healthy relationships, Life Coaching, mental health counseling, Mindset Transformation, minority women, Personal Development, Podcast, transform your mind

How to Find your Soul Mate or Twin Flame

December 3, 2020 Myrna Young

Are you a single woman hoping to, find your soul mate? What about your, twin flame, who is your mirror, soul. Science says that when you meet your Life partner, some thing magical happens. In this blog we look at what happens when two, souls, with constructive energies meet?

Listen to the full interview here:

In our last episode my co-host and I looked at what, single women, need to do to get their house ready for love, where to look for love and what to look for when you are starting over after divorce or death of a partner.

If you missed that episode you can download it here: http://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/ or on iTunes ,iHeart radio or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Today's episode of the Transform your Mind Radio Hour is sponsored by Columbus Financial Coach. Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com

Introduction

How to, Find your Soul mate, the Science of Attraction

In the last Blog post, I shared how I met my husband on a train. I am going to use this personal story to illustrate what happens when two strangers or, souls, meet for the first time.

As you may remember from Chemistry class, every atom and molecule gives out and absorbs light. The human body is made up of 50 trillion cells composed of atoms and molecules. So we are massive bundles of energy giving off and absorbing light or energy all the time.

When two energies come together they become entangled, the first step to, find your soul mate, is constructive energy.

When two energies are in harmony, the result is called, constructive energy, because it increases in size. That is why you should grow as a person when you are in the right relationship.

We call this, “good vibes” very important when you are hoping to, find your soul mate.

How Chemistry plays in finding your Soul Mate

So let's look at what happened when I met my husband and our energies became constructive!

I walked onto a train and he was standing by the door. I looked fine, mini skirt, sunglasses, designer bag over my shoulder, so I caught his attention. He caught my attention because he was the first black officer I had seen on the train.

On be known to me my second Chakra or energy center in charge of communication sent him a signal because he tells me he felt this warm feeling in his body. He had never felt that before. Let me put a pin here and explain.

Our bodies are made up of seven energy centers, called Chakras. Each of these energy centers are responsible for certain functions. I know that my second Chakra located below my navel is my communication center and it is responsible for engaging a mate by sending out signals when it finds a compatible energy so you can, find your soul mate.

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Soul mate vs Twin flame

My husband could also be my, twin flame. After 14 years of marriage, I do believe we are mirror souls. What Is A Twin Flame? Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or, soul connection, a, twin flame, is the other half of your, soul. It is theorized that a, soul, can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the, soul, lands in two different bodies.

I must have also received something from my husband's energy center as well because my thoughts lingered on him. I was curious. That was all that it was for me at that time. Curiosity. I was not actively looking to, find a soul mate.

But I have heard men say that the first time they saw their wife they knew that she was the one. There is such a thing as love at first sight! Have you heard Steve Harvey tell his story of when he met his wife and, how he found his, soul mate?. I don't think he was actively trying to, find your soul mate. But there she was. He was doing stand up comedy and she walked in late with her girlfriends, and he couldn’t stop staring at her. In fact he couldn’t even continue his act. He told her right then that she was going to be his wife! Believe in compatible energy, it is real.

Anyway, back to my story. Because our energies entangled and we both got, good vibes, we looked to further the communication.

The, Soul mate Connection, is Immediate

Another pin. That is why we shouldn't chase men. if you guys have, constructive energy, or, good vibes, they will reach out. We are hard wired to mate. It is all happening without our conscious thought. Your soul is looking for it's, twin flame.

So my husband searched for me on the train every day until he found me. I noticed him sit behind me for a few mins while he got up the nerve to come talk to me. We talked for about 30 mins until I got off the train at my stop. I will confess that I was not impressed by the conversation. He cursed like a sailor. I think that men who curse in front of women have no respect; but when I got off the train my energy body told me that it had made a, soul connection.

I had this incredible feeling of euphoria! My stomach was doing somersaults. I knew right then that we would have a relationship. I knew right then that I had found my, soul mate, This is how you, find your soulmate, you listen to your body.

Three months later he proposed we were married 8 months after. That was 13 years ago and we are still in love, compatible energies!

Soul mate Meaning

This is an example of the science of two, compatible energies, something we have no control over. That is why you have heard people say we have no control over who we love. You can't pick your, soul mate. The science of attraction brings him or her to you.

Your, soul mate meaning, two souls joining together to perfect each other.

On the other hand when your energy is not in sync with other, we get, bad vibes, not your, soul mate. The energy cancels each other out and instead of feeling euphoria you feel depleted.

Energy is your most important reading as a single woman looking for a mate. Ever heard the saying that someone is like an anchor, you can’t thrive since you met them. Pay attention that means that you are not expanding, you are contracting or stuck.

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Illustration the Science of, Attraction, the bad vibe

Rhonda met this great guy at a bar. The guy was gorgeous, absolutely delicious. He pursued and seduced her and they started, dating. They had a great time together but something didn’t click. He was kinda, sorta vague on his explanation about everything.

It took about three months of, dating, this guy for Rhonda to discover that he was still living with his daughter’s mother and another 6 months to understand that theirs was an on and off relationship. He would never under any circumstances spend the night, saying that he did not want his daughter to wake up and he was not there. This reminds me of Whitney Houston’s married relationship in Waiting to Exhale!

This is when Rhonda realized that a married man is a married man. They can string you along forever. They can tell you anything. She decided to breakup. The breakup was mutual but she wasted at least 2 years on a relationship that was going nowhere when if she had paid attention to her, bad vibes, she could have saved herself from heartache.

Reading energy is the most important data in the, dating, world.

Be careful of Psychopaths while looking to, find your Soul Mate

Have you ever met a psychopath? Or been in a relationship with one? They are masters at reading energy.

We are all broadcasting a frequency of our most innermost thoughts. That is how a predator picks out his prey.

That is how a mugger chooses his victim.
Animals also know how to read this energy. A lion picks his prey from a flock. He reads the vibration of the weakest prey.

I am sure everyone on the planet is aware on some level of the Art Kelly crimes against teenage girls and women. How do you think he chose his victims? Women who would allow him to disrespect their bodies and lock them up in a room and have to ask to go to the bathroom and ask to eat? Some said that he didn't feed them for 3 days, yet they didn't leave. As one of his victims said in an interview. If you were weak minded, he wants you. You could be a teenager or a 30 year old woman!

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Science of, attraction, reading vibrations when looking to, find your soul mate?

Synergistic relationships are based on both individuals being on the same wavelength, when they completely understand each other and don't try to limit the space they occupy in each other's lives.

I read an article that stated the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The examples used was if you train two Belgian horses together, the effect is multiplied: together, they can pull 32,000 pounds. Two horses, doing the work of four, even though it seems to defy physics. Often, in a positive relationship, you’ll find that synergy is already happening.

How can you increase that by finding harmony, in acknowledging individual strengths and how they work best together? For example, I love to shop; but I don’t necessarily like to cook all the time. My husband, will send me a list of all the items to pick up the grocery store and he will cook. I then just have to do keep the kitchen tidy and get the family read to enjoy his great cooking. It works for both of us.

In regards to signs women should look out for in predators, Robert Hare, one of the world’s foremost experts on, psychopathic behavior, believes that people need to know what to do in the event they find themselves involved or associated with a predatory psychopath.

Here are his tips on How to Avoid being targeted by a predator when trying to, find your soulmate:

Be careful of props—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.”
Anyone who seems too perfect is. Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and cracks in grandiose stories should provide clues and put you on your guard. Make reasonable inquiries.
Know yourself—or you might be vulnerable from your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for, the more closely you can guard against it.

The second stage in the Science of Attraction, is Chemistry

I know you have heard this word thrown around all the time. For example the dating sites match people up by common interests; but they can't manufacture chemistry.

Let's get back to my husband for a minute.

I just shared all about the our first meeting and about us having good vibes but if we had no chemistry we would just become good friends.

Here are the Chemicals released by love that is responsible for Chemistry:

Dopamine – Lights up your pleasure center. Your pleasure goes up when you are near or think about this person. Your motivation goes up, Now you are thinking of that nice house and 2 kids! Your sadness goes down, if you were depressed, you are now happy.

I know you have heard the saying love is blind. It is true. Dopamine make you more attractive to your mate and since we are on this planet to procreate, your sexuality goes up! I am sure you have heard or have personal data that new lovers do it all the time!

The second chemical that is released in love is Oxytocin – Oxytocin is responsible for trust. Your level of trust goes up, and your attachment goes up. This is probably why your girlfriends can’t figure why you are going out with a player; but you don’t see it until your heart is crushed. The psychopath uses this one to his advantage.
Finally Serotonin is released. – This hormone is responsible for all the pain attached to love. Serotonin goes up and you become obsessed with your lover. Love is a chemical addiction!

Thank God I have only had one experience with an over abundance of this hormone.

I met one of my boyfriends at a club and it was an instant attraction. I fell hard. I swooned when he called me baby the next day!

Less than 2 months after we met, we made plans to spend the New Year in Jamaica. He left before Christmas but I wouldn’t leave my kids for Christmas so I made plans to meet him in Jamaica after Christmas. It was the longest week in my entire life. I literally looked at the clock the entire time. I was an addict! I however did not, find my soulmate.

Arifah what can you lend to this conversation from a social worker perspective?

