Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.
—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.
Listen to full interview here:
Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors
Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.
There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.
These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person's work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.
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How are Compulsive Behaviors and addictions connected?
Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn't stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.
Compulsion behaviors, often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.
Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.
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How does normal behavior turn into, Compulsive Behaviors?
As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important, so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there's a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors, like gambling, eating, sex, and shopping, become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.
Types of Compulsive Behaviors
Compulsive behaviors, come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.
Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.
Compulsive shopping,
Compulsive eating
Over exercising
Hoarding
Compulsive cleaning
Compulsive Hoarding, is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it's thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.
Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction
What negative triggers enable Compulsive Behaviors like Hoarding.
The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.
How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?
Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.
“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges. With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations. Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.
Sex Addiction Treatment
Let’s look at, compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior, in commonly available sexual practices, such as
Attending strip clubs,
Compulsive masturbation,
Paying for sex through prostitution,
Excessive use of pornography,
and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.
Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.
Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?
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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?
Wildly Alive coach Nichole Wurth shares how having a, healthy lifestyle, could help you fight, coronavirus COVID 19, and become BFF's with your body.
Journey to a healthy lifestyle.
I was raised on Hamburger Helper and mac and cheese. I didn’t know the basics of nourishing your body or a healthy lifestyle. That was not something that was taught to me, so I got out of high school and I gained some weight. I did what most women do. I started dieting. I wouldn't say that I had a big-time body image issues or self-esteem issues going into that whole experience; but after every diet I started to realize it took out a chunk of my self-esteem.
So after years of dieting if you would have looked at my body you would have thought damn she's got it going on she's so fit she's so healthy. I want her body, I want her, healthy lifestyle. But in all reality even though I looked like I was living a, healthy lifestyle, I was an absolute mess inside.
I had disordered eating and disordered exercising and I was so lost in trying to have a, healthy lifestyle, I didn’t even see it I was I was obsessed with what I was going to eat and what I couldn't eat. I was strategizing with every bite. It was strategy all the time. I was still deeply unhappy because before living this, healthy lifestyle, I blamed all my unhappiness and the reason why I don't have a boyfriend, the reason why I don't have a fulfilling job, or the reason why I don't have …fill in the blank, was because of my body.
It's very common for women to blame everything on their body, so now that I had lost the weight and I look fit and healthy and living a, healthy lifestyle, I no longer had anything to blame for my unhappiness. So again even though you would look at me and you think wow she's an inspiration, honestly I was lost from disordered eating and disordered exercising. Most people they don't even see it, and they're broken. That's how diet culture works. Diet culture intentionally breaks you, breaks your trust with yourself, so then you need a diet all the time.
That's how I was for years. I didn't trust myself without the guidelines, without the rules and other restrictions. I went through that whole journey. I lost the weight and I was worse than I was before I started that journey.
I start moving into like exploring okay how can I find happiness and freedom and a, healthy lifestyle, at the same time because dieting does not get you happiness and freedom. It feels very caged. That's the philosophy of the wildly alive coaching program. I started coming up with this idea that your body is a living, breathing, feeling thing just like a plant. So if I went into my office every day and looked at my plants and said to them, you're ugly and you're not good enough and you need to try harder. I would have sent negative energy to them right they would rebel and not thrive.
The Ketogenic Diet is good for a healthy lifestyle
I think that's where most women are. They look at their body as just this thing that's hanging on them, that's never right and will never be right, and they're constantly abusing it. If you want to call it abuse or not, it really is, because you probably would never talk to your best friend that way or even your enemy. That is when I started really looking into instead of creating change from a place of shame, which diet culture teaches, if you just hate your body enough then you can change it shifting that to respect base change. learning how to respect our body as we are changing and reshaping it. The Ketogenic Diet is the new popular diet plan.
Food plays a very important part in our body image and women in particular, maybe even men. Men drink, women eat! I'm not sure, but a lot of times if you have emotional problems it shows up in what you eat. And yeah when you go to the gym, and you have a really nice body, that's on the outside. You could still feel shame inside.
A lot of women could identify with, you’re overweight and you buckled down and lost the weight, they are now living a, healthy lifestyle, they go to the gym every day, they eat right and embrace, healthy living, so where is the reward. Where is the boyfriend or husband?
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When did your, Healthy Lifestyle, start?
I gained all kinds of weight at the end of high school because I was in the industry and I was eating a lot of jalapeno, mayonnaise and French fries. It was like my favorite combination with Big Mac. The whole the whole world globally, we're looking at the, coronavirus, and at, COVID-19, and everybody including all the health experts are now on talking about a, healthy lifestyle, because what we're all now acutely aware that if you have a healthy immune system then you can probably get over this, coronavirus, illness. My, healthy lifestyle, programs started before people became conscious of, healthyliving. A, healthy lifestyle, is being wildly alive!
I wanted to create something like a like a bridge between the, covid-19, pandemic and, healthy living. I'm telling my clients right now is first and foremost and this is the basis of wildly alive coaching, is your mind is the most powerful muscle in your body and so just like with dieting.
And the constant feeling of stress, you have to change from the inside.
When I was dieting, I was constantly stressed, I was afraid of butter. I was afraid of red meat and so on and so on. Even though according to my little calorie counting notebook, I was eating
all of the right things; because I was so stressed over the food, that I was unhealthy. Stressing about everything you put into your mouth is not a, healthy lifestyle.
