How To Turn Your Pain Into Power

January 31, 2022

How To Turn Your Pain Into Power

Abigail Damoah - Turn Your Pain Into Power

Abigail Damoah was wrongly convicted and sent to prison for 12 years. During this dark time in her life, she used inspiration for the bible story of David to find her, life purpose, of helping the women in, prison. She turned her, pain into power, and achieved tremendous personal growth by not seeing herself as a, victim.

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Bio

After serving five years in a Florida state prison for a crime that she didn’t commit, and then two years later being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and undergoing major surgery to remove most of her colon, Abigail learnt one very important life lesson; you will find treasure in the darkest places if you simply change your perspective by turning her, pain into power.

During her, incarceration, Abigail became a Christian and learnt that life isn’t just about her. She was surrounded by women who had endured the most horrific traumatic childhoods and were now being victimized by the very system that was supposed to help them. She found the strength to end her pity party, opening her eyes to the immense suffering of others.

She began to use her gifts to make an impact on the lives of the women she was housed with. It was during the worst season of her life that she experienced true peace, contentment, and fulfilment because she found her life’s purpose, and learned how to turn her, pain into power. Abigail is the author of ” She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny”

book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power

Using Adversity to turn pain into power

Myrna: All right, so here we have a whole bunch of, adversity. Being sentenced to 12 years in, prison, even if it’s for a crime you do commit, it is very traumatic. It is worst when it is a crime that you didn’t commit.

Can you share your story, why you were sentenced to 12 years in, prison? I know you said you only served five of those 12 years. Tell us how you survived that and turned that, pain into power?

Abigail: Okay, so I had my dream to live in America. I’m from the United Kingdom and after I finished my undergraduate degree. I relocated to Atlanta, Georgia to study and pursue an MBA. I got an internship in Florida. I flew down to Florida and I met a man. One night he called wanting to go out to a nightclub, and I agreed. He came and picked me up and we made our way to the nightclub and ended up having a car accident where he was killed, and I was seriously injured.

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My injuries were so extensive that I spent over six weeks in the hospital. My parents at the time decided the best course of action was to take me back to the UK, because there’s no way I was going to be able to look after myself in the USA. I recuperated and got back on my feet. And then in 2011, the state of Florida issued an extradition warrant for my arrest. I was charged with vehicular homicide. The legal definition for that is reckless driving.

So, I was accused of driving in such a dangerous manner that caused death or great bodily harm to another. While I was waiting for the extradition, I began to study the laws surrounding my case and discovered that I should never have been charged with a crime in the first place. The state of Florida had sent over the deposition, the discovery and detail they had a very detailed chronology, of exactly what happened. And one of the things that should have exonerated me from the beginning, was the fact that the road was under reconstruction at the time, so they had taken down all the speed signs.

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Extradition to the USA

There were no warning signs that the road was about to change and if you’re not familiar with that road, you would not know that you need to slow down. So, when an accident happened, all of a sudden, a curve came up and I hit the curb and the car ended up flipping over and going into a tree. So, based on that alone, I should never have been charged with a crime. But if you know anything about the laws in the United States, you know, sometimes it can be a bit one sided.

I was extradited to America to stand trial. I had a judge who had no legal integrity, because of the way my case had been portrayed in the media. She was determined to make an example out of me. I was found guilty sentenced to 12 years Florida State Prison. After serving 5 years, the case was dismissed.

Myrna: Wow. So sorry to hear what you have been through. I’m assuming you were driving.

Abigail: Yes, I was driving, it wasn’t my car.

Myrna: Yeah, that’s what I thought because he came to pick you up.

Abigail: The reason I was driving was because he got so drunk, that he was unable to continue the journey. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

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The Pain of prison

Myrna: So sorry for your pain. But the fact that the case was dismissed, I’m assuming that you’ve cleared your name.

Abigail: Yes, yes. My name is completely cleared. The sentence was vacated, and I was released from, prison.

Myrna: Did you get any money for it?

Abigail: No, absolutely nothing. The state of Florida had laws to protect themselves against wrongful convictions. So, I was knocked out of financial assistance there. But, it was a driving force behind what I do now because I had to start my life from scratch. I had to use the gifts that I had been given to build a life for myself, and turn my, pain into power. I didn’t have anything. I came back to nothing, but God worked it out for my good.

Going through the tunnel of adversity

Myrna: Well, they say that a lot of times, we must go through the tunnel, we must be beaten down all the way to the bottom, before we find our, purpose. We all go screaming into it because we really don’t want to go through pain, we don’t want to hit rock bottom. I’m in this space where I interview a lot of people and I remember talking to this woman. Her husband died and she started her coaching practice helping other women handle, grief. She turned her, pain into power, but we all prefer not to go through the pain even if it is the fire starter to our, life purpose.

So how did you manage after also being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and having most of your colon removed?

Abigail: I wasn’t raised in a Christian household, but I had a lot of Christian friends. If there’s one thing that I learned from them, even while I wasn’t a believer, was that they had this ability to see past their circumstances. So, before I even arrived in America, they were already speaking life into my situation. They were already telling me that this was going to work out for my good, something good is gonna come out of this.

And it wasn’t until, I became a Christian and I began to read the Bible and I began to apply those principles, that I was strengthened in that area. God gave me a perspective that enabled me to see things through his eyes, he gave me the ability to step outside of myself. I was surrounded by people who are who were suffering, who have been through women the worst heinous things. My whole perception changed.

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Helping people in prison turn their pain into power

Not only are people dying from much worse situations than I had, but I had to reframe my situation to say, okay, I’m in, prison, now, what can I do while I’m here to make an impact on the lives of the women that I am housed with? How do I turn my, pain into power?

I had a writing gift and there are women that couldn’t read or write. I remember the very first time I tapped into that. There was a woman that I was, bunking in, prison, she had a terrible situation, her children have been taken into DCF custody because of her arrest.

So, I wrote a letter for her. explaining the situation to DCF, speaking in legal terminology. She wanted her children to be put into the custody of her sister while she was in, prison, and lo and behold, that’s exactly what happened. Two weeks later, she came to me, I mean, she was in floods of tears. She was so grateful that I took the time to do this for her, and it was at that moment that I realized that what my, purpose, is connected to my gift of writing. Writing was how I was going to turn my, pain into power.

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Figuring out my life purpose

I also realized that my, purpose, had nothing to do with me, it was to enrich the lives of the people that I am surrounded by. So, from that moment, my prayers changed from Lord get me out of here, I can’t take this anymore to Lord who are the people in, prison, that you want me to impact? That started a tsunami of work. My inmates just started coming to get the help they needed. I started helping them write letters, probation letters, letters to their family, etc. It was one of the most, fulfilling aspects of my time in, prison.

Myrna: Now, how did you take own ownership of your situation? What was your internal dialogue?

Abigail: I dropped the, victim mentality. You know, it’s so easy when you’re going through a situation whatever it is, it’s so easy to point the finger and say is your fault that I’m here, but when you play the, victim, you are not helping anybody. You’re not helping yourself and you’re not helping anyone else. When I was in the, victim, state I felt so sorry for myself. You know, such an injustice had taken place.

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Victims have no power

I was depressed, I was in a place of desolation, I couldn’t sleep at night, I had no peace. But the moment I relinquished that, victim mentality, I came to the revelation that it wasn’t the state of Florida that put me in, prison, to punish me. I was placed there strategically to be empowered, and then to empower. I was placed there to turn my, pain into power.

