Relationship Reset: Spiritual Healing For Couples

Spiritual Healing for couples

Spiritual healing, for couples helps them to unblock their, chakras, by moving the energy away. And once they move the energy away, they’re lighter, and then they can go on to have, healthy relationships. 

My guest today is Brianna Colette, Brianna is an, intuitive, relationship healer and, soulmate medium, who helps guide her clients to connect with their inner self in order to focus more on a higher sense of, self love, as a means to grow stronger connections and relationships. Thus ultimately leading them to finding and experiencing the most preeminent of bonds: soulmate love.

Download the Podcast here 

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Bio

  • Brianna is an, intuitive, relationship healer and, soulmate medium, who helps guide her clients connect with their inner self in order to focus more on a higher sense of, self love, as a means to grow stronger connections and relationships. Thus ultimately leading them to finding and experiencing the most preeminent of bonds: soulmate love. She is NLP Certified, a Karuna Reiki Master, and a certified Sound Healer Practitioner who really has a way of connecting with people.
  • Examining her clients’ old belief systems allows Brianna to focus on any client’s possible wounds from childhood, inherited family dynamics, or fear surrounding vulnerability. Once Brianna examines their past, she helps her clients make peace with old wounds and break free from any self-sabotaging toxic patterns, guiding them on how to release fear and create the right conditions for a higher frequency of love.

Myrna: What was your journey to becoming an, intuitive, relationship healer? 

Brianna: Thank you for that beautiful introduction, by the way, like, of course I live in this work every day and to hear someone else put it so beautifully and poetically into such a fabulous intro was like, very humbling. I’m like, yeah. So thank you, that was great. Well, as you can imagine, um, you know, I was not always in this work, like most people, like most of my clients, I wasn’t given this template.

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Becoming a Reiki Master

I wasn’t given this handbook for having a really healthy, dynamic relationship, I had to go through the bumps and the bruises and the mistakes, and really try to heal myself.  I have a really interesting story, as most people do, who kind of step into the, healing intuitive, work. I witnessed a really violent murder. It was a murder of a family member. They were my next door neighbors. And I say I was there at the right place at the right time, because I was able to save some people’s lives that night. 

It was one of those things that you can’t prepare for to become a, spiritual healer. It’s one of those things that is a life altering event and changes who you are as a person. As you can imagine, after witnessing something like that, I struggled with, PTSD. I struggled with, depression, and, suicidal thoughts. That experience really tested all of my, coping mechanisms.  

Taking a vacation to try to relieve stress or even, going out with girlfriends for some dinner and drinks. Those types of things no longer worked for me anymore. And so as I felt my, mental health, starting to degrade, I started to feel like I was slipping. It is the best way I can kind of describe your, mental health, when you don’t know that it’s happening. 

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Western therapy did not heal

I did a lot of traditional Western versions of therapy which is what led me into all these different modalities that I now am certified in and offer to other people. I immediately felt the shift within, I started to not only have a logical understanding of why things were happening, or how things from my past were affecting me, presently, I started to really embody that change, and I started to feel better my, spiritual healing, had started. 

And so through that process of, spiritual healing, as you can imagine, the things that used to hold an attraction for me, my old business, my old life held no interest. I felt a calling into, spiritual healing, and, intuitive, work. I surrendered into it and have been guided and led to help others to heal themselves and to really get to a place of, inner peace, and contentment and connection within, relationships.

Myrna: That’s awesome. I guess that takes me down the path of the, Karuna Reiki master. How did you stumble onto that? You said you went to Western therapies. Did you actually have a, reiki, session and loved it or are you just graduated towards that?

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Using Reiki to Heal childhood wounds

Brianna: I was at rock bottom, I was grasping at anything. If someone suggested it, I was like, sure, I’ll try acupuncture. Sure, I’ll try EMDR, I was really willing and open to anything on that journey, and I knew somebody who practiced, Reiki, and I had sessions with her. And of course, it was a different kind of, spiritual healing, that I had experienced. I mean, I’ve been going to traditional talk therapy since I was nine years old. 

I was looking for something a little bit different and I had a lot of my, trauma, and a lot of the things that I’ve been holding on to for a really long time. Reiki, really helped me to break through. And so of course, I was like, I, when I healed myself, it was a good place, I have to learn how to do this. 

What exactly is, Reiki? 

Myrna: Reiki, is a Japanese holistic practice of connecting your, chakras, and using energy work. It’s energy healing, And a lot of people who are familiar with depression, would say  depression hurts. There’s obviously a physical manifestation in the body of when our emotions cause us pain. We’ve all felt anxiety, those knots in our stomach, or fear in our chest where we can’t breathe, so there’s a physical, physiological response to emotional pain.

 What, Reiki, does is a way of connecting into the emotional connection within the body, each of our, chakra, and throughout our entire physical body hold onto memories, they hold on to experiences, we hold it in our bodies. And so, Reiki, helps us to get rid kind of  these emotions that are painful, and helps us to release them. The physical reality of having, Reiki, done on you is you really feel lighter afterwards, emotions not weighing on you so heavy.

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Chakra meditation

Myrna: I do, chakra meditation, myself so I’m very aware of, chakras. But one of the things that most stands out to me when I learn about the, chakra system, is that they’re seeing that if you’ve got a blockage in your, chakra, that’s where disease starts. So when you do the, Reiki healing, do you move the blocked energy? Or are you just dealing with emotions? 

Brianna: They’re all connected. Okay. And if you think about it, right, from a scientific standpoint, we’re cells that are vibrating, right? We’re all just energy bouncing around. And when we, feel at peace, you kind of feel really grounded and in alignment. When you feel stressed or worried about something you kind of feel off, right? You feel off balance, you don’t feel like you’re the highest version of yourself. 

When we have energetic blockages energy is stuck in the, chakras, which are our energy computer.  Energy stuck in your, root chakra, usually deals shows up as fear, or it can it show up in your solar plexus, as creativity. So each, chakra, has different pinpoints or different foundational bases. 

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Using Reiki to clear the chakra system

When we do have a blockage and one of those, chakras, it usually is related to something on an emotional level, because we are emotional, human beings that have that need for connection. And so usually, yes, you can relate back a blockage to an emotional issue that’s happening in your life.

Myrna: So blocked energy starts as emotional, and then disease follows. All right. So I understand. I had a few interviews on the show about, Reiki, and of course, almost all my guests talked about the, chakras.  So you have migrated your specialty to, you call it a, soulmate medium, which is what I love. But also what you’re doing is you’re helping people heal from their childhood wounds that are actually physically manifesting in their bodies. 

Brianna: For me, personally, I was really searching all the time for love. And I was really putting myself in, unhealthy relationships, when the murder happened. A few weeks later I was dumped by my then boyfriend, I was having a really hard go of it. completion, I was searching for solace, or love and happiness everywhere else outside of myself as well as, spiritual healing. And through that process of, spiritual healing, I started to realize what it is that I need to look at within myself. 

