Entrepreneurship: Tips for Women Battling Mental Illness

Entrepreneurship - Tips for mental illness

Entrepreneurship, is the process of setting up a business. For, entrepreneurs, battling, mental illness, controlling their, emotions, is their superpowers, when it comes to building a business of our dreams.

My guest today is Scout Sobel. She is the author of the “Emotional Entrepreneur” and we are going to be having a very interesting conversation today on, mental health, specifically the, mental health, of entrepreneurs.  As you consider, entrepreneurship,  you need to understand how our, emotions, guide you in everyday life.

Download and Listen to the full interview here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9479167-entrepreneurship-tips-for-women-battling-mental-illness.mp3?download=true

Bio

Scout experienced her first depressive episode at the age of 14 and was formally diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, at the age of 20. Living with a, mental illness, brought an onslaught of symptoms: anxiety, hypomania, depression, catatonia, psychosis, and, suicidal ideation.

Her perception of her life weighed down on her so poignantly that she dropped out of college, could not hold a job or internship, was hospitalized, experimented with medleys of prescription medication, and went through two outpatient programs.

One day her husband (then boyfriend) looked at her lovingly and said, “I don’t care if you’re depressed. If you are depressed and hopeful, I can be in this relationship. If you are depressed and hopeless, I can’t do this with you.” 

Book Emotional Entrepreneur

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

That was the moment her life changed. She started infusing her life with hope and began to take radical responsibility for her emotional state. And after intense, self-development, work – support groups, holistic healing modalities, prayer, routines, and physical wellness, she found, entrepreneurship. Through, entrepreneurship, she learned to unconditionally love her life through the pain, challenges, and celebrations. She learned that she wanted to be here.

Today, Scout is the Founder and CEO of Scout’s Agency, a female-focused PR agency that specializes in getting women as guests on, podcasts.

Her debut book, The Emotional Entrepreneur, provides the, mindset, and, emotional tools, she learned from managing her, mental illness, that have helped her succeed in business and, entrepreneurship.

Entrepreneurship and mental illness

Myrna: I want to start off with something you say in your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”, you said that our, emotions, are our guiding superpowers when it comes, entrepreneurship, and building a business of our dreams. How did your, emotions, guide you to become an, entrepreneur?

Scout: Very shortly after I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, my husband said those sentences that changed my life and I started infusing hope into my days. Which beautifully led me to faith through that process of showing up to support groups, writing gratitude lists etc. My gratitude list and my journal, every single morning reading every self-help book Barnes and Noble had to offer.

I was sitting with my friend at a coffee shop and we were looking through an Indie magazine (I love fashion magazines). I just looked at her and I asked do you want to start a magazine with me? She said yes, let’s do it. We were going to print it at Kinko’s and pass it out to our friends for free. This was going to be a borderline arts and crafts project.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

What does it mean to be an Entrepreneur

Suddenly, something in my mind just flipped and immediately I went home. I got the Instagram handle, I searched for printers in the area and then set up five appointments with all the best printers in 50 mile vicinity. I went to see them and then they quoted me ten thousand dollars. I said to myself, ‘I have to find ten thousand dollars’.

Then, I started a kick starter campaign and fast forward, our second issue was picked up by national distributor and sold in newsstands across the country. I was 22 at the time.

The third issue had musician Halsey on the cover and I woke up to an email from Barnes and Noble asking if they could distribute my magazine as well.

So, in that three-issue process of, entrepreneurship, and  running that magazine, I went from the girl that had to pull herself out of bed, to becoming an, entrepreneur, who was in charge of everything. It was like walking through quicksand.   I couldn’t deal with responsibility. I became the girl that over functioned. I became the girl that went the extra mile in such a short time.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Becoming an Entrepreneur

I found out that, entrepreneurship, was two things that I felt:

  1. Entrepreneurship, has the same highs and lows as, bipolar disorder.  My mind could really understand the emotional pattern behind it.
  2. I was unable to show up for the responsibilities in my life, because I always had a psychiatrist note that could excuse me.  I didn’t have to go to friend’s birthday party because I had a, mental illness.  All my friends would understand or try to understand etc.

I really used my, mental illness, as a, crutch, to avoid responsibility and avoid showing up in my life in the ways that I really needed to, but when it came to, entrepreneurship, there was no note a psychiatrist could write out because I couldn’t tap out of it .

If I tapped out, the whole thing would fall apart, so it was almost this contradictory paradox.  I had to have all the responsibility on my shoulders in order for me to show up, I had to be completely present in every aspect.   So, I found in the beginning of, entrepreneurship, that I showed up because I had the freedom to create what I wanted to create and I couldn’t call in sick, that didn’t work anymore.

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Myrna: I also believe that, happiness, is working towards a goal and there is no better goal than when you’re working for yourself and you’re trying to grow your business as an, entrepreneur.  I also like your confession that you were using the doctor’s notes as a cop-out in life.

A lot of people do that, they lead with their illnesses. It doesn’t even have to be, mental illness, it could be a physical illness and they lead with that. Oh! I can’t do this because of this, mental illness, it’s a cop-out because we know being in the inspirational space, that people overcome challenges all the time.

They defy odds and do amazing things with no hands and no legs.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Are you addicted to your mental illness

Scout: I think it’s important. I don’t know if it’s touched upon enough and it’s something I say that can ruffle feathers or maybe trigger some people. I was addicted to my, depression. My, depression, my anxiety and my, mental illness, while it kept me in such distress and pain and chaos and crying fits and, anxiety attacks.

It kept me in my comfort zone, it kept me in the predictable, it kept me in what my body was used to. So, in many ways, it held me back from my healing because it said “no, that freedom out there, that’s unknown – (we don’t know what’s going to happen over there).

Let’s just stay in the pain so we can predict what’s happening, we know how this is going to go. It prevented me and allowed me not go through my formative early 20s not assuming responsibility for my emotional state.

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Download on Spotify

Taking responsibility for mental illness

So my, mental illness, was very real and tangible, and loves to visit me at times when I would prefer it not to.

There was a lot of moments and I think most of my suffering came from the fact that I allowed myself to play the victim.  I blamed the cards that I was dealt on my despair and suffering. The minute I realized and took responsibility and accepted that these were the cards that I was dealt, I started to use my emotional landscape as my superpower.

Today, ten years after being diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and  16 years after having my first depressive episode, I feel wildly safe in my, emotions.

I think they are my biggest teachers, mentors and guides. They have helped me with, entrepreneurship. They are the reasons I am successful with Scott’s Agency. I also started recognizing that when I got into, entrepreneurship, this game was a, personal development, game. It wasn’t a play, it wasn’t a market strategy (those are all parts of it) but at the end of the day, successful, entrepreneurs, are successful because of their emotional strength and their, mindset.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What does it mean to be an entrepreneur

I saw that so many women who had the resources, the education, the access to funds, are not getting into the game of their dreams because of self-doubt, because of fear and anxiety. That’s when I woke up. My, bipolar disorder, primed me to walk through emotional hell, to gather the strength and the tools that I could then apply to living out my purpose (which is running Scouts Agency, writing books etc).

So, once I realized that it was the emotional landscape that was holding us all back from success, that’s when the light bulb went off in my brain.

Myrna: Yes, it’s true our, emotions, dictate the quality of our lives which is basically why I named this show “Transform your Mind to transform your life” because if you believe that you can, you can. And if you have this, crutch, that says you were born poor or you were born black or you were born with a, mental illness, or you were born with whatever, crutch, that you want to tell yourself, that prevents you from moving forward, and your life is not going to be transformed.

Scout: Everyone can find a, crutch, no matter who they are, no matter if their life is technically great on paper or technically really unfortunate circumstances, we can all easily rely on a, crutch.

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Entrepreneurship and the emotional ride of uncertainty

Myrna: How can, entrepreneurs, handle the emotional rollercoaster and what kind of, mindset shifts, that they need in order to become a successful, entrepreneur? You talked about your purpose and the fact that your, bipolar disorder, with your highs and lows allowed you to have the emotional strength to become an, entrepreneur.

Let’s talk about the, entrepreneur, that is doing everything. What kind of advice would you give to that, entrepreneur, (female) let’s say that wants to start a magazine or a hair salon or something and has to deal with all the aspects of, entrepreneurship, and the uncertainty?

Scout:  First cultivate the belief that you’re safe in your, emotions, and then unconditionally accept that uncomfortable, emotions, are highly part of this game and that you will survive them.

That you are safe in your, emotions, and that you can reduce the suffering above the pain. What I mean by that is if you can limit the, anxiety, about the, anxiety, or the sadness about the, depression, we can work with the root cause.  Uncomfortable, emotions, and really understand what it’s trying to tell us, that makes you an, entrepreneur.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

Don’t expect entrepreneurship to be fun

So, before you jump into the game, understand that you’re going to be juggling all the hats.

  • You’re going to be the customer service expert,
  • The graphic designer,
  • You’re going to be the social media manager
  • The sales manager.
  • The website designer

All these roles that you have to figure out.  On top of that you’re going to have to walk through the uncomfortable discomfort that comes with that responsibility. So, know and accept that’s part of the game.

It’s really suiting up and really pulling in from your personal power and strength. It’s not expecting that, entrepreneurship, is going to be easy, fun and glamorous.  That you’re always in alignment, you’re flowing with creative ideas and your courses are selling out with six figure launches automatically etc. The fires will come more often than the successes.

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Entrepreneurship is living from the end

Myrna: As a Lifecoach, I understand what you’re trying to say, but it’s a very hard pill to swallow, because people go into, entrepreneurship, with the dream of riches and wealth and they don’t necessarily go into it thinking of the fires. They understand it’s hard work, but it’s very hard to smile and say I’m going to walk through the fire.  Tony Robbins, make you do the fire walk and I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s setting you up for that you can walk through the fire and not get burnt.

I follow Dwayne Dwyer and he talks about, living from the end. So let’s say that you become an, entrepreneur, for a certain end purpose or end game.  When you’re walking through the fire, if you can see that end then it will give you the strength in order to not chuck it in and to move forward.

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Entrepreneurs need to prioritize their mental health

You said that every, entrepreneur, should prioritize their, mental health, but not every, entrepreneur, is going to have, depression, or, bipolar disorder. However, mental health, covers a gamut of things.  So what’s your advice on that?

Scout: When I wrote the ‘Emotional Entrepreneur’, it was really not for the mentally ill. I think the beauty of the conversation about, mental illness, that it is coming to the forefront in the last few years.  When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, no one is talking about, mental illness. Now the conversation is beautifully being opened. In the conversation about, mental illness, being open, the conversation about everyone’s daily, mental health, is being opened and that’s really the people I want to talk to.

All of my messages are not for those who struggle with, mental illness, it’s for those who have, mental health, which is all of us. I think, for too long we’ve been told that if we don’t have a, mental illness, then there’s nothing we get to prioritize. When our experience here on earth is based on how we relate to our, emotions, and many times we act in spite of our, emotions, when our, higher self, knows better or our, higher self, would have had a different plan for us.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Mental health is not only for people diagnosed with mental illness

So, if you’re an, entrepreneur, and you are listening and you’re like; ‘well, I’m going to go through fires, I’m going to go through ups and downs, I’m going to have to figure out whatever messed up our product or makes a client unhappy. Now, I got to figure out how to make payroll and all of those things you might as well emotionally feel safe during that process because your business is going to soar if you are emotionally sound and strong within.

Myrna: I’m glad you’re saying that, mental health, is not necessary for people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness, but it’s very important to keep your, mental health, strong.

One of the things that I love about your bio is that you talk about your prescription medication for the people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness. Can you share your journey?