So once my, mindset, changed, I was able to say I am going to use this situation to become the best person that I be and to help as many people as I can while I’m in here. That is exactly how I took ownership of my situation. I took the power out the hands in the state of Florida, and turned, my pain into power, because, victims, have no power.

Myrna: This is so true. Victims have no power. In my book, Out of the Snares, A story of Hope and Encouragement, I have a full chapter on, victims. My story was that I was abused as a child, but I never became a, victim. In fact, what I suggest we become a, player. You know, when you are playing a game of blackjack and the cards that you’re dealt with are bad cards? People use those same bad cards to win, in the same way when you become a, player instead of becoming a, victim, you play with the cards you are dealt. And that’s exactly what you did, you became a, player in the game, you decided that these are the cards that I’ve been handed, and I am going to make the best of the situation. I am going to turn this, pain into power.

How to become a player and turn pain into power

Myrna: You could have played the “what if game”. What if I didn’t go out? What if I didn’t agree to drive? But instead you said it happened. There’s no way you can go backwards, all you can do is make the best of the situation that you have right now and use it to help people and learn from it and turn your, pain into power.

What is the lesson that that that you took out of that? Were you able to equate it to a, Bible story? I want to talk about Joseph who was thrown in, prison, and it was strategic to God’s plan for him. And I am also thinking of a Job which is the chapter reading now in the Bible and all the bad things that happened to him.

Job declared God does only do good things for you. God does good things, and he does bad things.

Abigail: Joseph was one of my favorite stories in the Bible. And it wasn’t until I got to that Genesis chapter 37, where Joseph was put in, prison, that I found strength in my situation. Prison, shaped Joseph into the man that God needed him to be. I knew that my time in, prison, was in God’s hands, just based on that story alone. I learned a lot from Joseph and his, mindset, during that time. He refused to be a, victim, he used his time to assist other people. He was looking for others to help while he was, incarcerated, and it opened the door to his freedom.

Myrna: Yes, exactly helping people got him introduced to the king.

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Using dreams and visions for your purpose

Abigail: That was a very powerful story for me, and I used that, bible story, to empower myself. So my God has given me dreams and visions, and I knew that, okay, I’m not living the dream and the vision now, but it is this situation here that is going to lead me to the destiny that God has for me and I had to remind myself of that daily.

Myrna: That’s amazing, I am loving our conversation. One of my personal mantras is that just like an airplane needs resistance to take off the ground, we need resistance to move up our next level. And whenever I have resistance in my life, when I was working full time when I received resistance eg. one door closed or something, I always knew that resistance was supposed to push me forward and up. The door closing from being fired got me into, Life coaching, helping women to, transform their mind.

A lot of women, especially minority women live in the, wilderness, and in order for them to get out of the, wilderness, they have to change their, mindset.

She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny

Tell us about your book, your book is called “She Is Risen from Destitute To Destiny.” Why did you write it? And what do you want people to walk away with?

Abigail: I wrote the book because I knew that I had a story to tell number one, and it wasn’t a story of the tragedies, but stories of, empowerment. The book a memoir, going back to my childhood, I packed a lot of things and I think that’s very important that you need to go back to, to know why things are the way they were. So, I went through that process in the book, I had a very turbulent teenage years, connected to childhood. But despite those challenges, I still managed to make something all my life, and it didn’t come easily, or immediately at all.

It was a very, very difficult situation and a very, very difficult process. And I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but what I do know is that you can, turn your pain into power, if you change your perspective on a situation. I could have not written this book. I could have so easily come out of, prison, and just felt sorry for myself, and accept government assistance and nobody would have blamed me

Teaching others how to overcome adversity

So, I had to look at the situation and ask myself what have I learned from this? And not only what have I learnt from it, but now what can I do about it? I decided I can teach other people about how to overcome, adversity. One of the things that helped me while I was, incarcerated, were the different, prison ministries. People would share these terrible stories, but they got through it, and that’s something that inspired me.

Myrna: Well, that’s the reason I asked you if you’re going into the, prison, and doing, prison ministry, because I know your story is powerful. Now you are on the radio, podcast and PTWWN TV, sharing your story, not only the people that are in, prison, is going to hear this, but people all over the world. Your story doesn’t just speak to someone in, prison, but speaks to any women in the, wilderness, the, wilderness, can be any dry place.

Additional Resources

Does Serving a Prison Sentence Affect Change?

January 10, 2022

How To Be Happy: The Happiness Recipe

The, happiness recipe, is super simple. Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.

Simple, though obviously doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into the execution of that very short phrase. Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach has identified what she thinks are the three areas that stop us from executing on this, happiness recipe.

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https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9860644-how-to-be-happy-the-happiness-recipe.mp3?download=true

Bio

Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach. Her mission is to spread joy. She believes most people can live happier, easier lives if they get clear on what matters most to them and then develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. She wants to enable people to find clarity and happiness, so everyone wins.

Now she’s using her experience coupled with her own journey to help people supercharge their success and happiness by: finding clarity; taking the next steps in their career; overcoming overwhelm; going from idea to action; and, stepping into their authentic leadership presence.

Becky brings together all her learnings in her recently published book ‘The Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters’.

From Lawyer to Happiness Coach

Myrna: Your story of coming from corporate lawyer to, happiness coach, reminds me of the first book I read in my quest for enlightenment and, personal growth. And that is the book called from Robin Sharma that’s called “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.”

So, for those who didn’t know Robin Sharma, the character in the book is a corporate lawyer who had a heart attack. And then he went to live with amongst the monks in the Himalayan mountains and he changed his life. So, how did it happen for you?

Becky: Well, I mean, it was not quite that glamorous or fun for me, but it is a story of evolution and, transformation. And it starts with me doing what a lot of us do, which is doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do.

Going to the good school,
getting the good grades,
getting the job,
going back to graduate school to become an attorney,
then getting the job at the big law firm with the big paycheck to be on the partnership track.

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Does checking the right boxes lead to happiness

Then one night 16 years later, I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, with a toddler in the tub, and the cordless phone clip to the back of my pants, and the toilet seat cover down with a notebook on it and papers spread all around me. And I was doing two things at the same time. I was bathing my toddler daughter and trying to prepare an expert witness for their upcoming deposition.

I had two thoughts in super quick succession. The first thought was, who says you can’t do it all? Look at me. I’m a mom, I’m a lawyer. I’m here. I’m killing it. This is amazing. That was quickly followed by and I’m exhausted. Is this unsustainable? And perhaps more importantly, and more scarily, I’m not sure this is making me happy.

And that kicked off my own quest for, transformation, and, personal growth. I had to figure out, well, okay, what does it mean, if I’ve done all of the things that I was supposed to do? And I checked all the boxes? And I’m not happy?

Where does happiness come from?

What the heck does, happiness, come from then? If it’s not from success? If it’s not from the results?

You talked about, happiness, is working towards a purpose or a goal.

What am I working towards here?
Why am I here In this season of my life?
What is my top priority?
What is the most important thing?

I panicked. And I started to think about what can I do? And the reality is, I can do a lot of things. I’m a lawyer, with a ton of management experience, a whole bunch of process experience. I’ve been a CEO, I mean, the list of jobs that I could apply for is pretty long. And thankfully, I had some voices in my life who said, timeout?

This is an opportunity, what do you want to do? Not what can you do, but what do you want to do? And that’s how I landed in this business of helping other people chart their success and, happiness.

The Definition of happiness

Myrna: That’s a good story. I love your evolution. One of the things I will add is when you’re in a tub bathing your child and doing work, you’re not giving her the attention she deserves.

