Your, struggle, started before you were born. Your mama acted that way because of her story, your father won’t have walked away if he didn’t also have a story. Your shift started the day you were born but it is not the day your, story, started.
I just finished watching the Netflix film called Blondie the, Marilyn Monroe story. Marilyn’s, story, is the perfect, back story, for my message today. Her, story, started way before she was born. Her parents met and had a baby. Both of them were messed up. Her father walked away, and her mother blamed, Norma Jean, for her father walking away. The fact that the father walked away contributed to her mental health and what did she do, she abused, Norma Jean, because that is what adults do when they are hurting, they hurt the defenseless.
What was her father’s, story? Why did he walk away and abandon his child at conception and never looked back. In the, story, there was a fire and the mother attempted to drive through the fire to get to the father’s house in Hollywood which tells me he was not without means. Yet he walked away from his daughter and never looked back. What was his, story? It probable started with his parents.
The movie showed Norma Jean, Marilyn Monroe, looking for her father her entire life until her death. Parents do so much damage to kids. Norma Jean’s struggled in life even though she was the most successful movie star in history. They are still writing about her and talking about her 3 decades after her death.
She never knew her father and her mother was mentally ill and abused her, even tried to drown her. She struggled her entire life because of the shift she took over from messed up parents. She was the most beautiful woman, men all over the world wanted even Presidents, yet she had no value for herself.
Lack of love in our childhood contribute to struggle
The fact that her father did not love her, she let men abuse her. I am not a psychiatrist, but I would guess because she felt unlovable. She had no self-worth. So, she made an impact on this world, but never found personal happiness in it. She lived her life to make men happy, make movie producers happy and everyone else. When she started falling apart, they gave her drugs so she could continue making movies.
So, are you in a story of, struggle? Do you see yourself anywhere in Marilyn’s, story? I want to let you know that you were set in your situation by circumstances that happened before your birth, you are not to blame for your story.
Your birthday isn’t your start day it’s just the day when your shift started.
You have to fight someone else’s battle, that’s why generational curses are real. In my church whenever the pastor baptizes a baby, he cancels all generational curses.
Let’s say that your grandparents dabbled in witchcraft or even belonged to a Lodge, you inherited their sins and curses. It is up to you to repent for the sins of your forefathers and walk a straight and narrow path. If you don’t repent for their sins the sins of the father and mother is passed on to the 3 and 4 generation.
You need to declare and decree that victory is going to happen on your shift. The buck stops here.
Samuel’s struggle in a barren temple
In the bible story of, Samuel, the prophet, God took, Samuel, from the barrenness of his mother’s womb to the barrenness of a temple to prepare him to become a prophet. Sometimes your, struggle, is preparing you for your purpose and destiny. Sometimes you have to wander in the wilderness until you get to the promised land.
So, how do you, rewrite your story, of, struggle, to one of abundance and flow? You have to shake things up, get out of your routine. When you are comfortable just existing, you don’t get revelation. Nothing happens when you are in your comfort zone, if you want to move the needle from, struggle, to flow, you have to get out of your, comfort zone.
That is the only way you will hear the voice of God when he calls you. In the darkness of the night God speaks. God shows up in your barren places and calls you by name.
When God called, Samuel, in the middle of the night, Samuel, didn’t recognize it was God because he had never spoken to him before. Learn to hear God’s voice by being in constant communication with him.
Conclusion to struggle
In conclusion, if you are in, struggle, at the moment understanding that you are just continuing the, story, that started before you were born is the way out. You need to change the, story, because then your children and your children’s children will continue the, struggle.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Praying for flow and abundance for you. Until next time Namaste
Andre Paradis, relationship coach, shares insights on, what men want, and how to revert back to nature and polarity to make our relationships work. If you want to know how to have healthy fulfilling long-term relationships, listen to the end. What men want, is a woman who is sweet and lovely and warm and, feminine, and attractive and magnetic.
Andre Paradis, is a Relationship Coach, NLP Coach, Educator of Effective Communications, Published Writer, Public Speaker, and Ordained Minister. Andre Grew up in Canada, and while on vacation in Los Angeles he was scouted and became a professional dancer. He has danced with legends including Michael Jackson, Prince, Paula Abdul, Julio Eglesias to name a few.
He then attended a workshop called “Understanding Women” in 2006 and started studying with some of the biggest relationship masters (Dr. Pat Allen, Dr. Esther Perel, Dr. John Gray, Shantie Feldhan and Alison Armstrong). He started sharing his knowledge with friends and family. He saw that this knowledge actually helped people lead happier lives with the people they love. He found his purpose in life… The Big Calling deep inside him. He then sold his successful Auto Shop and launched Project Equinox Coaching to help men and women learn to build stronger long lasting and healthy Love relationships. For some clients, He even officiate their weddings.
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Andre: Well, the bulk of his work has changed since the beginning from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Dr Grey now explores men or women differences, like how we respond or act differently. What motivates a woman and what motivates a man and vice versa. The past 10 years though, the bulk of his work became the chemistry of our bodies that creates the behaviors that we do. So how does, estrogen, and, testosterone, affect our physiology.
A man’s brain is full of, testosterone, the structure of his brain is similar to a woman, but the main mechanism is different, because it functions on a different fuel. This creates all kinds of behaviors, reactions, ways of operating and the, Hunter brain. The, Hunter brain, is about, conquering, competing, fighting, pushing, penetrating, you know, control everything that’s in, Hunter brain. That’s the paradigm of, testosterone, chemistry.
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Women’s brains are soaked in Estrogen
So that’s what’s Dr Grey’s work in past 10 years was all about that. The innate differences explained through chemistry. And for the lady is same thing similar brain soaked in, estrogen, creating a whole different machine, a whole different engine, with behaviors, reactions, temperament, blah, blah, blah. In our culture right now, everybody’s about equality, so understanding the beginning of equality, the, feminist movement, equal rights equal pay equal opportunity, is important.
With equality a man should be more, feminine, more feminized, more vulnerable, more talkative, more sweet, more sensitive, to be a good man. A woman should be strong, independent, powerful at all costs, in order for her to be valued and valuable in the world. Well, there’s a big huge price to pay for these shifts that are not natural. Everything I teach is Nature and Science and not my opinion. So, if you go back to nature, these things don’t work very well.
If you consider now that relationships are the hardest thing for people to attain and sustain, where it should be the easiest because we have equality now, right? Well, no, the reason for this is what I teach. What’s happening out there is women are more miserable. The women in our culture for the past 15 years, almost 20 years now actually, are more unhappy than ever in the entire history of mankind.
Myrna: That’s because they can’t find a man.
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Andre: And why is that right back to the same thing I’m talking about earlier. I’m so busy because my clients call me because they’re realizing they’re being sold a lemon that’s exactly how they put it. They tell me I am a badass but that gets me absolutely nowhere with a man. Men don’t ask me out and if I manage to get a date, he smiles and goes nice to meet you and I never see him again. I can’t get past the first date. What is wrong with me? Like what is what’s wrong with me? The answer is you’re, masculinized, you’re too manly for a man.
Myrna: I have so much circle backs in that don’t get too far. When you were talking about the men and the woman, how the man is the hunter personality with the, testosterone, and the woman is supposed to be, feminine, but now women are bad asses and are not, feminine. So, the question I have, is that why there’s a rise in, lesbian and gay relationships? Is that is the reason that those kind of relationships are blossoming, because at least you’ve got the same, estrogen, and, testosterone, levels.
