Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?
So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!
Secret to a long Marriage not, sex
But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.
“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”
So, what’s their secret?
“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.
“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.
Let me introduce my guest this week:
James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.
Show notes Secret to Love
1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?
I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.
As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald’s and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.
Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?
4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?
If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.
5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.
6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!
For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife’s, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.
Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins
If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.
A lot of, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision, because they’re working in the business, not on the business. If you’re a, small business owner, that’s become the employee, and you’re doing all the legwork, that means you don’t have any time to become the CEO. You’re just an employee. You’re not looking at, vision, and you’re not looking at the next steps. You’re doing the legwork.
Entrepreneurs should work on their business Not In their business
Myrna: I know that, entrepreneurs, wear a lot of hats. I’m an, entrepreneur, and I do it all. You know what I mean? And I’ve always done it all. And I don’t mind it. But I know that, entrepreneurs, tend to work hard in the business not working on the business. Robert Kiyosaki that if you work in your business, you are just like an employee, right, so how do you teach, entrepreneurs, to work on their business?
Curtis: A lot of, entrepreneurs, they put their heart and soul and their passion into it and work themselves into their jobs. So they went from a 40 hour a week job to an 80 hour week job because they’re doing all these things. Being direct with the customers all the time. Being the one person that’s collecting money, being the one person providing the service, or even if they have a team, the team doesn’t do what you want them to do, so they say it’s faster or easier for me to just do it myself. And you start training people to get paid for doing nothing because you’re still always doing it.
Working on the business is taking a step back and looking at it. You have a business plan. Let’s come up with an overall strategy, where we’re trying to go, let’s build the team. Let’s put a budget together. Let’s put, cashflow measures, in place that’s going to teach us how our business is performing from a health perspective. Let’s get all the measurements that we need: financial measurements, sales measurements, customer measurements and employee measurements and let start to look at the business holistically and start running it that way.
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That way you start to focus more on how you get the right talent. How you move money in? Whether you need additional capital to grow your business or not and you have a better way of seeing an entire business. But business owners that come to me are always talking about how they’re trying to get to the next level and or legacy. How do I take this business and give it to my kids? Well, you’re not teaching them how to run a business. We’re teaching them to do all the crazy things that you do. And they don’t want no part of it.
So, it’s how you run a business with being with other like-minded business leaders and not working at the business every day. A good example is you walk into a McDonald’s, you don’t see the CEO or even the owner that McDonald’s at that business you see, systems, being run by teenagers.
Myrna: Yes, we can always McDonalds model for, systems.
Curtis: If you’re the, business owner, that’s become the employee, and you’re doing all the legwork, that means you don’t have any time to become the CEO. You’re just an employee. You’re not looking at, vision, and you’re not looking at the next steps. You’re doing the legwork.
Myrna: So that’s right, but, you know, a lot of times the reason that, entrepreneurs, do everything is because they don’t have any money to pay people. So how do you teach them to hire people with no money to pay them?
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What’s your fastest path to cash
Curtis: Yeah, and this one comes up a lot. I ask them what’s your, fastest path to cash? I recently became a business advisor for an organization where they only had just the two business partners. But they have a great product, a really great product. And so, they’ve spent a couple of years working with other organizations and they say, show me what’s current. What’s your current businesses, they had three contracts on the team.
They had two contracts that were very promising. And they had one contract that was going and lingering and I say, cut the contract that you’re not going to see any cash and then focus on this cash or these two contracts. And when you do, you’re going to have enough money to get your next employees, and that’s exactly what they did. So, then they got the next employee and then got more contracts and then the next employee after that, and so even prior to them, getting employees we planned on who’s going to be the next most effective employee to get this going to help us grow this business. And so now they have four employees.
They’re growing the business, and you know, it took some time. So yeah, you got to be a, solopreneur, doing it all, but you got to find your, fastest path to cash. And think about as you get to that next level. What’s the next most important person that you need to hire into your organization that’s going to exponentially grow your business each time you add somebody else?
Small business owners should add strategic employees
Myrna: So, when you’re looking to add someone, you’re not necessarily looking for a lay man help. You’re looking for a strategic person that can help you make more money. That’s a good plan.
Curtis: In this case, they needed somebody that was very, very technical, to help them build their model on an application that they can present to potential customers. So, it took their model and actually made it better for them to present and then made them more attractive. So, then the next person was a now doing all this running around. We need a project manager to help us and so again, just building off of that, and then let’s get some salespeople. So, it really depends on the direction that you’re going.
Myrna: Yeah, that makes sense. Instead of saying let me get a receptionist just answering the phone
Why do you think that most, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision? They may have a goal of $100 million a year in sales and don’t even get close.
Sometimes the vision is monetary
Curtis: You’re so right. A lot of times that, vision, is monetary and I’m okay with the, vision, being monetary. But I try to dive a little bit deeper into your why. Because your why is what’s going to motivate you to even go after that number. Because one of the things I say in the book is the first million is the hardest. And the reason I’m saying that is because you don’t have a, system. Once you’ve reached it reached a million dollars and have a system, you start working your system and improving on the, system.
So, then you get better at it. But, you know, I talk to people about, business plans. This is where I would say, my sweet spot is here, right? And that is because I’m a, project manager. I’m a planner. So, you need someone to help keep you accountable. Small business owners, one of the things I talk about is having a board of advisors, right? So, develop a strategy, develop a set of goals and targets to that $100 million. And tell me what does that look like?
What does it look like in terms of your customer mix?
Your demographics, where’s your office located?
How many employees do you have?
Give me that vision that’s going to be so crystal clear and that 100 million starts to look like real and then we’re going to develop plans. We’re going to develop plans that take us from daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly activities that service today.
Now, when I work with clients, the one thing I say is do it for a year. I don’t care what happens because in our minds, when we create that, vision, we want a linear path. Everything we said we were going to do is just going to happen. That is not life. Life is going to throw you a bunch of curveballs, but you got to stick to it. I mean we do it every year right what happens in January. The gyms are full of people. They are full of people because these people have, visions, of the best bodies they can have in the summertime. And by March, the people that normally go to the gym, they’re relieved because they get rid of all those people.
Myrna: I just heard a statistic that is actually worse than that. And I don’t even know if I believe it. But the statistics says it most of those people that make New Year’s resolution, they abandon them by Martin Luther King’s birthday, and that’s mid-January!
Solopreneurs are always busy doing the wrong things
Curtis: You have to pivot. If your head is down all the time working on your business. I mean in your business. You can’t work on your business by innovating and finding ways partnering with other people. So that’s why it’s important that if you want to grow, you have to get yourself out of your day-to-day operations.
And I know that’s hard for a lot of, solopreneurs, because they always feel that they can do better than anybody and they want to do themselves. But yeah, because as a person, you’ve got a finite number of time.
Myrna: So, if we were to wrap what you are saying up in a bow, the reason that a lot of, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision, is because they’re working in the business, not on the business. They’re basically they’re busy doing the hamster wheel thing.
Curtis: Yes, we’ve glorify being busy. We always say how busy we are.
Myrna: That it’s a badge of honor.
