Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.
—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.
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Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors
Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.
There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.
These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person’s work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.
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How are, Compulsive Behaviors, and addictions connected?
Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn’t stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.
Compulsion behaviors, often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.
Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.
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How does normal behavior turn into, Compulsive Behaviors?
As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important, so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there’s a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors, like gambling, eating, sex, and shopping, become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.
Compulsive behaviors come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.
Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.
Compulsive shopping,
Compulsive eating
Over exercising
Hoarding
Compulsive cleaning
Compulsive Hoarding
Compulsive Hoarding, is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it’s thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.
Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction
What negative triggers enable, Compulsive Behaviors like, Hoarding.
The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.
How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?
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Let’s look at compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior, in commonly available sexual practices, such as
Attending strip clubs,
Compulsive masturbation,
Paying for sex through prostitution,
Excessive use of pornography,
and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.
Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.
Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?
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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?
To get into the, vortex, and activate, the law of attraction, for the things you want, reach for the best feeling, thoughts, in every moment.
If you want to heal the body you must first heal the mind `~ Plato
Listen to Podcast Here:
You create your physical condition through your thoughts: that means you can think yourself sick or think yourself well. I have healed pain in my body many times by focusing on healing energy.
Disease is the result of blocked energy and that is why the body scan chakra meditation is such a powerful healing tool.
Relax and breathe deeply is the first response to any illness.
Try this next time you feel pain in your body, use these, thoughts, to bring about healing:
Imagine a light like the sun or moon entering your body through your breath. Send that light directly to the pain area hold it there for a few seconds. Then breathe out and imagine you are collecting the pain and breathing it out.
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I ended up homeless and without resources, because I didn’t have a plan for my, dream life. I just expected to move to Los Angeles and my, dreams, would just manifest.~~Nathen Aaren
Nathan Aaren helps heart centered entrepreneurs merge all of their passions into one life mission. Plan, fund and build their, dream life, and business. He’s raised over 1 million dollars per client and worked with Fortune 500 Companies and Grammy Award Winning Artists including The Olympics, Adidas, CBS Sports, Lil Wayne and Ray Ban, and produces two podcasts which charted #1 on iTunes. After being homeless, he became an agent and landed his first 7 figure investment for a client, which later allowed him to create a reality series, “Chasing My Dreams”, which will air this winter 2020.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction – Homeless to living your, dream life?
Nathan – There are so many lessons that I’ve learned from being homeless; but really basically I started off thinking I was going to be super successful and then I ended up being homeless, locked out of my car. I hit rock bottom, one of many rock bottoms, and over the course of that time I learned a few things.
On one hand, I learned some things about navigating in the real world. The physical existence of this life; things about leveraging, money, leveraging resources, so that you can live from a place of abundance and not of scarcity.
I also learned some physiological things like meditation and even spiritual things relating to manifestation. When it came to the financial stuff, I realized that, I needed to stop thinking about money the way I was thinking about it. I feel that people generally speaking, either thinks about, money, and there, dream life, when they are in need.
You need Money to live your, dream life
When people or are not living the life of their, dreams, or have lack, they’re not going to be happy; but when they get that, money, they’ll be happy and start living their, dream life.
Then you have other people who demonize, money, and say, money, is not important, money, is the root of all evil (which is actually interestingly regularly misquoted from the Bible). Whatever side of the spectrum you’re on, we can find a middle ground and say, “I need human beings to help me with my mission, with my vision, and my, dreams, and with my goal of living my, dream life. If I need tools, if I need resources, if I need anything that you could possibly imagine, then I need to find a way to get you those resources.
I ended up homeless and without resources, because I didn’t have a plan for my, dream life. I just expected to move to Los Angeles and my, dreams, would just manifest.
Myrna – What happened that night you were locked out of your car. Did you start making a plan then?
Nathan – No that the night I remembered an event when I about 7 years old. I was about 7 years old – thinking who do I want to be? What are my interests as opposed to just thinking what profession do I want? This memory caused me to create so many tools for myself, for perspective and for abundance mentality.
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Things like gratitude, things like meditation, and also things like just coaching myself. Going on walks and coaching myself whenever I find myself in a negative thought pattern. I’ll walk round the block or sometimes I’ll walk for miles and I’ll just say okay “Nathan what’s going on, talk to me” then I’ll talk right back.
Myrna – So at seven you started thinking about your interests and what is was you wanted to do? When did you start visualizing your, dream life, and visioning things? You mentioned meditation, tell us about your end of life meditation practice.
We want to transition into visualizing your, dream life, the power of intention, rewriting your old programs and thinking about what you want to be at the end of your life. I guess that’s your end of life meditation correct?
Nathan – When I started figuring out the, money, side of things and helping people get funding, I started realizing that I was helping people get, money, for things that maybe they lost passion in. Maybe that they thought they liked that career and then changed their mind. Sometimes they got the, money, and they started working towards their goal, of the life of their, dreams, and was miserable because it was not their Dharma.
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So I tagged into the beginning of my coaching process, this end of life meditation as a way of figuring out who you are. What you want to be doing with your life; just getting really clear. A lot of clarity, so that when you’re walking down that path and you get to the point where you get funding, when you get, money, for your personal expenses and your business expenses, that it is something that just can’t leave you; because it is who you are.
I really resonate with your Life coaching package, where in either your first or second episode where you talk about who am I; I love that process. I will admit, your program is a little better than mine! I just love helping people through that process of clarity. One of the tools I use is, the end of life meditation.
End of Life Meditation to Help you Live the Life of your, Dreams
Take some deep breaths and get into your core self. Get in touch with God, or source energy. Feel that connection, imagine yourself at a late age in life, maybe there’s a beautiful window and you’re looking out through the window.
You’re on a comfortable couch and you’re drinking your cocoa, your tea or your coffee and you’re in your last days let’s say you’re 95 years old. You look back at your life and you start to smile about all the people that you’ve met, and that you’ve connected with.
You look back and you’re feeling wonderful and you’re feeling grateful. You get Goosebumps of gratitude for this beautiful life. You start thinking about how beautiful it would be to just have one little moment to go back in time and just to experience life again, maybe 20 years ago to when you were 75. You start imagining what would it be like to go back to being a young whippersnapper of 75 years old. You ask yourself, was I living my, dream life, 20 years ago? If not, what would I change?
Then you go back 30 years ago to when you was 65 and you take some time there and ask the question. Was I living my, dream life? If the answer is no.
You go back 40 years when you was 55, and 50 years ago to when I was 45 and 60 years ago to when I was 35 and you start thinking about that and you say, what would I do if I had a little bit of time? What would I do differently to live the life of my, dreams.
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I’m very grateful for the time I’ve had here; but at the same time if I could go back, I would be a little bit more courageous. Would I tell that person that I loved them a little bit more. I would go out of my comfort zone and try something new and creative. If I could go back, I would make sure I lived the life of my, dreams. That would be so great and then you open your eyes and your wish has been granted and you get a second chance.
Myrna – Nice that’s a different spin to the one that I know. I know the 85 year old rocking chair test. What is the goal of it exercise?
Failure at living your, dream life.
Nathan – There are a few goals:
One is obviously to get perspective,
Another is continue to have a tool in your tool belt the ability to make tough decisions or to get yourself to do things that you know you should do; but you don’t have the confidence to do.
Take away the fear of taking risks
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Myrna – One of your tools is teaching people how to crack the code on their, dream life, and I know you’re a financial person. Now, where is the code to finances? Is that has to do with abundance and scarcity? So talk about this cracking code on living your, dream life.
Cracking the code to financial abundance in your, dream life
Nathen – My life’s mission is to come together with other people and continue to build and learn how to crack the code to living your, dream life, so I’ve cultivated a lot of wonderful tools.
One of these tools is network sharing. We get together and we do that. We crack the code, we continue to ask questions, great questions, create great answers and great solutions.