What is the Feminine approach to a Healthy Lifestyle
This is a respect based approach to, healthy living. If I can help show you how awesome your body is, and how it's doing so many things right now, in this moment, then what will start to happen is, you'll start to recognize that your body is always talking to you. She's always speaking to you. She can guide you on the best things to eat and the best ways to move and how to thrive in this whole self-care thing. You don't need a plan, you don't need somebody telling you what to eat and how to exercise and what to do to feel happy, your body can tell you all of that.
We live in this Western society that just cuts you off at the head and makes you think that all your body is or something you manipulate, that's all it is it's just this mass, that has no voice or no wisdom. So when you start opening up the lines of communication with your body, you start to listen to it. You start to feel really good. It is just like when you get a cut you don't have to look at the cut and be like okay white blood cells come do your thing. No the white blood cells are on it. They start forming a scab around the cut and the processes of healing begins.
Our bodies are so smart that we can't even conceptualize and wrap our mind around all the brilliance of our body. So if I can teach you some of that, and I can show you how awesome your body is and how she is here to guide you. She's here to guide yourself care and, healthy lifestyle, and she's also here to guide you on your life choices.
The feminine approach is really is a woman’s 28-day cycle if you're menstruating. As women we have a 28-day cycle and that 28-day cycle mirrors the moon. There's four phases within our 28-day cycle and also within the moon cycle. Those four phases also mirror the four seasons of the planet. A, healthy lifestyle, includes following your cycle.
For example just to make this really simplified, when you're bleeding it is the New Moon phase.
When we're having our period we tend to be more hibernating, we're not as extroverted. This is our introverted time. This is the time when we reflect and restore. This is our winter time so if you're ever confused you just look at the season the new moon. So when you're bleeding doing a high intense workout it's probably not the best thing for your body. If you're on hormonal birth control or you're not having your period, just start tracking the moon and your body will start syncing up with it.
Vice versa the full moon is your ovulation or summer phase. You are hyper energized. There's lots of growth, there's lots of expansion, there's lots of extroverted energy and so this is a really good time in terms of movement. Now is the time for that high intensity workout or doing that new salsa high intensity class.
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Wildly Alive self-care and, Healthy lifestyle, coaching program
Shame -based change is by telling yourself you can't have those things and you're a bad person if you eat those things, so just to flip this on the head a little bit and think about it from a respect based change. I always tell my clients I would never tell them they can't eat things ever unless they have an allergy to something, that's a whole different conversation. Telling yourself you can't eat bread because this study says that bread is bad for you. I don't think that's enough to really shift into respect based change. I'm a huge believer in moderation. I think a little bit of everything is okay. So have the bread or have the beer, really sit and enjoy it. If your body starts to say to you, I feel bloated every time I drink a beer, then make some changes. Drink half a beer or try a different beer.
Here are the mechanics for a, healthy lifestyle, during covid-19
trying keeping the energy light in our house
limit media, limit the news because it is mostly negative
have a lot of sunlight.
getting outside and connecting with nature. Being in nature boosts your immune system. I also love to bring nature into my house. I have lots of my salt lamps.
Do some sort of movement on a regular basis. It could be going out for a walk, it could be yoga, it could be bike riding. Exercise calms your nerves.
drink a lot of water
increasing your vitamin C intake. I've been making this lemon ginger juice.
stay open to the lessons of the, covid-19, pandemic
I read somewhere that you were disappointed in Oprah. Please share why that is.
I would to preface this statement with I do love Oprah. I love her in so many different ways as a woman, as a woman of color. She is breaking the mold and I love her for so many reasons; but a few weeks ago, I was watching an interview with her in Lady Gaga and she's on stage and they were talking about mental health and I loved it. I was like yes I love this conversation they're about mental health, this is such an important part of health right now. But then I started seeing WW everywhere and I was like what is WW? It was Weight Watchers and I was so devastated in that moment because Weight Watchers is diet culture. It's the epitome of diet culture. They were having this beautiful conversation about mental health and calorie counting. Weight Watchers has been proven to be mentally unhealthy. It was so sad.
I still love Oprah, I know she's human. I know she's flawed. I forgive her.
Do you have any special programs or coaching programs that promote a, Healthy Lifestyle
I do have a new free challenge called the embrace and reach your body challenge, that will start in a few weeks. You could go to wildlyalive.com flash challenge.
To get into the, vortex, and activate, the law of attraction, for the things you want, reach for the best feeling, thoughts, in every moment.
If you want to heal the body you must first heal the mind `~ Plato
Listen to Podcast Here:
You create your physical condition through your thoughts: that means you can think yourself sick or think yourself well. I have healed pain in my body many times by focusing on healing energy.
Disease is the result of blocked energy and that is why the body scan chakra meditation is such a powerful healing tool.
Relax and breathe deeply is the first response to any illness.
Try this next time you feel pain in your body, use these, thoughts, to bring about healing:
Imagine a light like the sun or moon entering your body through your breath. Send that light directly to the pain area hold it there for a few seconds. Then breathe out and imagine you are collecting the pain and breathing it out.
The Magic of Commitment Focus, Thoughts
You are either doing something or you are waiting for something to happen. You are either committed to someone or something or you are not.
Obstacles become opportunities when you are committed.
With commitment, failure is not an option.
