climb to the top of Mount Everest, I have seen people swim across lakes, I have seen human beings defy incredible odds to survive and achieve. It all starts in the mind, if you think you can.
4. You have to be conscious of your emotions.
Your emotions are a powerful indicator of if you are moving towards or away from your desires. If you feel elated and happy, you are moving in the direction of your desires; if you feel dread and nervousness then that is your heart telling you that it knows something you don't. Learn to pay attention. The trick is to not spend time thinking about the things that make you feel bad because you will attract more of them.
5. Become a deliberate creator or Sorcerer.
Sorcerer means from the source. Becoming a Sorcerer means that you are letting source energy and the, universal laws, work for you. It means that you meditate on what you want, pray and ask God to help you get it and then you move out of the way and let him do his work. The focus here is on the word “meditate”. You have to get still and hear God. When you do, you will get inspiration and instruction on how to move that mountain out of the way. You will get instructions on how to turn your business around, how to motivate your children, new book ideas etc.
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As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy. They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega
In this interview I speak with to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It's not your, business strategy, it's your, capacity.
Listen to Full Interview
Introduction to Capacity
Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes
You are the Lid! You can only go as far as your, capacity, for growth.
So the headline It's not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.
Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what's was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?
Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.
I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition. I noticed from my first couple of clients weren't talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.
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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn't working anymore. They couldn't figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they'd throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.
When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling. But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.
Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list. I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn't have the, capacity, for it at the time. One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready? Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?
I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue. I couldn't hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.
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Myrna – I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that's probably what you did right?
Lisa – I added more staff, I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel! It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year. I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.
After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem, I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.
Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?
Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.
Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough, saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year? If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they're drained, it's not that they're overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it's because they're hiding these parts of themselves and it's so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy, is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money. Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity. If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you to the point that you're exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue. If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It's not just boundaries with other people, it's boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you're going? Should you instead get some rest? That's setting a boundary with yourself.
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How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy
Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?
Lisa – It starts with knowing how they score on the six capacities.
It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.
If women don't get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don't realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.
Why does our energy level affect our Capacity
Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity. You said we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.
Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor. Women particularly do this a lot and that's actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue. I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where's the such-and-such towel and she'd say “it's in the closet with the towels” and he would say. “I don't see it” and she'd have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.
This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.
This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted. You wonder why you're exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.
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Tim Trilioni is a New Orleans Native who’s grown up literally most of his life around all genres
and music forms. He fell in love with Jazz music from a young age performing at local jazz
clubs, churches and events. As an artist, Tim Trilioni does not feel artists should put boundaries
on their musical expression and it shows in his work. He loves Afro Beats and Kwaito. He is
currently discussing potential collaborations with artists from these genres in the near future.
Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don't have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.
If you're emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity, we can't operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.
Four keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy
Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that's when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.
Myrna – I understand that you have a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.
Lisa – First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners. To get your Free Gift head over to my website at www.lisafabrega.com.
You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations. It's like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.
You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.
Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com. One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.
I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.
To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence. I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph
Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada's most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”
Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition
Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don't have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.
Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?
Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that's American or my audience that's Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.
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There's something that's grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It's not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.
You could end up internalizing that message where you're never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you're pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that's from your own internal belief or from society.
All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You're then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.
How do we, Build Self-confidence?
Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you're good at something or somebody tells you you're pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.
Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You'll get your opportunity, you'll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.
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How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?
Myrna – So let's transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.
Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – If you don't believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we're not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn't matter how talented we are.
Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you're gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you're down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I've seen that happen.
But what I don't understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don't have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don't project anything, they don't protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she's got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.
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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?
Dr Ivan – Well I'll never comment on a woman's appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it's a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It's the measuring stick that they're using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I'm measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I'm good enough. It's human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it's the Joneses next door, whether it's what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.
So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn't think they have as much as the next person; you can't tell them they are attractive or smart, they won't believe it.
This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We'll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.
Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You're, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.
The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
So many people out there won't ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.
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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit
Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It's this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:
Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I'm never going to get this Job
Or I'm not as smart as these folks
I can't do this, I'm no good
We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.
3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.
In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.
Mantras to, Build self-confidence:
1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”
2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”
3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”
We know that people who use three or more affirmations a day can increase their productivity and solve complex problems way faster and here's the one for all you business people out here.
If you're an entrepreneur, affirmations lead to a 36 to 37 percent increase in revenue.
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Myrna – I'm a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.
Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.
Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner's mindset?
How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset
Dr Ivan – I think a, winner's mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I'll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner's mindset.
Write a letter to yourself about all the things you're great at. There's going to be times when you feel like you can't do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.
Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can't do it.
When you feel like you can't do it, that, winner's mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner's mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.
Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?
Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.
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Tell us about your book “You've got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?
Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it.
One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I'd been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.
“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn't you tell me that he didn't play high level Soccer? That you've been coached by some of the best?”
I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn't believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.
It wasn't that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There's always going to be people who don't believe in you, it's your job to change that person's mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.
So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.
I'm not smart enough
I'm not rich enough
I'm not skinny enough
I don't look good here
My teeth aren't this
You get the new job and you're great but then you get the promotion
I don't know if I can do it
I don't think I can do it
What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.
I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna
To order click the link below
https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/
If you go on the website and order the book, I'll give you the course materials. I think it's a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.
Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram
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I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com
This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and one lucky winner will win this $25 gift card.
Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!
