Category Archives: Life Coaching

How Does Grief Affect Mental Health

December 6, 2021 Myrna Young

Grief, is like going to a movie where you're watching a horror movie and the next person to you is watching a comedy. It was poignant for me to understand that somebody's life can be storming and the next door neighbor has sunshine.

My guest today is Samantha Ruth, grief expert and we are going to be talking on the topic “What does, grief, and, mental health, have in common.” I know that we're in a time where a lot of us are experiencing, grief, – our loved ones are dying left and right. We're in a place where we can't really socialize, so we've got a lot of, grief, and, mental health, issues come in. Samantha will shed some light on how to ease some of the pain and suffering that accompanies, grief.

Download full interview here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9673108-how-does-grief-affect-mental-health.mp3?download=true

Brief bio of Samantha Ruth

Samantha Ruth is a Transformational Psychologist, speaker, best-selling author, and founder of Griefhab, a 24/7 support community for anyone who has experienced a loss. Sam helps people around the world turn their pain into their power by guiding them to be their true selves.

Her mission is to change the way the world views, mental health, so people can openly speak about whatever issues they have, and get the help they not only need, but deserve without fear of judgment, labels, and repercussions.

Sam understands what it's like to feel overwhelmed, lost, stuck, and alone. After unexpectedly losing her husband Jim, Sam felt like her life had been shattered into tiny, unrecognizable pieces. It took this experience for her to learn how to tune out the noise of everything and everybody else and focus on listening to herself. Her favorite quote:

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

Helping others through their grief

Myrna: Can you share your story of losing your husband and how did that tragedy help you achieve the purpose of helping others through, grief. A lot of times, I firmly believe that God gives you a test so you can have a testimony. God puts you through the storm so you can help other people and that's obviously what your story is turned out to be. Now, can you share a little of it with us?

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Samantha: My husband was everything me. I met him when I was 24 years old and living in Michigan. We were together for a few years, but we were still young, silly and career driven. So, we went our separate ways. During that time, he moved to Colorado and we reconnected in June of 2013. We were married the following August and he passed away unexpectedly just a little over three years later. I had left my family and my career. I was just completely lost and had no idea what to do next.

Grief is like watching a horror movie while someone else is watching a comedy

Myrna: There’s a, grief, story I heard a few months back. This woman told the story that one day, ( she was a psychologist) she and her husband were going to pick up their son from the Airport. He’s wasn't her child, it was her husband's son and he was turning 18 the next day. They were going to go pick him up from the Airport and she decided to walk her dog before they left. While she walked her dog, her husband said he was going to jump in the river for a quick swim (that’s something he did every day).

While she was walking her dog, she suddenly heard him scream. She didn't pay much attention to it, because she knows he was a strong swimmer. When she heard him scream again, she decided to go to investigate. She saw her husband clutching a tree in the middle of the river, apparently there was some kind of a wild current that day and her husband was trying to hang on to the tree, but the current was too strong and he was swept away.

She actually physically saw him drowned right in front of her eyes. Her whole world shattered, she was overcome with, grief. The hardest thing she had to do was telling his son that his father died in his 18^th birthday, knowing that he would never be able to celebrate his birthday again.

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Grief is like a black cloud

Until that story, I never really understood, grief. She said when you have, grief, it's like you don't have sun anymore, but your neighbor has sun. She said she would get up in the morning and while she had this black cloud of, grief, her neighbor would be getting up and going to get his morning paper and clueless of what's going on at his next door neighbor!

Myrna: You said your, grief, was like your world shattered into tiny pieces? Can you expand on how you handled that?

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Grief is invisible

Samantha: I also want to add that, grief, is also invisible. We don't have a cast over a broken arm or something that people can see. We live in this world that avoids the uncomfortable conversations. The first year after my husband died was a complete blur to me. I was in deep, depression. If you told me we went to Japan together, I would trust your memory over mine. I went through the motions, I survived.

I am a psychologist trained in, trauma, and there was pressure. I don't know if your friend who's also a psychologist experienced that, but there was pressure to bounce back quicker than anyone else would, because it's what I do and I couldn't or wouldn't do that. I had to find my own way. There were sunny houses all over the place, but I felt like I lived in a forest. I had to figure out how to get through the maze all by myself. The world expects you to get back to work, your family, everybody's pulling from a different direction.

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Self care is important in grief and loss

I made a conscious decision because I was in so much pain, I had to take care of myself. I went in a direction that was unfamiliar to me and to everyone else, which made more noise, but, self care, was the way through.

So, to anyone struggling with, grief, I encourage you to find the strength to listen to the voice inside your head, don't listen to the others.

Myrna: You're able to take the knowledge that you learned from going through that traumatic experience to help others through, grief. You founded the company called Griefhab, can you tell us about your company.

Samantha: I am on a mission to change the way the world views, grief, and, mental health, because my experience showed me how similar the two were.

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Grief and loss because of the Coronavirus pandemic

Myrna: We're on in some unprecedented times with the, Coronavirus pandemic. How does your company help other experiencing, grief and loss, because of the, coronavirus pandemic?

Samantha: Tuning out the noise and not letting people expectations like – “Hey, you should have gotten over it by now.” What I mean, and my advice as a psychologist is, you need to have a support system and that's important. Grief, can be isolating and you can feel different and lonely and there are people who get it. The pandemic has uprooted millions of people's lives and you are not alone.

Talking really does help even if somebody is just listening and they're not actually physically doing talking, it does help. Talking is the way through, grief. Please, loved ones and friends, be patient with us. It might be uncomfortable for you, but it is the only way we will heal.

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What does grief and mental illness have in common?

Myrna: What does, grief, and, mental illness, issues have in common? What are the, stages of grief, and how does it affect your, mental health?

Samantha: I do not believe that you can grieve without, anxiety, and, depression. Going through the grieving process, there are such stigmas around both. I've lived with the world of, mental health, stigmas when I was early in healing journey. I learned that people treat someone grieving the same way as they treat someone with a, mental illness; they don't know how to act around them and they don't know what to say. I felt all of these stigmas and all I had done was lose my husband.

What, grief, and, mental health, have most in common is that they can be isolating and alienating. That’s the reason I am trying to make noise and let the world know that everything we know is backwards. We have to talk about it, we have to lean on each other and the stigmas are backwards. We need each other. I am one voice and anyone that's willing to share their personal stories by raising their hand and saying I am not okay, even just saying “I'm having a bad day”, will erase the stigma.

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Depression and anxiety is a stage of grief

People don't know we're grieving. It's invisible, mental health. They can't see, depression, or, anxiety.

Samantha: You can't grieve without going through, anxiety, and, depression, it is one of the, stages of grief.

Myrna: They also say that there are, seven stages of grief. So, where does the, anxiety, and, depression, fit in?

Samantha: Well, I mean there's pressure to attend A, B, C, D and E immediately after, grief and loss. I haven't spoken to anyone who has experienced, grief and loss, that doesn't have some sort of, anxiety, about going back to work or attending an event, even if it's virtual.

It's a tidal wave of, anxiety, it comes and it goes and it doesn't end. You get through in the beginning, it's like you're drowning and you come up for air and you find a buoy or somebody to hold on to (that's one of your support system). That's how it is for a while, then eventually you can swim and float and then all of a sudden, a wave comes out of nowhere and knocks you down and it could be a month later or a year later or even a decade later.

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Is there an end to grief?

Myrna: As a psychologist, is there a way to do something to prevent the, grief, coming back like a decade later?

Samantha: It doesn't get better, it gets different and that's why people expect holidays, anniversaries and certain life events to be difficult days. But it could just be next Tuesday and it could be a difficult day for no reason. The good things you experience are met with sadness, because the person you want to share it with the most isn't physically here, so, grief, is always there.

Something would knocked me to my knees in the beginning and I would be down and out and I would barely get myself back together, and then something else would come and knock me right back to my knees (it's not like that now). If something happens, I can cope and get through it. It's still painful, but I have learned how to navigate so that I'm not back down on my knees.

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Grief vs trauma

I went to the University of Michigan and I can't perform the same way I did, my brain has been permanently altered because of the, trauma, of grief.

Myrna: That is very interesting, trauma. They call it big “T” – traumas and little “T” – traumas. Now, what you're saying someone with, grief, should take it one day at a time. Work with the present moment, that is how everything changes. You can't go back into the past, you can't go into the future, all changes happen in the present moment.

Myrna: Let's say that I have somebody that's going through the grieving process, what are some of the things that I can do to help? This is very important because I remember what you shouldn't say to somebody. What can we say or do for someone experiencing, grief?

How to Help with Grief

Samantha: Say “I'm here for you”. Don’t ask “what do you need”, is a very stressful question. We don't know the answer, so just be there for us. Give someone experiencing, grief and loss, multiple choice questions, not essay – say I'm going to the store and I'm getting you stuff. Do you want bread or milk? I can answer that question.

Myrna: Yes, the same woman who lost her husband in the river said that people came to her home and helped her clean her house and cooked for her, because these are things that you have no interest in doing during the grieving process, but nobody ever really thinks about that.

Samantha: Grief, is a tough journey and something each one of us is going to experience in our lives because death is something that happens and it's unavoidable. Not everybody lives until they're 95, there's going to be sudden death at 30s, 20s or whatever. Where people don't expect it and that's when it's harder, but we're all going to be touched with it.

Mental Health stigmas

Myrna: How can we help break some of the, mental health stigmas?

Samantha: I think it's similar to, grief, I think by talking about it, we break the stigma. When I tell people I have, anxiety, a lot of people ask questions because they don't know. Telling one person or starting one conversation helps break the stigma of, mental illness. It doesn't have to be going on the news and telling the world, but we won't change things if we continue to hide it and make it like it's something bad.

Myrna: Tell us about your book, why you wrote it, what do you want the reader to walk away with at the end of reading it?

Permission Granted to Grieve

Samantha: My second book was called “Permission Granted to Grieve”. I think it's important that the world understands that you have to grieve, you have to heal, you can't ignore it. Everything I'm saying is the same for, grief, and, mental health.

My upcoming book is called “Ruthless”. My last name is Ruth and I lost my husband. I became ruthless, but ruthless is perceived a negative. So, redefining ruthless is my journey. I want people to see negative things as strengths and perceived weaknesses as advantages. I'm taking this negatively charged word and making it okay.