Wow, Myrna glad you spoke about the hormones. I always talk to my clients about increasing their Oxytocin through touch, such as a hug, holding hands, a kiss. Everyone has a sensitive area on the body that causes arousal when touched, whether sexual or just to feel good. It’s important in a relationship to know what your partner likes and does not, to give each other compliments and share tips on how increase synergy between each other. It’s important to always reminisce on moments, like when you first met, knew you were in love and what you admire about one another now. All of this, helps build connection.

In general the most salient characteristics for chemistry between two people are mutual interest (reciprocal candor, reasonableness, intimacy,

Similarity, and physical attraction.

Here are some questions from my Life Coach group on Facebook on How to, Find your Soul mate?

Remember you have an open invitation to join this group to get answers from the group on any of your struggles in life.

Question from Velma: I would like to, find your soul mate, but most men in my age group 60, want a traditional woman to cook and clean and a man to think for her. I’m not a traditional woman and I’m tired of pretending to be helpless. How do we as women maneuver in a world of the insecure man?

My answer – be both cake and ice-cream. Sometimes you are soft like ice cream and sometimes you are in charge and embrace your masculine energy and be cake.

What’s your answer Arifah

Keep doing what you love and make yourself a priority to level up.

Question from Elizabeth:

Should I be looking to, find your soul mate, of just someone to keep me warm at night?

When you are in your fifties and you have to start all over dating, do you date to find a husband or should you be okay with someone to keep you warm at night.

My answer- Someone to keep you warm at night. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of finding a husband, but you can definitely, find your soul mate!

What’s your answer Arifah?

Its up to you, based on what you are looking for in the present. Dating, can work either way, based on what you end up wanting.

Arifah is the Founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking trainings, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:

Anger Management
Healthy Relationships
Mental Health Education and Coping Skills
Youth Engagement and
Mental Health First Aid Training

Located at 180 Shaw St, suite 201, Toronto, Ont. Phone # 416-391-5270

Additional Resources for, How to Find your Soulmate

http://blog.myhelps.us/sex-and-spiritual-energy-the-tree-of-life/

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

http://blog.myhelps.us/the-alchemy-of-desire/

How To Use Vibrational Energy For Attraction

https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/

blog, coaching, Life Coaching, lifecoaching, Mindset Transformation, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

How to Live with Intention During the Tension

December 1, 2020 Myrna Young

We all know that there's a lot of, tension, right now in the world. We can't even just say America because this is a global pandemic. There's a lot of uncertainty so living with, intention, relieves stress.

A few weeks ago I was looking at these large groups and wondering If I would ever again be comfortable at a concert or a parade with thousands of people? Will our consciousness around this, tension, be changed forever?

Listen to the full interview

Introduction Intentional living in the Tension

So how do we traverse this, tension, with, intention? We shouldn't always just react, we should have some, intention.

Meanwhile, one of the things I also want to mention is, intentional living. Some people are have the, intention, to live intentionally. The people who practice, intentional living, are called, minimalists. What, minimalists, do for intentional living is they intentionally live with few possessions. They do that because, intentional living, with only the items that support your purpose, is one of the ways to live with, intention. So, minimalists, are saying “we don't need all this stuff, we're getting rid of all this junk and we're going to practice, intentional living.

Minimalists, made me remember or think about the tiny homes movement.

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Thane Marcus Ringler on Intention in the Tension

Thane Marcus Ringler, is a former professional golfer turned speaker, writer and development coach living in Denver Colorado with his wife, Evan. Thane's mission is to help others live and work better. He's passionate about speaking to the journey from the journey and is striving to empower this generation to take ownership of their lives and never settle for less than they're capable of.

Thane is the host of the “Up and Comers” show – a podcast all about the process of becoming and, intentional living, while sharing stories from other inspiring Up and Comers. Find out more about Thane and his work on, intention, in the, tension, by visiting him on the web.

Alright, I'm going to digress a little bit from the normal start to my interviews, because, I love your podcast the Up and Comers show because I love stories. Stories are a good way to teach as you said; you do stories on, living intentionally. Do you follow the format of the American life podcast? They perfected storytelling and became the first popular podcast.

Thane – Thanks for asking. It's been a really fun journey of about four years now. Obviously when you do something for that length of time, it changes a lot as you do it. It kind of shifts and iterates into different forms; but ultimately it was mirrored off of similar shows like the Tim Ferriss show or even the Joe Rogan experience. In that, they're long-form interviews that are more of a dance than a system, with the length of time being on average with interviews around 90 minutes.

It allows someone's story to really be told. People that are, living intentionally, like you said earlier, in this, tension, because I think that is the big difference between, intentional living, and maybe normal living.

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What is Intentional Living?

Myrna – Yes, I love hearing how we can do, intentional living. Whether it's intentional for personal growth which is basically my, intention, learning something every day and not to be reactive, living intentionally.

Thane – Everyone does have a story to tell and I think those are really fun to hear from other people mine. I grew up in Kansas, the Central heartland of America and ended up going to California for college, spent about 10 years out there in LA. Vastly different cultures just socially and interacted with a lot of different peoples within that timeframe. I did play golf.

My whole life I was an athlete and competitor; I ended up getting to play about four years professionally, that was a really neat journey. I felt very blessed to have that opportunity in the second half of my career when I faced that injury that repeated about five times over a year and a half that sidelined me for a lot of it. That was very frustrating; but also diversified my interests.

During that time, I started the podcast with a buddy of mine. Thereafter, I started on my journey of writing the book that you talked about last time. From Here to There was my first book and that was really about the experience of playing golf. My whole life in a high level taught me about how to pursue excellence in any field and then from that I kind of went on building a speaking career and pursuing more opportunities as a speaker.

That was a really neat adventure. This coaching practice has kind of been the main focus outside of professional golf for the last three years, working with individuals on personal and professional development.

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Using the power of intention to get unstuck in life

A lot of times that involves three types of people:

People who are stuck and want to get unstuck.
Some who are transitioning or starting something on the side and want help with finding the right path to follow or even the feedback that they need to hear on how they can develop to set themselves up for success.
Then, finally people who want to level up in their work or in their lives and need some extra accountability and objectivity to do that.

Life Coaching part 1: Who am I

That's been a really fulfilling process for me, I help people live with, intention. Playing golf I was more focused on myself and not other people. Most recently, this year I got married at the start of COVID and moved to Denver where my wife and I now live, and that's been a really sweet transition even though so much change is going on in our world. We've definitely experienced a lot of that even personally.

This fall, I'm really excited. In November, the two online courses I’ve been building are going to be finally released and that's been the next chapter that I’m really excited about.

Myrna – So, how does the, power of intention, help when you're stuck, afraid alone like many of us during this pandemic?

One of the areas that you mentioned that you coach is helping people who are in the stuck place in life. I would probably think that most of the people that are coming into the life coaching conversation is stuck somewhere, right?

Well as humans, we all are to some extent constantly either stuck in a circular movement. Usually that means digressing or decaying in some way where we're growing, we're moving forward and there's really in between there's no sitting on the fence in the middle of those two sides, at least not for very long. I like to think, as humans, I think our natural default if we don't make a choice is to go down the path of least resistance and not live with, intention.

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Intentional living is going with the flow

So, if we don't choose, living intentionally, we're going to be going downhill. Our brains are designed that way. In order to go upstream or the path of most resistance, we have to have effort and, intention, which is ultimately discipline. Discipline is effort, and, intention, is saying “I’m going to choose to go upstream and I’m going to put forth the effort to do so by rowing or whatever the illustration”.

I struggled with this idea that in practicing, there's a practice and performance mentality. I think this would be helpful for what we're talking about. Here, the practice mentality is saying “I’m going to hold myself to a higher standard with, intention.” I think I can achieve, intention, because of practice. It's okay to fail in practice because, there are no consequences; but I’m going to try to reach a level that I didn't even think I can reach”.

That's good training for, intentional living. When we come to a performance, if we maintain that mindset and we keep failing to reach that super high level we start beating ourselves up – like “Oh! You suck, you aren't good enough, you're never going to get there, and you’re never going to perform.

Thane – What we are speaking about is self-awareness. A lot of times, having a self-awareness to know what we need ourselves – means we need to understand ourselves. I think the three primary tools of self-awareness are journaling and reflecting which is just sitting with a pen and paper. Now looking back on a situation or a day or a moment or our lives and understanding it more clearly. That’s feedback, you're thinking about having a person in your life whether it be a coach, mentor, family member, a close friend or confidant who can help you see more objectively; because we are inherently subjective.

Then there is meditation, just being able to sit in the present moment and remove the distractions that cloud our vision and by using those three primary tools. We get way better at seeing ourselves clearly, so that we can steer ourselves better and live with, intention.

Myrna – Self-awareness and meditation, that's awesome.

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Intention in the Tension

What does it mean to live with, intention in the, tension?

Myrna – When I researched, intentions, what came up was Justin Bieber's song –intentions, he's talking about shower you with my, attention. These are my only, intentions. So, let's dive in and talk about these, intentions, in the, tension.

Thane – The, intention, is really the reason behind what we do. So, intentional living, is just infusing a why, a reason or purpose into our daily lives, our daily thoughts or daily actions. Again, it doesn't happen by chance. We don't default into this, we have to choose it and so a lot of it really revolves around purpose and identity. In the whole phrase, intention, in the, tension, my co-founder of the podcast; Adam Setzer came up with that term.

