What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

child sexual abuse
Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse,  Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta’s story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:

Kreta’s story of, sexual abuse

Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.

Kreta’s, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn’t have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.

Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.

She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.

She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.

Kreta’s story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.

Child Abuse Statistics

  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts

I want to say that Kreta’s mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .

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Here are 5 Statistics about sexual abuse offenders

  1. Ages 12 to 14 are the peak ages for child offenders.
  2. 70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
  3. Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
  4. Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it’s often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
  5. Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN. 
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse

Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.

People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.

People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors

Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.

Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children’s lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.

Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.

 

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

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Arifah What does, Child abuse, statistics, show about self love?

It shows that if, child abuse, and sexual abuse, victims do the following, They begin to heal.

  • Take your time
  • Recognize that your needs matter
  • Forgive yourself and knowledge of self through therapy
  • Find a support group
  • Learn to practice self-compassion, to rid yourself of shame-based beliefs, such as you are worthless, defective, bad, or unlovable
  • Find time for self care activities (journaling, exercise, mediation, art, hanging out with people that care about you).
  • Gain new experiences (i.e. get involved in the community)
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

 

Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space.  Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?

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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse,  statistics,   the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims.  I remember my,  sexual abuse, It was from a man  who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation.  He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls.  I never told anyone!

That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, 

  1. Read Positive affirmations
  2. Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
  3. Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
  4. Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
  5. Ask for help when you need it

 Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse 

Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?

Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions.  When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.

Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.masterproblems.com/2017/02/what-can-be-done-about-child-abuse.html

When Your Child Can’t Speak

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/subabuse_childmal.pdf

 

 

How To Conquer The 5 Most Common Causes of Failure

Five common causes of failure

Failure, leaves clues so a coach can recognize your, failure symptoms. Most of us run on auto pilot. Science shows that 95% of humans operate on a subconscious level, and only 5% of us are aware and conscious of our daily actions. One of the reasons coaching is so successful is that it allows you to “know thyself” a little better by revealing your, blind spots, or areas of, unconscious patterns, including why we fail.

Most of us are unable to clearly state our abilities. We overestimate them, we underestimate them, we become complacent; we allow them to decay. Occasionally we are unaware that they exist. It is important you recognize your, failure symptoms

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Here are the 5 most common causes of failure

1: The most common cause of, failure, is to, blame, others.  Don’t blame me, Victims, have no power, when you, blame, others for your, failure in life, you are saying that you have no power.

It is said that the difference between witchcraft and medicine is that when a man falls sick, witchcraft makes him ask ” who did this to me” medicine makes him ask “what did this to me”.

When we, blame, others for our, failures, we do not recognize that no one has the power to make us fail, you must accept responsibility for your part and learn from it.

Do you Blame Yourself?

2: The second cause of, failure, is the tendency to, blame oneself. We tell ourselves things like “why was I such a fool, what an easy mark I am, why do I always put my foot in my mouth etc.” For example, your marriage fails and you, blame yourself, for choosing the man in the first place. You, blame yourself, for not recognizing the red flags.

How to stop self blame:  – Instead of, blaming yourself, you should tell yourself that you did your best with the information you had at the time and that it takes 2 to make a marriage work. Blaming yourself plants deep feelings of inferiority and insecurity which will later strike up like weeds to dominate the garden of your mind. Excessive, self-blame, opens the door to guilt. Self-blame, also closes the door to, self-development.

How to set goals

3: The 3rd cause of, failure, has to do with, setting goals. Having no goals or having low goals. Dr William Menninger says “a fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere.”

No goals are bad enough, but, low goals, are worse. Like, setting goals, to get the highest number on video games. That is an example of a, low goal.

Happiness is the pursuit of a goal or purpose, if you have, no goals, then you are a, failure.

How to set goals: choosing the wrong goal

4: The 4th common, cause of failure, is choosing the, wrong goal. Imagine that you have the, goal, to become a social worker, you graduated with your Bachelor’s Degree and your Master’s Degree and then worked for 20 years as a social worker; but you get to your 50’s and realize that what you really wanted to be was a politician and work for the citizens of your country to make policies than benefit all. After reaching the fifth nor 6th decade it is too late to turn back. That is why it is a good idea to understand your passions and listen to your heart early in life to determine the direction you should go.

Taking a short cut

5: The 5th, failure symptom, I want to leave you with today  – is taking a, short cut.

An electric current will follow the line of least resistance; but a bulb glows because there is resistance.

Taking the short cut, many of us choose the shortest, easiest quickest way to success, only to discover that success was illusory; the bulb did not glow. No conquest can be achieved without hard work– no conquest can give true pleasure if it has not required hard work.

My grandmother would say there are, no short cuts in life, when you take the path of lease resistant you usually find yourself at the wrong destination and have to start all over.

https://youtu.be/UDZvuXqZDQ0

Conclusion

These are the 5 most common, causes of failure, if you become conscious of them then you can recognize them when they show up and make a better choice.

  • Never blame anyone for your life, you are in control.
  • Do not blame yourself, we were not given a manual at birth, we do as best as we can with the information we have.
  • Goal setting – Happiness is working towards a goal, set goals and work towards them.
  • Check in with yourself thorough out your life to see if you are getting any fulfillment from your career, so you won’t get to your 50’s and find out that you chose the wrong path.
  • Finally, don’t take the, short cut, they rarely get you there faster.

Thanks for turning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

5 Powerful Strategies to Achieve Any Goal

How to Let Your Desires Flow

How to let your, desires flow, out of you. We can become like the, Alchemist, and transform our desires and let our, desires flow, out of us when we realize that we are abundant.
Whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s a job whether it’s travel, whatever is your most intimate, desire, we’ve been teaching you, me and my co-host miss Margo Blake has been teaching you how to achieve the, Alchemy of Desire, which is the magical transformation of thoughts into manifestation.

Today I want to conclude with now that you’ve got it how
to flow with it so we’re calling this episode “How to let your, desires flow”

How to let your desires flow

  1. Knowing what you want, and once you know what you want in order to activate it you need to put some emotion to it and that is how you activate the,  Law of Attraction.
  2. Using the, energy of desire, to create something magical.
  3. Put your attention on your, desires, so that you can light your, desires, on fire!

 

How to keep what you now have

What you have in your hands need some work, you just don’t get it and then you don’t have to do anything else.
Relationships, require work, and most people have a false sense of entitlement.
They feel that it is enough that they are just there in the relationship and
all they have to do is show up or come home every night and they feel that
they’re doing something. People think that you should love them as they are
and they don’t need any work or they don’t need to make any changes.

I remember one of my ex-husband’s actually saying this to me.
A few months after we were married I asked him to take more care with his
Appearance and hygiene because he was walking around looking like he was homeless and this was his response and I quote

“This is what you bought and you can’t send it back”

A lot of people feel that hey you picked me, you bought me, you got into a relationship with me, so you must be okay with how I am, and you know you gotta put up or shut up. But that does not lead to a healthy relationship.

Your desires need work to manifest

Some ask why do I have to do all this work? I have heard people say it’s either a fit or it’s or it’s not. Why try to force a square peg in a round hole? Good question. It’s true, that there are some square pegs that definitely do not need to be forced into a round hole because it’s never gonna fit right; but we’re not talking about the obvious misfits. We’re talking about couples have some synergy. They have love but they just got to do a little bit of work.

We all know the spouse or a partner that just comes home and turn on the TV and pay his partner no attention. Those are the ones were talking about. Relationships,  needs work to keep them fresh and healthy.

When, relationships, are not fresh and healthy, couples then become roommates and it’s never more evident as when you go to your partner and you say “Hey this is not working out, I think we should we should go our separate ways and they say sure why not. They agree!

My gosh that is like a slap in your face or like someone throwing a cold bucket of water on you! That is not the response you want but; that’s what happens when the relationship Ebbs and Ebbs and nobody pays any attention and you’re now just roommates. What has happened is that your partner has emotionally checked out a long time ago and they’re just there for I don’t know, finances, the children or whatever the reason. You have to let your, desires flow.

When you break up with someone you want them
to miss you. You want them to chase you. You don’t want them to say.
“Sure, why not!”. That’s not the response that we should get when
we’re trying to terminate a relationship right?

When desire stop flowing

I remember reading Gabrielle Union’s book We’re Going To Need More Wine”  and she told the story a very sad story about the night she had a fight with her first husband. She describes this relationship as feeling like you are driving towards a brick wall yet being incapable of mashing on the breaks! Her marriage was going down the tank for a long time but she didn’t want to give up on it.

So, she told the story about a night she had a fight with her husband one of their many fights and she ran out the house in the middle of the night, four o’clock in the morning or some ridiculous time like that. She expected her husband to chase her because you know your husband should be worried about you, he’s supposed to be to protect you!

Gabriel ended up sitting by a tree and falling asleep. When she woke up in the morning she was sure that her husband was worried about her and called the cops. She expected to find cops all over her house when she got home. Instead she found her husband fast asleep.
That’s when she realized there was no hope for her marriage. Her husband’s, desire, for her had stopped flowing.

What can you do to keep desires flowing

So ladies and gentlemen, Ask yourself what do you bring to the table?
You now have the object of your affection, you won. He or she is now yours what are you going to do to keep him or her?
Ladies maybe you were a seductress and got the man interested, now what? What else you got?
One quality will bring someone to the table and even make them fall in love with you but it will not keep them. It will not hold them.

Lots of people love others, but can’t live with them.
Lot of couples divorce yet are still in love, that is because you need a pairing of attractive qualities.
A one hat trick is not going to be enough in the long run.
Ladies, You know that there is a long line of seductress waiting around the corner to entice your man.
Men if all you got, is that you are the provider, well all your woman has to do is look to the left or right and find another man with a job and he can replace you.
What is your unique paring? What make your, desires flow?

