Self sabotaging behaviors, move us in the opposite direction from our goals. When we understand the patterns that underlie, self sabotage, we begin to free ourselves.
We then begin to allow ourselves to interact with ourselves and the world with greater success, joy, and fulfillment. The process of breaking through denial, facing your fear, anger, and other difficult emotions, and making peace with your pain, leads to an ending of the internal war with yourself.
You can step fully into the greatest expression of yourself. Finding the wisdom inside the wounds you've endured is one of the most important conversations you'll ever have with yourself about, self sabotage, because on the other side of it is the emotional freedom and depth of joy that you were born to have.
Introduction to, Self Sabotaging Behaviors
In this interview Sabrina Johnson, inspirational Speaker and Author, talks on how she overcame different aspects of, self sabotaging behaviors, because of her lack of self confidence and negative self talk. Overcoming, Self Sabotage, and taking Inventory of your failures is one way to stop, self defeating behavior.
Whatever form it takes – whether, self sabotaging behaviors, or limiting thought patterns; self sabotage, always diminishes the passion and energy we need to fulfill our dreams. At the heart of the matter, it is possible to create as much love, fulfillment, success and joy as we feel worthy of having. By identifying how your inner saboteur is, self sabotaging, your life, you can make radical progress toward that which you want.
Overcoming, Self Defeating, behavior by changing your Mindset
Mindsets are beliefs – beliefs about yourself and your most basic qualities.
Think about your intelligence, your talents, your personality. Are these qualities simply fixed traits, carved in stone or can you cultivate and grow these traits?
Your intelligence is not a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. With practice, training, and above all method, we can increase our attention, our memory, our judgment and become more intelligent than we were before.
In a, Fixed Mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits thus the, self defeating, behavior
In a Growth Mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
The, Fixed Mindset, is a, Defeated Mindset
The, fixed mindset, creates an internal dialogue that is focused on judging. e.g
“I am a loser”
“I am the giver in this relationship and I get nothing in return”
“I am a no good husband”
“My partner is selfish only thinks about himself”
People with a, growth mindset, are sensitive to positive and negative information; but they're attuned to its implications for learning and growing. They ask themselves “What can I learn from this” How can I improve “How can I help my partner do better.
Self sabotage
How to Overcome, Self Sabotage, at Work
I have always been someone who spent years trying to move my life forward I always say that I am a dreamer; but the problem was I made decisions and choices in my life that counteracted that data. I told myself I wanted to move forward; but everything that I did was, self sabotage, my behavior caused me to move backwards.
If I stopped and did an honest self-assessment and really seek God for direction on what am I needed to do. I would figure out why I was seemingly repeating the same, self sabotaging, cycles in my life. It was at that point that I began to really recognize certain, defeated mindsets, or negative truth about myself that I held about myself subconsciously that was preventing me from moving forward and continuing these, self defeating behaviors.
For instance I'll give you an example. I am very career-driven, so I desire to move up the career ladder. I have a master's degree in marketing; but whenever I went to apply for a director level or VP level positions, I get intimidated and, self sabotage, by talking myself out of applying for that position. I would apply and start working at a lower position and then the next couple of months I'm miserable.
Inevitably my employer would see in me what I couldn't see in myself and they would give me more responsibility. Then I would complain about being overworked and underpaid. My, defeated mindset, would make me, self sabotage, and take a lower position than I was qualified for. Then I would leave these jobs because it wasn't what I wanted and then the cycle would begin all over again at another company.
I had to say OK God I need your help. Give me the courage to jump in even though I felt fear.
Myrna: Let me not skip over this huge opportunity to ask you Sabrina. Since you've done whole bunch of self-assessments, why did you have a, defeated mindset, and, self sabotage, yourself all those years? Why did you not have confidence in your abilities?
Sabrina: That is a great question Myrna, and that was something I had to really pinpoint. I was listening to a speaker and he said when you lack self-confidence, somewhere along the line in your life someone fed into your mind that you were not good enough. That you were not worthy enough. I started looking back on past unhealthy relationships and past hurts and start to really connect the guys who rejected me. Hurts from past relationships.
I had to rely on my faith and ask God for guidance. Outside of that I read a lot of self-help books and articles on how to overcome a, defeated mindset, how to build your confidence and how to speak with confidence; but a lot of it, the core of it really has to go back to the words that I was speaking to myself. So when I started to get intimidated by the Job description, I would remind myself that I have done this job in the past. You're not going to take a different role in the company then do this job and not get paid for it. I started being my own cheerleader.
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Become aware of your emotions. Your emotions are the language of your body.
Change your emotions by thinking of want you want. Eg. You have applied for a promotion 2 times now and you keep being passed over. A, defeated mindset, says I am never going to get this job I had better get used to this and begin to, self sabotage, Instead imagine yourself in this new position. Feel in your body how it would feel to sit at that desk with your name on the door.
Your emotions will change and so will your body. It believes it is living in the future now.
A morning routine prevents the world from draining you because you fill up your tank in the morning. A typical morning routine involves a spiritual practice, a physical routine and some form of learning.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share my morning routine and the morning routine shared by Robin Sharma in his book the 5 Am Club.
A lot of people who work 9 to 5 or 7 to 3 etc. have to wake up early to have a morning routine and Robin Sharma teaches that you should complete your morning routine by 8 am.
But that is not for everyone and since a lot of people are now working from home your morning routine can start anytime in the morning. For example, my morning routine starts around 8 am and finishes about 11.30 am because I work for myself.
So what should be included in your morning routine?
Let’s tell you about mine first and then we will look at Robin Sharma’s from his book the 5 AM Club.
My morning routine starts with my, morning meditation, sometimes I sit on my meditation cushion, but mostly I meditate before I get out of bed because most times I fall back to sleep because meditation takes me into delta brain state of deep relaxation.
Your morning routine should include a spiritual practice
After I wake up, I have a cup of tea or coffee and read a few chapters in my bible. I have also started listing to the Bhagavad Gita. Sometimes I get inspiration after I read my bible for my 5 min segments with coach Myrna. But I always write in the morning, it seems my communication with source is open.
My morning routine continues at the park for a 5 K walk or I alternate with cardio and strength training at the gym. When I am walking in the park, I am listening to, personal development books, or, personal development podcasts. I am communing with the trees, rocks and nature. This completes my morning routine around 11 or 11.30 am.
Perform the following 5 acts of character training—each morning before 8AM—to help you create consistently superb days. And a spirit that soars.
