Category Archives: Personal Development Podcast

Life Coaching, lifecoaching, minority women, Out Of The Snares, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, women

Life Lessons From An Abandoned Girl

July 25, 2022 Myrna Young

Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned from her long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11015207-life-lessons-from-an-abandoned-girl.mp3?download=true

Life lessons from abandonment

The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author's life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way

Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story, and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .

Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it's a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn't know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where's my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.

While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person's house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I'm talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn't play with them.

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I felt like nobody's kid abandoned by my mother

I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you. I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground. Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.

After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me. I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.

Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I'm understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn't have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don't want to treat the other person's child well. It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.

That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don't understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn't want you to eat at this house. Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?

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Life Lessons from growing up without a mom

Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don't go close to him and he's still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.

Myrna: I hope he's suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child? That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I'm very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?

Jannette: Yeah, she didn't want me. So, it's not like I didn't have a mother. She didn't want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me. I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.

After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.

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I witnessed my step mom being murdered

Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?

Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn't open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something's wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.

Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?

Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.

Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?

Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life. But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can't believe that person.

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My mother told me I would never amount to anything

I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn't care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I'm no longer in this house with my mother. Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.

Myrna: Was life better for you in America?

Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I'm not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I'd had a daughter. I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me

Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.

Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?

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Abandoned girls become abused women

Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work. And he did a 360 switch. I can't work and I don't have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn't stay in the country without proper papers.

So, he said, okay, let's do this. I really don't want to lose you. So, let's just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.

Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can't wait to hear the end of this story. You're still in America. So, what happened?

Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don't have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He's promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn't allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he's not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.

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Deciding to stay married with abuse

Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You're still married?

Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn't physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn't a day that I didn't cry, a night that I didn't cry. My husband was just ruthless.

But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn't have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn't drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.

Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book? You've gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that's basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.

Writing the book Tears behind my smile

Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse. He chose you.

Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don't take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you're stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.

Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?

Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.

Additional Resources

How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Look At The Heart Not Outward Appearance

July 23, 2022 Myrna Young

The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge David by his appearance or height. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I teach on why we should not judge our partners by their outward appearances, but by what's in their heart.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11015176-look-at-the-heart-not-outward-appearance.mp3?download=true

Background story of why we should look into the heart

A blind girl hated everything and everyone except her boyfriend because he was the only one who was always there for her. When he asked her to marry him, she refused saying she could only marry a man if she could see his, eyes.

Sometime later someone gave her a pair of, eyes, and when she could see, she saw that her boyfriend was blind and his, eyes, were closed. She told him she couldn’t marry him because she couldn’t look at his closed, eyes, for the rest of her life. Her boyfriend went away with tears in his eyes.

Sometime later she received a letter from her boyfriend asking her to be careful with her, eyes, because they were once his!

So today I want to teach on how to look at the, heart, and not the covering.

True love comes from the heart

Let’s first define, true love. Is, true love, goose bumps, sexual attraction, chemistry, or is, true love, the willingness to give your partner what they need to be complete eg. your, eyes, if they can’t see?

Humans are always influenced by what they see. It is the first level of, attraction. What we see is linked to our, heart. I was watching the Tarzan movie the other day and when Tarzan met Jane, he started to sniff her private parts. Humans can’t go around doing that so we depend on our, eyes, to influence our, heart. That is why we spend hours every day tweaking our, appearance, so that we look our best.

But what about our insides? How much time do you spend tweaking our insides so that we are the best version of ourselves?

Don't judge the outward appearance: look at the heart

The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge, David, by his, appearance, or height. People judge by, outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the, heart.”

Personally, I have always liked my men tall, dark and slim built and when I met my husband, I almost rejected him because he is built like a linebacker and definitely not tall and slim, but I noticed his, heart, immediately and that is why I married him.

Ladies it is nice to have a picture in your mind of what you are looking for in a man, but don’t reject someone outside of your parameters without first looking into his, heart. His, open heart, is what will love you and be emotionally available to you. It will love your kids, provide and protect your family.

I remember Joel Osteen preaching on the subject years ago. He said that his sister had this image of the man she wanted to marry and it didn’t include a red-haired man, so when a red hair man came courting, she sent him away until she realized that this was the man God chose for her. She had to let go of her idea of what a perfect man should look like and look at the, heart, of the man in front of her.

How a man treats others reveals his heart

They have now been married for over 20 years. Ladies sometimes you get what you ordered, but most times you have to take what shows up. Look at how the man treats you, how he treats his mother, how he treats the waiter and his relationship with God and you will get a peek into his, soul.

And if you find one with a great, heart, but not the, outward appearance, that you prefer, please don’t throw him back in the pond, because some other woman will gladly fish him out!

How to Listen to your Heart

By choosing to follow or, listen your heart, you are gaining the strength that comes from all the love you’ve ever had. Once you feel it, that love can overcome your problems.

Understand that if you approach someone with an, open heart, he or she will feel it and will most likely return a similar energy to you. That’s how relationships are born, reaching out and touching another. It’s what we all want, and it is available to you by just being willing to, listen to your heart.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.

Additional Resources

A Giant Looks In The Mirror And Sees Nothing

healthy relationships, Life Coaching, marriage makeover, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Building Relationships With Relational Mindfulness

July 18, 2022 Myrna Young

Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10971762-building-relationships-with-relational-mindfulness.mp3?download=true

Bio

Shari Foos is a Marriage and Family Therapist, adjunct professor and the creator of The Narrative Method, a California 501c3 non-profit organization. Part of the Human Connection movement, TNM creates programs, products and experiences that address the growing isolation and need for real connection through sharing stories. Foos also co-founded the Bridge in 1999, a free humanities program for low-income adults at Antioch University Los Angeles. She received a MS in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University and a MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles.

As a sought-after expert on the subject of, relationships, remote group dynamics and meaningful connection, her writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications and podcasts, including Real Simple, Huffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, Thrive Global, Shondaland, The LA Weekly, Sparks & Honey Culture Briefings, Sondership, Let Pleasure be The Measure, and Bustle. Ms. Foos serves on the board of the City Kids Foundation and is the recipient of the New Directions for Veterans Community Hero Award (2015) and The Antioch University Los Angeles Lifetime Achievement Award (2016).

Childhood trauma affects our adult relationships

Shari: I do think every one of us has had, trauma, different degrees, but we certainly all know the feeling of loss or shame or humiliation, or unfair treatment etc. I think of emotions like a piano with all of the keys, we have all of them to different extents at different times. But even if we don't always use those really high notes or the low, low, low, notes, they're there and that serves as our empathy. And because of that, we can sit with someone who's going through something terrible that maybe in our day-to-day life, we've never experienced, but we can feel it in our soul because it's a human experience.

When we put ourselves aside to be truly present and available with our lovingness acceptance or non-judgment or empathy, to hear someone's story, from their perspective, not our judgment or assumptions. That person feels better. No matter what the problem is, they feel better, because without being heard, we go crazy, that is all part of, relational mindfulness.

When someone comes to you who you love, and they're really excited about something and you're so excited with them, that’s when you are aligned, right? You are, head-to-head, heart to heart. That's easy. But when somebody comes to you, with a complexity that you have a lot of feelings about whether it's addiction or someone's choice of spouse or whatever that may be. It's more difficult. And that's why we practice awareness, wonder, empathy that is called, AWE, or, relational mindfulness.

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Building relational mindfulness with AWE

Myrna: Exactly. And here's where I think it's going to lead into something else, I know you're interested in, which is, relational mindfulness.

You had a bad childhood bridge, the gap for us. How did you go from having a bad childhood to being a therapist, and a, marriage therapist? Did it have something to do with your parents’ marriage?

Shari: Well, yeah, that wasn't very good, my father was a rageaholic and it was at a time where even more so than now, there was a lack of understanding about, mental health. And so, he wouldn't seek treatment and it just wasn't in the mentality of people then. So as a result of my having a childhood in which I was wounded, and on top of that, I was never heard or seen, you know, and it's not uncommon. Lots of people grow up like that, but don't know that it could be better. So, I was fortunate in that I had friends and I would go to their houses and see like, Wait a minute. This is different from my house.

I watched Leave It to Beaver, where the father would, talk, about it in the library. Our family definitely didn't have talks. As a result, and probably because of who I came in as into the world, I've just always been incredibly passionate about what makes people feel behave. So, I would study my father, the sweat on his upper lip, depending on what was happening there. I knew he was about to blow, and that's when I got interested in, body language.

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Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language

Myrna: That is excellent on so many levels. One, let's, talk, about the, talk, issue. I mean, I love that, when I'm talking to someone on the show, I can always bring in personal experience. I read a lot of books, I listen to podcasts and watch television shows. Just yesterday, I was watching of all things Reba, where the it was meant to be comedy, but Van was talking to Reba about her relationship with her daughter and he says, you guys do something called, talk!