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Prescription medication for mental illness

Scout: This month celebrates one year of being, psychiatry medication, free and I don’t say that to promote the stigma or to promote anyone to go off their medication. I simply say because, psychiatry medication, got me to a point where I was able to go off them and then flourish in my life. Though, there were a lot of dark moments with me and my trial and error for medication.

If anyone is listening to this, and he’s considering, psychiatry medication, for a, mental illness, diagnosis or, mental health, diagnosis, and he’s feeling ashamed around that, I really invite you to end that shame and that stigma. There are times in our lives where we need to take things to physically and mentally treat our illnesses, our bodies, our spirits and souls etc. I never felt shame around taking the, psychiatric medication.

I really invite you to not passively wait for, psychiatry medication, to come save your mental state, but to really recognize that it’s just a little boost and the rest you really have to show up for. The idea that, psychiatry medication, is going to heal you completely, for me was very helpful because I wasn’t just passively playing the victim and waiting for something else to take over me and heal me. Medication really does a very small percentage of your healing for you.

Psychiatry medication is just the launching pad to healing

Psychiatry medication, can provide that launching pad, but really get ready for yourself to show up for you. I would say to really be your own advocate in the psychiatry office, ask about the symptoms, ask about what’s coming off the medication, ask about the withdrawals, do I have to ease off for two months?

I say this because I was put on a, psychiatry medication, where I was not given the correct information about the withdrawals and it was a really traumatic experience for me. So, it’s really good to ask about the side effects.

The Emotional Entrepreneur

Myrna: Can you tell us about your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”? You said it was not written for people that have been diagnosed specifically with, mental illness, but to help people prioritize, mental health.  I like that play on words. What do you want the readers to walk away after reading your book?

Scout: The Emotional Entrepreneur is really the emotional guidebook for, entrepreneurship. If you are someone who wants to start an agency, a podcast, a product based business, a life coaching, career etc; you might be purchasing books on how to manage clients. You might even be purchasing books on how to hit six figures, you might be purchasing books on how to close more sales, deals, how to brand your website etc, this book is the emotional part of all of that. This is going to be your guidebook towards navigating fear, combating impostor syndrome and enjoying yourself along the way.

By celebrating small wins and believing in yourself, it’s going to help you reframe your relationship to your, anxiety, as you get started. It’s going to make you understand that, entrepreneurship, and starting your own business is the biggest personal development game, and you get to be emotionally supported in that.

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV

Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers connect with you on social media or get a copy of your book?

Scout: You can follow me on Instagram ‘@scoutsobel’, that’s the best place to connect with me. In my bio, there are links to Scout’s Agency, my podcast and you can buy the book there. You can as well get the book on Amazon when you search for “The Emotional Entrepreneur by Scott Sobel”.

Myrna: One of my biggest takeaways about, depression, was reading the book; “The Work” by Byron Katie. I mean I have never actually heard of a, depression, like she went through.  She said that she was so depressed that she had to put herself in a halfway house, and she laid on the floor and couldn’t get up and couldn’t move until one day she decided to change her inner dialogue and change her mindset.

Thank you guys all supporting the Transform Your Mind podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes if you found this content inspirational.

Additional Resources

Understanding Mental Illness – My Bipolar Life

 

How to Release Childhood Trauma of Guilt Shame

Healing ourselves from Childhood Trauma

Trauma, is a shock to the, nervous system. And when, childhood trauma, is stored instead of released, it can cause physical and, mental health, issues down the road. When, trauma, occurs,  in an effort of protection, your brain temporarily pauses your memory processing system, and the experience is not stored as traditional memories.

Today I am talking with Emily Francis. Emily  is the best selling author of “Healing Ourselves Whole”

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Healing Ourselves Whole will give you the tools you need to clean your emotional house from top to bottom, complete with journal prompts and access to audio meditations for you to listen along to as you read.

As a trained, body worker, Emily Francis offers a refreshing perspective into healing, trauma. She reveals unique knowledge of the body as a holder for memory. Emily will lead you on a path deep within yourself to rearrange the ways that, pain, and, trauma, have been holding you back from whole body, mind, spirit, and, energy healing. You will rearrange the dialogue within your body memory systems as well as learn a practice to re-birth by healing your, inner child, and adolescent selves, coming into the present to create the best adult self possible.

This groundbreaking interactive book contains a journal and access to audio meditations for you to listen to as you read. The meditations will help you dig deep into past, trauma, and discover when and how, trauma, took root. Learn to get in touch with various parts of the physical and, energy body, and how to use them to let go of stored, traumas, and rediscover the deeply held joys that have also been stored within the body. From this, you will learn to live from a new mindful and powerful space.

book: Healing Ourselves Whole from trauma
book: Healing Ourselves Whole

How to release trauma from the body

My Psychotherapist told me to do something called catch and release. Which means whenever you catch yourself being triggered by past, trauma. This happens whenever you begin to feel bad, and you are not sure why. Whenever you feel your body going into reaction mode,  breathe in and then release it.  This allows the feelings you have stuffed down to come out.

Myrna – Emily can you share with our readers how they can  to us start to release, traumatic experiences, from their body?

Emily – In my book, Healing Ourselves Whole, I help my readers put their own hands on their body. When I am helping my clients in person, I help them, release trauma,  in their body by putting my hands on their body to help them locate where the, trauma, had gone in, or the shame, or the guilt.

Why our bodies hold Trauma

Our muscles and tissues store the memory of, trauma.  They also store memories of Joy.  That’s my work; but I couldn’t write a book and teach you how to do Hands On Healing, so I wrote a book teaching you how to dialogue inside your body.  This book “Healing Ourselves Whole” has a chapter for every emotion we hold in our body. We go through a 15 to 20-minute meditation on releasing, body trauma.

The workbook included with the book allows you to journal and go through all the senses to find the, trauma, carrot or the shame carrot or the guilt or grief. I teach you through this book how to do the body work by yourself. I’m not a therapist, so some behaviors and thoughts still need to be treated by, hypnosis therapy, like EMDR.

I work on the part of the body that is holding the, pain, and blocking the healing, so you still need your, cognitive therapist.

Childhood trauma and body trauma are connected

I have some, childhood trauma, and I know that until I became conscious that I was stuffing things down instead of understanding my emotions, I never understood that my, childhood trauma, was influencing my present. My, childhood trauma, also affected my relationships earlier in life before I was able to start to release them.

This is a great topic on releasing, chronic pain, because some people go to their graves not understanding that their quality of life was hampered by, what happened to them. Sometimes the, wounds, were only from, childhood, but relationships earlier in their lives eg.  lovers, friends, teachers etc.

Emily, what made you become a wellness expert?

I graduated undergraduate with a science and, wellness, degree then I went on to become an aerobic yoga instructor. Then I started suffering from extreme panic attacks and agoraphobia, so I went from loving to be on the stage, to not wanting to leave my house.  I was a college cheerleader, I worked out every day, I was at the gym three to five hours a day teaching different classes and I was like rocking.

The more crowded the better.  I fed off the energy and then I turned twenty-five!  I stopped drinking and the mask dropped and the crazy came up. All the, pain, that I had stuff down came to a flying head and I had to stop myself from extreme anxiety and panic attacks.

It took seven years for me to understand that the reason for my anxiety and panic attacks were because of, childhood trauma, that I had stuffed down. I missed a lot of my hot years as a young adult because I couldn’t hang out with friends or go to bars without feeling like I was crazy.  I really stepped away from life and just sat out and watched life pass me by. My, mental health, was of grave concern to me.  I prayed a lot.  I did a lot of intensive work, meditative work.  I went to a million different, healers.  if I heard of something for, body trauma, I was there.  I went through 7 years of, holistic therapy, and nothing worked until I finally broke down and tried a child’s dose of an antidepressant.

When I was able to heal myself, I want to share and that is why I wrote the book Healing Ourselves Whole

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Can medications help with Childhood Trauma?

After 7 years of looking for a treatment, I came across a book by a psychotherapist named Tom Rutledge.  He suggested medications. I tried it and it worked for me. The antidepressant worked because it regulated my brain and here is the thing that I learnt from Tom.  I was reading his book and embracing fear and I decided to write this letter to him. I wrote that I was a big phony and a liar, and I’ve been writing all these years and it was  just crap.  I am crap and I wrote this long letter.  It was like reading my autobiography. I just wrote out all the things I had been telling myself all these years.

Tom Rutledge replied that I should consider medication. He said that we must first regulate the brain before we can start the healing process and suggested that we should try medication. I rejected medication, because it goes against everything, I believe in.  It goes against my holistic principal, it was a Band-Aid. I said no I’m not interested, and he wrote back. He said there’s a part that I think you’ve missed, the brain and the mind are not the same thing.  The mind is where your thoughts and behaviors are, the brain is an organ in your body. It’s like your heart or your liver or kidneys.  You would not hesitate to take medication if your heart or liver or kidneys were malfunctioning.

But, mental illness, comes with a stigma. People hesitate to take medication because they feel it makes them crazy. Antidepressants are just something to regulate your brain. The brain is an organ and you’re missing some chemicals in your brain and that is the reason for the anxiety and panic attacks.  Once you get that regulated all the work that you’ve done because you’ve done significant with healers will be able to come through.

Book: Hollywood endings How to get one
Book: Hollywood endings How to get one

Hollywood Endings and How to Get One

 Yes, you can create what you want with imagination an intention. The movie themes the world loves are few and simple; they are the themes that have been portrayed over and over since Hollywood began to make movies. These classics have the most wonderful endings: love overcomes all; good defeats evil; the wayward child comes home. Anyone can be a hero, and everyone has a Guardian Angel.

Hollywood Endings – Using Imagination and Intention is about self-awareness, recovery and enlightenment. It’s for anyone who has ever wanted or dreamed of having a “Hollywood ending.” It is for those of us who never had a role model to show us how it’s done. It celebrates the wonder of the movies and urges us to see movies once to be entertained, and then return to see them again to learn from them. We all deserve a Hollywood ending. This book can show you how with life lessons from Dances With Wolves, National Velvet, Die Hard, and The Color Purple, to name a few.

Rewrite your own story and give it a Hollywood ending.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Trauma gets stuck in the body

Trauma, gets attached to your tissues, because the experience of stress, particularly, childhood trauma, causes stress and can trigger active survival responses of fight, flight, or freeze. When your, body trauma, can’t activate or complete these responses, those sensations become trapped in your nervous system.

Trauma, is a shock to the, nervous system. And when that, trauma, is stored instead of released, it can cause physical and, mental health, issues down the road. When, trauma, occurs,  in an effort of protection, your brain temporarily pauses your memory processing system, and the experience is not stored as traditional memories.

Instead of being stored as a complete memory, traumatic experiences are thought to be stored as fragments of pictures of, body sensations or, body trauma.  These fragments are unprocessed and thus don’t fit in the system as they should. Because they don’t fit, these fragments can surface unexpectedly as nightmares, flashbacks, or general angst and unease. Most of the time you don’t know why you are feeling uneasy.

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How to Release Trauma Trapped in the Body

International Trauma-Healing Institute founder Gina Ross has developed a simple process called Emotion Aid. Here is a summary of those steps you can use to begin to,  release trauma, trapped in your body.