1. Start your morning routine by Writing a letter of gratefulness to someone who deserves to be recognized. Every person alive today craves sincere appreciation. Handwriting a letter to a good soul is a gift you both get to receive. (This is so good, I have to add this to my routine.)
2. Read from a profound book. We live in a world where very few go deep. We seek informal news in bite-sized chunks and scroll our feeds in hot pursuit of glitter. Before 8AM, sit quietly and read from a great human’s autobiography. Or from a text of philosophy. To ground you on what’s important, before you live out your day.
3. See your highest life. Take 5 minutes, with eyes closed, to imagine yourself behaving and performing as the person you most long to be. Make the movie vivid and colorful and real. Over time—as your self identify rewires—you’ll begin to inhabit the life you’ve invented. (I love this I do a form of this when I am walking in the park. I do a walking meditation I learned from Dr Joe Dispenza where I am imagining my future and walking into it.)
4. Perform an act of generosity. Before 8AM every day, do one tiny gesture to make someone’s life a little better. It could be a smile to a stranger or a hug to your child. Paying for the coffee of the person in line behind you or thanking the bus driver.
5. Turn off your phone until 8AM daily. The early morning hours have deep magic within them. Life’s too short to miss this glory because you’re addicted to technology.
Conclusion
So, there you have 2 different kinds of morning routines. I hope you create your own from the examples outlined above. It prevents the world from draining you because you fill your tank up in the morning.
Being, abandoned, by a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment. It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.
Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.
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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned, by our parents
Feelings of, not good enough, because we have lack.
When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same. There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.
Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.
Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry. With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.
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Abandoned, by Love
Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again. This pattern is repeated often.
Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.
It takes work to heal your cracks. The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.
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Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:
Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind. You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.
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How the, Abandonment, wound plays out in relationships:
Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
Overreacting to conflict
Becoming a pleaser
Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.
An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.
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My definition of a, God shift, is anytime you ditch disruption or delay in your life, collide with, God's purpose, in moving to a greater, destiny. And it's important because many of us are pursuing the wrong place. And sometimes that's a physical place. But sometimes we're also putting energy into the wrong places in terms of our relationships, and our destiny
Myrna: What is the concept of the, God shift? And why is it important when we're navigating the seasons of life to get to our destiny?
Bio
Shayna Rattler, the Founder of A God Shift ™ Movement, is an ordained prophet, author and speaker who empowers individuals and organizations around the world to experience a God shift that moves them into a greater destiny, expectancy and possibility. She is passionate about helping others develop a deeper understanding of God and the identity they have in Him. Her wit and humor make God’s word relatable and her direct communication style makes it actionable.
Shayna has helped celebrities, influencers, military officers, political dignitaries, pastors, corporate executives and seasoned entrepreneurs achieve personal growth and organizational excellence. She and her businesses have received multiple awards, she has published multiple books and has been featured in over 450 media outlets. She is also the host of A God Shift Podcast and A God Shift TV show
Shayna: My definition of a, God shift, is anytime you ditch disruption or delay in your life, collide with, God's purpose, in moving to a greater destiny. And it's important because many of us are pursuing the wrong place. And sometimes that's a physical place. But sometimes we're also putting energy into the wrong places in terms of our relationships, and our mindset. The Lord is so committed to the results in our lives and getting us to where he desires us to be. That if there's anything that we're putting energy into, that is not on the path that he has planned for us, he will shake us up and he will use things like disruption and delay in order to get our attention. That is what I call a, God shift.
But that attention is really an invitation that there's another level of destiny that await us. And so, since so many people are personally in the wrong place and putting energy into the wrong things, It's important that we respond appropriately to God's invitation so that we can really get everything that he has for us.
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Myrna: So when are you talking about the, seasons of life, are you saying that how we incorporate the spring, summer winter, seasons of life? Are you saying the negative disruptions are the winter season and the positive disruptions are the spring and summer season?
Shayna: Yes, we all have seasons in our lives that mimic the natural seasons related to the weather. It's just the natural ebbs and flows of life. But sometimes it's a season of waiting. Sometimes we're going through a season of we've accomplished everything that we've set out to do, yet there's still an inkling in our belly that there's another level of success with our name on it. So, it's not always negative. I do believe that sometimes the negative seasons like the winter season are the ones that we pay the most attention to.
Oftentimes we give the, winter season of life, the most attention to in terms of resources and effort, but it can be all of those things. Sometimes a, season of life, can be I just sent my kid off to college and this is the very first time that I've ever been alone in my entire life. Whatever it is that you're experiencing good, bad or indifferent, is contributing to a particular, season of life.
Myrna: So, if God has a purpose for you, and you're putting your energy into a different purpose, we said that the, God shift, is when God sends some kind of disruption so that he can get your attention. The disruptions could be illnesses, the disruption could be disappointment etc. So, when you talk about the, God shift, how do we use those disruptions to get us back on the correct path?
Shayna: First, we have to be clear that the disruption is not always negative. A disruption is any unexpected circumstance in your life. So, you could unexpectedly get a major job opportunity that requires you to move to a part of the country or part of the world that you know nothing about and it can make you uncomfortable and it can come with fear and doubt. However, it's the most money that you've ever made in your entire life and gives you the opportunity to have more impact and influence than you've ever had in your life. So, I think we first have to be clear that disruptions don't have to be negative occurrences. But that's one of the misnomers.
The question is, are we going to see what it is that he needs us to see? Are we going to learn what it is that he needs to learn? Are we going to go where he needs us to go? We have to be able to identify, why is the Lord using what it is that he's using to get my attention? Why is he using it now? And what do I need to do as a result of that? That's kind of the backdrop of a, God shift, is that we're pursuing a path that is not in alignment with the ultimate, destiny, that God has for us. He uses something to shake us up to get our attention. Now, how are we going to respond? Just like if I send you an invitation to a dinner party at my house? How are you going to respond?
Sometimes it can be that you're on one path and you're at a crossroads and you wonder should I stay on this path? Do I do something different? Are your opportunities in relationships? Are they drying up? Do you find yourself always relying on other people to pray for you? You don't feel like you have enough power and authority to be able to pray for yourself. You're waiting idly on God to do everything and you don't recognize that you have a role in your life. Sometimes people feel burned out. Sometimes people feel anxious. There's a number of things that you can identify that something is just off and you may not know exactly why it's off or how to fix it, but you know, whatever this season is that you're experiencing right now, you don't want to stay there.
Myrna: Right, you don't want to stay there. Just like the natural seasons, the, seasons of life, are not permanent. It's the flow of life and you keep moving towards our, destiny. You don't want to linger in that winter season for sure. Okay, what can get in the way of successfully sifting through the, seasons of life, especially the difficult ones to get to, destiny?
