Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

mother abandonment

Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question how does rejection by a natural mother affect the child’s self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.

In her book  “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s Abandonment And Abuse.” Traci Thomas shares her story and how she got to the other side.

Here is Traci’s story:

On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it’s such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be.   It nonetheless served such a  great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following.  It’s one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively.  It’s one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand.  When you suffer from, abandonment, you’re in your own community and it’s isolating; but yet you’re so powerful at the same time.

With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment,  and it is a challenge, it’s a lot to muddle through.  However, once you get through it, and you’re on the other side, there’s nothing you can’t do.  So in my situation, it’s like a head of bipartisan.  I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time.  I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old.  That’s when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968.  I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States.  Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement.  That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.

I do remember one particular time my, mother,  did quote, unquote kidnap me.  She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she’s so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me.  She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that’s okay and that’s what I explained in the book.  It’s perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is.  It’s a supernatural definition.  I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what’s going on.  What’s happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you.  It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.

 

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What does Abandonment Issues Mean?

Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.

  • Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
  • Abandonment issues, may stem from  physical (the parent is not present in the child’s life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
  • Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance.  Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.

I want to comment on something you said that’s a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water.  Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don’t think they’re good enough.

When you feel, abandoned, it’s not your imagination.  When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It’s this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you’re a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can’t wait to get you off the phone.  When you’re in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.

Podcast interview Questions: Reflection, 4, Rejection

What was your Objective in writing “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s , Abandonment, And Abuse.?

On, reflection, once you’ve been in a situation where you’ve made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips,  anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive.  It’s toxic, and it’s unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards.  You literally feel as if you’ve been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.

You’re in tears and you’re shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you’ve got to kiss every behind in the universe.  You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me. That’s why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That’s why I engineered and composed the book.

My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn’t want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.

Power is something you take, nobody gives you power.  You snatch power.

So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing,  is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned,  in hindsight. Let’s  really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second.  If you really do this it’s not hard at all, you won’t have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins.   Kissing this one’s tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother,  love you, trying to buy this person,  begging for love, please love me, please like me.  You don’t have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It’s not necessary. I’m trying to save somebody 50 years.

Abandonment, from Relationships

Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected,  period?  I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned,  are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents.  Men can reject you, your friends can reject you,  jobs can fire you.  Is this information transferable?

I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a  child and a natural, mother.  This ironically is not, rejection,  and if you read the book you’ll totally comprehend what I’m speaking about.  The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you.  The natural, mother, doesn’t even know you.  How can somebody reject you when they don’t even know you?  That makes absolutely no sense.

I’ve seen that the trauma that it is caused in young  lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it’s kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.  If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side.  That’s good, I like that spin.

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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?

I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.

What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?

It would be in their best interest even if they don’t get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book.  It’s their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not.  I mean that’s their choice; but with that being said.

Don’t ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth.  Don’t do that. Don’t ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.

I know you talked about your natural mother not  really rejecting you because she didn’t know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?

My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating.  He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling.  So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.

I’m not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass.  I can’t really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers,  who have gone through the same episode and they didn’t react that way.

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Abuse and Abandonment

  • One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach.  At those times were you ever angry?

What’s so interesting is that I got angry at the end.  Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what’s so flabbergasting to me is  that I didn’t get angry and livid until the very end.  I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at me for participating.  I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration,  the hurt, the pain, the disappointment,  the monotony, and the redundancy.

Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you’re at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you’re free.

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How did you handle Rejection and Reflection?

When you read the book  you’ll completely understand what’s going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Your, mother, didn’t reject you, she can’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.

Yes, I understand what you’re saying.  After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side,  you feel empowered like you can walk on water.  Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.

Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children  in many ways.

Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5

5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

http://blog.myhelps.us/confidence/

Childhood trauma, #8

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.

http://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.

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Additional Resources 

Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-uninvolved-parenting-2794958

Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/abuse-and-neglect-to-children-in-a-divorce-261.shtml

Exploring Consciousness: Transform Your Life with Yoga

King Tang Yoga and consciousness

Exploring the link between consciousness and yoga and how to, transform your life with yoga.  In this post, Kim Tang, a yoga master,  shares her personal journey of discovering yoga and how it helped her forgive and, release past traumas. She explains that yoga is not just about physical postures, but also about cultivating, self-control, determination, patience, faith, and concentration.

Kim also discusses the role of chakras in our energy system and how they can provide messages about our consciousness. She emphasizes the importance of creating a field of trust and non-judgment to facilitate transformation in others. Kim’s work includes teaching, how to transform your life with yoga, intuitive spiritual counsel, leading breathwork sessions, and facilitating, alchemy meditation.

Download the podcast here

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Key Takeaways:

  • Yoga is a journey through the self to the self and a spiritual practice. You can, transform your life with yoga, transform our minds, bodies, and relationships.
  • Chakras are energy centers in the body that hold different qualities of being and can provide messages about our consciousness.
  • Creating a field of trust and non-judgment is essential for facilitating transformation in others.
  • Alchemy is the process of transmuting energy and perceiving situations from a higher perspective to facilitate healing.

Bio and introduction to Yoga

When Kim Tang first discovered yoga, a fire was lit within her that has inspired her to inspire others, empowered her to empower others in their ability to expand and transform their minds, their bodies, their relationships with themselves, and the consciousness with which they conduct not only their practice, but their lives.

As an international reputed master, yoga teacher, and head coach of international yoga schools, means yoga, sports Federation, public speaker, intuitive, spiritual counselor, and breath work facilitator. Kim teaches, how to transform your life with yoga, leads trainings and seminars, teacher trainings, and holds private sessions, spiritual consults, retreats, and worldwide e learning online courses. She is here to equip you, empower you, and to support you in your expansion.

Myrna: Now, one of the other things that you mentioned is that in your bio is that our body sends us messages through yoga. So how do we decode these messages? We must in order to, transform your life with yoga.

Kim: We are at least what I’m going to call three layers of being. So if we are vibrational beings in a vibrational plane, what presents as our density is a compilation of thought identification on the causal plane. I know it’s a lot to unpack, but let’s just say that who you are, in truth is someone who, I’m going to say a spirit who has a precognitive agreement, something you’ve chosen to learn through, and that’s overlaid with limiting beliefs and agreements made in fear.

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The body send us messages through emotions

And so we have these thoughts and beliefs, and they exist on a plane or a field called the causal field. And then you have another body or field called the astral field. And those are your, feelings and emotions. And your, feelings and emotions, are always in response to your thoughts and beliefs. And the body that houses your being and presents as your form is the reconciliation of the two. So any presentation of disease, injury, illness, diagnosis, and I am going to say even habitual tone and accidents can be interpreted as a message as to where your spiritual work lies in your life.

It’s a little bit like a Louise Hay concept of you can heal your life, except a little like leveled up a little, a little more decipherable. So something that I could speak into, I think I already kind of did make a quick mention. And that is, for example, your hips. Structurally, your hips are your center of gravity and your seat of mobility. So you have this torso and it’s suspended upon this pelvis. And the legs just animate the torso and the pelvis and hips represent spiritually your ability to move forward with major decisions in your life.

