Setting goals, in, clock time, means we are not emotionally attached to them. We are able to enjoy the journey and not just the destination. But when you, set goals, in, psychological time, you are never fulfilled when you achieve them. You have heard of people who, set goals, and when they attain these goals, they are only happy for a brief moment and then they are unfulfilled again. That is because they are psychologically attached to the goal. The subconscious mind is telling them that until this goal is achieved, happiness is not possible. Or until this goal is achieved, they are not successful.
Let’s say owning a house on the beach is your symbol of success and you tell yourself that until you live on the beach in a beautiful mansion, you cannot feel fulfilled or feel successful. This means that you are not going to enjoy the journey. You are psychologically tied to living on the beach as your means to the end.
Or let’s take the goal of being married. Most women have this goal.
Marriage could be a symbol of acceptance that you are enough, because someone says you complete them, or they can’t live without you etc. Marriage could symbolize the success you dreamed of as a little girl.
But what happens when you achieve this goal? Does it create lasting happiness? The divorce rate is 50% or higher. Nothing wrong with that goal but do you stop living until you get married. Are you enjoying all the perks of being single?
Does achieving any goal fulfill you forever? You know the answer to the question.
That is because goals set using, psychological time, says that until this event happens, you will not be happy or successful or fulfilled. When you achieve these goals, you are happy for a few days and then you are not.
Goals set with, psychological time, never fulfills because the goal post is always moving.
It is okay to set goals, but you must enjoy the present moment.
You must enjoy where you are now.
If you ask yourself what is lacking now, the answer should always be nothing.
Goal setting, in, clock time, says If success comes, I will accept it, but if it doesn’t, I am okay with that too.
That is why we can’t tell ourselves that until something happens in life then we will be happy, fulfilled, complete etc. because not only can you die waiting for this goal to manifest, but if you achieve this goal, you will still not be complete or happy. Why because you have to take care of the inside before things on the outside.
When you take care of your inside, joy is always your partner. You are happy with or without. You are happy for the breath of life. If you add success to this you will find fulfillment.
My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase. He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. We must heal our, brokenness if we are going to hold love, self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence.
Certified Life coach, Myrna Young and registered social worker, Arifah Yusaf discuss, How to Heal your Brokenness,
The LORD is near to the, broken hearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
In this blog and podcast here are some of the mental health topics we will be discussing every week. We want to discuss real life issues and struggles of the, minority woman:
My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase. He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. That means that if you are, broken hearted,
you cannot hold love,
you cannot hold appreciation,
you cannot hold compliments,
you are incapable of receiving and holding anything.
So it is very important for us to find our cracks and mend them. As, minority women, most of us have experienced some, brokenness, in our lives.
Here are the top 3 reasons for, Brokenness:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned by our parents
Feelings of not being good enough because we have lack.
How do we Heal, brokenness?
I know in our practice of social work and in psychology, a lot of clinical professionals, look at the research study around ACES which is our first childhood experiences.
That study basically states that childhood experiences before the age of 18, whether that be witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, living in poverty or just going through traumatic events; Those experiences impact their, brokenness, as they grow up into adulthood. It may impact how they maneuver through success or how they view themselves as failures.
These experience are also linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential and even early death.
Myrna Young, Life Coach, I agree that risky behaviors from, brokenness, usually means an absence of self-love and that can definitely lead to early death.
I am going to niche down in our conversation today to address women of color and, minority women, because that's who we are.
As women we can be, broken, both in our childhood and by narcissistic men in our adult lives, who have rejected us or devalued us.
Our, brokenness, becomes compared with the, broken hearted. Also when we experience, brokenness, as children those experiences can leads us to get into unhealthy relationships. Healing our, brokenness, prevents us from repeating this pattern of unhealthy relationships that would leave us, broken hearted.
It takes work to heal our cracks. The first step in coaching is to identify how you became, broken, and then replace your subconscious programming with a new program similar to writing over a CD disk.
Trust outside eyes. Have close trusted friends to tell you what they see. This can also be a, life coach, who can uncover your blind spots.
Allow love to mold you like the potter molds clay.
Pray and meditate on the fruits of the spirit, peace, joy, love
Here is a story on, How we become broken, and the process of healing.
Arifah – In my years of practice, I obviously had a lot of opportunities to engage young people who have expressed feeling, broken, based on their lived experiences or their adverse childhood experiences. As we talked about earlier in the segment, those experiences impact how they view themselves, how they show up in relationships, in their place within society or their environments.
