You have all heard of the expression “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It is a proverbial phrase that is used to encourage people to stay optimistic and to keep fighting in the face of adversity or misfortune. Lemons, suggests sourness and difficulty in life; making, lemonade, with, lemons, that is being handed out to you turns the whole sour episode into something sweet, positive, and desirable.
Here is a story to illustrate How to Make lemonade out of lemons
When the British colonized India, they built a golf course in Calcutta, and they had a problem with the, monkeys. The, monkeys, would pick up the balls the golfers hit and put it somewhere else.
They tried to solve the problem by building a fence around the course, but, monkeys, climb, so that didn’t work.
They tried to lure the, monkeys, away with bananas, but then some were lured away, and others weren’t. Plus, all the, monkeys, for miles around would show up to feed on their favorite food, so that didn’t work either.
Finally, they changed the rules and had the golfers play the ball from wherever the, monkeys, dropped it. If life gives you lemons, make other plans.
This is a strange story to depict the mantra “if life gives you lemons, make, lemonade, or other plans.” We don’t always get sugar and spice and everything that is nice, most of the time, things don’t work out the way we planned.
One of my favorite shows was Private Practice. Addison made a statement on the show that says
“We make plans but God, make other plans, he has the last word”
Your desire to have a baby could be so strong that you pray every day, you dream of your child every day, you think of your life with your baby every day, but it’s been 5 years and you are not pregnant. The doctors say you are infertile. Time to play the ball where the, monkeys, dropped it and make, lemonade, out of your, lemons. Make other plans, adopt a child, foster a child, look for a surrogate mother or start fertility treatments.
Another way to use the proverb, if life give you lemons, make, lemonade, is to practice the, law of detachment. This law states that in order to manifest our desires, we must release attachment to the outcome itself as well as the path we might take to get there, that you should only be attached to your end goal not the journey.
You can put the law of detachment to work with these steps:
1. Today I will commit myself to, detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.
2. Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. I will understand that, if life gives me lemons, I will make other plans. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.
3. I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to an infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.
If life gives you lemons remember the goal is the destination
If your goal is to retire and travel the world, that is your, destination goal. The journey could take you around that golf course several times back and forth, sometimes you would be stuck in the sand box, sometimes you will hit the ball in the lake, but if you keep playing you will eventually get to the 18th hole. Use this analogy for your life, just keep playing the, game of life. Don’t be attached to the journey just the, destination goal. If life gives you lemons, make other plans.
The target affects the arrow! Keep the target in your vision and the arrow will find it.
Forrest Gump said it best, life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get so, if life gives you lemons, make other plans.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
How to, find your Soulmate,, we'll have tips today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, and have out of body physical love! Today I am continuing my talk with International renowned author Ilona Selkie. Our topic is, “How to, find your Soulmate,”
Bio
Ilona an International best-selling author, Seminar leader, Lecturer, Musician, CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision.
For over thirty years, Ilona has inspired thousands of people
worldwide to discover the power of their consciousness and to create successful lives. Ilona has written four books one of them we're going to touch on today because in that book she specifically she talks about how to, find your soulmate. That book is called “Dolphins Love and Destiny” Ilona’s newest book is called “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening”
In my first interview with Ilona, On the Transform your mind with coach Myrna radio and podcast, we talked about the Quantum Field, and energy. Today we are using that energy and we're going to direct it specifically to, How to, find Your Soulmate,” In addition to authoring the four books, Ilona has produced music and meditation CDs, co-authored two books with Brian Tracy, and one with Jack
Canfield. She has also been a regular guest on A& E and Bravo TV with Jack
Canfield, and was a producer and TV host for the Quantum Living show on Women's broadcast TV.
I love talking about soulmates specifically, “How to ,find your Soulmate,” and we'll have tips and tidbits today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, once we found them and have union into old age!
Every single person needs to know this. I'm going to tell you how I met my husband and, “How I found my soulmate”, I think that he's my, soulmate and I want you to confirm that or deny it based on data I will share later in the program; but yes we'll get into all the details on, “How to, Find your Soulmate,” it it's going to be a very interesting conversation, and one of the things I love about this show is that I learn as much as my audience from interviewing my guests. I pick topics that are stimulating and tantalizing, and that I and everyone listening could find some commonality with it. So yes this is one of the topics that everyone will be interested in listening to your expertise on.
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Ilona, tell us your journey from your childhood to
becoming the CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision. Please share that
with us and why don't we tie it right into our topic today, “How to, find your Soulmate,”
From some magical moment when I was maybe 10 years old, I had a
flash of a person in front of my mind who I knew was going to be my husband.
Now he had a beard, he played guitar, he spoke English. Honestly those were my goals and my desires. That was on my bucket list as to what my husband had to be. I was German mind you. I'm in Germany, I'm going to school, but my husband needs to be able to speak English from England!
He would be speak English, have a beard, and play guitar so those were my
Requirements. Then I saw a flash again. I was walking through
downtown my little village, and it flashed into my mind, this future husband image again.
I'm going to tell you how to create Union that lasts despite aging and how you feel satisfied
whether you're still young or old, and how to merge your soul with your, soulmate, because that's what I have found with my, soulmate.
How I found my Soulmate
Myrna – I met my husband and, soulmate, as I walked into a train. He was the officer on the train collecting tickets. He was by the front door as I walked on the train. I noticed him. I said to myself, of a new officer. He was Black. I had not seen a black officer on the train before, so I noticed him. He told me later, that when he saw me walk onto the train, he had a warm feeling in his body. He's never felt that before. I took the train every day to and from work.
The next time he saw me sitting on the train, he built up the courage to come and talk to me. We talked for about half an hour until I got off of my stop and when I got off of my stop my heart and my whole body went into somersault. It was an amazing! I had this feeling of euphoria. I knew that he was going to be my next husband!
I'm not sure if I know he was going to be my next husband, but I knew he
was in my next relationship and that I had definitely, found my soulmate, I was still married at the time, but the relationship had run its course and we were on the way out. So, I knew he was going to be my next relationship. My heart didn't stop some somersaulting for the entire week! Every time I was on the train, I couldn't even read. I could not do anything, but keep an ear out for him coming to talk to me. I was just expecting him to show up and my heart just kept somersaulting! Yes, we had a connection right away.
An Overview to, Finding Your Soulmate
The first truth in how to, find your, soulmate, is to understand the nature of a, soulmate. It’s strange, but most people don’t sit down to figure out what a, soulmate is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the, soulmate mold. If you want to know how to, find your soulmate, then you need to actually “know,” rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.
Ilona – that so awesome because I think the body doesn't lie. If we're attentive to our body signals and feel our heart and are open to it without numbing it with alcohol or numbing it with anger or numbing ourselves with other kind of
prescription drugs. If we stay clean, if we listen to our body, if we're open to
the knocks of the universe and the universe talking to us, I think we really
feel a lot through our body. I definitely love my body and you know
some people will tell you they get sweaty palms and they get weak knees.
Myrna – I know that but my heart just jumped up and down like a trampoline! I
tell you it was like sometimes, it wasn't a heart attack somersault, it was like so
like a kid jumping up and down on the bed. I wanted to
ask you, “How do you usually, find your soul mate,”
I've read about people, finding their soulmate, before they meet them in person.
Here are some examples of, Finding your soulmate, before your meet them in person:
• I just finished reading this book called “After the Dance” by Jan Gaye, she was Marvin Gaye's wife. Marvin Gaye was one of the top R&B;
singers of our generation. She was his wife. She wrote in her book that when she saw him at 8 years old, she had a crush on him. She fantasized about marrying him and she fantasized about being his woman. When she finally met him at 17 years old, He took one look at her and fell in love with her, even though she was 17 years his junior and still in high school. She became his second wife when she was 20 years old and the mother of his two kids.
• Then I heard about Megan Good. This is, how she, found her soulmate,
Megan Good is a very popular black actress. She said that there is this guy, Devon Franklin that she knew that she was going to marry. She knew that he was going to be your husband and she started telling everybody he was going to be her husband. This was before they met or he knew who she was. When he met her, I don't know what happened; but you he felt an immediate attraction to Megan and told himself he's a preacher and
she's a movie star. It was not going to work. But whatever energy that was guiding them, worked it out. The attraction was too powerful and they ended up getting married. That is how they both, found their soulmate,
• Angelina Jolie, I know you know her. He didn’t turn out to her, soulmate. She decided that she was going to marry Billy Bob Thornton even before she met Him! She tattooed his name on her inner thigh.
Does the universe pick our soulmate
So my question is. Is that , How we, find our soulmate,? Does the Universe picks our, soulmate, for us?
Ilona – I get the vision thing. Honestly that's
what I do write about in my book “Dolphins Love and Destiny” you can get my
books all on Amazon. If you just google my name alone Ilona Selke you will find my books. But let me tell you what happened after I found my, soul mate, and this ties into a bigger question Karma and destiny. Is it their free will? Is there a predestined life? Do we have a guide? Your subconscious mind is helping you because that's what they say that anything you dream about, your subconscious mind is going out there and working for you as you're dreaming about it.
I saw this as the big question. Do you make up life or does it make you up? To
what degree do you we have input in, How to, find our soulmate,?
So, let's fast forward about another 6 years, not a couple years but six years.