Andre: Yeah, well, not the way you think. And I think if I’m reading your mind a little bit here right now, it’s not quite that because men have always understood men better than their women. And the same with women, they understand each other better than men. But throughout history, that’s actually the, polarity, that brought men and women together. So, that is not the problem. What is happening, is culture if we are going to peel the onion back.
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Latch Key Kids can’t form relationships as adults
We have, latch key kids, who were not nurtured as kids so they can’t form relationships as adults. When you have children, babies, infants, toddlers, young people, young kids unable to bond with their own parents, they become anxious as far as in the relationship, anxious or avoidant in relationships. They’ve never been bonded to somebody who loves them, so they feel abandoned. The anxiety of puberty makes it even worse, and they will become young people who cannot create healthy bonds.
They just can’t do it. Now what happens we talk about, gay and lesbian relationships, in the news, that new wave. A young girl needs so much nurturing connection emotionally, the, feminine, for mother, the young women who went without being with her mother will do it later in life with another woman. For men it’s a little bit different for men they turn into the part of them that’s missing.
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Why men don’t want badass women
Myrna: Is it true that’s, badass women immediately get disqualified because she’s gonna throw the fact that she makes more money than him in a man’s face?
Andre: You know, I’m sorry, but it’s more energetic than that. If you’re gonna be a, badass woman, and be a pain in the ass about it, like you push it in my face. That you are better than me. That is not the energy that men are looking for from women. That’s a man on man. I always say ladies when you can be, badass, but if you’re gonna throw your balls in my face, we’re gonna have a problem. And that’s what, badass women, do put their balls in everybody’s face. They’re so proud which is fine.
You can be proud of what you do, but when you lead with that, you’re more, masculine, than, feminine. You’re actually arrogant a lot of times, and for sure you’re irritating. Absolutely freaking irritating. If you think men like to be irritated by women, this is not why they want to date you. They want to date you because you’re sweet and lovely and warm and, feminine, and attractive and magnetic. Not irritating, not pushy, not controlling, not in my face. Not sitting there like go ahead, prove it your way.
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So my clients, when they find out that men aren’t finding them attractive and don’t ask them out, they feel completely invisible. This is because your, balls, are bigger than his and that’s irritating and off putting. You can have, balls, all you want, you need to be, masculine, to create anything to make money, but I say leave them, balls, in your desk drawer. When you get home and in public, you’d have to be a woman to attract men, otherwise they don’t see you, you become invisible to men.
Myrna: So, the answer to that question is not all women that are making money and are, badass, just the ones that are throwing their, balls, in a man’s face and leading with, masculinity.
What men want in a women
What do men want? You said that one, a man wants a woman that’s, feminine. Let’s also touch on equality. Does a man want a woman that’s making as much money as him? By the way, when I asked my husband that question, he says, I can become a kept man but not If you’re gonna throw it in my face.
Andre: In my world, you could have a penis and not be a man. I believe there are three types of men:
The real man: They know who they are. They know, what men want. They hold themselves accountable for everything; they have character. They have competence, you can’t mess with them. You can’t fuck with them. You can’t derail them. They’re solid, they’re strong. You can count on them all that stuff.
The second type of man is that guy who’s man enough to have a job, but it’s a little job, he’s not gonna have a good car, he drives a little shitty car and lives in the basement of his mother’s house or he’s got three roommates. No girlfriend and is silly. So, these guys are messy enough to do life. Small but okay. Except when it comes to women, they don’t want to ask you out. They acquiesce and want to do whatever movie you want to go see. They are not sure, what men want.
The third kind of man are boys, they are passive and, feminine. They don’t want to work. They want you to work. They’re so happy that they are not paying for anything. They don’t want to work, they’re allergic to work. They’re offended when you say, just man up. They look like boys. They’re often very pretty because they are, feminine and want to attract women with their bodies. Their looks are lean and sexy. They absolutely don’t know, what men want.
What men want: A feminine woman
We now raise men to be not, masculine, but soft, sensitive, passive, and that’s toxic. A real man scoops women up and say hey, I’m taking you out to dinner, seven o’clock and wear some good shoes, because we are going salsa dancing afterwards. But we shame them out of this. We say that’s pushy.
What men want, is a, feminine woman. A, feminine woman, want a, masculine man. They don’t want boys. Men that are boys are so smooth, they’ll tell you everything you want to hear in three days after meeting them! Oh, I think I found the one of my life, you are the one. So, he says all the right things for the first five or six weeks you finally think oh my God he is my soul mate.
He listens to me. He’s curious about me I have someone to talk to. Next, you know, he’s like moving to your house, borrowing your car because he can’t afford to fix his piece of shit. You’re walking his dog because he won’t do it. You’re lending him money that he promised to pay back, but he never does. You’re working two jobs while he’s sitting on the couch smoking a joint and spooning the dog.
Myrna: You’re talking such truth! How do you get out of that relationship? Kick them to the curb?
What men want, not a masculine woman
Andre: The terrible thing about this whole situation is when you, masculinize, women, this is the type of men they attract. They attract boys. I teach nature, it’s all about, polarity. Opposites attract. We know this about everything. Right? Two magnets, positive and negative, try to push two positive magnets together, right? It doesn’t work. The, masculine man, is strong, independent, powerful, conquering, controlling, pushy, fighting, all that stuff and he attracts the, feminine woman, who is more passive. Because she’s smaller and weaker, more passive and she needs a big strong guy.
It’s the same all over nature. Like everything. There’s a, polarity, there’s two different pieces of a puzzle. that come together to complete a good dynamic. When a woman is more, masculine, and she’s stuck there because of her up bringing or her culture. Her mother telling her you don’t need that man. You can’t depend on men, so make sure you’re independent and strong and get your own. So, when you raise, masculine women, that’s what you attract, boys.
The Badass woman: can she become feminine and get a man
All my clients that are strong, independent, powerful and they’re, badass women, and they’re so proud of it, are in relationships with boys, one after the other. So, if you want a, masculine man, to provide, and protect, you have to be the opposite, feminine, to the core. I help my clients, we do actually get them from being too, masculine, after having neglected their, femininity, typically started in childhood. It’s always something that started in childhood. And we’re just going to calibrated them here.
Myrna: What do you tell them to do? How do you help them become more, feminine?
Andre: So how does a woman to be more, feminine?
Andre: That is simple and it’s individual for all and there’s plenty layers in this and the more you do it the more you get practice. The, masculine, is to be in your head and, feminine, is to be in your heart and your body. Masculine women, are stuck in their head and everything warm, radiant, lovely about them is out the window. Masculine men, live in their head we’re not in our hearts naturally. Right? We have to be logical and conquerors and fighters, we can’t think about how we feel.
Doesn’t matter how you feel. It needs to be done. How many times have you heard me say that? We care how you feel. It has to be done. Right?
Feminine, it’s about how you feel. Anything that makes you feel good, right? If you feel sexy, you’re sexy.
What men want: to prove that he is the best suitor
Myrna: Does, sex, too early in a relationship prevents building a healthy long term love relationship? Women my age were always told by their grandparents don’t give it away.
Why would a guy pay for the cow when he already got milk?
Andre: That’s another long answer, but I’m gonna try to keep it short. But again, its nature. In a nutshell, a woman’s body and, sexuality, is her currency. Back in the days, men went towards building character, building their businesses, building their finances, so that they were adequate to call on women. They would compete against each other to be the top suitor for the best women. The guy who’s got more resources has more choices. But older men became more attractive on some level, because they have more power, they have more resources, they have more assets.