Right side with respect to masculine and left side with respect to feminine. And so there are messages that are decipherable. When you have problems with your hips, you’re looking at like, where’s the problem in my life with my ability to move forward? Knees typically determine which direction to go, and ankles are frequently representing, like, where are you hesitant? Where are you not allowing some claim you’ve made? Where do you feel tripped up, stuck and stopped?

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How to interpret messages from the body

Shoulders represent your relationship with responsibility and your ability to trust the universe to take care of your needs. So, for example, do you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, or can you delegate? Can you trust yourself to carry your own load? There are a lot of messages that are decipherable. And I’ve been working so in this way that yoga’s consciousness, when I teach, I teach what I call on every level of being. Otherwise, it’s just gymnastics. Right. There’s similarities in the postures.

So what I’m talking about is addressing this on the level of the mind, the causal field, the, feelings and emotions, the astral field, and the body, which is the reconciliation. So what happens most commonly is people have great imbalances in the body. Right sided, left sided, whatever it is. And yeah, I’ve become kind of masterful at the individual. I’m going to call it that very much of like a guru relationship with writing a specific prescription based on a specific body, with its specific presentation and all of those things.

Myrna: That’s beautiful, right? And I’ve heard that I’ve had some guests on the show tell me that. I think I was talking about a marathon runner. Oh, no. I was talking the other day about the basketball game where Tatum hurt his ankle. And who I was speaking to is saying, if it’s the right side, if the right ankle, then it means something. And I’ve heard people tell me that if I have pain in my tissues and my back, then it means something. So I understand what you’re saying about our body sends us messages through the part of the body that are hurting or the messages that we’re hurting.

So that’s great. Now, I also want to circle back to something you said when you were telling us what happened, how you were able to forgive your mom. And that is like when you did the back bend and you opened up your, heart chakra. I know you mentioned the heart, right? Your, solar plexus chakra, and you use the breathwork that allowed you to free all the unforgiveness that you had for your mom. Now, let’s talk about the chakras for a minute. First of all, what is a chakra? And I also see that you also do something that’s called a chakra diagnosis.

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What is a chakra diagnosis

Chakras are, energy centers, in the body and these, energy centers, hold different I’m going to call it qualities of being. And I’m not just going to say human being because the higher chakras represent our connection to ourselves as divine beings. So the chakras are, energy centers, that possess or characterize our qualities of being and they are decipherable and discernible in the ways that we live our lives through, again, habits, behaviors, relationships. You can really tell where someone is open and free flowing and fully expressed and where someone is maybe sometimes they call it blocked, sometimes they call it underactive or overactive, but it’s actually decipherable.

So that’s the first thing. And if I were to say how was it that the breath played the key to opening the or turned the key to opening the chakras in that moment of forgiveness, the magic ingredient was the willingness and the readiness. I was ready and willing to let go. I understood that I wanted to, that I needed to, that I was intending to, I just didn’t know how. And then I found it magically in a backbend with some deep breaths and it was able to release, frankly, because I let it.

And that actually becomes another important talking point that we might be able to get to. Oh, as a matter of fact it’s now in the third question would be another good way to bring it in. I’m going to tell you that how do I do that for other people? I don’t want to say it’s funny, but now when people say to me, what do you do? That question, what do you do? I can’t just say like, I’m a yoga teacher or all the other things I do. I facilitate alchemy meditation, alchemy of breath quantum healing, hypnosis technique, collaborative with yoga, sport, world global certification and teaching how to, transform your life with yoga.

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How Yoga transforms life through consciousness

Myrna: So tell us about your work as a master yogurt teacher. What do you help your clients with? How do you help people, transform your life with yoga. Do you have course or anything that you do?

Kim: There are many things I do. I think I want to do some myth busting real quick. And that is that if people were to look at my website and look at my postures, they would immediately go, oh no, I’m not advanced enough. And that could be farther from the truth. Kind of the master teacher can take kind of like everyone the most scared, broken, stiff, calcified maybe with prosthetics 70 year old who’s never done yoga before. I teach, yoga for beginners.

And then the 20 year old natural flexible bindi girl that wants to be a champion of the Asana Championships and have that broad range to be able to speak to everyone from the extremes. And I’m going to say and on every level of being. So first and foremost, I serve everyone, I teach, yoga for beginners. I serve in many different types of yoga. So I think the answer to your question is this a Venn diagram. Let me describe that for the listeners. Let’s say, for example, that you have two circles and they’re side by side and they’re the same size and they come together so closely that they start to overlap and form an almond shape. Overlap in between.

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The spiritual path and yoga

One side of that circle is all things yoga. One side of that circle is all things spirit. And not everyone who practices yoga knows that they’re on a spiritual path and not everyone on a spiritual path actually does yoga. But there’s this vast overlap where people are starting to understand that yoga is in fact the journey through the self to the self. That’s how we, transform our life with yoga. It is the spiritual work, the spiritual reorganization of the five modifications of the mind, as well as just, self love, self acceptance, so that you have more love for humanity, more acceptance of humanity, and so on and so on.

So what I do in the way of yoga, if it’s learning postures, I have an entire massive video platform on my website. I also do private sessions and those are for anything and everything. It’s listed on my website. I also have three day in person events at our event center in Yucca Valley, which is the Joshua Tree area, the high desert of Southern California. So we have a private event center here for this healing arts and spiritual sciences. And I frequently have three day in person events.

And finally, I am a part of a global collaboration called Yoga Sport World. It’s a teacher certification course that has satellites in Prague, Australia, Mexico City and Berkeley. And I’m a collaborator with some of the senior, most international teachers in the world. On the spirit side of that Venn diagram, I do intuitive spiritual counsel. I do, alchemy meditation, alchemy of breath, breath work, facilitation, quantum healing, hypnosis therapy. I lead an outsource spiritual study group and I do the podcast. And frankly, Myrna I consider these podcasts what I’m going to call Satsong.

And what that means is these are high level conversations with a high level agreement of a high level conversation. So I really resonate with the platforms that I accept the invitations. And so thank you for being that. Yeah. And all roads lead to the website. Kimtangyoga.com all right, that’s easy.

Conclusion

Know, one of the people that I follow is two people, I should say SadhGuru and Deepak Chopra. And they all keep saying that yoga is not all about poses and stretches like the Western people call yoga. But yoga is a mind body consciousness connection, and it’s our higher self. That’s why we, transform our life with yoga. So that’s basically what Kim was saying, that yoga leads you into consciousness and however you come into yoga, that’s the same way I think that’s what you said. That’s the same way that you lead your life. So it’s a consciousness that leads your life.

And then we talked about how the chakras are our energy system, and they send us messages regarding consciousness. This was a deep conversation. Then we end up talking about alchemy and, transmuting energy. Yeah. So each one of those little touches we could spend an entire hour talking on, right, kim because they’re all so deep. So you guys are going to need more. So that’s why you got to follow her and also go on our website so that you can get more. We just basically touched on it.

