Some, people come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime, but we have a tendency to turn, relationships, that were only meant to be for a, reason, into a forever relationship and that is why we suffer. These, relationships, have passed their expiration date.
In the Bible story of, Jonah. Jonah, heard from God that he wanted him to go preach a message of repentance to the people of Nineveh. Jonah, refused because he believed the people of Nineveh deserved to be punished, so he booked a ticket on a ship going in the opposite direction to get as far away from Nineveh. So, God caused a storm and then whispered in the ear of the sailors that, Jonah, was the cause of the storm and that if they threw him over board they would survive the storm. So, they threw, Jonah, overboard.
God then spoke to the whale and prepared the whale to swallow, Jonah, whole and not to digest him. Jonah, was in the belly of the whale 3 days until realized that his disobedience was the, reason, for him being in the belly of the whale.
He prayed and asked God for mercy and agreed to complete his assignment. God then told the whale where to drop, Jonah, off in Nineveh, the place where he was supposed to go in the first place.
I used this story to highlight that sometimes, people come into your life for a reason, and not for a lifetime. Jonah and the whale, was for a, reason. The whale’s only purpose in this story was to swallow, Jonah, spin him around for a few days and then drop him off after he came to his senses.
When the whale dropped off, Jonah, there were no tears, they never saw each other again.
We have to realize that, some people come into our life for a reason, and not try to turn, relationships, that were only meant to be for a, season, or a, reason, into a, forever relationship, and that is why we suffer. These, relationships, have passed their expiration date.
Here are the, life lessons, we can gleam from Jonah and the whale:
God is in charge. You have a purpose and an, assignment, to your life and even though God gave you free will he still expects you to complete your, assignment.
In order for you to complete your, assignment, some people come into your life for a reason, but because of our psychological make up we fall in love with the people who are only supposed to be in our lives for a, reason. The whale swallowed, Jonah, and transported him to where he needed to be. When the whale dropped off, Jonah, that was the end of the, entanglement. Some people come into your life for a reason, and that reason is called an, entanglement, it is not supposed to lead to a marriage or kids.
Ask Jada Pinkett Smith. She correctly called her affair an, entanglement. The, reason we suffer is that we do not realize that some people come into our lives for a reason, and some for a, season. We try to make our, relationships, last longer than they were intended to.
The third, life lesson, we can learn from, Jonah and the whale, is that God spoke directly to the whale and not to, Jonah. He told the whale to swallow, Jonah, and he told the whale when to vomit him up. Many of us feel badly when we are vomited up and left alone, but we forget that, some people come into our life for a reason, and that reason was to carry us to the other side. Maybe that man helped you go back to school. Maybe he provided for you and your children when their father walked out on you and left you penny less. He was there for a, season, your winter season and a, reason, to get you through.
There is nothing wrong with you. Jonah, didn’t go asking the whale why he vomited him up. He didn’t feel unworthy because the whale did not want to eat him. I read an interview a few weeks back from the actress Emma Thompson. She said that when she found out that her husband was having an affair, she never felt so unlovable and unworthy of love in her life. How many of us have been there. When we are cheated on, we feel there is something wrong with us. We feel unlovable.
Haley Berry said it best she said she left like a piece of gum under David Justices shoes. You have got to realize that men don’t cheat because there is something wrong with you. They cheat because there is something wrong with them and that is how God sets you free.
Have no fear you will find your forever love be patient he will show up when you least expect it. Your failed relationships were there for a reason, God used them to prepare you for your forever love.
Often when we’re mating or in the beginning of a relationship, we don’t know how it’s going turn out. We are not conscious of our, attachment styles, we don’t know how the dance is going to take place until the, attachment, takes place. After the honeymoon phase someone can be scared of intimacy and pull away or someone could be scared of abandonment and move closer. But these patterns don’t show up until a little bit later in the relationship.
Myrna: All right, Jessica. So as we start off, I always like to get a foundation so the listeners can understand your backstory. So what was your journey to becoming a, couples therapist? Tell me there’s a juicy story there.
Jessica: Well, definitely through my own interpersonal struggles for sure. You know, I did a session or something called, IMAGO therapy. So it’s, I’m a psychotherapist and I went to a psychotherapist and I got I worked with, IMAGO therapy, which means image, and through that work, I started to develop an understanding of my own, attachment wounds, and how I was relating in relationships and that definitely made me want to become a, certified Imago specialist.
So that’s one of the things that I am passionate about. And then I started working with, substance abuse centers, and started treating families with a lot of codependency, and system issues. I also treated a lot of couples in my private practice. So I started to see these unconscious dances and these wounds play out and you know with, Imago therapy, there’s a lot of trauma that comes up in, relationships, you know, and so our wounds show up.
So I was starting to see this happen over and over again. And I was starting to help it in big ways in my office and see really powerful transformations come up in, relationships, and so through my own journey and through my private practice. Yeah, I just I wanted to get this information out to the world. I also in my early 20s, identified as a, codependent, and read every book on, codependency, I could get my hands on and it wasn’t until I discovered, attachment theory, later on.
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I went to school and studied it for years until I really understood that, codependency, is a product of, attachment wounds, and how we relate and stay in connection, because that’s our biological imperative. So it was a combination of my own work and working with family systems and then working with couples that led me to want to write this book.
Myrna: That’s amazing. You unpacked a lot of stuff there. One, IMAGO therapy. I’ve never heard of it.
Jessica: I highly recommend, IMAGO therapy, or Emotionally Focused couples, counseling. Those are two modalities that you have to be extra certified in and they really work with the energy and dynamics in, relationships. Protection show up and the wounds start to show up and all of a sudden we’re having sensations and wounds, kind of these patterns showing up in our most romantic, relationships.
And we’re all kind of confused, but this is actually supposed to happen because what happened to us when we were younger is subconscious and then now we’re as adults and we’re partnering up all of that actually gets reenacted and hopefully can then get healed in relationship it with two conscious people doing the work.
So that’s why I really loved, IMAGO therapy, it’s not about a therapist sitting in a room telling you what to do. It’s actually led by this beautiful dance between the couple where the therapist is outside leading deep dialogue to help each person see where their wounding is, in such a beautiful way. It’s experiential. So it’s a process you go through and it just impacted me very deeply that I decided to get certified and trained in it myself and I’ve had a lot of success with it.
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Childhood trauma shows up in our attachment styles
Myrna: I guess everything is, trauma, because even if you were abandoned, or you were abused, it still in the trauma bucket. Right. So is that what you’re talking about?
Jessica: I’m talking about, developmental trauma. And so, trauma, has a big word and if you’re listening you might be like, I have no, trauma. But the truth is, our earliest experiences even though they might not appear like, trauma, how we relate to our primary caregiver, how rupture and repair happen, what those early interactions are, they shape your developmental process. And is the lens in which we see the world, they shape our physical body, they shape our nervous system and ultimately our, attachment styles.
So there’s a lot of impact that happens when we’re young that we don’t even realize it until we get intimate and close with another in our adult years. And so that’s essentially, attachment theory. But yeah, it’s adaptations. How we adapted when we were really small to stay in connection is or keep ourselves safe is usually how we will adapt in our, romantic relationships, when things get a little bumpy.
Myrna: Okay, all right. So I’m still trying to wrap my head around this one, so I’m pretty sure our listeners are too I’m thinking that, you know, we have had men and women seem to pick the same type of partner, they usually end up in, relationships, where maybe the man is abusive, or a relationship where they’re abandoned, but they seem to have these, attachments styles. So I think that’s probably where you’re going.
Our attachment styles comes from embedded patterns
Jessica: Attachment styles, is a category but they’re really embedded patterns. That we form in our nervous system early on. And there’s four traditional, attachment styles, categories:
Secure attachment style- That’s someone who has grown up with an inherent sense of trust, doesn’t struggle with intimacy or feels okay being alone. They really are secure within themselves.
Insecure attachment style – There’s anxious which is the one I wrote my book on,
Avoidant attachment style – There’s fearful avoidant and so anxious people tend to have gotten inconsistency in their parenting. So they, there’s also a heightened anxiety and hyper vigilance.
We actually mirror our mother’s brain and nervous system when we’re developing and if our primary caregiver wasn’t consistent enough, we’re always kind of waiting for the shoe to drop. There’s a sense that connection isn’t going to stay the same, I got to keep my partner happy, or I have to bend over backwards to please them. We’ll tend to self abandon our own body as a way to survive.
I mean, it’s actually how we learn to survive and stay in connection in our earliest, relationships. Avoidant, attachment style, is really someone who didn’t get their emotional needs met well, and learn to kind of rely a little bit more on their own and they become more independent. They tend to be people who are really focused on career and who are successful and they are not as dependent, they don’t need as much connection.
3 Types of attachment styles
These two anxious and avoidant, attachment styles, tend to partner with each other. So just their inherent needs are so different because of their, attachment styles. And then there’s fearful avoidant, which is a embedded combination of both. So it’s a two way street. So you have your embedded patterns, but how they show up depends on also who you attach to and how their patterns combined with your patterns,
Then you have a combined embedded pattern dance between the relationship and I would say all, relationships, have a dance to some degree. So it’s complicated and it’s layered but usually you have one way of trying to get your needs met, whether that’s reaching out expanding, being dependent or being, interdependent, and isolating when you’re scared shutting down.
Myrna: I was thinking, attachment styles, I was thinking like attachment patterns. But what you’re talking about is is is how you show up in a relationship.
Jessica: Yeah, I mean, due to neuroplasticity, no one can say that any, attachment style, is static. We have the research to show that things are always changing and we will move towards warm connection and build new neural wiring and build new secure attachment. The more secure people we attach to not just our husband or wife but friends and colleagues. The more we have secure safe people in our life, the more self confident and the more inner security is built.
It’s actually, healthy dependency, or, inter-dependency, that we’re looking for. So if a baby felt like there was a lack of trust, and they will be dropped, and they couldn’t depend on their primary caregiver, where adults can actually depend in healthy ways on many different people who are safe and secure. You rebuild that inner security from within and it’s very changeable. It does require a little bit of work. But it definitely is a changeable thing.
Myrna: That’s good to know. That, you can be changeable even outside of therapy. If they form an attachment with someone that’s nurturing as an adult, they will start to build back as a whole person.
Why do we pick the same people?
Jessica: Someone who has an insecure base might not do this to secure person because their nervous system is very steady and calm that can feel boring and not exciting for them. So they’ll pick what’s familiar unconsciously. A lot of relationship type of psychotherapy says that our core wounds are going to come up no matter who we pick.
The subconscious is going to come up in those deep, relationships. But if you find yourself attracting the same type of person over and over again, the bad boy or bad girl, or an emotionally unavailable person, then that is an indication that you had an unavailable person in your childhood and there’s a familiarity there. And so you’re trying to repair.
Myrna: That’s what I thought we were talking about the, attachment styles. That’s where we’re gonna go is Yes, I know that you subconsciously. And I even heard that narcissists and people that are predators, pick up on the person that is that is insecure, and that’s the person that they attached to. Right?
Jessica: Narcissists are deeply insecure themselves. So there’s a sense of that going on in in them as well. But yeah, they can pick up on that or they will.
Myrna: How do we break that, attachment style cycle? Now, I think you touched on that a little bit just now that we picked things that are familiar. But let’s touch on the, attachment wounds. So let’s say that we had parents that didn’t see us, you know what I mean? We weren’t really totally abandoned, but we were not seen.