Myrna: Tell us about your company Griefhab and your 24/7 support community. How can someone get in touch with you? What is your website? Tell us how you help people at Griefhab?

Samantha: There are two elements to Griefhab; one – it's 24/7 support community. You don't have to wait until your next appointment to talk to somebody. You don't have to struggle, there's always support available and that's a free community on Facebook. You can go there on FacebookGriefhab or it's on my website www.samantharuth.com.

Conclusion

There's no judgment, this is about healing your way and asking the questions that you don't feel safe asking anywhere else. People who feel that they need more support like I did, like sending out the death certificates and dealing with the creditors and all the things like getting the light bulb changed, finding somebody to get your groceries and make things, so you don't have to do anything.

I do all of that in addition to working with you. When I had to present a death certificate, it knocked me down. So, I want other people to know those are tasks that we can do for you, so you can just heal.

Myrna: Thanks for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. If you've not done so yet, please rate and review us on iTunes so that we can get this message out to a wider audience. Until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

coaching, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, Out Of The Snares, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Synchronicity: Is It A Coincidence?

December 3, 2021 Myrna Young

Synchronicity, is the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related, but have no discernible causal connection.

Spirituals guru’s like Deepak Chopra says, synchronicity, operates in the spirit realm. Our, vibration, and energy attract people and things to us to help us to carry out our purpose and sometimes to guide us in another direction.

Download the Audio here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9658768-synchronicity-is-it-a-coincidence.mp3?download=true

Understanding Synchronicity

Everything in our physical world is made up of, vibration of energy, including the walls in your house, your bed and our thoughts.

Our thoughts are the most powerful, vibration of energy.

Any thought that is repeated over and over in your conscious mind will make an, imprint, into the, subconscious mind.

Once this, imprint, takes place, it becomes a, vibrating force, and attracts to you the people, places and things, circumstances, events, etc. that matches the images you have within. You have the real power to influence and direct the things that happen to you with your thoughts.

What is an example of Synchronicity

Let me give you a personal example. I talk about this in my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement

Back in 2004 my ex-husband and I were going through a rocky marriage. I was constantly thinking of ending the marriage, but I kept it going because he was sponsoring me to become a permanent resident in the United States. During the application process, I left the country to go to Toronto for my brother’s wedding and when I tried to return to the USA, I was denied entry because I did not apply for a travel pass.

I spent a very painful week in Canada and my husband did not care if I ever came back. So, my thoughts were constantly on “I can’t go through with this. I can’t stay married to this man.”

I was able to get back into the United States (if you want to hear the story pick up a copy of my book)

My very first day back to work I met my current husband. I took the train to and from work and he was the officer working the train to verify ticket purchase. I walked on the train and he was standing at the door doing a ticket check. Our eyes met and sparks flew. Two weeks later my husband and I had a fight on Father’s Day, and we called it quits. Nothing about this chain of events was a, coincidence, this was, synchronicity. My permanent residence application was denied with my ex-husband and my current husband sponsored me and my children.

“The most strongly endorsed explanations for coincidences are God and fate” God promises that everything will work out for your good.

Synchronicity vs Coincidence

Coincidence vs synchronicity, are related, but distinct terms. The term coincidence, describes a seemingly related series of events that occur without apparent cause. The term, synchronicity, requires that the individual ascribe deeper meaning to the, coincidence; like the story of how I met my husband.

Pay attention to where coincidence is leading you.

Synchronicity, is energy when you change your, vibration of energy, you start attracting more of what you are feeling. This is the, Law of Attraction.

One practice to clean up your, vibration, and start attracting, synchronicity, into your life is with, imprinting.

Imprinting, is like learning your times tables

It has been, imprinted, into our, consciousness. We never forget.

Visualization with imprinting

I bet if I asked you what is 7*7 you don’t have to think before responding 49. I learned that 55 years ago!

We can also, imprint, empowering beliefs.

Let’s say you believe that you will be successful. Visualize daily that you are successful now.

Visualization, is imprinting

Your, subconscious, will pick it up and you will start seeing synchronistic events start showing up in your life.

Additional Resources

Are You Trapped By Your Past?

Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Understanding the Healing Powers of The Earth

November 29, 2021 Myrna Young

We aren't in easy communication with, nature, like we used to be, and the reality is our vibration (that is our healthy and healed vibration), is the same as the earth's vibration. If you go outside and you touch a tree, it feels so good to be out in, nature, because, it's healing to us. So, put your hands on a tree, sit down on a park bench, take your shoes and socks off and let your feet touch the earth.

It doesn't even take any time. It's literally seconds before your body drops into that healing frequency and starts shifting to a different vibration and matching. It's called, resonance. Your body finds, resonance, with the other vibrations.

I'm very excited to bring to you an, earth, healing expert, her name is Amy Dempster. Today, we are going to be talking about “Understanding the Healing Powers of the Earth”. This is an interview that you have to listen to because I don't know all there is about, mother earth, but there's healing in the, earth.

Download the full interview here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9633052-understanding-the-healing-powers-of-the-earth.mp3?download=true

Communicating with the earth

I try to attach to, earth, or communicate with it on a daily basis when I walk in the park, but I don't know what I'm doing. I just know it's good to be there. So, today, I'm hoping that Amy can share with me some of the things that would make my walk and my communication with the, earth something that can be more beneficial to me.

Bio

Amy Dempster helps in understanding, the healing power of the earth. What began as openly sharing her spiritual journey on her popular blog Following Hawks, has become a resource for others wanting to learn how to, communicate with nature, and share their own unique healing gifts with the, earth.

Together with the, Spirits of the Land, in the mountains of northwest Montana, she tends, seven portals on the land, where she lives, along with any grid keeping work she is assigned. She also leads the Earth Tenders Academy, an immersive online journey to help others reestablish their connection with their ancient ancestors, learn to communicate with the seen and unseen forces in their environment and respectfully offer their healing energy to places in need. Amy is also the host of the podcast The Earth Keepers.

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Understanding the healing powers of the earth

Myrna: Tell us your journey into understanding the, healing powers of the earth. Is this a gift that you were born with or is it something that you nurtured?

Amy: The journey certainly has developed over many years and at this point it wasn't something that I was super aware of. As a child, I did grow up on a farm and I spent a lot of time outside. I was with, nature, all the time, but I don't remember having like really clear, communication with nature, until I was an adult working and kind of being in a city atmosphere for a long time, and a lot of days and a lot of years.

What does Hawks has to do with it?

Back in 2008, I started having these kinds of unusual experiences with, hawks, (the birds). It wasn't like they weren't in my environment or hadn't seen them before, but they started coming really close to me repeatedly over and over. It happens once and that was kind of cool, but when it happens three, four, five and six times, you start saying – there's something going on here that someone trying to send me a message, like what's going on.

That really led me to start asking more questions. It's hard to remember now, as 2008 doesn't seem like that long ago to me anyway, but it feels like at that time there just wasn't as much information.

There weren't as many resources as there are now. I could find bits and pieces about kind of, animal communication, or that type of thing, but nothing quite seemed right. I really just kind of continued along and asked more questions. I was meditating on a regular basis, and after a number of years, I received a pretty strong message that it was time to move where there were pine trees and water.

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Starting communication with trees

It surprisingly happened fairly quickly over a period of just a few months before my husband and I moved to Montana. It was in that journey, and after moving and getting settled in, I would go out for walks on a daily basis. My neighborhood had these tall towering pine trees and I started realizing that these, trees, were sending me messages and that I was receiving this communication, which again seemed really kind of strange to me.

I didn't want to tell anybody, I didn't want anyone to know I was talking to the, trees. It was a bit weird for me at first, but it really sparked my interest and imagination. I started asking a lot more questions like – well, if I can receive these messages from, trees, then it seems like I could probably talk to them too, like they should be able to understand me.

So that was really when I started diving in a lot deeper into just kind of learning how this works, learning how to, communicate with nature, the wisdom that's all around us all and the time that we can tap into.

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Interpreting messages from Hawks

Myrna: That's amazing. That is absolutely a story why, Hawks?

Amy: I think, hawks, are participating in humanity's awakening. We receive intuitive messages or messengers in this form. It's always unique for each person individually, but there are some kinds of general statements for different animals or different birds. Obviously, whenever you have an animal coming to you or a dream or something you can look it up and find out what the kind of main messages are.

Often times with, hawks, the messages is (they have that higher vantage point view, they can see the big picture, they can see over a larger area and a lot of times that's the message) clarity. Hawks, are really connecting and really kind of being in this in between of the spirit realm and the earth realm. They're like floating above us and seeing that big picture.

Now, when I see, hawks, it really feels to me like the message is you're on the right path, you're on the right track, keep going, keep going in this direction and see the big picture right in front of you.

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Communicating with nature: trees, rocks and mountains

Myrna: I have always been intrigued about, communicating with trees, and rocks. I was interviewing a guest once and she told me she was climbing a mountain and the mountain was speaking to her. That conversation has stayed with me for a long time. Let's expand on that because I'm very curious about that. You're walking in, nature, and the, trees, were speaking to you. What were they saying?

Amy: As humans, we have kind of created language that we believe to be the one way to communicate and the reality is within the, earth realms, everything else is still communicating without language. They are communicating intuitively or telepathically. So, as humans, that's just not a skill that's cultivated in most of us from childhood learning how to receive those kinds of intuitive messages or information.

Intuitive communication with trees

Everybody receives them differently, and it's really easy for a lot of us to dismiss especially when it's something like a feeling or a sense. We would notice that our stomach started hurting when we went into that house, but dismiss it as weird. That's, telepathic communication, sending you a message.

Communication with trees, is considered clairaudience. This is when you are hearing voices, but no one is there. That is how messages come in, it sounds like you're talking to yourself in your head. A lot of us just think – I just made that up. For me, it kind of felt like the, trees, put thoughts in my head that I didn't put there.

They would say things like go down that embankment and pick up that trash!

Everything in our environment is animate and energy just like we are. Some are more willing and eager to talk to humans than others. I always suggest people start with house plants, because I think it's really easy to start communicating with your plants. We feel comfortable talking to our house plants.

I know a lot of people who talk to their plants and they say that it makes them grow and stuff.

Myrna: Yes, people that have gardens do talk to their plants.

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Communication with your house plants

Amy: It's easier to start with things like, house plants, around your house that you might already have a relationship with and I always say the bigger and older it is, the slower and quieter the communication. A mountain for instance might take some more time to really tune into, so if you're just starting to practice, communication with nature, you might not want to start with a mountain because you might feel like nothing's happening.

