Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn’t enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.
However, there are instances, when love alone isn’t enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn’t enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.
Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn’t enough.
Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.
Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8
Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?
Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.
For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.
Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.
Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It’s important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.
I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir. In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.
Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It’s important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.
Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
In this post, Brandi Mechele debunks 4 commonly-held beliefs about fulfillment and success. Brandi shares that if we can loosen up our grip on these beliefs, we can begin to experience more fulfillment and success in our lives.
Brandi is an intuitive and empowerment coach who spends her time guiding others and facilitating energy healing focusing on building the subconscious capacity. She has extensive experience working with high achieving female entrepreneurs, helping them align with financial success while staying through to their values and purpose. Her clients might initially come to her to scale their business and make more money, but they leave with a deeper sense of fulfillment within their lives on a holistic level.
Myrna: Can you share your backstory, what led you to begin this work? When did you notice a lack of fulfillment in your own life?
Brandi: I was raised as many people are to be very goal oriented. My parents were amazing in helping me to chart my course and set lots of goals, and I was very fortunate to be someone who excelled at many things; so, I had an impactful career in the corporate world. I escalated to being a VP covering the United States and Canada. I was a national caliber athlete in college and tried out for the Olympics and so I realized that I had checked all these boxes. I live in an amazing city, in a home of my dreams with a family. I had always had this idea that if you checked all the boxes, achieved all your goals that happiness would be kind of the outcome and unfortunately that’s just not true.
I think many people come to realize that they’ve had the success that they’ve dreamed of and not been able to align any of with this inner fulfillment and inner purpose, and so I took a step back and said you know what’s missing. I concluded that happiness needs to be its own goal, it needs to be its own purpose in your life, and that when you focus on happiness as a goal versus an outcome, that’s really when you align with your purpose and find and find true fulfillment.
That’s when I took a pivot in my life and got to the place where I am here today with you.
Myrna: I’ve heard this story so many times, in fact my very first coaching client when I became a coach was someone with a similar story to yours. She wasn’t looking for happiness she was looking for this inner fulfillment and she quit her job and became a coach because most people get more fulfillment when they serve.
I want to circle back to when you said that happiness shouldn’t be an outcome of a goal that happiness should your only goal. I can’t leave that alone so how do we how does someone listening set the course to have happiness be their goal?
Brandi: I believe fundamentally that when you have high Achievers that it’s really easy to make happiness a goal because they’re used to aligning to goals and really knocking it out of the park. So through my own work with myself which took place over many years prior to becoming a coach, developed a four-step process that I call B.A.S.E and I think it’s foundational to everyone’s life.
B – is about beliefs. What beliefs do you have? Especially the ones that are limiting in nature and how have you gotten to that place as it pertains to happiness. The reason I use happiness versus fulfillment is because I think that you have to be happy to be fulfilled. If you’re not happy, if you’re fulfilled you’ll always be happy and if you’re unhappy you’ll never be fulfilled.
So happiness is oftentimes easier for people to align to than fulfillment because fulfillment feels so big like what is my purpose, what am I meant to do. But if we think of life as these moments and every single moment we’re seeking happiness and ultimately we’ll live this really full life that has a sense of purpose, has the service that you mentioned.
So the B really is about like what are those beliefs that are precluding that from happening.
Are in alignment for happiness
A – is alignment, vibrational alignment. What does happiness look like to you like oftentimes you ask people that question and they just don’t know, they’re like I don’t know what makes me happy. They might think you know if I get married I’ll be happy, if I have a big house I’ll be happy, it’s usually types of goals.
What does it take for you to be aligned? So we spend some time around that and then self-awareness really because ultimately we are co-creating our reality in every single moment. I think oftentimes we talk about manifestation as this idea of like I’ll manifest a husband, a house, weight loss. I’ll manifest all of these things, but when you take a step back from that and realize that your entire life is a manifestation not just the good things and then you really take back your own power.
S – Self- awareness because we create situations that pulls us out of homeostasis. We return to that same place over and over again and so that’s really what the self-awareness allows us to do, because once we create awareness we can move out of searching to really having kind of this path to our our destiny.
E – is about, emotional regulation, and that really is the biggest of them all, any moment of unhappiness is really correlated to this origin story that we have. Emotional regulation, is a term generally used to describe a person’s ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience. There are times in our lives when we were probably really little where we were given these ideas about who we were. Our identity and how we showed up in the world and oftentimes we’re looping around those situations. It can be Big T trauma it can be Little T trauma, but the goal is really to keep the memory of our experiences of our childhood.
So I believe that B.A.S.E is foundational to our lives and once we are able to harness kind of those four pillars we’re really going to Skyrocket from there and live a life that’s a good path
Myrna: I love it but as I’m listening to you I remember I’ve done lots of episodes on happiness including the happiness formula. Everybody’s end goal in life is to be happy and you’re right it’s a little different from fulfillment.
Fulfillment vs happiness
Brandi: I was happy, I had the husband of my dreams, I had this beautiful child, I’d won many many awards in my corporate career, I always ran sales teams and I never finished below the top 15. So I had this body of work that was everything I ever dreamed of, I was a little girl from Detroit so I didn’t have this idea that my life could be so big and so vast.
I sat there in my happiness and I said but there’s still something missing.
Myrna: That happens to so many successful people. You said in your bio that people come looking for money because they believe it will bring them happiness but find fulfillment instead.
Brandi: Success doesn’t equal happiness.
Myrna: I’m reading a book now by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now and Then in there he talks about goals. Goals in clock time and psychological goals. Clock goals is just saying by the time I’m 30 I’m going to be married. That means that your happiness or fulfillment is tied to this goal. A, psychological goal, is always moving. The target is always moving so that’s that’s one way to put it, but you hit the nail right on the head. Happiness is fleeting.
Beliefs and self worth
Myrna: How do you teach your clients to find this happiness end goal?
Brandi: B.A.S.E is the foundational practice around beliefs. Two of the beliefs you have to have is that you are worthy of having the life that you’re seeking, and so say to people all the time that if you show me your life, I’ll show you what you think you’re worthy of having. So self-worth is like really pretty straightforward.
Myrna: So let’s circle back to a couple of things, you’re correct self-worth and self-love they’re two big things that we package them together here for Simplicity; but self-worth and self-love is what the what has been communicated to them and it’s usually in childhood or early adulthood. Somebody looked at you and and called you ugly and you carry around this beliefs that you are ugly all your life.
Those are great practices to build your happiness capacity as well as you know building your your self-worth and your self-love so so that’s awesome all right so let’s focus a little bit now on um some of the, limiting beliefs, that, black women, have that stops them from feeling fulfilled?
Brandi: Specifically in communities where black or brown communities you’ll find that you have three generations that are in the same Financial circumstances. Nobody breaks out and I believe one of the reasons to show us about mindset is because in order for you to break out you have to have a different mindset, you have to have a different set of beliefs.
Having the right mindset for success
You have to have the mindset of I want to be successful. It’s all about mindset and when you get the mindset right then you start challenging the beliefs. You’re challenging beliefs that says women can never do this.