I think it's just a catchy phrase to show that in life we face, tensions, we all know this very well right now in the COVID 19 pandemic. There are people that are on the one side of the, tension, (always wear masks). And there are people saying, “no don't ever wear masks.” Everyone's at a different place, some are following President Trump saying this pandemic is nothing and it would go away and some people are so fearful, they stay home, because there's a lot of, tension.

So, those are just two myriads are the more permanent or pressing right now; but every single day we have, tension, that we face even from exercise.

Tension during the COVID 19 Pandemic

Try getting married during COVID, like I did. You have, tension, as a newly married couple during COVID 19. The point of, tensions, isn't to pick a side and then just rest on that side. A lot of times with, the power of intention, the best place to be is in the middle, in the gray, in the messy, tension. By choosing a side, we eliminate the, tension, but really that isn't the best place to be.

The best place is to be in the middle. When we're living in the, tension, we have to infuse, intention, and a purpose or reason. Why? So that we can be able to see both sides with some fairness, with some objectivity without camping out and saying okay I’ve already made my mind. I already know everything and I’ve already arrived. That is never true for any of us in life, so a lot of it revolves around recognizing that there are, tensions, and then understanding our purpose and our identity.

Myrna – There's a lot going on right now. Everybody is talking about how divorce rates has just shot up, because people are forced to be together with, tension. There's a lot of, tension, because there's no outlets; but I like what you said, I’m a Christian and I was just finished reading this really fabulous book, Think like a Monk by Jay Shetty and one of the things I learned from that book is that we don’t always get back the love from the people we give it to.

Jay Shetty shared a story when he was in this monk. He's complained to the senior monk that he was giving all this out this service and love and he was not getting anything back. Then, the senior monk told him that a lot of times when you give out love, you don't get it back from the same people but the universe always send it back.

So, we are giving out love to let's say a spouse or children or something and we're expecting it back; but love like Jesus said love your enemy as your friend. You should know that the foundation of the Bible is ALL LOVE. It's not necessary that you’re going to love somebody that loves you. If you love your enemy, then obviously they don't love you back.

So, if you have the, intention, that you're going to love unconditionally and maybe it's will boomerang back to you, even if it's not from this person; but you're going to get it back somehow. That actually makes it easier.

Hope and the Power of Intention

Myrna – What do you think helps us live full of hope and live with, intention, in 2020?

Thane – HOPE, as you earlier mentioned is I believe, readily available for anyone at any time. I think hope is the fuel that comes from just reframing our perspective on things. When your perspective is simply your view of a situation, an object or yourself and guess what that can be viewed from many different places, hope in 2020 as you rightly said is something that more and more people are feeling hopeless.

I think it starts just by reframing our perspective. My book “Catalyst for Hope”. It's really just talking about four catalysts or four simple perspectives that I’ve found to unlock a lot of hope in my life.

We can always do this and it’s very simple. The fact that we are all in process that has not finished yet, is not over. We get to keep going forward and we get to keep moving. We still have a choice and a chance to live, breathe and do work in this world. Be a part of the change we wish to see.

In conclusion

Myrna – Tell us about your online courses, you told me you have two of them. One is “Growing Self-awareness” and we have talked about that, which is great. Another word for Self-awareness is “Consciousness”.

I thought I heard something the other day about one of those books – Think like a Monk that he mentioned, that consciousness is the biggest way to live with, intention. I mean it's a word that everybody throws around and nobody knows what it is. However, self-awareness and consciousness is like hope. What I mean is, if you practice it and you live in it, then it's the biggest thing that you can do in your life.

The other book title is “Developing Discipline”. Of course, as a professional golfer discipline is big. Discipline is the most fundamental component of being a good leader. Meanwhile, being a good leader starts always with self leadership, you have to be able to lead yourself well before you can lead others.

Thane – I'm all about growing self leadership for myself and for others. These two courses, I believe are going to help with self-awareness and discipline being fundamental aspects. In the two courses, what people can expect is they're both eight-week courses and so it's self-directed meaning – if you want to go faster or slower, you can.

I recommend eight weeks and that's how it's set up because it gives us enough time to really put these things into practice. Then thereafter, start shifting our identity and the way we see ourselves with these things so we can start saying I'm not just pursuing discipline, I am a disciplined person and that's the shift that we want to make in those eight weeks.

Additional Resources

How to Transform your Career with Purpose

Life Coaching, lifecoaching, Mindset Transformation, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, positive change, purpose, transform your mind

Six Holistic Ways to Find your Purpose

December 1, 2020 Myrna Young

Are you on a quest to, find your purpose? It is the only way to find fulfillment and the secret to happiness. Dr. Ken Keis shares six holistic approaches or benchmarks in your quest for, purpose.

Intro to our topic:

Dr. Ken Keis, is a highly sought-after author, speaker, trainer, podcast host, and TV and media guest. His latest books include: Why Aren't You More Like Me?, Deliberate Leadership, and The Quest For Purpose.

A story on how to find your purpose

So many people listening have been trapped down a pathway that was really sort of conditioned from their background. I woke one morning and asked myself if this was what I wanted to be doing in 20 years from now, and the answer was no. So, I immediately took action. I decided to quit farming and hired a coach to help me figure out what I wanted to do in life. My, quest to, find my purpose, began. What was my purpose in life? The answer, to help others to live, lead and work on purpose. This is the question to, find your purpose.

My coach passed away from cancer many years ago now, and I just took his process and then added and enhanced it. Basically it was a self-discovery narrative and an interactive sort of process to, find your purpose.

What are the six Holistic approaches to, find your purpose?

A lot of times what happens people don't realize their, purpose, because the question is too big. It's overwhelming and what we're trying to do here is get people to fine tune all the components of their life to go to the next level.

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Benchmarks to Finding your Purpose

So let's go through these benchmarks to, find your purpose.

1. First Benchmark is, Personal Style, CRG is an assessment company. In our quest to, find your purpose, one of our assessments is called “the personal style indicator.” We believe that we are all born with a certain Personal style. Not right not wrong and we develop and we change and we mature in life but our personal style never changes. Myrna is the same Myrna from 10 years ago. In other words Myrna can wake up in the morning and still count on Myrna being Myrna.

2. Biophysical Influences, like Health concerns, physical and mental disabilities. The statistics of North American health is that 75 to 80 percent of people are unwell at some level and another 50 percent are diabetic or pre-diabetic. So there's no way if I am thinking of, finding my purpose, if I'm sick. I don't have energy, I have chronic fatigue syndrome, I have immunity disorder or whatever is going on. 90 to 95 percent of all illness is lifestyle related. In my quest to, find my purpose, I need to take my body and treat it well. If I have a racehorse and I don't take care of that racehorse and then try to have it win the Kentucky Derby, it’s not going to happen.

Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

3. Self-worth – What you think of yourself. We have another assessment called “the self-worth inventory” to, find your purpose, our confidence levels highly influence the decisions we make or not make. So maybe you actually have an idea of your, purpose, but you don't have the courage to step into it.

4. Environmental systems – Schools , workplace, culture. We are a product of our environment. If I grew up in Florida versus LA or New York, Toronto or Vancouver versus Afghanistan, I'm going to have a different perspective on life and possibly a different path to, find my purpose.

5. Social Teachers – Parents, teachers, pastors As a kid you you very curious. You watched how your parents interacted, they're teaching you how to treat others. The songs you listened to there's now linkage towards violence and video games. In your quest to, find your purpose, be aware of what you’re letting in, who you’re working with, who are nurturing your personal relationships.

6. Emotional Anchors or triggers – Divorce, physical and verbal abuse, death of a loved one are all triggers. Any kind of event in life that causes either positive or negative associations becomes a trigger. Every single person listening or reading has triggers. You had an event in life that creates an emotional response. This goes back to a trigger that has been anchored, in many cases these triggers are subconscious. In your quest to, find your purpose, you don't realize your, purpose, because you’re angry. You can also have unforgiveness. You have not really released yourself of this traumatic event. I had my girlfriend when I was 21 years old murdered by a friend of mine. If I didn’t let go of that event from 1982, it would affect me forever.

7. Spirituality, – This is a bonus because it covers everything. We are spiritual beings have a human experience. All of these seven benchmarks, come together to develop the whole person. They are essential in our quest to, find your purpose. That's why developing all these areas is critic to finding your, life purpose.

Transform your mind iTunes link

Because we are spiritual beings having a human experience, our thoughts are so powerful. What you believe is the environment in which you live. Dr Bruce Lipton talks about the fact and the fact that our perceptions affects our reality.

Spirituality, is also consciously spending time developing yourself. It is a fact that you create your world. Most of us believe that we are product of circumstances; but if you believe that you actually can design and create your world, that's what you will create. So yes, spirituality, the spiritual part of you is very important to, finding your purpose.

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Conclusion

Very powerful conversation with Dr. Ken Keis. Dr Keis is the author of “The Quest for Purpose” A self-discovery process to find it and live it!
To listen to the full episode, download on iTunes, Google play, Sticher, TuneIn radio, iHeart radio.