Curtis: Tim Ferriss had a great mix. One of the books that has inspired me, actually, about the Four-hour Workweek because it makes you start to think about how best to delegate and only focus on your value-added activities. It’s something that for me from a productivity perspective, one of the four things that I do, to implement that into my day-to-day life.
Myrna: A lot of, solopreneurs, the one man operations, they’re dreaming of being on their laptops on the beach doing their work, because they don’t have a brick and mortar. Tim Ferriss made that very popular. So, alright, so that’s amazing, right. So now, you have developed a program called the “Realization Framework Experience.” What is that? Tell us about that?
The realization framework experience
Curtis: Okay, so the, realization framework experience, is five steps and the five steps are:
I trademark the art and science of, vision to reality. And that was actually going to be the original title of my book. I was trying to figure out how, how can I help, small business owners, learn and behave like the large business owners with an easy to follow strategies. And so we’ve spent a little bit of time on the first one, visualize, and that’s developing a compelling, vision, that inspires others to want to become a part.
One of the biggest things when I’m coaching is I’ll ask a, business leader, what their goals are? I say does your team know what your goals are? They say no, it doesn’t make sense. Because the next part is, evaluate, your business ecosystem or, evaluate, your people. Well, with the goals that you have. You look at your team, can your team help you get there? Do they have a role? Because that’s what employees want. And so, you got to make sure that your employees understand where you’re going, your customers understand where you’re going, your suppliers understand where you’re going, and anybody else in your, business ecosystem.
So, putting together the right team, evaluating the difference between your, vision, and where you are, and then figuring out whether you need to upskill people, let some people go and get some new people or add new talent. You need a plan for getting more people to help you reach that, vision. Then we go into, calculate, and this is all about, cash flow. When I ask people about their business, and I asked them about their books and their numbers, people aren’t managing their, cash flow, very well. They’re living payroll and payroll, and they’re comfortable in that term. So, statistically, 82% of businesses fail, small businesses in particular, because they don’t understand, cash flow. If, entrepreneurs, don’t understand, cash flow, they don’t have enough when there’s a pandemic.
Small business owners need to calculate measurements
Then there is, clarify. I encourage, small business owners, to hire a financial professional to help them. When I work with large companies, there’s always a quarterly meeting or even monthly meetings, weekly meetings on how are we doing with Financials. But we don’t do that as, small business owners. We need to be looking at our numbers, we need to be planning forward. I do an exercise where I’m planning, cash flow. I ask Do you know what happened last week? What’s gonna happen the next two weeks? I like to work with small business owners to get to an 80% predictability, especially with income.
Expenses are easy to predict, income is harder when it’s erratic. So, you want to put in systems that make an erratic, you want to put in measures to help you collect your money faster. So, it’s a whole thing around, evaluate, their cash flow, but you also want to create a budget that matches not only the people that you need to bring in, but the goals you have the, vision. Now you have the people, and then you have the budget. How are you going to manage? Do you have $1 set aside or at least plan?
You clarify this with a plan, you put together a plan that has these objectives, that has every factor in your business. Evaluate, on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly basis that leads up to that, vision, so that when you’re looking at how well you’re doing, everybody’s telling you their progress on their parts, right? But you mentioned the pandemic, so I do also, risk analysis. So, people do, SWOT analysis, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. I like, SWOT analysis.
Entrepreneurs need accountability measures
So, STEP stands for societal, technological, economical, environmental and political. So you saw our pandemic, now that you’ve seen one, you know that there’s recessions that come inflation is here. So how are you going to behave? Let’s go through some scenario planning. Let’s put aside some reserves and get ourselves ready for the next disaster and that’s the best insurance you can have. Right? And so, that’s, that’s the four steps. The first step we realize is to Component Measures, we talk about. financial measures, customer measures, employee measures, and what we’re trying to get to 100 million we need to break that down.
I’ll give you an example of a $5 million company that I’m working with, and you have to get sales of $96,000 a week. So, when we’re having a weekly conversation, it’s how are we going to get that $96,000 Some weeks are really bad. Some weeks are really good. It’s not always linear, but you’re driving your actions to meet that minimum.
So, the first one is measures. The second part is, accountability. We talked about this earlier. Where, small business owners, don’t have, accountability measures.
You know, I advise the, small business owners, to get an advisory board not like a corporate board of directors because that it has a lot more structure and a lot more legal ramifications tied to it. But a group of people that have done this business before and or have a specialty.
You can’t grow what you can’t measure
Myrna: Tony Robbins, one of his sayings is that you can’t grow what you don’t measure that, you know, you got to you’ve got to be able to measure your progress. Right. And a lot of people don’t like measuring their progress. They just, fly by the seat of their pants. Putting measures in places is very good. I remember when I was in sales, my boss was always measuring my progress. I hated it!
Tell us where they can get a copy of it your book “Vision To Reality, Stop Working, Start Living” and your website.
Curtis: So, this is my second book. My first book I wrote was called “The Only Job Search Book You’ll Ever Need.” And I had met with a marketing organization who’s part of my marketing team now. And they started interviewing me and I thought we were talking about the next book, The career the next career. And I talked about, business coaching and they said, that’s the book you should write. So, I said, Okay, so let me let me get all of this on paper. So, I started looking back at my computer files, all the people that I coached. Entrepreneurs, who won’t try anything different. The ones that quit if it didn’t work right away, the ones that said, I’m not going to do that.
The ones that don’t trust nobody. Nobody can do this like me. So, I delved into the mindset, and basically say, hey, you gotta get out your own way. This is hard, you don’t want to give your baby to somebody or so you don’t get to develop these trust mechanisms. And so that’s the first thing I do is try to develop rapport and trust with, business leaders, because I know your people have been naysaying you and telling you what you can’t do and part of you believes it.
The second part is how can I make it easy? bridge that gap. What can I do to put a formula in place to help you and that’s the remedies, right? That’s the, realization framework experience, the things that are the key that business owners can do with me, to develop the muscles, right? And then they can start to believe in themselves believe in the business and just keep going and believe in other people. And then the third part is okay, now that you’re here, don’t backslide. Right, don’t go back. Let’s put some things in place. And that’s when I talk about the, accountability measures, and constantly training yourself to go after the, vision.
The book is available on Amazon, Barnes and noble or wherever books are sold. My website is www.cljassoc.com
The best, sales people, and most effective, sales people, are naturals. They are, extroverts, who love people, have sunny positive personalities and are highly ethical.
“I determine to render more and better service, each day, than I am being paid to render. Those that reach the top are the ones who are not content with doing only what is required of them.”
― Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman In The World
Here are seven other traits you should look for when interviewing for your sales team.
1: They fish instead of hunt
A hunter stalks his prey and then attacks. He tries to make one shot for the kill; if he misses, then he tries to find another prey and takes aim again.
A fisher man on the other hand first understands the fish he is trying to catch. In choosing a pond or lake, he knows what kinds of fish are in the pond, what kind of bait they usually bite on and when they are most likely to bite.
In the world of, sales, the hunter is the transaction seller who sells on price and usually has only one shot.
