How do you win at the, game of life? Today I am going to teach on How to be a Winner!!
Most of us were glued to the television for the Olympic games to see the athletes try to win Gold. But how do these same athletes win, the game of life.
Each and every one of these athletes came to win Gold!
Did you see the interview with Shakur Stevenson? This interview and the race where the Bahamian girl threw herself across the finish line to take the gold from Alison Felix were my most inspiring moments of the Olympics. In the interview with Shakur the NBC reporter asked him how he felt about winning a silver medal? The interview was going good until this question and then Shakur decided not to fake it anymore. He broke down crying saying
“I hate to loose, I wanted to win. The Silver medal is terrible.”
This is our first lesson on “Winning at the, Game of Life.”
Inspiration story and tip of the week.
Winning at the, Game of Life, some examples.
Acceleration – How God and a Coach can “Accelerate” You
To become a winner you need to be self motivated and need the help of a Life Coach.
Someone to push you when you lack motivation, someone to keep you accountable, someone to help you with the game plan.
The enemy keeps you busy with trivial pursuits to keep you from achieving your goals and purpose.
Here are 3 Principles to Winning at the Game of Life:
1> Physiologically – Is your body in a peak state? Are you prepared physically?
2> Psychologically – Do you have the mental capacity to win? Do you believe you can?
3> Soulfully – Do you believe it is your purpose? Have you tapped into the wisdom of your soul?
For the next 30 days, I will give FREE copies of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” Just pay for shipping
“Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” is jammed packed with stories of my victories and how
“I won at, the game of Life.”
*From Escaping Poverty and child abuse in my native country,
*to winning as a business person as the top female Limousine operator in Toronto, Canada,
*to winning my USA citizenship,
*to winning twin girls by adoption,
*to winning in Love and relationships!!
Lots and Lots of victories!!.
So download your copy now by clicking the Amazon link below:
Finding, beauty, in your Now is the point of all power that unlocks healing, growth, strength, peace, desires, success, and happiness.
This week I interview Aireka Harvell, aspiring motivational speaker who focuses on transforming the minds and lives of women with her blog “Be That Woman.” She is also the Founder of Nodat Place Advertising LLC. where she encourages and promotes female entrepreneurship and offers daily motivation and support through her social media platforms.
Introduction “How to find Beauty in your Now”
Aireka has a powerful story of overhearing a mother telling her son that she was, ugly, and seeing her mom treat he brother better because he was handsome when she was just 9 years old. That tag stayed with her throughout her life and gave birth to low self esteem, becoming a people pleaser and allowing her husband to mentally and physically abuse her. Aireka has lived in darkness of thinking she was, ugly, for most of her life, until one day she heard the voice of God telling her to Help other women “Be That Woman” he made them to be.
Today she has a huge following on Instagram and on her blog and offers Hope and Encouragement with her daily posts.
Listen to find out How to control your mind and bring it under subjection when thoughts of fear and hopelessness threaten to stomp out your joy.
Learn that there is opportunity to learn and grow from every situation.
A Conversation with our manufacturer (God) God: Tell me “what is your purpose down there on earth”
Man: Well you know “I want to work hard and not hurt anyone, and I want to get along with folks and stay out of trouble” God: “But what about your talents”
Man: Well what talents I have and there are not much, I take good care of. I kind of pace myself, you know.
No, No,No God shouted, your answers are all wrong. Don’t you remember the story of the talents?
Man: Yes I think so … You gave each of three men a different set of talents. To one man, you gave five talents. To another man, you gave two talents. And to the third, you gave but one talent.
“That’s right says God: and some years later I checked up on each of these three men. I was pleased to find that the man with five talents had multiplied his talents by working hard, and applying each one. The man whom I gave two talents had also labored hard and multiplied them. But when I checked with the man I had only given one talent, I became very angry. For that man had buried his talent in the name of protecting it. To which I cursed him saying “thou wicked and slothful servant” how dare you not use the gifts and, beauty, I gave you. You Knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed.
Do you not get the point of this parable?
Man: Yes I think so. I am to use the talents and, beauty, you gave me and multiply them to help others.
God: Let me ask you another question
“Who is in charge of your life?”