I have a dream and in my dream
God speaks and says there's another man you're supposed to
Marry. Wow I say God, I am so happy we're living like two love birds. Living, loving working everything together. Everything we do is the same, we love everything, we we're just a match made in heaven. I think I got that dream wrong!
Whatever you hold in your head, you can hold in your hand!
It could be money, it can be people, it could be anything that you
Want. Once you think about it, there are some things
that you can do in order to make that happen.
So, Ilona what can normal mortals do to manifest their vision and, find their soulmate?
I know you are operating at a higher frequency, but 90 % of my
listeners are not going to be at your level. So what can we do every day?
Let's give a picture here. Let's say that you're in your 40ths and you know you're not married and you want to be married. You're looking for your, soulmate, you know men have come and gone, but nobody is your, soulmate. How do you lay the ground rule or answer that question, how do I, find your soulmate,?
Can't kind your soulmate?
I'm going to tell the story. I had a coaching client who came to me for help in her career but she was going through a bad relationship so inevitably we would talk about her relationship. She had three failed relationships in which she felt used because she had money stolen from her. But she couldn’t handle being alone so she became a pleaser in her relationships.
She was miserable in her current relationship and this guy was once again using her and taking advantage of her. I said to her, you have to
stop being afraid and picture the perfect guy that you want. You’ve got to picture what you guys are going to be doing together, picture the house you're going to living in, etc.
We started working on that and a couple months later, one of her
ex-boyfriends from her high school contacted her on Facebook and
within a couple of months this girl had moved half the way across the country from Florida to California and was in this absolutely wonderful relationship, the same one she imagined when we did our mind work together.
A year later they got married to her, soulmate, and she is now incredibly happy. She found her, soulmate.
Ilona – Here is a trick, if you want to fall in love with someone or have them fall in love with you, gaze into their eyes for five minutes straight.
What happens when you look into another person's eyes? They say the eyes are the door to the soul. Now imagine you're looking but you're not just looking at the pretty color of their eyes or whatever else you might see. Look at the feeling that you get. Almost like you could look through their pupils into another universe. Imagine you could dive into that big universe and find the star that shines through their eyes. That is how you connect with someone. That is how you get them to fall in love with you!
In my book The Wisdom of the Dolphins Love and Destiny, I described it often in my book Dream Big the Universe is listening. This is how we can connect soul to soul and when we take time.
When I wake up I go into my inner world and I\ say hello beloved, and I see my beloved Don as a star within the heavens. I imagine it as the source, God you know that we meet as a pinnacle does of two points, two lines meeting in the singular apex and at that point where you can merge two into one. When you can manage to surrender to your own identity into
that feeling of actually touching in to the other one and merging and becoming
one flame. Imagine two candles making one flame. When you get into that state, you
can practice and get there. I teach people, how to, find your soulmate, this way. They can all do it. That moment is love. You asked me to define love and here's my definition.
Love is where two or more unite in one.
I mean we can do it as a group, we can do it as a family, we can have an apex you know like a pyramid, you know mother, father, children. You can have the apex of the unity of the family as an energy center.
I do it with Don my husband, and I go into that apex into that singular
flame and I ask that flame, I say guide our relationship to the highest possible
good for all concerned and to be of service. Because there is an intelligence
within that union that starts happening because no two physical things can be in the same place right? We bump into each other, but our souls can merge into
singularity. I found my, soulmate
Myrna – That's awesome, that is that is very true. In our last segment, we talked about, how to, find your soulmate, and manifesting your, soulmate, we talked about merging two souls. You know looking into you know your partner's eyes and seeing not the physical body but seeing their energy. I was just actually learning that from a book that I'm listening to right now from Dr Dwayne Dyer. Basically that's what he suggests that you know don't see the physical, just see the soul of the person, you can look at them through the eyes of love. That's exactly what Ilona was talking about. So now we want to pull on her so that we can take the conversation to the next
level. I know that the word tantric sex is something to do energy, so Miss India you know about the Kama Sutra. Give us some little tidbits in how to merge our souls into fabulous sex!
How to Merge your souls into fabulous Sex
Ilona – right yes physical as well as soul union. Let's take a deep breath here. I want to start out with a quote from Erich Fromm from his book “The Art of Loving” and he says
build walls between people now it might be a small lie, it may be an omission of
something you feel embarrassed about. Well I tell you the greatest sex starts
with the feeling, well not everybody will agree with me, but I tell you the
greatest love fulfilled sex starts with being willing to be seen. You know with
warts and all. I mean if you're willing to be seen for who you are and that
includes all your emotional baggage, maybe your incongruencies, maybe the fact that you had a bad thought or whatever it is you don't want to download this whole thing the first date. No you wait until both of you bit-by-bit reveal to each other your deepest internal selves. You don't have to start out with the darkest secrets first no make it gentle and slow, but come clean to your lover to your beloved, let them see you for who you are. Because that's the only time you will feel loved is when you are no longer acting to be somebody that you think they might love. So let you learn, let yourself be seen for who you are
and start loving yourself.
I remember the day when I laid in bed and said ok God I've tried to get over jealousy. I guess I'm failing. This is it me warts and all. I am still a jealous woman and I am not sure how to help myself so could you accept me like this? and I was just swept up into the heavens and God said OK. You are who you are and by just offering myself up and being willing to be seen in my eyes to God.
I made this up in my head, but I still imagined that I just surrendered who I was and I said this is me and I'm trying my best! Well I was blessed, honest to God. Later on I had angels help me walk through situations where they came in and they uplifted my energy field, and I didn't feel jealousy I felt loved!
I felt spaciousness and that's another thing, when you are entering into let's
say a sexual relationship with a person if you can call in support of energies
whether you imagine them to be angels, or your inner fear guides or just plain out God or even your ancestors or your subconscious it doesn't matter what you frame. Just say please help me discover this ability to be to merge into union and bring the right person who is capable of doing that with me, because it's no use being the quiet Queen when your counterpart isn't
capable. So ask for help, how to, find your soulmate,.
Slow down, breathe breathe as much as you can don't be a rabbit, I mean that's the number one thing we need to slow down to perceive the heart, the feeling and the way you do it is you say let's stop for a moment and just breathe and feel each other. Let me tell you, he will have more pleasure in the end I guarantee it to you. If you delay, I learned this from a French lover when I was young delay, delay attend trick is all about delay.
So here comes the next part you can do breathing exercises, you can look into each other's eyes, but what really matters is learning to sense maybe in little baby steps at first where do you feel that the other person really is present with you and now I'm going to give you an image. Imagine that pyramid right
so you can meet at the base of the pyramid or you can go Midway King's
Chamber or you can go to the apex, and you can go even beyond into the stars
and if you can, and are breathing through this with your partner, I mean it takes
two people to tango, but you can then start merging or feeling or pretend
that you're merging with the other person's soul.
Doing this during, orgasm, allows you to pretend in your own way, not to just give away to the feeling of pleasure like rise up in your breath and pull it up and out through the top of your head into this imaginary apex in the universe with the other meets that beings soul.
Whether you know whether he or she is there or not just pretend you can do it,
touch them go for them and offer this ecstasy to the divine.
If you can believe in the divine you are really well off if not just turned over to the core big bang, the source give it to that source. In the moment of doing that. Now it takes a lot of discipline to do that you pull up
your breath you say here God I give you my orgasm ah, you're imagining that
you're meeting the other being soul you're going inside kaboom. It's
fireworks, you feel them at the other place at other time space, your body
will know what to do, believe me your body will go through whatever it goes\
through even for women or particularly you know who might take a little bit
longer or some who don't orgasm, at a just the feeling of union will satisfy that sense when they go while the guy while let's say typical women are a little bit behind the curve not all but and I don't know about ethnicity but a lot of women I know they're a little bit slower on the draw and you know it takes them longer and if the guy isn't that feels like falling yeah it's just biology you know it's like anyway it takes the guy we go and journey with that other person's soul now if you're the guy listening right now do it with your woman. If you're same-sex, do it with whoever you're with and merge up into an imaginary apex of a particular spiritual.
Make it special, yeah that's real and here is my promise.
Here's my promise if you do this while you’re orgasmic, your orgasm will last longer.
Longer and be more satisfying you come out of the whole experience like ahhh oh my God what have I been missing?
They're saying that one of the reasons that men go to have
affairs and then end up falling in love kind of thing, because they
think that they can just you know have sex and run, but then they're connected.
If you knew that to become even more connected, you transcend the body and you get into the spiritual.
Myrna – I had a guest on my show you know very earlier on and she talked about the Tantric Sex, she gave me a little exercise that I do. She said that you when you if you breathe with
your partner similar to what you're saying but if you if let's say you're
lying in bed and you hug them and you decide to breathe and sync with
their breath it's almost like that spiritual hug kind of thing.
I want to remind you I love your reviews for the podcast “Transform your Mind with coach Myrna” Available on iTunes, Sticher, Tune in, Google Play,iHeart Radio. Your reviews help the show increase in ranking, which means more people can listen to fabulous content every week to get tips and strategies to Live their best lives Now!