  1. First, assess where you are: rate your stress or upset from a low of 1 to a high of 7. If it is high, first practice the following Grounding Steps.
    1. Begin by Butterfly Hugging and Tapping– hug yourself and then alternately tap on your arms, from side to side, 25 times. Then take a deep breath. Repeat this until your stress level begins to drop noticeably.
    2. Next, Send Roots into the Ground. Notice your feet or, if your seated, your back, buttocks, and back of your legs in the chair.  Now notice your feet or lower body being firmly connected to the floor, then to the ground, like roots going deep into the earth. Take a deep breath. Then gaze about the room and notice objects or textures about the room, remaining connected to your “roots.”
    3. Finally, Notice Breathing: Put one hand on your chest and one hand your belly. Now just be with your breath, not trying to change it, but just noticing the rhythm of it. Then make a heart shape with your fingertips and bring awareness to your beating heart.

How to discharge body trauma

  1. Now begin to Discharge Sensations and Release Stress.
    1. First, notice your breath and Breathe Notice any sensations that come up naturally. As you release, trauma, and  stress hormones, they will present through sensations like shaking, heat, sweating, yawning, goosebumps, changed breath, and gurgling in the stomach. Be curious about the feelings and be with them, and they will naturally discharge. Do not judge or critique what you are feeling or sensing.
    2. Next, briefly review the, childhood trauma, or troubling thoughts that lead to the sensations. As you review, notice the Feelings that come up as you consider what happened. It’s important to go slow so that you’re only allowing the activation of one feeling at a time. Just be with it and give it plenty of time. Then notice the discharge that emerges as you follow the sensations. (Know that you can temporarily set aside sensations and emotions that you are not focusing on at the moment. For example, imagine putting them on a shelf for the moment.)
    3. Then work with the Thoughts. Again, as you notice one thought at a time, observe the sensations that show up with these thoughts. Let go of the judgment or criticism. Just be present and continue to observe what happens next and experience the sensations discharging and releasing from the body.
    4. Now notice and bring to awareness Resources. A resource is anything that feels strong and calm to you. These can be external (for example, the kind eyes of a good friend) or internal (perhaps the memory of a personal achievement). As you recall or hold these resources notice the sensations that show up in your body. Take a few minutes to feel the sense of calm and strength in your body.

Conclusion

Listen to Emily radio show All About Healing 

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If you would like daily inspiration on how to transform your life, I invite you to join my Facebook group Lifecoach

Additional Resources

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

How to Write Your Own Hollywood Ending

Hollywood ending life story

A lot of times if you believe it and pray about it your, Hollywood movie, will turn out exactly the way that you want it to be. If we use our imagination, we can create our, Hollywood ending. Think of that bad job you are in and create your, Hollywood movie, with your own, Hollywood ending with you in your dream job, in your dream relationship and your dream family.  First you must have the baseline of, self-awareness, then you use your imagination to write the script. Where do I want to get to, what’s my goal?  You are the Director, Producer and star of your Life Movie.

My guest today is Linda Flanders, Author of “Hollywood Endings and How to Get One”

Years ago, my pastor preached a message that when we’re born there is a blank page.  We have a beginning, and we have an ending and in the middle we are supposed to write our story. We are the director of our life movie, producer and the Star in our, Hollywood ending.

Listen to the full interview Here 

Writing your Hollywood Ending

Yes, you can create what you want with imagination an intention. The movie themes the world loves are few and simple; they are the themes that have been portrayed over and over since Hollywood began to make movies. These classics have the most wonderful endings: love overcomes all; good defeats evil; the wayward child comes home. Anyone can be a hero, and everyone has a Guardian Angel.

Hollywood Endings – Using Imagination and Intention is about self-awareness, recovery and enlightenment. It’s for anyone who has ever wanted or dreamed of having a “Hollywood ending.” It is for those of us who never had a role model to show us how it’s done. It celebrates the wonder of the movies and urges us to see movies once to be entertained, and then return to see them again to learn from them. We all deserve a Hollywood ending. This book can show you how with life lessons from Dances With Wolves, National Velvet, Die Hard, and The Color Purple, to name a few.

Book: Hollywood endings How to get one
Book: Hollywood endings How to get one

Rewrite your own story and give it a Hollywood ending.

Linda has been a, FeldenKrais, practitioner for 30 years and an independent video producer. Flanders and her sister Dr Dorothy Halla-Poe created the, matrix model, an innovative way to work with children’s atypical behavior and, learning disabilities.  They specialized in using the, filmmaking, process as a learning and teaching tool, focusing on projects that are educational and promote social and personal change.

Myrna – I love the idea of using the, Hollywood movie, and, filmmaking, process as a learning tool to help children with, learning disabilities.  Can you share how that works.

Linda – I am a, Feldenkrais, practitioner and have been for 30 years and while that particular mode of learning has to do with learning, self-awareness, and learning through options.  I started working with young children who needed physical therapy and occupational therapy; but their behavior was such that they were absolutely out of control and scared the, physical therapist, on the, occupational therapist.

I started working with children behavior focusing specifically on self-awareness and self-control. If we have those two things, we can pretty much guide our own, Hollywood ending. If we do not have them, then we are vulnerable to so many awful things that can happen in our life.  If we cannot control ourselves and become the, Director, in our own, Hollywood movie, somebody else is going to control us.

 

I started using making, movies, as a fun activity with children and what I found was that even with multiple, psychiatric labels, attached to them and very bizarre behaviors, they all listened to the, director, if they played a part in a, movie.

 

When they had a camera in their face and the, director, said do this; they did it without hesitation. No attitude or behavioral issues. The children also loved watching themselves over and over in their, Hollywood movie. Science has shown that kids watching themselves act a certain way reinforces new neural pathways in their brain of new behavior.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

The, Feldenkrais method, is an educational way of learning to teach self-awareness.

Myrna – I understand the behavioral piece in making a, Hollywood movie; but I don’t understand how making a, movie, helps children with, learning disabilities.

Linda – In making our, Hollywood movie, I had them freeze for the camera while I ran around with the camera to a different angle, because that’s how a, Hollywood movie,  is made.

The children had to be in the, present moment, and they had to control themselves from the inside out. That is the huge piece of, self-control, and if they can gain, self-control, then they’ve got a better opportunity in school to be able to learn the different topics that they needed to learn.

In making a, Hollywood movie, they became much more aware of themselves and what they could do and what they couldn’t do. When they fell apart and got angry or sad or wanted to be the star of the, Hollywood movie, those issued had to be worked out during the filming of the, movie.

Myrna – That’s great and innovative. I hope teachers who are listening will take some cues from you because now we all can make, Hollywood movies, with our cell phones!

Hollywood Endings and How to Get One

Let’s transition into your book.  You wrote the book “Hollywood Endings and How to Get One” Tell us what would you like the readers to walk away with after reading your book.

Linda – Absolutely, it is a, self-help book, or a, self-improvement book. It teaches, mindfulness, helps with raising, self-awareness, on topics like “are you happy” “are you content with your job” etc.

The book teaches the science of, mindfulness, of paying attention to the moment, so you are fully present. In the science world this is called, neuroplasticity.  Change your brain, change your life.

If we use our imagination, we can create our, Hollywood ending. You think of that bad job you are in and create your, Hollywood movie, with your own, Hollywood ending. First you must have the baseline of, self-awareness, then you use your imagination to write the script. Where do I want to get to, what’s my goal?

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Your Hollywood Ending doesn’t have to be romantic

The idea of the, Hollywood ending, is not necessarily a romantic one, it could be any goal you have. If you reach that goal that’s a, Hollywood ending.

Myrna – When you were talking my mind went directly to the, Hollywood movie, Pretty Woman.

The movie started with the words, Hollywood, where dreams were made, anything is possible in, Hollywood! It ended with the same words.

But in the movie specifically Julia Roberts had a dream. She had a dream of her own, Hollywood ending.   She actually told Richard Gere in the movie hey “all the time I was dreaming you about my Prince Charming, I would dream I would be locked up into this room in this castle and the prince would climb up and he would rescue me. Nowhere in my, Hollywood ending, did he say I’m going to put you up in a condo as my mistress.

It’s really true, if you’ve got a goal and you’ve got a dream of your movie of life having a, Hollywood ending, it’s very hard for someone to knock you off of it.  Which is why she didn’t accept that offer which she said was a good offer for a girl like her.

She had gained, self-awareness, in that whole process of being a highly paid call girl for a week.

Linda – In the book I do explain the three systems of the brain.  I’m not a, neuroscientist;  but the information’s out there,  I  simply simplified it.

The Brain Systems

  1. The producer brain, because without a producer you don’t have a, Hollywood movie. The producer brain is the, reptilian brain, and that keeps us breathing. It keeps our heart beating. So, we don’t have a lot of control over that one
  2. The, limbic system, is the home of the emotions and we can live there we can, but we can also get stuck there. You can become a drama queen always reacting to life instead of working in the direction we want to go.
  3. The cerebral cortex, the Director brain. That’s where we plan, where we use our own judgment, where we use our common sense, our reasoning.

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There’s another movie that Julia Roberts was in called “Sleeping with the Enemy” where she is in a very abusive domestic violence situation.  I talk about that movie in my book, because if you can’t leave a situation, you can watch that movie and get ideas to leave your situation.

In the, Hollywood movie, she planned her escape. She learnt to swim, she selected her disguises so her husband could not find her, she picked a place that she would live. She imagined her, Hollywood ending. She set all the pieces in order first, then she made her escape and that’s what I’m teaching in the book.  We could use, Hollywood movies, and our imagination to write our own, Hollywood ending.

Myrna – So you want readers to walk away with the vision that they can direct their lives. They can plan it out, they can be a director, the producer of their own lives, because their life is like a, Hollywood movie.

Linda – Yes, each chapter there is a list of a few things to do. The first one is go watch a, Hollywood movie, but I want you to watch this movie through this lens, so that you’re watching the movie from a different perspective.  You’re gaining awareness from watching that movie. For example in the, Hollywood movie, Die Hard, with Bruce Willis.

In that movie there are places where Bruce Willis is so emotionally distraught, that he’s not thinking.  He throws some C4 down an elevator chute without recognizing that it’s gonna explode and where’s that explosion gonna come?  It’s gonna come right back up the chute into his face. That’s an example of us doing something without thinking of the consequences which blows up in our face.

Myrna – I don’t know much about movies or directing, but I know as a, Life coach, I always teach that we’re the director of our own lives, because we make the decisions and direct our choices.

What is the FeldenKrais Method

One of the things within, Feldenkrais model, is taught through movement.  We teach awareness, options and choice, but these lessons are taught through the avenue of movement.  One of the classic lessons in the, Feldenkrais, community is called a pelvic clock. It’s the ability to get your pelvis moving in all the different directions of a clock.  It’s better to be able to move a little bit in all these directions than a whole lot just one way, so it’s definitely the opposite of one-way thinking.

In my work with children I teach them how to create a clock from clay. They have to make the clock and they have to make the one, two, three, four all the way to twelve.  Then they have to make a little person and put the person in the center of the clock.  The idea what if you altered your behavior just a little bit. Just a little bit to move to the next number on the clock.  Step by step by step. You don’t have to stop doing something just change it a little bit.

It could be drug use, overeating or alcohol in adults. The idea is its okay if you can’t completely stop drinking but can you cut back a little bit with awareness. If you can’t make a small change, then you become aware that you have a real problem.

It’s this intertwining of movement and thinking with our emotions that get tied up in this knot and through the Feldenkrais method of movement and awareness you can break those up and then make small changes.  Transformation comes faster because you’ve incorporated movement as well as thinking and emotions.

FeldenKrais Method uses movement to achieve change 

Myrna – Yes that is the mind and body connection as taught in Yoga.

Linda – If we want to become the director in our own, Hollywood movie, then this is simply a way that we can do it.  Shakespeare said that “the whole world is a stage and we’re just actors on it”

Myrna – In this day and age everybody’s got a camera, people are making big money just recording on their smart phones. You do not need the big fancy movie camera to record your own, Hollywood movie.