Man: I am responsible for my life – but with a few exceptions. I mean sometimes you just don’t get the breaks, you know. Sometimes things just don’t go my way, but that is the way the ball bounces or the way the cookie crumbles”
God jumped to his feet “No, No, No, he shouted. You were created in my image of, beauty. “When will you learn, you are totally responsible for your life, no exceptions. You are totally responsible for the results you obtain. Not your mother, not your father, not your boss. It’s not the breaks, that control your life, it’s you. Don’t ever say that is the way the ball bounces, that it is the way the cookie crumbles. You must bounce your own ball!
Man: Okay, okay I think I see. The fact is that I have been put on earth to succeed, I have an obligation, a responsibility, to use my abilities to the fullest. I must control my life, for I wasn’t designed to be led. I prefer excellence to mediocrity. I won’t prevent my own success, for all success requires is that I am here, and that I use my talents to the world and not wait for the world to come to me. And I will act now, no matter how convenient waiting may seem, no matter how imperfect might be the results I obtain.
Tears welled up in God’s eyes, a smile creased his face.
God: “Thou wonderful and faithful servant, take all the love and energy and talent that you have and share it. Share it with all you meet, until it seems you have no more to give, there will always be more and more in reserve. Your potential extends beyond your wildest imaginings. The only limitations you will ever face will be those you place on yourself”
How to find Beauty in everyday moments
Johanna Sevier Robb says in her blog post on “How to find the Beauty in Everyday Present Moments”:
There is so much, beauty, in the world—and because this crazy, gorgeous life is so fleeting, I want to focus on the, beauty.
No, I won’t turn my eyes away from the horrors of the world. But I also won’t become so consumed by these horrors that I no longer notice the wind dancing on the water. Or the tender grasp of my lover. Or the plant on the windowsill stretching toward the sunlight.
I’m not trying to downplay the crap. But just to understand the, beauty standards, of men. I don’t want to crumple into a small, powerless mess each and every time I read the news.
Negativity sells. Sensationalism sells. But this is not the reality of, beauty. So I ask, what is beauty?
Sure, man’s, beauty standards, is real. But generosity, kindness, humility and love is also real. And I still believe in humanity. Only a tiny bit of the present world can be summed up by violence and acts of terror. Only a tiny bit of human history can be summed up by wars and acts of cruelty.
How to Find your Beauty even if the world thinks you are ugly
Despite his physical appearance, the elephant man and his mother were close. His mother did not think he was, ugly. A former housemaid, she was also handicapped and had three additional children, two of whom died at a young age. She herself passed away in 1873 of pneumonia. Her death devastated young Joseph. Not only did he lose his closest friend, but his father, now working as a haberdasher, soon married the strict widow Emma Wood Antill who had two children of her own and demanded young Merrick, elephant man, leave school and earn his living. Amazingly, despite his growing abnormalities, he found employment at a cigar shop, but his right hand soon became too large to manage the delicate work of rolling cigars. In order to earn his keep, his father got Joseph a hawker’s license to sell gloves door to door. But his, ugly, appearance frightened prospective customers and his sales were dismal. Joseph Senior would often beat his son if he came home empty-handed and the stepmother would deny him full meals unless he had earned enough to pay for them. As a result, he ran away — or rather walked away — from home more than once.
If you liked this content remember to share, subscribe to my iTunes podcast and write a review. Once you do, send me an email to email@example.com with the subject line “Podcast review” and I will send you one of two gifts. My eBook “How to become a Life Coach” or a “Mindset Shift Focus Wheel” a workbook to change from a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset.
Take control of your thoughts and attitudes with a, positive mindset. Get rid of ANTS, Automatic Negative Thoughts.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha
Imagine your mind as a garden. Positive thoughts and a, positive mindset, are the beautiful flowers that brighten your life. Negative thoughts, are the ugly weeds that spread and suffocate your happiness, by cutting off sunlight. Just like plants we need sunlight to thrive.
Negative thoughts, can take the form of:
prophesying or any thought that makes you feel bad!
You need to kill the ANTS, Automatic Negative Thoughts
Automatic Negative thoughts of Fear –
Fear, is defined as False Events Appearing Real, is the number one reason that we don’t achieve success in this life. Fear, of the unknown, that feeling of uncertainty. Fear, is the bottom feeder of all the, negative emotions. When you are living in, fear, you feel very bad and you attract more bad things into your experience.