Shayna: There's a lot of things that some of the main ones that I see are expecting things to look in the next season like they've looked in previous seasons, especially if we continue with your analogy of the natural seasons. Sometimes, assignments and seasons expire? Our purpose doesn't change. Our, destiny, doesn't change. Our calling doesn't change, but seasons and assignments expire. And many of us the reason why we are not into the next level of, destiny, that God has for us is because we don't give ourselves permission to let go of a season that has expired.
Myrna: How do you help clients navigate the, God shift, and get back to, purpose and destiny?
Shayna: I would say that purpose and destiny leaves clues. So if we look at my own life, and we look at previous assignments, when I was a young girl, probably a preteen, I volunteered in the activities department in nursing. And one of the things that I enjoyed the most was we had a bed bound patient that if they moved her, it would kill her.
And so I would ask her if you could go anywhere or you could do anything where would you go? What would you do? And then before I would come back the next time I would go to the library, and I would find a book about what it is that she said she would do and where she would go and I read it to her, so I was helping to make her dreams come true. So that was Clue #1 on my purpose and destiny.
You fast forward a couple of years, I became a therapist, and whether I was helping someone who'd had a stroke, learn how to brush their hair again, or someone who had just had a hip replacement learn how to navigate the bathtub again. I was making their dreams come true. That was Clue #3. I advanced into owning my own business and being a business coach. I was making people's business dreams come true.
And now in the faith-based space. I'm helping people get into their, destiny, teaching them how to make their dreams come true that, God’s purpose and destiny, has for them because there's usually something that's blocking them seeing it.
And so if you look at the, assignments, that I had, from a pre-teen to now being 45 years old, my purpose and destiny on this earth is to make people's dreams come true. That's the impact of that I am designed to have and so you know I said a minute ago people use the words assignment, calling, purpose and destiny interchangeably, but they're not the same thing. Your assignment is to your calling is how you help them. Your, purpose, is why you're here. What is the impact that you're meant to have? And your, destiny, is where your purpose takes you.
So, you see my calling, zigzagged a little bit in terms of how I helped people, but my purpose has always been to make people's dreams come true. Although I've done it in different assignments and in different, seasons of life. So, for if someone came to me and said, Shayna, what is my purpose? I'm not even going to try to come up with some deep prophetic word. I'm going to ask them. Tell me about your previous, assignments, that you've had. And let's see if we can identify a common thread that has been woven throughout those assignments. I would ask them, tell me about your passions and tell me about your frustration because I think we're those two things intersect.
Write down this formula. It's called the ABCs to unlock heaven. This is how you use the authority that scripture says that we have.
The A is aligned, we first have to be aligned with His Word, His willingness ways. This is not new age, a woman will name it and claim it. Just focus on what it is that you want and got out. We're not talking about none of that. Witness camp. We're aligning with God's will and His Word
The B is for belief. It's not enough for us just to believe that God is able, but you have to believe that he'll do it for you.
The C is the most important as C stands for confession. As a believer the most powerful weapon that we have is our mouths. And we have to use our mouths and make sure that our speech is in alignment with everything that we're believing for and everything it is that God says that we can have. That's why there are scriptures like speak those things that are as though they were that's why there's scriptures that says.
Let the poor say I am rich. Let the weak say I'm strong. So we have to make sure that every word that comes out of our mouth now is in alignment with what we want. Stop talking about what you don't want, stop talking about what did not happen. You need to begin to declare what it is that you want to see happen.
Conclusion
Myrna: You have a free resource that you want to share with the listeners, tell them how they can get a hold of you. Talk about your podcast about your podcast and TV show.
Shayna: Absolutely. So, we've talked a lot about, God shift, and all of us are shifting in some capacity in our lives. And anytime, no matter what we're shifting from or what we're shifting to. There's always four primary areas of our lives that we're going to have to shift. But there's four shifts that are going to be required. And so, I created a free guide called “When God says shift, and inside that guide, you'll discover what those four shifts are to help you shift successfully. You can grab this at www.Godsaysshift.com. And if you want to find out about anything about us, our website is www.AGodshift.com You can find out about our books, the television show, the podcast, everything all in one place. If you're looking for me on social media, I'm the most active on Instagram @agodshift there as well.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I want to talk to you about self-confidence and the courage to be you. The kind that says I know who I am and I don’t need you to validate me. I accept and trust myself and my abilities. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I choose to work on my strengths and not my weaknesses because my strengths are what is going to propel me forward.
I heard this story and I want to share with you today to illustrate self confidence and how you see yourself.
Jim worked at a radio station all his life. He was a well-known and famous radio show host. All of his friends and colleges knew him by one feature: if he’s on-air, he is always wearing a suit and a tie. They laughed at him: ‘No one ever sees you, why do you dress like that?’, but he always turned that into a joke.
One day Jim was invited to appear on the TV. There was a show dedicated to the oldest radio employees. For the first time the people, who only knew him by his voice, would see him. Before the recording of the show, the director came to Jim and asked:
– Usually you arrive on time, but today you are 10 minutes late. It’s not horrible, but I’m still interested, why?
– You see, – Jim answered, – at the last moment when I was already dressed up, I noticed that I don’t have new socks. For the first time I was invited to the television, and I thought that simply wearing clean socks is not enough. It needs to be in new socks. So, I needed to go to the store for socks.
– But why do you need new socks? – The director was surprised. – You could have come without the socks, because we will be filming you only in close-up, over the waist.
– You see, to be spotless on-air, I need to feel myself spotless in everything, starting with the shirt and finishing with the pen in my pocket. And if my socks have holes in them, or my shoes are dirty, I’m not spotless anymore.
You call yourself spotless that’s a joke you are no better than the bum on the street with holes in your socks.
Self-confidence comes from trusting your abilities: For example, I know that I will pass this test.
Confidence is also trusting how you look. Tell yourself “When I walk into a room people notice me because I am fine.”
Self-confidence does not come from flattery or meaningless compliments because when you don’t get them, you lose confidence in yourself and the negative voices in your head start running on repeat.
How to be confident, the first step is having the courage to be you. This means that you understand that you are not good at everything and the things you are not good at, you get help with. For example, you are good at seeing the vision but you are not good with the details; so you hire an assistant to help you with the details. You are still the captain of the ship, you are the master of your soul don’t let anyone else take the wheel because you lose confidence. Be confident that you are going in the right direction.
