Happiness! The Universal goal of everyone who has breathe. So how can you find happiness after a divorce?
Coach Dan Willms talks about how your behavior affects your happiness. I agree; but here are my thoughts.
What is happiness?
Let’s start with what it is not.
- It is not how much money you have.
It is not how big your house is.
It is not what kind of car you drive.
It is not found in any external thing!
Here are 3 ways to find, happiness, after a divorce:
1. Your relationship with yourself.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3. And your relationship with God.
Let’s look at each of these
As you can see, relationship is key.
We are social beings, we need connection, even it is one person.
That is why people commit suicide at Christmas, because while everyone is celebrating with family and friends they are alone.
It is also the reason that social media is so powerful, it allows connection to others.
Out of the Snares of rape
I will share a story.
This woman from Toronto sent me a friend request on Facebook. She was the friend of one of my friends. I accepted. Then she started reaching out to me about coaching and about my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” .
I found out her story.
Raped twice when she was a teenager, sent to live with her father in another country who abandoned her, got pregnant and gave her child up for adoption. She was living in a studio apartment alone. Facebook was her lifeline. You don’t know who is on the other end of that friend request!
So if you are lonely, connect!
These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that’s really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.
You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you’ll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn’t have much meaning in their lives or they’re not feeling satisfied or fulfilled. The truth is that as long as we’re chasing things outside of ourselves we’re always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it’s within ourselves and it’s in the present moment. where all of our power exists.
1. Let’s look First at your relationship with yourself.
The first secret to finding happiness, You have to love yourself.
If you can’t love yourself, no one else can love you. If you can’t love yourself, you can never be happy!
You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.
Come on, God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
One of my daughter’s friend’s laments about the fact that she has no breasts and no curves. She can’t find a boyfriend. Why? Because she projects that and that is what the men see. Not loving herself shows up in other ways in a relationship.
Now look at some women who do not fit the cultural norm of beauty and weight. I can guaranty you that in every situation if she loves herself, she will be in a healthy relationship.
Plus, if there is something you can change about something you don’t like about yourself, do it.
If you can’t change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you
A mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a best friend, a spouse are top on the list of level 5 intimate, relationships. A level 5, relationship, is a relationship with someone who knows your intimate secrets. Someone who you share everything with and they with you. If you have someone like this in your life. You are blessed indeed.
Now you may be wondering why I did not add children to that list. Children gives us profound happiness especially when they are young. But you can’t share secrets with your children so they don’t provide the intimacy we look for to be happy.
To be happy find a level 5 friend and cry on their shoulders!
3. Your relationship with God.
The beauty of having a relationship with God is that it alone can make you happy. If you have a relationship with God, you will love yourself, you will be happy alone because you feel God’s presence with you always, your relationships will be healthy because you will love unconditionally because that is what God teaches us to do. You will find opportunities to bless others and that will make you happy.
A relationship with God is not just going to church, it is not just knowing scripture, it is not just about tithing. The relationship I am talking about is being in direct communication with God.
Going to God with your issues and struggles and seeing him make a way out of no way. Seeing him turn the weapons formed against you into blessings. Being able to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit every day. When you walk in that space everything else in your life falls into place.
You will not only find happiness again, but you will find bliss!
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