Download Ilona’s FREE APP. It is easy to use. Wouldn't you like to have an APP in the morning you just turn it on ten minutes and it gets you into that space where you get in touch with visualizing or feeling your success in advance and asks you to listen to your soul or feel into it and it's beautiful music, soft voice
and it starts your day out right with focus. I made an APP for you for the morning and evening so it's only ten minutes. It doesn't hardly take any time to get started that's why it's so easy most people have ten minutes.
So visit my website Ilona Selkie or the APP store and download for Free and remember to subscribe, rate and review the podcast.
Success is like a two-faced coin, one side is fame and fortune, the other side is no privacy and no peace. Chris Rock, knew about, success, and that he couldn't retaliate to Will Smith's slap.
I agreed with Denzel Washington’s statement to, Will Smith, that when you are at the height of your success that is when the devil comes to destroy you.
The devil was able to grab Will Smiths peace and joy from him seconds before he reached the top of the mountain and the celebration began.
But today so want to talk about, Chris Rock. Most men even Pastor Jamal Bryant from Newbirth church in Atlanta, Ga said that if a man slapped him, he would not have turned the other cheek. They would not let anyone take their manhood and bitch slap them on National TV without retaliation.
The first thing my daughter said to me was that, Chris Rock, was so aware. He knew that the person walking onstage was Richard and not Will. He took the slap said “Dude it was just a GI Jane joke” and then completed this moment by saying “This is the Greatest night in television history.” He was present.
So why didn’t the, Devil, take out two black men at the same time? Why wasn’t he able to destroy, Chris Rock, who remained calm?
Why wasn’t, Will Smith, able to handle, success, and, Chris Rock, grabbed his moment. These are the questions I will attempt to answer in this episode.
Chris Rock, also had 10 seconds to make a decision to retaliate, he made a different choice and instead he continued on with the task at hand. He was there to present the, Oscar, for a documentary film.
Chris Rock, moment came and he was prepared for it. Apparently, he has been in therapy 7 hours per week for being bullied and abused in school. He was attempting to bury his demons. Will Smith, also had a coach for 2 years, but his demons returned.
When your moment of, success, comes, if you take it, the universe rewards you. Chris Rock, is making bank. All his shows have been sold out and, Will Smith, will probably not get another movie role for a long time.
Success, to me looks like a beach front house, a million dollars in the bank a couple of luxury cars.
But I am, successful, now. Everything I have now, I asked God for.
I have a successful podcast,
I have a TV show,
I live in a 5-bedroom house in Florida,
I am an American,
I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful kids.
Don’t tell yourself that you will be, successful, when something happens. Nothing wrong with having goals, but you have to enjoy your life now or you will never be able to enjoy it then.
I was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about a rapper who just retired because she didn’t like fame. Most people want, success, but can’t handle it when it comes. Success. is like a two-faced coin, one side is fame and fortune, the other side is no privacy and no peace.
Can you handle, success?
This is Life coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna.
Ginny Gane, Law of Attraction coach, empowers women to transform mediocre lives into experiences of true abundance, joy, and love through levering the principles of, the Law of Attraction.
Leveraging our vibrational power allows us to create more love, harmony, and freedom in our lives.
Abraham Hicks started my Law of Attraction Journey
Ginny: I've always been in the self-improvement space. I've been reading all the books from Self-improvement masters like Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Deepak Chopra. I was traveling in Australia for a year on my own and the, Law of Attraction, part of this story is there was a day and I was feeling blah. I said to myself, oh, God, what's going on? What am I doing?
I have no money, blah, blah. And I called my parents told them how I was feeling, and they suggested I get this book called “The Astonishing Power Of Your Emotions” by Abraham Hicks. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever, guys, okay. And so, I hung up the phone, and I picked up my backpack and went to walk back to my hostel and as I was walking along past a bookstore, I saw that exact book on a table in front of the store.
I was like, that, oh, my goodness this cannot be a coincidence. And I looked it over and I'm like, it's $35. I can eat for a year on that. So, I walked away but there was just something that won’t let me leave it alone. As soon as I read that book, it was the piece I was looking for. It's what allowed me to feel empowered about my life and have some idea of control over it. I understood things can't just happen to you. That is how I got started and I had never ever thought about it in a business. I just loved it.
I started using, Law of Attraction, in my life. And then a few years later a friend of mine said to me, Hey, you're basically my, law of attraction coach, and I said, What's that? What does that mean? I had no idea, and I was like that this could be a career path. I had always been passionate about doing something I loved. Whatever I was going to pick for work, I wanted to love it. And so, I was like well, I love this. I would always be reading or talking about, the law of attraction. I never get tired of it.
And so just and I was like, Okay, great. Then the rest is history. And my path here and teaching has just continued to evolve and become deeper and more transformational in, Law of Attraction coaching.
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Feeling good is the doorway for the Law of Attraction
Myrna: I absolutely love that. So, when you read the book, by Abraham Hicks, you were in Australia for a reason. Why were you backpacking in Australia?
Ginny: You know, the biggest thing that I started to practice was just paying attention to what I was thinking and how I was feeling, because that's like such a foundation right to utilizing, the law of attraction. And basically, building this internal awareness of what was going on because when we do that, then we know what's going on in our, vibration. I would just start to notice how things were matching and lining up.
So, when I woke up, and I felt really good, and I was walking along the beach and feeling happy, and I was like, Oh, you're thinking about how good life is and then you feel happy. Okay, so there's that connection. And then I would find $1 on the ground, or I would run into and have a really nice conversation with someone. I just started to pay attention and notice how, the law of attraction, was at play in my life. And that was I think the biggest shift I made before I really started to do anything else.
I've never really been like, trying to manifest things. I just feel like we're here to live such a full life and a full experience.
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Myrna: Wayne Dyer talks about the power of intention, which is basically the same thing as, the law of attraction. But he also talks about feeling good. When you're feeling good you know your, vibration, is good.
Ginny: I have Wayne Dyer's book called “Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life”. Yeah, feeling good changes your life. What about you? How did you get into introduced to , the law of attraction?
Myrna: Well, like I first learned about, the law of attraction, from to just be Deepak Chopra and then I read Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” Then I bumped on to Abraham Hicks and her work with the, vortex. I have stuff in my, vortex, that I needed to manifest. That was my introduction and I work with, the laws of attraction, daily.
Let's transition into that. You talked about leveling your, vibrational power, and using, vibrational energy, for manifestation, you mentioned that you weren't very big in manifestation. but, as a, Law of Attraction coach, to your clients, I'm pretty sure that they want to manifest stuff. So how do you help them?
Ginny: I find manifesting some of the bigger things in life requires finding that balance of wanting what you want, allowing that desire to flow through you and being happy, feeling good where you're at. It's this tricky because if we get too focused on our desires, what starts to happen is we notice that they're not there. And so, we start activating more of the lack energy or the lack vibration and then attracting more of that.
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But I think one of the powerful parts of manifesting is just knowing we have this power. So, it's not only, the law of attractions, happening, it's happening now in every single human's life. The Law of Attraction, is at play the same way as the, law of gravity. We're using it no matter if we are aware of it or not. There's nothing mysterious or magical we must do. The Law of Attraction, is here for us 24/7. And so, the more we pay attention to it, the more powerful it becomes for us. Our, vibration, is attracting things to us.
Myrna: So true, we are manifesting whether we are aware of it or not. People don't understand why they’re getting all these things in their life that they didn't then ask for, but as a, Law of Attraction coach, you know that they are manifesting it from there, vibration. So, explain, what is vibration.
Ginny: We are, manifesting, in every moment of every day and so, the Law of Attraction, works by responding to the, vibration, you're embodying or putting out into the world. So, the way I like to think about it is like we're constantly emitting this energy. And the, Law of Attraction, is constantly responding by bringing conditions that match that, energy. Now we know what that, energy, is attracted by how we feel. So, we measure and interpret, vibration, through emotion.
Myrna: You're going to attract conditions that is similar to whatever emotion you're feeling. If you spend a lot of time in anger or frustration, you're going to attract negative conditions that vibrates at the same frequency of anger or frustration. We never get out of the cycle, that is why we must pay attention to our, emotions, and, vibration.
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Ginny: Yes, and it is there's that's a real thing it’s like this momentum that builds up. So, we will attract frustrating conditions and then we will look at the condition and then feel bad and then we'll look at what is next. It's just the cycle. So, until we become aware of that cycle, we have no chance to stop it or to do something different. So the first thing we can do is just start to become aware of what you are getting back.
Myrna: You said something a minute ago that resonated with me, because I work a lot of my, energy. I work a lot of my, vibration. I do it every day several times a day, but mostly, I do it in the morning when I walk into the park because, we know that communing with nature builds of good, vibrations. I spend a lot of time in nature trying to clear up my, energy. But you said something a minute ago and it just reminded me that sometimes when you spend too much time on something, you build up resistance. So tell us where is the line, how long should we focus on something before we started building up resistance to, manifesting, it?
Ginny: Myrna this is the tricky part because this line moves, so depending on what's going on in your life, or what side of the bed you wake up on, your focus will either be really easy and flowing or it will be more resistant. Only you know how it feels and this is my guidance on this, a lot of people get stuck on this is if you're thinking about what you want and you're thinking about it and thinking about it thinking about it and It's not coming, then there's resistance there, no doubt.
But you must pay attention to how you're feeling when you're thinking about the thing you want. How you're feeling when you think about the thing you want, because it's the thoughts that feels good about what you want that are bringing you closer to it, but if you're having resistant thoughts, even the thoughts even thoughts like this is never going to happen.