Start slowing down, tree communication, might only come in one word or one feeling instead.

We are physical and spiritual beings and there are lots of spiritual things we can't see. When we're, communicating with nature, trees, rocks or mountains, is it actually the non-physical world that we're communicating with.

We are all both physical and non physical at the same time and that includes, trees, rocks, and mountains. When you hug a tree you are communicating with the spirit that surrounds the tree.

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Matching the vibrations of nature

We have our physical body that we tend to think of as the entirety of ourselves, but we do have our spiritual body which you might call your soul. We communicate with our soul as part of our non physical body. We also have our energy body which is just outside of our physical body, (people call it an aura). You have that energy that's vibrating outside of your body and , trees, has the same energy.

You can communicate, you can feel the energy of, trees, you don't even have to put your hand all the way up to them, you can feel their energy body. Your energy body or spirit starts communication with its energy body even though you are not conscious of this.

That's why plants and, trees, are easier initially to make those connections with, because we can physically see them in our environment. As opposed to the many other energies that are present on, earth. I call these energies, spirits of the land.

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Communicating with the spirits of the land

Myrna: You said you learned to speak with the, spirits of the land. So, not only can you have, communication with the trees, and rocks, but also the, spirits of the land, that we can't see, but we know they exist. How can we learn to communicate with the, spirits of the land?

Amy: The first things I always recommend to people in this kind of communication with the, spirits of the land, is to slow down. We’re accustomed to walking through the, earth, at a certain pace, usually with our headphones on our ears. If you're going to go on a walk around your block or the walk in your park, go by yourself. Leave your phone behind and be quiet and walk slowly.

Whatever pace you would normally walk at, cut it in half (which won't be slow enough). The point is to start noticing things in your environment like a flower or a tree that is different from the other, trees. When we're moving fast, it's hard to notice that there's a, tree, that's really vibrant and beautiful.

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Establishing communication

Those are ways that the, spirits of the land, are saying, ‘Hey look at me over here, come over and talk to me,” but if you're walking or moving too fast and kind of skipping over or thinking all the, trees, look the same, you can’t establish communication.

They're very different and you want to initially just start noticing what catches your attention. Which, trees, are a different color green than all the others? When you see something like that, then you can approach that tree or that plant or that rock or whatever and just kind of say I would like to connect with you.

You can say it in your head if you are worried about looking like the weird lady talking to, trees, in the park and initially start that conversation. Just say is there anything you'd like to share with me? Or oh gosh! Your flowers are especially beautiful. I love that color of purple (those types of things). It's really would just be like meeting a new friend.

Establish communication before you go hug a tree and ask before you touch it, because maybe the tree wants to be touched or maybe it doesn't.

Therefore, establishing that kind of boundary make them know that you'd like to communicate. You may or may not receive any immediate message back, but again we have to start getting used to using our whole body and whole energy body for that communication.

Communication with trees is usually a feeling

The communication might be a warm feeling in your heart or a flutter in your stomach or a breeze that kicks up right after you ask; that's why we have to move so much slower and be quiet. This is to allow this information to flow in and for you to start getting accustomed to how you receive information.

Just take a few minutes even once a week. Your normal path is going to make a huge difference and you'll start noticing. I mean even the fact that you'd walk there for a while before you notice you're interacting, the more that kind of two-way conversation is happening, the more will be revealed to you, the more you'll see.

You will begin to say things like “I swear that wasn't there before” that means you're at the vibration. You're at the right frequency to be tuned in and dialed into it and see a lot more than just what's visible to your eyes.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

The healing powers of the earth

Myrna: I love it. I can't wait for that tree at the park to start talking to me.

I was listening to a podcast this morning and the doctor was talking about COVID-19 and some of the things that you can do to help with your, immune system, and to prevent your body from being seriously compromised with COVID-19. One of the things he talked about was walking in a park and just seeing the green. He said the green does something to our, immune system.

Amy: We aren't in easy communication with, nature, like we used to be, and the reality is our vibration (that is our healthy and healed vibration), is the same as the earth's vibration. If you go outside and you touch a tree, it feels so good to be out in, nature, because, it's healing to us. So, put your hands on a tree, sit down on a park bench, take your shoes and socks off and let your feet touch the earth.

Being in, nature, really does boost our, immune system. Even just looking at, nature, has been proven to lower our blood pressure and relax us and boost our, immune system.

The seven portals of the land

Myrna: Let's talk about the, seven portals of the land. What are these, seven portals, and how do you open them?

Amy: This is where we have to get more flexible with our brains and our thinking and our multi-dimensional nature. A lot of people are familiar with what's called, energy lines (grid lines) in the, earth, but the, earth, has an electromagnetic frequency and it is concentrated in certain areas.

Oftentimes, that's where you'll find real big religious temples. The reason they were built there is that the belief that it was easier to commune with the divine in these locations. There are places all over the world where kind of this energy is heightened.

The vortex of energy portals

What gets created there is an, energy portal, or a, vortex. It's just a swirling bowl of, energy, and what you have in that is the ability for energies to move through and use their, consciousness. We oftentimes think about time travel as like – you step in a box, you push a button and you go somewhere else. But, it's really we're just using our, consciousness, to shift into other dimensions and that's what's happening in, energy portals.

You can think of it as being, (even in these places where great religious importance) is that people were using their, consciousness, through prayer and reverence to be able to commune with the other side.

What happens in, energy portals, is that energies are able to come in whether those are angels or ascended masters or star beings or wherever else in the, multi-verse, there are energies they can move through and we can also use our, consciousness, to move through them and go into other realms.

Portals of the land

There are seven, portals, on the property where I live. I took a couple of years before I was able to communicate with this, energy.

I am certain it was the, energy, that I cultivated doing the work that I do over a number of years in that place, made it kind of a safe energetic spot for these, portals to be. It was my spirit guides which I have come to learn over time and other fragments of my soul that are coming in and telling this version of me – Hey you already know how to do this, so help us out here on the new plane.

Myrna: Anybody that's listening and want to hear more of this can connect with Amy on her podcast called “The Earth keeper”. Now, tell us about your podcast. Do you invite other, earth, keepers guests or it's just you?

Amy: It's just me. It is just me kind of talking on all of these different topics, kind of depending on what's coming through for me. I share a lot of my personal stories and kind of how I figure some of these things out and the interactions that I have with other energies and with the, earth. I talk about all of these kinds of multi-dimensional topics.

Communicating with rocks and mountains

Myrna: Can you communicate with the Mountains?

Amy: Absolutely yes, I think I might even have one podcast about this. It's calked communicating with Valencia. This is communicating with the mountains.

Myrna: That's awesome. How can our listeners connect with you? I'm sure your podcast is on all the podcast players, but tell us your website. How they can connect with you. What are your handles on social media and things like that?

Amy: My website is followinghawks.com . You can find the podcast there. You can find everything that I do there. My Instagram handle is @followinghawks. I have a free Facebook Group called “the following hawks earth keepers community”. There's also a spot on my home page where you can sign up for a free training with me – where I talk all about how to communicate with the, spirits of the land.

Conclusion

Thank you, guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind Podcast. If you're listening to this on iTunes, remember to rate and review because this is good stuff. Until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-apply-law-divine-oneness-to-life/

http://blog.myhelps.us/using-reiki-heal-your-mind-body/

Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, racism

You Don’t Need A Team To Win

November 26, 2021 Myrna Young

You can win without a, team. Whenever you get out of your comfort zone and go against the masses you will first be ostracized, but that is where personal growth occurs.

Welcome to, 5 mins with coach Myrna. Today I want to coach on the topic “You Don’t need a, team, to win.” I am sure you have heard the name, Colin Kaepernick. He is an NFL quarterback turned, activist. He is bi-racial born to a Black father and White mother. His mother gave him up for adoption at birth and he was adopted by White parents.

Download to the audio here:

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Introduction

All his life, Colin Kaepernick, had been discriminated against because he was black. People would see him with his white patents and ask them if he was bothering them. He was called names like Thug, because he braided his hair. He was discriminated in the NFL because he was black and there are only a handful of Black quarterbacks.

Because of this history, he was tired of Black men being brutalized by white officers and decided to take a stand. His motto ,

“Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.”

Kaepernick, decided to do something about it. He took a knee to the National Anthem to protest police brutality and racial inequality in the United States while his teammates stood in reverence.

Everyone was in an uproar, President Trump called for him to be fired. When he became a free agent, he was blackballed and no team offered him a job. But he became an inspiration to other Black men in the NFL and they started taking a knee to the National Anthem.

Kaepernick the Activist

Today, Kaepernick, has been rewarded the largest contract to date with Nike. He was given the highest honor from Harvard University the W. E. B. Du Bois Medal and he got a chance to tell his story in a Netflix documentary “Black & White” about, Institutional racism.

Institutional racism, is “The collective failure of an organization to provide an appropriate and professional service to people because of their color, culture, or ethnic origin. It can be seen or detected in processes, attitudes and behavior that amount to discrimination through prejudice, ignorance, thoughtlessness, and racist stereotyping which disadvantage minority ethnic people.”

Kaepernick's victory proves that, You don’t need a, team, to win.

Winning without a team or support

Whenever you get out of your comfort zone and go against the masses you will first be ostracized, but that is where personal growth occurs.

You can’t grow sitting in your comfort zone

Stand up for yourself and take a stand against wrongdoing at work, in your home or on your community. You don’t need a, team, to win you just need God to be on your side.

What I love about the Old Testament is that nobody did anything without consulting God. David, Saul, Samuel, Elijah they all consulted God before they went into battle. We as a collective have lost that communication with God, but if you are doing good then you know God is on your side and he is the only team member you need to win.

Winning requires Determinization

Finally, winning without a, team, requires, determination. Teams, need to have the, determination, the grit, and the heart to rise to the occasion and so do you. Nothing is ever going to be easy, the road to holding a trophy or being awarded a top prize is often filled with obstacles that will test every aspect of your character.

It doesn't matter what the score is or what the final records will read, if you are in the game, you need to give everything you have. It doesn't matter if you are blackballed like, Colin Kaepernick, you still need to stand up for what you believe is right. This is the mentality that will lead to, winning without a team. Champions recognize that losing and failure are both simply tools that they will use to build success.