The salesperson who is a fisher man on the other hand, takes the time to learn about his customer. He understands how his product solves the problem of the customer and instead of shooting to kill; he dangles the correct bait by offering a solution and builds a relationship with the customer, before he tries to close the sale.
“Obstacles are necessary for success because in selling, as in all careers of importance, victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats. Yet each struggle, each defeat, sharpens your skills and strengths, your courage and your endurance, your ability and your confidence and thus each obstacle is a comrade-in-arms forcing you to become better… or quit. Each rebuff is an opportunity to move forward; turn away from them, avoid them, and you throw away your future.”
― Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman In The World
2: They know when to speak and when to listen
Inexperienced, sales people, think they can win sales by over-talking their prospects. The best, sales people, use discretion and carefully crafted questions to get a prospect to close. Once they have delivered the pitch, they know to shut up and listen.
3: They work closely with their support staff
Closing a large customer sometimes require your solution experts. Great sales persons know when to bring in their support staff to add value to the customer.
Inexperienced, sales people, try to do everything by themselves and usually loose the sale.
4: They practice continuous learning
Great, sales people, not only learn everything about their product; but they also learn everything about their competitor’s product.
For example: Let’s say you are trying to decide between a Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord as your next vehicle. You are at the Toyota dealership and your salesperson not only tells you why the Toyota Camry is the right car for you based on the needs he uncovered during his fact finding segment of the sale; but he also tells you the all the features of the Honda Accord and why it may not be the best fit for you. He knows his product!
5: Highly Effective Salespeople love their job
Most, sales people, actually hate sales and selling. The most effective, sales people, actually enjoy it. They get up every day excited about the product and the prospects. They love the high of the win and the excitement and challenge of influencing their customers.
For these few, the high compensation is an added bonus like icing on the cake, of getting to do what they love.
6: They are self-motivated and self-directed
Companies spend a ton of money on sales managers who mostly focus on whip-cracking the bottom performers.
Great, sales people, don’t need micro managing; they are internally motivated to being the best and set their own growth goals.
7: They are honest and ethical
Highly effective, sales people, never over promise and under deliver; they never lie to get a sale. They know that trust of the sales person and the company is essential to a long term relationship with the customer.
They understand the principle that the short term gain of getting a sale on false pretenses equals long term pain.
Sometimes being an, open communicator, vs a closed off communicator gets you out of bad situations like in a relationship. In every area of life, there is no reward if there is no risk taken.
This week on Mindset Transformation radio and podcast with Coach Myrna Young, I interview Leadership Coach and Trainer, Gail Green.
Gail teaches us How to Become an, open Communicator. Gail is the founder of GoGreen Learning.
To receive her Free Gift of 3 Go Cards send her an email from her web site www.gogreenlearning.com
Here is a brief Biography of Gail Green.
•Gail is a leadership coach and trainer and her topic today is “How to find out if you are an, open vs closed communicator, as well as an, open communicator in the workplace. Gail is a leader who connects individuals and teams to their truth, helping them to discover their full expression of courage, joy and fulfillment. Gail works with all sizes of companies, as well as individually with leaders, and do life coaching with individuals from all walks of life.
Gail’s primary work is in leadership development, teambuilding, stress management and all forms of, open and honest communication.
Who is a Closed Communicator?
Why is being a, closed communicator, bad?
As a, closed communicator:
you become defensive,
easy to anger,
and not open to feedback.
So as a Leader, it is important to be an, open communicator, to your team and employees.
Open people radiate outwards from their heart and is able to touch others.
If you want to impact your employees and your customers, then learn how to be open.
Listen to the podcast as Gail teaches us how to be an, Open vs Closed communicator, with the help of her Go Cards.
Brian Tracy The author of “Eat that Frog” also teaches How to become an, Open Communicator, as a Leader and achieve new levels of success in sales.
Click the link below to find out how.
Are You also Closed Off in your personal relationships And Don’t Even Know It?
Here are a few questions to find out if you are an, open communicator.
How Would you answer the following questions?
Are you emotionally guarded?
Are you willing to take risks?
If you answered yes to these questions, it could mean that you are closed off emotionally.
Sometimes being emotionally guarded gets you into bad situations; but most of the time it gets you nowhere. In every area of life, there is no reward if there is no risk taken. So that could be why you keep finding yourself in relationships that bore you, or in relationship with other emotionally closed off individuals. Because like attracts like. Those relationships aren’t very rewarding, are they?
Open and honest communication, is the best way to be in relationships at home and workplace. If you don’t take the risk by becoming an, open communicator, and putting your true self and your true feelings on the table, those are the types of relationships that you will attract.
Your emotionally open friends who love being, open communicators, will get those giddy, best-friends-lovers, movie-type romances; you will get the dead-end ones. Maybe you’ve never had your heart broken, and maybe you think that’s a perk. But it’s not. It is said that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all! So, I will ask the question. Are you closed off communicator and don’t even realize it?
Here is an article from Madame Enoire that asks 10 more ways to tell if you are closed off personally.
Here are 10 ways to tell if you an, open communicator, or closed off
Do you feel like first dates are interrogations, and are put off by the line of questioning you receive during them?
Does it feel very inappropriate to you whenever someone becomes emotional around you?
Do your friends share their romantic stories with you? Or do they feel that you are never happy for them so they don’t share?
Do you attract cocky guys?
You do a lot of Googling before first dates.
You prep your friends to meet a guy.
Sex is a competition.
You’ve never cried to a partner or shown your venerability.
Eye contact makes you very uncomfortable
You’re very sarcastic
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I really think there just isn’t a better podcast to listen to casually or seriously to expand your worldview. Jordan’s also got a strangely relatable weekly segment, “Feedback Friday,” where he covers advice on everything from escaping a cult or psycho family situations to relationships and networking to asking for a raise.
Search for The Jordan Harbinger Show (that’s H-A-R-B-I-N-G-E-R) on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also head over to jordanharbinger.com/start to start listening. Here are 2 episodes I loved and I think you would too. Check out
Shawn Achor leveraging the happiness advantage and DWade A life Bigger than basketball
Toyin: I was in full time ministry and I loved what I did. Me and my husband are both professional musicians. That’s how we met. So, I was like, God is good. Life is good. Who needs, money. December 2016 we were living in a tiny basement apartment. The apartment was so small. I think our whole apartment fits into my current master bedroom now. It was so small; you had to go sideways and do a shuffle to get some clothes out of the closet. And we had a little six-month-old daughter, I really didn’t care. I didn’t even notice any of these things.
We had our daughter and I remember one evening my husband had brought me dinner in the bedroom. Because we didn’t have a dining space and I’m eating dinner, and I was just like, Baby, where are you? You know, he’s not in the room like there’s nobody else in the house but me and him. So, I said to him come eat over here. And he comes in the room and I’m just casually asking him, what are you having? I was eating some canned stuff. And he said, I am having chocolates and I was like, what do you mean chocolates? And he said Toyin we’re out of food.
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Dinner was canned food and chocolate
I found out that week he had been giving me the rest of our food because I was nursing our daughter. And even the chocolates that he was eating were not chocolates that we bought. It was because it was December it was Christmas season and people had given us a gift of a box of chocolates. So, he was living on that, so I could feed our baby and that was my very first, forceful wakeup call where in my mind I thought to myself, Oh, my gosh, this isn’t working, money, matters.