To quickly summarize, Dr. Keis gave us seven personality development models called benchmarks, that can help you in your quest to, find your purpose, we talked about personality style, we talked about wellness and stress and how it affects how you show up in life, we talked about, self-worth and self-confidence. How that affects what you go after. We talked about the, environmental systems, where you were born and what your parents expect you to become. We talked about, social teachers, the news and our, emotional triggers. If something bad happened to you a lot of times, people can't get over it. This event hijacks them and it controls most of their thinking.

We talked about, spirituality, which is all-encompassing because we are spiritual beings and what we believe, has one of the most predominant effects in your quest to, find your purpose.

Download a FREE eBook version of Dr Ken Keis book “The Quest for Purpose”

Remember to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, iHeart radio, and please leave a review if you find this podcast Helps you Live Your Best Lives Now!

Additional Resources:
http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-awaken-to-your-souls-purpose/
http://blog.myhelps.us/how-can-millennials-find-their-purpose/
http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-become-a-diamond-by-finding-your-purpose/
http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-become-lifted-by-your-purpose/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-quest-for-purpose_b_6575194
https://www.forbes.com/sites/danpontefract/2016/02/04/the-story-of-candice-and-her-quest-for-purpose-at-work/

happiness, How to be happy, Life Coaching, lifecoaching, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

How to be Happy with Less

November 23, 2020 Myrna Young

What does it take to be happy? We live in a culture where, happiness, is largely based on external forces – like what we get and what we achieve. And when our life conditions don’t match our expectations, we experience pain and fear, we suffer. But imagine what it would feel like to create a constant sense of inner peace and freedom, and live each day in a beautiful state of, happiness.

Listen to the podcast here:

What’s preventing you from, happiness, and living a life of peace and joy?

Do you believe that others make you happy or are responsible for your, happiness? I used to think so. Until I realized that the definition of, happiness, is true. Happiness, is moving in the direction of your goals and dreams. So because my, happiness, comes from my thoughts and actions, I take away the responsibility of my spouse, friends, co-workers being responsible for my, happiness.

I encourage you to Discover what’s holding you back from being happy. Tap into finding inner peace through meditation and mindfulness that you can use to start living in the, present moment. Happiness, is only found in the present moment. Not in the future or the past. This is the time to sit with your feelings of, unhappiness, pain and regret and maybe find the lesson in them.

Once you sit with pain and, unhappiness, and not try to mask it with drugs, food or any of the things you do to not feel your pain, you can step into the unknown, and allow life to unfold in the beautiful way it is meant to.

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-find-happiness-in-2017/

How to be Happy in life, in the present moment

One of the ways I live in the, present moment, is I become aware of the little things that is taking away my, happiness. The small irritations like my husband not answering the phone when I call or my kids leaving the house and saying where they are going.

Learn, how to be happy in life, in the, present moment. No one is responsible for your, happiness. If you live in the present moment then the hurts from the past can't bother you. I remember when Jennifer Gardner was being interviewed about the betrayal of Ben Aflac. He had cheated on her and they were separated and there was a big scandal. Jennifer tried to stay in the, present moment, and be thankful for her 4 kids. She also said that Ben was not responsible for her, happiness. She alone is responsible for her, happiness.

Great lesson because when we give our power away, people will always trample on us. Life gives sand life takes away. The trick to, happiness, is not to be attached to the outcome.

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

How to be happy in life, by relaxing and releasing

When I feel the, unhappiness, or irritation coming on me, I practice R&R relax and release. When you feel that unwanted frustration you relax breathe deeply and release blow it out. Breathe deeply and blow it out through your mouth.

I learnt this in therapy. When a situation makes you, unhappy, and you don't attend to the hurt or pain. We stuff it down. We are not aware of what we are doing but we are hard wired to move away from pain and move towards pleasure, so when we feel pain or, unhappiness, we run from it.

So we self medicate with drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or whatever is around. In that way, we bury the pain. Whenever something is in the vicinity of this pain, we feel this tension in our gut because that is where we stored this pain. We begin to be, unhappy and we are not even sure why so we again stuff it down with drugs, alcohol, food and sex. We never want to feel.

To stop this cycle. Whenever you feel this feeling. Don't try to stuff down instead relax into it. Feel the pain, sit with it. Then breathe. Breathe to relax into it and then breathe it out. Try it next time some external situation makes you, unhappy.

5 Ways to Radiate on the Happiness Wheel

How to be Happy in life, with Less

In the, pursuit of happiness, material things such as money, a big house, fame, or fancy cars do not make us happy. Instead we need to first love and accept ourselves to be happy. Money or fame magnifies our, unhappiness, because now you are not sure who your friends are and you become obsessed about keeping this wealth.

How to be happy in life, with less is learning to find happiness in relationships, with family, with health, with being alive.

Daily habits to find, happiness

Smile. You tend to smile when you're happy. …
Exercise. Exercise isn't just for your body, it is for the mind. It releases endorphins for, happiness.
Get plenty of sleep, serotonin, the feel good hormone is released during sleep. That is why we are bitchy and, unhappy, with lack of sleep.
Eat with the, pursuit of happiness, in mind. …
Be grateful. Gratitude is the forerunner to, happiness. You can't be, unhappy, if you are feeling, gratitude
Give a compliment – giving a compliment makes other happy and that is turn makes you happy. Happiness, is serving others.
Breathe deeply. – breathing deeply releases tension in our muscles and relaxes the body.
Acknowledge the unhappy moments – don't try to stuff them down or ignore them. They are already here. Acknowledge them and let them know you see them and that this too shall pass. You will be able to look back at these moments and laugh one day.

blog, Entrepreneur, Executive Coaching, finding purpose, Life Coaching, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, small business

How to Accelerate Your Soul Journey: Clear these Money Blocks

October 4, 2020 Myrna Young

The purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose. Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. You can accelerate your, souls purpose, by clearing the, money blocks, you had from childhood.

Jennifer Longmore is a leading authority on, soul, purpose as well as an elite business coach to enlightened entrepreneurs. She is a sought after media personality, three times best-selling author and is known for her laser-like clarity on seeing into the depths of your, soul, for more than 15 years. She has served clients in permanently shifting their limiting beliefs and patterns that prevent them from being who they truly are, so they can accelerate their, souls, journey.

Listen to the full interview Here:

Myrna: I am excited to talk to you today, because I've been spending some conscious moments thinking of my, soul.

How Did you become a, soul, whisperer?

I grew up, I guess you could say prophetic. I always knew things were going to happen before they happened. If the phone rang and someone said something, I was usually telling my parents 10-15 minutes before that so-and-so called and they said A, B and C, and then sure enough that person would call and say those things.

I guess you could say I am Claircognizant, because I would just know that it was going to happen. I couldn't tell you why I knew, in fact I didn't even know I was telling people anything they didn't know. That's actually how I went through school, freaking people out. I didn't know who to be. I would tell people things, and I would freak them out. I'm also a truth teller and I do that with love. I definitely speak my mind, call out injustices and so on. I was kind of doubly offending people without realizing it.

Myrna: I like that word “truth teller”, we always say direct communicators – that's what I call myself; but truth teller sounds nicer.

Jennifer: It depends. I mean some people like it when they're ready to hear the truth. They like it when you're telling them something they want to hear. It's usually around relationships I find where people don't particularly like the truth. They have questions like. I just met someone at a bar, is this my soul mate?

I knew from a very young age what my purpose was and was to help people on their, soul journey; but I also needed to feel safe enough and supportive enough to live with this gift.

Myrna: So you were born with a gift – the gift of being able to see things before it happened. I'm thinking when I say the, soul, I'm using the traditional definition of it. I was listening to an audio book the other day and they said that there are different several names or labels for the, soul. some say the, subconscious, some call it the, super conscious; but it is the part of our non-physical that never dies. Is that what we're talking about when you say, soul?

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What is the Purpose of the, Soul?

Jennifer: Yes the, soul, we are referring to is our non physical or spiritual part of a human being that gives life to it.

Myrna: What do you think the purpose of the, soul, is? You mentioned the fact that you were not connected to any religion. But every religion talks about the, soul, because it's eternal. It's not tied to any religion. How did you connect to your, soul? How did you bridge between connecting to the, soul, from what was happening to you? Being able to know things before they happened?

Jennifer: I think the purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose. Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. When I was younger, I wouldn't have been able to tell you about my, soul. My maternal grandfather was a psychic medium. He used to solve crimes for the police, and my mom's very intuitive. My dad was very intuitive. I think it's just we're all intuitive.

How does understanding your, soul purpose, help clients shift their limiting beliefs?

I think what's going on in the world right now, it's kind of hard not to feel really compelled to make sure that we are using our purpose to the fullest. I even consulted with my astrologer recently, and I said I want to make sure I use every ounce of my purpose that I came here to deliver. I want you to learn whatever I came here to learn. I want to be give back in whatever way I can. So I think even before the pandemic, we were spending our time asking does my life matter? Why am I here? Does my life have meaning?

So this is how I help my clients find their purpose and why they are here. As a, soul, whisperer, I can see what they can't see. I didn't plan on being a business coach when I first started. I was doing readings, I was teaching other people how to do readings. I was so successful because someone like me is always going to be successful.

What I came to realize is that most people, when they discover their, souls purpose, it is so unique that the best way to express it is through a business. The business is just the portal, it's just the gateway, it's just the vehicle to be able to share our gifts with the world and be compensated.