Conclusion

Remember ” Winners never quit and quitters never win” Vince Lombardi

Thanks for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna. Tune in Next week for another episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna.

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-assemble-power-team-like-wandavision/

How to loose weight, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, mindset, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Rewiring Your Brain To Develop a Fitness Mindset

November 22, 2021 Myrna Young

Marathons, can be everything from 25 miles to 200 miles potentially. What I love so much about them is the, fitness mindset, you have to develop to complete them. Everyone on a, weight loss, journey has the same issues, it's like – Oh, I want the ice cream in the fridge, the voice in your head is telling you to eat that ice cream, you have to learn to override that voice and don't eat the ice cream. It's the exact same voice that tells you that you can't do this, weight loss, thing.

I'm talking to Brian Keane. He's a personal trainer, nutritionist, best-selling author and ultra athlete. Today, we're going to be talking on the topic; “Rewiring Your Mindset for Fitness.” In order for you to keep going even when your body tells you to stop, you've got to have a, fitness mindset.

Listen to the full interview

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Bio

BRIAN KEANE: Over the past seven years, Brian has gone from working full time as a schoolteacher to one of Ireland and the UK’s leading thought leaders on all things health, fitness and nutrition. Brian is the author of two best sellers “The Fitness Mindset” and “Rewire Your Mindset.”

On top of his ever-growing social media platforms, with over half a million followers, he also hosts one of the world’s top health podcasts which is #1 on the iTunes Health Charts. He has spoken at major wellness events around the world such as Wellfest Ireland, Mefit Dubai and was a Keynote speaker at Google HQ in Dublin for their 2018 wellness event.

Among his many fitness and athletic achievements, Brian has transitioned from a professional fitness expert to an, ultra-endurance athlete, running, through the Sahara, the Arctic, and completing a 100-mile ultra-marathon.

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How Brian's journey to a Fitness Mindset Started

Myrna: Can you share your journey from school teacher to an, ultra endurance athlete?

Brian: I started to work as a, personal trainer, for two years. I worked as elementary school teacher during the day and worked as a, personal trainer, at a gym at nighttime. Basically, I tried to get that business up and, running, and eventually, I got to the point where every time I got paid from a, personal training, client. I was like, I can't believe I'm getting paid for this!

Myrna: We're going to talk about a, fitness mindset but, how did you get to the, entrepreneur mindset?

Brian: I found the success clues. It didn't really matter whether it was leaving a teaching job to overcome that fear or somebody that's trying to lose 100 pounds of weight. We all have these stories that hold us back. We all have these fears and insecurities. When I was starting to develop that, fitness mindset, it became my whole philosophy. When it comes to, fitness, you need to have a little education on how to get in shape and it looks different for everybody.

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Nutrition and the fitness mindset

My nutritional philosophy is doing what you can stick to. What's your goal? What foods do you enjoy and how do you find a diet that you can stick to over the long term?’ It doesn't need to feel like a diet. That's my whole nutritional philosophy to have a, fitness mindset. It's the same for weightlifting.

Not everyone does, ultra marathons. Most of the people I work with do a daily step count, they hate exercise. So we go cool, you've got 10,000 steps today, that's a start. I want you to do some exercise every day, so 10,000 steps that's okay.

It's just about what can you do in the long term or what can you stick to? I think that the, fitness mindset, is all about – here's the basic education on how to lose weight or how to build muscle or how to get a bit stronger and here's the, mindset, to keep it because that's the really important thing. You talk about, mindset, on your podcast all the time; the, mindset, is what allows you to keep it and developing is what's going to reap the most dividends over time.

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Staying the course: weight loss tips

Myrna: It's sustainable change when you change your, mindset. It’s actually sustainable. If you change your diet or you change something external, it's not your, mindset, then it's easy for you to revert back to your old habits.

What are the biggest mistakes that people make when it comes to their diet? Can you share some, weight loss tips?

What are some, weight loss tips, if you want to lose 20 pounds?

Weight loss vs fat loss

Brian: I’ll surely give you some, weight loss tips, because when it comes to understanding, weight loss, or, fat loss, first thing is not confusing those two things because they're two different things.

Weight loss, is lowering the numbers on a scale. Fat loss is reducing the amount of fat in your body.

A lot of people use those terms interchangeably, but they're actually two different things. It is very easy to manipulate, weight loss, a lot of them fad diets – bad diets, juice diets etc. They manipulate, weight loss, because they massively restrict calories, reduce carbohydrate and as a result you will weigh less when you step on a scale, but doesn't mean your fat levels have come down.

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Weight loss from Fat reduction

Whereas, fat reduction, on the other hand, is that you've got what's called a calorie deficit that your body has to take some of that stored fat and burn it for fuel. When it comes to, weight loss, there's only one thing you really need to understand – it's how calories basically work. If you consume too many calories, more energy is added to your body. Your body takes that extra energy and stores it as fat, the same thing works in reversing a calorie deficit.

If you consume fewer calories, your body doesn't have enough from food. It has to go into storage body fat and use that for food. So, when people know that it's really about finding what dietary system works for and what you like to do:

People will do a, keto diet,
Some will go, plant-based diet,
Others will go for clean eating,
Some people will count their calories,
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Jumping In: Planning Your weight loss

I'm all about the basic science of, nutrition, when it comes to calories and then finding a nutritional plan that you can stick to over the long term. When it comes to, weight loss tips, it's about sustainability and finding what you can do over the long term. If you want to go a bit stricter with this, you don't have to count every calorie, you don't have to do any of these things, you just have to make a little more of a conscious food choice.

What am trying to say here is understand that, weight loss, and, fat loss, are two different things, just figure out what you're tracking. However, I recommend that anyone who's obese or overweight should track, weight loss, because it's easier. You don't have to track fat, you're better to just step on a scale and see, but if you're somebody that just wants to feel a bit better and drop a dress size or two or just have your clothes getting a bit looser, you need to track body fat.

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Building mental toughness and a fitness mindset

Myrna: One of the things that you have done is not only you've gone from school teacher to, personal trainer, but you've developed, mental toughness, because you're now an, ultra endurance athlete. How does somebody build mental toughness, and a, fitness mindset, to achieve some of their, weight loss, or, fat loss, goals?

Brian: When it comes to, mental toughness, I think breaking down the misconceptions around it is probably the most important thing before you go into the tips. One of the, mental toughness, issues I had was realizing some people were born mentally tougher and some people were just mentally tougher as opposed to realizing that it's something that you develop over time.

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Mental toughness and fitness

It's like a muscle-like, what I call your, mental toughness, muscle, the more you exercise it, the more you develop it, the stronger it gets. When it comes to, mental toughness, they're kind of two sides of the same coin with self discipline (i.e. when you exercise that muscle and get stronger) over time. When it comes to developing, mental toughness, what I normally ask people is “Can you anchor your day in two or three things that will support you moving forward?”

Successful people do what they have to do regardless of how they feel or think.

You can develop that, mindset, anybody can develop that, mindset, over time. It's one of my brain tattoos. Another way to put that is you're not always motivated for fitness, right? But do it unmotivated until you feel motivated. What I mean is you do it until when becomes natural.

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Running for fitness

I don't really enjoy, running, that much, but I run a little every day just to keep that, mental toughness, muscle ticking. I'm sitting here thinking of the, mental toughness, of running a marathon over 100 miles, and maybe after 25th miles you're broken down. You can't seem to go anymore, but you put in a one foot in front of the next and your foot feels like rubber yet you keep going.

Myrna: I don't know if you have read the book “Can't Hurt Me” by David Goggins or the book “Finding Ultra.” Finding Ultra was about a 40 year old guy who was having problems walking up the stairs and then he transitioned to become a plant-based, ultra endurance athlete. It was so fantastic reading about his journey to becoming an, iron man, and, ultra endurance athlete. Of course, David Goggins talked about the, fitness mindset, in his book “Can't hurt me” he kept going on his marathon runs sometimes, running, on broken legs – developing the, mental toughness, to keep going at all costs.

This is the exciting part of this interview, you don't like, running, yet you run 100 miles ultra-marathons. Tell us about that.

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Marathons are the metaphors for life

Brian: Marathons, can be everything from 25 miles to 200 miles potentially. What I love so much about them is the, fitness mindset, you have to develop to complete them. When you're running an earth, marathon, like it's the biggest metaphor for life of all time.

Even a normal, marathon, is difficult for the average person. You get tired; you don't want to continue. The pain is unbearable, the voice in your head is telling you to stop, but you just have to learn to override that voice and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Everyone on a, weight loss, journey has the same issues, it's like – Oh, I want the ice cream in the fridge, the voice in your head is telling you to eat that ice cream, you have to learn to override that voice and don't eat the ice cream. It's the exact same voice that tells you that you can't do this, weight loss, thing.

When you let the negative voice in your head win

You have to learn to master and control that voice in your head and you get better at that over time as you consistently move forward on whatever journey you're doing. For me, it was so. What happened to me (probably the best story), I can give here was in 2019. I ran through the arctic circle in a, marathon, of about 230 kilometers. The tip is north of Sweden, it was minus 40 degrees the coldest I've ever experienced.

There was one point where (I have a photo up on my Instagram), where my eyelids froze over because obviously you've got water in your eyelids and it was so cold. My eyelids froze that I couldn't blink properly and it kind of gives you an idea on the conditions. But, 86 kilometers from the end of that race, my Achilles tore so that the tendon at the top of your ankle just above your ankle and now the likes of David Goggins, and hearing these people helped me massively, because they've been through these conditions.

We talked about the race where he was pooping himself and had to strap up his foot with stress fractures. I would read a lot of those books, listen to a lot of those podcasts in the lead up to these events. When my Achilles tore 86 kilometers from the end in the arctic, it was a case of well – “I'm not coming back to finish this and do this again”. I'll be like if I don't do it now, I'm not coming back and for me, I had a little of self-awareness, that I think everyone needs to bring to their own mindset. For me, I'm not able to give myself a, plan B.

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Never Have a Plan B when developing a fitness mindset

I can't give myself an out because from experience to somebody that's quit races and backed out of things and pulled out of things, if I give myself an out, I generally take it when times get tough. When I went to the arctic, I had no, plan B, my goal was I either finish this or get to the Arctic Circle line which is 230 kilometers from where I started or I get shipped out on a helicopter. I was like, it sound crazy now, but I had to make that commitment to myself before I go now.