How to build confidence and self esteem: Self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image all fall in the same bundle—about feeling good about yourself, feeling more like a winner than a loser. What gets in the way? Generally, a cause and a result: The cause is that you learned to be too self-critical, likely by having critical and unsupportive people around you. You never give yourself a break; even the smallest mistake—the burned biscuits—is another demerit and sign of your incompetence. Your expectations are impossibly high, and everything—even the biscuits—is what you’re overall competence is measured by.
Conclusion
How to be confident is always have the courage to be you. Embrace your strengths and accept your weaknesses. There is no one like you, so you better have the confidence to love yourself.
How to, ask for a raise, a promotion, God for something, a Guy out. How to Ask for Affection or anything else you want in life.
A few weeks ago I started reading this book “The game of life and how to play” By Florence Scovel Shinn. The title of the book caught my attention, because I have a chapter in my bookOut of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement called How to become a Player in the Game of life and I have a podcast episode entitled “How to win the game of life.”
So you see this topic is close to my heart.
So I started reading. The content wasn't anything I hadn’t heard before, just said in a different way. For example I am a Christian and a follower of the teaching of Jesus Christ. I have read books, listened to visionaries, my pastor and numerous other men of God quote this scripture Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened to you, seek and you shall find. I know this, I believe this; but I had never heard said like this. “You have to make the first move”
Talk about dumbing it down!
My immediate reference was, making the first move if you want a man instead of waiting on him. How many times you just waited and waited for a man to call you or ask you out and he never made the first move and that was the end of your dream of this guy. If you had picked up the phone and asked him out, you would have received what you wanted. Or at least you would know for sure he was not interested.
So I decided to, Ask for a raise, from God.
This is how I, asked God for a raise, “God you are my supply. Let everything that is mine by divine right be manifested now. I ask you for a lead, I am knocking at the door, let who I seek be seeking me. Amen”
I made the first move I, asked for a raise,
And God answered immediately!
The very next day I woke up at 5 am and decided to scan my Facebook feed. I don't normally do this but I followed inspiration and did this day. I am a Realtor and a Life Coach. The day before I had marketed on my Facebook page a 12 unit multifamily commercial property. As you know Facebook algorithm records everything you post and like.
So at the top of my feed was this video of a sponsored Ad about a guy talking about how he has made $200,000,000 in four years by buying multifamily properties all over the country. I decided to comment on the post that I had a great price on this 12 unit multifamily unit in Fort Myers and asked if he invests in Florida? Not only did he respond that he is only interested in multifamily properties with over 100 units; but 5 other people responded to me for info on this deal! I only asked God for one lead! He sent me 6.
Then I got an inquiry from my original marketing post. This prospect had the most serious interest and ending up making an offer of $910,000!
Bang that is how it is done!
God is good when? All the time!!! you just need to know how to engage with God and the universal laws he has put in place.
One is these laws is, Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, know and the door will be opened to you. In other words, you need to make the first move!
How to, Ask for a Raise, or anything else you want in life eg:
How to Ask God for something,
How to ask your boss for a raise or a promotion,
How to ask a guy out
How to Ask for Affection
How to, ask for a raise,or more money
A situation of lack can be changed to prosperity by changing your mindset.
If you concentrate on what you don’t have you will attract more of what you don’t have – Lack
Instead be grateful for what you have and bless it.
You can bless your pennies and have it multiplied.
The most powerful miracle in the Bible is Jesus blessing 5 loafs of bread and 5 fish and turning them into enough food to feed thousands of people with left overs.
That is a principle Jesus was demonstrating; Give thanks for what you have, bless it and it will yield more.
Whatever man images sooner or later externalizes in his affairs. If you like a guy before you, Ask a guy out, do the internal work so when you, Ask a guy out, he will likely say yes.
Imagine the two of you on a date, talking and laughing, and connecting.
Say “Infinite spirit open the way for the divine design of my life to manifest. The perfect plan includes love and perfect self expression.”
Then, Ask the guy out, to go to some where he likes, a ball game, dinner, a movie, networking event etc.
How, to Ask for affection, from your spouse
Love opens to man the 4th dimensional world. The world of the wondrous, the world of bliss.
Real love is unselfish and free from fear.
It pours itself out on the object of its affection without demanding any return.
It's joy is in the joy of giving and serving.
If the object of your affection does not return affection, it may be that he grew up in a home where he did not see his father show love to his mother or there was not a man in the home.
So you have to, Ask for affection, if you need it.
Just say “Can I get a hug? The world is so much brighter when I am in your arms.”
In my second marriage my husband and I made a habit of fighting and me sleeping in the spare bedroom.
One of these fights lasted over a month and I was intensely aware of how much I needed a hug or just human touch.
If you are in such a relationship where there is little touch and you need it, ask for affection,
Say “Baby can you hold me for few mins. I am feeling the need for your touch”
Love is God in manifestation and the strongest magnetic force in the universe; so don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and, ask for affection,
It draws itself to its own. Protect your love by giving and receiving affection.
Remember Jealously is the worst enemy of love.
Give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love.
How to, Ask for Help, or a Hand Up
I know most people have a hard time, ask for help, yet some people always have a hand out.
Practice asking for small things first to get comfortable, asking for help,
For example, practice asking your teacher to help with something you don't understand.
This question came from Erika by email. Remember you can post your questions on this blog , on my facebook group called Life Coach, or you can email either me or Arifah. My email is info@myhelps.us and Arifah is Arifah@liftedbypurpsose.com.
Erika asks “How do I show a guy that I like him?”
Pay attention to your appearance – show a little skin. I was watching this movie just a few days ago and I learned a few things from a playboy bunny. She said to show skin in 5 areas if you want to catch a man’s attention. Show cleavage, bear arms, legs, belly or mid-section and your derriere.
Show him how you feel with your body language.– I am a romantic movie buff. I love how the director shows that there is interest in his main characters. Always eye contact and a smile. It heats up the screen! Miss Playboy Bunny added lightly touch him. Touch his arms, feel his muscles, brush up against him.
Compliment him.– This one comes so naturally to me. I learned a long time ago to always bless everyone I meet with a compliment. Man or woman.
As we wrap up, I want to thank you for being with us until the end of this broadcast. Please show your support by posting a review on iTunes and subscribing to the podcast. If you have topics you would like Arifah and myself to cover,
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When you develop, Binge Eating Disorder, you aren't able to fight your desire for food. It's like an addiction. It IS an addiction. Binge eating, and overeating and how that negatively affects your health until you learn how to reprogram your mind.