I started having 1000 thoughts in one second, I’m thinking to myself, we need to be able to feed my daughter. It’s one thing when you’re single and you don’t have food and you can eat rice from January to December. Nobody cares. But now have a daughter that I am responsible for, so I get this wakeup call, what do I do? Me and my husband very resourceful people, I tell him it’s not working. I’ve been watching a ton of webinars. I’ve been listening to all these different things to try to learn from people. And I was not working, else we would have food in the fridge.
So, I get my first coach and this person was a, business strategist, and they helped me to like start thinking more like a business person as opposed to thinking like a Lottie, Dottie person. And I remember in February I had collected $7,000 in cash and I was like oh my goodness, this is the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for.
Myrna: What did you sell to make the $7000?
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Helping people to become debt free
Toyin: I was helping people to become, debt free. So, here’s the funny thing. I had debt in the past and I thought that, debt freedom, was, financial freedom, because I didn’t understand, money. So, I learned how to be, debt free. And I had started teaching it as a business casually, I didn’t even plan it. I just became, debt free. My friends were like, Oh my gosh, you’re, debt free. How did you do it? I Started telling my friends, and they became, debt free. I’m spending all this time talking to people and they’re all becoming, debt free. And I wasn’t getting paid.
So, I was like, I should get paid for this. So that was what had started like me charging for teaching people how to become, debt free. What happened was in the same month where we’re emailing about rent and bills, I get this favor to get into a room with these technical, millionaire mentors. And these are people who are running businesses that are in the hundreds of millions of dollars and
I’m in the room with them learning from them. I started noticing these guys they don’t talk like me, I started noticing so many little things. And I realized that I had been in so many circles. We prided ourselves on our, struggle. I get in this room with these actual, millionaires. And one of the men had this chart and it started with:
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Shifting your money mindset from struggle
He asked us in the room, where are you on this ladder? And like earlier that year he met me in February have been like at least I mean, sustained success, but at this point, I am under, struggle, again. And I just remember thinking to myself, if I don’t figure out what is holding me back financially, I will always be under, struggle.
I realized that the problem isn’t to be, debt free, because I had become, debt free. I was, debt free. But the problem was my mind was so against having, money, that even though our expenses was the lowest you could imagine. We reduced our income to be lower than even those expenses, because we were so used to, struggle.
Myrna: I teach that all the time. Let’s label this, mindset. It’s called a, poverty mindset.
Toyin: That’s exactly right. That means no matter what actions you take, you produce, poverty. And in that month, I create this process. So now let me talk about how we got to 11 streams of income. I create this process where I just started asking myself questions. I got honest with myself on a level that I had never been honest with myself before. I asked myself:
What are the limiting beliefs I have about, money?
What is my actual relationship with, money?
What am I doing wrong?
What is my pattern with, money?
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Why shifting your money mindset works
So now I see the problem and I create this shift process. I didn’t know anything about neuroscience back then. I didn’t know anything about, mindset coaching. I just knew I was sick and tired of, struggle. So, I use this process for myself. I never thought I would even tell anybody about it.
The next month, November, we had more income. And my husband pointed out to me, he’s like, hey, you just had more, money, come in, in November this month, than all of last year combined. And he says to me, what are you doing? Do you have a new offer? Do you have a new business like what are you doing that I didn’t hear about? Honestly, I was shocked. I hadn’t looked at the numbers from that frame.
And I said to him the only thing I did was change my, mindset. I thought to ask myself, I wonder if this mind process would work for my clients because I haven’t taught them anything about mindset. It was all strategy and our success rate because our success rate was around 50%. The industry average ranges between 3% to 50%.
In coaching, our success was 60. I used to be proud of that. But I used to be so frustrated about the remaining 40%. Why were these 40% still in poverty? When I started teaching, money mindset, our success rate went to 95%, our people start scaling and becoming, millionaires.
In the process of up leveling my mind every single year, I’m honest about this. I am a human being I still have, money mindset, challenges, the difference is the level.
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Becoming a millionaire by shifting your money mindset
Myrna: You’re no longer scratching the bottom.
Toyin: I remember it took us from $60,000 a year to 130,000 a year to 600,000 a year to over a million in a year, so we were growing every single year. I would literally sit my butt down with my process and say, Okay, what’s the new level? What’s the new identity that God is calling me to operate in. Because guys, money, is never just about the numbers. When I set goals, when I push and when you want to push, you’re not doing it just because of the, money; money itself is neutral. It means nothing.
All it is a marker of the value that you are bringing to the world and you are allowing yourself to receive. And so, I realized the more people I can serve this, money, thing is just a way for me to see how many people am I helping? How many people am I making into, millionaires, or whatever the goal is. I’m a finance person naturally, as soon as the, money mindset, got figured out, we were off. We now have 11 streams of income. We’ve got real estate properties, you’ve got dividends, we’ve got stocks, we’ve got royalties, we do workshops, plus, passive income.
Passive income streams
So, we have, passive income, streams and active income streams, but all of it came out of one thing one thing a, money mindset. Start your income making machine, you need an income making machine that allows you to do all the other fun things that you want to do. What your income making machine will not produce unless you face your, money mindset.
So, unless you look at your, money mindset, and allow yourself to be able to get to a level you’ve never been you are not going to become a, millionaire. We coach people who are, millionaires, and we coach people who have not worked a job in eight years and the conversation may be different, but we are training the subconscious.
Shifting our money mindset
Myrna: So how do we shift our, money mindset?
Toyin: Okay, the first thing that you want to do is you need to get honest with yourself about what’s not working. If you cannot be honest with yourself about what’s not working in your finances, you will never fix it. And this is actually the hardest part, being honest with yourself. Most people never want to do that because it sucks to look in the mirror.
And so, the first thing that you guys want to do is to get your, money, right. You have to sit down with a pen and a paper and write down what are the patterns that I am seeing happening In my life that are giving me clues. The, money mindset shift, is simply follow the money.
So, for example, if you have a savings account, and your savings account, never crosses 5k, some of you guys you’re doing very well your savings account may never cross 100K. You get what I mean? Like everyone has those limits, where were the ones that never crossed 55 bucks.
What’s your money pattern?
When there is a pattern, we often get lost in the story. The reason my account never got past $500 was because my fridge broke down. The reason was because I chose to go and shop this time. The stories will always be different but I don’t look at the story, I look at the pattern. What is the pattern, the pattern is when you hit $500 your money disappears.
So right now, what are the patterns that I am noticing in my, money? I will save this specifically for those of you who earn a higher amount than people around you, you are in one of the most dangerous positions financially. Why? Because when we work with a lot of, millionaires, and we find that because you are doing better than most people, everyone around you is super impressed.
They’re like, Oh my gosh, Look at your income. And a lot of these people don’t notice whether or not, money, is staying. Yes, you’re working hard. Yes, you’re bringing in bank. Yes, you’re making the dollars; But you’re not building generational wealth. You’re not keeping any of it. You’re not keeping it. But once you shift your, mindset, you have to take action.