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Spiritual Healing for Couples

I was able to heal myself and transmute the, trauma, and step into this place of like, oh, so this is what it takes to get here. This is what I needed to heal to be able to experience this. And I just felt really passionate that Like, I wish that someone had explained this to me, or shown me how to heal this because I spent so much, so many broken hearts, so much energy, so much time trying to figure it out. And so that’s what really called me into this kind of work. 

Myrna: Alright, so that explains why you became a, soulmate medium. But what I was talking about is still connecting the, chakras, to past wounds. I loved your statement, 

We are healed from the scars and not the wounds. 

So you help them to unblock their, chakras, by moving the energy away. And once they move the energy away, they’re lighter, and then they can go on to have, healthy relationships. 

Healing Childhood wounds

Brianna: It’s like we kind of, we have the ability to create whatever it is that we want in life. But unfortunately, a lot of our blocks are limitations that we perceive. And for me, my, my work is about asking what are the templates that you received in childhood? What was normalized for you in relationships? Did you grow up in a household where yelling at each other was something that was just normal, right? Or did you grow up in a household where being emotionally distant was something that was just you know, status quo?

Did you grow up in a home as a child, where you took on the responsibility of worrying about everybody else, except for yourself? Because there was chaos, you know, so these types of foundational experiences when we’re young shape our belief systems, about the kind of relationships that we’re having into adulthood. And for me, and in my personal experience, and experience with so many clients, when we can heal and unlock the things that are maybe not so healthy, or are limiting us and our belief systems or behaviors, we can unlock and heal and really learn?

Oh, this is actually the better way to show up. Oh, this is actually what’s healthier for me. These are the types of partners that actually give me what I’m looking for versus recreating the same like, you know, what is the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. This is how we change the dynamics of our life in our, relationship.

What is a soulmate medium

Alright, so now this is my question that I wanted to ask, soulmate medium? Also what is the definition of a, soulmate?

Brianna: A lot of people don’t even aren’t familiar with what the term, medium means. Oftentimes, what people perceive when they hear the word, medium, they think, psychic. That is not completely different psychics and, mediums, are not the same thing. A medium  is somebody who is a channel, I have the ability and have learned how to channel, intuition.

We all have that kind of like inner knowingness that’s called clear sentient, where you can feel things . And that’s what, intuition, is. So obviously a, medium, can feel things and experience things on various levels, whether you can like hear the you can hear you can receive messages. For me personally, the way that I work with clients when I say, soulmate medium, is I can help to intuitively connect into what they are feeling.

I can help people to see the blind spots. Sometimes we insulate ourselves from the truth. Sometimes we might be in denial about things. Sometimes there’s a cognitive, right, we’ve isolated ourselves because it’s too painful to deal with the brain is really intelligent that way, it compartmentalizes things and we can’t even see ourselves clearly.

So what I say is in terms of a, soulmate medium, I can intuitively tap into what is really going on underneath the surface that we need to heal. We need to connect into to elevate and upgrade out of so that you can experience this higher frequency this higher soulmate energy of love. And I do a lot of work explaining to people what even a, soulmate, is. But ultimately, being able to connect into getting people out of behaviors that are there, they’re settling, or they are caught in patterns of dysfunction, which is the antithesis of what a, soulmate, is.

Spiritual healing from past trauma

All right. So I’m listening very intently. So what I got out of that is that someone comes to you broken because of past trauma, past relationships, you’re able to intuitively help them to see there to see what the dysfunction is. And then once they are operating, that’s the full throttle for a different word, then you they will be able to attract their, soulmate. Is that correct? 

Brianna: Oftentimes with clients, I see a lot of my unhealed broken parts are attracted to your unhealed broken parts, you know, and that’s where we get a lot of compounding happening, right? We attract what we are. And so I help clients to leave behind that old version of where they’re playing small, where we’re accepting less than we deserve, where we are making excuses for other people’s bad behavior or, unhealthy relationship, dynamics.

Let’s upgrade out of that. Let’s start operating in this place of like, integrity with how you treat yourself self respect, self love, because everything comes from from within us, right? So if you’re, if you’re able to feel really aligned with yourself, know you what you deserve, know what you should be receiving, you’re going to attract someone who’s also done that kind of work.

Finding your soulmate

Your, soulmate,  will be operating at the same frequency because you’re like, oh, yeah, I want to be able to trust somebody to and I’ve worked through my own, trauma, I’m not going to put up with someone else’s raggedy BS, you know, like, you want a partner that meets you at where you’re at. And so if we can leave behind those old behaviors and belief systems, then we will attract our, soulmate.

I work with anybody who is desiring to fix whatever kind of, relationship, they’re in, whether that’s heteronormative, whether that’s, homosexual, like anything under the sun, if you have a desire to fix, and heal and upgrade the way that you’re showing up in your, relationships. You’re my kind of person. I oftentimes and one of the things I’m really good at is helping single people who are or people out of divorce or out of a relationship who are having a hard time letting go. I help couples to heal, spiritual healing. 

Relationship reset

That’s what, relationship reset, is the, spiritual healing, program that I am working with right now. It’s designed for people in relationships who are committed they know that this is a person that they want to have a future with and and work things out; but are feeling maybe there’s blocks in their communication. 

There’s things that are kind of bubbling to the surface after kind of the honeymoon phase wears off, where you’re mirroring some unhealthy dynamics back and forth to each other and just get to a place of being able to show up. Within in that relationship feeling really supported and aligned and really clear about what your future feels like together, they need, spiritual healing. 

Myrna: Let’s talk about, relationship reset, spiritual healing, for couples to find how they are showing up, what their blockages are?  You know you people say they’re great baggage from relationships.  Tell us about your coaching program, how can listeners connect with you and sign up for your coaching program?

Conclusion

Absolutely. So, the, relationship reset, right now is a group coaching program, where I am taking people through these foundations of, you know, these really important baseline.  I believe, characteristics of what is involved in a healthy dynamic and a healthy relationship like decide whether that’s intimacy, whether that’s trust, whether that’s healthy communication, and helping each of them pull back the layers to see where maybe that they’ve got some stuff from the path that is preventing them from having really effective communication or, you know, feeling safe to really open up the path of intimacy.

It’s a retreat program where I will go over the the fundamentals the foundations and then there’s also one on one time with me to be able to go a little bit deeper for, spiritual healing.  

So to go check out and learn all about my different offerings, whether it’s, relationship reset, whether it’s my other programs that are downloadable you go to my www.Briannacolette.com that has all the information on all the ways you can connect with me. My Instagram handle is @briannacollect. I welcome any anybody who’s looking for more information or feels like this resonates happy to jump on a call. 

