Here are 3 ways to find, happiness, after a divorce:
1. Your relationship with yourself.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3. And your relationship with God.
Let’s look at each of these
As you can see, relationship is key.
We are social beings, we need connection, even it is one person.
That is why people commit suicide at Christmas, because while everyone is celebrating with family and friends they are alone.
It is also the reason that social media is so powerful, it allows connection to others.
Out of the Snares of rape
I will share a story.
This woman from Toronto sent me a friend request on Facebook. She was the friend of one of my friends. I accepted. Then she started reaching out to me about coaching and about my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” .
I found out her story.
Raped twice when she was a teenager, sent to live with her father in another country who abandoned her, got pregnant and gave her child up for adoption. She was living in a studio apartment alone. Facebook was her lifeline. You don’t know who is on the other end of that friend request!
So if you are lonely, connect!
These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that’s really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.
You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you’ll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn’t have much meaning in their lives or they’re not feeling satisfied or fulfilled. The truth is that as long as we’re chasing things outside of ourselves we’re always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it’s within ourselves and it’s in the present moment. where all of our power exists.
1. Let’s look First at your relationship with yourself.
The first secret to finding happiness, You have to love yourself.
If you can’t love yourself, no one else can love you. If you can’t love yourself, you can never be happy!
You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.
Come on, God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
One of my daughter’s friend’s laments about the fact that she has no breasts and no curves. She can’t find a boyfriend. Why? Because she projects that and that is what the men see. Not loving herself shows up in other ways in a relationship.
Now look at some women who do not fit the cultural norm of beauty and weight. I can guaranty you that in every situation if she loves herself, she will be in a healthy relationship.
Plus, if there is something you can change about something you don’t like about yourself, do it.
If you can’t change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you
A mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a best friend, a spouse are top on the list of level 5 intimate, relationships. A level 5, relationship, is a relationship with someone who knows your intimate secrets. Someone who you share everything with and they with you. If you have someone like this in your life. You are blessed indeed.
Now you may be wondering why I did not add children to that list. Children gives us profound happiness especially when they are young. But you can’t share secrets with your children so they don’t provide the intimacy we look for to be happy.
To be happy find a level 5 friend and cry on their shoulders!
3. Your relationship with God.
The beauty of having a relationship with God is that it alone can make you happy. If you have a relationship with God, you will love yourself, you will be happy alone because you feel God’s presence with you always, your relationships will be healthy because you will love unconditionally because that is what God teaches us to do. You will find opportunities to bless others and that will make you happy.
A relationship with God is not just going to church, it is not just knowing scripture, it is not just about tithing. The relationship I am talking about is being in direct communication with God.
Going to God with your issues and struggles and seeing him make a way out of no way. Seeing him turn the weapons formed against you into blessings. Being able to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit every day. When you walk in that space everything else in your life falls into place.
You will not only find happiness again, but you will find bliss!
Ashley Bernardi opens up about losing her dad as an eleven-year-old and trying to save his life alongside her mother and sister as he suffered from a sudden death heart attack. She ignored the trauma, grief, and guilt from the horrifying experience for years after being told she was “so strong” in trying to save her dad’s life and attempting to move on. In her 30s, she suffered from a debilitating mystery illness that left her bedridden and unable to care for her three children.
It was then, in a state of despair and hopelessness, that she began to feel the pain and “mess” she had been ignoring – her illness, grief, and trauma – and found the true healing and growth that she had been searching for her entire life. For years, she had pushed her trauma aside to maintain a “mask” of strength for others, yet her feelings came out in other ways – in people-pleasing, alcohol use, in destructive relationships, and eventually, making the devastating effects of her mystery illness even worse.
Authentic Power, teaches us that our darkest hours are disguised as an opportunity to uncover and process, feel, heal, and grow from our mess.
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Myrna: What was your journey to finding your, authentic power?
Ashley: I was so horribly, physically ill. And on top of that had been diagnosed with, postpartum depression, after the birth of my third child, that I was forced, I had no choice, but to sit still and surrender to the pain, the physical pain, but also the mental image, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that I had been bearing since I was 11 years old. But that’s where the healing happens. That’s where that little sliver of light in all that pain, I felt it, I saw it, I held on to it.
I taught myself how to move through and process all of this, trauma. And here I am today, that’s what my book is all about, authentic power, give yourself permission to feel. And I say, authentic power, because that really starts with accessing the wisdom within by getting still turning off all the noise around us. Finding your own authentic voice of what it is that that your body, mind and spirit are calling you to process. And so that’s where that’s really where the story begins.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s an amazing story. You’re right, when you said that, you hope that everybody goes through the long journey as you. You talked about holding on to your pain, and then having it come out as disease, depression and people pleasing. You got healed from, Lyme disease, and you started meditating and finding the power inside of you.
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So, tell us why, authentic power? Once you start to feel and acknowledge your feelings, how does that transform to, authentic power?
Ashley: Oh, that’s such a great question. So, this really goes into, has anyone asked you a simple question, how are you? We always say we’re fine, right? Usually, that’s not the truth. In that moment. It’s like, well, I’ve got a lot of things going on. So, I think like in society, teaches us to mask our feelings because nobody really wants to know, right?
We have social media, Instagram, where we post all the great pictures of the family. There’s just the lack of truth and vulnerability. And I found that in my own life, I was lacking that truthfulness to myself. And I was lacking being vulnerable with myself. And so, when I got truthful and vulnerable with myself, therein lies my authenticity, which is so powerful. You can actually create by going within and listening to that inner voice.
And you mentioned a couple healing modalities that I use to access my, authentic power. Meditation is one of them. Getting quiet and getting still work for me and so was healing yoga. And then also during my healing process, I discovered something that I call the field framework. Which is a technique for me to really go into those messy and uncomfortable emotions, process them in real time allowing me to move through those emotions, and therefore kind of clearing the space again, for me to access my, authentic power.
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Myrna: So yeah, when you can feel, you become vulnerable and don’t have to be so strong. Women we feel that we should be so strong, it’s a badge that we wear. We love hearing, Oh, you’re so strong. Oh my God. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Right? They want to be the Superwoman. And you know, women usually are Superwoman, looking after the kids, they’re working, and taking care of their men.
Ashley: I’m so glad you mentioned that. It’s so funny because my original title for, authentic power, was not so Strong, because I really felt not strong, despite wearing that mask of strength for so long. And that’s something that we do in society. I did that before my health crisis, I wanted to look like Superwoman, I was the one that was pureeing the baby food and making sure my husband had dinner on the table every night, and people pleasing everyone around me, except myself.
When I had my own self, my own health crisis, I had to, I had to look at my own self-worth and value my self-worth, not what other people thought of me. And that really stopped me in my tracks. So now, I don’t try to be superwoman at all. I get a lot of help and I put boundaries in place saying. I tell my husband dinner on the table is not happening tonight. I tell my team this project not going to get done today.
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Myrna: Awesome now I’ve read your book, I know that you felt a lot of, guilt, because on your father’s death, because you felt that there’s something that you could have done. So, what was it that you stuffed down for 20 years or so? Was it, guilt?