Becky: So true, I wasn’t fully focused on one or the other. I had split focus and split focus is not efficient, effective or meaningful.

Myrna: So right. Yes, that’s what mothers do. You know, they have one of the hips and they’re doing it all. So, that moment was the start of your, your evolution, your, transformation. You asked yourself the question Is this making me happy? I’m working towards a goal. I’m working towards partnership, you’re immediately disrupting my, definition of happiness.

My, definition of happiness, is working steadily towards a goal or purpose

I guess the other part of that is, fulfillment. And somehow your work wasn’t hitting the, fulfillment, button inside.

How do we identify the essential sources of happiness?

Becky: How do we find our essential, sources of happiness? I have a little exercise that I like to do with people that might seem silly or small, but it’s not. And it’s about developing a menu of things that you can do, that are easy and accessible, that you know, are going to create a positive emotional experience for you.

We can use Oprah’s, sources of happiness, sitting in the bathtub. We need to do to get down to the essential, sources of our joy, or have those positive emotional experiences is to ask a few more questions. Get down to the simple things that you can do to add, happiness, into your daily life.

When I’m sitting with a client is ask them to brainstorm a list of five to seven things that are their, sources of happiness. I ask them not to judge because on my list, one of my, sources of happiness, is clean sheets!

Then taking one on that list and asking yourself, what about that makes me happy? So, take the Oprah example. What about being in the bathtub that brings you, happiness?

Is it the solitude?
Is it the warmth of my water?
Is it the time with my thoughts?
There’s something more than just the bathtub that brings you, happiness.

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Invite your nervous system to become a partner in your happiness?

Becky: Happiness, makes you feel good or, or when you’re doing the things that make you happy in that moment, right? You feel good, and it helps with your health, and it helps with resilience and all that. But your nervous system is a little different.

A lot of times more, happiness, for us lives on the other side of some sort of change. Whether it’s change in behavior, change in circumstance, change in mindset. And at the most basic level, one of the important jobs that our nervous system plays is to keep us safe, literally, to keep us alive. That’s where the, fight or flight, response, comes from.

Often when we’re trying to make a change, it can feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, because it is our, nervous system, is saying, no, no, no, please don’t. I know how to keep you safe; this new activity is not safe. I have no data on it. So, often we mistake that discomfort as a sign that we shouldn’t do it.

Myrna: That’s true that our brain’s function is to warn us about impending danger and to keep us safe. Which is why One of the first things I learned myself on my journey of self-improvement is you got to get out your, comfort zone, because whenever you sit In your comfort zone you’re not moving, and you’re not growing.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

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The happiness recipe

What is the, happiness recipe?

Becky: Sometimes I worry that when I say the, happiness recipe, people are going to be like, That’s it? But here’s the deal. And you’ve sort of set it in your definition. But the recipe for maximum, happiness, is super simple.

Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.

Simple, though, obviously, doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into it’s execution. I’ve identified what I think are the three areas of the, happiness recipe. Three areas where there can be gaps that stop us from executing on the, happiness recipe.

And the first is what I call the, authenticity gap. Do we know what matters most to us? And are we willing to claim it publicly? Because to live it, you must be willing to speak it. You must be willing to share it. Be willing to have other people see it.
Then there’s the middle gap of the, happiness recipe. I call that the, emotional energy gap, or the, mindset gap, that’s all the beliefs and feelings that get in the way of us executing on that knowledge of what makes us happy.

We know what matters most to us, we know the goal or purpose that we want to be working towards; but do we have the, mindset, and belief that will allow us to make that happen?

3. The third gap in the, happiness recipe, is the, physical energy gap, which is really the execution piece. Do you align your time energy and resources with what matters most to you? I call it priority aligned living.

Book: The Happiness Recipe

You told us about your book the , happiness recipe, we all know we can pick up a copy on Amazon, but give us your website and maybe a couple of your social media handles or so that people can connect with you.

Becky: My website which is www.untanglehappiness.com. And on there you can find all the social media links to connect with me on social media. You can also find a link to my book The Happiness recipe and you can learn about the work that I do.

Myrna: It’s been an incredible conversation. We talked about, happiness, the big takeaway from this conversation is our, sources of happiness. If you were to ask someone Are they happy? They’re probably going to be talking about, is my life good? Is my husband good to me? Am I making enough money? Am I living my dream life?

They’re going to think of the big things that cause, happiness.

Sources of happiness

I found that, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose. Happiness, comes from taking those steps towards it. That is what makes you happy, when you’re moving towards something. When you feel stuck, or you think you’re going backwards, is when you’re unhappy. So, it’s the same thing, finding moments to bring you joy, understand your, sources of happiness, can be as simple as clean sheets, or taking a bath, everybody can do that. Everybody can find, happiness, sitting inside a tub, you don’t have to have waterfalls!

You can find, happiness, by taking a walk. Happiness, for me is walking in a park, you can find a park with trees everywhere. Find your, source of happiness, if could be a good book, it could be clean sheets, it could be taking a bath, whatever is your, source of happiness, start there and then you pick a goal or a purpose and you take little baby steps towards it.

Once you are moving in the right direction, you are going to be happy. So, thank you, Becky, for that simple, happiness recipe. It is a very simple recipe. Head over to Becky’s website, connect with her on social media and pick up a copy of her book.

‘The Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters’.

Additional Resources

How to be Happy with Less

September 5, 2021September 27, 2021

How to Reprogram your Unconscious Mind

Your, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious, mind, is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don’t, reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious programs, like a a tape recorder. We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs. Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.

Listen to the full interview here:

Introduction, Unconscious mind

Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind. Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there. That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.

Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs, that has to do with your beliefs.

These, subconscious programs, were downloaded to you before your 7^th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind, play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.

Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind, will keep playing the same, subconscious programs. Think about your vinyl record. Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!

When I was growing up my activity of choice was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man’s help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting, were actually the flip side of love!

These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match. Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way. Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program, It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,

What is your, Unconscious Mind, that needs to be rewritten?

I was a foster mom for years. I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday. They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and lack and survival.

Here are 5, subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today

Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.

3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.

4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.

If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self

5. Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)

How to control your, Unconscious Mind

A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.

This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment. I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations. I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind, Visualizing what you want. Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.

For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids. That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind, The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.

Daily Affirmations, like:

I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35

Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth! Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.

Use, Autosuggestion, to improve any degradation.

About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s, book called “Grow Younger, Live Longer” In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day. It went like this.

Daily Affirmations for aging younger

Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,

my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,

I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.

Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,

I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.

I don’t remember all of it. I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40^th birthday. So over 20 years ago. I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.

This year on my 60^th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented. She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old. You just said F**K it! I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!

How to Rewrite Your Subconscious Mind

In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail. I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that. This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.

Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success. I heal myself faster from injuries. For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days. I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.

Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes. Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree. I programmed my, unconscious mind, to prepare for the test.

Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.

Our, subconscious programs, doesn’t stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.

Getting Past our, Subconscious Programs

Take risks to get past, subconscious programs, Your, unconscious mind, always wants to play it safe.
Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.

4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?

5. How can I make this a reality?

6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host? What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!

Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind

This strategy is called, auto inquisition. Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention. You can do the same.

1. Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
2. Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
3. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
4. Speak your success as present fact not a future plan. Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist. What do I need to make that happen right now.
5. Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
6. Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.

Additional Resources Unconscious mind

“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.

How to Live in Infinite Possibility

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-intuition-to-transform-your-life/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-program-your-subconscious-for-permanent-change/

https://inlpcenter.org/five-step-process-for-releasing-limiting-beliefs/

March 5, 2021March 22, 2021

How Women Get a Seat at the Table

Women are you invisible in the boardroom and have no say? Do men listen when you speak? If the answer is no, then find out how to get, a seat at the table.