Jessica: Yeah, that’s always the, autonomic nervous system, picking things but our wounds exist inside of us. You tell yourself, I’m unlovable, I will be left. I’m unworthy. That’s an inherent sense that lives in our body. That’s not even the story. It’s a feeling that lives inside of us. So if we’re feel that way, we can even pick someone who make us at the center of their world. And as the relationship goes through phases, and they step away, whether they really step away or they really neglect the relationship. All the feelings of being unworthy or not being seen or being neglected are actually going to come to the surface.
Because there was togetherness, and then there were separateness which happens in every relationship. So it’s going to trigger your feelings of unworthiness. The degree in which it brings it up as depends on the person that you pair with. If you have a turbulent relationship, it might just keep repeating that feeling and that sensation and again, that’s your nervous system going into fight flight, coming up with stories in your head to match what you’re feeling in your body, and you’ve just keep buying the same narrative over again.
Often when we’re mating or in the beginning of a relationship, you don’t know how it’s going turn out. There’s no protections up and sometimes you don’t know how the dance is going to take place until the attachment takes place. After the honeymoon phase someone can be scared of intimacy and pull away or someone could be scared of abandonment and move closer. But these patterns don’t show up until a little bit later in the relationship.
So it can be really confusing because something could start off really wonderful and go south really fast. And that’s because of protections and adaptations and your nervous system started to get really scared and it became unsafe really fast for one or both parties.
Myrna: So what exactly is a trigger? And what are some of the tools that we can use when triggered in relationship?
Triggers are formed from sensations stored in the body
Jessica: Well, if it’s sensational, it’s early memory, so if you are a teenager and you’re getting left, it can leave pain for sure. And there can be, trauma, later on in life. But if you have a really secure base, you’ll probably be like, Oh, you’ll recover much faster. When we’re really looking at memory, there’s different kinds of memory. We store memory first when we’re really young as sensation we don’t have a hippocampus fully developed. So the sensations are really big.
I don’t say, trigger, I like to use the word awakened because we’re awakening in these moments to painful things that are going on inside of our body. But if you know the nervous system, what we know is that we’re supposed to feel safe. So when you feel abandoned, your system will shift out of safety into fight. Flight freeze, or fawn depending on how you adapted in your patterns.
So when your body is going into an activated state, usually sympathetic arousal and your thoughts start blaming and projecting there’s a chance that you’re not feeling safe in your body and then that has activated something very scary inside. When I hear the work, trigger, I think of a gun and I think trauma and shame but really we’re awakening parts of ourselves.
Myrna: Wow. You’re doing good work. I am very interested in your in your research. It’s amazing. All right. So you have developed this method that’s called the, self-full method. You want to tell us about that?
Jessica: It’s in this book that I just published called “Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love” I cover the, self-full method, deep in here In layman’s terms. I worked with a lot of, codependent, people who would come into my office and I would be like, you need to be more selfish. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and they would look at me like that’s a bad word.
Myrna: I just found out the other day you’re right that selfish just means taking care of yourself. It’s not a bad word.
Jessica: Well actually selfish is not great. But what I said is so selfless is that state I talk about constantly giving and giving and giving. And selfish is a state of taking care and protection. They’re not bad states, either one of them but they’re both sympathetic states of arousal in our nervous system. A, self-full, state is a norm as a calm state of connection where there’s fluid boundaries, there’s an ability to request your needs. There’s a sense of safety in the relationship.
And we all travel within the states all the time. But you might notice how I’m selfless in my relationship. I tend to self abandon, I tend to give a lot away, I tend to people please when I’m in a relationship because I don’t want to lose love and I tend to attract really selfish people. That’s a dynamic that you see a lot, so working towards a, self full, place is about doing your own inner work, and really being with more parts of yourself and understanding your nervous system in a new way.
Attracting someone who equally can give an exchange of these things so that you don’t keep giving, because the giving is an adaptation. And it’s coming from fear rather than always wanting to give. And even a selfish state which everyone enters are fluid, but if you enter a really selfish or close down or walled off state, it’s also a state of activation and a state of fear.
So those two tend to be the polar opposites of the spectrum. And so, self-full, is like a ventral state of connection. Getting yourself calm, being connected with yourself being connected with others feeling safe in your relationship. And so I’ve talked about how to cultivate that within your own body and your nervous system and in the, relationships, in your life and how to work with that and develop more, more capacity to be in a, self full, state.
Book: Anxiously attached
Conclusion
Myrna: That’s good as you were talking, I thought of myself. How can women connect with you and get a copy of your book?
Jessica: Yeah, so I mean, my book is everywhere. It’s on Barnes and Nobles. It’s on Amazon, you name it. It’s everywhere. It’s going to be in seven countries, it is just really getting out there in the world. So you can just go on Amazon and put in Anxiously Attached, becoming more secure in life and love. You can also find me on Instagram @JessicaBaumLMHC. My website https://www.beselffull.com/ is where I have some of my online courses and the relationship Institute in Palm Beach is a private practice here in South Florida.
We do intense couples work trauma, I have a five therapists on my team. So we work to collectively to treat couples and system issues. So those are all the ways that you can find me. I’ve poured my heart and soul into that book for the last four years and I think if you resonate with someone who has, codependency, or you self abandon or you give yourself away, it’s really a healing path to forming a healthier relationship with yourself, but also getting that fulfilling relationship that you want and truly deserve on the outside.
How to let your, desires flow, out of you. We can become like the, Alchemist, and transform our desires and let our, desires flow, out of us when we realize that we are abundant.
Whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s a job whether it’s travel, whatever is your most intimate, desire, we’ve been teaching you, me and my co-host miss Margo Blake has been teaching you how to achieve the, Alchemy of Desire, which is the magical transformation of thoughts into manifestation.
Today I want to conclude with now that you’ve got it how
to flow with it so we’re calling this episode “How to let your, desires flow”
How to let your desires flow
Knowing what you want, and once you know what you want in order to activate it you need to put some emotion to it and that is how you activate the, Law of Attraction.
Using the, energy of desire, to create something magical.
Put your attention on your, desires, so that you can light your, desires, on fire!
How to keep what you now have
What you have in your hands need some work, you just don’t get it and then you don’t have to do anything else.
Relationships, require work, and most people have a false sense of entitlement.
They feel that it is enough that they are just there in the relationship and
all they have to do is show up or come home every night and they feel that
they’re doing something. People think that you should love them as they are
and they don’t need any work or they don’t need to make any changes.
I remember one of my ex-husband’s actually saying this to me.
A few months after we were married I asked him to take more care with his
Appearance and hygiene because he was walking around looking like he was homeless and this was his response and I quote
“This is what you bought and you can’t send it back”
A lot of people feel that hey you picked me, you bought me, you got into a relationship with me, so you must be okay with how I am, and you know you gotta put up or shut up. But that does not lead to a healthy relationship.
Your desires need work to manifest
Some ask why do I have to do all this work? I have heard people say it’s either a fit or it’s or it’s not. Why try to force a square peg in a round hole? Good question. It’s true, that there are some square pegs that definitely do not need to be forced into a round hole because it’s never gonna fit right; but we’re not talking about the obvious misfits. We’re talking about couples have some synergy. They have love but they just got to do a little bit of work.
We all know the spouse or a partner that just comes home and turn on the TV and pay his partner no attention. Those are the ones were talking about. Relationships, needs work to keep them fresh and healthy.
When, relationships, are not fresh and healthy, couples then become roommates and it’s never more evident as when you go to your partner and you say “Hey this is not working out, I think we should we should go our separate ways and they say sure why not. They agree!
My gosh that is like a slap in your face or like someone throwing a cold bucket of water on you! That is not the response you want but; that’s what happens when the relationship Ebbs and Ebbs and nobody pays any attention and you’re now just roommates. What has happened is that your partner has emotionally checked out a long time ago and they’re just there for I don’t know, finances, the children or whatever the reason. You have to let your, desires flow.
When you break up with someone you want them
to miss you. You want them to chase you. You don’t want them to say.
“Sure, why not!”. That’s not the response that we should get when
we’re trying to terminate a relationship right?
When desire stop flowing
I remember reading Gabrielle Union’s book We’re Going To Need More Wine” and she told the story a very sad story about the night she had a fight with her first husband. She describes this relationship as feeling like you are driving towards a brick wall yet being incapable of mashing on the breaks! Her marriage was going down the tank for a long time but she didn’t want to give up on it.
So, she told the story about a night she had a fight with her husband one of their many fights and she ran out the house in the middle of the night, four o’clock in the morning or some ridiculous time like that. She expected her husband to chase her because you know your husband should be worried about you, he’s supposed to be to protect you!
Gabriel ended up sitting by a tree and falling asleep. When she woke up in the morning she was sure that her husband was worried about her and called the cops. She expected to find cops all over her house when she got home. Instead she found her husband fast asleep.
That’s when she realized there was no hope for her marriage. Her husband’s, desire, for her had stopped flowing.
What can you do to keep desires flowing
So ladies and gentlemen, Ask yourself what do you bring to the table?
You now have the object of your affection, you won. He or she is now yours what are you going to do to keep him or her?
Ladies maybe you were a seductress and got the man interested, now what? What else you got?
One quality will bring someone to the table and even make them fall in love with you but it will not keep them. It will not hold them.
Lots of people love others, but can’t live with them.
Lot of couples divorce yet are still in love, that is because you need a pairing of attractive qualities.
A one hat trick is not going to be enough in the long run.
Ladies, You know that there is a long line of seductress waiting around the corner to entice your man.
Men if all you got, is that you are the provider, well all your woman has to do is look to the left or right and find another man with a job and he can replace you.
What is your unique paring? What make your, desires flow?
This information was the reason I went through 4 husbands.
They all had one thing but not the unique pairing I required to hold me.
I will tell you it took me almost 30 years to find it in my current relationship.
My unique paring was ambition and genuine caring. Caring for me and my daughter.
When you get this unique paring you get not only an attraction but you get an addiction.
The “and” is what makes you difficult to replace.
What I would like to do now is play for you an except from one of the relationship experts I interviewed on this show to add some context to our conversation. Ms Inez Bracy is a coach and author of Rejuvenate your life: 21 days to feel like a woman again.
1. Meditation
Your journey begins whenever you say it is. Meditation allows you to connect to your inner self and let your, desires flow, out of you.
Now is this moment if you decide this second yeah this makes perfect sense to me. I am going to do something to start changing my life.
If you decide that that’s perfect and you go into silence and into meditation, being still, whatever it is you desire to change will reveal itself to you. It will come in a way where you are given steps to take.
Now I can tell you this when that comes, it is going to come very quietly, it’s not going to be loud and boisterous, it’s going to tell you perhaps you should do this or that.
2. Celebration
The next thing that I enjoy is celebrations. Celebrate something every single day and that’s what my blissful living challenge is all about. So many times we can get caught up in everything that’s going on around us. Almost like a vortex we get just sucked into it; but if you’ve ever been around a baby, small babies or under two years old. Up to that age the baby’s just gurgles and giggles and they are just so happy.
I imagine it now.
Being blissful allows your desires to flow. They have no reason not to be. We lose that along the way from boundaries and everything else that comes along. When we lose that we get to recapture and reclaim it because it is our birthright. Babies come in the world with it. We could to reclaim our birthright and no matter what is going on in our environment, we can still choose bliss.
3. Vibration Frequency
The more you start to celebrate, the more you lift your vibrations and The more you sing, the more you dance, the less often you will have to shovel; because your vibrational energy is at a point now where it’s attracting to you those things that are good. This level of vibration is higher so you’re going to be attracting love, you’re going to be attracting Joy, you’re going to be attracting bliss.
Yes, I talk about gratitude like that but; I guess it’s the same word be grateful for what you have regardless of what’s lacking. Don’t concentrate on what you don’t have. Concentrate on what you want. So that you can raise your vibrational frequency and attract good things.
