Is Love the Same in Christianity, Hinduism and Buddhism?

love christianity hinduism
Love,  in, Christianity, is reflected in God’s love for us, he sent his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins. The bible, teaches us to Love one another as we love ourselves.
The Bible, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in, Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

Love, in, Christianity 

Jesus Christ, is my teacher and the Son Of God.  Loving yourself is more than providing the necessities of life for oneself. It is more than finding good employment, providing for one’ s family, a nice house and some money in the bank. It is deeper than that.
Love, is spirit. It can be felt by strangers. It is a force of good and a power that connects us all. When you, love in Christianity, you take time to know and acquaint yourself with this force.  We are dually physical and non-physical beings, it is the secret to access the quantum universe.
Unfortunately, most of us only concentrate on the physical because that is what we see. We think we, love, ourselves because we take care of our bodies.
  • We exercise (some of us).
  • We eat nutritious foods that nourish our bodies (some of us)
  • and we protect ourselves from the sun and get the recommended amount of sleep (again some of us).

But how often can a stranger feels your, love, because you gave them a welcoming smile? How often do you find a quiet spot and pay attention to your breathing, your source and the center of your spirit? How often do you feel the, love, from a flower or from the stillness of a tree? God shows his love in, the bible, verses about, love, and by the beauty he created in nature. When we show our appreciation for nature we find God in beauty.

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Have you ever felt love from an inanimate object like a painting or a building? I visited the Taj Mahal earlier this month. It is one of the seven wonders of the world because of it’s beauty. When you visit the Taj Mahal you feel the love for which it was intended. The building was constructed to immortalize Emperor Shah Jahan’s, love, for his wife.  So, love in Christianity, means to appreciate your neighbor, as you appreciate yourself, extend that feeling past the boundaries of your family and trauma and make the world a better place to live.

Love in, Hinduism

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Hinduism, The eternal affection of Radha and Krishna has been the subject of great, religion, and philosophical imagery and is one of the foundational ethos of Hindu dharma.
The, love, of Radha and Krishna is not rooted in physicality. On the contrary it is allegorical. Jesus Christ, says “the mind that constantly remembers me, comes to dissolve and revel in me”.
Radha is the personification of this deeply devoted mind. The pain of Radha’s separation from Krishna is the pain of the estranged soul searching for the embrace of the universal spirit. Radha is the individual and Krishna is the essence and objective of life.
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Radha is always the chosen one, but when Radha realizes the pride of having the Supreme Lord all to herself was coloring her mind, he disappears from her heart. Krishna then multiplies himself to be present between every two Gopis. The Gopis are believed to represent thought waves. The presence of Krishna between every two  Gopis, symbolizes that the eternal truth exists everywhere, and it can be perceived by the true seeker even between two thought waves.
Radha represents the purest and most beautiful amongst these divine thoughts and Krishna represents the supreme bliss that can be attained by dedicating one’s mind to the divine.
Excerpt from Shyam Banerji “Hindu Gods and Temples”

Love, in, Buddhism

Basic Buddhism  – Buddhism, is both simple and profound. On a daily basis it advocates watching the mind so that all thoughts, actions and words manifest a kind and compassionate attitude towards all others. It is the loving heart that places others above self. Herein lies the ultimate wisdom of existence.
When you understand that the existence of all things, all beings, and all concepts is empty except in relation to other things, beings, and concepts, then you will be close to becoming awakened, crossing into a state of permanent happiness.
When you succeed in eliminating ignorance and replacing it with real wisdom, suffering comes to an end; because in understanding the true nature of existence you are no longer bound by the illusions of Samsara. It is Karma – the law of cause and effect- that gives life it’s moral code. The Buddha thus advised doing everything to create good karma, for this has the power to propel you into a rebirth in circumstances that are conducive to practicing Dharma.
Thereby having the chance to attain enlightenment. Practicing Dharma means showing generosity, having a good heart, love, purifying negative karma, and creating good karma. It also means embarking on a spiritual path that leads to enlightenment.

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When The Vision Fails: Dealing with Failure

dealing with failure

What happens when the vision ends? dealing with failure. In November 2016, most of the country was left in shock when Donald Trump won the general elections, because he did not win the popular vote. Hilary Clinton , failed, at her bid once again to become the first woman president of the United States of America. This was the second time an non established candidate knocked her off the podium. What was the cause of this, failure? I understand Hilary had a hard time, dealing with failure. Why did a woman who has been in politics for over 50 years, been the wife of a great president, founder of a great charitable foundation that provides vaccines for millions of poor children around the world, a champion for the people, lose to a man with no political experience, thinks that some people are superior to some because of their religion, sex and disability?

Was this, failure, because first and foremost she is a woman? It is harder, dealing with failure, when you lost because you are a woman.

 

Overcoming Failure

In Numbers 27 we see the daughters of Zelophehad, challenging an age-old law that said the women could not inherit the land. In those days’ women were not even counted as part of the church congregation. This was the pre-CHRIST era. Yet today we are still fighting for women’s rights.
Millions of men and women in the United States of America voted for Donald J Trump because he is a white male. One of my followers on Facebook posted that Hilary couldn’t run the country because she is a woman!

Let’s bring this discussion closer to home. Specifically, your home.

What happens when you have a clear, vision, that you worked on every day for most of your life and you fail to realize it time and time again? How do you, deal with failure? The bible says “Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Refuse to be deterred by opinions, policies, and traditions. Do you become disheartened, dealing with failure? God can change the minds and hearts of the populist. What he did for the daughters of Zelophehad, he can do for Hilary Clinton and he can do for you. We can, overcome failure, by keeping the, vision, in front of you and get back up every time you get knocked down.