This information was the reason I went through 4 husbands.
They all had one thing but not the unique pairing I required to hold me.
I will tell you it took me almost 30 years to find it in my current relationship.
My unique paring was ambition and genuine caring. Caring for me and my daughter.
When you get this unique paring you get not only an attraction but you get an addiction.
The “and” is what makes you difficult to replace.
What I would like to do now is play for you an except from one of the relationship experts I interviewed on this show to add some context to our conversation. Ms Inez Bracy is a coach and author of Rejuvenate your life: 21 days to feel like a woman again.

Days to feel like a woman again by Inez Bracy

5 Ways to let your desires flow

1. Meditation
Your journey begins whenever you say it is. Meditation allows you to connect to your inner self and let your, desires flow, out of you.
Now is this moment if you decide this second yeah this makes perfect sense to me. I am going to do something to start changing my life.
If you decide that that’s perfect and you go into silence and into meditation, being still, whatever it is you desire to change will reveal itself to you. It will come in a way where you are given steps to take.
Now I can tell you this when that comes, it is going to come very quietly, it’s not going to be loud and boisterous, it’s going to tell you perhaps you should do this or that.

2. Celebration
The next thing that I enjoy is celebrations. Celebrate something every single day and that’s what my blissful living challenge is all about. So many times we can get caught up in everything that’s going on around us. Almost like a vortex we get just sucked into it; but if you’ve ever been around a baby, small babies or under two years old. Up to that age the baby’s just gurgles and giggles and they are just so happy.
I imagine it now.

Being blissful allows your desires to flow.  They have no reason not to be. We lose that along the way from boundaries and everything else that comes along. When we lose that we get to recapture and reclaim it because it is our birthright. Babies come in the world with it. We could to reclaim our birthright and no matter what is going on in our environment, we can still choose bliss.

3. Vibration Frequency
The more you start to celebrate, the more you lift your vibrations and The more you sing, the more you dance, the less often you will have to shovel; because your vibrational energy is at a point now where it’s attracting to you those things that are good. This level of vibration is higher so you’re going to be attracting love, you’re going to be attracting Joy, you’re going to be attracting bliss.

Yes, I talk about gratitude like that but; I guess it’s the same word be grateful for what you have regardless of what’s lacking. Don’t concentrate on what you don’t have. Concentrate on what you want. So that you can raise your vibrational frequency and attract good things.

So, yes celebrating having gratitude very important.

4. Vision
Another thing is to visualize. To live in a space of visualization to write out what it is you want. When I’m working with my clients, I say to them I desire you get to write out your vision for your life. Where do you want to live?
How does it look? How does it show up?

Sit down and see yourself in the theater of your mind. On your own stage and you’re the actor and the producer!
Write out your vision for your life.

5. Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
We can spend our entire lives lamenting Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda and that’s all in the past. All in the past, it’s already happened or didn’t happen. Those words have no value to this present moment. They have no value to your future either.
So you should begin to eliminate woulda coulda shoulda from your vocabulary

Additional resources 

Transform Your Life: How to Use the Energy of Desire

How to Use the Law of Attraction for Couples

How can the, Law of Attraction for couples, help you to thrive at home and at work? NYT best selling author Christy Whitman talks about thriving in your relationships this week  on the Transform your Mind with Coach Myrna” podcast.

Christy is the author of “Quantum Success 7 essential laws, for a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money”

Life coach Myrna Young interviews Christy on her, personal development, life coaching podcast.  I am speaking  to 2 Times New York Bestselling author Ms Christy Whitman. Christy is also the author of “The Art of having It All”, Perfect Pictures, and Taming your Alpha Bitch and she has a new book that’s coming out in September that’s called, “Quantum Success, 7 essential laws, for a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money”

Law of Attraction Thriving Introduction

I am so excited to be talking again to Christy. This is our second in a series of 3. Our topic today is coming directly from Christie’s new book.

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https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-Transform-your-Mind-29542107/

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
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Christie Whitman is a Transformational Leader, Celebrity coach, New York Times bestselling author twice, one for “The Art of Having it All” and the second for “Taming your Alpha Bitch” I love that title! Christy has appeared on The Today Show, the Morning Show, and her works have been featured in People’s magazine, Seventeen, Women’s Day, Hollywood Life, and Teen Vogue among others.

Christie is the CEO and founder of the Quantum Success Learning Academy and Quantum Success Coaching Academy a 12-month, Law of Attraction, coaching certificate program. Christie has helped thousands of people through her empowerment seminars, speeches and coaching sessions, and products.

Christi’s life-changing message reached over 200,000 people a month, and her work has been promoted by and featured with esteem authors and luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Dr. Dwayne Dwyer, Marci Shimoff, Brian Tracy, Neil Donald Walsh, Abram Hicks, and Louise Hay. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband Frederic and there are two boys Alexander and Maxim.

Christy’s Journey as a Law of Attraction for Couples Coach

Myrna – That’s was a very impressive Bio. I loved reading it. As a, life coaching podcast, I am always interested in my listeners learning life skills from my guests stories. You’ve done a lot, you’re quite accomplished. Can you give us a little bit of your backstory? Tell us your journey to becoming a successful, Law of Attraction for couples, leader and, quantum success, coach .

Christy – Sure, I always had the drive to be successful, and worked with the, law of attraction, back in day about 20 years ago, before I found the other universal laws, I did what it took to take action. I had perseverance. I went after the things that I wanted. I was able to focus, using the, law of attraction for couples, but whenever I got there, I never felt satisfied.

Using the Law of Attraction for Couples to Bring you Happiness

I never felt happy, never felt like it was enough. So no matter what I accomplished, it just didn’t good. When I actually accomplished something great, it actually would feel the opposite. I remember almost feeling let down, like okay well I was supposed to have this epiphany. I was supposed to have this, amazing feeling. I would never find that feeling of satisfaction.

When I learned more about, the law of attraction for couples, about 21 years ago, I really learned about how your thoughts create your reality. I had already been successful and I had a great career going. I was making money and yet, just wasn’t satisfied. I just felt like all the things that I was told would make me happy it wasn’t working and I was starting to think like what’s wrong with me.

I thought if I had money, if I had the career, if I had a boyfriend, if I had this great body, look a certain way, then I would be happy, and none of the outer things were doing it for me. It was when I found a sense of myself, through meditation on the, law of attraction for couples, and through really returning to myself, stopped focusing outward on everything and everyone outside of me, a healthy selfish me.

I found I was coming back to myself. I started paying attention to the thoughts that I was thinking, that was activating, the law of attraction for couples, and how I was feeling and what I really came to understand, what my body of work really has been now, is that I have to be very mindful of that no matter what situation we’re in, we can always find peace.

How to Have it All using the, Law of Attraction

How the Law of Polarity interacts with the Law of Attraction

The law of Polarity, there’s a lot of things to appreciate and be grateful for. That’s what my bodywork has been. My whole training for last 21 years has been really sensing within myself where I am. Thinking thoughts of lack and limitation, where I comparing myself to other people. I look at other people and go oh my GOD, there’s so much more successful than me and then start feeling bad about myself and feeling like what I’ve accomplished is not enough.

Or do I compare myself to what other people are making? Or what impacts are my thought having? Those are times to check myself, look for what’s right and good about my life and about my family and everything in my life versus what’s wrong and bad.

These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that’s really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.

So those are the principles that I write about in my new book, Quantum Success, is that we’re all searching for some type of success, and the accolades. You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you’ll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn’t have much meaning in their lives or they’re not feeling satisfied or fulfilled.

The truth is that as long as we’re chasing things outside of ourselves we’re always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it’s within ourselves and it’s in the present moment. where all of our power exists.

How does The Law of Attraction for Couples Help in Relationships

Myrna – My first question is How does understanding your belief system help women and men who are functioning at high levels in their career or own their own business, but they’re still struggling to find contentment or happiness? How does understanding the, law of attraction for couples, help? How does understanding, quantum success, principles help in relationships?

https://myhelps.us/podcast-sponsorship-transform-your-mind/

Christy – Our beliefs are one of the ways that we create. I mean when you think about it, when we have a belief and there is such a conviction that this is so, that this is the way it is, we will create that’s what we are expecting to receive. It’s what we are expecting life to give us. We can’t create outside of our beliefs. If we believe that something good is going to happen, we then create something good.

There’s an underlying belief that what we are creating we the deserve. We’re not deserving or whatever it is; but we are always creating attracting things from the beliefs that we hold and here’s the good news. If we look at our lives and we’re not satisfied, we need to shift what we’re not satisfied about. Look at what the contrast is in our life, what we don’t want and allow that to be the springboard for what we do want.

I always ask myself when I’m finding a situation or circumstance happening in my life, I always ask myself what would I have to believe in order to create this? How does understanding the, law of attraction, facilitate my knowledge?

How Journaling helps Relationships

It’s an empowering question. I recommend even journaling about it because a lot of times if you sit there and if you haven’t done this practice before, you will not come up with an answer. I would take 10 mins with paper and I would journal. In order to create this situation what would I have to believe? What would I have to think? What would I have to be feeling in order to attract this?

You become more self-aware. I mean it’s really the process of self-awareness and when we can slow down enough to pay attention to ourselves, that is the richest thing that we can do. Not only are we connecting with ourselves, which most of us don’t do these days we’re so busy with so much going on our lives, we need to take the time to slow down and connect with our own self, to know ourselves, to know what you believe about this and that. Beliefs are not either right or wrong. This is a, life coaching podcast, so I will answer with life coaching tips.

I love when you said that most people are not conscious. As a Guyanese, I want this to also be a, Guyana podcast, Most people including Guyanese people, do not understand the, law of attraction, You use the word self-awareness which is another term for consciousness. I’ve spent a lot of time with that word in meditation and being aware. I live in higher consciousness, personal development, yet at my level right now, I will not be able to look at a situation and figure out how I created it.

