The, happiness recipe, is super simple. Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.
Simple, though obviously doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into the execution of that very short phrase. Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach has identified what she thinks are the three areas that stop us from executing on this, happiness recipe.
Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach. Her mission is to spread joy. She believes most people can live happier, easier lives if they get clear on what matters most to them and then develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. She wants to enable people to find clarity and happiness, so everyone wins.
Now she’s using her experience coupled with her own journey to help people supercharge their success and happiness by: finding clarity; taking the next steps in their career; overcoming overwhelm; going from idea to action; and, stepping into their authentic leadership presence.
Myrna: Your story of coming from corporate lawyer to, happiness coach, reminds me of the first book I read in my quest for enlightenment and, personal growth. And that is the book called from Robin Sharma that’s called “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.”
So, for those who didn’t know Robin Sharma, the character in the book is a corporate lawyer who had a heart attack. And then he went to live with amongst the monks in the Himalayan mountains and he changed his life. So, how did it happen for you?
Becky: Well, I mean, it was not quite that glamorous or fun for me, but it is a story of evolution and, transformation. And it starts with me doing what a lot of us do, which is doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do.
Going to the good school,
getting the good grades,
getting the job,
going back to graduate school to become an attorney,
then getting the job at the big law firm with the big paycheck to be on the partnership track.
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Then one night 16 years later, I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, with a toddler in the tub, and the cordless phone clip to the back of my pants, and the toilet seat cover down with a notebook on it and papers spread all around me. And I was doing two things at the same time. I was bathing my toddler daughter and trying to prepare an expert witness for their upcoming deposition.
I had two thoughts in super quick succession. The first thought was, who says you can’t do it all? Look at me. I’m a mom, I’m a lawyer. I’m here. I’m killing it. This is amazing. That was quickly followed by and I’m exhausted. Is this unsustainable? And perhaps more importantly, and more scarily, I’m not sure this is making me happy.
And that kicked off my own quest for, transformation, and, personal growth. I had to figure out, well, okay, what does it mean, if I’ve done all of the things that I was supposed to do? And I checked all the boxes? And I’m not happy?
What the heck does, happiness, come from then? If it’s not from success? If it’s not from the results?
You talked about, happiness, is working towards a purpose or a goal.
What am I working towards here?
Why am I here In this season of my life?
What is my top priority?
What is the most important thing?
I panicked. And I started to think about what can I do? And the reality is, I can do a lot of things. I’m a lawyer, with a ton of management experience, a whole bunch of process experience. I’ve been a CEO, I mean, the list of jobs that I could apply for is pretty long. And thankfully, I had some voices in my life who said, timeout?
This is an opportunity, what do you want to do? Not what can you do, but what do you want to do? And that’s how I landed in this business of helping other people chart their success and, happiness.
The Definition of happiness
Myrna: That’s a good story. I love your evolution. One of the things I will add is when you’re in a tub bathing your child and doing work, you’re not giving her the attention she deserves.
Becky: So true, I wasn’t fully focused on one or the other. I had split focus and split focus is not efficient, effective or meaningful.
Myrna: So right. Yes, that’s what mothers do. You know, they have one of the hips and they’re doing it all. So, that moment was the start of your, your evolution, your, transformation. You asked yourself the question Is this making me happy? I’m working towards a goal. I’m working towards partnership, you’re immediately disrupting my, definition of happiness.
My, definition of happiness, is working steadily towards a goal or purpose
I guess the other part of that is, fulfillment. And somehow your work wasn’t hitting the, fulfillment, button inside.
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How do we identify the essential sources of happiness?
Becky: How do we find our essential, sources of happiness? I have a little exercise that I like to do with people that might seem silly or small, but it’s not. And it’s about developing a menu of things that you can do, that are easy and accessible, that you know, are going to create a positive emotional experience for you.
We can use Oprah’s, sources of happiness, sitting in the bathtub. We need to do to get down to the essential, sources of our joy, or have those positive emotional experiences is to ask a few more questions. Get down to the simple things that you can do to add, happiness, into your daily life.
When I’m sitting with a client is ask them to brainstorm a list of five to seven things that are their, sources of happiness. I ask them not to judge because on my list, one of my, sources of happiness, is clean sheets!
Then taking one on that list and asking yourself, what about that makes me happy? So, take the Oprah example. What about being in the bathtub that brings you, happiness?
Is it the solitude?
Is it the warmth of my water?
Is it the time with my thoughts?