In this episode I interview Kimberley Bussey Lewis, Author of , A Seat At The Table, Or Part Of The Meal: Creating A Culture Of Diversity

How did you come to become passionate about, diversity and inclusion, for, women of color?

How to Get a Seat at The Table

I first really started thinking about, a seat at the table, when I was a very young reporter in Charleston, South Carolina. I was the only female reporter at the time within this 600 person company. And what I was struck by is that there were so many decisions that were being made that we would complain about; but none of us had, a seat at the table, to help make those decisions.

I realized that if I didn’t have a place in the room that I was both invisible and silent; so it didn’t matter how much I complained or how much I didn’t like what was going on or simply just didn’t understand it because I was not part of the discussion; I needed, a seat at the table.

So that’s where my passion for, diversity and inclusion, was born.

CNN wrote a column on getting, a seat at the table, for women. They were discussing congresswoman Harris, basically what they’re saying was that women are invisible and they have no say. When they speak no one listens. So I understand what you are saying.

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What happens when there is no seat at the table

I stayed in that company as a reporter without, a seat at the table, about 12 years. It took me that long to get that awakening. Sometimes we think that we are fortunate to have a job so we don’t want to stir the pot. I just increasingly became more and more of a little rebel challenging the status quo. Eventually I left and ventured out to write my first book. I was scared to death. Because here I am I’m going to write a book, I’m going to leave my job. I took a leave of absence to write the book; but it was really a step of faith and in writing the book and doing the research.

I became energized when I interviewed older relatives, my mother and great-aunt who were already in their 80s and 90s at the time. I became energized by their tenacity as, Black women. I knew that we had a lot of strong men in my family, but my eyes are really flew open at the strength of the, black women, and how they held businesses up, they held a family up and the men of the family up, and brought us all together.

I stumbled into the nonprofit arena by my volunteer work. I was volunteering and working on writing the book and one thing led to another. I got to a small job at an organization that was run by a, black woman, who became my mentor. She took me under her wing and even though I was just volunteering she taught me so much about strength and tenacity and making your voice count.

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Diversity and Inclusion for Women of Color

Her company was called Family Assistance Management Services

And she was the first black female insurance broker in SC. She had been a full time teacher before she built quite a nest egg with her husband. They owned several pieces of property in Charleston SC. She then became a broker and started several businesses, an insurance company, a computer training clinic all kinds of other businesses, because she had a passion for helping people.

You got your feet wet on the nonprofit arena and but it sounds like you have, a seat at the table, at Goodwill Industries. Why you write the book, “A Seat at the Table or a part of the meal?”

I was born in September 1964 a month after the discrimination Act, and my parents had not long moved to Charleston, SC. All of my siblings, I have one brother and two sisters, they had all been born at home in the country by a midwife so since it was now illegal for place public places to discriminate my father thought, well I will take my wife to this nice Hospital for my fourth child to be born. So my mother was in labor he rushes her down to this hospital the Medical University of South Carolina and by this time she’d begun to hemorrhage as I was a breech baby.

It was pouring down rain and he got my mom into the emergency area into the lobby and he started screaming for the doctors to come and help they turned looked at them and turned their backs right away. All the white doctors and nurses ignored them, so he ran up to them and screamed my wife is bleeding you got to help her and someone told him to just sit down we’ll get to you.

So he scooped her up, put her in a wheelchair and ran with her down the street to the black Hospital. McLennan banks Hospital in the pouring rain with my mom gripping for life on that wheelchair. He pushed her up into the emergency area and as soon as they saw that she was drenched in blood they rushed her into the emergency room and delivered me. The doctor who delivered me was a, woman of color, from South Africa and he named me Kimberly after the Kimberly diamond mines.

Black Women are born to be at the table

It sounds like you were born in to do this work!

I was tried of being the only, Black woman, in the room. I felt we as, Black women, have to do something to get , a seat at the table. If anyone was going to wave that flag of, diversity and inclusion, equity and of, diversity, it should be Goodwill Industries. So it really began then. We started a task force with a group of CEOs and started to study, diversity and inclusion, and equity programs with fortune 500 companies and fortune 100 companies and other nonprofit organizations. We studied who was doing it well, what were they looking at, what were the metrics and how do you build that diverse pipeline. We came up an implementation plan.

We were really intentional about attracting, maintaining and keeping a, diversity, workforce. Whether it is individuals who are Hispanic or individuals who African-American or LGTBQ or disabled. We recognize that all of that build a table of, diversity.

Podbean

The first time that I heard the phrase, a seat at the table, was from one of my coaching clients and I’ve heard it several times since. I heard Gabrielle Union say it that she’s just gonna make her own table because you know the black actresses in Hollywood are still working to, get a seat at the table. They go through the same discrimination with, diversity and inclusion. It’s not just in Corporate America or in the board rooms.

Women of Color getting a seat at the table

Kimberly you have, a seat at the table, what advice would you give to women who are hitting the glass ceiling and get, no seat at the table.

African-American women unfortunately have been absent from the room! We have not even been invited into the room much less have, a seat at the table, for quite some time. Women in general have been hitting the glass ceiling for quite a long time. I’ve heard that men are hired based on what their hiring manager or that supervisor thinks that they can do while women are hired or promoted based on performance. it is that way because the majority of the, seats at the table, are already held by men. Predominantly white males and they look for men who look like act like they came from where they come from.

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Black women in order to get, a seat at the table, have to do 3 things:

They have to network. It’s all about relationships. Else there is, no seat at the table. Everything that you do is about relationships and it’s about networking. If you didn’t grow up playing golf, learn. Go around places and do things that make you feel uncomfortable. But you must be part of the conversation. Go to the theater, go to the Opera, you could serve as an usher and get free tickets.
Get a mentor – All women should have a mentor.
Get a Sponsor – a sponsor and a mentor are two different people. A mentor is someone that you can talk to about your fears and your aspirations. A mentor can give you sound advice and can talk you through some of the issues that you’re having and help you create a plan a plan of attack.

A sponsor on the other hand is going to be that person who’s going to make sure that you’re invited to that meeting. They’re going to take you under their wing. They’re going to make sure that there’s a place for you in the conversation and that there is, diversity and inclusion, that you are a part of the discussion. Sponsors are usually white males.

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Additional Resources, A Seat at the Table

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

How to Ask for a Raise or Anything you Want in Life.

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

https://www.demos.org/research/taking-our-seat-table-black-women-overcoming-social-exclusion-politics#Black-Women%E2%80%99s-Leadership:-Making-a-Way-out-of-No-Way

https://www.talentintelligence.com/blog/bid/377611/inclusion-and-the-benefits-of-diversity-in-the-workplace

February 25, 2021February 27, 2021

How to Find your Purpose and Destiny By Your Natural Abilities

One of the ways to find your, purpose and destiny, is to to look inside at your natural ability. You were created with a, purpose. Find your, purpose and destiny, by looking at what you have in your hand. There is something you can do better than anyone else on the planet. Seek and you will find it.

This week on #Mindset Transformation radio with coach Myrna, we give insights on 6 Ways to Find Your, Purpose and Destiny. Coach Dan Willms and I interview Keshia Marie Morris Desir, Political Activist, as she shares how she found her, purpose and destiny.

Introduction to Finding Your Purpose and Destiny

Purpose, If you don’t have one, you will will never feel that spiritual fulfillment. The bible teaches that people without a, vision, shall, perish.