And that was so funny. And that's basically what you're just saying. You went to other places and saw people actually talking and there was no talking going on in your house. So, you're right, about your, childhood trauma. Everything starts from there. In fact, I was even reading this book yesterday and it says that every child goes through some kind of emotional damage, even the ones that think they had a great, childhood.

So, talk to us now about, relational mindfulness, and how this, awareness, builds, relationships. You know, a lot of times men has moods, and women have moods, and being aware of when they're going into a mood or something could be, relational mindfulness.

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Talking is the start of communication

Shari: Right, that's a great concept. And it's a great question. Here's again, I know it's a new word. It's gonna take a while to sink in. But that talking thing, talk, talk, whatever. When you live with someone, you don't have to consciously think whoa, his shoulders are slumped or, her bottom lip is really pouty but there is a tremendous value in our being able to break down the, communication, the nuanced, communication, that is silent, because it's one thing that we rely on we rely on it not just for survival.

That's what lovemaking is. And that's what disconnecting is. So, here's, here's a good thing that you may do consciously or unconsciously, but you could see that the other persons in a bad mood, and then maybe it triggers you to think, Oh, great. Now I got to take care of you. You know, I have some needs too, but had you been able to, talk, to the person you both might have found out what was going on with each other? Here's the number one thing to do. It's so easy. If you need to have a serious, talk, because when we, talk, about, relational mindfulness, it's a very deliberate action.

It would be really hard to live in that 24/7 You know, but it's a state of hyper awareness. Of the impact of your words, settled communications, as well as the other person's. And the idea is you never begin a conversation like that, unless both people in this moment feel willing to be selfless and take turns listening.

And it's okay. It's gotta be okay if the persons not there. Because we know that sometimes they'll say, okay, I'll talk about something. And if your heart isn't into it, and a person is asking you to really look at it from my perspective, if there's resistance, it's not a good time to talk about it. It's okay, let's wait. That's, relational mindfulness.

Relational mindfulness builds deeper connections

Honestly, you could cancel out so many problems with, relational mindfulness. It's just good to hear for 20 minutes five minutes, whatever. Would you be willing to have a session of all where we're both agreeing to mutual respect, awareness, wonder and empathy, taking turns sharing our feelings and then reflecting them back to the other person.

Reflecting them back in the storyteller, making sure that they've got it right. And lovingly, of course, correcting each other, then we've got it right. Now we can move on to another point that the same person estimate or the other person can share their perspective, but constantly check in because it's a lot to put yourself aside, especially when somebody is saying things that like, you know, 10 minutes ago.

Wait a minute. I don't agree with that. So, one thing I often will do for myself is I'll keep a little pen and paper just so that I can get something off my mind. I don't even have to look at it to scribble it.

Or ask the person to stop, but everybody realizes that this is a very focused state that is difficult to maintain. There are times we maintain it for a long time, especially for meeting somebody new who may not be pushing our buttons the way our spouse does, but who out there has or has had a spouse has never felt like I've told you that a million times before.

I mean, if they had said what they thought they had said, you would have heard it. The problem is either in the delivery or the receiving, let's find out. Let's find out with the, communication.

Awareness wonder and empathy

Myrna: That's a good point. So, you're saying when they say that I've told you a million times, they've said it in their heads but not to you?

Shari: Or the way that they're articulating it? isn't getting through to you. A lot of times, they're saying the words but their body action is not is not conveying the message, and the receiver doesn't actually believe it.

Myrna: So that's great. But I want to circle back to something you said there where you're right sometimes is not the right time to ask somebody to talk or ask somebody to get into. I like that, you know, awareness, wonder, and, empathy. I normally work with energy, because I can feel, energy. And I know when it's not the right time because of, energy. How do you respond with that?

Shari: Well, I think there are two factors for me in terms of reading someone else. One is certain things are obvious. For instance, if someone's crying, you don't necessarily know right off the bat, why the person is crying, or if they're crying for joy or sadness. You soon see the difference. But we can misinterpret someone because of the way they think about something.

So even though I pay attention to my instincts, I always check in so you know if I see someone's upset and I feel like they want to be alone, I still want to say I don't know what's going on. I don't know if you want to, talk, about it, but I want you to know I'm here for you or I want you to know I'm so sorry I have to leave or whatever is true for you.

Myrna: I like that, because sometimes you see something and there's one and why are you bothering me? If you're saying you're just checking in, I don't know if you want to, talk, about it or not. That's good, but I'm just checking in let me know when you want to, talk, or something like that.

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What is relational mindfulness

We're touching a lot of stuff on, relational mindfulness. How would you describe, relational mindfulness?

Shari: Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective. And that's really what it is. So, the idea is, we take turns, especially if we're having a problem with each other, we've already tried both talking at the same time.

And I know, we both know, we're right, but I'm right. Okay, we've done that. And at some point, we may get to a place where we decide I'd rather communicate than be right sometimes I'd rather apologize can be right, because if you perceive that my action, or behavior, or style or subtle communication was offensive, it doesn't really matter. If that was my intention. I am sorry. I'm especially sorry, that wasn't my intention.

How does awareness wonder and empathy deepen relationships

Myrna: How do you think that, awareness, wonder, and, empathy, deepens, relationships? What does the science say?

Shari: Well, first of all, one thing that connects our brains is, eye contact, which we can accomplish online which is amazing. Our, eye contact, connects us, syncs our brains. And if we were in MRI machines, you will see our brains are lit up in the same place. But if our backs are to each other, first of all, we don't know what expression is on someone's face.

Maybe their faces are mean. If you're at some level of aggravation, it’s a good time to not have an, AWE, session. Take care of yourself first, run around the block, take a shower, ask for a hug if you're able, you know, but we need to do what we can do to kind of get our homeostasis back. I suggest to people this self-soothing tool that you can do any place at any time. You take your dominant hand, put it on your heart, and when you really start feeling your heartbeat, you let your hand take comfort from that and vice versa. So, it's a loop of calm. I don't know exactly how I'm going to deal with this moment.

Conclusion

Myrna: Tell us about your company The Narrative Method.

Shari: This is the organization I founded in 2014. And it is devoted to bringing together people from completely different backgrounds to connect through sharing the stories of their lives and creative experiences. So, as I mentioned earlier, we do writing groups that are for free on online and they last one hour. You write for a total of 20 minutes, you see pictures, you get prompts. You go into breakouts; you share your stories. At the end, we do this mosaic where everybody pitches in one sentence. One hour, in and out.

Nobody has writer's block. Nobody's judged, nobody's wrong. There's no mistakes possible. People have a blast with themselves, because we're really working on how to turn on your creative faucet without that voice inside that says how many. And then the conversation groups which we do on Thursday nights are a matter of seeing compelling videos about anything.

Then getting a prompt and going into breakouts and sharing a story that just came up as a result of those things. And so, people get to know each other because there's no small talk. And it's fascinating to hear, not just another person's story, but whoa, that made you think of this? It's fascinating. It's so cool. We offer those free. We have classes, we do trainings. The website is www.thenarrativemethod.org

https://youtu.be/56vHerZMDlk

Additional Resources

Nothing is Impossible: How to Turn Life's Challenges Into Opportunity

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, women

Traits of a Virtuous Woman

July 15, 2022 Myrna Young

There are several stories in the bible about the, virtuous woman. Proverbs say A, virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is worth more than rubies. Proverbs 12:4 says A, virtuous woman, is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I look at traits of the, virtuous woman, and use as my foundational story the, bible story, of, Ruth and Naomi, and why, Boaz, called, Ruth, a, virtuous woman.

Download podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10963289-traits-of-a-virtuous-woman.mp3?download=true

Boaz and Ruth Bible Story

One of my favorite, Bible stories, is the story of, Ruth and Naomi.

The story is told that, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law had huge losses. Her husband died as well as her two sons leaving her with no money. She said that the Lord made her life very bitter and caused her to suffer.

So, Naomi, decided to return home to Bethlehem in Judah because the Lord had blessed Judah with grain.

Naomi blessed her daughter in laws and sent them back home to their families but Ruth clung to her refusing to leave her

Naomi and Ruth, moved to Judah where Naomi told Ruth to go work in the fields of, Boaz, a very wealthy man. Boaz, noticed this strange woman working hard in the fields and enquired who she was. He was told that she was the young woman who came back with, Naomi.

Ruth the virtuous woman

Boaz, was impressed about what he heard about this, virtuous woman, and told his workers to treat her kindly and drop bundles of grain on purpose so she can pick up.

Ruth, worked throughout both the barley harvest and the wheat harvest then, Naomi, decided it was time for her to get a husband.

She gave, Ruth, instructions on what to do and, Ruth, did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. She bathed, put on her best dress applied perfume and lay at the feet of, Boaz. That was the submissive gesture. Boaz, woke up and accepted the offer blessing her for not going after a younger man.

The story ends with, Boaz, marrying, Ruth, and her son Obed was the grandfather of David.