There’s something more than just the bathtub that brings you, happiness.
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Invite your nervous system to become a partner in your happiness?
Becky: Happiness, makes you feel good or, or when you’re doing the things that make you happy in that moment, right? You feel good, and it helps with your health, and it helps with resilience and all that. But your nervous system is a little different.
A lot of times more, happiness, for us lives on the other side of some sort of change. Whether it’s change in behavior, change in circumstance, change in mindset. And at the most basic level, one of the important jobs that our nervous system plays is to keep us safe, literally, to keep us alive. That’s where the, fight or flight, response, comes from.
Often when we’re trying to make a change, it can feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, because it is our, nervous system, is saying, no, no, no, please don’t. I know how to keep you safe; this new activity is not safe. I have no data on it. So, often we mistake that discomfort as a sign that we shouldn’t do it.
Myrna: That’s true that our brain’s function is to warn us about impending danger and to keep us safe. Which is why One of the first things I learned myself on my journey of self-improvement is you got to get out your, comfort zone, because whenever you sit In your comfort zone you’re not moving, and you’re not growing.
Becky: Sometimes I worry that when I say the, happiness recipe, people are going to be like, That’s it? But here’s the deal. And you’ve sort of set it in your definition. But the recipe for maximum, happiness, is super simple.
Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.
Simple, though, obviously, doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into it’s execution. I’ve identified what I think are the three areas of the, happiness recipe. Three areas where there can be gaps that stop us from executing on the, happiness recipe.
And the first is what I call the, authenticity gap. Do we know what matters most to us? And are we willing to claim it publicly? Because to live it, you must be willing to speak it. You must be willing to share it. Be willing to have other people see it.
Then there’s the middle gap of the, happiness recipe. I call that the, emotional energy gap, or the, mindset gap, that’s all the beliefs and feelings that get in the way of us executing on that knowledge of what makes us happy.
We know what matters most to us, we know the goal or purpose that we want to be working towards; but do we have the, mindset, and belief that will allow us to make that happen?
3. The third gap in the, happiness recipe, is the, physical energy gap, which is really the execution piece. Do you align your time energy and resources with what matters most to you? I call it priority aligned living.
You told us about your book the , happiness recipe, we all know we can pick up a copy on Amazon, but give us your website and maybe a couple of your social media handles or so that people can connect with you.
Becky: My website which is www.untanglehappiness.com. And on there you can find all the social media links to connect with me on social media. You can also find a link to my book The Happiness recipe and you can learn about the work that I do.
Myrna: It’s been an incredible conversation. We talked about, happiness, the big takeaway from this conversation is our, sources of happiness. If you were to ask someone Are they happy? They’re probably going to be talking about, is my life good? Is my husband good to me? Am I making enough money? Am I living my dream life?
They’re going to think of the big things that cause, happiness.
I found that, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose. Happiness, comes from taking those steps towards it. That is what makes you happy, when you’re moving towards something. When you feel stuck, or you think you’re going backwards, is when you’re unhappy. So, it’s the same thing, finding moments to bring you joy, understand your, sources of happiness, can be as simple as clean sheets, or taking a bath, everybody can do that. Everybody can find, happiness, sitting inside a tub, you don’t have to have waterfalls!
You can find, happiness, by taking a walk. Happiness, for me is walking in a park, you can find a park with trees everywhere. Find your, source of happiness, if could be a good book, it could be clean sheets, it could be taking a bath, whatever is your, source of happiness, start there and then you pick a goal or a purpose and you take little baby steps towards it.
Once you are moving in the right direction, you are going to be happy. So, thank you, Becky, for that simple, happiness recipe. It is a very simple recipe. Head over to Becky’s website, connect with her on social media and pick up a copy of her book.
Most of us on finding ourselves in the, lions den, would only be concerned with the lions (the problem) we would not be thinking of any other, problem, but the lions that are about to eat us. Daniel, turned his back upon his, problem, and instead looked towards the, light, that was God.
In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I share wisdom for the New Year. How to deal with any problem that is trying to take your spiritual life, knock you down or eat you up. When, Daniel, was thrown into the, lions Den, he turned his back on the problem!
Darius became the ruler over Babylon. He loved, Daniel, and wanted to make him leader over all the kingdom. Some of the king’s wise men were jealous.
The wise men knew, Daniel, prayed to God, so they tricked the king into making a new law. Anyone who prayed to God would be thrown into a, lions den.