 

5 things you can do after, failure, of a goal, company, dream, marriage etc.

1: Watch your Thoughts

Most of us do not understand the power of our thoughts.
Dealing with failure, our thoughts are the highest energy frequency, and has the power to attract like thoughts floating around in the energy vortex. If you don’t watch your thoughts and consciously send back the negative thoughts that make you feel bad, you will experience, failure, for sure. Before you know it you would be a powerful magnet attracting every like thought that comes into range. Keep this up and soon you will be like a hot air balloon that is too filled with poop to take off!

2: Find the good in the situation is another tip to, dealing with failure

Shakespeare says

“Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

Brian Webb author of Don’t Give Up, don’t ever give up shares his story in his book with that name and is great advice for, dealing with failure.
One day he had a headache like he had never felt before, extremely intense, he felt like he needed to throw up so he went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom he and passed out. He woke up 3 days later from a coma to find out that a blood vessel had ruptured in his brain. He could no longer walk or talk. He realized that life as he knew it, was over.
Doctors predicted that he would never be able to walk, drive a car or live independently again.

Three months later he was released from the hospital. He couldn’t talk, walk, or work. In fact, there was a lot of things he couldn’t do. But he decided to focus on what he could do instead. You heard the saying. When life gives you lemons, or, failure? You make lemonade! Well he decided to make some lemonade.

There is good in every situation, we live in a world of contrast. Nothing exists without its opposite. Find the good in your situation.
Brian decided to focus on fitness.

With the help of his therapist he began to exercise. He began learning to walk again. When he fell down, or experienced, failure, he would get back up. Walking turned to running. This man who could not walk a year ago, now became a marathon runner! I am in perfect physical health and I can’t even run a 5K race without stopping and I would guess this would be true for most of you listening. What makes some people hold a vision in front of them and don’t take failure as an option, while others give up after the first try?

Why is Brian’s story so inspirational? Because of his way of, dealing with failure. He turned his, failure, into triumph. He decided to focus on what he could do instead of what he couldn’t do, and with practice and time, changed his life trajectory. He walked again, talked again, ran again and worked again! What do you need to get back on? I can promise you that if you work at it, you will succeed.
Where there is a will, there is always a way.

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3: Change the momentum after Failure 

I love Abraham by Ester Hicks. I was listening to one of her videos a few months back and someone in her workshop asked her why he kept attracting negative experiences even though he was conscious about his energy vortex and made conscious effort to clean up his vortex. Your vortex is your energy frequency or your aura.

Abraham’s response was to explain momentum. Ever heard the saying:

The worst it gets, the worst it gets, and the better it gets, the better it gets?

That is all about momentum. If you think bad thoughts and feel bad, then you attract more, failure. The only way to stop the negative spiral of, failure, or negative momentum is to find something about the situation to be grateful for.

Let’s say you are Nick Vujicic and you were born with no arms and no legs. Can you think of a worst fate? You are totally dependent on someone to bath you, feed you, and wipe your butt, for the rest of your life. He can’t even hug his wife. Yet Nick is one of the happiest people you will ever meet. He found many things to be grateful for and because his vortex is full of positive momentum, he attracts great things. He travels all around the world getting paid to speak and motivate others. He has a beautiful wife and son. He learned to swim, use his toes as his hand and do lots of things people with hands and feet take for granted.

The thing about momentum is that it resets itself while you are asleep and is great for, dealing with failure. When you sleep, your spirit leaves your body in much the same way it does when your body dies. So, you have to deliberately keep the negative momentum going by thinking negative thoughts when you wake up in the morning. One way to change the momentum is to develop the practice of thinking of things you are grateful for before bed and on rising. The other is to find something in the situation to be grateful for. In the case of Hilary Clinton. She could be grateful that she will not speed up her aging by 20 years in the time span of 4 years. We all see what that job does to Presidents! It is a time warp!

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4: Look for an alternate way to serve, what is your plan B?

I was watching Oprah, another of my favorite people, on Super Soul Sunday a few months back and this very inspirational story was showcased.
This story was about this boy now man who had a, vision, from God when he was 10 years old of swinging his daughter around while she was laughing hysterically. He even got her name in his vision, Cloe. He held this, vision, to his heart dearly and never doubted for a moment that this, vision, would come true and that one day he would have a daughter just like he saw. Cloe had olive skin and brown eyes.

In his early 20’s, he started dating and subsequently fell in love with his childhood friend who was blond with fair skin and blue eyes. Having the vision of his daughter clearly in his mind, he didn’t think that this was the woman God intended for him to marry, because she could not be the mother of a child with olive skin and brown eyes.
One day they were sitting in his car discussing the future and started talking about children. His girlfriend told him that she wanted a daughter and that she would like to name her Cloe. He couldn’t believe it.

Would you have liked to be a fly on the wall when they both discovered that they were meant to be together, because God gave them both the same dream! Halelewa!
He knew that this was the girl that God chose for him to marry.

They got married and immediately started trying to have a family, they couldn’t wait to meet Cloe; but nothing happened. Four years passed, six years passed. The pain was deep from this, failure.  How could God give them both a, vision, that failed. How could he be so cruel. For a time, they both became separated from God. They no longer believed. But their faith returned!
The obvious next choice was adoption but they both rejected that option at first. They both wanted their own child. They wanted the baby girl named Cloe. They thought adoption was putting a band aid over their pain.