Myrna: I was born poor and I know what a, poverty mindset, is. If you have a, poverty mindset, you really can never be wealthy because even if you have the money you’ll still be rich with a, poverty mindset. My whole work, my whole philosophy is about changing your mindset because once you change your mindset, you can have your dreams become a reality. The Bible teaches do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Conclusion
Tell us about your B.A.S.E coaching program and your framework. How can listeners get in touch with you talk about your website your social media handles.
Brandi: I appreciate that Myrna, I publish a free journal on the first and 15th every month and you can find that on my website www.brandimechele.com I am just on the precipice of launching a group coaching program and you can also go to my website and sign up there to be informed about that group coaching. If you were interested in working with me one-on-one or with the membership coaching and then if you were interested in working with me one-on-one or in the group you can also find that on my website so and all my handles are @Brandi Mechele on Instagram as well as on Facebook so I’d love to connect with your listeners and hear from them.
Please sign up for Brandi’s 4-week program & her container program here:”
Does your unhappiness have a purpose? Does your negativity change anything? The answer is no, so why do we choose it?
I just finished reading the book The Power of The Now by Eckhart Tolle and he made the statement that we chose unhappiness even though it serves no purpose. He asked the does your unhappiness change anything?
The book the Course in Miracles states that we believe that when we are unhappy our unhappiness buys us what we want. Not true in fact it pushes what you want further away.
Take a child who has conscious parents. Let’s say the child decides to throw a temper tantrum because they want to watch TV or they want a toy or candy. Any good parent will not give it to them, in fact if my kids threw a tantrum or cried for anything, they never got that thing. Just recently my foster daughter cried because she wanted to watch TV and she thought crying and carrying on would get her TV instead the TV was removed from her room. So, if crying and unhappiness did not get us what we wanted as children, why do you still use it as adults?
All negativity is resistance. Negativity ranges from irritation to fierce anger.
The ego believes that through negativity, it can change reality and get what it wants. It believes that through unhappiness it can attract a desirable condition or dissolve an undesirable one.
If your mind did not believe that unhappiness works, then why would it create it?
The fact is that negativity does not work; instead of attracting a desirable condition, it stops it from arising. Instead of resolving an undesirable one it keeps if in place.
Its only useful function of negativity, is that it strengthens the ego and that is why the ego loves it.
What is the ego? The ego is that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception.
No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans. Just as no other life form poisons the earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen 2 ducks fight? They fight and then go their separate ways and then flap their wings to release the negativity and they are done. Humans carry around that negativity for decades. He did that to me! This negativity becomes, depression.
There is a line in the Matrix that says that Humans destroy their environment or land and then moves on the next place. What are you destroying with your unhappiness?
Think about it. Has nagging your spouse ever resulted in him becoming the spouse that you want them to be or did it have the opposite effect? That is why the Bible teaches that a man would rather live on the roof top than live in a house with a nagging wife.
So today, I want to shine a light on unhappiness. Why do we create it if it does not get us what we want?
These are the options in, how to be happy. What good does it we do none of the these things, but just live with unhappiness? If you can successfully find which negative behavioral and cognitive patterns are making you unhappy, and address them, you’ll be able to start feeling happier in less time than you may think.
I will tell you what it does. It creates disease in the body and sends you to an early grave, but it never gets you what you want. Unhappiness serves no purpose other than to make you sick.
Even if you throw a temper tantrum and you get the toy in the store or your spouse gives in. Ultimately your unhappiness returns. It is only temporarily satiated.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
Being, abandoned, by a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment. It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.
Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.
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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned, by our parents
Feelings of, not good enough, because we have lack.
When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same. There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.
Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.
Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry. With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.
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Abandoned, by Love
Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again. This pattern is repeated often.
Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.
It takes work to heal your cracks. The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.
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Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:
Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind. You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.
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How the, Abandonment, wound plays out in relationships:
Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
Overreacting to conflict
Becoming a pleaser
Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.
An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.
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Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand. We engage the, laws of the Universe, when we hold desire in our hearts.
How to engage the, Law of Attraction
You can, have it all, anything you desire through visualization and meditation. The, Laws of the Universe, including the, law of attraction, are working for you. You only have to plant in the fertile field of your mind to ,have it all.
Your subconscious mind cannot hold any contradictory mandates. For example if you are using the, Law of Attraction, to manifest a red sports car, but you are thinking that you could never afford such a car, you are cancelling out, the Law of Attraction.
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If you have a belief that you will not be able to, have it all, then your beliefs will block these things from your experience. You will not, have it all. Your belief must be changed first in order to, have it all.
Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, one of the, laws of the Universe, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand.
We must first observe or experience it for it to become a reality. Quantum physics, tells us that everything exists in wave form or infinite possibility it is only when we observe it, it becomes form. It does not become form until we observe it by giving it our conscious attention. It is our act of observation that gives everything form.
Consciousness creates our reality. The, Law of Attraction, is a tool we could use to design our life, to have it all.
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This energy is infinite. The brain functions 24 hours until we die, so the, law of Attraction, is always working. Both your conscious thoughts and subconscious thoughts activate, the Law of Attraction.
When the, conscious mind, and the, subconscious mind, are in conflict the subconscious mind always win. So most of the time we are activating the, law of attraction unconsciously.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
For example when an overweight person decides to go on a diet without changing subconscious programming they will continue to overeat and override conscious behaviors.
The conscious mind has a limited memory and most of it is short term.
The subconscious mind has infinite memory for all your experience for your entire life.
The subconscious mind can block out changes in your surroundings so you don’t focus or see changes in your environment. Like driving down a street for months and not seeing a new complex or a new tree.
We have a shortage of attention and fail to notice what is going on around us including obvious changes in our surroundings.
Conscious attention is required to see requested changes from the, Law of Attraction.
Always use the, law of attraction, to focus on what is wanted and not what is unwanted. You can, have it all.
The mind focus on what we place our attention on whether negative or positive so the, law of attraction will bring you whatever you focus on.
All day every day we are placing our attention on something and engaging the, law of attraction.
Concentration on one thing and suppressing all others is the key to controlling your reality and using the, law of attraction, to, have it all.
Controlling your attention and focus is the way to control your reality.
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How to use the Law of Attraction to change your reality
Reevaluate what seems negative by focusing on the good experiences. This trains the mind only to see the positive, it teaches the subconscious to only focus on the positive and thus more positive things will be attracted into your lives through the, law of attraction.
Challenge yourself in your free time. When we go into low energy modes our brain reverts to old programming, so to prevent this schedule things to do that will move the needle to your required destination of, having it all.
Appreciate all the goodness that you see. We can search for happiness in our present situation. Teach the mind what we want from life. The conscious mind is the master and the subconscious mind the gene. When we train the conscious mind to focus on what we want, we can make any changes we want in our lives. What you focus on comes to you by the, law of attraction.
You can, have it all. Is it possible to have: a passionate marriage; a thriving career; a healthy beautiful body; more money than you ever dreamed possible, and enough “down” time to enjoy it – without running yourself ragged? Use the, law of attraction to, have it all.
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How do, Single Women over 40, find the love they want? How do they prepare themselves in the meantime while waiting on, Love. Where do they find, single men?
Single women, who are believing God for a partner, can enhance their in the meantime experience by having the right mindset on why they want a partner, what are the best watering holes to find a partner and how to renovate, Love’s house, so that it is ready for Love.