Not everybody has to do that, but having some version of no, plan B (like somebody else's no, plan B), is you don't buy your favorite foods while you're starting on a, weight loss, journey until you get to a certain point where you can reintroduce them. it's all relative in terms of how somebody would apply that into their own life. For me, developing that, fitness mindset, was just putting one step in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Anyone can develop that, fitness mindset, over time, that no, plan B, mindset. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, whatever that is, you've lost 100 pounds and you're trying to lose 150, but you've gone up 10 pounds. What do you need to do now that's going to help you get back on track? It might be taking a break, and it might be going forward. It’s relatively based on the goal and you use that. You develop that going forward and you use the failures feedback. It's never just a success.

The Fitness Mindset: Book

Myrna: Tell us about your books “The Fitness Mindset” and “Rewire Your Mindset”

Brian: Rewire Your Mindset, is an extension of the, Fitness Mindset. The Fitness Mindset, is the book that I could give to people that would help them with their, fitness, journey. This is how you get in shape and how you stay in shape. It's a short book for people who don't really read books.

Rewire your Mindset, on the other hand was the book that I didn't feel like I could go to the grave inside me. That was the book I needed to put out on paper. If something ever happened to me, I wanted my daughter to be able to read it. I wanted to get this book out of me, it was my legacy book. They were written in two completely different frames of mind.

The, fitness mindset, gets them up and running with their, fitness; rewire your mindset, cements it. They're like – Oh! my God I am in the right place now, I'm a believer.

Conclusion

Rewire Your Mindset, it's very much all the misconceptions and beliefs that you have so you can take ownership back in the decisions you make. I split it up into, health, wealth and, fulfillment. Like the four quadrants, these are the areas of your life that need the most work. Rewiring your mindset, so that you can get out of your own way effectively”. I love the quote, it's normally attributed to the Buddha, but I don't know who it's from.

Your biggest enemy live between your two ears. Buddha

The whole book is about rewiring the way you see things so that the enemies in between your two ears can go after the body. You can go after the dream job you want, you can go after the family relationship you want, you can go after the things that make you feel fulfilled. In my case, it's ultra endurance events and spending time with my loved ones and my family. Other things that make me feel fulfilled and light me up inside is conversations like this one!

Myrna: As we wrap up Brian, it's been an incredible conversation with you. I love your energy and physique. Congratulations on your podcast. What's the name of your podcast?

Brian: Brian Keane podcast.

Additional Resources

How to Maintain Sustainable Weight Loss

Why is Renewing Your Mind Important?

Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Imagination: How to Use It

November 19, 2021 Myrna Young

The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.

If you think that there is someone hiding under your bed and as soon as you fall asleep they will slit your throat and your body will stay there and rot because nobody will even miss you; then your body responds to those thoughts like you are actually lying on your bed bleeding to death.

Your heart gets heavy like you are having a heart attack. Your breathing becomes erratic, you begin to sweat. You have triggered your, fight or flight, response. Keep that going for any length of time and you will surely die before your time.

Download the Podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9579265-imagination-how-to-use-it-correctly.mp3?download=true

Using Your imagination to create fear

A man went to the psychiatrist and told him “I am so scared to go to bed every time I try to sleep I am so afraid, because I feel there is someone hiding under the bed.”

The psychiatrist said to him. Put yourself in my hands I will help you get rid of those fears. Come talk to me 3 times week.

The man asked what is the charge?

The shrink said “$80.00 per visit

The man said “let me think about it”

Six months later the shrink met the man on the street.

“Why did you not come to see me about those, fears” he asked.

The man said” $80 per visit, 3 times per week is over $12,000 per year. I met this man who said he would get rid of my, fears, for $500 and a six pack of beer!”

He cured me, I was so happy I went out and bought a new car!

Well pray tell how did this untrained Jamaican man cure you?

He cut off the legs from my bed so nobody could hide under there anymore ?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Using your imagination to manifest desires

In the story I just told we see a man using his, imagination, towards, fear and dread, but do you know that as humans we are the only ones God give the power of, imagination, to?

Imagination, is quite possibly a uniquely human ability. In essence, it allows us to explore ideas of things that are not in our present environment, or perhaps not even real. For example, one can imagine the cup of coffee seen the day before, or one can imagine an alien spaceship arriving in the earth's orbit. The key is that what is imagined is generated from within rather than perceived based on input from without.

The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.

As a man thinks so is he

So, how about using the gift of, imagination, to manifest the things you really want. The Bible teaches “As a man thinks so is he.”

Another one of our gifts as humans is that whatever we hold in our minds most of the time, we will someday hold in our hands.

So let’s start with something simple your dream car. Imagine that you walk into the dealership and pay cash for your dream car. Then you imagine yourself driving your car. See your hands on the steering wheel. You have your favorite music blasting in the background. Bring in other people in your, imagination. Imagine you pull up to your favorite restaurant and have your car valet parked and the valet says “Nice ride” and you beam with pride!

Your imagination is limitless

You can use your, imagination, to live the life you want there are no limits. This is how the, law of attraction, works.

What you think about you bring about!

Whenever you start to think of negative events remember you are attracting those into your reality.

So, stop using your, imagination, for, fear and dread, and start using it to visualize you walking in your destiny.

Fear, is false evidence appearing real. Imagination, is dreaming in the future.

Dreaming in the future

This is perhaps clearest in dreaming, where our minds churn up an entire virtual reality for us to experience when we sleep. But, imagination, is used in a whole variety of cognitive processes, including planning, hypothetical reasoning, picturing things in the past or the future, comprehending language, and, of course, in design and creativity in engineering and the arts.

Thanks for listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna, hope you were both inspired and entertained.

Additional Resources

How to Have Faith That Sets You Free

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

blog, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, women

How To Ditch the Good Girl Label

November 15, 2021 Myrna Young

The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for anyone. This isn't an anti-morality conversation; it's correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

Download and listen to the full interview

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9553251-how-to-escape-the-good-girl-label.mp3?download=true

Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, is Kasia Urbaniak. Kasia is the author of “Unbound: A woman's Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talking about “How to ditch the, good girl label”.

Bio

Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.

They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.

Introduction

Myrna: Kasia, let's start off by asking you what was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching women the foundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.

Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set of training. I explored various spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world. The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical and magical was, Taoism.

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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education

Now, while I was pursuing my training and pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York City to be able to afford such things without getting a job that would pay me a lot of money in short bursts. So, I was working as a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off to meet with teachers to convince them to teach me all the way up to mountain tops in China.

This lasted for the greater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing the other. What started happening was these extremes ended up merging when I started diagnosing people's bodies as a, Taoist, trainee. I started going into deeper states of meditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I started seeing similarities in my work as a, dominatrix.

I was paying attention to human beings and started to understand power dynamics the way you study martial arts. I began to teach this power to women, I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as a nun.

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After this wildlife of extremes, of desiring absolute purity and devotion while going into these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting places with other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and all the people in my life (the women especially), living in a world of assumptions and superstitions.

Women are communicating with their bodies all the time

I started noticing that women didn't realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive, but it's not submissive at all.

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Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets and you're very right. When your publicist approached me and she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio. I understood what you were trying to say. You're giving women the power of choice. Women can still be submissive and powerful, right?

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Are you a People-Pleaser or a good girl

Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a, good girl, doesn't get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We've got a saying in my country “if you lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”. So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the, good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specifically the label of a, bad girl, is beneficial because I’m interested in hearing your spin.

Kasia: Good girl, conditioning has a very long history and it comes from the agreement that we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economic agreement of marriage. We have a deal and there's nothing wrong with even holding that deal today, but the deal is “I will let you lead, but you provide for me”. So, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desires couldn't express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way she could fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl, are the behaviors we're calling, good girl, conditioning.

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What is good girl conditioning

Such behaviors are basically the behaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep a good man, how to qualify to marry the most economically promising man – given that you can't have a job, you can't get educated, you can't read, and you're not allowed to leave the house (in some countries).

So, women learn “I don’t want to be a burden”.

How to be resourceful because if you're the economic provider, then I have to be able to make big things out of little things (be resourceful),
Be moderate in temperament,
Not be too attractive so as to not get competition, but not to be noticeably unattractive, not to stand out in this way or that way,
Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact not to have too much desire at all.

Actually, it's not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not having a voice essentially, they're from women who are like I‘m not a, good girl, I don't need anyone, I‘m fine.

The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like a sister of the, good girl, but she's still the same woman because even though she believes that she can have her desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she never burdens anybody, she does it all. She is the feminine and the masculine. She is the alpha female.

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Most of the women who come to my school are like this because, they're very successful. They have families, they have careers and they have everything they want and they are exhausted and are furious; they have to do it all.

Myrna: it's like the superwoman syndrome.

Good Girls learn to say No

Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don't have the same experience as men because, men don't do it all the same way. When they are in positions of leadership or have a career, they have support that the women in their same place do not have.

The issue with, good girl, conditioning is – you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself. I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone who doesn't have, good girl conditioning, but the truth is the conditioning comes out so quickly that we barely catch it.

We're programmed and it's in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partner Reuben.

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Bad girls learn to ask for what they want

Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label is good? How do you transform them from being a, good girl, to a, bad girl? What does, bad girl, really mean?

Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl, is the first. The first of the three and the other two are really important elements of the, bad girl. So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context of this exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want.

I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up being more difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write all the things you feel make you a, bad girl, onto paper. What we want to do is start opening Pandora’s Box in the safest way possible.

We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, bad girl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”

We use, bad girl, specifically because it brings you back to that younger age where you start learning what you're supposed to like, not like, what you're supposed to think etc.

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Clear out the bad girl closet

The purpose of writing all these terrible things is that, the things we didn't even know we put in the, bad girl, closet start coming out. When I explain part two and three, it's going to become even more apparent how this works so you start opening the, bad girl, closet.

Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of it is around sex and what, bad girls, do and what, good girls, do not do.

Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves. Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry. Good girls, is part of the submissive conditioning or why, good girls, don’t get angry.

The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become aware that your man is disrespecting you when he calls you names. Maybe he just treats you like a maid and then one day you wake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.

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What is bulldozing in a relationship?

When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That's why they're called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.

How good girls get respect

Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want you to respect me! That's communicating there's something wrong with you.

The moment you are voicing a complaint, you are creating an atmosphere of defense. We don't want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode.

Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state our desires in offensive mode?