Finally, after many years of, dealing with failure, they made the mindset shift and decided to adopt a baby. They found an alternative way to fulfill their purpose of being parents.
They waited for some time for the right fit. Months passed before they received an email that a pregnant mother had chosen them to be parents of her unborn child. She was giving it up for adoption. She was also having a girl!

There were exhilarated! Finally, they were going to be parents of a baby girl. They started choosing a name. Cloe was off the table. Cloe was the name of the baby girl God had intended for them to have. This baby girl was not the vision that God had given both of them.

They decided to meet the mother of their new baby girl and get to know her. They drove to her home and when she opened the door, the man noticed that she looked like a grown-up version of the little girl named Cloe that he saw when he was 10 years old. Same olive skin, same features, same eyes. When they sat down to visit with the mother. She asked them if they had a name picked out for the baby. She told them she had a name and she hoped they would keep it. Can you guess what it was? I am sure 100% of you listening would guess right. Cloe.
Still gives me chills. I don’t know what will be Hilary’s path, history will let us know but I know for sure that if the, vision, comes from God, there is never, failure.

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5: Remember that there are several routes to your destination if you experience failure

Don’t get tied to a particular path. God is like your GPS navigation system, he can take the fastest route, the scenic route, he can bypass the city and construction zones; but he will get you to your destination. God gave this couple a, vision, that they will be parents of a baby girl named Cloe. He never showed them a vision of the wife being pregnant or delivering a baby. They added that little piece. He showed the man a, vision, of him playing with a daughter named Cloe. He showed him the destination.

If you believe that your, vision, is from God, then when you experience, failure, you would refuse to be deterred. You would not grow weary and disheartened. In, dealing with failure, you would look for an open door, you would look for the lesson so that you can be better prepared for the next battle. You would never quit until you WIN or you DIE. God said in the bible “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” So hear this, if you have failed in something, know that it is not the end!

As I wrap up this post from the Transform Your Mind radio show and podcast. Today I have been coaching on “When The Vision Fails: 5 Things you can do after a failure.” I hope you gleamed something and had a few aha moments. If you have experienced failure, I hope you were encouraged to get up and try again.

You can listen again to this broadcast and any of my previous shows by downloading then on iTunes.
Please remember to subscribe and leave a review.

If you would like to contact me for personal coaching or to be a guest on this radio show and podcast please contact me on the web @ www.myrnayounghelps.com

Additional Resources

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

Change Your Skincare Routine: Change Your Life

 

I started my, skincare routine, in my early 20’s after a modelling course that taught, skincare. I learned the main steps to a, skincare routine: cleanse, tone, moisturize.  This, skincare routine, has served me well.  I have skin that looks 20 years younger than my biological age.

Welcome to the Mindset Transformations Radio show and Podcast. My guest today is Esthetician Colleen Black. Colleen is the co-owner of the Integra Life Spa in Fort Myers, Fl and also my coachee. Colleen changes lives. She changes the way her clients look, they way they feel about themselves and the way they treat themselves with a, skincare routine.

How does your, skincare routine, change your life?

For beginners, we recommend starting with a basic four step, skincare routine. Cleanse, tone, moisturize, protect. Of course, this can be modified, and products can be added depending on your individual, skincare, needs. For example, if you’re struggling with acne, you may consider adding a, skincare routine, to reduce oil.  No matter the case, the core four steps remain as the foundation of a successful, skincare routine.

While it may be tempting to buy a lot of, skincare products, keeping your, skincare routine, simple will avoid overwhelming your skin. Plus, limiting your, skincare routine, can help you save money and avoid wasting products.

Why do we enjoy doing Skincare?

I enjoy taking care of my, skin, because I love luminous, skin.  Once of the first things I notice about someone is their, skin. I see clogged pores or skins badly in need of exfoliation.  My, skincare routine, includes exfoliating twice per day.

What steps can I take today to change my skin immediately?

The most important step is moisturize and protect your skin from sun damage.

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How can my skincare routine  put off aging?

Aging is a natural process. From career successes to newly found freedoms, maturing can definitely have its perks. The most visible effect of aging is reflected on our, skin. Whether you’re battling fine lines, dark spots, or sagging skin, there’s no denying that your, skin, is starting to change.

Before you invest in over-priced products to treat your, aging skin, first consider what steps are most essential for your, skincare regimen. Although the products you choose to incorporate will differ from person-to-person, we highlight an effective, anti aging skincare, routine.

Do facials make a difference in anti aging skincare?

Yes. Facials is an effective, anti aging skincare, regiment.

  • Laser Resurfacing, Anti-aging Skin, Treatments. Laser, also called light therapy is a form of anti aging treatment that uses light energy in repairing and regeneration of skin cells. …
  • Botox Injections. …
  • Microdermabrasion or Dermabrasion. …
  • Dermal Fillers For Aging Skin.
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What supplements improves aging skin?

  1. Collagen supplements. Collagen is a protein found in the skin’s connective tissues. …
  2. Retinol and retinoids. Retinol is a form of vitamin A. …
  3. Hyaluronic acid. …
  4. Genistein isoflavones. …
  5. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) …
  6. Witch hazel extract. …
  7. Cocoa flavanols. …
  8. Laser treatments.

What are the key steps that can make me 10 years younger?