I feel that having, vision, lines up with your, purpose, because God places the desires into your heart of what you were born to do.
That is the same statement that God made to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. He told them that if they ate from the tree of knowledge, then they will surely die. And they did!
Not a physical death; but a spiritual death. In a similar way the bible teaches that people without a, vision, shall perish, again not a physical death, but in spirit
.
You see, having a, purpose, inspires you to live and not die!

I love this quote from the great Dr. Wayne Dyer

“Purpose, inspires you. When you are inspired by some great, purpose, some extraordinary project; all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new and wonderful world!” Dr. Wayne Dyer

That is what happened to my daughter Keshia Marie Morris. She became inspired after reading Nelson Mandela’s book “A Long Walk to Freedom”

My partner coach Dan Willms and I interviewed Keshia on our show “You Asked for it”

Here is a poem Keshia wrote and I published in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” in my chapter on, Purpose and Destiny.

Order on Amazon

What is Purpose by Keshia Marie Morris Desir

Purpose, is continually evolving
When you emit God from your, purpose,
You close doors that God clearly opened
Know that God is behind your, purpose and destiny.
Take ownership of your, purpose and destiny, for it is not yours, but the Lords.

Purpose, requires you to be diligent
Rebuke laziness in the name of God
Have tunnel vision in regards to your, purpose
Focus on your, purpose and destiny.
Walk in your, purpose
Stand in your, purpose
Don’t forget your, purpose

Neglect those things that hinder your purpose and destiny
Don’t get caught up in daily living and,
Forget what God has purposed
You will never be perfect, only the God,
Who called you to your purpose is perfect!

Purpose, makes you leave what is comfortable
Purpose will help you endure what is uncomfortable
Just because you miss a short-term goal,
It does not take you away from your purpose

The end of your purpose is always bigger than you
Purpose, will always require some suffering!
Your, purpose and destiny, may have many fingers or parts
Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing,
Who will try to pull you away from your purpose

When you are weak, call on the Lord
Who is with you at ALL Times!
Through him all things are possible!!!
~Keshia Marie Morris

6 Ways to Find Your Purpose

1. To, find your purpose, look inside at your natural ability. You were created with a purpose. There is something you can do better than anyone else on the planet. Seek and you will find it.
2. Find your purpose, by paying attention to the things you like doing. The thing you would do for free. Ask yourself what would I do today if money was not a problem?
3. Find your passion. Do you want to help starving children in Africa? Do you want to stop domestic violence? Do you want to take big money out of politics? What injustice makes you mad? Don’t just talk about it, do something about it.
4. Keep learning and growing. Grow consciously. Read books. Attend seminars, hire a coach or a mentor.
5. Pray. Keep an open connection to God, so you are able to hear him through the Holy Spirit. Ask him what he wants you to do, and he will answer.
6. Reflection. Do you know what you are good at? Are you aware of your strengths? Find a quiet place every day and meditate. It is the only way to connect to source and find out who you truly are.

Understanding Purpose and Destiny

In the principles of, purpose and destiny, bear in mind that, destiny, demands fulfillment, and, purpose, expression. Both are the two-witness principle, as life is not about, purpose, alone. Both are essential for the fulfillment of what you were created for. For, purpose, without, destiny, is like having no real life at all. It’s like being on earth illegally. Therefore, we must define life from a sense of, destiny, by God’s purpose and design for our life, fulfillment, and the completion of God’s eternal purpose. We are to consider chiefly that God has a, purpose, in each of us to be fulfilled, for we are purposed and perfected with a, purpose, and destined and designed with, destiny.

We should take into consideration that our, destiny, comes from the true meaning of what the Father has eternally purposed us for? According to Ephesians 1:18, do we realize that our purpose is centered and ordained in the SON? Or are we so self-driven with our own ambition to fulfill our own expectation and desires?

Please subscribe to my podcast on iTunes.
coach Myrna itunes podcast

To contact me to be a guest on this show or for sponsorship opportunities, please send me an email at info@myhelps.us or on the web at www.myrnayounghelps.com

Additional Resources

Your Talent is Already in your Hand

How to Find Your Purpose in Life

February 19, 2021February 24, 2021

Nothing is Impossible: How to Turn Life’s Challenges Into Opportunity

Nothing is impossible, If you believe. How to turn life’s challenges into opportunities of self-discovery and personal success.

Todays’ guest on the Mindset Transformation Radio show and podcast with Coach Myrna, is Dr. Sheila D. Williams. Dr Williams is the author of “My Mother’s Keeper”

https://twitter.com/drsdwilliams

Nothing is impossible, always finish the race, don’t be a quitter.

Come all the way through!
Don’t stop in the middle, don’t turn back!
Just finish the race.
Look at life like a long distance swim trip.

When you start out you have no idea what you are going to meet up with.
You can’t predict the weather, the waves, or any other hazards and obstacles on your journey.
You have to make up in your mind, that you will Come all the way through, nothing is impossible. That if you are able, you will finish the race.
If you get to the middle of the ocean and you run into a thunder storm for instance, you just can’t stop.
Going back is just as perilous as going forward. You have to, believe in yourself. You must , believe.

That is exactly how life is, you can’t predict the storms in life, you can’t predict the challenges that you are going come up against.
You know that they will come. You have to decide up front to, believe in yourself.
You have to know for sure that, Nothing is Impossible, if you, believe.
God planted that goal or dream in you for a reason. You have something to give to mankind.

If you, believe, you will achieve!

You just have to keep moving forward, going back is death to your dreams, it should not be an option!

Show notes Nothing is Impossible

Today’s show discusses, mental illness, and how Dr. Williams cared for her mother as she suffered through clinical, depression.
Her purpose for writing this book is to shed light on this taboo topic and offer healing to her readers who may be going through something similar.
She decide to be very transparent on her mothers, clinical depression, and how she cared for her mother from the young age of 10.

Nothing is impossible, if you, believe. Listen to hear how Dr Sheila overcame her childhood story and succeed as a Mental Health Therapist/Counselor, a behavior Analyst, Published Author, Life Coach and Educational Director. She tells how she worked sometimes 4 jobs while caring for her terminally ill mother and still was able to earn her PH.D.

I know you’ve you have a really you know powerful story told in your first book My mother’s Keeper. What is the book about and what inspired you to write it.

Dr Sheila – My book is about my mother. It is a very candid look into my life and me caring for my mother. It took me about 40-plus years to be able to tell this story. I also tell my mother’s story; it was a family secret. No one wanted to talk about my mother, mental illness and the fact that had, clinical depression.

I felt for a very ashamed for a very long time in my life about my mother’s, mental illness, and depression so at the point when I decided to go ahead and be very candid and very transparent about my life it was for the purpose of healing. Not only for myself but for anyone else who have dealt with the stigma of, mental illness.

The stigma of mental illness and clinical depression

I decided to write specifically about my mother and her, clinical depression, as a small child who had to care for her mom instead of the other way around.

People see the doctorate degree or the position that you hold with the company you work for, or you know they see your success in other things, but they don’t realize behind the scenes, you had to tell yourself, nothing is impossible, to just get through the day.

You hear the phrase don’t judge a book by its cover. You see someone with the professional title and you see these accolades and all of the things that they’ve accomplished; but you have no idea of the struggle or the obstacles in which they’ve had to overcome to get to where they are.

So I wrote the book for numerous reasons:

To show that, nothing is impossible, if you, believe in yourself.
To show the effects on the family from, mental illness, and depression.
You can still accomplish whatever goal that you have in life regardless of your circumstances.

