When it comes to a, long-term relationship, with a partner or spouse, we can maintain the thrill of being in love, and deepen our feelings of passion and intimacy past the first year. Statistics show that most, long-term relationships start out to fizzle after the first year. So to maintain the, long-term relationship, dance you have to embrace, intimacy.
However, to do this means avoiding certain behaviors, habits, and traps that, long-term relationships, commonly fall into the longer they stay together. Staying in, love, means taking the hard road and differentiating from negative past influences. It means challenging our own defenses and facing our, often subconscious, fears about intimacy.
Fighting for a, long-term relationship, means being stubborn about not getting in our own way of staying close to someone else.
Today on Mindset Transformation Radio and podcast, we are continuing with our series on the The Alchemy of Desire – The, Long-Term Relationship, Dance.
My co -host for this series is my girl pal the fabulous Ms Margo Blake. Margo is a One Taste Intimacy Coach and, I am a Mindset Coach. Together we want to share our knowledge on this Topic “The Alchemy of Desire and Intimacy”
What is Desire – Desire can be called the feminine face of God! Desire is what God places in your spirit to lead you to your purpose. It is the key that unlocks what God placed you on this earth to do.
We all Desire to be in loving fulfilling, long-term relationships, with our partners, our children, our friends and co-workers. We desire to have successful careers, some of us desire to procreate and have children, we desire to be emotionally and physically healthy, we desire to be wealthy, and today we are going to touch on the desire for flow in our, long-term relationship, and not ebb.
The Dance of Intimacy
Anyone in a, long-term relationship, knows the, relationship, dance well. It took me a while to understand this dance of, intimacy. I walked out of my first marriage at age 21 declaring boldly “I am no longer in love with my husband and I refuse to live in a loveless marriage at age 21.” After 4 marriages I now know that relationships EBB and FLOW and that we must work at, intimacy. Erotic love, turns into, Agape love. Passion and desire EBB and FLOW.
In all my, long-term relationships, fighting and then having, make up sex, was usually the shock than rejuvenated the, relationship.
In the beginning of anything there is more energy just as electrify is more powerful at the source, feelings are more powerful when they are new.
As feelings change and familiarity sets in the, intimacy, dance begins. Just as you have to practice the waltz on the dance floor, in a similar way you must practice your, long-term relationship, dance in the bedroom.
It is important to understand why you and your partner connected in the first place and why you disconnected.
Since all relationships begin within, the scenery out there is the scenery in here.
You have to love yourself first in a long-term relationship
You can’t give away what you don’t have. You have to be, love, before you can give away, love. So the first step when you become aware of the, EBB and Flow, in your relationship is to take an inventory of your, self love.
In our first episode I introduced the book “The Alchemy of Desire.“ In this book the lovers were passionate and couldn’t keep their hands off each other, then life happened and, intimacy, veined.
Every, long-term relationship, faces this junction of lack of, desire. Once, long-term relationships, become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again. To the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy if a, long-term relationship, is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity attention and nurture of earlier times is essential.
Relationship Advice How to Water your Long-term relationship
Here is some, relationship advice, In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and sunlight if they are to thrive.
We water our, long-term relationships, by showing interest in our partners. We shine light on our, relationships, by smiling and being genuinely happy to see our partners.
I was at a stand-up comedy show with Mike Epps a few years back and he made a joke about how his wife would meet him at the door with a beer and loving embrace when they were first married, and now she shrugs and says oh it’s you!
I am genuinely happy to see my husband walk through the door and when he calls me during the day. I let him know that I appreciate him thinking about me.
The marriage relationship is an important piece of the, long term relationship, dance
Myrna – Margo what is your take on the, long-term relationship, dance? Personally you have mentioned several times that your, long-term relationships, end after 10 years. What does the dance look like to you?
Margo – I don’t know why but my, long term relationships, always seem to last only 10 years. The men leave me.
Myrna – Looking back can you see the point when the, long-term relationship, ebb resulted in a break? How can anyone listening understand that ebb into a flow?
Myrna – What are some tips to keep Desire flowing instead of ebbing?
spend quality time together
be open to new experiences – if your partner likes to do something be open to new
show your love, don’t hold back
keep your identity as an individual
don’t be defensive in communication, be open in communication
be generous, give as you would want to receive
Understand that there is Eff and Flow in all Long-term relationships
If you find yourself in, Ebb and flow, should you panic or understand that is the flow of life that what goes up must come down.
It is fact that whenever you lean in to a relationship the other person leans out. That is the make up of, long-term relationships, there is, ebb and flow.
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Sexologist and, Tantra Facilitator, Ms Lorae Lauridge, teaches us the difference between, biological sex and, Tantric sex. Lorae shares how to use, Tantra, energy to have multiple orgasms and full body orgasms.