Men had to build themselves up to be competitive enough to be the chosen one by a good woman. A, feminine woman, would let herself be wooed by him, but they would not cross the line into, sexuality, until he was committed. Because, sex, that’s her currency. Right? You want a good woman? You gotta be good, man. When you throw that out the window, now a man doesn’t have to work for it. This is part of what’s happening in our culture. Again, not my opinion, just facts. When women give away their bodies for dinner this is what happens.
What men want: A woman they can trust
You meet a guy, you date him once, twice, three times. He like, let’s roll. The women think that starts intimacy. The reality is for men, that killed it. Why does early, sex, kill a long term relationship? Because in nature, he has to prove himself that he is good guy, that he’s got character, he’s got to impress her.
And now he gets picked with almost no effort. He buys dinner three times and women put out. He’s thinking I can’t trust this woman. Now again, this is not a thought process is the limbic brain, the lizard brain saying, I can’t trust this chick because she’ll sleep with anybody. I didn’t have to do anything to get her to sleep with me.
Women sleep with men because they feel it will make them his girlfriend but no amount of, sex, ever convince a man to commit to a woman. That’s not it. It’s the opposite.
Myrna: Let me let me interrupt that one because I’ve heard that men don’t trust a woman if she sleeps with him on the first date. I think that they’re almost expecting to sleep with you after three dates or three weeks.
Andre: You could change the rules, but it’s still not working. That’s never going to work. It’s never worked. And it’s the worst when nobody’s getting married.
Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned from her long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.
The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author’s life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way
Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story, and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .
Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it’s a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn’t know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where’s my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.
While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person’s house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I’m talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn’t play with them.
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I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you. I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground. Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.
After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me. I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.
Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I’m understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn’t have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don’t want to treat the other person’s child well. It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.
That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don’t understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn’t want you to eat at this house. Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?
Dana Gillies & Tatyana Kirsanova (Best friends and corporate professionals) are the hosts of the Authenticity Atlas Podcast
This podcast is about helping people navigate their way towards a more joyful and authentic life, to learn how to become a better person and understand yourself and others better.
We are VERY vulnerable – especially considering we are corporate professionals.
Download and listen to the Authenticity Atlas Podcast on Apple iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
Life Lessons from growing up without a mom
Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don’t go close to him and he’s still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.
Myrna: I hope he’s suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child? That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I’m very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?
Jannette: Yeah, she didn’t want me. So, it’s not like I didn’t have a mother. She didn’t want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me. I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.
After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.
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I witnessed my step mom being murdered
Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?
Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn’t open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something’s wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.
Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?
Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.
Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?
Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life. But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can’t believe that person.
My mother told me I would never amount to anything
I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn’t care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I’m no longer in this house with my mother. Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.
Myrna: Was life better for you in America?
Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I’m not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I’d had a daughter. I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me
Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.
Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?
Abandoned girls become abused women
Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work. And he did a 360 switch. I can’t work and I don’t have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn’t stay in the country without proper papers.
So, he said, okay, let’s do this. I really don’t want to lose you. So, let’s just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.
Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can’t wait to hear the end of this story. You’re still in America. So, what happened?
Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don’t have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He’s promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn’t allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he’s not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.
Deciding to stay married with abuse
Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You’re still married?
Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn’t physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t cry, a night that I didn’t cry. My husband was just ruthless.
But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn’t have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn’t drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.
Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book? You’ve gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that’s basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.
Writing the book Tears behind my smile
Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse. He chose you.
Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don’t take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you’re stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.
Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?
Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.
Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.
In OUT OF THE SNARES, MYRNA BERNADETTE TROTMAN shares her story of child abuse, poverty and her success as an entrepreneur. As a certified, Life Coach, she shares ten undeniable resources she used to help her achieve success and live the American Dream. This inspirational and motivational book will help you to reach your potential and achieve new levels of success in your life. Get these ten principles based on biblical principles and Universal Laws, deep down in your spirit and boldly go in the direction of your destiny:
Principle # 1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you –
Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.
Like a Blacksmith, you need to keep hitting the Anvil, pounding it daily, shaping your dreams
If you build it they will come
Don’t let life’s challenges knock you off course remember:
“Circumstances does not make the man, it reveals him to himself” ~ James Allen
Man is the Lord and Master of his thoughts and thus is the maker of himself.
In my book “Out of the Snares” I tell a compelling story of my, vision, of America as my promised land. My Land of milk and honey. I kept that, vision, in front of me and kept picking myself up after each failure believing that I would succeed, and I did.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a young leader, trying to upgrade his, vision casting, skills. I gave him four simple tips about communicating, vision.
1. CLARITY. Leaders, must create clarity by narrowing the focus when casting, vision. Everything that can be done in the name of God is not sign at all. It is a sign of undisciplined thinking. The leader’s job is to focus the organization on the core essentials. The more we focus on and clarify essentials, the easier it is to identify and eliminate non-essentials.
2. COMPELLING. Once your goals are clarified, it must be communicated in a way that is compelling. A, leader, who makes an unprepared sloppy presentation can make an otherwise exciting goals seem boring. Compelling, goals, produces action. Boring goals produces nothing.
3. COMMITMENT. Casting a clear and compelling, vision, without calling for commitment is a waste of everyone’s time. Real, leaders, are committed and they call others to commitment. Some leaders are hesitant to demand sacrificial commitment because they are not all-in themselves. Commitment is an example that leaders set, not a message they teach. Leadership commitment is contagious. So is leadership non-commitment.
4. COMMUNITY. Clear and compelling goals attracts committed people. As these people sacrifice for the common, community happens. Trying to create community for the sake of community creates unhealthy ingrown short-lived community. Doing goals together creates strong healthy long-term community.
SUMMARY. As a leader, you are the visionary for your church, ministry, or organization. If you communicate clear and compelling, if you model and call for commitment, you will end up with a strong healthy community. You will also accomplish your dreams.
You can, have it all. Is it possible to have a passionate marriage, a thriving career, a healthy beautiful body, more money that you ever dreamed of, and enough downtime to enjoy it without running yourself ragged.
Christy Whitman. is a Transformational Leader, Celebrity Coach and the New York Times Bestselling Author of “The Art of, Having It All” she has appeared on The Today Show and the Morning Show and her work has been featured in, People’s Magazine, Seventeen, Women’s Day, Hollywood Life, and Teen Vogue, among others Christy is also the CEO and founder of the, Quantum Success Learning Academy and Quantum Success Coaching Academy, a 12-month Law of Attraction program.
Christy has helped thousands of people worldwide to achieve their goals through her empowerment seminars, speeches and coaching sessions and products. Christy’s life changing message reaches over 200,000 people per month and her work has been promoted by and featured with esteemed authors and luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marci Shimoff, Brian Tracy, Neale Donald Walsch, Abraham-Hicks, and Louise Hay. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband, Frederic, and their two boys, Alexander and Maxim. You can meet her on the web at www.QuantumSuccessBook.com,
I read your bio and I’m thinking wow this woman is where I want to be. So we’re going to start out by just asking you a kind of a background question you’ve accomplished quite a lot. Can you tell us your journey to this point in your career in life.
Searching for purpose
Well, I basically did everything that my parents told me, you know, Go get a degree, get a good job, put money in the Bank, have a nice fit body, find a guy! I had all that, and still I was just really really empty. I wasn’t really happy. I was missing an essential part of myself. So I started going on a search for meaning.