When it comes to, anti-aging skincare, tips most suggestions revolve around taking steps to gradually prevent or reduce sun damage. But what if you want to look younger right away.  There are some makeup tips to remove age immediately.  Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to look more youthful and radiant that don’t require you to wait five years—or even five months. With just a few simple tweaks to your everyday, skincare, makeup and hair routine, you can shave years off your appearance without having to spend a fortune.

Tip of the week from Coach Myrna Except from the book “Grow Younger, Live Longer
Ten steps to Reverse aging by Deepak Chopra”

https://www.amazon.com/Grow-Younger-Live-Longer-Reverse-ebook/dp/B001334J4Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1471901044&sr=1-1&keywords=grow+younger+live+longer

Steps to grow younger everyday

The mind and the body are interwoven. Changes in, skincare, which is the body, immediately changes the other.
Step 1: Reverse your biological age by changing your perception of your body and it’s aging.
Don’t go around saying that you are too old for this and you are too old for that.
If you feel young, you will act young and you will look younger.
I can tell you that I look and feel 15 years younger than my biological age!

Step 2: Give your body regular exercise.
Keep it moving 3 times per week in some form of aerobic exercise plus 20 mins strength training 3 times per week.

Step 3: Feed your body nutritious foods.

Step 4: Eliminate toxins from your body.
Your, skincare routine, should include deep cleansing facials, taking warm baths with Epson salts,
having relaxing massages and by drinking 2-3 liters of water per day

Step 5: Take nutritional supplements.
Vitamins are required to maintain health, some cannot be manufactured in the body.

Step 6: Mind and Body integration
Meditation plus yoga builds strength and flexibility

Step 7: Be Love

Love makes you feel young
Love reverses the aging process
Love transforms biology
Love makes you feel good.
Love heals!
Love is good for you!

Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/using-reiki-heal-your-mind-body/

How Does Emotional Intelligence Affect your Success In Life

Positive mindset

If you do not take control of your,  emotional intelligence, and thoughts, they will repeat in cycles. We have over 70,000 thoughts per day and 90% of these thoughts repeat over and over. That is why people get stuck in life, reliving the past like Groundhog day.

Jenny R. Craig, LCSW, BCD is a, transformation, specialist, utilizing her expertise in assisting leaders in creating authentic, profound, long-lasting impact in their organizations and personal lives.

Emotional intelligence, is important because, Strategic planning,  does not kick in until the mid-twenties.

Also any huge trauma changes the way the brain works.

As a, transformation, coach we give our clients tools and techniques that can move them through the darkness of being stuck in rewind, and into the light. The light is to find out your true purpose and discover who you really are.

Emotional Intelligence, allows you to do the mental work in living a purposeful life.

Here are four traits of Emotional Intelligence:

* Self Awareness: Knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling this way.
* Self Management: Handling distressing emotions so that they don’t cripple you.
* Empathy: Knowing what someone else is feeling. Being capable of walking in another man’s shoes.
* Skilled Relationships: There is not a better barometer of, emotional intelligence, than the quality of one’s relationships. When you put the top three skills together, you will have quality and healthy relationships.

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What is Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence refers, to the ability to identify and manage one’s own, emotions, as well as the, emotions, of others.

Emotional intelligence, is generally said to include at least three skills:

  • emotional awareness,
  • the ability to identify and name one’s own, emotions
  • the ability to harness those, emotions, and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving
  • the ability to manage, emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own, emotions, when necessary and helping others to do the same.

There is no validated, emotional intelligence test.

Test for, emotional intelligence, looks for the general intelligence factor—and many argue that, emotional intelligence, is therefore not an actual construct, but a way of describing interpersonal skills that go by other names.

Despite this criticism, the concept of, emotional intelligence, sometimes referred to as emotional quotient or EQ—has gained wide acceptance. In recent years, some employers have even incorporated, emotional intelligence tests, into their application and interview processes, on the theory that someone high in, emotional intelligence, would make a better leader or coworker.

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Conclusion Emotional Intelligence

I am grateful that you have tuned into this podcast from all around the world. I believe that the spirit of God has attracted you here so that you can receive the insights, revelations and knowledge revealed on this broadcast. Whatever you need for this day in your life you will receive. I can truly say that your life will never be the same because a brain that has been expanded with knowledge can never return to it’s original size. I invite you to subscribe to this podcast so that you will receive new podcasts every week with more insights, revelations and knowledge so that you can live your best life now.

Visit me on the web at www.myrnayounghelps.com and sign up for a free strategy session.

Additional Resources 

How to Apply, the Law of Divine Oneness, to your Life

How to Find Happiness After a Tough Year

Pursuit of Happiness

 

How to find happiness, after a tough year, your circumstances could be bad. You could have gotten a divorce, you could have lost a job, you could have lost a loved one.  Can you find, happiness, after a loss? In the, pursuit of happiness, guru’s teach that, happiness, could only be found on the inside, so we can be happy regardless of losing a loved one, losing our job, a sickness, or divorce.

But the question is portable because we can add anything after the, How to find happiness,  after….! We can add, How to find happiness, after my kids leave home, or, how to find happiness, after someone close to me dies, or, how to find happiness, after I lose my job etc..
We can substitute any phrase.

Happiness, comes from the inside.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness,   is the universal goal of everyone who has breathe.

Let’s look first at the relationship you have with yourself.
Self-love is so important to, happiness.
You have to try very hard to love yourself. If you can’t love yourself no one else can love you.
If you can’t love yourself you can never be happy.
You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.