Additional Resources

Understanding How to Use Reiki Energy for Mind and Body

Using Mindfulness And Breathwork To Heal After Tragedy

Kushal Choksi Breathwork

Kushal Choksi, 911 survivor, shares his story of surviving the collapse of the, World Trade Center, and then asking the universe why he survived.  What was his, purpose, when he stumbled onto, Sky Breath meditation, and, breathwork, as a healing modality from, trauma; he realized that he had found his purpose.

Kushal’s new book “On a Wing and A Prayer” tells his story.

Download the Podcast Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10204946-using-mindfulness-and-breathwork-to-heal-after-tragedy.mp3?download=true

Bio

Kushal’s thriving career as an analyst at Goldman Sachs was forever changed on September 11, 2001 as he made a split-moment decision to abandon his office and the co-workers who refused to leave the World Trade Center. Managing to narrowly escape, he witnessed the magnitude of death and destruction up close and was plunged into lengthy depression where he found himself believing life was meaningless.

His search for a renewed, purpose, began with a reluctant trip to a, breathwork, workshop and eventually turned into a decades-long journey of spiritual discovery, mind-blowing metaphysical experiences, and a fierce devotion to the life-altering benefits of mindfulness and meditation.

Today, Kushal and his wife run Elements Truffles, a New York-based artisanal chocolate company built on values of Ayurveda, sustainability, giving back and ethical trade. Kushal is a trainer of personal development, meditation, wellness, and leadership programs for the Art of Living Foundation. He has taught secrets of breathwork and meditation to thousands across the US, Europe, and Asia. And he serves on the US board of the International Association for Human Values (IAHV).

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Surviving 911

Myrna: How did surviving, 911, on, September 11, change your life?  How did that tragedy make you more receptive to a new spiritual path of, mindfulness, breathwork, and, meditation?

Kushal: Great question. I think, you know, as I recall, the day started as any other day where I was on my way to work. And as I was coming out of the, the subway, in the bowels of the, world trade center, that’s when the pandemonium broke around me and I froze. In that moment, I didn’t know how to process all that. People were just running around, saying things that they understood, or they perceived, someone was saying a bomb had gone off.

Nobody really knew what was happening. Only one thing was evident, there was a fear, there was massive fear in the atmosphere. That’s all I really remember that it was unsafe to be outside.  I stepped out and as I was looking at the building, trying to process what had just happened, another plane crashed into the South Tower. Of course, in that moment, it became clear that this was a more deliberate action.

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And what followed after that, people jumping in front of me, just to end it willfully, or the first responders going in, almost walking into their own end, you know, and it was all kind of very unexpected and very difficult to process. It felt like a scene from an apocalypse movie that you can almost imagine, but you never think you would be part of it, or you would be living it. And as I was running away from it, the second tower just collapsed. And by a stroke of luck, I had just jumped on a ferry on the other end of the island that was leaving Manhattan.

I ended up being the last person on the last ferry that left the island that day. At that moment, I realized that I turned into a statistic, that I was now a, 911 survivor. And, you know, that day kind of prepared me and laid a foundation for what was to come in my life. Part of me was feeling very grateful, very happy that I had, I made it out alive, and I survived these horrific attacks.

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Finding purpose as a survivor of 911

So, there was an enthusiasm to finish the unfinished business. I used to work on Wall Street now, that American dream that I have come to pursue as an immigrant, I had to go out and create a new dream. An event like this was a wakeup call to find, purpose in life.  It was something that shook me up from my reverie and made me ask a bigger question.  What is my, purpose in life?

This was a life changing event, I talked to many people and I say maybe, 911, was an event for me, but I feel everyone has their own, 911.  Whether they were when their world crashed. It was that day 20 years ago before a pandemic like what we’ve just been through?

Myrna: Yes, we all we all walk away from something.  So, you weren’t at work yet when the planes crashed into the, world trade center? You were just coming out of the subway. Obviously, it wasn’t your time. Were you running late for work? Were you supposed to be at work on time?

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Making the decision to Go

Kushal: No, the security person was asking us to go back in the building. Because, if you stepped outside, just on the other side of that glass door, it was raining cement chips, that insulation from the wall that glass splinters, embers from the sky, it was like really unsafe. And so, he was asking people to stay inside, but in that moment, I decided to step out and go.  A voice from behind me tap on my shoulder and say, Just go. And so yeah, that was my clothes in the dryer moment, because the building collapsed a few minutes later.

The aftermath of 911

After, September 11, I think I can paint a broad brush and what I had was, depression. I think, depression, follows lack of interest, but for me, it was it was exactly the opposite. I was feeling so grateful that I had a second lease on life.  That I felt I had to go after whatever was unfinished with even more gusto. I have tremendous force of life in me. It’s just that I began questioning the, purpose of life, what’s really the point of this life. I was I was doing well in my career. I got married to my soulmate but what was my, purpose in life?

So, I wouldn’t really call it depression, but it was just, sometimes you are on autopilot. You’re on a conveyor belt, and you were just going with the force of life and then something hits you with a club in your head and makes you question is this conveyor belt right for you? That was the first time I questioned my, purpose in life.

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Breathwork meditation

Myrna: All right, you found your, purpose, by going to a, breathwork, workshop and, breathwork, meditation, and that started your decades long journey in spiritual discovery. So why do you feel that proper breathing was so important to healing trauma? I don’t know if you felt that you were traumatized from that, but if we don’t want to use the word, trauma, why do you think that, breathwork, is so important to healing?

Kushal: I must confess that in the spirit of being very open and honest, that I did not go to that, breathwork, meditation, looking for, purpose. I was almost pushed into it against all my reluctance.

And so, the first time I meditated with, breathwork, with this teacher, this spiritual master, I was blown away. I had read all about keeping your mind in the, present moment, not thinking of the past or future just being in the, present moment.  It was a fantastic, very well-read intellectual concept, lodged firmly in my head. But the first time did, breathwork, meditation, it became a tangible experience.  That what it is to be in the, present moment, or what it is to have a mind without thoughts, or mind without an impulse. And that was the first time I experienced that.

Myrna: That is amazing, because most people take time to get there.

Kushal: I personally had tried it so many times before, and it didn’t go anywhere. I want to come to that, why that was the case. This time, I effortlessly got there. So, then I started looking for scientific validation. That left-brain person that I was, I started looking for all the scientific underpinnings of that practice, or that, breathwork, meditation, that I experienced. And then I realized that it was real deal.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Balancing Right Brain and Left Brain

I think the balance of both, left brain, and, right brain, is important. I think that brain is logic, analysis. Intensity, right brain, is more flow state, you know, calm music, you know, all of that emotion. So, I think a balance of both a judicious balance of both is very important. Either end of the spectrum, you somewhat lead an unbalanced life. And you want to, I think you want to be walking the razor’s edge balances boredom.

Myrna: Why do you think that proper breathing aka, breathwork, heals your, trauma?  Does it have to do with being in the, present moment, is that the doorway?