Being around people who are like-minded and who are maybe five steps ahead of you in certain areas and in other areas you’re five steps ahead, is a great way that I’ve learned to just crack the code. The end of life meditation with the life design process that I teach basically allows you to start by first visualizing, then prioritizing and then planning.
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Nathan – So visualizing is a really important step, because when somebody just goes right into, visualizing the life of their, dreams, they might not know what it is they want to do. I start off by asking them what they want to do with their life, what is their, dream life? But most people don’t know what that is, we have to connect with God.
We have to connect with the Universe, source energy. I like to ask people some things they don’t consider which is preferences and non-negotiables. Preferences and non-negotiables are basically the foundations of your, dream life.
What are your preferences in your day-to-day activities and in your day-to-day life?
Do you want to wake up whenever you want? Go to sleep whenever you want? Or do you want to have a boss that tells you what to do. Do you need structure?
Your preference is ‘No I can’t have a boss’, I need to have my own schedule, do my own thing.
Some people’s preference is to travel the world, they want to be able to work from their laptop, other people are like – no I want to be in my home with my family, I don’t care about travelling the world, as long as I have a stable income that’s what matters to me.
So by knowing your preferences is important in visualizing your, dream life.
You prefer a certain kind of humor and like to be around people every day or you like to be by yourself.
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Your non-negotiables may be your purpose. The big, sparkly thing that you want to do like help everybody become successful and you becoming a successful coach, or a motivational speaker etc.
Those are the day-to-day things that are going to really help you thrive on a day-to-day basis, so getting really clear on those things is super important. Once you have Fantasized and done your preferences and non-negotiables, then you have a clear understanding of what you want your, dream life, to looks like.
Myrna – I know that you have a course called Dream University. It’s an online course and you say it’s not like any other course. So tell our listeners about your Dream University and funding and how people can get resources and your course.
How to Plan Fund and Build your, Dream Life
Dream University is an online course that helps you plan fund and build your, dream life, and your dream business. The process that I’m kind of talking about now is loosely related to that course.
The course basically step one is you say okay
‘I’m going to take a step back from trying to be productive’ and ‘I’m going to figure my life out.
I’m going to take some breathing room and I’m going to say, what do I really want to be doing?
What’s going to light me up inside?
What’s going to make me feel great that when I am 95, I can look back on my, dream life, and I have those goose bumps and I feel amazing? I feel grateful and there are no regrets.
Once we we’ve really gotten clear on what it is we want from our, dream life, I have a one-page plan which is the idea of you. It’s a one-page vision. If you take it and you put in your hands or you stick it on your wall or on your desk and you can point at it and say I don’t know how I’m going to make this happen; but if I can make this happen.
I’ll be the happiest person in the entire world. That’s the idea, you have one page, you look at, you’re like that’s it, this page gives me the emotions that I want and I’m going for it, and in the process with all the tools I have, I’m going to strive to fully engage from full abundance and it will feel great.
How to get Funding for your, Dream Business
Step two is getting funding. Now the beauty of this is even if you don’t need funding this is like from my perspective a much more robust version of a business plan, where you have something that is interactive, that you look at and you can use to get funding, basically called a pitch deck. I call it a fill in the blank funding template (which allows you to fill in every single aspect that you need to present a presentation to someone for funding) whether it be an investor grants or crowd funding as well.
This presentation, not only does it work to get you money for your personal expenses like your rent or your mortgage, your bills, your gas, your food, your groceries and so on. You can focus on what you love full-time; but also for your business expenses like if you need to hire people, if you need to buy gear or equipment, if you need to pay rent for a space whatever it is, it allows you to have all the things you need.
So you can work from a place of abundance or scarcity. This business plan is a step-by-step road map to your business goals and, dream life. There are some aspects like the financial aspects that you can use to decide. Do I need money? How much money do I need to live my specific lifestyle?
Some people want to live very simply, some people don’t want to live very simply. They want to have all these special cool neat, unique things – all is great; but you can use it for two purposes. One for your personal life, two for your business life (get funding for your thing)
Step three is to grow and at that point it’s just really about helping people get the right strategies for the things that they want to do. Reverse engineering what their end result is and finding out how they want to do that.
So in business, usually that means building the thing that is the most value that you can provide to the world and then finding where the human needs are. You want to serve humanity and tap into those audiences so that you can serve those people.
Myrna – Tell our audience how they can connect with you on online or to how to join your group or to order your course.
If you guys want to check out Dream University you can go to www.nathen.tv Feel free to text me, my number is 310 807 1998.
Conclusion to building and funding your, dream life
Thank you so much for tuning in to transform your mind, to transform your life radio hour and podcast as you see I bring you guests that can help you to transform your life. The first thing we need to start with is to visualize the life of your, dreams. That starts in your head. You can’t hold in your hand anything you don’t hold first in your head.
I want to give you a personal invitation to my Facebook Group called Life Coach. We have daily inspirations from me, coach Myrna and from dozens of other coaches who can also help you stay inspired during the week. Please subscribe to the podcast here:
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Money blocks, are negative subconscious beliefs about, money, that limit you from achieving your conscious desires. Hilary Hendershott, wealthcoach talks today on the Transform Your Mind Radio and Podcast on the topic “How to remove your, money blocks, and, build wealth.” Hilary was once $600,000 in depth and nowhasa seven figure net worth.
Listen to the full interview here:
Hilary – I found myself in my late 20s withmultiple credit cards and tens of thousands of credit card debt, plus I had a $420,000 in mortgagedebt on a condo. In 2008 that condo in San Jose Californiawent from $430,000 in appraised value to just $190,000. I hadmassiveuncollateralized debt, $72,000in tuition debt and I was the kind ofperson whowould spend money before it came in! I was a massiveoverspender.
Back then I had never heard the term, Money Blocks. Today as a coach and operating from my own, money blocks, I understand that I was an over spender because I had, money blocks.
The definition of, Money Blocks
The definition Money blocks: negative subconscious beliefs about, money, that limit you from achieving your conscious desires. Let’s say you’re trying to save, money, but, for whatever reason, you can’t seem to do it. You spend, money, almost as soon as you get it, and you don’t know why.
Hilary – I started gaining clarity on my, money blocks, the day I pulledmy leased BMWinto the gas station and I put my creditcard into the machineto get gas, and my credit card wasdeclined. I tried another card, it was declined,I put the third card it was also declined. At that point, all my creditcards are maxed out and no one would give meany more credit cards.
My bank accounts were empty and hadalready emptied out my 401k. I had spentall this good moneychasing after bad while trying to dig myself out of this hole;because as my income was declining in2008, and my debt was increasing. So I literally couldn’t even put a tank ofgas in my beautiful convertible BMW thatday.
How I became an expert on clearing, money blocks
Hilary – Idecided to become an expert on, money,psychology. I really made a decision thatdayand I said“I‘m not willing to live like this anymore”. I understood from the beginning that our, money blocks, are as much a function of linguistics, thewords that we useto describe, money, than it is about our upbringing.
So, when I said “there’s neverenough money” I was speaking it into the atmosphere. That became a self fulfilling prophesy. There’s never enough money was my, money operating system. I trademarked thisterm, Money Operating System. Just likeyour computer has an operating system, we all have a, money operating system. That is sort of another way of saying, money blocks.
How, money blocks, are formed
As a child we hear adult say:
money, doesn’t grow on trees,
you have to work hard for, money
money, isthe root of all evil
Money, is evil and rich people are greedy.
I wonder who she had to screw to get that job.
You see your parents fight about, money, all the time.
Whatever it is, everyone will have a different set of, money blocks; because not everyone has thesame, moneyoperating system.
I was in financial planningand trying to, build wealth through real estate, so I was making, money.Iactually had a six figure income; but spent more than I earned.
Howdo you manifest there’s never enough,money, when you have a six figure income?
There was one year I earned $120,000 in income and I spent $150,000. I attended a talk at a FinancialPlanner Conference and this woman, who is nowa personal friend of mine, talkedabout, money blocks, and, money, psychology. She used the term“over spender”. I had never heard about, money blocks, before that talk. Being an over-spender is one way to manifest, there is never enough money.