Once someone has a relationship with me and they trust me, I not only show them some of the different ways that they can express those gifts; but I help them with their mindset; because I feel mindset is a big reason why people don't have success.

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If you don't have the correct mindset, all the business plans in the world, all of the marketing and the Facebook ads, we still have this really sneaky way of sabotaging ourselves. I really like reminding people what their potential is and then helping them find the easiest path to live their potential and express their potential in the world.

Myrna: That's beautiful because really if we were to tap into the, soul, it is limitless. That's one of the beautiful things about the, soul, or super consciousness or your subconscious it's limitless. So tapping into it's potential is a good thing.

How to accelerate your, Souls, Journey by removing your, Money Blocks

You just mentioned mindsets and one of the questions I have here is about, money blocks. Let's combine the two. You said that you can teach somebody things and they can have all the strategy in the world; but if their mindset is limited or they have a belief that maybe money is evil or if they achieved success then they wouldn't be good parents. All kinds of, money blocks, are in their head. Are you able to see these, money blocks?

Jennifer: I can see it right away. Right away as soon as someone's talking to me. I'll have a client describe their business to me and in 30 seconds, I can tell why they're not where they want to be. I don't know why it's just I've talked to so many people, tens of thousands of people at this point. So it starts to become a pattern and we all have, money blocks.

We all have a money story, it's not about judging the money story, it's our goal to have a healthy money story. You can have a healthy money story with a hundred dollars in the bank or you can have an unhealthy money story with a billion dollars in the bank. I've served a client who had 100 million dollars net worth and she was probably the biggest pain in the bum that I've worked with.

She didn't trust everyone, she felt everyone was out to screw her, everyone else was out to take her money. She had no peace. That's not financial freedom; if you don't have the peace with the money that you've worked so hard to accumulate. I've talked with billionaires and they've said look, like I have money pains too, my money pains are just different because I've created a lot of jobs, a lot of people depend on me for their livelihood.

They tell me, I'm always worried that I'm going to drop the ball and I'm going to implode my business and then I'm going to be destitute and 500 other people are going to be without a job. So they just have different, money blocks.

Money is just a magnifier for what's already there. How do you have peace when you keep waiting for someone to come and take your money? I had a colleague of mine who didn't pay her taxes for seven years. You're allowed up to seven years where I live not pay your Federal taxes before they start to audit you? Not only did they come and audit her; but because they needed to audit her, they froze all of her accounts including her Stripe Account and her Paypal account.

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She had no money to access while they investigated her. Her, money blocks, were so resistant to looking money in the eyes. When we do taxes, we have to look money in the eyes. This is our biggest issue and most of us don't want to be in conversation with money.

We literally don't want to pull up a screen and see what's in our bank account. We don't want to see what's coming in or what's going out and when we're not willing to look money in the eyes, we can't have a healthy relationship with our money.

How to Clear your, Money Blocks

Most of us tend not do that and so every activity in our business that requires us to look money in the eyes like sending an invoice, receiving an invoice, chasing someone for money, paying for a room to rent, hiring a team member etc. There's so many conversations around money every single day in our business that if we don't learn how to look money in the eyes and treat it like a friend and act like it's a part of our dream team that wants to help our dreams come true, then we're going to be working way harder than we need to work.

Myrna: I love that one.

Treat, your money like part of your dream team!

I heard a financial analyst talking about, money blocks; but she was talking about, money blocks, based on things like when your mother said “money don't grow on trees”. You just got into detail of some really high level blocks about not being able to look at money, not being able to have a relationship with money, or look money in the eye that's really high level.

Even about when people are billionaires and they still have money issues; because now they have no peace. They think everybody is out to get them, so that is high level, money block.

So would you put, money blocks, and limiting beliefs in the same bucket or is it different?

I think the same blocks that we have around money would at the core of how worthy we feel.

How deserving do I feel?
Do I feel I can succeed in life and business?
We tend to take our, money blocks, cues from our parents. If our parents were working class or they struggled or they had a business and that business failed.
Sometimes we have a really hard time out-succeeding the people that are important to us, even our mentors. There are a lot of people that feel like it's disrespectful to out-grow their mentors.

What is the Souls Imprint?

Myrna: I was listening to a podcast recently and the founder of Mindvalley, his name is Vishen. He talked about coaching people on their, souls imprint. So is our, souls imprint, different from our, souls purpose?

I would say our, souls purpose, is what did we come here to learn and do.

What did we come here to master?
What do we come here to contribute?
Our, souls imprint, might be worded something like what's our, soul, essence. Some people just carry this frequency of truth for example so they can't help it. If there's shady stuff going on in a room or in a business or something like, their, souls imprint, can't let them ignore it.

I have had jobs that within the first month, I was able to pick out whatever was out of integrity. It would just come to the surface. My, souls imprint, had this way of vacuuming it out of the shadows. It's not like I was trying to reveal anything; I didn't even know it was there.

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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast — Podbean

How to shift your perceptions or, money blocks?

Well similar to the looking money in the eyes, write a letter to yourself or your business.
Start like this – I love you; but stop what you are doing. I'm not having any fun with you anymore. Create an avatar of the person you are speaking to. This person could be your dad or a parent who influenced your, money blocks.

My dad was always there physically; but he wasn't there emotionally which is not an uncommon experience for a lot of us; because men were taught to not be emotionally unavailable. After writing my letter, I had this huge epiphany like, oh my goodness, I am expecting my business to be like my dad!

I had no idea that my subconscious block was being projected onto the consciousness of my business; because everything has consciousness. Then I thought okay, well my business makes money so what would happen if I wrote a letter to money? I did and the same thing revealed itself. I realized money's always been there for me. I'll ask for it and it shows up for me.

Money is always there for me; but I don't feel connected to it. My dad isn't always showing up when I write letters to money, sometimes it's someone that bullied me in my past. Sometimes it's a boss that I really hated, sometimes it's my mom.

It can be whoever is responsible for your, money blocks, because our body has a consciousness and our business has a consciousness. This imprints on whatever we're unconsciously projecting onto it. So the only way we can shift our perceptions is to create a new relationship with money. Become aware of the relationship we're already having with it, that we don't even know. Once we bring awareness to something, then we can heal and shift.

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How can readers get in touch with you for Business Coaching and, Soul Purpose, Sessions?

I don't do, soul purpose, sessions anymore; but I do offer that within business coaching . Readers can head over to my website www.souljourneys.ca/soul, I have a FREE GIFT for your listeners and readers. It is a checklist of the nine most important questions to ask yourself to get in alignment with your, soul purpose.

Then I go much more deeply into the work that I do. They can also connect with me by signing up for my daily inspirational emails. I send little intuitive love bombs basically every day as an email when people sign up for that.

If you liked this content please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast on iTunes, iHeart radio, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Please also post a review.

Additional Resources

How to Transform your Career with Purpose

A New Business Strategy: Increasing Your Capacity

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

book, Life Coaching, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Can Introverts be Successful Networkers?

September 23, 2020 Myrna Young

Introverts, are not extroverts and most find, networking, challenging. It is possible to be an introvert and become a wildly successful networker. In his book “An Introvert's Guide to World Domination” Author Nick Shelton offers practical, reliable strategies for forming lasting connections with others. You will improve your confidence, strengthen your relationships and gain access to people and opportunities you've never had before.

An Introvert's Guide to World Domination shows introverts a way to access their best life and upgrade their lives and lifestyles through communications and networking techniques specifically designed with the introvert's needs in mind.
By breaking the process down into bite-sized steps, Nick Shelton offers practical, reliable strategies for forming lasting connections with others. You will improve your confidence, strengthen your relationships and gain access to people and opportunities you've never had before.

Listen to the full interview here:

How to Find the Right Group if you are an Introvert

Myrna – When you decided that because you were an, introvert, you were going to change your circle of friends because the friends you were hanging around with were not conducive to you in becoming a social person. How did you find the right group?

Okay, I don't want people to think that I just completely abandoned everyone I knew or say I’m not talking to my old friends, I still kept in touch with everybody; but I tried to shift my focus more towards people that I thought would be of help to my course to become a networking, introvert.

I looked for groups of people that I thought would be good to be around them. I would find that they have to meetup groups. I would go to these meet up groups and introduce myself to some people. Everybody takes a little time to be comfortable around people, just like relationships they take a little time to build; but it starts off by you initially showing up and just being around and people starting to recognize you.

Myrna – I used to go sit in expensive hotel lobbies for a different reason, not for, networking, but that is a good way to, network, with the rich. I did it to get comfortable with wealth. You were doing it to build a network with influential people, which is good too.

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What inspired you to write the book An Introverts Guide ?

After I figured out how to, network, as an, introvert, by the way I am still an, introvert. I still like to spend a lot of time alone. I recharge myself; but then when I do network, I want to go out and be seen and be heard. I'm able to do that; but once I learned how to do this then, I was often invited to do some speaking about it. I would go to speaking events and people would ask me where can we get your book, and I would say I don't have a book! I told myself, should probably write a book.

An Introvert's Guide to World Domination

I realized there's a lot of, introverts, who would get a lot out of a book about how to network as an, introvert, so I sat down and starting writing a book. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to help, introverts, who were in similar situations be able to have the steps that they needed to upgrade their lifestyles and really enhance their experience, networking.