Kushal: There’s a deeper scientific kind of effect that’s happening on our nervous system. You know, any life experience that you go through, whether it’s pleasant or unpleasant, it leaves a lesion or a scuff mark on your nervous system. It leaves like a, an impression in your system somewhere. Let me give you an example of something so simple as wanting to have a coffee in the morning.

First day, somebody offered you a cup of coffee in the morning, oh, you say it is the greatest thing. And next day, when you look at coffee, you remember the experience you had before. And you say, I want coffee. Third day, you are going to go and switch on the coffee pot. And the next day, if you don’t have coffee in your apartment, that’s going to make you feel miserable.

Sky breath meditation

So something as innocent as a coffee has created a pattern, or a conditioning of your mind. Some of the traumatic events, or some of the events of loss or anything of that nature does a very similar thing. Seeing something similar that evokes that emotion, keeps taking you back to that emotion. You know, for the, for the longest time, every time I would remove my shoes at the airport, it would take me back to the morning of, 911.

That was an impression that, 911, had created in my mind, and now, any such related events, were taking them back to past, not letting me be in more in the, present moment.

The practice that I learned, this technique is called, Sky breath meditation. And what, sky breath meditation, does is harnessing the rhythm of your own, breath. It clears your nervous system of this debilitating impression. Impressions that hold you back, impressions that take you back into those moments that you don’t want to go back to.

So, the impressions make us, tied to our pass. So, what I experienced with, sky breath, was without effort.

You said a very beautiful thing earlier that I want to comment on, you said that you required visualization to move from, left brain, thinking to, right brain, thinking. Visualization, is an effort. Yes, not thinking of something or resisting thoughts is an effort. And as you know someone who is focused so much on, transforming the mind. You can’t control your mind from the level of your own mind.

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV – Healing with Breathwork 

Using breathwork meditation to calm the mind

Myrna: Exactly. You got it. You know, that’s the nature of the, mind. You cannot control it with your thoughts. Mind, does not subscribe, doesn’t listen to effort. Your body listens to effort. If you want to build muscles, you have to put effort, but, sky breath, is complete effortless.

Kushal: So, what this, chi breath, did was without effort, it cleared my impressions and effortlessly took my mind to a place which was meditative. I had I tried so hard to meditate but when I closed my eyes all the profound ideas about what I wanted to have for dinner, all these trivial things which entered my awareness to the point that I cannot meditate.  But now, sky breath meditation, changed all that through the simple act of, breathwork breathing.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

What is Ayurveda

Myrna: All right, awesome. All right. Now, you also talk about, Ayurveda, what exactly is that?

Kushal: Ayurveda, is just science of life. It’s also colloquially known as the sister science to, yoga.  Yoga, focuses on body and mind. Ayurveda, focuses on nutrition, what you put inside your system. So, it focuses on achieving harmony, and balance, through your food, your food is your medicine. But unlike a lot of the trends these days, eg. keto or, paleo where you do certain things, and you definitely don’t do certain things, Ayurveda, is not restrictive.

Myrna: I don’t know why I have not actually investigated, Ayurveda, because Deepak Chopra and Sadhguru teaches about, Ayurveda.

Kushal: Ayurveda, has to do with the planet, it has to do with how we work with the seasons, it has to do with the time of the day.  It’s all about bringing that balance, bringing that harmony in your system, through eating right at the right time, in the right amount. I realized that as I went deeper into my practice of, meditation, my nutrition automatically started aligning, aligning with what I recommended.

Okay, and it was very beautiful, it didn’t say, do this, don’t do this, it was never about that. And the minute someone says, don’t do this, I want to do that. So that’s why, Ayurveda, really resonated with me, because it said, do everything, just do it in the right amount at the right time. And mindfulness is about being aware, being mindful of what you do and eat.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Sky breath meditation and mindfulness

If you look at it scientifically, mindfulness, is a frontal cortex activity in your brain. And the research shows those people who practice, mindfulness, their frontal cortex is more developed. It is the thinking side of the brain. Mindfulness, keeps you at the surface level.

You turn off your mind, without effort. Turning off also requires effort. So, meditation, is not an act of doing anything but it’s just being and then you are in that state. You connect with yourself and, meditation, happen.

Use a tool like, Sky breath, or some, breathwork, techniques allows you to connect with yourself and the more you are in touch with yourself, the more resilient you automatically become. The more aware you are at every moment, the more what is important and what is not becomes very clear. So, you may have these memories, like for example, if you like how you asked me earlier, take us to that day, 911, 2011   I can close my eyes and I can see every little detail in crystal clarity, but does it does not have the same emotional garbage or that negative charge that it used to have.

Book On A Wing And A Prayer
Book On A Wing And A Prayer

On A Wing and A Prayer

Myrna: Tell us about your book On A Wing and A Prayer where you can they can get your book. Tell us about your website, tell us about your handle on social media, so they can connect with you and, and how they can actually connect with you to learn, sky breath meditation.

Kushal: Sure. The book is available on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. You can get it from my website, the links on my website, it’s my first name and last name www.KushalChoksi.com.

Additional Resources 

Using Trauma As Your Fuel For Post Traumatic Growth

How Does Grief Affect Mental Health

Samantha Ruth Grief

Grief, is like going to a movie where you’re watching a horror movie and the next person to you is watching a comedy. It was poignant for me to understand that somebody’s life can be storming and the next door neighbor has sunshine.

My guest today is Samantha Ruth, grief expert and we are going to be talking on the topic “What does, grief, and, mental health, have in common.” I know that we’re in a time where a lot of us are experiencing, grief, – our loved ones are dying left and right. We’re in a place where we can’t really socialize, so we’ve got a lot of, grief, and, mental health, issues come in. Samantha will shed some light on how to ease some of the pain and suffering that accompanies, grief.

Download full interview here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9673108-how-does-grief-affect-mental-health.mp3?download=true

Brief bio of Samantha Ruth

Samantha Ruth is a Transformational Psychologist, speaker, best-selling author, and founder of Griefhab, a 24/7 support community for anyone who has experienced a loss. Sam helps people around the world turn their pain into their power by guiding them to be their true selves.

Her mission is to change the way the world views, mental health, so people can openly speak about whatever issues they have, and get the help they not only need, but deserve without fear of judgment, labels, and repercussions.

Sam understands what it’s like to feel overwhelmed, lost, stuck, and alone. After unexpectedly losing her husband Jim, Sam felt like her life had been shattered into tiny, unrecognizable pieces. It took this experience for her to learn how to tune out the noise of everything and everybody else and focus on listening to herself. Her favorite quote:

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

Helping others through their grief

Myrna: Can you share your story of losing your husband and how did that tragedy help you achieve the purpose of helping others through, grief. A lot of times, I firmly believe that God gives you a test so you can have a testimony. God puts you through the storm so you can help other people and that’s obviously what your story is turned out to be. Now, can you share a little of it with us?