Listen to the full interview
Before we get into out topic, I want to share this story I came across while researching this topic.
Tree of Life, and the, tree of knowledge, as found in the book of Genesis is our first introduction to, sex.
When God placed Adam in the, Garden of Eden, he made him in his own image and that is both male and female because God is both the Alpha and the Omega.
God decided to separate the male and the female so that they could evolve separately, so he took the rib out of the man and he called her Woman; but he made it so that neither the man or the Woman can be complete without the union of the two Souls through, sex, and spiritual energy, So that’s where this energy comes into play, the only way for two souls, a man and a woman to create is by coming together with the force of the universal sexual energy, sex.
Sex and Sexual Energy
Let’s go back to instructions God give Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He told them that everything in the, Garden of Eden, could be consumed except the, tree of knowledge also called The tree of Life, is a symbol for the knowledge of, sex, and spiritual energy, So when Satan tempted Eve with the knowledge that she surely would not die if she partook with the, tree of knowledge, or from the, tree of life, he was telling the truth.
You see she wouldn’t die physically; but she did die spiritually. We all did because by partaking of the tree of knowledge without the guidance of God, Eve brought pain and suffering into the world. There’s nothing more beautiful and creative than, sex, and spiritual energy, with your spouse, that is how God intended it. This joining together is the most powerful energy and vibration in the universe and that’s why it destroys. It is often the tool that Satan uses to steal kill and destroy.
What is, Tantric Sex?
Lorae is a sacred sexuality educator, she coaches men, women, and couples to be enlightened lovers. Her method is to blend ancient holistic practices like, Tantra, with the latest Western medical and scientific discoveries in psychology health and, sex. Lorae says mastering sexuality is like mastering a sport, you need to learn from experts and have a certain amount of passion and dedication and create an environment of fun.
Tantric Sex, teaches men and women how to relax and feel at ease with their bodies and how to communicate authentically and develop mastery over their own sexual responses. In order to be able to map, enjoy and navigate the exotic and foreign landscape of their partner’s bodies.
Sex, Spiritual Energy, and Sexual Transmutation
Sexual Transmutation is energy that is transmuted to create. Most of the CEOs who have achieved greatness in this world is because they transmuted the, sexual energy, either from their spouse or the other woman and they’ve learned to transmute that, sex, and, sexual energy, into creating something big.
Spiritual Energy Exchange: SEX
Spiritual Energy Exchange, is not the act of, sex, it’s not the biology of the act, it’s the force that is created when two people come together in the act of, sex, or procreation, and it’s one of the most powerful forces in the Universe. Actually it is the most powerful force in the Universe.
Understanding that, SEX, is more than the biology of the act, but the energy, Spirited Energy Exchange, and it is the way to connect with the divine and get back into the Garden of Eden.
Sacred Sexuality, is different from biological, sex. Regular, sex, is just functioning on one Level. I’ll explain this quickly. Think of the Android commercial where you see this gentleman playing a piano and it’s a big huge intense, you know concerto singing and he’s using all the keys and it’s very powerful; but he turns around and you see he’s playing on the piano that has only one note. That is what biological, sex, is like. You are only playing one note, or one dimension. Tantric Sex on the other hand is playing all the notes!
While, sex, spiritual energy, and sacred sexuality has many nuances and variances and subtleties and you have choices as to its expression. It can be physical, it can be emotional, it can be the psychological, it can be spiritual or it can be a combination of all of these or any kind of blend of these pieces.
In this higher level of engaging with yourself you can do, self pleasuring, or can be used in relationships to deepen your connection with your partner on that mind-body-spirit level.
Sex, Sexual Orgasm, multiple orgasms, Full-body Orgasm,
Orgasm, is referred when the body has an orgasmic releases. Sexual, orgasm, for most people is completed in a matter of seconds.
Tantric sex, and, orgasm, facilitates multiple orgasms. Tantric Sex, is the ability to tap into the orgasmic energy and have it move through the physical body and link up to those other longer extended orgasmic states. The standard sexual, orgasm, called biological, orgasm, which for some people is no longer than ten seconds. Some women and men can have, multiple orgasms, which is this a buildup of neurologically through the genital genitalia moving through the nervous system.
The, full-body orgasm, is like a wave. It’s not genitally focused. You feel pulsations and this explosion from head to toe! Wow a lot of people haven’t had either of those two, multiple orgasms, or full body orgasm.
Download and listen to the full interview to learn how to have, multiple orgasms, and, full body orgasms,
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Anahita Joon, Priestest and healer teaches us how to embrace our, female sexuality, and the, divine feminine by exploring our, sexual desires, and not being ashamed.