Boaz, called Ruth a, virtuous woman

In this story Ruth was called a, virtuous woman, because:

She was loyal to her mother-in-law,
She was willing to work,
She was willing to leave her home and be a foreigner in another land and
She did everything her mother-in-law told her to do

What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?

A, virtuous woman, cares for her family.
She is a hard worker.
While she toils faithfully in meeting the needs of her own family, she also doesn't forget to help the other needy people God brings across her path.
She also takes the time to look after her own health and be a good steward of her body.

What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?

Aristotle, says that the, keys to happiness, is the practice of, virtue, because, virtue, is in accord with human reason. Aristotle, stated that we can reach minor states of happiness through money, power, or fame, but ultimate happiness can only be reached though the practice of, virtue.

A, virtuous woman, has character traits such as honesty, chastity, courage, and generosity. Virtue, theorists believe that if we concentrate on being righteous people, the right actions will follow; in other words, the people with the right character tend to make the right decisions.

What is the meaning of Virtuous:

Morally good; acting in conformity to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice; as a, virtuous man.
Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life.
The mere performance of, virtuous, actions does not denominate an agent virtuous.
Chaste; applied to women.
Efficacious by inherent qualities;

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays until then Namaste

Additional Resources:

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, Mindset Transformation, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Your Focus Determines Your Actions

July 8, 2022 Myrna Young

Are you aware of your, emotional home? It is what you, focus, on when the going gets tough, determines your, actions. Your, emotional home, is the emotion you return to when life events happen, good or bad. For example, have you ever been fired? What did you, focus, on?

What was your, emotional response? Did you, focus, on fear that you will be homeless? Was it hope that you will find a better job, or did you, focus, on gratitude, that now you can do what you really love. Science shows that our, emotions, have a home and we always go home.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10921352-your-focus-on-determines-your-actions.mp3?download=true

Tony Robbins, tells the story often about one Thanksgiving when he was 11 years old, his step father had just lost his job and they were eating saltine crackers and butter for dinner when there was a knock at the door and a man was there with a basket of food and a Turkey.

His father was not grateful for the food. He told the man at the door. We don’t accept charity and tried to shut the door in the man’s face. The man put his foot in the door and responded it was not charity and he was just the delivery man.

His father took the food without saying thanks and slammed the door in the man’s face.

What you Focus on is your emotional home

The meaning you give life events determines the, actions, you take.

Tony’s father chose to, focus, on the fact that he could not provide for his family and that is why someone had to send them food.

The meaning he attached to this, focus, was that was he was a failure.

His, actions, were to leave his family.

Tony on the other hand chose to, focus,` on the fact that they had food, his emotion was, gratitude.

The meaning he gave it was that strangers cared.

The action he did was to pay it forward and at 17 years old started his organization, Feeding America.

What actions did you take when you felt pain

Many of you listening had events that happened in your childhood that shaped who you became as an adult and formed your, emotional home.

We’re you sexually molested as a child?

We’re you bullied in school because you wore hand me downs and your shoes had holes in them?

Did your parents favor your siblings?

In every one of those scenarios, you focused on the situation.

You probably give it the meaning that you were worthless or unlovable.

What, actions, did you take?

Did you become sexually promiscuous?

Did you sleep with boys or men to get money to buy stuff?

Did you hate your parents or siblings?

The, emotions, that came from the meaning affect our, actions, and are the, emotions, you return to when you are hurt.

Let me help you change the narrative – you have to deliberately draw a line in the sand and change it. It takes work to, rewrite your story.

STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY

Examine your habits
Instead of focusing on what you want to change, turn your attention to the bad habit or habits that lead to you wanting to learn how to change yourself. Are your sugar cravings at 10 PM what lead to you being overweight? Is your habit of sleeping in and arriving at work late getting in the way of your promotion? Once you’ve identified the, negative habits, you can create better ones that will help you, rewrite your story, such as utilizing delayed gratification.
Practice every day
Once you know what your new, healthy habits, are, practice them every single day – no matter what. Have a backup plan in case circumstances get in the way of your new habits and don’t allow yourself to cut corners.
Focus on self-reflection
One of the habits that lead you to wanting to learn how to change your life around was not facing reality. You need to, focus, on realistic self-reflection throughout your journey and, when needed, ask those you trust for their perspective. Are you improving? If not, what else needs to change?
Surround yourself with good people
When you spend quality time with good people who love you, you develop a natural support system for your new habits and you are able to, rewrite your story, in a nurturing environment.
Keep taking risks
If you want to learn how to change your life, you cannot stay in your comfort zone. You need to take risks until you get comfortable with those risks – then take more. The more you push yourself, the easier it will become to rewrite your story and transform your life.

Conclusion

Can you use your story to help others?

If you take control of your mind and, focus, on making better decisions, sometimes the worst experiences in life turn out to be your best teachers and your, testimony.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays, I hope you were inspired to become aware of your emotional home and if is not a positive emotion, change it. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

How to become Limitless: Emotional Intelligence Leadership

improving sales, investing in real estate, Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, real estate coaching

Using The Inner Game To Become The Richest Real Estate Agent

July 4, 2022 Myrna Young

Ben Oosterveld became a, real estate agent, and a coach and said I would literally show the agents how to do sales using their, inner game. I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you.

And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year. My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10894290-using-the-inner-game-to-become-the-richest-real-estate-agent.mp3?download=true

Bio

Ben Oosterveld, didn’t have an easy start. He lived on the streets from the age of 14, survived a failed suicide attempt at age 15, and later spent 365 days in rehab. Ben's, inner game, needed work. He was a pure-bred, people pleaser, manipulative & controlling man who always compared himself to others to the point of constant self-sabotage.

Ben has since coached entrepreneurs and national companies. Previously, he built a real estate investment company that held 61 properties with investors in 4 different cities. After getting his real estate license, he built a multimillion-dollar real estate business with an award winning top national team in 3 years.

Today, Ben helps business owners and, real estate agents, get clear about who they really are and what they really want. He helps them make the right changes in their business and life with the new goal of building a life they love. His focus is on coaching, speaking, and running personal growth retreats. Ben loves business but his real obsession is helping people break free of the old patterns that hold them back in life. The, inner game, is everything to him and he is on a mission to find his tribe, one extraordinary person at a time.

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How Ben found his inner game

Myrna; : Can you share your backstory, why you were suicidal and bridge the gap for us and how you went from there to here?

Ben: Sure, I grew up in a tough childhood. I had good parents, but my dad was not in a place to be a parent. He has his own backstory that shaped him. And yeah, just I started running away from home when I was 12 and lived on the streets. I was a very industrious kid, but still and I would find places to sleep and just honestly just got into drugs. Alcohol found a place of acceptance. I never felt accepted.

I got really good at doing drugs as a young kid, every day just getting go. I ended up trying to commit suicide and committed in a psychiatric ward. I broke out of the psychiatric ward as a kid and that was on the news. My parents told me the news it was a pretty crazy story. But there's lots of stories within all these stories, but I went to a place called Teen Challenge. I went to 365-day rehab center, my plan was I was gonna give this one last try. And I went and that helped me. It helped me a lot.

And then I went into the world. I got into sales. I got into selling. My dad was a salesman, so it's just ironic that I got into sales. I desperately wanted his approval and his love thinking that was the missing hole in my life, thinking that was the actual hole that I needed to fill was based around my father relationship. But it was a relationship with myself. I didn't realize that till later. And I figured, you know, we got to work on this relationship with my dad and, and he was really interested in to me when I was doing things that he was interested in.

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The performance mentality to crush real estate sales

I built the, performance mentality. You know, people pleasing, mentality where I felt loved when I worked hard, so became a workaholic. My dad was a salesman and a financial planner. I became a, salesman. But I'd be not just a, salesman, I became number one, salesman. I had this weird drive that but if I wasn't number one, I was nothing. I had this huge gap happiness was always based on my performance, and what other people would say about me. I knew I could control what other people say if I just become number one.

I became a, real estate investor, and the first year or so I bought 41 properties and ended up building a, real estate investment, company. I ended up coaching, real estate agents. We changed the investment company when the crash happened. That was a pretty huge hit in my psychology, because I was always winning, and I didn't know what it was like to not win. I cried at my desk. I went through a lot then I hired a, life coach. And I hired someone I thought he was a, business coach.

His name was Mr. McKernan and I worked with him for eight years. And he was the first guy to challenge me. I was a very strong, strong person. I could tell myself stories and I could convince you and me of these stories. And a lot of times we just got to identify some self-awareness around these people that are going on with their stories. I've really niched out in, real estate, to help the, real estate industry and, real estate agents.

Becoming an inner game coach

I actually became a, real estate agent, and a coach and I would literally show the agents how to do sales. So, I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you. And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year. My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.