Listen to the full interview here:
Finding Love Introduction
I think the best, dating advice, is that when, Love’s House, is fully ready for, Love, the right partner will appear.
Dating advice, for, finding love again
Work on being the best you.
Become clear on your strengths and the areas that needs improvements
Eg. Are you a good housekeeper or a good cook; but you lack self-esteem and self-confidence? Then work on improving your self -confidence
Advice for single women, Be clear on why you want a partner
Do you want a partner for security or to help pay your bills?
Do you want a partner because it is culturally acceptable to be married or in a relationship?
Are you looking for a partner to complete you?
Or Are you looking for a soulmate and equal partner to share your life?
The last one was the perfect answer. Many, single women, and some, single men, are out there looking for a partner that contributes something to their lives; but never consider what they are bringing to the table. Why would someone choose you?
Where do you, single women over 40, meet, single men?
The reason that so many, single men, and, single women, are still single is because it is hard to meet people.
Here are the most popular Watering holes for the, single woman.
Church
Bars
Gym
Sports events
Networking events
House parties
Work
Most Christian, single women, would love to meet their spouse or partner in the church; but that is rare because most, single men, in church are using the church as their watering hole!
Bars are the most popular place for, single women under 40, to meet a man; but here is some, dating advice. Bars have become hookup places for casual sex with no commitment; but in every scenario there are exceptions to the rule and you can, find love, at a bar.
My daughter had the perfect combination, she met her Fiancé in a club; but he was also from her church!
I met my husband on a train. He was the officer who checked for tickets. The train is definitely not a watering hole; but soul mates will attract each other like a magnet in any place. Gas stations, parking lots, grocery stores, bus stop, anywhere!
I have met past boyfriends at a car wash, by friend introduction, Dance club, school, bus stop, train, and work and they were all committed relationships.
The newest place for, single women, to meet, single men, now are dating sites. The good thing about dating sites is that everyone on the site has the same goal, to meet a partner, or to start, dating, again.
As a realtor I love FSBO (For sale by owner) because they already want to sell their homes. I don’t have to convince them to sell, only that I am the right agent to sell their homes. Same with the dating site. You don’t have to convince anyone to have a committed relationship, only that you are the one they are looking for.
Dating sites are tough if you are, finding love after a heartbreak, because it would be hard to trust. They are great for, single women over 50, because these women are not in the clubs or other social events. They are home on their computers.
My co-host today is Arifah Yusuf, a registered social worker and mental health counselor.
Arifah from a mental health perspective what can, single women, do to make sure they are sending the right vibes to a potential mate? Let’s say they meet someone at one of the many watering holes?
It’s really challenging sometimes, when it comes to giving off the right vibes, as different people enter spaces with their own intentions and interest. It’s important for those that identify as women, to be mindful of their expectations and also have personal boundaries for themselves and others, so when engaging in conversations with, single men, they can better be aware of the right vibes vs negative vibes, from themselves and others interacting with. Some key tips, I would give are:
Before you try, finding love again, get to know yourself first and understand your past relationships (what worked/ didn’t work). This will help you get ready for a relationship, as you will be better able to recognize what you are looking for and if that relates to signs of a healthy relationship.
Some, dating advice, Go to spaces where you may find someone with similar interest like you, somewhere that you feel comfortable and exudes positive energy. Most likely, you will attract like minded, single men, that will give off similar positive energy.
Be assertive and clear when communicating. Engage in conversations to discover common interest, identify personal traits.
When, dating, be open to new experiences.
Know your boundaries and if you feel someone is not respecting them, have your exit and safety plan ready.
These are some of the, dating advice, I would tell my, single women, clients to keep in mind when thinking about meeting a, single man.
Where did you meet your husband?
Arifah says she met her husband Kevin Mortley while I was working in the entertainment industry as a promoter. He was also involved in the industry, promoting concerts for artist, and a graphic designer. He reached out to me online and we had a conversation over the phone.
How do, Single Women, prepare, Love’s House?
Almost 20 years ago, I read a book by Iyanla Vanzant called” In the meantime, finding yourself and the love you want”
The concept of this book is prepare yourself and your life for love while waiting in, Love’s House.
One of the first things I remembered she said was to,
Start by living your, single life, like you are already in a relationship.
You are making room for a partner. But the synopsis of the book is to look at your, single life, as a 3 story house, complete with a basement and an attic.
She calls this house, Love’s House. Loving yourself in the meantime while you are waiting on, finding love again.
In the basement of, Love’s House, you are pretty miserable. You are hurting, lonely and disillusioned. Your emotions are blame, anger, and fear. But the basement is also a place for healing. For understanding yourself. If you don’t fix yourself in the basement, you will carry that baggage and hurt into your next relationship.
Arifah how do you help, single women, heal from hurt and blame?
Finding love after heartbreak, first fdentify and validate the pain.
Express yourself –Talking to a trust friend, family member or counselor is often a good way to soothe painful emotions and support healing.
Self care – take a break and find time for things you enjoy or would like to try (creative activities, manicure, hairstyles, movies, journaling, baking etc.)
Learn from it – An attitude of learning will help you discover value in the experience. You may also discover a curious new freedom: recovering from an emotional trauma or heartbreak makes you stronger, wiser and more resilient.
Reinvest in your new reality. Set goals and write down the steps and supports you need to begin working on them. Spark new energy and interests into your life, to find purpose and love of something else.
On the first floor of , Love’s House, you are no longer miserable and is able to look objectively at why you attract the people in your life that you do. Who are let’s say are emotionally unavailable, abusive, unsupportive etc.
On the second floor of, Love’s House, single women, Love’s house is where you change the dialog from victim to player. You educate yourself to play. You read books on, finding love again, you listen to podcasts on relationships, you start improving yourself, you become the picture card that everyone man wants.
The most important, dating advice for, single women, on the second floor is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are enough and any man should be happy to have you. Say it until you believe it if you need convincing.
The third floor of, Love’s House, is when, single women, are living the, single life, and loving who you are as a, single woman. Content with herself, whole, needing no man to complete her. She is confident, self-sufficient, courageous and beautiful inside and out.
The top floor is the Attic
In the attic, single women, showers themselves with unconditional Love. Single women over 40, are able to receive the love of, single men. This is where you will begin to attract the perfect partner because negativity, does not live here.
You know what you want and, who you seek is also seeking you!
Arifah What, dating advice, you have for, single women, through the phases of finding themselves in, love’s house.
Make sense of your past
In order to thing about, finding love, first uncover who we are and why we act the way we do, we have to know our own story
Differentiate
Differentiation refers to the process of striving to develop a sense of ourselves as independent individuals. In order to find ourselves and fulfill our unique destinies, we must differentiate from destructive interpersonal, familial and societal influences that don’t serve us.
Seek meaning
In order to find ourselves and, finding love after a heartbreak, we must all seek out our own personal sense of purpose. This means separating our own point of view from other people’s expectations of us. It means asking ourselves what our values are, what truly matters to us, then following the principles we believe in.