I had this you know like when you’re really thirsty for water that’s how I felt spiritually. I felt like I just didn’t know that there’s wasn’t any real purpose or meaning in what I was doing. It seemed like the more money I made, it didn’t make me any happier. I went on this quest and really learned about meditation and learned about how our thoughts create our reality and learned about energy and how we are either attracting things to us or repelling things from us.
All these different philosophies started changing me, and I started changing my thoughts one by one and started shifting my energy and things literally just started shifting before my eyes. When I was searching at one point I was thirty pounds overweight, $60,000 in debt, I had just broken up with the latest bad guy, and I moved to California and I didn’t know anybody.
I Had quit my job also so I I had nothing going on in my life, when I found this information and it was amazing because within just a very few short weeks I got a great job, I was transferred to a different part of California, I found a really wonderful man, and I was in an eight-year relationship with, my body naturally went back to normal size.
Using the Law of attraction to have it all
Things were just flowing and easy, and what I was learning about was the universal laws that I now teach. I’ve shared my experiences of how I’ve created a great career, maintained my weight, and attracted an ideal partner. I’ve been coaching on, Law of Attraction, and, Universal Laws. Besides the, Law of Attraction, I just share my experiences and I share what I do, and what I learned and what I know not to do, and I just created an amazing business.
I’m serving people, and seeing people transform, and I feel passionate about it. Each and every day, back when I when I was in that space, I was making money, I was a pharmaceutical rep, but I didn’t feel like I was on purpose. I didn’t feel like what I was doing really had much meaning and so I started to really connect with the feeling of what would it feel like that if I did something and I was on purpose?
I didn’t know what purpose looked like, but I started just allowing myself to feel that the essence of the purpose, of what it would just feel like. Even if I didn’t know the how or the form or anything and then what happened with amazing. I had a book downloaded through me and that became my first book “Perfect Pictures.” I got it published and my family and friends all bought the book and it wasn’t like they were the ones to read self-help books.
I started speaking at Spiritual Book Stores and Churches and while I was doing that, doing workshops on my book, I would take people through meditations and they started asking me to coach them. I had no idea back then, and we were talking you know 16 years ago, 17 years ago. I had no idea what Life Coaching was and most people didn’t. I decided to just have people call me on the phone and started really appreciating their transformation. I’m grateful that my stuff it’s universal and it helps every single person, no matter what circumstance or situation there going through. We can change all of it by knowing and applying these laws.
Tips for having it all
That’s an awesome story I Absolutely love it. Dr Wayne Dyer says that that’s how he’s written all this books. He wakes up at 3.15 am in the morning and it’s just downloaded. I just completed a series with the author of the Millennial’s Playbook to Adulting, Millennials do just that.
Whether it’s their parents or a guidance counselor or somebody they find a job, they find the guy, and then they get married or something but it doesn’t light them up it doesn’t light them up because they’re going about it based on the jobs that’s available or income or something along those lines. It’s a great thing to teach because whenever you are on purpose and whenever something lights you up and whenever you follow the, Laws of the Universe, which most people don’t know what they are, you find happiness.
Most people don’t understand the, Laws of Attraction, and how thoughts work. That’s the only way that you can design your life. I’m glad that we’re going to be diving into that subject in our next episode; but today we want to talk about your book “The Art of, Having it All,” I’m jumping ahead of myself. Before we get in to that. I want to bring attention to the word you used to introduce your coaching program “Quantum Success.”
I love the word that you use to introduce your coaching program. I follow Deepak Chopra. He was my first mentor and when I wrote my first book which was called “Becoming Conscious, my Awakening” I talked about the Quantum and synchro destiny; but you’re calling it, Quantum Success; so my follow-up question is “what do you feel is the blueprint to your coaching program and what is your definition of quantum success and, having it all, ?”
Using Quantum energy to have it all
I want to say I’m not a superwoman, I’m just an ordinary woman that has learned about universal laws and, having it all. Every single person listening have the power to create your life the way you want it. Quantum success, for me it was really about, I lived the first part of my life not, having it all, so far pushing, striving, setting goals, it was really when I found the knowledge, and the information on energy and that I understood, the energy that you hold while you’re moving towards something is even more important than the inert action of the goal.
We’re both physical and non-physical beings. If you’re not doing that from a place of alignment then any momentum that you take is a waste of energy, it’s a waste of time. You know a lot of times people are moving they’re doing stuff and they’re taking tons of action and it’s eventually going to give them the success that they want; but they’re going to hit a wall because if their thought process is different or their emotions on how they feel about themselves or even the way they think about themselves, the way they reflect on themselves, the way they judge and solve problems.
All of that stuff holds us back from really being able to allow the alignment and the flow of the, Quantum field, or what some call God, what some call Goddess. That consciousness that create whatever you want. When you start to bring in deliberately, having it all, the kind of energy that you want to experience, whether its success, or love, or abundance, or prosperity, or security.
Success is having it all
As long as you’re doing it consistently, because everything is vibration. So when you do the action and take the action towards what you want to manifest and align your thoughts your emotions your perspective with succeeding, in that space of success. You imagine what would success look like? What does, having it all, look like? What would successful feel like?
If you had the career that you really wanted, that was firing on all cylinders what would that look like for you? I wrote in my last book “The Art of, Having It All,” It’s really about what does having it all look like to you. Is, Having it All, someone else’s definition? It’s what lights you up that moves you forward. It’s a life force that’s pulsating through you, that wants to become something more. It’s up to us as, that non-physical part of that energy.
Cooperate with it instead of trying to cut it off and that’s what most people do. Complaining and judging other people or they play like a victim. All those things are literally slicing up and siphoning off your life force energy, and it won’t move you towards the desires that you want. We need to ask ourselves. How do I want to feel?
Then start to as much as you can, as often as you can, get in that feeling place. I mean the good thing is about the, Quantum field, is that this is a holographic universe and so any emotion that has ever been felt can be easily felt by you. Circumstances and situations don’t have to happen. We have the capacity as human beings to visualize and to feel our way into things, and to change a thought and you know these are all things that we can do because the thoughts that we have are not real, so we have to direct our thoughts towards what we want and why we want it, to, having it all, and how we want to feel.
Your vortex holds your un-manifested desires
That is awesome, we are so in sync on the things. My next question we’re going to be talking a little bit about Abraham Hicks; she talks about the, vortex, when I do my meditation that’s what I say. Everything in my vortex will be eventually be available to me, if not immediately but eventually. It’s all about vibration. I was listening to podcast last week and the guest was saying we have Three superpowers, and one of the superpowers was imagination. He reminded me that anything we can imagine, we can create. Whether you’re imagining what you want or what you’re imagining what you don’t want it’s real and it’s going to manifest.
A lot of people think our, vortex, is outside of ourselves; but the, vortex, is within us. The, vortex, is inside us, so it’s not something we have to wait for. It’s like we just have to get into alignment with it because it’s already there. It’s the Creator that pulses pulsates through us. I’m going to get into a discussion of energy for a second. Most people think I’m going to manifest something or, Law of Attraction; but thoughts always create some kind of emotional reaction.
It’s really the emotions, so we’re viewing something we see something like a tree we look at the tree and we just kind of have the stimulus, we perceive it without eyes and we enjoy it. So energy is flowing in and it’s flowing out, it’s just kind of like a stimulus we see the ocean it comes in and it comes out. Well when someone says something rude to us or says something hurtful, or maybe you get in car accident, or you lose a loved one, or your bill comes and you can’t pay it or whatever it is.