 

Free Feldenkrais Summit

From May 1st through May 10th there is a free online Feldenkrais summit that you want to invite our listeners and TV audience.

It’s an international summit, so for those whole two weeks you have presentations that come from, Feldenkrais, practitioners around the world who have taken their work and specialized in it.  You can learn about using this method to help with trauma. There is trauma from anyone who is victimized and has been traumatized.

Some have taken, Feldenkrais, into working with world-class athletes and top performers.

Some have taken it literally into working with animals. Linda Tellington Jones can do amazing things with animals.

I took it into behavior, so it could be applied in a whole bunch of different ways.

So, the summit has all these different international speakers. It is literally 24 hours of

Feldonkrais, awareness through movement.

It’s all free so it’s an opportunity for people to experience the, Feldenkrais method, and break up those muscular patterns so you can feel better. Because when you move better, you can feel better.

 

Register on www.feldenkraissummit.com

Conclusion

In closing a, Hollywood movie, I am going to suggest everybody go watch the, Hollywood movie, Baby Boom with Diane Keaton because in an instant she a New York executive and literally overnight she becomes a single parent of a toddler who had lost her parents.

She took the circumstances of her life and created her own, Hollywood ending.

It you found this content inspirational, Please remember to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes.  You are invited to join my private Facebook Group called “Lifecoach

Additional Resources

 

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

Addiction and recovery side effects can include, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. In this episode Dr Tra Ahia, Psychologist offers treatment options for dealing with, anxiety disorder.

I was listening to a podcast last week and the guest was talking about her, anxiety disorder, and her story triggered a memory of a personal acquaintance who was a heroin addict and developed, anxiety disorder.

My first introduction to Anxiety Disorder

In the late 80’s I was working in sales and my boss’s daughter was an, Heroin addict. We were close enough that she would tell me what it was like being addicted to Heroin. She told me how she would cook the heroin until it became a liquid and then she would shoot it into her neck because she got a more immediate high. She showed me the holes in her neck which she covered up with scarves. Her father who was wealthy gave her a car and she sold that car for peanuts to get money to buy Heroin.

She attempted to go to rehab several times; but always walked out because she said they just left you in a room to scream in pain. She said the pain of withdrawal was unbearable. She then started a methadone treatment which is a synthetic version of Heroin.  They reduced the dose of the methadone gradually to wean your body off Heroin. But what I want to get to was her, anxiety disorder. She got such bad, panic attacks, her gut was always in knots, that she couldn’t leave the house without her safe person, her boyfriend. I don’t remember if he used drugs; but when the relationship ended she was unable to leave to leave the house for weeks, not even to buy groceries. Then she was too anxious to start dating. She stressed about some man asking “Can I touch your boobs” I don’t know what became of her; but I think of her often.

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What happens to the brain with Anxiety Disorder

If you have an, anxiety disorder – Your brain raises ahead to predict the future. The guest on the podcast had, anxiety disorder, and she described it as “life fright” or , agoraphobia, She said to think about Stage fright. You feel nervous, you think you are going to freeze up or faint, you start to sweat, you think people are going to laugh at you etc. well people with, anxiety disorder, or, agoraphobia, feel like that all the time.

They have, agoraphobia, talking to strangers, checking out at the grocery store, at the bank, going for an interview, at a cocktail party, almost any conversation with a stranger, that’s why the guest called it “life fright.”

 

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How does Anxiety lead to Life Fright

Dr Tra  as the author of the book “Call me an Addict, war on women” How does my story regarding anxiety being called “Life Fright” relates to your experience?

I think for that young lady or whoever coined that term, for her that helped her manage her, anxiety disorder.  That term helped her understand for herself this thing that she was feeling, so for her that was a good term to use, this, Life Fright. My thoughts when I think about, life fright,  is that I’m afraid of living period.  The entire gamut of life, so for me I would not use that term as a replicator to, anxiety disorder; but I can see why she did.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

I understand there are 3 types of, Anxiety Disorders,

  1. Situational anxiety
  2. social anxiety and
  3. high functioning anxiety

Can you explain the difference of these forms of, anxiety,  and which is most common with substance abuse?

There are more than just three types of, anxiety disorder,  way more.  I think it’s important also for the audience to understand that when we talk about, anxiety disorder, we’re talking about an irrational fear or, agoraphobia, of something that someone is experiencing.  It’s irrational, it’s not logical that you are excessively fearful over this specific situation or you’re apprehensive about something or you have difficulty managing daily tasks.  So when we think about, agoraphobia, or,  anxiety disorder, I want them to know that it’s irrational to know your heart is racing, and you feel like you’re going to die.

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iHeart Radio

There are six main categories of, anxiety disorders,  like I said there are more than three!

  1. Phobias
  2. Panic attacks, with or without, agoraphobia, you have
  3. Generalized, anxiety disorder,
  4. Obsessive compulsive disorder or, OCD,
  5. Acute stress disorder and
  6. Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD

 

The American Psychological Association lists research on how, anxiety disorder, is diagnosed.

This disorder called, anxiety disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual

It’s normal to become anxious and at one time or another. A car almost hit you, you are going for an interview, you sense danger etc. Anxiety is normal under certain conditions, what we are talking about here is the irrational fear or, agoraphobia, that is a disorder.

Something who’s unable to leave their home. This is, agoraphobia, they have a fear of leaving surroundings that they’re familiar with.

This a serious affliction.

 

There are three systems of functioning that need to change in, Anxiety Disorder

  1. Cognitive
  2. Physical and
  3. Behavioral

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How would, high-functioning anxiety, work?

An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they’re they don’t have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia,  as a result of some interaction they’ve had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.

An addict with, high-functioning anxiety, usually is on a treatment plan in conjunction with medication to control their, anxiety disorder.

An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they’re they don’t have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia,  as a result of some interaction they’ve had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Anxiety disorder is a form of mental illness. Dr Tra outside of substance abuse, what are some other  contributing factors to, Anxiety Disorder?

I understand that mental illness presents itself in many forms:

  • Schizophrenia
  • Anxiety disorder
  • Anorexia
  • Depression
Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

My research shows that these disorders present themselves as early as 14 years old and can be treated successfully by mental health professionals if treatment is started early; but because people feel that mental illness equals crazy, they don’t talk about it or seek help.

Research show that 90% of suicides results from mental illness like, anxiety disorder, and depression. How does talk therapy from a Life Coach, social worker or Psychologist such as yourself help patients?

Talk therapy allows the client to feel listened to and understood.  It allows them to download and get advise.  It can save many from suicide.

 

How would you help someone suffering from, anxiety disorder?

Mental illness is something that keeps a lot of people up at night but nobody wants to talk about during the day

It is the visitor who enters without knocking

1 in 20 become disabled by mental illness i.e. Can’t function in society

So let’s start talking.

ANXIETY, has become the defining mental health issue of our decade — women are affected at twice the rate of men, and now children and young adults are also more stressed and anxious than ever before. Join us to learn nutritional and gut solutions for your anxiety!

 

Additional Resources

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

https://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

https://blog.myhelps.us/call-me-an-addict-child-abuse-statistics-p3/

https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/suicide

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/kc/suicidal-thoughts-ideation-193026

Why Homecare is Absolutely the Best Option For Dementia Patients

Home health care for Dementia patients

If you have, dementia, then there are certain, nursing care, needs when, dementia, presents itself because it goes until death. Let’s say that my mom or someone I’m responsible for starts exhibiting symptoms of, dementia.  How do I decide on whether to put them in a, nursing home, or to get, home care?

Listen to the full podcast interview here:

 

My guest today is MERRILY ORSINI, Pres/CEO of Corecubed, is considered a thought leader in the healthcare at home industry and is involved in numerous organizations, providing insight and advice. Merrily is a leader in the Help Choose Home initiative, podcast creator and host. She focuses on educating how and when to choose healthcare at home. Orsini won a Lifetime Achievement in Business Award at the 2017 Stevie Awards for Women in Business. Orsini’s business ownership began with a geriatric care managed in-home care agency, a venture that garnered her the prestigious Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year Award in 1996

Myrna – Tell us your journey into your first geriatric care managed in home care agency.  Was it because you had a, dementia, parent who needed help?

Introduction to Home Care

Merrily – I sort of fell into it.  I have a master’s in social work and an interest in helping people. I was in a personal situation where I needed to make more money.  So, I decided to become an entrepreneur and start my own Business.  Soon after I opened the doors of that business, I got a request from a friend of mine to provide what at that time we called a babysitting service for one of her clients whose wife had senile, dementia.

That began was a lifelong commitment for me to provide care for anyone who is suffering from, Alzheimer’s.  We progressed with my first patient  from her early stages of, Alzheimer’s dementia, through end stage.

We ended up caring for lots of other people with lots of other issues but the issue of, dementia, is probably the most frightening and the hardest care. I stayed in the, home care, space directly providing, nursing care, services from 1981 to 1998.

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Myrna – I don’t have any personal experience with this, in my family but there’s a lot of movies out there that address the subject of, Alzheimer’s disease. The most famous is the movie the Notebook.

When I started, menopause, I personally started forgetting things and I was very afraid of that it was the start of, Alzheimer’s disease. But I was reassured by my doctor that if there is no history of, dementia, in my family then there is a good chance that I would not get, Alzheimer’s disease.

 

What kinds of services do you provide in the home healthcare space for dementia patients?

Merrily – my business provides support to the industry.  I’m not in the direct provision of, home care, anymore.  The thing about, dementia, is that it’s not a one-size-fits-all disease. It also manifests itself differently in different people.  Some people become very calm, quiet and reserved and other people become aggressive.

The disease progresses at different times,  it is a debilitating disease if you have an, Alzheimer’s,  type, dementia, or some of the other kinds of, dementia, it’s debilitating and it gets worse.

For instance you mentioned, menopause, there are several things that do cause something that looks like, dementia.  For instance, medication mismanagement.  I had a client one time who was severely malnourished, and that malnourishment actually translated itself into, dementia.

The question of, home care, it is again it’s not a one-size-fits-all because someone who has a, dementia, needs a totally different kind of care than someone who has a frailty or a disease. It’s two totally different kinds of care and it’s also takes different kinds of caregivers.

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Why Home Care is the best option for Dementia Patients.

There’s different ways that you actually can talk to someone or be around someone with, Alzheimer’s, and there’s a handful of generic kinds of rules for, nursing care; but the biggest one is this. It is hard for families is when someone starts forgetting and they actually have, dementia.

That’s irreversible and it’s going to get worse. the worst thing you can do is try to orient them to right now, because they’re not there.  They’re not mentally in the present and it’s very scary for someone with the, dementia, to think that they’re somewhere else and then have someone try to orient them today.

It’s like waking up in a dream and you know you you’re dreaming you’re someplace and if someone said you’re not there it would be scary. The, dementia, patient  turns against them, because they quit trusting them.

They quit trusting them because the person is trying to orient them back to reality.

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Dementia Test

The mini mental status test is about five questions:

  • It starts off with “what day is today”
  • Who’s the president of the United States
  • Ask them to make you a cup of tea because that requires is sequential steps.
  • Can they still dress themselves or take care of themselves. Oftentimes not because they don’t remember.  Sometimes people with, dementia, take all their clothes off and run out into the yard.

So many of the normal activities of daily living processes that you that you would not lose unless you had, dementia.

 

Ways to prevent Alzheimer’s type dementia

If you have a healthy lifestyle and by that I mean eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep. All of those things can help you prevent that onset of, dementia, but if you actually have an, Alzheimer’s,  type, dementia, no matter what you do it is going to eventually come.