Get clear of what you want and why you want it. These, thoughts, help you focus and stay committed
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The Story of My Life, first published in 1903, is Helen Keller's autobiography detailing her early life, especially her experiences with Anne Sullivan. Portions of it were adapted by William Gibson for a 1957 Playhouse 90 production, a 1959 Broadway play, a 1962 Hollywood feature film, and the Indian film “Black”, which was directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. The book is dedicated to inventor Alexander Graham Bell. The dedication reads, “To ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL Who has taught the deaf to speak and enabled the listening ear to hear speech from the Atlantic to the Rockies, I dedicate this Story of My Life.”
Your Life Theme and, personalities, shape what motivates and drives you throughout your life. Find out which of the four archetypes and the, 16 personalities types, that can compose your identity.
Introduction
John Voris, author of the book “Discover the Power that Drives your, Personality, How four Virtues Define your World, started his career as a door to door salesman. He failed miserably as a salesperson, even after taking sales training. He wondered why some people with the same training is better than others and discovered that, personalities, play an important role in skill. That started his thinking that some, personalities, can do certain skills better than others. He also realized that, 16 personalities types, controls our communication.
He learned that the human mind needs to express its authentic identity and, personality. One way it does that is by selecting the objects and environment that expresses who we are. That means that the objects around you right now reflect your past decisions. Decisions like, I know I like this or I don't like that.
How to identify our 16 Personalities.
John: So when I figured out how to sell to, personalities, I became an excellent salesperson closing 12 out of 14 transactions. I would be able to walk into a room and tell the motivation of my clients by the objects they surrounded themselves with. For example If you came into my office today I have over 4000 books. You can deduct that I am curious. Then you look at the titles of the books and you would understand my desire for wisdom. That doesn't mean I’ll buy; but if the salesperson tailor their language to my desire for wisdom and build rapport, they have a great chance of closing the sale. That is how you read people.
Another example, if I were to go into a beauty salon, I can figure out the, personalities; everyone is having fun. I want to appease the, personalities, so when I walk into the salon I talk about other people of interest. The people who just purchased my widgets like Janice two doors down. I would talk about what is factual about Janice. The, personalities, in the salon would buy my widget because Janice bought it.
Our, personality, as our way of expression. Your identity does not follow. I think therefore I am; It’s the only way to find self-actualization or self-realization. The objects, events and people around their, personality, identify the, personality type.
Myrna: I'm thinking of an object and that identifies, personalities, and identities. I'm thinking of maybe an expensive car, a big house, nice expensive clothes. These objects around me definitely define my, personality.
True, but I look at what do you like to do for fun? What is your hobby? In my 35 question, personality test, I ask the questions like “What event caused you the most pleasure? What event caused you the most pain?” I ask you to describe both, you will find they are linked to the same answer because they are linked to your, personality, and who you are. I am able to identify one of your, 16 personalities types, from this test.
Discover Your Life Theme: The, Personality, Engine That Drives You
Your Life Theme offers the, personality, framework that gives shape to what motivates and drives you throughout your life.
You are not a, personality, you are an identity. That identity is driven by one of four archetypes or “Life Themes.”
These “ Life Themes” are Love, Justice, Wisdom and Power.
These represent four and the only four major motivating forces that can explain human behavior.
These four archetypes have many roles and functions that compose our identity. It is their adequacy of expression that is responsible for us living a life of happiness and success.
While each of us contains all four, there is one that takes precedent over the others.
They are responsible for our feelings and emotional reactions often causing anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, alienation, the lack of life meaning and purpose.
Once you know your, personality, that’s driving your Archetype, you will be able to understand its presence and better manage your life and your relationships.
The Myers-Briggs Personalities Type Indicator
An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Intuitive-Thinking. INTJ. INTP. ENTJ. ENTP.
Intuitive-Feeling. INFJ. INFP. ENFJ. ENFP.
Sensing-Judging. ISTJ. ISFJ. ESTJ. ESFJ.
Sensing-Perceiving. ISTP. ISFP. ESTP. ESFP.
According to, Myers-Briggs, theory of, personality types, people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:
Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I), their preference of one of the two functions of perception:
Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:
Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)
The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:
Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)
The 16 personalities types
The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.
The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.
The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.
The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.
All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of the corresponding combination of preferences:
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The motivation of each of the four Life Themes or, personalities types:
The Love Theme- is motivated to better humanity by trying to correct that which causes pain, discomfort, suffering, and victimization. It is driven by love, compassion, and empathy.
The Justice Theme – seeks balance and harmony. Justice is expressed in several ways. It seeks to correct injustice and immorality in people, relationships and organizations. It also gets expressed by seeking balance and perfection using design through engineering, art, music, and literature.
The Wisdom Theme – is driven by a need to know in order to exercise sound judgment in problem solving and goal attainment. Wisdom finds its expression and purpose through teaching, learning, and working with data.
The Power Theme – needs to act upon thoughts and get into action. Empowerment finds its expression and purpose through Power as a natural leader and agent of change.
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As you can see, there is something deeper than our, personality, at work that is running the show. Our, personality, is merely the way we appear in social situations. It is not what drives us.
What drives us are ancient archetypal forces based on moral and ethical virtues. I like to see these virtues as gifts that we are born with and are compelled to express and give throughout our life.