Ashley: That’s a great question. It was 100%, guilt. I felt guilty because when my dad was actively having a heart attack, I didn’t run to go by his side to give CPR. My mom and sister did, I ran to go call 911. I also ran to the neighbor to get help. So, for so long, I was like, what if I had gone and given him CPR to help my mom and sister? What if I had been the one to do that? There are so many what ifs. As a child I buried that guilt within me very, very deeply. I also buried the, grief.
So before, before my health crisis, which you know, really is was my greatest awakening, I see, Lyme disease, as my greatest gift, and I’m so grateful for it. It allowed me to really look deep and face my, grief.
I never visited my father’s grave, alone. That’s how much I did not want to deal with facing his death. I did not allow myself to grieve. I’m sure there were sometimes when I cried, but in the early days of, grief, it was just straight up in shock. My dad died very suddenly, it wasn’t a slow death, one day he’s there the next day, he is not. So, the, grief, was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. It was very, very scary, and I didn’t want to face the fact that my dad was gone.
And even afterwards, in middle school, and high school, I would have friends come over, I wouldn’t even tell them that my dad had died. They didn’t know my dad had died. They had to ask other people like where’s Ashley’s dad? Oh, yeah, we heard he passed away. So that’s what bearing, grief, looks like. But I can say now, here I am. 27 years later, just this year, because of all the healing work that I’ve done. I visited his grave by myself for the first time ever.
And I’m so proud of myself, because it was just an incredible way to show how far I’ve come, how long the journey has been. And when I did, it was so beautiful. And I found that it is possible to have relationship with your loved ones, even in death. And that’s something that’s very important. I want to stress that I thought that once my father was dead, he was gone, but I talked to him. I pray for him. I visited him, I cried with him at his gravesite.
Myrna: That’s awesome. What does it mean to have, authentic power? How did dealing with your, grief, give you, authentic power? Why do women need, authentic power?
Ashley: That’s a great question too. Therein lies our truth. It’s also about surrendering to your power because I would also stuff down my power. I’ll give you an example. My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Oh, Ashley’s more sensitive than the average bear. And I thought that being sensitive was a flaw of mine. I feel everything. I’m an empath. I feel other people’s feelings. And I what I learned when I went through my health crisis, when I began to really feel into this emotion was that my sensitivity is my superpower!
It was then I got really quiet and still and listened to that inner wisdom, which is our, authentic power. I use that sensitivity when I’m feeling a little bit energetically overwhelmed. I know that I need to go step away and be by myself for a little bit. I know that I need to go recharge, I know that I can pick up on other people’s, emotions, and so, authentic power, can also help us accept and honor our gifts.
So, for me journaling helps me unlock my, authentic power, but that can also be done in a quiet meditation and walking through nature. This could be done in prayer, too. That is the inner wisdom, that could be from the Divine, it could be from your higher self, or it could just be from that, that within you, which is what your, authentic power, is.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s awesome. A lot of nice little nuggets there. Yes. You know, I’m a meditator, myself, I meditate every morning. Sitting on my meditation cushion, I listen, and I get still.
How did you heal yourself from, Lyme disease? You were bedridden, you couldn’t do anything for yourself. It dropped you on your back. Literally.
Ashley: I’ll paint the picture of what it looked like and then I’m, I will share how I feel. So, this is what it looks like. I mean, for anyone who’s had, Lyme disease, it can show up in so many different ways. For me it went undiagnosed for a very long time and wasn’t diagnosed until after I delivered my third baby.
This is how it started. I believe it was the summer of 2014. I started having symptoms that felt like the flu. I couldn’t keep any food down; I was nauseous all the time. Those symptoms didn’t go away, and it kept getting worse. I had headaches constantly I started losing weight, I got down to the weight that I was before high school. I mean it was very dangerous. I seem to develop a food intolerance to everything I ate. Then I had so many weird things happen, my body would go numb, including my arms and legs. I would have muscle fat isolation so it would feel like I had things crawling on my skin at all times.
I saw so many doctors, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, postpartum depression, you name it. Then when I become pregnant with my third baby those symptoms mysteriously went away and I remember my OBGYN I am saying, pregnancy can do this. It really does turn off the immune system because it knows you’re growing a baby inside you. The day that I delivered my third baby those feelings came right back.
I was sent home from the hospital four days later and it was downhill from there. I remember one time (and this is this was really my turn turning point in the journey) after continuing to see doctor after doctor, nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, the room started spinning and I started blacking out. I lost control my bowels and started Like urinating all over myself.
I just surrendered I said alright God you either take me now because I don’t want my family to suffer anymore or we going to heal together. So, I started the healing process. Healing was the slowest, most excruciating, physical, spiritual, mental and emotional process I ever went through. But I will say that the physical healing was only like 20% of the work that I needed to do. The other 80% came down to me working with energy.
Symptoms of Lyme Disease
Finally, I was diagnosed with, Lyme disease. I was so far off the deep end physically that they couldn’t treat me with just antibiotic pills. I had to have a PICC line installed to my heart. And for eight weeks I couldn’t lift my baby, so we moved in with my in laws. I had I was on the highest dose of antibiotics Rocephin that they use to treat meningitis patients. I had a nurse come to my house, my husband would administer the antibiotic nightly, the nurse would come once a week and change my dressing.
I was not better after eight weeks; the healing took a full year. And this is where I say that, Lyme disease, was my greatest gift, because it allowed me to get still and finally address all these other feelings that had been buried since I was 11 years old. Those feelings of, trauma, and, grief. I learned about the power of, affirmations, and journaling. Every day I would write in my journal as if I was already healed. I would write in my like little book “I am feeling Awesome, my health is vibrant. I am well, I am healthy.” I would affirm it.
I found that journal the other day, the book is this thick of me affirming my health and wellbeing every day. And in addition to that, having a spiritual mentor and joining a church community and sharing my pain with others, being vulnerable and open helped with my healing. I could no longer wear that mask of strength because I was too sick. So, I finally opened up to my friends and loved ones what was happening to me.
Myrna: So, finding that community as well as the power of connection is the path to healing and finding, authentic power. You’ve talked a little bit about your book throughout the conversation. Tell us about your book “Authentic Power.” What is it that you want the reader to walk away with after they closed the book?
Ashley: The book is for anyone who is faced with any sort of adversity in their lives, you know, I described my, trauma. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have to ever experience, trauma, like I’ve experienced, because every single person’s, trauma, looks very different. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the end of something.
My book is for anyone who’s looking to provide holistic healing in their lives and learning that these messy and uncomfortable emotions like, grief, trauma, despair, depression, that there could be a reason they might are there to actually teach us something.
I’m a true believer that these, emotions, that we feel on a physical level are meant to be addressed. We have something to learn from every single, emotion. I want my book to teach readers how to become aware of these messy and uncomfortable, emotions, and then get curious about why they are there. Check out Ashley on the web at https://ashleybernardi.com/
Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. Author and social worker, Kenya Aissa joins the, Transform Your Mind Podcast, to share strategies to develop, Life Skills, and conscious programs for, teenage girls with, post traumatic stress disorder.