Toyin’s book Money Mindset Shift
Myrna: I know you just started your podcast. Tell our readers how they could connect with you.
I’m the host of the Millionaire Money Podcast. It is so much fun. We just teach business owners and career professionals how to think like a, millionaire, make wealthy decisions and take strategic action so that you can actually create the, millionaire, bank account and lifestyle that you want. So, our goal in that podcast is literally helping you to get your first $100 million dollars. We’re going to be taking you to the next level. So that’s the podcast.
And then the second thing is some of you guys may be saying, I’m ready to shift this brain of mine, I am ready to actually begin to live out the wealth that I’m looking for. For those of you guys you can go to www.moneymindsetshift.ca and you’re able to watch a free master class. Now we have two master classes. One of them is for everybody, and the other one is specifically for business owners who are currently at six to seven figures. So, if you’re thinking seven figures is a masterclass for you. And if you’re a career professional or business owner and looking to earn your first million then the second master class is for you.
Are you an, Entrepreneur, or thinking of becoming an, Entrepreneur? Can you guess your, startup IQ? Would you like to know if you are naturally gifted with Entrepreneurship Intelligence or you will have to work harder than most? Silicon Valley have the answer for you. They have a test to find out your, startup IQ.
Owning your own business gives you a sense of freedom and empowerment. You can build things and watch them grow.
Entrepreneurs, make decisions for themselves, realize their creative visions, and develop lasting relationships with other entrepreneurs, customers, and vendors.
It’s a great way to live. But your need an entrepreneur’s, IQ, to be good at starting and running a successful business.
Here are a few natural traits that predict Startup IQ.
• Openness – A high openness score means you are open minded. You listen to the ideas of others and are willing to learn from them. Sam Walton built the Walmart Empire by learning from his competitors. This is your first, IQ test.
• Conscientiousness – Doing what is right. Integrity and honesty fit into this natural ability and, IQ, as well. Conscientious Entrepreneurs, run their companies diligently, solving their customers problems. This is your second, IQ, test.
• Extroversion – We have heard a lot about extroversion as it relates to successful CEO’s and startup, IQ. True in order to sell, you must like people and be comfortable around them; but as an, Entrepreneur, you shouldn’t go it alone. You should create a team. If you are not a natural extrovert, hire a front line sales person. Bill Gates is an introvert so you could be wildly successful even if you don’t have this natural ability.
• Agreeableness – Are you compassionate, warm and considerate? This is a necessary, IQ test. People do business with people they like. Agreeableness does not mean you must be nice all the time. As a business owner you must be able to also be straightforward with customers and employees and to replace the ones who do not conform to your mission.
• Neuroticism – A good indication of Entrepreneurial, startup IQ, success is to score low on the neuroticism test. Neuroticism is defined as the tendency of an individual to experience negative emotions such as anxiety, hostility, depression, impulsiveness and vulnerability. Entrepreneurs, Managers and Leaders must be emotionally stable, self-confident, calm in the presence of chaos, even tempered and relaxed.
• Fluid Intelligence – This refers to the ability to rapidly learn and apply a rule. Entrepreneurs, deal with different issues all day. As a start-up, entrepreneur, they wear many different hats. The ability to switch from one issue to another is very important and is a skill that cannot be learned. Fluid Intelligence, is considered the most revealing test for, success. If you get stuck and can’t switch roles, you cannot lead and become an Enterprise.
The startup IQ test
As an, Entrepreneur, I agree with this predictive startup, IQ test.
As your Success and Entrepreneurial Coach, the foundation of my coaching practice is creating self-awareness and, business consciousness. I have seen passion override natural ability; so go for it.
Read case studies to build your Startup IQ
As an, entrepreneur, you’ll be inundated with your, business, needing to take care of it all the time. So when you have some leisure time, you might be tempted to read fiction or books for entertainment.
Instead, I encourage you to read case studies. Read biographies of successful, entrepreneurs, who had a high startup, IQ. Read everything you can get your hands on about those who have already been successful.
There’s always something to learn from those who have already done it.
I especially think it’s important to learn from the mistakes of others. If you learn from their mistakes, you won’t have to make those mistakes yourself.
And if you do make mistakes yourself, definitely learn from those.
Take Baby steps to test your startup, IQ.
Building a successful entrepreneurial business can seem daunting, and that’s OK. Building a business from the ground up is a massive undertaking.
Here is a foolproof tactic: Break it down.
Any problem that seems insurmountable, break it down into baby steps.
Once you’ve broken it down into baby steps, take them one at a time. Before you know it, just by placing one foot in front of the other, you’ll be halfway up the mountain.
With grit and perseverance, baby steps will get you far toward becoming a successful, entrepreneur.
Focus build your startup IQ
The life of a successful, entrepreneur, can feel scattered and disjointed, but it’s important to limit your time spent multitasking.
Research has shown time and time again that multitasking doesn’t work. Humans aren’t capable of it.
And yes, multitasking includes being distracted by your phone and email tabs. Close them and put them away.
Learn to focus and take time to do just one task. Giving one task your full attention will mean that you’re more likely to get it done and do it well.
It’s also important to know that too many tasks on your to-do list can make you ineffective and distracted.
Learn to focus your to-do list on the tasks that you’re capable of finishing in the amount of time you’ve allotted for them.
For example, each night, set the three tasks that you’ll complete the following day. And each month, set the overarching goal for your company that you want to achieve in the next 30 days.
These techniques can help you to learn how to focus and more effectively manage your business, building your, business IQ.
If you have a business whether it’s online or in-store you need to press play to hear some, growth hacks, from the expert. Vin Clancy. In today’s episode of the Transform you mind with coach Myrna, I’m speaking to, growth hacker, Vin Clancy. Our topic today is “ Growth hacks, to win the internet game.” Vin is going to share with us today his secret sauce to winning the internet game. I myself want this recipe!
Here is some background info on Vin.
• Infamous growth hacker Vin Clancy went from being on social welfare in the UK to launching 2 online magazines that got over 20 million page views in their first two years with zero ad spend. • • He’s since then won best speaker at SXSW V2V for his, growth hacks, talk finished a 100-date world tour, made six figures on his debut growth hacking book, created one of the biggest marketing communities on Facebook, and moved to L.A., where he teaches companies how to rapidly grow their audiences and businesses. • Vin’s new book “Ace The Game” was released this November.
I never really had what you would call a real job. Like many people my age and I didn’t quite know what to do with my life. Luckily for me, I came through in the era of the internet. One day my ex-girlfriend said you got to do something with your life because I was sitting all day on the couch collecting welfare for over a year.
That night I had a dream. I dreamt I was the editor of a magazine where the writers would be stars not musicians. The very next day after that dream, I met a seventeen-year-old kid who built websites. He showed me how to buy a website domain and we decided to buy the domain, Planet IV. We chose the name planet because we intended to be a global site delivering world news and IV because our intention was for the site to grow virally!
The next day after our site was live, I hustled every college and university in the country, saying hey we’re building the coolest magazine in the UK. We need writers who wants writing experience. Colleges and universities always want their kids to get writing experience.