One way to Kill these, automatic negative thoughts, is to develop a, positive mindset. Imagine what is the worst that could happen and develop, positive thinking, about the outcome. Face the, fear, in your mind and say death where is your sting! Take it to your subconscious and dream about it. Once you face, fear, it loses its hold on you. Talk back to this, fear. Move up the emotional scale with anyone of the, negative emotions. Eg. You can become angry that your spouse is treating you a certain way, instead of being afraid of being alone if you left the relationship. See yourself alone and loving it.
There is also a positive side to this ANT.
If you are afraid of losing something be it your spouse, your job, your home; it tells you that these things are important to you and that you should do everything in your power to keep them. For example: if you fear losing your spouse, then you should work on keeping the marriage fresh, you should keep yourself attractive and don’t let yourself get to 300 lbs, serve your spouse and make him/her feel special.
Automatic Negative thoughts of Self-doubt
Lack of self-confidence is a very powerful, ANT. One of the most essential character traits to have is self-confidence. It is sexy and it allows you to command attention. When these, automatic negative thoughts, are telling you that you are not good enough; you will not get that promotion because you don’t have a degree, for example. Talk back to it and tell it that you are the best person for the job and that it is their loss if they don’t hire you. If you don’t, you will never move from where you are today. You will never be an over achiever or the top sales person on a team! You need self-confidence to achieve success.
Have a Positive mindset and get rid of Guilt –
Guilt, is a result of your conscience telling you that you have violated your own core value. It is telling you that you did something that is moving you away from your predetermined goal. You can talk back to these, automatic negative thoughts, by telling it that you have recognized your mistake and that you have forgiven yourself. Don’t let the, guilt, and shame arrest you and keep you in bondage. A lot of people wash away this guilt with drugs and alcohol.
Automatic Negative Thoughts of Anger –
Anger, ANTS, keep telling you that someone had no right to do something. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. Psychologists say that anger is like an iceberg. What you see is just the tip, that there is more ice for miles below the surface. If you are conscious that you have an, Anger problem, then you should understand (with the help of a Therapist) what is causing your anger. You can talk back to this, ANT, and tell it that you cannot control what someone else does; the only person you can control is yourself.
Automatic Negative Thoughts of Blame –
The blame, ANT, can be very destructive. When you blame others for the results you are having in your life, you assume the role of the victim. As the victim, you have no power to facilitate change. You talk back to this, ANT, by becoming a Player. As a Player you take back control. Regardless of what the dealer is showing, you can still win! You are not the product of your circumstances. Everyone has a story. It is how you handle adversity and challenges that define and grow you. In my book “Out of the Snares” I never blamed my childhood abuser. I instead chose to look at the positives I learned from that experience. Life is full of good and evil. Every evil person has a good side and every good person has an evil side.
Have a Positive Mindset and stop Prophesying –
The prophesying, automatic negative thoughts, talks to you about what it knows about the future! It tells you things like “you are never going to close that sale”. “The customer is going to string you along and they will never buy” or “it is never going to work out”. You can talk back to this, ANT, by declaring that IT cannot predict the future. It does not have a crystal ball!
Once you learn to recognize these, automatic negative thoughts, and learn to deal with them by sending them packing, then you can replace them with, Positive Thoughts. Positive thoughts, are like flowers, they beautify your garden and bring smiles to anyone who stops and pays attention to their beauty. In a similar way, positive mindset, make you beautiful to anyone who you have interpersonal relations with. But the beauty of a, positive mindset, is that they make you feel good. Like attracts like and before you know it, you have an abundance of good things becoming part of your experience.
I’ve seen firsthand how dangerous it is to let the weeds of, negative thinking, take over your mind. Just like in a natural garden, it you left the weeds unattended, they thrive more than the flowers or plants. In a similar way when you allow the, ANTS, to run free in your head; they snuff out all the joy from your life. All you then see is darkness, because they are blocking the sunlight from getting in!
In my book “Out of the Snares” I share with you, my readers, the principles of the Bible and the Universal Laws or Truths that I stood on to keep a, positive mindset. Order your copy today.https://myhelps.us/book-order/
Valeri Bocage lost everything in hurricane Katrina and used her pain to create her company Powerful Women International. She believes that the greater your pain the greater things that are birthed from this pain. In the, WandaVision, prequel, Vision, was, well, very dead. … Wanda eventually managed to destroy the Mind Stone – and, Vision, – but Thanos turned back time and plucked it out anyway. Both outcomes killed, Vision.