How to cultivate consciousness and life skills for, Post traumatic stress disorder, in teenage girls,
Today I am speaking with author, Kenya E. Aissa, MS, is a Social Worker whose experience counseling girls, ages 12-22, has given her valuable insight into their thoughts on the validity of spiritual practice. As a primary counselor in a, residential drug rehabilitation program, created specifically for traumatized girls (one of only a handful of such programs in the U.S.), Ms. Aissa created and implemented a weekly spirituality group.
In the next few years, she discovered that confusion, insecurity, and fearfulness are pervasive amongst girls, and they have few internal skills with which to combat these issues. Education and information about women’s spiritual lives are greatly lacking in our schools and in our society. For young women, this dilemma can result in:
• • Banishment of all spiritual and/or religious beliefs, due to anger and disappointment;
• • Adopting non-traditional practices simply for shock value, or to gain a sense of control;
• • A sense of abandonment and loneliness born of fear, which may result in filling the emptiness with negative people, substance abuse, unhealthy sexual relationships, or early motherhood;
• • Feelings of hopelessness, which may result in depression and other mental health issues.
Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls
How did you transition your Masters in psychology and counseling into specifically helping, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls?
I started working back in the late 90s with my girls that were at a residential treatment center. I was really dropped into that position. I was a little bit blindsided actually, because I really wanted the job. I really wanted to work at a drug treatment facility. I really loved working with
children and I already had the experience. When I got the job I didn’t know that I would be specializing, that my caseload would be specifically,
treating, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, I quickly gained the experience because I was with them all the time. I ran groups I worked with them and their families.
I drove them from place to place. I did all kinds of activities with them, and so I had to learn really quickly how to work with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, These girls were neglected, abandoned, sexually abused etc. I had a couple of girls that were very involved in gangs and so then there’s all of the stuff that comes with being involved in a gang. Often there’s a lot of sex, a lot of sexual assault, sometimes unwanted pregnancies a lot of drugs.
Then there’s a lot of fear because of the behavior. Then of course once the drugs become a factor that’s another layer to the whole thing, because a lot of girls with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, will get involved in drugs to mask the pain of their childhood. I had some girls who were prostituting. So there was there were a lot of things that I would say that every almost every kid had some sort of, sexual abuse, or, sexual trauma.
Why adoptions cause post traumatic stress disorder
When I was in, adoptions, that I had had a lot of experience with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, I could have real conversations with parents because we had parents that, especially with teenagers, we had adoptive parents that would give their adoptive kids back. No kidding. Teenagers are hard under the best of circumstances. They are worst with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in teenage, girls,
Teenage boys have a different set of coping skills. The way of treating boys with, PTSD, is different than it is with girls. My book Sacred Girl: Spiritual Life Skills For Conscious Young Women focuses on, on what works for, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls. Helping them to find their voice and helping them to use tools to strengthen themselves and to gain empowerment.
I then came up with the appropriate strategies to treat, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls. Our goal it’s very action-oriented and so it’s my belief personally that talking just isn’t enough. You hear a lot about talk therapy and all that stuff and talking just doesn’t do the trick for, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, You can’t just talk your way out of the problem and so you really have to do something.
There has to be some action. That’s really what my what my book is really about. It is allowing, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, and let’s just say youth in general to understand that they have the power, they can cultivate life skills and coping skills. I really felt like the movement and the actual thinking of the activities was a way to connect to what was going on with their brain and connect them to their emotions. So we did a lot of yoga. Now I’m a yoga teacher but back then I really had no idea what I was doing.
We did the whole altar thing. In my book there’s a whole section about altars.
For helping deal with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, an altar could be their bedside table. Whatever have meaning for you, or that make you feel spiritually or psychically connected.
Studies show why teenage girls are more likely to develop PTSD
“Among youth with post-traumatic stress disorder, the study found structural differences between the sexes in one part of the insula, a brain region that detects cues from the body and processes emotions and empathy. The insula helps to integrate one’s feelings, actions and several other brain functions.”
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Mindfulness, is the practice of training our minds to be, present, moment by moment. When we are, mindful, we are, conscious, of what is happening around us, our environment, our emotions, our reactions, etc. When we are fully, present, or practice, mindfulness, we listen rather than just hear, we perceive rather than just see. Mindfulness, affects everything we do, and impacts every interaction we have with others.
In this episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna, I teach on the topic of, Mindfulness. Mindfulness, is the art of, being present. It is not as easy as it may seem to become, mindful. As humans we are controlled by automatic programming for over 95% of the time, so remembering to stay in the space of, mindfulness, is also saying to become more, conscious.
Our minds are really good at shuffling between past, present and future, driven by our fears and desires, memories and imagination. Our minds habitually go from reflecting on the past one moment, to worrying about the future at the next moment, with very little time spent on being fully, present. This behavior is so habitual that we don’t even realize that we are not, present.
For some people, mindfulness, is primarily a way to enhance health or performance. For others, mindfulness, is a tool for self-exploration. And for yet others, mindfulness, is part of a spiritual path, a way to develop insight into the human condition and freedom from suffering.
Regardless of the motivation, scientists find that practicing, mindfulness, is associated with changes in the structure and function of the brain as well as changes in our physiological responses to stress, suggesting that this practice has important impacts on our physical and emotional health that are worth exploring.
Mindful, action is connecting the body with the mind. Yoga is one way we connect our bodies and mind through movement to release stored stress and trauma. Mindful Breathing, is regulating our breathing to shift the way we feel, so we can better regulate our emotions.
Mindful Centering, is being aware of what you are thinking about as you think it. Becoming conscious of your thoughts and then using the breath to keep your focus in the, present moment. This allows you to center back in the, present, and breathe when the mind moves into the past or the future.
Focused attention is another, mindfulness, technique. This technique uses the breath to anchor the mind and maintain awareness. Focus your attention on the breath — specifically the rise and fall of the chest — and return to the breath whenever you get distracted or notice your, mind, starting to wander.
Mindfulness Meditation, is an ancient Buddhist tradition that focuses on clearing your, mind, and stillness. You can think of, mindfulness meditation, as training for your, mind, in the same way exercise trains your physical body. Just as there are different workouts you can engage in to get your body fit, there are different types of, meditation, you can practice to sharpen your, mind. One of these types is, mindfulness meditation.
Like its name suggests, mindfulness meditation, involves becoming more mindful of the breath and the sensations in your body as you focus on your breathing. When thoughts come to the forefront of the, mind, you let them float away like colored balloons being taken away by the wind. You do not analyze the thoughts or let them take you into the past or the future, you simply let them come and go without being judgmental about them or trying to figure out what they mean.
Your goal is to become, mindful, of the, present moment, and how your body responds to these thoughts. This allows you to ultimately become less reactive to or overwhelmed by what you’re feeling — particularly when it comes to things like stress and anxiety.
While, mindfulness meditation, may have once seemed like an esoteric practice that only monks or the highly spiritual did, it has now become mainstream. Everybody now knows of the measurable benefits of, meditation. Meditation, has undergone numerous clinical studies that are cluing scientists into the very real benefits this practice has. As it turns out, meditation, is officially great for your, mind and body.