I recall speaking with this young woman who shared witnessing domestic abuse at home. She actually found her mother's body when she came home from school one day. She was then placed into the foster care system. At 18 years old having nowhere to go, she was placed into a shelter. I remember her telling me that she really struggled with her identity and her self-esteem. She harbored resentment towards her family because nobody had come to claim her in Foster care which magnified her, brokenness.
In her late teens she became pregnant and wanted to connect with her family; because she was starting to feel isolated and she wanted her child to know more about her family history. But she faced rejection once more. She decided that it was all up to her, to make a difference in her child's life.
She then stared setting small goals for herself and accomplishing them. That started building her self-esteem until she recovered from her, brokenness. She became more engaged in her community and connected with other single mothers. She stopped blaming others or comparing herself to others and continued her healing process.
She decided to develop a plan with a network of positive healthy people. Eventually she stopped defining herself as, broken, because she realized that she really could make a difference in the life of her child. It was all up to her, no one else. Like the analogy of the broken vase, she couldn’t hold self-esteem, or self-worth, as a broken vessel, everything leaked out. When she became whole everything stayed in. That is, how to heal your brokenness,
My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the power of intention as the energy in my life. This book is my testimony on how I overcame my, brokenness.
All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.
As women we sometimes fail because we are always working; but not On their lives. We instead work in our lives. To succeed your commitment to your own personal growth must parallel your commitment to building remarkable lives for yourself and your children.
After you read my book and become inspired by my story of success after starting out with nothing and healing my, brokenness, I would like to Help you get off the starting block with the most unbelievable coaching offer ever made!
If you are interested in doing something remarkable with your life and escape the Snares of failure from, broken relationships, broken marriages, by moving your dreams from your head into your hands, then download your FREE book and purchase my coaching package.
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Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.
In OUT OF THE SNARES, MYRNA BERNADETTE TROTMAN shares her story of child abuse, poverty and her success as an entrepreneur. As a certified, Life Coach, she shares ten undeniable resources she used to help her achieve success and live the American Dream. This inspirational and motivational book will help you to reach your potential and achieve new levels of success in your life. Get these ten principles based on biblical principles and Universal Laws, deep down in your spirit and boldly go in the direction of your destiny:
Principle # 1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you –
Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.
Like a Blacksmith, you need to keep hitting the Anvil, pounding it daily, shaping your dreams
If you build it they will come
Don't let life's challenges knock you off course remember:
“Circumstances does not make the man, it reveals him to himself” ~ James Allen
Man is the Lord and Master of his thoughts and thus is the maker of himself.
In my book “Out of the Snares” I tell a compelling story of my, vision, of America as my promised land. My Land of milk and honey. I kept that, vision, in front of me and kept picking myself up after each failure believing that I would succeed, and I did.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a young leader, trying to upgrade his, vision casting, skills. I gave him four simple tips about communicating, vision.
1. CLARITY. Leaders, must create clarity by narrowing the focus when casting, vision. Everything that can be done in the name of God is not sign at all. It is a sign of undisciplined thinking. The leader’s job is to focus the organization on the core essentials. The more we focus on and clarify essentials, the easier it is to identify and eliminate non-essentials.
2. COMPELLING. Once your goals are clarified, it must be communicated in a way that is compelling. A, leader, who makes an unprepared sloppy presentation can make an otherwise exciting goals seem boring. Compelling, goals, produces action. Boring goals produces nothing.
3. COMMITMENT. Casting a clear and compelling, vision, without calling for commitment is a waste of everyone’s time. Real, leaders, are committed and they call others to commitment. Some leaders are hesitant to demand sacrificial commitment because they are not all-in themselves. Commitment is an example that leaders set, not a message they teach. Leadership commitment is contagious. So is leadership non-commitment.
4. COMMUNITY. Clear and compelling goals attracts committed people. As these people sacrifice for the common, community happens. Trying to create community for the sake of community creates unhealthy ingrown short-lived community. Doing goals together creates strong healthy long-term community.
SUMMARY. As a leader, you are the visionary for your church, ministry, or organization. If you communicate clear and compelling, if you model and call for commitment, you will end up with a strong healthy community. You will also accomplish your dreams.
The men went out and explored the land for 40 days and came back with their report. The land is indeed flowing with, milk and honey, here is a sample of their crops, but we can’t take the land because the people living there are, giants, we are like, grasshoppers, next to them.
In the bible story of the, promised land, The lord said to Moses send your men to explore the land I am giving you. It is a land flowing with, milk and honey.