Why would you buy a restaurant and try to cook and serve all at the same time? Real estate agents, all over the country are doing everything themselves. And I realize it's the thinking that's the problem. They think they can keep selling and selling, but they forget that you could build a, referral base, every single year bigger and bigger and eventually if you did 1000 deals in your lifetime and you have a 10% referral rate, you'd have 100 sales every single year without even spending $1 in marketing. So, no one's playing the long game. I coach now helping, real estate agents, put in the right systems in place, so they can buy back their time because a business is if you're a, salesman, you got to grind it out.

But if you're a business owner, what you're doing is designing your company to serve the life that you want. The question is what else do you want? And that's where I'm a blackbelt, because I can help people uncover what they want. Now we create that then we say how much does that cost? Cool. So, you only need 200 grand a year to have the life you want when you thought you needed a million.

People pleasing and the inner game

So, we do a lot of work regarding the, inner game, and figuring out what they want. Most people don't know. My journey has been this weird, obsessed with human behavior and psychology because I was broken and I hated myself. So, I just was I tried to fix myself along the way and then the, inner game, really changed me.

It's been many, many lessons. We could talk for long. I'm sure we could share stories. The thing is, though, the biggest one. The biggest one happened the last, say three years for me. I've done well. I've done been doing this for years now. But the thing is, I got to a place where I would see something in my life and I want to fix it. I want to fix, people pleasing, manipulative, anger, whatever you can choose, anxiety, and I looked at it and I say I don't want that in me.

So now I'm going to use my skill of attacking and my builder skill, which is like, let's figure out how to get it down. I would study and try to attack these ailments that I had that I didn't like. But the more I fixed them, I find more, fix more and find more, that's when I realized I knew I know a lot of knowledge and I can help a lot of people. But I realized I was digging myself into a hole of unsatisfied anxiety, depression, hatred, through the, Personal Growth Movement. Because I just found that I was still broken.

Then I would go into judgment and say I should feel better. I'm doing all these, personal growth tools, and affirmations and all this stuff. But it was judgment because I didn't feel better. I felt like I could get through stuff, but I had five more things in me that needed to be fixed. So that fixer in the builder just led me to more fixing and builder and what I realized is self-acceptance is enlightenment.

Why hiring an assistant is setting realtors up for success

Myrna: Yeah, you got so many nuggets in there. I got to remember which ones I want to circle back to. Okay. All right. Let me take let me let me test my memory here. So, the first thing I want to circle back on was and you hired an assistant right away. A lot of, real estate agents, wouldn't understand that because we know in, real estate, you don’t make enough money to hire and assistant when you just get started. I interviewed a guy a couple months ago on the on the show and he became a top, commercial Realtor, in in San Francisco. And he was talking that for the first two years he didn't get a paycheck because of course he was working on big deals.

We know as, Realtors, when you come in, you don't always get the 10 deals a month. You get a little bit of money. And you're not thinking of hiring someone. You said you went in and immediately hired someone because you understood sales.

Ben: I hired an assistant because I was planning to be successful. Are you planning to fail?

Myrna: Yeah, exactly. That's a good tagline. You know, don't plan to fail, you know, set your business up for success.

Ben: I'm dealing with hiring an assistant, it's my secret way to get to find out where you psychologically create emotional friction. So, watch this. Hey, why don't you hire an assistant? Well, I don't have money or time. I don't know what to do. Hold on. That's all emotional friction. Let me change your thinking for some of the people on the show right now that have a business or anything. I'll just do it really quickly.

Can you afford $20 a week? Of course, you can. So, what we need to do is not go to the black belt hire, I gotta get you to hire well white belt, because I need you to get a psychological win. I want for you to become a CEO or a boss. The learning curve is way too high. But if I can get someone to manage your birthday system to make sure that you send a birthday card to every single client, I call that project hiring. You can practice being a boss and the cost is 20 bucks, one hour a week. It's the only mindset first, real estate coaching, in the world. It's called the Richest Real Estate Agent Facebook group.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Definition of the inner game

Myrna: Okay, I love that. I will definitely join that. But you know in my defense, I focus a lot on my time on my podcast. Explain what you mean by the, inner game?

Ben: The, inner game, it's the relationship with yourself. When you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? It’s your, emotional intelligence. Let's talk about, people pleasers. If you're a, people pleaser, you are extremely selfish person. I can speak about it because I got the medal of honor. And so, here's the thing, let's play this game with the readers and even ourselves. If someone says something like this, “You let me down.” If you can really take a second, close your eyes and think about how that would make you feel with someone that mattered. People pleasers, only please the people that matter.

Myrna: I would feel pretty bad. I would feel that I let you down and since I'm a caring person, that would bother me.

Ben: Correct, you have this internal energy this chaos that says, I don't like this feeling that I get when someone lets me down. By the way I can manipulate anybody with that right now. All I got to do is say you let me down and I can pull the strings on people, that's manipulation. So, if you just be very careful, miss everyone wants to be an independent man, independent woman. Great. So, if you're a, people pleaser, super easy to control. FYI. That's how you give your power away. Second thing is this, if you are people pleasing, you act as if it's about the other person. And it's such a lie, because all I want is that feeling to go away.

So, I got to make sure you're not upset with me. That has nothing to do with the, is all about making sure I don't feel those emotions. Because it makes me feel bad. So, who are you really pleasing? Yourself. How do you like when someone says I'm doing something for you, but they're not using you so really, as a, people pleaser, you use people. No wonder there's no real deep connection.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Language and personality types

Myrna: That's true. That's a different way of looking at it. That's a different spin. Tell us about the 16 Psychological languages.

Ben: we're born with 16 personality types and we all are the same human. There are 16 through the study of 100 years of psychology, there's 16 combinations of personality. So, when we say that's just my personality, you're all personalities you just haven't visited say the organizing person, you're more of a winged person or you're more of a detailed person, you're more of this, so forth. So, this is years and years of studying humans is understanding myself as being my obsession, and now I understand the people and I'll give you an example.

Let's just do a practical example on a language understanding human language. So, let's say that, you're a real estate agent, and you go into a house, let's say I'm brand-new, real estate agent. I sit down and the client askes me, so how long you've been in the business, I'm thinking who says that? What if I'm brand new, you know? I'm gonna feel terrible.

And so here's the thing. I look at a guy like that. And so, speaking his language, he has the balls to hit me with a bat. That is a test on my credibility. Okay, we have to understand that we can stop being so self-centered, and observe how people talk to us. Here's the trick. Here's some tactical training. The guy says, how long you been in the business? You have to hit him with a sarcastic hit and you got to be direct, or you'll lose the guy's credibility. That's understanding his language.

So, I would say, you know what? I've only been in the business under a year. And I might not be your, real estate agent. Then I'd say to him, I'd say, but I do know someone 40 years in the business, her name's Betty. She has a walker. If that's how you're going to choose, let me give you her your number right now. And then guess what he says, I like this guy. I want to hire him. Because sarcasm is the language of the logical, but then later, they become loyal.

Using language to build connection and rapport

Myrna: So you're really pretty confident to do that. That's pretty good.

Ben: In my course I teach the psychology of all the languages and when someone teaches sales training, I think it's manipulative. What I do is it's like, I look at human connection.

So there's building connection and rapport through tactics or authenticity, and then one is rich, but people pleasing one is real. Like if I really understand you, I'll probably find out what makes you tick. What's your nostalgic value? That’s what I think of when I meet a client. So, this isn't this isn't mirroring, its building rapport. This is truly at a psychological level, making a connection.

Myrna: Tell us about your podcast is called the, Inner Game.

Ben: I am no longer doing the, Inner Game, Podcast. We're all in on bringing mindset and personal growth and business mindset versus worker mindset to, real estate. And so, I'm focused 100% of that in my podcast is called “The, Richest Real Estate Agent. The other thing is I have a book coming out called the real “The richest real estate agent: how to build a seven-figure business without sacrificing your relationships.” It's the first mindset book for, real estate agents, with full tactical training. Never ever has this been combined. We're going to be going after the, inner game, for, real estate agents, and that's our focus.

Conclusion

And so that's the book, the podcast and our group on Facebook is all The, Richest Real Estate Agent. I also run, personal growth, retreats that I do that once a year for people that want to bring up their teams or whatever, and I take them on a three-day kind of off grid or adventure retreats. And that's three days I can't even compare to the effectiveness of what three days away on one of my retreats does for the for the head and the heart. All these information can be found on my website www.benoosterveld.com

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/create-a-freedom-lifestyle-with-investment-property/

creating wealth, financial freedom, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, mindset, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Money Mindset: Removing Your Financial Baggage

June 26, 2022 Myrna Young

In this 21 Day, money mindset, Challenge we help people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10849904-money-mindset-removing-your-financial-baggage.mp3?download=true

Bio

A gang of armed men broke into Chana Mason's childhood home in Bogota, Colombia, And held her family hostage. Her family miraculously fled to Miami, but 5-years-old Chana’s sense of safety was decimated. Two decades later, Chana still dealt with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. To heal herself, she dove into a journey to rediscover her peace and joy. She’s learned from the world’s top experts on the human mind and uses her gift for turning complex ideas into easy-to-access tools for transformation.