The second week we were live with our college writers we had 25,000 visitors. The next six months we did 300,000 visitors, within a year we had a million visitors per month. I learned how to make our content go viral. One of my first, growth hacks, Around the time we had 300,000 visitors a month, we raised a quarter of a million dollars, and I was immediately out of debt.
We then launched a second site, screen robot. That site got two million visitors per month in a hundred days.
We then started a, growth hacking, and marketing agency and I started public speaking in order to get clients. I completed a hundred city world tour speaking about, growth hacks, and getting clients. The tour helped me sell my first book “Secret Sauce” which did over a hundred thousand dollars in pre-orders on Kickstarter and IndieGoGo. I then moved to California, and I’ve had my biggest year ever. My second book “Ace the Game” just came out and did ten thousand dollars in sales in the first hour of being released.
What is this secret sauce?
I only knew one person in the magazine industry my friend Miche. She said, look you only have to get traffic to a website. If you get traffic, you will have a brand and then you will get investors. So just focus on that one thing, getting traffic to your site.
Our traffic was always great. It started great and it just carried on. The secret sauce, was we understood what type of content to put on our site for it to go viral. Today they are random social news sites for gaming and film watch. You could get traffic from these sites fairly easily.
The secret sauce, is also your competitive edge.
I had 300 people writing for free and We’re getting three hundred thousand visitors a month to our site. The internet gives you advantages. Before the internet you had to have money; but now it’s the Wild Wild West, everyone can get into the action.
How do people get traffic from social news sites?
Social news sites are sites where people post up links, they find interesting and then if other people on the website like them, they are voted, and it gets to the top. Our gaming writers used to do gaming this way. I looked in Google Analytics and saw how this was a goldmine for traffic. The most important of my , growth hacks, then I found the other sister sites.
Here are the top 5 social news sites:
Reddit is a social news site with a very smart and helpful community of users. It is plain bordering on downright ugly, but it is very easy to use and a source for some of the best information you’ll find. The first of the social news, growth hacks, to get traffic to your site.
Digg is a popular social news site that covers a variety of topics and acts as an RSS reader. It has an easy-to-use interface and new users can be up and running in no time. This is the second of the, growth hacks,
Newsvine is a social news site that thrives on articles submitted (or “seeded”) by its users, similar to Reddit. Users are encouraged to discuss topics by leaving comments. The most interactive of the, growth hacks,
Voat is like a Reddit clone, right down to the design of it. Browse categories using the menu above, submit your own links and participate in the voting to contribute to the community.
Quora is really a question and answer site rather than a news site, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find newsworthy questions and answers there. The Quora community is ridiculously smart and more than happy to help answer some of the most pressing questions. I have been using Quora as one of my, growth hacks, to get traffic to this blog.
Growth Hacks, for Entrepreneurs
1. Lead Feeder is a piece of software. It’ll find every business who lands on your website and it’ll find their name their email address and their company so that you can then using an email sequence to follow up with them. I think grip is the piece of software we talk about in the book. So we grab their email and then we send them into an email sequence. So just every business person who lands on your website, before you had no idea.
Now you can identify their business and send them an email sequence. That’s an incredible way of getting leads completely on autopilot and my favorite of the, growth hacks,
2. Rebump – The second of the, growth hacks; once you email people you know people are busy they need to be contacted more than once for the most part. Especially if it’s more in your best interest than theirs. Rebound is a software where if you email someone and they don’t respond, Rebump will email them every 24 hours forever!
3. Linked Helper – The third of the 101, growth hacks, listed in my book is Linked Helper. Linked helper and its sister software called Phantom Bastards is a targeting software. You tell it to do a search for whoever you’re targeting such as software engineers in San Francisco and it will find all the people who match that search term. It will reach out to them and connect with them and if they accept the connection request, it’ll send the first message.
When you write that first message make sure it has humor and it’s not too salesy. Make sure it just begins a conversation e.g I’m putting on a free talk or a free webinar or I have a Facebook group for your industry. It’s a really good way of reaching out. I’ve seen agencies with twenty twenty-five people all of them are using this software and they’re just getting leads by the ton every single day. It works.
Neil Patel – You want to grow your business. You could spend more money on advertising, but who wants to keep giving Google and Facebook all of your money? Instead, try these 4, growth hacks, that will kick-start your referral program.
Feedback, plays an integral role in, employees potential, and development, as it is often the only personal communication that employees have that gives them, feedback, about their work.
Feedback, is the breakfast of champions. – Ken Blanchard
Case Study employee, feedback
As a sales manager, you have a team of 10 sales persons: Two are overachievers and the other eight are happy being average. You know they have the potential to do so so much more… What do you do?
• How do you find out what really motivates them?
• How do you offer, feedback, that inspires instead of deflates?
The Sandwich Model of Giving, Feedback
Think of your favorite sandwich… It has bread on top, lots of juicy meat and condiments in the middle and bread at the bottom again.
In the, Sandwich Model, of giving, feedback, the top of the bun represents the good things you see your salesperson doing.
Eg “Patty you did an awesome job on that PowerPoint presentation. You kept your audience interested, you listed facts and supported them, your tonality was awesome and you had good volume. Excellent job; BUT….”
Now you get to the middle of the sandwich, the meat. This is where you offer, feedback, on what Patty could have done better to close the sale. Psychologist’s reports that people are more receptive to hear negative, feedback, after you make them feel good with a positive comment.
The reason men in bars lead with flattery!
However your, feedback, is not going to get the desired result if you are not genuine with your praise, the same way if you use a tired overused line at the bar! You get nowhere and the party feels insulted. So dig deep and find something genuinely good to lead off the, feedback. In our case study, Patty gave an awesome presentation, but she did not get the sale. So we pick up at:
Excellent job Patty but; the customer said that they needed to check out other suppliers before they made their decision. It might be a good idea to ask your salesperson what she feels she did wrong. If she says that she felt the customer needed to compare before they bought, you can tell her that they would have made a decision if she had SOLD them on the product by offering a solution to satisfy their real need behind the want.
When employees start getting feedback, they feel they are part of the company. Employee, recognition plays a huge part in boosting performance and maintaining high levels of engagement. It is also one of manager’s best tools and an important part of organizational communication. When done regularly, feedback, stops being a thing to be anxious about and becomes another part of your work.
Never forget that this is a two-way communication. Your suggestions, like any other opinion, can be right or wrong. Provide a chance for discussion. Show that you are as willing to listen as you are to share your opinion.
Giving your, employee feedback, may sound silly at first, but we never get better by ourselves. We always need a new perspective to assess things objectively. Take note of what kind of feedback works and what doesn’t.
As a rule of thumb, good managers are good listeners as well. Need a hand? Lend an ear.
Offer Constructive, Feedback
Keep in mind the basic human psychology. People respond better to positive information, so always open your comment with praise and then continue with constructive comments. In no way does this mean you have to sugar-coat your opinion, but there is a reason we still use the idiom “take the bitter with the sweet”.
Not wanting to be too negative is a commendable thing. But you have to keep in mind that, according to Gallup study, employees who get predominantly negative feedback are 20 times more likely to be engaged than those who get no, feedback, at all.