Thank you guys for tuning in to The Transforming Mind to Transform your life  radio podcast and television show. If you’re listening to this on itunes, would love for you to rate and review. If you’re watching on YouTube, I would love for you to subscribe, go over and support Kim on her work, know how to elevate your consciousness.

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-raise-consciousness-miracles/

 

A Journey to Self-Love: Connecting with Self Care

Taylor Morrison: Self care vs self love

In this podcast episode, we’re diving into the topic of self care. This is a topic that can be challenging for many of us, but it’s essential if we want to feel at home in our bodies. We’re going to discuss different ways to develop a strong connection with our body, and learn how to accept and love ourselves without perfection. This isn’t a easy journey, but it’s one that is worth taking if we want to feel happy and fulfilled in our bodies and practice, self love.  

Download the podcast here

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13390838-a-journey-to-self-love-building-a-strong-connection-with-self-care.mp3?download=true

Bio

Taylor Elise Morrison turned bad at self care and being firmly convinced of every human’s potential into a career. She is the founder of the media company Inner Workout and the author of a book by the same name. Recently, named one of Fortune’s 10 innovators, Shipping the Future of Health. Taylor is tired of aspirational wellness. Instead, she builds businesses, content, and experiences that make well-being and personal development more accessible.

You’re just as likely to see Taylor facilitating a workshop at a Fortune 100 company as you are to see her talking about TikTok and body image with a high school class. Wherever she goes, Taylor is sure to use her coaching, mindfulness, and movement training to meet people where they’re at and offer actionable steps towards creating a world without burnout. Yes, that’s awesome. When you practice self care, then you should be creating your inner world without burnout.

Myrna: So Taylor, it’s an interesting niche. Can you tell me how you got on the self care path? I am in your bio. You started off by saying that you were once bad with self care. How did you go from that to be an author of the book, The Inner Workout?

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NewULife products
NewULife products

The inner workout to self care

Taylor: Yeah, and I would still say doing, self care, practicing, self care, isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I always like to be upfront about that because I think it’s really easy to see someone who’s written a book or talks about a topic and be like, well, they’re so far ahead. It could never possibly be me. And I really came into this work because I needed it. I was in a place where I was working full time. I had a business on the side. I was volunteering with multiple nonprofits. I was planning a wedding. I was trying to have a social life. And I kept feeling overwhelmed and burned out.

And I was approaching, self care, the way that I had seen it approached in a lot of spaces in the mainstream. But I wasn’t necessarily feeling cared for in my daily life. In fact, I kept going back to this place of feeling burned out and overwhelmed. And so really through my own journey of figuring out what it looked like to actually feel cared for, that led me to this work of Inner Workout. And now I feel like it keeps me honest. I’m not perfect at it, but I have tools I can continue to use.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Definition of Self Care

Myrna: So how are we using the word, self care? What is your definition of it? And when you use that label, what are you meaning?

Taylor: Yeah, the definition that we use both in the book and in the company and our workout is that self care is listening within and responding in the most loving way possible. So it really shifts self care from an item on your to do list to a continuous conversation that you’re having with yourself.

Myrna: Okay, I get it. So what were you bad at? You said that you were pretty bad with self care and you still struggle with it. So are you bad with the conversation with yourself? Or are you bad with scheduling it? Are you bad with a list or give us an example of someone that’s listening so that they can identify with what we’re talking about.

Taylor: Yeah, well, if we bring it back to that, definition of self care, as listening within and responding in the most loving way possible, I’ve struggled with both pieces of that equation and the people that I work with tend to struggle with one or both of those pieces. So in the beginning, a lot of it was the listening within understanding what’s going on for me beneath the surface, not what people are telling me to care about, not what is the trendy topic, but listening to me being connected to my own inner voice, my own inner wisdom. So that’s one part of the equation.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Start self care by listening within

The other piece is responding with love. So it’s one thing to understand I’m feeling overwhelmed or I feel anxious in these situations or I’m doing this thing that I no longer feel aligned or connected to. It’s quite another to respond by having a conversation or by reprioritizing how you’re spending your time or by making an adjustment. So a lot of people need to start their journey with learning how to listen within. But then it gets into the, okay, loving response. How can I use the time, the resources available to me to give myself whatever it is that I need?

Myrna: Okay. All right. Okay. So I’m glad I dug a little deeper because yeah, we need to put the, you know, the proper label on what we’re talking because, you know, anybody that’s listening with when they say self care, you might think, okay, all right. So I’m going to schedule time to maybe go to the gym or for meditation or for, you know, going and get my nails and my pedicure. And instead of caring for others, you’re caring for yourself.

You’re scheduling time to care for yourself. But what your work seems to be focused on, and that’s basically why you wrote the book and then you have the company, the inner workout. You’re talking about the inner self care where if, let’s say, you know, I always like to dig deep so people can actually grab it. So let’s say that, like you just talked about, you were, you were working, let’s say, nine to five, doesn’t mean nine to five, but let’s say you’re working nine to five.

Let’s say that you got a side hustle, a business on the side. You’re volunteering at, you know, non-profit so that maybe you can help your business on the side or your career because that’s your focus. And then you’re saying you’re planning a wedding. So you are burning out and you have to care for yourself to say, hey, maybe I need to cut out some things out of this or so that’s where we’re going with this conversation.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

The 5 dimensions of of self love and well-being

Taylor: That was part of it. And I think so one of the themes that we talk about is these, five dimensions of well-being, physical, energetic, mental and emotional wisdom and bliss. So when I’m talking about, self care, and doing the inner work, some of that, yes, is having conversations with yourself, doing more, doing less things that are really internal that no one else notices. But then some of those are external things.

Like for me, every morning it’s a non-negotiable for me that I move my body, but I’m not overly prescriptive of what that looks like. So this morning I had a late night last night, I had to take a family member to the emergency room. And so this morning when I checked in and said, okay, what do I need in terms of movement? This morning it was to walk for 20 minutes on my treadmill. Tomorrow I might ask myself that same question and it might be that I do yoga or I do cardio boxing.

So what my work around, self care, is really trying to do is to get you to the point where you were stepping in to your own self expertise. You’re really understanding what you need and you’re willing and able to give it to yourself to the best of your abilities using the resources that you have. A lot of times when I see people approaching self care, it’s very, I read a study or I read an article that said meditation is good and you should meditate for 20 minutes.

So I’m going to meditate for 20 minutes and I have to do it that way instead of viewing it as, okay, I got some new information. Meditation might be something that’s good for me. Let me try it out. Let me understand what feels good, what feels difficult, what are different types of meditation that I can try. So again, it’s less about I need to do this thing. I need to schedule this thing a lot of times at a very surface level and more about being in conversation with yourself and acknowledging that you are a human who is a part of nature who is going to shift and change. So as you continue to have that conversation with yourself, the ways that you care for yourself may shift and change over time, will shift and change.

Myrna:  I love that. I love that. Yes. I love when I dig deep. It’s the coaching me. All right. Well, you just said a couple of things just now. So since it’s been introduced, let’s go there. Let’s talk about each of the 5 dimensions of, self love.