So, Moses sends out 12 men, all tribal leaders with these instructions Find out:
What kind of people live there? Are they strong or weak, few or many?
How do they live. Did they live in tents or in a fortified city with walls,
The men went out and explored the land for 40 days and came back with their report. The land is indeed flowing with, milk and honey, here is a sample of their crops, but we can’t take the land because the people living there are, giants, we are like, grasshoppers, next to them.
Two of the 12 men had a different report, they said the land is indeed rich, flowing with, milk and honey, and we can take the people, because the lord is with us and they will be helpless prey to us because they do not have the protection of God. Do not be afraid of them. They are not, giants.
This bible story illustrates fear of the unknown, the inability to take what the lord has already given you.
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Do you see yourself as a grasshopper or powerful like Gandhi
Do you see, giants, and feel like you are a, grasshopper, that will be crushed if you move forward with your goals and desires? What’s keeping you from your promised land or destiny?
Let’s look at, Gandhi. Gandhi, was a small frail man who looked like a grasshopper, the giant he faced was the British Empire and, colonialism. This small, gentle man, a Hindu who also studied other faiths, gave birth to the concept of non-violent resistance for social change. In his native India, Gandhi, was instrumental in ending, British colonialism, fighting the, caste system, and improving women’s rights.
The caste system explained,
The caste system, is deeply rooted in the Hinduism belief in karma and reincarnation.
Dating back more than 3,000 years, the, caste system, divides Hindus into four main categories – Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaishyas and the Shudras based on who they were in their past life, their karma, and what family line they come from. Many believe that the system originated from Brahma, the Hindu God of creation, believing that the Brahmins represent the eyes and mind of Brahma and are therefore often teachers and priests, the Kshatriyas represent his arms and are often warriors, the Vaishyas represent his legs and are often farmers or merchants, and the Shudras represent his feet and are often laborers.
Gandhi on Non violence
His unique non-violent approach would become a pivotal part of movements throughout the world, from the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S. to the fight against apartheid in South Africa. Did, Gandhi, feel like a, grasshopper? Did he see the British as a, giant? NO. He had no fear.
Go after your goals and desires, God has already given them to you.
The lord told the people of Israel I have given you the, promised land, a land flowing with, milk and honey. He did not tell them they had to fight, giants, for it. God has already given you the victory, yet you see, giants, and don’t, go get it.
I remember reading Dwyane Wade’s autobiography and he said that he saw Michael Jordon at his first all-star game and Jordan told him, go get it, he didn’t know what he meant at the time, but later he realized he meant “go get the MVP. The MVP was already there waiting for him, God had already given it to him, all he had to do was, go get it.
Same with your dreams and goals God has already given it to you; you just have to, go get it. You are not a, grasshopper, no perceived, giants, can crush you. Remember if you are a believer, you have the protection of God on your side and the opposition will be helpless prey because they have no protection.
So become fearless and go get what God has already given you. There are no, giants, and you are not a, grasshopper but, strong and courageous.
GRASSHOPPER CHARACTERISTICS
Grasshoppers, are medium to large insects. Adult length is 1 to 7 centimetres, depending on the species. Like their relatives the ‘katydids’ and ‘crickets’, they have chewing mouthparts, two pairs of wings, one narrow and tough, the other wide and flexible, and long hind legs for jumping. They are different from these groups in having short antennae that do not reach very far back on their bodies.
Grasshoppers, usually have large eyes, and are colored to blend into their environment, usually a combination of brown, grey or green. In some species the males have bright colors on their wings that they use to attract females. A few species eat toxic plants, and keep the toxins in their bodies for protection. They are brightly colored to warn predators that they taste bad.
Nobody should want to be a, grasshopper, or call themselves a, grasshopper. It means that anyone can crush you. As a man thinketh so is he. If you see yourself as a grasshopper, then people will see you as such and proceed to step on you.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach. Until next time Namaste
You have all heard of the expression “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It is a proverbial phrase that is used to encourage people to stay optimistic and to keep fighting in the face of adversity or misfortune. Lemons, suggests sourness and difficulty in life; making, lemonade, with, lemons, that is being handed out to you turns the whole sour episode into something sweet, positive, and desirable.
Here is a story to illustrate How to Make lemonade out of lemons
When the British colonized India, they built a golf course in Calcutta, and they had a problem with the, monkeys. The, monkeys, would pick up the balls the golfers hit and put it somewhere else.