Keeping your mind active is the other way to prevent the onset of, dementia. We’re creatures of habit so if you brush your teeth with your right hand, try brushing your teeth with your left hand.  Simple things like that.

Learning a foreign language that’s one of the most amazing things you can do because it uses parts of your brain that you don’t normally use.

So if you’ve done crossword puzzles your whole life and you think by continuing to do crossword puzzles you’re going to somehow keep dementia at bay, that’s not true.  You need to do something different like learn how to dance.  Do something that involves your body and your mind, that is different than anything that you’ve ever done before.

 

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Is  Alzheimer’s dementia different from just dementia?

You characterize, Alzheimer’s dementia, from just, dementia, can you give us what the difference is?

Merrily – There are all different kinds of, dementia.  Alzheimer’s, is what we most hear about; but it is a specific disease that has some specific characteristics.

 

There are other types of, dementia.

  • Lewy Body dementia which is what Robin Williams had
  • There’s frontal-temporal dementia.
  • Alcohol related dementia that comes from overusing alcohol
  • Vascular Dementia
  • Mixed dementia and that is a combination of Alzheimer’s dementia and Vascular dementia.

 

Home Care for Dementia patients

If you have, dementia, then there are certain, nursing care, needs when, dementia, presents itself because it goes until death.

Let’s say that my mom or someone I’m responsible for starts exhibiting symptoms of, dementia.  How do I decide on whether to put them in a nursing home or to get, home care?

There is no universal long-term care program for people in America, we have an overly complicated, home care, system.  Some of it funded by the government and some of it paid for privately, so it really depends on what your financial resources are and what your support system is.

Right now very few people want to go into a congregant, nursing home, setting because of the exposure. You look at the deaths in America where 40 percent or more happen in congregate, nursing home, care settings from COVID 19.

So, if you have a loved one with, dementia, the first thing to do is go somewhere where you can get a real good screening.  I would recommend a geriatric evaluation and treatment program through a teaching university.

The next step after they say you do have a progressive disease, is to really look at time frame, because a lot of people can stay at home with just a little bit of care as long as there, dementia, is not progressed to the point where they are endangering themselves.

Staying at home is probably the best place because people who have, dementia, like familiar surroundings and they also like a routine.

But the question between, home care, or, nursing home, really comes down to cost and support.

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Tell us about your podcast Help Choose Home.

The reason I started the Help Choose home podcast, is that what I have found is people don’t actually look for any of these answers or even information until they have a need. Someone has a care need for a family member and then they start researching. So the Help Choose home podcast, is really just about educating people about how to choose, nursing homes, or, home care.

How can those listening and watching on YouTube connect with you?

The national association for home care and hospice which is one of the sponsors of my podcast has very good resources and you mentioned AARP.  AARP has excellent resources as well The home care association of America and the National Palliative Hospice and Palliative care organization.

 

My own website is www.merrilyorsini.com My business is corecubed.com

 

I’m inviting you to join my Facebook group called life coach and please subscribe to the podcast on our YouTube channel and where ever you get your podcasts.

 

Additional Resources

How Thoughts become Things: The Secret

thoughts become things

This is the how the, law of attraction, works. This is, The secret,  your, thoughts become things, so you want to think good thoughts because you want the, Law of attraction, to bring you good things!

Good or bad, you manifest what you think about most of the time.

Listen to full interview here: 

Thoughts become things, you are literally what you think about and your character is the complete sum of all your, thoughts. What you are thinking now, and what you think tomorrow and next month, is eventually what you will become.

This principle of the, law of attraction, has been around since the bible; but James Allen made this principle famous in his book As a Man Thinketh

If you want success, love, happiness, contentment, wealth, then you must think, good thoughts, because, thoughts become things.

Here are some, Good Thoughts,  to engage the, Law of Attraction: The Secret

  • As a man thinks, so is he. As he continues to think, so he remains.
  • He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a loftily ideal in his heart, will one day realize it.
  • To desire is to obtain, to aspire is to achieve.
  • Your greatest achievement started out as a, thought seed, or a dream.
  • The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg.
  • Thoughts are the seedlings of things: your, thoughts become things
  • The, good thoughts, you hold in your head one day be the, good things, you hold in your hand, that’s, the secret.

Here is How Missy Elliot, Thoughts became things.

I just read an interview with Missy Elliott. Here is how she used this principle to achieve her success. This is her story.

As a grade school student in Virginia, her classmates would have never believed that Melissa Arnette Elliot would one day win six Grammys, two AMAs, and become the first female rap artist to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame, but she did. In fact, Missy said that she saw herself as a legend long before anyone else could. Missy explained that in elementary school, every week, the teacher would ask the students what they wanted to be when they grew up, and Missy’s answer was always the same:

“‘I’m going to be a superstar,’ and the whole class would bust out laughing.”

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“It’s funny, she later said.  I was telling somebody that everything I spoke, I’ve done. That’s how powerful the tongue is…I used to sit in the house and act like I was having conversations with Janet and Michael and Madonna and whoever. I then would go and say my thank you’s for award shows that I hadn’t made it to yet. I had speeches, and I would be in the mirror thanking my mama.” I engaged the, law of attraction, with my imagination to turn my dreams or, thoughts into things.

“Trust me, this was all visioning and, good thoughts, because I was broke. My family would be like, ‘You better find something to do.’ They told me to go in the Army. I’m like, ‘I’m too fat to go in the Army. Where I am running to?’ Everything just seemed so impossible at the time because we didn’t have the technology to be able to reach out and put your stuff online and for people to get a chance to see it. So you have to be at the right place at the right time.”

Missy said that she carried on this spirit of speaking her dreams into existence into adulthood.

“I told my mother, ‘I’m going to buy you a house, and I’m going to buy you an elevator in case your legs start hurting.’ And my mom would laugh and be like, ‘All right, okay.’ But when I got my first check, I didn’t even buy myself a house first. I bought my mother a house. Put a Bible in the soil and built it from the ground up.” My, thoughts became actions

After battling Graves Disease, domestic abuse, and a brutal, male-dominated entertainment industry, there’s nothing Missy can’t overcome; and do you know why? Because she knows how to transform good, thoughts into things!

It is hard work holding on to the vision in between the trials, failures and struggles which are a part of life.

In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results. The strength of the effort is the measure of the result or the quality of your thoughts.

The transformation of your good, thoughts into things, are the fruits of effort.  They are thoughts completed, objectives accomplished, visions realized.

The vision that you hold in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart – this you will build your life by, this you will become!

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Arifah what has been your experience as a mental health counselor on transforming good, thoughts  into things?

Most humans are operating in one of 4 psychological levels:

Level 1 – victim stage

Level 2 – you create and design your world

Level 3: Servant to a higher calling.  Doing something for the world. You are pushing humidity forward. The universe speaks through you. You are doing it through inspiration.

Level 4: Oneness with humanity, monk like state. You can heal with a touch.

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Let’s look at the first two levels since the majority of us will never get to level 3 or 4.

Victim stage – 70% of the world operates at this level.

  • You believe that life is happening to you.
  • You blame everyone for where you are at.
  • You don’t think you have any control over what happens to you. You believe what Forest Gump said “Life is a box of chocolates we never know what we are going to get. So you take whatever life dishes out and you tell yourself that such is life.
  • When you play the victim you are engaging the, law of attraction, to bring you more of the same.  If you become the player in this game of life then you visualize with good thoughts and watch those good, thoughts become things.
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Level 2: You believe that your, Thoughts become things,  your reality: the secret

  • You become a co-creator of your world.
  • You use your imagination and the, law of attraction, to create in your mind the life you want.
  • You keep your mind positive,
  • You feed your subconscious mind and transform your, thoughts into things.
  • Abraham Hicks calls this the vortex. Your vortex is full of un-manifested potential just waiting to become your reality.
  • You utilize the, law of attraction, to bring the things you want to you. The secret is to feel good and use positive energy to transform your, thoughts into things,

How my good, thoughts became things.

As a little girl I dreamed of becoming a movie star. I heard that the first step in becoming a movie star was to become a model. (Not true), but that was my information back then in 1977. So the first thing I did when I immigrated to Toronto, Canada from Guyana was to be trained as a model.

I went to International Top models and graduated. My modeling agency started giving me work in the movies. I got roles as an extra in 3 movies one was the movie Cocktails with Tom Cruise. I got a radio gig reading the news, I got a regular part on a sitcom again as an extra. I had a manager and was thinking of moving to Los Angeles when I got pregnant with my son.

I was 20 years old at the time and something happened to me during pregnancy.  I no longer wanted to get by on my looks. I wanted to be a business woman. So I packed up my modeling career and went to college. I later became an entrepreneur. I was happy with my choices.

That dream laid dormant until earlier this year. 40 years later. My daughter was working in LA for a month and I decided that when I went to visit her I should audition for some movie role just to get the life experience. I signed up with this casting company called NY casting. I was only in LA for 3 days so I couldn’t make it happen; but I was able to get tickets to see Dr Phil. They sat me close to the front of the studio and I just visualized me as a the host of a TV talk show. You couldn’t bring cameras into the studio, so I mentally recorded every detail of the studio. I imagined myself walking on to the stage and waving to the audience.

When I returned home, I figured my next move was to get some footage of me as a host to send around to casting directors. I sent an email to the producers of this radio show and asked them if I can do a live radio show in the studio in Atlanta. They responded that they had a TV show taping in Miami and they would like me to host it. I couldn’t believe it.

Dreams, good thoughts do become Reality

I Hosted the show called “Make me over Miami and uploaded a clip to NY casting site. As soon as I finished uploading my video reel, I noticed a casting call for a talk show host in Miami. I sent the director an application. About a month later he responded that he would like me to audition for the role as the consumer reporter on the show the Culture Club. The show is taped in LA, they pay $1500 per show as a start.  My, thoughts become things. Not a bad start! I don’t know if I will get this hosting job; but I am encouraged.  This dream started as a, good thought,

Now I hope you followed along with this story how my dream was reignited.  I made the first move and signed up with a casting agency, followed inspiration and got tickets to Dr Phil.  Visualized myself being the female version of Dr Phil. Got the video real of coach Myrna in action, got an audition!

Arifah can you share a personal story of when your, thoughts  became Things

I remember one day asking myself, if I felt I was making a difference. I started to question my purpose and if I was using my skill sets wisely. I started to think about what kind of difference I wanted to make, what skills I had and how best to use them.   It all seemed overwhelming at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I believed it was possible and those, good thoughts, turned into good actions.

I thought about the name of my organization, the logo, what I wanted to do, who I wanted involved and all the ways to make it a reality. Everything I thought about, it came to fruition because I believed I could manifest it. The best part about it all, was that I engaged youth I had worked with over the years to get their input on everything I was doing, from voting on my logo ideas, input about projects and their involvement in the organization.

I always dreamed about creating something that would make an impact and that would engage young people not just as participants, but leaders and creatives.  I thought of the partnerships I wanted and what I hoped would happen in the next 5 years.  I always tell people, I really dreamed about what I wanted, thought about it everyday in detail and put those, good thoughts, on paper, and now those good, thoughts became things. I am living in and growing my dream everyday.

How to become lifted by your purpose

Lifted by Purpose, is not just a name, it’s a way of life, I tell young people if you believe you can, your half way there to making it a reality.  Thoughts, hopes and optimism, is powerful in guiding us towards what we envision and success.  It may take time, you may have ups and downs, but you will also have wins once you work towards your goals.