The meat in the sandwich, feedback, method: Excellent Job with the presentation Patty, but the customer did not buy. I believe the reason is because you did not identify and therefore could not offer a solution to the real need. The customer told you they needed to purchase a new computer system because their old system does not give them enough storage capacity. Your presentation focused on listing our product with features highlighting our iCloud storage. If you had qualified the customer more thoroughly and understood why they needed more storage, you could have tailored your presentation to highlight the unique features of our product to satisfy the real need and eliminated our competitors.
I have a suggestion, for the next month, when you meet with customers for the first time, I want you to really understand their needs behind the want. Ask questions like “I understand your need to have more storage. What would more storage really give you?” The customer may say, something like “We would be able to look back at data for 5 years and understand our customer’s buying history. We also would be able to really identify trends and analyze what worked and what did not work.”
No sandwich is complete without the bread at the bottom. So you end with encouragement. To finish off your, feedback, you could say something like “You can become the star on this team, you just need to tweak your qualifying questions to understand the customer’s needs and you will see your close rate shoot through the roof.”
This sandwich model is the best way to give, feedback, to your subordinates. It motivates instead of deflates!
Welcome to the Mindset Transformation radio show and Podcast. Today Dr. Marcia Reynolds is going to teach us “4 Techniques to, Outsmart your Brain” Relax, Detach, gain clarity and ask yourself, How do I want to feel?
But First in keeping with that theme I want to share with you one of the classic stories of how our Brain can Outsmart us.
Acres of Diamonds
There once lived not far from the River Indus an ancient Persian by the name of Al Hafed. Al Hafed owned a very large farm with orchards, grain fields and gardens. He was a contented and wealthy man—contented because he was wealthy, and wealthy because he was contented. One day there visited this old farmer one of those ancient Buddhist priests, and he sat down by Al Hafed’s fire and told that old farmer how this world of ours was made.
He said that this world was once a mere bank of fog and the Almighty thrust his finger into the bank of fog and then began slowly to move his finger around and gradually to increase the speed of his finger until at last he whirled that bank of fog into a solid ball of fire, and it went rolling through the universe, burning its way through other cosmic banks of fog, until it condensed the moisture without, and fell in floods of rain upon the heated surface and cooled the outward crust.
Then the internal flames burst through the cooling crust and threw up the mountains and made the hills and the valleys of this wonderful world of ours. If this internal melted mass burst out and cooled very quickly it became granite; that which cooled less quickly became silver; and less quickly, gold; and after gold, diamonds were made. Said the old priest, “A, diamond, is a congealed drop of sunlight.”
Finding your diamonds in your back yard
This is a scientific truth also. You all know that a diamond is pure carbon, actually deposited sunlight. The old priest told Al Hafed that if he had a handful of diamonds he could purchase a whole country, and with a mine of diamonds he could place his children upon thrones through the influence of their great wealth.
Al Hafed heard all about, diamonds, and how much they were worth, and went to his bed that night a poor man—not that he had lost anything, but poor because he was discontented and discontented because he thought he was poor. He said: “I want a mine of, diamonds!” So he lay awake all night, and early in the morning sought out the priest.
Reminds me of the story I tell my children about the dog and his shadow. If you are not familiar, a dog is walking over a bridge and sees another dog with a bone. He decides he wants that bone as well and jumps in and loses the bone he has in his mouth because what he saw was not another dog but his own shadow. It is a story of discontent and greed!
Getting back to our story. Al Hafed woke the priest out of his dreams and said to him, “Will you tell me where I can find, diamonds?” The priest said, “Diamonds? What do you want with diamonds?” “I want to be immensely rich,” said Al Hafed, “but I don’t know where to go.” “Well,” said the priest, “if you will find a river that runs over white sand between high mountains, in those sands you will always see, diamonds.”
“Do you really believe that there is such a river asked al Hafed?” The priest replied “Plenty of them, plenty of them; all you have to do is just go and find them, then you have them.” Al Hafed said, “I will go.” So he sold his farm, collected his money at interest, left his family in charge of a neighbor, and away he went in search of diamonds.
Searching for what you already have
He began at the Mountains of the Moon. Afterwards he went around into Palestine, then wandered on into Europe, and at last, when his money was all spent, and he was in rags, wretchedness and poverty, he stood on the shore of that bay in Barcelona, Spain, when a tidal wave came rolling in through the Pillars of Hercules and the poor, afflicted, suffering man could not resist the awful temptation to cast himself into that incoming tide, and he sank beneath its foaming crest, never to rise in this life again.
Now, Al Hafed’s successor one day led his camel out into the garden to drink, and as that camel put its nose down into the clear water of the garden brook Al Hafed’s successor noticed a curious flash of light from the sands of the shallow stream, and reaching in he pulled out a black stone having an eye of light that reflected all the colors of the rainbow, and he took that curious pebble into the house and left it on the mantel, then went on his way and forgot all about it.
A few days after that, this same old priest who told Al Hafed how diamonds were made, came in to visit his successor, when he saw that flash of light from the mantel. He rushed up and said, “Here is a, diamond,—here is a diamond! Has Al Hafed returned?” “No, no; Al Hafed has not returned and that is not a diamond; that is nothing but a stone; we found it right out here in our garden.” “But I know a, diamond, when I see it,” the priest said; “this is a diamond!”
Then together they rushed to the garden and stirred up the white sands with their fingers and found others more beautiful, more valuable, diamonds, than the first, and thus were discovered the diamond mines of Golconda, the most magnificent diamond mines in all the history of mankind, exceeding the Kimberley in its value. The great Kohinoor diamond in England’s crown jewels and the largest crown diamond on earth in Russia’s crown jewels came from that mine.
The moral to the story is had Al Hafed remained at home and dug in his own cellar or in his own garden he would have had, acres of diamonds.
We are are all diamonds
We are all, Acres of Diamonds, Each and every one of us is unique with acres of talent and gifts. If we dig we will find them. Don’t be like Al Hafed and go looking for riches elsewhere. You are all, diamonds, in the rough.
Now let me tell you a little more of our guest today.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds is fascinated by the, brain, especially how to, outsmart your brain, what sparks feelings of connection, commitment, and possibility. She is able to draw on her research to help leaders have more meaningful conversations that inspire change. She has delivered workshops in 35 countries and has presented at the Harvard Kennedy School, Cornell University, and the Edwards School of Management in Canada.
Marcia is a true pioneer in the coaching profession. She was the 5th global president of the International Coach Federation and is the training director for the Healthcare Coaching Institute at Virginia Tech. She also teaches for coaching schools in Russia and China.
Interviews and excerpts from her books, Outsmart Your Brain, Wander Woman, and her latest, The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs have appeared in many places including Fast Company, CNN.com, Psychology Today, and The Wall Street Journal and she has appeared on ABC World News.
Marcia’s doctoral degree is in organizational psychology with an emphasis on the needs of strong, smart women in today’s corporations. She also holds two master’s degrees in education and communications.
• What do mean by, Outsmart your brain.
The primary purpose of the, brain, is to protect you and to keep you safe.