Recognize your personal power when, finding love again
When we know what we want, we are challenged to take power over our lives. We are accepting ourselves as a powerful player in our own destiny. Harnessing our personal power is essential to both finding and becoming ourselves
Single women over 50, must silence their critical inner thoughts
This destructive thought process can be made up of a judgmental attitude that tells us we aren’t good enough to succeed or don’t deserve what we want or a soothing-seeming attitude that tells us we don’t have to try or that we need to be taken care of or controlled.
Know the value of friendship with, single men
We can seek out people who make us happy, who support what lights us up and who inspire us to feel passionate about our lives. Being friends while, dating, gives you the opportunity to learn things about the person that you may not have learned otherwise
Story of a, single woman, finding love after a heartbreak
In the last episode, I mentioned that I would love the listeners to join my Life coach group on Facebook. They could ask questions and have myself and other members give them, dating advise.
Here is a question from Mari. Her husband died last year and she wants, dating advice, on how to start over. What should she look for in a mate?
As a, life coach, I think that, single women, starting over or starting out, dating, again should have a list of what they want in a man.
It should go deeper than tall, dark and handsome!
You should have common interests,
be equally yoked,
have the same standard of living,
same religion,
similar sex drive.
The list could be lengthy and you are not going to get every thing on your list but you are shooting for 80%.
Arifah What’s your, Dating Advice, for Mari
Hi Mari, its never easy after a significant loss, or, finding love after heartbreak. There is no starting over, as your husband will still play a role in your lifestory. Moving forward, you want to know what type of role that will be, maybe its pictures in a photo album or another memory keepsake. You need to figure this out, before you move forward, as sometimes we feel guilty, which is normal; but its apart of the grieving process, allow yourself to acknowledge that is what it is and determine what new reality are you hoping for in seeking a mate.
You can start with figuring out what you want, create a love resume for yourself in terms of what would characteristics, interests, you are looking for in that, single man. Once that’s done, you are half way there to having a mindset and discovering possible spaces or friends your potential mate may visit.
This is a question from our last episode. We talked about fear and courage in our last episode.
How Do I handle the fear of, Dating, Steffy from India. Writes.
All I know is that I’ve a great fear. I’ve some kind of burden in my mind and I am not able to figure it out. I am a, single man, I wake up in the middle of night and I have these panic attacks and stuff, tried meditation; but I am not able to concentrate. I need advice on, dating. Finding love again. The more I try the more I lose my hopes and start feeling worthless. Please help.
Since this is a mental health question I will let Arifah answer this one.
Hi Steffy, thank you for sharing your lived experience with fear. It sounds like it is impacting your daily routine and ability to accomplish meaningful goals, such as, finding love. I want to say its common for people that are experiencing anxiety to lose hope, but you not worthless and help is available.
It may be helpful to monitor your daily routine and meals for the day, for example, stress/sugar and caffeine can increase anxiety. Make an appointment to see your family doctor or at a clinic if you are able too, to share how you are feeling emotionally and physically. Your doctor can provide professional advice to best help you.
In regards to fear of speaking to, single women, it’s helpful to practice writing down what you want to say, then reading it to yourself out loud or in front a mirror. If you have friends/family you feel comfortable around and that are supportive, you can also practice public speaking in front of them first to get comfortable before larger crowds.
Breathing exercises and drinking water/herbal teas can be helpful in calming the nerves. As well, watching videos or reading books from motivational speakers, that may offer tips you may find helpful.
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I wanted to be useful and connected and, loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires a higher vibration. Lots of mystics talk about love, being a state of consciousness. What that means is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.
Danielle LaPorte needs little introduction. Oprah Winfrey has said she “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters,” while Marianne Williamson has called her “a bright light in the modern priestess hood.’ As the founder of DanielleLaPorte.com, ranked by Forbes as one of the Top 100 Websites for Women and visited by millions of people each month, Danielle is one of the most critically acclaimed spiritual thought leaders of our time.
With her highly anticipated new book, How to Be Loving as Your Heart is Breaking Open and The World is Waking Up, releasing October 11 2022, Danielle has written the modern day manifesto on how to uncondition your mind from all kinds of social programming, tap into the intelligence of the heart, and elevate your life through the quality of your own thoughts.
Myrna: What is your journey from making love a priority in your life? How did that come about?
Danielle: For a long time, I was led by the question, how do I want to feel? And now the question is what do I want to embody? And the journey there was me realizing that even if I was having a bad day and wasn’t in a state of happiness, wasn’t feeling like the way I wanted to feel. I still felt connected to something higher and more meaningful. But really, the light bulb was when I realized that, I could still be useful to my friends, even if I was in the dark night of my soul. And then it occurred to me maybe this whole happiness thing, the end game, it’s important.
And I wanted to be useful and connected and loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires like a higher vibration. And you know, lots of mystics talk about love, of course, being a state of consciousness, but what that brings us to is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.
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Power of Love: Intelligence of the heart
Myrna: Well, it’s very hard. They always say that that happiness is not an external thing. You know, it comes from inside and even if you have an, external locus of control, which is basically where your happiness depends on other people, circumstances or things. It’s only going to be temporary, because those things can’t continue for too long. Which is why they say that your happiness has to come from inside. And that means that whatever is going on outside, it’s not going to bother you. But it’s extremely, hard to do. You almost have to be like an enlightened being. That’s the, power of love and the intelligence of the heart.
Danielle: Everybody’s a little enlightened, the Zen Buddhist philosophy is everybody’s enlightened, we just have forgotten.
Myrna: Yes, we don’t operate in it because we forgotten. So, that was your journey into becoming, loving. You wanted to feel good all the time. You wanted to embody you. You learned, how to live from the heart, gratitude and, vibration. You talk about, vibration. Wayne Dyer talks about, vibration. Abraham Hicks talks about, vibration. What kind of work did you do to make sure your, vibration, is good?
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Loving yourself through the heartbreak
Danielle: It’s not so much that I want to feel good all the time. Who wants to suffer, I don’t want to suffer. Right? But it’s a place of even if you are suffering and you’re not feeling good, you’re in a state of acceptance with it. It’s like, okay, this is what’s happening. I’m gonna love myself through this. I created this. I’m not going to push it away. I’m going to bring it into my, heart. I’m going to have space for it. I’m going to be more gentle with it. I’m going to speak to myself more lovingly. But more specifically to your question about how to get there.
Well, I think it’s a lifelong journey, but certainly, big challenges questioning if, am I in the right career? Is this the faith that I should be holding? Suffering that leads us to meaningfulness and purpose. There are those challenging circumstances and then there’s just dedication. Like I want to know truth. I want to be love. No matter what, I’m committed.
My commitment, doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but I do the things that I know makes me more compassionate and more forgiving. And those things are ancient tools that have been around a long, long time. Contemplation, it’s a prayer practice. It’s, sifting through all the different practices and types of, meditation, until I found the kind of, meditation practice, that I actually wanted to do, that made me feel like energized and lit up.
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How to tap into heart intelligence
Myrna: I know that acceptance is very important. And it’s very important to accept your loved ones. Because a lot of times we get into relationships, and we want to change people and we don’t accept them. But yeah, talking about accepting suffering. That is deep.