All of us need all four of the universal motivation systems regardless of our upbringing, opportunities, and physical attributes:
To download a copy of John Personality test quiz visit www.JohnVoris.com
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Understanding the concept of ARETÉ — the Greek word for virtue and the pursuit of excellence in fulfilling one's purpose. In the hustle of everyday life, it's easy to become disconnected from our deepest aspirations and potentials. Brian Johnson, the founder and CEO of Heroic and author of ARETÉ, recently sat down with life coach Myrna Young to discuss tapping into our inner hero, overcoming fears, and living a more purposeful life. Drawing from a wealth of philosophical studies and personal experience, Johnson shares actionable steps toward self-improvement that promise to ignite our heroic fires.
Pursuit of Excellence: Understanding the concept of ARETÉ — the Greek word for virtue and the pursuit of excellence in fulfilling one's purpose.
Overcoming Fear with Courage: The role of bravery in confronting life's challenges and the necessity of courage for personal growth.
Daily Masterpieces: The importance of tackling self-improvement and excellence daily to create a cumulative impact on our broader life goals.
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The ancient Greek concept of ARETÉ is a rich and potent term referring to the pursuit of excellence aligned with our purpose. Johnson has embodied this term, making it the north star of his life's work. He discusses with Myrna the notion that the pursuit of excellence must begin with the recognition that ARETÉ is attainable and deeply rooted in ancient wisdom and affirmed by modern science.
“It's the essence of my life's work,” Brian states, as he explains the fundamental importance of reducing the gap between our potential and our actions. When we operate below our capabilities, feelings of regret and dissatisfaction creep in. In contrast, living with ARETÉ fills the void with fulfillment and passion.
Johnson advises individuals to take some time away from distractions like Netflix and social media to reflect on who they aspire to be. He suggests visualizing our future selves and identifying moments in the past when we felt truly alive and fulfilled. Connecting these two points provides a clearer picture of what we can become.
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One of the supervening messages from Johnson's discussion is the critical role of courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the will to act despite it. Johnson reinforces this through a personal anecdote about his son's reluctance to participate in a chess tournament due to fear of defeat.
“The win there was going,” Johnson notes, marking the importance of the act of trying over the outcome. This illustrates the significance of instilling bravery as a value—not just in ourselves but in our successors.
The act of overcoming our inner doubter, that voice in our heads that beseeches us to play it safe, is essential for growth. Breaking through the fear barrier is a cornerstone of ARETÉ that Johnson passionately upholds: stepping into our challenges is how we kindle our inner hero.
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Making Today a Masterpiece: The Cumulative Effect of Daily Excellence
One of the objectives Johnson outlines in ARETÉ is the principle of making today a masterpiece. The idea is to focus on being our best selves in present moments, which sequentially contribute to a more significant, fulfilling future.
“Make today a masterpiece. Not someday, today,” Brian advises. He emphasizes this by advocating for an incremental improvement approach—stretching ourselves by just a minuscule percentage, repeatedly, can lead to accomplishing seemingly impossible goals.
This philosophy aligns with Johnson's comment about teaching his son to focus on continuous learning and improvement, rather than solely on winning. By prioritizing our growth and learning from every experience, we tread a path toward mastery in our personal and professional lives.
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In retrospect, Brian Johnson’s conversation with Myrna Young is a vivid tapestry intertwining the ancient concept of ARETÉ with practical life lessons and philosophies. Readers are left with an empowering message of harnessing inner potential, facing fears with unyielding courage, and building a life of greatness through the accumulation of daily acts of excellence.
Johnson’s tale of his son’s chess tournaments serves as a microcosm of a broader narrative — that our greatest learnings and developments stem from our willingness to confront that which intimidates us. The acknowledgment that personal growth is a result of a steady, intentional, and courageous commitment to betterment is a takeaway that holds profound implications for anyone seeking meaning and vibrancy in their life.
By embodying the principles of ARETÉ such as wisdom, discipline, love, and courage, bolstered by gratitude, hope, curiosity, and zest, we don't just approach life — we sculpt it, day by day, into a masterpiece. Brian Johnson’s insights serve as a reminder that the heroic resides not in the extraordinary but within the reach of our daily choices and courage to stretch just a little further into our greatness.
If you do not take control of your, emotional intelligence, and thoughts, they will repeat in cycles. We have over 70,000 thoughts per day and 90% of these thoughts repeat over and over. That is why people get stuck in life, reliving the past like Groundhog day.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you. There are five key elements to EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Jenny R. Craig, LCSW, BCD is a, transformation, specialist, utilizing her expertise in assisting leaders in creating authentic, profound, long-lasting impact in their organizations and personal lives.
Emotional intelligence, is important because, Strategic planning, does not kick in until the mid-twenties.
Also any huge trauma changes the way the brain works.
As a, transformation, coach we give our clients tools and techniques that can move them through the darkness of being stuck in rewind, and into the light. The light is to find out your true purpose and discover who you really are.
Emotional Intelligence, allows you to do the mental work in living a purposeful life.
Here are four traits of Emotional Intelligence:
* Self Awareness: Knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling this way.
Self awareness definition: They said that self-awareness is the ability to look inward, think deeply about your behavior, and consider how it aligns with your moral standards and values. When your behavior is out of alignment with your standards, you feel uncomfortable, unhappy and negative.
* Self Management: Handling distressing emotions so that they don't cripple you. Self-management, which is also referred to as “self-control” or “self-regulation,” is the ability to regulate one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations.