What was your motivation and how did you find the strength to push through? Did you have a vision?

Dr Sheila – from a very young child maybe four or five six years old, I did not know that my mother had, clinical depression, I just knew she was a little bit different from other kids’ moms. My mother would not get out of bed for days on end. She would not open the blinds, just lay in bed in a dark room all day.

Is it true that nothing is impossible?

Nothing is impossible, This means that anything is possible. Dr Sheila did not have the nurture from her mom and dad. When she became grown, she decided she wanted to become a doctor. She worked 5 jobs to put herself through school because she did not want student loans. Believe in the, impossible. However, just because something is possible does not mean that it is easy, or that it should be done at all. If you use this statement, you are probably referring to something which is very difficult to accomplish or labeled, impossible.

Connect with Coach Myrna on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/MyhelpsInc/

Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/myhelps/

Twitter @ https://twitter.com/myrna_morris

web: www.myrnayounghelps.com

To download a copy of Coach Myrna’s book “How to Mind your own business while working your day job”

Small Business: How to Mind your Own Business while working your day job

https://myhelps.us/small-business-ebook/

Listen and Subscribe to my YouTube Channel.

Additional Resources

Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

How to Live in Infinite Possibility

February 18, 2021February 19, 2021

The Power and Purpose of Journalling

Journalling, can help women experiencing problems who are feeling stuck to form solutions by writing their down. My guest today is Margaret Elizabeth Hulse, a novelist who uses her fine art and jewelry designs to illustrate her, journalling, stories. Margaret writes stories with her body, mind, spirit that she says exist in the beauty of Texas, the Caribbean, and New Orleans.

Journalling, can be inspired to transcend from the monotony of day to day, obligatory tasks and into a life life filled with passion and purpose from the power and purpose of, journalling. She says “I write relatable, yet sensual, passionate stories that take my readers on new adventures and create custom jewelry so that the wearer has something unique to set her apart from the typical, ‘go-to’ designs. I evoke an excitement that people feel they haven’t been able to tap into for a while, whether it’s because they’ve been hurt, or have simply lost themselves as they’ve tried to make ends meet.”

How to Start Journaling

Margaret feels that through, journalling, she learned how to manifest her dream work through writing her way out of a trauma. Her first published journal simply titled, “Sketchbook,” is an illustrated short story that serves as a preamble to her novel, Sketches from the Heart of a Texas Artist. I write and speak often about the power of healing through creativity and how the more you write about something, the more likely it is to come to fruition.

On a personal note on, how to start journalling, I have always journaled to download and to write down my goals and dreams. The power and purpose for my, journalling, for me has been manifested in my life over and over.

There are 3 ways to attract anything into your life. First you think it in your mind, then you speak it into the atmosphere, then you write it down to give it form!

Journalling, can also help you out of a bad mood.
You Can Write Your Way Out of an Emotional Funk. Here’s How.

A, journalling, story:

James Pennebaker, a distinguished professor at the University of Texas, got married right out of college in the early ‘70s. Three years after his marriage, he and his wife started to question their relationship, and Pennebaker, confused and unsettled, sank into a depression. He ate less, drank more, and started smoking. Embarrassed by what he saw as emotional weakness, he became more and more isolated.

One morning about a month into this decline, Pennebaker climbed out of bed and sat down at a typewriter. He stared at the machine for a moment, then started writing freely and frankly about his marriage, his parents, his sexuality, his career, and even death.

As he wrote, and continued to write in the days that followed, something fascinating happened. His depression lifted and he felt liberated. He began to reconnect with his deep love for his wife. But the writing had an even farther-reaching impact. For the first time, he started to see the purpose and possibilities in his life.

Pennebaker’s own experience with, journalling, helped him get through this rocky period sparked 40 years of research about the links between writing and emotional processing. Over and over again Pennebaker did studies in which he divided people into two groups and asked some to, journal, about emotionally significant experiences, and the others to write about common things: their shoes, or maybe the cars passing on the street. Both groups wrote for the same span—about 20-minutes a day, three days in a row.

In each study, Pennebaker found that the people who wrote about emotionally charged episodes experienced marked improvement in their physical and mental well-being. They were happier, less depressed and less anxious. In the months after the, journalling, sessions, they had lower blood pressure, improved immune function, and fewer visits to the doctor. They also reported better relationships, improved memory, and more success at work.

Is your purpose in life to help others achieve fulfillment in theirs?

Then maybe becoming a Life Coach is the career for you.

Email me at info@myhelps.us for your FREE copy of my eBook “How to become a Life coach”

Additional Resources

How to Heal Your Brokenness

February 13, 2021February 24, 2021

7 Ways to Get Unstuck and Take Back Your Power

One of the worst, negative emotions, in my opinion, is the feeling of, being stuck; defined as moving forward or going back looks worse than staying in the misery of your current situation. How do you, get unstuck?

Our topic today is How to, Get Unstuck. This is a, life coaching, session with, coach Myrna

Being stuck, is a place of no personal power

https://youtu.be/w4Qxq23FzPQ

What it feels like to be stuck

A few months back I received a note on LinkedIn from a young lady who said she was, stuck. I felt her pain deep within my soul so I offered her a free, life coaching, to, get unstuck.

She was in an, abusive relationship. Her boyfriend was physically abusive to both her and her 2 year old daughter and she feared for her life. She had the courage to pack up and leave that situation. She lived in Florida and her only family lived in Atlanta, Georgia. In order to, get unstuck, she quit her job, left her boyfriend and fled to her sister’s home in Atlanta. Her sister was unemployed and had 6 children. She was dependent on her husband for support. This young lady felt uncomfortable living in her sister’s home, because she didn’t have anything for herself and now she had to feed her and her child. She called me because she felt she should go back to her, abusive relationship!

How many of you can feel her pain?
Being stuck, is when the pain of staying in your current intolerable situation looks better than the pain of leaving.
It could be a domestic situation.
It could be an intolerable boss.
It could be a demeaning job.

How do you make the decision to, get unstuck?

How do you find the strength to want something better?

How did I coach this situation?

This is the major benefit of, life coaching, the ability of the, life coach, to see the frame.

You see you can’t see the frame when you are the picture!

iHeart Radio

Coaching to Get Unstuck

I knew that one of the reasons that my coachee was thinking of going back, was because she still loved her, abusive relationship. She was trying to get someone else to agree with her.
So I asked her “Do you still love this man?” And she said yes.
Then I allowed her to become aware of what her brain was doing. It was, stuck, in repeat.
I told her that because she still loved this man, she is using the situation of her sister’s lack as the reason to return.
I asked her “Do you think your sister would want you to go back to that situation and maybe end up dead”? She said “no.”
I said think about it. What exactly are you taking from your sister? Space. Space doesn’t cost them anything.
I asked her if she had any money?
She said “yes.” So I said, use that money to buy food for you and your daughter so you can feel better about being a charity case.
.
After we got past the, negative emotions, we were then able to plan for the future to , get unstuck.

You can’t plan and have hope when you are busy wallowing in, negative energy, and self-pity of, being stuck.

I asked her about job prospects and she told me she had an interview scheduled for the next day.
That my friends is the First secret to, get unstuck.

1: Hope and Faith are important to getting unstuck

Faith, that God can make a way out of no way.

Faith, that even though you can’t see the entire stairway you know that the stairs are there.

The message of, faith, in this story is that you can’t think that God intended for you to live in an, abusive relationship, being dependent on an abusive man for your survival. You have to be able to get out of the valley, get unstuck, and see the light of the mountain top. You have to know in your heart that you were meant to be more. You have to want more for your children.