God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
Find it and give it love every time you look into the mirror.
And if there is something you can change, Change it. If you can’t change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.
You can change your weight, your hair color, your teeth, your wardrobe.
You can’t change your height, your skin color, your sex!
There is no sense whatsoever about being unhappy about something you can’t change about yourself or about something you can change; but won’t.

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How to be Happy

I just saw one of the most inspiring movies of the decade. Hidden Figures.
As a coach, this movie had so many nuggets.
1. The women were ambitious and they took control of their lives. They did not sit around and blame their skin color.
In one scene, one of the women was bitching that in order to get a promotion she had to upgrade her education.
The problem was that the only school she could do this at was an a white’s only school. So what did she do?
She petitioned the court to change the school to an integrated school. She researched and presented her case to the judge with such passion that the judge had no choice but to grant her the motion.

In another scene, IBM computers were going to make the woman computers obsolete, so the leader of the group took it on herself to learn how to program the computer. She had to steal the programming book from the white’s only library because the colored library had no such books! That is the, pursuit of happiness, working towards a goal.

There is always something you can do to improve your circumstance.

You are either part of the solution or you are part of the problem.

I covered the other 2 ways to find, happiness, in the video.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3 And your relationship with God.

As you can see relationship is key!
We are social beings, we need connection, even if it is with one person.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

How to find happiness in life

I would like to end this post with this story.
I was searching the internet for a story on, Happiness, and I came across this movie called Finding Happiness by Yogi Swami Kriyananda..
Yogi Swami has Ananda colonies all over the world where people live in harmony and higher consciousness in nature.
Ananda means true joy is within.

Yogi Swami choose to build his colonies in nature because being in the presence of beauty is important to uplifting consciousness.
As you all know the East teaches the importance of meditation.
Meditation allows you to find your sense of security inside, it allows you to find your sense of self inside and when you find these things inside of you, you can never lose it because no one can ever take it away.
The Ananda colonies teaches that if you live to be happy, you will find things that make you happy and the number one thing that makes us happy is selfless service to others.

I also added a bonus audio on “How to control your thoughts”
As you know that, happiness, comes not from what people do to you or your circumstances but how you think about it.
So your internal dialog and your thoughts must be controlled and channeled into positivity and gratitude for you to find, happiness.
I urge you to find all the things that make you happy, and do them.

Find the things that make you happy, make it a necessity to be in nature at least once per week!
I guarantee..
You will not only find, happiness, but you find your bliss!
Namaste

Additional Resources

 

How to be Happy: The Happiness Formula

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

How to keep a man

Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?

So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!

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Secret to a long Marriage not, sex 

 

But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.

“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”

So, what’s their secret?

“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.

“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.

Let me introduce my guest this week:

James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.

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Show notes Secret to Love 

1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?

I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.

As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald’s and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.

Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?

4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?

If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.

5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.

6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!

For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife’s, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.

Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins


If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.

You can also follow me on my Facebook page

If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

 

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

Unhealthy Relationships vs Healthy Love

So many women stay in, unhealthy relationships, and complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected, but they stay because they don’t want to be alone.  Blake D Bauer, relationship coach lets you know the signs when you should go, if you have given it all you got.

In this Blog and podcast, Blake D Bauer and Myrna Young, Life Coach, are going to be talking on the topic, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.  So ladies download and listen to the full interview because we’re gonna be talking about men and how to understand your man.

Listen to full interview here:

Introduction to Blake D Bauer and, Unhealthy Relationships

Myrna – How did you become an Author, Teacher and a Relationship Coach?

Blake – As a young man I struggled a lot psychologically and emotionally and I didn’t have a lot of healthy men role models in my life, so to cope and survive I got into drinking alcohol, partying and doing drugs.

As a man I instinctively learned how to survive by repressing my emotions.  I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my ego and building up my muscles which is a very common masculine tendency.

It’s ironic because all that was my subconscious way of protecting my heart and my vulnerability and surviving the world.  We all do that in our own way; but these are the common male tendencies.

Later I developed a desire to understand my purpose in life, which is another topic I think is really important for men.  If we don’t have a very clear sense of purpose, it’s hard for us to be strong for our family, for the women in our life and our business. I found that my purpose was to become a, relationship coach, helping women understand when they are in, unhealthy relationships.

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Men really do need a very clear sense of purpose, to be a captain of the ship or be a king for his queen.  I started waking up every morning trying to answer two questions.

  1. How do I free myself from this suffering of, unhealthy relationships?
  2. What’s the purpose of my life?

This question led me to five different universities where I studied psychology, nutrition, theories of education and early childhood development,  Chinese Medicine including acupuncture and oriental medicine.

I then had a series of insights where I could see how, unhealthy relationships, including the, unhealthy relationship, with myself, was fueling, unhealthy relationships, with others.

In other words if we never learn how to love ourselves as children, it can lead to physical disease, psychological and emotional suffering like depression, anxiety,  bipolar disorder and, unhealthy relationships.

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Blake – There was a point in my journey when I realized that everything was really about how you learn to love yourself and value yourself on a daily basis; because that’s the key to your health and happiness.  It’s also the key to, healthy love, and, healthy relationships.

In my book “You Were not Born to Suffer” I share all my findings on, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.

You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships
You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships

Why is Finding your Purpose Important for, Healthy Love?

Blake – One of the big questions that everybody asks is,  Does money and wealth equal success and happiness?  So that was the question I kept asking myself.  Is success and happiness equivalent to financial success? Can you find, healthy love, if you have lots of money?

I had actually grown up around people who had been very successful financially; but who were very self-destructive and in, unhealthy relationships.