* Empathy: Knowing what someone else is feeling. Being capable of walking in another man's shoes. Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another's perspective, to understand, feel and possibly share and respond to their experience. There are more definitions of empathy that include but is not limited to social, cognitive, and emotional processes primarily concerned with understanding others
* Skilled Relationships: There is not a better barometer of, emotional intelligence, than the quality of one's relationships. When you put the top three skills together, you will have quality and healthy relationships.
Emotional intelligence, refers, to the ability to identify and manage one’s own, emotions, as well as the, emotions, of others.
Emotional intelligence, is generally said to include at least three skills:
emotional awareness,
the ability to identify and name one’s own, emotions
the ability to harness those, emotions, and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving
the ability to manage, emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own, emotions, when necessary and helping others to do the same.
There is no validated, emotional intelligence test.
Test for, emotional intelligence, looks for the general intelligence factor—and many argue that, emotional intelligence, is therefore not an actual construct, but a way of describing interpersonal skills that go by other names.
Despite this criticism, the concept of, emotional intelligence, sometimes referred to as emotional quotient or EQ—has gained wide acceptance. In recent years, some employers have even incorporated, emotional intelligence tests, into their application and interview processes, on the theory that someone high in, emotional intelligence, would make a better leader or coworker.
Conclusion
I am grateful that you have tuned into this podcast from all around the world. I believe that the spirit of God has attracted you here so that you can receive the insights, revelations and knowledge revealed on this broadcast. Whatever you need for this day in your life you will receive. I can truly say that your life will never be the same because a brain that has been expanded with knowledge can never return to it's original size. I invite you to subscribe to this podcast so that you will receive new podcasts every week with more insights, revelations and knowledge so that you can live your best life now.
Visit me on the web at www.myrnayounghelps.com and sign up for a free strategy session.
Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question how does rejection by a natural mother affect the child's self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.
On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it's such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be. It nonetheless served such a great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following. It's one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively. It's one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand. When you suffer from, abandonment, you're in your own community and it's isolating; but yet you're so powerful at the same time.
With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment, and it is a challenge, it's a lot to muddle through. However, once you get through it, and you're on the other side, there's nothing you can't do. So in my situation, it's like a head of bipartisan. I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time. I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old. That's when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968. I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States. Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement. That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.
I do remember one particular time my, mother, did quote, unquote kidnap me. She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she's so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me. She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that's okay and that's what I explained in the book. It's perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is. It's a supernatural definition. I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what's going on. What's happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you. It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.
Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.
Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
Abandonment issues, may stem from physical (the parent is not present in the child's life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance. Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.
I want to comment on something you said that's a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water. Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don't think they're good enough.
When you feel, abandoned, it's not your imagination. When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It's this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you're a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can't wait to get you off the phone. When you're in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.
On, reflection, once you've been in a situation where you've made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips, anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive. It's toxic, and it's unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards. You literally feel as if you've been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.
You're in tears and you're shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you've got to kiss every behind in the universe. You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I'm not good enough, there's something wrong with me. That's why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That's why I engineered and composed the book.
My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn't want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.
Power is something you take, nobody gives you power. You snatch power.
So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing, is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned, in hindsight. Let's really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second. If you really do this it's not hard at all, you won't have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins. Kissing this one's tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother, love you, trying to buy this person, begging for love, please love me, please like me. You don't have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It's not necessary. I'm trying to save somebody 50 years.
Abandonment, from Relationships
Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected, period? I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned, are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents. Men can reject you, your friends can reject you, jobs can fire you. Is this information transferable?
I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a child and a natural, mother. This ironically is not, rejection, and if you read the book you'll totally comprehend what I'm speaking about. The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you. The natural, mother, doesn't even know you. How can somebody reject you when they don't even know you? That makes absolutely no sense.
I've seen that the trauma that it is caused in young lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it's kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn't reject you because she doesn’t know you. If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side. That's good, I like that spin.
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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?
I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.
What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?
It would be in their best interest even if they don't get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book. It's their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not. I mean that's their choice; but with that being said.
Don't ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth. Don't do that. Don't ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.
I know you talked about your natural mother not really rejecting you because she didn't know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?
My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating. He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling. So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.
I'm not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass. I can't really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers, who have gone through the same episode and they didn't react that way.
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One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach. At those times were you ever angry?
What's so interesting is that I got angry at the end. Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what's so flabbergasting to me is that I didn't get angry and livid until the very end. I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at me for participating. I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration, the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the monotony, and the redundancy.
Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you're at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you're free.
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When you read the book you'll completely understand what's going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Your, mother, didn't reject you, she can't reject you because she doesn't know you.
Yes, I understand what you're saying. After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side, you feel empowered like you can walk on water. Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.
Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children in many ways.
Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.
Childhood trauma, #2
2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.
Childhood trauma, #3
3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.
Childhood trauma, #4
4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.
Childhood trauma, #5
5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24
Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.
Childhood trauma, #6
6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.
Childhood trauma, #7
7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.
8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.
Childhood trauma, #9
9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.
10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.
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Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child's needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.
Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.
So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?
Here is one woman’s story af adult adhd
I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD. One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.
I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.
The two inattentive men, naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.
Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.
I'm curious about, Adult ADHD symptoms. Does kids with, ADHD, become adults with, adult ADHD?
For clarity let's make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD. Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD, is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it's important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they're seeing the adult exhibit. Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.
Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?
Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.
What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?