The dimensions of self care

Taylor:  So there’s five dimensions of, self love,  that are really fundamental to the work of, inner workout, as a company and fundamental to the book. That’s a lot of the structure of the book is reviewing these five dimensions and then there’s 14 sub dimensions. So I was first introduced to the concept that inspired the five dimensions of wellbeing. First there is the, physical dimension.

When I was going through my yoga teacher training and I was introduced to this yoga concept of the Koshas that eventually inspired the five dimensions of wellbeing. So when we’re talking about these dimensions, it really gives language and reminds us that there are multiple pieces and facets of us.

Another thing that I see really regularly when people are talking about self-care in the mainstream is that it tends to be pretty surface level and it tends to primarily focus on our physical body.

  • Then there’s the, energetic dimension, that looks at your ability to support yourself through and support your wellbeing through your breath. And then also looks at the way that energy moves throughout your daily life. The example I often give is we have all had the experience where we have a conversation and we’re so energized after that conversation. It like gave us energy. We’ve also had the experience, I’m guessing, I’ve definitely had this experience where I leave a conversation afterwards and I’m just feeling so drained.

Myrna: That’s happening all the time. Negative energy from the other person. Very few of us get the positive energy

Mental and emotional dimension of self care and self love

Taylor:  Then there’s the mental and emotional sub-dimension, which looks at the way that we are using our brains, the way that we’re able to process and express our emotions. And that’s supported by the foundation of sleep, because sleep doesn’t just affect our physical bodies. It also literally affects our ability to think and to process and to verbalize.

  • Then there’s the, wisdom dimension, which is about connecting to our inner wisdom in the present moment and taking aligned action on those insights. Similar to what I was saying when I was talking about the definition of self-care is listening within and responding with love. Sometimes we can hear from our inner voice, we have that gut feeling or we have that feeling in our heart. And we’re like, we have a sense of what we should do or what we shouldn’t do.
  •  And then the final dimension of wellbeing is about bliss, which is a seat of connection to the truest, the fullest expression of yourself, connection to community, and connection to something bigger than you, however you define that connection. So those are the five dimensions of wellbeing. And I touched briefly on some of the sub-dimensions. And so when we’re looking at care, this model really helps you holistically pinpoint what part of me might be needing care right now.

Myrna:  Awesome. All right. So yeah, you’re also an entrepreneur. We talked about your side hustle and you’re,  the founder of, the inner workout.  So let’s talk about self-care now when you’re an entrepreneur. Because when you’re an entrepreneur, it is hard. I started my entrepreneurial journey as a limousine operator, years ago in Canada. And, and it was like a 24 hour job. People will call you at four in the morning, they want to go to the airport and stuff like that. So a lot of entrepreneurs don’t have time for the physical self-care, much less the mental and emotional self-care. So how do you teach your, your inner workout community?

How entrepreneurs can practice self care

Taylor: And I would actually push back on that, that entrepreneurs don’t have time for, self-care, because what I find often is that when people say they don’t have time for self-care, that’s not true.  We can find those pockets of time for self care. It may be a minute in between calls, or it may be you’re in the car on the way to your next client meeting and you take some time to check in.

But what I would really encourage for entrepreneurs is to start noticing the pockets of time that you have, using them to do something, even if it’s just like, what do I need? I need three deep breaths. I need to say three things that I’m grateful for. I need to just stand up and stretch really quick because I’ve been sitting. So noticing those pockets of time, using them, and then celebrating whatever care you’re able to give to yourself.

Book Inner Workout
Book Inner Workout

Myrna: Tell us about your book Inner Work-out, why did you write it?

Taylor:  I wrote the book because not everyone can afford coaching, not everyone can afford to go through a course or a workshop. But the book is in libraries. The book is only $20. And that’s a lot more affordable way to begin this work for yourself than some of the other offerings. So it’s also a way to make my work more accessible to more people.

What I want people to get out of it is, I keep going back to the feedback that I love.  It lights me up when people are like, oh, I never thought of, self care, this way. I felt like Taylor was talking to me and I felt like I could actually do this.

So if people see themselves in this book and feel like there is at least one thing, and I promise that will be way more than one thing that they can get out of it, then I’ve done my job. You have 14 sub dimensions. Yeah, there’s a lot in there and the book really expands on this resource that is free and will remain free, called the Take Care Assessment that measures our wellbeing across the five dimensions and the 14 sub dimensions.

And then it gives you this PDF report based on your results and gives you sample practices to get started. So the book really encourages you to take the assessment to start. And then you can read it like a choose your own adventure and be like, oh, I need some work on the embodiment sub dimension of the physical dimension.

Conclusion

Tell our readers how they can get a copy of your book, your website, your social media handles so they can follow you.

Taylor: So if you head to innerworkout.co, there’s a button right there that will show you all the places you can get the book. There’s also a button right below it that links you to the self care assessment. So if you go to our website, top two resources are right there. And I’m not super active on social media. But I’m on Instagram as Taylor Elyse Morrison. But honestly, the best way to stay connected with us is through our self care Sundays newsletter and by listening to the Inner warm up podcast.

Well, listen, guys, thank you for tuning into the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. If you’re listening on iTunes, we’d love for you to rate and review. If you’re watching this on YouTube, I would love for you to subscribe.  Until next time, Namaste.

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

Unlocking Fulfillment and Success: Debunking 4 Beliefs

debunking beliefs

In this post, Brandi Mechele debunks 4 commonly-held beliefs about fulfillment and success. Brandi shares that if we can loosen up our grip on these beliefs, we can begin to experience more fulfillment and success in our lives.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13228421-unlocking-fulfillment-and-success-debunking-4-beliefs.mp3?download=true

Bio

Brandi is an intuitive and empowerment coach who spends her time guiding others and facilitating energy healing focusing on building the subconscious capacity. She has extensive experience working with high achieving female entrepreneurs, helping them align with financial success while staying through to their values and purpose.  Her clients might initially come to her to scale their business and make more money, but they leave with a deeper sense of fulfillment within their lives on a holistic level.

Myrna: Can you share your backstory, what led you to begin this work?  When did you notice a lack of fulfillment in your own life?

Brandi:  I was raised as many people are to be very goal oriented.  My parents were amazing in helping me to chart my course and set lots of goals, and I was very fortunate to be someone who excelled at many things; so, I had an impactful career in the corporate world. I escalated to being a VP covering the United States and Canada. I was a national caliber athlete in college and tried out for the Olympics and so I realized that I had checked all these boxes. I live in an amazing city, in a home of my dreams with a family. I had always had this idea that if you checked all the boxes, achieved all your goals that happiness would be kind of the outcome and unfortunately that’s just not true.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Fulfillment does not come from success

I think many people come to realize that they’ve had the success that they’ve dreamed of and not been able to align any of with this inner fulfillment and inner purpose, and so I took a step back and said you know what’s missing.  I concluded that happiness needs to be its own goal, it needs to be its own purpose in your life, and that when you focus on happiness as a goal versus an outcome, that’s really when you align with your purpose and find and find true fulfillment.

