As we approach Father’s Day, I wanted to talk about, father absence. I was inspired to talk about this from an article I read from relationship coach Andre Paradis. He shared some disturbing, father absence statistics, and the, causal effects of, father absence, and, black father absence.
Back in the 60’s, 5% of white women, 15% of Latinas, and 20% of black women were single mothers. Fast forward 40 years later Now, 20% of white women, 55% of Latinas and 70% of black women are single mothers. Those are scary numbers. The causal effects of, father absence, is that 70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households? 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.
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Black father absence
As a black woman I empathize with my black sisters who are raising their children without fathers.
As a relationship coach Andre feels the reason for, father absence, is because women are not able to create healthy bonds with men so they leave. Also, the role of a father is to provide and protect his family and now the women have become the providers and protectors. No wonder women have lost their, feminine traits, and men run around calling us, masculine women.
Problem is Andre says, is women can’t raise men. I know they say that we only raise cattle not kids, but that is the only word we know.
Single family homes or to be specific, single mom homes, are creating kids who are not contributing members to society.
70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households. 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.
Without a father present, boys don’t learn to develop some very basic male traits like integrity, accountability, sacrifice, character-building choices, appropriate use of force, how to provide or protect, etc. Only men can teach young men how to become good men.
Father absence creates soft men
He says women don’t have these traits built in. Women pass on connection, tenderness, being kind, sweet and loving, being passive, sharing instead of competing, etc. The problem is that raising boys to be sweet girls doesn’t make them sweet boys; it makes them emotional, and weak. Not able to provide or protect a family.
Masculine men, who had a father as a role model, control their tempers and do what needs to be done regardless of how they “feel” about it. They protect women, children, animals, and the weak, because they’ve built up their character and know that they are valuable and capable. Weak, sweet, soft men DON’T! Boys need Men to show them the right way and the honorable way.
Women can’t do this for boys. They have a whole different set of innate values and characteristics.
Father absence makes girls look for love in all the wrong places
But boys are not the only ones who need a father, girls needs a daddy for two very important reasons.
- First, she needs her dad to be the first man to love and protect her. This builds her trust in men. Girls who grow up without a father’s love go looking for love in all the wrong places.
- Secondly, young girls who are raised without fathers have NO idea what a “daddy” (father role-model) looks like and does in life. Without daddy energy in the house or around her, a young woman sees her mom become the provider and protector and she in turn becomes a, masculine woman, which takes away her femininity, vulnerability and ability to trust anyone… especially men.
So, ladies your children need their fathers. Do whatever you can to encourage a relationship with their fathers even if he does not support them financially. A father’s love is priceless.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Your kids need you.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna