In a world where aspirations and motivations can vary significantly, it's crucial to understand the distinction between being a “goal digger” and a “gold digger.” Both terms revolve around the pursuit of something valuable, but their intentions and paths diverge drastically.
In this blog, coach Myrna shares the difference between setting SMART goals with ambition, determination, and a desire to achieve your dreams with hard work and perseverance. Coach Myrna also explore the pitfalls of falling into the “gold digger” mindset – an approach driven by the pursuit of material wealth at the expense of genuine service and personal growth.
Do you chase money instead of goals? Being a, goal digger, means you are focusing on achieving your goals and pursuing your passions rather than solely chasing money. For example, do you want that job because you have a goal of being of service or you want that job because of the pay grade?
Take Life coaching for example, a lot of Life coaches can’t make a living doing this work but they love helping people so they willingly do the job.
Here are six tips to help you become a goal digger:
Define your goals: Take time to identify your long-term and short-term goals. What do you truly want to achieve in life? Having a clear vision will help you stay focused and motivated. It is also good to go deeper and have SMART goals.
These are SMART goals.
Specific: Spell out exactly what you want to accomplish
Begin by thinking about your goal as an observable action, not a broad concept. If your goal is vague, moving beyond this part of goal-setting is challenging. because it could be too generalized to measure or too wide-reaching to be attainable.
Measurable: Define the end result in quantitative or qualitative terms
How will you know when you have achieved your goal? Or how close you are to attaining it? Think about the outcomes and what can be measured. Knowing what success looks like will help you maintain the outcome of the goal, or set a baseline for future improvement.
Achievable: Confirm that your goal is possible and reasonable to accomplish
Do you have access to the skills and resources required to achieve your goal? What support or learning do you need to achieve it? Make sure you are set up to succeed when you establish your goal. This is a critical part of goal-setting.
Relevant: Make sure your goal is relevant for the future. AI is making a lot of jobs obsolete as computers did in the past. For example, writers are being phased out because AI can write a really good copy.
Time-bound: Identify an achievement date for your goal. Is it a long term or short-term goal? 6 months or 6 years? When does your goal need to be completed? A time-bound goal creates a sense of urgency. Even if the date identified isn’t the final deadline of the program or work, a time-bound goal helps to chart a course to completion.
Pursue your passions: Identify your interests and find ways to incorporate them into your goals. When you genuinely enjoy what you're working towards, it becomes easier to stay committed and motivated.
Create a plan: Break down your goals into actionable steps. Develop a plan that outlines the specific tasks you need to complete to achieve each goal. This will help you stay organized and make progress.
Embrace learning and growth: Continuously seek opportunities to learn and develop new skills related to your goals. Invest in self-improvement, whether through books, courses, or mentorship. Constantly expanding your knowledge will enhance your ability to succeed.
Surround yourself with like-minded individuals: Connect with people who share similar goals or passions. Engaging with a supportive community can provide motivation, inspiration, and valuable insights.
Stay persistent and resilient: Achieving meaningful goals often requires perseverance. Be prepared for setbacks and challenges along the way. Learn from failures, adapt, and keep moving forward. Maintain a positive mindset and believe in your abilities.
Conclusion
Remember, while money can be a byproduct of achieving your goals, it should never be the sole focus. Stay true to your passions, work hard, and enjoy the journey of pursuing your dreams and being a, goal digger.
Tanya Cole-Lesnick, psychotherapist share the transformative power of, group therapy, and why there is, strength in numbers. She delves into the profound impact of, group therapy, in fostering personal growth and transformation. In this post Tanya shares how the power of collective support and shared experiences as individuals come together to navigate life's challenges, heal emotional wounds, and help others embark on a journey of self discovery. This podcast offers a compelling exploration of the transformative dynamics found within the context of, group therapy.
Tanya Cole Lesnick has been a psychotherapist which is a licensed clinical social worker and coach since 1995. She received her master's degree in social work from New York University after, group therapy, changed her life. She has extensive experience in outpatient hospital mental health, private practice and Wellness from those experiences. Over the years she has identified her most important focus helping people to live lives that light them up.
She does this by helping clients to access and honor their truth, change habits that do not serve them and to heal faulty narratives so they are living in alignment inside and out. Her work result revolves around intimate groups as she shares the inner words and being human together in a safe space is what she finds to be the most powerful way to transform Our Lives.
Myrna: In your bio Tanya you said that, group therapy, changed your life can you share that experience with us because I'm curious.
Tanya: I actually started my career out as a graphic designer and in those early days, I was very much longing for a, long-term love relationship, and I was struggling to find a partner and relationships were not lasting. I didn't really understand what was in the way for me. The idea of therapy came to me but I felt a lot of stigma associated with therapy.
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I also was very dismissive of my issues and thinking well that was aren't legitimate enough for me to explore therapy. But as time went on and my longing continued and the pattern wasn't changing, I decided I didn't really care if I was the right candidate or not I wanted something to change. I started therapy with this wonderful woman named Bonnie and right away that experience was very healing.
I felt like I could tell her what was going on. I did not feel judged by her, it felt emotionally safe to share my story and so that part was great. But very early on she suggested that I add, group therapy, and the thought of it was very terrifying, because I was much more vulnerable with her than I really ever had been. So the idea of sharing some of that stuff with people who at that time were strangers to me scared me.
But I was building some trust in Bonnie and she thought it was going to be helpful and I was sort of intrigued, so I said yes and started that process. It was really a combination of the two being in a group situation and then processing some of what came up for me separately with Bonnie and then going back to the group, where I was able to grow in lots of ways.
Number one, the reason why I thought maybe I wasn't able to have a long-term love relationship might have been because I wasn't lovable that was what my own brain was explaining to me. Maybe I was unlovable, maybe that was what the problem was, so by going into this group therapy, I was able to get to know people that I really admired and learn about their insecurities that were so similar to my insecurities.
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Group therapy helped me peel all all the false messaging
I was able to kind of peel away some of those messages that were just not true and got more comfortable in my own skin and developed some confidence became more embodied, because I think while I was trying to meet somebody. I kept curating the version of myself that I was going to show up at and trying to decide what somebody else was going to like rather than showing up fully as myself, because that didn't feel so safe.
And so all of that stuff happened. I did meet a man who became my husband pretty early on and he and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. We've got two grown amazing daughters so that life that I loved or happened and fairly quickly, but the part that I didn't anticipate was how much I was going to connect to myself, how meaningful that Journey was going to be for me and how much more satisfied with my life I became.
As I started to have a better relationship with myself, that's when I decided to go back to school and become a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist and coach and have been dedicating my life to helping other people have transformations of their own.
Myrna: Wow that is a very good story and it's almost original because you're right you know I've not heard anybody go into therapy because they're looking for a life partner, it's usually going into therapy because of some kind of trauma or addiction or something you know whether it's, group therapy, or not. So it's amazing that you did and so which is what makes us the spin on this conversation so unique. I absolutely love that and I have some circle backs.
One is that what I know, group therapy, is what I've seen in the movies and what use the reason like you know they have the when you go into therapy and you say you know my name is Myrna and I'm an addict or whatever the reason that they do that there is because everybody there is an addict and everybody there can identify and you can share your space.
And I and I think they do that for the same reason that you said there's commonality, you feel that you're not alone. But what I don't understand you know maybe we can unpack a little bit so you felt that you weren't able to have a permanent relationship because you're unlovable and when you went into therapy you were able to realize that message wasn't true.
So if I'm thinking of me, I'm putting myself, if I think that I'm not lovable and I go into therapy and I see someone else that thinks that she's not lovable how is that going to change me? How is that going to transform me?
Tanya: These relationships happen over time, this particular group was every week, so week to week we might have different layers to very similar conversations. So if I'm watching somebody else who is talking about feeling unlovable and I can see how untrue it is, it opens up a little bit of possibility in my own mind that could be the case for me too.
If I can see how lovable she is and she can't see it for herself, maybe it's not that I'm unlovable, It's just I'm struggling to see it for myself which are very different things. So that was part of it. I think sharing more of my honest self with people and having people respond to that in such positive ways, I think helped me.
Also see that my inner world wasn't so off-putting. I thought it was, and so I would take a little more risk a little more risk as the relationships within, group therapy, grew. Everybody would share a little bit more and there was a very like in real time opening up that either happened or didn't. Some, group sessions, we maybe stayed a little bit more on the surface, other group sessions maybe we went a little bit deeper depending on sort of what got brought into the room and how we all responded to it; but the cumulative impact was really touching on these very deep places.
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Group therapy allowed me to touch deep places
In these deep places that was not typically happening in my life outside of group or or most of us we don't typically go into such a deep place.
As I practiced in, group therapy, It felt safer for me to start doing some of that outside in the world. This allowed me to meet my husband very quickly because I started to show up differently.
Myrna: Why you think people fear, group therapy? I think you probably kind of hit the nail on the head earlier that people don't like to tell how they're really feeling, even in, group therapy, in a relationship. They always want to out on a mask. I'm pretty sure that's one of the reasons. So why do you think people fear, group therapy?
Tanya: I think it's the vulnerability piece. I think it's what we are working on when we go into either a therapy or a, group therapy, situation ,we want to improve some things that aren't going well for us. So to be honest about what's not going well for us, I think does feel very vulnerable and there's real fear about how we're going to be received if people hear how badly we're struggling with something.
Myrna: In your experience what helps clients move forward towards the changes they long for and what keeps them stuck?
The transformation starts when we recognize what we're each bringing into adulthood, what are our, limiting beliefs. First off getting curious and checking in and recognizing where you've got messaging that's not serving you and then starting to make some changes which can bring up some emotions. When we start to challenge some of this old beliefs, we start, getting unstuck.
Myrna: How do they go from being clear about what they want in life and starting, group therapy, or even regular therapy?
Tanya: The first step I think starting to recognize the pain points can be really helpful, so it can be something like when are you agreeing to things that you're dreading that you don't want to be doing that you notice like emotions coming up that are really negative connected to that. Or you are getting depleted, feeling resentful because you've said yes to things you don't want to be doing.
Our energy actually gets maximized when we're living in alignment and we're not stuck in our heads weighing everything out assessing things, ruminating about things.
Myrna: Let's say that you go into, group therapy, and they're saying Tanya do you have something to share, and you're sitting there and you're thinking of all the things that goes on in your mind. The messages in your mind. And you tell yourself, I am not going to share nothing because they are going to think badly of me. When do you decide to take the risk and share with the group?
Tanya: We take a risk like that in therapeutic environments all the time so for me it's not unusual to see it, but what I see in groups and I run little Retreats as well. I see people taking those kinds of emotional risks with each other where they'll share something they feel maybe some shame about and feel uncomfortable to share, when I see people do that, I'm always sort of celebrating them.
The connections that happen when people feel permission to share is enormous. Taking that chance and giving themselves permission is great. Someone else listening then says to themselves if they can do it, then I can do it too. Those relationships in the groups that get formed are a special kind of communication that happens from this inner place that's so beautiful to watch.
Myrna: I absolutely absolutely agree, because a lot of times when people are depressed they don't want to talk, they don't want to talk to anybody they hold it all in and therapy is talking, which is why talk therapy has become so popular. In, group therapy, what you're doing is seeing that there's other people that feel the same way and then you don't feel so badly about yourself.
Tell us about your work with groups and how you help your clients and how listeners can connect with you and be a part of your work and your group.
Tanya: I run a coaching group program called Activate where people get a combination of group sessions with a few individual sessions; so that people can focus on identifying what it is that they want to work on and bring that to group. It's a six-month commitment and then sort of Midway through we assess what's shifting, where are they and continuing to adjust goals along the way; so people continue to clear whatever's in the way for them energetically and start to focus on building the lives that they really want to be living.
I do that group coaching program and do some small Retreats as well, because all my work is virtual except for The Retreat, so that's just a more intensive weekend when people can really check in and do some of the work that we do in group, but a little bit more intensively. I have one coming in New York in October so not you know a number of months away we just did one in April which was amazing and so anybody that's interested in working with me in any way.
I offer a free Discovery session that somebody can schedule themselves right on my website and it's 20 minutes to chat about whatever they might be thinking. My website is www.clearenergeticclutter.com
I think the thing that I often say at the very end is just to remind people number one to be kind to yourself This is a tricky process and I know that people have a tendency to get frustrated with themselves especially if you start to recognize patterns you're not thrilled about that you want to change it takes some time and energy to change some of these patterns so to be kind to yourself and allow yourself some quiet and some space to get in the habit of connecting to yourself. Those are the two things that I hope people really hold on to in this process.
That's good advice To know yourself is to grow yourself so you got to know yourself. I got an aha moment almost from my first question why was, group therapy, different from regular therapy and you answered that right away and that was my aha moment and. I get it, I understand it so yes it was a good conversation. Thank you Tanya for being on the show and for illuminating our our awareness of, group therapy.
If you're listening to this and iTunes we'd love for you to rate and review if you're listening on YouTube would love for you to subscribe. Until next time namaste
Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn't enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.
However, there are instances, when love alone isn't enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn't enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.
Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn't enough.
Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.
Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8
Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?
Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.
For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.
Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.
Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It's important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.
I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir. In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.
Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It's important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.
Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
Emotional eating, can be challenging to break, but here are 3 tips to help you break the cycle. In this blog, Dr Katrina Ubell, author of “How to Lose Weight For the Last Time” talks about how to escape the cycle of, emotional eating. Emotional eating, is a habit that can be hard to break, but with the right strategies, you can conquer it.
To break the cycle of, emotional eating, you first have to recognize when you're eating for emotional reasons. Once you've identified your triggers, you need to find strategies to stop yourself from eating. In this post, we're going to share with you three simple tips that can help you overcome, emotional eating, and start feeling healthier and happier!
Stop emotional eating and lose weight one last time
Dr Katrina Ubell's book “How to Lose Weight for the Last Time” offers brain-based solutions for dropping pounds and keeping them off without suffering or sacrifice. As a pediatrician Dr Katrina Ubell MD always struggled with her weight she was either 40 pounds overweight or struggling to use lose that weight although she'd regularly counseled parents on the importance of keeping their kids healthy and fostering good eating habits.
Dr Ubell as a busy professional was never able to do the same for herself. Like everyone else she tried many different diets and programs, but would always regain that weight. In 2015 Dr Ubell cracked the code for making, weight loss permanent, and developed the program targeted at busy professionals like herself who often deprioritized their own wellness. As a, weight loss coach, Dr Ubell has signed and helped over a thousand busy Physicians and professionals find and stay at a healthy weight with her brain based program and she's now ready to bring this program to the general public like you.