When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use. It gives you clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed. There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.
Inattention
Impulse Control
Hyperactivity
We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don't have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium. Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.
ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.
Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.
Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
Basal Ganglia. …
Reticular Activating System.
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To test for, adult ADHD, one has to look at the functions of the brain. The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected in ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.
The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement. The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system. It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.
Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?
No, not at all. I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass. I would love to see his research.
Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?
Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals. I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.
if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.
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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?
I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD. He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.
One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness
In the pursuit of, personal growth, embracing the philosophy of CANI (Constant and Never-Ending Improvement) can be a transformative approach. CANI encourages a mindset of continuous learning and progress, fostering, personal development, in various aspects of life. Here's a guide on how to, personal growth, using CANI in 2024:
Personal growth, is a lifelong journey that requires dedication, self-reflection, and a commitment to continuous improvement. In the year 2024, embracing the philosophy of CANI can provide a powerful framework for, personal development. CANI, which stands for, Constant and Never-Ending Improvement, encourages individuals to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and progress. By embracing CANI, we can unlock our full potential and achieve, personal growth, in various aspects of our lives.
In this article, we will explore eight key ways to grow personally using CANI in 2024. Each theme will be supported by verbatim quotes from a transcript that highlights the importance of these principles. By delving into these themes, we can gain a deeper understanding of how CANI can positively impact our, personal growth, journey.
“Cultivate a mindset that values continuous learning. Embrace challenges as opportunities to acquire new knowledge and skills. Attend workshops, read books, and stay curious about the world around you.”
A, growth mindset, is the foundation of, personal growth. By embracing a mindset that values continuous learning, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities for growth. Challenges become stepping stones for acquiring new knowledge and skills. Whether it's attending workshops, reading books, or staying curious about the world, a learning mindset allows us to expand our horizons and unlock our full potential.
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2. Set Incremental Goals
“Break down your long-term objectives into smaller, achievable goals. This not only makes the journey more manageable but also provides a sense of accomplishment along the way.”
Setting incremental goals is a powerful strategy for, personal growth. By breaking down long-term objectives into smaller, achievable goals, we make the journey more manageable and less overwhelming. Each small win along the way provides a sense of accomplishment, fueling our motivation to keep pushing forward. Whether it's running a marathon or pursuing a new career, setting incremental goals allows us to make progress and stay motivated.
3. Reflect Regularly
“Take time to reflect on your experiences, both successes, and challenges. Regular reflection allows you to gain insights into your strengths and areas for improvement. Consider journaling as a tool for self-reflection.”
Regular reflection is a vital practice for, personal growth. By taking the time to reflect on our experiences, both successes, and challenges, we gain valuable insights into our strengths and areas for improvement. Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection, allowing us to delve deeper into our thoughts and emotions. Through reflection, we can identify patterns, learn from our experiences, and make informed decisions for our, personal growth, journey.
“Constructive feedback is a valuable source of information for personal growth. Actively seek feedback from mentors, peers, or friends. Use it as a guide to refine your skills and behaviors.”
Seeking feedback is essential for, personal growth. Constructive feedback from mentors, peers, or friends provides valuable insights into our strengths and areas for improvement. By actively seeking feedback, we can gain a deeper understanding of how others perceive us and use it as a guide to refine our skills and behaviors. Feedback serves as a catalyst for growth, helping us identify blind spots and make necessary adjustments to reach our full potential.
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5. Emphasize Consistency in your Personal Growth Journey
“Consistency is key to CANI. Establish habits that align with your personal development goals. Whether it's dedicating time each day to learning or maintaining healthy habits, consistency builds momentum over time.”
Consistency is a fundamental principle of CANI. By establishing habits that align with our, personal development goals, which are also, SMART goals, we create a solid foundation for growth. Whether it's dedicating time each day to learning or maintaining healthy habits, consistency builds momentum over time. It is through consistent effort that we can make significant progress and achieve lasting, personal growth.
6. Embrace Failure as a Personal Grwoth Opportunity
“View failures as stepping stones to success. Learn from setbacks, adjust your approach, and keep moving forward. Failure is not a roadblock but rather a detour on the path to improvement.”
Failure is an inevitable part of the, personal growth, journey. Instead of viewing failure as a roadblock, we should embrace it as a learning opportunity. By learning from setbacks, adjusting our approach, and persevering, we can turn failure into a stepping stone towards success. Failure provides valuable lessons and insights that help us refine our strategies and improve our chances of achieving our goals.
7. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded Individuals
“Engage with people who inspire and challenge you and have a, growth mindset. Surrounding yourself with a supportive and growth-minded community can provide motivation, accountability, and fresh perspectives on, personal development.”
The people we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on our, personal growth. Engaging with individuals who inspire and challenge us can provide motivation, accountability, and fresh perspectives on, personal development. By surrounding ourselves with a supportive and growth-minded community, we create an environment that fosters, constant and never ending improvement. These individuals can serve as mentors, sounding boards, and sources of inspiration on our, personal growth, journey.
8. Stay Adaptable
“Life is dynamic, and, personal growth, requires adaptability. Be open to change, embrace new opportunities, and be willing to adjust your goals based on evolving circumstances.”
Adaptability is crucial for, personal growth, in an ever-changing world. Life is dynamic, and our goals and circumstances may evolve over time. To achieve, personal growth, we must be open to change, embrace new opportunities, and be willing to adjust our goals accordingly. By staying adaptable, we can navigate challenges, seize opportunities, and continue our journey of, constant and never-ending improvement.