Another way you canmanifest, there’s never enough money, isby being an,under earner. There are someof you listening to this podcast; you just can’t seem to earnwhat you know you’re worth in themarketplace. You are actually sabotaging yourself.
You deliberately pick the jobs that areunder earning.
Youunder promote yourself,
You don’t askforraises,
You get contract gigs and spendsix months unemployed.
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Hilary – To make a long story short, I put what I learned into practice – I paid off all mydebt and then I got really honest and transparentabout where I was financially.
Ilived in my mother’s guest room for a while to make it happen. I lostthat condo and I paid off the debt. I started puttingmy money where my mouth was in terms ofbuilding my business. I now run a registered investmentadvisory firm. We are all women, owned andoperated.
My business earns about amillion dollars a year.My husband and I just share thenumbers; because I want tonormalize peopletalking about, money. My husband and I have a house in Silicon Valley that’sworth two million dollars and ifyou put together all of our otherinvestments, we’re definitely what youwould call financially independent. We have, financial freedom.
Build Wealth, by having your, money, work for you.
Now we have, money, work for us; but it’s askill set that I didn’t always have.I have found out that my purpose on thisplanetis to coach people, especiallyentrepreneurs. For those people who runbusinesses,the sky is the limit for themto remove their, money blocks, whereverthey may be.
I figured it out. I sort of put myselfin, money, boot camp.I didn’t buya cup of coffee in a coffee shop for twoyears. When I was in boot camp, I gotvery conscious about what I was sayingabout, money. I now use linguistics as the foundation of my coaching. Anyone I coach, the first thing we do is remove “I can’t afford that.” from our vocabulary.
Those words are notallowed to come out of your mouth.You either say “Oh great, let me see how I can work that out”or “I‘m going to put that in my spending plan.”
Myrna – That’s awesome. Your language about,money, is very powerful.Let’s talk about, money mindsetblock. My audience on the radio are mostly African American and sometimes they are in the poverty space. Our community is predisposed to over spending. We want thenice things, we want the designer shoes and bags.
I was talking to a guy one day, hewas wearing nice running shoesand he said they were Kanye Westshoes and cost$400.I couldn’t help thinking what was his, money mindset, to spend $400 on Kanye West running shoes?
What is a, Money Mindset Block
Myrna – Whatexactly is a, moneymindset block, and how does thatshow itself for somebody that’slooking at their spouse and saying maybe they have a,money mindset block?
Hilary – First of all, the idea ofthe, money operating system, is the lead, money block. For me itwas “there’s never enough money” and soall my, money blocks, are going to harmonize with thatparticularlead, money block. For example, let me just say each individualis different and I don’t mean toanswer questions for someone who isn’teven here; but let’s take the example ofthe person who spent $400on Kanye West running shoes and maybe can’t payrent, so there’s an imbalancethere.
If youask that person why he spent $400 on running shoes, he might say:
I need to have this to be sociallyaccepted,
I need these shoes so that people can think I‘m wealthy,
I needto have these shoes, so that people can think I‘mpowerful.
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And if you really look, it’s probably notbecause we need another pair of shoes or another designer bag or any other another brand name to become socially acceptable. It’s an infallible hole that you can’t fill with designer shoes. Instead, if youcan repositionin your mind, if you’re really tiredof your, money, going the way that it’sgoing, if you’re sort offed up and a little bit disgusted withthe fact that you know you’re a smartcapable educated, well-intentioned person and money isn’tworking for you in your life, that is how you clear a, money mindset block.
What are your 7 steps to, build wealth?
Myrna – You have 7 steps to, wealth, is that how you coach someonethat maybe have an overspending problemor they have a, money mindset block, problemor their, money operating system, is notworking properly?
Step 1- Permission: Alleffective coaching starts withpermission. The first step is to decide you have, money blocks, to make the decisionthat you’re ready for change. There’s no denying that you’re giving upthe Kanye West shoes and the brand name bagsand other creature comforts. A lot ofpeople who make financial transformation to, build wealth, find that they have to move.
Theyactually need a lower cost place to live;they need to give up the beautifulleased car so they can pay cash for acar and don’t have monthly payments. You arelowering your standard of living in thebeginningand that takes courage. It takeswillingness to sacrifice,so after you’ve made a decision then wecatalog your vocabulary about money, this is really important.
Step 2– Your money vocabulary – no one ever wants to talk about, money. You need to talk about money, to find out what your friend isdoing; what’s working, what’s not working.You can provide advice or ask for adviceif you want. What do yousay to yourself about, money? Maybe some people think in picturesabout, money, or maybe it’s just anemotion. You think aboutspending, money, and you get excited; youthink about saving, money, and you get sad.
I have myparticipants that I coach, actually spenda month doing a, money, conversation log. What do you say to your partner about,money? How do you tell your customersabout, money?For example, if you’re a realestate agent and someone wants to payyou a fourpercent commission instead of a sixpercent commission, what do you say?What are the actual words that arecoming out of your mouth?
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So, let’s get specific about what yousay about, money.We’ve got a map,we’ve actually gotkind of your, money blocks, in black andwhite in front of us.
Now, we can really start the coaching.So, we have sort of highlighted and done the private detective workfiguring out, what’s your actual,money blocks.
I‘ll give you an example, someone I coached found thiscounterintuitively. She felt rich whenchecks would get mailed to her, so shewould put the checks in her desk and notsend them to the bank. Isn’t that strange? I can’t even identify that block,that is like a serious, money, scarcitything.
Myrna – Did she not know the checks are only paperunless you get the, money?
Hilary – No. It was completely just somethingshe was blind to,until we did the, money, conversation logand she saw it.
She saw it for what it was and she’slike oh my God, this is crazy behavior;but no one’s ever asked me about my,money, behavior, so I never thought aboutit.
Step 3 – logistics of money. I don’t teach budgets, I thinkbudgets are overwhelming and toodetailed for most people.I think that people spend a lot of timedesigning a budget and then theynever honor it or live by it, becauseit’s too restrictive .
Step 4 – Earn money – You can’t categorize every singleexpenditure you have, you’re a busyperson with lots of responsibilities. So instead, I teach a system I callautomation. It’s sort of like theequivalent ofirrigation in your garden – little hosesbring, money, to the places where it needsto be. People love it.
That’s the plan and honestly mostpeople get through the planbecause it’s very front-loaded. It is alot of work in the beginning; but onceyou set it up, just like irrigation, ithappens everytime you turn the hose on.People pay a lot of, money, to coaches to figure out how to earnmoney and they can’t figure out whytheir, money, still doesn’t work for themand it’s because they don’t have thesesteps.
Step 5 – The ASK mindset – Learning to ask is a mindset . You can ask for a million things :
you can ask your credit cards companies for a lower interest rate,
you can ask your insurance for a lower premium,
you can ask your memberships for a discount.
You can ask for a discount at Star Buck. Just go ask. The point is not whether you get the discount or not, it’s having the mindset to ASK. We do a challenge inside my coaching program called “Get 100 No’s” You win the game by getting a hundred no’s and my assertion is, It will change your life. You’re building strength your, money blocks, are going to be different. For some, you’ll find that your, money blocks, are operationally systematized in your business processes.
Step 6 – Clearing the, money blocks. in your business – As an entrepreneur you’re either under charging for your products or services or you’re not spending enough effort getting prospects into your funnel. Whatever it is, there’s some part of the process that’s broken for you. My training is called “Eight Ways Business Owners can Transform Revenue into Personal Wealth”, it is anon-demand training from October 8th to 15th.
So, you definitely want to go grab it. This training is really for entrepreneurs who are sick and tired of working so hard for the, money, and having not much to show for it.
Step 7 – Protect – Once you clear your, money blocks, you can, build wealth, by protecting what you built.
I just want to show you how to climb out of that trap in this training and the great news is – it’s totally FREE. You can grab your copy of that training by going to www.hillaryhendershott.com/myrna.
I want to encourage you, please subscribe to the ‘Transform Your Mind’ YouTube podcast’s channel. Definitely trying to grow our audience.
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The purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose. Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. You can accelerate your, souls purpose, by clearing the, money blocks, you had from childhood.
Jennifer Longmore is a leading authority on, soul, purpose as well as an elite business coach to enlightened entrepreneurs. She is a sought after media personality, three times best-selling author and is known for her laser-like clarity on seeing into the depths of your, soul, for more than 15 years. She has served clients in permanently shifting their limiting beliefs and patterns that prevent them from being who they truly are, so they can accelerate their, souls, journey.
Listen to the full interview Here:
Myrna: I am excited to talk to you today, because I’ve been spending some conscious moments thinking of my, soul.
How Did you become a, soul, whisperer?
I grew up, I guess you could say prophetic. I always knew things were going to happen before they happened. If the phone rang and someone said something, I was usually telling my parents 10-15 minutes before that so-and-so called and they said A, B and C, and then sure enough that person would call and say those things.
I guess you could say I am Claircognizant, because I would just know that it was going to happen. I couldn’t tell you why I knew, in fact I didn’t even know I was telling people anything they didn’t know. That’s actually how I went through school, freaking people out. I didn’t know who to be. I would tell people things, and I would freak them out. I’m also a truth teller and I do that with love. I definitely speak my mind, call out injustices and so on. I was kind of doubly offending people without realizing it.
Myrna: I like that word “truth teller”, we always say direct communicators – that’s what I call myself; but truth teller sounds nicer.
Jennifer: It depends. I mean some people like it when they’re ready to hear the truth. They like it when you’re telling them something they want to hear. It’s usually around relationships I find where people don’t particularly like the truth. They have questions like. I just met someone at a bar, is this my soul mate?
I knew from a very young age what my purpose was and was to help people on their, soul journey; but I also needed to feel safe enough and supportive enough to live with this gift.
Myrna: So you were born with a gift – the gift of being able to see things before it happened. I’m thinking when I say the, soul, I’m using the traditional definition of it. I was listening to an audio book the other day and they said that there are different several names or labels for the, soul. some say the, subconscious, some call it the, super conscious; but it is the part of our non-physical that never dies. Is that what we’re talking about when you say, soul?
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Jennifer: Yes the, soul, we are referring to is our non physical or spiritual part of a human being that gives life to it.
Myrna: What do you think the purpose of the, soul, is? You mentioned the fact that you were not connected to any religion. But every religion talks about the, soul, because it’s eternal. It’s not tied to any religion. How did you connect to your, soul? How did you bridge between connecting to the, soul, from what was happening to you? Being able to know things before they happened?
Jennifer: I think the purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose. Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. When I was younger, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you about my, soul. My maternal grandfather was a psychic medium. He used to solve crimes for the police, and my mom’s very intuitive. My dad was very intuitive. I think it’s just we’re all intuitive.
How does understanding your, soul purpose, help clients shift their limiting beliefs?
I think what’s going on in the world right now, it’s kind of hard not to feel really compelled to make sure that we are using our purpose to the fullest. I even consulted with my astrologer recently, and I said I want to make sure I use every ounce of my purpose that I came here to deliver. I want you to learn whatever I came here to learn. I want to be give back in whatever way I can. So I think even before the pandemic, we were spending our time asking does my life matter? Why am I here? Does my life have meaning?
So this is how I help my clients find their purpose and why they are here. As a, soul, whisperer, I can see what they can’t see. I didn’t plan on being a business coach when I first started. I was doing readings, I was teaching other people how to do readings. I was so successful because someone like me is always going to be successful.
What I came to realize is that most people, when they discover their, souls purpose, it is so unique that the best way to express it is through a business. The business is just the portal, it’s just the gateway, it’s just the vehicle to be able to share our gifts with the world and be compensated.
Once someone has a relationship with me and they trust me, I not only show them some of the different ways that they can express those gifts; but I help them with their mindset; because I feel mindset is a big reason why people don’t have success.
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If you don’t have the correct mindset, all the business plans in the world, all of the marketing and the Facebook ads, we still have this really sneaky way of sabotaging ourselves. I really like reminding people what their potential is and then helping them find the easiest path to live their potential and express their potential in the world.
Myrna: That’s beautiful because really if we were to tap into the, soul, it is limitless. That’s one of the beautiful things about the, soul, or super consciousness or your subconscious it’s limitless. So tapping into it’s potential is a good thing.
How to accelerate your, Souls, Journey by removing your, Money Blocks
You just mentioned mindsets and one of the questions I have here is about, money blocks. Let’s combine the two. You said that you can teach somebody things and they can have all the strategy in the world; but if their mindset is limited or they have a belief that maybe money is evil or if they achieved success then they wouldn’t be good parents. All kinds of, money blocks, are in their head. Are you able to see these, money blocks?
Jennifer: I can see it right away. Right away as soon as someone’s talking to me. I’ll have a client describe their business to me and in 30 seconds, I can tell why they’re not where they want to be. I don’t know why it’s just I’ve talked to so many people, tens of thousands of people at this point. So it starts to become a pattern and we all have, money blocks.
We all have a money story, it’s not about judging the money story, it’s our goal to have a healthy money story. You can have a healthy money story with a hundred dollars in the bank or you can have an unhealthy money story with a billion dollars in the bank. I’ve served a client who had 100 million dollars net worth and she was probably the biggest pain in the bum that I’ve worked with.
She didn’t trust everyone, she felt everyone was out to screw her, everyone else was out to take her money. She had no peace. That’s not financial freedom; if you don’t have the peace with the money that you’ve worked so hard to accumulate. I’ve talked with billionaires and they’ve said look, like I have money pains too, my money pains are just different because I’ve created a lot of jobs, a lot of people depend on me for their livelihood.
They tell me, I’m always worried that I’m going to drop the ball and I’m going to implode my business and then I’m going to be destitute and 500 other people are going to be without a job. So they just have different, money blocks.
Money is just a magnifier for what’s already there. How do you have peace when you keep waiting for someone to come and take your money? I had a colleague of mine who didn’t pay her taxes for seven years. You’re allowed up to seven years where I live not pay your Federal taxes before they start to audit you? Not only did they come and audit her; but because they needed to audit her, they froze all of her accounts including her Stripe Account and her Paypal account.
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She had no money to access while they investigated her. Her, money blocks, were so resistant to looking money in the eyes. When we do taxes, we have to look money in the eyes. This is our biggest issue and most of us don’t want to be in conversation with money.
We literally don’t want to pull up a screen and see what’s in our bank account. We don’t want to see what’s coming in or what’s going out and when we’re not willing to look money in the eyes, we can’t have a healthy relationship with our money.
How to Clear your, Money Blocks
Most of us tend not do that and so every activity in our business that requires us to look money in the eyes like sending an invoice, receiving an invoice, chasing someone for money, paying for a room to rent, hiring a team member etc. There’s so many conversations around money every single day in our business that if we don’t learn how to look money in the eyes and treat it like a friend and act like it’s a part of our dream team that wants to help our dreams come true, then we’re going to be working way harder than we need to work.
Myrna: I love that one.
Treat, your money like part of your dream team!
I heard a financial analyst talking about, money blocks; but she was talking about, money blocks, based on things like when your mother said “money don’t grow on trees”. You just got into detail of some really high level blocks about not being able to look at money, not being able to have a relationship with money, or look money in the eye that’s really high level.
Even about when people are billionaires and they still have money issues; because now they have no peace. They think everybody is out to get them, so that is high level, money block.
So would you put, money blocks, and limiting beliefs in the same bucket or is it different?
I think the same blocks that we have around money would at the core of how worthy we feel.
How deserving do I feel?
Do I feel I can succeed in life and business?