Dr Ubell's program doesn't involve any unrealistic diets plans, special Foods supplements or even rigorous exercise protocols; instead she uses a deep understanding of the brain and behavior patterns to get results. Through her work she's been able to uncover and speak into Universal obstacles that stand in her way of losing and keeping the weight off.
Myrna: I know we're all aware of the yo-yo diet, you diet you lose the weight, you start eating again because you got to, then you put the weight back on. Share how you lost 50 pounds? Tell us about your, weight loss journey, and how you cracked the code to keep weight off because you look pretty good right now.
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I struggled with my weight for so long, when I was younger I can identify that I definitely did some, emotional eating, which I define as just eating food when you're not physically hungry. Your body is not asking for food, yet you're eating anyway. I mean I might have fluctuated a little bit, but I was relatively active as a kid.
But it was never really too big of a problem, it was when I went to medical school that things really started to become a problem for me. There just was no time for anything but studying working in the hospital, and hospital food that's not particularly nutritious. I mean there was even a Wendy's fast food restaurant in our Hospital. So I started struggling in medical school so I went to Weight Watchers for the first time.
I'm a high achiever you give me a list of rules and I'm like I can do this. I will suffer follow it. I will totally sit here starving. That's when I started drinking diet soda, because I think the bubbles and the carbonation filled me up. Some of the stuff that I would do all in the effort to get the weight off, but then what I found was that I got the weight off but I knew I couldn't keep it off.
I really didn't have any kind of meaningful plan for maintaining at all and so of course, I regained the weight back and then I repeated that cycle I mean literally at least 10 times over the course of my training in residency and then out in practice.
Myrna: I was about to turn 40 old when my battle with, weight loss, began. I you know a lot of people around those Milestone birthdays we start to just kind of reevaluate everything and one of the things I was was thinking about was my body my weight.
Dr Ubell: I was just trying a bunch of different things and through a very circuitous path, I tried more things that didn't work, but through that path I was introduced to the concept of, emotional eating, before then people would talk a lot about, compulsive eating, and that term did not resonate with me. When I found out that, emotional eating, is eating for any reason other than fuel for your body, I was like oh yeah no sign me up.
I would overeat when I didn't know any of other way to deal with my emotions and you know have a busy life. I have three kids, I have a husband who is a surgeon, so he's got a busy as well. As a doctor there's a lot of ups and downs and I had no other tools, no other skills so of course I would use food to cope. Some people use alcohol, but for me it was food.
Myrna: That was a great intro on, emotionally eating. Right now I am doing intermittent fasting and I'm supposed to eat my dinner between six and seven and I'm not supposed to eat again for the night, and it's incredibly hard not to eat. My brain is is telling me that I need to go eat something and I'm not hungry. I might get hungry 10 30 or 11 o'clock when I go to bed, but at 8 o'clock I'm not hungry, but I want to eat. How are you teaching in the book and your clients how to stop that desire to eat when they are not hungry?
Emotional Eating when you are not hungry leads to weight gain
Dr Ubell: I am so glad you brought it up because so many people struggle with this. Nighttime eating for people is so hard. So the first thing we want to do though is, we want to zoom out and look at the big picture a little bit and for everybody it's going to be a little bit different but there's often some common themes.
For a lot of us, this is just habit. It's just what we do and so our brains are like hey it's eight o'clock it's time for a snack. Some eat for comfort in the evening. A lot of people struggle with, nighttime eating, which is why, intermittent fasting, is blowing up.
Myrna: You said that when you were in medical school you had no time to eat right and you found out that you were not alone, that all Doctors ate bad because they had to time to eat healthy. But a lot of women and mothers have a busy life, they get up in the morning they got kids, they go to work, they come home, they gotta do dinner, sometimes it is much earlier to stop and pick up fast foods.
Dr Ubell: I think the thing that we have to recognize is that a lot of busy women in particular think about things in the extreme swings of the pendulum. Either they need to be cooking this home-cooked meal with all these fresh vegetables bowls that takes a long time and is pretty involved with lots of ingredients. Nobody got time for that right, we're not doing that. So then I guess we're just eating burgers at Wendy's.
Book How to lose weight for the last time
How to Lose Weight For the last time
But the biggest thing that we have to recognize when we're very busy, our time is accounted for is simplifying what we expect of ourselves and what we eat those are amazing tools. You could order HelloFresh at a 50% discount. Much cheaper that delivery. Or cook something simple.
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Myrna: Tell us about your book “How To Lose Weight For the Last Time” I understand the main message of the book is, emotional eating, and the conversation you have in your mind about the food, but what is the predominant message that you want to put out?
Dr UBell: The main message of the book is that if you've struggled with overeating/your weight and you're feeling like your relationship with food is not where you want it to be, there's a solution. What I talk about is what I call Peace and Freedom around food. I described before which is you are just around all the foods it's Thanksgiving and all your favorite foods are there and you're gonna enjoy the heck out of them, but you're not gonna overeat them. You're not obsessed, you're not sitting there asking when's the time for pie, because I can't think of anything else. I can't even hold this conversation because all I'm thinking about is pie!
What we're doing is we're using our brains to re-regulate that so that we listen to the call of hunger, answer to the satiety signals when we've had enough. We have an appropriate amount of desire for food, meaning when we start getting hungry we want to eat that makes sense, but not in the middle of the day all the time. So that's really the message in the book is that you have way more control over this than you think. You're not broken, it's not hopeless and you can't fix.
Myrna: So where can they get a copy of your book? Tell us about your website and social media handles.
Conclusion
Dr Ubell: So the book is available anywhere books are sold. It's also available on audible. My website is www.KatrinaUbellMd.com and my podcast even though it's called “Weight Loss for Busy Physicians” I have a lot of non-physician listeners, people have gotten a lot of help out of it. On my website there's several free resources that people can download and get started. If you buy the book and then put in your order number on our special website which is KatrinaUbell.com/book you'll get a whole Workshop that I did called guarantee your weight loss success.
This is a lot about getting yourself ready to start the process so that you can really follow through and make sure that you get the results that you want. So no matter how you buy it, you can go to that website and go get those free resources. My social media handles are coachKatrinaUbellMD mostly on Facebook Instagram.
Was, Carlee Russell, attention seeking behavior, going too far for attention? Seeking attention, is a natural human desire, but it is essential to strike a balance and consider healthy ways to, seek attention, without compromising personal values or the well-being of others. Going too far to, seek attention, can lead to negative consequences, such as alienating others, damaging relationships, or even risking one's own life.
In this blog post coach Myrna looks at, attention seeking behavior, in adults and offer some alternative behaviors.
The story this week getting national attention is the story of, Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old Black nursing student who decided suddenly or maybe she has been fascinated about this for years, to fake her abduction. Police says that, Carlee Russell, googled the movie Taken and other abduction tips before calling 911 and saying she saw a 4-year-old walking on the highway and she was going to go investigate.
Social media was in an uproar. Black activists, took to Instagram and Facebook to call for the same attention to finding, Carlee Russell, as they took to finding the rich White men who were lost in the submarine.
Then, Carlee Russell, showed up at her home 2 days later and tried to spin a story of how she was forced into an 18-wheeler truck and taken to a home where a man and a woman told her to get undressed and then took photos of her.
Carlee Russell Lied
After police started asking for details, she decided to come clean and confess that the story was a hoax and she lied about being kidnapped.
So today I want to look at, why adults seek attention. We know that kids love attention and if they don’t get, positive attention, they resort to getting, negative attention.