I saw people chase money, get it and lose it again doing drugs. They hurt their children, ruined their marriages and they all had, unhealthy relationships.

  • So I started asking the question, What is the purpose of Life?
  • I was plagued and tortured with questions like, Why did I come to this planet?
  • Is there a God?

From the age of 18 to 24,  I was on this very intense healing spiritual and personal development journey. I felt that the reason I had come to the planet and my purpose was to share my insights on self-love with as many people as possible.

If I could teach others how to love themselves then they would be able to love others and have, healthy relationships.

How does the Emotional Health of men lead to, Unhealthy Relationships?

A lot of women go into, unhealthy relationships,  with men and they don’t get what they’re looking for because the man is not emotionally ready.

Sometimes as a woman you can also be seeking love from a man that you don’t give yourself,  or that you didn’t get from your father. For example, it’s really important to have that self-awareness.

I am  spending time with this guy because I really enjoy his company, I really enjoy his energy.

He’s supportive,  he’s loving,  he’s present plus I’m attracted to him.  We should be having a, healthy relationship, but we are not. So if he is not giving me what I need, then I have to analyse why I am with him.

Ask these questions.

  • Did you enjoy his company?
  • Did you like feeling protected?

You want to build something with this man, so you start to open up.  You tell him, I feel X Y and Z.  Pay attention to whether he can really hear you.

  • Does he listen and respond?
  • Or  does he check out and become distracted?
  • Or does he change the topic?

Another good question to ask is:

  • How do you feel about this or that?
  • How does he feel about regrets in his life?
  • How does he feel about the importance of communication or emotional connection?
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Blake – This is how you know if you can have a, healthy relationship, with this man.

If you don’t get the response that you want, this is the red flag that you are in an, unhealthy relationship.

A lot of men use this mask, I don’t like to talk.  I don’t like to talk about my feelings.

If you get that response,  say I need a partner who is able to open up and talk about his feelings, because that’s  important to me.  As a woman looking for a, healthy relationship, you need a partner who can connect to you emotionally and be there for you and be your best friend as well as a lover.

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If you don’t demand what you want, this would be a whole relationship based on you betraying yourself, so the key from the beginning is don’t betray yourself.  If you’re betraying yourself right now, STOP because it’s never going to get better.

Many women go into relationships thinking, I am going to fix this man up. He is a work in progress! He is like a fixer-upper, I’m gonna flip this house, I’m gonna flip this man. I’ll just put some nice new wallpaper and everything will be great.

NO it never works,  it just doesn’t work.

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What does, Healthy relationships, look like?

If you’re looking for this great of a husband then you have to be a great wife.  If you’re looking for a, healthy relationship, then you’ve got to understand what are you bringing to the table,  starting with self-love. You’ve got to fix yourself because even if you do get the man,  he might not stay because you’re insensitive, you’re bitchy, or you complain all the time.

You’ve got to be the best version of yourself, you’ve got to be able to understand what you what you want up front and ask for it.

Healthy relationships, are merely a projection of the relationship you have with yourself.  It directly connects back to where you have unhealthy thought habits and unhealthy habits of internalizing your emotions or pretending you feel different than you feel.

What are the steps to check if you are in an Unhealthy Relationship?

There’s a couple of practical approaches and mindsets that go with having, healthy relationships.

  1. One is that you have to become very aware of what you’re feeling on a daily basis, so for example you can just ask yourself, What do I feel right now in my body?
  2. Get used to saying – I feel hungry, I feel hot,  I feel frustrated,  I feel sad, I feel depressed.  I feel unloved, I feel angry, I feel alone.
  3. Become intimate with your feelings.
  4. On a daily basis talk openly and honestly with your friends, your family or your partner.
  5. Find someone that you feel safe with that and who you can talk to on a daily basis about what’s going on inside of you.  If you don’t have a friend or a family member that you can talk to openly and honestly, then it’s important to find a therapist.
  6. Another thing you can do on your own or until you talk to someone, is to get a diary or a journal and write, Dear Universe or Dear God, depending on what you believe. Some people have a connection with a deceased loved one, like their mother or their father or a grandparent,  you can write to your loved one who has passed on as well.
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You are in an, Unhealthy Relationship, should you stay or should you go?

Firstly, expressing your emotions honestly and kindly, is the first step if you are in an, unhealthy relationship.  Most of us never learned how to do that, and that sabotages relationships and makes us sick and miserable.  So you got to learn how to be open, honest, and  vulnerable on a daily basis.

  • Step two is acting in integrity, acting in alignment with what you feel and want and need. So how many people stay in, unhealthy relationships, and all they do is complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected;  but they stay and they complain.
  • They don’t take action following what they feel, because they don’t want to be alone. Yet most people in that situation feel alone anyway. They stay in an, unhealthy relationship, and stifle the chance of meeting someone new.

You should leave an, unhealthy relationship, if you’ve done everything you can in that situation to heal the relationship and the other person’s not willing to help.

Conclusion for Unhealthy Love Relationships

You can leave without regret.  You know in your heart you gave it a hundred percent,  you gave everything you had.  You took the responsibility for your actions. This person did not meet you on the bridge!

Blake – My book “You were not born to suffer” is on Amazon, iTunes and audible.  It’s on audio kindle and paperback, you can get it at any bookstore.  I normally teach at retreats throughout the year in person in the united states,  I teach a lot in the mountains in Colorado at a 600 acre Buddhist retreat center. Now that we have COVID  Check out my online events  on my website unconditional-self love. Com.