So, yes celebrating having gratitude very important.
4. Vision
Another thing is to visualize. To live in a space of visualization to write out what it is you want. When I’m working with my clients, I say to them I desire you get to write out your vision for your life. Where do you want to live?
How does it look? How does it show up?
Sit down and see yourself in the theater of your mind. On your own stage and you’re the actor and the producer!
Write out your vision for your life.
5. Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
We can spend our entire lives lamenting Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda and that’s all in the past. All in the past, it’s already happened or didn’t happen. Those words have no value to this present moment. They have no value to your future either.
So you should begin to eliminate woulda coulda shoulda from your vocabulary
What is the, foundation of happiness? We live in a culture where, happiness, is largely based on external forces. Like, what did we get and what did we achieve? And that’s basically your, foundation of happiness. And when our life conditions don’t match your expectations, we experience pain and fear. We suffer and become unhappy.
But imagine what it would feel like if you could create a constant sense of, inner peace, and freedom and live each day in a beautiful state. Hi, I’m Coach Myrna young and welcome to, Five minute Fridays with Coach Myrna. I want to ask you what’s preventing you from, happiness, and living in a state of, peace and joy?
I remember watching the, happiness movie, once. And this was a documentary that was recorded in India, where people who are living on maybe $100 a year living in huts with just covering over their head, most of them sleeping on rocks on the floor. And they were, happy. And this is why this was so unusual in the documentary.
It looked at the, foundation of happiness, what is happiness, and what causes, happiness. The end result of what that movie was trying to show was that it doesn’t matter how poor you are, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a lot of money. What matters most to the people and the, foundation of happiness, is family, and love.
Happiness, is making sure your children are safe and things like that. Research shows that 85% of our, happiness, comes from our, relationships. It’s not just, relationships, with people, it’s, relationship, with God as well. If you don’t believe in God, then your, relationship, with the planet and the universe becomes important, but that is basically how we find, true happiness.
The, foundation of happiness, is living a life of peace and joy. Now, there’s a time when I believed that your spouse, or your children or your boss, or somebody was responsible for our, happiness, but nobody can be responsible for your, happiness. I remember when Jennifer Gardner told the world that Ben Aflec was not responsible for her, happiness. He was not the foundation of her happiness. of course they broke up because he was cheating on her with the nanny but even though she was hurt her, happiness, did not come from external sources and events.
Definition of happiness
Nobody can be responsible for our, happiness. You think that you’re going to be happy when you get a husband or when you get that new car or that new job. But once you get, what you find is when you get these things, you’re not really happy, because, happiness, only comes from internal sources, and I personally found that the, definition of happiness, is correct.
It’s true.
The, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose.
And that’s where my, happiness, comes from. My ,happiness, comes from me trying to excel in what I do. I am a host on a radio program, podcast, I’m a lifecoach. Things that I am working towards, in order to better myself. I learn something new every day because, I practice CANI which is constant and never ending improvement. And when I find that I’m growing then I’m happy.
Good, personal relationships, enhances my life, when you’re fighting with your husband you’re not thinking of what you don’t have in your life. When you’re in the lack mode, you really can’t access your, inner peace, and joy that actually brings you, happiness. So I want you to discover what’s holding you back from, happiness.
What’s holding you back from being happy. I would like to encourage you to tap in to, inner peace, with, meditation, and, mindfulness, and start living in the, present moment, because, happiness, can only be found in the present moment. That is the, foundation of happiness, being in the present moment. Not in the past, not in the future.
Take the time to sit with your feelings of unhappiness, or pain, or regret. And maybe you can even try to find a lesson in it. Because there’s a test in every testimony. So try to find what the universe or God was trying to teach you with that circumstances that you said, made you unhappy. And then once you sit with it, and feel the pain and not trying to, self medicate, with drugs or food or sex or whatever you do to try to feel better.
You just sit with the painful feelings. When you sit with it, then you you will find that you can stop the pain and allow life to unfold in the beautiful way that it was meant to be. One of the things I do to stop the minor irritations in my personal life and that are trying to take my joy and peace away is to breathe deeply.
People will always irritate you. My little irritation comes when I call my husband, and he doesn’t pick up the phone, and I’m wondering why he can’t hear the phone, or my kids leave the house and not tell me where they’re going and I think it’s disrespectful. So I’ve learned to do something that’s called R&R which is, relax and release. And what this is, I breathe in deeply and relax and then I breathe out through my mouth and release it out.
If you do this breathing method for a few minutes, then you will find that that irritation is no longer there. And the next time that person does that same thing, then you’re actually not going to get irritated because you caught it. Caught it and you relaxed and you released it.
Conclusion
So that is all for today’s five minutes with Coach Myrna. I hope that I shared a few things on, happiness foundation, and maybe you can start doing some of these things. In order for you to, be happy. Remember, happiness, is not from external sources. It is only from your internal peace or moving towards a goal or desire. What you moving towards it, you’re in alignment with the universe and you will be happy. So until next time, Namaste
We face a problem on the planet, which is the degradation of, soil, and to answer this, Sadhguru, initiated a movement called the, save soil movement, which aims to address the looming threat of, soil extinction, and to encourage the policy changes globally needed to restore our, soil. So, this is a campaign that will raise mass awareness as well as show the governments of the world that it is time to create, soil friendly policies, that regenerate our world, soil.
Trent Navran is a musician, meditator and program manager of Sadhguru’s Isha center in McMinnville, Tennessee. While attending Rice University to study neuroscience, Trent started his meditation journey by taking Inner Engineering, a holistic wellbeing program.
Deeply touched by the wisdom and meditation practice imparted by, Sadhguru, Trent began volunteering with Isha Foundation, a non-profit, volunteer-run organization operating in more than 300 centers and supported by over 11 million volunteers worldwide. Through yoga programs for inner transformation and impactful social outreach initiatives, Isha Foundation, has created a massive movement dedicated to addressing all aspects of human wellbeing.
He currently lives at the, Isha Institute, of Inner sciences in Tennessee, where he supports national communications and partnerships. His major focus this year is supporting the, Save Soil movement, which aims to prevent, soil extinction, and bring the necessary policies to address this ecological crisis. This movement has garnered support from global leaders including Marc Benioff, Jane Goodall, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and institutions such as the United Nations – Convention to Combat Desertification, the World Economic Forum and many more.
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How Inner engineering changed my life
Myrna: I guess your journey began when you took, Sadhguru’s, Inner Engineering, wellbeing programs. So, can you tell us about that program and why specifically, that led you to change your life? I just read the book “Inner Engineering” So I’m sure that the, the program goes much deeper than the book.
Trent: Definitely, especially into the experiential dimensions of, yoga. So, growing up, I grew up in an interfaith household. So, I always had more questions than answers. I was very intrigued by Eastern ways of thinking from a young age. And when I went to college, I started studying neuroscience. I was going to become a doctor was very interested in psychology and behavior in language. And I thought, Alright, I need to experience, meditation, hands on and my older brother who had the chance to take, Inner Engineering, strongly recommended the program.
So, if you happen to be going to Houston where I was living, to teach, Inner Engineering, and at that time, it was a four-day course, a complete overhaul of, Mind, Body, emotions and energy. So, I thought, Alright, I’m finishing my first year of college. I would love to experience what, meditation, means in its purest form, so I sign up for the, inner engineering, course. And I joke Myrna that I learned more in those four days about the, mind, and human behavior than I did in four years of psychology classes.
Myrna: Wow! I’m impressed.
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Trent: Very touching experience, because I found that there wasn’t an ounce of dogma in the words, Sadhguru, was simply speaking about life at its core, through his perception as a Realized, yogi, and, mystic. The way that he spoke about, relationships, about work, about meaning about life, about death, about functioning at your highest, and looking at the human system as a mechanism, really distilling things down to the basics.
Would you like this human machine to work well or not? If you could choose between joy, and misery, which would you choose? And it was just framed in such a pragmatic and compelling way that I couldn’t help, but be very deeply touched. And I think the most important part of that four-day experience with, Sadhguru, was learning a 21-minute yogic practice. It’s called Shambhavi Mahamudra kriya, which is a simple 21-day practice that involves holding certain postures to prepare the system for, meditation.
And I kid you not, within a few weeks of doing this simple practice, I found myself feeling more connected to nature seeing greener in everything around me when I was when I was in nature and walking through trees, felt a deeper sense of ease.
You know, college can be a tumultuous time and I found that the practice gave me a certain anchor, a certain level of stability and serenity. So, it was a phenomenal boost and it continues to be such an integral part of my life and my wellbeing.
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Myrna: Wow, that’s amazing. You know, it’s really interesting. I read the book “Inner Engineering”, after I read the book, I started communicating with trees as I did my daily walk in the park. I like what you said regarding your studying neuroscience which is all about the workings of the brain. And you know, the brain controls the body and the mind and all that stuff. But yet in four days, you were able to tap into something. And I’m thinking that what happened is that you were able to tap into source energy somehow, which is the universal power. And that’s basically what changed you.
That is awesome. And the amazing part of your story, and I’m glad you left it out so they can ask the question. The most amazing part of your story is that after you had that experience, you decided to become a full-time volunteer at the, Isha Foundation. I find that the most fascinating part of our conversation.
Trent: It’s was a 10-year journey, I found myself wanting to go deeper.
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Who is Sadhguru
Myrna: So, we talked a lot about, Sadhguru. We talked about the, Isha yoga center, but our conversation today is about the, save soil movement, before we go on there. Let’s give the listeners some information about, Sadhguru, what his initiatives are, for people that don’t know who he is.
Trent: Absolutely, there are many ways of describing, Sadhguru. In simple terms, he is a, yogi, and a visionary. And he’s been known over the last four decades for massive initiatives to foster human wellbeing and also global harmony. So, he’s implemented large scale projects for environmental restoration.
He has taught, yoga, programs that have touched the lives of millions. Fundamentally, his mission, as I understand it, is to raise, human consciousness, to allow people to experience the enormity of what it means to be human and moving humanity from a compulsive state of existence to a conscious state of existence.
Doing things in a conscious way in a way is conducive for one’s growth for one’s wellbeing and for the wellbeing of all. So, over the last 40 years, there are so many different things that, Sadhguru, has designed and implemented to support raising, human consciousness, to support individual wellbeing and growth. There are social outreach initiatives and healthcare outreach and kind of these basic things that we may not think of as, spiritual, but without them, it’s not really reasonable to expect someone to turn inward.
So, without addressing ecology, without addressing education, and of course, the economy allowing people to be economically empowered and to be in a stable situation. These were kind of the fundamental things that, Sadhguru, and the entire, Isha Foundation, has been looking at, so that we can arrive at a state where all of humanity can, use the tools of inner wellbeing. Use the tools and technologies that allow one to experience their humanity as the miracle and as the blissful phenomenon that is.
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Myrna; It’s amazing. Yeah. And as you were speaking, I remember you know, my pastor saying when somebody is hungry, or someone is in need, it is not the time to be telling them things like, meditation, and telling them things like, finding God you’ve got to satisfy those basic needs.
Now let’s talk about the, save soil movement. I’m a little bit prepared for it because, Sadhguru, had a webinar about a week or so ago, and I listened to it. So, I understand, the basic foundation is that we’re depleting the, soil, and its nutrients. So, can you explain, what’s the, save soil movement, is all about and what are its goals?
Trent: Absolutely happy to lay it out. We face a problem on the planet, which is the degradation of, soil, and to answer this, there’s a movement called the, save soil movement, which aims to address the looming threat of, soil extinction, and to encourage the policy changes globally needed to restore our, soil. So, this is a campaign that will raise mass awareness as well as show the governments of the world that it is time to create, soil friendly policies, that regenerate our world, soil.