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Transform your Mind Podbean
Transform your Mind Podbean

Samantha: My husband was everything me. I met him when I was 24 years old and living in Michigan. We were together for a few years, but we were still young, silly and career driven. So, we went our separate ways. During that time, he moved to Colorado and we reconnected in June of 2013. We were married the following August and he passed away unexpectedly just a little over three years later. I had left my family and my career. I was just completely lost and had no idea what to do next.

Grief is like watching a horror movie while someone else is watching a comedy

Myrna: There’s a, grief, story I heard a few months back. This woman told the story that one day, ( she was a psychologist) she  and her husband were going to pick up their son from the Airport. He’s wasn’t her child, it was her husband’s son and he was turning 18 the next day. They were going to go pick him up from the Airport and she decided to walk her dog before they left. While she walked her dog, her husband said he was going to jump in the river for a quick swim (that’s something he did every day).

While she was walking her dog, she suddenly heard him scream. She didn’t pay much attention to it, because she knows he was a strong swimmer. When she heard him scream again, she decided to go to investigate. She saw her husband clutching a tree in the middle of the river, apparently there was some kind of a wild current that day and her husband was trying to hang on to the tree, but the current was too strong and he was swept away.

She actually physically saw him drowned right in front of her eyes. Her whole world shattered, she was overcome with, grief. The hardest thing she had to do was telling his son that his father died in his 18th birthday, knowing that he would never be able to celebrate his birthday again.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Grief is like a black cloud

Until that story, I never really understood, grief. She said when you have, grief, it’s like you don’t have sun anymore, but your neighbor has sun. She said she would get up in the morning and while she had this black cloud of, grief, her neighbor would be getting up and going to get his morning paper and clueless of what’s going on at his next door neighbor!

Grief, is like going to a movie where you’re watching a horror movie and the next person to you is watching a comedy. It was poignant for me to understand that somebody’s life can be storming and the next door neighbor has sunshine.

Myrna: You said your, grief, was like your world shattered into tiny pieces? Can you expand on how you handled that?

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
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Grief is invisible

Samantha: I also want to add that, grief, is also invisible. We don’t have a cast over a broken arm or something that people can see. We live in this world that avoids the uncomfortable conversations.  The first year after my husband died was a complete blur to me.  I was in deep, depression. If you told me we went to Japan together, I would trust your memory over mine. I went through the motions, I survived.

I am a psychologist trained in, trauma, and there was pressure. I don’t know if your friend who’s also a psychologist experienced that, but there was pressure to bounce back quicker than anyone else would, because it’s what I do and I couldn’t or wouldn’t do that. I had to find my own way. There were sunny houses all over the place, but I felt like I lived in a forest.  I had to figure out how to get through the maze all by myself.  The world expects you to get back to work, your family, everybody’s pulling from a different direction.

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Self care is important in grief and loss

I made a conscious decision because I was in so much pain, I had to take care of myself.  I went in a direction that was unfamiliar to me and to everyone else, which made more noise, but, self care, was the way through.

So, to anyone struggling with, grief,  I encourage you to find the strength to listen to the voice inside your head, don’t listen to the others.

Myrna: You’re able to take the knowledge that you learned from going through that traumatic experience to help others through, grief.  You founded the company called Griefhab,  can you tell us about your company.

Samantha: I am on a mission to change the way the world views, grief, and, mental health, because my experience showed me how similar the two were.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Grief and loss because of the Coronavirus pandemic

Myrna: We’re on in some unprecedented times with the, Coronavirus pandemic. How does your company help other experiencing, grief and loss, because of the, coronavirus pandemic?

Samantha: Tuning out the noise and not letting people expectations like – “Hey, you should have gotten over it by now.”  What I mean, and my advice as a psychologist is, you need to have a support system and that’s important. Grief, can be isolating and you can feel different and lonely and there are people who get it.  The pandemic has uprooted millions of people’s lives and you are not alone.

Talking really does help even if somebody is just listening and they’re not actually physically doing talking, it does help. Talking is the way through, grief. Please, loved ones and friends, be patient with us. It might be uncomfortable for you, but it is the only way we will heal.

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What does grief and mental illness have in common?

Myrna: What does, grief, and, mental illness,  issues have in common? What are the, stages of grief, and how does it affect your, mental health?

Samantha: I do not believe that you can grieve without, anxiety, and, depression. Going through the grieving process, there are such stigmas around both. I’ve lived with the world of, mental health, stigmas when I was  early in healing journey. I learned that people treat someone grieving the same way as they treat someone with a, mental illness; they don’t know how to act around them and they don’t know what to say. I felt all of these stigmas and all I had done was lose my husband.

What, grief, and, mental health,  have most in common is that they can be isolating and alienating. That’s the reason I am trying to make noise and let the world know that everything we know is backwards. We have to talk about it, we have to lean on each other and the stigmas are backwards.  We need each other. I am one voice and anyone that’s willing to share their personal stories by raising their hand and saying I am not okay, even just saying “I’m having a bad day”, will erase the stigma.

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Depression and anxiety is a stage of grief

People don’t know we’re grieving. It’s invisible, mental health. They can’t see, depression, or, anxiety.

Samantha: You can’t grieve without going through, anxiety, and, depression, it is one of the, stages of grief.

Myrna: They also say that there are, seven stages of grief. So, where does the, anxiety, and, depression, fit in?

Samantha: Well, I mean there’s pressure to attend A, B, C, D and E immediately after, grief and loss.  I haven’t spoken to anyone who has experienced, grief and loss, that doesn’t have some sort of, anxiety, about going back to work or attending an event, even if it’s virtual.

It’s a tidal wave of, anxiety, it comes and it goes and it doesn’t end. You get through in the beginning, it’s like you’re drowning and you come up for air and you find a buoy or somebody to hold on to (that’s one of your support system). That’s how it is for a while, then eventually you can swim and float and then all of a sudden, a wave comes out of nowhere and knocks you down and it could be a month later or a year later or even a decade later.

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Is there an end to grief?

Myrna: As a psychologist, is there a way to do something to prevent the, grief, coming back like a decade later?

Samantha: It doesn’t get better, it gets different and that’s why people expect holidays, anniversaries and certain life events to be difficult days. But it could just be next Tuesday and it could be a difficult day for no reason. The good things you experience are met with sadness, because the person you want to share it with the most isn’t physically here, so, grief, is always there.

Something would knocked me to my knees in the beginning and I would be down and out and I would barely get myself back together, and then something else would come and knock me right back to my knees (it’s not like that now). If something happens, I can cope and get through it. It’s still painful, but I have learned how to navigate so that I’m not back down on my knees.

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Grief vs trauma

I went to the University of Michigan and I can’t perform the same way I did, my brain has been permanently altered because of the, trauma, of grief.