Myrna: You're saying okay, I want this. It's not coming, maybe you're saying maybe it's never going to come or you know that kind of, negative thoughts. For example, you are thinking, I would like a red Mercedes and the minute you say you would like to red Mercedes, you immediately have the thought but I can never afford one. That is a resistant thought and cancels out the manifestation of that red Mercedes.
Ginny: Correct. But you can think about the red Mercedes, and you can end as long as you're feeling open and allowing and joyful and you're like, oh, that's exciting. I love the way that feels, then that's great. But the moment it switches, and this is that line, you were talking about. The moment it switches from like, Oh, I love the Mercedes and blah, blah But when will that happen? Then you're like well, okay, time to stop thinking about the Mercedes.
So, if you're wanting that red Mercedes, a little bit of resistance there, because you’re noticing it hasn't come yet. It's better for you to start thinking about something completely different, thinking about walking by the ocean. That gives you that same feeling and that opens the pathway for the red Mercedes to come in. This is one of the misconceptions is that we think we need to think about the details of everything we want in order to manifest it. We don't need to need to obsess about thinking about the details. We do need to obsess about being in that, vibration, in that feeling place.
Myrna: Yes, I work on that. I try that okay. So how can we leverage, law of attraction, to manifest our dreams and desires? We talked a little bit about this, but are you talking here about the, vortex, or is the same? Feeling good?
Ginny: Yeah. The I kind of give three like simple steps in this. We can talk more about them. But the first thing is to ask yourself that question, I'm sure everyone's familiar with it.
What do I really want? You know, how so let's say what do I really want? I really want that red Mercedes.
Well, what does it feel like? This is number two. Why does that feel like when you're driving in it? What does that feel like? And so you're I what you're doing is you're identifying the, vibration, that you think that thing will get you.
And so now step number three is feeling that way activating the feeling that you want. So we tend to think the car is going to bring us the feeling, but when we're leveraging, the Law of Attraction, we have the power to activate the feeling and then, the law of attraction, can bring us the car. So how would you say that that it feels to be driving in that red Mercedes?
Myrna: I visualize it. I try to, visualize, my hand on the steering wheel.
I, visualize, the smell.
I visualize the sound that's coming through the radio.
I visualize driving down the road in a convertible and the wind is blowing my hair
Ginny: What's the emotion there? What's that emotion when you're visualizing all that? What are you feeling? Is it like freedom? Joy, happiness, contentment, like what's the what's the emotion there?
Myrna: Well, my emotion is feelings of abundance and Success. I am feeling good.
Ginny: So, then that's what you take into step three. You want the red Mercedes if makes you feel successful, abundant, and free. When we identify with the feelings and, emotions, now, we can go straight to it. Now we can start feeling that success on purpose. And we start directing our thoughts to make us feel successful. And then the car can come in because we're in alignment with the feeling of success.
Myrna: I hear every coach talking about walking in it before you receive it. They're not necessarily saying it's, Law of Attraction.
Ginny: Another fun thing about, the Law of Attraction, is it is everywhere. In all the teachings everywhere. It's in the Bible. It's just not always called, the Law of Attraction.
The Law of Attraction, doesn't. play favorites. It doesn't want what's good for you. It just responds to your, vibration. it's not pulling you one way saying, hey, this is your path come here. That's not, the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction, only operates in this physical world and is just responding so it doesn't care. If you feel happy about this or sad about this. It's just going to respond to how you feel about something.
Everything is vibrating at a frequency
So, like we talked about earlier, vibration, is just energy. It's just like electricity, it's energy. And we interpret, vibrations, through our emotions. There's an emotional scale. So, the same as there's a frequency scale of energy, measured in Hertz from zero Hertz to 1000 hertz. Our, vibration, is very similar. It's just a measure of that frequency.
And so there's low frequencies and there's high frequencies, and our, emotions, match up. Our lower frequency, emotions, are those like fear and guilt and sadness. Our higher frequency, emotions, are the happiness, the joy, the hopefulness, those kinds of, emotions. How we feel is our interpretation of the, vibration, we are emitting and what, Law of Attraction, is attracted to.
Myrna: All right. I was reading something new today and it made me aware that everything is vibrating at an, energy, the walls in your house, the bed that you sleep in, the trees in nature, the rocks all are vibrating at an energy frequency. When I go to the park, I sit on rocks because the rock is vibrating. I'm trying to blend with the, vibrational frequency, of the rock.
Ginny: That's why we feel so good in nature, because nature is connected to source, what you are talking about is Alignment. Alignment is when your emotions are like in alignment with our God Self, or our Source self, that nonphysical part of us. And so, when there's alignment between how we're thinking and feeling, and that other part of us we feel good.
Nature, animals, they stay in this mostly connected place. That's why we love to be around them. They're just unconditional love pouring through. That's why it feels so peaceful to be in nature is because we're literally surrounded by these, vibrations, that are all in alignment.
Myrna: Tell us about your book “A Champion’s Mindset.” I know that your first book that you read from Abraham Hicks was regarding emotions, but she also talks about the, vortex, tell us about your book.
Ginny: Yeah, my book was exciting to write. I just want people to know that they have the power to create their reality. That's available for everyone, no matter where you are, where you're starting, your past anything. We all have this capacity. And so, my book goes over the basics of how to start leveraging this and applying it in your life.
So just like I said, those three steps are in there and there's a process that that walks you through what's going on how to start paying attention, and just gives you this understanding. I think one of the biggest things for me that allowed me to step into my power was just knowing how and why I was creating my reality. And so that's what a champion mindset is about is like helping you understand so that you can be the champion of your own life.
Myrna: Yeah, a champion mindset, right. Of course. This show is all about, you know, transforming your mind.
Ginny: It is when you go from this place of being a victim and not in a bad way, but just feeling like life is happening to us, like we're the victim. It even pops up for me now occasionally. When I forget, oh, yeah, you can change how you feel about this. Whether it's the traffic or the weather, we have all these preconceived ideas about why this is happening to me, but we must remember we are the Co-creators of this life.
We get to work with life, that life isn't just an accident. It's not just happening to us. And so, we go from this place of victimhood to this place of empowerment. The freedom that comes from that is what is also on a global scale, we need empowered individuals in order for our world to become more peaceful.
You can pick up a copy of the Champion’s Mindset on Amazon or wherever you get your books.
I love to hang out on Instagram @ginnygane my website is www.Ginnygane.com.
For over 14 years Amy Schoen, a professional certified life and relationship coach, has helped marriage-minded men and women get off the dating merry-go-round and finally find their life partner. She also helps her clients build a loving, committed relationship that lead to, marriage, if that is their goal.
• Amy lives in the Washington, DC Metro area with husband (#2) of 16 years, and her 10 year old son. Find out more about Amy, her services, programs and her monthly Motivated to Marry podcasts at www.MotivatedtoMarry.com also available on iTunes.
Dating with purpose: meeting the man
I have top-down approach with my clients, we first look at what you want for your Life. It's being clear about your life. I go deep into the values and there's a way for me to really kind of flush them out and pull them out because people think they know their values but when they go through my process they really kind of see.
Over 80% of my successfully matched, motivated to marry, couples met their
partners through, online dating, after they applied my process and, dating advice.
They become so empowered and they don't take crap from anybody. I train them to watch out for those wishy-washy men who like well, maybe I'll get married someday, maybe I'll have a family one day.
Dating Advice: What to talk about on a First Date
I say on a first date there are three things that you really just
need to pay attention to: Here are, dating advice for first dates.
1. Does the conversation flow?
2. Do you not see any real apparent deal-breakers? The things
that you know are not going to work for you.
3. Are you somewhat attracted to this person? I mean not like you
can't even imagine kissing him!
I mean usually within three or four dates you know whether somebody is
Going to work and if they are, motivated to marry,
What does, Motivated to Marry, mean?
We throw around the term, motivated to marry, so much since that is the topic of your book and that's the topic of your expertise.
Motived to Marry, it is a, mindset, it's, dating with purpose,
It came to me as I was dating and I was in my late thirties and I'm standing at a
party and I'm talking to this guy and he's really cute and he plays with a
band and he's going off to Europe for six months, and I'm kind of like
a strategic Maximizer, so I'm listening, I'm like oh my God, he's not, motivated to marry,
Characteristics of the, motivated to marry, man or woman?
Dating with purpose, means being able to spot the, motivated to marry. The, motivated to marry, is basically somebody who if a woman looking for a man. I would say that he's secure and is stable financially. Stable career, like everything else in his life is set, except he's missing the missing the relationship piece.
These, motivated to marry, men tend to hate singles events and being single. They desire to have a steady companionship rather than the stress of continuing going out. I would say more introverted people tend to be, motivated to marry, and that's why, online dating, has been phenomenal. Introverts love the internet because it's a one-to-one medium.
How many dates should you go on before becoming exclusive?
Here is some, dating advice. By the fourth or fifth dates, you know whether you want go further. I have a whole thing about when to be exclusive and what you need before you would be willing to be a exclusive. To stop dating other people and just focus on this person. In the, motivated to marry, model I suggest that you kind of have to have the conversation about how long you're going to be in a relationship before expecting to go the next step. I told my husband when we were dating, I'm not dating to date, I'm, dating with purpose, of marriage and having a family.