Those moments in life cause us to constrict our energy and we create blocks around it. Those blocks also create a vortex of energy because energy has to continue to move, it goes out, or it goes up, because that is constantly moving, it’s never ending. So if energy come through and instead of feeling an emotion, like how that person hurt us or that person was rude or that person made us angry, we constrict the energy.
That creates a block and then that creates a vortex, that vortex is active, it’s alive. That’s the, vortex, that creates a thought and then the thoughts create a belief. It then creates some kind of physical manifestation of it and then we go, see it’s true. You say No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead. Men are always cheating on me. We have to be careful and aware of where we’re getting energetically charged and start to release those blocks, so that we can get back in that free flow again of feeling the love and the alignment.
The Art of having it all
I do the work, I want to be, having it all, I don’t only coach; but I do a lot of mind work because I’m aware at that everything starts in the mind, which is why I call this podcast “The Transform your Mind” because everything starts there. But I loved about the, quantum field, as it relates to success. I actually never thought about it that way until you mentioned it; but you said if you want to move towards something because that’s the, quantum field, that’s energy that’s moving and you have to be an alignment to that goal.
If you I want to red Mercedes but then immediately you say well I can never afford it, that’s what you’re talking about, as far as you’re not moving in alignment. I Actually absolutely love putting it all together. If you want success you’ve got to hold what you want in front of you so that you can be strategically moving towards it and also be aware of the energy that you’re talking about. If you’ve got stuck energy, you’ve got blocked energy or you you’re feeling bad then you’re actually blocking your flow.
So, the next question I Want to ask you is about the luminaries and thought leaders that you mentioned in your bio. I love them all I didn’t know much about Marianne Wilkinson, but I love Dr Wayne Dyer, I’m listening to two of his audio books right now. One is on Balance which is almost the same thing we’re talking about today.
I have a Neale Donald Walsch book in my library “Conversations with God” It was one of the best books I have read. I studied that book. And Abraham Hicks, love her. There’s was a point in time that I meditated with her every morning. I Picked those three because those are the ones that I know. So what are some of the lessons that you’ve learned from these luminaries as it you know as it relates to our topic today? Having it all, and, Quantum Success?
I heard of Wayne Dyer probably about 20 years ago. My therapist at the time she was a spiritual psychotherapists, she brought in the spiritual approach, she would hand me CDs, actually back then it was cassette tapes of Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson, and so they were my first two early teachers.
There are only 2 emotions love and fear
I really liked the perspective that Marianne talks about because she would talk about the Course In Miracles and how there’s really only two emotions, either love or fear; so that really helped me start to connect with the energy and paying attention between, high vibration, or, low vibration, and then of course Wayne Dyer was huge for me in the whole getting in the perspective of my thoughts.
During that time that’s when I was learning that your thoughts create your reality and so I was learning that not all thoughts are real and that we have places where as normal human beings we typically automatically think in these ways and for me it was like wow okay, so I’m normal right and yet I have to change these if I want to continue to change my life.
His work has always just been really touched my soul and in the time that I’ve been able to meet him and you know it just he really is one of those people that really was because he’s passed on, but he really walks his talk. He truly was a lightworker and I could feel that it around him and it was there was an authenticity that and of what he taught and how he lived so that’s what I learned about and appreciate him.
He was a very humble man and he never felt better than other people and he really had taught me a lot about ego and in keeping the ego in check and in that sort of thing. The Power of Intention, I mean that’s an incredible book. I’ve been following Abraham Hicks Probably around the equal amount of time around 20 years and I was given a cassette from a little group that I was in in Redding California and I listened to them and you know listening test or channel Abraham and it was like whoa this is really strange and weird and yet I felt good listening to it, not only the words this used but the vibration that I felt.
As a pharmaceutical rep I had a big area in California, I would drive around with a cassette recorder on my passenger seat with all these different cassettes. I was really a tuning into a different perspective, I always write whether you know you buy someone’s book and you read the book while you’re just going to bed at night or you’re driving around the car and you listen to a podcast that bless you or you know some kind of media where you’re getting a different perspective than what most people think and how most people think because that’s going to help you change your perspective. If you’re inundated with the news and you know things like that and around a lot of people that are negative it’s very hard to get out of that space unless you do something deliberately.
Saying yes to having it all
We’re going to get in it to our topic today which is, “Having it All”, or “The, Art of, Having It All” so let me give you a little bit about you know the more a little tidbit that I picked up from you know reading the synopsis of the book. Christy in your book you ask “ ?” You ask the question like a lawyer asks the question a rhetorical question that we know the answer and your answer was a resounding “YES”
Absolutely exactly right. In the, Art of Having it all, you shared precise steps you took to create radical turn arounds in the midst of potentially devastating real-life situations. Freeing yourself of nearly $90,000 of unwanted debt, 30 extra pounds, navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, and this last two are really hard for most people, the grief of your sister’s suicide, and the life-threatening illness of your newborn son.
As I read that I get goose bumps on it because you know that’s a lot of stuff to have to deal with and I know we’ve touched on the energy and most of this beforehand as we talked in your bio, and some of the questions to answered already; but can you tag on to anything that you haven’t talked about. What advice you’d give out listeners who are going through, as we call it the wilderness of the storm, in their lives right now.
Absolutely all of those things that you mentioned all of them, I got through and grew from them and had them turn out even better than I could have even imagined, because of the fact that I knew about the Universal Laws and that I knew about lack and energy and Lack in abundance and, I knew about emotions and all that. I knew that I needed to focus on my perspective on, having it all, my sons, my marriage, so just even in the case of my son Maxim, when he was 2 months of age he was rushed to the hospital and he had to have open-heart surgery as a tiny little baby.
Crazy, the miracles that were around that are just like the story is incredible. Typically babies that have a transposition of the arteries are usually found in the mother’s womb, they see it in the ultrasound and then they do a heart surgery on them, probably one to two days of life, two days of the latest. If they don’t catch it, it’s usually within you know the first week and if it’s not caught within the first week babies usually die in the crib if it’s not detected. Wow!
Yeah, he was two months of age and the only thing that kept him alive is he had a little hole between both of his arteries and the valve that closes when a baby typically has their first few breaths, his didn’t close so he was barely breathing which we didn’t realize; but he if they did ever did this type of surgery on the baby this old so it was just the fact that he was just there and he was wanting to be there.
It’s like, I knew that he was going to be fine and so I went I Told my husband I’m like okay listen we can’t have anybody else’s negative energy we can’t have fear we can’t have any of this around the situation. The only visual I’m going to hold taking Maxim home with his brother Alex, And the three of you wrestling and growing up and taking vacations and taking them to Disneyland and taking him camping and you know just like all these visions absolutely.
All these different watching and play baseball and so that was the only vision. Our family was freaking out and scared, of course we had to process our own emotions because it was an emotional roller coaster; whenever we were around him we didn’t let in any fear energy. We would clear ourselves before we would walk in the hospital to see him and very selective of who we let around him and stuff and we did that because it’s like we just wanted to keep in the positive space we wanted to keep in that energy flow of all good things and any possibility of negativity or fear or any lower-level emotions we wanted to keep it out of the creation; because it was it was imperative.
I’m happy to say that he’s now seven-year-old boy, he’s been cleared for years. He’s got a perfect heart. I mean the surgery that they did was two months is like growing with him it’s amazing yeah just the coolest kid and you know and just very grateful I mean just amazing and you know so it’s that alone you know we would sit there and deliberately write down like okay what are the positive aspects about the situation nothing will go my God your child almost died is in the hospital ICU.
How could you even look for a positive in that situation? Well for me, we had to because we had to keep our vibration high, so I would write out, how I’m grateful how I was at the best Children’s Hospital in all of North America, I was grateful that we were close to home and that we had family to take care of our son Alex during the day so we could be with Maxim. Grateful that all the nurses loved him and just all the positive aspects nothing but.
It’s a universal law if you’re in lack and limitation you cannot create abundance from that place and so you have to get into it’s the law of sufficiency and abundance, you have to get into the place of being at peace, feeling that it’s sufficient, it’s good enough. You don’t have to be over the moon excited about it, but at least coming from that place of appreciation and gratitude looking for what’s right and good and stuff what’s wrong and bad and when you do that your life will continue to change contrast will show up it shows up for every single person but it’s how what you do with the contrast when it happens whether it’s really extreme or it’s minor you know some people get really reactive and how big emotional reactions over very small things and then when things come they’re just like oh my God you know so we have to know how to manage our energy.
I’m Going to redress something, I experienced suicide in my family myself. My daughter was engaged to be married, she was planning her wedding and her fiancé, shot himself and committed suicide and like you I’m a very positive person, I wouldn’t say that I know how to work energy like you are because you’re an expert on that, but in my life I’ve had a lot of challenges and you know you say that you can look at your book of wars and in my book of wars told me that almost every challenge that I faced, had a positive outcome just like you can you can see now but your son when that incident happened; but for the life of me I couldn’t find the positive in that, suicide.
Now I think I’d go back in and I and I think that the positive maybe, like my pastor talked yesterday that sometimes God breaks you so that he can fit you in for your purpose. I think that my daughter came out of that situation a stronger person but at the time I couldn’t find the positive, so how did you find the positive energy in your sister’s suicide? There’s a lot of suicides going on right now so maybe someone is listening that can benefit from some advice on how to deal with someone close to you committing, suicide?
Dealing with suicide
This is a great question. For me I remember just feeling that I have to make a decision for myself because she chose what she chose and we can’t control what other people choose, it was her life it was her decision even Abraham Hicks says that every death is really a suicide. Anyways when someone takes their own life we make it mean so much and it is shocking and it is traumatic, it’s not like someone gets a disease and they get degenerative because of that and then they pass, this is something that’s horrible, taking that away either but when someone abruptly ends their life in such a dramatic way it is very traumatic on everybody around them.
I would look at my sister it’s like okay she chose what she chose what do I get to choose from my life? Then I started asking myself those questions. What do I want for my life? Why do I want these things? How am I going to want to feel? Really start to feel that way; but during the process I will tell you I allowed myself to feel my feelings, when I felt angry at the situation at her and anything I’ve processed my anger. I didn’t go and beat anybody up.
I mean there’s a proprietary process, anger right it’s not raging it’s not hurting another person but I would feel my anger. I would yell into a pillow, there’s things you can do that are constructive for you that and as long as you’re feeling the energy of those emotions and you’re not bottling move it and I what you’re saying yes yeah If I needed to cry, I would cry. I gave myself permission to cry whenever I Felt like. I needed to cry, I would excuse myself and I will go cry.
Christy I Want to thank you so much for being an awesome guest. Our conversation today on, having it all, was very inspirational and like I said I learned a lot from you. Looking forward to our next talk, we are going to dive a little deeper into “How to use the 7 essential Laws of Attraction to create a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money.” I Want to thank everyone for tuning in today to on the radio at www.wdjyfm.com in Metro Atlanta. This podcast is distributed to iTunes, TuneIn radio, Stitcher, Google play and now also on iHeart radio. I would love everyone who’s listening to subscribe so that the podcast can rank higher on iTunes and more people like you can listen to awesome messages like the one we have today. so Christy Until next time Namaste
There are several stories in the bible about the, virtuous woman. Proverbs say A, virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is worth more than rubies. Proverbs 12:4 says A, virtuous woman, is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I look at traits of the, virtuous woman, and use as my foundational story the, bible story, of, Ruth and Naomi, and why, Boaz, called, Ruth, a, virtuous woman.
One of my favorite, Bible stories, is the story of, Ruth and Naomi.
The story is told that, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law had huge losses. Her husband died as well as her two sons leaving her with no money. She said that the Lord made her life very bitter and caused her to suffer.
So, Naomi, decided to return home to Bethlehem in Judah because the Lord had blessed Judah with grain.
Naomi blessed her daughter in laws and sent them back home to their families but Ruth clung to her refusing to leave her
Naomi and Ruth, moved to Judah where Naomi told Ruth to go work in the fields of, Boaz, a very wealthy man. Boaz, noticed this strange woman working hard in the fields and enquired who she was. He was told that she was the young woman who came back with, Naomi.
Ruth the virtuous woman
Boaz, was impressed about what he heard about this, virtuous woman, and told his workers to treat her kindly and drop bundles of grain on purpose so she can pick up.
Ruth, worked throughout both the barley harvest and the wheat harvest then, Naomi, decided it was time for her to get a husband.
She gave, Ruth, instructions on what to do and, Ruth, did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. She bathed, put on her best dress applied perfume and lay at the feet of, Boaz. That was the submissive gesture. Boaz, woke up and accepted the offer blessing her for not going after a younger man.
The story ends with, Boaz, marrying, Ruth, and her son Obed was the grandfather of David.
Boaz, called Ruth a, virtuous woman
In this story Ruth was called a, virtuous woman, because:
She was loyal to her mother-in-law,
She was willing to work,
She was willing to leave her home and be a foreigner in another land and
She did everything her mother-in-law told her to do
What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?
A, virtuous woman, cares for her family.
She is a hard worker.
While she toils faithfully in meeting the needs of her own family, she also doesn’t forget to help the other needy people God brings across her path.
She also takes the time to look after her own health and be a good steward of her body.
What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?
Aristotle, says that the, keys to happiness, is the practice of, virtue, because, virtue, is in accord with human reason. Aristotle, stated that we can reach minor states of happiness through money, power, or fame, but ultimate happiness can only be reached though the practice of, virtue.
A, virtuous woman, has character traits such as honesty, chastity, courage, and generosity. Virtue, theorists believe that if we concentrate on being righteous people, the right actions will follow; in other words, the people with the right character tend to make the right decisions.
What is the meaning of Virtuous:
Morally good; acting in conformity to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice; as a, virtuous man.
Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life.
The mere performance of, virtuous, actions does not denominate an agent virtuous.
Chaste; applied to women.
Efficacious by inherent qualities;
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays until then Namaste
As a Certified a, Life Coach, I know that we can become, trapped, by past hurt. I am trained to help my clients look back at their, past, and find clues for their future. It is not that the, past, equals the future; but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella like your best girlfriend and let circumstances anchor you in life?
In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished and we become, trapped.
I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. I choose to release, past, hurt. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up. I teach you how to not become, trapped.
I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh’s daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life and your, past, have strategic purposes.
How to Heal, Past, hurts
We all have a mother or mother figure who helped shape us into the women we are today – whether that person is a biological mother who gave birth to us, or a mother figure such as an older sister, aunt, stepmother, grandmother, or teacher. However, the reality is that no matter who you called “mother,” this woman held power over your development throughout your life, and she may not have been the mother you needed. Whether through intentional malice, physical or emotional abuse, or unintentionally through absence or other life circumstances, you may find yourself wounded by her actions — or lack of action. This, past, hurt, influences who you become and how you live, either, trapped, or free. Releasing, past, hurts stops the harmful impacts that can ripple through your relationships with a partner, children, and within yourself. It stops you from becoming, trapped, by these memories.