Valerie says that whenever you focus on what you have lost, you can never move forward. Her purpose was to make a difference.
She says to figure out who your audience is. Who are you supposed to make a difference to?
My tip of the week is:
How to Create Positive Core Beliefs
Our guest today shared her story of losing everything in hurricane Katrina and bouncing back to become the CEO of Powerful Women International. To do that she had to have positive self-worth and positive, core beliefs. Beliefs are the truths people hold on to that guide our life. The power of belief can trap you, as in the belief that you deserve only a limited amount of happiness. Or belief can free you, as in the belief that you are safe and protected in the cosmic plan.
When you open your awareness to your strongest, core beliefs, which are known as, core beliefs, two things happen. First, you find out who you are and why you behave in the ways you do. Second, new energies become available when you pursue the, core beliefs, that are life-supporting, fulfilling, and spiritually transforming.
A powerful, core belief, is pure and direct. It gives you a clear sense of who you are. It isn’t confused, conflicted, or compromised. Let’s take steps to make this the kind of, core belief, you are activating. Step one is to bring your, core beliefs, into awareness. The four, core beliefs, you want to activate are:
I am loving and lovable.
I am worthy.
I am safe and trusting.
I am fulfilled and whole.
You already have existing, core beliefs, in these four areas of love, self-worth, security, and fulfillment. Your beliefs can’t be changed simply by throwing out an old one and adopting a new one like changing your wardrobe. The change must come at the level of self-awareness. At the core of your being, where your true self resides, the truth about you is clear and unequivocal: You deserve unconditional love; you are of unique worth in the universe; you can trust Nature to protect and uphold you; and your fulfillment comes from being whole.
To overhaul your beliefs means that you get closer and closer to your core beliefs, these four inner truths, which are absolute. Right now, there’s a gap between them and what you experience. For most people, the positive and negative side of their core beliefs depend on how good or bad their experiences have been in the past. If you have been deeply hurt in love, for example, it is hard to adopt the core belief that you deserve infinite love.
A Self-Awareness Exercise to Create Your Core Beliefs
Hawkeye on , WandaVision, is self aware that he is the weakest link. Although he is an extremely skilled marksman, Clint Barton is often considered to be the weakest Avenger seeing as he’s just a regular guy with a bow and arrow. Reliving experiences from the past only keeps you stuck in the past. Your core beliefs are activated in the now, every day. They can only be changed in the now! Here’s how:
Look upon what’s happening now as a reflection of your, core beliefs. If the reflection is negative, pause and ask yourself why it fits the storyline your beliefs create. If you experience any kind of abusive treatment, for example, this reflects a victimhood story supported by a core belief that keeps you in the story. If you experience unexpected kindness, on the other hand, this reflects a storyline that includes compassion and reflects a core belief in how much you deserve love.
A, core belief, that God has plans to prosper you, will take you through any setback.
• Valeri Bocage started Powerful Women International in 2006 after moving to San Francisco, a move that was prompted by the loss of everything during Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. Valeri lost everything except her indomitable spirit to help others. Initially, Powerful Women International was formed to help women live their dreams and to begin to support each other worldwide to fulfill their utmost dreams and expand themselves as leaders worldwide.
How did Valerie build and assemble her Power teams?
Power Team, is a team consisting of people who possess all the strengths needed to achieve your mission. They are an extension of you not a mirror.
You’ve thought about your, power team, and created an ideal customer profile based on that aspiration. The same thing should be done as you prepare to build your, power team, members.
As you make a list of your, power team, you’ll need an:
social media manager,
public relations manager,
customer service representatives
This is the time to aim high; to refuse to settle for less-than-ideal.
With her, Power Team, by her side, Valerie was able to take her brand to more people, with greater positive impact. Too many brand builders work to simply fill positions, when they should be working to hire those people who will further the reach and value of their brands. Who will you hire next? What challenges are you experiencing whilst hiring? What difference your, Power Team, made.