I'm, dating with purpose, I absolutely love that phrase because you can weed out so much without being intrusive.
Dating advice from Amy
I have a self-learning program I call a Home Study the, motivated to marry, dating on purpose, secrets program which is eight modules and it takes you through the, motivated to marry, process in terms of getting to know yourself better, your goals and your values, which values to focus on as well as your must-haves or deal breakers and non-negotiables; so you really build way to really sift through people quickly. I also give you a lot of ideas about how to meet people.
I have 12 areas that I've identified of areas that we need to pay attention to in
A relationship and the conversations we need to have with our partner and then I also give you some tools some, relationship tools. I have written article on the test of time as long-term couples have lasted and I have the relationship dating hurdles. The steps that you need to get from, dating to engagement.
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In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna I want to teach on the, rules of the mind. As humans we are body, mind, and spirit and each one of these entities comes with principles that govern them. The, mind, is the software that controls the body. It is the faculty that is used in imagination, and thought. The phrase you are what you think about most of the time shows how powerful the mind is.
The first, rule of the mind, is language. You can talk to the, mind, using, positive affirmations, and direct the, subconscious mind, to believe what you are saying.
For example, if you are becoming forgetful you can talk to the, mind, with this, affirmation, “I will remember everything I read, I will be like Google, whenever my brain asks me for information my, mind, will go immediately and retrieve that information from the server and answer the question. I will have total recall”
You say this, affirmation, daily until your brain has total recall.
Here are some positive affirmations: I am affirmations
I am love. I am purpose. I am the Universe
I am worthy of what I desire
I can. I will. End of story
I am adventurous. I overcome fears by following my dreams
I feed my spirit. I train my body. I focus my mind.
I am in charge of my life, I am the captain of my ship.
The, subconscious mind, responds to all thoughts real or imagined. If you fear flying or going into an MRI machine, instead of telling yourself that flying is a death trap or that the MRI machine feels like a coffin, tell your, subconscious mind, that you love the time to yourself in the MRI machine.
Then when you are in the MRI machine, imagine you are on a beach and the clouds are dark because it is about to storm and you so love the storm. Thoughts like these allow you to not think the MRI machine is your coffin, but it is like spending time to yourself on a vacation.
Positive thinking, doesn't mean that you ignore life's less pleasant situations. Positive thinking, just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.
Positive thinking, often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information or expectations due to preconceived ideas of what may happen.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is more likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you're likely an optimist — someone who practices, positive thinking.
The, subconscious mind, responds to feelings not logic. Kids in an orphanage would cry at the end of meals when their plates were taken away because in the past whenever they had a meal, they were not sure when they would get the next meal, and even though they now get 3 meals a day, they still cry when the plate is taken away.
Their minds are still programmed to the feelings of hunger. Research shows that it takes about 2 years to reprogram the brain with new feelings of having all the food they need and that they will get 3 means per day every day. As a Foster mom I never understood this, I would have kids’ horde food, even though they were never hungry.
I was thinking logically. But the brain or mind is not logical. If you come across this scenario, one way to hack this illogical behavior is to put some nuts or snacks in their bag and tell them whenever they are hungry, they will always have something to eat.
For example, if you tell your mind that you are a horrible speaker and that you will get up on stage and draw a blank and not remember anything from your presentation, this will surely become a, self-fulfilling prophesy. You will get up on stage and draw a blank and not remember anything.
Instead tell your mind that you are an awesome speaker, you are the best and you know this work inside out and you will get up on stage and your higher self will take over and the words will just flow out. This is the, self-fulfilling prophesy, that you want the, subconscious mind, to produce.
There are two types of, self-fulfilling prophecies: Self-imposed prophecies occur when your own expectations influence your actions. Other-imposed prophecies occur when others’ expectations influence your behavior. All opinions you value can cause this prophecy.
5. If you prepare for the worst, you will manifest it.
Preparing for the worst, makes things worst. For example, a lot of women say they are not going to tell anyone they are pregnant, because they don’t want to feel embarrassed if they miscarry and then they, prepare for the worst, by checking every hour to see if they are spotting.
Never, prepare for the worst, because when you prepare for the worst, it has a way of showing up. Instead prepare to meet your child. Tell your child in the womb that he or she has a purpose and he or she will be born and fulfill that purpose. Tell him or her today your spine is forming, tomorrow your hands and feet will be formed and in 30 weeks you will be born completely healthy and perfect and I can’t wait to meet you.
When your brain is locked in disaster mode, it’s difficult to think with any kind of nuance. You become like one of those doomsday preppers living in fear.
Anxiety narrows your focus and does not allow you to enjoy your pregnancy. You lose the ability to let new facts inform your thinking, or to engage your curiosity about the many ways that things could get better.
6. The mind can’t distinguish between reality and fiction.
The way the brain processes information is fundamentally different when we perceive information from our senses compared to what is self-generated within the mind. What the brain receives from our senses is known as ‘afferent information’ and simply means, information travelling towards the brain.
The brain can self-generate or imagine what is currently happening and this is called an efference copy. When there is a conflict in information between afferent and efferent information, we experience a “surprise”.
So, start visualizing what you want. $50,000 in your bank account, a palatial mansion, a husband and 2 kids, whatever you desire. Tell your, subconscious mind, what you want and it will maneuver the universe and get it to you.
Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
In, Bipolar Faith, Dr. Monica A Coleman openly talk about some very personal and intimate details that happened in her life as an evangelical minister. Such as living with, depression, and also being raped by a fellow minister. She shares how that experience effected her faith and why she was angry with God.
Monica A. Coleman is Professor of Africana Studies at the University of Delaware. She spent over ten years in graduate theological education at Claremont School of Theology and Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago. Answering her call to ministry at age 19, Dr. Coleman brings her experiences in evangelical Christianity, black church traditions, and indigenous spirituality to her discussions of religion.
Dr. Coleman is the author or editor of six books and several articles that focus on the role of faith in addressing critical social and philosophical issues. Her memoir Bipolar Faith shares her life-long dance with trauma and depression, and how she discovers a new and liberating vision of God. Her book Making a Way Out of No Way is required reading at leading theological schools around the country. Dr. Coleman co-hosts the web series, “Octavia Tried To Tell Us: Parable for Today’s Pandemic.”
Dr Coleman speaks widely on mental wellness, navigating change, religious diversity, mental wellness, and religious responses to intimate partner violence.
Myrna: How you were called into the ministry at an early age? How did your grandfather influenced you in that?
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Dr Monica: In my book, Bipolar Faith, I tell the story of my great grandfather, my maternal grandmother's father. Whom I've never met of course, and his experience as a black man in a small town in South Carolina. The story I tell how he decided to hang himself and had one of my great uncle help him to hang himself. My great grandfather asked my great uncle to pull the chair out from underneath him and allow him to hang.
I did not know this story until I was well into my 20s. So, it wasn't the story that I was told as a child. Even though many people in the family knew what my grandmother meant when she talked about being orphaned or having her parents die at a very young age. Her mother died from complications with childbirth. And then she said, six months later, my father died. And so, I understand how she came to that conclusion, that there was this deep sadness that leads this kind of activity.
This was actually just part of my family's story that was talked about in these metaphorical ways, rather than in more direct ways. So, I think it shaped me in the sense of, there was something in me that knew that you could get so sad you will die.
BEING BLACK IS TRAUMATIC ENOUGH!!!, “Walk A Painful Mile In Our Agony Shoes” is an untraditional new style of poetry. The books’ theme is based on being black in a America. Each poem will put you in the shoes of blackness as we walk, march and run through this pernicious society. With over 40 poems and pictures depicting black love, black unity, black creativity, black self-hate, black struggle, discrimination and mental Illness and other more personal poems. This book was very emotional for the author to write because each poem is tied to the emotions felt before, during and after the Black Lives Matter protest.
Some examples of poems: “MAGNIFICENT YOU”, acknowledging and appreciating black women. “BLACK MAN, BLACK MAN”, is an acknowledgement of black men's worth, the need to unite and the need to stop killing one another.
Pick up your copy of BEING BLACK IS TRAUMATIC ENOUGH!!!, “Walk A Painful Mile In Our Agony Shoes now available on Amazon
And I think this is a kind of backdrop to a lot of the many other things that I ended up talking about in “Bipolar Faith” as it's my story. I am also hoping that other people see themselves in the story in ways in which, poverty and class and war and sharecropping and the effects of slavery and all types of things, contribute to what we would now call, mental illness.
Being black in America, is very complicated. And a lot of times people aren't stopping to ask “How do you feel?” And so, a big part of this book is really trying to shine a light on, mental illness. Having people ask,
How are you doing?
How are we feeling?
How are you managing these various things that we know that we all manage?
And so, I would say that's really where I was going to push through and I think it became a part of my calling whether I was not aware of it all.
It is important to talk about these things, whether that's around issues of, sexual violence, or, domestic violence, or issues around, depression, and, mental health.
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Myrna: This is so true, we inherit the blessing of our ancestors, and we inherit the, curses, of our ancestors.