The first 2 small grants, I applied for I got denied, I even cried I was so upset.  But I believed in my vision and I kept writing grants, I turned those,, good thoughts, into a $75,000 grant!  I continued to submit grants for larger sums of money and was successful.  The first grant I wrote on same day as my uncles funeral, the second big grant I I wrote when I lost hearing in one of my ears for 5 weeks.

Despite the hardships, I never gave up on myself, my team and the vision to provide programs and services to youth. I always think about the potential outcome and who it benefits, over all the work to make it happen. My good, thoughts became things, and  have lead me to where I am today, lifted by my purpose.

Anabrese Newman, a spiritual-well-being author and mentor wrote:

Everything is FIRST an idea or thought before it comes into creation.

Consciousness is the source of it all, meaning that your mind and thinking are the fuel for creating matter ie the physical appearance and experiences that show up in your life.

This is the basic of, Law of Attraction, teachings. They teach you to understand that you have the power to shape your life with your thoughts and emotions.

By sharing our passions/vision for the highest good of all, we can be the change we wish to see in the world and be of service to our fellow beings.

So, if you want to change your life, start by changing your thoughts because your, thoughts become things! –

Additional Resources:

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-the-energy-of-desire-to-create-something-magical/

https://blog.myhelps.us/detoxing-both-the-body-and-soul/

https://blog.myhelps.us/7-strategies-to-climbing-your-personal-mountains/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/melodywilding/2016/08/15/forget-positive-thinking-this-is-how-you-actually-change-negative-thoughts/

https://chopra.com/articles/retrain-your-brain-how-to-reverse-negative-thinking-patterns

How to Navigate Social Cues with Aspergers Diagnosis

Aspergers Syndrome

Daniel Mangena was diagnosed with, Aspergers, in his late 20’s.  Asperger’s syndrome, is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.

Listen to full interview here:

 

I’m very familiar with, Aspergers, because I have a 21 year old son who has been diagnosed with, Asperger’s syndrome, around 10 years of age.

So this interview with Daniel will be on the topic How to Navigate Social Cues with, Aspergers, Diagnosis

My son was so afraid of social interactions, he couldn’t speak to strangers. He was so nervous speaking to people that he developed a stutter and the stutter made him almost unintelligible.  As he’s grew older, he practiced talking to people. He would talk to everybody that he meets, everybody would come up to me and say your son is such a wonderful kid that’s, because he practiced and now he doesn’t have the stutter and not afraid of talking to people.

Introduction to Asperger’s Syndrome

After receiving a late diagnosis of, Asperger, and experiencing what can only be described as life-shattering trauma at the age of just 20, Daniel spent the next seven years struggling to keep his revelations and events from spilling in to his everyday life as a result of his struggles.

Daniel built a simple four-step system called “Beyond Intentional Paradigm”. Initially, it was built as a lifeline while he was grappling with suicidal thoughts; but beyond intention has transformed Daniel’s life from misery into celebration through his own struggles. Daniel found a path to lasting joy and purpose and he wants nothing more than to share the tools that saved his life.

Daniel is the host of a “Do It with Dan” podcast series, regular blogs published articles and worldwide workshops that have helped thousands across the globe. His prolific work recently earned him a spot in the Wall Street Journal as a master of success and a scene on Wall Street Journal, Market Watch, ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox.

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Late Diagnosis of Asperger and lack of friendships

Myrna – You were diagnosed in your twenties with Asperger’s. Did your family miss your lack of, social cues, or do you think you developed, Asperger, late?

Daniel – As a teenager, I’ve always been really blessed. For me, Asperger, has been a gift. It’s been a gift because the way that my brain works has allowed me to achieve a lot and the social challenges and lack of, social cues, have effectively just been the cost of doing business. When you look at my brilliance, that came out academically including great achievements. I kind of just put up with me living with my foot in my mouth and being horribly awkward and unable to really relate, because there were other benefits that came with my diagnosis.

When things became clearer, siblings would tell stories and they’re like, but we love you so because you were a loner. I don’t really have friends. I never developed relationships and friendships  other than my two friends – Nathan and Jamie, who were my friends since I was 15. I don’t have any friends from middle school. I don’t have any friends from high school.  I’ve got one friend from college, because I didn’t know how to form those bonds with people even when people wanted to form bonds with me. I didn’t know how to hold and maintain those relationships.

I was missing out and studied much like your son practiced to learn, to understand what those shortfalls were and although it’s a very conscious process, was able to then effectively operate socially.

Myrna – I understand the lack of friends because my son never developed friendships.  I had twin girls, their world was friends.  They didn’t go to school to learn, they went to school to see their friends! My son’s friends were his teachers.

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Autism vs Aspergers

Myrna – Tell us what is,  Asperger’s syndrome, and why is it that people with, Aspergers, can’t understand, social cues?

Daniel – Essentially, the difference between what is commonly recognized as, Autism vs. Aspergers, is that someone that’s more formally viewed as, autistic, doesn’t have the ability to communicate with the outside world. Whereas, Aspergers, have the same thought processes; but we can actually communicate it. Whereas with, autism, especially if someone’s non-verbal, they have no way to communicate those thought processes.

I found in my own experience that everything works in ones and zeros. It’s very systematic and when there’s a disconnection in that systemization, it falls apart.  Social cues, are a very fluid, it’s an art form. It’s not there’s a science to it, but there’s an art form to it which doesn’t move in ones and zeros.

People that have brains like me don’t know what to do with it and also because we’re always things that you do unconsciously. For example, in this conversation I have to maintain concentration the entire time because I have to be aware that just because I’ve got something to say, doesn’t mean that I have to say it now.

Myrna – My doctor compared my son to Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.  Just like Sheldon has to work very hard on understanding, social cues, and he would say and what he shouldn’t say. He’s usually very rude because he doesn’t think about the other person’s feelings. He just says what he feels or thinks.

Daniel – What I found to be my happy place with relationships and with, social cues, is to forget what I am thinking.  I just walk away from it, I don’t entertain it.

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Using Mindfulness to understand Social Cues

Myrna – I know that you’re a podcast host and you interview people, so when you’re interviewing like when you’re doing this interview or when you’re the host and you’re talking, do you do the same thing? Do you have to get out of your head and operate from your heart space to understand, social cues, or is there other ways that you you’re handling that situation?

Daniel – First and foremost, by using my tools of mindfulness and consciousness in order to engage in this space, I set very clear intensions about this time and set them aside. I’ve given my mind enough to let go by giving a box to play in. I have genuine conversations; I don’t have to think about what I’m going to say, because I’m speaking from the heart. I’m thinking about how to engage with you, I’m holding that container; but in terms of the communication that’s coming from the framework within my heart.

There’s a conscious process in terms of setting that space to this is back and forth I’m sticking clear with my intention to share this space with you, to add value to your community, to create something beautiful together; but then I’m not thinking about what to say. I’m allowing the truth to come from heart based communication.

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What is Micro Shifting and how does it help with Asperger’s Syndrome?

Myrna – In your Bio, you talked about, Micro Shifting. How can people with, Aspergers, use, micro shifting? Is there something specifically that you do because of the, Asperger, diagnosis or can anybody use this, micro shifting?

Daniel – Micro, Shifting, has actually shown and proven itself to be one of the most popular aspects of my work with people, because it just makes good sense and just gets good results.  Anybody can have a quantum leap.  Anyone can have a massive shift.  Anyone can have that; but everybody can make baby steps. Baby steps move past resistance and moves past fear because you’re just taking one step.

I’m not taking on the whole thing.  Procrastination drops down and you can start to build a momentum towards success in an endeavor. Micro, shifting,  is a consistent series of baby steps in the direction of a consciously chosen outcome. That’s how I define it. Creates a momentum, a rhythm that gets us to where we’re going without the anxiety around the big goal, without the ‘I can’t do it’, without the resistance, just one step at a time.

It’s, shifting, your mind to let’s say if you’ve got a big goal, for instance – you want to write a book. What you’re saying is that you take one step and then you complete that step and then you take another step. I understand the micro baby steps and the, shifting, is what you’re saying is once you’ve completed this one step then you go on to the next one.

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Micro Shifting to Millions

Myrna – You don’t look at the big picture like macro? You just do micro, shifting. That’s good.

Daniel – There’s a couple of overlays, there not to cut but there’s a couple of overlays. First and foremost, Micro, shifting, in its pure essence is very much a surrender based process because you’re opening up to God or the universe to present what that next step is and once that step is presented, then you ask yourself what is the smallest minimum deliverable – something I know I can do to move towards this step that God or the universe has presented to me.

I take that step, I celebrate and then I’m open to what the next step is holding i.e. the intention of what the final goal is. I don’t need to keep looking at the big goal. I know if I go one step at a time, God’s got my back on this one step at a time and then trusting that that next step is going to be revealed. Regardless of what shows up even if it looks like it’s going wrong trusting that everything’s going right, because the universe is taking care of me.  God’s got my back. The universe only gives me what I can handle and because I’ve been very conscious in choosing what I’m moving towards.

It is one of the cornerstones to teach. I don’t do so much coaching. I’ve got a group program, my signature program is called “Micro to Millions” (principally around financial abundance). But people come for other things too because another cornerstone is that once you effect change somewhere it can be everywhere.

So, if I work on my challenges around abundance, I can use that as the doorway to work on my relationships to work on my health. We find that all the time people come because they want to make money. They find the love of their life, their health improves and they find their purpose and so on and so forth. Micro, shifting, is a cornerstone that’s why it’s called “Micro to Millions” because we are micro, shifting,  all the way up to whatever abundance we want to get to.

 

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Asperger’s Syndrome and Conscious Living 

Let’s finish up with the, Asperger’s Syndrome. How can someone with, Aspergers, live consciously?

Daniel – I would have thought that’s a little difficult. I would actually say someone living with, Aspergers, is more properly set up to live consciously, because so much of our life is happening at a conscious level. It’s not happening at an unconscious level because we’re stepping through it as a process of thought, so we have the opportunity to interject along the way and introduce something different.

So, when I look at my social interactions for example, it’s actually process wise more feasible that I can be more aware and be more present. When I’m having a conversation with you, because I’m doing it step by step anyway it’s not just an auto play that’s happening. I’m moving through it so I have more opportunity to step in and say am I having this conversation with you, with love and compassion. Am I intentional in what I want to gather from this conversation?

What I want to add to this conversation where I am? Where’s my attention? Where’s my awareness? There’s actually more opportunity now. Opportunity doesn’t mean there’s going to be a probability of the outcome; but it does mean that there’s an opportunity. Again that’s one of the things I’m grateful for with my, Aspergers.

I have more opportunity to be presently aware, because I’ve got that step-by-step process happening in the background.

Myrna – If I were to break that down, I think what you’re saying is the, Aspergers, mind. Because it’s logical and it’s doing the zero one thing that you’re more conscious of what’s going on because you were doing it logically. What you’re saying, you’re doing it. There’s opportunity there to be conscious but we can be consciously unconscious.

Don’t forget, we can be unconscious to our consciousness just because it’s doesn’t mean I’m giving up my attention. Go ahead and explain that one unconscious consciousness. The opportunity is there for me to be aware because it’s a step-by-step process. It doesn’t mean that I’m giving it my attention, I still have to give my attention to that step-by-step process. I get you see one coming and it’s by giving it my attention now. There’s a level of consciousness to it and now I can start to introduce intentionality in how I’m stepping through those communication.

Do it with Dan Podcast

Tell us about your podcast “Do it with Dan”

Dreamwithdan.com is my website and that’s where everything is – my books are there, podcasts, any free trainings and master classes. There’s normally something. My next sort of major free offering is on the 15th of November – doing completely free workshop to empower business owners to create more abundance not-speaking for 15 minutes and selling for the rest of the time.