Kasia: The moment you ask them to do something specific, the power dynamic has changed. The issue with women is that their energy is too inward:

I‘m hurting,
I'm complaining,
I don't like this,
This is a problem,
Look what you're doing to me,
I am the victim,
I have no power,
You have to fix it,
It's all your fault,
You don't respect me etc.

The moment you start directing their actions, making those requests that would resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position. The moment you start making them in control of your happiness and telling them they're doing a bad job, you are in defense mode.

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Is there such a thing as a High Maintenance Woman

Myrna: I heard this a lot that men say, “Oh, she's too, high maintenance”, but you're also saying there's no such thing as a, low maintenance, woman just women who are not bold enough to ask for what they want.

Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, low maintenance, but when men complain about women being, high maintenance, what they're actually saying is not you are too much work. What they're saying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.

Men just got used to ignoring and tolerating the complaints of women, because they never really understood what makes them happy. Women weren't asking for the things that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make them feel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.

You find a man who's getting specific instructions for the first time; he's like a little boy in a candy store like – yes, what can I do next? He feels competent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!

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A woman's guide to power

Myrna: Tell us about your book, it's called “Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power”.

Kasia: The book is a step-by-step training manual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spot when you're being bullied and bulldozed. There's a lot of how-to stuff there also. I teach women how to create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journey through how to get all of the support that you need from the people in your life to make your actual dreams and desires come true.

Not the ones that you think are attainable and not the ones that you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, good girl conditioning.

Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of your book and get your get information about your Academy?

Kasia: The easiest way to find out more is to go to the website www.weteachpower.com.

We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resources and videos and things that the interested listeners, viewers and readers can engage with. The book is available everywhere books are sold. Penguin Random house published it and there's my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000 people live as well.

Myrna: Thank you for being so in-depth about understanding the mindset of women and the mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?

Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.

Conclusion

Please remember to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, we would love for you to rate and post a review so that we can get these fantastic guests out to wider audience.

Thanks for tuning in and until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, Love and Religion, Mindset Transformation, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Is it Possible to Love Your Enemy?

November 8, 2021 Myrna Young

This is life coach Myrna Young and today I want to teach on the topic “Loving Your Enemy”.

In the King James Version of the Bible: Jesus Christ, says “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

He goes further to say “do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also”

Listen to the audio here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9513477-is-it-possible-to-love-your-enemy.mp3?download=true

What does it mean to love your enemy

Most humans in the natural cannot live by the doctrine to, love your enemies, and neither could I, until I, transformed my mindset. You see the reason, Jesus Christ, taught us to love our, enemies, is that the power of love, transforms.

For the last 9 months I have been in a battle with my, enemy. A racist neighbor who is the Vice President on my HOA. For months I allowed her to steal my peace. I know that evil intentions against another is a, karmic debt, so I battled against this, enemy, with my, spiritual warfare prayers.

Spiritual Warfare Prayer

Father God as we enter in spiritual warfare please cover us in your armor the breastplate of righteousness, faith, and the power of your word.

Let no weapon formed formed against me penetrate our heart and that all weapons formed against me and my family be returned to the sender void.

Anoint me of God that I will be strong in the word and I will be able to stand against the enemy.

Bless my heart and my tongue with the words of warfare in Jesus name.

I decree and declare that the anointing of Elisha will be upon me. That the God of Elisha and Joshua answer me by fire, that the sun and the moon won't recognize me in this time of warfare. That the works of the enemy would not succeed and all the darts of wickedness will be sent back to the sender in the powerful name of, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

Father bless me with divine strength that you gave to Jacob that I will go out prepared and that I would know your will. That my enemies will be unseated by fire. Amen

Don't give back the Hate your enemy gives you

I gave her back the same, hate, she gave me and prayed for her demise until one day I was listening to the book “The seat of the soul” by Gary Zukav and was convicted when he said that when we respond to hate with hate we enlarge the energy and become the same as the person who hates us.

We should instead, love our enemies, because light always erases darkness. So I started meditating and sending my, enemy, light and understanding, because I knew, hate, is a learned behavior and she is operating from lack of knowledge.

Then a few weeks ago I was watching the Netflix movie “The Best of Enemies” the movie was about a white ,clansman, and a, black activist. The, clansman, was the president of the, Ku Klux Klan, and he believed that the white race was superior and that black people had no rights. The, black activist, was fighting for fair housing for blacks. Then someone burnt down the black school, (this was during the segregation age) so the fight changed to school integration. The white, clansman, and the, black activist, were opposing leaders on the integration issue.

Love Your Enemy and Send Them Light

The white, clansman, had a mentality ill son who was in an institution and because we teach our kids our, hate, the boy became unhinged when they placed a black boy to share his room. The boy would scream all day saying the black boy was a monster. The white, clansman, asked the institution to remove the black boy, but they told him if he wanted the boy removed he had to pay for a private room. The, clansman, was poor, he could not afford the $75 extra per week for a private room.

The, black activist, heard the story and felt sorry for the son of the, clansman, and used her influence to have him transferred to a private room at no cost to the, clansman. This act of kindness and love started to change the, clansman, heart against black people. Then his white friend told him that other than his wife, the black man who was his store manager is the only one he trusts in this world, because this black man served with him in Vietnam and saved his life.

That completed the, transformation. His heart changed. The power of love and light moved in, and the darkness and hate moved out.

Dr Martin Luther King Jr on Loving our Enemies

How do you go about loving your, enemies? Dr Martin Luther King Jr says, I think the first thing is this: In order to, love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you, love your enemies, by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an adequate discovery to the how of this situation.

Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that.

Some people aren’t going to like You

Some people aren’t going to like the way you talk.
Most people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs.
People aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you.
Some aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs.
Some of them won't like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs.
Some are going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature.

Who is Your Enemy

But after looking at these things and admitting these things, we must face the fact that an, enemy, might dislike us because of something that we’ve done in the past. Some personality attribute that we possess, something that we’ve done in the past and we’ve forgotten about it; but it was that something that aroused the, hate response, within the individual. That is why I say, begin with yourself. There might be something within you that arouses the tragic, hate response, in the other individual.

And this is what Jesus means when he said: “How is it that you can see the mote in your brother’s eye and not see the beam in your own eye?” Or to put it in Moffatt’s translation: “How is it that you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?” And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in collective life or individual life by looking at ourselves.

A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to, love his enemy, is to discover the element of good in his enemy. Every time you begin to, hate, that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there. Look at those good points which should over-balance the bad points.

Can we love our enemy?

So, the question is can we, love our enemies? I say we can. There is a saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I say, hate, is the same way.

Joel Osteen teaches that when we stamp things negative, we allow them to steal our joy and happiness. I stamp, hate, from my, enemy, as positive, because I believe that God will turn whatever my, enemy, meant to harm me for my good. His word says

“'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Until next time blessings

Additional Resources

Is Love the Same in Christianity, Hinduism and Buddhism?

career development, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, mental health counseling, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Entrepreneurship: Tips for Women Battling Mental Illness

November 2, 2021 Myrna Young

Entrepreneurship, is the process of setting up a business. For, entrepreneurs, battling, mental illness, controlling their, emotions, is their superpowers, when it comes to building a business of our dreams.

My guest today is Scout Sobel. She is the author of the “Emotional Entrepreneur” and we are going to be having a very interesting conversation today on, mental health, specifically the, mental health, of entrepreneurs. As you consider, entrepreneurship, you need to understand how our, emotions, guide you in everyday life.

Download and Listen to the full interview here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9479167-entrepreneurship-tips-for-women-battling-mental-illness.mp3?download=true

Bio

Scout experienced her first depressive episode at the age of 14 and was formally diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, at the age of 20. Living with a, mental illness, brought an onslaught of symptoms: anxiety, hypomania, depression, catatonia, psychosis, and, suicidal ideation.

Her perception of her life weighed down on her so poignantly that she dropped out of college, could not hold a job or internship, was hospitalized, experimented with medleys of prescription medication, and went through two outpatient programs.

One day her husband (then boyfriend) looked at her lovingly and said, “I don’t care if you’re depressed. If you are depressed and hopeful, I can be in this relationship. If you are depressed and hopeless, I can’t do this with you.”

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That was the moment her life changed. She started infusing her life with hope and began to take radical responsibility for her emotional state. And after intense, self-development, work – support groups, holistic healing modalities, prayer, routines, and physical wellness, she found, entrepreneurship. Through, entrepreneurship, she learned to unconditionally love her life through the pain, challenges, and celebrations. She learned that she wanted to be here.

Today, Scout is the Founder and CEO of Scout's Agency, a female-focused PR agency that specializes in getting women as guests on, podcasts.

Her debut book, The Emotional Entrepreneur, provides the, mindset, and, emotional tools, she learned from managing her, mental illness, that have helped her succeed in business and, entrepreneurship.

Entrepreneurship and mental illness

Myrna: I want to start off with something you say in your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”, you said that our, emotions, are our guiding superpowers when it comes, entrepreneurship, and building a business of our dreams. How did your, emotions, guide you to become an, entrepreneur?

Scout: Very shortly after I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, my husband said those sentences that changed my life and I started infusing hope into my days. Which beautifully led me to faith through that process of showing up to support groups, writing gratitude lists etc. My gratitude list and my journal, every single morning reading every self-help book Barnes and Noble had to offer.

I was sitting with my friend at a coffee shop and we were looking through an Indie magazine (I love fashion magazines). I just looked at her and I asked do you want to start a magazine with me? She said yes, let's do it. We were going to print it at Kinko’s and pass it out to our friends for free. This was going to be a borderline arts and crafts project.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

What does it mean to be an Entrepreneur

Suddenly, something in my mind just flipped and immediately I went home. I got the Instagram handle, I searched for printers in the area and then set up five appointments with all the best printers in 50 mile vicinity. I went to see them and then they quoted me ten thousand dollars. I said to myself, ‘I have to find ten thousand dollars’.

Then, I started a kick starter campaign and fast forward, our second issue was picked up by national distributor and sold in newsstands across the country. I was 22 at the time.

The third issue had musician Halsey on the cover and I woke up to an email from Barnes and Noble asking if they could distribute my magazine as well.

So, in that three-issue process of, entrepreneurship, and running that magazine, I went from the girl that had to pull herself out of bed, to becoming an, entrepreneur, who was in charge of everything. It was like walking through quicksand. I couldn't deal with responsibility. I became the girl that over functioned. I became the girl that went the extra mile in such a short time.