If you do not take control of your, emotional intelligence, and thoughts, they will repeat in cycles. We have over 70,000 thoughts per day and 90% of these thoughts repeat over and over. That is why people get stuck in life, reliving the past like Groundhog day.
Jenny R. Craig, LCSW, BCD is a, transformation, specialist, utilizing her expertise in assisting leaders in creating authentic, profound, long-lasting impact in their organizations and personal lives.
Emotional intelligence, is important because, Strategic planning, does not kick in until the mid-twenties.
Also any huge trauma changes the way the brain works.
As a, transformation, coach we give our clients tools and techniques that can move them through the darkness of being stuck in rewind, and into the light. The light is to find out your true purpose and discover who you really are.
Emotional Intelligence, allows you to do the mental work in living a purposeful life.
Here are four traits of Emotional Intelligence:
* Self Awareness: Knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling this way.
* Self Management: Handling distressing emotions so that they don’t cripple you.
* Empathy: Knowing what someone else is feeling. Being capable of walking in another man’s shoes.
* Skilled Relationships: There is not a better barometer of, emotional intelligence, than the quality of one’s relationships. When you put the top three skills together, you will have quality and healthy relationships.
What is Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence refers, to the ability to identify and manage one’s own, emotions, as well as the, emotions, of others.
Emotional intelligence, is generally said to include at least three skills:
the ability to identify and name one’s own, emotions
the ability to harness those, emotions, and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving
the ability to manage, emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own, emotions, when necessary and helping others to do the same.
There is no validated, emotional intelligence test.
Test for, emotional intelligence, looks for the general intelligence factor—and many argue that, emotional intelligence, is therefore not an actual construct, but a way of describing interpersonal skills that go by other names.
Despite this criticism, the concept of, emotional intelligence, sometimes referred to as emotional quotient or EQ—has gained wide acceptance. In recent years, some employers have even incorporated, emotional intelligence tests, into their application and interview processes, on the theory that someone high in, emotional intelligence, would make a better leader or coworker.
Conclusion Emotional Intelligence
I am grateful that you have tuned into this podcast from all around the world. I believe that the spirit of God has attracted you here so that you can receive the insights, revelations and knowledge revealed on this broadcast. Whatever you need for this day in your life you will receive. I can truly say that your life will never be the same because a brain that has been expanded with knowledge can never return to it’s original size. I invite you to subscribe to this podcast so that you will receive new podcasts every week with more insights, revelations and knowledge so that you can live your best life now.
The 9th Principle taught in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” is Love.
Love. This 4 letter word is so powerful! and, self love, is this love turned inside.
Love including, self love is the most powerful force in the universe!
It can break the bonds of years, sometimes generations of, addictions, and, generational curses.
God’s Love for Humanity
God’s love, for humanity caused him to send his only begotten son Jesus to die for our sins so that we can have everlasting life.
A mother’s love, for her child gives her superhuman strength, to save her child from death or injury.
The love we have for our wife and husband keeps off stress and diseases when that love is active and healthy.
You see when we are in the throes of our love experiences, we look at the world through rose colored glasses.
Everything is sunny. We stop to smell the roses.
Our hearts beat faster when our loved ones are near.
We ride the energy waves of this spiritual connection and in turn we feel energized, we smile and laugh more and we don’t sweat the small stuff!
The energy of love combined with, sexual energy, is even more powerful!
When you transmute, sexual energy, for the person you love, you can create or imagine life changing books, companies and inventions that propel humanity forward!
In order for you to give love to another you must first have, self love, inside of you.
You have to love yourself, you have to love your world or the space you work and play in your world.
You have to love God, your creator.
When you have, self love, you gain, self confidence
Self-confidence is necessary for you to be successful in your career and in your business
Click the link below to hear a powerful story of how lack of self-confidence can ruin your world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J1ECHTnc64
Love doesn’t have to be the Notebook kind with grand gestures and sacrifice.
We love to watch movies like the Notebook about true love that never dies.
We are inspired by stories about Edward, Prince of Wales and Wallace Simpson and how he chose love over the throne; but most of us would settle for the simple acts of love.
This artist depicts these acts in her paintings so wonderfully and every couple should aspire to connect on this level.
• Who wouldn’t love their spouse coming up and giving them a hug while they are cooking in the kitchen?