We tend to take our, money blocks, cues from our parents. If our parents were working class or they struggled or they had a business and that business failed.
Sometimes we have a really hard time out-succeeding the people that are important to us, even our mentors. There are a lot of people that feel like it’s disrespectful to out-grow their mentors.
What is the Souls Imprint?
Myrna: I was listening to a podcast recently and the founder of Mindvalley, his name is Vishen. He talked about coaching people on their, souls imprint. So is our, souls imprint, different from our, souls purpose?
I would say our, souls purpose, is what did we come here to learn and do.
What did we come here to master?
What do we come here to contribute?
Our, souls imprint, might be worded something like what’s our, soul, essence. Some people just carry this frequency of truth for example so they can’t help it. If there’s shady stuff going on in a room or in a business or something like, their, souls imprint, can’t let them ignore it.
I have had jobs that within the first month, I was able to pick out whatever was out of integrity. It would just come to the surface. My, souls imprint, had this way of vacuuming it out of the shadows. It’s not like I was trying to reveal anything; I didn’t even know it was there.
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Well similar to the looking money in the eyes, write a letter to yourself or your business.
Start like this – I love you; but stop what you are doing. I’m not having any fun with you anymore. Create an avatar of the person you are speaking to. This person could be your dad or a parent who influenced your, money blocks.
My dad was always there physically; but he wasn’t there emotionally which is not an uncommon experience for a lot of us; because men were taught to not be emotionally unavailable. After writing my letter, I had this huge epiphany like, oh my goodness, I am expecting my business to be like my dad!
I had no idea that my subconscious block was being projected onto the consciousness of my business; because everything has consciousness. Then I thought okay, well my business makes money so what would happen if I wrote a letter to money? I did and the same thing revealed itself. I realized money’s always been there for me. I’ll ask for it and it shows up for me.
Money is always there for me; but I don’t feel connected to it. My dad isn’t always showing up when I write letters to money, sometimes it’s someone that bullied me in my past. Sometimes it’s a boss that I really hated, sometimes it’s my mom.
It can be whoever is responsible for your, money blocks, because our body has a consciousness and our business has a consciousness. This imprints on whatever we’re unconsciously projecting onto it. So the only way we can shift our perceptions is to create a new relationship with money. Become aware of the relationship we’re already having with it, that we don’t even know. Once we bring awareness to something, then we can heal and shift.
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How can readers get in touch with you for Business Coaching and, Soul Purpose, Sessions?
I don’t do, soul purpose, sessions anymore; but I do offer that within business coaching . Readers can head over to my website www.souljourneys.ca/soul, I have a FREE GIFT for your listeners and readers. It is a checklist of the nine most important questions to ask yourself to get in alignment with your, soul purpose.
Then I go much more deeply into the work that I do. They can also connect with me by signing up for my daily inspirational emails. I send little intuitive love bombs basically every day as an email when people sign up for that.
If you liked this content please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast on iTunes, iHeart radio, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Please also post a review.
Introverts, are not extroverts and most find, networking, challenging. It is possible to be an introvert and become a wildly successful networker. In his book “An Introvert’s Guide to World Domination” Author Nick Shelton offers practical, reliable strategies for forming lasting connections with others. You will improve your confidence, strengthen your relationships and gain access to people and opportunities you’ve never had before.
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Listen to the full interview here:
How to Find the Right Group if you are an Introvert
Myrna – When you decided that because you were an, introvert, you were going to change your circle of friends because the friends you were hanging around with were not conducive to you in becoming a social person. How did you find the right group?
Okay, I don’t want people to think that I just completely abandoned everyone I knew or say I’m not talking to my old friends, I still kept in touch with everybody; but I tried to shift my focus more towards people that I thought would be of help to my course to become a networking, introvert.
I looked for groups of people that I thought would be good to be around them. I would find that they have to meetup groups. I would go to these meet up groups and introduce myself to some people. Everybody takes a little time to be comfortable around people, just like relationships they take a little time to build; but it starts off by you initially showing up and just being around and people starting to recognize you.
Myrna – I used to go sit in expensive hotel lobbies for a different reason, not for, networking, but that is a good way to, network, with the rich. I did it to get comfortable with wealth. You were doing it to build a network with influential people, which is good too.
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What inspired you to write the book An Introverts Guide ?
After I figured out how to, network, as an, introvert, by the way I am still an, introvert. I still like to spend a lot of time alone. I recharge myself; but then when I do network, I want to go out and be seen and be heard. I’m able to do that; but once I learned how to do this then, I was often invited to do some speaking about it. I would go to speaking events and people would ask me where can we get your book, and I would say I don’t have a book! I told myself, should probably write a book.
An Introvert’s Guide to World Domination
I realized there’s a lot of, introverts, who would get a lot out of a book about how to network as an, introvert, so I sat down and starting writing a book. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to help, introverts, who were in similar situations be able to have the steps that they needed to upgrade their lifestyles and really enhance their experience, networking.
I think everything in life comes down to your connections and your relationships and if you can have better connected relationships, it makes the life of the, introvert, so much richer. You don’t even have to be, networking, with billionaires on yachts; it can just be with your own family and close friends or people in the community.
Myrna – One of the questions that popped into my mind as you were talking about speaking and meet-up groups was, did you join toastmasters?
I did go to toastmasters because everybody says, you have to go to toastmasters. I went to toastmasters but; I didn’t really like toastmasters. Everybody said to me what are you talking about, you have to like toastmasters, everybody likes toastmasters; but I don’t know it didn’t do it for me.
I know a lot of people say well if you’re shy and, introverted, and socially awkward; how can you do public speaking? I think I have some kind of weird defect in my brain that allows me to think whenever I do public speaking, I go into a dreamlike trance. We can do anything in our dreams, you’re not a body.
If you just say go talk to those four people over there then I become an, introvert; but if you say there’s a hundred people go talk to them that’s fine, I become an, extrovert.
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Myrna – You’re kidding that that’s weird wiring; but you know it’s not that I haven’t heard it before. It is probably a good time to have a definition of an, introvert, and how that is different from, extrovert. How does someone know if they’re an, extrovert, or, introvert? We can figure out that if you are shy you may be an, introvert but I am sure there is more.
Define an introvert and the different levels
There are some people that are more, introverted, than others and there’s different categories. I’d say generally you are an, introvert, if you get drained by being out and interacting with people and have to recharge by being yourself.
I fit that category, that’s the classic, introvert. You can also be shy and that doesn’t necessarily make you an, introvert. I suffered from being shy and being drained by being around people plus the social awkwardness. I did’t know what to do and how to even interact with people, so there’s different combinations of, introversion, and there’s different levels.
One of my closest friends who has had great success with some of the techniques I teach in my book, always makes fun of me; because he always tries to compare himself saying, I’m way more, introverted, than you. I tell him this isn’t a competition.
I say that to say there’s different levels for the, introvert; so there’s different things that different obstacles that, introverts, have to deal with. An obstacle for me might not be an obstacle for my friend. I mentioned the different types of, introverts, the steps in my book is able to help the whole spectrum of, introverts.
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Everything is for everybody; but I say at the beginning of the book pick out the parts that apply to you that you can use and then what’s not helpful right now just file it away and then maybe later once you hit a certain level maybe that’s going to come in handy at a later time.
How can your Book Help Introverts
Myrna– Your book is called “An introvert’s guide to world domination: become a high level networking and upgrade your life.” So what can someone walk away with after reading your book? What are the skills that you want transferred?
I love that question that was really good,
They are going to be able to know what their obstacles are.
What their blocks are
Identify those blocks so then they can get those out of the way
Then they’re going to be able to find social events that appeal to them that can help them achieve whatever goals they desire.
What are the networking steps covered in your book?
We find out what sort of networking, introverts, should you be doing; so we cover the personal, networking, and then I also teach about, networking, in the workplace and at social events. Depending on what your goal is, you’ll have clear steps on what to do in your personal social life, in the workplace and in, networking, events to level up in all of those areas.
You’ll know exactly what to do and say if you go to the company holiday party or if you’re just going to hang out, or you take your kid to soccer practice and there’s going to be a bunch of parents there.
You’ll know exactly what you need to do to be interesting and interested and engage in conversation
How to have good body language and appear confident, calm and approachable.
Show good energy, so you’ll be able to also maintain your relationship
Know where to go, what to do, when you get there who to talk to
What to say and how to talk to people once you’ve established a relationship
How to maintain those relationships; because why build all these relationships if you’re not going to maintain them.
Introverts, will have this whole spectrum of, networking, obstacles; so all they have to do is just work the steps. I break it down really easy; I put little things in there to make sure that, introverts, keep pushing forward. introverts, will be able to go out and put these steps into practice immediately, the very first day even before they finish the book.
What is the definition of a social introvert?
A social, introvert, is somebody who doesn’t like talking to people and is uncomfortable in social situations. That was my biggest challenge as an, introvert, and that’s why I concentrated my book on, networking; even though I think that there are some other areas being an, introvert, would have challenges with.
So there are social, introverts, who aren’t really good around people and they don’t want to be, they want to have nothing to do with, networking, so they’d just rather maybe stay in the science lab or stay in the basement playing video games. This book is not for this type, these steps are for the, introvert, who says, hey I would like to be able to do that, I just don’t know how.
I want to help, introverts, feel more confident just day to day in their regular life. Just going to the grocery store or if you live in an apartment building and your neighbors are out on their balcony and you think well I can’t go out on my balcony; because they’re there maybe I should wait until they go inside.
Or when it comes to your work place or when it comes to just any relationships, introverts, have an understanding of what being an, introvert, is really costing them. It’s costing them much more than you can possibly imagine, and it’s all these little micro instances of hiding. If, introverts, can just take that little extra step to not hide, it can completely change their life and lifestyle.
Myrna – I can imagine that an, introvert, is somebody who is a pleaser, because they don’t want to make a fuss right, they don’t want confrontation, they don’t want to challenge whatsoever.
All the, networking, in person situations are no longer an issue and we’re like talking on zoom and we’re in our bedroom and in our house and we don’t have to go out; so is an, introvert’s, heaven. The pandemic is this helping them stay hidden we, introverts, think this is the best time to be alive ever in the history! It gives the, introvert, the excuse to say, hey I would love to be out socializing and hobnobbing with everybody; but I’m locked down.
What can introverts do to make the most of this pandemic situation?
One of the things the, introvert, can do during the pandemic is to strengthen the relationships you already have. COVID gives you a perfect excuse to go through your work email and your personal email of all your contacts and see who you haven’t touched base within say three months. Make a list of those people and then every day just contact a few and just say, hey how are you doing during COVID?
Myrna – I’m going to borrow that to touch base with my real estate clients and just keep up the, networking, because a great strategy for realtors whether they are, introverts, or not to keep, networking, during the pandemic.
How to build your network as an Introvert
If you want to become a high-level networker, or upgrade your life both, introverts, and, extroverts, can be a high-level networker. I’ve had a lot of students who are realtors and they are not, introverts, but they just wanted an edge over their competition and so they used some of these techniques,
Where can listeners get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media?
My book is available on amazon.com An introvert’s guide to world domination You can also visit me on the web at connectedintrovert.com. I have an online course and a mentorship program and a free mini master class.
Thanks for listening to this podcast or watching on YouTube. If you are an iTunes user, please subscribe, rate and review this podcast. I also want to invite you to my Facebook group called Lifecoach and it’s growing by leaps and bounds and you know every day I post little you know inspiring messages.
Anxiety, in teenagers and young adults is much more than a phase. It’s a real condition that can interfere with daily life, lead to, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
In this interview, I am speaking with Megan Gallagher, mental health advocate and Tedx speaker.
While growing up, Megan experienced chronic, anxiety, and panic attacks, as well as body image issues. Inspired by the lack of honest conversations among her peers/teachers about “real life topics”. After therapy and healing, she dove headfirst into making that change in the public school system! Gallagher currently speaks at middle schools and high schools about, mental health, self-care, following your dreams & mindfulness. She has spoken at over 500 schools and been featured in major media outlets like Forbes Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Today Show, OK! Magazine, NBC news, FOX news and Yahoo!
Listen to the full interview here:
How did you traverse your painful childhood? What exactly caused your, anxiety, and how did you become an, anxiety, and, mental health advocate?
Growing up as a youth I can remember as early as elementary school, I have vivid memories of just sitting in class and noticing my stomach churning and getting really sweaty under my armpits. All these things would happen and I didn’t really know what triggered these spiral of symptoms.
I would think I ate something weird at lunch or maybe something’s not sitting right on my stomach or even that I had stomach flu.
My mom figured that I was more sensitive than my sister and needed more attention. I wanted just to be alone. Going to crowded public places really overwhelmed me. My parents would say Megan tends to freak before an event happens so they would try to find ways to calm me down.
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It wasn’t until I was 13 years old in eighth grade about to graduate to go to high school, that I became aware of my emotions and become in tune with my body. These, anxiety attacks, were really scary and they came out of nowhere.
I would be sitting in a classroom and I felt like I was like coming out of my skin. Just wanting to get up and go the bathroom and just breathe. Freaking out, I like didn’t want to be around people, I just wanted to just have a moment for myself.
Myrna – Do you think you are in introvert? Did you put a label on it?
Megan – I’m actually the most social extroverted person ever. I thrive off of being around people and I love having a big friend group and I love hanging out with people, so I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert, I would say I’m have high functioning, anxiety.
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Teenagers, can go one of two ways with Anxiety and Depression :
People who show their, depression, and, anxiety, through shutting down. They kind of isolate themselves.
I handled my, anxiety, and found comfort in talking about my feelings. I just love talking and being around people. I loved being around people hosting events and parties.
Now that I’m 24, I don’t really get the, anxiety attacks, but I still have anxious moments.
I learned how to handle it though. I know how to stop the negative thoughts before they turn into a full-blown, anxiety attack.
My, anxiety, continued into high school. I remember so well gearing up during the summer and counting down the days until my first day of high school. I had the normal thoughts of you know, where’s my locker. What if I get lost in this new school. The what if thoughts would fuel my, anxiety.
How to Control your Anxiety by being in the moment.
Now I know I should have stayed in the present moment, my mind was trying to anticipate what’s gonna happen two months from now, one month, 3 weeks etc. But the truth of the matter is we can’t control the future.
With, anxiety, you have such a fear of losing control. For people with, anxiety, being in control is what they want.
My, anxiety, has manifested itself in different ways throughout my life. When I was younger in high school, my, anxiety, manifested in an eating disorder. I was too anxious to eat in school, so I would starve myself all day and then binge at night.
My, anxiety, showed up where my mind would just black out. I would feel like I got shot off into space and then I would get hot and sweaty and see stars. It was so scary and so uncomfortable in public.
Anxiety, can mimic a heart attack or a stroke or it can mimic other life-threatening health conditions.
My freshman sophomore year of high school I was a mess, in constant, anxiety, mode. My mind would calculate that an episode happened at 9 00 a.m. in English class, so then the next day my body, that internal clock started saying it’s 9 a.m. Yesterday I got an, anxiety attack, so I would have another, anxiety attack, thinking about the last, anxiety attack. It was a vicious cycle. I got so deep in the ditch I felt like a prisoner to my own mind.
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My, anxiety, had reached a point where I felt like I was being cornered in a wall, so I had to ask for help. I sat my parents down and told them what had been going on with me for years. They told me that, mental illness, and, anxiety, runs on my dad’s side of the family and what I have it’s called, anticipatory anxiety.
They scheduled me in therapy and told me your first session is next week.
Forms of Therapy for, Anxiety.
Talk therapy where it’s just the typical talking while the Therapist takes notes.
Hypnotherapy where you lie on a couch and the Therapist puts you in a hypnotic state where you can reach your subconscious mind.