Daniel, chose to pray to God anyway. The king’s wise men saw, Daniel, praying and told the king that, Daniel, was breaking the law. The king realized his wise men had tricked him. He tried to find a way to save, Daniel, but the king had to follow his own law.
Daniel, was thrown into the, lions den. The king stayed awake all night, fasting so that, Daniel, would be protected.
Early the next morning, the king rushed to the, lions’ den. He called to, Daniel, to see if he was still alive. Daniel, called back! He told the king that God sent an angel to shut the lions’ mouths. The lions did not hurt him.
The king was happy that, Daniel, was safe. He punished those wise men who tricked him, and he ended the law. He taught his kingdom about God’s power and goodness.
The story of, Daniel, is the story of every man. It is recorded that, Daniel, while locked in the, lions den, turned his back upon the hungry beasts; and turned towards the, light, coming from above while praying to God.
Daniels’s story was written to instruct you in the art of freeing yourself from your, problem, or whatever is holding you captive.
Most of us on finding ourselves in the, lions den, would only be concerned with the lions (the problem) we would not be thinking of any other, problem, but the lions that are about to eat us. Daniel, turned his back upon his, problem, and instead looked towards the, light, that was God.
The message in this, scripture, is when we are threatened with any dire disasters such as poverty, sickness, divorce, we could remove our attention from these lions and look towards the, light, of God which is our solution.
For example, if you were imprisoned, no man would need to tell you that what you should desire is freedom. Freedom or the desire to be free would be automatic.
The same would be true if you found yourself sick or in debt or in any other predicament. Lions den, represent any situation that could swallow you up.
The solution is to, turn your back on the problem, and focus your attention on the promises of God.
This is where your, faith, moves from something you read about to something you do.
What is the lion in your life right now that is trying to eat you up? We are in a pandemic a lot of us are dealing with debt and sickness.
I know that when you are in the, lions den, it is natural to focus on the lion that is trying to kill you, but you must find the strength to turn away. Look towards the, light, and speak the, scriptures, you should be standing on.
Scriptures like “I will live and not die”
“Everything works out for my good”
“I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you”
The game of life, you have all heard of the expression “When life gives you lemons, make, lemonade.” It is a proverbial phrase that is used to encourage people to stay, optimistic, and to keep fighting in the face of, adversity, or misfortune. Lemon suggests sourness and difficulty in life; making, lemonade, with lemons that is being handed out to you turns the whole sour episode into something sweet, positive, and desirable. In, the game of life, you have to play with the cards you are dealt.
When the British colonized India they built a golf course in Calcutta, and they had a problem with the, monkeys. The, monkeys, would pick up the balls the golfers hit and put it somewhere else.
They tried to solve the problem by building a fence around the course, but of course, monkeys, climb; so that didn’t work.
Then they tried to lure the, monkeys, away with bananas; but only some were lured away, and others weren’t.
Plus, all the, monkeys, for miles around would show up to feed on their favorite food, so that didn’t work either.
Finally, they accepted defeat and changed the rules of the game. The new rules had the golfers play the ball from wherever the, monkeys, dropped it.
This is a great story to illustrate, the game of life. We always have to play the ball where life drops it. We would all love to be able to place the ball where we think it should be, but we can’t.
This is a strange story to depict the mantra “if life gives you lemons make lemonade.” We don’t always get sugar and spice and everything that is nice, most of the time things don’t work out the way we planned and that is, the game of life.
turn a negative experience into something positive
make something sweet out of something bitter
embrace life in whatever form it comes
look on the bright side of life, every cloud has a silver lining!
My favorite show is Private Practice and Addison made a statement on the show that with this saying:
“We make plans but God make other plans, he has the last word”
Your desire to have a baby could be so strong that you pray every day, you dream of your baby every day; you think of your life with your baby every day; but it’s been 5 years and you are not pregnant. The doctors say you are infertile. Time to play the ball where the monkey dropped it and either adopt a child, foster a child, look for a surrogate mother or start fertility treatments.
Another example is to practice, the law of detachment. This law states that you should only be attached to your end goal not the journey. If your goal is to retire and travel the world that is your destination. The journey could take you around that golf course several times back and forth, sometimes you would be stuck in the sand box, sometimes you will hit the ball in the lake, but if you keep playing you will eventually get to the 18th hole.
Forrest Gump said it best, life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get so, if life gives you lemons make lemonade.