Anytime you say something to someone that is critical they get defensive and they get defensive without thought. To, outsmart your brain, is really about making good choices. Stopping and asking what is my, brain, perceiving here and what is really true. You have to know how to stop, breathe and make good choices.
You have to shift your emotions. Take 10 sec to remember to care, take 10 sec to realize that this person is not trying to hurt me.
You have to change your emotion to change your thought to, outsmart your brain.
Here are the 4 Techniques to change your emotions and outsmart your brain.
1. Relax your body, release the tension. Take a breath let it out
2. Clear your mind. Quickly drop your mind to the center of your body
3. Center your mind on your Chi or 2nd Chakra
4. Choose how you want to feel.
• What prompts your brain to do things that sabotage your best intentions
The brain perceives a threat to something so it protects you.
If you are afraid it sees danger and sabotages your efforts.
• Is there something we can do to stop reacting?
You have to understand your emotions triggers.
They are there to protect you.
Like respect in the workplace.
The, brain, reacts because it may think that someone is trying to take control over you
• How can we use our heart and brain to control our emotions?
Quiet your mind and ask your mind or gut. What should I do?
Take a breath and go into your heart and then you usually say something better
When your heart and your gut is open then you have access to all three of your brains
Your brain, your heart and your gut.
• Are the brains of men and women wired differently?
We are born with the same wiring but whatever is rewarded as we aged that is what we become. Women were more head and gut based and men were more head based but that is changing.
Men are becoming more heart based because they are being raised by women.
Gena Yuvette Davis, a board certified executive coach, corporate trainer and organizational development consultant. “How to Transform Behavior in the Workplace” to facilitate workplace well being
In keeping with my custom, I would like to share with you my tip of the week from coach Myrna.
Since Gena is going to talk today on How to, Transform, Behavior, in the, workplace, I want to share “How to, transform, your life by removing old conditioning.
How to Remove old conditioning:
The physical component of the mind body connection, is the brain.
The mind is the software and the physical brain is the hardware.
If your brain, the hardware, is stuck in old patterns, even with the best of intentions, the software, the mind, won’t work.
If you let your brain keep you repeating the same patterns, you become like a biological robot.
Your words thoughts and actions become totally predictable.
We are all victims of repetitive patterns.
To change the patterns that are not serving you, the solution is awareness.
Here are 5, Behaviors, that are usually automatic.
1: Snacking non – stop even when not hungry
2: Spending too much time on the couch watching TV
3: Overspending your way into debt
4: Eating too much fast foods
5: Skipping breakfast
6: Late night snacking
7: Smoking cigarettes
How can you bring awareness to these, behaviors, and interrupt your pattern?
Let’s look at.
Snacking non stop
– whenever you feel the need to grab that bag of chips, stop and ask yourself
What am I really needing?
What need is this food really filling?
The moment you take a moment to think about your action, you interrupt your pattern.
You are on your way to breaking that habit. Even if you still eat that bag of chips.
You are on to way to removing old conditioning. Awareness is the key.
Another way to remove old conditioning and, behavior, is to:
Change your state
Let’s say you are sitting on the couch and you reach for the bowl of nachos on the table or the bags of chips from our previous example.
Just as you think the thought to command your hands to reach for the bowl; Change your state!
Get up and walk to the bathroom or to the mailbox. Move your physical body into a different position.
The 3rd way you can remove old conditioning or, behavior, is to:
Create a new habit – rewire the physical component.
Let look at our example of skipping Breakfast.
Make it easy.
– buy a drinkable breakfast and grab it on the way out of the door.
– have your partner make you breakfast.
– prepare a sandwich the night before and eat on the way to work.
– set the alarm 15 mins earlier.
These are a few ways to remove old conditioning and, transform, behavior, in your personal life:
•Authentically committed to empowering and inspiring others to be their best selves, Gena specializes in working with clients from a variety of industries who are on the fast track to taking their careers to next level. She is also a change agent for organizations who wish to transform their companies into diverse, collaborative and thriving work forces. Her drive and energy is infectious as she is able to elevate her clients and help them live to their true potential.
• Gena’s coaching, training and consulting style is intuitive, always full of energy, and with a touch of gentle persistence! Knowing that the answers are already within, Gena’s job is simply to be the way-shower of what is already known to be true – “success attained.” She is dedicated to assisting individuals and organizations to achieve excellence in ways that support integrity and a collaborative spirit and to achieve their purpose.
In addition to executive coaching and training in the areas of emotional intelligence, leadership effectiveness, communication skills and reputation management, her work includes a variety of strategic consulting services such as strategic planning, change management, retreat planning and facilitation, employee engagement, team-building, as well as diversity and inclusion initiatives. Her focus is on developing collaborative processes and as a thinking partner to foster learning, dialogue, and innovation.
Best Practices to Transform Behavior In the Workplace
• 1) What is “Behavioral Transformation using ETT ?”
Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT)
Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT),
a therapeutic method incorporating the use of light, color wavelengths, and eye movements, aims to rapidly transform emotional distress and related physical pain into a positive emotional state.
Professionals trained in ETT work to help those in therapy address trauma and other pain and achieve lasting, healing change.
Emotional Transformation Therapy, developed by contemporary psychologist Dr. Stephen Vazquez in 1991, is a relatively new form of therapy. Vazquez’s studies in the fields of epigenetics, optometry, neurobiology, and quantum physics influenced various aspects of his development of ETT as he attempted to establish a therapeutic technique beneficial for the reduction of emotional and physical distress. His noninvasive, non-pharmaceutical approach combines traditional psychotherapy with the use of visual brain stimulation and colored light therapy for reportedly fast results.
ETT draws on the concepts of interpersonal therapy and visual brain stimulation therapy. This research-driven approach is used by trained practitioners to transform emotional distress without the use of drugs and medications. ETT aims to help the person in treatment move swiftly from a difficult emotional state into a more positive emotional state—from despair to empowerment, unhappiness to joy, or trepidation to courage, and so on—through the remedial use of light and color wavelengths, which can be administered through a light box designed specifically for ETT.
HOW DOES ETT WORK in TRANSFORMING, BEHAVIOR?
Many people who seek therapy do so when they experience mentally or physically unpleasant states or feel trapped by their emotions, feelings, memories, or current situation. In ETT, neural impulses are used in conjunction with specific forms of eye movement and stimulation to target these uncomfortable emotional and physical states in the corresponding areas of the brain.
Specifically, the brain is stimulated with lights and colors in order to reshape the neural impulses affecting the brain and the nervous system. The therapist observes the emotional responses of the person in therapy and helps facilitate productive regulation through verbal cues meant to induce rapid emotional and behavioral changes.
Discoveries in light therapy show particular wavelengths of light to be able to help transform a person’s emotional state when administered properly. ETT theory, which is grounded in this principle, incorporates interaction between the therapist and the person in therapy to create what proponents of ETT believe to be an effective method for the rapid restoration of a positive emotional state.
• 2) Why is behavioral transformation so difficult?
• 3) What are the different communication and behavioral styles?
• 4) What are three best practices to behavioral transformation in the workplace
• 5) What can we do to be our own advocates for change?
• 6) Can we really transform our work environment through behavioral transformation? How?