• Who wouldn’t love their spouse watching chick flicks with them and enjoying it as much as they do?
• Who wouldn’t love going out for ice cream and licking each other ice cream cones and stealing a kiss?
• Who wouldn’t love just being in a room and just enjoying each other, laying on your husbands lap while you read a book?
• Who wouldn’t like coming home and seeing your husband with a apron on in the kitchen cooking dinner?
Who wouldn’t have, self love, after all this.
Love shouldn’t be only for your spouse, children, family and friends. Love should be for all relationships in and out of the workplace, with customers, suppliers, everyone!
Giving love and compassion to the people you work with yields immense, self love.
Here are 5 ways to be a LoveCat at work with, self love:
1. Greet everyone who walks into your office or room with eye contact and a smile.
2. Hug your close associates or people you have a personal relationship at work.
3. Replace the word Hate with the word, self love, whenever you can and watch it transform the energy.
4. Read lots of books and offer the knowledge gained from these books to your co-workers to help them with projects, initiatives or difficult personal situations.
5. Start a book club at work and have everybody share cliff notes from the books read.
All in all, self love, is like a boomerang, it always comes back so give it freely.
It is like seeds that blow in the wind. It does not always come back from the people we choose to love; but it always comes back
Check out my chapter on Love in my book “Out of the Snares” A story of hope and encouragement.
So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
Today’s episode is supported by Columbus Financial. Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com
In Today’s #podcast Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women, self-confidence,
In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.
What is Self-Confidence?
The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.
How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.
Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!
So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.
How do you build, self-confidence?
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
But a large percentage of, African American women, and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.
Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.
It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don’t let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.
Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence, usually starts.
A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.
The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.
He did, he said that he didn’t have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!
The doctor was shocked. He didn’t want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.
The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.
However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.
He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it’s killing me”
He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery. When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.
Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.
The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”
“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.
“Yes sir” the man said
“You didn’t say lip before”
The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man’s lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.
The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”
The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.
The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.
Let’s bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.
Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?
I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren’t involved much in their lives.
Also I’d say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people. Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn’t be successful. That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I’d also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,
I believe that when young people don’t value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,
How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts
As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,
It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.
It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.
It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.
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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?
Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.
My grandmother used to say “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
And that’s exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!
Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.
You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren’t booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?
I find that it wasn’t only their, self-confidence muscle, that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth, it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing. If we were to put a label on it, it would be that we’re not enough.
You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough; even the most successful
people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn’t good enough. Why did she feel that way? Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!
As, African American women, we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.
So What’s the secret to, living the life of your dreams? Have you wondered how someone can be born with nothing, and then live a, dream life? They can live in abject poverty, having nothing to eat, sometimes homeless and in a few years become a millionaire?
In this episode of the Transform your mind, to Transform your Life, radio show and podcast, registered social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf Mortley, share what we believe is the secret to, living the life of your dreams. Arifah is the founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose, a company that Provides a diverse range of services including workshops or programs designed to help the youth in Toronto, Canada deal with mental health issues, make positive changes in their lives after issues with the criminal justice system. Arifah has been a registered social worker specializing in mental health for over 15 years. She just started working with the prison system to help inmates live fulfilling lives when released from prison.
There are more, rags to riches, stories than rich kids born with trust funds.
A young boy was born into poverty in a rundown section of San Francisco. This young boy became a fan of football legend Jim Brown, then the running back for the Cleveland Browns. Even though this young boy was crippled by Rickets from malnutrition, he dreamed of one day becoming a star running back like his hero Jim Brown.
Since he had no money to pay to see his hero play, he would wait outside the stadium for the maintenance crew to open up the gate in the fourth quarter and he would hobble on his crocked legs into the stadium and watch the balance of the game.
At the age of 13, he walked into an ice cream parlor one day after a 49’rs game against the Browns and came face to face with his idol, Jim Brown.
He went up to him and said “Mr Brown I Am your biggest fan. I know every record you’ve ever set, every touch down you’ve ever scored. Mr Brown one day I am going to break every one of your records.”
Jim Brown smiled and said “That great Kid. What’s your name?”
The young boy smiled and said “Orenthal James Simpson my friends call me O.J”
O.J Simpson did indeed go on to break all of Jim Brown’s records proving that, whatever you water will grow, and that, energy goes where attention flows.