For adults, attention-seeking behavior, is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the, center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.
In the, Carlee Russell update, In a news briefing on Monday, Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said the department received a letter from Russell's attorney saying that she was never taken and that her report of a missing child on an interstate highway was false. No understanding of what was the purpose of this, attention seeking behavior.
What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like
Attention-seeking behavior, can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.
Examples of, attention seeking behavior include:
Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
Being controversial to provoke a reaction
Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or do it for you.
We know that saying something controversial gets you attention in the media and a lot of people seek attention this way, but for business reasons.
In the movie Barbie, there is a humorous section about women pretending not to know how to do things so as to get the attention from men who loves to show off that they could help. That is a tactic to make men feel strong and protective. I get that also.
Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention
But why would Carlee want to pretend she was abducted? To me that sounds almost like a mass shooter filming himself killing people so he could get his picture in the news. If that was Carlee’s intent she succeeded. Her pictures are plastered all over the news.
Getting attention for something that is a lie never works out. We still live in a society with values and lying is something that is still not acceptable. This stupid act has ruined her life and shamed her family.
So, the next time you want to seek attention, try to get it by contributing to humanity or doing acts of kindness instead of engaging in, attention seeking behavior. That works out better for everyone.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste
In this blog post, Karen McMahon, Divorce coach discuss the ins and outs of divorce, and provide you with the resources you need to rebuild your life after a divorce. Many people believe that divorce is the end of the world, but that's not necessarily the case.
In this episode, we're going to discuss the steps you need to take in order to rebuild your life after a divorce. We'll cover topics like financial planning, communication strategies, and rebuilding your relationship with your children. If you're struggling after a divorce, don't worry! This podcast is designed to help you on your road to rebuilding your life after divorce.
Karen McMahon is a certified relationship and divorce coach and the founder of Journey Beyond divorce. Together Karen and her team of divorce coaches encourage thousands of men and women worldwide to navigate their divorce calmly, clearly and with confidence. Karen began her journey as a coach in 2010 after coming to the realization that her tumultuous three and a half year divorce was a catalyst for a transformational journey into a new life, instead of allowing her pain to wear her down.
She turned inward with a laser-like focus and worked on healing herself, setting suitable barriers and surrendering what she could not control. Karen now shows others that the shifting world of divorce is a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking being and doing. Looking at relationship challenges with A New Perspective inevitably leads to deeper self-discovery, which allows individuals to boldly move forward in to the next chapter of Life.
Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey beyond divorce podcast, the co-author of stepping out of chaos, turning pain to possibility and the co-creator of JBD's exclusive 12-step divorce recovery program. Her other accomplishments include work as in NYS lobbyist Health Advocate, Community organizer and chairperson of an NYS non-profit organization.
Myrna: I remember an interview that I had just a few weeks ago with retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman, who talked about, life ambushes, and one of the ambushes he talks about was divorce. Jason said that people when they have a life Ambush, they keep looking at the closed door. They don't understand that whenever you have an end you also have a new beginning, so that's where I'm going to start off my conversation today.
Karen said that she started this work after she went through her divorce and realized that it was a beginning of something, so Karen how do you teach your clients to turn the pain of the of divorce into a possibility?
Karen: That's a great starting question and so the first thing I'll say is there are those who ask for the divorce and those who find themselves blindsided when the divorce comes to them. So if you're asking for a divorce, if you're finally deciding that you want a divorce, you've been struggling in your marriage for a long time. You may have gone through counseling, but you've been on your own grief Journey for some time now and it's still super messed up.
Then there is those who are blindsided, they knew the marriage had problems but every marriage has problems and so when their spouse says I want a divorce they're like hit, they're ambushed and it feels like they're being run over by an 18-wheeler.
So I always like to talk about the, grief Journey, because the person who's ambushed is immediately in denial. Oh are you seeing someone? You're just going through a midlife crisis, you're just confused, this can't be happening. They start bargaining, they go through this whole thing and a lot of people who have decided to divorce will think their spouse is being manipulative when in fact they're really in this, grief Journey.
Myrna: I can understand you going into the possibilities of what can happen so diving a little deeper. What is the, roadmap for divorce, you coach your clients about the possibility of relationships, career, etc.
Karen: The roadmap for divorce, is like a roadmap to a destination with all the stops. I was just speaking to a client earlier today and this person knows they need to leave and so there's so much to map out.
When do I tell my spouse
How do I tell my spouse
What do we say to the kids
When do we say it to the kids
If it's a high conflict marriage do I tell them individually
Will mom or dad throw me under the bus and hurt the kids if I tell them together?
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Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting
That whole journey and as you're going down that Journey, what's coming up it's like you've jumped into a murky Pond and all of your shortcomings, all of your insecurities, everything you need to heal from and refine comes bubbling up. So now you're in an emotional tsunami after just being drop shipped into a foreign land called divorce, where you don't know the language you don't have a guide and you don't know what the heck you're doing.
It's really a powerful opportunity for, personal transformation, and reinvention because basically it's a hot mess.
Myrna: For sure, one of the things that you teach is how to do effective, co-parenting. So can we talk about that for a minute.
Karen: So in today's day and age the majority of people get 50/50 custody and the reason is I think that to a large degree our dad's a much more engaged. So when the decision is made and you might still be living under the same roof, it's a good time to start saying let's let's experiment with this co-parent thing.
This is always hard for especially if it's a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home parent, because you're so used to this being all your division of labor. I want to talk about when co-parenting, and this is straight through the divorce, not only don't you speak to your child about what's wrong with their other parent they are 50 that other parent.
So not only don't you get on the phone with your girlfriend in the kitchen complaining about your soon-to-be ex while the kids are listening in the living room because they're always listening and it does such incredible harm. I'm divorcing him because he wasn't a good spouse or partner let's not assume that means he's not a good parent.
Myrna: I'm talking to you because I've never done the co-parenting thing and it sounds real complicated. I'm wondering does it benefit the kids?
Karen: A hundred percent. I work a lot in, high conflict divorce, and if you have a parent who has severe trauma, personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism etc. If you have a very, high conflict co-parent, the children are better spending more time with you. But children unless those people are dangerous it's always valuable for kids to experience both parents on a regular basis.
If you have one, high conflict personality, it's so vitally important that if you're married to the, high conflict personality, I can guarantee you you've lost your temper. You've raged, you've been a people pleaser, a codependent, you don't have boundaries, and you have to work on all of those things to become a whole and healthy person.
You can teach your children those skills so that they can navigate that, high conflict personality, you get to divorce them the children have to find the lanes that work for them. The safe places where they can really enjoy that, high conflict parent, and know that it's not their responsibility to take care of mommy or daddy.
There's one other piece that if I could talk about with co-parenting sometimes it was my experience a lot of people in a, high conflict divorce, sometimes the children come back from the other parent and and they're upset, they've been put down, they've been ignored, they feel diminished, they don't feel heard, they might not feel loved.
The worst thing that the mom can do is criticize their dad. It's so vitally important if your child comes to you and they're struggling with the other parent, ask a lot of questions.
What happened,
how did that make you feel,
what did you do about it,
what do you wish you could do about it,
what were you afraid to do that you wished you could do about it,
why are you afraid,
how can I help you,
how would you do it different next time,
how do we help you be able to say to Daddy or to set a boundary?