The take away from this chapter is that we all have a, past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.
Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.
5 Ways to Let Go of, Past, Hurts
The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain from, past, hurt, you can’t be open to anything new.
1. Make the decision to let go of the, past.
Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this, past hurt.
Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the, past, pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person (after you finish step 2 below). This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either become, trapped, by the pain, or to live a future life without it.
2. Take responsibility and release blame for, past hurt.
Express the pain from, past hurt, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once and take responsibility. Blame allows you to stay a victim. Doing so will also help you understand why specifically you are hurting.
We don’t live in a world of black and whites, even when sometimes it feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or will you become, trapped, by it.
3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.
Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.
In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Release the shackles and get out of the snares of blame. Why would you let the person who you feel is responsible for your, past hurt, have such power, right here, right now?
No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?
Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.
When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing .”
Remember, if we crowd our brains — and lives — with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive. It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life.
5. Forgive them and free yourself from being, trapped.
We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”
My guest today shares her story of years of, domestic violence, she was verbally and physically abused by her parents and then continued the cycle into, abusive relationships, one of them almost killing her. After her last, abusive relationship, ended, she discovered that he was sexually molesting her 7 year old daughter. Shermomicia tells a powerful story of how she is stopping the cycle of, domestic violence, and healing her family.
Domestic Abuse and Childhood Trauma
Shermonicia tell me your back story. I know you’re studying for your masters right now but can you take us through your journey to this point in your life.
I have three sisters and one brother. The four of us growing up with my mother and father they were both on drugs. My whole entire life was abusive. I am also a victim of, sexual molestation. I was sexually attacked when I was like seven or eight. It was hard growing up with both parents on drugs. I have three kids with 3 different men who were all abusive.
I’m going to talk about the abuse today is where the abuse that almost cost me my life.
I would say that my abuse started way before I even got with any man. My mother was very verbally and physically abusive. Every day she would tell me how she wished she never had us.
She called us all kind of names so, I didn’t have no self-esteem, none whatsoever. My father was abusive as well, he would abuse my mom. It led me to abusive men. I got married to my son’s dad and he was verbally abusive. He left me and my son with no money and we got evicted. I lost my job because of him and we’d had nowhere to go, so my mother decided I guess you can come stay with me.
So I lived with her for a little while and I was able to get back on my own feet to get my own place. I met my oldest daughter father 2 years after my divorce. We got together and I had his child seven months after we met. Four months after she was born, the abuse and , domestic violence, started. It lasted for four years. I was physically beaten not daily, maybe every other day. He was a monster.
He really was. I have been kicked in my head, I have been punched and choked and slapped; brought up against walls dragged, through the house by my hair. He locked me in a closet, he used belts. I didn’t want to sleep with him, two times he knocked me unconscious and he got so scared because he thought he killed me.
Wow, domestic violence, is no joke. It is hard for me to write this.
Multiple domestic violence relationships
Shermonicia let’s talk about what happened in the third, domestic violence, relationship.
I met him in 2013 and right away we started a sexual relationship. He was always saying I don’t want a girlfriend, I just want to have have fun. I got pregnant seven months after meeting him. So here I am, a third child by a third man. He used God to get in the door. He said God told me you’re going to be my wife and he just he moved in.
For the first 3-4 months the relationship was wonderful. He’s was a, narcissist, who used sex to control, He was very sexual he used sex with everything that he does, so after 4 months the verbal and, mental abuse, started. The pattern of, domestic violence, started again. He’d push me against the wall, he’d put his hands on me, but it wasn’t like the first, domestic violence, relationship I was in.
He propose and we were planning our wedding and fifty days before the wedding he called it off. He jumped on me in front of my children and walked out. About a month after he left he left, my seven-year-old daughter came to me and said he put grease between my legs. That kind of caught me off guard and when I went to him and asked him about it and he said she was hurting down there so I put grease.
My daughter would not talk about it until I took her to a church group, the lady was sharing about how her father molested her and she broke down and told me all what her was doing to her. It was almost like a second heartbreak to me because I was dealing with a breakup. We had a four year old child together, I was going to marry this man. It was devastating and so I immediately contacted the authorities and you know got everything going. The trial starts in a couple of weeks.
Tune in to listen to this incredible story of survival and how Shermomicia is making sure that the cycle does not continue to her daughters.
If you would like to improve the quality of your life and don’t have the budget to hire a coach, then I have an offer for you. Why not play the game of life and learn the skills to maneuver life situations. How many of you have played the game of monopoly and learned the value of having property to collect rent?
Points of You® is a leading company in the field of training for personal and business development.
Points of You use games to explore significant life themes in a fun, unique and powerful way.
Games are designed for use by professionals, organizations or individuals.
The games are designed to help you look deep inside yourselves and the environment around you.
It is a stimulating exploration that sharpens our senses and opens up new possibilities.
Who can use Points of You Games?
• Anyone wishing to reconnect and enhance communication with themselves and others.
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Points of You is a collection of various games.
1. The Coaching Game features 65 associative cards that explore significant everyday life themes.
2. Punctum fosters associative connections between photos, themes and questions. These flexible combinations make it a fascinating tool, highly effective in dynamic therapy, coaching and counseling.
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For more information or to purchase one or more games. Would make a prefect Christmas gift for someone you love. Head over to https://poy4all.com/transform/
Stephanie Stanford, Love Empowerment Coach tell us the secrets to get and, how to keep a man.
Stephanie teaches audiences how to reach inside and access the power that’s always been there through the power of LOVE!
She’s worn tiara’s on stage, thrown candy in the crowd and performed lip sync of “All About That Base” to keep the crowds laughing while they learn. Her down to earth tips make it easy for anyone to master the mysteries of love and bring out the peace, passion and princess-power of every woman.
In her interview on How to Get and, How to Keep a Man, Stephanie says that, Self Love, shuts down Self doubt so you can take action!
Relationship Love doesn’t have to be so hard. Life Love keeps you balanced, peaceful and calm in a crazy world.
“When your life is filled with love, then you are free to pursue your purpose” You can experience Self Love, Relationship Love and Life love!
Love is life a Boomerang, it always comes back, so give it freely. It is like seeds that blow in the wind. It does not always come back from the people we choose to love; but it always comes back. Check out my Chapter on Love in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”
Stephanie tells us that men have needs and some of those needs are to be the man, to be appreciated, to feel important.
It is not only important to know how To Get a man but also, how to keep a man, once you get him. Women need to know how to let a man know they are interested and then step back and let the man lead.
To Get and Keep a Man, women needs, self love. If you have no love for self you can’t give love. It is also the #1 thing women can do to improve their relationships.
Here are some ways on, how to keep a man
Trust him with all your heart. If you want to, keep a man, don’t treat him like just another guy who is unworthy of your trust. …
Love yourself. …
Have faith in him. …
Make him feel handsome. …
Make him feel he’s the only one. …
Don’t make him feel jealous. …
Let him know and understand you. …
Learn to love yourself first
You cannot give away what you don’t have so, self love, is important.
Cliché? Sure. But if you don’t do it, you can’t expect anyone else to.
We all have a need to love and be loved. Developing our capacity to love ourselves serves as a training ground for loving other people.
If you can’t love yourself, you don’t believe that you are worthy of others’ love. And if you don’t believe you’re worthy of others’ love, you’ll struggle to build a healthy, long-term relationship.
Are you perhaps now thinking that you’re still just dating, and it’s way too soon to be thinking about love?
This isn’t about being in love, it’s about laying the foundations for love a little further down the line.