Conclusion and Future Outlook
Embracing the philosophy of CANI in 2024 is not just a commitment to, personal development; it's a lifestyle that fosters a continuous journey of improvement. By incorporating the eight key ways to grow personally using CANI, we can unlock our full potential and achieve sustained growth and fulfillment. Embracing a learning mindset, setting incremental goals, reflecting regularly, seeking feedback, emphasizing consistency, embracing failure, surrounding ourselves with growth-minded individuals, and staying adaptable are all essential components of the CANI philosophy.
As we look to the future, the impact of embracing, CANI in personal growth cannot be underestimated. By adopting a mindset of continuous learning and progress, we can navigate the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. The principles of CANI provide a roadmap for, personal growth, in an ever-changing world. By committing to constant and never-ending improvement, we can unlock our full potential and create a life of fulfillment and success.
Here's to a year of, constant and never-ending improvement, in 2024!
Kristina Mand-Lakhiani, co founder of Mindvalley, shares how to become flawesome with radical self acceptance. If you’ve ever felt burdened by perfectionism, pressured to be someone you’re not, and driven to live up to other people’s expectations even if it means concealing your true self, then this podcast episode is for you.
In this episode, Kristina talks about the concepts of perfectionism, flawesome, and self-acceptance. She shares with you her journey of self-discovery and how these concepts have helped her to become flawesome!
Myrna: You are the co-founder of MindValley with Vishen Lakiani. I love Vishen Lakiani I think that you guys do good work and I know the story because I've gone to several of his webinars and read his books. I know the story of how he came about to start MindValley and his journey. So let's talk about you today, why did you begin this personal development company? What motivated and inspired you?
Kristina: I mean you know whether it's the same as Vishen's or not but what is what is the story behind Mindvalley? That question will require a little bit of a background, so the founder of Mindvalley is Vishen Lakiani and by the family name Lakiani you might guess we are related. We used to be married for 16 years, so when Vishen was starting MindValley it was back in 2003.
I had moved to New York, we got married in 2003. I had moved to New York from Europe and I was looking for a job and Vishen had a job and he had a side hustle which became MindValley. I usually say that I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and by accident and that's absolutely true. I had nothing better to do but to help Vishen with his side business because he had a full-time job and we depended on his income as a family.
We depended on it so I thought it was the right thing to do, but at that time I would also say, I thought I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and obstinately because I was still planning to make my own career somewhere else. I started in the government working in a very different field from, personal growth, so it took years before I accepted my fate.
MindValley is now a top personal growth company
Myrna: I know Vishen's story that his business that he had. I think it was doing websites. You said it was like a, side hustle, that's amazing that the company for anybody that doesn't know about MindValley it's like a top 10 company in, personal growth, in the world.
Kristina: We have grown yes and we have changed since the beginning since 2003 so definitely it's been quite a journey and yeah we do consider ourselves one of the biggest education companies in personal growth and transformation.
Myrna: All right so then you started in your personal journey and according to your personal growth journey I should say and according to your bio you got to work with some of the greats. I'm in the space you know so I know all these different people I love Michael Beckwick. I love his work. I love Bob Proctor and I don't do a lot with Lisa Nichols because she basically teaches you how to be a professional speaker, but I know that you know she has done very well for herself.
So what is one of the greatest lessons you've learned from Michael Beckwith let's just pick one or if you want to use one of the other ones that's in your bio you know it's so hard to be picking uh like one of the greatest lessons from any of the people.
Lesson of self acceptance from Michael Beckwith
Kristina: I probably learned from Michael Beckwith the lesson that I have learned would be a little bit reversed from what you would expect. I'll give you a situation of course I've heard him speak and I've heard his teachings, but the lesson came in a different shape and form. So I started working in, personal growth, and transformation as an entrepreneur and a marketer initially so I got to know all these people as their partner in the sense because we were helping them to get their word out to to other people.
So I wasn't ever their colleague in the sense that I wasn't one of the authors. It happened much later at some point I re-invented myself and my life and it would be a completely different story, but some five six years ago I started going into becoming an author because I was ready. I had embraced, personal growth, and transformation and it was it was quite a few years ago.
I remember I was going on MindValley Stage and we have a very impressive stage and we had a huge audience probably one of my biggest at that time and I was following Michael Beckwith and a few other people and I remember being completely terrified because I felt, who am I to go on stage after all those people? I do actually mention Michael Beckwith in that story because he is such an energetic and such a strong speaker that when you listen to him you're hooked. you're just there and I have a very different style, so I remember going on stage and having this huge impostor syndrome thinking how can I compare.
From impostor syndrome to self acceptance
I can never be as good as Michael Beckwith speaking. I can never be as good as another speaker who was there who had built a massive company. I could never be as good as another speaker there who had written a bestselling book and was super famous. I was comparing myself faster and faster to all those great people and feeling smaller and smaller and smaller until I remembered the words of a friend of mine who said we are so hooked on the idea that we have this one talent that we are forgetting that we are multi-talented.
That actually helped me to suddenly realize that it is not in this one thing where I have to be the best in the world, but in the unique combination of things that make me who I am. That's where probably the biggest value that I have for the world. Michael Beckwith was one person who taught me, self acceptance. There are people who are so much better, so much more accomplished than me in every single area, if I take them separately, but what gives me value is the combination of my works, of my unique features of the things that maybe I am ashamed of. That combination is what gives me my unique value and what gives me the right to be on stage with all those wonderful people.