Myrna: I was talking about how love turns to hates so quickly. If a divorce happens because irreconcilable differences or something along those lines where you've been you've been living for a while and it's not working out you decide to divorce, but a lot of times, you're calling it, high conflict divorce, I'm assuming that you're meaning, high conflict, infidelity or you really hate your spouse male or female.
Mommy hates Daddy, mommy is gonna jump on that opportunity to bash that man, there's absolutely no way that we're gonna oh you know Daddy's not a bad person.
Karen: Actually there are plenty of people who divorce and are angry and hate each other, that's actually not, high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce, is when you're divorcing someone who takes zero responsibility and I'll say this because I think it's important in today's day and age everyone's like oh you're divorcing a narcissist.
I have a hard time with that, we're not psychologists, we don't know that, but what we do know is if you have someone who has very black and white thinking. Who always blames you and can't take responsibility, who seems to have a different memory of almost everything that happened yesterday or in history. Who can't sit down at the table and negotiate anything because they want everything or they're always right you're wrong.
These are personalities where a divorce isn't is a negotiation, because negotiations require transparency and compromise. Most Garden variety divorces involve someone who hates the other one or who's outgrown them and they're not interested in them. But no matter how you feel about your ex please hear me it is never ever going to be valuable for you to tell your child how bad their parent is.
Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce
Myrna: I agree with that totally. In my community women don't even want the kids even to see the parent because they hate them so much. All right, now one of the other things we talk about is after the battle of the divorce, when the divorce is final, that women put down our weapons and take off our armor and start to trust again. How do we how do you teach women to become vulnerable again and trust again?
Karen: That is one of the most important questions and I hope that everyone listening that you can receive this. When our trust has been broken, it usually starts with us breaking our trust in ourselves, and what I mean by that is most of us will say I knew it. I saw the red flags and ignored them. I saw that characteristic in him but he was just so handsome and sexy, I ignored it.
So when you start rebuilding trust, don't bash yourself, don't criticize yourself don't condemn yourself, for what you did. Be incredibly compassionate with yourself and start tuning in because our fear voices is this loud Amplified voice and our inner wisdom our intuition is this very soft whisper. When we can start tuning into the soft whisper and trusting our intuitive hit, our women's intuition that is going to be the foundation of building trust.
Entrepreneurship and divorce
Myrna: A lot of people don't think about going through a divorce when you're an entrepreneur and you have a business or maybe even going a divorce in the corporate world. When you are not emotionally at your Peak everything falls around you like dominoes. So what are three ways of keeping your business running smoothly during a divorce?
Karen: So you want three okay so the first thing I'm gonna say is:
The first one is you're going through the largest transition of your life, you're not going to be on your A game, so adjust your expectations. If you've got some enormous campaign that you've planned for this upcoming year and you're going to be in the courts and juggling kids and becoming a single parent you're basically setting yourself up to fail.
The second thing is to realize what's going on. When we're going through divorce, life is busy and overwhelming for all of us. It's almost like being on your computer and adding this huge database that's going to download onto your computer you know when you download something it's like every program slows down it gets really glitchy it just freezes that's what's happening in your brain.
I'll say like hiring a coach and a therapists because the do different things. A coach helps you both logistically and emotionally, a good attorney and you might need a financial plan; but on a personal level what is your All-Star support team look like?
Conclusion
Myrna: Karen this has been amazing, you have designed a 12-step divorce recovery program which sounds really great because what you're saying is you've got to recover from this divorce.
Karen: We found that over the course of years we started looking at what are all of the typical emotional challenges that people face during and after divorce. So we created the 12 Steps around that and so the first one which would be a surprise to nobody is to curb the conflict, because no matter what kind of a divorce you have there's going to be conflict. Let's keep the focus on you and look at your behavior and here's how you can do things differently.
Then we have another step that's about calming the chaos. Most chaos during divorce doesn't happen outside of you it happens between your ears, it's your stinking thinking. So what are your assumptions, what are your interpretations, what are your limiting beliefs? We talk in the 12 Steps about becoming less problem focused and more solution focused. We talk about how to grieve and grieve well and the importance of feeling your feelings and so many more.
Each step is really helping someone pivot in one an area of their emotional experience of divorce.
Myrna: How can our listeners and those watching on TV get in contact with you? Talk about your website how they can get all the course?
Karen: We are Journey Beyond divorce on all platforms. It's Journey Beyond divorce podcast, Journey_Beyond divorce on Instagram and if the high conflict part of the conversation resonates with you we just created a toxic quiz and it's on the home page. It's 10 questions and it gives you a really good sense of the health or lack thereof of your current relationship.
In this post, we're exploring the dangers of hypocrisy. We're looking at the story of the, fig tree, in the Bible, and how Jesus curses the tree for pretending to have fruit. This blog post is a look at the dangers of hypocrisy, and how it can lead to problems in our lives. By exploring the story of the, fig tree, we can learn about the dangers of hypocrisy and pretending to have what we don't have. We can also learn about the dangers of hypocrisy, and the importance of living our lives in truth.
I want to expand our Consciousness on being hypocritical showing something that we are not. I want to use is my foundational scripture, Jesus curses the fig tree, for not producing fruit and this can be found in
Matthew 21st chapter verses 18 to 19.
So Jesus was returning to Jerusalem and he was hungry. He noticed the, Fig Tree, beside the road he went to see if there were any figs, but there were only leaves, then he said to the, Fig Tree, may you never bear fruit again and immediately the, Fig Tree, withered up.
I speak a lot about purpose on this podcast and the purpose of the, Fig Tree, was to produce fruit, so when a lot of people talk about this scripture and this passage they're saying that, Jesus cursed the, Fig Tree, because it didn't have any fruit. But today I want to look at a at a different version of this scripture and see the real meaning behind, why Jesus cursed the, fig tree.
So first let's look at the purpose part of why we are here. Your soul chose your body because it wanted to have a certain experience on Earth. We Are Spiritual Beings having a human experience, that means to say it another way the universe wanted to experience itself through our personal, central nervous system. We are all here to do something special which is why we're all unique and which is why we all have a purpose and we're all here to do something as unique as or fingerprints.
Unfortunately, unlike the, Fig Tree, we don't know what our purpose is. The Fig tree knew its purpose was to produce figs, that is why it is called a fig tree; but the name Myrna or Leon or Mark or John does not tell us what we are supposed to do. In fact I heard that Jesus was one of the only people that came on at this Earth, came into his body knowing his purpose. Knowing what he was here to do, but most of us don't, unless we have this direct connection to God where he speaks through our dreams or we're able to hear his voice.
In this post, I want to concentrate on the, Fig Tree, not producing fruit and why Jesus cursed it saying may you never bear fruit again. Does this curse translate the people not bearing fruit and not following their purpose? We will never know. Does God curse you if you are not following your purpose, if he says why are you not doing what I sent you here to do?
What Jesus was actually doing when he cursed the, Fig Tree, it was not because the, Fig Tree, had no fruit. Jesus cursed the Fig Tree, because it was pretending to have fruit by having lots of leaves. If you were to go and look into, Fig Trees, you will see that when they have leaves or when they're showing leaves it means that there's also fruit. If there's no leaves then we know that there's no fruit, but if you were going to be stomping around like a peacock showing off your feathers, showing off your leaves and then when someone goes to eat you got nothing to offer.