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Becoming an Entrepreneur

I found out that, entrepreneurship, was two things that I felt:

Entrepreneurship, has the same highs and lows as, bipolar disorder. My mind could really understand the emotional pattern behind it.
I was unable to show up for the responsibilities in my life, because I always had a psychiatrist note that could excuse me. I didn't have to go to friend's birthday party because I had a, mental illness. All my friends would understand or try to understand etc.

I really used my, mental illness, as a, crutch, to avoid responsibility and avoid showing up in my life in the ways that I really needed to, but when it came to, entrepreneurship, there was no note a psychiatrist could write out because I couldn't tap out of it .

If I tapped out, the whole thing would fall apart, so it was almost this contradictory paradox. I had to have all the responsibility on my shoulders in order for me to show up, I had to be completely present in every aspect. So, I found in the beginning of, entrepreneurship, that I showed up because I had the freedom to create what I wanted to create and I couldn't call in sick, that didn't work anymore.

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The entrepreneurship path leads to happiness

Myrna: I also believe that, happiness, is working towards a goal and there is no better goal than when you're working for yourself and you're trying to grow your business as an, entrepreneur. I also like your confession that you were using the doctor's notes as a cop-out in life.

A lot of people do that, they lead with their illnesses. It doesn't even have to be, mental illness, it could be a physical illness and they lead with that. Oh! I can't do this because of this, mental illness, it's a cop-out because we know being in the inspirational space, that people overcome challenges all the time.

They defy odds and do amazing things with no hands and no legs.

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Are you addicted to your mental illness

Scout: I think it's important. I don't know if it's touched upon enough and it's something I say that can ruffle feathers or maybe trigger some people. I was addicted to my, depression. My, depression, my anxiety and my, mental illness, while it kept me in such distress and pain and chaos and crying fits and, anxiety attacks.

It kept me in my comfort zone, it kept me in the predictable, it kept me in what my body was used to. So, in many ways, it held me back from my healing because it said “no, that freedom out there, that's unknown – (we don't know what's going to happen over there).

Let's just stay in the pain so we can predict what's happening, we know how this is going to go. It prevented me and allowed me not go through my formative early 20s not assuming responsibility for my emotional state.

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Taking responsibility for mental illness

So my, mental illness, was very real and tangible, and loves to visit me at times when I would prefer it not to.

There was a lot of moments and I think most of my suffering came from the fact that I allowed myself to play the victim. I blamed the cards that I was dealt on my despair and suffering. The minute I realized and took responsibility and accepted that these were the cards that I was dealt, I started to use my emotional landscape as my superpower.

Today, ten years after being diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and 16 years after having my first depressive episode, I feel wildly safe in my, emotions.

I think they are my biggest teachers, mentors and guides. They have helped me with, entrepreneurship. They are the reasons I am successful with Scott's Agency. I also started recognizing that when I got into, entrepreneurship, this game was a, personal development, game. It wasn't a play, it wasn't a market strategy (those are all parts of it) but at the end of the day, successful, entrepreneurs, are successful because of their emotional strength and their, mindset.

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What does it mean to be an entrepreneur

I saw that so many women who had the resources, the education, the access to funds, are not getting into the game of their dreams because of self-doubt, because of fear and anxiety. That's when I woke up. My, bipolar disorder, primed me to walk through emotional hell, to gather the strength and the tools that I could then apply to living out my purpose (which is running Scouts Agency, writing books etc).

So, once I realized that it was the emotional landscape that was holding us all back from success, that's when the light bulb went off in my brain.

Myrna: Yes, it's true our, emotions, dictate the quality of our lives which is basically why I named this show “Transform your Mind to transform your life” because if you believe that you can, you can. And if you have this, crutch, that says you were born poor or you were born black or you were born with a, mental illness, or you were born with whatever, crutch, that you want to tell yourself, that prevents you from moving forward, and your life is not going to be transformed.

Scout: Everyone can find a, crutch, no matter who they are, no matter if their life is technically great on paper or technically really unfortunate circumstances, we can all easily rely on a, crutch.

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Entrepreneurship and the emotional ride of uncertainty

Myrna: How can, entrepreneurs, handle the emotional rollercoaster and what kind of, mindset shifts, that they need in order to become a successful, entrepreneur? You talked about your purpose and the fact that your, bipolar disorder, with your highs and lows allowed you to have the emotional strength to become an, entrepreneur.

Let's talk about the, entrepreneur, that is doing everything. What kind of advice would you give to that, entrepreneur, (female) let's say that wants to start a magazine or a hair salon or something and has to deal with all the aspects of, entrepreneurship, and the uncertainty?

Scout: First cultivate the belief that you're safe in your, emotions, and then unconditionally accept that uncomfortable, emotions, are highly part of this game and that you will survive them.

That you are safe in your, emotions, and that you can reduce the suffering above the pain. What I mean by that is if you can limit the, anxiety, about the, anxiety, or the sadness about the, depression, we can work with the root cause. Uncomfortable, emotions, and really understand what it's trying to tell us, that makes you an, entrepreneur.

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Don't expect entrepreneurship to be fun

So, before you jump into the game, understand that you're going to be juggling all the hats.

You're going to be the customer service expert,
The graphic designer,
You're going to be the social media manager
The sales manager.
The website designer

All these roles that you have to figure out. On top of that you're going to have to walk through the uncomfortable discomfort that comes with that responsibility. So, know and accept that's part of the game.

It's really suiting up and really pulling in from your personal power and strength. It's not expecting that, entrepreneurship, is going to be easy, fun and glamorous. That you're always in alignment, you're flowing with creative ideas and your courses are selling out with six figure launches automatically etc. The fires will come more often than the successes.

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Entrepreneurship is living from the end

Myrna: As a Lifecoach, I understand what you're trying to say, but it's a very hard pill to swallow, because people go into, entrepreneurship, with the dream of riches and wealth and they don't necessarily go into it thinking of the fires. They understand it's hard work, but it’s very hard to smile and say I'm going to walk through the fire. Tony Robbins, make you do the fire walk and I'm pretty sure that's what it's setting you up for that you can walk through the fire and not get burnt.

I follow Dwayne Dwyer and he talks about, living from the end. So let's say that you become an, entrepreneur, for a certain end purpose or end game. When you're walking through the fire, if you can see that end then it will give you the strength in order to not chuck it in and to move forward.

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Entrepreneurs need to prioritize their mental health

You said that every, entrepreneur, should prioritize their, mental health, but not every, entrepreneur, is going to have, depression, or, bipolar disorder. However, mental health, covers a gamut of things. So what's your advice on that?

Scout: When I wrote the ‘Emotional Entrepreneur’, it was really not for the mentally ill. I think the beauty of the conversation about, mental illness, that it is coming to the forefront in the last few years. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, no one is talking about, mental illness. Now the conversation is beautifully being opened. In the conversation about, mental illness, being open, the conversation about everyone's daily, mental health, is being opened and that's really the people I want to talk to.

All of my messages are not for those who struggle with, mental illness, it's for those who have, mental health, which is all of us. I think, for too long we've been told that if we don't have a, mental illness, then there’s nothing we get to prioritize. When our experience here on earth is based on how we relate to our, emotions, and many times we act in spite of our, emotions, when our, higher self, knows better or our, higher self, would have had a different plan for us.

Mental health is not only for people diagnosed with mental illness

So, if you're an, entrepreneur, and you are listening and you're like; ‘well, I'm going to go through fires, I'm going to go through ups and downs, I’m going to have to figure out whatever messed up our product or makes a client unhappy. Now, I got to figure out how to make payroll and all of those things you might as well emotionally feel safe during that process because your business is going to soar if you are emotionally sound and strong within.

Myrna: I'm glad you're saying that, mental health, is not necessary for people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness, but it's very important to keep your, mental health, strong.

One of the things that I love about your bio is that you talk about your prescription medication for the people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness. Can you share your journey?

Prescription medication for mental illness

Scout: This month celebrates one year of being, psychiatry medication, free and I don't say that to promote the stigma or to promote anyone to go off their medication. I simply say because, psychiatry medication, got me to a point where I was able to go off them and then flourish in my life. Though, there were a lot of dark moments with me and my trial and error for medication.

If anyone is listening to this, and he's considering, psychiatry medication, for a, mental illness, diagnosis or, mental health, diagnosis, and he’s feeling ashamed around that, I really invite you to end that shame and that stigma. There are times in our lives where we need to take things to physically and mentally treat our illnesses, our bodies, our spirits and souls etc. I never felt shame around taking the, psychiatric medication.

I really invite you to not passively wait for, psychiatry medication, to come save your mental state, but to really recognize that it's just a little boost and the rest you really have to show up for. The idea that, psychiatry medication, is going to heal you completely, for me was very helpful because I wasn't just passively playing the victim and waiting for something else to take over me and heal me. Medication really does a very small percentage of your healing for you.

Psychiatry medication is just the launching pad to healing

Psychiatry medication, can provide that launching pad, but really get ready for yourself to show up for you. I would say to really be your own advocate in the psychiatry office, ask about the symptoms, ask about what's coming off the medication, ask about the withdrawals, do I have to ease off for two months?

I say this because I was put on a, psychiatry medication, where I was not given the correct information about the withdrawals and it was a really traumatic experience for me. So, it’s really good to ask about the side effects.

The Emotional Entrepreneur

Myrna: Can you tell us about your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”? You said it was not written for people that have been diagnosed specifically with, mental illness, but to help people prioritize, mental health. I like that play on words. What do you want the readers to walk away after reading your book?

Scout: The Emotional Entrepreneur is really the emotional guidebook for, entrepreneurship. If you are someone who wants to start an agency, a podcast, a product based business, a life coaching, career etc; you might be purchasing books on how to manage clients. You might even be purchasing books on how to hit six figures, you might be purchasing books on how to close more sales, deals, how to brand your website etc, this book is the emotional part of all of that. This is going to be your guidebook towards navigating fear, combating impostor syndrome and enjoying yourself along the way.

By celebrating small wins and believing in yourself, it's going to help you reframe your relationship to your, anxiety, as you get started. It's going to make you understand that, entrepreneurship, and starting your own business is the biggest personal development game, and you get to be emotionally supported in that.

Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers connect with you on social media or get a copy of your book?