When it comes to the science behind, meditation, different studies have investigated its relationship to a variety of different health conditions. While research remains ongoing, so far, there’s demonstrated evidence that, meditation, may promote an array of positive health effects, including:
Lower blood pressure in people who are at risk of developing high blood pressure
“Help with psychological distress, anxiety, depression, anger/hostility and coping ability,” according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Potential diminishing severity of irritable bowel syndrome symptoms after at least eight weeks of practice
Mindfulness meditation, doesn’t only change our, mindset, and perspective, it actually can change the shape of our brains. Generalized neuroimaging, meditation, studies found that 8 weeks of, mindfulness meditation, also changes our brains, rewiring them towards more positive thoughts and emotions.
Your ability to relax has a profound effect on your bodily functions, and the relaxation, meditation, leads to can lower your blood pressure, improve circulation and lowers your heart rate. You could see less perspiration, less strain in your breathing and lower levels of stress hormones in your body.
One of the biggest benefits of, mindfulness meditation, is mental. Being, mindful, can reduce your stress levels and anxiety and make you feel more relaxed. Regular, mindfulness meditation, becomes a tool you can use throughout your life to boost your mental and physical wellness.
For many people, meditation is a, spiritual practice. It can allow you to feel closer to God and more connected to your faith. This transcendent state feels otherworldly.
Meditation, may also help kids learn to become more grounded and stable. You should begin practicing, mindfulness meditation, with your kids. Children benefit from the act of relaxing and concentrating. Practicing, mindfulness, can help them with their emotions, stress, anxiety, and feelings, just as it can for adults. Life is full of new feelings for children, and you may see an improvement in your child’s wellbeing after introducing, meditation.
People, meditate, for different reasons. While some do it as a religious practice, others practice for, self-development, a better sense of clarity, or just being still and hearing God. Many hope to feel more balanced and relaxed by lowering their stress levels. Whatever your reason, start by trying a few techniques to see which works best for you. Remember to give it time and have patience.
Many who start, mindfulness meditation, give up because they can’t quiet their minds, but like I said earlier a technique is to let the thoughts come and go, don’t fight them because the more you resist, the quicker they come back. With practice, you will be meditating like the, Buddhist monks, in no time.
Conclusion
So start your practice of being, mindful. Pay attention to your environment, the sensations in your body and start seeing the benefits.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna. I invite you all to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach for daily life coaching tips and strategies to live your best lives now.
As a CEO, it doesn’t matter whether your company is only “you” or you have a staff of one thousand. If you are the CEO, you are the visionary. You are all your company has, and your company will rise or fall depending on what you do with your “thought seed” or, inception, ideas.
You are the lid!
Limits, like fear, is often an illusion.
Michael Jordan
What we are today comes from our, inception, thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.
Buddha (563 BC-483 BC) Founder of Buddhism
An, inception, story
Let’s say you are a Law student at Harvard University; but your passion is writing software. You spend most of your time in the computer lab writing code. One day your friend and fellow computer enthusiast show you an edition of Popular Electronics magazine, featuring a kit to build one of the first mini computers, the “Altair 8800”.
You think to yourself, this new computer needs software to run, inception, thought, idea! I can write the code for the software to run this computer!. So you call the company and tell them that you have already written software that would run on this new computer. Not true, you don’t even have a model!
But you get them to agree to give you a meeting to demonstrate. You bust your ass to deliver; and you meet the deadline. Your code worked perfectly. The company gives you the contract. You quit Harvard and go full time into your own company; you call it Micro-soft! All because of an, inception, thought, idea.
Where is reality in this story? How many CEO’s operate in this space of total confidence, vision and action? The ordinary would have said, “We would need to get an Altair computer and understand the Bios before we can write code.” The ordinary would wait for the right time to make the call. The ordinary would waste this, inception, idea because they are waiting for the right time or the stars to line up.
You know the end of the story. Bill Gates and Paul Allen started Microsoft after that. At 23 years old, Bill had 25 employees and his company was grossing over 2 million annually. This was before IBM and MS-DOS. Today he is the richest man in the world with a personal fortune in the billions.
How to Care for your, Inception, or, Thought, seeds.
Care for your, “thought, seeds” or, inception, ideas. Ideas that are in alignment with your purpose will light you up and make you feel good. Most of us, you and me, when we get, “thought, seeds”, we filter them through our reality filter. We ask the question “does this make sense”.
“Dare to be unrealistic. Saying this is not realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity”
Will smith
What do you do with your, “thoughts, seeds“? Are you like the farmer from the scriptures? Do you sow some of them on rocks? Where the winds of negativity or your friends and family discourage you and tell you it would never work? Thoughts, are incepted into your mind so you can water them and make them grow.
Inception of thought seeds
“A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”………Mathew 13:4-9
Each moment as you move through this world, you are planting seeds. Those seeds are your, thoughts. Once planted, they take root and grow into a forest of reality which surrounds you. So how is your forest growing?
Is it filled with beautiful, productive flora, growing from a steady stream of, positive thought seeds,? Or is it filled with gnarled, thorny, tangled vines which hold you back in every direction?
The trees that grow depend upon the seeds that are planted. Though each thought is a small, seemingly insignificant thing, once it has passed through your mind it begins to grow into something real and substantial.
Each, thought, combines with the other, thoughts, that came before it, and the, thoughts, that come after it, to set the direction of your reality. Even the most secret, hidden thoughts eventually become obvious because of the direction they give to your life.
You can decide how to direct your mind, and by so doing you can profoundly affect the reality of your life. Plant row after row of positive, empowering, thought seeds, and these, inception, thoughts, will grow into a rich and magnificent forest of value and accomplishment.
So, when you have a, “thought, seed” or, inception, that excites you; you plant it in the ground, you cover it up, you water it and it WILL become a tree.
I started off talking about CEO’s; but each and every one of us wants to grow up to be something.
Michael Jordon wanted to be the best at basketball. So he hired a coach and every summer he practiced and mastered one skill.
Coaching helps you take stock of where you are now in all aspects of your life, and how that compares to where you would like to be.
Elaine MacDonald
Join me for my new webinar workshop entitled “The Leader Within“. I am offering to HELP you either water the, “thought, seeds” already planted or plant new “seeds” to realize your vision. This webinar will be absolutely FREE!. Its purpose is to help you discover where you are today and plant your, inception, idea of where you want to be.
So if you want to be something tomorrow you are not today then: REGISTER FOR FREE!!
As a gardener of your, mind, you have to be vigilant about tending your, mind garden. Imagine your, mind, as a garden. Positive thoughts are the beautiful flowers that brighten your life. Negative thoughts are the ugly weeds that spread and suffocate your happiness, by cutting off sunlight. Just like plants we need sunlight to thrive.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha
Negative thoughts can take the form of fear, self-doubt, guilt, anger, blame, insecurity, prophesying or any thought that makes you feel bad!
Garden your, mind, to kill the ANTS, Automatic Negative Thoughts
The mind garden of fear
Fear – defined as false events appearing real, is the number one reason that we don’t achieve success in this life, it grows when we don’t tend our, mind garden. Fear of the unknown, that feeling of uncertainty. Our, minds, spin tales of past events when we failed or of someone we knew who failed. One way to Kill this, automatic negative thought, or weed in our, mind garden, is to imagine what is the worst that could happen.