My guest today is Dr. Glenn Livingston, author of “Never Binge Again” and our topic is “How to Reprogram Your Mind to stop, binge eating,”
Glenn Livingston PhD, is a veteran psychologist and was the long-time CEO of a multi-million-dollar consulting firm which serviced several fortune 500 clients in the food industry.
Dr. Glenn can you tell us what makes you uniquely qualified to comment on, binge eating disorder?
Well I'm not just a psychologist who wanted to work with people to help them lose weight; I'm a guy who had a very serious, binge eating, problem myself.
I know what's happening in the addiction treatment field that we're being told that we're powerless over the, food addiction, that it's a disease. Binge eating, is
An irresistible impulse that gets worse over time.
Here is Dr Glenn's story on how He conquered, Binge Eating,
I discovered a weird thing when I was a youth. I'm 6’4” I'm reasonably muscular and I figured out when I was about 17, that if I worked out for two or three hours a day, I could eat whatever I wanted. So my diet was boxes of muffins, boxes of donuts, boxes of pizza, boxes of chocolate bars. I was eating six, seven, eight thousand calories a day and it was no problem.
Well as you could figure out, I couldn’t continue, binge eating, like that as I got into my 20’s.
When I got to be about 22 or 23, married and in graduate school, I was commuting to school, I had all these responsibilities as a husband. I could barely work out two hours a week, much less two hours a day. But I couldn't get rid of the cravings for, junk food. I had a, food addiction, and I started getting fatter and fatter. My triglycerides went through the roof, and I had doctors telling me that I was going to die in my 30's if I didn't find stop, binge eating .
I eventually figured it wasn't what I was eating, it was what was eating me.
I had been doing some reading in alternative, food addiction, treatment by a guy named Jack Trimpey. He wrote a book called “Rational Recovery” and he made it clear to me for the first time that the seed of, food addiction, was really the, reptilian brain,.
Binge eating, is looking at food from the reptilian brain doesn't know love. We're all we're all busy trying to love ourselves out of these, food addictions; but the reptilian brain doesn't know love. The reptilian brain assesses something in the environment and says, do I eat it or do I kill it! There's no love there, there's no concern for tribe or family or friends or long-term aspirations or creativity or music or art. There's none of that. It's just eat, mate or kill, and when you look at the animal studies you see that is what happens when you short circuit the pleasure system.
You can walk a block in most cities and find a McDonald's, a Burger King across the street. There's a fast-food restaurant on every corner these days. So we don’t have physical electrodes in our brain; but there are chemical electrodes and concentrations of pleasure that we weren't prepared to meet by evolution.
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binge eating disorder
Binge Eating, and what your choice of foods signifies:
My research found was that people who struggled with, binge eating, chocolate was definitely lonely or brokenhearted.
People who struggled with, binge eating, salty crunchy things, tended to be stressed at work people
People who struggled with, binge eating, soft chewy things like bread or bagels or pasta, tended to be stressed at home.
I found out from my mom, the reason I struggled, binge eating, chocolate.
I tell people the best way to stop the, food addiction, and, binge eating, is to is to think of the single worst trigger food or eating behavior that's getting you in trouble.
Maybe it's eating in the car, maybe that's where you do all the damage. Maybe you could create one rule that says: I never eat in the car or maybe it's a particular food. e.g I can only have salami on Sundays. Maybe it's about how you eat, maybe it's more like you need to pause and be more mindful. e.g I'll always put my fork down between bites.
If there's something that you know is getting you into trouble, binge eating, start with that one.
Binge Eating and the Reptilian Brain
Don't worry if making this rule will help you loose weight or not. Unless your doctor says that it's really urgent that you do, don't worry about your weight. I just want you to get the hang of the way this mental game is played, because that rule allows you to separate your thoughts from your, reptilian brain.
Come up with a name for your, reptilian brain, I called mine my “pig”
Some people call theirs their food monster or food demon or something like that.
Then you want to listen for those destructive thoughts.
You want to listen for what your inner food demon says is the rationale that you should break the plan with, binge eating, you can do one of two things when you hear it.
You can ignore it, because it doesn't matter how smart what is saying, it doesn't matter how logical it sounds, if you know that it's coming from your food demon, your pig, you now it's bad. So you might as well ignore it even if it sounds like it's got a PhD from Harvard!
You could write out what the food demon is saying and you ask yourself where is the lie within it. Where is the logical fallacy within it. For example maybe the food demon says one bite won't hurt you, or you can start again tomorrow, which is based upon the logical fallacy that you'll be in the exact same place tomorrow.
Food addiction leads to binge eating
If you reinforce the connection today between that craving and the actual eating of the food then, you're going to have a stronger craving tomorrow. That means the, food addiction and, binge eating, will be a little worse tomorrow.
One of the ways to attack your craving and, binge eating, is to create a food plan. The food plan would have some things that you always eat, some things you never eat, and some things you eat sometimes.
I always eat five servings of fruit or vegetables.
I drink two whole glasses of water when I get up in the morning.
I will only eat pretzels at major league baseball games.
I only eat bread when I am out at a restaurant.
I never eat after 6 pm.
I never eat pizza.
I never eat more than two squares of chocolate a day.
Conclusion
While other addictions, such as alcohol and drug abuse, are more widely known and understood, food addiction, and, binge eating, isn't. Hope this blog post and Dr. Glenn Livingston, author of “Never Binge Again” helps.
The difference between a, princess, and a, queen, is that the, princess, is waiting on someone to come and save while the, queen, has the emotional maturity to know that she has to save herself and her people.
In this episode, Gina DeVee, author of the, Audacity to Be Queen, makes reference to, Queen Esther, in the bible story of how she used her influence with the King to save her people the Jews. She didn't wait on a prince to save her, she learnt how to communicate with the King
Gina went from being a broke psychologist to a multi-million dollar women’s empowerment and lifestyle brand with Divine Living. She has dedicated her career to helping women connect spiritually, start profitable businesses, and create wealth from a feminine perspective. Some of those women include Jen Sincero, who (fun fact!) dedicated her book on money to Gina.
Her first book,The Audacity to be Queen, consolidates over 20 years of experience in transforming women’s lives through the deep spiritual and feminine wisdom of Queenhood.
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The, princess mentality, is tough for us women, because we're read stories from a very young age and most the impressionable time about being a, princess. And how someone else is going to come save us that we will live happily ever after.
So, for us to get out of the, princess mentality, and develop the emotional maturity and the wisdom that a, queen, has, that life isn't perfect. Life isn't fair. It doesn't mean it's horrible, though. either. It's just the way it is.