Through her straight talk, open heart, and addictive joy, Chana helps thousands clarify their vision, shift beliefs getting in their way, and manifest their dreams. Chana lives with her family in the funky Nachlaot neighborhood of Jerusalem and works with individuals and communities around the world.

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Byron Katie's book The Work as the foundation for shifting mindset

I love Byron Katie's book, “The Work” I follow her work so, and I started doing some of those exercises or tools. So, I know what you're talking about in your book “Hold That Thought”. From your bio, you said that because you had, PTSD, so you started to, to train with a top world expert. So can you bridge the gap for us, how your, childhood trauma, turned into you becoming a coach and a teacher and how you used Byron Katie's book, “The Work” as the foundation of one of your tools.

Chana: I was constantly in search of things that would help me stop having, anxiety and depression, and one of the things that I experienced which I kind of thought I was the only person in the world who had this because we have a tendency to be very lonely in our suffering and not talk about it.

I would have the worst, anxiety images, I would picture the most horrific things happening all the time. In my mind, I tend to picture things rather than have words as much. And so, as I walk off a bus, I pictured myself tripping off the bus and getting run over or I trip on the sidewalk and I would imagine my head bashing the sidewalk and blood and guts everywhere.

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Our thoughts are malleable

Those types of images were flooding my mind all the time, in addition because of the kidnap threat when I was a kid, I was constantly being scared of people on the street thinking I was gonna get kidnapped or thinking I was gonna get raped. All of that stuff, didn't respond at all to therapy. So, for years, I tried going to different therapists. Eventually I started learning about the concept that our thoughts are within our control and, thoughts, are malleable, but I didn't really have clear tools for how to shift those, thoughts, and I kept getting stuck.

Eventually, I found some really phenomenal coaches and healers; but there was something about Byron Katie's material that just really struck a chord. I was introduced to “The Works” as a process for inquiry. So, The Works, and the option process and other tools for inquiry also. Their goal is to help you ask questions. When you're facilitating someone else, you ask them questions that help the subconscious to bring up all of the answers and all of the beliefs and all of the rationale that we've been using to drive our behavior. Sometimes just seeing it on the surface makes us look at it and be like wait, that doesn't make any sense.

You know, so for example, a lot of people think that the best way to lose weight is believing that they should lose weight. My experience is that the belief that I should lose weight makes people want to eat more and exercise less. And so as soon as they see how they react to that belief, they realize, wait, this belief isn't working for me, even though I thought it would help me get to where I want to go.

Eventually, I wanted to help people to this theory clearly a journal work. So just came out with a new book, which I didn't even get to tell you about because it just came out. It’s called “Inner Voices.”

Also, in “Hold That Thought” people get a free taste of “Inner Voices” at the end of the book.

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Using the Works to change your beliefs

Myrna: When I was reading “The Works” I used the inquiry for my, beliefs, regarding my husband. Married people have conflict over certain different things so this was helpful for me. I loved the inquiry, is that true? How do you know that’s true? So, how did you use that book specifically to get rid of your, anxiety images?

Chana: So for me, the purpose of inquiry is to question our thinking. For some people thinking manifests as words. And for other people it manifests as pictures. But what's cool about a picture is that it's not just one belief. Usually a picture, is a container for lots and lots of, beliefs. So, if you're picturing yourself, God forbid, driving off the road, there's a lot of, beliefs, in there.

Not safe when I'm driving.
The world is not a safe place.
I can't trust myself on the road.
I can't trust other drivers on the road.
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die in a painful way.
I'm going to die right now.

Asking is it true to shift your mindset

Think about how many things come up. And so, if you can just sit and think about what are the, beliefs, that are embedded in these, anxiety images? I want for your audience to really understand what inquiry is so I can give you a simple example. There was one time that I was in Heathrow Airport, sort of transitioning via London to the United States from Israel. And Heathrow Airport is huge, it's like a mall, and there's a point when you walk through it, it's like walking through the perfume section of a mall. And I saw this huge poster image advertisement of a scantily clad model standing next to a bottle of perfume.

The only thing at the bottom of what brands it was the brand of the perfume, but there were no words on this marketing. This was a big poster. And yet when I looked at it, I noticed that my stomach started to turn. So, for me, the thing that drives me to question my thinking is my emotional state. And my emotional state is a combination of just straight up emotions like anger or sadness, and physiological experiences because we feel emotions inside of our bodies. So, for me, my stomach started to turn and I started to feel a little bit sad and worthless. And so immediately I knew there's something happening in me from this poster. This poster was telling a story, and that story wasn’t feeling good.

I immediately knew to ask myself the question, Is this true? And as soon as I answered this is not true, my stomach was no longer in knots. I was able to shift my, mindset.

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Shifting your limiting beliefs

Myrna: So how do you help clients shift their, limiting beliefs, and manifest their dreams? We know that we can use the tools that we've been talking about to question how we're feeling, question our, belief system, and so on, but how could we use it for you to shift your, limiting beliefs, and manifest your dreams?

Chana: One of the things I do as a coach is I help people clarify a vision for what it is they want to do with their lives. You know, they may want to build a business, want to increase their sales in real estate. I have a number of realtors that I work with. They may want to lose weight, it really just depends.

Everybody's a little bit different. But particularly for my business clients, actually, it's true even for somebody wanting to lose weight. What tends to happen is that they have a vision. There's something they want, they know it's a clear manifestation of their life's purpose, and would give them a tremendous amount of meaning.

Yet, they can't seem to get themselves to do it. They keep bumping into all sorts of obstacles along the way. And for that, I created a tool I called the, obstacle course. So, this is where I tend to use the tools of inquiry that I've gotten from others and create tools that help people. Let's say that you want to be 20 pounds lighter. So, I have a client who's in that situation right now. She wants to be 20 pounds lighter.

Using the obstacle course to change mindset

Myrna: Well, in your book I thought it was interesting this guy, I think he was a Potter or something and he was saying that he could never be successful as a Potter and you used the, obstacle course, to help him shift his, mindset, and remove his, financial baggage.

Chana: So that's a perfect sample. He had this vision of living out in the country and not living in the city and being professionally a Potter and actually making a living as a Potter. Being able to sustain a family that way. But it seemed so pie in the sky and impossible in his eyes. So, I asked him to do this, obstacle course. What are all the reasons why it's impossible? And for most of us who are visual, it really helps to actually see these, obstacles and remove our, financial baggage.

Everyone comes up with different things, I asked them to envision this dream they have as being someone in the distance in front of them like let's say it's right here. Then I asked them between here and the vision they have, what do they see? And one client said they see shards of glass and other person says they see clouds and other person says the image itself is a black and white, they don't see any color, all sorts of things like that, right?

So, for this guy, the obstacles between himself and the vision is the opportunity to speak. I said, okay, what are the shards of glass or what are the clouds have to say? And he said, It's impossible. I can't do it. I couldn't possibly make enough money to support a family, you know, all these different, beliefs. And he listed about 13 obstacles along with their, financial baggage. Then we have to do the inquiry and ask him “Is this true” and then get him to do a, turnaround to shift his, mindset, and unload his, financial baggage.

Using turnarounds to shift your mindset

It's a lot. What's really cool is that for most of us the, beliefs, that are driving our lives and driving our behavior, are resting in the, subconscious mind. We're just not aware that they're there. And all we have to do is ask a question, like, what are those, obstacles, have to say or what am I believing right now? This making me feel this way? And it's just amazing. Our, subconscious mind, loves to follow orders. If we ask good questions, we get good answers.

So, if I ask, what am I believing right now the, subconscious mind, is like oh, you want to know your, beliefs. Here they are. They were all sitting under this consciousness, so we talked about money, for example, for most people, what keeps them from manifesting wealth and abundance? They have all of these, money beliefs, and for almost all of us our, money beliefs, are very deeply hidden in the, subconscious mind.

For two reasons. One is we got our, money beliefs, early from our family when we were kids. And the other is, money, is taboo. So, we have, money beliefs, but we don't know what they are. It's like for people for whom your body is taboo.

If God forbid, they ever get abused, well, if you don't know you have a penis. How do you tell someone that it got touched? So, in the same way, if you're not allowed to talk about, money, and, money, is this taboo thing? When things aren't going well with, money, you don't even have the language to talk about debt or stress or credit cards or building wealth or investments.

If you don't even have the language, you don't have the vocabulary for that. So, for this guy, once he was able to identify thoughts, then we could use all of the tools from inquiry from the auction process to, neuro linguistic programming, to The Works, to be able to address what he was doing.