If you hate your job and are afraid to leave for fear that you would be able to find another job that pays as much or more than you are making now; talk back to this fear and say that you are skilled and you would so get another job. If the worst that could happen is that you run out of money and can’t eat or become homeless; then you plan ahead and either find another job before you quit or acquire the necessary skills to get the job you want. Doing nothing because you are afraid should never be an option. There is also a positive side to this ANT or weed in your, mind garden.
If you are afraid of losing something be it your spouse, your job, your home; it tells you that these things are important to you and that you should do the necessary due diligence to keep them. For example if you fear losing your spouse, then you should work on keeping the marriage fresh, you should keep yourself attractive and don’t let yourself get to 300 lbs and you should serve your spouse and make them feel special.
Self-doubt grows in your mind garden
Lack of confidence is a very powerful, automatic negative thought, or weed that could unchecked in your, mind garden. One of the most essential character traits to have is confidence. It is sexy and it allows you to command attention. When this, automatic negative thoughts, is telling you that you are not good enough, you will not get that promotion because you don’t have a degree for example; talk back and tell it that you are the best person for this job and that it is their loss if they don’t hire you.
Tend to your, mind garden, and pull up this weed. If you don’t, you will never move from where you are today. You will never be an over achiever or the top sales person on a team! You need self-confidence to achieve success.
Guilt is a weed in your mind garden
Guilt, is a result of your conscience in your, mind, telling you that you have violated your own core value. It is telling you that you did something that is moving you away from your predetermined goal. You can pull up this weed from your, mind garden, by telling yourself that you recognize your mistake and that you have forgiven yourself. Don’t let the guilt and shame arrest you and keep your, mind, in bondage.
Anger – Anger ANTS, automatic negative thoughts, keep telling you that someone had no right to do something. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. Psychologists say that anger is like an iceberg, what you see is just the tip but there is more ice for miles below the surface. If you are conscious you have an Anger Management problem, then you should understand (with the help of a Therapist) what is causing your anger. You can pull up this weed from your, mind garden, by telling this , automatic negative thought, that you cannot control what someone else does; the only person you can control is yourself.
Blame – this, automatic negative thought, can be very destructive. When you blame others for the results you are having in your life, you assume the role of the victim. As the victim, you have no power to facilitate change. You pluck this ANT from your, mind garden, by becoming a player. As a player you take back control. Regardless of what the dealer is showing, you can still win! You are not the product of your circumstances. Everybody has a story, it is how you handle adversity and challenges that define and grow you.
Prophesying – the prophesying, automatic negative thought, talks to you about what it knows about the future! It tells you things like “you are never going to close that sale”. “The customer is going to string you along and they will never buy” or “it is never going to work out”. You remove this ANT from your, mind garden, by declaring that you cannot predict the future. You do not have a crystal ball!
Automatic negative thoughts are the weeds in your mind garden
My, Automatic Negative Thoughts, generally take the form of conversations. These ANTS usually starts crawling when I get a trigger. You know what happens when you step on an Ants nest? The Ants all run out at the same and start attacking, they bite!
Tony Robbins teaches about anchors and how to replace the negative ones with positive ones. If you have this problem you should check out his book “The Power Within“. The way I handle these, automatic negative thoughts, is by shaking my head when I become conscious that they are crawling around. I physically shake my head like I am trying to shake them off me, then I bring my attention to my breathing for a few minutes. If they come back again and they usually do, I download them in my journal and that usually takes care of the problem for me and frees my, mind. This is how I tend my, mind garden.
I tend the Garden of my mind by becoming Conscious of the thoughts that make me feel bad!
Positive thoughts on the other hand are like flowers, they beautify your gardens and bring smiles to anyone who stops and pays attention to their beauty; in a similar way positive thoughts make you beautiful to anyone who you have interpersonal relations with. But the beauty of positive thoughts is that they make you feel good. It is not only sex that makes you feel good!
Tending to the garden of your, mind, is an ongoing process.
I’ve seen firsthand how dangerous it is to let the weeds of negative thinking take over your, mind, and just like in your natural garden the weeds thrive more than the flowers or plants. In a similar way when you allow the, automatic negative thoughts, to run free in your head; they snuff all the joy out of your life. All you see is darkness, because they are blocking the sunlight from getting in! Let’s look at a garden metaphor to bring an awareness of what happens when weeds take over a garden. Left alone the weeds flourish, creating a dark, tangled mess.
Is your, mind garden, full of weeds?
This morning I stepped outside and noticed one of the largest weeds I have ever seen. I didn’t notice it before because it looked like a tree. It had a trunk, and was taller than the other flowers. I thought to myself; how on earth could a weed grow so strong and big? The answer is simple: their purpose is to take the nutrients from the plants, so they get big when your plants become weak and die.
So it is too with your, mind: An unattended, mind, can create havoc for you because your, mind, is amazingly receptive to whatever suggestions may be dropped into it. It has been said that the subconscious mind cannot take a joke. This simply means that whatever belief is introduced to it, it takes seriously as an instruction to grow that thought-seed into a full-blown plant–be it a rose or a weed, and it can’t tell the difference.
How to plant positive seeds in your, mind garden
When you stop and consider how many thought-seeds are purposefully planted in your, mind garden, on a daily basis, it may cause you to tend to your mental garden with a bit more regularity. This is in addition to all the seeds that were planted in your mind unconsciously. As you listen to the radio, watch TV or even sit in a restaurant where others are talking, your mind hears it ALL, irrespective of whether you are conscious of it or not. Given what’s going on in our world today with all of the talk that comes from fear and anger, this is a vital point to grasp. Even when you engage in gossip or negative conversation with or about others, your subconscious mind hears it all. Be careful of the seeds you let in.
A, mind, expanded with an implanted thought cannot be returned back to its original form. Leonardo DiCaprio starred in this complicated movie called “inception”, the implantation of another person’s idea into a target’s subconscious.[Hollywood understands this concept. The only way to avoid this type of mind pollution is to be consciously focused on positive activities and limit news and gossip.
There are some companies that have a zero tolerance for gossip. They treat it like a cancer and remove the gossiper immediately.
The action you and I need to take is clear isn’t it? It has been proven that the human mind thinks thousands of thoughts a day. Instead of planting a mixed bag of thousands of various seeds, from fearful to simply confused and unfocused thought-seeds, which will require a full time gardener to pull up the weeds, why not specialize in planting one or two types of seed? Plant thought-seeds about yourself and others that are rooted in reverence and loving-kindness.
Plant seeds that focus on God’s Presence at the center and circumference of all you say think and do, at work, home, or play.
Be mindful…be skillful in the seeds you plant and how you nurture them. Your life is your garden; keep the weeds out because that is one way in which you can personally beautify our world. You owe that much to yourself and to those who receive the benefit of the seeds you plant along the way.
Nutrition, is the study of nutrients in food, how the body uses them, and the relationship between diet, health, and disease. A, Dietitian, play a really big role in people’s overall health. It’s not just about, weight loss, proper, nutrition, can reduce the burden of disease, prevent and reverse disease.
Today I interview Vanessa Rissetto, registered Dietician and co-founder of Culina Health.