That’s when I took a pivot in my life and got to the place where I am here today with you.

Myrna:  I’ve heard this story so many times, in fact my very first coaching client when I became a coach was someone with a similar story to yours. She wasn’t looking for happiness she was looking for this inner fulfillment and she quit her job and became a coach because most people get more fulfillment when they serve.

I want to circle back to when you said that happiness shouldn’t be an outcome of a goal that happiness should your only goal.  I can’t leave that alone so how do we how does someone listening set the course to have happiness be their goal?

Brandi: I believe fundamentally that when you have high Achievers that it’s really easy to make happiness a goal because they’re used to aligning to goals and really  knocking it out of the park. So through my own work with myself which took place over many years prior to becoming a coach,  developed a four-step process that I call B.A.S.E and I think it’s foundational to everyone’s life.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What are your limiting beliefs

B – is about beliefs. What beliefs do you have? Especially the ones that are limiting in nature and how have you gotten to that place as it pertains to happiness.  The reason I use happiness versus fulfillment is because I think that  you have to be happy to be fulfilled.  If you’re not happy, if you’re fulfilled you’ll always be happy and if you’re unhappy you’ll never be fulfilled.

So happiness is oftentimes easier for people to align to than fulfillment because fulfillment feels so big like what is my purpose, what am I meant to do. But if we think of life as these moments and every single moment we’re seeking happiness and ultimately we’ll live this really full life that has a sense of purpose, has the service that you mentioned.

So the B really is about like what are those beliefs that are precluding that from happening.

Are in alignment for happiness

A –  is alignment, vibrational alignment.  What does happiness look like to you like oftentimes you ask people that question and they just don’t know, they’re like I don’t know what makes me happy.  They might think you know if I get married I’ll be happy, if I have a big house I’ll be happy, it’s usually types of goals.

What does it take for you to be aligned? So we spend some time around that and then self-awareness really because ultimately we are co-creating our reality in every single moment.  I think oftentimes we talk about manifestation as this idea of like I’ll manifest a husband, a house, weight loss.  I’ll manifest all of these things, but when you take a step back from that and realize that  your entire life is a manifestation not just the good things and then you really take back your own power.

S – Self- awareness because we create situations that pulls us out of homeostasis.  We return to that same place over and over again and so that’s really what the self-awareness allows us to do, because once we create awareness we can move out of searching to really having kind of this path to our our destiny.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Emotional regulation is key to happiness

E  – is about, emotional regulation, and that really is the biggest of them all,  any moment of unhappiness is really correlated to this origin story that we have. Emotional regulation,  is a term generally used to describe a person’s ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience. There are times in our lives when we were probably really little where we were given these ideas about who we were.  Our identity and how we showed up in the world and oftentimes we’re looping around those situations.  It can be Big T trauma it can be Little T trauma, but the goal is really to keep the memory of our experiences of our childhood.

So I believe that B.A.S.E is foundational to our lives and once we are able to harness kind of those four pillars we’re really going to Skyrocket from there and live a life that’s a good path

Myrna: I love it but as I’m listening to you I remember I’ve done lots of episodes on happiness including the happiness formula.  Everybody’s end goal in life is to be happy and you’re right  it’s a little different from fulfillment.

Fulfillment vs happiness

Brandi: I was happy, I had the husband of my dreams, I had this beautiful child, I’d won many many awards in my corporate career, I always ran sales teams and I never finished below the top 15.  So I had this body of work that was everything I ever dreamed of, I was a little girl from Detroit so I didn’t have this idea that my life could be so big and so vast.

I sat there in my happiness and I said but there’s still something missing.

Myrna: That happens to so many successful people. You said in your bio that  people come looking for money because they believe it will bring them happiness but find fulfillment instead.

Brandi:  Success doesn’t equal happiness.

Myrna:  I’m reading a book now by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now and Then in there he talks about goals. Goals in clock time and psychological goals. Clock goals is just saying by the time I’m 30 I’m going to be married.   That means that your happiness or fulfillment is tied to this goal.  A, psychological goal, is always moving.  The target is always moving so that’s that’s one way to put it, but  you hit the nail right on the head.  Happiness is fleeting.

Beliefs and self worth

Myrna: How do you teach your clients to find this happiness end goal?

Brandi: B.A.S.E  is the foundational practice around beliefs. Two of the beliefs you have to have is that you are worthy of having the life that you’re seeking, and so say to people all the time that if you show me your life, I’ll show you what you think you’re worthy of having.  So self-worth is like really pretty straightforward.

Myrna: So let’s circle back to a couple of things, you’re correct self-worth and self-love they’re two big things that we package them together here for Simplicity; but  self-worth and self-love  is what the what has been communicated to them and it’s usually in childhood or early adulthood.  Somebody looked at you and and called you ugly and you carry around this beliefs that you are ugly all your life.

Those are great practices to build your happiness capacity as well as you know building your your self-worth and your self-love so so that’s awesome all right so let’s focus a little bit now on um some of the, limiting beliefs, that, black women, have that stops them from feeling fulfilled?

Brandi:  Specifically in communities where black or brown communities you’ll find that you have three generations that are in the same Financial circumstances. Nobody breaks out and I believe one of the reasons to show us about mindset is because in order for you to break out you have to have a different mindset, you have to have a different set of beliefs.

Having the right mindset for success

You have to have the mindset of I want to be successful. It’s all about mindset and when you get the mindset right then you start challenging the beliefs.  You’re challenging beliefs that says women can never do this.

Myrna: I was born poor and I know what a, poverty mindset, is.  If you have a, poverty mindset, you really can never be wealthy because even if you have the money you’ll still be rich with  a, poverty mindset.  My whole work, my whole philosophy is about changing your mindset because once you change your mindset, you can have your dreams become a reality.  The Bible teaches do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Conclusion

Tell us about your B.A.S.E coaching program and your framework. How can  listeners get in touch with you talk about your website your social media handles.

Brandi: I appreciate that Myrna, I publish a free journal on the first and 15th every month and you can find that on my website www.brandimechele.com I am just on the precipice of launching a group coaching program and you can also go to my website and sign up there to be informed about that group coaching. If you were interested in working with me one-on-one or with the membership coaching and then if you were interested in working with me one-on-one or in the group you can also find that on my website so and all my handles are @Brandi Mechele on Instagram as well as on Facebook so I’d love to connect with your listeners and hear from them.

Please sign up for Brandi’s 4-week program & her container program here:”
Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Becoming Flawesome - the journey to self acceptance

Kristina Mand-Lakhiani, co founder of Mindvalley, shares how to become flawesome with radical self acceptance. If you’ve ever felt burdened by perfectionism, pressured to be someone you’re not, and driven to live up to other people’s expectations even if it means concealing your true self, then this podcast episode is for you.
In this episode, Kristina talks about the concepts of perfectionism, flawesome, and self-acceptance. She shares with you her journey of self-discovery and how these concepts have helped her to become flawesome!