Anahita is the host of “God, Sex, and Everything in Between Podcast. We are going to be specifically talking on the topic – “How to Embrace, Female Sexuality, and the, Divine Feminine.
Listen to the Full interview Here:
Bio – Anahita as a, divine feminine, leadership mentor and a credentialed spiritual counselor. She activates, the divine feminine, and leadership of women who are ready to awaken and unleash the force of nature within. She mentors communities of women, doing the most cutting-edge work of full expression, pivoting and leveling up.
Born during the Islamic revolution of Iran, Anahita is a modern-day priestess, healer and medicine woman. Her work is the culmination of over 25 years of intensive study with mystic masters and Shamans, Social Research as well as over 10 years of our own teaching on, female sexuality, embodiment and the, divine feminine. She is committed to women living lives filled with love, beauty, pleasure and power while harnessing leadership and purpose and, the divine feminine.
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Introduction to the God, Sex, and Everything in Between
Tell us about your podcast” God, Sex, and Everything in between” What is your purpose on that podcast, what kind of topics you guys talk about?
Anahita – My whole mission in this life is to bridge the opposites that the experience that I’ve had in my journey as a seeker. My journey as a guide and, sexuality, coach has been really the beauty and good experience, basically those moments of illumination. They really are experienced when we bridge the opposites, when we merge the opposites and those could be anything that we hold in opposition in our thinking, that we hold binary in our thinking.
So a really relevant example of it that actually doesn’t have anything to do with the podcast, an example would be like what’s going on with the “Black Lives Matter” movement and the beauty that happens when there’s unification, when actually opposing energies come together and what that creates.
My journey was so impacted by the dogma of organized religion and the shame of, sexuality, through the vehicle of, God’s word. Then my journey became about actually being able to bow to all of it as sacred and to hold all of it in reverence. To hold, sex, and obviously hold, God, in reverence and then everything in between.
Everything that would be in the gray, everything that we would want to name maybe good enough, not good enough, or over here, like all of it. We hold it all in reverence with, God, and we hold it all like the primordial primal desire of, sex. We just hold it all as one and in that place is where we actually find freedom, that’s where we find freedom.
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We talk a lot about, sex, we talk a lot about, female sexuality, we talk also a lot a good amount about, God, and I speak a lot about leadership and the, divine feminine. What it is like for women to lead from a place of the, divine feminine, and how to really balance the, divine masculine, and, the divine feminine, energies in leadership.
We talk about plant medicine working with psychedelics, really trying to go to the places that would otherwise be taboo; but probably our listeners are either curious about or experimenting with just not talking to other people about it.
What is the Divine Feminine
Myrna – I did some research on our topic, the Divine feminine, female sexuality, the, sexual desire, part of it; but I wasn’t quite sure about the, divine feminine. What I found out about it is emerging energies as you mentioned the, divine masculine, and, divine feminine, energies which of course we will get into. I have some questions about women exploring their, sexual desires, and I just love the fact that you picked that topic, because you want to really empower women to be their best and to use their, feminine energy, whether it’s for leadership, or whether it’s for their, sexual desire.
I didn’t ask you about your background, but now I think I need to circle back a bit on it. You were born in Islamic revolution of Iran. I don’t think women have a lot of power in that environment. How did you transfer into this leadership person and being able to be, sexually free, and talking about, female sexuality? How did you traverse that terrain?
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Anahita – Well, I’m going to tie it back to what you were saying earlier about leading from the, divine feminine, and then embracing my, sexual desires. I actually experienced and believed that we don’t lead from the, feminine, if we are disconnected from our, sexuality. They’re not actually separate; but it’s just like anybody’s story.
Our greatest oppression is usually the greatest opportunity for freedom and empowerment. So, that was my experience, because I was born who I am now – meaning I had a lot of wild, sexual energy. I had a lot of sort of raw, feminine, life force and I was living in this highly oppressive culture especially oppressive to the, feminine, and to women.
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Why men try to control, female sexuality with oppression
There was a significant amount of shame around any expression of the, feminine or, female sexuality; so it wasn’t just covering your hair. A lot of people don’t understand the extent of the oppression. It’s like sure, I could go out to the street at eight or nine years old and have a gun pointed in my head because my hair covering fell back.
That doesn’t just shame and oppress your femininity; but to this day it’s illegal for women to sing in Iran because their voices are considered so beautiful that they will seduce men into acts of, sex. There is plenty of absurdity happening now.
We’re more divided than we’ve ever been and this is basically what happened in Iran because it was a very oppressive culture. Tehran where I was born and raised is a part of Iran. I was born during the revolution, which used to be a very cosmopolitan city in the Middle East and it became something very different. It became much more divided and that’s the time that I was growing up. So, when you say how I got there, I mean it started with a desire to experience, sexual freedom, and then not having oppression when I got to the states. I was 14 years old.