They tried to solve the problem by building a fence around the course, but, monkeys, climb, so that didn’t work.
They tried to lure the, monkeys, away with bananas, but then some were lured away, and others weren’t. Plus, all the, monkeys, for miles around would show up to feed on their favorite food, so that didn’t work either.
Finally, they changed the rules and had the golfers play the ball from wherever the, monkeys, dropped it. If life gives you lemons, make other plans.
This is a strange story to depict the mantra “if life gives you lemons, make, lemonade, or other plans.” We don’t always get sugar and spice and everything that is nice, most of the time, things don’t work out the way we planned.
One of my favorite shows was Private Practice. Addison made a statement on the show that says
“We make plans but God, make other plans, he has the last word”
Your desire to have a baby could be so strong that you pray every day, you dream of your child every day, you think of your life with your baby every day, but it’s been 5 years and you are not pregnant. The doctors say you are infertile. Time to play the ball where the, monkeys, dropped it and make, lemonade, out of your, lemons. Make other plans, adopt a child, foster a child, look for a surrogate mother or start fertility treatments.
Another way to use the proverb, if life give you lemons, make, lemonade, is to practice the, law of detachment. This law states that in order to manifest our desires, we must release attachment to the outcome itself as well as the path we might take to get there, that you should only be attached to your end goal not the journey.
You can put the law of detachment to work with these steps:
1. Today I will commit myself to, detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.
2. Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. I will understand that, if life gives me lemons, I will make other plans. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.
3. I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to an infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.
If life gives you lemons remember the goal is the destination
If your goal is to retire and travel the world, that is your, destination goal. The journey could take you around that golf course several times back and forth, sometimes you would be stuck in the sand box, sometimes you will hit the ball in the lake, but if you keep playing you will eventually get to the 18th hole. Use this analogy for your life, just keep playing the, game of life. Don’t be attached to the journey just the, destination goal. If life gives you lemons, make other plans.
The target affects the arrow! Keep the target in your vision and the arrow will find it.
Forrest Gump said it best, life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get so, if life gives you lemons, make other plans.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
There are 4 types of, trust, that make, relationships, flourish. These are care, competence, consistency and character. In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I teach how to develop these areas of, trust, in your, relationships.
Care – When we care about your partner, we put our emotions in their hands, they, care, about what's best for you and not what's best for them. They, care, about your wellbeing. Examples of, care, are: going beyond the call of duty to help you move, accompany you to a doctor’s appointment etc.
Here are some ways to show you care:
Write them a powerful letter full of love and hope.
Take care of some of their responsibilities (for example, watch their kids, do their laundry, cook them dinner, or go shopping for them).
Call often to remind them how much you love them and how you are always thinking of them.
When you visit, bring a book to read aloud or a movie to watch together.
Bring them pictures of your times together and hang them where they can be viewed all the time.
Spend time reminiscing about the fun times that you've shared (as children, in high school or college, or on vacations). Remind him or her that there will be more good times in the future.
Competence – The second type of, trust, is, competence. You trust that your partner is competent to handle financial matters. If you are sick, competent, to handle your, care, and make decisions that are best for you and not best for them. You trust their opinions and recommendations.
Romantic competence entails a conscious awareness of both emotional needs and appropriate actions for meeting those needs within a well-functioning, relationship, And because their, relationships, are still fresh, their emotions toward them are likely quite high.
The definition of, competence, is your skill or ability in a specific field or subject, or being able to do something well or to being sane enough to stand trial in court. An example of, competence, is when you can, trust, your partner to make the financial arrangements of the household.
Character – When we talk about, trust, we are usually talking about a high moral compass or the, character ,of our partner. We look to these people when we are not sure what is right and follow their lead. These people practice what they preach and are valuable in, interdependent relationships. They have good reputation, strong opinion, and down to earth advice. They are trustworthy.
What are examples of, good moral character?
Legal judgments of, good moral character, can include consideration of honesty, trustworthiness, diligence, reliability, respect for the law, integrity, candor, discretion, observance of fiduciary duty, respect for the rights of others, absence of hatred and racism, fiscal responsibility, mental and emotional stability.
Consistency – Your partner shows, consistency, when they are reliable, and you know that they always have your back. They may not be the expert, but they are reliable present and available when you need them. They have been with you through highs and lows.
Someone who is, consistent, always behaves in the same way, has the same attitudes towards people or things, or achieves the same level of success in something. He was never the most, consistent, of players anyway. If one fact or idea is, consistent, with another, they do not contradict each other.