Your money mindset and your parents

Myrna: He must have thought that the only way that you can be successful is if maybe you're an accountant or professional or maybe his parents told him that a Potter is not a real job. I know about the, money mindset, because we grew up poor. You have a, money mindset, when you hear your parents or grandparents, say things like “money don't grow on trees” or, “money is the root of all evil.”

So, you've got it on both ends. So that's basically your, belief system. That is a great segue into what we want to talk about today, removing your financial baggage. Tell us about your 21 day, money mindset, challenge.

Chana: Yeah, I actually really want to focus on this thing of money doesn't grow on trees, because we have this 21 Day Challenge that helps people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

The money mindset 21 day challenge

And one of the things that my husband and I decided to do in the, money mindset, challenge is that every single day, every single lesson has a story because we find that stories how we learn and particularly with, beliefs, stories are how we created our, beliefs. You know, your five-year-old Myrna is looking around and she's seeing how people are behaving right. She's living a story, and then she comes up with a whole collection of conclusions about what's true about the world. And some of those conclusions literally came out of people's mouths, but not always.

For example, two people could get divorced and a kid says, oh, my daddy doesn't love me. That's why he left. Even though Daddy never said that. There's no indication of that. Right? And it's probably the opposite of why it's true. Because Daddy loved the kid, he stayed longer than maybe he would have otherwise. There's just such a different collection of stories that kids can create. So, one of the stories that I use repeatedly with students to help them shift is to actually see that money does quite specifically grow on trees.

Myrna: I think ask you those questions. Is that true? What are the other questions? Do you go through in “The Works? Is that how you do them to shift their, mindset?

Chana: So, so there are a few questions that I ask. So, let's say you're believing. I'm not talented enough to start my own business. Okay, so you and I deal with people who believe that all the time I'm not trying to start my own business. So, one stream of questions could be doing “The Work of Byron Katie”,

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you believe that thought? You see what that thought does to you emotionally, physiologically, behaviorally, you notice that if I believe I'm not talented enough to start my own business, my body shrinks. I get really tight.

Your beliefs determine your success

Personally, for me I want to crawl under the covers and hide. I'm much less social and under those circumstances, I literally can't start my own business. I can't do anything even remotely creative or audacious, well, unbelieving, that thought. So, the thought actually creates that reality. And isn't that convenient, right? One of the things that I can ask myself was also, is how do I benefit from believing that thought?

One benefit I get is that I can sit on the couch and drink beer and watch movies. It's like, because I'm not talented enough, which is beyond my control, right? It's not like oh, I'm going to work on my talent.

So, me as an author, my husband is also an author. We read books about writing books, and we take courses from authors and these work on our craft. We didn't used to be talented enough to write great books, but we are now working really hard, and hopefully it will be a lot better a decade from now. But to say I'm not talented enough to start my own business is sort of saying like, it's like a flatline and it means I don't even have to try. It's much more convenient to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.

Using Turnarounds to shift your money mindset

The key part of Byron Katie's process is doing what she calls, turnarounds, where you take the original statement, and you say it's opposite. So, you say “I am talented enough to start my own business.” I'm talented enough to learn. I'm talented enough to ask questions. I'm talented enough to seek mentors. I'm talented enough at the one thing I know how to do, and I could outsource other pieces that I don't know how to do, where I'm not particularly talented.

So those would be me giving reasons why this new perspective is true. And every time I give a reason why the new perspective is true. I'm literally rewiring my brain into a different perspective and detaching from the old perspective. And the more I do that, the more I train my mind to question everything. And so, there's something really powerful about questioning absolutely every single thing you see. So, so in our, money mindset, challenge, we teach a number of different tools to help people shift their, beliefs.

One of the tools we teach is “The Works.” We teach a bunch of other tools. Another one of them is simply choosing to disentangle two concepts that you've glued together. For example, often when we're working with someone in financial coaching I will ask, please complete the following sentence. Rich people are ……… And often people will say things like greedy, selfish, slimy, evil, you know, out to get us, etc.

Myrna: Yes, they hear their parents saying those things.

Shifting your mindset on your beliefs

Chana: Right, they have all of these different, beliefs. And what's really cool is you have a few options of what you can do with let's say, rich people are evil. Okay. You can ask yourself, are there times that you've met rich people who are good or generous?

Then list examples of wealthy people you know, who are particularly generous, and every single time all of a sudden the person is like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy in my community, and he's always taking care of everyone. And whenever anybody is in need, they can just go to him and he'll get some cash very quietly, secretly under the table.

And oh, yeah. And you know, my church wouldn't stand if it wasn't for these two women who are really rocking entrepreneurs, and they just they support the entire church and they do it so quietly, and oh, yeah, you know that big philanthropist, he's just giving money away all the time.

If they say poor people are good, so you can ask them have you ever met a poor person who's evil and you're like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy and it's like, okay, well, let's look at the vast majority of people who get arrested for theft, are they are rich people are people? The only thing you know for sure is that they're rich. And they are people, right?

Myrna; Right, Rich people are rich, no extra labels!

Why do you believe what you do?

Chana: Another really cool thing that comes from the auction process is a question I really like. It's why do you believe that?

Myrna: I'm sure a lot of people that can't answer that.

Chana: It's shocking how much the, subconscious mind, will give you an answer to these questions. We teach you other tools on how to take those thoughts and turn them into thoughts that support you. And then and then in the third week, we teach you financial principles and, and understandings of how, money, works so that you can really start moving more towards a positive supportive, money mindset.

Myrna: How can listeners connected with you and learn more about your 21 day challenge and, plus get a copy of your book?

Chana: My personal website is www.chanamason.com you can access my books @ Chanamason.com/books. Most of the books, are available as free downloads. I wrote a book together with my husband called “The Cash Machine.” It's all about how to develop financial independence, but it's a novel. It's a love story. It's like a really fun page turner. And we have another book about how to manifest your dreams called “The Size of Your Dreams,” which is also a novel, but also, personal growth, tools. And “Hold That Thought” that you mentioned and “In Our Voices,” are my 2 newest books. So people can go to that page and access any of those books and our, money challenge, they can access on My Courses page on my website, or they can go to www.moneymindsetmadness.com

Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, mindset, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

How To Use Feelings To Manifest Your Dreams

June 24, 2022 Myrna Young

The, secret of feeling, or calling of the invisible realm into the visible and feeling realm is beautifully told in the Bible story of, Isaac, blessing his second son, Jacob, by the belief, based solely upon, feelings, that he was blessing his first son, Esau.

One of the reasons all the wealth coaches tell you to first visualize how much money you want and then use your, feelings, to visualize it in your hand is because, emotions, and, feelings, are the invisible forces that creates.

Download the podcast

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10842434-how-to-use-feelings-to-manifest-your-dreams.mp3?download=true

Bible story of Esau and Jacob

It is told that, Isaac, who was old and blind, felt that he was about to leave this world and wishing to bless his first-born son, Esau, before he died, sent, Esau, hunting for savory venison with the promise that upon his return from the hunt he would receive his father’s blessing.

Jacob's mother Rebekah overheard the father promise to bless, Esau, and since, Jacob, was her favorite, she encouraged him to deceive his father and get the, first-born, blessing.

She sent, Jacob, to the flock to get a couple of young goats and prepared Isaac’s favorite meal. Then she wrapped Jacob's arms and neck with the skin from the goats so, Jacob, would feel like his brother, Esau.

Jacob deceives Isaac with feeling

When, Jacob, went in to see his father pretending to be his brother his father said you don’t sound like, Esau, come closer so I can feel you. Isaac, felt the hairy skin and through these, feelings, was convinced he was speaking to, Esau, and proceeded to give his, first-born, blessing.

He blessed him with an abundance of grain and wine which represents the later promise of a land flowing with, milk and honey. He blessed him with being the master over his brothers and having them bow down to him which represents the later blessing of being the head and not the tail the lender and not the borrower.

Finally, he blessed him that all who cursed him would be cursed and all who blessed him would be blessed, that took care of all his enemies both seen and unseen forever.

Feelings, consciousness and desire

The, secret of feeling, is that whatever you desire you must use your, feelings, before it manifests. Isaac, the blind father, is your consciousness; your awareness of being.

Esau, the hairy son, is your objectified world, the, present moment, your present environment, the world you know from your, senses.

Jacob, represents your desire or subjective state. An idea not yet embodied; in short your defined objective.

What's the science? Subjective feelings, are central to everyday human life from forgetfulness to, feeling, ill or having a good day with a friend. Subjective feelings, is the current subjective phenomenological state of an individual.

The secret to feeling your way to your defined objective:

To use, feelings, to manifest your desires, first send your, problem, hunting. That means to take your attention off the problem.
Second – With your eyes closed and your attention removed from your present circumstances fix your mind on your, desire. Begin to access your, feelings, on what you want to manifest. Feel that the very place you are is the place desired; feel and sense the reality of it until you are consciously impressed with this fact.
Thirdly – in your, imagination, see the thing desired. If you cannot visualize it, use your, feelings, to sense the general outline of it; contemplate it. Then mentally draw it close to you, Isaac, said “Come close my son that I may feel you” feel the nearness of it, feel it to be in your immediate presence, feel the reality and solidity of it, feel it and see it placed in the room which you are seated, feel the thrill of actual accomplishment, and the joy of possession.