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So, what is the actual problem? Well, the leading world bodies as well as leading, soil scientists, have shared that 62% of the world’s agricultural, soil, is already degraded. In the US alone, half of our topsoil has basically been destroyed. It’s not farmable. It’s not arable. In European nations. The amount of organic content in the, soil, is dropping drastically and when you hit a certain threshold, basically beneath 3% organic matter, the, soil, becomes sand.
And sadly, when we talk about, soil degradation, this is what is happening globally, that you’re losing the life that microorganisms, the organic matter that makes, soil, a living entity. The living substance that it is in India, a country of 1.3 billion people which relies, very heavily on their agriculture, 62% of India’s, soil, has less than half a percent of organic matter.
Remember, the magic number is 3%. Beyond 3%, the, soil, becomes sand but with half a percent of organic matter in India soils in the majority of their, soils, you’re really creating a situation where the, soil, cannot deliver and create the plants and crops and vegetables and fruit that are needed for life.
This is something when I learned about it, Myrna was absolutely dropped jaw dropping, because you know, we talk a lot about greenhouse emissions we talk about, a rising sea levels and all of these things demand our attention, no doubt, but why have I not heard about, soil?
Why are we not talking about, soil, because almost all of our food on earth comes from our, soil. It is the giver of life. There cannot be any richness in life if we don’t have rich, soil. But this issue of organic matter disappearing rapidly from our, soil, doesn’t seem to be getting the attention it deserves.
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Myrna: So that’s awesome. A couple of circle backs, first of all, what is taking the nutrients out of the, soil?
Trent: My understanding having been learning about this for over a year, and I’ve actually had the privilege of speaking with leading, soil biologists, people who study this, academically and professionally, it is there are multiple pieces, but to simplify it, the practices we’re using in our modern era of how to farm play a big role in degrading the, soil, by using chemical fertilizers and pesticides. You are harming the microbial life.
A lot of us don’t realize that, a teaspoon of, soil, has billions and billions of microorganisms. Actually, it has more organisms than there are human beings on earth, just a teaspoon of, soil. So, we have this this complex yet fragile ecosystem living within the, soil, how you treat it makes a big difference.
Spraying certain chemicals, using certain fertilizers can make a difference. The practice of, tilling the soil, which is something we’ve used for centuries, it seems like it’s effective. When you till, soil, you’re kind of violently uprooting and disturbing the, soil, beneath the surface and this can harm the microorganism life.
Tilling, also exposes, soil, to the elements so you have massive amounts of carbon dioxide and methane being released into the air so your, soil, is being harmed and damaged and you’re contributing to greenhouse gas emissions, which is really a double whammy. So, if I had to summarize it, it is that our modern industrial farming practices are playing a role in in damaging and destroying the, soils, that we have. Can we change it overnight? No, but should we be aware that these are the problems that we’re facing and find solutions to boost the organic matter?
There are so many amazing people in this arena regenerative farmers, policymakers who are aware of the, soil, issue of entire nonprofits and divisions of the UN who recognize that we are heading towards desertification. We’re heading towards arid areas where there used to be thriving, soil. This is a part of the planet that we must take steps to save.
Myrna: Yeah, I’m a little bit aware of that, that I don’t know if I heard it from, Sadhguru, or somewhere else. A farmer, is using the same soil and I guess as they keep repeating it, it keeps getting less and less of the microorganisms. They’re harming it by the pesticides, which they have to because then the bugs, we need up their product. They’re harming it by, tilling. But is if we don’t stop this degradation of the, soil, is there a way to put it back in? I remember when I was growing up, we would use cow manure as a fertilizer. Can that work?
Trent: Yes, There is something I would just love to share with your audience to learn more about this because the solutions and problems have been known actually, for decades. We’re not reinventing anything here, many indigenous cultures and traditions are across the planet for centuries, if not millennia, have had thriving, soil. It’s really only recently that we’re facing such widespread destruction of our, soil. At conscious planet.org has a wonderful video that we’ve created to share. There’s a simple video that describes this problem in very simple but scientifically valid ways.
There’s also a documentary which was a game changer for me. It’s available on Netflix called “Kiss The Ground.” And this is a phenomenal resource that explores in depth, the vital role that, soil, plays in our life as well as, the people who are trying to turn around this crisis. And both on the conscious planet website and this documentary and of course, so many resources that are out there. We will quickly learn that, the bulk of the problems created by our farming practices. And the solution also lies in our farming practices.
What you mentioned about, animal waste, it can be cows, it can be goats, it can be chickens, simply having animals grazing. The land and dropping their waste inoculate a, soil, with organic matter. There’s also a very vital and well-known technique called cover crops, where for periods of time you aren’t actually farming the land or at least plots of land for, specific harvests. You actually planting different kinds of crops and trees and shrubs that invigorate the, soil, that capture carbon and other nutrients from the atmosphere and embedded into the, soil, which again is a phenomenal thing to address global warming and greenhouse emissions.
These are two examples of many, many practices that are that are great for the, soil, but if we can add more plant matter and animal waste to the, soil, that can bring more organic content. And if you can allow for more and more land to be under shade, where it’s not being scorched by the sun and being you know, decertified those are two simple, but very, very powerful practices.
PTWWN TV – Save Soil
Join the save soil movement
I think joining our, save soil movement, so from March 21, all the way through the end of June, there will be a powerful 100-day journey. Sadhguru, will actually be motorcycling 30,000 kilometers across 27 countries in Europe, Middle East and then finally in India. He is he’s 65. This is not something you would expect and it’s not a joyride by any means, this is something that he’s doing to, wake people up and to very swiftly meet with, leaders in each country.
So, if everyone can be with us for this movement and for this 100 Day epic journey that in itself will prove to be invaluable because, we’re going to be amplifying things on social media. We’re going to be having, events that take place throughout all the European countries into the Middle East and then India. I would say for now, it’s about awareness, education and speaking out. And then very quickly, you’ll see this movement evolve into the next phase, which is how do we inspire and encourage the governments of the world to pass these, soil friendly policies.
So, to the citizens of the world, we play a vital role we don’t have to solve all of it, but learning and sharing and speaking about it, our hashtag is #savesoil. We’re going to be active on virtually every platform. So, following you know, conscious planet on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook. We have YouTube content being translated and dozens of languages that people across the world can learn about this.
Use Hashtag #savesoil to post to social media
#savesoil hashtag and campaign will be a way of connecting all of us and, you can share a video of you connecting with, soil, you can show share a video of talking about the food where did this come from. Why does it so matter? Any small action can translate to a groundswell of people becoming aware of the, save soil movement. And we’ve actually created a role for this. If you visit the website and press Get involved. We’re asking people to sign up to become, Earth buddies. So, I’m an, earth buddy.
To learn more about, Isha Foundation, of the center here in India, it’s Isha.sadhguru.org. There’s amazing content there daily quotes, all sorts of video content and articles. There’s a lot of content there about, soil, since that is, a fundamental way of connecting with nature. And then the, save soil movement, itself will be, catalyzed and unfolding via the conscious planet and, save soil, performance.
Spiritual healing, for couples helps them to unblock their, chakras, by moving the energy away. And once they move the energy away, they’re lighter, and then they can go on to have, healthy relationships.
My guest today is Brianna Colette, Brianna is an, intuitive, relationship healer and, soulmate medium, who helps guide her clients to connect with their inner self in order to focus more on a higher sense of, self love, as a means to grow stronger connections and relationships. Thus ultimately leading them to finding and experiencing the most preeminent of bonds: soulmate love.
Brianna is an, intuitive, relationship healer and, soulmate medium, who helps guide her clients connect with their inner self in order to focus more on a higher sense of, self love, as a means to grow stronger connections and relationships. Thus ultimately leading them to finding and experiencing the most preeminent of bonds: soulmate love. She is NLP Certified, a Karuna Reiki Master, and a certified Sound Healer Practitioner who really has a way of connecting with people.
Examining her clients’ old belief systems allows Brianna to focus on any client’s possible wounds from childhood, inherited family dynamics, or fear surrounding vulnerability. Once Brianna examines their past, she helps her clients make peace with old wounds and break free from any self-sabotaging toxic patterns, guiding them on how to release fear and create the right conditions for a higher frequency of love.
Myrna: What was your journey to becoming an, intuitive, relationship healer?
Brianna: Thank you for that beautiful introduction, by the way, like, of course I live in this work every day and to hear someone else put it so beautifully and poetically into such a fabulous intro was like, very humbling. I’m like, yeah. So thank you, that was great. Well, as you can imagine, um, you know, I was not always in this work, like most people, like most of my clients, I wasn’t given this template.
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I wasn’t given this handbook for having a really healthy, dynamic relationship, I had to go through the bumps and the bruises and the mistakes, and really try to heal myself. I have a really interesting story, as most people do, who kind of step into the, healing intuitive, work. I witnessed a really violent murder. It was a murder of a family member. They were my next door neighbors. And I say I was there at the right place at the right time, because I was able to save some people’s lives that night.
It was one of those things that you can’t prepare for to become a, spiritual healer. It’s one of those things that is a life altering event and changes who you are as a person. As you can imagine, after witnessing something like that, I struggled with, PTSD. I struggled with, depression, and, suicidal thoughts. That experience really tested all of my, coping mechanisms.
Taking a vacation to try to relieve stress or even, going out with girlfriends for some dinner and drinks. Those types of things no longer worked for me anymore. And so as I felt my, mental health, starting to degrade, I started to feel like I was slipping. It is the best way I can kind of describe your, mental health, when you don’t know that it’s happening.
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I did a lot of traditional Western versions of therapy which is what led me into all these different modalities that I now am certified in and offer to other people. I immediately felt the shift within, I started to not only have a logical understanding of why things were happening, or how things from my past were affecting me, presently, I started to really embody that change, and I started to feel better my, spiritual healing, had started.
And so through that process of, spiritual healing, as you can imagine, the things that used to hold an attraction for me, my old business, my old life held no interest. I felt a calling into, spiritual healing, and, intuitive, work. I surrendered into it and have been guided and led to help others to heal themselves and to really get to a place of, inner peace, and contentment and connection within, relationships.
Myrna: That’s awesome. I guess that takes me down the path of the, Karuna Reiki master. How did you stumble onto that? You said you went to Western therapies. Did you actually have a, reiki, session and loved it or are you just graduated towards that?
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Brianna: I was at rock bottom, I was grasping at anything. If someone suggested it, I was like, sure, I’ll try acupuncture. Sure, I’ll try EMDR, I was really willing and open to anything on that journey, and I knew somebody who practiced, Reiki, and I had sessions with her. And of course, it was a different kind of, spiritual healing, that I had experienced. I mean, I’ve been going to traditional talk therapy since I was nine years old.
I was looking for something a little bit different and I had a lot of my, trauma, and a lot of the things that I’ve been holding on to for a really long time. Reiki, really helped me to break through. And so of course, I was like, I, when I healed myself, it was a good place, I have to learn how to do this.
What exactly is, Reiki?
Myrna: Reiki, is a Japanese holistic practice of connecting your, chakras, and using energy work. It’s energy healing, And a lot of people who are familiar with depression, would say depression hurts. There’s obviously a physical manifestation in the body of when our emotions cause us pain. We’ve all felt anxiety, those knots in our stomach, or fear in our chest where we can’t breathe, so there’s a physical, physiological response to emotional pain.
What, Reiki, does is a way of connecting into the emotional connection within the body, each of our, chakra, and throughout our entire physical body hold onto memories, they hold on to experiences, we hold it in our bodies. And so, Reiki, helps us to get rid kind of these emotions that are painful, and helps us to release them. The physical reality of having, Reiki, done on you is you really feel lighter afterwards, emotions not weighing on you so heavy.