Consistency, in, relationships, is a combination of behaviors that include dependability, and a true desire to have a companion and form a serious, relationship. People who are more, consistent, with their interactions with one another, such as having predictable behaviors and good communication, have longer and healthier, relationships.
People come into your life for a reason a season or a lifetime.
Some people come into your life for a season bringing change and excitement, but the, relationship, ends like all seasons do.
Another person might come in for a reason to help you learn and grow or to support you through a difficult time. It feels like they have been sent to guide you through.
And they are lifetime people they stand beside you through thick and thin loving you even when you have nothing to give them.
Love is a gift without any strings attached.
Remember you are also a season, reason or lifetime partner to someone else and your role may not match theirs.
Pure trust, is when you know that another person has your back.
You develop, trust, by asking for what you want.
Tell them how you want to be loved.
Communicate the areas where there is dissatisfaction.
Build, trust, by telling your partner what would make you feel loved.
Thanks for tuning into, 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Lifecoach so that you can be inspired all week long.
Abigail Damoah was wrongly convicted and sent to prison for 12 years. During this dark time in her life, she used inspiration for the bible story of David to find her, life purpose, of helping the women in, prison. She turned her, pain into power, and achieved tremendous personal growth by not seeing herself as a, victim.
After serving five years in a Florida state prison for a crime that she didn’t commit, and then two years later being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and undergoing major surgery to remove most of her colon, Abigail learnt one very important life lesson; you will find treasure in the darkest places if you simply change your perspective by turning her, pain into power.
During her, incarceration, Abigail became a Christian and learnt that life isn’t just about her. She was surrounded by women who had endured the most horrific traumatic childhoods and were now being victimized by the very system that was supposed to help them. She found the strength to end her pity party, opening her eyes to the immense suffering of others.
She began to use her gifts to make an impact on the lives of the women she was housed with. It was during the worst season of her life that she experienced true peace, contentment, and fulfilment because she found her life’s purpose, and learned how to turn her, pain into power. Abigail is the author of ” She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny”
book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power
Using Adversity to turn pain into power
Myrna: All right, so here we have a whole bunch of, adversity. Being sentenced to 12 years in, prison, even if it's for a crime you do commit, it is very traumatic. It is worst when it is a crime that you didn't commit.
Can you share your story, why you were sentenced to 12 years in, prison? I know you said you only served five of those 12 years. Tell us how you survived that and turned that, pain into power?
Abigail: Okay, so I had my dream to live in America. I'm from the United Kingdom and after I finished my undergraduate degree. I relocated to Atlanta, Georgia to study and pursue an MBA. I got an internship in Florida. I flew down to Florida and I met a man. One night he called wanting to go out to a nightclub, and I agreed. He came and picked me up and we made our way to the nightclub and ended up having a car accident where he was killed, and I was seriously injured.
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My injuries were so extensive that I spent over six weeks in the hospital. My parents at the time decided the best course of action was to take me back to the UK, because there's no way I was going to be able to look after myself in the USA. I recuperated and got back on my feet. And then in 2011, the state of Florida issued an extradition warrant for my arrest. I was charged with vehicular homicide. The legal definition for that is reckless driving.
So, I was accused of driving in such a dangerous manner that caused death or great bodily harm to another. While I was waiting for the extradition, I began to study the laws surrounding my case and discovered that I should never have been charged with a crime in the first place. The state of Florida had sent over the deposition, the discovery and detail they had a very detailed chronology, of exactly what happened. And one of the things that should have exonerated me from the beginning, was the fact that the road was under reconstruction at the time, so they had taken down all the speed signs.
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There were no warning signs that the road was about to change and if you're not familiar with that road, you would not know that you need to slow down. So, when an accident happened, all of a sudden, a curve came up and I hit the curb and the car ended up flipping over and going into a tree. So, based on that alone, I should never have been charged with a crime. But if you know anything about the laws in the United States, you know, sometimes it can be a bit one sided.
I was extradited to America to stand trial. I had a judge who had no legal integrity, because of the way my case had been portrayed in the media. She was determined to make an example out of me. I was found guilty sentenced to 12 years Florida State Prison. After serving 5 years, the case was dismissed.
Myrna: Wow. So sorry to hear what you have been through. I'm assuming you were driving.
Abigail: Yes, I was driving, it wasn't my car.
Myrna: Yeah, that's what I thought because he came to pick you up.
Abigail: The reason I was driving was because he got so drunk, that he was unable to continue the journey. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Myrna: So sorry for your pain. But the fact that the case was dismissed, I'm assuming that you've cleared your name.