As the co-founder of Culina Health, Vanessa’s magic lies in her realistic and personalized approach to nutrition. With science as her first love, she is interested in helping clients to take an active role in their health journey with the help of her expertise: personalized lifestyle plans backed by evidenced-based, science-driven nutrition counseling, adult weight management, and building a better relationship with food. Vanessa received her MS in Marketing at NYU and completed her Dietetic Internship at Mount Sinai Hospital where she worked as a Senior Dietitian for five years.
Introduction to Nutrition
Myrna: You said science is your first love? Can you share your journey into becoming a registered, dietitian?
Vanessa: Nutrition, is a discipline, in and of itself. And, nutrition, is a modality that elicits change. We know that anecdotally, and we are now starting to track data around that. So a, dietitian, play a really big role in people’s overall health. It’s not just about, weight loss, I think that’s the old narrative. A, dietitian, is not somebody who is very elite and unattainable, and unaffordable.
So, if you can’t afford, dietitian, and you’re all relegated to being, unhealthy, and that’s not the case, and we do much more than just manage some of the, weight. Proper, nutrition, helps if you have, diabetes, if you have, kidney disease, cancer, or a nursing mother, and you want to help increase your milk supply. All of these things, a, dietitian, can help you with. People don’t realize this and we also take insurance.
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My company Culina Health does take insurance. 91% of the patients that we see all exercise their insurance benefits. So, the services of a, dietician, is basically a luxury service that you’re not even really paying for. And using the help of a, dietitian, is going to help you with your, nutrition, will help extend your life. That’s what a, dietitian, is there for.
The physician will save your life and the, dietitian, will keep you healthy.
Myrna: That’s true, nutrition, is a big thing. I remember reading a book. I think it was Deepak Chopra’s book, Perfect Health and he was saying that everybody should have a, nutrition book, everybody should have something or someone like a, dietician, who tells them about, nutrition. I like that your specialty, or your modality is you want to call it a, science based nutrition.
That’s working with how their body processes and things, because one of the things I also learned is that the, digestive system, is just as unique as your fingerprint.
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Myrna: Everybody has a different, digestive system. So I’m sure a, dietitian, is somebody that can help you with that. I went to a, dietitian, once because my cholesterol was high. I know, nutrition, plays a big role in fighting, cancer. What made you decide to go into the, dietitian, field?
Vanessa: I studied biology in college, but I just didn’t become a doctor for whatever reason. I went to a, dietitian, myself, in college, I had gained 50 pounds, because I didn’t know anything about food. My mother wasn’t somebody who thought about calories. We didn’t have a scale in our house. And so I ate the food that my mother cooked every single day. And that was it. And I never had a problem with my, weight, and I didn’t overthink the food that I ate.
We know that soda has chemicals and copious amounts of sugar. And it can affect your, weight, in a negative way. And so I gained all this, weight, in college. For me vegetable carbohydrates worked with my, digestive system, so I lost all the weight, but I didn’t really understand how. I knew that a, dietitian, would be the person to tell me, so I went and met with a, dietitian, her name is Keri Glassman, she’s a good friend of mine to this day. And she explained, nutrition, to me in a very pragmatic way.
How food affects your body. If this is your goal, this is what and how you should eat. And so it gave me clarity on what I was doing. I went on to lose another 15 pounds, not even because I was trying, but because I started to piece together how she recommended eating. It wasn’t a restrictive prescription. It was you need to have a protein, a fat and a carbohydrate, every single meal. And I thought, wow, I could offer this service for other people. That seems very exciting and interesting. I started taking classes again and going on this journey to become a, dietitian.
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Myrna: That’s awesome. You know, a lot of people become life coaches, because they were, life coaching, clients. So you became a, dietitian, because you liked your, dietitian. But alright, let’s dissect that a little bit. The advice from your, dietician, was to eat a balanced meal. She told you that you should have carbohydrates, fat, and protein at every meal.
Would that be considered, intuitive eating, or, prescriptive eating? So what I want to understand that even though we’re all different, our bodies are all different scientifically. How does one size fit all? When you talk about, prescriptive eating, which means that everybody was following the same pattern, they have carbohydrates, proteins and fats at every meal. What does, prescriptive eating, look like?
Vanessa: Prescriptive eating, is if I tell you how and what to eat. If I tell you how to put the pieces together, that’s going to lead you down a path towards, prescriptive eating.
Intuitive Eating, on the other hand is just knowing what works for you and only eating those foods. That works for some people and it doesn’t work for others. Some people need more guardrails like, prescriptive eating, and other people don’t. Your first experience with food depends on what on your how you were raised.
Did you grow up food insecure?
Does your mother have an eating disorder?
Did your parents use food to bribe you?
Are you constantly made to feel ashamed because you are overweight or underweight?
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These are all the psychological factors and components that play and so, dietitians, have to understand The patient and every person is individualized. And that’s why like we at Culina Health provide, personalized nutrition. So, for example, if you were a type two, diabetic, I would counsel you an entirely different way, than somebody who comes to me and says, all I do is think about food every single day and what I’m eating like every minute of every day, I’m thinking about what I’m eating. Well, that’s, that’s an eating disorder. And so we need to deal with that in a very different way.
But if you’re a type two, diabetic, it’s completely reasonable for me to say carbohydrates, affects your blood sugar, they raise your blood sugar, they tell your liver, store fat. When the blood sugar is raised, your pancreas mobilizes insulin. Insulin helps to bring the carbohydrate in the cells, that’s a storage hormone. So that’s also going to affect your weight.
So let’s figure out how much carbohydrate you can have at every meal. How does carbohydrates affect you later on in the day. Some people have no problem eating carbohydrates at breakfast and lunch, but eating it at dinner is a problem. Some people, that’s not how it works, they need to eat their carbohydrate earlier in the day. So it just depends on your, digestive system.
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So even though there’s a prescription for eating, it’s still intuitive to you and your life and your cycle. You know, what is going on with you. So, let’s make that fit.
Myrna: To me, Intuitive Eating, is eating following your preferred diet and maybe tweaking it a little bit. Because either you’re, diabetic, or you’re not, or you want to build muscle, or lose weight etc. So, prescriptive eating, is what you would counsel someone to do, like a meal plan.
Vanessa: Whatever your goal is, maybe your goal is that you just want a better relationship with food. So okay. that’s different than you have type two, diabetes, and we need to control your blood sugar. So I’d probably lean more prescriptive if I need to control your blood sugar.
Intuitive eating, is just following your normal diet. If you’re from the Mediterranean or Caribbean Islands, intuitive Eating, is just honoring your body and, how you feel during the day nothing is off limits. We can eat whatever we want, we just have to understand how the food is affecting our body.
Myrna: You say that understanding what we eat is influenced by many factors. social, emotional, and psychological. So, talk to me about that. How those modalities fit into someone’s, diet plan, for, weight loss?
Vanessa: People go between contemplative and action, they vacillate between the two often, and so it’s our job as, dietitian, to recognize that, and really meet people where they where they are. Because if they think that they’re in action mode, but really, they’re in contemplative or pre contemplative mode, they will not be successful achieving their goals. It’s our job to help them understand where there are in the process. If I give you, diet plans, and every week you have excuses why you didn’t complete them you are in the contemplative state, so let’s step back.