I’m actually recording a workshop and then I’m going to be selling later. I’m delivering a workshop that’s going to sell for a hundred dollars. We’re delivering it for free on the 15th of November. I’m excited about that.  All details for that sort of thing are always going to be on the website. My podcast is me just having conversations with people. I want to inspire change, remove the excuses that we have around change that we say we can’t have and to give people tools that they can employ to create more change again.

Leaning towards this mission of more people living abundant joyful purpose-driven life, because if they’re doing that, then we can reach that tipping point where we move from the 80 percent of negative to 80 of positive and that’s what I’m really passionate about.

Conclusion

Myrna – Thank you for sharing with me as an Asperger parent. Maybe the listeners might have, Aspergers, because I think it’s a big diagnosis now, right? They’re saying that one in four boys has autism and the, Aspergers, is part of the, autism, spectrum.

A large amount of the population is working with some form of social anxiety.   I was reading something on Quora about, Aspergers, and one of the things the guy was saying is that you know he couldn’t follow instructions and I will tell you that was my biggest pet peeve with my son. I would tell him to do one thing and he does something totally different and apparently that’s part of the Asperger brain to you can’t follow complex instructions.

We can be successful even with a diagnosis as, Aspergers. It doesn’t have to give you a life that doesn’t have any quality and I know again, in your bio you mentioned that when you first got the diagnosis it was a hard. It was hard for you and you had some struggles even thinking of ending your life – kind of suicidal thoughts but you’ve worked with it and now you’re on the other end and you’re teaching.

I want to encourage you to subscribe to my YouTube channel so that you can watch our interview instead of just listening to it. But if you prefer to listen to it and you’re listening on iTunes, I would love for you to subscribe. The more subscriptions we get of course, we’re able to take the message to a wider audience.

I also want to invite you guys to join my life coaching group on Facebook. The group is growing by leaps and bounds.

Additional Resources

Can Introverts be Successful Networkers?

 

How to Find your Soul Mate or Twin Flame

soulmate vs twin flame

Are you a single woman hoping to, find your soul mate?  What about your, twin flame, who is your mirror, soul. Science says that when you meet your  Life partner, some thing magical happens. In this blog we look at what happens when two, souls, with constructive energies meet?

Listen to the full interview here:

In our last episode my co-host and I looked at what, single women, need to do to get their house ready for love, where to look for love and what to look for when you are starting over after divorce or death of a partner.

If you missed that episode you can download it here: https://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/ or on iTunes ,iHeart radio or wherever you get your podcasts. 

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Today’s episode of the Transform your Mind Radio Hour is sponsored by  Columbus Financial Coach.  Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com

Introduction

 How to, Find your Soul mate,  the Science of Attraction

In the last Blog post, I shared how I met my husband on a train. I am going to use this personal story to illustrate what happens when two strangers or, souls, meet for the first time.

As you may remember from Chemistry class, every atom and molecule gives out and absorbs light. The human body is made up of 50 trillion cells composed of atoms and molecules. So we are massive bundles of energy giving off and absorbing light or energy all the time.

When two energies come together they become entangled, the first step to, find your soul mate, is constructive energy.

When two energies are in harmony, the result is called, constructive energy, because it increases in size.  That is why you should grow as a person when you are in the right relationship.

We call this, “good vibes” very important when you are hoping to, find your soul mate. 

How Chemistry plays in finding your Soul Mate

So let’s look at what happened when I met my husband and our energies became constructive!

I walked onto a train and he was standing by the door. I looked fine, mini skirt, sunglasses, designer bag over my shoulder,  so I caught his attention. He caught my attention because he was the first black officer I had seen on the train.

On be known to me my second Chakra or energy center in charge of communication sent him a signal because he tells me he felt this warm feeling in his body. He had never felt that before. Let me put a pin here and explain.

Our bodies are made up of seven energy centers, called Chakras. Each of these energy centers are responsible for certain functions.  I know that my second Chakra located below my navel is my communication center and it is responsible for engaging a mate by sending out signals when it finds a compatible energy so you can, find your soul mate.

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Soul mate vs Twin flame

My husband could also be my, twin flame.  After 14 years of marriage, I do believe we are mirror souls. What Is A Twin Flame? Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or, soul connection, a, twin flame, is the other half of your, soul. It is theorized that a, soul, can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the, soul, lands in two different bodies.

I must have also received something from my husband’s energy center as well because my thoughts lingered on him. I was curious. That was all that it was for me at that time. Curiosity. I was not actively looking to, find a  soul mate.

But I have heard men say that the first time they saw their wife they knew that she was the one. There is such  a thing as love at first sight! Have you heard Steve Harvey tell his story of when he met his wife and, how he found his, soul mate?.  I don’t think he was actively trying to, find your soul mate. But there she was. He was doing stand up comedy and she walked in late with her girlfriends, and he couldn’t stop staring at her.  In fact he couldn’t even continue his act.  He told her right then that she was going to be his wife! Believe in compatible energy, it is real.

Anyway, back to my story. Because our energies entangled and we both got, good vibes, we looked to further the communication.

The, Soul mate Connection, is Immediate

Another pin. That is why we shouldn’t chase men.  if you guys have, constructive energy, or, good vibes, they will reach out. We are hard wired to mate. It is all happening without our conscious thought. Your soul is looking for it’s, twin flame.

So my husband searched for me on the train every day until he found me. I noticed him sit behind me for a few mins while he got up the nerve to come talk to me. We talked for about 30 mins until I got off the train at my stop. I will confess that I was not impressed by the conversation. He cursed like a sailor. I think that men who curse in front of women have no respect; but when I got off the train my energy body told me that it had made a, soul connection.

I had this incredible feeling of euphoria!  My stomach was doing somersaults. I knew right then that we would have a relationship. I knew right then that I had found my, soul mate, This is how you, find your soulmate, you listen to your body.

Three months later he proposed we were married 8 months after. That was 13 years ago and we are still in love, compatible energies!

Soul mate Meaning

This is an example of the science of two, compatible energies, something we have no control over.  That is why you have heard people say we have no control over who we love. You can’t pick your, soul mate. The science of attraction brings him or her to you.

Your, soul mate meaning,  two souls joining together to perfect each other.

On the other hand when your energy is not in sync with other, we get, bad vibes, not your, soul mate.  The energy cancels each other out and instead of feeling euphoria you feel depleted.

Energy is your most important reading as a single woman looking for a mate. Ever heard the saying that someone is like an anchor, you can’t thrive since you met them.  Pay attention that means that you are not expanding, you are contracting or stuck.

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Illustration  the Science of, Attraction, the bad vibe

Rhonda met this great guy at a bar. The guy was gorgeous, absolutely delicious. He pursued and seduced her and they started, dating. They had a great time together but something didn’t click. He was kinda, sorta vague on his explanation about everything.

It took about three months of, dating, this guy for Rhonda to discover that he was still living with his daughter’s mother and another 6 months to understand that theirs was an on and off relationship. He would never under any circumstances spend the night, saying that he did not want his daughter to wake up and he was not there.  This reminds me of Whitney Houston’s married relationship in Waiting to Exhale!

This is when Rhonda realized that a married man is a married man.  They can string you along forever. They can tell you anything.  She decided to breakup.  The breakup was mutual but she wasted at least 2 years on a relationship that was going nowhere when if she had paid attention to her, bad vibes,  she could have saved herself from heartache.

Reading energy is the most important data in the, dating, world.

Be careful of Psychopaths while looking to, find your  Soul Mate

Have you ever met a psychopath? Or been in a relationship with one? They are masters at reading energy.

We are all broadcasting a frequency of our most innermost thoughts. That is how a predator picks out his prey.

  • That is how a mugger chooses his victim.
  • Animals also know how to read this energy.  A lion picks his prey from a flock. He reads the vibration of the weakest prey.

I am sure everyone on the planet is aware on some level of the Art Kelly crimes against teenage girls and women. How do you think he chose his victims?  Women who would allow him to disrespect their bodies and lock them up in a room and  have to ask to go to the bathroom and ask to eat?  Some said that he didn’t feed them for 3 days, yet they didn’t leave. As one of his victims said in an interview.  If you were weak minded, he wants you. You could be a teenager or a 30 year old woman!

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Science of, attraction,  reading vibrations when looking to, find your soul mate?

Synergistic relationships are based on both individuals being on the same wavelength, when they completely understand each other and don’t try to limit the space they occupy in each other’s lives.

I read an article that stated the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  The examples used was if you train two Belgian horses together, the effect is multiplied: together, they can pull 32,000 pounds. Two horses, doing the work of four, even though it seems to defy physics. Often, in a positive relationship, you’ll find that synergy is already happening.

How can you increase that by finding harmony, in acknowledging individual strengths and how they work best together?  For example, I love to shop; but I don’t necessarily like to cook all the time.  My husband, will send me a list of all the items to pick up the grocery store and he will cook.  I then just have to do keep the kitchen tidy and get the family read to enjoy his great cooking.  It works for both of us.

In regards to signs women should look out for in predators, Robert Hare, one of the world’s foremost experts on, psychopathic behavior, believes that people need to know what to do in the event they find themselves involved or associated with a predatory psychopath.

Here are his tips on How to Avoid being targeted by a predator when trying to, find your soulmate:

  1. Be careful of props—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.”
  2. Anyone who seems too perfect is. Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and cracks in grandiose stories should provide clues and put you on your guard. Make reasonable inquiries.
  3. Know yourself—or you might be vulnerable from your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for, the more closely you can guard against it.

 

The second stage in the Science of Attraction, is Chemistry

I know you have heard this word thrown around all the time. For example the dating sites match people up by common interests; but they can’t manufacture chemistry.

Let’s get back to my husband for a minute.

I just shared all about the our first meeting and about us having good vibes but if we had no chemistry we would just become good friends.

Here are the Chemicals released  by love that is responsible for Chemistry:

  • Dopamine – Lights up your pleasure center. Your pleasure goes up when you are near or think about this person. Your  motivation goes up, Now you are thinking of that nice house and 2 kids! Your sadness goes down, if you were depressed, you are now happy.

I know you have heard the saying love is blind. It is true. Dopamine make you more attractive to your mate and since we are on this planet to procreate, your sexuality goes up! I am sure you have heard or have personal data that new lovers do it all the time!

  • The second chemical that is released in love is Oxytocin  – Oxytocin is responsible for trust. Your level of trust goes up, and your attachment goes up. This is probably why your girlfriends can’t figure why you are going out with a player;  but you don’t see it until your heart is crushed. The psychopath uses this one to his advantage.
  • Finally Serotonin is released. – This hormone is responsible for all the pain attached to love. Serotonin goes up and you become obsessed with your lover. Love is a chemical addiction!

Thank God I have only had one experience with an over abundance of this hormone.

I met one of my boyfriends at a club and it was an instant attraction. I fell hard.  I swooned when he called me baby the next day!

Less than 2 months after we met, we made plans to spend the New Year in Jamaica.  He left before Christmas but I wouldn’t leave my kids for Christmas so I made plans to meet him in Jamaica after Christmas.   It was the longest week in my entire life.  I literally looked at the clock the entire time.  I was an addict! I however did not, find my soulmate.

Arifah what can you lend to this conversation from a social worker perspective?

Wow, Myrna glad you spoke about the hormones.  I always talk to my clients about increasing their Oxytocin through touch, such as a hug, holding hands, a kiss.  Everyone has a sensitive area on the body that causes arousal when touched, whether sexual or just to feel good. It’s important in a relationship to know what your partner likes and does not, to give each other compliments and share tips on how increase synergy between each other.  It’s important to always reminisce on moments, like when you first met, knew you were in love and what you admire about one another now.  All of this, helps build connection.