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Myrna: I do, chakra meditation, myself so I’m very aware of, chakras. But one of the things that most stands out to me when I learn about the, chakra system, is that they’re seeing that if you’ve got a blockage in your, chakra, that’s where disease starts. So when you do the, Reiki healing, do you move the blocked energy? Or are you just dealing with emotions?
Brianna: They’re all connected. Okay. And if you think about it, right, from a scientific standpoint, we’re cells that are vibrating, right? We’re all just energy bouncing around. And when we, feel at peace, you kind of feel really grounded and in alignment. When you feel stressed or worried about something you kind of feel off, right? You feel off balance, you don’t feel like you’re the highest version of yourself.
When we have energetic blockages energy is stuck in the, chakras, which are our energy computer. Energy stuck in your, root chakra, usually deals shows up as fear, or it can it show up in your solar plexus, as creativity. So each, chakra, has different pinpoints or different foundational bases.
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When we do have a blockage and one of those, chakras, it usually is related to something on an emotional level, because we are emotional, human beings that have that need for connection. And so usually, yes, you can relate back a blockage to an emotional issue that’s happening in your life.
Myrna: So blocked energy starts as emotional, and then disease follows. All right. So I understand. I had a few interviews on the show about, Reiki, and of course, almost all my guests talked about the, chakras. So you have migrated your specialty to, you call it a, soulmate medium, which is what I love. But also what you’re doing is you’re helping people heal from their childhood wounds that are actually physically manifesting in their bodies.
Brianna: For me, personally, I was really searching all the time for love. And I was really putting myself in, unhealthy relationships, when the murder happened. A few weeks later I was dumped by my then boyfriend, I was having a really hard go of it. completion, I was searching for solace, or love and happiness everywhere else outside of myself as well as, spiritual healing. And through that process of, spiritual healing, I started to realize what it is that I need to look at within myself.
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I was able to heal myself and transmute the, trauma, and step into this place of like, oh, so this is what it takes to get here. This is what I needed to heal to be able to experience this. And I just felt really passionate that Like, I wish that someone had explained this to me, or shown me how to heal this because I spent so much, so many broken hearts, so much energy, so much time trying to figure it out. And so that’s what really called me into this kind of work.
Myrna: Alright, so that explains why you became a, soulmate medium. But what I was talking about is still connecting the, chakras, to past wounds. I loved your statement,
We are healed from the scars and not the wounds.
So you help them to unblock their, chakras, by moving the energy away. And once they move the energy away, they’re lighter, and then they can go on to have, healthy relationships.
Healing Childhood wounds
Brianna: It’s like we kind of, we have the ability to create whatever it is that we want in life. But unfortunately, a lot of our blocks are limitations that we perceive. And for me, my, my work is about asking what are the templates that you received in childhood? What was normalized for you in relationships? Did you grow up in a household where yelling at each other was something that was just normal, right? Or did you grow up in a household where being emotionally distant was something that was just you know, status quo?
Did you grow up in a home as a child, where you took on the responsibility of worrying about everybody else, except for yourself? Because there was chaos, you know, so these types of foundational experiences when we’re young shape our belief systems, about the kind of relationships that we’re having into adulthood. And for me, and in my personal experience, and experience with so many clients, when we can heal and unlock the things that are maybe not so healthy, or are limiting us and our belief systems or behaviors, we can unlock and heal and really learn?
Oh, this is actually the better way to show up. Oh, this is actually what’s healthier for me. These are the types of partners that actually give me what I’m looking for versus recreating the same like, you know, what is the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. This is how we change the dynamics of our life in our, relationship.
What is a soulmate medium
Alright, so now this is my question that I wanted to ask, soulmate medium? Also what is the definition of a, soulmate?
Brianna: A lot of people don’t even aren’t familiar with what the term, medium means. Oftentimes, what people perceive when they hear the word, medium, they think, psychic. That is not completely different psychics and, mediums, are not the same thing. A medium is somebody who is a channel, I have the ability and have learned how to channel, intuition.
We all have that kind of like inner knowingness that’s called clear sentient, where you can feel things . And that’s what, intuition, is. So obviously a, medium, can feel things and experience things on various levels, whether you can like hear the you can hear you can receive messages. For me personally, the way that I work with clients when I say, soulmate medium, is I can help to intuitively connect into what they are feeling.
I can help people to see the blind spots. Sometimes we insulate ourselves from the truth. Sometimes we might be in denial about things. Sometimes there’s a cognitive, right, we’ve isolated ourselves because it’s too painful to deal with the brain is really intelligent that way, it compartmentalizes things and we can’t even see ourselves clearly.
So what I say is in terms of a, soulmate medium, I can intuitively tap into what is really going on underneath the surface that we need to heal. We need to connect into to elevate and upgrade out of so that you can experience this higher frequency this higher soulmate energy of love. And I do a lot of work explaining to people what even a, soulmate, is. But ultimately, being able to connect into getting people out of behaviors that are there, they’re settling, or they are caught in patterns of dysfunction, which is the antithesis of what a, soulmate, is.
Spiritual healing from past trauma
All right. So I’m listening very intently. So what I got out of that is that someone comes to you broken because of past trauma, past relationships, you’re able to intuitively help them to see there to see what the dysfunction is. And then once they are operating, that’s the full throttle for a different word, then you they will be able to attract their, soulmate. Is that correct?
Brianna: Oftentimes with clients, I see a lot of my unhealed broken parts are attracted to your unhealed broken parts, you know, and that’s where we get a lot of compounding happening, right? We attract what we are. And so I help clients to leave behind that old version of where they’re playing small, where we’re accepting less than we deserve, where we are making excuses for other people’s bad behavior or, unhealthy relationship, dynamics.
Let’s upgrade out of that. Let’s start operating in this place of like, integrity with how you treat yourself self respect, self love, because everything comes from from within us, right? So if you’re, if you’re able to feel really aligned with yourself, know you what you deserve, know what you should be receiving, you’re going to attract someone who’s also done that kind of work.
Finding your soulmate
Your, soulmate, will be operating at the same frequency because you’re like, oh, yeah, I want to be able to trust somebody to and I’ve worked through my own, trauma, I’m not going to put up with someone else’s raggedy BS, you know, like, you want a partner that meets you at where you’re at. And so if we can leave behind those old behaviors and belief systems, then we will attract our, soulmate.
I work with anybody who is desiring to fix whatever kind of, relationship, they’re in, whether that’s heteronormative, whether that’s, homosexual, like anything under the sun, if you have a desire to fix, and heal and upgrade the way that you’re showing up in your, relationships. You’re my kind of person. I oftentimes and one of the things I’m really good at is helping single people who are or people out of divorce or out of a relationship who are having a hard time letting go. I help couples to heal, spiritual healing.
Relationship reset
That’s what, relationship reset, is the, spiritual healing, program that I am working with right now. It’s designed for people in relationships who are committed they know that this is a person that they want to have a future with and and work things out; but are feeling maybe there’s blocks in their communication.
There’s things that are kind of bubbling to the surface after kind of the honeymoon phase wears off, where you’re mirroring some unhealthy dynamics back and forth to each other and just get to a place of being able to show up. Within in that relationship feeling really supported and aligned and really clear about what your future feels like together, they need, spiritual healing.
Myrna: Let’s talk about, relationship reset, spiritual healing, for couples to find how they are showing up, what their blockages are? You know you people say they’re great baggage from relationships. Tell us about your coaching program, how can listeners connect with you and sign up for your coaching program?
Conclusion
Absolutely. So, the, relationship reset, right now is a group coaching program, where I am taking people through these foundations of, you know, these really important baseline. I believe, characteristics of what is involved in a healthy dynamic and a healthy relationship like decide whether that’s intimacy, whether that’s trust, whether that’s healthy communication, and helping each of them pull back the layers to see where maybe that they’ve got some stuff from the path that is preventing them from having really effective communication or, you know, feeling safe to really open up the path of intimacy.
It’s a retreat program where I will go over the the fundamentals the foundations and then there’s also one on one time with me to be able to go a little bit deeper for, spiritual healing.
So to go check out and learn all about my different offerings, whether it’s, relationship reset, whether it’s my other programs that are downloadable you go to my www.Briannacolette.com that has all the information on all the ways you can connect with me. My Instagram handle is @briannacollect. I welcome any anybody who’s looking for more information or feels like this resonates happy to jump on a call.
When we talk about the, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but renewing your sense of, self-consciousness. Renewing your mind, impacts your conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
Renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”
Pastor William L Glover speaks on the biblical principles of what God meant when He said “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
Pastor Glover just completed a powerful series on, renewing the mind, it was a four part series, you can watch the full series on the Mount Hermon Ministries YouTube Channel. But today we’re going to pick some of the important pieces of that, renewing your mind, series to share with you.
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Dr. William L. Glover is the Senior Pastor of Mount Hermon Ministries. He also oversees the Dew of Hermon Early Learning Center and is Campus Director of Life Christian University at Mount Hermon Ministries. He has a strong mandate for Education, Missions, Leadership Development, Justice Ministry and reaching the lost for Christ.
Having ministered in nine different countries on 29 international trips, Dr. Glover is an anointed teacher, preacher, and international speaker. He has assembled ministry and medical teams that have seen thousands of souls saved and thousands more received desperately needed medical care. His passion is to reach the globe, but God has fashioned his heart in the shape of Africa.
Through Mount Hermon Ministries, he is very involved in reaching his community through educational empowerment. He is a founding board member of L.I.F.E (Lee Interfaith for Empowerment), a Network of Congregations committed to finding solutions to systemic justice issues in Lee County; is an Executive Board Member of Healthy Lee, a group of faith, business and health professions committed to inspiring healthy life styles, and chairs the Religious Affairs Committee of the local branch of the NAACP. Dr. Glover is also Co-Founder (with Pastor Cheryl Glover) of Redeeming Influence Community Outreach, a non-profit that serves blighted communities.
Dr. Glover has earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible and Theology from Southeastern University (formally Bible College), a Master of Arts degree in Religion from Florida State University, a Master of Education degree in counseling from Florida A & M University, and his Doctor of Ministry degree in Theology from Life Christian University.
Dr. Glover is also the author of the three books: Justice: God, Nations, and Systems, which examines the role of faith in addressing systemic justice issues which plague the systems of men; 30 Days of Excellence, a daily devotional that focuses on cultivating a culture of excellence in Faith, in Speech and in Life; and Ready for the Harvest, a study on how to release the principle of seedtime and harvest into your life.
Book: Ready for the Harvest Transform Your Mind Podcast
Dr. Glover is married to Pastor Cheryl Glover. Four wonderful adult children enhance their lives: Brittney, Jade, Jana and William II. Dr. Glover credits God for His demonstration of goodness and continues to trust in His faithfulness throughout his Pastoral Ministry.
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Myrna – My first question to you Pastor Glover is why did why do you think God wanted you to preach on, renewing your mind?
Pastor Glover – that’s an excellent question Myrna. I ended the 2020 year with a series of messages entitled, living in your redemption. The idea being that God had already paid the price for redemption and that he’s redeemed our lives from destruction.
Whatever destruction has occurred in our lives, be it:
personal,
financial,
relational
emotional
mental
God has already invested in the price to redeem and restore us from that destruction. That message was received so well that I began to contemplate well how do I get people to embrace that, mindset, and the, renewing your mind, messages were born. If a person can hear something, but if it’s not internalized and if it’s not received, then it’s not going to have an impact on their lives.
So that series of, renewing your mind, messages was born out of that realization of moving people from the point of where they are, to living in the redemption and, renewing their minds.