Although I was devastated when I was fired from my job, I used the time to go back to college and get my degree. I now have a better job! This is an example of, the game of life, making, lemonade, out of lemons.
My grandfather lost his job due to the coronavirus, but he decided to keep busy and start his own business. He says, “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
Another anecdote for, the game of life, when one door shuts, another one opens; so become optimistic.
Making, lemonade, out of the lemons in life, my hope is that you look at this moment in time as a learning lesson in, the game of life, and try to find the sweetness of the moment.
Juice and strain the lemons. There a couple of tricks for getting the most juice out of your lemons (rolling them, slicing them lengthwise, roasting them), but my new favorite “juicing hack” is to actually crush the whole lemons using my stand mixer. Seriously! Here’s how you do it: Quarter the lemons and put them in the bowl of your stand mixer with the paddle attachment. Use low speed to squeeze the lemons, then strain the juice directly into a measuring cup.
Use the lemon juice to dissolve the sugar. Many modern, lemonade, recipes call for making a simple syrup — sugar and water boiled together — for sweetening summer, lemonade, but if you stir the sugar directly into the lemon juice you can skip the simple syrup and get to, lemonade, faster — no heat required.
Add cold water to taste. Since the lemon juice dissolves the sugar, we can go straight from lemon juice to cold water and ice and serve the, lemonade, straight away.
We are all in the, pursuit of happiness. Ask anyone what they want most out of life and they will tell you I want to be happy. But we have to choose to be happy. Our, happiness, cannot depend on external circumstances whether they be good or bad because everything is temporary.
If You lose your home or your job, that event takes your, happiness, or, wellbeing, with them. You go into depression because the winds of the storm are making the waves of your seas rough; but do you know the ocean is 2 miles deep? There could be hurricane force winds on the top of the ocean, but there is no movement on the ocean floor. It remains calm and unaffected.
That is how we can, choose to be happy, regardless of the hurricane force winds, that is creating chaos in our lives, we can choose to be in the, pursuit of happiness.
You have to, transform your mind, from, jealousy, anger, and depression because we feel badly after we express those feelings.
On the flip side:
We feel good when we give to the poor.
We feel good when we help others who are less fortunate.
We feel good when we, choose to be happy, regardless of how we feel.
Synchronicity, is the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related, but have no discernible causal connection.
Spirituals guru’s like Deepak Chopra says, synchronicity, operates in the spirit realm. Our, vibration, and energy attract people and things to us to help us to carry out our purpose and sometimes to guide us in another direction.
Everything in our physical world is made up of, vibration of energy, including the walls in your house, your bed and our thoughts.
Our thoughts are the most powerful, vibration of energy.
Any thought that is repeated over and over in your conscious mind will make an, imprint, into the, subconscious mind.
Once this, imprint, takes place, it becomes a, vibrating force, and attracts to you the people, places and things, circumstances, events, etc. that matches the images you have within. You have the real power to influence and direct the things that happen to you with your thoughts.
Back in 2004 my ex-husband and I were going through a rocky marriage. I was constantly thinking of ending the marriage, but I kept it going because he was sponsoring me to become a permanent resident in the United States. During the application process, I left the country to go to Toronto for my brother’s wedding and when I tried to return to the USA, I was denied entry because I did not apply for a travel pass.
I spent a very painful week in Canada and my husband did not care if I ever came back. So, my thoughts were constantly on “I can’t go through with this. I can’t stay married to this man.”
I was able to get back into the United States (if you want to hear the story pick up a copy of my book)
My very first day back to work I met my current husband. I took the train to and from work and he was the officer working the train to verify ticket purchase. I walked on the train and he was standing at the door doing a ticket check. Our eyes met and sparks flew. Two weeks later my husband and I had a fight on Father’s Day, and we called it quits. Nothing about this chain of events was a, coincidence, this was, synchronicity. My permanent residence application was denied with my ex-husband and my current husband sponsored me and my children.
“The most strongly endorsed explanations for coincidences are God and fate” God promises that everything will work out for your good.
Synchronicity vs Coincidence
Coincidence vs synchronicity, are related, but distinct terms. The term coincidence, describes a seemingly related series of events that occur without apparent cause. The term, synchronicity, requires that the individual ascribe deeper meaning to the, coincidence; like the story of how I met my husband.
Pay attention to where coincidence is leading you.
Synchronicity, is energy when you change your, vibration of energy, you start attracting more of what you are feeling. This is the, Law of Attraction.
One practice to clean up your, vibration, and start attracting, synchronicity, into your life is with, imprinting.