Conclusion

This is how you use, feelings, to manifest your, dreams, and, desires, and walk in your blessings of abundance.

This is coach Myrna Young and you are listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

The Law of Attraction: How Vibrational Energy Works

Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, transform your mind

Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

June 20, 2022 Myrna Young

In the silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear the voice coming from the, superconscious, portion of the mind and can that reflect that wisdom into our, conscious mind, to be our guide. This is the action that will lead you to your highest and greatest good.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10818434-let-your-conscience-be-your-guide.mp3?download=true

Bio

LEONARD PERLMUTTER. Leonard is the founder and director of The American Meditation Institute in Averill Park, New York, and the originator of National Conscience Month. He studied under Swami Rama of the Himalayas whose lab studies at the Menninger Institute demonstrated that blood pressure, heart rate and the autonomic nervous system can be voluntarily controlled. These findings have become a cornerstone of the modern mind/body movement.

His recently released book YOUR CONSCIENCE: The Key to Unlock Limitless Wisdom and Creativity and Solve All of Life's Challenges is a simple, logical introduction to how your mind works and the perfect entry point for anyone who wants to live a more fulfilling life simply by learning to depend on their conscience.

Looking outside ourselves for happiness is a useless pursuit, but where can we find the wisdom, we need to guide us through the trials in our lives? Leonard believes that we can receive all the guidance we need by trusting our, conscience.

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Developing your conscience during childhood

Myrna: How did you develop your, conscience? Can you share your personal story?

Leonard: My personal story, I guess, began when I was quite young, a little child. And it seemed that two principles guided my life at that time and true today. The first principle was always looked at life from a philosophical viewpoint. It's just the way I saw the world immediately, philosophically. And the second principle that has directed me in practicality. I'm a practical fellow. Okay, and even a philosophy of life. Must have practical applications make life rewarding, and to take away the pain and the misery and the bondage, that are seen in the mists time in our world, the pandemic of its own.

Myrna: Okay, all right. Yeah. Were your problems solved by relying on your, conscience?

Leonard: There's not one, problem, that cannot be solved by our, conscience. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, there are no problems. There are only situations. So, for me, even the word problem is a problem. Now, because language trigger us. Language can trigger us and they carry a heavy weight from the culture.

Change the word problem to situation

So, if we bring the word, problem, into our heart, and just feel the weight of it, I have a problem Oh, it's very heavy. It's very dark, and it seems to cover a creative capacity, and become intimidated. I become fearful and I worry, which even accelerates denigration of my creative capacity. So, I don't use that word anymore. But I do I substitute a synonym, I say don't say I have problems, I say I have a situation.

If you bring the word, situation, into your heart and just listen with your eyes, situation, is much lighter. Not that I'm not going to have to work resolving the, situation. But I'm a creative fellow, I'd like to tackle that. So, I'm much more optimistic and creative. I'm always watching words that says you have an emotional choice.

Myrna: I like your word, situation, I've learned to change the word, problem, to, challenges, but challenges is also still weightier than, situation.

Leonard: And so, too interesting, because problems, wherever we define that we start in the, mind. What do I mean by that? There's conflict in our minds. There always has to be conflict outside our, mind. And that will be first and foremost in the body, but then, interpersonal relationships. So, working backwards from the, problem, which is outside of us by have a, problem, with you.

Problem, is now with you. It's what I think about you. My mind created an eclipse of my awareness and I cannot really see you, I just see what's in my, unconscious mind. I sift through those lenses. And so maybe I'm intimidated with you. Maybe I understand that you're a podcast, personality and you have a following and oh my gosh, I'm intimidated by her. So, when I talk to Myrna I'm not really able to have a conversation with her until I deal with the fear then, and the worry that is in my, mind.

Myrna: It's very true. When you were talking it reminded me of Buddha statement that says suffering is all in the, mind.

Leonard: Well, I believe that suffering is a choice. We all have pain, but suffering is exactly is your choice.

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Conscience one of the four functions of the mind

Myrna: Let's touch on this word, conscience. Can you just explain how, conscience, and the mind works? You said mental problems or situations can be solved by relying on the, conscience, so let's dive into this, conscience, so we can put you know some context or conversation.

Four functions of the mind

Leonard: Sure. First and foremost, the conscience is one of the four, functions of the mind. In early childhood, I'm sure that many of us had the experience, I know I did, that there always seemed to be different voices in our, mind. And as it turns out, there are four of them.

There is the ego,
The, senses,
the, unconscious mind,
and the, conscience.

So interesting, this was a game changer for me when I learned it was quite shocking. Every single choice that I have ever made in my life, in fact, any human being has made in their life, and every single choice that we will ever make, has been made the, conscience, because, the conscience, is the only function of the mind, that can make a decision. The other three functions of the mind the, ego, the, senses, and the, unconscious mind, cannot make a choice. They only act as advisors. And as advisors, they work all the time in a very determined way.

So, what does that mean? The, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, these advisors, these lobbyists in our, mind, they're loud, they're pushy, and are often wrong. Only the, conscience, has the ability alone to make the choice.

Myrna: How do we how do we get this, conscience? I understand that our, conscience, was put by God to distinguish between right and wrong. Is your, conscience, built up after you're born?

The Ego, the senses and the unconscious mind

Leonard: The hardware of the, mind, is just like the, senses, and so can make two kinds of choices. The first kind of choice occurs when the, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are so unruly as they are with most people today. The, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are creating a tremendous amount of noise in our, mind, lobbying for their limited perspectives. Then the only way that the, conscience, can make a choice is simply to rubber stamp, the loudest voice it can hear.

We you know, the ego, the senses, and the, unconscious mind, are not always wrong. You need a, healthy ego, to have this conversation right now and make sense of it or to drive an automobile or a truck. We need a, healthy ego, to keep us alive. And that's gratification. I love a delicious meal just like everybody else and I have a body so why shouldn't I?

But a lot of times limited perspective of the, ego, senses, and even the, unconscious mind, create habit patterns that are faulty. And if they're loud and pushy, the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, are always worried that a saber-toothed Tiger is going to come around the next corner and that we have to fear for our lives. Then the, conscience, will simply rubber stamp loudest voice.

Myrna: Okay, so we rubber stamp the loudest voice in our, mind. So, the loudest voice is saying hey, you know what? I should feel something right there.

Leonard: Maybe I should have a second piece of apple pie.

Myrna: Exactly. You're going to say get a second piece of apple pie, right? That's not so much your, conscience, that's just guilt, but let's say that we want to steal something and you steal it and then your, conscience, is bothering you. Because you know you shouldn't have done it. You know what I mean? So, what you're saying is that you took it because the, ego, let's choose that one. That's really the one that's telling you that you deserve it or something.

How to listen to your conscience

Leonard: That's right. However, if we can learn to teach and parent, the ego, senses, and unconscious mind, and share their limited perspectives. Then when each of these three functions of the mind, these advisors after they finish presenting their perspective, sit down and be quiet. When the, mind, becomes quiet, the conscience, can make another kind choice.

Okay, now in this silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear another voice coming from the, super conscious, portion of the mind. And can that reflect that, superconscious, wisdom into our, conscious mind, and that will tell the, conscience, to advise us. This is the action that will lead you for your highest and greatest good.

Myrna: Right? Well, that's perfect because somewhere along the line I heard that we have five voices in our head, but I've never had anybody actually identify those voices. We just know that we have these voices. One of the things I want to circle back to was what you're saying about, meditation, because this is where the, meditation, link comes in.

When you sit still and be quiet during, meditation, then you're connecting to source, you're connecting to your Higher Self, then you're able to get instructions from your higher self. But normally I guess when you're making a decision, a lot of times you right you just rubber stamp the highest noise.

The superconscious wisdom

Leonard: There's another ingredient here and this is the need for culture. We are going so fast. Right now, we do not have time to sit quietly right so that the, conscience, can hear the, superconscious, wisdom and share it with us. We have to make a decision now. If it feels good, the advertisements say just do it.

Myrna: I talk a lot about, meditation, on the show. I'm reading the, meditation book, and it's telling you that when you sit quietly, what basically happens is things starts to bubble up that you have pushed down, and once it bubbles up that means it is something you need to take care of. So now I'm hearing another reason to sit still is so you can, solve problems, because when you sit still your, conscience, gets to talk to you.

Leonard: That one pointed attention, training the mind, to be one pointed either on a mantra or the breath in, meditation, automatically creates a space between stimulus and response. That means that I am cultivating the skill of being detached. What does that mean? Just because a thought comes into my awareness, suggesting the desire for the second slice of apple pie. When I create a space between that stimulus of that snack and piece of apple pie and my ultimate decision, that space provides me what? Freedom to redirect my attention.