That is why, Jesus cursed the, Fig Tree, so it would not continue to deceive people, spreading his leaves as to say I have figs. Jesus is telling us that we must bear fruit or we will be condemned to hell. He cursed the, Fig Tree, as an object lesson to all of us not to be hypocritical, pretending to be something that you are not.
Do not be hypocritical by pretending to something you are not
A lot of people show a pretty picture, this is the world we're living in right now. Everybody's got fake stuff, they're showing a pretty picture, but they're dead inside. It is like dressing up a corpse. Jesus cursed the fig tree, for being all dressed up with leaves, yet had no fruit. In a word, it had nothing to offer.
I decided to teach on this today because I was reading my Bible like I do every morning and I'm reading this scripture and it just jumped out to me that I should stop and research what is actually happening here, because every time that I've heard the scripture preached in church we are all talking about you don't do your purpose that's why you're cursed right; but nobody ever taught me that it is about pretenders.
I didn't even notice that it was because the, Fig tree, was showing leaves and that's the reason Jesus walked over to it. He saw the leaves and he figured that there's fruit and when the, fig tree, had no fruit that's when he cursed it. It's not because it was not producing figs. I'm glad that I stopped and took a pause and put a pin, because God wanted me to share with you that pretending doesn't get you anywhere.
If you got no fruit, you got no fruit you don't need to pretend, it's better to be real than a pretender.
My grandma would always say do not judge a book by its cover
We live in a society where people are spending a lot of time showing off their leaves, the package on the outside looks good, but when you take a closer look there's no substance, there's no fruit. So they can't feed you whatever it is that you're looking for. It might not be necessary food, Jesus was hungry, he was looking for real food, but we are hungry for a lot of things.
We're hungry for attention
we're hungry for affection
we're hungry for real relationships and not, fake love,
we're hungry for a lot of things
So ladies look out for those well-addressed Playboys who are showing you the side of him that he wants you to see. Look at his fruit, what's beneath the show, ask him what does he have to offer you to eat. Chances are he has nothing, it's just leaves. It's just clothes, it is just the outer appearance and he cannot emotionally connect, he cannot be faithful, he cannot be your one and only.
Do not be hypocritical like the fig tree
I wanted to tell you look out for, hypocritical people, the Bible always says be aware of wolves in sheep clothing. You yourselves should not be hypocritical, make sure that what you show is who you are. Do not put on this whole facade, do not put on this whole package. When people peel off the outer layer, you should be as real as what you're pretending to be.
Thanks for tuning in to this week's podcast episode of five minute Fridays with Coach Myrna. I hope you're inspired today if you're listening to this on iTunes we'd love for you to subscribe rate and review. If you're watching on YouTube we'd love for you to subscribe and until next time namaste
In this post, Brandi Mechele debunks 4 commonly-held beliefs about fulfillment and success. Brandi shares that if we can loosen up our grip on these beliefs, we can begin to experience more fulfillment and success in our lives.
Brandi is an intuitive and empowerment coach who spends her time guiding others and facilitating energy healing focusing on building the subconscious capacity. She has extensive experience working with high achieving female entrepreneurs, helping them align with financial success while staying through to their values and purpose. Her clients might initially come to her to scale their business and make more money, but they leave with a deeper sense of fulfillment within their lives on a holistic level.
Myrna: Can you share your backstory, what led you to begin this work? When did you notice a lack of fulfillment in your own life?
Brandi: I was raised as many people are to be very goal oriented. My parents were amazing in helping me to chart my course and set lots of goals, and I was very fortunate to be someone who excelled at many things; so, I had an impactful career in the corporate world. I escalated to being a VP covering the United States and Canada. I was a national caliber athlete in college and tried out for the Olympics and so I realized that I had checked all these boxes. I live in an amazing city, in a home of my dreams with a family. I had always had this idea that if you checked all the boxes, achieved all your goals that happiness would be kind of the outcome and unfortunately that's just not true.
I think many people come to realize that they've had the success that they've dreamed of and not been able to align any of with this inner fulfillment and inner purpose, and so I took a step back and said you know what's missing. I concluded that happiness needs to be its own goal, it needs to be its own purpose in your life, and that when you focus on happiness as a goal versus an outcome, that's really when you align with your purpose and find and find true fulfillment.
That's when I took a pivot in my life and got to the place where I am here today with you.
Myrna: I've heard this story so many times, in fact my very first coaching client when I became a coach was someone with a similar story to yours. She wasn't looking for happiness she was looking for this inner fulfillment and she quit her job and became a coach because most people get more fulfillment when they serve.
I want to circle back to when you said that happiness shouldn't be an outcome of a goal that happiness should your only goal. I can't leave that alone so how do we how does someone listening set the course to have happiness be their goal?
Brandi: I believe fundamentally that when you have high Achievers that it's really easy to make happiness a goal because they're used to aligning to goals and really knocking it out of the park. So through my own work with myself which took place over many years prior to becoming a coach, developed a four-step process that I call B.A.S.E and I think it's foundational to everyone's life.
B – is about beliefs. What beliefs do you have? Especially the ones that are limiting in nature and how have you gotten to that place as it pertains to happiness. The reason I use happiness versus fulfillment is because I think that you have to be happy to be fulfilled. If you're not happy, if you're fulfilled you'll always be happy and if you're unhappy you'll never be fulfilled.
So happiness is oftentimes easier for people to align to than fulfillment because fulfillment feels so big like what is my purpose, what am I meant to do. But if we think of life as these moments and every single moment we're seeking happiness and ultimately we'll live this really full life that has a sense of purpose, has the service that you mentioned.
So the B really is about like what are those beliefs that are precluding that from happening.
Are in alignment for happiness
A – is alignment, vibrational alignment. What does happiness look like to you like oftentimes you ask people that question and they just don't know, they're like I don't know what makes me happy. They might think you know if I get married I'll be happy, if I have a big house I'll be happy, it's usually types of goals.
What does it take for you to be aligned? So we spend some time around that and then self-awareness really because ultimately we are co-creating our reality in every single moment. I think oftentimes we talk about manifestation as this idea of like I'll manifest a husband, a house, weight loss. I'll manifest all of these things, but when you take a step back from that and realize that your entire life is a manifestation not just the good things and then you really take back your own power.
S – Self- awareness because we create situations that pulls us out of homeostasis. We return to that same place over and over again and so that's really what the self-awareness allows us to do, because once we create awareness we can move out of searching to really having kind of this path to our our destiny.
E – is about, emotional regulation, and that really is the biggest of them all, any moment of unhappiness is really correlated to this origin story that we have. Emotional regulation, is a term generally used to describe a person's ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience. There are times in our lives when we were probably really little where we were given these ideas about who we were. Our identity and how we showed up in the world and oftentimes we're looping around those situations. It can be Big T trauma it can be Little T trauma, but the goal is really to keep the memory of our experiences of our childhood.
So I believe that B.A.S.E is foundational to our lives and once we are able to harness kind of those four pillars we're really going to Skyrocket from there and live a life that's a good path
Myrna: I love it but as I'm listening to you I remember I've done lots of episodes on happiness including the happiness formula. Everybody's end goal in life is to be happy and you're right it's a little different from fulfillment.
Fulfillment vs happiness
Brandi: I was happy, I had the husband of my dreams, I had this beautiful child, I'd won many many awards in my corporate career, I always ran sales teams and I never finished below the top 15. So I had this body of work that was everything I ever dreamed of, I was a little girl from Detroit so I didn't have this idea that my life could be so big and so vast.
I sat there in my happiness and I said but there's still something missing.