Imprinting, is like learning your times tables
It has been, imprinted, into our, consciousness. We never forget.
Visualization with imprinting
I bet if I asked you what is 7*7 you don’t have to think before responding 49. I learned that 55 years ago!
The, good girl, label is not about beingmorally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is thatat the end of the day, it doesn’t work.It doesn’t work for anyone. This isn’t an anti-moralityconversation; it’s correcting our idea ofwhat’s good and what’sright.
Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, isKasiaUrbaniak. Kasia is the author of “Unbound:A woman’s Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talkingabout “How to ditch the, good girl label”.
Bio
Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.
They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.
Introduction
Myrna: Kasia, let’s start off by asking youwhat was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching womenthefoundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.
Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set oftraining. I exploredvarious spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world.The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical andmagical was, Taoism.
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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education
Now, while I waspursuing my trainingand pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York Cityto be able to afford such things withoutgetting a job that would pay me a lot ofmoney in short bursts. So, I was workingas a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off tomeet with teachers to convincethem to teach me all the way up to mountaintops in China.
Thislasted for thegreater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing theother. What started happeningwas these extremes ended upmergingwhen I started diagnosingpeople’s bodies as a, Taoist, trainee.I started going into deeper states ofmeditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I startedseeing similarities in my work as a,dominatrix.
I was paying attentionto human beingsand started to understand powerdynamics the way you study martial arts. I began to teach this power to women, I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as anun.
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Afterthis wildlife of extremes, of desiringabsolute purity and devotion while goinginto these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting placeswith other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and allthe people in my life (the womenespecially), living in a world ofassumptions and superstitions.
Women are communicating with their bodies all the time
I started noticing that women didn’t realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive,but it’s not submissive at all.
The, good girl, label is not about beingmorally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is thatat the end of the day, it doesn’t work.It doesn’t work for anyone. This isn’t an anti-moralityconversation; it’s correcting our idea ofwhat’s good and what’sright.
Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets andyou’re very right. When your publicist approached meand she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio. I understoodwhat you were trying to say.You’re giving women the power of choice. Women canstill be submissive and powerful, right?
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Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a,good girl, doesn’t get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We’ve got asaying in my country “ifyou lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”.So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the,good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specificallythe label of a, bad girl, is beneficialbecause I’m interested in hearing your spin.
Kasia: Good girl, conditioning has a very longhistory and it comes fromtheagreementthat we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economicagreement of marriage. We have a deal and there’s nothingwrong with even holding that deal today,but the deal is “I willlet you lead, but you provide forme”. So, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desirescouldn’t express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way shecould fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl,are the behaviors we’re calling, good girl, conditioning.
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Such behaviors are basically thebehaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep agood man, how toqualifyto marry the most economically promising man – given that you can’t have a job, you can’t get educated, you can’t read, and you’re not allowed toleave the house (in some countries).
So, women learn “I don’t want to be aburden”.
How to be resourceful because ifyou’re the economic provider, then I haveto be able tomakebig things out of little things (beresourceful),
Be moderate in temperament,
Not be tooattractiveso as to notget competition, but not to benoticeably unattractive, not to stand outin this way or that way,
Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact notto have too much desire at all.
Actually, it’s not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not havinga voice essentially, they’re from women who are like I‘mnot a, good girl,I don’t need anyone, I‘m fine.
The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like asister of the, good girl, but she’s still thesame woman because even though shebelieves that she can haveher desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she neverburdens anybody, she does it all. She isthe feminine and the masculine.She is the alpha female.
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Most of the women who come to my schoolare like this because, they’re verysuccessful. They have families, they havecareersand they have everything they want and they are exhaustedand are furious;they have to do it all.
Myrna: it’s like the superwoman syndrome.
Good Girls learn to say No
Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don’t have the same experience asmen because, men don’t do it all the same way. When they are in positionsofleadership or have a career, they havesupport that the women in their sameplace do not have.
The issue with, good girl,conditioningis – you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself. I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone whodoesn’t have, good girl conditioning, butthe truth is the conditioning comes outso quicklythat we barely catch it.
We’re programmed and it’s in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partnerReuben.
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Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label isgood? How do you transform them from being a,good girl, to a, bad girl? What does,bad girl, really mean?
Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl,is the first. The first of the threeand the other two are really importantelements ofthe, bad girl.So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context ofthis exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want.