EFT Tapping for, anxiety, and fear. EFT is the abbreviation for Emotional Freedom Techniques, an effective self-help tool for calming anxiety and fear. EFT is like acupuncture for emotional healing, but you can do it for yourself and there are no needles, just tapping on a sequence of calming meridian points with your fingertips.
I am such an advocate for therapy. I think everyone who suffers from, anxiety, should do therapy because every single person on this planet has their own stuff. It doesn’t have to have been something traumatic; but every person has baggage.
My therapist in high school told me “Megan everyone in life has baggage.” Just like people getting on a plane, some just have a little carry-on while some have like four suitcases. Some people have designer baggage, others have a trash bag; but everyone has something to bring on the plane.
What made you become a, Mental Health Advocate, talking in Middle and High Schools?
My therapist also taught me your mind is like a dog on a leash. When you walk your dog outside and you let the dog do its thing while on the leash. The dog just want to take off; but you have to maintain control of the dog on the leash. You mind is the same way, it wants to take off and anticipate everything and then get, anxiety attacks, but you have to reign it back in. You are still in control of the leash.
When I talk in schools, I try to teach teenagers that they are in control of their minds.
We’re in a pandemic right now and people are getting, anxiety attacks, worrying about the future, worrying if they are going to find a job, it they are going to loose their homes.
Why do you think there is an epidemic of teenagers with, Anxiety, and Depression?
Teenagers were always having a problem with, depression, and, anxiety. A lot of people blame it on the social atmosphere, the social culture. The culture we live in today it’s so different from the 80s or the 90s even the early 2000s. A huge switch happened when social media like Facebook and Myspace took off. Now there’s Tumblr, there’s Twitter, there’s, Tic Tock, there’s Instagram. It’s insane but it is important to remember social media does the same thing to human beings as, anxiety, it triggers the fear of missing out. Oh I didn’t get invited to that party that I see on snap chat, oh my gosh what’s going on with me, my friends are posing on a yacht with a celebrity, so their life must be better than mine.
Social media it really is a very negative thing and I think it’s important to really be aware of how does it make you feel?Before you go on Instagram versus after you get off Instagram. If you are feeling, anxiety, or, depression, after you go on social media, you should cut back your time on it to like 20 minutes a day instead of scrolling for hours.
Here are some of the signs that your Teenager is Depressed
Since teenagers are often moody, it can be difficult to recognize when your son or daughter has become depressed, and might need help. The thing people tend to notice first is withdrawal, or when the teenager stops doing things she usually likes to do. There might be other changes in her mood, including sadness or irritability. Or in her behavior, including, appetite, energy level, sleep patterns and academic performance. If several of these symptoms are present, be vigilant about the possibility of teen, depression.
This is especially important because by the time family members and other people around a teenager note her lack of interest in most things. She’s usually been depressed for some time. Depression, is an internalizing disorder, i.e. one that disturbs a patient’s emotional life, rather than an externalizing one, which takes the form of disruptive or problematic behavior. As such, it takes a while not only for others to recognize it but often for the patient herself to realize that her thinking, and emotional responses, are disturbed.
What your main message for teenagers battling with, Anxiety?
My main message is follow your dreams in life. Once upon a time, it feels like a decade ago, when I went was allowed to speak at schools, I talked about, mental health, anxiety, and self-care. I touched on a lot subjects; but the main takeaway was follow your passions. First fill up your cup, take care of yourself and get to know your body.
Connect with Megan for speaking or to hear any of her work on Instagram @ meganwgallegher on Linkedin @ Megan Gallagher
So many women stay in, unhealthy relationships, and complain. They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated, they feel disconnected, but they stay because they don’t want to be alone. Blake D Bauer, relationship coach lets you know the signs when you should go, if you have given it all you got.
In this Blog and podcast, Blake D Bauer and Myrna Young, Life Coach, are going to be talking on the topic, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love. So ladies download and listen to the full interview because we’re gonna be talking about men and how to understand your man.
Listen to full interview here:
Introduction to Blake D Bauer and, Unhealthy Relationships
Myrna – How did you become an Author, Teacher and a Relationship Coach?
Blake – As a young man I struggled a lot psychologically and emotionally and I didn’t have a lot of healthy men role models in my life, so to cope and survive I got into drinking alcohol, partying and doing drugs.
As a man I instinctively learned how to survive by repressing my emotions. I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my ego and building up my muscles which is a very common masculine tendency.
It’s ironic because all that was my subconscious way of protecting my heart and my vulnerability and surviving the world. We all do that in our own way; but these are the common male tendencies.
Later I developed a desire to understand my purpose in life, which is another topic I think is really important for men. If we don’t have a very clear sense of purpose, it’s hard for us to be strong for our family, for the women in our life and our business. I found that my purpose was to become a, relationship coach, helping women understand when they are in, unhealthy relationships.
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Men really do need a very clear sense of purpose, to be a captain of the ship or be a king for his queen. I started waking up every morning trying to answer two questions.
How do I free myself from this suffering of, unhealthy relationships?
What’s the purpose of my life?
This question led me to five different universities where I studied psychology, nutrition, theories of education and early childhood development, Chinese Medicine including acupuncture and oriental medicine.
I then had a series of insights where I could see how, unhealthy relationships, including the, unhealthy relationship, with myself, was fueling, unhealthy relationships, with others.
In other words if we never learn how to love ourselves as children, it can lead to physical disease, psychological and emotional suffering like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and, unhealthy relationships.
Marc was a successful and admired corporate executive and Real Estate mogul in New York city when trouble arrived in his life. He loses everything.
With the guidance of a great mentor and coach, he learns how to become unstuck and get his life back.
This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.
Pick up a copy of Stuck today from Amazon or wherever books are sold and get moving towards your success.
Stuck
Blake – There was a point in my journey when I realized that everything was really about how you learn to love yourself and value yourself on a daily basis; because that’s the key to your health and happiness. It’s also the key to, healthy love, and, healthy relationships.
In my book “You Were not Born to Suffer” I share all my findings on, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.
You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships
Why is Finding your Purpose Important for, Healthy Love?
Blake – One of the big questions that everybody asks is, Does money and wealth equal success and happiness? So that was the question I kept asking myself. Is success and happiness equivalent to financial success? Can you find, healthy love, if you have lots of money?
I had actually grown up around people who had been very successful financially; but who were very self-destructive and in, unhealthy relationships.
I saw people chase money, get it and lose it again doing drugs. They hurt their children, ruined their marriages and they all had, unhealthy relationships.
So I started asking the question, What is the purpose of Life?
I was plagued and tortured with questions like, Why did I come to this planet?
Is there a God?
From the age of 18 to 24, I was on this very intense healing spiritual and personal development journey. I felt that the reason I had come to the planet and my purpose was to share my insights on self-love with as many people as possible.
If I could teach others how to love themselves then they would be able to love others and have, healthy relationships.
How does the Emotional Health of men lead to, Unhealthy Relationships?
A lot of women go into, unhealthy relationships, with men and they don’t get what they’re looking for because the man is not emotionally ready.
Sometimes as a woman you can also be seeking love from a man that you don’t give yourself, or that you didn’t get from your father. For example, it’s really important to have that self-awareness.
I am spending time with this guy because I really enjoy his company, I really enjoy his energy.
He’s supportive, he’s loving, he’s present plus I’m attracted to him. We should be having a, healthy relationship, but we are not. So if he is not giving me what I need, then I have to analyse why I am with him.
Ask these questions.
Did you enjoy his company?
Did you like feeling protected?
You want to build something with this man, so you start to open up. You tell him, I feel X Y and Z. Pay attention to whether he can really hear you.
Does he listen and respond?
Or does he check out and become distracted?
Or does he change the topic?
Another good question to ask is:
How do you feel about this or that?
How does he feel about regrets in his life?
How does he feel about the importance of communication or emotional connection?
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Blake – This is how you know if you can have a, healthy relationship, with this man.