Once you find that, positive energy, things will begin to open up. Opportunities will come your way, God will open doors shut by the devil and your negative emotions.

My coachee got the job we are moving in the direction to, get unstuck.
She now lives in Atlanta and she is happy!
The devil is a liar, don’t let him convince you that you are, stuck.

2: Another way to get unstuck is to move the energy around.

The universe is made up of energy. We are a bundle of energy.
When you have, stuck, energy it causes disease.
So you have to force yourself to get off the couch, you have to do something, anything.
Do it until you feel like doing it. Do the things you don’t feel like doing until you feel like doing it!

Another client of mine got fired from his job so he sat around all day with his hurt feelings.
Blaming his boss and all his friends who did not support him.

You have to get over disappointment and hurt so you can get on with it.
Don’t let tragedy destroy you and keep you, stuck.
Don’t stop, continue to stay busy.
Continue to work your plan take small steps if you can’t take big steps
Automatic negative thoughts don’t take any effort on your part they come naturally like weeds in your garden.
But if you want to grow roses or orchids in your garden it takes special effort and a process.

Similarly, being stuck, on something someone did to you is natural.
Feeling angry when your kids are ungrateful for the sacrifices you made for them is natural.
Being fired after working at your job for 10 years, never taking time off for your kid’s soccer matches or dance recitals is natural.
Feeling vengeful at the betrayal of your spouse is natural.

It is natural to be angry, hurt, disappointed, vengeful; but it is important not to stay there.

It is important to, get unstuck, remove , negative emotions. You have to get over them and move on.

3: Seek the council of others when you feel Stuck

What my friend on LinkedIn did was good. She contacted a, life coach. She received council and got a fresh perspective.
Even if she not heed my advice, she still moved the energy by doing something.

One way to do this is to memorize and recite the, serenity prayer, several times per day

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

One of the first things they taught us in coaching school is that you can’t coach someone that is not in front of you. Why was this important? Because most coachees will come into the coaching conversation complaining that their life is a mess because of the actions of someone else. The only person that you can change is yourself. You have no control over the behavior of anyone other than yourself.

4: Another way is to find peace with the situation if you can’t or won’t move right now.

I remember a sermon I heard from my first Pastor. He said whenever he felt like complaining about his wife he would pray and ask God to change him!

So for example if you are, stuck, in order to, get unstuck, you have to become aware of your thoughts. Change the way you look at the bad things he or she does. If he or she talks to you with disrespect. You can tell yourself it is not personal, that he or she speaks to everyone like that because he doesn’t know any better.

If he only talks to you with disrespect you can tell yourself that he doesn’t know you and let his words not penetrate your consciousness. He can talk but you do not hear or transfer the words. It becomes just noise.

This is a simple example but it works to, get unstuck. This is also called the Law of Allowing. It especially works in intimate relationships.
When you stop resisting and allow your partner the freedom to self-express, you open up the path towards healing the brokenness and allow the relationship to become healthy.

Concentrate only on what you are doing and saying. Stop reacting to stimuli and watch what happens.

5: Another technique is to notice when you are stuck and distract yourself

Come back to the problem later
Write out options and solutions
Write out the worrying situation
Write what you can do about it
Write what you cannot control about it.

6: Most importantly are your thoughts. Whether you are stuck or not, your thinking makes it so.

The thoughts that matter most are your self-thoughts.
It is never the situation that causes you to be, stuck, but your thoughts and feelings about the situation that makes you feel stuck.

Your thoughts influence your emotions, so to, get unstuck, think differently, and you will feel differently.

Sometimes, how you think someone should respond to you, blocks your blessings. If you move yourself and your ego out of the way.
Then maybe God can give you what he has in store for you.

Look at the bible story of Naaman. Naaman was angry because the profit did not come out and greet him and bow down to him when he came to him to heal his leprosy. Instead the profit Elisha sent a messenger out to tell Naaman to go wash himself in the river Jordon seven times and he will be restored. . Naaman went away angry because he felt disrespected. But he was smart enough to accept council from one of his servants. The servant told him he had nothing to loose by following the instructions of the profit. The servant was able to see the frame around the picture. Naaman could not. He could only see the situation that was making him mad. He decided to follow the profit’s instructions.
He went and dipped himself in the river Jordon seven times and he came out perfect and clean!.

Naaman almost missed his blessing by reacting to what he considered disrespect.

Some of you are, stuck, because of poisonous thinking.
Your thoughts can poison your spirit, and then you never see positive only negative.

As Neapolitan Hill said

As a man thinking so is he.

Shakespeare puts it another way

“Nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”

7: You have to know yourself to grow yourself

You have to know where your pattern started.
You have to make the connection between your old story and your current circumstances

Eg. If your mother gave you up for adoption and your feeling of abandonment are keeping you stuck in Low self-esteem,
you should become aware that your past has nothing to do with your future.

You know better, that you are not your mom and she had her reasons.
The deeper truth is that you are responsible for your life and not what someone did to you.
You have to shift and take responsibility, you have to know that you keep getting into these situations because of your lack of self-esteem or because of your need for security.
Awareness is key. Once again, a coach can help if you can look at your patterns objectively.

What are you blaming?
What is your pattern? What is the evidence of your pattern?

I had a coaching client who had 3 failed marriages where the men stole from her.
We had to find her pattern and why she kept attracting and falling in love with the same type of man.

We discovered that she loved how her dad took care of her mom and paid all the bills, so she kept looking for that trait in a man.
She ended up getting the opposite.

Use your negative energy to get unstuck

Did you know that nothing exists without its opposite?
You can’t know light without knowing darkness.
In order to know if something is good you first have to experience bad!

She had to learn to create a new pattern.
She had to go inside and use her feminine power of intuition to pick a mate.
She had to listen to her inner desire and not the outer desire for material pleasures.
When she did that she shifted her pattern and created a new one.
Now she is in the best relationship of her life.

She tells me that she has touched the moon and it feels so good!

To read about my personal journey of getting Unstuck, pick up a copy of my book
” Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”

Out of the Snares

Additional Resources

How to Heal Your Brokenness

How to be Happy with Less

February 8, 2021February 28, 2021

Get Rapid Results- Eat That Frog

As a Leader, You have the vision, you have identified where you are on the map. You have even written out your goals on paper, so now what?
Now you have to take action. You have to start to, eat that frog, starting with the largest frogs. Frogs, are the jobs that you wish you didn’t have to do. Tadpoles are the jobs you like to do!

As a start-up Entrepreneur for example, You need to lobby for Capital;
You need to build your team;
You need to launch your product or service.

If you Build it, they will Come!

How do you decide which is the ugliest and biggest, frog, to eat first?
Most entrepreneurs manage by crises.
The, frog, they eat first is the one that is on fire!

Here are 5 ways to strategically, eat that frog, starting with the ugliest one first!

Eat that frog, the largest and ugliest frog first: this is usually marketing.
Your company will rise or fall depending on your marketing strategy.
Eat that frog, get your marketing message out. Marketing is the life blood of your organization.

What is your marketing budget?
What kind of money do you want to make?
Are you hoping to make $50,000 per year or $5,000,000 per year?
These are the questions that need to be answered before you, eat that frog. Begin eating your marketing frog.
You need to set the table before you, eat that frog. How many plates do you need? Are you eating alone or will others be joining you? What are some of the sides that go well with marketing frog eating?