I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up beingmore difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write all the things you feel make you a, bad girl, onto paper. What we want to dois start opening Pandora’s Box in thesafest way possible.
We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, badgirl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”
We use, bad girl, specificallybecause it brings you back to thatyounger age where you start learning what you’resupposed to like, not like, what you’re supposed to think etc.
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The purpose ofwriting all these terrible things is that, the things we didn’t even knowwe put in the, bad girl, closet start comingout. When I explain part two and three, it’s going to become even more apparenthow this works so you start opening the,bad girl, closet.
Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of itis around sex and what, badgirls, do and what, good girls, do not do.
Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves. Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry. Good girls, is part of the submissive conditioning or why,good girls, don’t get angry.
The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become awarethat your man isdisrespecting you when he calls you names.Maybe he just treats you like amaid and then one day youwake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.
When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That’s why they’re called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.
How good girls get respect
Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want youto respect me! That’s communicating there’s something wrong with you.
The moment you arevoicing a complaint, you arecreating an atmosphere of defense. We don’t want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode.
Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state ourdesires in offensive mode?
Kasia: Themoment you ask them to do somethingspecific, the power dynamichas changed. The issue with women is thattheir energy is too inward:
The moment you start directing theiractions, making those requests thatwould resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position. The moment you start making them in control of yourhappinessand telling them they’re doing a bad job, you are in defense mode.
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Myrna: I heard thisa lot that men say, “Oh, she’stoo, high maintenance”, but you’re also saying there’s no such thing as a, lowmaintenance, woman just women who arenot bold enough to ask for what they want.
Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, lowmaintenance, but when men complain aboutwomen being, high maintenance, whatthey’re actually saying is not you are too much work. What they’resaying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.
Men just got used to ignoring and toleratingthe complaints of women, because they neverreally understood what makesthem happy. Women weren’t asking for thethings that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make themfeel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.
You find a manwho’s getting specific instructions forthe first time; he’s like a little boy ina candy storelike – yes, what can I do next?He feelscompetent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!
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Kasia: The book is a step-by-step trainingmanual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spotwhen you’re being bullied and bulldozed. There’s a lot of how-to stuff therealso. I teach women howto create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journeythroughhow toget all of the support that you needfrom the people in your lifeto make your actual dreams anddesires come true.
Not the ones that youthink are attainable and not the onesthat you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, goodgirl conditioning.
Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of yourbook and get yourget information about yourAcademy?
Kasia: The easiest way to find out more isto go to the website www.weteachpower.com.
We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resourcesand videos and things that theinterested listeners, viewers and readers canengage with. The book is available everywherebooks are sold. Penguin Randomhouse published itand there’s my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000people live as well.
Myrna: Thank you forbeing so in-depth about understandingthe mindset of women andthe mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?
Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.
Conclusion
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Thanks for tuningin and until next time, blessings.
This is life coach Myrna Young and today I want to teach on the topic “Loving Your Enemy”.
In the King James Version of the Bible: Jesus Christ, says “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
He goes further to say “do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also”
Most humans in the natural cannot live by the doctrine to, love your enemies, and neither could I, until I, transformed my mindset. You see the reason, Jesus Christ, taught us to love our, enemies, is that the power of love, transforms.
For the last 9 months I have been in a battle with my, enemy. A racist neighbor who is the Vice President on my HOA. For months I allowed her to steal my peace. I know that evil intentions against another is a, karmic debt, so I battled against this, enemy, with my, spiritual warfare prayers.
Spiritual Warfare Prayer
Father God as we enter in spiritual warfare please cover us in your armor the breastplate of righteousness, faith, and the power of your word.
Let no weapon formed formed against me penetrate our heart and that all weapons formed against me and my family be returned to the sender void.
Anoint me of God that I will be strong in the word and I will be able to stand against the enemy.
Bless my heart and my tongue with the words of warfare in Jesus name.
I decree and declare that the anointing of Elisha will be upon me. That the God of Elisha and Joshua answer me by fire, that the sun and the moon won’t recognize me in this time of warfare. That the works of the enemy would not succeed and all the darts of wickedness will be sent back to the sender in the powerful name of, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.
Father bless me with divine strength that you gave to Jacob that I will go out prepared and that I would know your will. That my enemies will be unseated by fire. Amen
Don’t give back the Hate your enemy gives you
I gave her back the same, hate, she gave me and prayed for her demise until one day I was listening to the book “The seat of the soul” by Gary Zukav and was convicted when he said that when we respond to hate with hate we enlarge the energy and become the same as the person who hates us.