In her book “Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life”  Kristina guides you through the beautiful process of radical self-acceptance, so you can embrace your flaws, quirks, and scars so find your way back to yourself.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13056930-becoming-flawesome-the-journey-to-self-acceptance.mp3?download=true

MindValley startup

Myrna: You are the co-founder of MindValley with Vishen Lakiani.  I love Vishen Lakiani I think that you guys do good work and I know the story because I’ve gone to several of his webinars and read  his books.   I know the story of how he came about  to start MindValley and his journey. So let’s talk about you today, why did you begin this personal development company? What motivated and inspired you?

Kristina: I mean you know whether it’s the same as Vishen’s or not but what is what is the story behind Mindvalley? That question will require a little bit of a background, so  the founder of Mindvalley is Vishen Lakiani and by the family name Lakiani you might guess we are related.  We used to be married for 16 years, so when Vishen was starting MindValley it was back in 2003.

I had moved to New York, we got married in 2003. I had moved to New York from Europe and I was looking for a job and Vishen had a job and he had a side hustle which became MindValley. I usually say that I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and by accident and that’s absolutely true. I had nothing better to do but to help Vishen with his side business because he had a full-time job and we depended on his income as a family.

We depended on it so I thought it was the right thing to do, but at that time I would also say, I thought I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and obstinately because I was still planning to make my own career somewhere else. I started in the government working in a very different field from, personal growth, so it took years before I accepted my fate.

MindValley is now a top personal growth company

Myrna: I know Vishen’s story that his business that he had. I think it was doing websites. You said it was like a, side hustle,  that’s amazing that the company for anybody that doesn’t know about MindValley it’s like a top 10 company in, personal growth, in the world.

Kristina: We have grown yes and we have changed since the beginning since 2003 so definitely it’s been quite a journey and yeah we do consider ourselves one of the biggest education companies in personal growth and transformation.

Myrna: All right so then you started in your personal journey and according to your personal growth journey I should say and according to your bio you got to work with some of the greats. I’m in the space you know so I know all these different people I love Michael Beckwick. I love his work. I love Bob Proctor and I don’t do a lot with Lisa Nichols because she basically teaches you how to be a professional speaker, but I know that you know she has done very well for herself.

So what is one of the greatest lessons you’ve learned from Michael Beckwith let’s just pick one or if you want to use one of the other ones that’s in your bio you know it’s so hard to be picking uh like one of the greatest lessons from any of the people.

Lesson of self acceptance from Michael Beckwith

Kristina: I probably learned from Michael Beckwith the lesson that I have learned would be a little bit reversed from what you would expect. I’ll give you a situation of course I’ve heard him speak and I’ve heard his teachings, but the lesson came in a different shape and form. So I started working in, personal growth, and transformation as an entrepreneur and a marketer initially so I got to know all these people as their partner in the sense because we were helping them to get their word out to to other people.

So I wasn’t ever their colleague in the sense that I wasn’t one of the authors. It happened much later at some point I re-invented myself and my life and it would be a completely different story, but some five six years ago I started going into becoming an author because I was ready. I had embraced, personal growth, and transformation and it was it was quite a few years ago.

I remember I was going on MindValley Stage and we have a very impressive stage and we had a huge audience probably one of my biggest at that time and I was following Michael Beckwith and a few other people and I remember being completely terrified because I felt, who am I to go on stage after all those people?  I do actually mention Michael Beckwith in that story because he is such an energetic and such a strong speaker that when you listen to him you’re hooked. you’re just there and I have a very different style, so I remember going on stage and having this huge impostor syndrome thinking how can I compare.

From impostor syndrome to self acceptance

I can never be as good as Michael Beckwith speaking. I can never be as good as another speaker who was there who had built a massive company. I could never be as good as another speaker there who had written a bestselling book and was super famous. I was comparing myself faster and faster to all those great people and feeling smaller and smaller and smaller until I remembered the words of a friend of mine who said we are so hooked on the idea that we have this one talent that we are forgetting that we are multi-talented.

That actually helped me to suddenly realize that it is not in this one thing where I have to be the best in the world, but in the unique combination of things that make me who I am. That’s where probably the biggest value that I have for the world. Michael Beckwith was one person who taught me, self acceptance. There are people who are so much better, so much more accomplished than me in every single area, if I take them separately, but what gives me value is the combination of my works, of my unique features of the things that maybe I am ashamed of. That combination is what gives me my unique value and what gives me the right to be on stage with all those wonderful people.

Lisa Nichols helped me become Flawesome

Myrna: Lisa Nichols is a powerful speaker. I saw her quite recently, she’s awesome, but what I just love what you just said is that we all have this inferiority complex because you know we think that someone is is better than us but I love what he says that our combination is what makes us unique.

Kristina: We often think that our lessons come in very clear messages and of course Michael doesn’t teach that. He teaches, self acceptance, that is what I learned from that interaction and that’s interesting. You know Lisa Nichols for example, she’s wonderful in so many ways and she actually has taught me public speaking one-on-one including, self acceptance, of my accent and flaws.

She’s such a wonderful human being but the one thing I learned from her is one this is one saying that she occasionally says in some of her speeches.

The world has no need for your perfection

Conscious uncoupling after divorce

Myrna: So let’s talk about you, back to you now and some of the things that you bring to the table. One of the things you talk about is, hacking happiness, after, conscious uncoupling.  You were married to Vishen for 16 years that’s a long time, in fact that’s how long I’ve been married to my current husband 16 years. you’re talking about, conscious uncoupling, hacking happiness.

Kristina: Well, conscious uncoupling, is actually a term coined by another of Mindvalley authors  Catherine Woodward Thomas

For me and Vishen it was just a journey we chose to take when we decided to separate. Vishen had known Catherine by then and he had known about this concept so we did follow her teachings to a degree, but I think any kind of relationship is a product of these two people. So you can learn from other person how to be a good parent, how to have a happy marriage.

I think that every couple that uncouples consciously and couples according to Catherine Woodward Thomas has their own story and the other examples that I’ve seen. I don’t normally talk about relationships because it’s not my forte. I do talk about, hacking happiness, although not connected to uncoupling per se.

Hacking happiness: conscious uncoupling

I talk about, hacking happiness, as a choice, as a trainable skill as maybe a habit which is very contrary to a lot of ideas. I like to talk about happiness especially to very skeptical people because they always make you see things in a new light in a way.   I do talk about happiness, but not in relation to uncoupling because I think in that aspect I’m still in the process. I mean we uncoupled four years ago and you might say that it’s long enough time, but we are in each other’s life’s a lot we grow children together.

We still have business together, we are friends, we do a lot of things together, so I think as long as we have each other in each other’s life it will be a constantly evolving relationship.

Myrna: Well at least you parted amicably.  What I know about relationships is it’s very hard to, consciously uncouple, because it’s either you did something that hurt me and I don’t want anything to do with you.   It’s very hard to say we are better separate than we are together and we’re gonna, consciously uncouple, and put our kids first.  That term , consciously uncoupling, has become popular because you know the word that I heard before was, co-parenting.