Dr Monica: I don't want to quite use that language of, blessings, and, curses. But yes, we inherit what our ancestors have. We can get the bad stuff and the good stuff, we get the things we would rather live without and we get a lot of their, survival techniques, and their joint, faith, as well. And you know, when I think we you know, so in the fact that we get genetically right isn't new or knowledge, but the fact that it's kind of part of who we are and it shapes us and part of our experiences and put up our family stories that we've known for a long time.
My great grandfather could have been depressed and that is why he decided to commit suicide, no one was giving a clinical diagnosis of, depression, in that time period. So, what I want to say it's not about checking the boxes and saying that is what he had, because maybe it was the grief of losing his wife and being like oh, my gosh, I have to take care of these eight, nine kids, that's overwhelmed for anybody plus sharecropping and, racism. I'm saying I think it's all of those things. I don't think you can say, oh, let's take one out.
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Myrna: I understand the horrible things that our ancestors had to go through. So, you have something like, mental illness, or, depression, or something like that. But this segues right into the next question I have here. You say that, Black women, we've been overlooked, black women, in the United States. What do you think, Black women, have been overlooked?
Dr Monica: I've seen things change a lot in the last five years, but for the last five to 10 years, there's so much more conversation. I would say, since the COVID pandemic, everybody's got some kind of, depression. I mean, we think about how we talk about political movements, and the political activism and the voting power of, black women, and the sense that we're going to hold it all together, we're going to raise a family, go to work, do all things.
And oh, by the way, while you're doing that, there's I think, still is very much expectation that if you're able to do the things and handle business and make ends meet, that you're okay or even better, that you're better than okay that you're strong.
There's very much a sense that if you are a person of, faith, then you should be fine. And you should be okay. You shouldn't have challenges and problems and we have specific expressions that actually imply that. We all need some help, and I am thrilled to see more of those conversations, but I think they're still very much sensitive to that.
Myrna: I got to circle back on that the first one was the, Superwoman, tendency of, black women. And you’re right, black women, they're raising children and a lot of times there's no man and so they're holding down two or three jobs and, and they pride themselves on being, Superwoman. In fact, my mom was one of them. She raised four children by herself, had two or three jobs, I came around and did the same thing. I would say, I can look after my kids, my mom did it, that's the, Superwoman, tendency that we can do it because we’re strong.
White women, they all have husbands and who may stay home to look after their kids by choice. The second part of a circle back is that you're saying that the, superwoman, syndrome creates some kind of, mental illness, and, depression, they should go to a doctor and get a checkup. What are you leading to with that?
Dr Monica: My friend and colleague Dr. Chanequa Walker Barnes has written a wonderful book about chocolate the strong black woman is called “Too Heavy A Yoke,” I highly recommend. Whether it's legacies of war and poverty, these are also the ways in which black families look on legacies of slavery. And in the United States even the enslavement has manifested in parts of the African diaspora in terms of how families are structured. Even the policies and practices around what family structures look like.
Therapy wasn't always covered by insurance, but I think it's getting better. There are more, black therapists, and more culturally competent therapists who will understand all that people are bringing in terms of their racialized and gendered experiences.
Myrna: In, Bipolar Faith, you kind of cut yourself open and talk about some, some personal issues and personal things and you're sharing so you can help others. So, you share some very intimate details of your life, such as living with, depression, yourself and also being raped by a fellow minister. How did that experience effect your, faith? Was there a time where you know you're angry with God?
Dr. Coleman: I think experiences of deep suffering cause all of us to have, at the very least a hiccup in our, faith, walk. You're going to have some kind of pain, whether it is the kinds of, traumas, that I discussed. There's going to be some level of suffering and no one likes it. No one's ready for it. Nobody wants to suffer. It's not a part of the human experience that we're happy about or that we're going to welcome and say, hey, let's have some pain here.
There are levels of grief. That's all part of our life and because our spirituality and our, faith, is part of our life, it's part of our, faith, as well. And for some people, faith, is very helpful and instrumental and holding them up and they find great resonance in the, faith community, and a lot of support there. But at some point, people don't ask why me? Why someone I know and love died? I need some answers here.
We act like asking why is a problem like it's a crisis of, bipolar faith, and you're not supposed to do it? Why do I have to do this? Why is this happening? Why it's happening to my people? It's a very natural part of the spiritual life to ask why. I think what doesn't happen very often is people don't always say, you're going to lose the, faith.
And that's okay. For a lot of times, there's a sense that losing your, faith, is the end of the world and it is like heresy or some terrible thing. We've all lost, faith, at least once, maybe 2-3-4 times. And it is our responsibility, I would say as a, faith community, to stay with you while you find it again, and to hold the space for you, to walk with you to hold you and bring you food.
Until you and God find your way back to each other or something like that. Because of course we don't have the same, faith, we had as five-year-olds. We don't have the same, faith, we had as 15-year-olds, because we've seen more and we've grown more, we've evolved and had different kinds of experiences.
Doesn't mean I don't have a relationship with God. I don't have a, faith community, but that's not what it looks like anymore. And so yes, it definitely caused me to have some questions and to be angry and to say, what I've been taught, is not matching up with what I'm experiencing, and I'm trying to figure this out. So, I kept changing, faith communities, until I found one that was able to hold that space of, faith, for me.
Myrna: So, my circle back to that is when did you become, depressed?
Dr Monica: I really can't quite pinpoint when did I become depressed or say Oh, well I have this very deep grief, my grandmother died when I was 13 years old. I named it as, depression. You know, my family negative, depression. I didn't come up in a context where people were like, Let's label this as, depression. Let's give you some therapy. That came much later. But that's how a lot many black families were in the 70s and 80s. No one said, let's go to therapy like white people do.
Oh, yes, I can look back and say this was, depression. I felt that there were definitely some challenges and hard places in life. That made me sad, but to me, I was like, well, sadness is the appropriate response to some of these things. And I would later have clinicians say, well, most people feel sad in this way and you seem to be sad in a deeper way. And I'm like, oh, because I don't know most people only know me from the inside.
In many ways, I would say “Making A Way Out Of No Way” is the theory behind, Bipolar Faith. So, Bipolar Faith, is my story. It's the story of my family. And I like to think that there is there's some gray threads that feel like an African American story, it presents like an American story. And I think Making A Way Out Of No Way is the belief system that's behind, Bipolar Faith. This is what I believe about community, what I believe about salvation and that salvation in the what gets us to heaven.
Salvation is the root word set out to heal, to be evolved and to make us well. Salvation is what I believe helps us to be whole and helps us to do well. And then it is making a way out of no way. But it's really not no way, it's just a way we can't see. And that's where the God part comes in. It's, you know, God and hopefully us as you know, as creative people's humanity and the rest of creation, working together to in the best of worlds to make the world a better place. Transforming creative ways.
Myrna: So that's great, it's like, blind faith. Of us knowing that regardless of how bleak it looks right now, that God is going to make a way out of no way tomorrow. Joy comes in the morning kind of thing kind of thing. So, I like that. So, do you feel that your story and, Bipolar Faith, you said that was the foundational principle? Do you feel that that is how your life progressed, that you had the spiritual power, that propelled you along and God always made a way for you to prosper?
Dr Monica: I'm not even sure if I'm prospering, I think I'm doing meaningful and I would even say needful work. Trying to creatively transform what we got, whatever we've inherited, into something better. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's this is what we got to work with, to transform what we have into creative ways. To make the world a better place.
Myrna: How can people connect with you and pick up copies of, bipolar faith, and other books?
Dr Monica: You can always pick up a copy at www.bipolarfaith.com. If you go there, you'll find more than you ever want to know about the book. Find ways to buy it. You can also always call your local bookseller and ask them to order it for you. You can use larger online booksellers, if you prefer. If you go to www.bipolarfaith.com. I do a lot of music in the books. So, you'll see some playlists there. You'll see a couple of videos there. You can grab a little bundle I call, behind, bipolar faith, where there's a workbook available if you want to do this like a reading group, for example.
And you can also hear a couple interviews from a psychiatrist and other, faith leaders, with me about, bipolar faith. You can also go to www.monicaacoleman.com and find more information about me and you can also grab a free devotional. If you go to the homepage, you'll see a free five-day devotional there. And that's just my gift to others a little devotional that I use for the spirituality.
Why are you in the, wilderness? The people of Israel wandered in the, wilderness, for 40 years and never got to see the, promised land, that God had given them.
They were in the, wilderness, because time and time again they showed contempt for God, never believing his word, even after witnessing time and time again his, miraculous signs.
You are in the, wilderness, because you let fear of the unknown predict your future.
The people of Israel refused to go into the, promised land, because they were afraid the giants in the land would kill them in battle and carry off their wife’s and children. They accepted defeat without even throwing a punch.
Don't let fear of the unknown keep you in the wilderness
Why do you need to, transform your mind? Because that is the way out of the, wilderness. Caleb and his family got to possess the, promised land, because his mind was right. He had no fear.
He said “Let’s go at once and take the land, we can certainly conquer it”
The, wilderness, is a mindset!
The wilderness mindset
The, wilderness mindset, is like the, poverty mindset, it always want to return to the familiar.
The, wilderness mindset, is accustomed to, struggle, it can’t phantom victory and abundance it always returns to, lack and struggle.
When new opportunities are presented the, wilderness mindset, will always take you back to what it perceives as safety and that is staying right where you are in the, dry barren desert.