We should instead, love our enemies, because light always erases darkness. So I started meditating and sending my, enemy, light and understanding, because I knew, hate, is a learned behavior and she is operating from lack of knowledge.
Then a few weeks ago I was watching the Netflix movie “The Best of Enemies” the movie was about a white ,clansman, and a, black activist. The, clansman, was the president of the, Ku Klux Klan, and he believed that the white race was superior and that black people had no rights. The, black activist, was fighting for fair housing for blacks. Then someone burnt down the black school, (this was during the segregation age) so the fight changed to school integration. The white, clansman, and the, black activist, were opposing leaders on the integration issue.
Love Your Enemy and Send Them Light
The white, clansman, had a mentality ill son who was in an institution and because we teach our kids our, hate, the boy became unhinged when they placed a black boy to share his room. The boy would scream all day saying the black boy was a monster. The white, clansman, asked the institution to remove the black boy, but they told him if he wanted the boy removed he had to pay for a private room. The, clansman, was poor, he could not afford the $75 extra per week for a private room.
The, black activist, heard the story and felt sorry for the son of the, clansman, and used her influence to have him transferred to a private room at no cost to the, clansman. This act of kindness and love started to change the, clansman, heart against black people. Then his white friend told him that other than his wife, the black man who was his store manager is the only one he trusts in this world, because this black man served with him in Vietnam and saved his life.
That completed the, transformation. His heart changed. The power of love and light moved in, and the darkness and hate moved out.
Dr Martin Luther King Jr on Loving our Enemies
How do you go about loving your, enemies? Dr Martin Luther King Jr says, I think the first thing is this: In order to, love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you, love your enemies, by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an adequate discovery to the how of this situation.
Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that.
Some people aren’t going to like You
Some people aren’t going to like the way you talk.
Most people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs.
People aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you.
Some aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs.
Some of them won’t like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs.
Some are going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature.
Who is Your Enemy
But after looking at these things and admitting these things, we must face the fact that an, enemy, might dislike us because of something that we’ve done in the past. Some personality attribute that we possess, something that we’ve done in the past and we’ve forgotten about it; but it was that something that aroused the, hate response, within the individual. That is why I say, begin with yourself. There might be something within you that arouses the tragic, hate response, in the other individual.
And this is what Jesus means when he said: “How is it that you can see the mote in your brother’s eye and not see the beam in your own eye?” Or to put it in Moffatt’s translation: “How is it that you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?” And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in collective life or individual life by looking at ourselves.
A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to, love his enemy, is to discover the element of good in his enemy. Every time you begin to, hate, that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there. Look at those good points which should over-balance the bad points.
Can we love our enemy?
So, the question is can we, love our enemies? I say we can. There is a saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I say, hate, is the same way.
Joel Osteen teaches that when we stamp things negative, we allow them to steal our joy and happiness. I stamp, hate, from my, enemy, as positive, because I believe that God will turn whatever my, enemy, meant to harm me for my good. His word says
“’For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby transforming your life.
Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.
Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit, regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to happiness.
Success habits, generally increase your happiness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Bio and Introduction Bad Habits
Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame; it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.
To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits, with, success habits.
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Transform Your Mind Amazon
5 core areas to build Success Habits
Mindset,
Career & Finances;
Relationships,
Physical Health,
Emotional Health
Giving Back.
Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!
Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.
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Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.
Myrna: I read that book. I found it very difficult to understand but it is a classic.
Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life, if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.
You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.
It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.
I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves. It was like my own human science experiment. I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.
I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular. People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”
That just started my, success habits, journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.” All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.
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I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas. People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.
Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.
How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?
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Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits
Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it consciously.
I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas. I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits. The book that brought my, bad habits, home was “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.
It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.
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Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.
Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.
Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.
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Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land. These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The Book the Secret had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.
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Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?
Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I still do sitting right here. You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.
You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.
It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become. Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.
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The Mindset of Success Habits
Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.
Will: Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like
You are not good enough
I will never be anybody
People don’t like me
They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it
We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.
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Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.
Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.
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Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:
Remember names,
Remember details about people,
Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.
It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.
For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:
There’s your sleep,
Watch your nutrition
Movement, there’s your exercising.
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The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is
Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
The, habit, of enjoying life and expressing your passion is important.
I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years. Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.
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Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or “Oh, I have conflicting schedules” A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.
The last, success habit, is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it. I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.
Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.
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Will: moremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter) My Instagram page is @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.
I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited. I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.