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Myrna – you talked about the three different parts of the, mind, that God wants renewed.
Can you share with us the three different parts of the, mind?
Pastor Glover – Sure there are different aspects to each individual sermon, but the broad overview is the reason the, mind, is important is found in the wisdom literature. Scripture reveals that the, mind, is connected to and influences:
our psyche
our conscious
and our heart
When we talk about, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but it impacts your sense of, self-consciousness. It impacts your, conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
So, renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the, renewing of your mind”
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One is internal and one is external. It impacts our, psyche, our consciousness, and our heart. So it is the, transformation, of the total person, the total being.
What is the Flexible mind, the Fluid Mind and the Fixed Mind?
We need to have a conversation about what kind of, mindset, you are working with.
Is your, mindset, flexible?
Is your, mindset, fluid?
Or do you have a, fixed mindset? Which could be good or bad depending on what it’s fixed on.
When we talk about the, psyche, the, psyche, being your sense of, self-consciousness. Why do we need, renewing of your mind, in your sense of, self-consciousness? Because it’s our sense of awareness, our sense of, self-worth. It also is our mental and emotional health, so if your, mind, is not flexible, you need work in your sense of awareness.
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Some people who are not self-aware or there’s some people who suffer from, low self-esteem, or there’s some people who are damaged mentally and emotionally. If you don’t have a, flexible mindset, which means pliable then you will resist God doing the eternal work in your, psyche, to, transform your mind. So, in order for, transformation, to occur you have to have a, flexible mindset.
There can be no, transformation, if you’re unwilling to change.
Conversely a, fluid mindset, means that you are evolving, you are open to change. If you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you internalize and have what some call “stinking thinking.” You have a toxic, mindset, about yourself or about people. For instance oftentimes when people experience hurt in a relationship, they’ll say I’ll never trust another man again or I’ll never trust another woman again.
So, if you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you’re not willing to let that hurt go and embrace truth.
The Fixed Mindset
The third, mindset, you mentioned was a, fixed mindset. Just like when we lay concrete, we have to do the work before the concrete sets, because once it sets it’s fixed. So, we have to be careful what we let set in our minds. We have to do the work while the concrete is fluid and pliable.
A, fixed mindset, is like set concrete.
Renewing the mind, is like renovation of a house. You’ve got to rip out things, knock down walls or beliefs before you can put in the new things or new learnings.
When we’re inviting God to, transform your mind, then we have to understand our, psyche, our, self-consciousness, and our heart. That’s why the, mind, is so important because it is connected to all of these aspects of the human person and they’re all interrelated yet distinct.
Myrna – Someone with a, fixed mindset, like concrete why did you say that God can use this person?
In the, Life coaching, world, when we talk about a, fixed mindset, we’re saying that there’s no growth in this person. But if your, mind, is set like concrete, is it possible for it to be changed?
Pastor Glover – Well yes but again you must have awareness of your, fixed mindset. You can get at that concrete two different ways. Through, transformation, which speaks to internal work that has to be done. The word, transformation, comes from the Greek word metamorphosis and so that speaks of going through a, transformation, but it starts from the inside out.
The other word that’s used is, renewing, which literally has to do with renovating. When concrete sets, the only way to change it is to get a jackhammer and that’s very painful work. People oftentimes will not choose to do that work, because it is painful, noisy, and messy. But if you’re going to lay a new foundation in your life, you must do the, mental, emotional and spiritual work to jackhammer a, fixed mindset.
Myrna – How can God jackhammer to change that, fixed mindset?
Fixed mindset in marital relationships
Pastor Glover – I think an example in the context of, relationships, particularly in the context of, marital relationships, a lot of work that has to be jackhammered in counseling sessions really has to do those, fixed mindsets, about marriage that have been set, but are toxic and are not healthy.
Couples have very different ideas about the foundation of a, marriage, and what it should be about. It is really about how men and women are socialized in our society. Young girls are socialized towards inter interdependent relationships. That’s means they play together, they share much more readily than men do. They are invested in group success as they are reared and everybody kind of having a good time.
Boys are socialized totally different. They are taught to stand on your own two feet, be independent. Be a man, don’t share your emotions. So, men are much less equipped than women in, marital relationships, to handle a, fixed mindset, that’s why women are 10 times more verbal than men.
One of the fun exercises I like to do when I’m dealing with, communication, is I’ll ask the man and the woman to get a sheet of paper and have each one writes me all the feeling words they are aware of. The woman’s list is four times longer than the man,
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I’m curious though you also say in your message that God can use a, fixed mindset.
Pastor Glover – When you lay concrete, it’s properly set, it is suitable for what you want to build on it. So, let’s pull in this conversation, purpose and destiny. If you have great purpose or great destiny, you have to take the time to lay the foundation. If your foundation is fixed, God can build on it.
People do not take the time to factor in the type of foundation they need to lay to accommodate their dreams and visions of what they want. That can be applied to anything, in my book “30 Days of Excellence” I teach that excellence is in the foundation that you lay for, purpose and destiny.
Be ye not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Why did God say that do not be transformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind?
The World is Battling for your Mind
Pastor William L Glover – Because it is all a battle for the, mind. This simple principle is found in Proverbs.
“As a man thinketh so is he”
Your, mindset, determines the reflection of who you are and it determines who you will be.
We would never be greater than our thoughts about things.
We would never rise above our thoughts about things.
We will never allow ourselves to be pulled beneath our thoughts about things.
Our thoughts reflect where we are going.
It’s a battle for your, mind. The world we live in today, people don’t want to do the work, to think for themselves. There is professional, think tanks, and these, think tanks, think for people and feed them what to believe, what to say.
They all are vying for our, minds, we don’t tune in to learn anymore from the news, we tune in to determine what we need to think. So, hence “do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the, renewing of your mind.
That, transformation,
happens through the word of God,
that transformation happens through your relationship with God
that transformation happens through a community of faith like-minded believers who are committed to growth.
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Planet Nooky
Planet Nooky was established in 2021 To Create a World and a resource that is a safe and judgement free. The Founder Amercia Morris created Planet Nooky to promote sexual, mental , spiritual and physical healing for those who have experienced Carnal Abuse and Traumas. America’s Journey thus far which included experiencing, surviving and now thriving multiple traumas including sexual, mental & emotional, and physical she noticed After years of help from Medical Professionals that she was still not able to experience intimacy and true pleasure of sex because of the fears that still lingered in her association with sex Morris States “PTSD can be a Scary and Lonely Place those who suffer from PTSD, anxiety and or depression as a result of Carnal Abuse need more than one outlet to recover as they restore a sense of safety and empowerment” in 2015 Morris started her own Journey to research to know the true meaning behind sexual activity, health and wellbeing. Through her research she discovered how beneficial sex was and how to finally restore what was missing from her life. “My early associations with sex were all bad and misinformed the freedom to explore and be safe was taken from me at a very young age, I never was able to even give away my virginity freely, I didn’t understand and it was never taught to me how to have healthy sex”
Your, heart, which is the center of your being, the seat of your soul and this is important because wisdom literature teaches us that we should guard your heart for from it flow the issues of life.
Everything that matters, that’s important to us impacts our, heart. If the, heart, is injured, broken or unhealthy because the, heart, plumps the pumps the blood. The, heart, pumps the influence of that thing to your spirit and to your soul and to your body.
So, when we talk about the, transformation, then it’s holistic and God is always at work in our lives trying to move us to a place of wholeness in all three of these areas as it pertains to renewal and, transformation.
As we wrap up how can listeners connect with Mt Hermon Ministries Fort Myers? Tell us about your books and how we can connect on social media.
You can connect with our ministry, we are currently streaming on YouTube and Facebook at MT Hermon Ministries. You can join us Sundays at 11 a.m. you can go to our website.
The justice book which is about your community of faith finding relative relevance as a
change agent in your community
30 Days of Excellence which is a 30-day devotion that cultivates habits of excellence in your life and
Ready for the Harvest which teaches us how to apply the principle of seed time and harvest in our lives and all these can be found on Amazon.
You can contact me personally at dr.wmglover0613@gmail.com
My Spiritual Father Helped in the Renewing of My Mind
I enjoyed the conversation, so thank you like we’ve known each other for 14 years let me also state how proud I am of you forging the way. I remember when you began this journey and witnessing your evolution and growth. Witnessing how God is enlarging your territory, makes me very proud. I want to encourage you to continue that journey.
Myrna – Thank you Pastor and I’ll share something publicly with you that when I wrote my book and you said that you’re proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes because it was the first
Time someone told me that. My father had never said he was proud of me.
As my spiritual father thank you so much for saying that I appreciate it. God sent me to you specifically I didn’t share our story of how I came to be under your guidance, but our connection has a purpose.
Thank you for tuning in to the Transform your Mind to Transform your Life radio podcast and television show. If you are um listening on iTunes I would love for you to subscribe, rate and review. I also want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach.
Can you fix a broken marriage? Laura Doyle best selling author of the Surrendered Wife and the Empowered Wife gives us , marriage advice, on how to get your, husband’s, attention and affection.
If you’re in any kind of situation right now where you’re needing some tips to get through a, bad marriage, and need some, marriage advice, This is the episode for you. Be sure to download and listen to the full audio interview, because I’m understanding the pandemic has put a lot of strain on some, marriages. We’re going to be giving you, marriage advice, to get you over the hump.
Download full Interview Here:
Secrets For Attracting Your Husband’s Attention Introduction
You know, marriages, are always an, ebb and flow, so if you’re in the ebb right now, we want to offer, marriage advice, help you out.
New York Times Bestselling Author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife…until she got married. When she told her husband how to be tidier, more romantic, and more ambitious, he avoided her. So, she dragged him to, marriage counseling, and nearly divorced him.
Laura’s mission today is to offer, marriage advice, to end world, divorce. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the Creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, the host of The Empowered Wife Podcast and she has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and The View.
She has given, marriage advice, to over 15,000 women fix their, relationships–even the hopeless ones– without their husband’s effort. But the thing that Laura is most proud of is her gratifying 31-year marriage with her hilarious husband John, who she says has been dressing himself since before she was born.
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Myrna – Let’s dive right in. One of the first questions about, marriage advice, I want to ask you is. How can a, wife, single-handedly bring a boring or broken, marriage, back to life?
Laura – There was a time when I would have been like Hell no, she can’t, because I had been trying myself for years with no success. I read all the books, got tons of, marriage advice, and I did what they said. I dragged my, husband, to, marriage counseling, because I thought well then the, marriage counselor, can fix him and then I will finally be happy!
I told myself, I think that is how it works. I am pretty sure how it works! Of course it didn’t work at all. My, husband, and I were having wall-to-wall hostility and cold wars at my house, which is where there’s no talking for days and it’s just uncomfortable and tense.
You’re kind of avoiding each other and it was very painful and lonely. I wanted to have a great relationship with my, husband, so bad, but it just eluded me. I had thought that he was a great guy when I married him, but this is seven, eight, nine years in and I thought I married the wrong guy. In fact, we went to, marriage counseling, for like over a year and spent nine thousand dollars and nothing changed. I remember I was sitting on the, marriage counselors, gray couch when I realized my, marriage, was not gonna work. I’m gonna have to get divorced. My, husband, is never going to change. I’m either going to spend the rest of my life in a, loveless marriage, or else I’m going to have to just move on.
What Marriage advice would you give: Should a wife stay or go?
I decided I would get a, divorce, but, there was just one problem, I was too embarrassed to get a, divorce, because all my relatives and friends had been to the wedding and I didn’t want them to know that we were struggling. We would show up at parties after we’d had a big blow up in the car and put on the fake face.