It’s about making sure that you’re lovable and demonstrating to your guy that you’re worthy of his continuing interest.
Think back to your very first forays into the world of relationships as a teen. Maybe you were nervous and unsure of yourself. You were probably still figuring out your identity and your place in the world.
While some lucky people manage to successfully forge a long-lasting relationship in their early years, most of us just haven’t learned to love ourselves enough at that young age to be able to do it.
How to keep a man, Be Humble and Nice!
Being nice sounds like a no-brainer, right? But spend too much time trying to be nice and you risk being the opposite.
In those early days where you’re spending a lot of emotional energy getting to know someone, you can end up feeling a bit wrung out and all over the place.
You feel like you’re constantly thinking about how to react and what impression you’re giving.
You’re trying to be nice and make a good impression, but you end up putting him off because you’re overthinking everything and it shows (if you think it doesn’t, you’re wrong).
Stop doing this. By trying to be nice all the time, you’re not being yourself. No-one is constantly nice and undemanding.
Sometimes, everyone is a bit ratty after a hard day of work, or a bit upset about a family argument, or whatever. It’s OK to not be totally OK all of the time.
How to Keep a man, Make him feel Handsome
This is the perfect stage for being super-seductive. At this point, your sex life should be getting pretty hot.
You’re past any initial awkwardness, you’re getting to know each other but there’s still a hell of a lot for you to explore. This is a great time to make the most of your lust.
Remember that flirting isn’t just something you do in the first couple of dates. If you want your relationship to work out long-term, keep on flirting.
Remember that all the flirting you did in those heady early dates isn’t going to be enough to carry you through forever.
Flirting in a relationship, makes him feel handsome. Isn’t quite the same as flirting in order to try and get someone’s attention. It is letting him know that you only have eyes for him. That makes him feel good.
We are connected to, divine consciousness, and so we come pre-loaded with the power of the Universe, we need to learn how to unleash, the power within.
This week on Mindset Transformation radio and podcast with coach Myrna, I interview Dr Donavan Outten, Dr Outten is going to share “How to unleash your, inner greatness, also called, the power within, so you can tap into the person God intended you to be.
Tip of the week: Are you Desperate and Determined?
A few weeks ago, my pastor preached on the 3 D’s Desperate, Determined and Dependent!
You see the 3 D’s require a mindset shift.
In order to, unleash power within, we must become desperate, determined and dependent. We see numerous times in the bible when God promoted and elevated people who were either desperate, determined or dependent on him for victory.
We see that every miracle begins with a desperate problem.
Esther was born with the power within
The story begins with Ahasuerus, ruler of the Persian Empire, holding a lavish banquet, initially for his court and dignitaries and afterwards for all inhabitants of the capital city, Shushan.
On the seventh day, Ahasuerus orders the queen, Vashti, to come and display her beauty before the guests by wearing only her crown. She refuses. Furious, Ahasuerus has her removed from her position and makes arrangements to choose a new queen from a selection of beautiful young women from throughout the empire.
One of these is the Jewish orphan, Esther. After the death of her parents, she was fostered by her cousin, Mordecai. She finds favor in the King’s eyes, and is crowned his new queen.
Ahasuerus appoints Haman as his viceroy. Mordecai, who sits at the palace gates, falls into Haman’s disfavor, as he refuses to bow down to him. Having discovered that Mordecai is Jewish, Haman plans to kill not just Mordecai, but all the Jews in the empire.
As the story unfolds, Esther the Jewish orphan turned queen, used her place as queen to intercede with the King; her desperation made her, unleash power within, her and risk death, because it was against the law to present herself to the King unsummoned. This was punishable by death.
Her determination, desperation and dependence on God, saved the Jews of the Persian Empire, she, unleashed, the power within.
Dr. Donavan Outten is a powerful trainer, consultant, educator and administrator with over 20 years’ experience. He is the Associate Vice President of Academic Affairs at Webster University.
Dr. Outten is a published author of 2 books, one of which is our topic today. Unleash your inner greatness: A guide to overcoming obstacles and Tapping into the person God meant you to be.
Dr Outten writes books to inspire and motivate individuals to achieve greatness in their lives.
His research focuses on developing young African American Students in higher education. He has also produced seminars, lectures, classes, assessments and workshops throughout the United States and Caribbean.
Dr. Outten earned his Doctorate degree in Educational Leadership from Nova.
Southeastern University, his Masters in Human Resource Development & Administration from Barry University and Bachelors in Psychology from Bethune Cookman University.
Unleashing the power within
Question 1. I know that unleashing our, inner greatness, our, the power within, is your space. Can you tell our audience what does it mean to, Unleash our, Inner Greatness,” and a little of why you chose this topic as the subject of your book.
Question 2. So what are some of the obstacles to unleashing, the power within?
Most children today are taught not to question authority, so they go about their lives always looking for someone to direct them and never focusing on their inner strength or, power within.
Question 3. Where does the power within, come from?
We are connected to source energy. If you take a droplet of water from the ocean, it has the same properties as the entire body of the ocean. Similarly we came from God or source, so we have the same powers. We just need to, unleash, the power within.
Question 4. How does an individual muster up enough strength to have such strong determination to finish a task or overcome a devastating life situation?
• Where do they find the courage to stand up for what they believe in or battle back from a medical condition that almost took their life?
• How does one leave a secure job to start a business that they are passionate about?
• What is the secret to obtaining determination and maintaining it over a period of time?
• What kinds of people have it, and what is determination?
Determination unlocks your inner greatness
Dr Outten says, “In my heart, I truly believe that determination is having the will to move forward in spite of what obstacle, barrier, or difficulty you might be facing. It is looking adversity in the face and not backing down, but pushing forward with tenacity and unleash, the power within.
He feels that Self-determination starts on the inside. It is first a thought or a belief that you can or will succeed no matter the problem you have to face. You believe in yourself even when no one else does. That spells confidence, character, and courage.
Question 5. What are some other obstacles to unleashing our, inner greatness?
Resilience: The path toward nurturing a, resilient mindset, and lifestyle is a road
that should not be taken lightly. This path has many bumps, twists, turns, and potholes
and is never straightforward. The road often contains obstacles and detours
that interfere with reaching your destination.
Passion: Your passion does not usually appear overnight. It has been dwelling
inside you for a long time. As a child, what were you passionate about? As a
teenager, what were you passionate about? As a young adult, what were you
passionate about? Often times, you will identify a pattern in what you are
passionate about. It is up to you to identify what it is and go after it.
When turning your, passion into profit, you have to be careful and work smarter,
not harder. You will run into a lot of obstacles and need to face your fears, as
things probably won’t go as smoothly as you’d like them to go. It’s all a part of
Destiny: Destiny can be referred to as a predetermined course of events. It may
be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual.
What you perceive your future to be will come to pass if you work for it, believe
in it, and live your life towards it.
What you have today does not reflect what you will obtain tomorrow. If you have
the capability of looking into your future and seeing what lies ahead, then all you
have to do is work towards your goal.
Walking towards your destiny is no easy task because you will have obstacles and
hurdles along the way. There will be road blocks that will make you think that
you are going down the wrong path, but you will need to have patience,
endurance, and faith. Your faith will play a big part in finding and fulfilling your
destiny; you will need to seek guidance from God and, unleash power within.
Question 6. I know that you work predominately with the African American youth. What advice would you give them on being determined and staying the course?
You have to better than good, you have to be great.
You have to work twice as hard for the same opportunity as your white counterparts.