I think everything in life comes down to your connections and your relationships and if you can have better connected relationships, it makes the life of the, introvert, so much richer. You don’t even have to be, networking, with billionaires on yachts; it can just be with your own family and close friends or people in the community.

Myrna – One of the questions that popped into my mind as you were talking about speaking and meet-up groups was, did you join toastmasters?

I did go to toastmasters because everybody says, you have to go to toastmasters. I went to toastmasters but; I didn’t really like toastmasters. Everybody said to me what are you talking about, you have to like toastmasters, everybody likes toastmasters; but I don't know it didn't do it for me.

I know a lot of people say well if you're shy and, introverted, and socially awkward; how can you do public speaking? I think I have some kind of weird defect in my brain that allows me to think whenever I do public speaking, I go into a dreamlike trance. We can do anything in our dreams, you're not a body.

If you just say go talk to those four people over there then I become an, introvert; but if you say there's a hundred people go talk to them that's fine, I become an, extrovert.

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Myrna – You're kidding that that's weird wiring; but you know it's not that I haven't heard it before. It is probably a good time to have a definition of an, introvert, and how that is different from, extrovert. How does someone know if they're an, extrovert, or, introvert? We can figure out that if you are shy you may be an, introvert but I am sure there is more.

Define an introvert and the different levels

There are some people that are more, introverted, than others and there's different categories. I'd say generally you are an, introvert, if you get drained by being out and interacting with people and have to recharge by being yourself.

I fit that category, that's the classic, introvert. You can also be shy and that doesn't necessarily make you an, introvert. I suffered from being shy and being drained by being around people plus the social awkwardness. I did’t know what to do and how to even interact with people, so there's different combinations of, introversion, and there's different levels.

One of my closest friends who has had great success with some of the techniques I teach in my book, always makes fun of me; because he always tries to compare himself saying, I'm way more, introverted, than you. I tell him this isn't a competition.

I say that to say there's different levels for the, introvert; so there's different things that different obstacles that, introverts, have to deal with. An obstacle for me might not be an obstacle for my friend. I mentioned the different types of, introverts, the steps in my book is able to help the whole spectrum of, introverts.

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Everything is for everybody; but I say at the beginning of the book pick out the parts that apply to you that you can use and then what's not helpful right now just file it away and then maybe later once you hit a certain level maybe that's going to come in handy at a later time.

How can your Book Help Introverts

Myrna– Your book is called “An introvert's guide to world domination: become a high level networking and upgrade your life.” So what can someone walk away with after reading your book? What are the skills that you want transferred?

I love that question that was really good,

They are going to be able to know what their obstacles are.
What their blocks are
Identify those blocks so then they can get those out of the way
Then they're going to be able to find social events that appeal to them that can help them achieve whatever goals they desire.

What are the networking steps covered in your book?

We find out what sort of networking, introverts, should you be doing; so we cover the personal, networking, and then I also teach about, networking, in the workplace and at social events. Depending on what your goal is, you'll have clear steps on what to do in your personal social life, in the workplace and in, networking, events to level up in all of those areas.

You'll know exactly what to do and say if you go to the company holiday party or if you're just going to hang out, or you take your kid to soccer practice and there's going to be a bunch of parents there.

You'll know exactly what you need to do to be interesting and interested and engage in conversation
How to have good body language and appear confident, calm and approachable.
Show good energy, so you'll be able to also maintain your relationship
Know where to go, what to do, when you get there who to talk to
What to say and how to talk to people once you've established a relationship
How to maintain those relationships; because why build all these relationships if you're not going to maintain them.

Introverts, will have this whole spectrum of, networking, obstacles; so all they have to do is just work the steps. I break it down really easy; I put little things in there to make sure that, introverts, keep pushing forward. introverts, will be able to go out and put these steps into practice immediately, the very first day even before they finish the book.

What is the definition of a social introvert?

A social, introvert, is somebody who doesn't like talking to people and is uncomfortable in social situations. That was my biggest challenge as an, introvert, and that's why I concentrated my book on, networking; even though I think that there are some other areas being an, introvert, would have challenges with.

So there are social, introverts, who aren't really good around people and they don't want to be, they want to have nothing to do with, networking, so they'd just rather maybe stay in the science lab or stay in the basement playing video games. This book is not for this type, these steps are for the, introvert, who says, hey I would like to be able to do that, I just don't know how.

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Helping Introverts Lead Regular Lives

I want to help, introverts, feel more confident just day to day in their regular life. Just going to the grocery store or if you live in an apartment building and your neighbors are out on their balcony and you think well I can’t go out on my balcony; because they're there maybe I should wait until they go inside.

Or when it comes to your work place or when it comes to just any relationships, introverts, have an understanding of what being an, introvert, is really costing them. It's costing them much more than you can possibly imagine, and it's all these little micro instances of hiding. If, introverts, can just take that little extra step to not hide, it can completely change their life and lifestyle.

Myrna – I can imagine that an, introvert, is somebody who is a pleaser, because they don't want to make a fuss right, they don't want confrontation, they don't want to challenge whatsoever.

Is the pandemic good or bad for the introvert?

All the, networking, in person situations are no longer an issue and we're like talking on zoom and we're in our bedroom and in our house and we don't have to go out; so is an, introvert’s, heaven. The pandemic is this helping them stay hidden we, introverts, think this is the best time to be alive ever in the history! It gives the, introvert, the excuse to say, hey I would love to be out socializing and hobnobbing with everybody; but I'm locked down.

What can introverts do to make the most of this pandemic situation?

One of the things the, introvert, can do during the pandemic is to strengthen the relationships you already have. COVID gives you a perfect excuse to go through your work email and your personal email of all your contacts and see who you haven't touched base within say three months. Make a list of those people and then every day just contact a few and just say, hey how are you doing during COVID?

Myrna – I'm going to borrow that to touch base with my real estate clients and just keep up the, networking, because a great strategy for realtors whether they are, introverts, or not to keep, networking, during the pandemic.

How to build your network as an Introvert

If you want to become a high-level networker, or upgrade your life both, introverts, and, extroverts, can be a high-level networker. I've had a lot of students who are realtors and they are not, introverts, but they just wanted an edge over their competition and so they used some of these techniques,

Where can listeners get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media?

My book is available on amazon.com An introvert's guide to world domination You can also visit me on the web at connectedintrovert.com. I have an online course and a mentorship program and a free mini master class.

Thanks for listening to this podcast or watching on YouTube. If you are an iTunes user, please subscribe, rate and review this podcast. I also want to invite you to my Facebook group called Lifecoach and it's growing by leaps and bounds and you know every day I post little you know inspiring messages.

Additional Resources Social Networking

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

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Advocacy, Life Coaching, mental health counseling, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

How to Tackle Teenage Anxiety and Depression

September 15, 2020 Myrna Young

Anxiety, in teenagers and young adults is much more than a phase. It's a real condition that can interfere with daily life, lead to, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

In this interview, I am speaking with Megan Gallagher, mental health advocate and Tedx speaker.

_{While growing up, Megan experienced chronic, anxiety, and panic attacks, as well as body image issues. Inspired by the lack of honest conversations among her peers/teachers about “real life topics”. After therapy and healing, she dove headfirst into making that change in the public school system! Gallagher currently speaks at middle schools and high schools about, mental health, self-care, following your dreams & mindfulness. She has spoken at over 500 schools and been featured in major media outlets like Forbes Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Today Show, OK! Magazine, NBC news, FOX news and Yahoo!}

Listen to the full interview here:

How did you traverse your painful childhood? What exactly caused your, anxiety, and how did you become an, anxiety, and, mental health advocate?

Growing up as a youth I can remember as early as elementary school, I have vivid memories of just sitting in class and noticing my stomach churning and getting really sweaty under my armpits. All these things would happen and I didn't really know what triggered these spiral of symptoms.

I would think I ate something weird at lunch or maybe something's not sitting right on my stomach or even that I had stomach flu.

My mom figured that I was more sensitive than my sister and needed more attention. I wanted just to be alone. Going to crowded public places really overwhelmed me. My parents would say Megan tends to freak before an event happens so they would try to find ways to calm me down.

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It wasn't until I was 13 years old in eighth grade about to graduate to go to high school, that I became aware of my emotions and become in tune with my body. These, anxiety attacks, were really scary and they came out of nowhere.

I would be sitting in a classroom and I felt like I was like coming out of my skin. Just wanting to get up and go the bathroom and just breathe. Freaking out, I like didn’t want to be around people, I just wanted to just have a moment for myself.

Myrna – Do you think you are in introvert? Did you put a label on it?

Megan – I’m actually the most social extroverted person ever. I thrive off of being around people and I love having a big friend group and I love hanging out with people, so I wouldn't say I'm an introvert, I would say I'm have high functioning, anxiety.

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Teenagers, can go one of two ways with Anxiety and Depression :

People who show their, depression, and, anxiety, through shutting down. They kind of isolate themselves.
I handled my, anxiety, and found comfort in talking about my feelings. I just love talking and being around people. I loved being around people hosting events and parties.

Now that I'm 24, I don't really get the, anxiety attacks, but I still have anxious moments.

I learned how to handle it though. I know how to stop the negative thoughts before they turn into a full-blown, anxiety attack.