Kristina:  I would strongly recommend studying Catherine Thomas because she has the experience, she’s a psychotherapist who has been working with couples focusing on relationships.   We do need to re-imagine the end of relationships.  We have such a rigid approach to that relationship is only a success if it lasts, but that’s not the case.  We have all witnessed relationships that maybe lasts a really long time but it’s dead inside.

Catherine suggests and I really love this idea is why don’t we judge the successful relationship not by the length of a relationship but by the extent that both people have maybe evolved or created things together.

Hacking Happiness: The Art of becoming Flawesome

Myrna: you also talk about how can we live by our own rules and walk in our fruit and um you know that’s basically our topic today, hacking happiness, and the Art of becoming flawsome. Tell us what that word means because I’m putting my own interpretation to it.

Kristina: I’m very reluctant to give definition of the word flawesome even in my book. My editor insisted that I have to add it.   My book well it’s called Becoming flawesome.  It is  a book about,  self acceptance, and finding your way back to you.  Our flaws is just this necessary condition because when you find your way back to you, you will discover that probably you’re not that picture of perfection that you have been drawing in your head and aspiring for.

Become flawesome by accepting your flaws and practicing, self acceptance.  Becoming  flawesome is a personal experience and you are absolutely right it’s about embracing your flaws and being okay with them. It’s embracing your flaws, it’s learning to not just accept, but love yourself with your flaws, and maybe not even with the flaws, but because of them.  Because every single facet of you makes you unique.

Even those things that you maybe are feeling ashamed about or don’t want to show to the world they are a part of you that makes you uniquely you and if you have the courage to go further and deeper, it is about about finding strengths in the things that you might have considered your flaws choosing them to become your blessing rather than your curse.

Conclusion: Your self acceptance journey

Yes as you were talking you know a lot of women including me.

Myrna: Let’s talk about your book, how did you come up with that title and what is it that you want the um readers to walk away?

Kristina:  I hope that this book is going to be a companion on the journey back to you for every single reader. However many readers I’m going to get, that’s how many destinations this book will have. I don’t teach people, I don’t believe in teaching, I believe transformation happens when people are ready and who am I to teach anyone, but I am a companion, I have been through this journey. I ask a lot of questions. I hold the hand, so I do believe and hope that this book is everybody’s individual unique journey back to,  self acceptance.

Myrna; How can our audience get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media.  Let us know your website and your Instagram or your social media handles.

Kristina: My name is a little complicated, but the rest is easy so my name is Kristina Mand-Lakiani my website is www.kristinamand.com and then the book is slash book so it’s super easy.  My handle for all all the social media Instagram Facebook is the same https://www.instagram.com/kristinamand/

Additional Resources

How To Be Happy: The Happiness Recipe

Self Love: Why Loving Yourself is NOT Crucial for Loving Others

coach Myrna self love

Most of us believe that self love is crucial for loving others. But is this really true? In this podcast, coach Myrna challenges that belief and ask instead, what is the relationship between self love and love for others? I believe the answer is much more complicated than we think.

If you’re questioning whether or not self love is important for love for others, then this video is for you! I’ll explore the concept of self love from different perspectives and discuss why it may not be as vital as we think it is. I believe that self love is important for our own happiness, but it’s not the be-all and end-all of our relationship to others. Download and listen see what you think!

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12996277-self-love-why-loving-yourself-is-not-crucial-for-loving-others.mp3?download=true

What is self love

In this segment of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna I want to answer the question of, self love, what is it? Specifically, can you love another if you don’t first love yourself.

I have been saying for years that you can’t love another if you can’t first, love yourself, because you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you can’t even, love yourself, then you don’t know what love is, so you can love someone else. That is until I heard Eckhart Tolle say that when we talk about, self love, we are saying that there are two beings self and someone else. That if we are separating self from being then we got it wrong.

Let me back up and give you the definition of Self-love. Self love, is  defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”, it has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism.

I grew up thinking when someone called me selfish it was the worst thing, until I understood the concept of, self love, and putting yourself first.

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Podhero podcast

How to practice self love

  • You put yourself first.
  • You are authentically yourself.
  • You are honest with yourself.
  • You express yourself freely.
  • You say positive things to yourself.
  • Forgiving yourself when you mess up.
  • Meeting your own needs.
  • Being assertive.
  • Not letting others take advantage of or abuse you.
  • Prioritizing your health and wellbeing.

But Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you talk about loving yourself it means you are splitting you and self, and that means that you have missed the concept of being. If you be yourself then you don’t have to love yourself.

You are not separate from self, so no need to love yourself, no need to be proud of yourself, no need to pat yourself on the back.

When you understand that the ripple or waves is part of the ocean and you are the ripple that is part of the ocean of the universe, you do not separate self from the whole.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

You don’t have to love yourself first: to love another

So, the answer to the question Can you love another if you don’t, love yourself, is NO; it is not necessary to, love yourself, before you can love another.

If you are not comfortable with being with yourself when you are alone, you will seek another to complete you, but what will happen is that the need that made you seek another human to complete you, will show up in another form in the relationship, because another person cannot fill the void inside of you, only you can fill that void by accepting the present moment in whatever form it presents itself and just be yourself.

When you are in a relationship and you still feel alone, you blame your partner for not giving you what you need. You become needy, but even if your partner tells you he or she loves you every hour of the day, you still feel unloved, because you don’t love yourself and don’t know how to be yourself.

Ever heard a man say I can’t please this woman?

Will Smith is a classic example of this phenomenon. He said in his autobiography, he spent weeks planning a surprise 40th birthday party for Jada. He was very proud of his work and he expected her to be so grateful and see his love; yet all she saw was that he wanted to make himself look good by receiving praise for planning such an extravagant  party and missed the love that was behind the effort.

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Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

If you don’t love yourself you cannot receive love

He was hurt by her lack of appreciation and walked out of the marriage saying I can’t ever please this woman. He also told her if it is possible for you to be happy, show me.  This was because Jada had a hole in her heart that Will Smith could not fill. She had to fill it herself. She had to find her wholeness by connecting to source, God.

So, no need to love yourself, feel sorry for yourself, judge yourself, hate yourself, all you need is to be yourself.

When you are able to be yourself, you can watch your emotions, you can watch your thoughts, so you are no longer controlled by them.

You watch them until they pass through you or float away like colored balloons. That is how you practice, self love, and that is by loving the whole you by being yourself.

Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

My Bipolar Life

If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder,  it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time.  In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.

Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought  he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.

Today GABE HOWARD is an award-winning speaker, author, and podcast host who lives with bipolar disorder. He hosts the weekly Psych Central Podcast and is the co-host of the Not Crazy podcast. He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations and has appeared on numerous websites, podcasts, and in many traditional media outlets

Introduction to My Bipolar Life

I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn’t know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn’t know anything was wrong.

Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.

I just thought it was normal to want to die.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.

The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married.  You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic;  being in the middle is where you want to be.

I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don’t have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.

They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn’t know, if my family didn’t know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That’s why I became a, mental health advocate.

I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn’t be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.

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Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

webpage https://hypnosis.simpsonprotocol.com/hypnosis-on-the-radio

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What is Mental Illness?