How do we tap into, heart intelligence? One of the most powerful books that I’ve read is “The Alchemist.” The entire book is about listening to your, heart, and, how to live from the heart. I thought that we were supposed to listen to your gut. Your gut is what tells you when something is wrong, but listening to your, heart. This is a great because we are tapping to the, intelligence of the heart. It’s amazing.
Danielle: It’s important to make that distinction between the gut and, heart because gut is more instinct. The gut is gonna say run from danger. This is basic survival stuff. But we don’t want to be in that survival mode every day. We want to be in a state. So just like move it up. The, chakra system, moving on up your body move into the, heart. Everybody knows on a cellular, psychological level, what love is and what it feels like to be connected to soul, to be connected to others, to be giving and receiving loving kindness.
We just have to be still and we have to connect to the, heart, space, heart chakra, and higher consciousness. There’s no fear just presence. Don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t worry about the rent not right this moment. And you move into that gentleness that calms down your nervous system, both your, parasympathetic, and your, central nervous system. When your nervous system is calm you think more clearly. You’re not all panicked, or jacked up with anxiety and then you make more, loving choices. Loving choices, which all comes from quality of thought. You reference Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr Dyer had a lot to say about the thoughts we think.
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Bria strives to break the typical barriers of an artist because of her unique voice and style choices. With her passion for genre-bending, she uses her background as a classical pianist, violist, and violinist to create a completely different arena of music. Much of her work contains deep, yet very literal lyrics about, mental health, heartbreak, love, and society. Bria has started gaining traction since her release in 2020, with “Comfort Zone”.
Myrna: Right, that’s amazing. Now, I want to circle back to something you said that everybody knows what it’s like to give and receive love. Do you think that everybody knows that? Because there’s a lot of people that don’t love themselves and I believe that if you don’t love yourself you actually can’t give and receive love.
Danielle: Okay, there’s two things in there. I think in our depths, we do know love. And I think to get to the depths of love, we have to plumb those depths. You got to be still, you’ve got to get yourself in nature. You’ve got to ask those questions. It’s in there. The truth is in there. Is it buried? Absolutely. Do we doubt it? Yes, we have lots of so called evidence from how we’re raised in society that is not a loving place to be? Totally, but it’s the truth is eternal? It’s in there, you’re gonna find it.
You just got to look for what was that? Oh, loving other people and loving yourself? Yeah, I’ve thought about this very specifically for a while. Because you know, in this in our self-help space, there’s that theory of like, don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves because they’re not gonna love you properly. I think it’s half-truth because we’re all one. We all come from the same source, and we’re all connected.
Then does it really matter if I’m loving myself first, but if I’m loving you first, and I’ve witnessed people who clearly had on a surface level, self-esteem issues, broken, not loving themselves, and I have seen them be, loving. Learn to love someone in their community. Learn to love the person who abandoned them. And it changed their whole way of living, obviously, with a lot of work, digging in and plumbing it out.
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Do you have heart intelligence?
Myrna: So how do we tap into the, intelligence of the heart? Is it through meditation or how do we do it?
Danielle: Yeah, It’s the practices. First you gotta want it. Want to sleep through the night? Do you want to be peaceful? Do you want to have more intimate conversations? Want to know your real power? Awesome, great. There are some things you can do. Find a, meditation, practice that works for you. Not one where you sit down on the, meditation cushion, and you hate being there and it’s grueling and you don’t feel lit up or expanded. That’s just like New Age punishment. Find a, prayer practice, that works for you.
Guided meditation heart center, is heart centering, prayer, and time for stillness. Our society is obsessed with being productive and it pulls us away from our wisdom. You need to be still to hear your, higher guidance. If you are always moving, you are going to get confusing information. So, stillness could be as simple as 15 minutes in the morning before anybody else in your house wakes up. Or it’s for those of us who have done, yoga, the last pose. It doesn’t matter how sweaty and bendy your, yoga, class was, the last pose is always, corpse pose. You just lie there in stillness. And people think, oh, this is my break. But actually that, corpse pose, the great, yoga, teachers tell you everything is moving towards that stillness.
So that you get to integrate all the work you did with your body and your mind. So, the end of the day, you ask yourself, what do you learn today? Who do you love? How did you get a little more time? What are you grateful for? That’s integrating lessons of the day. And then you don’t need to repeat the same lessons. Ideally, tomorrow you start fresh. Yeah. So, practices.
Myrna: Well, my, meditation practice, is sitting and concentrating on the breath. Sometimes I do a, walking meditation, because I walk in the park and there’s a wooded area that I walk through. And when I’m in there, I’m talking to God and I am visualizing some of the things I want to manifest. What do you think about a, walking meditation?
Danielle: I have a very similar practice. It’s more of a working meditation. There’s lots of, prayer, in my life. There’s definitely, breathwork, for sure. I pray and meditate and it’s all mostly focused on being of service and healing. And I know that as I’m doing that, doing the work, getting closer to God and being more aware, I’m getting healed as well.
I use the light of the sun in, meditation, as well. The sun is very powerful. My belief this is, through some research into mysticism, because the soul is really the source. The sun is really the symbol, if not the embodiment, of the collective soul. And then in all the, meditations, that I’ve designed, I work with an energy healer that I’ve been with for many years, we co create all of these, meditation experiences, which is part of my offering. Almost every, meditation, begins with seeing this golden light, the sun. That is the symbol, the visual of your soul’s vastness. Your only job really, is to just bask in that light, you don’t have to reach for that light. You don’t even have to amplify that light.
The God source is always trying to find you, wants to get into every thought and every crevice, just bow down at your intention. I’m going to be aligned today. I’m going for this walk. And you step into it and you just receive the guidance.
Myrna; Beautiful, I’m in the self-improvement space and I know that, meditation, works for me, because one of the one of the byproducts of, meditation, is that you don’t get upset very often and you’re always in a calm space.
Danielle: Heart centered manifesting, you come up with a visual. You think it through every day. You see it, feel it, taste it, you really bring it to life. And you just keep watering it, anybody can manifest anything, there is a basic science of, manifesting. You don’t have to be enlightened. You don’t have to be a good person. You don’t have to have great intentions. If you want the car and you think about it enough. You will manifest the car.
I’m interested in is what I would call, heart centered manifesting, because I think ego centered manifesting has really gotten a lot of us into a lot of trouble. And it’s not very fulfilling ultimately. So, it’s like heart centered vision. comes from a place of knowing that your happiness matters to me that we all come from the same source. So, if I get the car, how is that going to be a benefit or harmful to others? So, what’s your vision got to do with everybody else? That’s a really basic great question to ask. How does your fulfillment lead to the fulfillment of others or does it take from others? My belief is that we have a, heart centered vision, and you can still want all the same things.
You can still want the car and the relationship and the money, whatever it is. When it’s on behalf of being of service, I think the soul is going to help lead you to more fulfillment. So, when you get the car, let’s just keep using that example. Maybe you’re doing some meals on wheels or maybe it’s just that you’re happier, more relaxed, and you’re better in your community. Maybe that car actually helps you be a more chill, loving mother, whatever it is, somehow your happiness is kind of spilling over.
Whereas if that was an ego goal to just get the car, going to get the car and you’re gonna want to the next thing, no lasting fulfillment. Soon you’re gonna want a better car. You’re gonna need the car and you’re gonna need the handbag. Then you need the likes on Instagram on and on. Heart centered manifesting, relax and it comes.