Gina: I grew up Christian and my book is not overtly Christian, but it is based on the, book of Esther, in the Bible. Jews know the story from the Bible, and for everyone else, it's kind of a Cinderella story, basically, Esther, was the most unlikely candidate to become the, Queen, of Persia.
I was on a plane one day and reading the Bible. I happened to be reading the book of, Esther, that day, and it was the first time that it really leapt off the page. And I was like, this isn't just Esther's story. This is the story of every woman, on some level, maybe symbolically. We've all been orphaned, exiled, taken out of our comfort zone, and really had been prepared for such a time as this. And I just really saw it almost as the heroine’s journey of us all and started doing retreats and workshops on it. So really, the substance of my work is about being the, Queen, based on the character of, Esther’s story.
Myrna: You okay, so we got that from, Queen Esther. I was thinking you meant when a man calls his woman his, Queen.
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Gina: I go through a lot more in chapter four in my book, so if anyone wants the cool, Queen Esther, story from when I also realized is, you know, Esther, was under an enormous amount of pressure, she had to risk her life. The king didn't know he had married a Jew, and so she had to reveal who she was, she could have gotten killed. And even under all these pressures, she maintains what the Scriptures say a pleasing disposition, aka positive.
Well, I'm Sicilian, so I can be kind of fiery. One of the things that I do in the book, I talk about the, archetype of Queen, really being our highest self. And then there's all these other, archetypes, that can show up along the way. And as you pointed out, the, Bitch, is one of them. I think that what happens is I wrote about this in chapter three, growing up to feel safe. None of us grew up in functional families.
Let's just be clear, there is a certain level of dysfunction in families, the way society set things up, we took either two routes, we took compliance, be the, good girl, do everything right, follow the rules, you know, or defiance. Either or both of them, keep us out of our true self. And so, what I found for myself is I lived so long as a perfect and Little Miss good girl, I was so compliant.
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That when I was done with being the, good girl, I did the pendulum swing into defiance. And it was because I still didn't really feel like I had power. So, I would let these, bitchy comments, kind of blow out of my mouth when I was under stress or feeling cornered, because I didn't know how to be an alliance. And so that's one of the things that I teach in my book is about how we can really speak the truth in love. You don't have to be a doormat; you don't have to not have boundaries. And you don't have to be this, bitch, about it either.
Myrna; All right, so I know exactly what you're talking about. Because people are always talking to me about, tonality, where you know, it comes across very aggressive when I say something, but I don't know how not to sound, bitchy, if I'm annoyed. But it doesn't mean that I want to be a, bitch, it’s just my direct way of communicating. So, what you're saying is that women can, say what they want to say that's on their mind, but say, in a queenly way, is that what you're saying?
Gina: Yes, exactly. You know, speaking the truth without love. It's just brutal honesty. So, when you when you come from a place of love, you consider your needs, your desires, what it is that you're looking to communicate and you deeply consider the other person also. And so, when you when you come from this place, what you're saying might not be popular, it might not even be well received, but you will feel better about yourself because you will know that to the best of your ability you actually set up a win-win situation.
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Myrna: Okay, so that's basically how you define a, bitch mode of communication. So that's probably a good segue to talk about. The, archetypes, right. You said there's four, archetypes:
The Princess
The martyr,
The saboteur
and the Queen.
So, explain, these, archetypes, and maybe give us an example of the, communication, in each them.
Gina: Sure, those are four I do write about many, many more in the book, “The Audacity to be Queen” but I think that we all can see ourselves when we are we self-sabotaging? When we are a, martyr.
Gina: The, princess mentality, is tough for us women, because we're read stories from a very young age and most the impressionable time about being a, princess. And how someone else is going to come save us that we will live happily ever after. So, Princesses, think that there is this happily ever after in this perfect scenario and then becomes very confused and very distraught when it doesn’t happen and real life shows up.
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Myrna: One of the things I loved about, Queen Esther's, story is she was pushed into this position, you know, to see to save her people. And she embraced it. I loved the fact that she knew how to talk to the king, right? She knew how to ask the King for what she wanted. I wrote that down her strategy for when I want to request anything from my husband. Queen Esther, says “if it pleases Your Highness” That is definitely, Queen, language.
I found that story very amazing that, Queen Esther, learned how to talk to her husband to get what she wanted. A lot of people, a lot of women, don't want to give the man the respect in order to get what they want from him. So yeah, the, Queen, archetype is knowing how to communicate like a, queen.
All right so our topic today is, how can women cure to disease to please. Let's talk about the, desire to please, and the, disease to please, and then how you go about teaching women to cure it?
Gina: So, codependency is really what we're talking about here. It's when we are just operating to get other people's approval, love, admiration. And it's not really a preference. It's like when I was really codependent it's like, it's what I needed to feel safe in the world. And so, I was always monitoring what does someone else want? What do I need to say that's going to make them happy, or it's going to make them like me, or it's going to be acceptable to them?
And so, too, oftentimes, modern day women are just terrified of what other people are going to think about them or what other people are going to say, and it stops them from being in the relationship they want to be in or starting the business they want to start or being invisible online. Or speaking their truth. Like there's so much that the, disease to please, holds back someone's truth, it's going to keep them from their destiny.
So, really healing codependency and curing that so to speak in our lives, it’s one of the most courageous journeys a woman could be on, to stop needing other people's permission or approval. And, you know, the more you give yourself permission, the more you approve of yourself, is going to be the way that you're going to attract people who feel similarly and it's the more freedom. It's the only way you're going to live a free life.
Myrna: Women always feel you know, when they have the, disease to please, is that they always feel being authentic and understanding there, personal power, is the way to not have to feel that you'd like to please whether it's your children, whether it's your man, it's your boss, you know, wherever you feel that you the, desire to please, in order for you to get attention.
You talked about the feminine perspective. How are you differentiating that in being a, Queen?
Gina: Yes, well, one of the reasons why I love the, archetype of Queen, is because she's not all feminine. She's not a goddess. She is not a mermaid waiting for her, prince, to come save her. And she's not all like, masculine, like I'm going to take the bull by the horns and I'm going to hustle and have massive action. The, Queen, is not like the, Tony Robbins, or Gary Vaynerchuk way of being in the world are like that empowered and masculine. The, Queen, has both male and female energy, there is masculine and feminine energy.
It's just the western world is obsessed, addicted really to all things masculine. So, the difference is, masculine energy, which is all things logical, practical, predictable, linear, it's about action. It's about thinking. Those are all these masculine traits and ultimately, masculinity is about giving.
And then, femininity is about the, spiritual, the creative, the playful, the passionate, the nonlinear. It's a circle, it's about feeling not thinking, it's about being not taking action. And ultimately, femininity, is about receiving.