I’m not there yet, but I’m in the less than 1% of the world that actually are working on self-awareness, consciousness and, personal development, As a, life coaching podcast, I teach my clients basically that whatever they want, they can create. It starts with their thoughts and starts with their belief system. You and I are both, personal development, coaches and one of the first things I do in my coaching sessions, the first couple of weeks is basically we talk about beliefs and we look back at past behaviors. You can actually figure out what you believe from how you have navigated situations in your past.

The Law of Attraction for Couples and the Universal Laws

What exactly is the, Law of Attraction, and why is it important to know the universal laws and, quantum success? The, Law of Attraction for couples, for me when I learned about it completely changed my life and the reason that they completely changed my life or that my life completely changed is because they’re for me like knowing the rules of the game or knowing the recipe to a really good cake or you know the plans to build a house.

I always say how successful would you be if you were going to go play baseball and you never saw the game before? You never knew how it was played? You don’t know what the rules are. Someone hands you a bat and says okay hit the ball. You can’t play the game if you don’t understand the rules of the game. What to do when you hit the ball? How can you get thrown out etc.

Life is similar, you have to learn the rules of the game, you have to learn the playbook. The first step is about learning these, essential universal laws and the, law of attraction, and applying them so that you become the deliberate creator of your life instead of being a victim of circumstances. There’s always going to be some kind of circumstance or situation or event or person that shapes our experiences.

It’s what we do with those experiences the perspectives that we hold, that will determine what we continue to attract in our lives. So the more you learn about these, essential laws of the universe and, the law of attraction. Knowing these universal laws is knowing the rules of the game.

The Seven Universal Laws

I try to make myself a million dollars by working with the, law of attraction, and the seven essential universal laws. We live in a vibratory universe, our universe is all about vibration. Modern science and quantum physics have now proven that everything from a human being to a rock is full of energy. Everything is energy, our thoughts our feelings, what we say, what we do, everything is coming out of us like an energy tower and we as an individual person are sending out energy signals all day every day.

The, Law of Attraction, is just matching those signals that we send out, and giving us more of the same. Now it’s not a tit-for-tat kind of thing, it’s not like oh I told someone they were a jerk and now someone’s going to call me on a jerk. It’s not like that literal, but if you’re sending out negative vibes you could be in traffic and someone could cut you off and you’re experiencing road rage, that negativity for example that wave of negativity will then cast out a returning wave of negativity to you.

So we have to be mindful about the energy that we are sending out. The thoughts that we think, the language we use. We don’t feel good when we’re sending bad vibes out, so using feelings helps makes for better choices.

For example, language like I choose not to put up with this marriage anymore. I choose not to be treated like that anymore. I choose not to waste my money or spend my money on this right now. Those are more empowering ways and languages that we can use that actually do make a difference in what we attract. The, Law of Attraction for couples, is really a mirror reflection. I like to think of it as a boomerang, it’s like what you’re sending out it’s coming back to you.

The most important law from the seven essential laws of the universe, I believe is the, Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. This law states that everything in the universe is abundant. Most of us are experiencing abundance of lack or pain or suffering, but the universe is always going to give us an abundance.

If you look at nature and look at trees you can’t say we can’t possibly count the amount of leaves that are on a tree or how many waves crash up again against the shore in the ocean, or count the raindrops that are coming down from the sky. The universe has always functioned in abundance, and to get what you want from the law is called sufficiency and abundance, it’s being in a satisfied place.

It’s coming from sufficiency. You get there by appreciating and looking for the good. In your life right now, in any situation, I don’t care what it is you can find the good things about it. The law of Polarity says that every subject is really two subjects, it’s the halving of it, or the not having of it. It’s the lack of it or the abundance of it, and when we can deliberately choose how we want to focus, what we want to believe, what we want to appreciate, or not.

How Gratitude engages the Law of Attraction for Couples

Were the ones in charge of which area, what side of the spectrum, we want to be on any given subject, but the doorway into abundance is sufficiency. You start by practicing gratitude. I first started doing gratitude meditation, I would literally walk around and think of a hundred things a day, listing all of the things that I was grateful for and that would raise my vibration, it would make me feel so good and things started, almost like magic, would start being attracted into my life.

Another thing you can do is think about one thing you’re grateful for and think of 20 things or reasons why and it’s not lip service, it’s not like I’m grateful for my husband and I’m grateful my kids, there’s no energy behind that, there’s no pain, you have to feel the emotion. Doesn’t work unless you feel. That’s why affirmations work for some people, and they don’t work for other people because people are like I’m abundant, but there’s no energy.

The other Universal Laws

These are seven essential laws of The Universe:
• The Law of Attraction,
• The Law of Allowing,
• The Law of Pure Potentiality ,
The law of Oneness,
• The Law of Balance and Harmony,
• The Law of Sufficiency and Abundance,

These universal laws, when you apply them and learn how to work with them, they will absolutely change your life.

The Universe sends human beings countless signs and symbols over the course of their lives, and if you are able to comprehend them, you’ll be able to sense when you’re on your destined path in life—and when you’re not. Please read the list below to make sure you haven’t missed any vital info, and to ensure that you’re on the right journey.

Here are 13 signs The, Law of Attraction, is working for you
https://ewao.com/2017/10/24/13-signs-the-law-of-attraction-is-working-for-you/
I love the Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. Deepak Chopra used to say we are just like a wave in the ocean, that the universe is abundant. We’re not going to run out of water, we’re not going to run out of grass, sunlight. I’ve used this Law, let’s say that you want a promotion and your friend gets it.

You’re jealous and you’re envious, that is a blockage because it means that you believe that is universe does not have enough for the both of you. if you say I’m happy for my friend, because this world is abundant and she’s not taking my job, there’s more available for me, and you’re happy and you celebrate that person’s success, what that’s saying is that you believe that the world is abundant.

You believe that whatever God can do for her, he is going to do for you, and that’s where a lot of people don’t get it. They’re always envious and they’re always catty and they’re jealous and they can’t celebrate your success. Abraham talks about this. She talks about contrast, she says go out there and look for contrast, look for things that you don’t have and say that’s what I want and be happy for that person. But most people don’t live there. The do not understand the, the essential laws of attraction.

We’ve been talking about the, law of attraction, the playbook, personal development, quantum success, and making this a Guyana podcast, for my people.

Be aware of fear and desire. Awareness helps balance them ~ Deepak Chopra

To get a FREE copy of Christy’s book, Head over to iTunes snd leave a review for the Transform Your Mind with coach Myrna podcast, then head over to www.quantumsuccessbook.com and Kristy will send you her new book when it comes out in September for free. All you do is pay for shipping. Kristy will be back for one more episode.

Our topic will be “How to reverse the negative momentum in your career.” So remember to subscribe and you will not miss any new episodes. If you are from Guyana, I hope you enjoyed this, Law of Attraction podcast, leave me a shout out in the comments.

Additional Resources

Using the Law of Attraction to Have it All

How to Become an Open Communicator

How to become an open communicator

Sometimes being an, open communicator, vs a closed off communicator gets you out of bad situations like in a relationship.  In every area of life, there is no reward if there is no risk taken.

This week on Mindset Transformation radio and podcast with Coach Myrna Young, I interview Leadership Coach and Trainer, Gail Green.
Gail teaches us How to Become an, open Communicator. Gail is the founder of GoGreen Learning.
To receive her Free Gift of 3 Go Cards send her an email from her web site www.gogreenlearning.com

 

Here is a brief Biography of Gail Green.

•Gail is a leadership coach and trainer and her topic today is “How to find out if you are an, open vs closed communicator, as well as an, open communicator in the workplace.   Gail is a leader who connects individuals and teams to their truth, helping them to discover their full expression of courage, joy and fulfillment. Gail works with all sizes of companies, as well as individually with leaders, and do life coaching with individuals from all walks of life.

Gail’s primary work is in leadership development, teambuilding, stress management and all forms of, open and honest communication.

Who is a Closed Communicator?

Why is being a, closed communicator, bad?

As a, closed communicator:

  • you become defensive,
  • resistant,
  • bitchy,
  • moody,
  • easy to anger,
  • confrontational,
  • and not open to feedback.

So as a Leader, it is important to be an, open communicator,  to your team and employees.

Open people radiate outwards from their heart and is able to touch others.

If you want to impact your employees and your customers, then learn how to be open.
Listen to the podcast as Gail teaches us how to be an, Open vs Closed communicator, with the help of her Go Cards.

Brian Tracy The author of “Eat that Frog” also teaches How to become an, Open Communicator, as a Leader and achieve new levels of success in sales.
Click the link below to find out how.


300x250 Sales Success Made Simple

 

Are You also Closed Off in your personal relationships And Don’t Even Know It?

Being an, open communicator in a relationship, is necessary for the relationship to be healthy.

Here are a few questions to find out if you are an, open communicator.

  • How Would you answer the following questions?
  • Are you emotionally guarded?
  • Are you willing to take risks?

If you answered yes to these questions, it could mean that you are closed off emotionally.

Sometimes being emotionally guarded gets you into bad situations; but most of the time it gets you nowhere. In every area of life, there is no reward if there is no risk taken. So that could be why you keep finding yourself in relationships that bore you, or in relationship with other emotionally closed off individuals. Because like attracts like. Those relationships aren’t very rewarding, are they?

Open and honest communication, is the best way to be in relationships at home and workplace. If you don’t take the risk by becoming an, open communicator, and putting your true self and your true feelings on the table, those are the types of relationships that you will attract.

Your emotionally open friends who love being, open communicators, will get those giddy, best-friends-lovers, movie-type romances; you will get the dead-end ones. Maybe you’ve never had your heart broken, and maybe you think that’s a perk. But it’s not. It is said that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all! So, I will ask the question. Are you closed off communicator and don’t even realize it?

Here is an article from Madame Enoire that asks 10 more ways to tell if you are closed off personally.