Myrna: Well, that’s actually pretty good. Tell us about your book “How to be Loving as your heart is breaking open and the World is Waking Up” Why did you write it? What do you want readers to walk away with after reading? And how can you know listeners pick up a copy of it?
Danielle: This is what I want to have happen. I want to get gazillion emails for years of people telling me things like, I read you book how to be loving and forgive my mother or I speak more gently to myself, or I got over this heartbreak or I finally started asking my neighbor what they need. I just want to I want to hear those stories of how my book helped others become, loving.
I wrote it because it’s my first book in five years. I know lots of people are saying, Wow, this is so timely, did you know, the world was gonna fall apart? I did not know the world was gonna be in the state that it was in. It is on time, right?
Myrna: Yes. So, yeah. Now, part of the title is when your heart is breaking open, so and you said something a minute ago about, your heart is breaking but you’re still loving yourself. Is that part of it? Is it for people with a broken heart to love themselves?
Danielle: I think that’s in reference to we think we’re falling apart when we’re heartbroken, whether it’s the state of our community or an ending relationship or we get canned from a job; you’re not actually breaking, you’re expanding. All that heartbreak is showing you what you’re made of. It’s showing you where all the love, the real love is in your life, how capable you are. It’s a spiritual emergence.
My website is www.Daniellelaporte.com. I’m Danielle Laporte on Instagram. I’m there all the time. I have a membership, beautiful membership program called heart centered membership.
It’s like a spiritual support system. And we also have a program called the heart centered leadership program where we’ve got this really gorgeous curriculum of workshops, conversation starters, for coaches and HR directors and Unitarian, so it’s being used at really high levels of business. It’s being used in yoga studios.
In his book A new way of life, Author Samy Barnat talks about life after crises. He discusses the, climate change crisis, water crisis, economics crisis, war crisis, pandemic crisis and , oil degradation crisis.
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Samy Barnat is an independent multidisciplinary researcher in human sciences. His multi-disciplinary background (psychology, politics, economics, philosophy) gives him a rare global vision that many experts lack. His independent research incorporates outside the box thinking. Both precious elements for finding global solutions to the global crises we face.
The soil fertility crisis
Samy: If you have the best, mindset, but your environment is toxic, and we have a toxic society, that’s kind of a big problem.
Is there a job for everybody?
It’s a simple question, you can have the best, mindset, possible but if the economy is structured in a way that there is not a job for everybody and we have little money, you’re going to be stressed. Or if you are constantly having anxiety of being fired. It’s also the way the environment is being destroyed, the, crises, is we are destroying our environment. Very few people know that, soil fertility, is a growing problem. The, soil, is being destroyed by the way we do agriculture now.
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Myrna: Yeah, I have just become aware of #savesoil, Sadhguru is traveling 30,000 KLM to promote, save soil. I interviewed a member of his team a couple weeks ago. Yeah, we’re talking about food. We’re going to talk about your book, A New Way of Life, later on. How is politics and Philosophy connected?
Samy: Everything is kind of connected. That’s something I think we are all starting to realize that everything is kind of connected. Your mental health is connected to politics and economics, because if you don’t have enough money, you’re going to get stressed and if the environment is not fueling growth, you are going to be stressed.
If you are worried that your kids are not going to have a good future, because you can’t afford their education, you are going to be stressed. That is why politics and Philosophy are connected. It takes leaders like Sadhguru to increase awareness.
Myrna: I see what you mean, because the politicians are directing our future. Whether it’s health care, getting rid of student loans or price of oil. I thought you were saying that politicians, use psychology to get us to vote for them.
Samy: Absolutely, you’re totally right and in a very manipulative way.
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Myrna: I like what you said about having a, healthy mindset, is very important for, personal development. Personal development, is a big topic. I’m in the, personal development, space and the, mindset, space. The mind dictates everything. What we believe dictates our level of development, because most people don’t do the work to control their, mind. What is a healthy mindset? How does our, mindset, control anxiety and stress?
Samy: The idea is simple. It’s just we have, positive emotions. And it’s very important to understand this. I mean science it’s only about principles. When you study science, you study principles, it’s like the laws of nature and gravitation in physics. Our, emotions, have their own loads which were created by God.
You have, positive emotions, when your, desires, are realized. And you have, negative emotions, when your, desires, are not realized. So, for example, a baby cries because a, desire, of food is not realized. As an adult if you have an objective, to study and to pass an exam and you fail the exam, you have, negative emotions. You can find as many examples as you want; but the essence it’s about, desire. So, as a result, we have to be extremely careful what we, desire, because if we have impossible, desires, we suffer from anxiety and stress.
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So first of all, we have to be careful what we, desire. We need to make sure we have, realistic desires, all the time, so many people don’t do that. It’s better to reduce your objective. So at least you will be in peace emotionally. You know what I mean? Because you don’t want to be suffering all the time. We should question everything in the light of this principle, ambition.
And deeper than that, it’s our personality, and that I think so many people need to hear this. So basically, our, personality, or what so many of us call our, personality. It’s kind of a, desire, which we were told.
So, for example, so many people, they have a, desire, to be the best and they think that’s who I am. I want to be the best. I’m the best, they have this, internal dialogue. It’s a program really, it’s an, unconscious program. And it was taught by their parents as a kind of a, life strategy. If you try to be the best, at least you can get the best job, the best partner etc.
They don’t realize that a, type A personality, is actually the cause of their pain. If your, desires, are not realized, you have, negative emotion. So, if you try to always be the best, it’s just impossible. So, every time you’re going to feel like you’re not the best, you’re going to feel sadness, stress, anxiety. It’s kind of a, crises, of constant stress, and you don’t understand why. You don’t know where it comes from. It actually coming from what you call your, personality.
But it’s not your, personality. As a human being you are able to recreate yourself all the time, to adapt all the time. So, you should absolutely not cling on to an, unhealthy desire, which is to be the best. This is a, crises.
Myrna what you are doing is very helpful in the, personal development, space. It’s about, NLP, neuro linguistic programming, which is simply, reprogramming our mind. It simply reprogramming with new words, new desires, a new personality, etc. Like saying no, I’m not always the best, sometimes I’m weak, I’m not always clever, sometimes I am stupid.
Myrna: So basically, it’s about, reprogramming our mind with, affirmations.
Book A new Way Of Life solutions to the crises we face
A New Way of Life A solution to the crises we face
We have a lot of crises So, tell us what solutions you offer in your book?
Samy: Okay, so yeah, so, basically, I’ll start with what I think are the most urgent, crises, and then we can move on from there. So, the, soil degradation, crisis, it’s something we hear so little about in the media. It’s so important because the way we do agriculture is actually destroying the, soil. So, in the world you have a lot of places where this desertification has started.
So, the soil is becoming sand. It’s not very productive in terms of food, and that’s a big deal. A, crisis, will start to emerge in a more dramatic way. We are all going to be affected by that. We cannot just rely on our politicians to take care of these big issues.