The, conscience, can then reflect, superconscious, wisdom tells me how my relationship should proceed with this desire for a second slice of apple pie. In, meditation, that one pointed attention creates a space between stimulus and response that provides me the freedom to check with my, conscience. And the more that I do that not only create a large resource of creativity coming from the, conscience, to solve all sorts of situations. But I also am continuously building the muscles of willpower to do what's to be done, when it's to be done and not to do what is not to be done. And when it is not to be done.

Get the conscience involved with every decision

Myrna; How can we reap instant benefits from employing our, conscience, in every decision that we make?

Leonard: That brings up a very important point to do with the, law of karma. That simply means that thoughts lead to action, action, which leads to consequence. Now, as we mentioned a few moments ago most of us feel that the consequence that we want to experience in every relationship is, happiness, to carry good health in body and mind. The question is, do we have a business for that?

I call it the, bridge of yoga. The, bridge of yoga, is a philosophical and a scientific bridge that encourages us 24/7 to base our outer actions thoughts, words and deeds, on the, superconscious wisdom, that is within us, that is us at the core of our being. And the more that I can employ that, bridge of yoga, we can call it anything, we can call it the bridge of Christianity, the bridge of Judaism, the bridge of Islam. You see, you can come up with your own name, but is the more that we base our outer actions. The wise good counsel the, conscience, we are continuously enabled, meekly fulfill the purpose of life without pain, misery or bondage.

Sowing and reaping begin with our thoughts, I can't even raise my hand without first undertaking a thought. The mind moves first, the body just follows. So, what we want the bodies to take an action to bring about a consequence that will bring me, happiness, health and security. I better examine my thoughts.

Because not every thought is going to bring the, happiness, bring me security, or bring the health of the, conscience. If I counsel with the, conscience, and I can quiet the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, after they make the presentation of their limited perspectives. The, conscience, will tell me what's to be done.

Your Conscience

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Your Conscience” why did you write it and what do you want readers to walk away with after writing after reading it?

Leonard: I wrote it during the first months of COVID. I was in quarantine and a teacher. I had people coming to the American meditation Institute where I teach. But they weren't coming because everybody was in quarantine at the time. So how am I going to reach people? What do I have that I can give them?

People are in tremendous amount of pain and they don't have the tools. This goes back to scouting. They don't have the tools to be prepared for whatever life can throw them. What can I give them? I asked myself, I said, the most important thing I can give them is an understanding of the functions of the mind and how to coordinate them serve the, conscience. And so that's why I wrote the book.

Myrna; What do you want them to walk away with?

Leonard: The only thing that I would like them to walk away with is not believe me. I don't want anyone who can hear this, to believe a word I am saying. But I would appreciate it. I will support you if this is true. If you're interested and willing to experiment with your own, conscience, in all sorts of situations, but make sure that they're all easy at first.

You don't want to just pick up 200 pounds thinking that you're going to build muscles when you've never done any kind of exercise before. Start with one or two pounds and then three or four and then five and 10 pounds. And within a short time, you'll be building some muscles without injuring yourself. So, if you're interested at all, turn your entire life into a laboratory to experiment with your own, conscience, and see what happens. Train and love and parent, your, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind.

Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers pick up a copy of your book. What's your social media handles if anyone wants to follows you? And of course, you are the director of the American meditation Institute's you can also talk about that.

Leonard: Well, yes, I founded the American meditation Institute in 1996. And our website is www.Americanmeditation.org. On the homepage, you can see our foundation course which provides a full curriculum of everything that I've been discussing. There's also on the homepage, a free link to a Sunday meditation every Sunday from 930 to 11am. Eastern time, you get a, free guided meditation, and a free date to discuss philosophical questions, just like Myrna and I have been discussing today. You also get a free recording.

Additional Resources

Six Rules of The Mind

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through

June 17, 2022 Myrna Young

We are all, golden buddhas, underneath, we cover up our, inner greatness, with the, mud, of, self-doubt, feelings of, not being good enough, insecurity and other, negative emotions.

In this episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna, I want to teach on the subject 3 ways to let your, inner greatness, shine through. I want to use the story of the, Golden Buddha, as my foundational story.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10810623-3-ways-to-let-your-inner-greatness-shine-through.mp3?download=true

The Golden Buddha

Story of the Golden Buddha that was covered up in mud by the monks so that the gold couldn’t shine through.

In Bangkok there is a golden statue of the Buddha that stands 9’8” tall, weighs 5.5 tons and is worth approximately 250 million in gold.

The statue was thought to be built in 1,403 and was revered by Buddhist for many hundreds of years. In 1,757 the Burmese Army was invading Thailand. Facing complete annihilation, the Buddhist monks at the monastery hastily began covering their, Golden Buddha, with plaster, which was painted and inlaid with bits of colored glass, to make it look of little or no value to the invading army. During the invasion all the Buddhist monks were tragically murdered, but the, Golden Buddha, was left undiscovered.

In 1957 an entire Monastery in Thailand was being relocated by a group of monks. One day they were moving a giant clay Buddha when one of the monks noticed a large crack in the clay. On closer investigation he saw there was a golden light emanating from the crack. The monk used a hammer and a chisel to chip away at the clay exterior until he revealed that the statue was in fact made of solid gold.

Don't cover up your inner greatness with mud

This story illustrates the point that we can cover up our value by layering it with, mud, as well. So let me ask you. What is your, mud?

What life experiences added layers of, mud, and covered up your value to the world?

We are all, golden buddhas, underneath, but we cover up our, inner greatness, with the, mud of self-doubt, feelings of not being good enough, insecurity and other, negative emotions.

Here are 3 ways to chip away at your mud let your inner greatness shine through:

Identify your mud. Is it self-doubt? Lack of self-worth? Body image, not being good enough? You can’t change what you don’t identify and until you dig through the layers of mud you can’t shine and become what you were created to do.

The, false self, is an artificial persona that people create very early in life to protect themselves from re-experiencing developmental trauma, shock, and stress in close relationships.

Meaning, our delusionary self-creation process starts early in our childhood.

Often, we had to be unnaturally attuned to the demands of our parents, sensing we had to comply in order to be loved and tolerated; we had to be false before we had the chance to feel properly alive.

And this continues in our educational systems and careers.

Most of the time, we are putting on a mask, complying with our teachers, our bosses, our colleagues, our partners, our friends…

2. Speak to the mud

if your, mud, is feelings of not being good enough for example then speak to those feelings and tell them that you are good enough, you were created for this purpose. If your, mud, is body image tell it that you are wonderfully made and beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and you are perfect just the way you are.

“Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow.” Believing that problems are opportunities to grow, rather than insurmountable obstacles, is called a, growth mindset, and it’s essential if you want to learn how to stop being insecure. Instead of feeling like a failure just because we have, insecurities, we gain the freedom to view those, insecurities, as a source of information for our personal and professional growth.

Instead of avoiding our, insecurities, we learn to speak to them. Most, insecurities, are not based on facts, so you can speak to them and challenge them. As you commit yourself to putting aside your fears and utilizing your insecurity as a source of valuable information, you eliminate the “what ifs” associated with avoidance and open the door to opportunity.

3. Take action to remove the mud:

Our daily behaviors reflect our deepest beliefs.
Clean up your language and speak life into your situation.
Take massive action to change your beliefs.
Train your mind with new beliefs and affirmations.

Realize that you were conditioned to believe that you can’t do something. Think of the elephant that is controlled by a sodden stick in the ground.

Figure out, When did you decide to accept this limitation.

Resources in the mind are unlimited, use the fuel of your thoughts to find the resources to do something great and uncover your, Golden Buddha, your, inner greatness, and let your value shin through.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week. Until next time Namaste

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Life lessons from abandonment

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Life Lessons from growing up without a mom

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I witnessed my step mom being murdered

My mother told me I would never amount to anything

Abandoned girls become abused women

Deciding to stay married with abuse

Writing the book Tears behind my smile

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Background story of why we should look into the heart

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How a man treats others reveals his heart

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Conclusion

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Childhood trauma affects our adult relationships

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Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language

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Talking is the start of communication

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Relational mindfulness builds deeper connections

Awareness wonder and empathy

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Conclusion

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Boaz and Ruth Bible Story

Ruth the virtuous woman

What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?

What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?

What is the meaning of Virtuous:

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What you Focus on is your emotional home

What actions did you take when you felt pain

STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY

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The performance mentality to crush real estate sales

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Conclusion

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Using Turnarounds to shift your money mindset

Shifting your mindset on your beliefs

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Bible story of Esau and Jacob

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Feelings, consciousness and desire

What is subjective feeling state?

The secret to feeling your way to your defined objective:

Conclusion

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