Lisa Nichols helped me become Flawesome
Myrna: Lisa Nichols is a powerful speaker. I saw her quite recently, she's awesome, but what I just love what you just said is that we all have this inferiority complex because you know we think that someone is is better than us but I love what he says that our combination is what makes us unique.
Kristina: We often think that our lessons come in very clear messages and of course Michael doesn't teach that. He teaches, self acceptance, that is what I learned from that interaction and that's interesting. You know Lisa Nichols for example, she's wonderful in so many ways and she actually has taught me public speaking one-on-one including, self acceptance, of my accent and flaws.
She's such a wonderful human being but the one thing I learned from her is one this is one saying that she occasionally says in some of her speeches.
The world has no need for your perfection
Conscious uncoupling after divorce
Myrna: So let's talk about you, back to you now and some of the things that you bring to the table. One of the things you talk about is, hacking happiness, after, conscious uncoupling. You were married to Vishen for 16 years that's a long time, in fact that's how long I've been married to my current husband 16 years. you're talking about, conscious uncoupling, hacking happiness.
Kristina: Well, conscious uncoupling, is actually a term coined by another of Mindvalley authors Catherine Woodward Thomas
For me and Vishen it was just a journey we chose to take when we decided to separate. Vishen had known Catherine by then and he had known about this concept so we did follow her teachings to a degree, but I think any kind of relationship is a product of these two people. So you can learn from other person how to be a good parent, how to have a happy marriage.
I think that every couple that uncouples consciously and couples according to Catherine Woodward Thomas has their own story and the other examples that I've seen. I don't normally talk about relationships because it's not my forte. I do talk about, hacking happiness, although not connected to uncoupling per se.
Hacking happiness: conscious uncoupling
I talk about, hacking happiness, as a choice, as a trainable skill as maybe a habit which is very contrary to a lot of ideas. I like to talk about happiness especially to very skeptical people because they always make you see things in a new light in a way. I do talk about happiness, but not in relation to uncoupling because I think in that aspect I'm still in the process. I mean we uncoupled four years ago and you might say that it's long enough time, but we are in each other's life's a lot we grow children together.
We still have business together, we are friends, we do a lot of things together, so I think as long as we have each other in each other's life it will be a constantly evolving relationship.
Myrna: Well at least you parted amicably. What I know about relationships is it's very hard to, consciously uncouple, because it's either you did something that hurt me and I don't want anything to do with you. It's very hard to say we are better separate than we are together and we're gonna, consciously uncouple, and put our kids first. That term , consciously uncoupling, has become popular because you know the word that I heard before was, co-parenting.
Kristina: I would strongly recommend studying Catherine Thomas because she has the experience, she's a psychotherapist who has been working with couples focusing on relationships. We do need to re-imagine the end of relationships. We have such a rigid approach to that relationship is only a success if it lasts, but that's not the case. We have all witnessed relationships that maybe lasts a really long time but it's dead inside.
Catherine suggests and I really love this idea is why don't we judge the successful relationship not by the length of a relationship but by the extent that both people have maybe evolved or created things together.
Hacking Happiness: The Art of becoming Flawesome
Myrna: you also talk about how can we live by our own rules and walk in our fruit and um you know that's basically our topic today, hacking happiness, and the Art of becoming flawsome. Tell us what that word means because I'm putting my own interpretation to it.
Kristina: I'm very reluctant to give definition of the word flawesome even in my book. My editor insisted that I have to add it. My book well it's called Becoming flawesome. It is a book about, self acceptance, and finding your way back to you. Our flaws is just this necessary condition because when you find your way back to you, you will discover that probably you're not that picture of perfection that you have been drawing in your head and aspiring for.
Become flawesome by accepting your flaws and practicing, self acceptance. Becoming flawesome is a personal experience and you are absolutely right it's about embracing your flaws and being okay with them. It's embracing your flaws, it's learning to not just accept, but love yourself with your flaws, and maybe not even with the flaws, but because of them. Because every single facet of you makes you unique.
Even those things that you maybe are feeling ashamed about or don't want to show to the world they are a part of you that makes you uniquely you and if you have the courage to go further and deeper, it is about about finding strengths in the things that you might have considered your flaws choosing them to become your blessing rather than your curse.
Conclusion: Your self acceptance journey
Yes as you were talking you know a lot of women including me.
Myrna: Let's talk about your book, how did you come up with that title and what is it that you want the um readers to walk away?
Kristina: I hope that this book is going to be a companion on the journey back to you for every single reader. However many readers I'm going to get, that's how many destinations this book will have. I don't teach people, I don't believe in teaching, I believe transformation happens when people are ready and who am I to teach anyone, but I am a companion, I have been through this journey. I ask a lot of questions. I hold the hand, so I do believe and hope that this book is everybody's individual unique journey back to, self acceptance.
Myrna; How can our audience get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media. Let us know your website and your Instagram or your social media handles.
Kristina: My name is a little complicated, but the rest is easy so my name is Kristina Mand-Lakiani my website is www.kristinamand.com and then the book is slash book so it's super easy. My handle for all all the social media Instagram Facebook is the same https://www.instagram.com/kristinamand/