Abigail: Yes, yes. My name is completely cleared. The sentence was vacated, and I was released from, prison.
Myrna: Did you get any money for it?
Abigail: No, absolutely nothing. The state of Florida had laws to protect themselves against wrongful convictions. So, I was knocked out of financial assistance there. But, it was a driving force behind what I do now because I had to start my life from scratch. I had to use the gifts that I had been given to build a life for myself, and turn my, pain into power. I didn't have anything. I came back to nothing, but God worked it out for my good.
Going through the tunnel of adversity
Myrna: Well, they say that a lot of times, we must go through the tunnel, we must be beaten down all the way to the bottom, before we find our, purpose. We all go screaming into it because we really don't want to go through pain, we don’t want to hit rock bottom. I'm in this space where I interview a lot of people and I remember talking to this woman. Her husband died and she started her coaching practice helping other women handle, grief. She turned her, pain into power, but we all prefer not to go through the pain even if it is the fire starter to our, life purpose.
So how did you manage after also being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and having most of your colon removed?
Abigail: I wasn't raised in a Christian household, but I had a lot of Christian friends. If there's one thing that I learned from them, even while I wasn't a believer, was that they had this ability to see past their circumstances. So, before I even arrived in America, they were already speaking life into my situation. They were already telling me that this was going to work out for my good, something good is gonna come out of this.
And it wasn't until, I became a Christian and I began to read the Bible and I began to apply those principles, that I was strengthened in that area. God gave me a perspective that enabled me to see things through his eyes, he gave me the ability to step outside of myself. I was surrounded by people who are who were suffering, who have been through women the worst heinous things. My whole perception changed.
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Helping people in prison turn their pain into power
Not only are people dying from much worse situations than I had, but I had to reframe my situation to say, okay, I'm in, prison, now, what can I do while I'm here to make an impact on the lives of the women that I am housed with? How do I turn my, pain into power?
I had a writing gift and there are women that couldn't read or write. I remember the very first time I tapped into that. There was a woman that I was, bunking in, prison, she had a terrible situation, her children have been taken into DCF custody because of her arrest.
So, I wrote a letter for her. explaining the situation to DCF, speaking in legal terminology. She wanted her children to be put into the custody of her sister while she was in, prison, and lo and behold, that's exactly what happened. Two weeks later, she came to me, I mean, she was in floods of tears. She was so grateful that I took the time to do this for her, and it was at that moment that I realized that what my, purpose, is connected to my gift of writing. Writing was how I was going to turn my, pain into power.
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I also realized that my, purpose, had nothing to do with me, it was to enrich the lives of the people that I am surrounded by. So, from that moment, my prayers changed from Lord get me out of here, I can't take this anymore to Lord who are the people in, prison, that you want me to impact? That started a tsunami of work. My inmates just started coming to get the help they needed. I started helping them write letters, probation letters, letters to their family, etc. It was one of the most, fulfilling aspects of my time in, prison.
Myrna: Now, how did you take own ownership of your situation? What was your internal dialogue?
Abigail: I dropped the, victim mentality. You know, it's so easy when you're going through a situation whatever it is, it's so easy to point the finger and say is your fault that I'm here, but when you play the, victim, you are not helping anybody. You're not helping yourself and you're not helping anyone else. When I was in the, victim, state I felt so sorry for myself. You know, such an injustice had taken place.
I was depressed, I was in a place of desolation, I couldn't sleep at night, I had no peace. But the moment I relinquished that, victim mentality, I came to the revelation that it wasn't the state of Florida that put me in, prison, to punish me. I was placed there strategically to be empowered, and then to empower. I was placed there to turn my, pain into power.
So once my, mindset, changed, I was able to say I am going to use this situation to become the best person that I be and to help as many people as I can while I'm in here. That is exactly how I took ownership of my situation. I took the power out the hands in the state of Florida, and turned, my pain into power, because, victims, have no power.
Myrna: This is so true. Victims have no power. In my book, Out of the Snares, A story of Hope and Encouragement, I have a full chapter on, victims. My story was that I was abused as a child, but I never became a, victim. In fact, what I suggest we become a, player. You know, when you are playing a game of blackjack and the cards that you're dealt with are bad cards? People use those same bad cards to win, in the same way when you become a, player instead of becoming a, victim, you play with the cards you are dealt. And that's exactly what you did, you became a, player in the game, you decided that these are the cards that I've been handed, and I am going to make the best of the situation. I am going to turn this, pain into power.