All of us have seen people in positions of power, whether they're male or female, be the ones giving is in control, you know, initiating, taking that action so that's what we have thought of when we think of success, and it's just a different age and a different time and particularly women need to get better at receiving a compliment, receiving well exceeded attention. Receiving good in your life and let him know there’s a time play and to be creative and relax, rather than always working, being productive, being effective, all that kind of stuff. So, you know, really getting clear that there is, masculine energy, and there is, feminine energy.
Myrna: that's a good one because you're right, women have a problem receiving. They have the, disease to please, because they always want to give and when it's time to receive, they don't know how to receive. I tell my daughter all the time, the same thing. We've got to learn how to receive.
Gina: So, no matter what you're taught, most of us have been taught, money, doesn't grow on trees. You have to work if you want more, money, you have to work harder. And it's about work all the time. And make sure you save up for a down payment for a home and save, money, for retirement and all this logical linear stuff. And the, feminine energy, way is different.
That's all the, masculine energy, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it. It's like a painting of one color. It's one dimensional and there's just other colors to choose from also. So, it's not about not being, masculine, but it's about incorporating the, feminine. So, the, feminine, way it's going to be creative.
The, feminine, is like, do I even want to own my home? Maybe I would rather rent my home and have, money, to travel because that's part of my value system. Or maybe it's actually a smarter for me to take the, money, that I would put into a house was only going to make X amount over X number of years and put it into a different kind of investment that maybe didn't exist when our parents or grandparents told us save for a down payment for a house or real estate.
You know, and so that's the, feminine, approach of being more creative or spiritually guided or not so logical and linear but being circular and looking at other possibilities that might even be smarter.
Myrna: Yeah, I like the creative approach to this definitely right. Feminine energy, is definitely creative. We were built to create. So that is that is definitely, feminine energy. Yeah, so I like that. All right, so yeah, so is there anything else that you want to share that I didn't ask you?
Gina: I think the thing to really keep in mind especially right now for everyone, I don't know anyone that's not reconsidering their life with everything that we've all been through. Everyone's asking what am I doing with my life and you know reevaluating is this even where I want to live? Is this the relationship I want to be in? Is this the job I want? If you have a business, is this the way I want to be doing business?
I really do invite everyone to deeply explore what else is possible because the truth is, we're not going back to the way it was before the pandemic. That world is an era and consciousness that is done and over. So, a new world opens up, it's about new and expansion and expression and creative possibility.
So, if you're yearning for something more, a better life, lean into that. If there's desires that you used to put off and said, well, I'll do that later when the kids go to college, or when I retire, when there's enough time or money left over. What if you started with your desires, what if you prioritize yourself? What if you said no, what if you set a boundary when everyone's used to you being so available?
Book Audacity to be Queen
The Audacity to be Queen
Myrna: How does everything that you teach circle back to being a, queen?
Gina: Yes. So, the book “The Audacity to be Queen” starts out about how the epic life is possible. Because we got to get back into dreaming. We got to get to especially as adults, we've gotten a lot of things knocked out of us our self-confidence, things haven't worked out. And it can be really tempting to just sit on the sidelines, take it easy, play small, stay safe, you know, whatever that is, so we got to get back into dreaming event.
And then chapter two is on, spirituality, is your superpower. I'm too old to be working that hard anymore. It’s is time for us to really let Spirit and God come in and open us up for miracles, and we got to open up for big opportunities. The way that the Bible talks about my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher.
They say you can work hard, but not work smart. When you get the call of God in your plans and whatever, then you don't have to do it. And then, when things don't go your way, like being able to rely on, spirituality, first of all, that's where faith comes in. And then we get into really exploring much more deeply the difference between, masculine energy, and, feminine energy, and what it actually means to be, feminine. It's not just about lipstick and a manicure. It's a whole skill set and way of being in the world.
And then in chapter four talks about like the ultimate, Queen, and how for all of us, this is such a time to be a, Queen. We have been prepared to, be of service to our people. So that's the real foundation, we're all meant to be queen and we're in our lives, like what happened? Why are we not swinging? So, we got to look at some of the unconscious thoughts and beliefs about, self-sabotage, and the, disease to please, and the comparison trap and all of the lack of mind training that most of us have not had. And there's a lot of tools and exercises in the book that really teach us the mind training.
Never go with your, gut feelings, because what is true is that your gut, intuition, is often going to be lying to you. Just like people who are depressed and anxious feel that there's something to be said about, gut feelings, when there's not, and feel there's a threat when there is not. Instead use counter intuitive strategies to make decisions.
What was your path in becoming a Cognitive Neuroscientist?
I was 18 in 1999 when the Prince song party like it's 1999 was Hot. A lot of leaders were partying because their companies were going boom they were making a lot of a lot of money. Billions of dollars were invested into the dot.com industry, and just a couple of years later when I was 21 in 2002, they all went bust. The leaders of the dot.com era made terrible decisions. They trusted their, Gut feelings, and went bust! That and the fact I saw my father trust his, gut feelings, and made terrible decisions, made me study to become a Cognitive Neuroscientist.
Leaders who went with their, gut feelings, made bad decisions
A lot of Leaders who went with, gut feelings, went to jail. Their, gut instincts, were way off. Never trust just your, gut feelings. I was curious about what was going on, so I decided to study the neuroscience of the brain and how people think. I became a Trainer, Consultant, and Coach for business leaders.
Cognitive neuroscience, is a subfield of neuroscience that studies the biological processes that underlie human cognition, especially in regards to the relation between brain structures, activity and cognitive functions. The purpose of it is to determine how the brain functions and achieves performance.is the study of how our brain works, how we make decisions and what our patterns of decision-making are. I also studied the specific judgment errors that we make when we make decisions purely from, gut feelings.
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One of the first things I wanted to know because as a, Lifecoach myself, when I sit down in a coaching session, I'm looking for certain things in order for me to understand where my clients are coming from. As a cognitive neuroscientist and behavioral economist, what are you looking for when you were consulting with these business leaders?
Coaching to, Gut Instinct
The first thing I'm looking for is to make sure the person is coachable. A lot of people would like to go to a coach, but they're not coachable. Meaning that they're not willing to listen to external feedback and accept that sometimes, someone looking from the outside is going to be wiser than the person looking from the inside and making those, gut feeling, decisions.
I also try to find an issue of disagreement and in the first session, to see how the person reacts to this disagreement. Because if this person's is not able to deal with this disagreement, then we’re not going to be able to have an effective coaching relationship. Because as a coach I'm going to tell you what I think, and if you can’t accept feedback, we can't work together and I'd like to discover that as quickly as possible.