Myrna: That happens to so many successful people. You said in your bio that people come looking for money because they believe it will bring them happiness but find fulfillment instead.
Brandi: Success doesn't equal happiness.
Myrna: I'm reading a book now by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now and Then in there he talks about goals. Goals in clock time and psychological goals. Clock goals is just saying by the time I'm 30 I'm going to be married. That means that your happiness or fulfillment is tied to this goal. A, psychological goal, is always moving. The target is always moving so that's that's one way to put it, but you hit the nail right on the head. Happiness is fleeting.
Beliefs and self worth
Myrna: How do you teach your clients to find this happiness end goal?
Brandi: B.A.S.E is the foundational practice around beliefs. Two of the beliefs you have to have is that you are worthy of having the life that you're seeking, and so say to people all the time that if you show me your life, I'll show you what you think you're worthy of having. So self-worth is like really pretty straightforward.
Myrna: So let's circle back to a couple of things, you're correct self-worth and self-love they're two big things that we package them together here for Simplicity; but self-worth and self-love is what the what has been communicated to them and it's usually in childhood or early adulthood. Somebody looked at you and and called you ugly and you carry around this beliefs that you are ugly all your life.
Those are great practices to build your happiness capacity as well as you know building your your self-worth and your self-love so so that's awesome all right so let's focus a little bit now on um some of the, limiting beliefs, that, black women, have that stops them from feeling fulfilled?
Brandi: Specifically in communities where black or brown communities you'll find that you have three generations that are in the same Financial circumstances. Nobody breaks out and I believe one of the reasons to show us about mindset is because in order for you to break out you have to have a different mindset, you have to have a different set of beliefs.
Having the right mindset for success
You have to have the mindset of I want to be successful. It's all about mindset and when you get the mindset right then you start challenging the beliefs. You're challenging beliefs that says women can never do this.
Myrna: I was born poor and I know what a, poverty mindset, is. If you have a, poverty mindset, you really can never be wealthy because even if you have the money you'll still be rich with a, poverty mindset. My whole work, my whole philosophy is about changing your mindset because once you change your mindset, you can have your dreams become a reality. The Bible teaches do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Conclusion
Tell us about your B.A.S.E coaching program and your framework. How can listeners get in touch with you talk about your website your social media handles.
Brandi: I appreciate that Myrna, I publish a free journal on the first and 15th every month and you can find that on my website www.brandimechele.com I am just on the precipice of launching a group coaching program and you can also go to my website and sign up there to be informed about that group coaching. If you were interested in working with me one-on-one or with the membership coaching and then if you were interested in working with me one-on-one or in the group you can also find that on my website so and all my handles are @Brandi Mechele on Instagram as well as on Facebook so I'd love to connect with your listeners and hear from them.
Please sign up for Brandi's 4-week program & her container program here:”
In this blog post, I'm exploring the concept of drinking your, cup of suffering, like Jesus did. Jesus asked God to take this, cup of suffering, from him if it is his will. But Jesus had to drink his, cup of suffering, to get to his purpose and destiny.
Suffering is usually the pathway to, personal growth, so you must learn to, embrace pain, and suffering as part of your journey and growth. When you drink your, cup of suffering, you're able to transform your pain and suffering into something positive. This podcast episode is about finding compassion and strength in the face of difficulty, and it's something that can be helpful on any journey. If you're looking for a way to overcome hardship, this episode is for you!
In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus, born with the ability to see his future knew of his impending death. He knew his purpose for becoming God in the flesh was to die for our sins, yet even as a God in flesh he was not looking forward to suffering. The scripture says he became anguished and distressed.
He told his disciples “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. He prayed to God his father and asked him to take the, cup of suffering, from him, if it is his will. Then he prayed again and said “if this, cup of suffering, cannot be taken away unless I drink it, then your will be done.
So, let’s talk today about suffering. Most of us will suffer before we die just like Jesus did. The Buddha teaches that we can transcend suffering with our minds.
Let’s imagine that you were just given a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. So like Jesus you know suffering is coming and maybe even death.
You pray and ask God for a miracle, but at some point, you realize that you have to drink your, cup of suffering.
One of the ways to drink your, cup of suffering, and not choke, is to look at what comes after your suffering.
Jesus knew that he would raise from the dead in 3 days and his suffering was for a purpose. The shedding of his blood was to redeem our sins. So, he made plans with his disciples. He told them “after I have been raised from the dead, I will go ahead of you to Galilee and meet you there.”
So, if you have been given a diagnosis that could lead to suffering and pain, if you can see yourself healed and maybe taking that trip that’s still on your bucket list. See yourself with family and friends totally healthy and cancer free. That will allow you to be in pain, but not suffer. Suffering is resistance to the now. As Eckhart Tolle teaches the now is already here there is nothing you can do, other than accept it.
All suffering is emotionally created and is due to resistance. If you refuse to go with the flow of life, you will suffer. Suffering is usually for a purpose. You must have deep pain or suffering to be drawn to the spiritual dimension.
And if it is God’s will that you transition to the other side you will still meet up with friends and family who are waiting for you there in heaven.
The Buddha on suffering
Anyone who has had even the briefest introduction to Buddhist teaching is familiar with its starting point: the inescapable truth that existence entails suffering. Buddhist psychology makes a clear distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is an unavoidable aspect of the natural world. It is physical, biological, and social, woven into our existence as night is with day, as inevitable as hard and soft, as hot and cold.
In this human incarnation we experience a continuous ebb and flow of pleasure and pain, gain and loss. Suffering is different from pain. Suffering is caused by our reaction to the inevitable pain of life. Our personal suffering can include anxiety, depression, fear, confusion, grief, anger, hurt, addiction, jealousy, and frustration. But suffering is not only personal.
Our collective suffering grows from human greed, hatred, and ignorance, bringing warfare and racism; the isolation and torture of prisoners; fueling the unnecessary hunger, sickness, and abandonment of human beings on every continent. This individual and collective suffering.
Conclusion
Pain is inevitable part of life, suffering is optional.
Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
In this blog, I'm sharing a, mother daughter, journey that goes beyond life. into the afterlife. Susan Young Oskey author of The Scent of Roses talk about the unbreakable bond between her daughter and herself and how this bond transcended death into the afterlife. Susan's goal is to encourage mothers who lost daughters to know that there is, life after death. She shares thoughts on the afterlife and why the love between a mother and daughter is eternal.
If you're interested in hearing more about Susan's journey, or want to share your own thoughts on life after death, please feel free to leave a comment below!
Susan Young Oskey had a happy childhood thanks to her loving and nurturing parents spending her teenage years being bullied and battling anxiety and depression. Susan found her calling as a teacher, she is a retired Elementary School teacher with an M.A degree from Stony Brook University. She enjoys traveling and spending time with her family. After marrying Christopher she welcomed her baby girl Brittany and the following years were easily the best years of her life.
However things took took a tragic turn when her beloved daughter was taken from her. Soon after losing Brittany in a tragic accident, Susan's life would have stopped if she hadn't discovered resources that helped bereaved parents like her find solace. Since then Susan with the help of her family and friends in some ways to talk to Brittany who loves communicating with her mama, she's thrilled to be sharing her life experience with the Afterlife with those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one.
Myrna: Susan can it you share your incredible story of a mother-daughter bond that that transcended death.