What is a poverty mindset?
What is, Poverty Mindset? Having a, poverty mindset is a fear that you will never have enough. It holds you back by convincing you that your circumstances will never change for the better. This way of thinking manifests in two ways: Always spending what you have because you may not have more later.
Your dry, barren place, is anywhere that is not feeding your soul. It could be an abusive relationship, it could be a job you hate, it could be living in an unsafe home. But you stay because it is familiar and your basic need are being met.
But you weren’t created just to survive, you were created to live in a land flowing with milk and honey, to live with joy, peace, happiness, abundance, harmony. You were created to live in paradise.
So, if you find yourself in the, wilderness, ask yourself why are you there and do the work to find and possess your, promised land.
That’s why the detail of the, Promised Land, overflowing with milk and honey was so important: God promised His people a land where everything was in top working order. This was a land abounding in fruitful pastures and efflorescent vegetation. This was a land functioning in its proper, God-designed rhythms. The result was natural abundance.
The description “overflowing with honey” offers a glimpse into what God desires and promises us all — an invitation for us to taste and see that the Lord is good.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
Dr Stephen Lewis says everything begins in the gut. We have to use, nutritional supplements, because about 85% of all the minerals in the soil in America are depleted.
In this episode of the Health is Wealth series. I interview Dr Stephen Lewis. Dr Lewis is the founder of Green Wisdom Health, a company that helps clients achieve optimum health by utilizing extensive, but low cost lab work.
Tell us your journey Dr Lewis to becoming the founder of Green Wisdom Health.
Achieving optimum health
My daddy died when he was 53 years old and I was 15 years old. It was devastating. I felt that it was something that now I could fix real well with, nutritional supplements, even though according to the FDA, nutritional supplements, does not cure anything!
But today I have been able to put off Dementia in my mother for 25-30 years through the use of, nutritional supplements, We prevented her bones from becoming brittle and easily fractured. You couldn't make her fracture a bone at her age because she takes, nutritional supplements, My mother was almost 96 years old when she died because of, nutritional supplements,
As a Doctor, I was always more into nutrition than most common practice. We started doing low-cost lab work and was able to determine a whole lot of what's was going on in the body.
For example. My daddy died at 53, nutritional supplements, might have allowed him to live longer. He had ulcerative colitis or irritable bowel syndrome. Nutritional supplements, do an incredible job at stopping the leaky gut.
Everything begins in the gut. I tell people they have to use, nutritional supplements, because about 85% of all the minerals in the soil in America are depleted. There is even a Senate document that states that our foods are devoid of almost all nutrients and that was in 1936! Imagine what it will be today.
There's no nutrients in the soil. People who spend a lot of money for organic is wasting their money. Organic is an improvement only.
How the Thyroid processes nutritional supplements
If the Thyroid is not working correctly, nothing in the body is going to work like it should.
The Thyroid is incredibly important, it has a lot to do with whether you're stressed, have anxiety or depression. It has a lot to do with how your hormones are doing. It has a lot to do with your digestion or lack of digestion. How your heart beats etc.
So in my book “The Thyroid Sniper” I list a pretty well-rounded list of the different vitamins and the different minerals and amino acids that can be found in certain, nutritional supplements, that gives you optimum health.
How the proper nutritional supplements help us return to optimal health
The proper, nutritional supplements, help us return to optimum health because there is no way we can eat enough to get enough of the nutrients we need in our body, for example just magnesium alone. There's no way to get enough magnesium out of your diet. Even our government says that we're about 94% deficient in magnesium. But magnesium can help depression, because it facilitates over 300 different enzyme reactions and it also is good for the heart. It helps many people with arrhythmia, it helps lower blood pressure. You can't get enough of it out of your diet.
You may also have a B12 deficiency and most, nutritional supplements, out there will have B12 in it; but it will be the wrong kind so your body cannot convert it. Our bodies also don't make enough digestive enzymes. I can tell you, if your proteins are low and if your alkaline phosphate is low, and if your globulin is low or high, then that points to gastro intestinal inflammation. Keep in mind every disease has a root cause and the GI tract is always part of the equation. If you fix your digestion with digestive enzymes and, nutritional supplements, then you can break your food down and not create, Leaky Gut.
Probiotics is the new big study. We have about ten times more microorganisms than we have cells in our body, so taking probiotics as a, nutritional supplement is a must. Generally people will start feeling better mentally, they will have more energy, they'll have more restful sleep, they'll say, I don't know why but my depression went away. That is the power of taking probiotics as a, nutritional supplement.
I've been taking, nutritional supplements, for a very long time and yeah I've got a pharmacy! but I've heard people say things like, nutritional supplements, are a waste of time because you are just going to pee them out. All you are doing is having very expensive urine!
Your body takes what it needs and excretes the rest, that is why I do very inexpensive lab work for my clients to find out what their body is missing and then I will give them the, nutritional supplements, their body needs so as not to have expensive urine.
Most nutritional experts will agree on five, nutritional supplements, that everybody needs:
You need a good multivitamin,
a good probiotic,
you need a digestive enzyme,
you need fish oil
and you need fiber.
I don't really agree with the fiber, if you eat enough really good vegetables you don't need fiber as a, nutritional supplement, but I think vitamin D should be thrown in there. It's incredibly important and you cannot convert enough sunlight to make enough vitamin D.
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Dr. Stephen Lewis company is Green Wisdom Health, head over to his website https://www.greenwisdomhealth.com/ fill out a health survey, it's a brief survey and it will suggest the suggested lab work. When I get the health survey back, either myself or Janet, my partner will call you and send you a link where you schedule a Free 30-minute consultation with me. At which point I'll email you a functional nutritional report with a list of recommended, nutritional supplements,
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To listen to the complete audio interview download on any of these podcast players:
The way that we use, breathwork, with, meditation, is as a tool to really settle our bodies, when we're in a heightened stress response or feeling really tight and closed off. Breathwork, allows us to settle into a space of openness and receptivity so much faster. When we're sitting in stillness and, meditation, you can feel the moving energy up and out of the body.
Ava Johanna is the founder and visionary behind The Academy of Breath, international breathwork and meditation school, focused on making these ancient embodiment practices household tools across the globe. Ava’s mission is to bridge the gap between modern neuroscience and mysticism so breathwork and meditation are made accessible to everyone from high-level executives to stay-at-home parents.
Yet, Ava’s present-day reality – running a half a million-dollar breathwork and meditation empire, while giving back 10% of profits to marginalized communities and do-good organizations – is the polar opposite to her teenage experience. At the age of sixteen, Ava was homeless. Her rise to fulfillment, entrepreneurial success with The Academy of Breath, and claiming a mission that serves all, makes her the living embodiment of perseverance, healing, and wellness.
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Ava: I grew up in a very affluent area. I was born in Santa Monica, California, one of the boroughs in LA and moved about second or third grade to Ventura County Calabasas Westlake area. I always give the example of Calabasas is where the Kardashians live. My family was middle class, but a lot of my friends had lots of money. And so by the time my mom separated from my stepdad which I'm still so proud of her to this day for doing that, we are unable to pay for the basic basic needs, like a roof over our head, food on the table.
My little sister is nine years younger than me and has autism and after she was diagnosed with autism, my mom did everything in her power to support her and to be near her. Unfortunately, my mom wasn't even able to get a full time job or a regular job because my sister needed to be on call for my sister. She's her primary caretaker so the only option really for her at that point was to work at the school. Being in close proximity to my sister and you know, really makes her life revolve around my sister.
My mom's car was repossessed, she would go to the church every other weekend, the Food Bank and pick up groceries for us and we spent a little over a year between couch surfing on friends' couches, families, couches, neighbors. And after about a year and a half my mom finally was able to scrounge up enough money to get us our own apartment and it was this dingy dark little apartment, but it was ours. And throughout that whole experience, I really am grateful that I was surrounded by so much wealth because it showed me that there was another way.
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I feel so deeply for communities where it's only poverty because sometimes that can create this identification of this is all that there will ever be for me. And so I'm grateful that I got to see two different sides of circumstance so that I could say, this is the direction I want to go. That experience created this deep hustle mentality within me of continuing to climb and climb and climb until I felt safe.
And it wasn't until the past few years that as my business started becoming more and more successful, I realized that there was no dollar amount that would ever make me feel safe and safety was an inside job that I had to create within myself. And that's really where, breathwork and meditation, have had the biggest impact on my life, is learning how to create safety within myself.
BEING BLACK IS TRAUMATIC ENOUGH!!!, “Walk A Painful Mile In Our Agony Shoes” is an untraditional new style of poetry. The books’ theme is based on being black in a America. Each poem will put you in the shoes of blackness as we walk, march and run through this pernicious society. With over 40 poems and pictures depicting black love, black unity, black creativity, black self-hate, black struggle, discrimination and mental Illness and other more personal poems. This book was very emotional for the author to write because each poem is tied to the emotions felt before, during and after the Black Lives Matter protest.
Some examples of poems: “MAGNIFICENT YOU”, acknowledging and appreciating black women. “BLACK MAN, BLACK MAN”, is an acknowledgement of black men's worth, the need to unite and the need to stop killing one another.