My, anxiety, continued into high school. I remember so well gearing up during the summer and counting down the days until my first day of high school. I had the normal thoughts of you know, where's my locker. What if I get lost in this new school. The what if thoughts would fuel my, anxiety.

How to Control your Anxiety by being in the moment.

Now I know I should have stayed in the present moment, my mind was trying to anticipate what's gonna happen two months from now, one month, 3 weeks etc. But the truth of the matter is we can't control the future.

With, anxiety, you have such a fear of losing control. For people with, anxiety, being in control is what they want.

My, anxiety, has manifested itself in different ways throughout my life. When I was younger in high school, my, anxiety, manifested in an eating disorder. I was too anxious to eat in school, so I would starve myself all day and then binge at night.

My, anxiety, showed up where my mind would just black out. I would feel like I got shot off into space and then I would get hot and sweaty and see stars. It was so scary and so uncomfortable in public.

Anxiety, can mimic a heart attack or a stroke or it can mimic other life-threatening health conditions.

My freshman sophomore year of high school I was a mess, in constant, anxiety, mode. My mind would calculate that an episode happened at 9 00 a.m. in English class, so then the next day my body, that internal clock started saying it's 9 a.m. Yesterday I got an, anxiety attack, so I would have another, anxiety attack, thinking about the last, anxiety attack. It was a vicious cycle. I got so deep in the ditch I felt like a prisoner to my own mind.

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How did you Heal Yourself of, Anxiety?

My, anxiety, had reached a point where I felt like I was being cornered in a wall, so I had to ask for help. I sat my parents down and told them what had been going on with me for years. They told me that, mental illness, and, anxiety, runs on my dad's side of the family and what I have it's called, anticipatory anxiety.

They scheduled me in therapy and told me your first session is next week.

Forms of Therapy for, Anxiety.

Talk therapy where it's just the typical talking while the Therapist takes notes.
Hypnotherapy where you lie on a couch and the Therapist puts you in a hypnotic state where you can reach your subconscious mind.
EFT Tapping for, anxiety, and fear. EFT is the abbreviation for Emotional Freedom Techniques, an effective self-help tool for calming anxiety and fear. EFT is like acupuncture for emotional healing, but you can do it for yourself and there are no needles, just tapping on a sequence of calming meridian points with your fingertips.

I am such an advocate for therapy. I think everyone who suffers from, anxiety, should do therapy because every single person on this planet has their own stuff. It doesn't have to have been something traumatic; but every person has baggage.

My therapist in high school told me “Megan everyone in life has baggage.” Just like people getting on a plane, some just have a little carry-on while some have like four suitcases. Some people have designer baggage, others have a trash bag; but everyone has something to bring on the plane.

What made you become a, Mental Health Advocate, talking in Middle and High Schools?

My therapist also taught me your mind is like a dog on a leash. When you walk your dog outside and you let the dog do its thing while on the leash. The dog just want to take off; but you have to maintain control of the dog on the leash. You mind is the same way, it wants to take off and anticipate everything and then get, anxiety attacks, but you have to reign it back in. You are still in control of the leash.

When I talk in schools, I try to teach teenagers that they are in control of their minds.

We're in a pandemic right now and people are getting, anxiety attacks, worrying about the future, worrying if they are going to find a job, it they are going to loose their homes.

Why do you think there is an epidemic of teenagers with, Anxiety, and Depression?

Teenagers were always having a problem with, depression, and, anxiety. A lot of people blame it on the social atmosphere, the social culture. The culture we live in today it's so different from the 80s or the 90s even the early 2000s. A huge switch happened when social media like Facebook and Myspace took off. Now there's Tumblr, there's Twitter, there's, Tic Tock, there’s Instagram. It's insane but it is important to remember social media does the same thing to human beings as, anxiety, it triggers the fear of missing out. Oh I didn't get invited to that party that I see on snap chat, oh my gosh what's going on with me, my friends are posing on a yacht with a celebrity, so their life must be better than mine.

Social media it really is a very negative thing and I think it's important to really be aware of how does it make you feel?Before you go on Instagram versus after you get off Instagram. If you are feeling, anxiety, or, depression, after you go on social media, you should cut back your time on it to like 20 minutes a day instead of scrolling for hours.

Here are some of the signs that your Teenager is Depressed

Since teenagers are often moody, it can be difficult to recognize when your son or daughter has become depressed, and might need help. The thing people tend to notice first is withdrawal, or when the teenager stops doing things she usually likes to do. There might be other changes in her mood, including sadness or irritability. Or in her behavior, including, appetite, energy level, sleep patterns and academic performance. If several of these symptoms are present, be vigilant about the possibility of teen, depression.

This is especially important because by the time family members and other people around a teenager note her lack of interest in most things. She’s usually been depressed for some time. Depression, is an internalizing disorder, i.e. one that disturbs a patient’s emotional life, rather than an externalizing one, which takes the form of disruptive or problematic behavior. As such, it takes a while not only for others to recognize it but often for the patient herself to realize that her thinking, and emotional responses, are disturbed.

What your main message for teenagers battling with, Anxiety?

My main message is follow your dreams in life. Once upon a time, it feels like a decade ago, when I went was allowed to speak at schools, I talked about, mental health, anxiety, and self-care. I touched on a lot subjects; but the main takeaway was follow your passions. First fill up your cup, take care of yourself and get to know your body.

Connect with Megan for speaking or to hear any of her work on Instagram @ meganwgallegher on Linkedin @ Megan Gallagher

Additional Resources on Anxiety

How to Heal Your Brokenness

Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, relationship coaching, Self Love, women

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

September 1, 2020 Myrna Young

So many women stay in, unhealthy relationships, and complain. They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated, they feel disconnected, but they stay because they don't want to be alone. Blake D Bauer, relationship coach lets you know the signs when you should go, if you have given it all you got.

In this Blog and podcast, Blake D Bauer and Myrna Young, Life Coach, are going to be talking on the topic, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love. So ladies download and listen to the full interview because we're gonna be talking about men and how to understand your man.

Listen to full interview here:

Introduction to Blake D Bauer and, Unhealthy Relationships

Myrna – How did you become an Author, Teacher and a Relationship Coach?

Blake – As a young man I struggled a lot psychologically and emotionally and I didn't have a lot of healthy men role models in my life, so to cope and survive I got into drinking alcohol, partying and doing drugs.

As a man I instinctively learned how to survive by repressing my emotions. I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my ego and building up my muscles which is a very common masculine tendency.

It's ironic because all that was my subconscious way of protecting my heart and my vulnerability and surviving the world. We all do that in our own way; but these are the common male tendencies.

Later I developed a desire to understand my purpose in life, which is another topic I think is really important for men. If we don't have a very clear sense of purpose, it's hard for us to be strong for our family, for the women in our life and our business. I found that my purpose was to become a, relationship coach, helping women understand when they are in, unhealthy relationships.

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Men really do need a very clear sense of purpose, to be a captain of the ship or be a king for his queen. I started waking up every morning trying to answer two questions.

How do I free myself from this suffering of, unhealthy relationships?
What's the purpose of my life?

This question led me to five different universities where I studied psychology, nutrition, theories of education and early childhood development, Chinese Medicine including acupuncture and oriental medicine.

I then had a series of insights where I could see how, unhealthy relationships, including the, unhealthy relationship, with myself, was fueling, unhealthy relationships, with others.

In other words if we never learn how to love ourselves as children, it can lead to physical disease, psychological and emotional suffering like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and, unhealthy relationships.

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Blake – There was a point in my journey when I realized that everything was really about how you learn to love yourself and value yourself on a daily basis; because that's the key to your health and happiness. It's also the key to, healthy love, and, healthy relationships.

In my book “You Were not Born to Suffer” I share all my findings on, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.

You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships

Why is Finding your Purpose Important for, Healthy Love?

Blake – One of the big questions that everybody asks is, Does money and wealth equal success and happiness? So that was the question I kept asking myself. Is success and happiness equivalent to financial success? Can you find, healthy love, if you have lots of money?

I had actually grown up around people who had been very successful financially; but who were very self-destructive and in, unhealthy relationships.

I saw people chase money, get it and lose it again doing drugs. They hurt their children, ruined their marriages and they all had, unhealthy relationships.

So I started asking the question, What is the purpose of Life?
I was plagued and tortured with questions like, Why did I come to this planet?
Is there a God?

From the age of 18 to 24, I was on this very intense healing spiritual and personal development journey. I felt that the reason I had come to the planet and my purpose was to share my insights on self-love with as many people as possible.

If I could teach others how to love themselves then they would be able to love others and have, healthy relationships.

How does the Emotional Health of men lead to, Unhealthy Relationships?

A lot of women go into, unhealthy relationships, with men and they don't get what they're looking for because the man is not emotionally ready.

Sometimes as a woman you can also be seeking love from a man that you don't give yourself, or that you didn't get from your father. For example, it's really important to have that self-awareness.

I am spending time with this guy because I really enjoy his company, I really enjoy his energy.

He's supportive, he's loving, he's present plus I'm attracted to him. We should be having a, healthy relationship, but we are not. So if he is not giving me what I need, then I have to analyse why I am with him.

Ask these questions.

Did you enjoy his company?
Did you like feeling protected?

You want to build something with this man, so you start to open up. You tell him, I feel X Y and Z. Pay attention to whether he can really hear you.