Follow the Transform Your Mind Podcast on Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/myrnamyoung/

on Facebook @https://www.facebook.com/Transform-Your-Mind-356442618235798/

on Twitter @https://twitter.com/myrna_young1

Join my Private Life Coach Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/193005424200128/

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind-coach/id1144973094?mt=2

Additional Resources Unhealthy Relationships

https://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

https://www.mentalhelp.net/relationships/is-it-love-or-codependency/

https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/

Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

Author Interview, Transform your mind podcast

Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her, abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question “Is child, abandonment, rejection by the natural mother?”  If so how does this rejection affect the child’s self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.

In her book  “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s Abandonment And Abuse.” Traci Thomas shares her story and how she got to the other side.

Here is Traci’s story:

On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it’s such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be.   It nonetheless served such a  great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following.  It’s one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively.  It’s one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand.  When you suffer from, abandonment, you’re in your own community and it’s isolating; but yet you’re so powerful at the same time.

With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment,  and it is a challenge, it’s a lot to muddle through.  However, once you get through it, and you’re on the other side, there’s nothing you can’t do.  So in my situation, it’s like a head of bipartisan.  I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time.  I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old.  That’s when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968.  I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States.  Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement.  That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.

I do remember one particular time my, mother,  did quote, unquote kidnap me.  She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she’s so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me.  She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that’s okay and that’s what I explained in the book.  It’s perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is.  It’s a supernatural definition.  I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what’s going on.  What’s happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you.  It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.

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What does, Abandonment Issues, Mean?

Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.

  • Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
  • Abandonment issues, may stem from  physical (the parent is not present in the child’s life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
  • Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance.  Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.

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I want to comment on something you said that’s a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water.  Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don’t think they’re good enough.

When you feel, abandoned, it’s not your imagination.  When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It’s this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you’re a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can’t wait to get you off the phone.  When you’re in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.

Podcast interview Questions: Reflection, 4, Rejection

What was your Objective in writing “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s , Abandonment, And Abuse.?

On, reflection, once you’ve been in a situation where you’ve made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips,  anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive.  It’s toxic, and it’s unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards.  You literally feel as if you’ve been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.

You’re in tears and you’re shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you’ve got to kiss every behind in the universe.  You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me. That’s why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That’s why I engineered and composed the book.

My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn’t want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.

Power is something you take, nobody gives you power.  You snatch power.

So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing,  is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned,  in hindsight. Let’s  really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second.  If you really do this it’s not hard at all, you won’t have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins.   Kissing this one’s tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother,  love you, trying to buy this person,  begging for love, please love me, please like me.  You don’t have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It’s not necessary. I’m trying to save somebody 50 years.

Reflection 4 Rejection
Reflection 4 Rejection

Abandonment, from Relationships

Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected,  period?  I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned,  are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents.  Men can reject you, your friends can reject you,  jobs can fire you.  Is this information transferable?

I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a  child and a natural, mother.  This ironically is not, rejection,  and if you read the book you’ll totally comprehend what I’m speaking about.  The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you.  The natural, mother, doesn’t even know you.  How can somebody reject you when they don’t even know you?  That makes absolutely no sense.

I’ve seen that the trauma that it is caused in young  lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it’s kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.  If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side.  That’s good, I like that spin.

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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?

I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.

What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?

It would be in their best interest even if they don’t get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book.  It’s their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not.  I mean that’s their choice; but with that being said.

Don’t ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth.  Don’t do that. Don’t ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.

I know you talked about your natural mother not  really rejecting you because she didn’t know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating.  He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling.  So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.

I’m not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass.  I can’t really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers,  who have gone through the same episode and they didn’t react that way.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
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Are You Angry at your mom for her Abuse and, Abandonment?

  • One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach.  At those times were you ever angry?

What’s so interesting is that I got angry at the end.  Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what’s so flabbergasting to me is  that I didn’t get angry and livid until the very end.  I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at me for participating.  I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration,  the hurt, the pain, the disappointment,  the monotony, and the redundancy.

Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you’re at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you’re free.

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How did you handle Rejection and Reflection?

When you read the book  you’ll completely understand what’s going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Your, mother, didn’t reject you, she can’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.

Yes, I understand what you’re saying.  After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side,  you feel empowered like you can walk on water.  Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.

Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children  in many ways.

Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5

5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

https://blog.myhelps.us/confidence/

Childhood trauma, #8

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.

https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.

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Additional Resources 

Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-uninvolved-parenting-2794958

Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/abuse-and-neglect-to-children-in-a-divorce-261.shtml

How to Heal After being Abandoned

Being, abandoned, by  a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment.  It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient.  In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.

Abandoned by Love
Abandoned by Love

Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.

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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:

  • Devalued and rejected by others
  • Abandoned, by our parents
  • Feelings of, not good enough,  because we have lack.

When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same.  There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.

Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.

Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry.  With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.

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Abandoned, by Love

Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again.  This pattern is repeated often.

Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.

It takes work to heal your cracks.  The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.

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Identifying your, Abandonment, Feelings

Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:

  1. Identify the part of you that is hurt.This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind.  You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
  2. Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate.This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
  3. In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
  4. Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child.Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
abandonment hurts
abandonment hurts

In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.

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How the, Abandonment,  wound plays out in relationships:

  • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
  • Overreacting to conflict
  • Becoming a pleaser
  • Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
  • Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
  • Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
  • Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
  • Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
  • In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.

An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.