Susan: Brittany was a joy to us, we were thrilled when she was born because I had a late miscarriage before her and then we struggle to get pregnant again. She had a unique personality from a young age, she never held back what she was feeling. She was very sassy, and very loving. In her early teen years that her personality started to change a little bit and that's really where the story begins with her.
She started having, mental health, issues when she was around 12 or 13 years old. I noticed the problems the anxiety, depression and just the lack of confidence. Something that she always had when she was young and she didn't have it anymore, her confidence was just gone. I immediately got her into therapy and all through high school we worked on that. It wasn't until a couple of psychiatrists gave her medications for her anxiety that we had we started to have some difficulties.
They kept changing her meds and as she went into the College Years, her anxiety wasn't getting any better, as a matter of fact it was getting worse. She got into a great University she got into a Stony Brook University and we were just thrilled, but by that time it was her junior year in college she had given up on herself. She stopped doing her homework, she stopped socializing she was depressed all the time and and the anxiety was through the roof.
Brittany's tried to relieve her pain with methadone and it killed her
She went to a friend's house one night in February of 2018, she had a lot of pain because she had an infection and she only had antibiotics for the infection, nothing for pain and her friend told her that she had a bottle of methadone that would help with the pain. So unknowingly my daughter took it because she just wanted to be relieved of the pain and it turned out to be fatal.
Myrna: Oh my goodness, so that's mixing the drugs. I'm assuming because for those that doesn't know what methadone is, it is the drug that they give you when you're getting off of heroin isn't it?
Susan: Yes, it used to be used for pain relief as well.
Myrna: I am so sorry. I grieve for your for your pain. Let's unpack it a little bit. Can you share what Brittany's, mental illness, was diagnosed with? Was it bipolar, was it just depression?
Susan: It was bipolar depression and anxiety, so they were trying to treat those issues with the medication but she got worse and worse. She had just turned 21 and the accident happened just 10 days after her 21st birthday.
Myrna: Oh my gosh, it's still fresh because you said 2018 so five years ago. Wow my heart bleeds for you. I was just watching the biography of Anna Nicole and her son and almost the same thing happened to them. Mixing drugs these days is pretty dangerous.
Myrna: I can't say enough how sorry I am for your pain. So tell us what happened after her death that transcended into her communicating with you?
Susan: Well I always had visits from family members through my dreams and at the beginning, I thought they're just dreams but it turned out they started giving me messages. My uncle came to tell me to stop smoking, he had died from lung cancer. A cousin that had taken his life came to me in a dream and told me I'm okay now, please tell the family that I'm okay.
I was very open to communicating with my daughter. Of course the weeks that followed her death were traumatic, we were in shock and disbelief. This was beyond any pain that I have ever experienced in my life. I mean I've never felt such pain before and I think anybody that's a parent could definitely understand. I couldn't believe she left so young at the age of just turning 21 she was barely legal.
So soon after my daughter's death, I started smelling very strong scent of roses. At first I thought this has got to be an air freshener, but there's no air freshener plugged in. It didn't matter where I went, I was visiting my sister down in Florida and it happened there. It happened when I was driving my car to meet friends and I'm like at that point I said no no this is real this is really happening.
Myrna: Let me jump for a minute. Why roses was that one of her favorite flowers?
Susan: Roses were her favorite flowers and she would keep the roses in her room even after they died, so I I knew right away that's what she was doing for me. Then I started having the dream visits from her and she was showing me herself and how she looked. It was amazing, she told me that she was okay. Even my husband who never ever had any dream visits from anyone before, got one from her and I was just amazed that she got through to him.
I asked him what did what did she look like and he said she's wearing one of those plaid shirts that she always wore and she was with a friend and she said Dad I'm okay and he said to her I've been looking for you lamb. He used to call her lamb and and she said I'm okay now. My husband never believed in the afterlife at all, he didn't have any kind of beliefs but he does now.
Myrna: Did you ever talk to Brittany other than in dreams? Did you ever go to a medium?
Susan: Yes I have, many came through with validations of things that happened to me when I was a child, things that she could not possibly know. The medium said to me she's telling me that when you were a little girl your father almost drowned in the pool.
Myrna: For those of you listening, I'll link out to it this past episode, it just gives collaboration to this story. In a past episode called http://blog.myhelps.us/is-there-life-after-death-mothers-story/ A mother and her son again was having some issues, he was 28. and he went to a party and a friend gave him heroin and even though she said he was six foot six or something a big guy that one dose was fatal. She was devastated, she had some Clairvoyant ability in her from the past and she kept feeling her son around her.
She it was like a bird fluttering and then she decided to go to a medium and they started communicating and she became a Shaman and and now she helps other spirits communicate with loved ones. So why do you think that Brittany started showing up with the the, Scent of Roses? Do you think she came back because of the, mother daughter bond, transcended into the afterlife?
Susan: the bond between a mother and daughter that transcends debt do you think that she came back um because of that Bond she came back because she had a message for you what why do you think it happened we were very close as mother and daughter we went beyond the usual mother-daughter relationship we would travel all the time just the two of us we would do everything together you know as she got older into adulthood you know she was my best friend.
I mean that's what we were and she was the type of young adult that would share with me things that other parents probably didn't want to hear but she felt comfortable enough, so I feel that she wanted to let me know that bond has not been broken.
It was okay for me to get communication from the afterlife because I've had it before. She was able to come to me a lot easier.
Myrna: Brittany must have been a very powerful spirit because one of the things that I've learned from having several conversations about, life after death, is that the reason that we don't see Spirit all the time even though they're all over, is because they're at a different frequency. In order for them to come into our experience, they either have to know how to lower their frequency or we have to know how to raise ours.
Susan: That's exactly what I was told. Brittany was able to lower her vibration and because I am an empath too and I'm a sensitive, if I really concentrate I can make mine higher as well.
Myrna: Tell us why was it important for you to write about your daughter's story in the book Scent of Roses?
Susan: I wanted to share her story and I shared a little bit of my story, I wanted to bring to the light the, mental illness, problem that we do have here and I also wanted to share my experiences with the afterlife to give people a little bit of hope. I know I have helped some people, I'm not saying everyone, but people have told me they're not afraid of death anymore.
I joined a group called Helping Parents Heal and parents are communicating with their kids in the afterlife.
Brittany did not get any help to relieve the symptoms of her mental illness. I really don't think the drugs they gave her were helping. I have nothing but bad experiences from them, her mental illness was real but there's kind of be a better way to treat it than just loading them up on drugs that didn't work.
Myrna: It's great that you're helping someone that's grieving about a loss of a child or a spouse or a loved one to know that the afterlife is there. You're also highlighting the issue with, mental illness drugs, they're not doing anything to help manage the illness.
Tell us about your book why should someone go ahead and get the book
Susan: I think a lot of people can relate to the mental health issue because there are a lot of people out there. I also talked about bullying people not being nice to one another and all things that Britney stood for. Also the healing comes from knowing that you're going to hear from them, you're going to see them again at some point. In the beginning after her death she practically threw herself in front of me to say Mom I'm here.
I truly believe that if people knew the truth about the afterlife that they wouldn't be so fearful.
Myrna: Where can our listeners pick up a copy of your book, if you're on social media what are your social media handles. What do you want them to walk away with after reading the book?
Susan: I want them to walk away with a sense of peace and calmness. I also want them to know they're not alone with all the struggles that we go through in life and I want to give them hope that life's gonna continue on. My book is on Amazon it's also um on my website www.thescentofroses.com