So, I started doing research. I’d been a journalism major in school so, I thought I’m going to get, marriage advice, from other, wives, who have a, happy marriage, for at least at least 15 years; because that seemed like a really long time to be married to me at the time!
I’m going to ask them for, marriage advice, and what their secrets are and then whatever they say, I’m going to do. I’ll just experiment with it and if it works great, I’ll keep it and if it doesn’t work, I’m going to throw it out.
These married women gave me, marriage advice, I didn’t even understand. It didn’t make sense to me. I thought they were going to say “You have to pick the right man” but they didn’t. They said things like:
I try never to criticize my husband no matter how much it seems like he deserves it.
I was like, you got anything else?
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I was desperate enough to start doing some of the things these, wives, suggested. I remember it was not that long afterwards that I came through the front door from work or somewhere and when my, husband, saw me, face lit up. He was happy to see me!
I thought to myself, something’s working, this is working! I got really excited, I got very hopeful. But then not that long afterwards, we were driving down the street in the car and we had another blow up. I was so discouraged, I was hoping this wasn’t going to happen anymore, because now I knew what to do. It wasn’t that hard, it was just new.
Over time I got the, marriage, I always dreamed. My, husband, went back to making bedroom eyes at me again. He would just grab me at the waist, I’d be passing him in the hall, and he would just pull me in for a kiss! We were laughing together again and now 31 years later, I still get to enjoy my, husband.
Marriage Advice # 2 Make your Husband feel like a man
Myrna – It does feel like a miracle. It turns this is, how to fix a, broken marriage, by changing our behavior towards our, husbands. The first secret is to not criticize our, husband; instead, make your, husband, feel like a man.
Laura – I would say the first secret and , marriage advice, was shocking for me, and I really had a very hard time getting to this, because I think as a woman, I felt like I was doing all the work. I was paying all the bills and doing more housework and I was making more money. We think, why should I do any more work? I’m already doing all the work in this relationship.
A big secret in that most people don’t know it is that women are actually the keepers of the relationship.
I mistakenly thought that being angry was gonna make my, husband, see how he should shape up. I thought if I give him the silent treatment or yell at him or even if I’d sit down and nicely tell him all the things he was doing wrong, he will change! It doesn’t work.
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Now I’ve learned this little secret which is that if I just express my desires in a way that inspires, I get a completely different response. Eg. I would say “John I would love a clean kitchen right” and the kitchen would be in the same shape that it always was when I would be complaining about it, but this time he would say, “okay I’ll clean it!”
Myrna – That’s interesting that you didn’t ask a direct question. I heard that women always think that men are mind readers, and they don’t state their desires clearly, they always expect the men to read their minds. Instead of saying this kitchen is a mess, instead ask for help, John can you help me clean the kitchen.
Laura – If you say “John can you help me with the kitchen” maybe that wouldn’t work either, because then it’s like a direct order and, husbands, don’t like orders from their, wives.
Myrna – You are correct. Yet, they say we are the difficult ones!
Marriage Advice #4 Don’t be the boss of your husband
Laura – It’s funny that you say that, because I think that’s a very common, marriage advice, that you hear. Ask for what you want, but you can come off like his boss or his mother.
Husbands, are not sexually attracted to their mothers.
Their mother probably used to say “take out the trash” or “put your dish in the sink.”
What are some of the intimacy skills you teach in your book?
Myrna – you also talk about six, intimacy skills. What are they?
Laura – The first, marriage advice, to get to, intimacy, is to bring down the boss-like attitude into softness. One of the best, intimacy skills,
that I was pretty excited to learn about was and this is the best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men and it’s free and it works fast! I got this from the other, wives, who were, happily married.
The best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men is respect. It is like oxygen for men.
I think when people hear, surrendered wife, they think subservient or obedient or whatever, that’s not me. I’m a feminist, I’m well educated, I don’t do obedient. My opinion counts, but I started to get a superiority complex. I would see my, husband, make a mistake and I’d be like I’m probably better at this. I better show him how to do things.
I better help him be more ambitious.
I better help him be more romantic.
I better help him learn how to load the dishwasher the right way.
Marriage advice # 5 do not disrespect your husband
Like these things are so important! I did not know I was so disrespectful. I was helpful in, wife, language, but disrespectful in, husband, language. So, one of the chief phrases that I use now is
“I apologize for being disrespectful when I criticized you just now.” and I stop.
That’s a key part of that cheat phrase, you have to just stop because otherwise if you just go explaining it kills it.
I don’t really want to be disrespectful. I don’t want to be that nagging, controlling, shrewish wife who thinks she knows more than her, husband, or that she is better than her, husband. That, wife, is lonely.
Conclusion Empowered Wife
Myrna – Let’s talk about your book The Empowered Wife and where can we get it.
Laura – As I mentioned there’s six, intimacy skills, we only talked about 3 of them today. The book lists them all and it’s just so nice to have all the training right there laid out in front of you. Which is all laid out in the Empowered Wife, but I have something really fun going on right now too that you can download for free on my website at www.lauradoyle.org.
It’s called the, Adored Wife, Road Map. This lays out the steps to becoming an, Adored Wife, which let’s face it, don’t we all want to feel like, Adored Wives? I also talk about the three mistakes that almost every, wife, seems to be making when they’re trying to get their, husband’s, attention or his affection. You’re trying to make things more passionate; you just want him to spend some time with you, these mistakes will backfire on you. In the map I talk about what to do instead. So you can download that at www.lauradoyle.org.
We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.
I want to say that I personally have not had a, mother wound. My, mother, and I are pretty close. I’m the eldest of four children and my, mother, she’s actually my best friend. But I understand the pain from the, mother wound. I adopted three children from the, foster care, system who were heavily wounded by their, mothers. They all had, abandonment, issues so, I experienced firsthand how the, mother wound, affected every aspect of their lives.
The girls became promiscuous with men and boys, wanted friends and have people like them. Also because of the, mother wound, they were not being able to bond with me or my husband, because another bi-product of the, mother wound, is, attachment disorder, so the adoption was not successful in integrating our families.
My guest today is Keri Hummingbird, author of “Love is Fierce: Healing the Mother Wound. If you or anyone you know need healing from, mother wounds, this is the episode for you.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction
Keri Hummingbird Sami is a soul guide, shamanic healer, award winning author and inspirational speaker. Kerri has over 20 years of experience in helping women rewrite the story of their lives through inner transformation, connection to essence, remembrance of purpose and realignment to authenticity and truth.
Myrna – Kerri what was your relationship with your mother like? Were you wounded by your, mother?
Kerri – Myrna even though your personal experience with your, mother, from your vantage point is very healed, which is a beautiful gift, there is like an ocean of not healed women on the planet. Having a, mother, as a life preserver who knows how to love is so beautiful and really pivotal because everything that happens in our early life, starting from the moment of conception is being recorded.
Starting from the moment of conception in the mother’s womb, babies are being formed in the, consciousness, of the, mother, it can’t be any other way. You’re inside the, mother, you’re being formed by the, mother’s, beliefs about herself, beliefs about the world, ancestral traumas that are unhealed; all of it goes inside of our ancestral DNA in our very human bodies.
Your Communication with your mother starts in the womb
Just imagine that the voice that you speak to yourself with it starts forming when you’re being formed inside your, mother’s womb, so however your, mother, speaks to herself is how you start to learn to speak to yourself. If the, mother, is not confident or if she’s had sexual traumas or if she does not believe in herself that’s going to influence your development. If the, mother, believes in herself, if she’s strong, if she’s vibrant then you’re getting that. You’re getting that training inside as you’re growing inside her body.
They’ve proven now that babies are able to perceive outside the womb, they’re able to perceive not only what’s going on inside the, mother, but also the outside environment. Babies can perceive things, they can hear voices, a vibration happens they can feel things, they sense things.
So, the beginning of education in earth school starts from the moment of conception. We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.
If a child is not being nurtured by the mother they develop a mother wound
If you experience a big loss like an, abandonment, early in that zero to seven age range, that’s hugely impacting. Anywhere along your development from zero to twenty-one, anything that happens is going to be huge for you, because all of your various bodies are getting developed.
Your physical body is getting developed first, then your emotional body is getting developed then your mental body is getting developed, then your spiritual body gets developed until age 28, so all of these bodies are being formed. Everything that happens in your life experience is like creating the context of your life, the inner context.
Myrna – In this moment anyone who is a, mother, should take that role seriously. It’s a big responsibility. Before I got into this consciousness space and this self-improvement space I would hear them talk about the men or women who are in prison and blame their parents. It all starts with their, mother wound.
I always thought it was a big old blame game, but now I know it’s true the, mother wound, develops into so many unfortunate situations.
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Kerri – I want to reassure every, mother, because when I started learning about the, mother wound, I started going to self-judgment. I look at oldest child especially how his life rolled out. He’s really struggling with this and that and I was struggling with the same things while he was in me. I had a lot of, mental health, challenges that I’d been working on when I was pregnant with him at 30.
I had already been working on it for 15 years from the time I was 15 years old because I had early, childhood trauma, so I was trying to heal and I thought I had it all together and then he came into my womb.
This happens to a lot of, mothers, because you get pregnant and then your whole physiology changes. Any traumas from your childhood comes right up to the surface. You start having, postpartum depression, or other things and you’re like why is this happening. I was really excited to have this baby. Why am I going through, postpartum depression?
Having a baby, it’s like the big purge. One of the reasons for, postpartum depression, is not dealing with stuff from your past or not dealing with your, mother wounds. Psychology makes an effort in helping, mothers, to cope with this kind of thing. I even invested in psychotherapy.
I would sit there every week and like try to work on myself.
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How the mother wound affects your romantic relationships
Myrna – If you’re abandoned by your mom or hurt by your mom, the, mother wound, it’s very hard for you to love yourself, then you can’t really be in romantic relationships.
You have to remove the subconscious programming that says you are not good enough and learn to love yourself. If you can’t release the, mother wound, and love yourself, you will continue to struggle in romantic relationships. You must gain control of your life as it deals with this issue of the, mother wound?
Kerri – I think that subconscious holds the keys to all of it because if you think about this concept of the iceberg submerged in the ocean. The part you see above the water is the conscious mind, but there’s so much more underneath the surface.
There’s so much to explore about your own consciousness to understand yourself better, so that you can show up even better.
You didn’t choose to be molested , you didn’t choose to be abandoned, you didn’t choose to be hurt by your, mother, and have a, mother wound.
According to according to Dr Wayne Dyer‘s teaching he says we chose our parents, because we needed that experience in order to do what we have to do in this earth.
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My journey in psychotherapy helped my understanding of why I had a, mother wound. The home I grew up in from the time I was five years old, was very solid. My mom and my dad worked as a team. I didn’t always like the things that they told me I had to do, but they were caring, they were loving and attentive.
We had three-way hugs in a supportive family environment. We went sailing on the weekends, we had a nice life. So I was like, why am I so screwed up? I had this feeling that something got broken inside of me from my early childhood, because I knew that there was trauma from zero to five years old.
It was a big trauma. My mom married a man who was probably not suited to be a dad. He had his own trauma story from his own childhood of being abused by his mother and left outside of hotel rooms while she slept with men and things like that. He was abandoned in hotels for days, so we had all these traumas he was working through.
Unresolved Wounds from your childhood affects your ability to parent
My, mother, started noticing that there was a really good possibility that he was going to molest me. I want to give my mom huge props, because many, mothers, stay in a situation like that afraid to leave, but my, mother, was a warrior of love. So left and found the next best pathway and that was my first step father.
My first stepfather was a violent drunk, so it was very traumatic. So by the time I was five after four years with this violent step father, we moved and just by chance met my second stepfather who I call my dad. He is the man my, mother, has been with for 45 years until he passed away three years ago.