We’ve seen it with, climate change, for example. They knew about, climate change, for 30 years, and they have done very little because of the lobbyists who put pressure on politicians and big corporations like Exxon. They don’t want to do anything about, climate change, because it was going to make them lose money.
The other, crisis, we need to worry about is the end of the end of, oil. Our life is based on, oil. Food is produced with, oil, agricultural machines need, oil. Everywhere in the world, more than 60% of the population were working as farmers. So that gives you an idea of society before, oil.
Oil, is everywhere, all the products, almost the job of everybody is completely relying on, oil. All the products are imported with, oil, for trucks, and boats from the other side of the world. And that includes food or whatever you sell, whatever your company’s selling, it’s relying on, oil, so when we go towards the end, it means it basically means the collapse of the economy.
Myrna: I understand about the, soil, because they are depleting the nutrients of the, soil. And the soil is becoming sand. I don’t understand an, oil crisis, because, oil, is supposed to be limitless. Why are you saying that we’re going to run out of it?
Samy: So, you know, all resources are limited. I mean, half our planet is finite. It’s limited.
Myrna: Oil, is all over the place. All you got to do is dig. They just found, oil in Guyana. Apparently, you can go dig in your backyard and might find, oil.
Samy: Okay, so you can see the graph showing discoveries. The peak of discoveries was quite a long time ago. So, it means since that time, we discover every year less and less, oil. We still discover some, but the question is, is it going to be enough for the global economy? It’s a question of quantity.
Myrna: Politicians are looking at ways to not use, oil. They’re looking at energy efficient ways. So that’s what they’re starting because maybe they know that maybe in 30 years or something, the, oil, will be depleted. But I personally think that we live in an abundant world, that everything that we need is right here, and it’s not limited.
Samy: Yeah, so the, oil crises, I’m speaking about, the data came from people working in BP, and Shell Exxon. They give me numbers about when we will reach the end of, oil. You can you can check this on internet because those reports are for free. But it gives us a rough estimation, the end of, oil, would be around 30 years around 2050. But what we should worry about is the end of, cheap oil, because even if we still have, oil, if it becomes too expensive then that it is the end and society collapses.
For example, we’ve seen now in Spain, it gives us a glimpse of the future. Because of the, war with Russia, the supply of oil in Europe is limited. Okay, so in Spain, what happened is that truck drivers, the oil increased so much that they could they couldn’t earn a living. They basically had more charges, compared to earnings, so they stopped working.
Myrna: it was happening in the US too. A lot of truck drivers protested at the Canadian border for same reason, gas prices too high. The diesel fuel is twice that of regular gas.
Samy: This gives us a glimpse into the future, the end of, cheap oil, will affect our lives. Oil, is the basis of modern society.
Myrna: Okay, all right. So that’s a good reason for people to get your book. So, do you offer solutions in your book? What was the reason you wrote the book, and what do you want people to walk away with after reading your book?
Samy: So basically, it’s about preparing your family. I’m saying the first thing you should worry about is your family. In France, there’s much more awareness on this topic and many people they have started to buy land. You need land because when society collapses it is going to be violent. When you don’t have food, people fight.
The second solution would be to have your local community prepare for the, oil crisis. So, it’s kind of the solution I’m giving in the book. So basically, what I’m saying is we need a new way of doing politics.
Conclusion
Myrna; All right, tell people where they can get your book so they can get your solutions to all these, crises.
Samy: So basically, if you go on https://samybarnat.com/ you will find links to all social media and the book, so you can you can just get there.
Myrna: Okay, all right. Okay. All right. So yes, and of course, the book is available on Amazon. So yeah, it’s me. It’s been we had a really good conversation and we covered a multitude of topics. I specifically love your take on why people are happy or unhappy. Thank you.
The, happiness recipe, is super simple. Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.
Simple, though obviously doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into the execution of that very short phrase. Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach has identified what she thinks are the three areas that stop us from executing on this, happiness recipe.
Becky Morrison is a mom, wife and lawyer turned, Happiness Coach. Her mission is to spread joy. She believes most people can live happier, easier lives if they get clear on what matters most to them and then develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. She wants to enable people to find clarity and happiness, so everyone wins.
Now she’s using her experience coupled with her own journey to help people supercharge their success and happiness by: finding clarity; taking the next steps in their career; overcoming overwhelm; going from idea to action; and, stepping into their authentic leadership presence.
Myrna: Your story of coming from corporate lawyer to, happiness coach, reminds me of the first book I read in my quest for enlightenment and, personal growth. And that is the book called from Robin Sharma that’s called “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.”
So, for those who didn’t know Robin Sharma, the character in the book is a corporate lawyer who had a heart attack. And then he went to live with amongst the monks in the Himalayan mountains and he changed his life. So, how did it happen for you?
Becky: Well, I mean, it was not quite that glamorous or fun for me, but it is a story of evolution and, transformation. And it starts with me doing what a lot of us do, which is doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do.
Going to the good school,
getting the good grades,
getting the job,
going back to graduate school to become an attorney,
then getting the job at the big law firm with the big paycheck to be on the partnership track.
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Then one night 16 years later, I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, with a toddler in the tub, and the cordless phone clip to the back of my pants, and the toilet seat cover down with a notebook on it and papers spread all around me. And I was doing two things at the same time. I was bathing my toddler daughter and trying to prepare an expert witness for their upcoming deposition.
I had two thoughts in super quick succession. The first thought was, who says you can’t do it all? Look at me. I’m a mom, I’m a lawyer. I’m here. I’m killing it. This is amazing. That was quickly followed by and I’m exhausted. Is this unsustainable? And perhaps more importantly, and more scarily, I’m not sure this is making me happy.
And that kicked off my own quest for, transformation, and, personal growth. I had to figure out, well, okay, what does it mean, if I’ve done all of the things that I was supposed to do? And I checked all the boxes? And I’m not happy?
What the heck does, happiness, come from then? If it’s not from success? If it’s not from the results?
You talked about, happiness, is working towards a purpose or a goal.
What am I working towards here?
Why am I here In this season of my life?
What is my top priority?
What is the most important thing?
I panicked. And I started to think about what can I do? And the reality is, I can do a lot of things. I’m a lawyer, with a ton of management experience, a whole bunch of process experience. I’ve been a CEO, I mean, the list of jobs that I could apply for is pretty long. And thankfully, I had some voices in my life who said, timeout?
This is an opportunity, what do you want to do? Not what can you do, but what do you want to do? And that’s how I landed in this business of helping other people chart their success and, happiness.
The Definition of happiness
Myrna: That’s a good story. I love your evolution. One of the things I will add is when you’re in a tub bathing your child and doing work, you’re not giving her the attention she deserves.
Becky: So true, I wasn’t fully focused on one or the other. I had split focus and split focus is not efficient, effective or meaningful.
Myrna: So right. Yes, that’s what mothers do. You know, they have one of the hips and they’re doing it all. So, that moment was the start of your, your evolution, your, transformation. You asked yourself the question Is this making me happy? I’m working towards a goal. I’m working towards partnership, you’re immediately disrupting my, definition of happiness.
My, definition of happiness, is working steadily towards a goal or purpose
I guess the other part of that is, fulfillment. And somehow your work wasn’t hitting the, fulfillment, button inside.
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How do we identify the essential sources of happiness?