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The other thing that I look for at the start of the session is how emotionally aware this person is. That's the quality of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence refers to two broad skill sets:
emotional awareness – where is this person emotions
and emotional management – how are they able to manage their emotions.
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It is really an important element for me to understand. Do I need to teach this person these skills of emotional intelligence, personal skills, emotional awareness and emotional management? Because in order to make good decisions, instead of going with, gut feelings, we need to realize that our emotions are the overwhelming factor driving our, gut intuition and, gut instinct. Our emotions shape about 80 to 90 percent of our, gut feelings, and decision-making. Going with your, gut feelings, means going with your, gut instinct intuition, and they're often wrong, so this is a problem.
When my clients notice that there are goals they want to achieve from coaching are at odds with their natural inclinations and natural intuition, they change their natural state. One of the very important aspects of coaching, is to change your natural state of activities otherwise there is no point in coaching.
One key aspect of coaching, is to change from where you are today to where you want to be
I'm looking for that as well how aware is the person of their emotions and how able are they to manage their emotions and, gut feelings.
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Leaders shouldn't just use gut feelings to make decisions
As a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Behavioral Economist, you had enough data to write a book on disaster avoidance and that's also name of your company. Does your research indicate that most people who follow their, gut feelings, or, gut instinct, make the wrong decisions?
Yes, overwhelmingly people who just go with their, gut feelings, and make decisions by, gut reaction, as opposed to people who check with their heads before going with their, gut feelings, make the wrong decisions.
Let's look at small businesses. A lot of small business owners who don't have training go with their, gut feeling, and open up a business. They feel that they can do this job, I can do this work. I can run this restaurant or this hair salon or I can be a plumber. But when you look at the actual statistics, what happens to small businesses is about half of them fail within the first five years, about two-thirds of them fail within the first ten years; because people make decisions based on, gut feelings. They just go with their, gut instincts, they don't check with their head before going with their, gut feeling. Never just go with your, gut feelings.
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5 Questions to Ask Before Going with Your Gut Feelings
That business leader this who wants to open up a hair salon needs to learn about these, cognitive biases, the 30 most dangerous ones that she might be suffering from
The Confirmation Bias – where she might be looking for information from, gut feelings, that confirms her beliefs and ignoring information that do not confirm her beliefs.
Objective Adviser – Understanding the failure rate for hair salons. The failure rate for hair salons are a little bit higher than the failure rate for typical small businesses, so the first question to answer is why she would not fail. What makes her so special ? Never go with just, gut feelings.
Get uncomfortable – Look for information that is uncomfortable and that to prove to herself whether this is the right decision or not.
Check for the optimism bias. Business leaders who open up new restaurants, new salon or new small businesses tech startups tend to be very optimistic. They are too optimistic compared to the reality of the situation.
Exit strategy if Business fails – what are all the reasons why it would fail. Was it the wrong location? Management etc?
Additional Resources Never go with Your, Gut Feelings
Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand. We engage the, laws of the Universe, when we hold desire in our hearts.
How to engage the, Law of Attraction
You can, have it all, anything you desire through visualization and meditation. The, Laws of the Universe, including the, law of attraction, are working for you. You only have to plant in the fertile field of your mind to ,have it all.
Your subconscious mind cannot hold any contradictory mandates. For example if you are using the, Law of Attraction, to manifest a red sports car, but you are thinking that you could never afford such a car, you are cancelling out, the Law of Attraction.
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If you have a belief that you will not be able to, have it all, then your beliefs will block these things from your experience. You will not, have it all. Your belief must be changed first in order to, have it all.
Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, one of the, laws of the Universe, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand.
We must first observe or experience it for it to become a reality. Quantum physics, tells us that everything exists in wave form or infinite possibility it is only when we observe it, it becomes form. It does not become form until we observe it by giving it our conscious attention. It is our act of observation that gives everything form.
Consciousness creates our reality. The, Law of Attraction, is a tool we could use to design our life, to have it all.
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This energy is infinite. The brain functions 24 hours until we die, so the, law of Attraction, is always working. Both your conscious thoughts and subconscious thoughts activate, the Law of Attraction.
When the, conscious mind, and the, subconscious mind, are in conflict the subconscious mind always win. So most of the time we are activating the, law of attraction unconsciously.
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For example when an overweight person decides to go on a diet without changing subconscious programming they will continue to overeat and override conscious behaviors.
The conscious mind has a limited memory and most of it is short term.
The subconscious mind has infinite memory for all your experience for your entire life.
The subconscious mind can block out changes in your surroundings so you don't focus or see changes in your environment. Like driving down a street for months and not seeing a new complex or a new tree.
We have a shortage of attention and fail to notice what is going on around us including obvious changes in our surroundings.
Conscious attention is required to see requested changes from the, Law of Attraction.
Always use the, law of attraction, to focus on what is wanted and not what is unwanted. You can, have it all.
The mind focus on what we place our attention on whether negative or positive so the, law of attraction will bring you whatever you focus on.
All day every day we are placing our attention on something and engaging the, law of attraction.
Concentration on one thing and suppressing all others is the key to controlling your reality and using the, law of attraction, to, have it all.
Controlling your attention and focus is the way to control your reality.
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How to use the Law of Attraction to change your reality
Reevaluate what seems negative by focusing on the good experiences. This trains the mind only to see the positive, it teaches the subconscious to only focus on the positive and thus more positive things will be attracted into your lives through the, law of attraction.
Challenge yourself in your free time. When we go into low energy modes our brain reverts to old programming, so to prevent this schedule things to do that will move the needle to your required destination of, having it all.
Appreciate all the goodness that you see. We can search for happiness in our present situation. Teach the mind what we want from life. The conscious mind is the master and the subconscious mind the gene. When we train the conscious mind to focus on what we want, we can make any changes we want in our lives. What you focus on comes to you by the, law of attraction.
You can, have it all. Is it possible to have: a passionate marriage; a thriving career; a healthy beautiful body; more money than you ever dreamed possible, and enough “down” time to enjoy it – without running yourself ragged? Use the, law of attraction to, have it all.
In her book “The Art of Having It All,” Author, Transformational Leader, and Celebrity Coach, Christy Whitman, share the precise steps she took to create radical turnarounds in the midst of potentially devastating real life situations – including freeing herself from nearly $90,000 of unwanted debt loosing 30 extra pounds, navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, the grief of her sister’s suicide, and the life -threatening illness of her newborn son.
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