Scout: You can follow me on Instagram ‘@scoutsobel’, that's the best place to connect with me. In my bio, there are links to Scout's Agency, my podcast and you can buy the book there. You can as well get the book on Amazon when you search for “The Emotional Entrepreneur by Scott Sobel”.

Myrna: One of my biggest takeaways about, depression, was reading the book; “The Work” by Byron Katie. I mean I have never actually heard of a, depression, like she went through. She said that she was so depressed that she had to put herself in a halfway house, and she laid on the floor and couldn't get up and couldn't move until one day she decided to change her inner dialogue and change her mindset.

Thank you guys all supporting the Transform Your Mind podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes if you found this content inspirational.

Additional Resources

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

emotional intelligence, Entrepreneur, Leadership Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

How to Develop Emotional Resilience At Work

October 26, 2021 Myrna Young

Emotional intelligence, can be measured but, emotional resilience, is how you emotionally utilize all those components to say – okay life is throwing me a bit of a curve ball at the moment. How do I work with it? I don’t like the situation that I find myself in, but what do I do? If you don’t do anything you’re going to fall over and that’s not being, resilient.

My guest today is Robin Hills, author of The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in Business: Strategies to Manage Stress and Weather Storms in the Workplace.

Robin has over 35 years business and commercial experience, helping executives and leaders develop, emotional resilience, through increased self-awareness and understanding of others.

Book: The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in the Workplace

Listen to the full episode Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9437949-how-to-develop-emotional-resilience-at-work.mp3?download=true

Robin’s focus is on supporting personality and behavior in business, based on the everyday application of, emotional intelligence. He is the director of Emotional Intelligence (E.I.) for Change. A company specializes in training, coaching and personal development focused around, emotional intelligence, positive psychology and neuroscience.

His educational program on, emotional resilience, and, emotional intelligence, are used in educational establishments in South Africa, India, as well as over 5000 students in 125 countries.

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Introduction to Emotional Resilience

Myrna: Emotional Intelligence, and, emotional resilience, in the workplace is a big topic, because we know that a lot of our stressors come from working with people in the workplace. It’s not necessarily your spouse or your children or immediate family, but in the workplaces where we have the most stress and learning how to maneuver that with, emotional intelligence, or, emotional resilience, is actually a great skill.

Myrna: What does, emotional resilience, really mean and what was your journey into becoming an expert at it?

Emotional Resilience Starts Building at Home

Robin: I just want to say that, emotional intelligence, or, emotional resilience, in the workplace is going to be affected by what’s going on with your partner, what’s going on with your children, what’s going on at home, because these are going to drive your, emotions. So that when you’re at work, you don't leave those, emotions, in the trunk of your car, you don’t leave them in the parking lot, you take them into work with you and they’re going to influence the way in which you engage with people.

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What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence, is the way in which you utilize your thinking with your feelings in order to make good quality decisions and build up authentic relationships. If you are awash with unpleasant, emotions, because of circumstances that are happening outside of work, you're not really going to be in a good place, to have a jolly happy relationship with the people that you work with; particularly if you undergo levels of conflict with them and that’s going to mean that you’re not necessarily going to make the best decisions.

Those with a higher degree of, emotional resilience, can handle the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly. They are also able to manage crises more easily. Fortunately, emotional resilience, is a trait that can be developed. In fact, it's a trait that is worth developing for many reasons, not the least of which is that it can transform your life and your experience of, stress in the workplace.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

How to Build Your Emotional Resilience

How did become an expert on, emotional intelligence? I was doing a sales job (a very high pressured sales job) within the pharmaceutical industry in and around the teaching hospitals of Central London and I recognized that my, emotions, drove the way in which I engaged with people. Interestingly enough their, emotions, drove the way in which they engaged with meat the time, that was at the end of the last century where nobody had heard of, emotional intelligence.

It wasn’t until the mid 90's when the first books were published on, emotional resilience, that I suddenly realized, this was what I‘ve been searching for all my life. I asked my self what can I do in terms of working with this idea and concept?

At the time I hadn’t got much more experience than a lot of sales experience and a bit of management experience. So, it was really a case of building that experience, just getting more experience working with people, influencing, persuading people and understanding how they engage.

Myrna: A lot of times, emotional intelligence, has to do with learning to navigate that situation because a lot of times, nothing is wrong with you, but you have a boss or someone that you have to learn to intelligently deal with them.

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Emotional Intelligence Test

Myrna: Is there an, emotional intelligence test?

Robin: The word “test” is not quite right, but people call it a test. Let’s go along with this, I prefer to call it an assessment or an inventory. because a test, it implies that there are right answers and there are wrong answers.

However, I will say that the word test is widely used when we’re talking about, personality tests, and a lot of psychologists will refer to their instruments as tests. So, the answer to your question is – yes, there are quite a few, assessments, or, emotional intelligence test. Some look at measuring abilities, some look at measuring competencies and some mix the two together.

My preference is to look at one that mixes the two together and I’m a great fan of what’s known as the, EQI 2.0, the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0. There are other good, emotional intelligence tests, available, but I like that one because it’s got a 360 view.

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Personality Assessment Test

The, EQI 2.0, generates a leadership report and there are a wide variety of norms which means that we can select out western managers who are middle aged, between 30 and 40 and identify how people perform against that group.

We can look at a South African norm and see how people perform against that group. The, EQI 2.0, is the most widely used, assessment test, across the world.

Myrna: What exactly are you looking for when you’re doing this, emotional intelligence test?

Robin: Ideally, we’re looking for a sweet spot which is about seven or eight points which suggests that there’s room for improvement, but people have got that level of competency – that ability when it’s appropriate and when the circumstances are right for them to express themselves in that way.

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The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience

Myrna: In your book “The Authority Guide Emotional Resilience in Business”, you’re combining, emotional intelligence, and, emotional resilience. How are they related?

Robin: Really interesting question because surprisingly, emotional resilience, itself is not a part of an, emotional intelligence, framework. Resilience, is about sticking to something to a certain extent that is measured in the, emotional intelligence assessment.

What we need to do is just to understand what, resilience, is. It’s a component of, stress management. Stress management, is part of, emotional intelligence, particularly if you’re looking at the, EQI 2.0, inventory. It will measure how you, manage stress. it will look at your, stress tolerance, to a certain extent that could be called your, resilience.

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How to Build Your Resilience

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Having a kind of realistic optimism that life is good, life is meaningful – that’s an important component of, resilience. Then it’s having the adaptability, the flexibility and the creativity to make the most of the situation and put things to different uses in order to help you to grow and develop through the situation that you find yourself in.

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How Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Resilience Differs

Now a lot of those can’t be measured in the same way that, emotional intelligence, can be measured but, emotional resilience, is how you emotionally utilize all those components to say – okay life is throwing me a bit of a curve ball at the moment. How do I work with it? I don’t like the situation that I find myself in, but what do I do? If you don’t do anything you’re going to fall over and that’s not being, resilient.

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Mental Health is a component of emotional resilience

I think it’s also important to say here that people have got to look at their, mental health. If people are undergoing severe, mental health, issues there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. They’ve just got to seek the support that they need whether it’s clinical or medical support. It could be support from family or friends or a therapist.

It’s getting the support that they need to see them through that awkward patch. There is nothing wrong with having a, mental health, issue.

Myrna: Let’s transition into, stress, your book also deals with, stress. It’s part of the title. What are some of the, strategies to reduce stress, in the workplace using, emotional resilience?

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Using emotional resilience for stress management

Robin: I think one of the easiest and quickest ways to reduce, stress, is to understand your, emotions, and to recognize what, emotions, you are feeling and the impact that they are having upon you. Now, emotions, are emotions. There’s a lot of nonsense said about positive and, negative emotions. We can’t label, emotions, as positive or negative.

We’re experiencing, emotions, for a reason and the important thing is to understand the information that these, emotions, are trying to convey to us. If we’re feeling angry why are we feeling angry? What is it that we need to do in order to work with that anger?

A negative way of utilizing that anger is to bottle it up, and let it get worse or to go and take it out on the wrong person (your partner, your children, the cat or your subordinates in the workplace). That is not effective, stress management.

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How Leaders Use Emotional Intelligence

Myrna: If I’m a leader with, emotional intelligence, I would understand that change is a process and I wouldn't get upset if there’s a lot of push back from people who are objecting to change. I would understand that it’s a process and sooner or later they will accept change. In the meantime, how do I guide them?

Robin: I think the most, emotionally intelligent, way of dealing with change is finding out what everybody needs and what everybody wants, because some people will need a lot more guidance than others. What I need will be different from what you need.

A good leader will actually adapt what they do and how they communicate with staff. A lot of leaders don’t have that time and are not prepared to put that level of investment into their employees.

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Emotional Intelligence and Stress Management

Myrna: Can you use, emotional intelligence, to, reduce stress? Is there a way you can think your, stress, away?

Robin: Yes, but to a certain extent. It’s also all about, self-awareness; it’s a fundamental component of, emotional intelligence. So, it’s having this knowledge about yourself:

What are you good at,
Are you utilizing your strengths,
Do you know your liabilities,
What are the obstacles that usually prevent you from succeeding?

I‘m not a great advocate for working with liabilities and weaknesses and trying to change them. I look at what you are good at? What makes you really special? I try and get more of that good stuff because if you can do it well, strangely enough all those weaknesses and liabilities disappear.

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Using Emotional Resilience to Manage stress at work

Myrna: When you’re at work, the things that you can control is yourself. You can’t control someone else, you can’t control the situations. If your company decides to move their headquarters and go to a different state there’s nothing you can do about that. All you can do is use your, emotional intelligence, to decide whether you’re going to go or you’re going to stay.

Myrna: Tell our listeners about your book.

Robin: My book is called the “Authority Guided to Emotional Resilience in Business Strategies to Manage Stress, and Weather Storms in the workplace” and of course it can be found on Amazon. I was very pleased for it to be published under the authority guide series, because it actually shows the level of authority behind the messages that are within the book.

But, if people are not interested perhaps in reading a book, I‘ve actually converted the book into an online course.

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Emotional Intelligence for change Course

You can actually go along and watch short little videos around each of the topics. You can look at those in terms of self-paced learning, so that’s another alternative. If people go to courses.ei4change.com, you’ll be able to find the course there. People can download, and get a free, Emotional Intelligence Book.

Additional Resources

Ten Characteristics of a Great Leader