Becky: How do we find our essential, sources of happiness? I have a little exercise that I like to do with people that might seem silly or small, but it’s not. And it’s about developing a menu of things that you can do, that are easy and accessible, that you know, are going to create a positive emotional experience for you.
We can use Oprah’s, sources of happiness, sitting in the bathtub. We need to do to get down to the essential, sources of our joy, or have those positive emotional experiences is to ask a few more questions. Get down to the simple things that you can do to add, happiness, into your daily life.
When I’m sitting with a client is ask them to brainstorm a list of five to seven things that are their, sources of happiness. I ask them not to judge because on my list, one of my, sources of happiness, is clean sheets!
Then taking one on that list and asking yourself, what about that makes me happy? So, take the Oprah example. What about being in the bathtub that brings you, happiness?
Is it the solitude?
Is it the warmth of my water?
Is it the time with my thoughts?
There’s something more than just the bathtub that brings you, happiness.
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Invite your nervous system to become a partner in your happiness?
Becky: Happiness, makes you feel good or, or when you’re doing the things that make you happy in that moment, right? You feel good, and it helps with your health, and it helps with resilience and all that. But your nervous system is a little different.
A lot of times more, happiness, for us lives on the other side of some sort of change. Whether it’s change in behavior, change in circumstance, change in mindset. And at the most basic level, one of the important jobs that our nervous system plays is to keep us safe, literally, to keep us alive. That’s where the, fight or flight, response, comes from.
Often when we’re trying to make a change, it can feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, because it is our, nervous system, is saying, no, no, no, please don’t. I know how to keep you safe; this new activity is not safe. I have no data on it. So, often we mistake that discomfort as a sign that we shouldn’t do it.
Myrna: That’s true that our brain’s function is to warn us about impending danger and to keep us safe. Which is why One of the first things I learned myself on my journey of self-improvement is you got to get out your, comfort zone, because whenever you sit In your comfort zone you’re not moving, and you’re not growing.
Becky: Sometimes I worry that when I say the, happiness recipe, people are going to be like, That’s it? But here’s the deal. And you’ve sort of set it in your definition. But the recipe for maximum, happiness, is super simple.
Do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest.
Simple, though, obviously, doesn’t mean easy. There’s a lot that goes into that very short phrase and into it’s execution. I’ve identified what I think are the three areas of the, happiness recipe. Three areas where there can be gaps that stop us from executing on the, happiness recipe.
And the first is what I call the, authenticity gap. Do we know what matters most to us? And are we willing to claim it publicly? Because to live it, you must be willing to speak it. You must be willing to share it. Be willing to have other people see it.
Then there’s the middle gap of the, happiness recipe. I call that the, emotional energy gap, or the, mindset gap, that’s all the beliefs and feelings that get in the way of us executing on that knowledge of what makes us happy.
We know what matters most to us, we know the goal or purpose that we want to be working towards; but do we have the, mindset, and belief that will allow us to make that happen?
3. The third gap in the, happiness recipe, is the, physical energy gap, which is really the execution piece. Do you align your time energy and resources with what matters most to you? I call it priority aligned living.
You told us about your book the , happiness recipe, we all know we can pick up a copy on Amazon, but give us your website and maybe a couple of your social media handles or so that people can connect with you.
Becky: My website which is www.untanglehappiness.com. And on there you can find all the social media links to connect with me on social media. You can also find a link to my book The Happiness recipe and you can learn about the work that I do.
Myrna: It’s been an incredible conversation. We talked about, happiness, the big takeaway from this conversation is our, sources of happiness. If you were to ask someone Are they happy? They’re probably going to be talking about, is my life good? Is my husband good to me? Am I making enough money? Am I living my dream life?
They’re going to think of the big things that cause, happiness.
I found that, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose. Happiness, comes from taking those steps towards it. That is what makes you happy, when you’re moving towards something. When you feel stuck, or you think you’re going backwards, is when you’re unhappy. So, it’s the same thing, finding moments to bring you joy, understand your, sources of happiness, can be as simple as clean sheets, or taking a bath, everybody can do that. Everybody can find, happiness, sitting inside a tub, you don’t have to have waterfalls!
You can find, happiness, by taking a walk. Happiness, for me is walking in a park, you can find a park with trees everywhere. Find your, source of happiness, if could be a good book, it could be clean sheets, it could be taking a bath, whatever is your, source of happiness, start there and then you pick a goal or a purpose and you take little baby steps towards it.
Once you are moving in the right direction, you are going to be happy. So, thank you, Becky, for that simple, happiness recipe. It is a very simple recipe. Head over to Becky’s website, connect with her on social media and pick up a copy of her book.
The, bible stories, have meaning. In the story of the prophet, Elisha, and the, widow woman, this, Bible story, is teaching us that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, which represented, joy.
In this episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna, Life coach, Myrna Young teaches on how to focus on what you do have and not your, nothingness.
Elisha, was a, prophet, who delivered the, prophetic word, from God to his people. In this, Bible story, he told this, prophetic word, to a, widow woman.
2nd Kings 4: 1-7
A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.”
2 So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”
3 Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few. 4 And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels and set aside the full ones.”
5 So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out. 6 Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.”
And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. 7 Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.”
You are in a, barren state, if your marriage is unhealthy, and you can’t stand to go home.
You are in a, barren state, if you hate your job and can’t stand to go to work.
You are in a, barren state, if like the, widow woman, you have no money to pay your bills and the bank is coming to take your home.
What this, Bible story, is teaching us in this scripture is that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, represented, joy.
Shut out your senses to find your joy
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, “Go within and shut the door” that meant shut the door on your senses that tell you your marriage is dead; shut the door on your senses that tell you that you hate your job. Shut the door on your fear that the creditors will come and take your home.
Instead go within and find your, joy. Find your 3 drops of, oil.
What is the, oil, in your marriage? Don’t focus on your, nothingness. Is your husband a good father? Is he a good provider? Why do you stay? You stay because of the 3 drops of, oil, that you have.
What are the 3 drops of, oil, you have at your job? Your, nothingness, could be you hate your boss, but do you like helping people and providing good customer service? Is the pay helping you to feed your family?
What are your 3 drops of, oil, about having no money and not having enough to pay your bill? Your 3 drops of, oil, i.e your, joy, could be your children and the, joy, they bring you. The, bible, says
Weeping only lasts for a night but, joy, comes in the morning.
Even if you lose your home God will find you another home. Find the, joy, in your, nothingness.
What is your barren state or wilderness experience
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, i.e the woman in the, barren state,
“find vessels and begin to pour your 3 drops of, oil, until all the vessels are full”
When you take your attention away from the problems of life and begin to feel the, joy, of having received the things desired, you will have abundance running over. In this, bible story, the, widow, woman’s desire was to pay her debt, so that the creditors won’t take her son as slaves. She received enough money to pay her debts and have money left over.
When you feel the joy of your marriage for whatever, oil, you have, you will be generously rewarded – for the world is a magnifying mirror, magnifying whatever you hold in your heart.
I am praying for everyone within the sound of my voice that you will find your 3 drops of, oil, and that your cup runneth over.
Thanks for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna go find your, oil, and feel the joy.