If you don’t get the response that you want, this is the red flag that you are in an, unhealthy relationship.
A lot of men use this mask, I don’t like to talk. I don’t like to talk about my feelings.
If you get that response, say I need a partner who is able to open up and talk about his feelings, because that’s important to me. As a woman looking for a, healthy relationship, you need a partner who can connect to you emotionally and be there for you and be your best friend as well as a lover.
If you don’t demand what you want, this would be a whole relationship based on you betraying yourself, so the key from the beginning is don’t betray yourself. If you’re betraying yourself right now, STOP because it’s never going to get better.
Many women go into relationships thinking, I am going to fix this man up. He is a work in progress! He is like a fixer-upper, I’m gonna flip this house, I’m gonna flip this man. I’ll just put some nice new wallpaper and everything will be great.
NO it never works, it just doesn’t work.
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If you’re looking for this great of a husband then you have to be a great wife. If you’re looking for a, healthy relationship, then you’ve got to understand what are you bringing to the table, starting with self-love. You’ve got to fix yourself because even if you do get the man, he might not stay because you’re insensitive, you’re bitchy, or you complain all the time.
You’ve got to be the best version of yourself, you’ve got to be able to understand what you what you want up front and ask for it.
Healthy relationships, are merely a projection of the relationship you have with yourself. It directly connects back to where you have unhealthy thought habits and unhealthy habits of internalizing your emotions or pretending you feel different than you feel.
What are the steps to check if you are in an Unhealthy Relationship?
There’s a couple of practical approaches and mindsets that go with having, healthy relationships.
One is that you have to become very aware of what you’re feeling on a daily basis, so for example you can just ask yourself, What do I feel right now in my body?
Get used to saying – I feel hungry, I feel hot, I feel frustrated, I feel sad, I feel depressed. I feel unloved, I feel angry, I feel alone.
Become intimate with your feelings.
On a daily basis talk openly and honestly with your friends, your family or your partner.
Find someone that you feel safe with that and who you can talk to on a daily basis about what’s going on inside of you. If you don’t have a friend or a family member that you can talk to openly and honestly, then it’s important to find a therapist.
Another thing you can do on your own or until you talk to someone, is to get a diary or a journal and write, Dear Universe or Dear God, depending on what you believe. Some people have a connection with a deceased loved one, like their mother or their father or a grandparent, you can write to your loved one who has passed on as well.
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You are in an, Unhealthy Relationship, should you stay or should you go?
Firstly, expressing your emotions honestly and kindly, is the first step if you are in an, unhealthy relationship. Most of us never learned how to do that, and that sabotages relationships and makes us sick and miserable. So you got to learn how to be open, honest, and vulnerable on a daily basis.
Step two is acting in integrity, acting in alignment with what you feel and want and need. So how many people stay in, unhealthy relationships, and all they do is complain. They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated, they feel disconnected; but they stay and they complain.
They don’t take action following what they feel, because they don’t want to be alone. Yet most people in that situation feel alone anyway. They stay in an, unhealthy relationship, and stifle the chance of meeting someone new.
You should leave an, unhealthy relationship, if you’ve done everything you can in that situation to heal the relationship and the other person’s not willing to help.
Conclusion for Unhealthy Love Relationships
You can leave without regret. You know in your heart you gave it a hundred percent, you gave everything you had. You took the responsibility for your actions. This person did not meet you on the bridge!
Blake – My book “You were not born to suffer” is on Amazon, iTunes and audible. It’s on audio kindle and paperback, you can get it at any bookstore. I normally teach at retreats throughout the year in person in the united states, I teach a lot in the mountains in Colorado at a 600 acre Buddhist retreat center. Now that we have COVID Check out my online events on my website unconditional-self love. Com.
As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy. They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega
In this interview I speak with to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It’s not your, business strategy, it’s your, capacity.
Listen to Full Interview
Introduction to Capacity
Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes
You are the Lid! You can only go as far as your, capacity, for growth.
So the headline It’s not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.
Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what’s was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?
Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.
I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition. I noticed from my first couple of clients weren’t talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.
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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn’t working anymore. They couldn’t figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they’d throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.
When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling. But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.
Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list. I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn’t have the, capacity, for it at the time. One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready? Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?
I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue. I couldn’t hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.
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Myrna – I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that’s probably what you did right?
Lisa – I added more staff, I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel! It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year. I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.
After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem, I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.
Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?
Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.
Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough, saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year? If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they’re drained, it’s not that they’re overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it’s because they’re hiding these parts of themselves and it’s so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy, is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money. Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity. If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you to the point that you’re exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue. If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It’s not just boundaries with other people, it’s boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you’re going? Should you instead get some rest? That’s setting a boundary with yourself.
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How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy
Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?
Lisa – It starts with knowing how they score on the six capacities.
It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.
If women don’t get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don’t realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.
Why does our energy level affect our Capacity
Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity. You said we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.
Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor. Women particularly do this a lot and that’s actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue. I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where’s the such-and-such towel and she’d say “it’s in the closet with the towels” and he would say. “I don’t see it” and she’d have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.
This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.
This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted. You wonder why you’re exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.
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Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don’t have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.
If you’re emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity, we can’t operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.
Four keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy
Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that’s when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.
Myrna – I understand that you have a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.
Lisa – First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners. To get your Free Gift head over to my website at www.lisafabrega.com.
You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations. It’s like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.
You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.
Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com. One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.
I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.
To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence. I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph
Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada’s most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”
Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition
Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don’t have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.
Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?
Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that’s American or my audience that’s Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.
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There’s something that’s grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It’s not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.
You could end up internalizing that message where you’re never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you’re pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that’s from your own internal belief or from society.
All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You’re then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.
How do we, Build Self-confidence?
Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you’re good at something or somebody tells you you’re pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.
Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You’ll get your opportunity, you’ll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.
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How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?
Myrna – So let’s transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.
Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – If you don’t believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we’re not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn’t matter how talented we are.
Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you’re gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you’re down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I’ve seen that happen.
But what I don’t understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don’t have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don’t project anything, they don’t protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she’s got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.
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With the guidance of a great mentor and coach, he learns how to become unstuck and get his life back.
This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.
Pick up a copy of Stuck today from Amazon or wherever books are sold and get moving towards your success.
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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?
Dr Ivan – Well I’ll never comment on a woman’s appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it’s a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It’s the measuring stick that they’re using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I’m measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I’m good enough. It’s human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it’s the Joneses next door, whether it’s what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.
So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn’t think they have as much as the next person; you can’t tell them they are attractive or smart, they won’t believe it.
This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We’ll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.
Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You’re, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.
The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
So many people out there won’t ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.
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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit
Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It’s this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:
Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I’m never going to get this Job
Or I’m not as smart as these folks
I can’t do this, I’m no good
We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.
3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.
In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.
Mantras to, Build self-confidence:
1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”
2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”
3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”
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Myrna – I’m a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.
Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.
Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner’s mindset?
How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset
Dr Ivan – I think a, winner’s mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I’ll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner’s mindset.
Write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re great at. There’s going to be times when you feel like you can’t do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.
Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can’t do it.
When you feel like you can’t do it, that, winner’s mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner’s mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.
Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?
Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.
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Tell us about your book “You’ve got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?
Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it.
One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I’d been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.
“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn’t you tell me that he didn’t play high level Soccer? That you’ve been coached by some of the best?”
I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn’t believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.
It wasn’t that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There’s always going to be people who don’t believe in you, it’s your job to change that person’s mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.
So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.
I’m not smart enough
I’m not rich enough
I’m not skinny enough
I don’t look good here
My teeth aren’t this
You get the new job and you’re great but then you get the promotion
I don’t know if I can do it
I don’t think I can do it
What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.
I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna
To order click the link below
https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/
If you go on the website and order the book, I’ll give you the course materials. I think it’s a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.
Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram
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I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com
This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and one lucky winner will win this $25 gift card.
Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!