Here are 10 ways to tell if you an, open communicator, or closed off 

  1. Do you feel like first dates are interrogations, and are put off by the line of questioning you receive during them?
  2. Does it feel very inappropriate to you whenever someone becomes emotional around you?
  3. Do your friends share their romantic stories with you? Or do they feel that you are never happy for them so they don’t share?
  4. Do you attract cocky guys?
  5. You do a lot of Googling before first dates.
  6.  You prep your friends to meet a guy.
  7.  Sex is a competition.
  8.  You’ve never cried to a partner or shown your venerability.
  9.  Eye contact makes you very uncomfortable
  10. You’re very sarcastic

 

Total Money Magnetism (The Secret Neuroscience of Millionaires) is a six-step system that effortlessly and automatically re-programs your brain into the brain of a millionaire. Written by world renowned hypnotherapist, multimillionaire, and celebrity success coach Dr. Steve G. Jones, this program is guaranteed to get results…

… Allowing ANYONE who uses it to experience the wealth, success and total financial freedom they’ve always wanted. Not only do you receive a manual packed with millionaire brain-building strategies and advice (including the steps to creating a passive income!), you also receive six custom-built millionaire brain hypnosis tracks recorded by Dr. Steve.

The key to a life of financial freedom and abundance is right in front of you, and I invite you to share it with your friends and family!

Show Notes Open Communicator:

  • • Topic: Are you an Open or, Closed Communicator?
  •  Tell us your journey towards becoming a Leadership coach
  •  How did you come to specialize in, Open vs closed communication?
  • How does a leader know if he or she is, open vs closed communicator? What determines that?
  • If a leader becomes closed off, how can he or she trace the source?
  • Why should leaders want to become open? What are the benefits of being an,  open communicator?
  • What tools do you offer as a coach to help clients who are closed off to become, open communicators?
  • You sent me this beautiful set of Go Cards, how does one use these cards to change their state?
  • How do we become, open communicators in the workplace?
  • What is the, meaning of open communication?

Additional Resources 

Life Leadership & Success

How to Find your Soulmate

How to, find your Soulmate,, we’ll have tips today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, and have out of body physical love! Today I am continuing my talk with International renowned author Ilona Selkie. Our topic is, “How to, find your Soulmate,”

Bio

Ilona an International best-selling author, Seminar leader, Lecturer, Musician, CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision.
For over thirty years, Ilona has inspired thousands of people
worldwide to discover the power of their consciousness and to create successful lives. Ilona has written four books one of them we’re going to touch on today because in that book she specifically she talks about how to, find your soulmate. That book is called “Dolphins Love and Destiny” Ilona’s newest book is called “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening”

iHeart Radio

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-Transform-your-Mind-29542107/

In my first interview with Ilona, On the Transform your mind with coach Myrna radio and podcast, we talked about the Quantum Field, and energy. Today we are using that energy and we’re going to direct it specifically to, How to, find Your Soulmate,” In addition to authoring the four books, Ilona has produced music and meditation CDs, co-authored two books with Brian Tracy, and one with Jack
Canfield. She has also been a regular guest on A& E and Bravo TV with Jack
Canfield, and was a producer and TV host for the Quantum Living show on Women’s broadcast TV.

I love talking about soulmates specifically, “How to ,find your Soulmate,” and we’ll have tips and tidbits today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, once we found them and have union into old age!

Every single person needs to know this. I’m going to tell you how I met my husband and, “How I found my soulmate”, I think that he’s my, soulmate and I want you to confirm that or deny it based on data I will share later in the program; but yes we’ll get into all the details on, “How to, Find your Soulmate,” it it’s going to be a very interesting conversation, and one of the things I love about this show is that I learn as much as my audience from interviewing my guests. I pick topics that are stimulating and tantalizing, and that I and everyone listening could find some commonality with it. So yes this is one of the topics that everyone will be interested in listening to your expertise on.

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Transform Your Mind with Coach Myrna Show notes:

My journey to finding my soulmate

Ilona, tell us your journey from your childhood to
becoming the CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision. Please share that
with us and why don’t we tie it right into our topic today, “How to, find your Soulmate,”

From some magical moment when I was maybe 10 years old, I had a
flash of a person in front of my mind who I knew was going to be my husband.
Now he had a beard, he played guitar, he spoke English. Honestly those were my goals and my desires. That was on my bucket list as to what my husband had to be. I was German mind you. I’m in Germany, I’m going to school, but my husband needs to be able to speak English from England!
He would be speak English, have a beard, and play guitar so those were my
Requirements. Then I saw a flash again. I was walking through
downtown my little village, and it flashed into my mind, this future husband image again.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind-coach/id1144973094?mt=2

I’m going to tell you how to create Union that lasts despite aging and how you feel satisfied
whether you’re still young or old, and how to merge your soul with your, soulmate, because that’s what I have found with my, soulmate.

How I found my Soulmate

Myrna – I met my husband and, soulmate, as I walked into a train. He was the officer on the train collecting tickets. He was by the front door as I walked on the train. I noticed him. I said to myself, of a new officer. He was Black. I had not seen a black officer on the train before, so I noticed him. He told me later, that when he saw me walk onto the train, he had a warm feeling in his body. He’s never felt that before. I took the train every day to and from work.

The next time he saw me sitting on the train, he built up the courage to come and talk to me. We talked for about half an hour until I got off of my stop and when I got off of my stop my heart and my whole body went into somersault. It was an amazing! I had this feeling of euphoria. I knew that he was going to be my next husband!
I’m not sure if I know he was going to be my next husband, but I knew he
was in my next relationship and that I had definitely, found my soulmate, I was still married at the time, but the relationship had run its course and we were on the way out. So, I knew he was going to be my next relationship. My heart didn’t stop some somersaulting for the entire week! Every time I was on the train, I couldn’t even read. I could not do anything, but keep an ear out for him coming to talk to me. I was just expecting him to show up and my heart just kept somersaulting! Yes, we had a connection right away.

 

An Overview to, Finding Your Soulmate

The first truth in how to, find your, soulmate, is to understand the nature of a, soulmate. It’s strange, but most people don’t sit down to figure out what a, soulmate is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the, soulmate mold. If you want to know how to, find your soulmate, then you need to actually “know,” rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.

Ilona – that so awesome because I think the body doesn’t lie. If we’re attentive to our body signals and feel our heart and are open to it without numbing it with alcohol or numbing it with anger or numbing ourselves with other kind of
prescription drugs. If we stay clean, if we listen to our body, if we’re open to
the knocks of the universe and the universe talking to us, I think we really
feel a lot through our body. I definitely love my body and you know
some people will tell you they get sweaty palms and they get weak knees.

Myrna – I know that but my heart just jumped up and down like a trampoline! I
tell you it was like sometimes, it wasn’t a heart attack somersault, it was like so
like a kid jumping up and down on the bed. I wanted to
ask you, “How do you usually, find your soul mate,”

I’ve read about people, finding their soulmate, before they meet them in person.

https://www.essence.com/celebrity/black-celeb-couples/meagan-good-devon-franklin-honor-each-others-love-his-birthday/

Here are some examples of, Finding your soulmate, before your meet them in person:

• I just finished reading this book called “After the Dance” by Jan Gaye, she was Marvin Gaye’s wife. Marvin Gaye was one of the top R&B;
singers of our generation. She was his wife. She wrote in her book that when she saw him at 8 years old, she had a crush on him. She fantasized about marrying him and she fantasized about being his woman. When she finally met him at 17 years old, He took one look at her and fell in love with her, even though she was 17 years his junior and still in high school. She became his second wife when she was 20 years old and the mother of his two kids.
• Then I heard about Megan Good. This is, how she, found her soulmate,
Megan Good is a very popular black actress. She said that there is this guy, Devon Franklin that she knew that she was going to marry. She knew that he was going to be your husband and she started telling everybody he was going to be her husband. This was before they met or he knew who she was. When he met her, I don’t know what happened; but you he felt an immediate attraction to Megan and told himself he’s a preacher and
she’s a movie star. It was not going to work. But whatever energy that was guiding them, worked it out. The attraction was too powerful and they ended up getting married. That is how they both, found their soulmate,
• Angelina Jolie, I know you know her. He didn’t turn out to her, soulmate. She decided that she was going to marry Billy Bob Thornton even before she met Him! She tattooed his name on her inner thigh.

Does the universe pick our soulmate

So my question is. Is that , How we, find our soulmate,? Does the Universe picks our, soulmate, for us?

Ilona – I get the vision thing. Honestly that’s
what I do write about in my book “Dolphins Love and Destiny” you can get my
books all on Amazon. If you just google my name alone Ilona Selke you will find my books. But let me tell you what happened after I found my, soul mate, and this ties into a bigger question Karma and destiny. Is it their free will? Is there a predestined life? Do we have a guide? Your subconscious mind is helping you because that’s what they say that anything you dream about, your subconscious mind is going out there and working for you as you’re dreaming about it.

I saw this as the big question. Do you make up life or does it make you up? To
what degree do you we have input in, How to, find our soulmate,?
So, let’s fast forward about another 6 years, not a couple years but six years.
I have a dream and in my dream
God speaks and says there’s another man you’re supposed to
Marry. Wow I say God, I am so happy we’re living like two love birds. Living, loving working everything together. Everything we do is the same, we love everything, we we’re just a match made in heaven. I think I got that dream wrong!

Whatever you hold in your head, you can hold in your hand!

It could be money, it can be people, it could be anything that you
Want. Once you think about it, there are some things
that you can do in order to make that happen.

So, Ilona what can normal mortals do to manifest their vision and, find their soulmate?
I know you are operating at a higher frequency, but 90 % of my
listeners are not going to be at your level. So what can we do every day?
Let’s give a picture here. Let’s say that you’re in your 40ths and you know you’re not married and you want to be married. You’re looking for your, soulmate, you know men have come and gone, but nobody is your, soulmate. How do you lay the ground rule or answer that question, how do I, find your soulmate,?

Can’t kind your soulmate?