Myrna: That is very interesting, trauma. They call it big “T” – traumas and little “T” – traumas. Now, what you’re saying someone with, grief, should take it one day at a time. Work with the present moment, that is how everything changes. You can’t go back into the past, you can’t go into the future, all changes happen in the present moment.

Myrna: Let’s say that I have somebody that’s going through the grieving process, what are some of the things that I can do to help? This is very important because I remember what you shouldn’t say to somebody. What can we say or do for someone experiencing, grief?

How to Help with Grief

Samantha:  Say “I’m here for you”. Don’t ask “what do you need”, is a very stressful question. We don’t know the answer, so just be there for us. Give someone experiencing, grief and loss, multiple choice questions, not essay – say I’m going to the store and I’m getting you stuff. Do you want bread or milk?  I can answer that question.

Myrna: Yes, the same woman who lost her husband in the river said that people came to her home and helped her clean her house and cooked for her, because these are things that you have no interest in doing during the grieving process, but nobody ever really thinks about that.

Samantha: Grief, is a tough journey and something each one of us is going to experience in our lives because death is something that happens and it’s unavoidable. Not everybody lives until they’re 95, there’s going to be sudden death at 30s, 20s or whatever. Where people don’t expect it and that’s when it’s harder, but we’re all going to be touched with it.

Mental Health stigmas

Myrna: How can we help break some of the, mental health stigmas?

Samantha: I think it’s similar to, grief, I think by talking about it, we break the stigma.   When I tell people I have, anxiety, a lot of people ask questions because they don’t know. Telling one person or starting one conversation helps break the stigma of, mental illness.  It doesn’t have to be going on the news and telling the world, but we won’t change things if we continue to hide it and make it like it’s something bad.

Myrna: Tell us about your book, why you wrote it, what do you want the reader to walk away with at the end of reading it?

Permission Granted to Grieve

Samantha: My second book was called “Permission Granted to Grieve”. I think it’s important that the world understands that you have to grieve, you have to heal, you can’t ignore it. Everything I’m saying is the same for, grief, and, mental health.

My upcoming book is called “Ruthless”. My last name is Ruth and I lost my husband. I became ruthless, but ruthless is perceived a negative. So, redefining ruthless is my journey. I want people to see negative things as strengths and perceived weaknesses as advantages. I’m taking this negatively charged word and making it okay.

Myrna: Tell us about your company Griefhab and your 24/7 support community. How can someone get in touch with you? What is your website? Tell us how you help people at Griefhab?

Samantha: There are two elements to Griefhab; one – it’s 24/7 support community. You don’t have to wait until your next appointment to talk to somebody. You don’t have to struggle, there’s always support available and that’s a free community on Facebook. You can go there on FacebookGriefhab or it’s on my website www.samantharuth.com.

Conclusion

There’s no judgment, this is about healing your way and asking the questions that you don’t feel safe asking anywhere else. People who feel that they need more support like I did, like sending out the death certificates and dealing with the creditors and all the things like getting the light bulb changed, finding somebody to get your groceries and make things, so you don’t have to do anything.

I do all of that in addition to working with you. When I had to present a death certificate, it knocked me down. So, I want other people to know those are tasks that we can do for you, so you can just heal.

Myrna: Thanks for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. If you’ve not done so yet, please rate and review us on iTunes so that we can get this message out to a wider audience. Until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

Understanding Mental Illness – My Bipolar Life

 

What is the Connection Between Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease?

Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

I made the connection in my mind between unresolved, childhood trauma, and these, autoimmune, problems.  What I mean by unresolved is that the, trauma, is continuing to loop.  The people are continuing to experience it as when the, trauma, was active, that creates, inflammation, in the body. The, inflammation, then compromises your, immune system, and your, neurotransmitters. If your, immune system, is compromised like it was with my daughter, the, inflammation, stays active. Inflammation, is basically a temporary pause in the system to protect the system against a threat.

Listen to the Full Interview Here 

Introduction to Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Bio

  • Dr. Don Wood, PhD developed the TIPP method after spending years researching how atmospheric conditions™ affect our minds and impact our lives.  He went back to school later in life to get his PhD in clinical counseling and psychology, to learn how to heal his daughter’s Crohn’s disease and his wife’s autoimmune disease. Dr Wood says Both my wife and daughter experienced childhood trauma and I saw how it affected their life, including their health. They both had developed autoimmune disorders.” The TIPP program developed by Dr. Wood has benefited individuals all over the world. “ Dr. Wood is the author two books “You Must be out of your Mind” and “Emotional Concussions”, are focused on how we can all make the desired changes by allowing our mind to reset and reboot.
Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease
Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Myrna: I just finished reading the book “What Happened to You” by Dr Perry and Oprah Winfrey.   It is a profound book on, childhood trauma, which is where we’re going to be spending some time on today. That book focused on the results of, childhood trauma, on, mental health, and relationships.  I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that so clearly links what happened to us as children to how we live life as adults. I’ve had a lot of guests on the Transform Your Mind talk show, talk about, trauma, and it’s link to substance abuse and drug use etc., but this is the first time I am hearing a connection of, childhood trauma, to, autoimmune disorders and, Crohn’s disease.

So, I want to start off by putting a pin on something you said in your bio. You said that you went back to school later in life to get your PhD in Clinical Counseling and Psychology, to learn how to heal your daughter’s, Crohn’s disease, and your wife’s, autoimmune disease. You also said that, childhood trauma, were the causes for both, inflammation. Can you share what you found is the connection between, childhood trauma, and, autoimmune disease?

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Childhood Trauma lead to Crohn’s disease

Dr Wood: Absolutely! It was really because of my daughter. My wife, when I met her, I realized she was living in a very different household than I grew up in. She had a very traumatic childhood with a very disruptive father, and so she developed Hashimoto’s (which is a thyroid disorder). She was in a constant state of, fight or flight, and it wasn’t until my daughter was diagnosed with, Crohn’s disease, at age 14 that we then started to look for answers for her.

She was just basically told to get rid of gluten and dairy and change her diet, they really had no answer. When she was 16, she disclosed to us some, childhood trauma, that she’d experienced between the ages of six and eight that we were unaware of. I usually sometimes don’t talk about this, but she actually had a second, autoimmune disorder, called Idiopathic Pulmonary Hemosiderosis; which is just a long form. It’s a long name. Basically, it’s another, autoimmune disease, that affects the lungs and the iron in the lungs. It causes the lungs to bleed out and basically that could be a death sentence.  One out of 1.2 million people get it and a fair percentage of them die from it within five years.