How to become a player and turn pain into power
Myrna: You could have played the “what if game”. What if I didn't go out? What if I didn't agree to drive? But instead you said it happened. There's no way you can go backwards, all you can do is make the best of the situation that you have right now and use it to help people and learn from it and turn your, pain into power.
What is the lesson that that that you took out of that? Were you able to equate it to a, Bible story? I want to talk about Joseph who was thrown in, prison, and it was strategic to God’s plan for him. And I am also thinking of a Job which is the chapter reading now in the Bible and all the bad things that happened to him.
Job declared God does only do good things for you. God does good things, and he does bad things.
Abigail: Joseph was one of my favorite stories in the Bible. And it wasn't until I got to that Genesis chapter 37, where Joseph was put in, prison, that I found strength in my situation. Prison, shaped Joseph into the man that God needed him to be. I knew that my time in, prison, was in God's hands, just based on that story alone. I learned a lot from Joseph and his, mindset, during that time. He refused to be a, victim, he used his time to assist other people. He was looking for others to help while he was, incarcerated, and it opened the door to his freedom.
Myrna: Yes, exactly helping people got him introduced to the king.
Abigail: That was a very powerful story for me, and I used that, bible story, to empower myself. So my God has given me dreams and visions, and I knew that, okay, I'm not living the dream and the vision now, but it is this situation here that is going to lead me to the destiny that God has for me and I had to remind myself of that daily.
Myrna: That's amazing, I am loving our conversation. One of my personal mantras is that just like an airplane needs resistance to take off the ground, we need resistance to move up our next level. And whenever I have resistance in my life, when I was working full time when I received resistance eg. one door closed or something, I always knew that resistance was supposed to push me forward and up. The door closing from being fired got me into, Life coaching, helping women to, transform their mind.
A lot of women, especially minority women live in the, wilderness, and in order for them to get out of the, wilderness, they have to change their, mindset.
Abigail: I wrote the book because I knew that I had a story to tell number one, and it wasn't a story of the tragedies, but stories of, empowerment. The book a memoir, going back to my childhood, I packed a lot of things and I think that's very important that you need to go back to, to know why things are the way they were. So, I went through that process in the book, I had a very turbulent teenage years, connected to childhood. But despite those challenges, I still managed to make something all my life, and it didn't come easily, or immediately at all.
It was a very, very difficult situation and a very, very difficult process. And I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but what I do know is that you can, turn your pain into power, if you change your perspective on a situation. I could have not written this book. I could have so easily come out of, prison, and just felt sorry for myself, and accept government assistance and nobody would have blamed me
Teaching others how to overcome adversity
So, I had to look at the situation and ask myself what have I learned from this? And not only what have I learnt from it, but now what can I do about it? I decided I can teach other people about how to overcome, adversity. One of the things that helped me while I was, incarcerated, were the different, prison ministries. People would share these terrible stories, but they got through it, and that’s something that inspired me.
Myrna: Well, that's the reason I asked you if you're going into the, prison, and doing, prison ministry, because I know your story is powerful. Now you are on the radio, podcast and PTWWN TV, sharing your story, not only the people that are in, prison, is going to hear this, but people all over the world. Your story doesn’t just speak to someone in, prison, but speaks to any women in the, wilderness, the, wilderness, can be any dry place.
The, bible stories, have meaning. In the story of the prophet, Elisha, and the, widow woman, this, Bible story, is teaching us that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, which represented, joy.
In this episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna, Life coach, Myrna Young teaches on how to focus on what you do have and not your, nothingness.
Elisha, was a, prophet, who delivered the, prophetic word, from God to his people. In this, Bible story, he told this, prophetic word, to a, widow woman.
2nd Kings 4: 1-7
A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.”
2 So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”
3 Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few. 4 And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels and set aside the full ones.”
5 So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out. 6 Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.”
And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. 7 Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.”
You are in a, barren state, if your marriage is unhealthy, and you can’t stand to go home.
You are in a, barren state, if you hate your job and can’t stand to go to work.
You are in a, barren state, if like the, widow woman, you have no money to pay your bills and the bank is coming to take your home.
What this, Bible story, is teaching us in this scripture is that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, represented, joy.
Shut out your senses to find your joy
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, “Go within and shut the door” that meant shut the door on your senses that tell you your marriage is dead; shut the door on your senses that tell you that you hate your job. Shut the door on your fear that the creditors will come and take your home.
Instead go within and find your, joy. Find your 3 drops of, oil.