In general the most salient characteristics for chemistry between two people are mutual interest (reciprocal candor, reasonableness, intimacy,

Similarity, and physical attraction.

 

Here are some questions from my Life Coach group on Facebook on How to, Find your Soul mate?

Remember you have an open invitation to join this group to get answers from the group on any of your struggles in life.

Question from Velma: I would like to, find your soul mate, but most men in my age group 60, want a traditional woman to cook and clean and a man to think for her. I’m not a traditional woman and I’m tired of pretending to be helpless. How do we as women maneuver in a world of the insecure man?

My answer – be both cake and ice-cream. Sometimes you are soft like ice cream and sometimes you are in charge and embrace your masculine energy and be cake.

What’s your answer Arifah

Keep doing what you love and make yourself a priority to level up.

Question from Elizabeth:

Should I be looking to, find your soul mate,  of just someone to keep me warm at night?

When you are in your fifties and you have to start all over dating, do you date to find a husband or should you be okay with someone to keep you warm at night.

My answer- Someone to keep you warm at night. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of finding a husband, but you can definitely, find your soul mate!

What’s your answer Arifah?

Its up to you, based on what you are looking for in the present.  Dating, can work either way, based on what you end up wanting.

Arifah is the Founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking trainings, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:

  • Anger Management
  • Healthy Relationships
  • Mental Health Education and Coping Skills
  • Youth Engagement and
  • Mental Health First Aid Training

Located at 180 Shaw St, suite 201, Toronto, Ont.  Phone # 416-391-5270

 Additional Resources for, How to Find your Soulmate

https://blog.myhelps.us/sex-and-spiritual-energy-the-tree-of-life/

 

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

The Alchemy of Desire

How To Use Vibrational Energy For Attraction

https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/

 

 

 

How to Manage Compulsive Behaviors

Mindset shifts for relationships

Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.

—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.

Listen to full interview here: 

Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors

Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive  shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.

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There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.

These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person’s work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.

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How are, Compulsive Behaviors, and addictions connected?

Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing  from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn’t stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.

Compulsion behaviors,  often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.

Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.

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How does normal behavior turn into,  Compulsive Behaviors?

As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important,  so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there’s a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors,  like gambling,  eating,  sex, and shopping,  become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.
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Types of, Compulsive Behaviors

Compulsive behaviors come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.

Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.

  • Compulsive shopping,
  • Compulsive eating
  • Over exercising
  • Hoarding
  • Compulsive cleaning
Compulsive Hoarding
Compulsive Hoarding

Compulsive Hoarding,   is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it’s thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.

  • Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
  • Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction

What negative triggers enable, Compulsive Behaviors like, Hoarding.

The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.

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How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?

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Let’s look at compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior,  in commonly available sexual practices, such as

  • Attending strip clubs,
  • Compulsive masturbation,
  • Paying for sex through prostitution,
  • Excessive use of pornography,
  • and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.

Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2945841/

 

Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?

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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?

 

Additional Resources for, Compulsive Behaviors

https://blog.myhelps.us/childhood-sexual-trauma-and-addiction/

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

https://blog.myhelps.us/call-me-an-addict-child-abuse-statistics-p3/

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html

You’re not imagining it: the rich really are hoarding economic growth

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/8/8/16112368/piketty-saez-zucman-income-growth-inequality-stagnation-chart

https://www.verywellmind.com/all-about-hoarding-and-connection-to-ocd-2510518#targetText=Pathological%20or%20compulsive%20hoarding%20is,%2C%20flyers%2C%20newspapers%2C%20or%20clothes

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Tackle Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Tackling Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety, in teenagers and young adults is much more than a phase. It’s a real condition that can interfere with daily life, lead to, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

In this interview, I am speaking with Megan Gallagher, mental health advocate and Tedx speaker.

While growing up, Megan experienced chronic, anxiety, and panic attacks, as well as body image issues. Inspired by the lack of honest conversations among her peers/teachers about “real life topics”. After therapy and healing, she dove headfirst into making that change in the public school system! Gallagher currently speaks at middle schools and high schools about, mental health, self-care, following your dreams & mindfulness. She has spoken at over 500 schools and been featured in major media outlets like Forbes Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Today Show, OK! Magazine, NBC news, FOX news and Yahoo!

Listen to the full interview here:

How did you traverse your painful childhood?  What exactly caused your, anxiety, and how did you become an, anxiety, and, mental health advocate?

Growing up as a youth I can remember as early as  elementary school,  I have vivid memories of just sitting in class and noticing my stomach churning and getting really sweaty under my armpits. All these things would happen and I didn’t really know what triggered these spiral of symptoms.

I would think I ate something weird at lunch or maybe something’s not sitting right on my stomach or even that I had stomach flu.

My mom figured that I was more sensitive than my sister and needed more attention. I wanted just to be alone.  Going to crowded public places really overwhelmed me.  My parents would say Megan tends to freak before an event happens so they would try to find ways to calm me down.

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It wasn’t until I was 13 years old in eighth grade about to graduate to go to high school, that I became aware of my emotions and become in tune with my body.  These, anxiety attacks, were really scary and they came out of nowhere.

I would be sitting in a classroom and I felt like I was like coming out of my skin.  Just wanting to get up and go the bathroom and just breathe. Freaking out, I  like didn’t want to be around people,  I just wanted to just have a moment for myself.

Myrna – Do you think you are in introvert? Did you put a label on it?

Megan – I’m actually the most social extroverted person ever. I thrive off of being around people and I love having a big friend group and I love hanging out with people, so I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert, I would say I’m have high functioning, anxiety.

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Teenagers,  can go one of two ways with Anxiety and Depression :

  • People who show their, depression, and, anxiety, through shutting down. They kind of isolate themselves.
  • I handled my, anxiety, and found comfort in talking about my feelings. I just love talking and being around people. I loved being around people hosting events and parties.

Now that I’m 24, I don’t really get the, anxiety attacks, but I still have anxious moments.

I learned how to handle it though.  I know how to stop the negative thoughts before they turn into a full-blown, anxiety attack.

My, anxiety, continued into high school. I remember so well gearing up during the summer and counting down the days until my first day of high school.  I had the normal thoughts of you know, where’s my locker. What if I get lost in this new school. The what if thoughts would fuel my, anxiety.

How to Control your Anxiety by being in the moment.

Now I know I should have stayed in the present moment, my mind was trying to anticipate what’s gonna happen two months from now, one month, 3 weeks etc.  But the truth of the matter is we can’t control the future.

With, anxiety, you have such a fear of losing control. For people with, anxiety, being in control is what they want.

My, anxiety, has manifested itself in different ways throughout my life.  When I was younger in high school, my, anxiety, manifested in an eating disorder. I was too anxious to eat in school, so I would starve myself all day and then binge at night.

My, anxiety, showed up where my mind would just black out. I would feel  like I got shot off into space and then I would get hot and sweaty and see stars.  It was so scary and  so uncomfortable in public.

Anxiety, can mimic a heart attack or a stroke or it can mimic other life-threatening health conditions.

My freshman sophomore year of high school I was a mess, in constant, anxiety, mode. My mind would calculate that an episode happened at 9 00 a.m. in English class, so then the next day my body, that internal clock started saying it’s 9 a.m.  Yesterday I got an, anxiety attack, so I would have another, anxiety attack, thinking about the last, anxiety attack. It was a vicious cycle. I got so deep in the ditch I felt like a prisoner to my own mind.

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How did you Heal Yourself of, Anxiety?

My, anxiety, had reached a point where I felt like I was being cornered in a wall, so I had to ask for help.  I sat my parents down and told them what had been going on with me for years. They told me that, mental illness, and, anxiety,  runs on my dad’s side of the family and what I have it’s called, anticipatory anxiety.

They scheduled me in therapy and told me your first session is next week.

Forms of Therapy for, Anxiety.

  • Talk therapy where it’s just the typical talking while the Therapist takes notes.
  • Hypnotherapy where you lie on a couch and the Therapist  puts you in a hypnotic state where you can reach your subconscious mind.
  • EFT Tapping for, anxiety, and fear. EFT is the abbreviation for Emotional Freedom Techniques, an effective self-help tool for calming anxiety and fear. EFT is like acupuncture for emotional healing, but you can do it for yourself and there are no needles, just tapping on a sequence of calming meridian points with your fingertips.

I am such an advocate for therapy. I think everyone who suffers from, anxiety, should do therapy because every single person on this planet has their own stuff.  It doesn’t have to have been something traumatic; but every person has baggage.

My therapist in high school told me “Megan everyone in life has baggage.” Just like people getting on a plane, some just have a little carry-on while some  have like four suitcases.  Some people have designer baggage, others have a trash bag; but everyone has something to bring on the plane.

What made you become a, Mental Health Advocate, talking in Middle and High Schools?

My therapist also taught me your mind is like a dog on a leash. When you walk your dog outside and you let the dog do its thing while on the leash. The dog just want to take off; but you have to maintain control of the dog on the leash. You mind is the same way, it wants to take off and anticipate everything and then get, anxiety attacks, but you have to reign it back in.  You are still in control of the leash.

When I talk in schools, I try to teach teenagers that they are in control of their minds.

We’re in a pandemic right now and people are getting, anxiety attacks, worrying about the future, worrying if they are going to find a job, it they are going to loose their homes.

Why do you think there is an epidemic of teenagers with, Anxiety, and Depression?

Teenagers were always having a problem with, depression, and, anxiety.  A lot of people blame it on the social atmosphere, the social culture.  The culture we live in today it’s so different from the 80s or the 90s even the early 2000s.  A huge switch happened when  social media like Facebook and Myspace took off. Now there’s Tumblr, there’s Twitter, there’s, Tic Tock,  there’s Instagram. It’s insane but it is important to remember social media does the same thing to human beings as, anxiety,  it triggers the fear of missing out.  Oh I didn’t get invited to that party that I see on snap chat,  oh my gosh what’s going on with me, my friends are posing on a yacht with a celebrity, so their life must be better than mine.

Social media it really is a very negative thing and I think it’s important to really be aware of how does it make you feel?Before you go on Instagram versus after you get off Instagram. If you are feeling, anxiety, or, depression, after you go on social media, you should cut back your time on it to like 20 minutes a day instead of scrolling for hours.

Here are some of the signs that your Teenager is Depressed

Since teenagers are often moody, it can be difficult to recognize when your son or daughter has become depressed, and might need help. The thing people tend to notice first is withdrawal, or when the teenager stops doing things she usually likes to do. There might be other changes in her mood, including sadness or irritability. Or in her behavior, including, appetite, energy level, sleep patterns and academic performance. If several of these symptoms are present, be vigilant about the possibility of teen, depression.

This is especially important because by the time family members and other people around a teenager note her lack of interest in most things.  She’s usually been depressed for some time. Depression, is an internalizing disorder, i.e. one that disturbs a patient’s emotional life, rather than an externalizing one, which takes the form of disruptive or problematic behavior. As such, it takes a while not only for others to recognize it but often for the patient herself to realize that her thinking, and emotional responses, are disturbed.

What your main message for teenagers battling with,  Anxiety?

My main message is follow your dreams in life. Once upon a time, it feels like a decade ago, when I went was allowed to speak at schools,  I talked about, mental health, anxiety, and self-care.  I touched on a lot subjects; but the main takeaway was follow your passions.  First fill up your cup, take care of yourself and get to know your body.

Connect with Megan for speaking or to hear any of her work on Instagram @ meganwgallegher on Linkedin @ Megan Gallagher

Additional Resources on Anxiety

How to Heal Your Brokenness