I’m going to tell the story. I had a coaching client who came to me for help in her career but she was going through a bad relationship so inevitably we would talk about her relationship. She had three failed relationships in which she felt used because she had money stolen from her. But she couldn’t handle being alone so she became a pleaser in her relationships.
She was miserable in her current relationship and this guy was once again using her and taking advantage of her. I said to her, you have to
stop being afraid and picture the perfect guy that you want. You’ve got to picture what you guys are going to be doing together, picture the house you’re going to living in, etc.

We started working on that and a couple months later, one of her
ex-boyfriends from her high school contacted her on Facebook and
within a couple of months this girl had moved half the way across the country from Florida to California and was in this absolutely wonderful relationship, the same one she imagined when we did our mind work together.
A year later they got married to her, soulmate, and she is now incredibly happy. She found her, soulmate.

Ilona – Here is a trick, if you want to fall in love with someone or have them fall in love with you, gaze into their eyes for five minutes straight.
What happens when you look into another person’s eyes? They say the eyes are the door to the soul. Now imagine you’re looking but you’re not just looking at the pretty color of their eyes or whatever else you might see. Look at the feeling that you get. Almost like you could look through their pupils into another universe. Imagine you could dive into that big universe and find the star that shines through their eyes. That is how you connect with someone. That is how you get them to fall in love with you!

In my book The Wisdom of the Dolphins Love and Destiny, I described it often in my book Dream Big the Universe is listening. This is how we can connect soul to soul and when we take time.
When I wake up I go into my inner world and I\ say hello beloved, and I see my beloved Don as a star within the heavens. I imagine it as the source, God you know that we meet as a pinnacle does of two points, two lines meeting in the singular apex and at that point where you can merge two into one. When you can manage to surrender to your own identity into
that feeling of actually touching in to the other one and merging and becoming
one flame. Imagine two candles making one flame. When you get into that state, you
can practice and get there. I teach people, how to, find your soulmate, this way. They can all do it. That moment is love. You asked me to define love and here’s my definition.

Love is where two or more unite in one.

I mean we can do it as a group, we can do it as a family, we can have an apex you know like a pyramid, you know mother, father, children. You can have the apex of the unity of the family as an energy center.
I do it with Don my husband, and I go into that apex into that singular
flame and I ask that flame, I say guide our relationship to the highest possible
good for all concerned and to be of service. Because there is an intelligence
within that union that starts happening because no two physical things can be in the same place right? We bump into each other, but our souls can merge into
singularity. I found my, soulmate

Myrna – That’s awesome, that is that is very true. In our last segment, we talked about, how to, find your soulmate, and manifesting your, soulmate, we talked about merging two souls. You know looking into you know your partner’s eyes and seeing not the physical body but seeing their energy. I was just actually learning that from a book that I’m listening to right now from Dr Dwayne Dyer. Basically that’s what he suggests that you know don’t see the physical, just see the soul of the person, you can look at them through the eyes of love. That’s exactly what Ilona was talking about. So now we want to pull on her so that we can take the conversation to the next
level. I know that the word tantric sex is something to do energy, so Miss India you know about the Kama Sutra. Give us some little tidbits in how to merge our souls into fabulous sex!

How to Merge your souls into fabulous Sex

Ilona – right yes physical as well as soul union. Let’s take a deep breath here. I want to start out with a quote from Erich Fromm from his book “The Art of Loving” and he says
build walls between people now it might be a small lie, it may be an omission of
something you feel embarrassed about. Well I tell you the greatest sex starts
with the feeling, well not everybody will agree with me, but I tell you the
greatest love fulfilled sex starts with being willing to be seen. You know with
warts and all. I mean if you’re willing to be seen for who you are and that
includes all your emotional baggage, maybe your incongruencies, maybe the fact that you had a bad thought or whatever it is you don’t want to download this whole thing the first date. No you wait until both of you bit-by-bit reveal to each other your deepest internal selves. You don’t have to start out with the darkest secrets first no make it gentle and slow, but come clean to your lover to your beloved, let them see you for who you are. Because that’s the only time you will feel loved is when you are no longer acting to be somebody that you think they might love. So let you learn, let yourself be seen for who you are
and start loving yourself.

I remember the day when I laid in bed and said ok God I’ve tried to get over jealousy. I guess I’m failing. This is it me warts and all. I am still a jealous woman and I am not sure how to help myself so could you accept me like this? and I was just swept up into the heavens and God said OK. You are who you are and by just offering myself up and being willing to be seen in my eyes to God.

I made this up in my head, but I still imagined that I just surrendered who I was and I said this is me and I’m trying my best! Well I was blessed, honest to God. Later on I had angels help me walk through situations where they came in and they uplifted my energy field, and I didn’t feel jealousy I felt loved!

I felt spaciousness and that’s another thing, when you are entering into let’s
say a sexual relationship with a person if you can call in support of energies
whether you imagine them to be angels, or your inner fear guides or just plain out God or even your ancestors or your subconscious it doesn’t matter what you frame. Just say please help me discover this ability to be to merge into union and bring the right person who is capable of doing that with me, because it’s no use being the quiet Queen when your counterpart isn’t
capable. So ask for help, how to, find your soulmate,.

Slow down, breathe breathe as much as you can don’t be a rabbit, I mean that’s the number one thing we need to slow down to perceive the heart, the feeling and the way you do it is you say let’s stop for a moment and just breathe and feel each other. Let me tell you, he will have more pleasure in the end I guarantee it to you. If you delay, I learned this from a French lover when I was young delay, delay attend trick is all about delay.

So here comes the next part you can do breathing exercises, you can look into each other’s eyes, but what really matters is learning to sense maybe in little baby steps at first where do you feel that the other person really is present with you and now I’m going to give you an image. Imagine that pyramid right
so you can meet at the base of the pyramid or you can go Midway King’s
Chamber or you can go to the apex, and you can go even beyond into the stars
and if you can, and are breathing through this with your partner, I mean it takes
two people to tango, but you can then start merging or feeling or pretend
that you’re merging with the other person’s soul.

Doing this during, orgasm,  allows you to pretend in your own way, not to just give away to the feeling of pleasure like rise up in your breath and pull it up and out through the top of your head into this imaginary apex in the universe with the other meets that beings soul.
Whether you know whether he or she is there or not just pretend you can do it,
touch them go for them and offer this ecstasy to the divine.
If you can believe in the divine you are really well off if not just turned over to the core big bang, the source give it to that source. In the moment of doing that. Now it takes a lot of discipline to do that you pull up
your breath you say here God I give you my orgasm ah, you’re imagining that
you’re meeting the other being soul you’re going inside kaboom. It’s
fireworks, you feel them at the other place at other time space, your body
will know what to do, believe me your body will go through whatever it goes\
through even for women or particularly you know who might take a little bit
longer or some who don’t orgasm, at a just the feeling of union will satisfy that sense when they go while the guy while let’s say typical women are a little bit behind the curve not all but and I don’t know about ethnicity but a lot of women I know they’re a little bit slower on the draw and you know it takes them longer and if the guy isn’t that feels like falling yeah it’s just biology you know it’s like anyway it takes the guy we go and journey with that other person’s soul now if you’re the guy listening right now do it with your woman. If you’re same-sex, do it with whoever you’re with and merge up into an imaginary apex of a particular spiritual.
Make it special, yeah that’s real and here is my promise.

Here’s my promise if you do this while you’re orgasmic, your orgasm will last longer.
Longer and be more satisfying you come out of the whole experience like ahhh oh my God what have I been missing?

They’re saying that one of the reasons that men go to have
affairs and then end up falling in love kind of thing, because they
think that they can just you know have sex and run, but then they’re connected.
If you knew that to become even more connected, you transcend the body and you get into the spiritual.

Myrna – I had a guest on my show you know very earlier on and she talked about the Tantric Sex, she gave me a little exercise that I do. She said that you when you if you breathe with
your partner similar to what you’re saying but if you if let’s say you’re
lying in bed and you hug them and you decide to breathe and sync with
their breath it’s almost like that spiritual hug kind of thing.

I have an app your readers can get for FREE

http://www.livingfromvision.com/LFVLITEAPPsignuppage.html

I want to remind you I love your reviews for the podcast “Transform your Mind with coach Myrna” Available on iTunes, Sticher, Tune in, Google Play, iHeart Radio. Your reviews help the show increase in ranking, which means more people can listen to fabulous content every week to get tips and strategies to Live their best lives Now!

Download Ilona’s FREE APP. It is easy to use. Wouldn’t you like to have an APP in the morning you just turn it on ten minutes and it gets you into that space where you get in touch with visualizing or feeling your success in advance and asks you to listen to your soul or feel into it and it’s beautiful music, soft voice
and it starts your day out right with focus. I made an APP for you for the morning and evening so it’s only ten minutes. It doesn’t hardly take any time to get started that’s why it’s so easy most people have ten minutes.

So visit my website Ilona Selkie or the APP store and download for Free and remember to subscribe, rate and review the podcast.

How To Turn Your Pain Into Power

Abigail Damoah - Turn Your Pain Into Power

Abigail Damoah was wrongly convicted and sent to prison for 12 years. During this dark time in her life, she used inspiration for the bible story of David to find her, life purpose, of helping the women in, prison. She turned her, pain into power, and achieved tremendous personal growth by not seeing herself as a, victim.

Download podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9986464-how-to-turn-your-pain-into-power.mp3?download=true

Bio

After serving five years in a Florida state prison for a crime that she didn’t commit, and then two years later being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and undergoing major surgery to remove most of her colon, Abigail learnt one very important life lesson; you will find treasure in the darkest places if you simply change your perspective by turning her, pain into power.

During her, incarceration, Abigail became a Christian and learnt that life isn’t just about her. She was surrounded by women who had endured the most horrific traumatic childhoods and were now being victimized by the very system that was supposed to help them. She found the strength to end her pity party, opening her eyes to the immense suffering of others.