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Myrna – Why do you think that women who are, sexually free, in the States different from the Middle East? I laughed when you talked about the singing voices of women sexually arousing men and because of that they can’t sing! I believe that the man can control himself.
What I mean is in the United States, women walk around half naked. Are you’re thinking that you’re going to stop her from dressing half naked because a man can’t control himself? Totally different ways of approaching a problem here in your country, they’re muzzling the woman in the Middle East; but they should be telling the men that they should look at controlling their, sexual desires.
How, Female Sexuality, is viewed in the Middle East
Anahita – Here’s the thing in the Middle East, if a woman gets raped, she’s the one who brought shame onto the family. But understand that consciousness about, female sexuality. The consciousness that creates kind of law or that kind of regime is not absent here in the States. It manifests differently; but it’s the same consciousness.
Myrna – Women are told that exploring their, sexual desires, is bad. When I was growing up, a woman was not allowed to explore her, sexuality. A woman was not allowed to proposition a man, they had to wait around for the man to do all the work and I still have that in my head. So why do you think that women hold back and exploring their, sexual desires? Is it because I said how we were brought up or is there something else from your studies?
Anahita – There’s nothing else. I mean the, divine feminine, is the greatest gift, sexuality. When I speak about, female sexuality and the, divine feminine, it’s not about, sexual energy. It is not the energy to seduce; but the inward facing, sexual energy. That is an inward facing, eroticism, and oneness with life. It’s the ability to just be able to taste life more, to be turned on physically by yourself.
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How do you control women? By controlling their, Sexuality
The greatest gift that we have is the, divine feminine, it is the power of women. How do you control women? You shame their, sexuality, because it is their greatest power. Female sexuality, is the thing that makes them givers of life. It is their greatest power. It’s the only place (really the primary place) where men actually feel helpless in the face of women.
Therefore, the business of religion says we’re going to control this because if we control it and put a big cloud of shame over it, they will be in shame and we know shame is a very low frequency emotion.
How to embrace the Divine Feminine and the, Feminine Face of God
Myrna – What is, the divine feminine? Because, I think that’s a big piece here and a lot of people or a lot of my listeners including me don’t understand what it is. Can you explain what, Divine Feminine, is? Then, we can move on “how do women embrace it?” I think you talked from what I learned about it. Will you touch on the opposing, sexual energies? Is that the whole part of the, divine feminine energy?
Anahita – I want to say I wouldn’t be so presumptuous to say that the, divine feminine, needs me to explain what she is. What I mean what is the best way to explain what the, divine feminine, is? The best way to embrace the, divine feminine, is to just close our eyes and drop into our heart and connect with the greatest love of the, divine feminine, that you’ve ever experienced. It is the place of absolute faith, absolute trust, absolute surrender; thy will be done.
That level of home with the, divine feminine, is a feeling that it is coming from a great mother. That it is a maternal feeling that it has that much love and permission and holding and allowing for you to be exactly as you are. So that it’s kind of like a way to taste her a little and that was my experience of her. It’s just that she, the divine feminine, had a lot more permission from me than the, divine masculine, male, God, that my religion had introduced to me and there was not quite as much permission. When I found the, feminine face of God, there was a lot more.
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The Divine feminine vs Mother Earth
Myrna – I love that. So is, the divine feminine, different from, mother earth, or is the same thing?
Anahita – Well that’s the thing. It’s the same energy expressing in different ways. Another way to really come face to face with it is during child birth. If you’ve ever had the honor of giving birth or being in a room when a human being is born that divine mother is present there.
Myrna – When you were talking, that’s where I went. Actually, I mean even though I knew what it’s like to be in the presence of the Holy Spirit and be in that space, when you talked about, the feminine face of God, and, mother earth, on top of it. I went into my memory of giving birth as a mom. You know how you feel about your children. I have two children, so it’s a divine mother.
I felt I understand that was a very good explanation. So why do you think when a woman embraces her, sexual desires, or embraces the, divine feminine, that it becomes a source of her power. Why does it become the source of our power?
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Divine Feminine conclusion
Anahita – My program “Beauty Unleashed” is a six month transformational program. It’s me putting together everything from 25-30 years of study, about 15 years of teaching and Facilitating Tantric sex and yoga and all of it. What I noticed was, as I was working with clients mostly privately, was that what the women who had the greatest success was becoming fully unapologetic. They were coming out of the magic closet and reclaiming their magical gifts, letting go of the fear of being ostracized or burned at the stake, all of those shame fears.