Arifah what is your experience as a counselor with youth transforming their lives from nothing to something?
I think the story is very powerful in terms of sharing his lived experiences with adversity and having a mindset from an early age to be great. Being able to meet his mentor, the person that he looked up to was also a great moment in his life. I admire that he not only set a goal to be like his hero Jim Brown but he wanted to surpass him.
I know that’s the same even with me working with young people often when you’re in your situation sometimes you feel stuck but then if you take the moment to look at it and be like well if I feel like this is the worst situation for me the only way to go is up from here.
The best thing to do is to reflect on your situation, then look at your strengths and look at how you use those strengths. Ask yourself how do I use those resources around me to get where I need to go. Then you can definitely work towards transforming your life.
I have a story of a young person. He was referred to me by another social worker. This young man was always in and out of incarceration. I was working on a peer support project with young people sharing their lived experiences and the learning from these experiences with other young
People. This young man was awaiting trial for a new charge and while he was working in the program, he developed a lot of skills. He learned to tell his story and self- reflect on some of his challenges.
One day his story connected with another youth and the youth told him his story changed his life. That made him feel like a leader. He became inspired to help more youths in the program.
He graduated from our program, got a job in trades work and when he came out of prison got a full time job at a top company. Today he is a supervisor, making good money and supporting his family.
As a, Life coach, I know for a fact that if you keep watering your goals with your attention and have faith and perseverance, you will one day manifest them into your experience and soon you will be, living the life of your dreams.
As a gift to my radio and podcast audience I want to give you a free copy of my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.
My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the secret to, living the life of your dreams . This book is my testimony that who you seek is seeking you.
All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.
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So how do you transform your current lack of resources, love, energy, or just a miserable existence to, Living the Life of your Dreams?
I am a follower of Ester Hicks and the consciousness of Abraham. I believe that The universe responds to whatever you focus on. You could be laying in bed with a broken body or in a broken relationship and you could shift your reality to where you want to be and that would become your new point of attraction.
If you were to focus on what you don’t have, you are in fact activating it to continue in your life. Eg If you focus on your lack of money or the lack of a man that is what you will continue to have.
Arifah what are some exercises or steps you help your clients to live a, Life of their dreams ?
I focus on a strength-based assessment. This assessment helps young people recognize their strengths or skills abilities and the things that they’re good at doing. We made a list of things that he was good at. Some of the things that he profited from illegally; but skills like marketing, figuring out demographics, leadership, acquiring a team. The skills were transferable into other things.
Then we figured out what jobs matched the skills he was good at. For example, he was good with his hands so we looked at construction jobs or trade jobs like plumbing.
Once we listed the jobs that he had an aptitude for, then it was just connecting him to those Resources. We looked for friends or family members who worked in that industry. We made a resource list of who he knew and where they worked.
Then we looked at what steps would he have to take to apply or what skills was needed for each job. After this process, he became a little bit more hopeful. He started to approach the problem with a positive mindset and a strategy.
My youth are able to find the perfect job and start, living the life of their dreams.
Here are the, Life coaching, steps to, Living the Life of Your Dreams
As a Life coach I ask my clients to utilize their imagination.
To withdraw their attention from the negative vibration of their current situation and dream.
Our brains can’t tell the difference between real or imagined images.
Launch their creation of their abundant life by launching their desires into the universe. Think of OJ Simpson.
Become pure positive energy like a breath of fresh air
Everyone has something they can be grateful for even if it is feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin or being able to walk in the rain. Do you know that people in prison would give anything to feel the sun or walk in the rain. Positive vibration attracts positive things and circumstances into your experience.
Control where your awareness goes within your mind because that is where your energy flows.
Learn the fine art of concentration
Concentration is defined as holding your awareness on one thing.
Do you remember the book and movie the secret?
It was about the Law of attraction and creating vision boards and everyone in the movie had their vision come true. Everyone was living the, like of their dreams.
So what’s the secret to, living the life of your dreams? “Believe, have faith and persevere”
God said I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and give you hope.
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Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.