She began to use her gifts to make an impact on the lives of the women she was housed with. It was during the worst season of her life that she experienced true peace, contentment, and fulfilment because she found her life’s purpose, and learned how to turn her, pain into power.  Abigail is the author of ” She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny”

book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power
book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power

Using Adversity to turn pain into power

Myrna: All right, so here we have a whole bunch of, adversity. Being sentenced to 12 years in, prison, even if it’s for a crime you do commit, it is very traumatic. It is worst when it is a crime that you didn’t commit.

Can you share your story, why you were sentenced to 12 years in, prison? I know you said you only served five of those 12 years.  Tell us how you survived that and turned that, pain into power?

Abigail: Okay, so I had my dream to live in America.  I’m from the United Kingdom and after I finished my undergraduate degree. I relocated to Atlanta, Georgia to study and pursue an MBA. I got an internship in Florida. I flew down to Florida and I met a man.  One night he called wanting to go out to a nightclub, and I agreed. He came and picked me up and we made our way to the nightclub and ended up having a car accident where he was killed, and I was seriously injured.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

My injuries were so extensive that I spent over six weeks in the hospital. My parents at the time decided the best course of action was to take me back to the UK, because there’s no way I was going to be able to look after myself in the USA.  I recuperated and got back on my feet. And then in 2011, the state of Florida issued an extradition warrant for my arrest. I was charged with vehicular homicide. The legal definition for that is reckless driving.

So, I was accused of driving in such a dangerous manner that caused death or great bodily harm to another. While I was waiting for the extradition, I began to study the laws surrounding my case and discovered that I should never have been charged with a crime in the first place. The state of Florida had sent over the deposition, the discovery and detail they had a very detailed chronology, of exactly what happened. And one of the things that should have exonerated me from the beginning, was the fact that the road was under reconstruction at the time, so they had taken down all the speed signs.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Extradition to the USA

There were no warning signs that the road was about to change and if you’re not familiar with that road, you would not know that you need to slow down. So, when an accident happened, all of a sudden, a curve came up and I hit the curb and the car ended up flipping over and going into a tree. So, based on that alone, I should never have been charged with a crime. But if you know anything about the laws in the United States, you know, sometimes it can be a bit one sided.

I was extradited to America to stand trial. I had a judge who had no legal integrity, because of the way my case had been portrayed in the media. She was determined to make an example out of me. I was found guilty sentenced to 12 years Florida State Prison. After serving 5 years, the case was dismissed.

Myrna: Wow. So sorry to hear what you have been through. I’m assuming you were driving.

Abigail:  Yes, I was driving, it wasn’t my car.

Myrna: Yeah, that’s what I thought because he came to pick you up.

Abigail: The reason I was driving was because he got so drunk, that he was unable to continue the journey.  I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

The Pain of prison

Myrna: So sorry for your pain. But the fact that the case was dismissed, I’m assuming that you’ve cleared your name.

Abigail: Yes, yes. My name is completely cleared. The sentence was vacated, and I was released from, prison.

Myrna: Did you get any money for it?

Abigail: No, absolutely nothing. The state of Florida had laws to protect themselves against wrongful convictions. So, I was knocked out of financial assistance there. But, it was a driving force behind what I do now because I had to start my life from scratch.  I had to use the gifts that I had been given to build a life for myself, and turn my, pain into power.  I didn’t have anything. I came back to nothing, but God worked it out for my good.

Going through the tunnel of adversity

Myrna: Well, they say that a lot of times, we must go through the tunnel, we must be beaten down all the way to the bottom, before we find our, purpose.  We all go screaming into it because we really don’t want to go through pain, we don’t want to hit rock bottom. I’m in this space where I interview a lot of people and I remember talking to this woman.  Her husband died and she started her coaching practice helping other women handle, grief. She turned her, pain into power, but we all prefer not to go through the pain even if it is the fire starter to our, life purpose.

So how did you manage after also being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and having most of your colon removed?

Abigail: I wasn’t raised in a Christian household, but I had a lot of Christian friends. If there’s one thing that I learned from them, even while I wasn’t a believer, was that they had this ability to see past their circumstances. So, before I even arrived in America, they were already speaking life into my situation. They were already telling me that this was going to work out for my good, something good is gonna come out of this.

And it wasn’t until, I became a Christian and I began to read the Bible and I began to apply those principles, that I was strengthened in that area. God gave me a perspective that enabled me to see things through his eyes, he gave me the ability to step outside of myself. I was surrounded by people who are who were suffering, who have been through women the worst heinous things.  My whole perception changed.

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Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Helping people in prison turn their pain into power

Not only are people dying from much worse situations than I had, but I had to reframe my situation to say, okay, I’m in, prison, now, what can I do while I’m here to make an impact on the lives of the women that I am housed with? How do I turn my, pain into power?

I had a writing gift and there are women that couldn’t read or write. I remember the very first time I tapped into that.  There was a woman that I was, bunking in, prison, she had a terrible situation, her children have been taken into DCF custody because of her arrest.

So, I wrote a letter for her. explaining the situation to DCF, speaking in legal terminology. She wanted her children to be put into the custody of her sister while she was in, prison, and lo and behold, that’s exactly what happened. Two weeks later, she came to me, I mean, she was in floods of tears. She was so grateful that I took the time to do this for her, and it was at that moment that I realized that what my, purpose, is connected to my gift of writing. Writing was how I was going to turn my, pain into power.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Figuring out my life purpose

I also realized that my, purpose, had nothing to do with me, it was to enrich the lives of the people that I am surrounded by. So, from that moment, my prayers changed from Lord get me out of here, I can’t take this anymore to Lord who are the people in, prison, that you want me to impact?  That started a tsunami of work. My inmates just started coming to get the help they needed.  I started helping them write letters, probation letters, letters to their family, etc. It was one of the most, fulfilling aspects of my time in, prison.

Myrna: Now, how did you take own ownership of your situation? What was your internal dialogue?

Abigail: I dropped the, victim mentality. You know, it’s so easy when you’re going through a situation whatever it is, it’s so easy to point the finger and say is your fault that I’m here, but when you play the, victim, you are not helping anybody. You’re not helping yourself and you’re not helping anyone else. When I was in the, victim, state I felt so sorry for myself. You know, such an injustice had taken place.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Victims have no power

I was depressed, I was in a place of desolation, I couldn’t sleep at night, I had no peace. But the moment I relinquished that, victim mentality, I came to the revelation that it wasn’t the state of Florida that put me in, prison, to punish me. I was placed there strategically to be empowered, and then to empower. I was placed there to turn my, pain into power.

So once my, mindset, changed, I was able to say I am going to use this situation to become the best person that I be and to help as many people as I can while I’m in here. That is exactly how I took ownership of my situation. I took the power out the hands in the state of Florida, and turned, my pain into power, because, victims, have no power.

Myrna: This is so true. Victims have no power. In my book, Out of the Snares, A story of Hope and Encouragement, I have a full chapter on, victims.  My story was that I was abused as a child, but I never became a, victim. In fact, what I suggest we become a, player. You know, when you are playing a game of blackjack and the cards that you’re dealt with are bad cards?  People use those same bad cards to win, in the same way when you become a, player instead of becoming a, victim, you play with the cards you are dealt.  And that’s exactly what you did, you became a, player in the game, you decided that these are the cards that I’ve been handed, and I am going to make the best of the situation. I am going to turn this, pain into power.

How to become a player and turn pain into power

Myrna: You could have played the “what if game”. What if I didn’t go out? What if I didn’t agree to drive?  But instead you said it happened. There’s no way you can go backwards, all you can do is make the best of the situation that you have right now and use it to help people and learn from it and turn your, pain into power.

What is the lesson that that that you took out of that? Were you able to equate it to a, Bible story? I want to talk about Joseph who was thrown in, prison, and it was strategic to God’s plan for him.  And I am also thinking of a Job which is the chapter reading now in the Bible and all the bad things that happened to him.

Job declared God does only do good things for you. God does good things, and he does bad things.

Abigail: Joseph was one of my favorite stories in the Bible. And it wasn’t until I got to that Genesis chapter 37, where Joseph was put in, prison, that I found strength in my situation. Prison, shaped Joseph into the man that God needed him to be. I knew that my time in, prison, was in God’s hands, just based on that story alone. I learned a lot from Joseph and his, mindset, during that time. He refused to be a, victim, he used his time to assist other people. He was looking for others to help while he was, incarcerated, and it opened the door to his freedom.

Myrna: Yes, exactly helping people got him introduced to the king.

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV – How to Trun Your pain into power 

Using dreams and visions for your purpose

Abigail: That was a very powerful story for me, and I used that, bible story, to empower myself.  So my God has given me dreams and visions, and I knew that, okay, I’m not living the dream and the vision now, but it is this situation here that is going to lead me to the destiny that God has for me and I had to remind myself of that daily.

Myrna: That’s amazing, I am loving our conversation.  One of my personal mantras is that just like an airplane needs resistance to take off the ground, we need resistance to move up our next level. And whenever I have resistance in my life, when I was working full time when I received resistance eg. one door closed or something, I always knew that resistance was supposed to push me forward and up. The door closing from being fired got me into, Life coaching, helping women to, transform their mind.

A lot of women, especially minority women live in the, wilderness, and in order for them to get out of the, wilderness, they have to change their, mindset.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny

Tell us about your book, your book is called “She Is Risen from Destitute To Destiny.” Why did you write it? And what do you want people to walk away with?

Abigail: I wrote the book because I knew that I had a story to tell number one, and it wasn’t a story of the tragedies, but stories of, empowerment. The book a memoir, going back to my childhood, I packed a lot of things and I think that’s very important that you need to go back to, to know why things are the way they were. So, I went through that process in the book, I had a very turbulent teenage years, connected to childhood. But despite those challenges, I still managed to make something all my life, and it didn’t come easily, or immediately at all.