Because we don’t want you to feel negatively about this experience, or that you’re not able to achieve your, weight loss, goals you’re just not ready. And that’s okay. So those are like those psychological components. And psychological and behavior, they sort of go hand in hand. And that’s a big piece of this. We need to really understand our patients, how they behave, why they behave in the way, and how we can support them, so that they can achieve success.
What is your relationship with food? How were you treated as a child? How do you feel around food? How were you first introduced to food? Do you know, what are your preconceived notions about food? Those things are also important.
Myrna: So you’re talking about someone coming to see you, and they have a goal, either to be healthier, or they have an illness, like cancer, or even, something like Crohn’s disease. So there’s certain foods that they can’t eat. So, when that person comes to you, you work with them on their social, I’m assuming that social means they go out a lot, eat fast food or not drinking water. Emotional, maybe their relationships. Some people eat when they are lonely or heartbroken etc. And I guess the psychological is are you ready to do the work to make a change?
I know someone who is overweight and his wife is always trying to get him to to pay attention to his weight and food, but he’s not there yet. He doesn’t have what it takes to to make that commitment to eat healthier.
Vanessa: Yeah, he’s not ready if people are constantly talking about his, weight, then that’s the thing for him. So this happens to a lot of people, I’m just using him because I know. But I do know that I see a lot of people that are overweight, and you’re thinking, Well, why aren’t they doing something about it?
They’ll say, oh, that’s healthy, or unhealthy? And then you’re going to get sick at some point in time? Well, I think people are not ready. I mean, we know that, weight, isn’t necessarily a predictor of morbidity and mortality, and some people choose to live in a larger body. And they’re happy with that. And so that’s that.
So we just, we recognize that and we noticed that it’s not a one size fits all. And sometimes you just have to say to people, Hey, let’s not let’s talk about the, weight. You came here because your, cholesterol, is elevated. But we have to do things to make the, cholesterol, go down. So, I want to change the way that you eat in these ways.
Your current diet is that you don’t eat breakfast, and then at night you over eat cookies. Let’s come up with something that you will eat that’s really easy and accessible. Let’s say it’s an English muffin with peanut butter for breakfast. You eat that for breakfast that every single day for three months and you only eat two cookies at night. I promise you your, weight, will have gone down and your lab will have gone down.
You can also lower your, cholesterol, if you had chia seeds or some berries, with almond milk, that would actually keep you full. And that’s upping the fiber content, because fiber helps to draw, cholesterol, away from the body.
Meal plan:
two tablespoons of chia seeds,
one quarter cup of oats,
half a cup of berries, you’d probably be somewhere in the vicinity of 15 grams of fiber. And that’s only at breakfast.
add vegetables at lunch and dinner,
and another piece of fruit paired with a fat like nuts, you would get to about 30 grams of fiber. If we focus on 30 grams of fiber every single day, that’s will lower your, cholesterol. You don’t have to eat oats, but it’s just a quick vehicle for the fiber.
A lot of times we become overwhelmed with the challenges we face in our lives. We can do one of two things; we can fold up like a flower at night or we can stand up push out our chest find our, courage, and declare. I was, born for this!
This is exactly what happened to, Queen Esther, in the, bible story.
King Xeroxes threw a banquet and for 6 months he celebrated with wine and food. He invited all the nobles from 127 province that he ruled over to attend this banquet.
In his drunken state he sent for his wife and demanded she appear before him in her robe and crown. He wanted to parade her around and show off her beauty to his subjects. She refused. That sent the king in a rage, and he asked his advisors what to do about her. They suggested he banish her forever from his presence because women all over the Kingdom would follow her and start to disrespect their men.
The king agreed and banished the queen, but now he needed a queen. So, they searched the country for the most beautiful virgins and brought them to the palace to be in the Kings, harem.
How women were prepared before they could sleep with the King
These women were prepared for one year before they were allowed to sleep with the king. In this year their skins were rubbed with the oil of myrrh for 6 months and the next 6 months their body was perfumed. Then after a year they would be sent to the king’s bed and would not get a chance again unless he was pleased with their performance and requested them again by name!
So, in those days the women in the, king’s harem, had to be beautiful smell like a fragrant garden and also had skills!! Wow! This was, life in harem.
Anyway, moving on with the story, Esther, had what the King wanted because not only did she please him and he sent for her by name several times, but he decided to make her his queen.
Now, Esther, was a, Jew, and she never told anyone. Her family was part of the, Jews, who were displaced when King Nebuchadnezzar banished the, Jews, from their homeland.
So, when her uncle heard that Haman was planning to destroy all the, Jews, on March 7 the following year, he asked, Queen Esther, to go before the king and ask for mercy.
Now, the king had a rule that anyone who appears before him in his inner court without being invited is doomed to die, unless the King holds out his golden scepter. The king had not sent for, Esther, in 30 days. Her uncle told her if she did not go to the King and beg for mercy for her people, she would be dead anyway then he added “Maybe you were, born for this!”
So, Queen Esther, found her, courage, and risking her life and appeared before the King uninvited. But when a man loves a woman, she can do no wrong. When, Queen Esther, appeared before the king in his inner court without being invited, the king welcomed her and held out his golden scepter then asked her
“What do you want Queen Ester? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half my kingdom!
So it was that, Queen Esther, was responsible for saving her people the, Jews. Her, enemy, Haman was killed by the same trap he laid for Mordecai and all his sons and family was killed.
You Were Born For This: Lessons from Queen Esther’s Story
The first lesson is that you were born with a, purpose, and you don’t know what it is until you know. You must find the, courage, to do it afraid because, you were born for this.
Whatever life events or circumstances that is trying to kill you, just remember, you were, born for this. Everything that you have done in your life have been training for this moment.
Esther, was born with great beauty, but, Queen Esther, was trained in how to please a man and how to ask for things from a man. She threw the King 2 banquets before she asked for her request and then she began with
“If I have found favor with the king and if it pleases the king to grant my request and do what I ask.”
Learn the, rules of engagement, Learn the, rules of negotiation, learn how to ask your husband for what you want.
The second lesson we can take from this story is that the, enemy, Satan and all his people go about seeking who to kill and destroy and you don’t have to do them anything for them to come after you. They can plot to destroy you because you refuse to bow down to them and placate their ego.
All you have to do to defeat your, enemies, is keep praying to God and he will take care of your, enemies, using the same weapons they formed against you to destroy them. Haman was killed on the same pole he planned to impale Mordecai on.
The, Jews, were victorious against their, enemy, and so will you because, you were born for this.
This is coach Myrna Young and this is, 5 min with coach Myrna, until next time God Bless.
You are invited to join my private Facebook Group called Lifecoach to be inspired by hundreds of Life Coaches every day
10 ways that, childhood trauma, can sabotage your love life and relationships. Relationship Coach Riana Milne joins The Transform your Mind podcast to discuss, childhood trauma, and how it impacts our adult life. Riana is the best selling author of “Love Beyond your Dreams” and “From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success.”
For anyone who have had trouble maintaining healthy relationships, listen to find out if your have any of the, childhood trauma, that can affect your love relationships.
How Childhood Trauma affects Adults
IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN:
How does, childhood trauma, impact adults in life and love?
Riana goes over ten, childhood traumas, and relate them back to how they show up in our lives as an adult.