Mental Illness is an Asshole!

In his book Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations

Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.

All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.

For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.

In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.

I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.

I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.

Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that’s when you meet the girl, that’s when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.

Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.

In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.

If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it’s simple.

It’s much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?

 

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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?

Biological traits

Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.

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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar

Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years.  He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.

That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.

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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.

The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,

It’s almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don’t just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

http://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

http://blog.myhelps.us/9-steps-to-effective-advocacy/

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324602.php

 

 

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?

So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!

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iHeart Radio

Secret to a long Marriage not, sex 

But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.

“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”

So, what’s their secret?

“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.

“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.

Let me introduce my guest this week:

James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.

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Show notes Secret to Love 

1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?

I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.

As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald’s and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.

Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?

4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?

If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.

5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.

6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!

For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife’s, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.

Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon


If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.

You can also follow me on my Facebook page

If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

 

How to Find your Passion in Life

Finding your passion in life

Have you found your, passion? Passion, is that burning desire that God placed in your belly at birth.  It is also called your burning bush.

In this episode I reference the Final chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”

I call this chapter “God’s consuming fire your , passion.

In this chapter of my book  “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.

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Out of the Snares

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”

— Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch

What is Passion

Passion it is that thing that you were created to do. The thing that makes you feel good when you are doing it, like you transcended your body and entered the heavens. The thing that you would do all day for free.

What was Kobe Bryant burning bush? His Passion

Kobe Bryant was born with a purpose, he got the genes and the physical attributes to be a basketball player but;  he had to engage his, passion. 

Purpose  is what you were placed on the earth to do, it is  your contribution to mankind. The first way to uncover your, passion, is to find out what holds your interest and what you love doing.  God gave you your gift of purpose, and you’re not always passionate about your purpose; but if you can marry it to your, passion, it’s like pouring gasoline on the fire. You have to feed your, passion. That’s what  Kobe Bryant did and that is why he is a Legend. No one out worked him, he wanted to be the best and win championships. 

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One of the self-evaluation questions I ask my new coaching clients is “If you were the Power-ball winner of $500,000,000. What would you do with your time?” You see, when you take away the need to earn money, then your head becomes clear as to what your passion really is.

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.

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For Walt Disney it was drawing and Art. Walt started drawing as an ambulance driver in the army. Then he became a commercial artist.  After being let go from his company, he decided to start his own graphics company. His company failed from bad management. Walt had a string of failures that included bankruptcy before he found success.  He married Art with imagination and created the happiest place on earth. His passion for drawing birth an empire that has gross revenues today in the billions of dollars.

Walt Disney World is now visited by over 5 million families every year, Annual cash flow from Disney’s consortium of products and films are in excess of 21 billion dollars.  It includes 535 Disney stores, a cable television station, amusement parks in Orlando, California, Paris and more. All because he would not let the fire in his belly die.

So what would you do for free?

How did Sylvester Stallone Find his, Passion?

Sylvester Stallone was born disabled. He suffered injury at birth that left one side of his mouth deformed and caused him to speak funny. Sylvester’s passion was born from being hungry. Like Les Brown would say “You got to be Hungry” Sylvester was broke and hungry. He was walking the street one day, cold and hungry and he decided to go into a library to stay warm. Laying on the table was a book about a fighter who overcame odds to win.

That inspired Sylvester Stallone to go write the Rocky story. He wrote that story in one sitting. He did not stop for 20 hours. That inspiration was the gasoline that lit the fire that God put inside him. Again he married passion with imagination and wrote a story that resonated with each and every one of us. The story of Rocky. It made him a millionaire many times over.

“When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.”

— John Wesley

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Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewelry and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to a stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold his dog for $25. He says he walked away crying.

Two weeks later, he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie, ROCKY. He wrote the script in 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR, Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.

They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. A few weeks later, the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie, but NOT him. He said NO. He was not selling out, if they did not cast him, they couldn’t buy his script. It worked.  They wanted the script so badly, that they cast his as Rocky and history was made.

What is exactly the, Meaning of, Passion 

Passion,  is that which deeply stirs us or a developmental perspective, so it’s like the essence of our commitment.  Passion is the thing that drives us. You might hear older individuals say they “lost their will to live,” that means they lost their passion, their fuel.   Just like a child requires love to grow, we require passion to continue to grow inside. 

When we selectively share our, passion,  we engage the universe to manifest our, passion. 

It’s like putting gasoline on your fire when you engaged your, passion.

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How did J.K Rowling Find Her, Passion?

J.K Rowling was a single parent, a divorcee and out of work. On a train ride from Manchester to London she got the inspiration to create the Harry Potter story. But she was already a published author. Writing her first book at 6 years old and another at 11 years old. She became an English teacher because her passion was writing. Ms Rowling says

Failure stirs the fire in your belly to do something about your passion.

In 2015  J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement speech was published under the title ‘Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination’

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My, passion, is learning, building and imparting. As a Life coach, author and motivational speaker, I am constantly learning, building and imparting into the lives of others.   I could do it all day and I do it for free.

Find your, passion!

“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.” Richard Branson

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How to find your Passion in life

What I encourage people to do is to focus on the positive at all times.  If they remove the negative, those emotional vampires, they will let the light in. Once you move away or walk away or even run away from negativity, you can begin to find your,  passion in life. Be passionate about whatever you desire, it doesn’t matter what it is, be passionate about it by surrounding yourself with those people who are similar in Life or those people who have already done it. 

I remember people talking about Diana Ross, one of my favorite people. They were so upset with her for continually surrounding herself around for White people, and she told them she surrounds herself with anyone regardless of color who is going in the same direction as she or where she wants to go. 

The common complaint among a lot of people is that they need to, ‘find their passion.’

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This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

Additional Resources How to Find Your Passion

http://blog.myhelps.us/8-find-your-passion-it-is-your-burning-bush/

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-win-at-the-game-of-life/

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-passion-and-desire

https://www.forbes.com/sites/timothyjmcclimon/2018/11/12/purpose-vs-passion-in-leadership-which-do-you-need-most/

5 Differences Between Finding Your Passion and Finding Your Purpose

How to Heal After being Abandoned

life lessons from an abandoned girl

Being, abandoned, by  a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment.  It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient.  In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.

Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.

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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:

  • Devalued and rejected by others
  • Abandoned, by our parents
  • Feelings of, not good enough,  because we have lack.

When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same.  There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.

Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.

Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry.  With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.

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Abandoned, by Love

Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again.  This pattern is repeated often.

Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.

It takes work to heal your cracks.  The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.

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Identifying your, Abandonment, Feelings

Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:

  1. Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind.  You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
  2. Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
  3. In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
  4. Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.

In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.

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Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

webpage:  https://hypnosis.simpsonprotocol.com/hypnosis-on-the-radio

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How the, Abandonment,  wound plays out in relationships:

  • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
  • Overreacting to conflict
  • Becoming a pleaser
  • Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
  • Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
  • Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
  • Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
  • Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
  • In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.

An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.

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Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

Additional Resources Abandonment

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

http://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201706/4-ways-childhood-trauma-impacts-adults