It was a very, very difficult situation and a very, very difficult process. And I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but what I do know is that you can, turn your pain into power, if you change your perspective on a situation.  I could have not written this book. I could have so easily come out of, prison, and just felt sorry for myself, and accept government assistance and nobody would have blamed me

Teaching others how to overcome adversity

So, I had to look at the situation and ask myself what have I learned from this? And not only what have I learnt from it, but now what can I do about it? I decided I can teach other people about how to overcome, adversity.  One of the things that helped me while I was, incarcerated, were the different, prison ministries. People would share these terrible stories, but they got through it, and that’s something that inspired me.

Myrna: Well, that’s the reason I asked you if you’re going into the, prison, and doing, prison ministry, because I know your story is powerful. Now you are on the radio, podcast and PTWWN TV, sharing your story, not only the people that are in, prison, is going to hear this, but people all over the world. Your story doesn’t just speak to someone in, prison, but speaks to any women in the, wilderness, the, wilderness, can be any dry place.

Additional Resources

Does Serving a Prison Sentence Affect Change?

 

 

How To Be Happy: The Happiness Recipe

The, happiness recipe, is super simple. Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.

Simple, though obviously doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into the execution of that very short phrase.   Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach has identified what she thinks are the three areas that stop us from executing on this, happiness recipe.

Download the podcast Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9860644-how-to-be-happy-the-happiness-recipe.mp3?download=true

Bio

Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach. Her mission is to spread joy. She believes most people can live happier, easier lives if they get clear on what matters most to them and then develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. She wants to enable people to find clarity and happiness, so everyone wins.

Now she’s using her experience coupled with her own journey to help people supercharge their success and happiness by: finding clarity; taking the next steps in their career; overcoming overwhelm; going from idea to action; and, stepping into their authentic leadership presence.

Becky brings together all her learnings in her recently published book ‘The Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters’.

Book The Happiness Recipe
Book The Happiness Recipe

From Lawyer to Happiness Coach

Myrna: Your story of coming from corporate lawyer to, happiness coach, reminds me of the first book I read in my quest for enlightenment and, personal growth. And that is the book called from Robin Sharma that’s called “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.”

So, for those who didn’t know Robin Sharma, the character in the book is a corporate lawyer who had a heart attack. And then he went to live with amongst the monks in the Himalayan mountains and he changed his life.  So, how did it happen for you?

Becky: Well, I mean, it was not quite that glamorous or fun for me, but it is a story of evolution and, transformation. And it starts with me doing what a lot of us do, which is doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do.

  • Going to the good school,
  • getting the good grades,
  • getting the job,
  • going back to graduate school to become an attorney,
  • then getting the job at the big law firm with the big paycheck to be on the partnership track.
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Head over to https://wb-mining.com/ for the rules of the game and to submit your gold rush application. That website again is wb-mining.com

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Does checking the right boxes lead to happiness

Then one night 16 years later, I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, with a toddler in the tub, and the cordless phone clip to the back of my pants, and the toilet seat cover down with a notebook on it and papers spread all around me. And I was doing two things at the same time. I was bathing my toddler daughter and trying to prepare an expert witness for their upcoming deposition.

I had two thoughts in super quick succession. The first thought was, who says you can’t do it all? Look at me. I’m a mom, I’m a lawyer. I’m here. I’m killing it. This is amazing. That was quickly followed by and I’m exhausted. Is this unsustainable? And perhaps more importantly, and more scarily, I’m not sure this is making me happy.

And that kicked off my own quest for, transformation, and, personal growth.  I had to figure out, well, okay, what does it mean, if I’ve done all of the things that I was supposed to do? And I checked all the boxes? And I’m not happy?

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV – The Happiness Recipe

Where does happiness come from?

What the heck does, happiness, come from then? If it’s not from success? If it’s not from the results?

You talked about, happiness, is working towards a purpose or a goal.

  • What am I working towards here?
  • Why am I here In this season of my life?
  • What is my top priority?
  • What is the most important thing?

I panicked. And I started to think about what can I do? And the reality is, I can do a lot of things. I’m a lawyer, with a ton of management experience, a whole bunch of process experience. I’ve been a CEO, I mean, the list of jobs that I could apply for is pretty long. And thankfully, I had some voices in my life who said, timeout?

This is an opportunity, what do you want to do? Not what can you do, but what do you want to do? And that’s how I landed in this business of helping other people chart their success and, happiness.

The Definition of happiness

Myrna: That’s a good story. I love your evolution. One of the things I will add is when you’re in a tub bathing your child and doing work, you’re not giving her the attention she deserves.

Becky:  So true, I wasn’t fully focused on one or the other. I had split focus and split focus is not efficient, effective or meaningful.

Myrna: So right. Yes, that’s what mothers do. You know, they have one of the hips and they’re doing it all.  So, that moment was the start of your, your evolution, your, transformation. You asked yourself the question Is this making me happy?  I’m working towards a goal. I’m working towards partnership, you’re immediately disrupting my, definition of happiness.

My, definition of happiness, is working steadily towards a goal or purpose

I guess the other part of that is, fulfillment. And somehow your work wasn’t hitting the, fulfillment, button inside.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How do we identify the essential sources of happiness?

Becky: How do we find our essential, sources of happiness? I have a little exercise that I like to do with people that might seem silly or small, but it’s not. And it’s about developing a menu of things that you can do, that are easy and accessible, that you know, are going to create a positive emotional experience for you.

We can use Oprah’s, sources of happiness, sitting in the bathtub.  We need to do to get down to the essential, sources of our joy, or have those positive emotional experiences is to ask a few more questions. Get down to the simple things that you can do to add, happiness, into your daily life.

When I’m sitting with a client is ask them to brainstorm a list of five to seven things that are their, sources of happiness. I ask them not to judge because on my list, one of my, sources of happiness, is clean sheets!

Then taking one on that list and asking yourself, what about that makes me happy? So, take the Oprah example. What about being in the bathtub that brings you, happiness?

  • Is it the solitude?
  • Is it the warmth of my water?
  • Is it the time with my thoughts?
  • There’s something more than just the bathtub that brings you, happiness.
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Invite your nervous system to become a partner in your happiness?

Becky: Happiness, makes you feel good or, or when you’re doing the things that make you happy in that moment, right? You feel good, and it helps with your health, and it helps with resilience and all that. But your nervous system is a little different.

A lot of times more, happiness, for us lives on the other side of some sort of change. Whether it’s change in behavior, change in circumstance, change in mindset. And at the most basic level, one of the important jobs that our nervous system plays is to keep us safe, literally, to keep us alive. That’s where the, fight or flight, response, comes from.

Often when we’re trying to make a change, it can feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, because it is our, nervous system, is saying, no, no, no, please don’t. I know how to keep you safe; this new activity is not safe.  I have no data on it. So, often we mistake that discomfort as a sign that we shouldn’t do it.

Myrna: That’s true that our brain’s function is to warn us about impending danger and to keep us safe. Which is why One of the first things I learned myself on my journey of self-improvement is you got to get out your, comfort zone, because whenever you sit In your comfort zone you’re not moving, and you’re not growing.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

The happiness recipe

What is the, happiness recipe?

Becky: Sometimes I worry that when I say the, happiness recipe, people are going to be like, That’s it?  But here’s the deal. And you’ve sort of set it in your definition. But the recipe for maximum, happiness, is super simple.

Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.

Simple, though, obviously, doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into it’s execution.  I’ve identified what I think are  the three areas of the, happiness recipe. Three areas where there can be gaps that stop us from executing on the, happiness recipe.

  1. And the first is what I call the, authenticity gap. Do we know what matters most to us? And are we willing to claim it publicly? Because to live it, you must be willing to speak it. You must be willing to share it.  Be willing to have other people see it.
  2. Then there’s the middle gap of the, happiness recipe.  I call that the, emotional energy gap, or the, mindset gap, that’s all the beliefs and feelings that get in the way of us executing on that knowledge of what makes us happy.

We know what matters most to us, we know the goal or purpose that we want to be working towards; but do we have the, mindset, and belief that will allow us to make that happen?

3. The third gap in the, happiness recipe, is the, physical energy gap, which is really the execution piece. Do you align your time energy and resources with what matters most to you?  I call it priority aligned living.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Book: The Happiness Recipe

You told us about your book the , happiness recipe, we all know we can pick up a copy on Amazon, but give us your website and maybe a couple of your social media handles or so that people can connect with you.

Becky: My website which is www.untanglehappiness.com. And on there you can find all the social media links to connect with me on social media. You can also find a link to my book The Happiness recipe and you can learn about the work that I do.

Myrna: It’s been an incredible conversation. We talked about, happiness, the big takeaway from this conversation is our, sources of happiness. If you were to ask someone  Are they happy?  They’re probably going to be talking about, is my life good? Is my husband good to me? Am I making enough money? Am I living my dream life?

They’re going to think of the big things that cause, happiness.

Transform your Mind Podbean
Transform your Mind Podbean

Sources of happiness

I found that, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose.  Happiness, comes from taking those steps towards it. That  is what makes you happy, when you’re moving towards something.  When you feel stuck, or you think you’re going backwards, is when you’re unhappy. So, it’s the same thing, finding moments to bring you joy, understand your, sources of happiness, can be as simple as clean sheets, or taking a bath, everybody can do that. Everybody can find, happiness, sitting inside a tub, you don’t have to have waterfalls!

You can find, happiness, by taking a walk.  Happiness, for me is walking in a park, you can find a park with trees everywhere. Find your, source of happiness, if could be a good book, it could be clean sheets, it could be taking a bath, whatever is your, source of happiness, start there and then you pick a goal or a purpose and you take little baby steps towards it.

Once you are moving in the right direction, you are going to be happy. So, thank you, Becky, for that simple, happiness recipe. It is a very simple recipe. Head over to Becky’s website, connect with her on social media and pick up a copy of her book.

‘The Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters’.