Pick up your copy of BEING BLACK IS TRAUMATIC ENOUGH!!!, “Walk A Painful Mile In Our Agony Shoes now available on Amazon
Myrna: That's a powerful story. I love that, because I was born poor in Guyana, but I had a very rich godfather who also showed me the other side. How did you learn, meditation?
Ava: So I was working in a corporate job at the time I worked at this agency in San Diego in the marketing department and was so stressed out, it was a startup. I was working anywhere between like eight to 10 hours every day. I was in before the boss out after the boss and literally had dreams about my work. I was no fun to be around. A girlfriend invited me to a, yoga, class for, personal development, and, stress relief, and the, yoga instructor, taught me, how to use breathwork, and, meditation. as, personal growth, tools.
I remember being in a, breathwork meditation, class for the first time, just dripping in sweat and feeling so good. And so from there I became a little obsessed about, breathwork meditation. So I enrolled in, yoga, teacher training about six months later. And a lot of anger would come up in training, which is now I know just repressed emotions leaving my body, but my first weekend in our, yoga, teacher training, we had someone come in and do a full, breathwork, session with us. It was Wim Hof, which is a more modern take on older ancient practices that stem from the Himalayas.
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I remember leaving class that day and just calling my friend and letting her know oh my goodness. This feels incredible, I found my bliss. So from that point forward, I aggressively trained in, breathwork meditation. I saw that there were a lot of amazing things coming from teacher training and also a lot of gaps that could be filled in order to support people that had these missions. And so that's really where the inspiration for the Academy of Breath came from.
Myrna: What is the neuroscience behind, breathwork meditation, that makes you feel so blissful?
Ava: I like approaching the science from two different angles. I love the mysticism behind, breathwork. I love the spiritual approach to it and I also love the science. So in the same way that if you are with a group of individuals and you're all singing together. This energy that you can feel this, this opening that's happening that is almost intangible to describe with words, but you can feel that heightened level of bliss. There's that kind of element of, breathwork, that comes up.
I can't really explain this through my words, but you must experience it, in order to really feel what I'm talking about. So, with, breathwork, what I found was that, through this practice, I could feel my body softening and opening and calling almost all aspects of myself to the present moment where I was no longer time traveling between what had happened in the past or my anxiety and worrying predictions of what was happening in the future.
Now, that's not necessarily something that we can prove with science, but that is something that you experience when you're practicing various, breathwork, techniques whether it be a calming technique that's really slowing the body down, slowing the, nervous system, down or more energizing techniques that's actually creating more of a movement and momentum within yourself.
You can experience that type of surrender, that type of fullness or oneness with all of these different, breathwork, practices and quite quickly as well. You can do three rounds within two to three minutes and start to feel that sense of relief. Which is really powerful. And then on the other side of it when we look at the science behind, breathwork meditation.
In the same way that singing turns on the, vagus nerve, which is responsible for your, parasympathetic, response in the body. Breathwork, as well turns on the, parasympathetic response.
So basically, the way that I explain it is that the, vagus nerve, is like pumping the brakes on your stress response or, sympathetic nervous system. We're not necessarily humming or vibrating the vocal cords to activate the, vagus nerve, but there's different practices like for example a, box breath, or equal ratio breath where the, parasympathetic nervous system, is being activated through slowing down your breath and essentially telling your body and telling your, nervous system.
It's safe for me to relax, it's safe to let go. And when we're doing that, we're releasing happy chemicals throughout the body like, dopamine, and, serotonin, which are all those feel good hormones, and so that's where the bliss comes.
Myrna: I told you, I learn something new every time I interview someone. I've never heard that you can relax your, vagus nerve, by singing. I understand now why some, meditations, do the chanting. I myself do the, box breath, with my, meditation, where you inhale for four, hold for 4 and then exhale for 5.
Ava: Most people don't realize that our breath can be used as medicine. So when someone goes into a really advanced, breathwork, practice, like a Wim Hof practice, all of those practices are amazing. They all serve their purpose. However, if we're working with somebody who struggles with PTSD or struggles with anxiety or struggles with depression, we want to be really clear about what, breathwork, practices we are using and the equal ratio breath or the, box breath, or the style that you had mentioned.
So when I teach it, I teach 5-5-5-5, box breath. You can absolutely elongate the exhale, because it does help with the, vagus nerve, being stimulated. But that's like the easiest practice for anybody to start with to reacquaint themselves with their, breath. To reestablish a relationship with their breath where they're more mindful about when they're breathing, because we know that anything that we do in the 10 minutes that we're sitting down, or five minutes that we're sitting down, we're going to become more aware of in the rest of the time during our day when we're awake.
So that's a really, really simple place to start breathing in through your nose for four or five, holding at the top for four or five, scaling for four or five, and then we also hold at the bottom for four or five and that's a way to just strengthen the lungs as well. And the way that is easiest to remember is just an equal basic breathing. So that's how I explained it to individuals who this helps them.
Myrna: Okay, so you're saying that's the simplest, breathwork, . Give us a complicated one.
Ava: Being able to increase your body temperature is a pretty epic tool to have, especially when you're feeling a little chilly. And I think more than anything, it's understanding the breath, and the role that the breath plays on the autonomic nervous system. It is like the heart beating; it is the immune system. It's our hormones releasing from the body.
It's our digestion, our breath is directly connected to our, autonomic nervous system. And so we can do about that as a way to again move out of that, fight or flight response, where we're just dumping acidic chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline on our body into a, parasympathetic response.
Yes, there is actually a really great practice that is so funny. My mom came with me for my bachelorette party a couple years ago and it was so hot and we were walking back from the party to the Airbnb we were staying, and she just got so overheated and she had to sit down. I was like, Mom, you got to do this, breathwork, practice with me to cool you down. It works within five minutes. It's really simple, you curl your tongue like a funnel and inhale through it. And for anyone who can't curl their tongue up, you'll just breathe through the teeth.
Myrna: Can you use, breathwork, to connect to our, higher power? Because when you go into stillness, you connect with your, higher power, you connect with God. So how do you teach your clients to use, breathwork, to connect to the, higher power, or their higher self?
Myrna: Yeah, that's such a beautiful question. And to be honest, this is where I get them the most like space to explore on their own because I truly believe that we all have a unique relationship to a, higher power, of our own understanding. And so you know, as an example, I know that in a lot of communities, the word of God can trigger them based on religious upbringing. For me, I love the word God if that's my understanding of the, higher power, but I know other people like the word, universe, or my, higher self, or whatever it might be.
And so I need to change the language because I know that God created the, universe. All those things are just means the same, super consciousness. There is a bunch of labels.
Using Breathwork meditation to access your higher self
Ava: So the way that I use, breathwork, in with, meditation, is that using, breathwork, first as a tool to really settle our bodies so that again, we're out of that heightened stress response or feeling really tight and closed off. Breathwork, allows us to settle into a space of openness and receptivity so much faster. When we're sitting in stillness and, meditation and you feel that moving energy up and out of the body.
Sometimes that energy might be before in the form of recurring thoughts. that might be something that happened yesterday, something that you have to check off of your to do list etc. we can use, breathwork, as a way to move that energy up and out of the body so that we've actually created enough of a slowing down within the mind. so that when you are meditating, it's so much easier for you to hear your own inner voice or the voice of God or the voice of source in the practice itself.
And so usually what I will do for someone who's like just started, guide them into, breathwork. Then once they're in, meditation, bring them through a list of things that they're grateful for, so that they're really dropping their, heart space, and then guide them into some sort of, prayer. That, prayer, might be just like asking a certain question of something that they desire guidance around or wanting to communicate with God.
And then just allowing myself and, breathwork meditation, to be the subject. I think the two practices go together so perfectly and you know, the lens of, yoga, the eight limbs of, yoga, conjures eight limbs of, yoga. Breathwork, comes before, meditation, as a way to prepare the body to sit for longer periods of time so that you can experience God.
Myrna: How can we connect with you and learn, breathwork meditation, an these wonderful things that you're teaching.
Ava: Thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to share. So the Academy of breath offers an eight week online, breathwork, and, meditation, certification program. This is really meant for anybody who is interested in incorporating, breathwork, and, meditation, into their work that they do. We've had high school teachers go through, therapists go through, we have coaches, yoga teachers, massage therapists, so really anybody who would want to expand their core offering using, breathwork, and, meditation, or wants to become a replica, meditation teacher.
We created this program to really guide you through how to facilitate nine different record practices, three different styles of, meditation, as well as bonus modules and bonus support on how to build a business around it. Again, as I mentioned, when I went through all these trainings, I thought there were phenomenal aspects of the trainings that were more spiritual based or the trainings that were more like science based, but no one really approached like the business side of things either.
I think that's where a lot of teacher trainings fall short is that you give them all of these tools, but then they're like, I don't know what to do with this. And so we really work on that aspect of it as well. If that's something that feels a little bit too, too much or too advanced for those of you that are listening and maybe you're brand new to, breathwork, and, meditation, we also have a six modules for some practice course called backward, where you will learn over the course of six modules how to develop your own personal, breathwork meditation, practice, to help amplify your creativity, your intuition, lower stress levels, and become more present.
And so we really wanted to create a more accessible way for people to learn, breathwork, and, meditation, that might not necessarily be ready to go into a full teacher training. And you can find details for all of that at www.Academyofbreath.org/programs.