What is the, oil, in your marriage? Don't focus on your, nothingness. Is your husband a good father? Is he a good provider? Why do you stay? You stay because of the 3 drops of, oil, that you have.
What are the 3 drops of, oil, you have at your job? Your, nothingness, could be you hate your boss, but do you like helping people and providing good customer service? Is the pay helping you to feed your family?
What are your 3 drops of, oil, about having no money and not having enough to pay your bill? Your 3 drops of, oil, i.e your, joy, could be your children and the, joy, they bring you. The, bible, says
Weeping only lasts for a night but, joy, comes in the morning.
Even if you lose your home God will find you another home. Find the, joy, in your, nothingness.
What is your barren state or wilderness experience
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, i.e the woman in the, barren state,
“find vessels and begin to pour your 3 drops of, oil, until all the vessels are full”
When you take your attention away from the problems of life and begin to feel the, joy, of having received the things desired, you will have abundance running over. In this, bible story, the, widow, woman’s desire was to pay her debt, so that the creditors won’t take her son as slaves. She received enough money to pay her debts and have money left over.
When you feel the joy of your marriage for whatever, oil, you have, you will be generously rewarded – for the world is a magnifying mirror, magnifying whatever you hold in your heart.
I am praying for everyone within the sound of my voice that you will find your 3 drops of, oil, and that your cup runneth over.
Thanks for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna go find your, oil, and feel the joy.
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
If you think that there is someone hiding under your bed and as soon as you fall asleep they will slit your throat and your body will stay there and rot because nobody will even miss you; then your body responds to those thoughts like you are actually lying on your bed bleeding to death.
Your heart gets heavy like you are having a heart attack. Your breathing becomes erratic, you begin to sweat. You have triggered your, fight or flight, response. Keep that going for any length of time and you will surely die before your time.
A man went to the psychiatrist and told him “I am so scared to go to bed every time I try to sleep I am so afraid, because I feel there is someone hiding under the bed.”
The psychiatrist said to him. Put yourself in my hands I will help you get rid of those fears. Come talk to me 3 times week.
The man asked what is the charge?
The shrink said “$80.00 per visit
The man said “let me think about it”
Six months later the shrink met the man on the street.
“Why did you not come to see me about those, fears” he asked.
The man said” $80 per visit, 3 times per week is over $12,000 per year. I met this man who said he would get rid of my, fears, for $500 and a six pack of beer!”
He cured me, I was so happy I went out and bought a new car!
Well pray tell how did this untrained Jamaican man cure you?
He cut off the legs from my bed so nobody could hide under there anymore ?
In the story I just told we see a man using his, imagination, towards, fear and dread, but do you know that as humans we are the only ones God give the power of, imagination, to?
Imagination, is quite possibly a uniquely human ability. In essence, it allows us to explore ideas of things that are not in our present environment, or perhaps not even real. For example, one can imagine the cup of coffee seen the day before, or one can imagine an alien spaceship arriving in the earth's orbit. The key is that what is imagined is generated from within rather than perceived based on input from without.
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
As a man thinks so is he
So, how about using the gift of, imagination, to manifest the things you really want. The Bible teaches “As a man thinks so is he.”
Another one of our gifts as humans is that whatever we hold in our minds most of the time, we will someday hold in our hands.
So let’s start with something simple your dream car. Imagine that you walk into the dealership and pay cash for your dream car. Then you imagine yourself driving your car. See your hands on the steering wheel. You have your favorite music blasting in the background. Bring in other people in your, imagination. Imagine you pull up to your favorite restaurant and have your car valet parked and the valet says “Nice ride” and you beam with pride!
This is perhaps clearest in dreaming, where our minds churn up an entire virtual reality for us to experience when we sleep. But, imagination, is used in a whole variety of cognitive processes, including planning, hypothetical reasoning, picturing things in the past or the future, comprehending language, and, of course, in design and creativity in engineering and the arts.
Thanks for listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna, hope you were both inspired and entertained.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.
This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com
Listen to the interview:
Introduction to Out Of the Snares
Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.
It's also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth. We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.
So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life. I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.
I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.
Dr O.C Pringle: You're doing it all sister Young, you're doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life's experience, and, child abuse. let's talk about that.
Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse
Myrna: I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend. He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.
We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention, and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.
I didn't realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.
DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what? Wait how old were you?
Myrna: This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.
Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?
Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.
Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.
Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn't want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!
Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.
Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you're helping people all over the world. You're on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement
Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:
Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.