That is really what started me looking for answers. I made the connection in my mind between unresolved, childhood trauma and these, autoimmune, problems.  What I mean by unresolved is that the, childhood trauma, is continuing to loop.  The people are continuing to experience it as when the, trauma, was active, that creates, inflammation, in the body. The, inflammation, then compromises your, immune system, and your, neurotransmitters. If your, immune system, is compromised like it was with my daughters, the, inflammation, stays active. Inflammation, is basically a temporary pause in the system to protect the system against a threat.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

If Childhood Trauma is not addressed it becomes inflammation

The problem for my daughter was that the threat continued because the memory of her, childhood trauma, was looping and continued to stay active. What I believe is the connection between these, autoimmune, issues is if you don’t resolve that, trauma, it just continues.  The, inflammation,  for my daughter showed up in her intestinal area. There are a lot of people who have ended up with,  Crohn’s disease, colitis,  and, IBD, because of, inflammation, from, trauma.  The cells go into a cell danger response, so they basically become hardened, enlarged and inflamed to protect the system temporarily until the danger passes.  Then the, immune system, comes in, cleans up and takes over.

For my daughter, it didn’t fix because she constantly was feeling the experiences from the result of her, childhood trauma. It stayed in this active cell danger response, but after we got the, trauma, resolved for my daughter, she hasn’t had a, Crohn’s,  flare-up. There’s no other explanation in my mind that why her, Crohn’s, would stop and her idiopathic pulmonary issues also stopped. There was where I made the connection between the two.

Myrna: The connection between the, Crohn’s disease, I understand, because a lot of times when we’re in, fight or flight, or when we’re nervous or anything, we feel it in our gut, so that’s definitely understandable.

Dr Wood: Crohn’s disease, can be sometimes called Creatural Bowel Syndrome, you feel it in your gut.  I understand that part because you’re always tense, and you’re always nervous.

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Autoimmune Disease and the Fight or Flight Response

Myrna: That’s definitely a, fight or flight, response. Now, did you understand why your wife’s, autoimmune disorder, showed up in her lungs which a a weird place to get it? What does the breath, the lungs and the iron in the lungs has to do with your, autoimmune? Tell us what’s going on there again.

Dr Wood: I just believe it’s coming down to, inflammation, so it shows up genetically different in different people. For my daughter, it ended up in her lower intestinal area. She also ended up with, inflammation, in her lungs as well. My wife ended up with a, thyroid disorder. I think it just shows up depending on where your weakest link is in your system. That’s why it shows up in different places for different people.

Myrna: Now, you mentioned specifically that your daughter’s, childhood trauma, happened between the ages of six and eight. Did you adopt her or something?

Dr Wood: No, she is our biological child. There was another young girl in the neighborhood that was a little older that had been abusing her.  We were unaware. We thought she was just like a big sister and so she had been abusing her and we didn’t know about it, and then we moved. The abuse stopped obviously because we moved, and then when she was 16, my daughter disclosed it to us and then by now she’s got,  Crohn’s disease. Again, we hadn’t quite made that connection yet, because we were told by the doctors that, she’s just have to learn to live with, Crohn’s disease. She’d eventually have to have four surgeries done where they had to literally go in and cut out pieces.

She really suffered and they said eventually she’ll just end up with a colostomy bag. That’s why my wife did all kinds of research and everything that she was learning was teaching people to live, manage and cope with, Crohn’s, but not fix it, because they say there’s no cure for, Crohn’s.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

What does Regulate Mean?

Myrna: If you’re having, autoimmune disorders, then you might want to look at the fact that you might have unresolved, childhood trauma.  There is a host of people that has unresolved, childhood trauma.

Dr Wood: My wife didn’t have a safe place and there was no safe landing place. So, she constantly stayed in this state of fear so she couldn’t, regulate.

Myrna: Regulate,  that’s Dr. Perry’s favorite word. Regulate, is new word for me.

Dr Wood: Yes, we all need to, regulate.  We need to find a way to cope either by listening to music or something else.

Myrna: Yes. I mean, I didn’t understand what that meant, but now it’s one of my new words in my vocabulary. I understand what, regulate, means, but maybe you might want to explain it to our listeners and readers.

Dr Wood: Sure. I know you had mentioned the, Vagus nerve. The, Vagus nerve, is either going to activate your, sympathetic nervous system, or, parasympathetic nervous system. Your, sympathetic nervous system, is your, fight or flight, and your, parasympathetic nervous system, is your rest and digest. The idea behind it is, if there’s a constant threat going on your mind (like feeling unsafe), your, sympathetic nervous system, is going to be constantly activated.  Eighty percent of the messaging from the, Vagus nerve, comes from the stomach, where all that, inflammation, starts coming in.  They say your, gut, is your second brain and is sending information to the brain that there’s something wrong and we’re in stress all day long. Then the, inflammation, comes in and the rest and digest goes out the door. The, parasympathetic nervous system, is now turned off and is responding from the, sympathetic nervous system.

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The Parasympathetic Nervous System and Childhood Trauma

The idea behind it is when you’re in, regulation, that, sympathetic, responds to a threat that is current and, parasympathetic,  is what you’re supposed to be in most of the time. The problem coming is that, childhood trauma, continues to activate that, Vagus nerve, sympathetic nervous system, because the mind glitches. Actually, I call it an error message. Your mind thinks the memory is still real, because it sees it in real time and so it’s activating that system to try to protect you even though there’s nothing happening. It’s just information about something that happened in your past.

Myrna: That’s why we develop, autoimmune disorder, because we are constantly in, fight or flight, mode.

Dr Wood: One of the things that was difficult for my wife, I couldn’t understand why. Even though, she was living in my world now, we were doing well, we had a beautiful home with three beautiful children; yet she wasn’t enjoying it. She couldn’t relax and enjoy it, she was constantly preparing for the trouble to come.  As a child her father would always cause her pain.

She learned that good times end and they end really quickly. She never wanted to get into that position of getting her hopes up that things were going to be okay, because her experiences which I call her ‘atmospheric conditions’ had been very dark and stormy. So, she’s expecting the storm and don’t want to start feeling safe. It was the loops our program can fix. We don’t need to live and manage with it, we can actually fix it.

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Childhood Trauma is like Rust

Myrna: You said that people that experience symptoms from unresolved, childhood  trauma, such as, addiction, PTSD, anxiety, achieving peak performance of the sport, business center, relationships.  You say to think of those unresolved, childhood trauma, as rust and you said that most programs and therapies solution is to paint a cover over the rust whereas your program; the, TIPP program, removes the rust altogether. Now, this is your opportunity to tell us. What does, Tipp, stand for and what does it do?

Dr Wood: Tipp, stands for The, Inspired Performance Program. The reason we called it performance and not ‘trauma therapy’ was because I start off with the premise that there’s nothing wrong with anybody. There’s nothing wrong with anybody’s mind. Your mind is filtering through your unique set of experiences to respond to your current present situation and so when you talked about the rust, what I say is, if you just paint over the rust, the rust will bubble up through the paint.