Additional Resources

How to be Happy with Less

How to Reprogram your Unconscious Mind

unconscious mind

Your, unconscious mind,  is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious,  mind,  is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don’t,  reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious  programs, like a a tape recorder.  We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs.  Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Introduction, Unconscious mind

Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind.  Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there.  That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.

Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs,  that has to do with your beliefs.

These, subconscious  programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind,  play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.

Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind,  will keep playing the same, subconscious programs.  Think about your vinyl record.  Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!

When I was growing up my activity of choice  was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man’s help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting,  were actually the flip side of love!

These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match.  Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way.  Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program,  It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,

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I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset  and love this man.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,

 

What is your, Unconscious Mind,  that needs to be rewritten?

I was a foster mom for years.  I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday.  They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and  lack and survival.

Here are 5,  subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today

  1. Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
  2. Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.

3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.

4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.

If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self

    5.  Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)

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How to control your, Unconscious Mind

  1. A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.

This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment.  I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations.   I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind,  Visualizing what you want.  Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.

For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids.  That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind,  The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.

Daily Affirmations, like:

  • I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
  • The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
  • I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35

Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth!   Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher
  1. Use, Autosuggestion, to improve any degradation.

About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s,  book called Grow Younger, Live Longer In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day.  It went like this.

Daily Affirmations for aging younger

  • Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
  • my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
  • I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
  • Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
  • I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.

I don’t remember all of it.  I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday.  So over 20 years ago.  I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.

This year on  my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented.  She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old.  You just said F**K it!  I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!

How to Rewrite  Your Subconscious Mind

In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail.  I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that.  This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.

Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success.  I heal myself faster from injuries.  For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days.  I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.

Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes.  Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree.  I programmed my, unconscious mind, to  prepare for the test.

Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.

Our, subconscious programs, doesn’t stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.

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iHeart Radio

Getting Past our, Subconscious Programs

  1. Take risks to get past, subconscious programs,  Your, unconscious mind,  always wants to play it safe.
  2. Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
  3. Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.

4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?

5. How can I make this a reality?

6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host?  What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!

Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind

This strategy is called, auto inquisition.  Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention.  You can do the same.

    1. Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
    2. Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
    3. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
    4. Speak your success as present fact not a future plan.  Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist.  What do I need to make that happen right now.
    5. Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
    6. Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.

Additional Resources Unconscious mind

“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.

How to Live in Infinite Possibility

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-intuition-to-transform-your-life/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-program-your-subconscious-for-permanent-change/

https://inlpcenter.org/five-step-process-for-releasing-limiting-beliefs/

 

 

 

 

How Women Get a Seat at the Table

Women are you invisible in the boardroom and have no say? Do men listen when you speak? If the answer is no, then find out how to get, a seat at the table.

In this episode I interview Kimberley Bussey Lewis, Author of , A Seat At The Table, Or Part Of The Meal: Creating A Culture Of Diversity

How did you come to become passionate about, diversity and inclusion, for, women of color?

How to Get a Seat at The Table

I first really started thinking about, a seat at the table,  when I was a very young reporter in Charleston, South Carolina.  I was the only female reporter at the time within this 600 person company.  And what I was struck by is that there were so many decisions that were being made that we would complain about; but none of us had, a seat at the table, to help make those decisions.

I realized that if I didn’t have a place in the room that I was both invisible and silent; so it didn’t matter how much I complained or how much I didn’t like what was going on or simply just didn’t understand it because I was not part of the discussion; I needed, a seat at the table.

So that’s where my passion for, diversity and inclusion, was born.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
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CNN wrote a column on getting, a seat at the table, for women. They were discussing congresswoman Harris, basically what they’re saying was that women are invisible and they have no say.  When they speak no one listens.  So I understand what you are saying.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What happens when there is no seat at the table

I stayed in that company as a reporter without, a seat at the table, about 12 years.  It took me that long to get that awakening.  Sometimes we think that we are fortunate to have a job so we don’t want to stir the pot.  I just increasingly became more and more of a little rebel challenging the status quo. Eventually I left  and ventured out to write my first book.   I was scared to death.  Because here I am I’m going to write a book, I’m going to leave my job.  I took a leave of absence to write the book;  but it was really a step of faith and in writing the book and doing the research.

I became energized when I interviewed older relatives, my mother and great-aunt who were already in their 80s and 90s at the time. I  became energized by their tenacity as, Black women. I knew that we had a lot of strong men in my family, but my eyes are really flew open at the strength of the, black women, and how they held businesses up,  they held a family up and the men of the family up, and brought us all together.

I stumbled into the nonprofit arena by my volunteer work. I was volunteering and working on writing the  book and one thing led to another.  I got to a small job at an organization that was run by a, black woman, who became my mentor.  She took me under her wing and even though I was  just volunteering she taught me so much about strength and tenacity and making your voice count.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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Diversity and Inclusion for Women of Color

Her company was called Family Assistance Management Services

And she was the first black female insurance broker in SC. She had been a full time teacher before she built quite a nest egg with her husband. They owned several pieces of property in Charleston SC. She then became a broker and started several businesses, an insurance company, a computer training clinic all kinds of other businesses, because she had a passion for helping people.

You got your feet wet on the nonprofit arena and but it sounds like you have, a seat at the table, at Goodwill Industries. Why you write the book, “A Seat at the Table or a part of the meal?”

I was born in September 1964 a month after the discrimination Act, and my parents had not long moved to Charleston, SC. All of my siblings, I  have one brother and two sisters, they had all been born at home in the country by a midwife so since it was now illegal for place public places to discriminate my father thought, well I will take my wife to this nice Hospital for my fourth child to be born.  So my mother was in labor he rushes her down to this hospital the Medical University of South Carolina and by this time she’d begun to hemorrhage as I was a breech baby.

It was pouring down rain and he got my mom into the emergency area into the lobby and he started screaming for the doctors to come and help they turned looked at them and turned their backs right away.  All the white doctors and nurses ignored them, so he ran up to them and screamed my wife is bleeding you got to help her and someone told him to just sit down we’ll get to you.

So he scooped her up, put her in a wheelchair and ran with her down the street to the black Hospital. McLennan banks Hospital in the pouring rain with my mom gripping for life on that wheelchair.  He pushed her up into the emergency area and as soon as they saw that she was drenched in blood they rushed her into the emergency room and delivered me.  The doctor who delivered me was a, woman of color, from  South Africa and he named me Kimberly after the Kimberly diamond mines.

Black Women are born to be at the table

It sounds like you were born in to do this work!

I was tried of being the only, Black woman, in the room. I felt we as, Black women, have to do something to get , a seat at the table. If anyone was going to wave that flag of, diversity and inclusion, equity and of, diversity, it should be Goodwill Industries. So it really began then.  We started a task force with a group of CEOs and started to study, diversity and inclusion, and equity programs with fortune 500 companies and fortune 100 companies and other nonprofit organizations. We studied who was doing it well, what were they looking at, what were the metrics and how do you build that diverse pipeline.  We came up an implementation plan.

We were really intentional about attracting, maintaining and keeping a, diversity, workforce.  Whether it is individuals who are Hispanic or individuals who African-American or LGTBQ or disabled.  We recognize that all of that build a table of, diversity.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

The first time that I heard the phrase, a seat at the table, was from one of my coaching clients and I’ve heard it several times since. I heard Gabrielle Union say it that she’s just gonna make her own table because you know the black actresses in Hollywood are still working to, get a seat at the table.  They go through the same discrimination with, diversity and inclusion.  It’s not just in Corporate America or in the board rooms.

Women of Color getting a seat at the table

Kimberly you have, a seat at the table,  what advice would you give to women who are hitting the glass ceiling and get, no seat at the table.

African-American women unfortunately have been absent from the room!  We have not even been invited into the room much less have, a seat at the table, for quite some time.  Women in general have been hitting the glass ceiling for quite a long time.  I’ve heard that men are hired based on what their hiring manager or that supervisor thinks that they can do while women are hired or promoted based on performance.  it is that way because the majority of the, seats at the table, are already held by men.  Predominantly white males and they look for men who look like act like they came from where they come from.

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Paperback:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0578470136

Black women in order to get, a seat at the table,  have to do 3 things:

  1. They have to network. It’s all about relationships. Else there is, no seat at the table. Everything that you do is about relationships and it’s about networking.  If you didn’t grow up playing golf, learn.  Go around places and do things that make you feel uncomfortable. But you must be part of the conversation. Go to the theater,  go to the Opera, you could serve as an usher and get free tickets.
  2. Get a mentor – All women should have a mentor.
  3. Get a Sponsor – a sponsor and a mentor are two different people. A mentor is someone that you can talk to about your fears and your aspirations. A mentor can give you sound advice and can talk you through some of the issues that you’re having and help you create a plan a plan of attack.

A sponsor on the other hand is going to be that person who’s going to make sure that you’re invited to that meeting.  They’re going to take you under their wing.  They’re going to make sure that there’s a place for you in the conversation and that there is, diversity and inclusion, that you are a part of the discussion. Sponsors are usually white males.

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Book: Seat at the table

Have you ever wished that you had the information to elevate the conversation at work on how to build a culture of diversity, equity and inclusion?  Well, now you do; with my newly published book A Seat At The Table or Part of the Meal, by Kimberly Bussey Lewis.  This book will give you examples of intentional efforts that will level the playing field and yield dividends for your career and your company. The book can be found on Amazon – A Seat at the Table Or Part of the Meal, by Kimberly Bussey Lewis or on www.motivationalmuse.com, so get your copy today and your seat at the table.

 

Additional Resources, A Seat at the Table

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

How to Ask for a Raise or Anything you Want in Life.

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

https://www.demos.org/research/taking-our-seat-table-black-women-overcoming-social-exclusion-politics#Black-Women%E2%80%99s-Leadership:-Making-a-Way-out-of-No-Way

https://www.talentintelligence.com/blog/bid/377611/inclusion-and-the-benefits-of-diversity-in-the-workplace