Spirituality is the path to healing the mother wound
I started my spiritual path and for me that was the opening because it taped into beyond the mind, it taped into the body where a lot of trauma is stored. Many people know trauma is stored in the body and it taps into the emotional body. When you’re a child and you’re seeing these scary things happening, you don’t have words to talk. You don’t have language.
As an adult, you have to go deeper into the body, the somatic experience. You have to go into inner child healing, and make friends with all these aspects of you and become their parents. It’s really about re-mothering yourself and the re-mothering process takes some time because
of those early conditionings.
You have to stay in the conversation of love and kindness and gentleness long enough for it to start to sink in, and for these aspects to heal. Along that journey all kinds of modalities might happen for you. I found mine in a shaman. Somebody told me they got healed by a shaman and I was like sign me up.
What are men’s role in healing the, mother wound? A lot of times men add it to the damage that the, mother, started and then the men compound the, mother wound.
Kerri – Men can help by healing the mother wounds inside of them, because all men were boys and they came out of a, mother, so that’s why the solution is the, mother, because we all live in a, mother, to begin life. So, in order to heal we all have to walk back to the, mother.
Your relationship with your, mother, and the programming of love that you received from your, mother, is also your trust in your connection with the divine and earth. It’s a multi-dimensional conversation, because whatever lack of trust you have with your biological mother, that same lack of trust can show up in your connection with the divine, in your connection with the planet.
If you’re disregarding your body, you’re probably also disregarding your impact on the earth.
Why did you write the book “Love is Fierce: healing the mother wound”?
Kerri – My book uses my personal experience to illustrate various points that are very common across humanity so, there’s a lot of themes in the book that talk about why it is that we are in the situation we’re in right now. Why we have so much war and conflict, misunderstanding and divides between people. This is because of the breakdown of the matriarchy. The breakdown of the feminine and how a lot of the patterns we see are derived directly from breakdown of that primary relationship with the, mother.
I had to go through the deep inner work to write the book and to reveal the patterns, but honestly I’ve been working on this project my entire life.
Myrna – I understand, you had 20 years in psychotherapy. This project allowed you to heal your, mother wound, and also heal the, mother wounds, of your children.
Myrna – Where can our listeners connect with you get a copy of your book? How can they connect with you on social media and your website?
Kerri- They can connect with me on my website www.kerrihummingbird.com
On the website there is a link to sign up for 17 days of interviews on the return of mother wisdom, which I find to be really inspiring. I interviewed all these women and they have these beautiful things to say about where we’re going with humanity on the earth.
You can purchase the book on amazon and then you can take your confirmation number over to www.motherwoundbook.com (receive 17 days of interviews for the Return of Mother Wisdom Series)
I also have a podcast called the Soul Nectar Show, I hope you’re going to come and be a guest on the show.
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One of the worst, negative emotions, in my opinion, is the feeling of, being stuck; defined as moving forward or going back looks worse than staying in the misery of your current situation. How do you, get unstuck?
Our topic today is How to, Get Unstuck. This is a, life coaching, session with, coach Myrna
Transform your Mind Stitcher
Being stuck, is a place of no personal power
https://youtu.be/w4Qxq23FzPQ
What it feels like to be stuck
A few months back I received a note on LinkedIn from a young lady who said she was, stuck. I felt her pain deep within my soul so I offered her a free, life coaching, to, get unstuck.
She was in an, abusive relationship. Her boyfriend was physically abusive to both her and her 2 year old daughter and she feared for her life. She had the courage to pack up and leave that situation. She lived in Florida and her only family lived in Atlanta, Georgia. In order to, get unstuck, she quit her job, left her boyfriend and fled to her sister’s home in Atlanta. Her sister was unemployed and had 6 children. She was dependent on her husband for support. This young lady felt uncomfortable living in her sister’s home, because she didn’t have anything for herself and now she had to feed her and her child. She called me because she felt she should go back to her, abusive relationship!
How many of you can feel her pain?
Being stuck, is when the pain of staying in your current intolerable situation looks better than the pain of leaving.
It could be a domestic situation.
It could be an intolerable boss.
It could be a demeaning job.
How do you make the decision to, get unstuck?
How do you find the strength to want something better?
How did I coach this situation?
This is the major benefit of, life coaching, the ability of the, life coach, to see the frame.
You see you can’t see the frame when you are the picture!
I knew that one of the reasons that my coachee was thinking of going back, was because she still loved her, abusive relationship. She was trying to get someone else to agree with her.
So I asked her “Do you still love this man?” And she said yes.
Then I allowed her to become aware of what her brain was doing. It was, stuck, in repeat.
I told her that because she still loved this man, she is using the situation of her sister’s lack as the reason to return.
I asked her “Do you think your sister would want you to go back to that situation and maybe end up dead”? She said “no.”
I said think about it. What exactly are you taking from your sister? Space. Space doesn’t cost them anything.
I asked her if she had any money?
She said “yes.” So I said, use that money to buy food for you and your daughter so you can feel better about being a charity case.
.
After we got past the, negative emotions, we were then able to plan for the future to , get unstuck.
You can’t plan and have hope when you are busy wallowing in, negative energy, and self-pity of, being stuck.
I asked her about job prospects and she told me she had an interview scheduled for the next day.
That my friends is the First secret to, get unstuck.
1: Hope and Faith are important to getting unstuck
Faith, that God can make a way out of no way.
Faith, that even though you can’t see the entire stairway you know that the stairs are there.
The message of, faith, in this story is that you can’t think that God intended for you to live in an, abusive relationship, being dependent on an abusive man for your survival. You have to be able to get out of the valley, get unstuck, and see the light of the mountain top. You have to know in your heart that you were meant to be more. You have to want more for your children.
Once you find that, positive energy, things will begin to open up. Opportunities will come your way, God will open doors shut by the devil and your negative emotions.
My coachee got the job we are moving in the direction to, get unstuck.
She now lives in Atlanta and she is happy!
The devil is a liar, don’t let him convince you that you are, stuck.
2: Another way to get unstuck is to move the energy around.
The universe is made up of energy. We are a bundle of energy.
When you have, stuck, energy it causes disease.
So you have to force yourself to get off the couch, you have to do something, anything.
Do it until you feel like doing it. Do the things you don’t feel like doing until you feel like doing it!
Another client of mine got fired from his job so he sat around all day with his hurt feelings.
Blaming his boss and all his friends who did not support him.
You have to get over disappointment and hurt so you can get on with it.
Don’t let tragedy destroy you and keep you, stuck.
Don’t stop, continue to stay busy.
Continue to work your plan take small steps if you can’t take big steps Automatic negative thoughts don’t take any effort on your part they come naturally like weeds in your garden.
But if you want to grow roses or orchids in your garden it takes special effort and a process.
Similarly, being stuck, on something someone did to you is natural.
Feeling angry when your kids are ungrateful for the sacrifices you made for them is natural.
Being fired after working at your job for 10 years, never taking time off for your kid’s soccer matches or dance recitals is natural.
Feeling vengeful at the betrayal of your spouse is natural.
It is natural to be angry, hurt, disappointed, vengeful; but it is important not to stay there.
It is important to, get unstuck, remove , negative emotions. You have to get over them and move on.
3: Seek the council of others when you feel Stuck
What my friend on LinkedIn did was good. She contacted a, life coach. She received council and got a fresh perspective.
Even if she not heed my advice, she still moved the energy by doing something.
One way to do this is to memorize and recite the, serenity prayer, several times per day
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
One of the first things they taught us in coaching school is that you can’t coach someone that is not in front of you. Why was this important? Because most coachees will come into the coaching conversation complaining that their life is a mess because of the actions of someone else. The only person that you can change is yourself. You have no control over the behavior of anyone other than yourself.
4: Another way is to find peace with the situation if you can’t or won’t move right now.
I remember a sermon I heard from my first Pastor. He said whenever he felt like complaining about his wife he would pray and ask God to change him!
So for example if you are, stuck, in order to, get unstuck, you have to become aware of your thoughts. Change the way you look at the bad things he or she does. If he or she talks to you with disrespect. You can tell yourself it is not personal, that he or she speaks to everyone like that because he doesn’t know any better.
If he only talks to you with disrespect you can tell yourself that he doesn’t know you and let his words not penetrate your consciousness. He can talk but you do not hear or transfer the words. It becomes just noise.
This is a simple example but it works to, get unstuck. This is also called the Law of Allowing. It especially works in intimate relationships.
When you stop resisting and allow your partner the freedom to self-express, you open up the path towards healing the brokenness and allow the relationship to become healthy.
Concentrate only on what you are doing and saying. Stop reacting to stimuli and watch what happens.
5: Another technique is to notice when you are stuck and distract yourself
Come back to the problem later
Write out options and solutions
Write out the worrying situation
Write what you can do about it
Write what you cannot control about it.
6: Most importantly are your thoughts. Whether you are stuck or not, your thinking makes it so.
The thoughts that matter most are your self-thoughts.
It is never the situation that causes you to be, stuck, but your thoughts and feelings about the situation that makes you feel stuck.
Your thoughts influence your emotions, so to, get unstuck, think differently, and you will feel differently.
Sometimes, how you think someone should respond to you, blocks your blessings. If you move yourself and your ego out of the way.
Then maybe God can give you what he has in store for you.
Look at the bible story of Naaman. Naaman was angry because the profit did not come out and greet him and bow down to him when he came to him to heal his leprosy. Instead the profit Elisha sent a messenger out to tell Naaman to go wash himself in the river Jordon seven times and he will be restored. . Naaman went away angry because he felt disrespected. But he was smart enough to accept council from one of his servants. The servant told him he had nothing to loose by following the instructions of the profit. The servant was able to see the frame around the picture. Naaman could not. He could only see the situation that was making him mad. He decided to follow the profit’s instructions.
He went and dipped himself in the river Jordon seven times and he came out perfect and clean!.
Naaman almost missed his blessing by reacting to what he considered disrespect.
Some of you are, stuck, because of poisonous thinking.
Your thoughts can poison your spirit, and then you never see positive only negative.
As Neapolitan Hill said
As a man thinking so is he.
Shakespeare puts it another way
“Nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”
7: You have to know yourself to grow yourself
You have to know where your pattern started.
You have to make the connection between your old story and your current circumstances
Eg. If your mother gave you up for adoption and your feeling of abandonment are keeping you stuck in Low self-esteem,
you should become aware that your past has nothing to do with your future.
You know better, that you are not your mom and she had her reasons.
The deeper truth is that you are responsible for your life and not what someone did to you.
You have to shift and take responsibility, you have to know that you keep getting into these situations because of your lack of self-esteem or because of your need for security.
Awareness is key. Once again, a coach can help if you can look at your patterns objectively.
What are you blaming?
What is your pattern? What is the evidence of your pattern?
I had a coaching client who had 3 failed marriages where the men stole from her.
We had to find her pattern and why she kept attracting and falling in love with the same type of man.
We discovered that she loved how her dad took care of her mom and paid all the bills, so she kept looking for that trait in a man.
She ended up getting the opposite.
Use your negative energy to get unstuck
Did you know that nothing exists without its opposite?
You can’t know light without knowing darkness.
In order to know if something is good you first have to experience bad!
She had to learn to create a new pattern.
She had to go inside and use her feminine power of intuition to pick a mate.
She had to listen to her inner desire and not the outer desire for material pleasures.
When she did that she shifted her pattern and created a new one.
Now she is in the best relationship of her life.
She tells me that she has touched the moon and it feels so good!
To read about my personal journey of getting Unstuck, pick up a copy of my book
” Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”