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What is the TIPP Program to cure Childhood Trauma

Eventually, the key is to sit it down, prime it and then paint it and then the rust is gone. That’s what we do. What we do with, TIPP.  I take you through a process. It’s a four hour process that we basically reboot and refresh that old traumatic memory. The best way to explain it to you and people who are listening to this is that you can do this along with this, is I’ll say can you remember what you ate for dinner last night? So, I ask you Myrna, can you remember what you ate for dinner last night?

Myrna: Yes. I had rice and beans with something that we call tripe.

Dr Wood: Okay. When you’re looking at this, you’ll notice that you looked up and when you looked up you saw pictures of what you ate, right? That’s how you stored the information about dinner last night. No other animal does that, only humans store that kind of explicit detail about events and experiences. Now your survival brain is operating about 95 of everything for you. Your survival brain is fully present and in the moment now, when we have a traumatic event all your senses are heightened, sight, smell and hearing.

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PTSD and Childhood Trauma

How’s it going to record that very bright and very intense with a tremendous amount of data brought in? Can you see where this glitch is going to come in now? If for some reason your mind accesses that memory that was traumatic and it sees all that intensity and high definition to it, what does it think it’s happening? Right now. If you’re in a threatening situation, doesn’t it make sense that all of a sudden your, sympathetic nervous system, would engage your heart, your heart would start racing and you would go into that kind of a response. Even though there’s no threat, it’s just information about a threat that’s, post traumatic stress. The person is constantly reliving through that memory and experiencing, PTSD.

What we do in our program is we’re going to take that high definition traumatic memory and get your mind to reprocess that into the same format as to what you ate for dinner last night and takes a lot of that intensity out of it. Now, when you recall it, your mind doesn’t call for the action, because when you have an emotion, the purpose of an emotion is a call for an action. The purpose of fear is to escape a threat and the purpose of anger is to attack a threat.

Myrna: Your, Tipp program, also helps people by rebooting, panic attacks, and anxiety.

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The Vegas Nerve and Panic Attacks

Dr Wood: It works the same way. If I can think, it will be the panic attack and anxiety, is the, fight-or-flight, response to this memory, right? So, panic attacks, are actually a combination of the emotional and physical. The mind is feeling threatened for some reason, but it can’t find the danger and then what happens is it starts to activate your nervous system.

Now, your brain starts getting messages from the, Vagus nerve, from the system saying we’re running low on oxygen, the brain is like there’s going to be a lion around here, but I can’t see the lion. Then the body starts sending messages like our Co2 has changed, our oxygen level has changed and so all of those signals come into the brain when the brain is already feeling a stress response; it then goes into a, panic attack.

So, I wrote a patent for a band that you can wear on your wrist to detect a, panic attack, coming up to an hour before the, panic attack, start. The mind is doing this constant search looking for a problem that it can’t find, starts to activate the nervous system which then starts sending messages to the brain and it’s happening up to an hour before the, panic attack, happens.

But, people think the, panic attack, can come on suddenly, but it is starting an hour before. The idea behind this band is that, the band will detect when the mind is starting to do that thing and then what I teach you in our, TIPP program, is how to shut it down.

Myrna: I love our conversation. I now see why you’re a podcast favorite, because this is good Stuff.

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What are Emotional Concussions?

Dr Wood: The second book I wrote was called “Emotional Concussions”. Exactly those kinds of things that are not the big “T” traumas.

  • They’re like that coach that told you you’re never going to be good enough.
  • The teacher that told you you’re not smart enough,
  • the parent that said you’ll never make it give that whole plan up, you’re not going to make it.
  • Those are, emotional concussions, that can keep looping for 40 years.

Myrna: Your new book is called “You must be out of your mind, we all need a Reboot”, so tell us about your book. Why you wrote the book and what’s basically the message that you’re sending out?

Dr Wood: The first book was written really about the, Tipp program, and how it was developed. I talked about how my daughter and my wife were living this life. The only solution had been medical, give them prescriptions and medications and that led me on the search to try to find what I discovered – that this, childhood trauma, is what was continually activating their nervous system which was then creating their issues. So, that’s why I said we all need to reboot, we got to get you out of that mind, we’ve got to reboot that mind and reset it to its original manufacture settings.

Everybody can benefit from this reboot, because like I said, the highest performing people when we have this unresolved, trauma, not only does it affect the mind, it affects the body and it actually affects our energy.

Myrna: Tell our listeners how they can connect with you and pick up copies your books.

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Conclusion to Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Dr Wood: They can either do it two different ways: go to get the,  Tipp program, at gettipp.com . You’ll get the information on the program. You can either do it digitally online or in person. I take you through the whole four hour program online or you can come and personally see me for a one-on-one experience.

Head over to https://www.gettipp.com/transform for a discount.

Myrna: Everybody has been talking about mindfulness and meditation and I’m not sure how that relates to, trauma.

I know that’s how I find my peace, but whatever, trauma, I had, if I had any it’s been long removed, but I do practice my self-care meditation. I, regulate, myself, I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing, but I, regulate, myself by walking 5k every day. You know what I mean, that’s all part of, regulation, so absolutely yes a lot of those things that you can do to sort of help as well.

Thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Real Life Radio podcast and television show. If you have not done so and you’re listening to this on iTunes, please subscribe and leave a review. I bring you great quality guests like Dr. Wood every week as we try to transform your mind so that you can transform your life.

Until next time, blessings.

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Additional Resources

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Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

 

How to Stop Negative Self Talk

Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative.  Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example.  So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”

My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers.  Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.

Does being a martial artist help with self communication?

Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness?  You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.

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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices.  I started practicing martial art around 17 years old.  I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.

I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.

How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns

Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.

I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.

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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?

Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication.  The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.

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How to Listen to your Self-talk

You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.

What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves.  We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.

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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:

  • you’re not good enough.
  • you’ll never be nothing.
  • you will never amount to anything.
  • You will never be a success in life.

Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?

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Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?

Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.

Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?

Cheyne – That’s a great question.  I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.

There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi

This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives.  The mind leads the Chi!

When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.

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Negative self-talk – I am not good enough

Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.

Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves.  I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.

We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.

I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:

  • you’re so pretty.
  • you’re so beautiful.
  • you are going to kick ass in this job.
  • I am good enough for this promotion.

No, the, self-communication, is always negative.

Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.

Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk

Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program.  Tell us about it.

Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”

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People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.

Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.

Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today.  What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.

How do we process those experiences?  We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.

Self-liberation is a freeing experience

This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.

Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s.  I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it.  Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.

What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?

Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.

When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation.  We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.

These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way.  We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.

Myrna – One of my most favorite quotes from Dr Wayne Dwyer

Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change

 

All we have to do the work.  I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!

We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk

If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions.  The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame.  You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.

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Tell our readers how they can get more information on your work.

Cheyne – thank you very much Myrna, my website is www.learntdsl.com.

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Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

 

TDSL means the dialogue of, self-liberation.

We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.

We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.

 

Conclusion

I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio  Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.

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Additional Resources

https://www.findcourses.com/search/emotional-intelligence-training

Life Leadership & Success