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Additional Resources Abandonment

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201706/4-ways-childhood-trauma-impacts-adults

 

 

How to Find your Passion in 2020

Have you found your, passion? Passion, is that burning desire that God placed in your belly at birth.  It is also called your burning bush.

Find your Passion
Find your Passion

In this episode I reference the Final chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”

I call this chapter “God’s consuming fire your , passion.

 

In this chapter of my book  “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.

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Out of the Snares

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”

— Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch

What is Passion

Passion it is that thing that you were created to do. The thing that makes you feel good when you are doing it, like you transcended your body and entered the heavens. The thing that you would do all day for free.

What was Kobe Bryant burning bush? His Passion

Kobe Bryant was born with a purpose, he got the genes and the physical attributes to be a basketball player but;  he had to engage his, passion. 

Purpose  is what you were placed on the earth to do, it is  your contribution to mankind. The first way to uncover your, passion, is to find out what holds your interest and what you love doing.  God gave you your gift of purpose, and you’re not always passionate about your purpose; but if you can marry it to your, passion, it’s like pouring gasoline on the fire. You have to feed your, passion. That’s what  Kobe Bryant did and that is why he is a Legend. No one out worked him, he wanted to be the best and win championships. 

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One of the self-evaluation questions I ask my new coaching clients is “If you were the Power-ball winner of $500,000,000. What would you do with your time?” You see, when you take away the need to earn money, then your head becomes clear as to what your passion really is.

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.

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For Walt Disney it was drawing and Art. Walt started drawing as an ambulance driver in the army. Then he became a commercial artist.  After being let go from his company, he decided to start his own graphics company. His company failed from bad management. Walt had a string of failures that included bankruptcy before he found success.  He married Art with imagination and created the happiest place on earth. His passion for drawing birth an empire that has gross revenues today in the billions of dollars.

Walt Disney World is now visited by over 5 million families every year, Annual cash flow from Disney’s consortium of products and films are in excess of 21 billion dollars.  It includes 535 Disney stores, a cable television station, amusement parks in Orlando, California, Paris and more. All because he would not let the fire in his belly die.

So what would you do for free?

How did Sylvester Stallone Find his, Passion?

Sylvester Stallone was born disabled. He suffered injury at birth that left one side of his mouth deformed and caused him to speak funny. Sylvester’s passion was born from being hungry. Like Les Brown would say “You got to be Hungry” Sylvester was broke and hungry. He was walking the street one day, cold and hungry and he decided to go into a library to stay warm. Laying on the table was a book about a fighter who overcame odds to win. That inspired Sylvester Stallone to go write the Rocky story. He wrote that story in one sitting. He did not stop for 20 hours. That inspiration was the gasoline that lit the fire that God put inside him. Again he married passion with imagination and wrote a story that resonated with each and every one of us. The story of Rocky. It made him a millionaire many times over.

“When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.”

— John Wesley

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Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewelry and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to a stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold his dog for $25. He says he walked away crying.

Two weeks later, he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie, ROCKY. He wrote the script in 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR, Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.

They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. A few weeks later, the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie, but NOT him. He said NO. He was not selling out, if they did not cast him, they couldn’t buy his script. It worked.  They wanted the script so badly, that they cast his as Rocky and history was made.

What is exactly the, Meaning of, Passion 

Passion,  is that which deeply stirs us or a developmental perspective, so it’s like the essence of our commitment.  Passion is the thing that drives us. You might hear older individuals say they “lost their will to live,” that means they lost their passion, their fuel.   Just like a child requires love to grow, we require passion to continue to grow inside. 

When we selectively share our, passion,  we engage the universe to manifest our, passion. 

It’s like putting gasoline on your fire when you engaged your, passion.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

How did J.K Rowling Find Her, Passion?

J.K Rowling was a single parent, a divorcee and out of work. On a train ride from Manchester to London she got the inspiration to create the Harry Potter story. But she was already a published author. Writing her first book at 6 years old and another at 11 years old. She became an English teacher because her passion was writing. Ms Rowling says

Failure stirs the fire in your belly to do something about your passion.

In 2015  J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement speech was published under the title ‘Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination’

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My, passion, is learning, building and imparting. As a Life coach, author and motivational speaker, I am constantly learning, building and imparting into the lives of others.   I could do it all day and I do it for free.

Find your, passion!

“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.” Richard Branson

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Dr Tra How can our listeners find their, Passion 2020?

What I encourage people to do is to focus on the positive at all times.  If they remove the negative, those emotional vampires, they will let the light in. Once you move away or walk away or even run away from negativity, you can begin to find your,  passion in 2020. Be passionate about whatever you desire, it doesn’t matter what it is, be passionate about it by surrounding yourself with those people who are similar in Life or those people who have already done it.  I remember people talking about Diana Ross, one of my favorite people. They were so upset with her for continually surrounding herself around for White people, and she told them she surrounds herself with anyone regardless of color who is going in the same direction as she or where she wants to go. 

The common complaint among a lot of people is that they need to, ‘find their passion.’

What is the difference between, Passion, and Emotion?

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Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

webpage https://hypnosis.simpsonprotocol.com/hypnosis-on-the-radio

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.

Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

Additional Resources How to Find Your Passion

https://blog.myhelps.us/8-find-your-passion-it-is-your-burning-bush/

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-win-at-the-game-of-life/

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-passion-and-desire

https://www.forbes.com/sites/timothyjmcclimon/2018/11/12/purpose-vs-passion-in-leadership-which-do-you-need-most/

5 Differences Between Finding Your Passion and Finding Your Purpose