Does he listen and respond?
Or does he check out and become distracted?
Or does he change the topic?

Another good question to ask is:

How do you feel about this or that?
How does he feel about regrets in his life?
How does he feel about the importance of communication or emotional connection?

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Blake – This is how you know if you can have a, healthy relationship, with this man.

If you don't get the response that you want, this is the red flag that you are in an, unhealthy relationship.

A lot of men use this mask, I don't like to talk. I don't like to talk about my feelings.

If you get that response, say I need a partner who is able to open up and talk about his feelings, because that's important to me. As a woman looking for a, healthy relationship, you need a partner who can connect to you emotionally and be there for you and be your best friend as well as a lover.

If you don’t demand what you want, this would be a whole relationship based on you betraying yourself, so the key from the beginning is don't betray yourself. If you're betraying yourself right now, STOP because it's never going to get better.

Many women go into relationships thinking, I am going to fix this man up. He is a work in progress! He is like a fixer-upper, I'm gonna flip this house, I'm gonna flip this man. I'll just put some nice new wallpaper and everything will be great.

NO it never works, it just doesn't work.

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What does, Healthy relationships, look like?

If you're looking for this great of a husband then you have to be a great wife. If you're looking for a, healthy relationship, then you've got to understand what are you bringing to the table, starting with self-love. You’ve got to fix yourself because even if you do get the man, he might not stay because you're insensitive, you're bitchy, or you complain all the time.

You've got to be the best version of yourself, you've got to be able to understand what you what you want up front and ask for it.

Healthy relationships, are merely a projection of the relationship you have with yourself. It directly connects back to where you have unhealthy thought habits and unhealthy habits of internalizing your emotions or pretending you feel different than you feel.

What are the steps to check if you are in an Unhealthy Relationship?

There's a couple of practical approaches and mindsets that go with having, healthy relationships.

One is that you have to become very aware of what you're feeling on a daily basis, so for example you can just ask yourself, What do I feel right now in my body?
Get used to saying – I feel hungry, I feel hot, I feel frustrated, I feel sad, I feel depressed. I feel unloved, I feel angry, I feel alone.
Become intimate with your feelings.
On a daily basis talk openly and honestly with your friends, your family or your partner.
Find someone that you feel safe with that and who you can talk to on a daily basis about what's going on inside of you. If you don't have a friend or a family member that you can talk to openly and honestly, then it's important to find a therapist.
Another thing you can do on your own or until you talk to someone, is to get a diary or a journal and write, Dear Universe or Dear God, depending on what you believe. Some people have a connection with a deceased loved one, like their mother or their father or a grandparent, you can write to your loved one who has passed on as well.

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You are in an, Unhealthy Relationship, should you stay or should you go?

Firstly, expressing your emotions honestly and kindly, is the first step if you are in an, unhealthy relationship. Most of us never learned how to do that, and that sabotages relationships and makes us sick and miserable. So you got to learn how to be open, honest, and vulnerable on a daily basis.

Step two is acting in integrity, acting in alignment with what you feel and want and need. So how many people stay in, unhealthy relationships, and all they do is complain. They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated, they feel disconnected; but they stay and they complain.
They don't take action following what they feel, because they don't want to be alone. Yet most people in that situation feel alone anyway. They stay in an, unhealthy relationship, and stifle the chance of meeting someone new.

You should leave an, unhealthy relationship, if you've done everything you can in that situation to heal the relationship and the other person's not willing to help.

Conclusion for Unhealthy Love Relationships

You can leave without regret. You know in your heart you gave it a hundred percent, you gave everything you had. You took the responsibility for your actions. This person did not meet you on the bridge!

Blake – My book “You were not born to suffer” is on Amazon, iTunes and audible. It's on audio kindle and paperback, you can get it at any bookstore. I normally teach at retreats throughout the year in person in the united states, I teach a lot in the mountains in Colorado at a 600 acre Buddhist retreat center. Now that we have COVID Check out my online events on my website unconditional-self love. Com.

Follow the Transform Your Mind Podcast on Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/myrnamyoung/

on Facebook @https://www.facebook.com/Transform-Your-Mind-356442618235798/

on Twitter @https://twitter.com/myrna_young1

Join my Private Life Coach Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/193005424200128/

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind-coach/id1144973094?mt=2

Additional Resources Unhealthy Relationships

http://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

http://blog.myhelps.us/what-is-the-1-thing-women-can-do-to-improve-their-relationships/

https://www.mentalhelp.net/relationships/is-it-love-or-codependency/

https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/

coaching, Executive Coaching, Leadership Coaching, Life Coaching, mindset, Mindset Transformation, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, transform your mind

A New Business Strategy: Increasing Your Capacity

August 24, 2020 Myrna Young

As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy. They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega

In this interview I speak with to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It's not your, business strategy, it's your, capacity.

Listen to Full Interview

Introduction to Capacity

Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes

You are the Lid! You can only go as far as your, capacity, for growth.

So the headline It's not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.

Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what's was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?

Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.

I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition. I noticed from my first couple of clients weren't talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.

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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn't working anymore. They couldn't figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they'd throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.

When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling. But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.

Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list. I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn't have the, capacity, for it at the time. One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready? Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?

I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue. I couldn't hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.

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Myrna – I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that's probably what you did right?

Lisa – I added more staff, I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel! It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year. I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.

After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem, I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.

Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?

Six areas of building capacity

Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.

Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough, saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year? If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they're drained, it's not that they're overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it's because they're hiding these parts of themselves and it's so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy, is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money. Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity. If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you to the point that you're exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue. If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It's not just boundaries with other people, it's boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you're going? Should you instead get some rest? That's setting a boundary with yourself.

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How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy

Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?

Lisa – It starts with knowing how they score on the six capacities.

It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.

If women don't get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don't realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.

Why does our energy level affect our Capacity

Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity. You said we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.

Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor. Women particularly do this a lot and that's actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue. I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where's the such-and-such towel and she'd say “it's in the closet with the towels” and he would say. “I don't see it” and she'd have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.

This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.

This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted. You wonder why you're exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.

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Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don't have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.

If you're emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity, we can't operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.

Four keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy

Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that's when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.

Myrna – I understand that you have a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.

Lisa – First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners. To get your Free Gift head over to my website at www.lisafabrega.com.

You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations. It's like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.

You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.

Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com. One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.

I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.

Additional Resources

How to Find your Passion Purpose and Freedom as a Mompreneur

http://blog.myhelps.us/the-world-of-the-entrepreneur/

https://www.moneycarer.org.uk/useful-information/capacity-assessment-for-money-management.html

blog, career development, Life Coaching, mindset, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, Self-confidence

How to Use Mantras to Build Self-Confidence (The Skill of Self Confidence)

August 18, 2020 Myrna Young

To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence. I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph

I am speaking to the infamous Dr Ivan Joseph. Dr Joseph is a best-selling author of the book “You Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence.

Listen to the full interview

Short Bio:

Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada's most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”

Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition

Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don't have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.

Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?

Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that's American or my audience that's Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.

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There's something that's grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It's not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.

You could end up internalizing that message where you're never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you're pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that's from your own internal belief or from society.

All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You're then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.

How do we, Build Self-confidence?

Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you're good at something or somebody tells you you're pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.

Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You'll get your opportunity, you'll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.

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How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?

Myrna – So let's transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.

Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – If you don't believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we're not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn't matter how talented we are.

Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you're gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you're down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I've seen that happen.

But what I don't understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don't have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don't project anything, they don't protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she's got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.

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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?

Dr Ivan – Well I'll never comment on a woman's appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it's a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It's the measuring stick that they're using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I'm measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I'm good enough. It's human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it's the Joneses next door, whether it's what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.

So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn't think they have as much as the next person; you can't tell them they are attractive or smart, they won't believe it.

This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We'll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.

Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You're, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.

The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So many people out there won't ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.

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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit

Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It's this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:

Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I'm never going to get this Job
Or I'm not as smart as these folks
I can't do this, I'm no good

We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.

3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.

In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.

Mantras to, Build self-confidence:

1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”

2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”

3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”

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If you're an entrepreneur, affirmations lead to a 36 to 37 percent increase in revenue.

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Myrna – I'm a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.

Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.

Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner's mindset?

How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset

Dr Ivan – I think a, winner's mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I'll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner's mindset.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you're great at. There's going to be times when you feel like you can't do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.

Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can't do it.

When you feel like you can't do it, that, winner's mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner's mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.

Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?

Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.

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Mastering the, Skill of Self-confidence

Tell us about your book “You've got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?

Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it.

One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I'd been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.

“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn't you tell me that he didn't play high level Soccer? That you've been coached by some of the best?”

I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn't believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.

It wasn't that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There's always going to be people who don't believe in you, it's your job to change that person's mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.

So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.

I'm not smart enough
I'm not rich enough
I'm not skinny enough
I don't look good here
My teeth aren't this
You get the new job and you're great but then you get the promotion
I don't know if I can do it
I don't think I can do it

What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.

I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna

To order click the link below

https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/

If you go on the website and order the book, I'll give you the course materials. I think it's a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.

Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram

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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com

This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and one lucky winner will win this $25 gift card.

Dr Ivan how can our listeners Transform their Mind to Transform their life?

Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!

Additional Resources

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

Setting Goals Leads to Higher Performance