To get the most out of this topic, Riana advise the listeners to Get a sheet of paper and make three columns.
The first column you put “ME”, the second column you put “Your partner” and the third column you put “Your parents” because research shows, childhood trauma, go through the generations.
As I speak them remember that when you were child you’re very young and innocent all you knew is what mom and dad modeled to you so there’s
nothing to feel guilt or shame about.
I don’t want people to say no it didn’t happen because they’re embarrassed or they feel shame around it.
If it is a fact, if it happened write it down.
It is like putting a puzzle together. Once you know what your, childhood trauma, is and then how it’s showing up as a for you as an adult.
As a coach, I can start putting the pieces together and everything starts making a whole lot of sense.
My favorite line is you can’t change what you don’t understand.
Childhood trauma, #1 addictions
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder, spending or gambling, workaholic etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.
Childhood trauma, #2 Verbal Abuse
2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and yelling at each other? This, Childhood trauma, is typical is yelling screaming but this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like “you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.
Childhood trauma, #3 emotional abuse or neglect
3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours.
There’s anxiety around that. So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our kids there home alone.
Childhood trauma, #4 Psychical abuse
4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – This, childhood trauma, could have happened in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools we’re supposed to teach our child another way.
If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.
Childhood trauma, #5 Abandonment
5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma, from abandonment. Fault and No Fault abandonment.
Here are three examples, childhood trauma, from no-fault abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24
Here is an example of “Fault” abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.
Childhood trauma, #6 Adoption
6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.
Childhood trauma, #7 personal trauma
7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky. Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.
Childhood trauma, #8 Sibling trauma
8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time. Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m worthwhile too.
Childhood trauma, #9 Community trauma
9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years. Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma. Today we can also have, childhood trauma, if we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass shootings in our community.
10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities. We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma. Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or the repercussions.
I am unlike every other love coach, because I specialize in how the past has harmed you and what you’re attracting. We call it same person different face. The repetitive toxic relationships and this happens to my clients who are very successful
in business but they struggle in love. They can’t figure out why like I can get the career right,
If you would like to improve the quality of your life and don’t have the budget to hire a coach, then I have an offer for you. Why not play the game of life and learn the skills to maneuver life situations. How many of you have played the game of monopoly and learned the value of having property to collect rent?
1. The Coaching Game features 65 associative cards that explore significant everyday life themes.
2. Punctum fosters associative connections between photos, themes and questions. These flexible combinations make it a fascinating tool, highly effective in dynamic therapy, coaching and counseling.
3. Faces is a powerful way to get to know ourselves through the observation of others.
For more information or to purchase one or more games. Would make a prefect Christmas gift for someone you love. Head over to https://poy4all.com/transform/?ref=17
There’s Nothing “Wrong” with You that Makes Dating So Hard! In Fact, 90% of People Have the Same Challenge when it comes to Love! (And They Don’t Even Know It Exists!)
Imagine attracting and having the Emotionally Healthy Love Relationship you’ve always wanted – and the life you are passionate about! It’s possible and I’ll show you what you’ve been doing “wrong”. (And it’s not what you think!)
It’s time to get the FACTS and learn EXACTLY what is going on, and How to Fix It!
What happens to us as children can affect the attachment style we carry into our adult relationships. Childhood Trauma, hugely influences attachment. Often people who grew up in happy, healthy, and stable homes where caregivers were emotionally available and responsive to their needs have a secure attachment style. These people don’t push partners away or cling too tightly. While they may have troubles in their relationships, an unhealthy attachment style isn’t the cause.
Are you a, failure? Can you recognize your, failure, symptoms? How often have you said “life is short”?
Well It is! We are here on earth for a limited time to fulfill a purpose. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go to the doctor and tell him our life symptoms and he would give us a diagnosis of success or, failure? For example if you go to the doctor today with itchy bumps and a fever, he would look at you and without running any tests diagnose you with the chicken pox.
Recognizing your, failure, symptoms early in life before you get to your 5th or 6th decade is the only way to take action to modify your behaviors. As we head into 2015, I would like to offer you the gift of consciousness. Do you have any of the symptoms below? If you do, call me for a free coaching session. Take control of your life and get a step closer to success.
Do you sleep more than 6 hours per night or day? Thomas Edison took only 2 hour naps on his desk while he was working on his inventions. He didn’t want to sleep because he was so invested in his work. He called sleep a waste of time.
I read Donald Trump’s biography and he said that he hated going to sleep because he was so excited about his business and he didn’t want to miss anything.
Donald Trump credits only sleeping for three or four hours with staying ahead of his competition. “How does somebody who’s sleeping 8 and 10 hours a day compete with someone that’s sleeping three or four?” he’s said.
Political leaders across the globe run their countries on short spurts of shuteye. President Obama has said he can get by on a four-hour doze. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher ran the U.K. for a decade, on four hours a night.
The saying “the early bird catches the worm” is meant to tell you that rising early is best if you want to catch the opportunities. If you go to bed early and sleep late, that is a, failure symptom, that you will not be successful.
A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, afraid and unsure about how to approach them, but an introvert is perfectly content on her own.
Laurie Helgoe
Introverts, are sometimes called the “walking sleepers”. Introverts, usually allow activity to pass by them without participation, indulge in time killing pursuits, taking only the most minor role or unconstructive parts. Introverts, are also the solitaire players, the pathological bookworms, the endless crossword puzzlers, the couch potatoes. In order to succeed in business or life, you need to have the ability to sell yourself, you need social skills. You don’t have to be the life of the party; but you must be able to be comfortable at the party. Being an, introvert, and sleepwalking through life is a, failure symptom.
3. Are you drinking more than 2 drinks daily?
Drinking heavily brings on a waking sleep. Drinking affects your ability to think straight and handicaps the drinker. You will not be able to contribute fully in staff meetings, argue sensibly, plan or be proactive if you are under the influence of alcohol and thus could become a, failure.
“I always thought I was an extrovert until I became a theatre major. Then I realized I just didn’t like silence.”
― Cora Carmack, Losing It
Do you count the day lost if you did not attend a dinner party, go to a movie theater, dancing at a club or hanging out with friends? To be successful you need time alone to plan, to be creative and to ponder your next move.
5. Having no goals could lead to, failure
Dr William Menninger says “a fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere”
No goals are bad enough but low goals are worst. Is your goal to just keep your job and make just enough money to pay your bills? Is it to live to retirement and then collect social security? Or is it to be the top player in the “candy crush” video game?
The bible says “people without a vision will perish”. Not necessarily physical death, but spiritual death. It is exhilarating to work towards a goal. Happiness is defined as working towards a goal.
“We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we’ve established for ourselves.”
The great leaders and legends of our time, all had goals, vision, mission and as they achieved one goal, they started on the next.
10 Signs You Are Going To Be A, Failure
You love wasting money and expect your parents to foot the bill. …
You are not disciplined. …
You don’t finish what you start. …
You love playing the blame game. …
You don’t believe in yourself. …
You don’t set goals. …
You care too much about what others think. …
You don’t take care of your health.
Join me for a Free webinar on how to set and achieve clear goals, how to create vision and mission statements, how to motivate your staff to excel and how to create influence.