In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.
You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.
It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”
Conclusion
Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.
If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.
When you replace, fear, with, faith, it prevents your, subconscious mind, from going into reflex mode and bringing what you, fear, into your experience.
The Bible teaches that, faith, without works is dead. That means as we say in my birth country of Guyana
Put your money where your mouth is.
Eg. If you, have faith, that God is going bring you the desires of your heart and you desire to have a child; then you don’t do like Sarah and have your husband sleep with Hagar (your maid) so you can have a child. No you have, courage, to stay the course and in God’s time you will have a child.
You pick out baby names,
Shop for your nursery,
You buy pregnancy clothes,
And you live in expectancy, hoping every month that your period does not show up!
Listen to the full episode here:
Faith means getting up after you fall down
If you experience some setbacks like several miscarriages, you have, courage, and believe in Gods promise, that everything works out for your good. You believe that Gods intentional!
The, subconscious mind, can’t tell fact from fiction, it brings you whatever you think about consistently.
Jesus says by their fruits we shall know them.
If you live with, courage, we shall know you by your fruits because, faith, is the language to God and he always delivers.
Man was created in Gods image with the power to rule the world. Have faith, that you have the power to manifest your heart’s desire and believe that whatever you hold on your head, you will hold in your hand.
Every living thing has confidence in something or somebody. You, have faith, that if you deposit your money in the bank, it will be there when you go to withdraw it. You, have faith, that if you plant a mango tree, it will bear mangoes and not oranges.
Similarly, we must, have faith, that whatever we ask God in prayer he will answer.
It is your habitual tendency of thought that reappears in your body and recreates the conditions in your life.
You become what you think about most of the time.
https://youtu.be/pcQz3Y-Zl5A
Speak faith Not fear
The words you use are the channels in which the creative energy takes shape.
This energy takes the shape from the instrument from which it passes. Water flowing from a crooked cup, flows crooked. Water must take the shape of the pipe from which it flows.
You can’t think one thing and produce another, this is as impossible as an electric fan being used for lighting purposes.
As a man thinketh so is he.
There is an intelligence in all nature. Faith, without works is dead but with it, sets you free.
Say Goodbye to, Fear, cultivating, courage, have faith, and if you are afraid, Do it afraid.
When you, fear, you have a pessimistic view of life. Worrying about the future is futile, we have no control about the future so if you are going to imagine the worst, why not shift it and use your imagination to create the life you want.
We are able to create whatever we think about most of the time. We become what we think about.
Think about this story. A young lady was worrying about losing her job. She feared losing her home, becoming homeless and worked herself into a frenzy by looking down into the abyss of, fear. But if she used her imagination to dream about getting a promotion instead of losing her job. Dreaming about buying a new home allows her to look up.
Your, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious, mind, is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don’t, reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious programs, like a a tape recorder. We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs. Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction, Unconscious mind
Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind. Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there. That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.
Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs, that has to do with your beliefs.
These, subconscious programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind, play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.
Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind, will keep playing the same, subconscious programs. Think about your vinyl record. Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!
When I was growing up my activity of choice was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man’s help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting, were actually the flip side of love!
These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match. Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way. Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program, It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,
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I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset and love this man.
Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,
What is your, Unconscious Mind, that needs to be rewritten?
I was a foster mom for years. I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday. They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and lack and survival.
Here are 5, subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today
Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.
3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.
4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.
If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self
5. Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)
A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.
This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment. I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations. I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind, Visualizing what you want. Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.
For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids. That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind, The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.
Daily Affirmations, like:
I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35
Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth! Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.
About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s, book called “Grow Younger, Live Longer” In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day. It went like this.
Daily Affirmations for aging younger
Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.
I don’t remember all of it. I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday. So over 20 years ago. I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.
This year on my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented. She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old. You just said F**K it! I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!
How to Rewrite Your Subconscious Mind
In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail. I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that. This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.
Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success. I heal myself faster from injuries. For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days. I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.
Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes. Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree. I programmed my, unconscious mind, to prepare for the test.
Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.
Our, subconscious programs, doesn’t stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.
Take risks to get past, subconscious programs, Your, unconscious mind, always wants to play it safe.
Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.
4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?
5. How can I make this a reality?
6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host? What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!
Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind
This strategy is called, auto inquisition. Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention. You can do the same.
Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
Speak your success as present fact not a future plan. Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist. What do I need to make that happen right now.
Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.
Additional Resources Unconscious mind
“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.