In OUT OF THE SNARES, MYRNA BERNADETTE TROTMAN shares her story of child abuse, poverty and her success as an entrepreneur. As a certified, Life Coach, she shares ten undeniable resources she used to help her achieve success and live the American Dream. This inspirational and motivational book will help you to reach your potential and achieve new levels of success in your life. Get these ten principles based on biblical principles and Universal Laws, deep down in your spirit and boldly go in the direction of your destiny:
Principle # 1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you –
Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.
Like a Blacksmith, you need to keep hitting the Anvil, pounding it daily, shaping your dreams
If you build it they will come
Don’t let life’s challenges knock you off course remember:
“Circumstances does not make the man, it reveals him to himself” ~ James Allen
Man is the Lord and Master of his thoughts and thus is the maker of himself.
In my book “Out of the Snares” I tell a compelling story of my, vision, of America as my promised land. My Land of milk and honey. I kept that, vision, in front of me and kept picking myself up after each failure believing that I would succeed, and I did.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a young leader, trying to upgrade his, vision casting, skills. I gave him four simple tips about communicating, vision.
1. CLARITY. Leaders must create clarity by narrowing the focus when casting, vision. Everything that can be done in the name of God is not sign at all. It is a sign of undisciplined thinking. The leader’s job is to focus the organization on the core essentials. The more we focus on and clarify essentials, the easier it is to identify and eliminate non-essentials.
2. COMPELLING. Once your goals are clarified, it must be communicated in a way that is compelling. A leader who makes an unprepared sloppy presentation can make an otherwise exciting goals seem boring. Compelling goals produces action. Boring goals produces nothing.
3. COMMITMENT. Casting a clear and compelling, vision, without calling for commitment is a waste of everyone’s time. Real leaders are committed and they call others to commitment. Some leaders are hesitant to demand sacrificial commitment because they are not all-in themselves. Commitment is an example that leaders set, not a message they teach. Leadership commitment is contagious. So is leadership non-commitment.
4. COMMUNITY. Clear and compelling goals attracts committed people. As these people sacrifice for the common, vision, community happens. Trying to create community for the sake of community creates unhealthy ingrown short-lived community. Doing goals together creates strong healthy long-term community.
SUMMARY. As a leader, you are the visionary for your church, ministry, or organization. If you communicate a, vision, that is clear and compelling, if you model and call for commitment, you will end up with a strong healthy community. You will also accomplish your dreams.
As a Certified a, Life Coach, I know that we can become, trapped, by past hurt. I am trained to help my clients look back at their, past, and find clues for their future. It is not that the, past, equals the future; but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella like your best girlfriend and let circumstances anchor you in life?
In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished and we become, trapped.
I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. I choose to release, past, hurt. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up. I teach you how to not become, trapped.
I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh’s daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life and your, past, have strategic purposes.
How to Heal, Past, hurts
We all have a mother or mother figure who helped shape us into the women we are today – whether that person is a biological mother who gave birth to us, or a mother figure such as an older sister, aunt, stepmother, grandmother, or teacher. However, the reality is that no matter who you called “mother,” this woman held power over your development throughout your life, and she may not have been the mother you needed. Whether through intentional malice, physical or emotional abuse, or unintentionally through absence or other life circumstances, you may find yourself wounded by her actions — or lack of action. This, past, hurt, influences who you become and how you live, either, trapped, or free. Releasing, past, hurts stops the harmful impacts that can ripple through your relationships with a partner, children, and within yourself. It stops you from becoming, trapped, by these memories.
The take away from this chapter is that we all have a, past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.
Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.
5 Ways to Let Go of, Past, Hurts
The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain from, past, hurt, you can’t be open to anything new.
1. Make the decision to let go of the, past.
Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this, past hurt.
Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the, past, pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person (after you finish step 2 below). This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either become, trapped, by the pain, or to live a future life without it.
2. Take responsibility and release blame for, past hurt.
Express the pain from, past hurt, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once and take responsibility. Blame allows you to stay a victim. Doing so will also help you understand why specifically you are hurting.
We don’t live in a world of black and whites, even when sometimes it feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or will you become, trapped, by it.
3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.
Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.
In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Release the shackles and get out of the snares of blame. Why would you let the person who you feel is responsible for your, past hurt, have such power, right here, right now?
No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?
Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.
When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing .”
Remember, if we crowd our brains — and lives — with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive. It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life.
5. Forgive them and free yourself from being, trapped.
We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”