Eat your biggest and ugliest frog first

The ugliest and biggest, frog, is usually picking up the phone and start dialing. In the Pursuit of
Happyness movie which documents a real life event, Chris Gardner’s, frog, was to make 200 calls per day. He, ate that frog, daily until he was full as a millionaire!.

Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

2: Don’t stare at your, frogs, too long. Just, eat that frog, If it is a really ugly and unappetizing frog, just gulp it down with one big bite; don’t cut it up into little pieces.
For example, lets say you decide that today you are going to start your campaign to get funding for your new project. You go through your Rolodex and start calling Venture Capitalists. This frog taste bad; but you eat all of it. You, eat that frog, You don’t stop eating until you have called all the Venture Capitalists on your list.
If you decide for instance to only make 5 calls today and 5 tomorrow, guess what? Tomorrow you going to procrastinate because you hated eating the frogs from yesterday and your mind will gravitate to eating a pleasant tadpole!, Eat that frog, at one sitting and get it out of the way!

3: Celebrate yourself. Pump your fist and pat yourself on the back after you, eat that frog.
You had the courage to do something hard; you did it!!

4: Record your Growth.
Remember when you were a child, your doctor would measure your growth and your weight every time you went to see him? He did this because how much you grew was an indication of how healthy you were.
In a similar way, how much you are growing as a Leader and how much your company grew within a certain period of time is an indication of the health of your company. Growth always depends on how you, eat that frog.

Transform Your mind Podcast

Eat Your Personal Growth Frog

One of the, frogs, you as the Leader of your organization, team or self, MUST eat is the, frog, of Personal Growth. If you don’t, eat that frog, of personal growth, frog, then your company is guaranteed to become stunted and stop growing. Personal growth includes working with a, executive Coach to Helps you:

accomplish your vision for yourself or company,

to establish accountability,

to uncover blind spots,

to sound out new ideas and get feedback.

It involves reading self improvement books and attending seminars in your industry. As the CEO you are the lid! Your company rises or falls under your Leadership so, eat that frog, of personal growth.

5: Eat all your frogs, do not leave anything on your plate.
Let’s say you have 10 frogs on your plate. You, ate that frog, the first two they were the largest and ugliest ones. You may be tempted to bypass or eliminate some of the others; but every one of the frogs you added to your plate had a specific purpose and is tied to a result. Throwing away your peas because you don’t like it, directly impacts the health of your organization. So, eat that frog, eat everything on your plate and your success will be guaranteed!

In Brian Tracy’s book “Eat that Frog” He lists the, rules of frog eating.

Set Goals

The first, rule of frog eating, is to define your largest, frogs, first. The more clear you are about what you want and what you have to do to achieve it, the easier it is for you to overcome procrastination, eat that frog, and get on with the completion of the task.

The no. 1 way to deal with procrastination is to set goals.

Take a blank sheet of paper and write down your top 10 goals you want to achieve this year.

Clarity will give you the ability to know which, frogs, you must eat first to complete your goals.

80/20 Rule

Pareto principle “Small amount of your activities are leading to a huge amount of your results.

Take time to figure out what those things are and do them more often.

For example: If you have 10 things on the list. there is a high probability that 2 things will get you 80% of the success you want.

So it’s crucial to identify what are the 1-2 things you must do now. These things will lead to great majority of your success.

The largest frogs always make the biggest impact so, eat that frog.

Oil Barrels

What we want to do is to have micro goals. Don’t overwhelm yourself, thinking you need to get your goals in just one big step.

This is not going to happen. If you think that, you will procrastinate.

On the other side, if you break down you big goal to tiny little steps and micro goals you can do amazing things.

I-Handle

We waste a lot of time to distract ourselves. Being distracted is the worst enemy of productivity.

Now for example: If you turn off your email notifications, you’ll probably increase your productivity by 10 % – daily.

You don’t want to start something, check an email and then start working again on your task.

That kind of multitasking is horrible for your productivity. If you’re doing that, you have to constantly get your momentum back, figuring out where you left off and it takes you forever to do that task.

It’s very important to do one thing at the time. Get in the habit of finishing things. You start it, you finish it.

If you have a habit of allowing yourself to be distracted, you must discipline yourself to single handle things. You’ll notice your productivity will go way up.

Additional Resources

https://youtu.be/upTSpDSp15k

How to Consciously Plan Personal Growth

Growth Hacks, to Win the Internet Game

February 7, 2021February 11, 2021

How to be Confident after a Divorce

Building true, confidence, after the betrayal of a partner is a gradual process. How to be confident, after a, divorce, is a gradual process. No one is going to turn into a positive, self-confident, person overnight. But if you’re in need of a place to start, here are 6 tips on, how to be confident, after losing your man.

This week on Transform your Mind podcast with Coach Myrna, I interview Confidence mentor Di Ridell. Di is going to talk to us today on the subject “7 Ways to get your, confidence, back after a, divorce, of death of a spouse.”

10 Tips on How to Build Confidence:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others. I know from experience that this is a, self-confidence, killer, especially if you are comparing yourself to someone younger. Remember that you’re only seeing the surface of their lives and looks, not the underlying reality. Focus instead on what’s important–your own strengths and goals.

2. Keep your limiting beliefs at bay.
Even the most successful people with healthy relationships have limiting beliefs about themselves, but the biggest difference is that they choose to focus on their strengths and possibilities instead of their limits.

3. Live in a positive reality.
Don’t say anything about yourself that you don’t want to become a reality. Positive thoughts and words alone won’t make you a more, confident, person, but, confident, people do think a lot of positive things about themselves. Remind yourself of what you’re capable of and what you’ve already accomplished.

4. Don’t mask it.
Self-confidence, isn’t the impression you give others; but how you feel about yourself. It’s all about who you are, where you are, and where you want to be in your own life and relationships.

5. Change what you can.
Confident, people know they cannot change the past, but they can change the future. They make daily choices that lead them toward the future they want to live out.

6. Be fully committed.
Be fully committed to doing whatever you can to build your success every single day, accepting full responsibility for your life. If it gets uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track! Don’t procrastinate, do what it takes without agonizing or drama.

7. Practice Self Love

8. Take action to get back on the horse. Don’t isolate yourself

9. Have a Level 5 Friend to share your darkest thoughts

10. Complete yourself and not wait for someone to complete you

The nature of confidence

You should not allow your, confidence, to be dictated by someone else’s feelings in any facet of your daily life. Your feelings are just as valid as theirs, and you should never allow someone else to sink yours like an anchor, just because you have been through the, divorce, experience.

Your behavior should not be driven by the emotions of anyone, especially your ex-spouse. They may attempt to reenter the picture for whatever reason, and while that reason may be valid and may need to be dealt with, there is no reason you should allow their thoughts and their feelings to bring you down or shatter any progress you have made in rebuilding your confidence.

You cannot and should not allow yourself to be manipulated in this way. If you sense that the conversation is headed in a direction that you are not comfortable with, it is imperative that you exercise some, self-love, and remove yourself from any narrative that would damage your post-divorce recovery process.

You need to be able to believe in your ability to rebuild your life and move forward. After a, divorce, you may begin to question your ability to make life decisions, but do not let one setback color your perspective and prevent you from making these types of calls.

Whether it is through your job, your friends, your family, or a new relationship, you can make different aspects of your new life matter and move past the negativity of a dysfunctional and unhappy marriage. Your productivity in starting over and taking each step to a new future is something you should be proud of and should give you the, confidence, boost you need to take additional steps.

If you like this content, please subscribe to my iTunes podcast and leave a review. Thank you
Transform your Mind iTunes podcast

Additional Resources

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt